US009,845,238A

United States Patent

Maddamsetti, Valenziano

[15]

[52] [23]

Patent Number: 9,845,238 Date of Patent: April 01, 2012

known biological process for the production of such large yields of helium gas. In nature, the highest yields of helium gas are found in New Mexican gas deposits stolen from Mexicans. At these geological sites, helium occurs at levels approaching only 7% of the gas content. Notably, in the absence of gluten, the fermenter produces no commodity gases; only a toxic mixture of hot carbon monoxide and hydrogen sulfide. The equivalent energy output of the fermenter is 1.21 jigawatts per pizza hour of electricity. Failing to collect the gaseous output of the fermenter, or worse--failing to feed it gluten--causes nitrous dioxide and methane to be released into the atmosphere. These are among the most potent greenhouse gases known.
Purification Process for Sustainable Balloon Production

Abstract

We present a state-of-the-art biogas fermenter, notable for its high yield of commodity gases including methane, propane, and helium. The device ferments biomass containing large quantities of gluten. Relevant inputs for the fermenter include cheese pizza, red velvet cake, Tim Hortons sandwiches, and most forms of deliciousness. We also present a purification process for collecting and fractionating these awesomely dangerous biogases. The methane and propane fractions are reused in the process to make more gluten products. The helium fraction is collected at a filling station. The helium may be used to supercool MRI scanners, or to entertain small children at birthday parties. For the latter purpose, local clowns are encouraged to use this fermenter for their balloon-animal filling needs. (See Fig. 1)
Biogas Fermenter

The purification process separates the methane, helium, and propane fractions based on a series of semi-permeable membranes. The methane and propane fractions are used for household heating and for powering the stove and oven to make gluten-rich foods. The helium fraction is used to produce balloons. (See Fig. 2)

The biogas fermenter uses a proprietary mix of industrial-grade microorganisms. On average, the fermenter produces a mixture containing 60% methane, 15% helium, and 25% propane. In contrast, most modern biogas fermenters produce 50% methane, 25% carbon dioxide, and 25% other gases. This fermenter is the only

A full-time operator monitors the process at all times. The operator prevents hazardous levels of gases from accumulating, regulates gluten intake to the fermenter, and coordinates balloon sales to the local clown union. Clowns are an under-represented minority in the local community, and they deserve clean and sustainable sources for their balloon-animal filling needs. This process fulfills this need in the community. (See Fig. 3)
FIG 1:

FIG 2: Heavy arrows denote perpetual energy cycle. Biogas Fermentation Station

9,845,238
Helium Schmelium Intermediate Gluten Holding Area Gluten Production Facility

Methane

Emergency Pressure Release

Helium

Propane

DETAIL A:

Biogas Distribution Solution

Gas Protection Section

Glute Chute

Gluten Hole

Digestion De-inhibitor Fermentation Nucleus

Biogas Suction Junction

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Fig 3: Energy Output of Awesomely Dangerous Gas

Gas flux (jigawatts per pizza-hour)

Catastrophic Overload

Safe operating range

0%

10%

20%

30%

No energy output

Could power your moms house

Energy independence!

Catastrophic overload