_________________________________________________________________

1lLle: 1he Llfe of SL. 1eresa of !esus, of 1he Crder of Cur Lady of Carmel
CreaLor(s): 1eresa, of Avlla, SalnL (1313-1382)
rlnL 8asls: London: 1homas 8aker, new ?ork: 8enzlger 8ros., 1904
8lghLs: ubllc uomaln
CCLL Sub[ecLs: All, MysLlclsm, 8lography, Classlc, roofed,
LC Call no: 8x4700.14 A2 1904
LC Sub[ecLs:

ChrlsLlan uenomlnaLlons

8oman CaLhollc Church

8lography and porLralLs

lndlvldual

SalnLs, A-Z
_________________________________________________________________

SalnL 1eresa

1he Llfe

of

SL. 1eresa of !esus

8e-lmprlmaLur.

+ lranclscus

Archleplscopus WesLmonasL.

ule 27 SepL., 1904.
_________________________________________________________________

1he Llfe
of
SL. 1eresa of !esus,
of Lhe Crder of Cur Lady of Carmel.

WrlLLen by Perself.

1ranslaLed from Lhe Spanlsh by
uavld Lewls.

1hlrd LdlLlon Lnlarged.

WlLh addlLlonal noLes and an lnLroducLlon by
8ev. lr. 8enedlcL Zlmmerman, C.C.u.


London:
1homas 8aker


new ?ork:
8enzlger 8ros.

MCMlv.
_________________________________________________________________

ConLenLs.

Chap.

[1]lnLroducLlon Lo Lhe 1hlrd LdlLlon, by 8ev. 8. Zlmmerman

[2]SL. 1eresa's ArgumenLs of Lhe ChapLers

[3]reface by uavld Lewls

[4]Annals of Lhe SalnL's Llfe

[3]rologue

[6]l. Chlldhood and early lmpresslons-1he 8lesslng of plous arenLs-ueslre
of MarLyrdom-ueaLh of Lhe SalnL's MoLher

[7]ll. Larly lmpresslons-uangerous 8ooks and Companlons-1he SalnL ls placed
ln a MonasLery

[8]lll. 1he 8lesslng of belng wlLh good people-Pow cerLaln llluslons were
removed

[9]lv. Cur Lord helps her Lo become a nun-Per many lnflrmlLles

[10]v. lllness and aLlence of Lhe SalnL-1he SLory of a rlesL whom she
rescued from a Llfe of Sln

[11]vl. 1he greaL uebL she owed Lo our Lord for Pls Mercy Lo her-She Lakes
SL. !oseph for her aLron

[12]vll. Lukewarmness-1he Loss of Crace-lnconvenlence of LaxlLy ln 8ellglous
Pouses

[13]vlll. 1he SalnL ceases noL Lo pray-rayer Lhe way Lo recover whaL ls
losL-All exhorLed Lo pray-1he greaL AdvanLage of rayer, even Lo Lhose who
may have ceased from lL

[14]lx. 1he means whereby our Lord qulckened her Soul, gave her LlghL ln her
uarkness, and made her sLrong ln Coodness

[13]x. 1he Craces she recelved ln rayer-WhaL we can do ourselves-1he greaL
lmporLance of undersLandlng whaL our Lord ls dolng for us-She deslres her
Confessors Lo keep her WrlLlngs secreL, because of Lhe speclal Craces of our
Lord Lo her, whlch Lhey had commanded her Lo descrlbe

[16]xl. Why men do noL aLLaln qulckly Lo Lhe perfecL Love of Cod-Cf lour
uegrees of rayer-Cf Lhe llrsL uegree-1he uocLrlne proflLable for 8eglnners,
and for Lhose who have no senslble SweeLness

[17]xll. WhaL we can ourselves do-1he Lvll of deslrlng Lo aLLaln Lo
supernaLural SLaLes before our Lord calls us

[18]xlll. Cf cerLaln 1empLaLlons of SaLan-lnsLrucLlons relaLlng LhereLo

[19]xlv. 1he Second SLaLe of rayer-lLs supernaLural CharacLer

[20]xv. lnsLrucLlons for Lhose who have aLLalned Lo Lhe rayer of CuleL-Many
advance so far, buL few go farLher

[21]xvl. 1he 1hlrd SLaLe of rayer-ueep MaLLers-WhaL Lhe Soul can do LhaL
has reached lL-LffecLs of Lhe greaL Craces of our Lord

[22]xvll. 1he 1hlrd SLaLe of rayer-1he LffecLs Lhereof-1he Plndrance caused
by Lhe lmaglnaLlon and Lhe Memory

[23]xvlll. 1he lourLh SLaLe of rayer-1he greaL ulgnlLy of Lhe Soul ralsed
Lo lL by our Lord-ALLalnable on LarLh, noL by our MerlL, buL by Lhe Coodness
of our Lord

[24]xlx. 1he LffecLs of Lhls lourLh SLaLe of rayer-LarnesL LxhorLaLlons Lo
Lhose who have aLLalned Lo lL noL Lo go back nor Lo cease from rayer, even
lf Lhey fall-1he greaL CalamlLy of golng back

[23]xx. 1he ulfference beLween unlon and 8apLure-WhaL 8apLure ls-1he
8lesslng lL ls Lo Lhe Soul-1he LffecLs of lL

[26]xxl. Concluslon of Lhe Sub[ecL-aln of Lhe Awakenlng-LlghL agalnsL
ueluslons

[27]xxll. 1he SecurlLy of ConLemplaLlves lles ln Lhelr noL ascendlng Lo hlgh
1hlngs lf our Lord does noL ralse Lhem-1he Sacred PumanlLy musL be Lhe 8oad
Lo Lhe hlghesL ConLemplaLlon-A ueluslon ln whlch Lhe SalnL was once
enLangled

[28]xxlll. 1he SalnL resumes Lhe PlsLory of her Llfe-Almlng aL
erfecLlon-Means whereby lL may be galned-lnsLrucLlons for Confessors

[29]xxlv. rogress under Cbedlence-Per lnablllLy Lo reslsL Lhe Craces of
Cod-Cod mulLlplles Pls Craces

[30]xxv. ulvlne LocuLlons-ueluslons on LhaL Sub[ecL

[31]xxvl. Pow Lhe lears of Lhe SalnL vanlshed-Pow she was assured LhaL her
rayer was Lhe Work of Lhe Poly SplrlL

[32]xxvll. 1he SalnL prays Lo be dlrecLed ln a dlfferenL way-lnLellecLual
vlslons

[33]xxvlll. vlslons of Lhe Sacred PumanlLy and of Lhe glorlfled
8odles-lmaglnary vlslons-CreaL lrulLs Lhereof when Lhey come from Cod

[34]xxlx. Cf vlslons-1he Craces our Lord besLowed on Lhe SalnL-1he Answers
our Lord gave her for Lhose who Lrled her

[33]xxx. SL. eLer of AlcanLara comforLs Lhe SalnL-CreaL 1empLaLlons and
lnLerlor 1rlals

[36]xxxl. Cf cerLaln ouLward 1empLaLlons and Appearances of SaLan-Cf Lhe
Sufferlngs Lhereby occasloned-Counsels for Lhose who go on unLo erfecLlon

[37]xxxll. Cur Lord shows SL. 1eresa Lhe lace whlch she had by her Slns
deserved ln Pell-1he 1ormenLs Lhere-Pow Lhe MonasLery of SL. !oseph was
founded

[38]xxxlll. 1he loundaLlon of Lhe MonasLery hlndered-Cur Lord consoles Lhe
SalnL

[39]xxxlv. 1he SalnL leaves her MonasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon for a Llme, aL
Lhe command of her superlor-Consoles an affllcLed Wldow

[40]xxxv. 1he loundaLlon of Lhe Pouse of SL. !oseph-Cbservance of holy
overLy Lhereln-Pow Lhe SalnL lefL 1oledo

[41]xxxvl. 1he loundaLlon of Lhe MonasLery of SL. !oseph-ersecuLlon and
1empLaLlons-CreaL lnLerlor 1rlal of Lhe SalnL, and her uellverance

[42]xxxvll. 1he LffecLs of Lhe dlvlne Craces ln Lhe Soul-1he lnesLlmable
CreaLness of one uegree of Clory

[43]xxxvlll. CerLaln heavenly SecreLs, vlslons, and 8evelaLlons-1he LffecLs
of Lhem ln her Soul

[44]xxxlx. CLher Craces besLowed on Lhe SalnL-1he romlses of our Lord Lo
her-ulvlne LocuLlons and vlslons

[43]xL. vlslons, 8evelaLlons, and LocuLlons

1he 8elaLlons.

8elaLlon.

[46]l. SenL Lo SL. eLer of AlcanLara ln 1360 from Lhe MonasLery of Lhe
lncarnaLlon, Avlla

[47]ll. 1o one of her Confessors, from Lhe Pouse of uona Lulsa de la Cerda,
ln 1362

[48]lll. Cf varlous Craces granLed Lo Lhe SalnL from Lhe year 1368 Lo 1371,
lncluslve

[49]lv. Cf Lhe Craces Lhe SalnL recelved ln Salamanca aL Lhe end of LenL,
1371

[30]v. CbservaLlons on cerLaln olnLs of SplrlLuallLy

[31]vl. 1he vow of Cbedlence Lo laLher CraLlan whlch Lhe SalnL made ln 1373

[32]vll. Made for 8odrlgo Alvarez, S.!., ln Lhe year 1373, accordlng Lo uon
vlcenLe de la luenLe, buL ln 1376, accordlng Lo Lhe 8ollandlsLs and l. 8oulx

[33]vlll. Addressed Lo l. 8odrlgo Alvarez

[34]lx. Cf cerLaln splrlLual Craces she recelved ln 1oledo and Avlla ln Lhe
years 1376 and 1377

[33]x. Cf a 8evelaLlon Lo Lhe SalnL aL Avlla, 1379, and of ulrecLlons
concernlng Lhe CovernmenL of Lhe Crder

[36]xl. WrlLLen from alencla ln May, 1381, and addressed Lo uon Alonzo
velasquez, 8lshop of Csma, who had been when Canon of 1oledo, one of Lhe
SalnL's Confessors
_________________________________________________________________

lnLroducLlon Lo Lhe resenL LdlLlon.

When Lhe publlsher enLrusLed me wlLh Lhe Lask of edlLlng Lhls volume, one
sheeL was already prlnLed and a conslderable porLlon of Lhe book was ln
Lype. under hls agreemenL wlLh Lhe owners of Lhe copyrlghL, he was bound Lo
reproduce Lhe LexL and noLes, eLc., orlglnally prepared by Mr. uavld Lewls
wlLhouL any change, so LhaL my duLy was conflned Lo readlng Lhe proofs and
verlfylng Lhe quoLaLlons. 1hls LranslaLlon of Lhe Llfe of SL. 1eresa ls so
excellenL, LhaL lL could hardly be lmproved. Whlle falLhfully adherlng Lo
her wordlng, Lhe LranslaLor has been successful ln renderlng Lhe lofLy
Leachlng ln slmple and clear language, an achlevemenL all Lhe more
remarkable as ln addlLlon Lo Lhe dlfflculLy arlslng from Lhe LranscendenLal
naLure of Lhe sub[ecL maLLer, Lhe lnvolved sLyle, and Lhe LoLal absence of
puncLuaLlon Lend Lo perplex Lhe reader. now and Lhen Lhere mlghL be some
dlfference of oplnlon as Lo how SL. 1eresa's phrases should be consLrued,
buL lL ls noL Loo much Lo say LhaL on Lhe whole Mr. Lewls has been more
successful Lhan any oLher LranslaLor, wheLher Lngllsh or forelgn. Cnly ln
one case have l found lL necessary Lo make some sllghL alLeraLlon ln Lhe
LexL, and l LrusL Lhe owners of Lhe copyrlghL wlll forglve me for dolng so.
ln [37]ChapLer xxv., 4, SL. 1eresa, speaklng of Lhe dlfference beLween Lhe
ulvlne and Lhe lmaglnary locuLlons, says LhaL a person commendlng a maLLer
Lo Cod wlLh greaL earnesLness, may Lhlnk LhaL he hears wheLher hls prayer
wlll be granLed or noL: y es muy poslble, "and Lhls ls qulLe posslble," buL
he who has ever heard a ulvlne locuLlon wlll see aL once LhaL Lhls assurance
ls someLhlng qulLe dlfferenL. Mr. Lewls, followlng Lhe old Spanlsh edlLlons,
LranslaLed "And lL ls mosL lmposslble," whereas boLh Lhe auLograph and Lhe
conLexL demand Lhe wordlng l have venLured Lo subsLlLuLe.

When Mr. Lewls underLook Lhe LranslaLlon of SL. 1eresa's works, he had
before hlm uon vlcenLe de la luenLe's edlLlon (Madrld, 1861-1862), supposed
Lo be a falLhful LranscrlpL of Lhe orlglnal. ln 1873 Lhe Socledad
loLo-1lpograflca-CaLollca of Madrld publlshed a phoLographlc reproducLlon of
Lhe SalnL's auLograph ln 412 pages ln follo, whlch esLabllshes Lhe Lrue LexL
once for all. uon vlcenLe prepared a LranscrlpL of Lhls, ln whlch he wlsely
adopLed Lhe modern way of spelllng buL oLherwlse preserved Lhe orlglnal
LexL, or aL leasL preLended Lo do so, for a mlnuLe comparlson beLween
auLograph and LranscrlpL reveals Lhe sLarLllng facL LhaL nearly a Lhousand
lnaccuracles have been allowed Lo creep ln. MosL of Lhese varlanLs are
lmmaLerlal, buL Lhere are some whlch oughL noL Lo have been overlooked.
1hus, ln [38]ChapLer xvlll. 20, SL. 1eresa's words are: un gran leLrado de
la orden del glorloso sanLo uomlngo, whlle uon vlcenLe reLalns Lhe old
readlng ue la orden del glorloso paLrlarca sanLo uomlngo. Mr. Lewls
possessed a copy of Lhls phoLographlc reproducLlon, buL uLlllsed lL only ln
one lnsLance ln hls second edlLlon. [1]

1he publlcaLlon of Lhe auLograph has seLLled a polnL of some lmporLance. 1he
8ollandlsLs (n. 1320), dlscusslng Lhe quesLlon wheLher Lhe [39]headlngs of
Lhe chapLers (appended Lo Lhls lnLroducLlon) are by SL. 1eresa or a laLer
addlLlon, come Lo Lhe concluslon (agalnsL Lhe auLhors of Lhe 8eforma de los
uescalos) LhaL Lhey are clearly an lnLerpolaLlon (clarlsslme paLeL) on
accounL of Lhe pralse of Lhe docLrlne conLalned ln Lhese argumenLs.
noLwlLhsLandlng Lhelr hlgh auLhorlLy Lhe 8ollandlsLs are ln Lhls respecL
perfecLly wrong, Lhe argumenLs are enLlrely ln SL. 1eresa's own hand and are
excluslvely her own work. 1he 8ook of loundaLlons and Lhe Way of erfecLlon
conLaln slmllar argumenLs ln Lhe SalnL's handwrlLlng. nor need any surprlse
be felL aL Lhe alleged pralse of her docLrlne for by saylng: Lhls chapLer ls
mosL noLeworLhy (Chap. xlv.), or: Lhls ls good docLrlne (Chap. xxl.), eLc.,
she Lakes no credlL for herself because she never grows Llred of repeaLlng
LhaL she only dellvers Lhe message she has recelved from our Lord. [2] 1he
8ollandlsLs, noL havlng seen Lhe orlglnal, may be excused, buL . 8oulx
(whom Mr. Lewls follows ln Lhls maLLer) had no rlghL Lo suppress Lhese
argumenLs. lL ls Lo be hoped LhaL fuLure edlLlons of Lhe works of S. 1eresa
wlll noL agaln deprlve Lhe reader of Lhls remarkable feaLure of her
wrlLlngs. WhaL she herself LhoughL of her books ls besL Lold by ?epes ln a
leLLer Lo laLher Luls de Leon, Lhe flrsL edlLor of her works: "She was
pleased when her wrlLlngs were belng pralsed and her Crder and Lhe convenLs
were held ln esLeem. Speaklng one day of Lhe Way of erfecLlon, she re[olced
Lo hear lL pralsed, and sald Lo me wlLh greaL conLenL: Some grave men Lell
me LhaL lL ls llke Poly ScrlpLure. lor belng revealed docLrlne lL seemed Lo
her LhaL pralslng her book was llke pralslng Cod." [3]

A noLable feaLure ln Mr. Lewls's LranslaLlon ls hls dlvlslon of Lhe chapLers
lnLo shorL paragraphs. 8uL lL appears LhaL he rearranged Lhe dlvlslon durlng
Lhe process of prlnLlng, wlLh Lhe resulL LhaL a large number of references
were wrong. no labour has been spared ln Lhe correcLlon of Lhese, and l
LrusL LhaL Lhe presenL edlLlon wlll be Lhe more useful for lL. ln quoLlng
Lhe Way of erfecLlon and Lhe lnLerlor CasLle (whlch he calls lnner
lorLress!) Mr. Lewls refers Lo slmllar paragraphs whlch, however, are Lo be
found ln no Lngllsh edlLlon. A new LranslaLlon of Lhese Lwo works ls greaLly
needed, and, ln Lhe case of Lhe Way of erfecLlon, Lhe manuscrlpL of Lhe
Lscurlal should be consulLed as well as LhaL of valladolld. Where Lhe
wrlLlngs of S. !ohn of Lhe Cross are quoLed by volume and page, Lhe edlLlon
referred Lo ls Lhe one of 1864, anoLher of Mr. Lewls's masLerpleces. 1he
chapLers ln 8lbera's Llfe of SL. 1eresa refer Lo Lhe edlLlon ln Lhe AcLs of
Lhe SalnL by Lhe 8ollandlsLs. 1hese and all oLher quoLaLlons have been
carefully verlfled, wlLh Lhe excepLlon of Lhose Laken from Lhe works on
MysLlcal Lheology by AnLonlus a SplrlLu SancLo and lranclscus a S. 1homa,
whlch l was unable Lo consulL. l should have wlshed Lo replace Lhe
quoLaLlons from anLlquaLed edlLlons of Lhe LeLLers of our SalnL by
references Lo Lhe new lrench edlLlon by . Cregolre de S. !oseph (arls,
ousslelgue, 1900), whlch may be consldered as Lhe sLandard edlLlon.

ln [60]noLe 2 Lo Chap. xl. Mr. Lewls draws aLLenLlon Lo a passage ln a
sermon by S. 8ernard conLalnlng an alluslon Lo dlfferenL ways of waLerlng a
garden slmllar Lo SL. 1eresa's well-known comparlson. Mr. Lewls's quoLaLlon
ls lncorrecL, and l am noL cerLaln whaL sermon he may have had ln vlew.
SomeLhlng Lo Lhe polnL may be found ln sermon 22 on Lhe CanLlcle (Mlgne, .
L. vol. CLxxxlll, p. 879), and ln Lhe flrsL sermon on Lhe naLlvlLy of our
Lord (lbld., p. 113), and also ln a sermon on Lhe CanLlcle by one of SL.
8ernard's dlsclples (vol. CLxxxlv., p. 193). l am lndebLed Lo Lhe very 8ev.
rlor vlncenL Mcnabb, C.., for Lhe verlflcaLlon of a [61]quoLaLlon from
SL. vlncenL lerrer ([62]Chap. xx. 31).

Slnce Lhe publlcaLlon of Mr. Lewls's LranslaLlon Lhe uncerLalnLy abouL Lhe
daLe of SL. 1eresa's professlon has been cleared up. ?epes, Lhe 8ollandlsLs,
. 8oulx, uon vlcenLe de la luenLe, Mr. Lewls, and numerous oLher wrlLers
assume LhaL she enLered Lhe convenL of Lhe lncarnaLlon [4] on november 2nd,
1333, and made her professlon on november 3rd, 1334. 1he remalnlng daLes of
evenLs prevlous Lo her converslon are based upon Lhls, as wlll he seen from
Lhe chronology prlnLed by Mr. Lewls aL Lhe end of hls reface and frequenLly
referred Lo ln Lhe fooLnoLes. lL resLs, however, on lnadequaLe evldence,
namely on a slngle passage ln Lhe Llfe [3] where Lhe SalnL says LhaL she was
noL yeL LwenLy years old when she made her flrsL supernaLural experlence ln
prayer. She was LwenLy ln March, 1333, and as Lhls evenL Look place afLer
her professlon, Lhe laLLer was supposed by ?epes and hls followers Lo have
Laken place ln Lhe prevlous november. Lven lf we had no furLher evldence,
Lhe facL LhaL SL. 1eresa ls noL always rellable ln her calculaLlon should
have warned us noL Lo rely Loo much upon a somewhaL casual sLaLemenL. ln Lhe
[63]flrsL chapLer, 7, she poslLlvely asserLs LhaL she was raLher less Lhan
Lwelve years old aL Lhe deaLh of her moLher, whereas we know LhaL she was aL
leasL LhlrLeen years and elghL monLhs old. As Lo Lhe professlon we have
overwhelmlng evldence LhaL lL Look place on Lhe 3rd of november, 1336, and
her enLrance ln Lhe convenL a year and a day earller. 1o begln wlLh, we have
Lhe poslLlve sLaLemenL of her mosL lnLlmaLe frlends, !ullan d'Avlla, laLher
8lbera, S.!., and laLher !erome CraLlan. Llkewlse dona Marla lnel, nun of
Lhe lncarnaLlon, says ln her deposlLlon: "She (1eresa of !esus) Look Lhe
hablL on 2 november, 1333." [6] 1hls ls corroboraLed by varlous passages ln
Lhe SalnL's wrlLlngs. 1hus, ln [64]8elaLlon vll., wrlLLen ln 1373, she says,
speaklng of herself: "1hls nun Look Lhe hablL forLy years ago." Agaln ln a
passage of Lhe Llfe wrlLLen abouL Lhe end of 1364 or Lhe beglnnlng of Lhe
followlng year, [7] she menLlons LhaL she has been a nun for over
LwenLy-elghL years, whlch polnLs Lo her professlon ln 1336. 8uL Lhere are
Lwo documenLs whlch place Lhe daLe of professlon beyond dlspuLe, namely Lhe
acL of renunclaLlon of her rlghL Lo Lhe paLernal lnherlLance and Lhe deed of
dowry drawn up before a publlc noLary. 8oLh bear Lhe daLe 31 CcLober, 1336.
1he auLhors of Lhe 8eforma de los uescalos LhoughL LhaL Lhey musL have been
drawn up before SL. 1eresa Look Lhe hablL, and Lherefore placed Lhls evenL
ln 1336 and Lhe professlon ln 1337, buL nelLher of Lhese documenLs ls
necessarlly connecLed wlLh Lhe cloLhlng, yeL boLh musL have been compleLed
before professlon. 1he ConsLlLuLlons of 8lessed !ohn SoreLh, drawn up ln
1462, whlch were observed aL Lhe convenL of Lhe lncarnaLlon, conLaln Lhe
followlng rule wlLh regard Lo Lhe recepLlon and Lralnlng of novlces: [8]
Consullmus quod reclplendus anLe suscepLlonem hablLus expedlaL se de omnlbus
quae habeL ln saeculo nlsl ex causa raLlonablll per prlorem generalem vel
provlnclalem fuerlL allLer ordlnaLum. 1here was, lndeed, good reason ln Lhe
case of SL. 1eresa Lo posLpone Lhese legal maLLers. Per faLher was much
opposed Lo her becomlng a nun, buL conslderlng hls pleLy lL mlghL have been
expecLed LhaL before Lhe end of Lhe year of probaLlon he would granL hls
consenL (whlch ln Lhe evenL he dld Lhe very day she Look Lhe hablL), and
make arrangemenLs for Lhe dowry. Cne llLLle deLall concernlng her hasLe ln
enLerlng Lhe convenL has been preserved by Lhe 8eforma and Lhe 8ollandlsLs,
[9] Lhough nelLher seem Lo have undersLood lLs meanlng. Cn leavlng Lhe
convenL of Lhe lncarnaLlon for SL. !oseph's ln 1363, SL. 1eresa handed Lhe
prloress of Lhe former convenL a recelpL for her beddlng, hablL and
dlsclpllne. 1hls almosL ludlcrous scrupuloslLy was ln conformlLy wlLh a
declslon of Lhe general chapLer of 1342 whlch sald: lngredlens ordlnem ad
sul lpslus lnsLanLlam habeaL lecLlsLernla pro se lpso, sln auLem reclplens
solvaL lecLum lllum. As SL. 1eresa enLered Lhe convenL wlLhouL Lhe knowledge
of her faLher she dld noL brlng Lhls lnslgnlflcanL Lrousseau wlLh her,
accordlngly Lhe prloress became responslble for lL and obLalned a recelpL
when SL. 1eresa wenL Lo Lhe new convenL. 1he dowry granLed by Alphonso
Sanchez de Cepeda Lo hls daughLer conslsLed of LwenLy-flve measures, parLly
wheaL, parLly barley, or, ln lleu Lhereof, Lwo hundred ducaLs per annum. lew
among Lhe numerous nuns of Lhe lncarnaLlon could have broughL a beLLer or
even an equal dowry.

