Dear Pastor I have been thinking a lot about friendship since I had become confused about this in my own

life. With out going into the details of why let me just say it involved me questioning what is a friend. Am I one and are my friends truly my friends? I am about as far from perfect as I can imagine anyone being. I have only one true gift from God in my life and that is seeing people and their potential. I have always had a drive to lift up and help those around me. Those who know me have told me that I go too far, making sacrifices for friends that in my own life they perceive has a negative affect on my life. But this is who I am and who I feel God raised me up to be. My view is different, I shave and that means there is a mirror in front of me challenging me to look into my own eyes to see what is there. When I look in that mirror the concept of sacrifice is not here. Not once have I ever seen these negative affects. The following pages are the way I view friendship and how I believe God views it. Once I started writing I found that the style was as though I was giving a talk or sermon. That is why I sent it to you, I know there is a member of your church that needs to hear about friendship and what it means to be a God-like friend. Recently she had a friend that was in in deep near Job-like need and her reaction was to pull away. Not because she was a fair weather friend but because she felt she should be able to do something and did not know what. She loves this person as a friend deeply but now is wracked with guilt because she is at a loss. To be upfront I have and do forgive her; for I am that friend. But my heart is heavy with the burden of the guilt she feels and how it is easier for her to have as little contact as possible. She does not understand that to me in every way possible she has been a friend. But she needs to hear it I suppose from you. I know how deeply she holds your words. Her and I met one day and were instant friends, we are friends although to the outside world, it doesn't make sense. The world sees two very different people that a a glance seem strange this has always made us smile. I have told her that she doesn't have to know how to be the friend I need (as she put it). I told her that she is my friend as that is all I need from her. But the guilt she feels overwhelms this concept. I also know that as Christians we get so caught up in trying to live the Christian life that we fail to understand that by definition this life is really the sum of how we treat others. In this world of texting, baby mommas, and computers we loose sight of what it means to be alive. It is easier to send a quick text than to go at sit and pray and love that friend in need. Having grown up in an Evangelical Church I have always seen a failing within the Church. As Evangelicals there is a drive to fill the pews with new believers. There is even some help teaching new Christians some of the tenets of their new faith. What there isn't much of is truly teaching them what it means to be created in God's image.

We have a very human part of us a spiritual beings. We have a belief system as Christians that reinforces our humanity. But all to often we forget that it is truly the day to day interactions with those around us that defines our new life in God. We forget simple things like friendship. Jesus called us His friends in John 15. We are therefore by default to be friends with those around us. I don't see how we can do any less. This is God calling us His friends! Never once did my Sunday School subject include Friendship in the Bible 101. I am asking that you use these thoughts I have sent you to teach Friendship in the Bible 101. To me never loosing sight of what God commanded us in John 15 This is my command: Love each other. is a very hard thing to do. I also hope and pray and trust in Him that your words may help to heal my friend. BTW the poem is not by me it is by someone named KC. Praying that God blesses you everyday: A Friend.

YOU'RE NEVER ALONE You're never alone, I'm always near, When your troubled, down or blue. All you have to do is call me, I'm always here for you. It doesn't matter where I'm at, It doesn't matter when. When you need someone to talk to, I'm here to be your friend. If you need someone to hold your hand, or a hug to say I care. If you need a shoulder to cry on, for you I will be there. So never think you are a burden, when the weight gets to be to much. You might find if look hard enough, a good friend could be the right touch. You're never alone, I'm always here, through the good times and the bad. I'm always here to be your friend, I don't like to see you sad.

Matthew 18:3 And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. This is the goal of every Christian - attaining the Kingdom of Heaven. We sin, we try not to sin, we fail, we try not to fail. With all of this we lose sight of what God really wants from us and that is to be like Him. Jesus lived as a man (a human being), He had to deal with every day life as a man. He had to eat, sleep and live daily. In that way the Bible tells us He was in many ways no different than you and me. The day to day concerns we have He had, including friendship. He loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus; That's what it says in John 11, verses 5 and 11. And, remember, in John 19:26 Jesus Christ committed His mother to John, the disciple whom He loved. So, Jesus Christ loved friends and friends do love each other , which is a

