KITCHEN KAPERS

The kitchen is a place of great creativity in the realm of the recipe. Not only can you design a mean sandwich; you can also expose a culinary masterpiece! There is however, more to the kitchen than just food. Now, with the aid of Extreme Humanization,we delve into a deeper level of kitchen reality that you have never known; a strange world of injustice, servitude, ego and passion. Welcome to the world full of Kitchen Kapers THE SINK Drip, Drip..... Turn off that bloody tap! It's driving me mad. Stainless or not, you treat me as bad. Come on! At least wipe me over And take from my plug hole, that crap! Even the toilet gets a far better rap! Fill me with water, choke me with suds, Disguise that horrible smell with the scent of rose buds! I know what your wish is! To feed me the dirt on your dishes, Serve me gruel and soup of the day! What would you do without me? No bucket would flout me! And carry your dregs to the bay. Oh no! It's morning! (THE GOOD MORNING FRIDGE)
Im so glad its morning! The birds are singing. Its a bright sunny day. Mums the first to get up. Cup o coffee. Needs the milk, Which I keep nice and cool for her. Off milk doesnt go well with coffee. Ah! The kids want their breakfast. Theyre lucky I can help. I have some lovely cool butter for the toast. I serve my family.

Well preserved food to eat and cold drinks too. But when the day is over and the birds go to sleep, things get awfully quiet. Dinner is over and the TV is on for a while. Then, its lights out. Everyone offs to bed. Leaving me for dead, to the dark and silence. Im scared of the dark. With no one to open me up for help, I feel lonely. Ah! Im so glad its morning!

That fridge loves to serve you; Platitudes; if only I could spew and wash it away down your hole! Oh, can you hear it too? That hot headed kettle is out of control!
( KETTLES' DRUM ) I sit on your bench, awaiting your clench, of hand, on my sturdy handle. Lifting my lid, obligating your bid, to feed my tummy with water. When you flick that switch, accelerate me to bitch, my song, it will start slow and low. The water will bubble, this signifies trouble, I boil, as I sing, fever pitch. The power is offed, my rage left aloft. You pour my affliction, my steamy addiction. Burning my pout, unkissable spout. You leave me to cool, emotional fool. I thought we worked well as a couple. I should feel dejected, but I'm not neglected, just a slave, to desires that rule.

Yeah, right on cue. The microwave's on. He has to have the last word!

( THE MICROWAVE ) PUSH MY BUTTONS. (OR TURN MY DIAL) I'M EAGER TO PLEASE. I'LL WASTE NO TIME, IRRADIATION WITH EASE. YOU CAN SENSE I'M TENSE, WANTING YOUR FOOD. OPEN MY DOOR, PUT FOOD ON TURN TABLE. ONCE DOOR IS CLOSED, I AM SAFE TO ENABLE. OATMEAL, PASTA, BAKED BEANS AND BREAD, I'LL ZAP IT, I'LL NUKE IT, OR RE-HEAT IT INSTEAD. POTATO, VEGETABLE, RICE, POPCORN, STEW,SCRAMBLED EGG, I'LL COOK IT, I'LL HEAT IT, MEAT, POULTRY; AND FISH; DEAD. I COME WITH SOME WARNINGS, MAKE SURE YOU'RE WELL READ. MY SAFETY INSTRUCTIONS WILL SEE YOU IN GOOD STEAD. I CAN ARC, BURN MY INSIDES, FLASHING LIGHTNING ABOUT. I CAN MELT YOUR CONTAINERS; I'M NOT HERE TO GOAD, IF YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION, I CAN MAKE THINGS EXPLODE ! THOSE OLD FASHIONED OVENS, THEY DON'T STAND A CHANCE. I'M EFFICIENT, I'M FASTER, CUTE TOO, TAKE A GLANCE. TO THOSE WHO ADORE ME, YOU'RE WELL ON YOUR WAY. TO THOSE WHO DON'T LIKE ME, I'VE ONE THING TO SAY; TOO BAD, BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT. 'CAUSE I'M HERE TO STAY!

All these fools that surround me, Can't see the bind I'm in! You have your way; make me save your day, As you wash away yours and their sin!
PRAYER TO THE SINK Our glorious hole, Our cleansing pit with no soul, Help us return our utensils, Be they flesh, metal, ceramic, Or any other hitherto unknown material or object, to a worthy state, Either aesthetic or practical. Detritus begone! James W. Barnes April 15, 2012