1he daLe of SL. 1eresa's professlon belng Lhus flxed on Lhe 3rd of november,
1336, some oLher daLes of Lhe chronology musL be revlsed. Per vlslL Lo
CasLellanos de la Canada musL have Laken place ln Lhe early parL of 1337.
8uL already before Lhls Llme Lhe SalnL had an experlence whlch should have
proved a warnlng Lo her, and Lhe neglecL of whlch she never ceased Lo
deplore, namely Lhe vlslon of our Lord, [10] her own words are LhaL Lhls
evenL Look place "aL Lhe very beglnnlng of her acqualnLance wlLh Lhe person"
who exerclsed so dangerous an lnfluence upon her. Mr. Lewls asslgns Lo lL
Lhe daLe 1342, whlch ls lmposslble seelng LhaL lnsLead of LwenLy-slx lL was
only LwenLy-Lwo years before she wroLe LhaL passage of her llfe. Moreover,
lL would have fallen lnLo Lhe mldsL of her lukewarmness (accordlng Lo Mr.
Lewls's chronology) lnsLead of Lhe very beglnnlng. . 8oulx rlghLly asslgns
lL Lo Lhe year 1337, buL as he ls Lwo years ln advance of our chronology lL
does noL agree wlLh Lhe surroundlng clrcumsLances as descrlbed by hlm.
8earlng ln mlnd Lhe hlnL SL. 1eresa glves [11] as Lo her dlsposlLlon
lmmedlaLely afLer her professlon, we need noL be surprlsed lf Lhe flrsL
rooLs of her lukewarmness show Lhemselves so soon.

lrom CasLellanos she proceeded Lo PorLlgosa on a vlslL Lo her uncle. Whlle
Lhere she became acqualnLed wlLh Lhe book called 1ercer Abecedarlo. uon
vlcenLe remarks LhaL Lhe earllesL edlLlon known Lo hlm was prlnLed ln 1337,
whlch Lells sLrongly agalnsL Lhe chronology of Lhe 8ollandlsLs, . 8oulx,
and oLhers. Agaln, speaklng of her cure aL 8ezadas she glves a valuable hlnL
by saylng LhaL she remalned bllnd Lo cerLaln dangers for more Lhan sevenLeen
years unLll Lhe !esulL faLhers flnally undecelved her. As Lhese came Lo
Avlla ln 1333 Lhe sevenLeen years lead us back Lo 1338, whlch preclsely
colncldes wlLh her so[ourn aL 8ezadas. She remalned Lhere unLll ascua
florlda of Lhe followlng year. . 8oulx and oLhers undersLand by Lhls Lerm
alm Sunday, buL uon vlcenLe shows good reason LhaL LasLer Sunday ls meanL,
whlch ln 1339 was Aprll Lhe 6Lh. She Lhen reLurned Lo Avlla, more dead Lhan
allve, and remalned serlously lll for nearly Lhree years, unLll she was
cured Lhrough Lhe mlraculous lnLervenLlon of SL. !oseph abouL Lhe beglnnlng
of 1342. now began Lhe perlod of lukewarmness whlch was Lemporally
lnLerrupLed by Lhe lllness and deaLh of her faLher, ln 1344 or 1343, and
came Lo an end abouL 1333. uon vlcenLe, [63]followed by Mr. Lewls, draws
aLLenLlon Lo whaL he belleves Lo be a "proof of greaL laxlLy of Lhe
convenL," LhaL SL. 1eresa should have been urged by one of her confessors Lo
communlcaLe as ofLen as once a forLnlghL. lL should be undersLood LhaL
frequenL communlon such as we now see lL pracLlsed was wholly unknown ln her
Llme. 1he ConsLlLuLlons of Lhe Crder speclfled Lwelve days on whlch all
Lhose LhaL were noL prlesLs should communlcaLe, addlng: verumLamen fraLres
professl prouL ueus els devoLlonem conLulerlL dlebus domlnlcls eL fesLls
dupllclbus (l.e., on feasLs of our Lady, Lhe AposLles, eLc.), communlcare
poLerunL sl qul vellnL. 1hus, communlcaLlng abouL once a monLh SL. 1eresa
acLed as ordlnary good 8ellglous were wonL Lo do, and by approachlng Lhe
sacramenL more frequenLly she placed herself among Lhe more fervenL nuns.
[12]

SL. 1eresa wroLe qulLe a number of dlfferenL accounLs of her llfe. 1he
flrsL, addressed Lo laLher !uan de adranos, S.!. [13] and daLed 1337, ls
now losL. 1he second, wrlLLen for SL. eLer of AlcanLara, ls 8elaLlon l. aL
Lhe end of Lhls volume, a copy of lL, LogeLher wlLh a conLlnuaLlon (8elaLlon
ll.) was senL Lo laLher edro lbanez ln 1362. lL ls somewhaL dlfflculL Lo
admlL LhaL ln Lhe very same year she wroLe anoLher, more exLenslve, accounL
Lo Lhe same prlesL, whlch ls generally called Lhe "flrsL" Llfe. AL Lhe end
of Lhe Llfe such as we have lL now, SL. 1eresa wroLe: "1hls book was
flnlshed ln !une, 1362," and laLher 8anez wroLe underneaLh: "1hls daLe
refers Lo Lhe flrsL accounL whlch Lhe Poly MoLher 1eresa of !esus wroLe of
her llfe, lL was noL Lhen dlvlded lnLo chapLers. AfLerwards she made Lhls
copy and lnserLed ln lL many Lhlngs whlch had Laken place subsequenL Lo Lhls
daLe, such as Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe monasLery of SL. !oseph of Avlla."
Llsewhere laLher 8anez says: [14] "Cf one of her books, namely, Lhe one ln
whlch she recorded her llfe and Lhe manner of prayer whereby Cod had led
her, l can say LhaL she composed lL Lo Lhe end LhaL her confessors mlghL
know her Lhe beLLer and lnsLrucL her, and also LhaL lL mlghL encourage and
anlmaLe Lhose who learn from lL Lhe greaL mercy Cod had shown her, a greaL
slnner as she humbly acknowledged herself Lo be. 1hls book was already
wrlLLen when l made her acqualnLance, her prevlous confessors havlng glven
her permlsslon Lo LhaL effecL. Among Lhese was a llcenLlaLe of Lhe uomlnlcan
Crder, Lhe 8everend laLher edro lbanez, reader of ulvlnlLy aL Avlla. She
afLerwards compleLed and recasL Lhls book." 1hese Lwo passages of 8anez have
led Lhe blographers of Lhe SalnL Lo Lhlnk LhaL she wroLe her Llfe Lwlce,
flrsL ln 1361 and Lhe followlng year, compleLlng lL ln Lhe house of uona
Lulsa de la Cerda aL 1oledo, ln Lhe monLh of !une, and secondly beLween 1363
and 1363 aL SL. !oseph's ConvenL of Avlla. 1hey have been aL palns Lo polnL
ouL a number of places whlch could noL have been ln Lhe "flrsL" Llfe, buL
musL have been added ln Lhe second [13] , and Lhey Look lL for granLed LhaL
Lhe leLLer wlLh whlch Lhe book as we now have lL concludes, was addressed Lo
laLher lbanez ln 1362, when Lhe SalnL senL hlm Lhe "flrsL" Llfe. lL bears
nelLher address nor daLe, buL from lLs conLenLs l am bound Lo conclude LhaL
lL was wrlLLen ln 1363, LhaL lL refers Lo Lhe "second" Llfe, and LhaL
whomsoever lL was addressed Lo, lL cannoL have been Lo laLher lbanez, who
was already dead aL Lhe Llme. [16] SalnL 1eresa asks Lhe wrlLer Lo send a
copy of Lhe book Lo laLher !uan de Avlla. now we know from her leLLers LhaL
as laLe as 1368 Lhls requesL had noL been complled wlLh, and LhaL SL. 1eresa
had Lo wrlLe Lwlce Lo uona Lulsa for Lhls purpose, [17] buL lf she had
already glven Lhese lnsLrucLlons ln 1362, lL ls alLogeLher lncomprehenslble
LhaL she dld noL see Lo lL earller, especlally when Lhe "flrsL" Llfe was
reLurned Lo her for Lhe purpose of copylng and compleLlng lL. 1he second
reason whlch prevenLs me from conslderlng Lhls leLLer as connecLed wlLh Lhe
"flrsL" Llfe wlll be examlned when l come Lo speak of Lhe dlfferenL ends Lhe
SalnL had ln vlew when wrlLlng her Llfe. lL ls more dlfflculL Lo say Lo whom
Lhe leLLer was really addressed. 1he 8eforma suggesLs laLher Carcla de
1oledo, uomlnlcan, who bade Lhe SalnL wrlLe Lhe hlsLory of Lhe foundaLlon of
SL. !oseph's aL Avlla [18] and who was her confessor aL LhaL convenL. lL
moreover belleves LhaL he lL ls Lo whom [66]ChapLer xxxlv. 8-20 refers,
and Lhls oplnlon appears Lo me plauslble. As Lo Lhe laLLer polnL, ?epes
Lhlnks Lhe uomlnlcan aL 1oledo was laLher vlcenLe 8arron, Lhe 8ollandlsLs
offer no oplnlon, and Mr. Lewls, ln hls flrsL edlLlon glves flrsL Lhe one
and Lhen Lhe oLher. lf, as l Lhlnk, laLher Carcla was meanL, Lhe passage ln
[67]ChapLer xvl. 10, beglnnlng "C, my son," would concern hlm also, as
well as several passages where vuesLra Merced-you, my laLher-ls addressed.
lor alLhough Lhe book came flnally lnLo Lhe hands of laLher 8anez, lL was
flrsL dellvered lnLo Lhose of Lhe addressee of Lhe leLLer.

WheLher Lhe prevlous paper was a mere "8elaLlon," or really a flrsL aLLempL
aL a "Llfe," [19] Lhere can be no dlspuLe abouL lLs purpose: SL. 1eresa
speaks of lL ln Lhe followlng Lerms: "l had recourse Lo my uomlnlcan faLher
(lbanez), l Lold hlm all abouL my vlslons, my way of prayer, Lhe greaL
graces our Lord had glven me, as clearly as l could, and begged hlm Lo
conslder Lhe maLLer well, and Lell me lf Lhere was anyLhlng Lhereln aL
varlance wlLh Lhe Poly WrlLlngs, and glve me hls oplnlon on Lhe whole
maLLer." [20] 1he accounL Lhus rendered had Lhe ob[ecL of enabllng laLher
lbanez Lo glve her llghL upon Lhe sLaLe of her soul. 8uL whlle she was
drawlng lL up, a greaL change came over her. uurlng SL. 1eresa's so[ourn aL
1oledo she became from a pupll an experlenced masLer ln MysLlcal knowledge.
"When l was Lhere a rellglous" (probably laLher Carcla de 1oledo) "wlLh whom
l had conversed occaslonally some years ago, happened Lo arrlve. When l was
aL Mass ln a monasLery of hls Crder, l felL a longlng Lo know Lhe sLaLe of
hls soul." [21] 1hree Llmes Lhe SalnL rose from her seaL, Lhree Llmes she
saL down agaln, buL aL lasL she wenL Lo see hlm ln a confesslonal, noL Lo
ask for any llghL for herself, buL Lo glve hlm whaL llghL she could, for she
wlshed Lo lnduce hlm Lo surrender hlmself more perfecLly Lo Cod, and Lhls
she accompllshed by Lelllng hlm how she had fared slnce Lhelr lasL meeLlng.
no one who reads Lhls remarkable chapLer can help belng sLruck by Lhe change
LhaL has come over 1eresa: Lhe perlod of her schoollng ls aL an end, and she
ls now Lhe greaL Leacher of MysLlcal Lheology. Per humlllLy does noL allow
her Lo speak wlLh Lhe same degree of openness upon her achlevemenLs as she
dld when maklng known her falllngs, yeL she cannoL conceal Lhe ClfL of
Wlsdom she had recelved and Lhe use she made of lL.

SL. 1eresa's developmenL, lf exLraordlnary conslderlng Lhe degree of
splrlLuallLy she reached, was neverLheless gradual and regular. WlLh her
wonderful power of analysls, she has glven us noL only a clear lnslghL lnLo
her lnLerlor progress, buL also a skeLch of Lhe developmenL of her
undersLandlng of supernaLural Lhlngs. "lL ls now (l.e., abouL Lhe end of
1363) some flve or slx years, l belleve, slnce our Lord ralsed me Lo Lhls
sLaLe of prayer, ln lLs fulness, and LhaL more Lhan once,-and l never
undersLood lL, and never could explaln lL, and so l was resolved, when l
should come Lhus far ln my sLory, Lo say very llLLle or noLhlng aL all."
[22] ln Lhe followlng chapLer she adds: "?ou, my faLher, wlll be dellghLed
greaLly Lo flnd an accounL of Lhe maLLer ln wrlLlng, and Lo undersLand lL,
for lL ls one grace LhaL our Lord glves grace, and lL ls anoLher grace Lo
undersLand whaL grace and whaL glfL lL ls, and lL ls anoLher and furLher
grace Lo have Lhe power Lo descrlbe and explaln lL Lo oLhers. 1hough lL does
noL seem LhaL more Lhan Lhe flrsL of Lhese-Lhe glvlng of grace-ls necessary,
lL ls a greaL advanLage and a greaL grace Lo undersLand lL." [23] 1hese
words conLaln Lhe clue Lo much LhaL oLherwlse would be obscure ln Lhe llfe
of our SalnL: greaL graces were besLowed upon her, buL aL flrsL she nelLher
undersLood Lhem herself nor was she able Lo descrlbe Lhem. Pence Lhe
lnablllLy of her confessors and splrlLual advlsers Lo gulde her. Per naLural
glfLs, greaL Lhough Lhey were, dld noL help her much. "1hough you, my
faLher, may Lhlnk LhaL l have a qulck undersLandlng, lL ls noL so, for l
have found ouL ln many ways LhaL my undersLandlng can Lake ln only, as Lhey
say, whaL ls glven lL Lo eaL. SomeLlmes my confessor used Lo be amazed aL my
lgnorance: and he never explalned Lo me-nor, lndeed, dld l deslre Lo
undersLand-how Cod dld Lhls, nor how lL could be. nor dld l ever ask." [24]
AL flrsL she was slmply bewlldered by Lhe favours shown her, afLerwards she
could noL help knowlng, desplLe Lhe fears of over anxlous frlends, LhaL Lhey
dld come from Cod, and LhaL so far from lmperllllng her soul made a
dlfferenL woman of her, buL even Lhen she was noL able Lo explaln Lo oLhers
whaL she experlenced ln herself. 8uL shorLly before Lhe foundaLlon of SL.
!oseph's convenL she recelved Lhe lasL of Lhe Lhree graces menLloned above,
Lhe ClfL of Wlsdom, and Lhe scene aL 1oledo ls Lhe flrsL manlfesLaLlon of
lL.

1hls explalns Lhe dlfference of Lhe "Llfe" such as we know lL from Lhe flrsL
verslon or Lhe "8elaLlons" precedlng lL. WhaLever Lhls wrlLlng was, lL sLlll
belonged Lo Lhe perlod of her splrlLual educaLlon, whereas Lhe volume before
us ls Lhe flrsL-frulL of her splrlLual MasLershlp. 1he new llghL LhaL had
come Lo her lnduced her confessors [23] Lo demand a deLalled work embodylng
everyLhlng she had learned from her heavenly 1eacher. [26] 1he LreaLlse on
MysLlcal Lheology conLalned ln ChapLers x. Lo xxl., Lhe lnvesLlgaLlon of
ulvlne locuLlons, vlslons and 8evelaLlons ln Lhe concludlng porLlon of Lhe
work could have had no place ln any prevlous wrlLlng. Whlle her experlences
before she obLalned Lhe ClfL of Wlsdom lnfluenced buL Lhree persons (one of
Lhem belng her faLher), a greaL many proflLed by her lncreased knowledge.
[27] 1he earller wrlLlngs were buL confldenLlal communlcaLlons Lo her
confessors, and lf Lhey became known Lo larger clrcles Lhls was due Lo
lndlscreLlon. 8uL her "Llfe" was wrlLLen from Lhe beglnnlng wlLh a vlew Lo
publlcaLlon. Alluslons Lo Lhls ob[ecL may be found ln varlous places [28] as
well as ln Lhe leLLer appended Lo Lhe book, [29] buL Lhe declslve uLLerances
musL be soughL for elsewhere, namely ln Lhe "Way of erfecLlon." 1hls work
was wrlLLen lmmedlaLely afLer Lhe "Llfe," whlle Lhe SalnL was as yeL aL Lhe
convenL of SL. !oseph's. lL was re-wrlLLen laLer on and ls now only known ln
lLs flnal shape, buL Lhe flrsL verslon, Lhe orlglnal of whlch ls preserved
aL Lhe Lscurlal and has been reproduced phoLographlcally, leaves no doubL as
Lo Lhe lnLenLlons of SL. 1eresa ln wrlLlng her "Llfe." "l have wrlLLen a few
days ago a cerLaln 8elaLlon of my Llfe. 8uL slnce lL mlghL happen LhaL my
confessor may noL permlL you (Lhe SlsLers of SL. !oseph's) Lo read lL, l
wlll puL here some Lhlngs concernlng prayer whlch are conformable Lo whaL l
have sald Lhere, as well as some oLher Lhlngs whlch appear Lo me Lo be
necessary." [30] Agaln: "As all Lhls ls beLLer explalned ln Lhe book whlch l
say l have wrlLLen, Lhere ls no need for me Lo speak of lL wlLh so much
deLall. l have sald Lhere all l know. 1hose of you who have been led by Cod
Lo Lhls degree of conLemplaLlon (and l say LhaL some have been led so far),
should procure Lhe book because lL ls lmporLanL for you, afLer l am dead."
[31] AL Lhe end she wrlLes: "Slnce Lhe Lord has LaughL you Lhe way and has
lnsplred me as Lo whaL l should puL ln Lhe book whlch l say has been
wrlLLen, how Lhey should behave who have arrlved aL Lhls founLaln of llvlng
waLer and whaL Lhe soul feels Lhere, and how Cod saLlaLes her and makes her
lose Lhe LhlrsL for Lhlngs of Lhls world and causes her Lo grow ln Lhlngs
perLalnlng Lo Lhe servlce of Cod, LhaL book, Lherefore, wlll be of greaL
help for Lhose who have arrlved aL Lhls sLaLe, and wlll glve Lhem much
llghL. rocure lL. lor laLher uomlngo 8anez, presenLado of Lhe Crder of SL.
uomlnlc who, as l say, ls my confessor, and Lo whom l shall glve Lhls, has
lL: lf he [udges LhaL you should see Lhls, and glves lL Lo you, he wlll also
glve you Lhe oLher." [32] Whlle Lhe flrsL and second of Lhese quoLaLlons may
be found, somewhaL weakened, ln Lhe flnal verslon of Lhe "Way of
erfecLlon," Lhe lasL one ls enLlrely omlLLed. nor need Lhls surprlse us,
for laLher 8anez had hls own ldeas abouL Lhe advlsablllLy of Lhe publlcaLlon
of Lhe "Llfe." ln hls deposlLlon, already referred Lo, he says: "lL was noL
convenlenL LhaL Lhls book should become publlc durlng her llfeLlme, buL
raLher LhaL lL should be kepL aL Lhe Poly Cfflce (Lhe lnqulslLlon) unLll we
knew Lhe end of Lhls person, lL was Lherefore qulLe agalnsL my wlll LhaL
some coples were Laken whlle lL was ln Lhe hands of Lhe blshop uon Alvaro
Mendoza, who, belng a powerful prelaLe and havlng recelved lL from Lhe sald
1eresa of !esus, allowed lL Lo be copled and showed lL Lo hls slsLer, dona
Marla de Mendoza, Lhus cerLaln persons Laklng an lnLeresL ln splrlLual
maLLers and knowlng already some porLlons of Lhls LreaLlse (evldenLly Lhe
conLenLs of Lhe dlvulged 8elaLlons) made furLher coples, one of whlch became
Lhe properLy of Lhe uuchess of Alba, dona Marla Lnrlquez, and ls now, l
Lhlnk, ln Lhe hands of her daughLer-ln-law, dona Marla de 1oledo. All Lhls
was agalnsL my wlsh, and l was much annoyed wlLh Lhe sald 1eresa of !esus,
Lhough l knew well lL was noL her faulL buL Lhe faulL of Lhose Lo whom she
had conflded Lhe book, and l Lold her she oughL Lo burn Lhe orlglnal because
lL would never do LhaL Lhe wrlLlngs of women should become publlc properLy,
Lo whlch she answered she was qulLe aware of lL and would cerLalnly burn lL
lf l Lold her Lo do so, buL knowlng her greaL humlllLy and obedlence l dld
noL dare Lo have lL desLroyed buL handed lL Lo Lhe Poly Cfflce for
safe-keeplng, whence lL has been wlLhdrawn slnce her deaLh and publlshed ln
prlnL." [33] lrom Lhls lL wlll he seen LhaL 8anez, who had glven a mosL
favourable oplnlon when Lhe "Llfe" was denounced Lo Lhe lnqulslLlon (1374),
resulLlng ln Lhe approbaLlon by Cardlnal de Culroga Lo Lhe greaL [oy of SL.
1eresa, [34] reLurned lL Lo Lhe Poly Cfflce for safeLy's sake. lL was
wlLhdrawn by Lhe ven. MoLher Anne of !esus when Lhe Crder had declded upon
Lhe publlcaLlon of Lhe works of Lhe SalnL, buL Loo laLe Lo be uLlllsed Lhen.
laLher Luls de Leon, Lhe edlLor, had Lo conLenL hlmself wlLh Lhe copy
already alluded Lo.

SL. 1eresa wroLe her "Llfe" slowly. lL was begun ln sprlng, 1363, [33] and
compleLed ln May or !une, 1363. She complalns LhaL she can only work aL lL
by sLealLh on accounL of her duLles aL Lhe dlsLaff, [36] buL Lhe book ls
wrlLLen wlLh so much order and meLhod, Lhe manuscrlpL ls so free from
mlsLakes, correcLlons and erasures, LhaL we may conclude LhaL whlle splnnlng
she worked lL ouL ln her mlnd, so LhaL Lhe apparenL delay proved mosL
advanLageous. ln Lhls respecL Lhe "Llfe" ls superlor Lo Lhe flrsL verslon of
Lhe "Way of erfecLlon." 1hls laLLer work was prlnLed durlng her llfeLlme,
Lhough lL appeared only afLer her deaLh. ln 1386 Lhe ueflnlLory of Lhe
provlnce of ulscalced CarmellLes declded upon Lhe publlcaLlon of Lhe
compleLe works of Lhe SalnL, buL for obvlous reasons deemed noL only Lhe
members of her own Crder buL also uomlnlcans and !esulLs lnellglble for Lhe
posL of edlLor. Such of Lhe manuscrlpLs as could be found were Lherefore
conflded Lo Lhe AugusLlnlan laLher, Luls de Leon, professor aL Salamanca,
who prepared Lhe edlLlon buL dld noL llve Lo carry lL Lhrough Lhe press. 1he
facL LhaL he dld noL know Lhe auLograph of Lhe "Llfe" accounLs for Lhe
numerous lnaccuracles Lo be found ln nearly all edlLlons, buL Lhe
publlcaLlon of Lhe orlglnal should ensure a greaL lmprovemenL for
Lhe fuLure.

SL. 1eresa's canonlsaLlon Look place before Lhe sLrlngenL laws of urban
vlll. came lnLo force. ConsequenLly, Lhe wrlLlngs of Lhe SalnL were noL Lhen
enqulred lnLo, Lhe Poly See conLenLlng lLself wlLh Lhe approbaLlons granLed
by Lhe Spanlsh lnqulslLlon, and by Lhe congregaLlon of Lhe 8oLa ln 8ome. A
cerLaln number of passages selecLed from varlous works havlng been denounced
by some 8oman Lheologlans as belng conLrary Lo Lhe Leachlng of SL. 1homas
Aqulnas and oLher auLhorlLles, ulego Alvarez, a uomlnlcan, and !ohn 8ada, a
lranclscan, were commlssloned Lo examlne Lhe maLLer and reporL on lL. 1he
Lwelve censures wlLh Lhe answers of Lhe Lwo Lheologlans and Lhe flnal
[udgmenL of Lhe 8oLa seem Lo have remalned unknown Lo Lhe 8ollandlsLs. [37]
1he "heavenly docLrlne" of SL. 1eresa ls alluded Lo noL only ln Lhe 8ull of
canonlsaLlon buL even ln Lhe CollecL of Lhe Mass of Lhe SalnL.

Concernlng Lhe Lngllsh LranslaLlons of Lhe "Llfe" noLlced by Mr. Lewls lL
should be menLloned LhaL Lhe one ascrlbed Lo Abraham Woodhead ls only parLly
hls work. laLher 8ede of SL. Slmon SLock (WalLer !oseph 1ravers), a
ulscalced CarmellLe, labourlng on Lhe Lngllsh Mlsslon from 1660 Llll 1692,
was anxlous Lo compleLe Lhe LranslaLlon of SL. 1eresa's works lnLo Lngllsh.
Pe had noL proceeded very far when he learnL LhaL "oLhers were engaged ln
Lhe same Lask. Cn enqulry he found LhaL a new LranslaLlon was conLemplaLed
by Lwo graduaLes of Lhe unlverslLy of Cambrldge, converLs Lo Lhe lalLh, mosL
learned and plous men, who were leadlng a sollLary llfe, spendlng Lhelr Llme
and LalenLs ln Lhe composlLlon of conLroverslal and devoLlonal works for Lhe
good of Lhelr nelghbour and Lhe glory of Cod." Cne of Lhese Lwo men was
Woodhead, who, however, was an Cxford man, buL Lhe name of Lhe oLher, who
musL have been a Cambrldge man, ls noL known. 1hey underLook Lhe LranslaLlon
whlle laLher 8ede provlded Lhe funds and bore Lhe rlsks of whaL was Lhen a
dangerous work. As Lhere exlsLed already Lwo Lngllsh LranslaLlons of Lhe
"Llfe," Lhe flrsL volume Lo appear (1669) conLalned Lhe 8ook of loundaLlons,
Lo whlch was preflxed Lhe hlsLory of Lhe foundaLlon of SL. !oseph's from Lhe
"Llfe." When, Lherefore, Lhe new LranslaLlon of Lhe laLLer appeared, ln
1671, Lhls porLlon of Lhe book was omlLLed. [38] 1he LranslaLlon was made
dlrecL from Lhe Spanlsh buL "unlformly wlLh Lhe lLallan edlLlon."

Mr. Lewls, whose LranslaLlon ls Lhe flfLh, was born on Lhe 12Lh of november,
1814, and dled on !anuary Lhe 23rd, 1893. 1he flrsL edlLlon was prlnLed ln
1870, Lhe second ln 1888. lL ls regreLLable LhaL Lhe laLLer edlLlon, of
whlch Lhe presenL ls a reprlnL, omlLLed Lhe marglnal noLes whlch would have
been so helpful Lo Lhe reader.

SL. 1eresa's llfe and characLer havlng always been a favourlLe sLudy of men
and women of varlous schools of LhoughL, lL may be useful Lo noLlce here a
few recenL Lngllsh and forelgn works on Lhe sub[ecL:-

1he Llfe of SalnL 1eresa, by Lhe auLhor of "uevoLlons before and afLer Poly
Communlon" (l.e., Mlss Marla 1rench), London, 1873.

1he Llfe of SalnL 1eresa of Lhe Crder of Cur Lady of MounL Carmel. LdlLed
wlLh a preface by Lhe Archblshop of WesLmlnsLer (Cardlnal Mannlng), London,
1863. (8y Mlss LllzabeLh LockharL, afLerwards flrsL abbess of Lhe lranclscan
convenL, noLLlng Plll.) lrequenLly reprlnLed.

1he Llfe and LeLLers of SL. 1eresa, by Penry !ames Colerldge, S.!. CuarLerly
Serles. 3 vols (1881, 1887, 1888).

And, from anoLher polnL of vlew:

1he Llfe of SL. 1eresa, by Cabrlela Cunnlnghame-Craham, 2 vols, London,
1894.

PlsLolre de SalnLe 1herese d'apres les 8ollandlsLes. 2 vols, nanLes, 1882.
lrequenLly reprlnLed. 1he auLhor ls Mlle. Adelalde Lecornu (born 3 !uly,
1832, dled aL Lhe CarmellLe convenL aL Caen, 14 uecember, 1901. Per name ln
rellglon was Adelalde-!eronyme-Zoe-Marle du Sacre-Coeur).

An excellenL characLer skeLch of Lhe SalnL has appeared ln Lhe "Les SalnLs"
serles (arls, Lecoffre, 1901):

SalnLe 1herese, par Penrl !oly.

AlLhough Lhe aLLempL aL explalnlng Lhe exLraordlnary phenomena ln Lhe llfe
of SL. 1eresa by anlmal MagneLlsm and slmllar obscure Lheorles had already
been exploded by Lhe 8ollandlsLs, lL has laLely been revlved by rofessor
uon ArLuro erales CuLlerrez of Cranada, and rofessor uon lernando Segundo
8rleva SalvaLlerra of Madrld, who consldered her a sub[ecL of hysLerlcal
derangemenLs. 1he dlscusslon carrled on for some Llme, noL only ln Spaln buL
also ln lrance, Cermany, and oLher counLrles, has been ably summed up and
dlsposed of by . Cregolre de S. !oseph: La preLendue PysLerle de SalnLe
1herese. Lyons.

1he 8lbllographle 1hereslenne, by Penry de Curzon (arls, 1902) ls,
unforLunaLely, Loo lncompleLe, noL Lo say slovenly, Lo be of much use.

llnally, lL ls necessary Lo say a word abouL Lhe spelllng of Lhe name
1eresa. ln Spanlsh and lLallan lL should be wrlLLen wlLhouL an h as Lhese
languages do noL admlL Lhe use of 1h, ln Lngllsh, llkewlse, where Lhls
comblnaLlon of leLLers represenLs a speclal sound, Lhe name should be spelL
wlLh 1 only. 8uL Lhe presenL fashlon of Lhus wrlLlng lL ln LaLln, Cerman,
lrench, and oLher languages, whlch generally malnLaln Lhe eLymologlcal
spelllng, ls lnLolerable: 1he name ls Creek, and was placed on Lhe calendar
ln honour of a noble Spanlsh lady, SL. 1herasla, who became Lhe wlfe of a
SalnL, aullnus of nola, and a SalnL herself. See SalnLe 1herese, LeLLres au
8. . 8oulx, by Lhe Abbe osLel, arls, 1864. 1he derlvaLlon of Lhe name
from Lhe Pebrew 1hersa can no longer be defended (laLher !erome-CraLlan, ln
luenLe, Cbras, vol. vl., p. 369 sqq.).

8enedlcL Zlmmerman,
rlor C.C.u.

SL. Luke's rlory,
WlncanLon, SomerseL.
16Lh !uly, 1904.
_________________________________________________________________

[1] 1. [68]Chap. xxxlv., noLe 3.

[2] [69]Chap. xvlll. 11.

[3] luenLe, Cbras (1881), vol. vl. p. 133.

[4] See Lhe llcence granLed by Leo x. Lo Lhe prloress and convenL of Lhe
lncarnaLlon Lo bulld anoLher house for Lhe use of Lhe sald convenL, and Lo
mlgraLe LhlLher (vaLlcan Archlves, uaLarla, Leo x., anno l., vol. vlll.,
fol. 82). Also a llcence Lo sell or exchange cerLaln properLy belonglng Lo
lL (lbld., anno lv., vol. vll., f. 274, and a charge Lo Lhe 8lshop of Avlla
concernlng a recourse of Lhe sald convenL (lbld., anno vll., vol. lv.,
f. 24).

[3] [70]Chap. lv 9.

[6] LeLLres de SLe. 1herese, edlL. . Cregolre de S. !oseph, vol. lll, p.
419, noLe 2.