human feeling, as well as an ongoing human concern. He was around them in His daily life and grew to love them as friends. We all have friends. Most are acquaintances but if our time here on earth has value then some will be true friends. But what does that mean? In John 15:13 Jesus said Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. The most important words in this verse are love and friends, without these two concepts what would cause one to lay down his life. It is love that gives value to friendship, in John 15 Jesus says As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. [v10] If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Fathers commands and remain in his love. and He goes on to say I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. and This is my command: Love each other. But what does it mean to be a friend? In Job2:11-13 it says ... When Jobs three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. We suffer for our friends, we share their burdens, we sit with them. We never leave them, in other words we love them. How many times have you heard directly or indirectly that a friend is suffering in their life and didn't do anything? No time? Don't know what to do? Or say? Why? Jesus loved us enough to lay down His life for us, why can't you go and sit with your friend? Yes you will be asked about your sins on judgment day, but understand this you will also be asked if you did everything you could do as a human being to ease the pain of others. Who was first in your life? You or the others God put in your life. Can you picture Jesus not having enough time? Did He need to finish His work or attend class above the needs of His friends. I think He went and sat with them, I think He tore His robes and sprinkled dust in His hair. If you haven't done this what will you say on judgment day? Jesus was here to show us how to live and did so by example. As God on earth He had the best excuse in the world to put Himself first. He had Heavenly issues to deal with and the need to save the unsaveable; His creation! But do you really believe He would ignore the emotional wounds of a friend? How would your excuses stack up? How many times have you said to a friend I love you? What did you mean when you said it? Did you mean I will lay down my life for you? In the Greek there are four words for love, in English we have but one, but we use it so easily. I love my children, I love this ice cream, to easy to say and to easy to lose it's meaning. When you say it what are you saying to your friend? There is responsibility in the word love. When you use the word telling your friend you love them you must accept the responsibilities that come with it. Once said it can not be

unsaid. The die is cast and there is no backing away. How can you un-love someone? Will Jesus un-love you? If He can then nothing He ever said or did has meaning because His whole purpose is love. Galatians 6:2,10 [v2] Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. [v10] Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Just as Jesus carried our burdens we must carry each others. In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus prayed (Mark 14 32-42) He accepted His fate He took our burdens. Proverbs 17:17 says: A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. Friendship is God's gift to us, a special bond that can be formed between two people that can and should be held as special as family. We are told to honor or father and mother in Exodus. Yet this verse in Proverbs refers to family as adversity. You can pick your friends but you can't chose your family. A family should love one another because the members of that family are born into it, friends are not. When someone is put into your life and becomes a friend there is only one reason, you each have chosen that path. We are not required to love them because nobody is born into a friendship. How can we be friends? What does it take to create this type of lifelong bond? And why have friends? Why should we have friends? What good are friends? Well, we can share with them. We need friends to support and encourage, both ways. Why have friends? To give to and to receive love from. While it's really nice to have friends, it is very important to us as human beings. To laugh with. Having a good laugh with a friend is awesome and wonderful and is a very memorable experience at times. To cry with when you're having difficulties, to have a friend just come, and sit, and cry with you helps you emotionally. To give advice to and receive advice from because you know they care. And, you know it's going to be good advice, because they care for you. To hang out with , to spend time with, to be with, to share with, to be companions with, to talk to, to listen to. Proverbs 17:17 says: A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. Someone who is a true friend will be your friend no matter what you go through and no matter what happens to you. A true friend will be your friend if you put on 50 pounds or if you get married or if you loose the use of your arms or your legs. A true friend will love you at all times, no matter what. Physical or mental condition plays no part in determining true friendship. As the passage says, A friend loves at all times. So God says that the first quality that we need to look for in a friend is someone who will be committed for the long haul & who will love us for the simple fact that we are who we are.

The next quality that the writer of Proverbs 24 says that we need to look for in choosing a friend is this: We need to choose friends who are going to be honest with us no matter what. Proverbs 24:26 An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. When a friend is honest with you and tells you the honest to God truth it means that they care about you and they have a genuine interest in your life and they want to see you succeed and have the best life has to offer. In all honesty, genuine friends want nothing more than to see your life work out the way God intended it to and a real friend is committed to honesty and to doing all they can to ensure that your life will be lived to Gods fullest and best. Being told the honest truth from your friends can seem like a kick in the teeth at first but when it sinks in it is as refreshing as a kiss on the lips. We should want friends who love us and want to see us be the best that we can be and who arent afraid to spur us on toward doing so. Who wants a friend who is going to lie to you all the time and always tell you what you want to hear? Or commit to helping you and not follow through? I know I dont want friends like that. Friends like that arent really your friends. People who tell you what you want to hear do not really care about you because they are content to see you suffer with mediocrity and settling for second best in your life. They are afraid to speak the truth because they are afraid they might cause some ripples in the pond of your life or cause a little discomfort in your relationship with them. But this is friendship born of selfishness. A true friend is one who cant stand to see you be anything but what God wants you to be. A true friend is one who wants you to experience Gods best in life and who will do what it takes to see that you get there. A true friend follows through no despite how difficult it may be for themselves or the cost to themselves. This is what a true friend thinks when they think of you: Love is that mountain we must climb Let's climb it together your hand in mine We haven't known each other long But the feeling I have is so strong I know we can make it there's no doubt We owe it to ourselves to find it out
The Chairman of the Board - Give Me Just A Little More Time [v3]

We need to choose friends who we know will help us spiritually. A friend will climb the mountains of adversity in our lives. The will tenderly hold our hand and walk with us. A friend has true and overwhelming belief in their relationship with us and understands the value of that friendship. Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Friendship is important to God and as I have stated, He wants us to be wise in choosing friends, and to be quite candid and open, I cant think of many more people whom I would want to be my genuine friend than those of you sitting in this room today.