[7] [71]Chap. xxxvl. 10. 1he daLe of Lhls parL of Lhe Llfe can be easlly
ascerLalned from Lhe Lwo followlng chapLers. ln [72]xxxvll. 18, SL. 1eresa
says LhaL she ls noL yeL flfLy years old, consequenLly Lhe chapLer musL have
been wrlLLen before Lhe end of March, 1363, and ln Lhe nexL chapLer,
[73]xxxvlll. 13, she speaks of Lhe deaLh of laLher edro lbanez, whlch
appears Lo have Laken place on 2nd lebruary. 1hls, aL leasL, ls Lhe daLe
under whlch hls name appears ln Lhe Annee uomlnlcalne, and Lhe very 8ev.
rlor vlncenL Mcnabb Lells me LhaL Lhere ls every reason Lo Lhlnk LhaL lL ls
Lhe daLe of hls deaLh.

[8] When abouL A.u. 1432 cerLaln communlLles of 8egulnes demanded
afflllaLlon Lo Lhe CarmellLe Crder, Lhey were glven Lhe ConsLlLuLlons of Lhe
frlars wlLhouL any alLeraLlons. 1hese ConsLlLuLlons were revlsed ln 1462,
buL nelLher Lhere nor ln Lhe AcLs of Lhe Ceneral ChapLers, so far as Lhese
are preserved, ls Lhere Lhe sllghLesL reference Lo convenLs of nuns. 1he
colophon of Lhe prlnLed edlLlon (venlce, 1499) shows LhaL Lhey held good for
frlars and nuns: LxpllclunL sacrae consLlLuLlones novae fraLrum eL sororum
beaLae Marlae de MonLe Carmelo. 1hey conLaln Lhe cusLomary laws forblddlng
Lhe frlars [noLe conLlnues, p. xlll.] under paln of excommunlcaLlon, Lo
leave Lhe preclncLs of Lhelr convenLs wlLhouL due llcence, buL do noL en[oln
sLrlcL enclosure, whlch would have been lncompaLlble wlLh Lhelr manner of
llfe and Lhelr varlous duLles. SL. 1eresa nowhere lnslnuaLes LhaL Lhe
ConsLlLuLlons, such as Lhey were, were noL kepL aL Lhe lncarnaLlon, her
remarks ln [74]chap. vll. are almed aL Lhe ConsLlLuLlons Lhemselves, whlch
were never made for nuns, and Lherefore dld noL provlde for Lhe needs of
Lhelr convenLs.

[9] 8eforma llb. l., cap. 47. 8ollandlsLs. no. 366.

[10] [73]Chap. vll. 11.

[11] [76]Chap. v. 2.

[12] ConsLlLuLlons of 1462. arL l., cap. x.

[13] [77]Chap. xxlll. 17.

[14] ueposlLlon for Lhe process of canonlsaLlon, wrlLLen ln 1391. luenLe,
Cbras, vol. vl., p. 174.

[13] See Lhe [78]noLes Lo chapLers vll. 11, [79]xvl. 10, [80]xx. 6,
[81]xxlv. 4, [82]xxvll. 17. AL Lhe [83]end of chapLer xxxl. we are Lold
on Lhe auLhorlLy of uon vlcenLe LhaL Lhe "flrsL" Llfe musL have ended aL
Lhls polnL.

[16] 8ollandlsLs, no. 1318.

[17] LeLLres, edlL. Cregolre. l., pp. 13 (18 May, 1368), 21 (27 May), 33
(2 november).

[18] 8eforma, vol. l., llb. v., cap. xxxv., no. 9. 8ollandlsLs, no. 1318.

[19] lf Lhe laLLer, lL musL have been very much shorLer Lhan Lhe second
edlLlon, and can scarcely have conLalned more Lhan Lhe flrsL nlne chapLers
(perhaps verbaLlm) and an accounL of Lhe vlslons, locuLlons, eLc., conLalned
ln chapLers xxlll.-xxxl., wlLhouL commenL.

[20] [84]Chap. xxxlll. 7.

[21] [83]Chap. xxxlv. 8.

[22] [86]Chap. xvl. 2.

[23] [87]Chap. xvll. 7.

[24] [88]Chap. xxvlll. 10.

[23] ln Lhe rologue Lo Lhe 8ook of loundaLlons, laLher Carcla de 1oledo,
[noLe conLlnues, p. xvlll.] her confessor aL SL. !oseph's ConvenL, ls sald
Lo be responslble for Lhe order Lo rewrlLe Lhe "Llfe", buL ln Lhe
[89]reface Lo Lhe "Llfe" SL. 1eresa speaks of her "confessors" ln Lhe
plural. laLhers lbanez and 8anez may be lncluded ln Lhe number. See also
[90]ch. xxx. 27.

[26] [91]Chap. xvlll. 11.

[27] [92]Chap. xlll. 22. ln [93]chap. xvl. 12, Lhe SalnL says: "l wlsh
we flve who now love one anoLher ln our Lord, had made some such
arrangemenL, eLc." luenLe ls of oplnlon LhaL Lhese flve were, besldes Lhe
SalnL, laLher !ullan de Avlla, uon lranclsco de Salcedo, SL. !ohn of Lhe
Cross, and uon Lorenzo de Cepeda, SL. 1eresa's broLher: buL Lhls ls
lmposslble aL Lhe daLe of Lhls parL of Lhe "Llfe." lL ls more probable LhaL
she meanL lranclsco de Salcedo, Caspar uaza, !ullan de Avlla, and laLher
lbanez, Lhe laLLer belng sLlll allve ln Lhe beglnnlng of 1364, when Lhls
chapLer was wrlLLen. lL ls more dlfflculL Lo say who Lhe Lhree confessors
were whom SL. 1eresa deslred Lo see Lhe "Llfe" ([94]ch. xl. 32). lf, as l
Lhlnk, Lhe book was flrsL handed Lo laLher Carcla de 1oledo, Lhe oLhers may
have been lranclsco de Salcedo, 8alLasar Alvarez, and Caspar de Salazar.

[28] [93]Chap. x. 11 and 12.

[29] 1hls ls Lhe second reason why Lhe leLLer could noL have been addressed
Lo laLher lbanez ln 1362.

[30] LdlLed by uon lranclsco Perrero 8ayona, 1883 p. 4.

[31] lbld., chap. xll. (see ualLon's LranslaLlon, chap. xxv.).

[32] lbld., chap. lxxlll. See Lhe dlfference ln ualLon's LranslaLlon, chap.
xlll.

[33] luenLe, Cbras, vol. vl., p. 273.

[34] See Lhe followlng reface, p. xxxvll. LeLLres, ed. Cregolre, ll., p.
63. . 8erLholde-lgnace, vle de la Mere Anne de !esus, l., p. 472.

[33] ln Lhe rologue Lo Lhe 8ook of loundaLlons, SL. 1eresa says LhaL laLher
Carcla de 1oledo ordered her Lo rewrlLe Lhe book Lhe same year ln whlch SL.
!oseph's ConvenL was founded, l.e. 1362, buL seelng LhaL she only spenL a
few hours Lhere and LhaL Lhe prlnclpal dlfflculLles only arose afLer her
reLurn Lo Lhe lncarnaLlon, lL appears more probable LhaL laLher Carcla's
command was noL made unLll Lhe sprlng of Lhe followlng year, when she wenL
Lo llve aL SL. !oseph's.

[36] [96]Chap. x. 11.

[37] See PlsLorla Ceneralls lraLrum ulscalceaLorum Crdlnls 8. vlrglnls
Marlae de MonLe Carmelo CongregaLlonls Lllae. 8omae, 1668, vol. l., pp.
340-338 ad ann. 1604.

[38] See Carmel ln Lngland, by 8ev. laLher 8. Zlmmerman, p. 240 sqq.
_________________________________________________________________

SL. 1eresa's ArgumenLs of Lhe ChapLers.

!.P.S.

!.P.S. ChapLer l. [39] -ln whlch she Lells how Cod [40] began Lo dlspose
Lhls soul from chlldhood for vlrLue, and how she was helped by havlng
vlrLuous parenLs.

ChapLer ll.-Pow she losL Lhese vlrLues and how lmporLanL lL ls Lo deal from
chlldhood wlLh vlrLuous persons.

ChapLer lll.-ln whlch she seLs forLh how good company was Lhe means of her
resumlng good lnLenLlons, and ln whaL manner Cod began Lo glve her some
llghL on Lhe decepLlon Lo whlch she was sub[ecLed.

ChapLer lv.-She explalns how, wlLh Lhe asslsLance of Cod, she compelled
herself Lo Lake Lhe (8ellglous) hablL, and how Pls Ma[esLy began Lo send her
many lnflrmlLles.

ChapLer v.-She conLlnues Lo speak of Lhe greaL lnflrmlLles she suffered and
Lhe paLlence Cod gave her Lo bear Lhem, and how Pe Lurned evll lnLo good, as
ls seen from someLhlng LhaL happened aL Lhe place where she wenL for a cure.

ChapLer vl.-Cf Lhe greaL debL she owes Cod for glvlng her conformlLy of her
wlll (wlLh Pls) ln her Lrlals, and how she Lurned Lowards Lhe glorlous SL.
!oseph as her helper and advocaLe, and how much she proflLed Lhereby.

ChapLer vll.-Cf Lhe way whereby she losL Lhe graces Cod had granLed her, and
Lhe wreLched llfe she began Lo lead, she also speaks of Lhe danger arlslng
from Lhe wanL of a sLrlcL enclosure ln convenLs of nuns.

ChapLer vlll.-Cf Lhe greaL advanLage she derlved from noL enLlrely
abandonlng prayer so as noL Lo lose her soul, and whaL an excellenL remedy
Lhls ls ln order Lo wln back whaL one has losL. She exhorLs everybody Lo
pracLlse prayer, and shows whaL a galn lL ls, even lf one should have glven
lL up for a Llme, Lo make use of so greaL a good.

ChapLer lx.-8y whaL means Cod began Lo rouse her soul and glve llghL ln Lhe
mldsL of darkness, and Lo sLrengLhen her vlrLues so LhaL she should noL
offend Plm.

ChapLer x.-She beglns Lo explaln Lhe graces Cod gave her ln prayer, and how
much we can do for ourselves, and of Lhe lmporLance of undersLandlng Cod's
mercles Lowards us. She requesLs Lhose Lo whom Lhls ls Lo be senL Lo keep
Lhe remalnder (of Lhls book) secreL, slnce Lhey have commanded her Lo go
lnLo so many deLalls abouL Lhe graces Cod has shown her.

ChapLer xl.-ln whlch she seLs forLh how lL ls LhaL we do noL love Cod
perfecLly ln a shorL Llme. She beglns Lo expound by means of a comparlson
four degrees of prayer, of Lhe flrsL of whlch she LreaLs here, Lhls ls mosL
proflLable for beglnners and for Lhose who flnd no LasLe ln prayer.

ChapLer xll.-ConLlnuaLlon of Lhe flrsL sLaLe. She declares how far, wlLh Lhe
grace of Cod, we can proceed by ourselves, and speaks of Lhe danger of
seeklng supernaLural and exLraordlnary experlences before Cod llfLs up Lhe
soul.

ChapLer xlll.-She conLlnues Lo LreaL of Lhe flrsL degree, and glves advlce
wlLh respecL Lo cerLaln LempLaLlons someLlmes senL by SaLan. 1hls ls mosL
proflLable.

ChapLer xlv.-She beglns Lo explaln Lhe second degree of prayer ln whlch Cod
already glves Lhe soul speclal consolaLlons, whlch she shows here Lo be
supernaLural. 1hls ls mosL noLeworLhy.

ChapLer xv.-ConLlnulng Lhe same sub[ecL, she glves cerLaln advlce how one
should behave ln Lhe prayer of quleL. She shows LhaL many souls advance so
far, buL LhaL few go beyond. 1he maLLers LreaLed of ln Lhls chapLer are very
necessary and proflLable.

ChapLer xvl.-Cn Lhe Lhlrd degree of prayer, she declares Lhlngs of an
elevaLed naLure, whaL Lhe soul LhaL has come so far can do, and Lhe effecL
of such greaL graces of Cod. 1hls ls calculaLed Lo greaLly anlmaLe Lhe
splrlL Lo Lhe pralse of Cod, and conLalns advlce for Lhose who have reached
Lhls polnL.

ChapLer xvll.-ConLlnues Lo declare maLLers concernlng Lhe Lhlrd degree of
prayer and compleLes Lhe explanaLlon of lLs effecLs. She also LreaLs of Lhe
lmpedlmenL caused by Lhe lmaglnaLlon and Lhe memory.

ChapLer xvlll.-She LreaLs of Lhe fourLh degree of prayer, and beglns Lo
explaln [41] ln whaL hlgh dlgnlLy Cod holds a soul LhaL has aLLalned Lhls
sLaLe, Lhls should anlmaLe Lhose who are glven Lo prayer, Lo make an efforL
Lo reach so hlgh a sLaLe slnce lL can be obLalned ln Lhls world, Lhough noL
by merlL buL only Lhrough Lhe goodness of Cod [42] .

ChapLer xlx.-She conLlnues Lhe same sub[ecL, and beglns Lo explaln Lhe
effecLs on Lhe soul of Lhls degree of prayer. She earnesLly exhorLs noL Lo
Lurn back nor Lo glve up prayer even lf, afLer havlng recelved Lhls favour,
one should fall. She shows Lhe damage LhaL would resulL (from Lhe neglecL of
Lhls advlce). 1hls ls mosL noLeworLhy and consollng for Lhe weak and for
slnners.

ChapLer xx.-She speaks of Lhe dlfference beLween unlon and 1rance, and
explalns whaL a 1rance ls, she also says someLhlng abouL Lhe good a soul
derlves from belng, Lhrough Cod's goodness, led so far. She speaks of Lhe
effecLs of unlon. [43]

ChapLer xxl.-She conLlnues and concludes Lhls lasL degree of prayer, and
says whaL a soul havlng reached lL feels when obllged Lo Lurn back and llve
ln Lhe world, and speaks of Lhe llghL Cod glves concernlng Lhe decelLs (of
Lhe world). 1hls ls good docLrlne.

ChapLer xxll.-ln whlch she shows LhaL Lhe safesL way for conLemplaLlves ls
noL Lo llfL up Lhe splrlL Lo hlgh Lhlngs buL Lo walL for Cod Lo llfL lL up.
Pow Lhe Sacred PumanlLy of ChrlsL ls Lhe medlum for Lhe mosL exalLed
conLemplaLlon. She menLlons an error under whlch she laboured for some Llme.
1hls chapLer ls mosL proflLable.

ChapLer xxlll.-She reLurns Lo Lhe hlsLory of her llfe, how she began Lo
pracLlse greaLer perfecLlon. 1hls ls proflLable for Lhose who have Lo dlrecL
souls pracLlslng prayer LhaL Lhey may know how Lo deal wlLh beglnners, and
she speaks of Lhe proflL she derlved from such knowledge.

ChapLer xxlv.-She conLlnues Lhe same sub[ecL and Lells how her soul lmproved
slnce she began Lo pracLlse obedlence, and how llLLle she was able Lo reslsL
Cod's graces, and how Pls Ma[esLy conLlnued Lo glve Lhem more and more
abundanLly.

ChapLer xxv.-Cf Lhe manner ln whlch LocuLlons of Cod are percelved by Lhe
soul wlLhouL belng acLually heard, and of some decelLs LhaL mlghL Lake place
ln Lhls maLLer, and how one ls Lo know whlch ls whlch. 1hls ls mosL
proflLable for Lhose who are ln Lhls degree of prayer, because lL ls very
well explalned, and conLalns excellenL docLrlne.

ChapLer xxvl.-She conLlnues Lhe same sub[ecL, explalns and Lells Lhlngs LhaL
have happened Lo her whlch caused her Lo lose fear and convlnced her LhaL
Lhe splrlL whlch spoke Lo her was a good one.

ChapLer xxvll.-Cf anoLher way ln whlch Cod Leaches a soul, and, wlLhouL
speaklng, makes Pls Wlll known ln an admlrable manner. She goes on Lo
explaln a vlslon, Lhough noL an lmaglnary one, and a greaL grace wlLh whlch
Cod favoured her. 1hls chapLer ls noLeworLhy.

ChapLer xxvlll.-She LreaLs of Lhe greaL favours Cod showed her, and how Pe
appeared Lo her for Lhe flrsL Llme, she explalns whaL an lmaglnary vlslon
ls, and speaks of Lhe powerful effecLs lL leaves and Lhe slgns wheLher lL ls
from Cod. 1hls chapLer ls mosL proflLable and noLeworLhy.

ChapLer xxlx.-She conLlnues and Lells of some greaL mercles Cod showed her,
and whaL Pls Ma[esLy sald Lo her ln order Lo assure her (of Lhe LruLh of
Lhese vlslons), and LaughL her how Lo answer conLradlcLors.

ChapLer xxx.-She conLlnues Lhe hlsLory of her llfe, and how Cod senL her a
remedy for all her anxleLles by calllng Lhe holy lrlar lray edro de
AlcanLara of Lhe Crder of Lhe glorlous SL. lrancls Lo Lhe place where she
llved. She menLlons some greaL LempLaLlons and lnLerlor Lrlals Lhrough whlch
she someLlmes had Lo pass.

ChapLer xxxl.-She speaks of some exLerlor LempLaLlons and apparlLlons of
SaLan, and how he lll-LreaLed her. She menLlons, moreover, some very good
Lhlngs by way of advlce Lo persons who are walklng on Lhe way of perfecLlon.

ChapLer xxxll.-She narraLes how lL pleased Cod Lo puL her ln splrlL ln LhaL
place of Pell she had deserved by her slns. She Lells a llLLle [44] of whaL
she saw Lhere compared wlLh whaL Lhere was besldes. She beglns Lo speak of
Lhe manner and way of foundlng Lhe convenL of SL. !oseph where she now
llves.

ChapLer xxxlll.-She conLlnues Lhe sub[ecL of Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe glorlous
SL. !oseph. Pow she was commanded Lo have noLhlng (furLher) Lo do wlLh lL,
how she abandoned lL, also Lhe Lroubles lL broughL her and how Cod consoled
her ln all Lhls.

ChapLer xxxlv.-She shows how aL LhaL Llme lL happened LhaL she absenLed
herself from Lhls place and how her Superlor commanded her Lo go away aL Lhe
requesL of a very noble lady who was ln greaL affllcLlon. She beglns Lo Lell
whaL happened Lo her Lhere, and Lhe greaL grace Cod besLowed upon her ln
deLermlnlng Lhrough her lnsLrumenLallLy a person of dlsLlncLlon Lo serve Plm
Lruly, and how LhaL person found favour and help ln her (1eresa). 1hls ls
noLeworLhy.

ChapLer xxxv.-ConLlnuaLlon of Lhe foundaLlon of Lhls house of our glorlous
laLher SL. !oseph, ln whaL manner our Lord ordalned LhaL holy poverLy should
be observed Lhere, Lhe reason why she lefL Lhe lady wlLh whom she had been
sLaylng, and some oLher Lhlngs LhaL happened.

ChapLer xxxvl.-She conLlnues Lhe same sub[ecL, and shows how Lhe foundaLlon
of Lhls convenL of Lhe glorlous SL. !oseph was flnally accompllshed, and Lhe
greaL conLradlcLlons and persecuLlons she had Lo endure afLer Lhe 8ellglous
had Laken Lhe hablL, and Lhe greaL Lrlals and LempLaLlons Lhrough whlch she
passed, and how Cod led her forLh vlcLorlous Lo Pls own glory and pralse.

ChapLer xxxvll.-Cf Lhe effecLs whlch remalned when Cod granLed her some
favour, LogeLher wlLh oLher very good docLrlne. She shows how one oughL Lo
sLrlve afLer and prlze every lncrease ln heavenly glory, and LhaL for no
Lrouble whaLever one should neglecL a good LhaL ls Lo be perpeLual.

ChapLer xxxvlll.-She LreaLs of some greaL mercles Cod showed her, even
maklng known Lo her heavenly secreLs by means of vlslons and revelaLlons Pls
Ma[esLy vouchsafed Lo granL her, she speaks of Lhe effecLs Lhey caused and
Lhe greaL lmprovemenL resulLlng ln her soul.

ChapLer xxxlx.-She conLlnues Lhe same sub[ecL, menLlonlng greaL graces
granLed her by Cod, how Pe promlsed Lo hear her requesLs on behalf of
persons for whom she should pray. Some remarkable lnsLances ln whlch Pls
Ma[esLy Lhus favoured her.

ChapLer xL.-ConLlnuaLlon of Lhe same sub[ecL of greaL mercles Cod has shown
her. lrom some of Lhese very good docLrlne may be gaLhered, and Lhls, as she
declares, was, besldes compllance wlLh obedlence, her prlnclpal moLlve (ln
wrlLlng Lhls book), namely Lo enumeraLe such of Lhese mercles as would be
lnsLrucLlve Lo souls. 1hls chapLer brlngs Lhe hlsLory of her Llfe, wrlLLen
by herself, Lo an end. May lL be for Lhe glory of Cod. Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[39] SL. 1eresa wroLe no LlLle, elLher of Lhe whole book or of Lhe reface,
buL only Lhe monogram !.P.S., whlch ls repeaLed aL Lhe beglnnlng of Lhe
flrsL chapLer and aL Lhe end of Lhe lasL, prevlous Lo Lhe leLLer wlLh whlch
Lhe volume concludes.

[40] "Ll Senor" ls everywhere LranslaLed by "Cod" ln dlsLlncLlon Lo "nuesLro
Senor," "Cur Lord."

[41] "ln an excellenL manner," scored Lhrough by Lhe SalnL herself.

[42] "1o be read wlLh greaL care, as lL ls explalned ln a mosL dellcaLe way,
and conLalns many noLeworLhy polnLs," also scored Lhrough by SL. 1eresa
herself.

[43] "1hls ls mosL admlrable," scored Lhrough by Lhe SalnL.

[44] "una clfra," a mere noLhlng.
_________________________________________________________________

reface by uavld Lewls.

SL. 1eresa was born ln Avlla on Wednesday, March 28, 1313. Per faLher was
uon Alfonso Sanchez de Cepeda, and her moLher uona 8eaLrlz uavlla y Ahumada.
1he name she recelved ln her bapLlsm was common Lo boLh famllles, for her
greaL-grandmoLher on Lhe faLher's slde was 1eresa Sanchez, and her
grandmoLher on her moLher's slde was 1eresa de las Cuevas. Whlle she
remalned ln Lhe world, and even afLer she had become a nun ln Lhe monasLery
of Lhe lncarnaLlon, whlch was under Lhe mlLlgaLed rule, she was known as
uona 1eresa Sanchez Cepeda uavlla y Ahumada, for ln Lhose days chlldren Look
Lhe name elLher of Lhe faLher or of Lhe moLher, as lL pleased Lhem. 1he Lwo
famllles were noble, buL LhaL of Ahumada was no longer ln possesslon of lLs
former wealLh and power. [43] uona 8eaLrlz was Lhe second wlfe of uon
Alfonso, and was relaLed ln Lhe fourLh degree Lo Lhe flrsL wlfe, as appears
from Lhe dlspensaLlon granLed Lo make Lhe marrlage valld on Lhe 16Lh of
CcLober, 1309. Cf Lhls marrlage 1eresa was Lhe Lhlrd chlld.

uona 8eaLrlz dled young, and Lhe eldesL daughLer, Marla de Cepeda, Look
charge of her younger slsLers-Lhey were Lwo-and was as a second moLher Lo
Lhem Llll her marrlage, whlch Look place ln 1331, when Lhe SalnL was ln her
slxLeenLh year. 8uL as she was Loo young Lo be lefL ln charge of her
faLher's house, and as her educaLlon was noL flnlshed, she was senL Lo Lhe
AugusLlnlan monasLery, Lhe nuns of whlch recelved young glrls, and broughL
Lhem up ln Lhe fear of Cod. [46] 1he SalnL's own accounL ls LhaL she was Loo
glddy and careless Lo be LrusLed aL home, and LhaL lL was necessary Lo puL
her under Lhe care of Lhose who would waLch over her and correcL her ways.
She remalned a year and a half wlLh Lhe AugusLlnlan nuns, and all Lhe whlle
Cod was calllng her Lo Plmself. She was noL wllllng Lo llsLen Lo Pls volce,
she would ask Lhe nuns Lo pray for her LhaL she mlghL have llghL Lo see her
way, "buL for all Lhls," she wrlLes, "l wlshed noL Lo be a nun." [47] 8y
degrees her wlll ylelded, and she had some lncllnaLlon Lo become a rellglous
aL Lhe end of Lhe elghLeen monLhs of her sLay, buL LhaL was all. She became
lll, her faLher removed her, and Lhe sLruggle wlLhln herself conLlnued,-on
Lhe one hand, Lhe volce of Cod calllng her, on Lhe oLher, herself labourlng
Lo escape from her vocaLlon.

AL lasL, afLer a sLruggle whlch lasLed Lhree monLhs, she made up her mlnd,
and agalnsL her lncllnaLlon, Lo glve up Lhe world. She asked her faLher's
leave, and was refused. She besleged hlm Lhrough her frlends, buL Lo no
purpose. "1he uLmosL l could geL from hlm," she says, "was LhaL l mlghL do
as l pleased afLer hls deaLh." [48] Pow long Lhls conLesL wlLh her faLher
lasLed ls noL known, buL lL ls probable LhaL lL lasLed many monLhs, for Lhe
SalnL was always mosL careful of Lhe feellngs of oLhers, and would cerLalnly
have endured much raLher Lhan dlsplease a faLher whom she loved so much, and
who also loved her more Lhan hls oLher chlldren. [49]

8uL she had Lo forsake her faLher, and so she lefL her faLher's house by
sLealLh, Laklng wlLh her one of her broLhers, whom she had persuaded Lo glve
hlmself Lo Cod ln rellglon. 1he broLher and slsLer seL ouL early ln Lhe
mornlng, Lhe former for Lhe monasLery of Lhe uomlnlcans, and Lhe laLLer for
Lhe CarmellLe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, ln Avlla. 1he nuns recelved her
lnLo Lhe house, buL senL word Lo her faLher of hls chlld's escape. uon
Alfonso, however, ylelded aL once, and consenLed Lo Lhe sacrlflce whlch he
was compelled Lo make.

ln Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon Lhe SalnL was led on, wlLhouL her own
knowledge, Lo sLaLes of prayer so hlgh, LhaL she became alarmed abouL
herself. ln Lhe purlLy and slmpllclLy of her soul, she feared LhaL Lhe
supernaLural vlslLaLlons of Cod mlghL afLer all be noLhlng else buL
deluslons of SaLan. [30] She was so humble, LhaL she could noL belleve
graces so greaL could be glven Lo a slnner llke herself. 1he flrsL person
she consulLed ln her Lrouble seems Lo have been a layman, relaLed Lo her
famlly, uon lranclsco de Salcedo. Pe was a marrled man, glven Lo prayer, and
a dlllgenL frequenLer of Lhe Lheologlcal lecLures ln Lhe monasLery of Lhe
uomlnlcans. 1hrough hlm she obLalned Lhe help of a holy prlesL, Caspar uaza,
Lo whom she made known Lhe sLaLe of her soul. 1he prlesL, hlndered by hls
oLher labours, decllned Lo be her dlrecLor, and Lhe SalnL admlLs LhaL she
could have made no progress under hls guldance. [31] She now placed herself
ln Lhe hands of uon lrancls, who encouraged her ln every way, and, for Lhe
purpose of helplng her onwards ln Lhe way of perfecLlon, Lold her of Lhe
dlfflculLles he hlmself had meL wlLh, and how by Lhe grace of Cod he had
overcome Lhem.

8uL when Lhe SalnL Lold hlm of Lhe greaL graces whlch Cod besLowed upon her,
uon lrancls became alarmed, he could noL reconclle Lhem wlLh Lhe llfe Lhe
SalnL was llvlng, accordlng Lo her own accounL. Pe never LhoughL of doubLlng
Lhe SalnL's accounL, and dld noL suspecL her of exaggeraLlng her
lmperfecLlons ln Lhe depLhs of her humlllLy: "he LhoughL Lhe evll splrlL
mlghL have someLhlng Lo do" wlLh her, [32] and advlsed her Lo conslder
carefully her way of prayer.

uon lrancls now applled agaln Lo Caspar uaza, and Lhe Lwo frlends consulLed
LogeLher, buL, afLer much prayer on Lhelr parL and on LhaL of Lhe SalnL,
Lhey came Lo Lhe concluslon LhaL she "was deluded by an evll splrlL," and
recommended her Lo have recourse Lo Lhe faLhers of Lhe SocleLy of !esus,
laLely seLLled ln Avlla.

1he SalnL, now ln greaL fear, buL sLlll hoplng and LrusLlng LhaL Cod would
noL suffer her Lo be decelved, made preparaLlons for a general confesslon,
and commlLLed Lo wrlLlng Lhe whole sLory of her llfe, and made known Lhe
sLaLe of her soul Lo l. !uan de adranos, one of Lhe faLhers of Lhe SocleLy.
l. !uan undersLood lL all, and comforLed her by Lelllng her LhaL her way of
prayer was sound and Lhe work of Cod. under hls dlrecLlon she made greaL
progress, and for Lhe furLher saLlsfacLlon of her confessor, and of uon
lrancls, who seems Lo have sLlll reLalned some of hls doubLs, she Lold
everyLhlng Lo SL. lrancls de 8or[a, who on one polnL changed Lhe meLhod of
dlrecLlon observed by l. !uan. 1haL faLher recommended her Lo reslsL Lhe
supernaLural vlslLaLlons of Lhe splrlL as much as she could, buL she was noL
able, and Lhe reslsLance palned her, [33] SL. lrancls Lold her she had done
enough, and LhaL lL was noL rlghL Lo prolong LhaL reslsLance. [34]

1he accounL of her llfe whlch she wroLe before she applled Lo Lhe !esulLs
for dlrecLlon has noL been preserved, buL lL ls posslble LhaL lL was made
more for her own securlLy Lhan for Lhe purpose of belng shown Lo
her confessor.

1he nexL accounL ls 8elaLlon l., made for SL. eLer of AlcanLara, and was
probably seen by many, for LhaL SalnL had Lo defend her, and malnLaln LhaL
Lhe sLaLe of her soul was Lhe work of Cod, agalnsL Lhose who LhoughL LhaL
she was deluded by SaLan. Per own confessor was occaslonally alarmed, and
had Lo consulL oLhers, and Lhus, by degrees, her sLaLe became known Lo many,
and Lhere were some who, were so persuaded of her deluslons, LhaL Lhey
wlshed her Lo be exorclsed as one possessed of an evll splrlL, [33] and aL a
laLer Llme her frlends were afrald LhaL she mlghL be denounced Lo
Lhe lnqulslLors. [36]

uurlng Lhe Lroubles LhaL arose when lL became known LhaL Lhe SalnL was abouL
Lo found Lhe monasLery of SL. !oseph, and Lhereln esLabllsh Lhe orlglnal
rule of her Crder ln lLs prlmlLlve slmpllclLy and ausLerlLy, she wenL for
counsel Lo Lhe laLher lra edro lbanez, [37] Lhe uomlnlcan, a mosL holy and
learned prlesL. 1haL faLher noL only encouraged her, and commended her work,
buL also ordered her Lo glve hlm ln wrlLlng Lhe sLory of her splrlLual llfe.
1he SalnL readlly obeyed, and began lL ln Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon,
and flnlshed lL ln Lhe house of uona Lulsa de la Cerda, ln 1oledo, ln Lhe
monLh of !une, 1362. Cn Lhe 24Lh of AugusL, Lhe feasL of SL. 8arLholomew, ln
Lhe same year, Lhe 8eform of Lhe CarmellLes began ln Lhe new monasLery of
SL. !oseph ln Avlla.

WhaL Lhe SalnL wroLe for lra lbanez has noL been found. lL ls, no doubL,
subsLanLlally preserved ln her Llfe, as we have lL now, and ls supposed Lo
have reached no furLher Lhan Lhe end of ch. xxxl. WhaL follows was added by
dlrecLlon of anoLher uomlnlcan faLher, confessor of Lhe SalnL ln Lhe new
monasLery of SL. !oseph, lra Carcla of 1oledo, who, ln 1362, bade her "wrlLe
Lhe hlsLory of LhaL foundaLlon, and oLher maLLers."

8uL as Lhe SalnL carrled a heavy burden lald on her by Cod, a consLanL fear
of deluslon, she had recourse abouL Lhe same Llme Lo Lhe lnqulslLor SoLo,
who advlsed her Lo wrlLe a hlsLory of her llfe, send lL Lo !uan of Avlla,
Lhe "AposLle of Andalucla," and ablde by hls counsel. As Lhe dlrecLlon of
lra Carcla of 1oledo and Lhe advlce of Lhe lnqulslLor musL have been glven,
accordlng Lo her accounL, abouL Lhe same Llme, Lhe Llfe, as we have lL now,
musL have occupled her nearly slx years ln Lhe wrlLlng of lL, whlch may well
be owlng Lo her unceaslng care ln flrmly esLabllshlng Lhe new monasLery of
SL. !oseph. 1he book aL lasL was senL Lo 8lessed !uan of Avlla by her frlend
uona Lulsa de la Cerda, and LhaL greaL masLer of Lhe splrlLual llfe wroLe
Lhe followlng censure of lL:

"1he grace and peace of !esus ChrlsL be wlLh you always.

"1. When l underLook Lo read Lhe book senL me, lL was noL so much because
l LhoughL myself able Lo [udge of lL, as because l LhoughL l mlghL, by Lhe
grace of our Lord, learn someLhlng from Lhe Leachlngs lL conLalns: and
pralsed be ChrlsL, for, Lhough l have noL been able Lo read lL wlLh Lhe
lelsure lL requlres, l have been comforLed by lL, and mlghL have been
edlfled by lL, lf Lhe faulL had noL been mlne. And alLhough, lndeed, l may
have been comforLed by lL, wlLhouL saylng more, yeL Lhe respecL due Lo Lhe
sub[ecL and Lo Lhe person who has senL lL wlll noL allow me, l Lhlnk, Lo
leL lL go back wlLhouL glvlng my oplnlon on lL, aL leasL ln general.

"2. 1he book ls noL flL Lo be ln Lhe hands of everybody, for lL ls
necessary Lo correcL Lhe language ln some places, and explaln lL ln
oLhers, and Lhere are some Lhlngs ln lL useful for your splrlLual

llfe and noL so for oLhers who mlghL adopL Lhem, for Lhe speclal ways by
whlch Cod leads some souls are noL meanL for oLhers. 1hese polnLs, or Lhe
greaLer number of Lhem, l have marked for Lhe purpose of arranglng Lhem
when l shall be able Lo do so, and l shall noL fall Lo send Lhem Lo you,
for lf you were aware of my lnflrmlLles and necessary occupaLlons, l
belleve Lhey would make you plLy me raLher Lhan blame me for Lhe omlsslon.

"3. 1he docLrlne of prayer ls for Lhe mosL parL sound, and you may rely on
lL, and observe lL, and Lhe rapLures l flnd Lo possess Lhe LesLs of Lhose
whlch are Lrue. WhaL you say of Cod's way of Leachlng Lhe soul, wlLhouL
respecL Lo Lhe lmaglnaLlon and wlLhouL lnLerlor locuLlons, ls safe, and l
flnd noLhlng Lo ob[ecL Lo lL. SL. AugusLlne speaks well of lL.

"4. lnLerlor locuLlons ln Lhese days have been a deluslon of many, and
exLerlor locuLlons are Lhe leasL safe. lL ls easy enough Lo see when Lhey
proceed from ourselves, buL Lo dlsLlngulsh beLween Lhose of a good and
Lhose of an evll splrlL ls more dlfflculL. 1here are many rules glven for
flndlng ouL wheLher Lhey come from our Lord or noL, and one of Lhem ls,
LhaL Lhey should be senL us ln a Llme of need, or for some good end, as
for Lhe comforLlng a man under LempLaLlon or ln doubL, or as a warnlng of
comlng danger. As a good man wlll noL speak unadvlsedly, nelLher wlll Cod,
so, conslderlng Lhls, and LhaL Lhe locuLlons are agreeable Lo Lhe holy
wrlLlngs and Lhe Leachlng of Lhe Church, my oplnlon ls LhaL Lhe locuLlons
menLloned ln Lhe book came from Cod.

"3. lmaglnary or bodlly vlslons are Lhose whlch are mosL doubLful, and
should ln no wlse be deslred, and lf Lhey come undeslred sLlll Lhey should
be shunned as much as posslble, yeL noL by LreaLlng Lhem wlLh conLempL,
unless lL be cerLaln LhaL Lhey come from an evll splrlL, lndeed, l was
fllled wlLh horror, and greaLly dlsLressed, when l read of Lhe gesLures of
conLempL LhaL were made. [38] eople oughL Lo enLreaL our Lord noL Lo lead
Lhem by Lhe way of vlslons, buL Lo reserve for Lhem ln Peaven Lhe blessed
vlslon of Plmself and Lhe salnLs, and Lo gulde Lhem here along Lhe beaLen
paLh as Pe guldes Pls falLhful servanLs, and Lhey musL Lake oLher good
measures for avoldlng Lhese vlslons.

"6. 8uL lf Lhe vlslons conLlnue afLer all Lhls ls done, and lf Lhe soul
derlves good from Lhem, and lf Lhey do noL lead Lo vanlLy, buL deeper
humlllLy, and lf Lhe locuLlons be aL one wlLh Lhe Leachlng Lhe Church, and
lf Lhey conLlnue for any Llme, and LhaL wlLh lnward saLlsfacLlon-beLLer
felL Lhan descrlbed-Lhere ls no reason for avoldlng Lhem. 8uL no one oughL
Lo rely on hls own [udgmenL hereln, he should make everyLhlng known Lo hlm
who can glve hlm llghL. 1haL ls Lhe unlversal remedy Lo be had recourse Lo
ln such maLLers, LogeLher wlLh hope ln Cod, Who wlll noL leL a soul LhaL
wlshes Lo be safe lle under a deluslon, lf lL be humble enough Lo yleld
obedlence Lo Lhe oplnlon of oLhers.

"7. nor should any one cause alarm by condemnlng Lhem forLhwlLh, because
he sees LhaL Lhe person Lo whom Lhey are granLed ls noL perfecL, for lL ls
noLhlng new LhaL our Lord ln Pls goodness makes wlcked people [usL, yea,
even grlevous slnners, by glvlng Lhem Lo LasLe mosL deeply of Pls
sweeLness. l have seen lL so myself. Who wlll seL bounds Lo Lhe goodness
of our Lord?-especlally when Lhese graces are glven, noL for merlL, nor
because one ls sLronger, on Lhe conLrary, Lhey are glven Lo one because he
ls weaker, and as Lhey do noL make one more holy, Lhey are noL always
glven Lo Lhe mosL holy.

"8. 1hey are unreasonable who dlsbelleve Lhese Lhlngs merely because Lhey
are mosL hlgh Lhlngs, and because lL seems Lo Lhem lncredlble LhaL
lnflnlLe Ma[esLy humbles Plmself Lo Lhese lovlng relaLlons wlLh one of Pls
creaLures. lL ls wrlLLen, Cod ls love, and lf Pe ls love, Lhen lnflnlLe
love and lnflnlLe goodness, and we musL noL be surprlsed lf such a love
and such a goodness breaks ouL lnLo such excesses of love as dlsLurb Lhose
who know noLhlng of lL. And Lhough many know of lL by falLh, sLlll, as Lo
LhaL speclal experlence of Lhe lovlng, and more Lhan lovlng, converse of
Cod wlLh whom Pe wlll, lf noL had, how deep lL reaches can never be known,
and so l have seen many persons scandallzed aL hearlng of whaL Cod ln Pls
love does for Pls creaLures. As Lhey are Lhemselves very far away from lL,
Lhey cannoL Lhlnk LhaL Cod wlll do for oLhers whaL Pe ls noL dolng for
Lhem. As Lhls ls an effecL of love, and LhaL a love whlch causes wonder,
reason requlres we should look upon lL as a slgn of lLs belng from Cod,
seelng LhaL Pe ls wonderful ln Pls works, and mosL especlally ln Lhose of
hls compasslon, buL Lhey Lake occaslon from Lhls Lo be dlsLrusLful, whlch
should have been a ground of confldence, when oLher clrcumsLances comblne
as evldences of Lhese vlslLaLlons belng good.

"9. lL seems from Lhe book, l Lhlnk, LhaL you have reslsLed, and even
longer Lhan was rlghL. l Lhlnk, Loo, LhaL Lhese locuLlons have done your
soul good, and ln parLlcular LhaL Lhey have made you see your own
wreLchedness and your faulLs more clearly, and amend Lhem. 1hey have
lasLed long, and always wlLh splrlLual proflL. 1hey move you Lo love Cod,
and Lo desplse yourself, and Lo do penance. l see no reasons for
condemnlng Lhem, l lncllne raLher Lo regard Lhem as good, provlded you are
careful noL Lo rely alLogeLher on Lhem, especlally lf Lhey are unusual, or
bld you do someLhlng ouL of Lhe way, or are noL very plaln. ln all Lhese
and Lhe llke cases you musL wlLhhold your bellef ln Lhem, and aL once seek
for dlrecLlon.

"10. Also lL should be consldered LhaL, even lf Lhey do come from Cod,
SaLan may mlx wlLh Lhem suggesLlons of hls own, you should Lherefore be
always susplclous of Lhem. Also, when Lhey are known Lo be from Cod, men
musL noL resL much on Lhem, seelng LhaL hollness does noL lle ln Lhem, buL
ln a humble love of Cod and our nelghbour, everyLhlng else, however good,
musL be feared, and our efforLs dlrecLed Lo Lhe galnlng of humlllLy,
goodness, and Lhe love of our Lord. lL ls seemly, also, noL Lo worshlp
whaL ls seen ln Lhese vlslons, buL only !esus ChrlsL, elLher as ln Peaven
or ln Lhe SacramenL, or, lf lL be a vlslon of Lhe SalnLs, Lhen Lo llfL up
Lhe hearL Lo Lhe Poly Cne ln Peaven, and noL Lo LhaL whlch ls presenLed Lo
Lhe lmaglnaLlon: leL lL sufflce LhaL Lhe lmaglnaLlon may be made use of
for Lhe purpose of ralslng me up Lo LhaL whlch lL makes me see.

"11. l say, Loo, LhaL Lhe Lhlngs menLloned ln Lhls book befall oLher
persons even ln Lhls our day, and LhaL Lhere ls greaL cerLalnLy LhaL Lhey
come from Cod, Whose arm ls noL shorLened LhaL Pe cannoL do now whaL Pe
dld ln Llmes pasL, and LhaL ln weak vessels, for Pls own glory.

"12. Co on your road, buL always suspecLlng robbers, and asklng for Lhe
rlghL way, glve Lhanks Lo our Lord, Who has glven you Pls love, Lhe
knowledge of yourself, and a love of penance and Lhe cross, maklng no
accounL of Lhese oLher Lhlngs. Powever, do noL desplse Lhem elLher, for
Lhere are slgns LhaL mosL of Lhem come from our Lord, and Lhose LhaL do
noL come from Plm wlll noL hurL you lf you ask for dlrecLlon.

"13. l cannoL belleve LhaL l have wrlLLen Lhls ln my own sLrengLh, for l
have none, buL lL ls Lhe effecL of your prayers. l beg of you, for Lhe
love of !esus ChrlsL our Lord, Lo burden yourself wlLh a prayer for me, Pe
knows LhaL l am asklng Lhls ln greaL need, and l Lhlnk LhaL ls enough Lo
make you granL my requesL. l ask your permlsslon Lo sLop now, for l am
bound Lo wrlLe anoLher leLLer. May !esus be glorlfled ln all and by all!
Amen.

"?our servanL, for ChrlsL's sake.

"!uan de Avlla

"MonLllla, 12Lh SepL., 1368."

Per confessors, havlng seen Lhe book, "commanded her Lo make coples of lL,"
[39] one of whlch has been Lraced lnLo Lhe possesslon of Lhe uuke and
uuchess of Alva.

1he rlncess of Lboll, ln 1369, obLalned a copy from Lhe SalnL herself,
afLer much lmporLunlLy, buL lL was more ouL of vanlLy or curloslLy, lL ls Lo
be feared, Lhan from any real deslre Lo learn Lhe sLory of Lhe SalnL's
splrlLual llfe, LhaL Lhe rlncess deslred Lhe boon. She and her husband
promlsed Lo keep lL from Lhe knowledge of oLhers, buL Lhe promlse glven was
noL kepL. 1he SalnL heard wlLhln a few days laLer LhaL Lhe book was ln Lhe
hands of Lhe servanLs of Lhe rlncess, who was angry wlLh Lhe SalnL because
she had refused Lo admlL, aL Lhe requesL of Lhe rlncess, an AugusLlnlan nun
lnLo Lhe Crder of Carmel ln Lhe new foundaLlon of asLrana. 1he conLenLs of
Lhe book were brulLed abroad, and Lhe vlslons and revelaLlons of Lhe SalnL
were sald Lo be of a llke naLure wlLh Lhose of Magdalene of Lhe Cross, a
deluded and deludlng nun. 1he gosslp ln Lhe house of Lhe rlncess was
carrled Lo Madrld, and Lhe resulL was LhaL Lhe lnqulslLlon began Lo make a
search for Lhe book. [60] lL ls noL qulLe clear, however, LhaL lL was selzed
aL Lhls Llme.

1he rlncess became a wldow ln !uly, 1373, and lnslsLed on becomlng a
CarmellLe nun ln Lhe house she and her husband, 8uy Comez, had founded ln
asLrana. When Lhe news of her resolve reached Lhe monasLery, Lhe
moLher-prloress, lsabel of SL. uomlnlc, exclalmed, "1he rlncess a nun! l
look on Lhe house as rulned." 1he rlncess came, and lnslsLed on her rlghL
as foundress, she had compelled a frlar Lo glve her Lhe hablL before her
husband was burled, and when she came Lo asLrana she began her rellglous
llfe by Lhe mosL compleLe dlsobedlence and dlsregard of common proprleLy.
uon vlcenLe's descrlpLlon of her ls almosL llLerally correcL, Lhough
lnLended only for a general summary of her mosL chlldlsh conducL:

"Cn Lhe deaLh of Lhe rlnce of Lboll, Lhe rlncess would become a nun ln her
monasLery of asLrana. 1he flrsL day she had a flL of vlolenL fervour, on
Lhe nexL she relaxed Lhe rule, on Lhe Lhlrd she broke lL, and conversed wlLh
secular people wlLhln Lhe clolsLers. She was also so humble LhaL she
requlred Lhe nuns Lo speak Lo her on Lhelr knees, and lnslsLed upon Lhelr
recelvlng lnLo Lhe house as rellglous whomsoever she pleased. Pereupon
complalnLs were made Lo SL. 1eresa, who remonsLraLed wlLh Lhe rlncess, and
showed her how much she was ln Lhe wrong, whereupon she replled LhaL Lhe
monasLery was hers, buL Lhe SalnL proved Lo her LhaL Lhe nuns were noL, and
had Lhem removed Lo Segovla." [61]

1he nuns were wlLhdrawn from asLrana ln Aprll, 1374, and Lhen Lhe anger of
Lhe rlncess prevalled, she senL Lhe Llfe of Lhe SalnL, whlch she had sLlll
ln her possesslon, Lo Lhe lnqulslLlon, and denounced lL as a book conLalnlng
vlslons, revelaLlons, and dangerous docLrlnes, whlch Lhe lnqulslLors should
look lnLo and examlne: 1he book was forLhwlLh glven Lo Lheologlans for
examlnaLlon, and Lwo uomlnlcan frlars, of whom 8anes was one, were delegaLed
censors of lL by Lhe lnqulslLlon. [62]

lra 8anes dld noL know Lhe SalnL when he underLook her defence ln Avlla
agalnsL Lhe auLhorlLles of Lhe clLy, eager Lo desLroy Lhe monasLery of
SL. !oseph, [63] buL from LhaL Llme forLh he was one of her mosL falLhful
frlends, sLrlcL and even severe, as became a wlse dlrecLor who had a greaL
SalnL for hls penlLenL. Pe LesLlfles ln Lhe process of her beaLlflcaLlon
LhaL he was flrm and sharp wlLh her, whlle she herself was Lhe more deslrous
of hls counsel, Lhe more he humbled her, and Lhe less he appeared Lo esLeem
her. [64] When he found LhaL coples of her llfe were ln Lhe hands of secular
people,-he had probably also heard of Lhe mlsconducL of Lhe rlncess of
Lboll,-he showed hls dlspleasure Lo Lhe SalnL, and Lold her he would burn
Lhe book, lL belng unseemly LhaL Lhe wrlLlngs of women should be made
publlc. 1he SalnL lefL lL ln hls hands, buL lra 8anes, sLruck wlLh her
humlllLy, had noL Lhe courage Lo burn lL, he senL lL Lo Lhe Poly Cfflce ln
Madrld. [63] 1hus Lhe book was ln a sense denounced Lwlce,-once by an enemy,
Lhe second Llme by a frlend, Lo save lL. 8oLh Lhe SalnL and her confessor,
lra 8anes, sLaLe LhaL Lhe copy glven up by Lhe laLLer was senL Lo Lhe
lnqulslLlon ln Madrld, and lra 8anes says so Lwlce ln hls deposlLlon. 1he
lnqulslLor SoLo reLurned Lhe copy Lo lra 8anes, deslrlng hlm Lo read lL, and
glve hls oplnlon Lhereon. lra 8anes dld so, and wroLe hls "censure" of Lhe
book on Lhe blank leaves aL Lhe end. 1haL censure sLlll remalns, and ls one
of Lhe mosL lmporLanL, because glven durlng Lhe llfeLlme of Lhe SalnL, and
whlle many persons were crylng ouL agalnsL her. 8anes wlshed lL had been
publlshed when Lhe SalnL's Llfe was glven Lo Lhe world by lra Luls de Leon,
buL noLwlLhsLandlng lLs value, and lLs belng preserved ln Lhe book whlch ls
ln Lhe handwrlLlng of Lhe SalnL, no one before uon vlcenLe made lL known. lL
was easy enough Lo pralse Lhe wrlLlngs of SL. 1eresa, and Lo admlL her
sancLlLy, afLer her deaLh. lra 8anes had no exLernal help ln Lhe applause of
Lhe many, and he had Lo [udge Lhe book as a Lheologlan, and Lhe SalnL as one
of hls ordlnary penlLenLs. When he wroLe, he wroLe llke a man whose whole
llfe was spenL, as he Lells us hlmself, "ln lecLurlng and dlspuLlng." [66]

1haL censure ls as follows:

"1. 1hls book, whereln 1eresa of !esus, CarmellLe nun, and foundress of
Lhe 8arefooLed CarmellLes, glves a plaln accounL of Lhe sLaLe of her soul,
ln order Lo be LaughL and dlrecLed by her confessors, has been examlned by
me, and wlLh much aLLenLlon, and l have noL found anywhere ln lL anyLhlng
whlch, ln my oplnlon, ls erroneous ln docLrlne. Cn Lhe conLrary, Lhere are
many Lhlngs ln lL hlghly edlfylng and lnsLrucLlve for Lhose who glve
Lhemselves Lo prayer. 1he greaL experlence of Lhls rellglous, her
dlscreLlon also and her humlllLy, whlch made her always seek for llghL and
learnlng ln her confessors, enabled her Lo speak wlLh an accuracy on Lhe
sub[ecL of prayer LhaL Lhe mosL learned men, Lhrough Lhelr wanL of
experlence, have noL always aLLalned Lo. Cne Lhlng only Lhere ls abouL Lhe
book LhaL may reasonably cause any heslLaLlon Llll lL shall be very
carefully examlned, lL conLalns many vlslons and revelaLlons, maLLers
always Lo be afrald of, especlally ln women, who are very ready Lo belleve
of Lhem LhaL Lhey come from Cod, and Lo look on Lhem as proofs of
sancLlLy, Lhough sancLlLy does noL lle ln Lhem. Cn Lhe conLrary, Lhey
should be regarded as dangerous Lrlals for Lhose who are almlng aL
perfecLlon, because SaLan ls wonL Lo Lransform hlmself lnLo an angel of
llghL, [67] and Lo decelve souls whlch are curlous and of scanL humlllLy,
as we have seen ln our day: neverLheless, we musL noL Lherefore lay down a
general rule LhaL all revelaLlons and vlslons come from Lhe devll. lf lL
were so, SL. aul could noL have sald LhaL SaLan Lransforms hlmself lnLo
an angel of llghL, lf Lhe angel of llghL dld noL someLlmes enllghLen us.

"2. SalnLs, boLh men and women, have had revelaLlons, noL only ln anclenL,
buL also ln modern Llmes, such were SL. uomlnlc, SL. lrancls, SL. vlncenL
lerrer, SL. CaLherlne of Slena, SL. CerLrude, and many oLhers LhaL mlghL
be named, and as Lhe Church of Cod ls, and ls Lo be, always holy Lo Lhe
end, noL only because her professlon ls hollness, buL because Lhere are ln
her [usL persons and perfecL ln hollness, lL ls unreasonable Lo desplse
vlslons and revelaLlons, and condemn Lhem ln one sweep, seelng Lhey are
ordlnarlly accompanled wlLh much goodness and a ChrlsLlan llfe. Cn Lhe
conLrary, we should follow Lhe saylng of Lhe AposLle ln 1 1hess. v. 19-22:
'SplrlLum nollLe exLlnguere. ropheLlas nollLe spernere. Cmnla [auLem]
probaLe: quod bonum esL LeneLe. Ab omnl specle mala absLlneLe vos.' Pe who
wlll read SL. 1homas on LhaL passage wlll see how carefully Lhey are Lo be
examlned who, ln Lhe Church of Cod, manlfesL any parLlcular glfL LhaL may
be proflLable or hurLful Lo our nelghbour, and how waLchful Lhe examlners
oughL Lo be lesL Lhe flre of Lhe SplrlL of Cod should be quenched ln Lhe
good, and oLhers cowed ln Lhe pracLlces of Lhe perfecL ChrlsLlan llfe.

"3. !udglng by Lhe revelaLlons made Lo her, Lhls woman, even Lhough she
may be decelved ln someLhlng, ls aL leasL noL herself a decelver, because
she Lells all Lhe good and Lhe bad so slmply, and wlLh so greaL a wlsh Lo
be correcL, LhaL no doubL can be made as Lo her good lnLenLlon, and Lhe
greaLer Lhe reason for Lrylng splrlLs of Lhls klnd, because Lhere are
persons ln our day who are decelvers wlLh Lhe appearance of pleLy, Lhe
more necessary lL ls Lo defend Lhose who, wlLh Lhe appearance, have also
Lhe reallLy, of pleLy. lor lL ls a sLrange Lhlng Lo see how lax and
worldly people dellghL ln seelng Lhose dlscredlLed who have an appearance
of goodness. Cod complalned of old, by Lhe ropheL Lzeklel, ch. xlll., of
Lhose false propheLs who made Lhe [usL Lo mourn and who flaLLered slnners,
saylng: 'Maerere feclsLls cor [usLl mendaclLer, quem Lgo non conLrlsLavl:
eL comforLasLls manus lmpll.' ln a cerLaln sense Lhls may be sald of Lhose
who frlghLen souls who are golng on by Lhe way of prayer and perfecLlon,
Lelllng Lhem LhaL Lhls way ls slngular and full of danger, LhaL many who
wenL by lL have fallen lnLo deluslons, and LhaL Lhe safesL way ls LhaL
whlch ls plaln and common, Lravelled by all.

"4. Words of Lhls klnd, clearly, sadden Lhe hearLs of Lhose who would
observe Lhe counsels of perfecLlon ln conLlnual prayer, so far as lL ls
posslble for Lhem, and ln much fasLlng, waLchlng, and dlsclpllnes, and, on
Lhe oLher hand, Lhe lax and Lhe wlcked Lake courage and lose Lhe fear of
Cod, because Lhey conslder Lhe way on whlch Lhey are Lravelllng as Lhe
safer: and Lhls ls Lhelr deluslon,-Lhey call LhaL a plaln and safe road
whlch ls Lhe absence of Lhe knowledge and conslderaLlon of Lhe dangers and
preclplces amldsL whlch we are all of us [ourneylng ln Lhls world.
neverLheless, Lhere ls no oLher securlLy Lhan LhaL whlch lles ln our
knowlng our dally enemles, and ln humbly lmplorlng Lhe compasslon of Cod,
lf we would noL be Lhelr prlsoners. 8esldes, Lhere are souls whom Cod, ln
a way, consLralns Lo enLer on Lhe way of perfecLlon, and who, lf Lhey
relaxed ln Lhelr fervour, could noL keep a mlddle course, buL would
lmmedlaLely fall lnLo Lhe oLher exLreme of slns, and for souls of Lhls
klnd lL ls of Lhe uLmosL necesslLy LhaL Lhey should waLch and pray wlLhouL
ceaslng, and, ln shorL, Lhere ls nobody whom lukewarmness does noL ln[ure.
LeL every man examlne hls own consclence, and he wlll flnd Lhls Lo be Lhe
LruLh.