The writer of proverbs says that these friends help to sharpen us to become sharp spiritually a little bit at a time, yet constantly. He compares this type of friendship to iron that when banged by iron, slowly, after a period of time makes the iron that was beaten sharp. Think of a blacksmith who makes swords. He takes a hammer that is made out of iron and beats another piece We all need friends in life. Proverbs 18:24 says: A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer that a brother. Do you ever feel that you just cant find a real friend? Do you ever feel that you just cant be friends with someone on such a close level? Well, the writer of Proverbs not only says that you can, he also says that there is someone out there who will be closer to you than a brother or sister. Be wise in choosing your friends, choose a friend who will love you for who you are and not try to change you into someone they want you to be. Choose friends that will be honest with you and tell you the truth in love that will make you be the best God wants you to be. Choose friends who will help you spiritually. I believe the writer of Proverbs is saying that when you find someone who fits these qualifications, establish a friendship with them and when you do your friend will stick with you closer than a brother. We already have access to one who will be the greatest friend we could ever have; Jesus Christ. There is not a person on earth who will love you, accept you, be honest with you, be there for you or help you spiritually more that Jesus will. The ultimate friend is Jesus and He wants to be friends with everyone sitting here today. All you have to do is accept His offer of friendship. Some of you have already done that but your friendship has become anything but intimate and close. To you I want to say, Start today to build that friendship with Christ into all that it can be; and it can be a lot. Remember that friendships work both ways. You must also take this and use it as a blueprint for your friendships. Instead of saying I can't be the friend you need right now because you don't know what to do or say; go sit with them. Be like Jobs' friends who came and sympathized with him and sat for seven days without speaking. This is what Jesus does for you everyday! Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says this: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down his friend can pick him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. The writer of Ecclesiastes is also one of the main writers of the book of Proverbs, King Solomon, the wisest person to ever live. God says, through him, that friendships are necessary and beneficial. We need to have friends who are committed to genuine, lifelong friendships. But notice he says a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. What he is saying here is that the only friendship that will be all that it can be and that will help us make life work is a friendship between two people with God in the center.

Always and everyday you must see your friend as God does, value them as He does. When they have the world on their shoulders ease that burden. In your life you also have burdens but to put them aside and accept the burdens of others as your own is to do what Jesus did in Gethsemane when he asked if this cup could pass from Him. It couldn't! And the pain and woes of your friend can not pass from you. It is the mountain you must climb. There is no science to friendship. There is no need to know what to say or do in every situation. We can research all of the information in books and psychiatric studies as to why people commit suicide, but bottom line is feeling alone in a world filled with people. This to me is the greatest tragedy of our modern age; loneliness. Imagine what it is like to feel as though you have no one in the world to do what Jobs' friends did. Do you have a friend who is suffering right now? On the verge of loosing everything or already has? Are you there with them now? Are you sitting in this Church while a friend is experiencing emotional or spiritual pain? Is their heart broken over a failed relationship? Let me ask you why you are here now; how can you not be there by their side? Why did you not bring them here today? Being with them to comfort them is what God is doing right now, how can you do less? God expects us to sin everyday. This why He sent His only Son to die for our sins. What He doesn't expect from us is to not strive everyday to be like Him. He has sacrificed Himself for us and yet sees every sparrow fall. He is with your friend even now, where are you? Are you letting Him work through you? I want to challenge you today, that if you do not have friendships like what we talked about in your life to search for those who would fit the description and begin to talk with them. Find the friend that God expects you to have. If you do have friendships like these strengthen them. Go to them and tell them just as God is with you so am I. Love with them, laugh with them, cry with them, advise them, or just hang out. Pray for them, God told Job He would not bless him until he learned to pray for his friends. Job 42:10-17 10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. 11 All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring. 12 The LORD blessed the latter part of Jobs life more than the former part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. 13 And he also had seven sons and three daughters. 14 The first daughter he named Jemimah, the second Keziah and the third Keren-Happuch. 15 Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Jobs daughters, and their father granted them an inheritance along with their brothers. 16 After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. 17 And so Job died, an old man and full of years. This is the reward of friendship and the promise God made to you. This is the way to live an upright and Godly life and fulfill God's will here on earth. The two most important questions you will be asked before entering the Kingdom of Heaven are did you love God with all your heart? And how did you treat the people around you? Not why did you cheat on your taxes?

John 15:9-17 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Fathers commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down ones life for ones friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his masters business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruitfruit that will lastand so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.