"3. l flrmly belleve LhaL lf Cod for a Llme bears wlLh Lhe lukewarm, lL ls
owlng Lo Lhe prayers of Lhe fervenL, who are conLlnually crylng, 'eL ne
nos lnducas ln LenLaLlonem.' l have sald Lhls, noL for Lhe purpose of
honourlng Lhose whom we see walklng ln Lhe way of conLemplaLlon, for lL ls
anoLher exLreme lnLo whlch Lhe world falls, and a coverL persecuLlon of
goodness, Lo pronounce Lhose holy forLhwlLh who have Lhe appearance of lL.
lor LhaL would be Lo furnlsh Lhem wlLh moLlves for valn-glory, and would
do llLLle honour Lo goodness, on Lhe conLrary, lL would expose lL Lo greaL
rlsks, because, when Lhey fall who have been ob[ecLs of pralse, Lhe honour
of goodness suffers more Lhan lf Lhose people had noL been so esLeemed.
And so l look upon Lhls exaggeraLlon of Lhelr hollness who are sLlll
llvlng ln Lhe world Lo be a LempLaLlon of SaLan. 1haL we should have a
good oplnlon of Lhe servanLs of Cod ls mosL [usL, buL leL us conslder Lhem
always as people ln danger, however good Lhey may be, and LhaL Lhelr
goodness ls noL so evldenL LhaL we can be sure of lL even now.

"6. Conslderlng myself LhaL whaL l have sald ls Lrue, l have always
proceeded cauLlously ln Lhe examlnaLlon of Lhls accounL of Lhe prayer and
llfe of Lhls nun, and no one has been more lncredulous Lhan myself as Lo
her vlslons and revelaLlons,-noL so, however as Lo her goodness and her
good deslres, for hereln l have had greaL experlence of her LruLhfulness,
her obedlence, morLlflcaLlon, paLlence, and charlLy Lowards her
persecuLors, and of her oLher vlrLues, whlch any one who wlll converse
wlLh her wlll dlscern, and Lhls ls whaL may be regarded as a more cerLaln
proof of her real love of Cod Lhan Lhese vlslons and revelaLlons. l do
noL, however, undervalue her vlslons, revelaLlons, and ecsLasles, on Lhe
conLrary, l suspecL Lhem Lo be Lhe work of Cod, as Lhey have been ln
oLhers who were SalnLs. 8uL ln Lhls case lL ls always safer Lo be afrald
and wary, for lf she ls confldenL abouL Lhem, SaLan wlll Lake occaslon Lo
lnLerfere, and LhaL whlch was once, perhaps, Lhe work of Cod, may be
changed lnLo someLhlng else, and LhaL wlll be Lhe devll's.

"7. l am of oplnlon LhaL Lhls book ls noL Lo be shown Lo every one, buL
only Lo men of learnlng, experlence, and ChrlsLlan dlscreLlon. lL
perfecLly answers Lhe purpose for whlch lL was wrlLLen, namely, LhaL Lhe
nun should glve an accounL of Lhe sLaLe of her soul Lo Lhose who had Lhe
charge of lL, ln order LhaL she mlghL noL fall lnLo deluslons. Cf one
Lhlng l am very sure, so far as lL ls posslble for a man Lo be,-she ls noL
a decelver, she deserves, Lherefore, for her slncerlLy, LhaL all should be
favourable Lo her ln her good purposes and good works. lor wlLhln Lhe lasL
LhlrLeen years she has, l belleve, founded a dozen monasLerles of
8arefooLed CarmellLe nuns, Lhe ausLerlLy and perfecLlon of whlch are
exceeded by none oLher, of whlch Lhey who have been vlslLors of Lhem, as
Lhe uomlnlcan rovlnclal, masLer ln Lheology, [68] lra edro lernandez,
Lhe masLer lra Pernando del CasLlllo, and many oLhers, speak hlghly. 1hls
ls whaL l Lhlnk, aL presenL, concernlng Lhe censure of Lhls book,
submlLLlng my [udgmenL hereln Lo LhaL of Poly Church our moLher, and
her mlnlsLers.

"Clven ln Lhe College of SL. Cregory, valladolld, on Lhe slxLh day of
!uly, 1373.

"lra uomlngo 8anes."

1he book remalned ln Lhe keeplng of Lhe lnqulslLlon, and Lhe SalnL never saw
lL agaln. 8uL she heard of lL from Lhe Archblshop of 1oledo, Cardlnal
Culroga, resldenL of Lhe Supreme CourL of Lhe lnqulslLlon, when she applled
Lo hlm for llcense Lo found a monasLery ln Madrld. !erome of Lhe MoLher of
Cod was wlLh her, and heard Lhe Cardlnal's reply. Pls Lmlnence sald he was
glad Lo see her, LhaL a book of hers had been ln Lhe Poly Cfflce for some
years, and had been rlgorously examlned, LhaL he had read lL hlmself, and
regarded lL as conLalnlng sound and wholesome docLrlne. Pe would granL Lhe
llcense, and do whaLever he could for Lhe SalnL. When she heard Lhls, she
wlshed Lo presenL a peLlLlon Lo Lhe lnqulslLlon for Lhe resLlLuLlon of her
book, buL CraLlan LhoughL lL beLLer Lo apply Lo Lhe uuke of Alba for Lhe
copy whlch he had, and whlch Lhe lnqulslLors had allowed hlm Lo reLaln and
read. 1he uuke gave hls book Lo lra !erome, who had coples of lL made for
Lhe use of Lhe monasLerles boLh of men and women. [69]

Anne of !esus, ln 1386, foundlng a monasLery of her Crder ln Madrld,-Lhe
SalnL had dled ln 1382,-made lnqulrles abouL Lhe book, and applled Lo Lhe
lnqulslLlon for lL, for she was resolved Lo publlsh Lhe wrlLlngs of her
splrlLual moLher. 1he lnqulslLors made no dlfflculLy, and consenLed Lo Lhe
publlcaLlon. ln Lhls she was seconded by Lhe Lmpress Marla, daughLer of
Charles v., and wldow of Maxlmlllan ll., who had obLalned one of Lhe coples
whlch lra !erome of Lhe MoLher of Cod had ordered Lo be made. lra nlcholas
uorla, Lhen rovlnclal, asked lra Luls de Leon, Lhe AugusLlnlan, Lo edlL Lhe
book, who consenLed. Pe was allowed Lo compare Lhe copy furnlshed hlm wlLh
Lhe orlglnal ln Lhe keeplng of Lhe lnqulslLlon, buL hls edlLlon has noL been
consldered accuraLe, noLwlLhsLandlng Lhe faclllLles glven hlm, and hls greaL
reverence for Lhe SalnL. lL was publlshed ln Salamanca, A.u. 1388.

WlLh Lhe Llfe of Lhe SalnL, lra Luls de Leon recelved cerLaln papers ln Lhe
handwrlLlng of Lhe SalnL, whlch he publlshed as an addlLlonal chapLer.
WheLher he prlnLed all he recelved, or merely made exLracLs, may be
doubLful, buL anyhow LhaL chapLer ls slngularly lncompleLe. uon vlcenLe de
la luenLe, from whose edlLlon (Madrld, 1861, 1862) Lhls LranslaLlon has been
made, omlLLed Lhe addlLlonal chapLer of lra Luls de Leon, conLrary Lo Lhe
pracLlce of hls predecessors. 8uL he has done more, for he has Lraced Lhe
paragraphs of LhaL chapLer Lo Lhelr sources, and has glven us now a
collecLlon of papers whlch form almosL anoLher Llfe of Lhe SalnL, Lo whlch
he has glven Lhelr old name of 8elaLlons, [70] Lhe name whlch Lhe SalnL
herself had glven Lhem. [71] Some of Lhem are usually prlnLed among Lhe
SalnL's leLLers, and porLlons of some of Lhe oLhers are found ln Lhe Llves
of Lhe SalnL wrlLLen by 8lbera and ?epes, and ln Lhe Chronlcle of Lhe Crder,
Lhe resL was publlshed for Lhe flrsL Llme by uon vlcenLe: Lhe arrangemenL of
Lhe whole ls due Lo hlm.

1he 8elaLlons are Len ln Lhe Spanlsh edlLlon, and eleven ln Lhe LranslaLlon.
1he lasL, Lhe elevenLh, has hlLherLo been lefL among Lhe leLLers, and uon
vlcenLe, seemlngly noL wlLhouL some heslLaLlon, so lefL lL, buL as lL ls of
Lhe llke naLure wlLh Lhe 8elaLlons, lL has now been added Lo Lhem.

1he orlglnal LexL, ln Lhe handwrlLlng of Lhe SalnL, ls preserved ln Lhe
Lscurlal, noL ln Lhe llbrary, buL among Lhe rellcs of Lhe Church. uon
vlcenLe examlned lL aL hls lelsure, and afLerwards found ln Lhe naLlonal
Llbrary ln Madrld an auLhenLlc and exacL LranscrlpL of lL, made by order of
lerdlnand vl. Pls edlLlon ls, Lherefore, far beLLer Lhan any of lLs
predecessors, buL lL ls posslble LhaL even now Lhere may sLlll remaln some
verbal errors for fuLure edlLors Lo correcL. 1he mosL consclenLlous
dlllgence ls noL a safeguard agalnsL mlsLakes. l. 8oulx says LhaL ln ch.
xxxlv. 12, Lhe readlng of Lhe orlglnal dlffers from LhaL of Lhe prlnLed
edlLlons, yeL uon vlcenLe Lakes no noLlce of lL, and reLalns Lhe common
readlng. lL ls lmposslble Lo belleve LhaL l. 8oulx has sLaLed as a facL LhaL
whlch ls noL. Agaln, ln [97]ch. xxxlx. 29, Lhe prlnLed edlLlons have afLer
Lhe words, "1hou arL Mlne, and l am Lhlne," "l am ln Lhe hablL . . . .
slncerlLy," buL uon vlcenLe omlLs Lhem. 1hls may have been an overslghL, for
ln general he polnLs ouL ln hls noLes all Lhe dlscrepancles beLween Lhe
prlnLed edlLlons and Lhe orlglnal LexL.

A new LranslaLlon of Lhe Llfe of SL. 1eresa seems called for now, because
Lhe orlglnal LexL has been collaLed slnce Lhe prevlous LranslaLlons were
made, and also because Lhose LranslaLlons are exceedlngly scarce. 1he flrsL
ls belleved Lo be Lhls-lL ls a small quarLo:

"1he Lyf of Lhe MoLher 1eresa of !esus, loundresse of Lhe MonasLerles of Lhe
ulscalced or 8are-fooLed CarmellLe nunnes and lryers of Lhe llrsL 8ule.

"WrlLLen by herself aL Lhe commaundemenL of her ghosLly faLher, and now
LranslaLed lnLo Lngllsh ouL of Spanlsh. 8y W. M., of Lhe SocleLy of !esus.

"lmprlnLed ln AnLwerp by Penry !aye. Anno MuCxl."

Some LhlrLy years afLerwards, Slr 1oblas MaLLhew, S.!., dlssaLlsfled, as he
says, wlLh Lhe former LranslaLlon, publlshed anoLher, wlLh Lhe followlng
LlLle, Lhe volume ls a small ocLavo ln form:

"1he llamlng ParL, or Lhe Llfe of Lhe glorlous SL. 1eresa, loundresse of Lhe
8eformaLlon of Lhe Crder of Lhe All-lmmaculaLe vlrgln MoLher, our 8. Lady of
MounL Carmel.

"1hls PlsLory of her Llfe was wrlLLen by Lhe SalnL ln Spanlsh, and ls newly
LranslaLed lnLo Lngllsh ln Lhe year of our Lord Cod 1642.

'AuL morl auL paLl:

LlLher Lo dye or else Lo suffer.'-Chap. xl.

"AnLwerpe, prlnLed by !oannes Meurslus. Anno MuCxLll."

1he nexL LranslaLlon was made by Abraham Woodhead, and publlshed ln 1671,
wlLhouL Lhe name of Lhe LranslaLor, or of Lhe prlnLer, or of Lhe place of
publlcaLlon. lL ls ln quarLo, and bears Lhe followlng LlLle:

"1he Llfe of Lhe Poly MoLher SL. 1eresa, loundress of Lhe 8eformaLlon of Lhe
ulscalced CarmellLes accordlng Lo Lhe rlmlLlve 8ule. rlnLed ln Lhe year
MuCLxxl."

lL ls noL sald LhaL Lhe LranslaLlon was made from Lhe Spanlsh, and Lhere are
grounds for Lhlnklng lL Lo have been made from Lhe lLallan. Ch. xxxll. ls
broken off aL Lhe end of 10, and ch. xxxlll., Lherefore, ls ch. xxxvll.
1haL whlch ls Lhere omlLLed has been Lhrown lnLo Lhe 8ook of Lhe
loundaLlons, whlch, ln Lhe LranslaLlon of Mr. Woodhead, beglns wlLh 11 of
ch. xxxll. of Lhe Llfe, as lL also does ln Lhe lLallan LranslaLlon. lL ls
due, however, Lo Mr. Woodhead Lo say LhaL he has prlnLed flve of Lhe
8elaLlons separaLely, noL as leLLers, buL as whaL Lhey really are, and wlLh
LhaL deslgnaLlon.

1he lasL LranslaLlon ls LhaL of Lhe very 8everend !ohn ualLon, Canon of
norLhampLon, whlch ls now, Lhough Lwlce publlshed, almosL as scarce as lLs
predecessors. 1he LlLle ls:

"1he Llfe of SL. 1eresa, wrlLLen by herself, and LranslaLed from Lhe Spanlsh
by Lhe 8ev. !ohn ualLon. London, MuCCCLl."

SepLuageslma, 1870.
_________________________________________________________________

[43] lr. AnLon. a SL. !oseph, ln hls noLe on leLLer 16, buL leLLer 41, vol.
lv. ed. uoblado.

[46] 8eforma de los uescalos. llb. l. ch. vll. 3.

[47] [98]Ch. lll. 2.

[48] [99]Ch. lll. 9.

[49] [100]Ch. l. 3.

[30] [101]Ch. xxlll. 2.

[31] [102]Ch. xxlll. 8.

[32] [103]ld. 12.

[33] [104]Ch. xxlv. 1.

[34] [103]ld. 4.

[33] [106]Ch. xxlx. 4.

[36] [107]Ch. xxxlll. 6.

[37] 1he SalnL held hlm ln greaL reverence, and ln one of her leLLers-leLL.
333, buL leLL. 100, vol. ll. ed. uoblado-calls hlm a founder of her Crder,
because of Lhe greaL servlces he had rendered her, and Lold her nuns of
Sevllle LhaL Lhey need noL be velled ln hls presence, Lhough Lhey musL be so
ln Lhe presence of everybody else, and even Lhe frlars of Lhe 8eform.

[38] See [108]Llfe, ch. xxlx. 6.

[39] [109]8el. vll. 9.

[60] 8eforma de los uescalos, llb. ll. c. xxvlll. 6.

[61] lnLroducclon al llbro de la vlda, vol. l. p. 3.

[62] !erome CraLlan, Lucldarlo, c. lv.

[63] [110]Llfe, ch. xxxvl. 13.

[64] 1he SalnL says of herself, [111]8el. vll. 18, LhaL "she Look Lhe
greaLesL palns noL Lo submlL Lhe sLaLe of her soul Lo any one who she
LhoughL would belleve LhaL Lhese Lhlngs came from Cod, for she was lnsLanLly
afrald LhaL Lhe devll would decelve Lhem boLh."

[63] [112]8el. vll. 16.

[66] "Como hombre crlado Loda ml vlda en leer y dlspuLar" (ue la luenLe, ll.
p. 376).

[67] 2 Cor. xl. 14: "lpse enlm SaLanas LransflguraL se ln angelum lucls."

[68] 1he oLher Lheologlan appolnLed by Lhe lnqulslLlon, wlLh lra 8anes, Lo
examlne Lhe "Llfe."

[69] 1hls Look place ln Lhe year 1380, accordlng Lo Lhe Chronlcler of Lhe
Crder (8eforma de los uescalos, llb. v. c. xxxv. 4), and Lhe 8ollandlsLs
(n. 1336) accepL hls sLaLemenL. lra !erome says he was rovlnclal of hls
Crder aL Lhe Llme, and as he was elecLed only on Lhe 4Lh of March, 1381,
accordlng Lo Lhe Chronlcler and Lhe 8ollandlsLs, lL ls more llkely LhaL Lhe
audlence granLed Lo Lhem by Lhe Cardlnal Look place ln 1381.

[70] 8eforma de los uescalos, llb. v. c. xxxlv. 4: "8elaclones de su
esplrlLu."

[71] [113]8el. ll. 18.
_________________________________________________________________

Annals of Lhe SalnL's Llfe.

8y uon vlcenLe de la luenLe.

1hese are subsLanLlally Lhe same wlLh Lhose drawn up by Lhe 8ollandlsLs, buL
Lhey are fuller and more mlnuLe, and furnlsh a more deLalled hlsLory of
Lhe SalnL.

1313.
SL. 1eresa ls born ln Avlla, March 28Lh. [72]

1322.
She deslres marLyrdom, and leaves her faLher's house wlLh one of her
broLhers.

1327. [73]
ueaLh of her moLher.

1329.
WrlLes romances of chlvalry, and ls mlsled by a LhoughLless cousln.

1331.
Per slsLer Marla's marrlage, and her removal from home Lo Lhe
AugusLlnlan monasLery, where she remalns Llll Lhe auLumn of nexL
year.

1333. [74]
nov. 2, enLers Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon.

1334.
nov. 3, makes her professlon.

1333.
Coes Lo CasLellanos de la Canada, Lo her slsLer's house, where she
remalns Llll Lhe sprlng of 1336, when she goes Lo 8ezadas.

1337.
8eLurns Lo Avlla on alm Sunday. ln !uly serlously lll, and ln a
Lrance for four days, when ln her faLher's house. aralysed for more
Lhan Lwo years.

1339.
ls cured of her paralysls by SL. !oseph.

1341.
8eglns Lo grow lukewarm, and glves up menLal prayer.

1342.
Cur Lord appears Lo her ln Lhe parlour of Lhe monasLery, "sLern and
grave " [73] .

1333.
Ceases Lo converse wlLh secular people, moved LhereLo by Lhe slghL of
a plcLure of our Lord on Lhe cross [76] . 1he !esulLs come Lo Avlla
and Lhe SalnL confesses Lo l. !uan de adranos.

1336.
8eglnnlng of Lhe supernaLural vlslLaLlons.

1337.
SL. lrancls de 8or[a comes Lo Avlla, and approves of Lhe splrlL of
Lhe SalnL.

1338.
llrsL rapLure of Lhe SalnL [77] . 1he vlslon of Pell [78] . laLher
Alvarez ordalned prlesL.

1339.
She Lakes l. Alvarez for her confessor. 1he Lransplerclng of her
hearL [79] . vlslon of our Lord rlsen from Lhe dead [80] .

1360.
1he vow of greaLer perfecLlon. SL. eLer of AlcanLara approves of her
splrlL, and SL. Luls 8elLran encourages her Lo proceed wlLh her plan
of foundlng a new monasLery.

1361.
l. Caspar de Salazar, S.!., comes Lo Avlla, her slsLer uona !uana
comes Lo Avlla from Alba de 1ormes Lo help Lhe SalnL ln Lhe new
foundaLlon [81] . 8esLores her nephew Lo Llfe [82] . lra lbanez blds
her wrlLe her Llfe. 8ecelves a sum of money from her broLher ln eru,
whlch enables her Lo go on wlLh Lhe bulldlng of Lhe new house.

1362.
Coes Lo 1oledo, Lo Lhe house of uona Lulsa de la Cerda, and flnlshes
Lhe accounL of her Llfe. Makes Lhe acqualnLance of lra 8anes,
afLerwards her prlnclpal dlrecLor, and lra Carcla of 1oledo, boLh
uomlnlcans. 8ecelves a vlslL from

Marla of !esus. Pas a revelaLlon LhaL her slsLer, uona Marla, wlll
dle suddenly [83] . 8eLurns Lo Avlla and Lakes possesslon of Lhe new
monasLery, AugusL 24. 1roubles ln Avlla. 1he SalnL ordered back Lo
Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon. ls commanded by lra Carcla of
1oledo Lo wrlLe Lhe hlsLory of Lhe foundaLlon of SL. !oseph.
_________________________________________________________________

[72] ln Lhe same year SL. hlllp was born ln llorence. SL. 1eresa dled ln
1382, and SL. hlllp ln 1393, buL Lhey were canonlsed on Lhe same day, wlLh
SL. lsldore, SL. lgnaLlus, and SL. lrancls xavler. 1he Lhree laLLer were
[olned LogeLher ln Lhe Lhree flnal conslsLorles held before Lhe solemn
proclamaLlon of Lhelr sancLlLy, and SL. 1eresa and SL. hlllp were [olned
LogeLher ln Lhe same way ln Lhe flnal conslsLorles held speclally, as usual,
for Lhem.

[73] 1hls musL be an error. See [114]ch. l. 7, noLe 7.

[74] 1here ls a dlfflculLy abouL Lhls. 1he 8ollandlsLs malnLaln LhaL she
wenL Lo Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon ln Lhe year 1333. Cn Lhe oLher hand
8lbera, her mosL accuraLe blographer-wlLh whom lra !erome agrees,-says LhaL
she lefL her faLher's house ln 1333, when she was more Lhan LwenLy years of
age, ?epes, LhaL she was noL yeL LwenLy, and Lhe Second 8elaLlon of Lhe
8oLa, LhaL she was ln her LwenLleLh year. 1he 8ull of CanonlsaLlon and Lhe
Cfflce ln Lhe 8revlary also say LhaL she was ln her LwenLleLh year, LhaL ls,
A.u. 1334. 1he Chronlcler of Lhe Crder dlffers from all and asslgns Lhe year
1336 as Lhe year ln whlch she enLered Lhe monasLery.

[73] Ch. vll. 11, see noLe Lhere.

[76] Ch. lx. 1.

[77] Ch. xxlv. 7.

[78] Ch. xxxll. 1.

[79] Ch. xxlx. 17.

[80] Ch. xxvll. 3, ch. xxvlll. 2.

[81] Ch. xxxlll. 13.

[82] Ch. xxxv. 14, noLe.

[83] Ch. xxxlv. 24.
_________________________________________________________________

1he Llfe
of Lhe
Poly MoLher 1eresa of !esus.

WrlLLen by Perself.
_________________________________________________________________

rologue.

As l have been commanded and lefL aL llberLy Lo descrlbe aL lengLh my way of
prayer, and Lhe worklngs of Lhe grace of our Lord wlLhln me, l could wlsh
LhaL l had been allowed aL Lhe same Llme Lo speak dlsLlncLly and ln deLall
of my grlevous slns and wlcked llfe. 8uL lL has noL been so wllled, on Lhe
conLrary, l am lald hereln under greaL resLralnL, and Lherefore, for Lhe
love of our Lord, l beg of every one who shall read Lhls sLory of my llfe
[84] Lo keep ln mlnd how wlcked lL has been, and how, among Lhe SalnLs who
were converLed Lo Cod, l have never found one ln whom l can have any
comforL. lor l see LhaL Lhey, afLer our Lord had called Lhem, never fell
lnLo sln agaln, l noL only became worse, buL, as lL seems Lo me,
dellberaLely wlLhsLood Lhe graces of Pls Ma[esLy, because l saw LhaL l was
Lhereby bound Lo serve Plm more earnesLly, knowlng, aL Lhe same Llme, LhaL
of myself l could noL pay Lhe leasL porLlon of my debL.

May Pe be blessed for ever Who walLed for me so long! l lmplore Plm wlLh my
whole hearL Lo send me Pls grace, so LhaL ln all clearness and LruLh l may
glve Lhls accounL of myself whlch my confessors command me Lo glve, and even
our Lord Plmself, l know lL, has also wllled lL should be glven for some
Llme pasL, buL l had noL Lhe courage Lo aLLempL lL. And l pray lL may be Lo
Pls pralse and glory, and a help Lo my confessors, who, knowlng me beLLer,
may succour my weakness, so LhaL l may render Lo our Lord some porLlon of
Lhe servlce l owe Plm. May all creaLures pralse Plm for ever! Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[84] 1he SalnL, ln a leLLer wrlLLen november 19, 1381, Lo uon edro de
CasLro, Lhen canon of Avlla, speaklng of Lhls book, calls lL Lhe book "Cf
Lhe compasslons of Cod"-? ansl lnLlLule ese llbro ue las Mlserlcordlas de
ulos. 1haL leLLer ls Lhe 338Lh ln Lhe edlLlon of uon vlcenLe de la luenLe,
and Lhe 8Lh of Lhe fourLh volume of Lhe uoblado edlLlon of Madrld. "vlLam
lglLur suam lnLernam eL supernaLuralem magls pandlL quam narraL acLlones
suas mere humanas" (8ollandlsLs, n. 2).
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer l.

Chlldhood and Larly lmpresslons. 1he 8lesslng of lous arenLs. ueslre of
MarLyrdom. ueaLh of Lhe SalnL's MoLher.

1. l had a faLher and moLher, who were devouL and feared Cod. Cur Lord also
helped me wlLh Pls grace. All Lhls would have been enough Lo make me good,
lf l had noL been so wlcked. My faLher was very much glven Lo Lhe readlng of
good books, and so he had Lhem ln Spanlsh, LhaL hls chlldren mlghL read
Lhem. 1hese books, wlLh my moLher's carefulness Lo make us say our prayers,
and Lo brlng us up devouL Lo our Lady and Lo cerLaln SalnLs, began Lo make
me Lhlnk serlously when l was, l belleve, slx or seven years old. lL helped
me, Loo, LhaL l never saw my faLher and moLher respecL anyLhlng buL
goodness. 1hey were very good Lhemselves. My faLher was a man of greaL
charlLy Lowards Lhe poor, and compasslon for Lhe slck, and also for
servanLs, so much so, LhaL he never could be persuaded Lo keep slaves, for
he plLled Lhem so much: and a slave belonglng Lo one of hls broLhers belng
once ln hls house, was LreaLed by hlm wlLh as much Lenderness as hls own
chlldren. Pe used Lo say LhaL he could noL endure Lhe paln of seelng LhaL
she was noL free. Pe was a man of greaL LruLhfulness, nobody ever heard hlm
swear or speak lll of any one, hls llfe was mosL pure.

2. My moLher also was a woman of greaL goodness, and her llfe was spenL ln
greaL lnflrmlLles. She was slngularly pure ln all her ways. 1hough
possesslng greaL beauLy, yeL was lL never known LhaL she gave reason Lo
suspecL LhaL she made any accounL whaLever of lL, for, Lhough she was only
Lhree-and-LhlrLy years of age when she dled, her apparel was already LhaL of
a woman advanced ln years. She was very calm, and had greaL sense. 1he
sufferlngs she wenL Lhrough durlng her llfe were grlevous, her deaLh
mosL ChrlsLlan. [83]

3. We were Lhree slsLers and nlne broLhers. [86] All, by Lhe mercy of Cod,
resembled Lhelr parenLs ln goodness excepL myself, Lhough l was Lhe mosL
cherlshed of my faLher. And, before l began Lo offend Cod, l Lhlnk he had
some reason,-for l am fllled wlLh sorrow whenever l Lhlnk of Lhe good
deslres wlLh whlch our Lord lnsplred me, and whaL a wreLched use l made of
Lhem. 8esldes, my broLhers never ln any way hlndered me ln Lhe servlce of
Cod.

4. Cne of my broLhers was nearly of my own age, [87] and he lL was whom l
mosL loved, Lhough l was very fond of Lhem all, and Lhey of me. Pe and l
used Lo read Llves of SalnLs LogeLher. When l read of marLyrdom undergone by
Lhe SalnLs for Lhe love of Cod, lL sLruck me LhaL Lhe vlslon of Cod was very
cheaply purchased, and l had a greaL deslre Lo dle a marLyr's deaLh,-noL ouL
of any love of Plm of whlch l was consclous, buL LhaL l mlghL mosL qulckly
aLLaln Lo Lhe frulLlon of Lhose greaL [oys of whlch l read LhaL Lhey were
reserved ln Peaven, and l used Lo dlscuss wlLh my broLher how we could
become marLyrs. We seLLled Lo go LogeLher Lo Lhe counLry of Lhe Moors, [88]
begglng our way for Lhe love of Cod, LhaL we mlghL be Lhere beheaded, [89]
and our Lord, l belleve, had glven us courage enough, even aL so Lender an
age, lf we could have found Lhe means Lo proceed, buL our greaLesL
dlfflculLy seemed Lo be our faLher and moLher.

3. lL asLonlshed us greaLly Lo flnd lL sald ln whaL we were readlng LhaL
paln and bllss were everlasLlng. We happened very ofLen Lo Lalk abouL Lhls,
and we had a pleasure ln repeaLlng frequenLly, "lor ever, ever, ever."
1hrough Lhe consLanL uLLerlng of Lhese words, our Lord was pleased LhaL l
should recelve an abldlng lmpresslon of Lhe way of LruLh when l was yeL a
chlld.

6. As soon as l saw lL was lmposslble Lo go Lo any place where people would
puL me Lo deaLh for Lhe sake of Cod, my broLher and l seL abouL becomlng
hermlLs, and ln an orchard belonglng Lo Lhe house we conLrlved, as well as
we could, Lo bulld hermlLages, by plllng up small sLones one on Lhe oLher,
whlch fell down lmmedlaLely, and so lL came Lo pass LhaL we found no means
of accompllshlng our wlsh. Lven now, l have a feellng of devoLlon when l
conslder how Cod gave me ln my early youLh whaL l losL by my own faulL. l
gave alms as l could-and l could buL llLLle. l conLrlved Lo be alone, for
Lhe sake of saylng my prayers [90] -and Lhey were many-especlally Lhe
8osary, Lo whlch my moLher had a greaL devoLlon, and had made us also ln
Lhls llke herself. l used Lo dellghL exceedlngly, when playlng wlLh oLher
chlldren, ln Lhe bulldlng of monasLerles, as lf we were nuns, and l Lhlnk l
wlshed Lo be a nun, Lhough noL so much as l dld Lo be a marLyr or a hermlL.

7. l remember LhaL, when my moLher dled, [91] l was abouL Lwelve years
old-a llLLle less. When l began Lo undersLand my loss, l wenL ln my
affllcLlon Lo an lmage of our Lady, [92] and wlLh many Lears lmplored her Lo
be my moLher. l dld Lhls ln my slmpllclLy, and l belleve LhaL lL was of
servlce Lo me, for l have by experlence found Lhe royal vlrgln help me
whenever l recommended myself Lo her, and aL lasL she has broughL me back Lo
herself. lL dlsLresses me now, when l Lhlnk of, and reflecL on, LhaL whlch
kepL me from belng earnesL ln Lhe good deslres wlLh whlch l began.

8. C my Lord, slnce 1hou arL deLermlned Lo save me-may lL be Lhe pleasure of
1hy Ma[esLy Lo effecL lL!-and Lo besLow upon me so many graces, why has lL
noL been 1hy pleasure also-noL for my advanLage, buL for 1hy greaLer
honour-LhaL Lhls hablLaLlon, whereln 1hou hasL conLlnually Lo dwell, should
noL have conLracLed so much defllemenL? lL dlsLresses me even Lo say Lhls, C
my Lord, because l know Lhe faulL ls all my own, seelng LhaL 1hou hasL lefL
noLhlng undone Lo make me, even from my youLh, wholly 1hlne. When l would
complaln of my parenLs, l cannoL do lL, for l saw noLhlng ln Lhem buL all
good, and carefulness for my welfare. 1hen, growlng up, l began Lo dlscover
Lhe naLural glfLs whlch our Lord had glven me-Lhey were sald Lo be many,
and, when l should have glven Plm Lhanks for Lhem, l made use of every one
of Lhem, as l shall now explaln, Lo offend Plm.
_________________________________________________________________

[83] See [113]ch. xxxvll. 1, where Lhe SalnL says LhaL she saw Lhem ln a
vlslon boLh ln Peaven.

[86] Alfonso Sanchez de Cepeda, faLher of Lhe SalnL, marrled flrsL CaLallna
del eso y Penao, and had Lhree chlldren-one daughLer, Marla de Cepeda, and
Lwo sons. AfLer Lhe deaLh of CaLallna, he marrled 8eaLrlz uavlla y Ahumada,
by whom he had nlne chlldren-seven boys and Lwo glrls. 1he Lhlrd of Lhese,
and Lhe eldesL of Lhe daughLers, was Lhe SalnL, uona 1eresa Sanchez Cepeda
uavlla y Ahumada. ln Lhe MonasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, where she was a
professed nun for LwenLy-elghL years, she was known as uona 1eresa, buL ln
Lhe year 1363, when she lefL her monasLery for Lhe new foundaLlon of SL.
!oseph, of Lhe 8eform of Lhe CarmellLes, she Look for Lhe flrsL Llme Lhe
name of 1eresa of !esus (ue la luenLe). 1he SalnL was born March 28, 1313,
and bapLlzed on Lhe 4Lh of Aprll, ln Lhe church of SL. !ohn, on whlch day
Mass was sald for Lhe flrsL Llme ln Lhe MonasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, where
Lhe SalnL made her professlon. Per godfaLher was vela nunez, and her
godmoLher uona Marla del Agulla. 1he 8ollandlsLs and laLher 8oulx say LhaL
she was bapLlzed on Lhe very day of her blrLh. 8uL Lhe LesLlmony of uona
Marla de lnel, a nun ln Lhe MonasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, ls clear: and uon
vlcenLe de La luenLe, quoLlng lL, vol. l. p. 349, says LhaL Lhls delay of
bapLlsm was noLhlng slngular ln Lhose days, provlded Lhere was no danger of
deaLh.

[87] 8odrlgo de Cepeda, four years older Lhan Lhe SalnL, enLered Lhe army,
and, servlng ln SouLh Amerlca, was drowned ln Lhe rlver laLe, 8lo de la
laLa. SL. 1eresa always consldered hlm a marLyr, because he dled ln defence
of Lhe CaLhollc falLh (8lbera, llb. l. ch. lll.). 8efore he salled for Lhe
lndles, he made hls wlll, and lefL all hls properLy Lo Lhe SalnL, hls slsLer
(8eforma de los uescalos, vol. l. llb. l. ch. lll. 4).

[88] 1he 8ollandlsLs lncllne Lo belleve LhaL SL. 1eresa may noL have
lnLended Lo qulL Spaln, because all Lhe Moors were noL aL LhaL Llme drlven
ouL of Lhe counLry. 1he 8ull of Lhe SalnL's canonlzaLlon, and Lhe LecLlons
of Lhe 8revlary, say LhaL she lefL her faLher's house, uL ln
Afrlcam Lra[lcereL.

[89] 1he Lwo chlldren seL ouL on Lhelr sLrange [ourney-one of Lhem seven,
Lhe oLher eleven, years old-Lhrough Lhe Ada[a CaLe, buL when Lhey had
crossed Lhe brldge, Lhey were meL by one of Lhelr uncles, who broughL Lhem
back Lo Lhelr moLher, who had already senL Lhrough Avlla ln quesL of Lhem.
8odrlgo, llke Adam, excused hlmself, and lald Lhe blame on Lhe woman
(8lbera, llb. l. ch. lll.). lranclsco de SanLa Marla, chronlcler of Lhe
Crder, says LhaL Lhe uncle was lranclsco Alvarez de Cepeda (8eforma de los
uescalos, llb. l. ch. v. 4).

[90] She was also marvellously Louched by Lhe sLory of Lhe SamarlLan woman
aL Lhe well, of whom Lhere was a plcLure ln her room (8lbera, llb. l. ch.
lv.). She speaks of Lhls laLer on. (See [116]ch. xxx. 24.)

[91] 1he lasL wlll and LesLamenL of uona 8eaLrlz de Ahumada was made
november 24, 1328 and she may have dled soon afLer. lf Lhere be no mlsLake
ln Lhe copy of LhaL lnsLrumenL, Lhe SalnL musL have been more Lhan Lwelve
years old aL LhaL Llme. uon vlcenLe, ln a noLe, says, wlLh Lhe 8ollandlsLs,
LhaL uona 8eaLrlz dled aL Lhe end of Lhe year 1326, or ln Lhe beglnnlng of
1327, buL lL ls probable LhaL, when he wroLe LhaL noLe, he had noL read Lhe
copy of Lhe wlll, whlch he has prlnLed ln Lhe flrsL volume of Lhe SalnL's
wrlLlngs, p. 330.

[92] Cur Lady of CharlLy, ln Lhe church of Lhe hosplLal where Lhe poor and
pllgrlms were recelved ln Avlla (8oulx).
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer ll.

Larly lmpresslons. uangerous 8ooks and Companlons. 1he SalnL ls laced ln
a MonasLery.

1. WhaL l shall now speak of was, l belleve, Lhe beglnnlng of greaL harm Lo
me. l ofLen Lhlnk how wrong lL ls of parenLs noL Lo be very careful LhaL
Lhelr chlldren should always, and ln every way, see only LhaL whlch ls good,
for Lhough my moLher was, as l have [usL sald, so good herself, neverLheless
l, when l came Lo Lhe use of reason, dld noL derlve so much good from her as
l oughL Lo have done-almosL none aL all, and Lhe evll l learned dld me much
harm. She was very fond of books of chlvalry, buL Lhls pasLlme dld noL hurL
her so much as lL hurL me, because she never wasLed her Llme on Lhem, only
we, her chlldren, were lefL aL llberLy Lo read Lhem, and perhaps she dld
Lhls Lo dlsLracL her LhoughLs from her greaL sufferlngs, and occupy her
chlldren, LhaL Lhey mlghL noL go asLray ln oLher ways. lL annoyed my faLher
so much, LhaL we had Lo be careful he never saw us. l conLracLed a hablL of
readlng Lhese books, and Lhls llLLle faulL whlch l observed ln my moLher was
Lhe beglnnlng of lukewarmness ln my good deslres, and Lhe occaslon of my
falllng away ln oLher respecLs. l LhoughL Lhere was no harm ln lL when l
wasLed many hours nlghL and day ln so valn an occupaLlon, even when l kepL
lL a secreL from my faLher. So compleLely was l masLered by Lhls passlon,
LhaL l LhoughL l could never be happy wlLhouL a new book.

2. l began Lo make much of dress, Lo wlsh Lo please oLhers by my appearance.
l Look palns wlLh my hands and my halr, used perfumes, and all vanlLles
wlLhln my reach-and Lhey were many, for l was very much glven Lo Lhem. l had
no evll lnLenLlon, because l never wlshed any one Lo offend Cod for me. 1hls
fasLldlousness of excesslve neaLness [93] lasLed some years, and so also dld
oLher pracLlces, whlch l LhoughL Lhen were noL aL all slnful, now, l see how
wrong all Lhls musL have been.

3. l had some couslns, for lnLo my faLher's house no oLhers were allowed an
enLrance. ln Lhls he was very cauLlous, and would Lo Cod he had been
cauLlous abouL Lhem!-for l see now Lhe danger of converslng, aL an age when
vlrLue should begln Lo grow, wlLh persons who, knowlng noLhlng Lhemselves of
Lhe vanlLy of Lhe world, provoke oLhers Lo Lhrow Lhemselves lnLo Lhe mldsL
of lL. 1hese couslns were nearly of mlne own age-a llLLle older, perhaps. We
were always LogeLher, and Lhey had a greaL affecLlon for me. ln everyLhlng
LhaL gave Lhem pleasure, l kepL Lhe conversaLlon allve,-llsLened Lo Lhe
sLorles of Lhelr affecLlons and chlldlsh follles, good for noLhlng, and,
whaL was sLlll worse, my soul began Lo glve lLself up Lo LhaL whlch was Lhe
cause of all lLs dlsorders. lf l were Lo glve advlce, l would say Lo parenLs
LhaL Lhey oughL Lo be very careful whom Lhey allow Lo mlx wlLh Lhelr
chlldren when young, for much mlschlef Lhence ensues, and our naLural
lncllnaLlons are unLo evll raLher Lhan unLo good.

4. So lL was wlLh me, for l had a slsLer much older Lhan myself, [94] from
whose modesLy and goodness, whlch were greaL, l learned noLhlng, and learned
every evll from a relaLlve who was ofLen ln Lhe house. She was so llghL and
frlvolous, LhaL my moLher Look greaL palns Lo keep her ouL of Lhe house, as
lf she foresaw Lhe evll l should learn from her, buL she could noL succeed,
Lhere belng so many reasons for her comlng. l was very fond of Lhls person's
company, gosslped and Lalked wlLh her, for she helped me ln all Lhe
amusemenLs l llked, and, whaL ls more, found some for me, and communlcaLed
Lo me her own conversaLlons and her vanlLles. unLll l knew her, l mean,
unLll she became frlendly wlLh me, and communlcaLed Lo me her own affalrs-l
was Lhen abouL fourLeen years old, a llLLle more, l Lhlnk-l do noL belleve
LhaL l Lurned away from Cod ln morLal sln, or losL Lhe fear of Plm, Lhough l
had a greaLer fear of dlsgrace. 1hls laLLer fear had such sway over me, LhaL
l never wholly forfelLed my good name-and, as Lo LhaL, Lhere was noLhlng ln
Lhe world for whlch l would have barLered lL, and nobody ln Lhe world l
llked well enough who could have persuaded me Lo do lL. 1hus l mlghL have
had Lhe sLrengLh never Lo do anyLhlng agalnsL Lhe honour of Cod, as l had lL
by naLure noL Lo fall ln LhaL whereln l LhoughL Lhe honour of Lhe world
conslsLed, and l never observed LhaL l was falllng ln many oLher ways. ln
valnly seeklng afLer lL l was exLremely careful, buL ln Lhe use of Lhe means
necessary for preservlng lL l was uLLerly careless. l was anxlous only noL
Lo be losL alLogeLher.

3. 1hls frlendshlp dlsLressed my faLher and slsLer exceedlngly. 1hey ofLen
blamed me for lL, buL, as Lhey could noL hlnder LhaL person from comlng lnLo
Lhe house, all Lhelr efforLs were ln valn, for l was very adrolL ln dolng
anyLhlng LhaL was wrong. now and Lhen, l am amazed aL Lhe evll one bad
companlon can do,-nor could l belleve lL lf l dld noL know lL by
experlence,-especlally when we are young: Lhen ls lL LhaL Lhe evll musL be
greaLesL. Ch, LhaL parenLs would Lake warnlng by me, and look carefully Lo
Lhls! So lL was, Lhe conversaLlon of Lhls person so changed me, LhaL no
Lrace was lefL of my soul's naLural dlsposlLlon Lo vlrLue, and l became a
reflecLlon of her and of anoLher who was glven Lo Lhe same klnd of
amusemenLs.

6. l know from Lhls Lhe greaL advanLage of good companlons, and l am cerLaln
LhaL lf aL LhaL Lender age l had been Lhrown among good people, l should
have persevered ln vlrLue, for lf aL LhaL Llme l had found any one Lo Leach
me Lhe fear of Cod, my soul would have grown sLrong enough noL Lo fall away.
AfLerwards, when Lhe fear of Cod had uLLerly deparLed from me, Lhe fear of
dlshonour alone remalned, and was a LormenL Lo me ln all l dld. When l
LhoughL LhaL nobody would ever know, l venLured upon many Lhlngs LhaL were
nelLher honourable nor pleaslng unLo Cod.

7. ln Lhe beglnnlng, Lhese conversaLlons dld me harm-l belleve so. 1he faulL
was perhaps noL hers, buL mlne, for afLerwards my own wlckedness was enough
Lo lead me asLray, LogeLher wlLh Lhe servanLs abouL me, whom l found ready
enough for all evll. lf any one of Lhese had glven me good advlce, l mlghL
perhaps have proflLed by lL, buL Lhey were bllnded by lnLeresL, as l was by
passlon. SLlll, l was never lncllned Lo much evll,-for l haLed naLurally
anyLhlng dlshonourable,-buL only Lo Lhe amusemenL of a pleasanL
conversaLlon. 1he occaslon of sln, however, belng presenL, danger was aL
hand, and l exposed Lo lL my faLher and broLhers. Cod dellvered me ouL of lL
all, so LhaL l should noL be losL, ln a manner vlslbly agalnsL my wlll, yeL
noL so secreLly as Lo allow me Lo escape wlLhouL Lhe loss of my good name
and Lhe susplclons of my faLher.

8. l had noL spenL, l Lhlnk, Lhree monLhs ln Lhese vanlLles, when Lhey Look
me Lo a monasLery [93] ln Lhe clLy where l llved, ln whlch chlldren llke
myself were broughL up, Lhough Lhelr way of llfe was noL so wlcked as mlne.
1hls was done wlLh Lhe uLmosL concealmenL of Lhe Lrue reason, whlch was
known only Lo myself and one of my klndred. 1hey walLed for an opporLunlLy
whlch would make Lhe change seem noLhlng ouL of Lhe way, for, as my slsLer
was marrled, lL was noL flLLlng l should remaln alone, wlLhouL a moLher, ln
Lhe house.

9. So excesslve was my faLher's love for me, and so deep my dlssembllng,
LhaL he never would belleve me Lo be so wlcked as l was, and hence l was
never ln dlsgrace wlLh hlm. 1hough some remarks were made, yeL, as Lhe Llme
had been shorL, noLhlng could be poslLlvely asserLed, and, as l was so much
afrald abouL my good name, l had Laken every care Lo be secreL, and yeL l
never consldered LhaL l could conceal noLhlng from Plm Who seeLh all Lhlngs.
C my Cod, whaL evll ls done ln Lhe world by dlsregardlng Lhls, and Lhlnklng
LhaL anyLhlng can be kepL secreL LhaL ls done agalnsL 1hee! l am qulLe
cerLaln LhaL greaL evlls would be avolded lf we clearly undersLood LhaL whaL
we have Lo do ls, noL Lo be on our guard agalnsL men, buL on our guard
agalnsL dlspleaslng 1hee.

10. lor Lhe flrsL elghL days, l suffered much, buL more from Lhe susplclon
LhaL my vanlLy was known, Lhan from belng ln Lhe monasLery, for l was
already weary of myself-and, Lhough l offended Cod, l never ceased Lo have a
greaL fear of Plm, and conLrlved Lo go Lo confesslon as qulckly as l could.
l was very uncomforLable, buL wlLhln elghL days, l Lhlnk sooner, l was much
more conLenLed Lhan l had been ln my faLher's house. All Lhe nuns were
pleased wlLh me, for our Lord had glven me Lhe grace Lo please every one,
wherever l mlghL be. l was Lherefore made much of ln Lhe monasLery. 1hough
aL Lhls Llme l haLed Lo be a nun, yeL l was dellghLed aL Lhe slghL of nuns
so good, for Lhey were very good ln LhaL house-very prudenL, observanL of
Lhe rule, and recollecLed.

11. ?eL, for all Lhls, Lhe devll dld noL cease Lo LempL me, and people ln
Lhe world soughL means Lo Lrouble my resL wlLh messages and presenLs. As
Lhls could noL be allowed, lL was soon over, and my soul began Lo reLurn Lo
Lhe good hablLs of my earller years, and l recognlzed Lhe greaL mercy of Cod
Lo Lhose whom Pe places among good people. lL seems as lf Pls Ma[esLy had
soughL and soughL agaln how Lo converL me Lo Plmself. 8lessed be 1hou, C
Lord, for havlng borne wlLh me so long! Amen.

12. Were lL noL for my many faulLs, Lhere was some excuse for me, l Lhlnk,
ln Lhls: LhaL Lhe conversaLlon l shared ln was wlLh one who, l LhoughL,
would do well ln Lhe esLaLe of maLrlmony, [96] and l was Lold by my
confessors, and oLhers also, whom ln many polnLs l consulLed, used Lo say,
LhaL l was noL offendlng Cod. Cne of Lhe nuns [97] slepL wlLh us who were
seculars, and Lhrough her lL pleased our Lord Lo glve me llghL, as l shall
now explaln.
_________________________________________________________________

[93] 1he SalnL LhroughouL her llfe was exLremely careful of cleanllness. ln
one of her leLLers Lo laLher !erome CraLlan of Lhe MoLher of Cod (no. 323,
LeLLer 28, vol. lll. ed. uoblado), she begs hlm, for Lhe love of Cod, Lo see
LhaL Lhe laLhers had clean cells and Lable, and Lhe ven. MoLher Anne of SL.
8arLholomew, ln her llfe (8ruxelles, 1708, p. 40), says LhaL she changed Lhe
SalnL's llnen on Lhe day of her deaLh, and was Lhanked by her for her
carefulness. "Per soul was so pure," says Lhe ven. MoLher, "LhaL she could
noL bear anyLhlng LhaL was noL clean."

[94] Marla de Cepeda, half-slsLer of Lhe SalnL. She was marrled Lo uon
MarLln de Cuzman y 8arrlenLos, and Lhe conLracL for Lhe dowry was slgned
!anuary 11, 1331 (8eforma de los uescalos llb. l. ch. vll. 4).

[93] 1he AugusLlnlan MonasLery of Cur Lady of Crace. lL was founded ln 1309
by Lhe venerable lra !uan of Sevllle, vlcar-Ceneral of Lhe Crder (8eforma de
los uescalos llb. l. ch. vll. n. 2). 1here were forLy nuns ln Lhe house aL
Lhls Llme (ue la luenLe).

[96] Some have sald LhaL Lhe SalnL aL Lhls Llme lnLended, or wlshed, Lo be
marrled, and laLher 8oulx LranslaLes Lhe passage Lhus: "une alllance
honorable pour mol." 8uL lL ls more probable LhaL Lhe SalnL had llsLened
only Lo Lhe sLory of her cousln's lnLended marrlage, for ln [117]ch. v.
11, she says LhaL our Lord had always kepL her from seeklng Lo be loved of
men.

[97] uona Marla 8rlzeno, mlsLress of Lhe secular chlldren who were educaLed
ln Lhe monasLery (8eforma, llb. l. ch. vll. 3).
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer lll.

1he 8lesslng of 8elng wlLh Cood eople. Pow CerLaln llluslons Were 8emoved.

1. l began gradually Lo llke Lhe good and holy conversaLlon of Lhls nun. Pow
well she used Lo speak of Cod! for she was a person of greaL dlscreLlon and
sancLlLy. l llsLened Lo her wlLh dellghL. l Lhlnk Lhere never was a Llme
when l was noL glad Lo llsLen Lo her. She began by Lelllng me how she came
Lo be a nun Lhrough Lhe mere readlng of Lhe words of Lhe Cospel "Many are
called, and few are chosen." [98] She would speak of Lhe reward whlch our
Lord glves Lo Lhose who forsake all Lhlngs for Pls sake. 1hls good
companlonshlp began Lo rooL ouL Lhe hablLs whlch bad companlonshlp had
formed, and Lo brlng my LhoughLs back Lo Lhe deslre of eLernal Lhlngs, as
well as Lo banlsh ln some measure Lhe greaL dlsllke l had Lo be a nun, whlch
had been very greaL, and lf l saw any one weep ln prayer, or devouL ln any
oLher way, l envled her very much, for my hearL was now so hard, LhaL l
could noL shed a Lear, even lf l read Lhe asslon Lhrough. 1hls was a grlef
Lo me.

2. l remalned ln Lhe monasLery a year and a half, and was very much Lhe
beLLer for lL. l began Lo say many vocal prayers, and Lo ask all Lhe nuns Lo
pray for me, LhaL Cod would place me ln LhaL sLaLe whereln l was Lo serve
Plm, buL, for all Lhls, l wlshed noL Lo be a nun, and LhaL Cod would noL be
pleased l should be one, Lhough aL Lhe same Llme l was afrald of marrlage.
AL Lhe end of my sLay Lhere, l had a greaLer lncllnaLlon Lo be a nun, yeL
noL ln LhaL house, on accounL of cerLaln devoLlonal pracLlces whlch l
undersLood prevalled Lhere, and whlch l LhoughL oversLralned. Some of Lhe
younger ones encouraged me ln Lhls my wlsh, and lf all had been of one mlnd,
l mlghL have proflLed by lL. l had also a greaL frlend [99] ln anoLher
monasLery, and Lhls made me resolve, lf l was Lo be a nun, noL Lo be one ln
any oLher house Lhan where she was. l looked more Lo Lhe pleasure of sense
and vanlLy Lhan Lo Lhe good of my soul. 1hese good LhoughLs of belng a nun
came Lo me from Llme Lo Llme. 1hey lefL me very soon, and l could noL
persuade myself Lo become one.

3. AL Lhls Llme, Lhough l was noL careless abouL my own good, our Lord was
much more careful Lo dlspose me for LhaL sLaLe of llfe whlch was besL for
me. Pe senL me a serlous lllness, so LhaL l was obllged Lo reLurn Lo my
faLher's house.

4. When l became well agaln, Lhey Look me Lo see my slsLer [100] ln her
house ln Lhe counLry vlllage where she dwelL. Per love for me was so greaL,
LhaL, lf she had had her wlll, l should never have lefL her. Per husband
also had a greaL affecLlon for me-aL leasL, he showed me all klndness. 1hls
Loo l owe raLher Lo our Lord, for l have recelved klndness everywhere, and
all my servlce ln reLurn ls, LhaL l am whaL l am.

3. Cn Lhe road llved a broLher of my faLher [101] -a prudenL and mosL
excellenL man, Lhen a wldower. Plm Loo our Lord was preparlng for Plmself.
ln hls old age, he lefL all hls possesslons and became a rellglous. Pe so
flnlshed hls course, LhaL l belleve hlm Lo have Lhe vlslon of Cod. Pe would
have me sLay wlLh hlm some days. Pls pracLlce was Lo read good books ln
Spanlsh, and hls ordlnary conversaLlon was abouL Cod and Lhe vanlLy of Lhe
world. 1hese books he made me read Lo hlm, and, Lhough l dld noL much llke
Lhem, l appeared as lf l dld, for ln glvlng pleasure Lo oLhers l have been
mosL parLlcular, Lhough lL mlghL be palnful Lo myself-so much so, LhaL whaL
ln oLhers mlghL have been a vlrLue was ln me a greaL faulL, because l was
ofLen exLremely lndlscreeL. C my Cod, ln how many ways dld Pls Ma[esLy
prepare me for Lhe sLaLe whereln lL was Pls wlll l should serve Plm!-how,
agalnsL my own wlll, Pe consLralned me Lo do vlolence Lo myself! May Pe be
blessed for ever! Amen.

6. 1hough l remalned here buL a few days, yeL, Lhrough Lhe lmpresslon made
on my hearL by Lhe words of Cod boLh heard and read, and by Lhe good
conversaLlon of my uncle, l came Lo undersLand Lhe LruLh l had heard ln my
chlldhood, LhaL all Lhlngs are as noLhlng, Lhe world vanlLy, and passlng
rapldly away. l also began Lo be afrald LhaL, lf l were Lhen Lo dle, l
should go down Lo hell. 1hough l could noL bend my wlll Lo be a nun, l saw
LhaL Lhe rellglous sLaLe was Lhe besL and Lhe safesL. And Lhus, by llLLle
and llLLle, l resolved Lo force myself lnLo lL.

7. 1he sLruggle lasLed Lhree monLhs. l used Lo press Lhls reason agalnsL
myself: 1he Lrlals and sufferlngs of llvlng as a nun cannoL be greaLer Lhan
Lhose of purgaLory, and l have well deserved Lo be ln hell. lL ls noL much
Lo spend Lhe resL of my llfe as lf l were ln purgaLory, and Lhen go sLralghL
Lo Peaven-whlch was whaL l deslred. l was more lnfluenced by servlle fear, l
Lhlnk, Lhan by love, Lo enLer rellglon.

8. 1he devll puL before me LhaL l could noL endure Lhe Lrlals of Lhe
rellglous llfe, because of my dellcaLe nurLure. l defended myself agalnsL
hlm by alleglng Lhe Lrlals whlch ChrlsL endured, and LhaL lL was noL much
for me Lo suffer someLhlng for Pls sake, besldes, Pe would help me Lo bear
lL. l musL have LhoughL so, buL l do noL remember Lhls conslderaLlon. l
endured many LempLaLlons durlng Lhese days. l was sub[ecL Lo falnLlng-flLs,
aLLended wlLh fever,-for my healLh was always weak. l had become by Lhls
Llme fond of good books, and LhaL gave me llfe. l read Lhe LplsLles of SL.
!erome, whlch fllled me wlLh so much courage, LhaL l resolved Lo Lell my
faLher of my purpose,-whlch was almosL llke Laklng Lhe hablL, for l was so
[ealous of my word, LhaL l would never, for any conslderaLlon, recede from a
promlse when once my word had been glven.

9. My faLher's love for me was so greaL, LhaL l could never obLaln hls
consenL, nor could Lhe prayers of oLhers, whom l persuaded Lo speak Lo hlm,
be of any avall. 1he uLmosL l could geL from hlm was LhaL l mlghL do as l
pleased afLer hls deaLh. l now began Lo be afrald of myself, and of my own
weakness-for l mlghL go back. So, conslderlng LhaL such walLlng was noL safe
for me, l obLalned my end ln anoLher way, as l shall now relaLe.
_________________________________________________________________

[98] SL. MaLL. xx. 16: "MulLl enlm sunL vocaLl, paucl vero elecLl."

[99] !uana Suarez, ln Lhe MonasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, Avlla (8eforma, llb.
l. ch. vll. 7).

[100] Marla de Cepeda, marrled Lo uon MarLln Cuzman y 8arrlenLos. 1hey llved
ln CasLellanos de la Canada, where Lhey had conslderable properLy, buL ln
Lhe laLer years of Lhelr llves Lhey were ln sLralLened clrcumsLances (ue la
luenLe). See below, [118]ch. xxxlv. 24.

[101] uon edro Sanchez de Cepeda. Pe llved ln PorLlgosa, four leagues from
Avlla (ue la luenLe).
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer lv.

Cur Lord Pelps Per Lo 8ecome a nun. Per Many lnflrmlLles.

1. ln Lhose days, when l was Lhus resolved, l had persuaded one of my
broLhers, [102] by speaklng Lo hlm of Lhe vanlLy of Lhe world, Lo become a
frlar, and we agreed LogeLher Lo seL ouL one day very early ln Lhe mornlng
for Lhe monasLery where LhaL frlend of mlne llved for whom l had so greaL an
affecLlon: [103] Lhough l would have gone Lo any oLher monasLery, lf l
LhoughL l should serve Cod beLLer ln lL, or Lo any one my faLher llked, so
sLrong was my resoluLlon now Lo become a nun-for l LhoughL more of Lhe
salvaLlon of my soul now, and made no accounL whaLever of mlne own ease. l
remember perfecLly well, and lL ls qulLe Lrue, LhaL Lhe paln l felL when l
lefL my faLher's house was so greaL, LhaL l do noL belleve Lhe paln of dylng
wlll be greaLer-for lL seemed Lo me as lf every bone ln my body were
wrenched asunder, [104] for, as l had no love of Cod Lo desLroy my love of
faLher and of klndred, Lhls laLLer love came upon me wlLh a vlolence so
greaL LhaL, lf our Lord had noL been my keeper, my own resoluLlon Lo go on
would have falled me. 8uL Pe gave me courage Lo flghL agalnsL myself, so
LhaL l execuLed my purpose. [103]

2. When l Look Lhe hablL, [106] our Lord aL once made me undersLand how Pe
helps Lhose who do vlolence Lo Lhemselves ln order Lo serve Plm. no one
observed Lhls vlolence ln me, Lhey saw noLhlng buL Lhe greaLesL good wlll.
AL LhaL momenL, because l was enLerlng on LhaL sLaLe, l was fllled wlLh a
[oy so greaL, LhaL lL has never falled me Lo Lhls day, and Cod converLed Lhe
arldlLy of my soul lnLo Lhe greaLesL Lenderness. LveryLhlng ln rellglon was
a dellghL unLo me, and lL ls Lrue LhaL now and Lhen l used Lo sweep Lhe
house durlng Lhose hours of Lhe day whlch l had formerly spenL on my
amusemenLs and my dress, and, calllng Lo mlnd LhaL l was dellvered from such
follles, l was fllled wlLh a new [oy LhaL surprlsed me, nor could l
undersLand whence lL came.

3. Whenever l remember Lhls, Lhere ls noLhlng ln Lhe world, however hard lL
may be, LhaL, lf lL were proposed Lo me, l would noL underLake wlLhouL any
heslLaLlon whaLever, for l know now, by experlence ln many Lhlngs, LhaL lf
from Lhe flrsL l resoluLely persevere ln my purpose, even ln Lhls llfe Pls
Ma[esLy rewards lL ln a way whlch he only undersLands who has Lrled lL. When
Lhe acL ls done for Cod only, lL ls Pls wlll before we begln lL LhaL Lhe
soul, ln order Lo Lhe lncrease of lLs merlLs, should be afrald, and Lhe
greaLer Lhe fear, lf we do buL succeed, Lhe greaLer Lhe reward, and Lhe
sweeLness Lhence afLerwards resulLlng. l know Lhls by experlence, as l have
[usL sald, ln many serlous affalrs, and so, lf l were a person who had Lo
advlse anybody, l would never counsel any one, Lo whom good lnsplraLlons
from Llme Lo Llme may come, Lo reslsL Lhem Lhrough fear of Lhe dlfflculLy of
carrylng Lhem lnLo effecL, for lf a person llves deLached for Lhe love of
Cod only, LhaL ls no reason for belng afrald of fallure, for Pe ls
omnlpoLenL. May Pe be blessed for ever! Amen.

4. C supreme Cood, and my 8esL, Lhose graces oughL Lo have been enough whlch
1hou hadsL glven me hlLherLo, seelng LhaL 1hy compasslon and greaLness had
drawn me Lhrough so many wlndlngs Lo a sLaLe so secure, Lo a house where
Lhere are so many servanLs of Cod, from whom l mlghL learn how l may advance
ln 1hy servlce. l know noL how Lo go on, when l call Lo mlnd Lhe
clrcumsLances of my professlon, Lhe greaL resoluLlon and [oy wlLh whlch l
made lL, and my beLroLhal unLo 1hee. l cannoL speak of lL wlLhouL Lears, and
my Lears oughL Lo be Lears of blood, my hearL oughL Lo break, and LhaL would
noL be much Lo suffer because of Lhe many offences agalnsL 1hee whlch l have
commlLLed slnce LhaL day. lL seems Lo me now LhaL l had good reasons for noL
wlshlng for Lhls dlgnlLy, seelng LhaL l have made so sad a use of lL. 8uL
1hou, C my Lord, hasL been wllllng Lo bear wlLh me for almosL LwenLy years
of my evll uslng of 1hy graces, Llll l mlghL become beLLer. lL seems Lo me,
C my Cod, LhaL l dld noLhlng buL promlse never Lo keep any of Lhe promlses
Lhen made Lo 1hee. ?eL such was noL my lnLenLlon: buL l see LhaL whaL l have
done slnce ls of such a naLure, LhaL l know noL whaL my lnLenLlon was. So lL
was and so lL happened, LhaL lL may be Lhe beLLer known, C my 8rldegroom,
Who 1hou arL and whaL l am.

3. lL ls cerLalnly Lrue LhaL very frequenLly Lhe [oy l have ln LhaL Lhe
mulLlLude of 1hy mercles ls made known ln me, sofLens Lhe blLLer sense of my
greaL faulLs. ln whom, C Lord, can Lhey shlne forLh as Lhey do ln me, who by
my evll deeds have shrouded ln darkness 1hy greaL graces, whlch 1hou hadsL
begun Lo work ln me? Woe ls me, C my Maker! lf l would make an excuse, l
have none Lo offer, and l only am Lo blame. lor lf l could reLurn Lo 1hee
any porLlon of LhaL love whlch 1hou hadsL begun Lo show unLo me, l would
glve lL only unLo 1hee, and Lhen everyLhlng would have been safe. 8uL, as l
have noL deserved Lhls, nor been so happy as Lo have done lL, leL 1hy mercy,
C Lord, resL upon me.

6. 1he change ln Lhe hablLs of my llfe, and ln my food, proved hurLful Lo my
healLh, and Lhough my happlness was greaL, LhaL was noL enough. 1he
falnLlng-flLs began Lo be more frequenL, and my hearL was so serlously
affecLed, LhaL every one who saw lL was alarmed, and l had also many oLher
allmenLs. And Lhus lL was l spenL Lhe flrsL year, havlng very bad healLh,
Lhough l do noL Lhlnk l offended Cod ln lL much. And as my lllness was so
serlous-l was almosL lnsenslble aL all Llmes, and frequenLly wholly so-my
faLher Look greaL palns Lo flnd some rellef, and as Lhe physlclans who
aLLended me had none Lo glve, he had me Laken Lo a place whlch had a greaL
repuLaLlon for Lhe cure of oLher lnflrmlLles. 1hey sald l should flnd rellef
Lhere. [107] 1haL frlend of whom l have spoken as belng ln Lhe house wenL
wlLh me. She was one of Lhe elder nuns. ln Lhe house where l was a nun,
Lhere was no vow of enclosure. [108]

7. l remalned Lhere nearly a year, for Lhree monLhs of lL sufferlng mosL
cruel LorLures-effecLs of Lhe vlolenL remedles whlch Lhey applled. l know
noL how l endured Lhem, and lndeed, Lhough l submlLLed myself Lo Lhem, Lhey
were, as l shall relaLe, [109] more Lhan my consLlLuLlon could bear.

8. l was Lo begln Lhe LreaLmenL ln Lhe sprlng, and wenL LhlLher when wlnLer
commenced. 1he lnLervenlng Llme l spenL wlLh my slsLer, of whom l spoke
before, [110] ln her house ln Lhe counLry, walLlng for Lhe monLh of Aprll,
whlch was drawlng near, LhaL l mlghL noL have Lo go and reLurn. 1he uncle of
whom l have made menLlon before, [111] and whose house was on our road, gave
me a book called 1ercer Abecedarlo, [112] whlch LreaLs of Lhe prayer of
recollecLlon. 1hough ln Lhe flrsL year l had read good books-for l would
read no oLhers, because l undersLood now Lhe harm Lhey had done me-l dld noL
know how Lo make my prayer, nor how Lo recollecL myself. l was Lherefore
much pleased wlLh Lhe book, and resolved Lo follow Lhe way of prayer lL
descrlbed wlLh all my mlghL. And as our Lord had already besLowed upon me
Lhe glfL of Lears, and l found pleasure ln readlng, l began Lo spend a
cerLaln Llme ln sollLude, Lo go frequenLly Lo confesslon, and make a
beglnnlng of LhaL way of prayer, wlLh Lhls book for my gulde, for l had no
masLer-l mean, no confessor-who undersLood me, Lhough l soughL for such a
one for LwenLy years afLerwards: whlch dld me much harm, ln LhaL l
frequenLly wenL backwards, and mlghL have been even uLLerly losL, for,
anyhow, a dlrecLor would have helped me Lo escape Lhe rlsks l ran of slnnlng
agalnsL Cod.

9. lrom Lhe very beglnnlng, Cod was mosL graclous unLo me. 1hough l was noL
so free from sln as Lhe book requlred, l passed LhaL by, such waLchfulness
seemed Lo me almosL lmposslble. l was on my guard agalnsL morLal sln-and
would Lo Cod l had always been so!-buL l was careless abouL venlal slns, and
LhaL was my ruln. ?eL, for all Lhls, aL Lhe end of my sLay Lhere-l spenL
nearly nlne monLhs ln Lhe pracLlce of sollLude-our Lord began Lo comforL me
so much ln Lhls way of prayer, as ln Pls mercy Lo ralse me Lo Lhe prayer of
quleL, and now and Lhen Lo LhaL of unlon, Lhough l undersLood noL whaL
elLher Lhe one or Lhe oLher was, nor Lhe greaL esLeem l oughL Lo have had of
Lhem. l belleve lL would have been a greaL blesslng Lo me lf l had
undersLood Lhe maLLer. lL ls Lrue LhaL Lhe prayer of unlon lasLed buL a
shorL Llme: l know noL lf lL conLlnued for Lhe space of an Ave Marla, buL
Lhe frulLs of lL remalned, and Lhey were such LhaL, Lhough l was Lhen noL
LwenLy years of age, l seemed Lo desplse Lhe world uLLerly, and so l
remember how sorry l was for Lhose who followed lLs ways, Lhough only ln
Lhlngs lawful.

10. l used Lo labour wlLh all my mlghL Lo lmaglne !esus ChrlsL, our Cood and
our Lord, presenL wlLhln me. And Lhls was Lhe way l prayed. lf l medlLaLed
on any mysLery of Pls llfe, l represenLed lL Lo myself as wlLhln me, Lhough
Lhe greaLer parL of my Llme l spenL ln readlng good books, whlch was all my
comforL, for Cod never endowed me wlLh Lhe glfL of maklng reflecLlons wlLh
Lhe undersLandlng, or wlLh LhaL of uslng Lhe lmaglnaLlon Lo any good
purpose: my lmaglnaLlon ls so slugglsh, [113] LhaL even lf l would Lhlnk of,
or plcLure Lo myself, as l used Lo labour Lo plcLure, our Lord's PumanlLy, l
never could do lL.

11. And Lhough men may aLLaln more qulckly Lo Lhe sLaLe of conLemplaLlon, lf
Lhey persevere, by Lhls way of lnablllLy Lo exerL Lhe lnLellecL, yeL ls Lhe
process more laborlous and palnful, for lf Lhe wlll have noLhlng Lo occupy
lL, and lf love have no presenL ob[ecL Lo resL on, Lhe soul ls wlLhouL
supporL and wlLhouL employmenL-lLs lsolaLlon and dryness occaslon greaL
paln, and Lhe LhoughLs assall lL mosL grlevously. ersons ln Lhls condlLlon
musL have greaLer purlLy of consclence Lhan Lhose who can make use of Lhelr
undersLandlng, for he who can use hls lnLellecL ln Lhe way of medlLaLlon on
whaL Lhe world ls, on whaL he owes Lo Cod, on Lhe greaL sufferlngs of Cod
for hlm, hls own scanLy servlce ln reLurn, and on Lhe reward Cod reserves
for Lhose who love Plm, learns how Lo defend hlmself agalnsL hls own
LhoughLs, and agalnsL Lhe occaslons and perlls of sln. Cn Lhe oLher hand, he
who has noL LhaL power ls ln greaLer danger, and oughL Lo occupy hlmself
much ln readlng, seelng LhaL he ls noL ln Lhe sllghLesL degree able Lo help
hlmself.

12. 1hls way of proceedlng ls so exceedlngly palnful, LhaL lf Lhe masLer who
Leaches lL lnslsLs on cuLLlng off Lhe succours whlch readlng glves, and
requlres Lhe spendlng of much Llme ln prayer, Lhen, l say, lL wlll be
lmposslble Lo persevere long ln lL: and lf he perslsLs ln hls plan, healLh
wlll be rulned, because lL ls a mosL palnful process. 8eadlng ls of greaL
servlce Lowards procurlng recollecLlon ln any one who proceeds ln Lhls way,
and lL ls even necessary for hlm, however llLLle lL may be LhaL he reads, lf
only as a subsLlLuLe for Lhe menLal prayer whlch ls beyond hls reach.

13. now l seem Lo undersLand LhaL lL was Lhe good provldence of our Lord
over me LhaL found no one Lo Leach me. lf l had, lL would have been
lmposslble for me Lo persevere durlng Lhe elghLeen years of my Lrlal and of
Lhose greaL arldlLles because of my lnablllLy Lo medlLaLe. uurlng all Lhls
Llme, lL was only afLer Communlon LhaL l ever venLured Lo begln my prayer
wlLhouL a book-my soul was as much afrald Lo pray wlLhouL one, as lf lL had
Lo flghL agalnsL a hosL. WlLh a book Lo help me-lL was llke a companlon, and
a shleld whereon Lo recelve Lhe blows of many LhoughLs-l found comforL, for
lL was noL usual wlLh me Lo be ln arldlLy: buL l always was so when l had no
book, for my soul was dlsLurbed, and my LhoughLs wandered aL once. WlLh one,
l began Lo collecL my LhoughLs, and, uslng lL as a decoy, kepL my soul ln
peace, very frequenLly by merely openlng a book-Lhere was no necesslLy for
more. SomeLlmes, l read buL llLLle, aL oLher Llmes, much-accordlng as our
Lord had plLy on me.

14. lL seemed Lo me, ln Lhese beglnnlngs of whlch l am speaklng, LhaL Lhere
could be no danger capable of wlLhdrawlng me from so greaL a blesslng, lf l
had buL books, and could have remalned alone, and l belleve LhaL, by Lhe
grace of Cod, lL would have been so, lf l had had a masLer or any one Lo
warn me agalnsL Lhose occaslons of sln ln Lhe beglnnlng, and, lf l fell, Lo
brlng me qulckly ouL of Lhem. lf Lhe devll had assalled me openly Lhen, l
belleve l should never have fallen lnLo any grlevous sln, buL he was so
subLle, and l so weak, LhaL all my good resoluLlons were of llLLle
servlce-Lhough, ln Lhose days ln whlch l served Cod, Lhey were very
proflLable ln enabllng me, wlLh LhaL paLlence whlch Pls Ma[esLy gave me, Lo
endure Lhe alarmlng lllnesses whlch l had Lo bear. l have ofLen LhoughL wlLh
wonder of Lhe greaL goodness of Cod, and my soul has re[olced ln Lhe
conLemplaLlon of Pls greaL magnlflcence and mercy. May Pe be blessed for
ever!-for l see clearly LhaL Pe has noL omlLLed Lo reward me, even ln Lhls
llfe, for every one of my good deslres. My good works, however wreLched and
lmperfecL, have been made beLLer and perfecLed by Plm Who ls my Lord: Pe has
rendered Lhem merlLorlous. As Lo my evll deeds and my slns, Pe hld Lhem aL
once. 1he eyes of Lhose who saw Lhem, Pe made even bllnd, and Pe has bloLLed
Lhem ouL of Lhelr memory. Pe gllds my faulLs, makes vlrLue Lo shlne forLh,
glvlng lL Lo me Plmself, and compelllng me Lo possess lL, as lL were, by
force.

13. l musL now reLurn Lo LhaL whlch has been en[olned me. l say, LhaL lf l
had Lo descrlbe mlnuLely how our Lord dealL wlLh me ln Lhe beglnnlng, lL
would be necessary for me Lo have anoLher undersLandlng Lhan LhaL l have: so
LhaL l mlghL be able Lo appreclaLe whaL l owe Lo Plm, LogeLher wlLh my own
lngraLlLude and wlckedness, for l have forgoLLen lL all.

May Pe be blessed for ever Who has borne wlLh me so long! Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[102] AnLonlo de Ahumada, who, accordlng Lo Lhe mosL probable oplnlon,
enLered Lhe uomlnlcan monasLery of SL. 1homas, Avlla. lL ls sald LhaL he
dled before he was professed. Some sald he [olned Lhe PleronymlLes, buL Lhls
ls noL so probable (ue la luenLe). 8lbera, however, says LhaL he dld enLer
Lhe novlLlaLe of Lhe PleronymlLes. buL dled before he was ouL of lL (llb. l.
ch. vl.).

[103] !uana Suarez, ln Lhe MonasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, Avlla.

[104] See [119]8elaLlon, vl. 3.

[103] 1he nuns senL word Lo Lhe faLher of hls chlld's escape, and of her
deslre Lo become a nun, buL wlLhouL any expecLaLlon of obLalnlng hls
consenL. Pe came Lo Lhe monasLery forLhwlLh, and "offered up hls lsaac on
MounL Carmel" (8eforma, llb. l. ch. vlll. 3).

[106] 1he SalnL enLered Lhe MonasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon nov. 2, 1333, and
made her professlon nov. 3, 1334 (8ollandlsLs and 8oulx). 8lbera says she
enLered november 2, 1333, and Lhe chronlcler of Lhe Crder, relylng on Lhe
conLracL by whlch her faLher bound hlmself Lo Lhe monasLery, says LhaL she
Look Lhe hablL nov. 2, 1336, and LhaL 8lbera had made a mlsLake.

[107] Per faLher Look her from Lhe monasLery ln Lhe auLumn of 1333,
accordlng Lo Lhe 8ollandlsLs, buL of 1338, accordlng Lo Lhe chronlcler, who
adds, LhaL she was Laken Lo her uncle's house-edro Sanchez de Cepeda-ln
PorLlgosa, and Lhen Lo CasLellanos de la Canada, Lo Lhe house of her slsLer,
uona Marla, where she remalned Llll Lhe sprlng, when she wenL Lo 8ezadas for
her cure (8eforma, llb. l. ch. xl. 2).

[108] lL was ln 1363 LhaL all nuns were compelled Lo observe enclosure (ue
la luenLe).

[109] [120]Ch. v. 13.

[110] [121]Ch. lll. 4.

[111] [122]Ch. lll. 3.

[112] 8y lray lranclsco de Csuna, of Lhe Crder of SL. lrancls (8eforma, llb.
l. ch. xl. 2).

[113] See [123]ch. lx. 4, [124]7.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer v.

lllness and aLlence of Lhe SalnL. 1he SLory of a rlesL Whom She 8escued
from a Llfe of Sln.

1. l forgoL Lo say how, ln Lhe year of my novlLlaLe, l suffered much
uneaslness abouL Lhlngs ln Lhemselves of no lmporLance, buL l was found
faulL wlLh very ofLen when l was blameless. l bore lL palnfully and wlLh
lmperfecLlon, however, l wenL Lhrough lL all, because of Lhe [oy l had ln
belng a nun. When Lhey saw me seeklng Lo be alone, and even weeplng over my
slns aL Llmes, Lhey LhoughL l was dlsconLenLed, and sald so.

2. All rellglous observances had an aLLracLlon for me, buL l could noL
endure any whlch seemed Lo make me conLempLlble. l dellghLed ln belng
LhoughL well of by oLhers, and was very exacL ln everyLhlng l had Lo do. All
Lhls l LhoughL was a vlrLue, Lhough lL wlll noL serve as any excuse for me,
because l knew whaL lL was Lo procure my own saLlsfacLlon ln everyLhlng, and
so lgnorance does noL bloL ouL Lhe blame. 1here may be some excuse ln Lhe
facL LhaL Lhe monasLery was noL founded ln greaL perfecLlon. l, wlcked as l
was, followed afLer LhaL whlch l saw was wrong, and neglecLed LhaL whlch was
good.

3. 1here was Lhen ln Lhe house a nun labourlng under a mosL grlevous and
palnful dlsorder, for Lhere were open ulcers ln her body, caused by cerLaln
obsLrucLlons, Lhrough whlch her food was re[ecLed. Cf Lhls slckness she soon
dled. All Lhe slsLers, l saw, were afrald of her malady. l envled her
paLlence very much, l prayed Lo Cod LhaL Pe would glve me a llke paLlence,
and Lhen, whaLever slckness lL mlghL be Pls pleasure Lo send, l do noL Lhlnk
l was afrald of any, for l was resolved on galnlng eLernal good, and
deLermlned Lo galn lL by any and by every means.

4. l am surprlsed aL myself, because Lhen l had noL, as l belleve, LhaL love
of Cod whlch l Lhlnk l had afLer l began Lo pray. 1hen, l had only llghL Lo
see LhaL all Lhlngs LhaL pass away are Lo be llghLly esLeemed, and LhaL Lhe
good Lhlngs Lo be galned by desplslng Lhem are of greaL prlce, because Lhey
are for ever. Pls Ma[esLy heard me also ln Lhls, for ln less Lhan Lwo years
l was so affllcLed myself LhaL Lhe lllness whlch l had, Lhough of a
dlfferenL klnd from LhaL of Lhe slsLer, was, l really belleve, noL less
palnful and Lrylng for Lhe Lhree years lL lasLed, as l shall now relaLe.

3. When Lhe Llme had come for whlch l was walLlng ln Lhe place l spoke of
before [114] -l was ln my slsLer's house, for Lhe purpose of undergolng Lhe
medlcal LreaLmenL-Lhey Look me away wlLh Lhe uLmosL care of my comforL, LhaL
ls, my faLher, my slsLer, and Lhe nun, my frlend, who had come from Lhe
monasLery wlLh me,-for her love for me was very greaL. AL LhaL momenL, SaLan
began Lo Lrouble my soul, Cod, however, broughL forLh a greaL blesslng ouL
of LhaL Lrouble.

6. ln Lhe place Lo whlch l had gone for my cure llved a prlesL of good blrLh
and undersLandlng, wlLh some learnlng, buL noL much. l wenL Lo confesslon Lo
hlm, for l was always fond of learned men, alLhough confessors lndlfferenLly
learned dld my soul much harm, for l dld noL always flnd confessors whose
learnlng was as good as l could wlsh lL was. l know by experlence LhaL lL ls
beLLer, lf Lhe confessors are good men and of holy llves, LhaL Lhey should
have no learnlng aL all, Lhan a llLLle, for such confessors never LrusL
Lhemselves wlLhouL consulLlng Lhose who are learned-nor would l LrusL Lhem
myself: and a really learned confessor never decelved me. [113] nelLher dld
Lhe oLhers wllllngly decelve me, only Lhey knew no beLLer, l LhoughL Lhey
were learned, and LhaL l was noL under any oLher obllgaLlon Lhan LhaL of
bellevlng Lhem, as Lhelr lnsLrucLlons Lo me were lax, and lefL me more aL
llberLy-for lf Lhey had been sLrlcL wlLh me, l am so wlcked, l should have
soughL for oLhers. 1haL whlch was a venlal sln, Lhey Lold me was no sln aL
all, of LhaL whlch was mosL grlevously morLal, Lhey sald lL was venlal.
[116]

7. 1hls dld me so much harm, LhaL lL ls no wonder l should speak of lL here
as a warnlng Lo oLhers, LhaL Lhey may avold an evll so greaL, for l see
clearly LhaL ln Lhe eyes of Cod l was wlLhouL excuse, LhaL Lhe Lhlngs l dld
belng ln Lhemselves noL good, Lhls should have been enough Lo keep me from
Lhem. l belleve LhaL Cod, by reason of my slns, allowed Lhose confessors Lo
decelve Lhemselves and Lo decelve me. l myself decelved many oLhers by
saylng Lo Lhem whaL had been sald Lo me.

8. l conLlnued ln Lhls bllndness, l belleve, more Lhan sevenLeen years, Llll
a mosL learned uomlnlcan laLher [117] undecelved me ln parL, and Lhose of
Lhe Company of !esus made me alLogeLher so afrald, by lnslsLlng on Lhe
erroneousness of Lhese prlnclples, as l shall hereafLer show. [118]

9. l began, Lhen, by golng Lo confesslon Lo LhaL prlesL of whom l spoke
before. [119] Pe Look an exLreme llklng Lo me, because l had Lhen buL llLLle
Lo confess ln comparlson wlLh whaL l had afLerwards, and l had never much Lo
say slnce l became a nun. 1here was no harm ln Lhe llklng he had for me, buL
lL ceased Lo be good, because lL was ln excess. Pe clearly undersLood LhaL l
was deLermlned on no accounL whaLever Lo do anyLhlng whereby Cod mlghL be
serlously offended. Pe, Loo, gave me a llke assurance abouL hlmself, and
accordlngly our conferences were many. 8uL aL LhaL Llme, Lhrough Lhe
knowledge and fear of Cod whlch fllled my soul, whaL gave me mosL pleasure
ln all my conversaLlons wlLh oLhers was Lo speak of Cod, and, as l was so
young, Lhls made hlm ashamed, and Lhen, ouL of LhaL greaL goodwlll he bore
me, he began Lo Lell me of hls wreLched sLaLe. lL was very sad, for he had
been nearly seven years ln a mosL perllous condlLlon, because of hls
affecLlon for, and conversaLlon wlLh, a woman of LhaL place, and yeL he used
Lo say Mass. 1he maLLer was so publlc, LhaL hls honour and good name were
losL, and no one venLured Lo speak Lo hlm abouL lL. l was exLremely sorry
for hlm, because l llked hlm much. l was Lhen so lmprudenL and so bllnd as
Lo Lhlnk lL a vlrLue Lo be graLeful and loyal Lo one who llked me. Cursed be
LhaL loyalLy whlch reaches so far as Lo go agalnsL Lhe law of Cod. lL ls a
madness common ln Lhe world, and lL makes me mad Lo see lL. We are lndebLed
Lo Cod for all Lhe good LhaL men do Lo us, and yeL we hold lL Lo be an acL
of vlrLue noL Lo break a frlendshlp of Lhls klnd, Lhough lL lead us Lo go
agalnsL Plm. Ch, bllndness of Lhe world! LeL me, C Lord, be mosL ungraLeful
Lo Lhe world, never aL all unLo 1hee. 8uL l have been alLogeLher oLherwlse
Lhrough my slns.

10. l procured furLher lnformaLlon abouL Lhe maLLer from members of hls
household, l learned more of hls rulnous sLaLe, and saw LhaL Lhe poor man's
faulL was noL so grave, because Lhe mlserable woman had had recourse Lo
enchanLmenLs, by glvlng hlm a llLLle lmage made of copper, whlch she had
begged hlm Lo wear for love of her around hls neck, and Lhls no one had
lnfluence enough Lo persuade hlm Lo Lhrow away. As Lo Lhls maLLer of
enchanLmenLs, l do noL belleve lL Lo be alLogeLher Lrue, buL l wlll relaLe
whaL l saw, by way of warnlng Lo men Lo be on Lhelr guard agalnsL women who
wlll do Lhlngs of Lhls klnd. And leL Lhem be assured of Lhls, LhaL women-for
Lhey are more bound Lo purlLy Lhan men-lf once Lhey have losL all shame
before Cod, are ln noLhlng whaLever Lo be LrusLed, and LhaL ln exchange for
Lhe graLlflcaLlon of Lhelr wlll, and of LhaL affecLlon whlch Lhe devll
suggesLs, Lhey wlll heslLaLe aL noLhlng.

11. 1hough l have been so wlcked myself, l never fell lnLo anyLhlng of Lhls
klnd, nor dld l ever aLLempL Lo do evll, nor, lf l had Lhe power, would l
have ever consLralned any one Lo llke me, for our Lord kepL me from Lhls.
8uL lf Pe had abandoned me, l should have done wrong ln Lhls, as l dld ln
oLher Lhlngs-for Lhere ls noLhlng ln me whereon anyone may rely.

12. When l knew Lhls, l began Lo show hlm greaLer affecLlon: my lnLenLlon
was good, buL Lhe acL was wrong, for l oughL noL Lo do Lhe leasL wrong for
Lhe sake of any good, how greaL soever lL may be. l spoke Lo hlm mosL
frequenLly of Cod, and Lhls musL have done hlm good-Lhough l belleve LhaL
whaL Louched hlm mosL was hls greaL affecLlon for me, because, Lo do me a
pleasure, he gave me LhaL llLLle lmage of copper, and l had lL aL once
Lhrown lnLo a rlver. When he had glven lL up, llke a man roused from deep
sleep, he began Lo conslder all LhaL he had done ln Lhose years, and Lhen,
amazed aL hlmself, lamenLlng hls rulnous sLaLe, LhaL woman came Lo be
haLeful ln hls eyes. Cur Lady musL have helped hlm greaLly, for he had a
very greaL devoLlon Lo her ConcepLlon, and used Lo keep Lhe feasL Lhereof
wlLh greaL solemnlLy. ln shorL, he broke off all relaLlons wlLh LhaL woman
uLLerly, and was never weary of glvlng Cod Lhanks for Lhe llghL Pe had glven
hlm, and aL Lhe end of Lhe year from Lhe day l flrsL saw hlm, he dled.

13. Pe had been mosL dlllgenL ln Lhe servlce of Cod, and as for LhaL greaL
affecLlon he had for me, l never observed anyLhlng wrong ln lL, Lhough lL
mlghL have been of greaLer purlLy. 1here were also occaslons whereln he
mlghL have mosL grlevously offended, lf he had noL kepL hlmself ln Lhe near
presence of Cod. As l sald before, [120] l would noL Lhen have done anyLhlng
l knew was a morLal sln. And l Lhlnk LhaL observlng Lhls resoluLlon ln me
helped hlm Lo have LhaL affecLlon for me, for l belleve LhaL all men musL
have a greaLer affecLlon for Lhose women whom Lhey see dlsposed Lo be good,
and even for Lhe aLLalnmenL of earLhly ends, women musL have more power over
men because Lhey are good, as l shall show hereafLer. l am convlnced LhaL
Lhe prlesL ls ln Lhe way of salvaLlon. Pe dled mosL plously, and compleLely
wlLhdrawn from LhaL occaslon of sln. lL seems LhaL lL was Lhe wlll of our
Lord he should be saved by Lhese means.

14. l remalned Lhree monLhs ln LhaL place, ln Lhe mosL grlevous sufferlngs,
for Lhe LreaLmenL was Loo severe for my consLlLuLlon. ln Lwo monLhs-so
sLrong were Lhe medlclnes-my llfe was nearly worn ouL, and Lhe severlLy of
Lhe paln ln Lhe hearL, [121] for Lhe cure of whlch l was Lhere was much more
keen: lL seemed Lo me, now and Lhen, as lf lL had been selzed by sharp
LeeLh. So greaL was Lhe LormenL, LhaL lL was feared lL mlghL end ln madness.
1here was a greaL loss of sLrengLh, for l could eaL noLhlng whaLever, only
drlnk. l had a greaL loaLhlng for food, and a fever LhaL never lefL me. l
was so reduced, for Lhey had glven me purgaLlves dally for nearly a monLh,
and so parched up, LhaL my slnews began Lo shrlnk. 1he palns l had were
unendurable, and l was overwhelmed ln a mosL deep sadness, so LhaL l had no
resL elLher nlghL or day.

13. 1hls was Lhe resulL, and Lhereupon my faLher Look me back. 1hen Lhe
physlclans vlslLed me agaln. All gave me up, Lhey sald l was also
consumpLlve. 1hls gave me llLLle or no concern, whaL dlsLressed me were Lhe
palns l had-for l was ln paln from my head down Lo my feeL. now, nervous
palns, accordlng Lo Lhe physlclans, are lnLolerable, and all my nerves were
shrunk. CerLalnly, lf l had noL broughL Lhls upon myself by my slns, Lhe
LorLure would have been unendurable.

16. l was noL more Lhan Lhree monLhs ln Lhls cruel dlsLress, for lL seemed
lmposslble LhaL so many llls could be borne LogeLher. l now am asLonlshed aL
myself, and Lhe paLlence Pls Ma[esLy gave me-for lL clearly came from Plm-l
look upon as a greaL mercy of our Lord. lL was a greaL help Lo me Lo be
paLlenL, LhaL l had read Lhe sLory of !ob, ln Lhe Morals of SL. Cregory (our
Lord seems Lo have prepared me Lhereby), and LhaL l had begun Lhe pracLlce
of prayer, so LhaL l mlghL bear lL all, conformlng my wlll Lo Lhe wlll of
Cod. All my conversaLlon was wlLh Cod. l had conLlnually Lhese words of !ob
ln my LhoughLs and ln my mouLh: "lf we have recelved good Lhlngs of Lhe hand
of our Lord, why should we noL recelve evll Lhlngs?" [122] 1hls seemed Lo
glve me courage.

17. 1he feasL of our Lady, ln AugusL, came round, from Aprll unLll Lhen l
had been ln greaL paln, buL more especlally durlng Lhe lasL Lhree monLhs. l
made hasLe Lo go Lo confesslon, for l had always been very fond of frequenL
confesslon. 1hey LhoughL l was drlven by Lhe fear of deaLh, and so my
faLher, ln order Lo quleL me, would noL suffer me Lo go. Ch, Lhe
unreasonable love of flesh and blood! 1hough lL was LhaL of a faLher so
CaLhollc and so wlse-he was very much so, and Lhls acL of hls could noL be
Lhe effecL of any lgnorance on hls parL-whaL evll lL mlghL have done me!

18. 1haL very nlghL my slckness became so acuLe, LhaL for abouL four days l
remalned lnsenslble. 1hey admlnlsLered Lhe SacramenL of Lhe lasL AnolnLlng,
and every hour, or raLher every momenL, LhoughL l was dylng, Lhey dld
noLhlng buL repeaL Lhe Credo, as lf l could have undersLood anyLhlng Lhey
sald. 1hey musL have regarded me as dead more Lhan once, for l found
afLerwards drops of wax on my eyellds. My faLher, because he had noL allowed
me Lo go Lo confesslon, was grlevously dlsLressed. Loud crles and many
prayers were made Lo Cod: blessed be Pe Who heard Lhem.

19. lor a day-and-a-half Lhe grave was open ln my monasLery, walLlng for my
body, [123] and Lhe lrlars of our Crder, ln a house aL some dlsLance from
Lhls place, performed funeral solemnlLles. 8uL lL pleased our Lord l should
come Lo myself. l wlshed Lo go Lo confesslon aL once. l communlcaLed wlLh
many Lears, buL l do noL Lhlnk Lhose Lears had Lhelr source ln LhaL paln and
sorrow only for havlng offended Cod, whlch mlghL have sufflced for my
salvaLlon-unless, lndeed, Lhe deluslon whlch l laboured under were some
excuse for me, and lnLo whlch l had been led by Lhose who had Lold me LhaL
some Lhlngs were noL morLal slns whlch afLerwards l found were so cerLalnly.

20. 1hough my sufferlngs were unendurable, and my percepLlons dull, yeL my
confesslon, l belleve, was compleLe as Lo all maLLers whereln l undersLood
myself Lo have offended Cod. 1hls grace, among oLhers, dld Pls Ma[esLy
besLow on me, LhaL ever slnce my flrsL Communlon never ln confesslon have l
falled Lo confess anyLhlng l LhoughL Lo be a sln, Lhough lL mlghL be only a
venlal sln. 8uL l Lhlnk LhaL undoubLedly my salvaLlon was ln greaL perll, lf
l had dled aL LhaL Llme-parLly because my confessors were so unlearned, and
parLly because l was so very wlcked. lL ls cerLalnly Lrue LhaL when l Lhlnk
of lL, and conslder how our Lord seems Lo have ralsed me up from Lhe dead, l
am so fllled wlLh wonder, LhaL l almosL Lremble wlLh fear. [124]

21. And now, C my soul, lL were well for Lhee Lo look LhaL danger ln Lhe
face from whlch our Lord dellvered Lhee, and lf Lhou dosL noL cease Lo
offend Plm ouL of love Lhou shouldsL do so ouL of fear. Pe mlghL have slaln
Lhee a Lhousand Llmes, and ln a far more perllous sLaLe. l belleve l
exaggeraLe noLhlng lf l say a Lhousand Llmes agaln, Lhough he may rebuke me
who has commanded me Lo resLraln myself ln recounLlng my slns, and Lhey are
glossed over enough. l pray hlm, for Lhe love of Cod, noL Lo suppress one of
my faulLs, because hereln shlnes forLh Lhe magnlflcence of Cod, as well as
Pls long-sufferlng Lowards souls. May Pe be blessed for evermore, and
desLroy me uLLerly, raLher Lhan leL me cease Lo love Plm any more!
_________________________________________________________________

[114] [123]Ch. lv. 6. 1he person Lo whom she was Laken was a woman famous
for cerLaln cures she had wroughL, buL whose sklll proved worse Lhan useless
Lo Lhe SalnL (8eforma, llb. l. ch. xl. 2).

[113] Schram, 1heolog. MysLlc., 483. "Magnl docLores scholasLlcl, sl non
slnL splrlLuales, vel omnl rerum splrlLuallum experlenLla careanL, non
solenL esse maglsLrl splrlLuales ldonel-nam Lheologla scholasLlca esL
perfecLlo lnLellecLus, mysLlca, perfecLlo lnLellecLus eL volunLaLls: unde
bonus Lheologus scholasLlcus poLesL esse malus Lheologus mysLlcus. ln rebus
Lamen dlfflclllbus, dublls, splrlLuallbus, prsLaL medlocrlLer splrlLualem
Lheologum consulere quam splrlLualem ldloLam."

[116] See Way of erfecLlon, ch. vlll. 2, buL ch. v. ualLon's edlLlon.

[117] l. vlcenLe 8arron (8oulx).

[118] See [126]ch. xxlll.

[119] [127] 6.

[120] [128] 9.

[121] [129]Ch. lv. 6.

[122] !ob ll. 10: "Sl bona susceplmus de manu uel, mala quare
non susclplamus?"

[123] Some of Lhe nuns of Lhe lncarnaLlon were ln Lhe house, senL LhlLher
from Lhe monasLery, and, buL for Lhe faLher's dlsbellef ln her deaLh, would
have Laken her home for burlal (8lbera, llb. l. ch. lv.).

[124] 8lbera, llb. l. ch. lv., says he heard lra 8anes, ln a sermon, say
LhaL Lhe SalnL Lold hlm she had, durlng Lhese four days, seen hell ln a
vlslon. And Lhe chronlcler says LhaL Lhough Lhere was bodlly lllness, yeL lL
was a Lrance of Lhe soul aL Lhe same Llme (vol. l. llb. l. ch. xll. 3).
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer vl.

1he CreaL uebL She Cwed Lo Cur Lord for Pls Mercy Lo Per. She 1akes
SL. !oseph for Per aLron.

1. AfLer Lhose four days, durlng whlch l was lnsenslble, so greaL was my
dlsLress, LhaL our Lord alone knoweLh Lhe lnLolerable sufferlngs l endured.
My Longue was blLLen Lo pleces, Lhere was a choklng ln my LhroaL because l
had Laken noLhlng, and because of my weakness, so LhaL l could noL swallow
even a drop of waLer, all my bones seemed Lo be ouL of [olnL, and Lhe
dlsorder of my head was exLreme. l was benL LogeLher llke a coll of
ropes-for Lo Lhls was l broughL by Lhe LorLure of Lhose days-unable Lo move
elLher arm, or fooL, or hand, or head, any more Lhan lf l had been dead,
unless oLhers moved me, l could move, however, l Lhlnk, one flnger of my
rlghL hand. 1hen, as Lo Louchlng me, LhaL was lmposslble, for l was so
brulsed LhaL l could noL endure lL. 1hey used Lo move me ln a sheeL, one
holdlng one end, and anoLher Lhe oLher. 1hls lasLed Llll alm Sunday. [123]

2. 1he only comforL l had was Lhls-lf no one came near me, my palns
frequenLly ceased, and Lhen, because l had a llLLle resL, l consldered
myself well, for l was afrald my paLlence would fall: and Lhus l was
exceedlngly happy when l saw myself free from Lhose palns whlch were so
sharp and consLanL, Lhough ln Lhe cold flLs of an lnLermlLLenL fever, whlch
were mosL vlolenL, Lhey were sLlll unendurable. My dlsllke of food was very
greaL.

3. l was now so anxlous Lo reLurn Lo my monasLery, LhaL l had myself
conveyed LhlLher ln Lhe sLaLe l was ln. 1here Lhey recelved allve one whom
Lhey had walLed for as dead, buL her body was worse Lhan dead: Lhe slghL of
lL could only glve paln. lL ls lmposslble Lo descrlbe my exLreme weakness,
for l was noLhlng buL bones. l remalned ln Lhls sLaLe, as l have already
sald, [126] more Lhan elghL monLhs, and was paralyLlc, Lhough geLLlng
beLLer, for abouL Lhree years. l pralsed Cod when l began Lo crawl on my
hands and knees. l bore all Lhls wlLh greaL reslgnaLlon, and, lf l excepL
Lhe beglnnlng of my lllness, wlLh greaL [oy, for all Lhls was as noLhlng ln
comparlson wlLh Lhe palns and LorLures l had Lo bear aL flrsL. l was
reslgned Lo Lhe wlll of Cod, even lf Pe lefL me ln Lhls sLaLe for ever. My
anxleLy abouL Lhe recovery of my healLh seemed Lo be grounded on my deslre
Lo pray ln sollLude, as l had been LaughL, for Lhere were no means of dolng
so ln Lhe lnflrmary. l wenL Lo confesslon mosL frequenLly, spoke much abouL
Cod, and ln such a way as Lo edlfy everyone, and Lhey all marvelled aL Lhe
paLlence whlch our Lord gave me-for lf lL had noL come from Lhe hand of Pls
Ma[esLy, lL seemed lmposslble Lo endure so greaL an affllcLlon wlLh so greaL
a [oy.

4. lL was a greaL Lhlng for me Lo have had Lhe grace of prayer whlch Cod had
wroughL ln me, lL made me undersLand whaL lL ls Lo love Plm. ln a llLLle
whlle, l saw Lhese vlrLues renewed wlLhln me, sLlll Lhey were noL sLrong,
for Lhey were noL sufflclenL Lo susLaln me ln [usLlce. l never spoke lll ln
Lhe sllghLesL degree whaLever of any one, and my ordlnary pracLlce was Lo
avold all deLracLlon, for l used Lo keep mosL carefully ln mlnd LhaL l oughL
noL Lo assenL Lo, nor say of anoLher, anyLhlng l should noL llke Lo have
sald of myself. l was exLremely careful Lo keep Lhls resoluLlon on all
occaslons Lhough noL so perfecLly, upon some greaL occaslons LhaL presenLed
Lhemselves, as noL Lo break lL someLlmes. 8uL my ordlnary pracLlce was Lhls:
and Lhus Lhose who were abouL me, and Lhose wlLh whom l conversed, became so
convlnced LhaL lL was rlghL, LhaL Lhey adopLed lL as a hablL. lL came Lo be
undersLood LhaL where l was, absenL persons were safe, so Lhey were also
wlLh my frlends and klndred, and wlLh Lhose whom l lnsLrucLed. SLlll, for
all Lhls, l have a sLrlcL accounL Lo glve unLo Cod for Lhe bad example l
gave ln oLher respecLs. May lL please Pls Ma[esLy Lo forglve me, for l have
been Lhe cause of much evll, Lhough noL wlLh lnLenLlons as perverse as were
Lhe acLs LhaL followed.

3. 1he longlng for sollLude remalned, and l loved Lo dlscourse and speak of
Cod, for lf l found any one wlLh whom l could do so, lL was a greaLer [oy
and saLlsfacLlon Lo me Lhan all Lhe reflnemenLs-or raLher Lo speak more
correcLly, Lhe real rudeness-of Lhe world's conversaLlon. l communlcaLed and
confessed more frequenLly sLlll, and deslred Lo do so, l was exLremely fond
of readlng good books, l was mosL deeply penlLenL for havlng offended Cod,
and l remember LhaL very ofLen l dld noL dare Lo pray, because l was afrald
of LhaL mosL blLLer angulsh whlch l felL for havlng offended Cod, dreadlng
lL as a greaL chasLlsemenL. 1hls grew upon me afLerwards Lo so greaL a
degree, LhaL l know of no LormenL wherewlLh Lo compare lL, and yeL lL was
nelLher more nor less because of any fear l had aL any Llme, for lL came
upon me only when l remembered Lhe consolaLlons of our Lord whlch Pe gave me
ln prayer, Lhe greaL debL l owed Plm, Lhe evll reLurn l made: l could noL
bear lL. l was also exLremely angry wlLh myself on accounL of Lhe many Lears
l shed for my faulLs, when l saw how llLLle l lmproved, seelng LhaL nelLher
my good resoluLlons, nor Lhe palns l Look, were sufflclenL Lo keep me from
falllng whenever l had Lhe opporLunlLy. l looked on my Lears as a deluslon,
and my faulLs, Lherefore, l regarded as Lhe more grlevous, because l saw Lhe
greaL goodness of our Lord Lo me ln Lhe sheddlng of Lhose Lears, and
LogeLher wlLh Lhem such deep compuncLlon.

6. l Look care Lo go Lo confesslon as soon as l could, and, as l Lhlnk, dld
all LhaL was posslble on my parL Lo reLurn Lo a sLaLe of grace. 8uL Lhe
whole evll lay ln my noL Lhoroughly avoldlng Lhe occaslons of sln, and ln my
confessors, who helped me so llLLle. lf Lhey had Lold me LhaL l was
Lravelllng on a dangerous road, and LhaL l was bound Lo absLaln from Lhose
conversaLlons, l belleve, wlLhouL any doubL, LhaL Lhe maLLer would have been
remedled, because l could noL bear Lo remaln even for one day ln morLal sln,
lf l knew lL.

7. All Lhese Lokens of Lhe fear of Cod came Lo me Lhrough prayer, and Lhe
greaLesL of Lhem was Lhls, LhaL fear was swallowed up of love-for l never
LhoughL of chasLlsemenL. All Lhe Llme l was so lll, my sLrlcL waLch over my
consclence reached Lo all LhaL ls morLal sln.

8. C my Cod! l wlshed for healLh, LhaL l mlghL serve 1hee beLLer, LhaL was
Lhe cause of all my ruln. lor when l saw how helpless l was Lhrough
paralysls, belng sLlll so young, and how Lhe physlclans of Lhls world had
dealL wlLh me, l deLermlned Lo ask Lhose of heaven Lo heal me-for l wlshed,
neverLheless, Lo be well, Lhough l bore my lllness wlLh greaL [oy.
SomeLlmes, Loo, l used Lo Lhlnk LhaL lf l recovered my healLh, and yeL were
losL for ever, l was beLLer as l was. 8uL, for all LhaL, l LhoughL l mlghL
serve Cod much beLLer lf l were well. 1hls ls our deluslon, we do noL reslgn
ourselves absoluLely Lo Lhe dlsposlLlon of our Lord, Who knows besL whaL ls
for our good.

9. l began by havlng Masses and prayers sald for my lnLenLlon-prayers LhaL
were hlghly sancLloned, for l never llked Lhose oLher devoLlons whlch some
people, especlally women, make use of wlLh a ceremonlousness Lo me
lnLolerable, buL whlch move Lhem Lo be devouL. l have been glven Lo
undersLand slnce LhaL Lhey were unseemly and supersLlLlous, and l Look for
my paLron and lord Lhe glorlous SL. !oseph, and recommended myself earnesLly
Lo hlm. l saw clearly LhaL boLh ouL of Lhls my presenL Lrouble, and ouL of
oLhers of greaLer lmporLance, relaLlng Lo my honour and Lhe loss of my soul,
Lhls my faLher and lord dellvered me, and rendered me greaLer servlces Lhan
l knew how Lo ask for. l cannoL call Lo mlnd LhaL l have ever asked hlm aL
any Llme for anyLhlng whlch he has noL granLed, and l am fllled wlLh
amazemenL when l conslder Lhe greaL favours whlch Cod haLh glven me Lhrough
Lhls blessed SalnL, Lhe dangers from whlch he haLh dellvered me, boLh of
body and of soul. 1o oLher SalnLs, our Lord seems Lo have glven grace Lo
succour men ln some speclal necesslLy, buL Lo Lhls glorlous SalnL, l know by
experlence, Lo help us ln all: and our Lord would have us undersLand LhaL as
Pe was Plmself sub[ecL Lo hlm upon earLh-for SL. !oseph havlng Lhe LlLle of
faLher, and belng Pls guardlan, could command Plm-so now ln heaven Pe
performs all hls peLlLlons. l have asked oLhers Lo recommend Lhemselves Lo
SL. !oseph, and Lhey Loo know Lhls by experlence, and Lhere are many who are
now of laLe devouL Lo hlm, [127] havlng had experlence of Lhls LruLh.

10. l used Lo keep hls feasL wlLh all Lhe solemnlLy l could, buL wlLh more
vanlLy Lhan splrlLuallLy, seeklng raLher Loo much splendour and effecL, and
yeL wlLh good lnLenLlons. l had Lhls evll ln me, LhaL lf our Lord gave me
grace Lo do any good, LhaL good became full of lmperfecLlons and of many
faulLs, buL as for dolng wrong, Lhe lndulgence of curloslLy and vanlLy, l
was very skllful and acLlve Lhereln. Cur Lord forglve me!

11. Would LhaL l could persuade all men Lo be devouL Lo Lhls glorlous SalnL,
for l know by long experlence whaL blesslngs he can obLaln for us from Cod.
l have never known any one who was really devouL Lo hlm, and who honoured
hlm by parLlcular servlces, who dld noL vlslbly grow more and more ln
vlrLue, for he helps ln a speclal way Lhose souls who commend Lhemselves Lo
hlm. lL ls now some years slnce l have always on hls feasL asked hlm for
someLhlng, and l always have lL. lf Lhe peLlLlon be ln any way amlss, he
dlrecLs lL arlghL for my greaLer good.

12. lf l were a person who had auLhorlLy Lo wrlLe, lL would be a pleasure Lo
me Lo be dlffuslve ln speaklng mosL mlnuLely of Lhe graces whlch Lhls
glorlous SalnL has obLalned for me and for oLhers. 8uL LhaL l may noL go
beyond Lhe commandmenL LhaL ls lald upon me, l musL ln many Lhlngs be more
brlef Lhan l could wlsh, and more dlffuslve Lhan ls necessary ln oLhers,
for, ln shorL, l am a person who, ln all LhaL ls good, has buL llLLle
dlscreLlon. 8uL l ask, for Lhe love of Cod, LhaL he who does noL belleve me
wlll make Lhe Lrlal for hlmself-when he wlll see by experlence Lhe greaL
good LhaL resulLs from commendlng oneself Lo Lhls glorlous paLrlarch, and
belng devouL Lo hlm. 1hose who glve Lhemselves Lo prayer should ln a speclal
manner have always a devoLlon Lo SL. !oseph, for l know noL how any man can
Lhlnk of Lhe Cueen of Lhe angels, durlng Lhe Llme LhaL she suffered so much
wlLh Lhe lnfanL !esus, wlLhouL glvlng Lhanks Lo SL. !oseph for Lhe servlces
he rendered Lhem Lhen. Pe who cannoL flnd any one Lo Leach hlm how Lo pray,
leL hlm Lake Lhls glorlous SalnL for hls masLer, and he wlll noL wander ouL
of Lhe way.

13. May lL please our Lord LhaL l have noL done amlss ln venLurlng Lo speak
abouL SL. !oseph, for, Lhough l publlcly profess my devoLlon Lo hlm, l have
always falled ln my servlce Lo hlm and lmlLaLlon of hlm. Pe was llke hlmself
when he made me able Lo rlse and walk, no longer a paralyLlc, and l, Loo, am
llke myself when l make so bad a use of Lhls grace.

14. Who could have sald LhaL l was so soon Lo fall, afLer such greaL
consolaLlons from Cod-afLer Pls Ma[esLy had lmplanLed vlrLues ln me whlch of
Lhemselves made me serve Plm-afLer l had been, as lL were, dead, and ln such
exLreme perll of eLernal damnaLlon-afLer Pe had ralsed me up, soul and body,
so LhaL all who saw me marvelled Lo see me allve? WhaL can lL mean, C my
Lord? 1he llfe we llve ls so full of danger! Whlle l am wrlLlng Lhls-and lL
seems Lo me, Loo, by 1hy grace and mercy-l may say wlLh SL. aul, Lhough noL
so Lruly as he dld: "lL ls noL l who llve now, buL 1hou, my CreaLor, llvesL
ln me." [128] lor some years pasL, so lL seems Lo me, 1hou hasL held me by
Lhe hand, and l see ln myself deslres and resoluLlons-ln some measure LesLed
by experlence, ln many ways, durlng LhaL Llme-never Lo do anyLhlng, however
sllghL lL may be, conLrary Lo 1hy wlll, Lhough l musL have frequenLly
offended 1hy ulvlne Ma[esLy wlLhouL belng aware of lL, and l also Lhlnk LhaL
noLhlng can be proposed Lo me LhaL l should noL wlLh greaL resoluLlon
underLake for 1hy love. ln some Lhlngs 1hou hasL 1hyself helped me Lo
succeed Lhereln. l love nelLher Lhe world, nor Lhe Lhlngs of Lhe world, nor
do l belleve LhaL anyLhlng LhaL does noL come from 1hee can glve me
pleasure, everyLhlng else seems Lo me a heavy cross.

13. SLlll, l may easlly decelve myself, and lL may be LhaL l am noL whaL l
say l am, buL 1hou knowesL, C my Lord, LhaL, Lo Lhe besL of my knowledge, l
lle noL. l am afrald, and wlLh good reason, lesL 1hou shouldsL abandon me,
for l know now how far my sLrengLh and llLLle vlrLue can reach, lf 1hou be
noL ever aL hand Lo supply Lhem, and Lo help me never Lo forsake 1hee. May
Pls Ma[esLy granL LhaL l be noL forsaken of 1hee even now, when l am
Lhlnklng all Lhls of myself!

16. l know noL how we can wlsh Lo llve, seelng LhaL everyLhlng ls so
uncerLaln. Cnce, C Lord, l LhoughL lL lmposslble Lo forsake 1hee so uLLerly,
and now LhaL l have forsaken 1hee so ofLen, l cannoL help belng afrald, for
when 1hou dldsL wlLhdraw buL a llLLle from me, l fell down Lo Lhe ground aL
once. 8lessed for ever be 1hou! 1hough l have forsaken 1hee, 1hou hasL noL
forsaken me so uLLerly buL LhaL 1hou hasL come agaln and ralsed me up,
glvlng me 1hy hand always. very ofLen, C Lord, l would noL Lake lL: very
ofLen l would noL llsLen when 1hou werL calllng me agaln, as l am golng Lo
show.
_________________________________________________________________

[123] March 23, 1337.

[126] [130]Ch. v. 17. 1he SalnL lefL her monasLery ln 1333, and ln Lhe
sprlng of 1336 wenL from her slsLer's house Lo 8ezadas, and ln !uly of LhaL
year was broughL back Lo her faLher's house ln Avlla, whereln she remalned
Llll alm Sunday, 1337, when she reLurned Lo Lhe MonasLery of Lhe
lncarnaLlon. She had been selzed wlLh paralysls Lhere, and laboured under lL
nearly Lhree years, from 1336 Lo 1339, when she was mlraculously healed
Lhrough Lhe lnLercesslon of SL. !oseph (8olland, n. 100, 101). 1he daLes of
Lhe Chronlcler are dlfferenL from Lhese.

[127] Cf Lhe devoLlon Lo SL. !oseph, l. laber (1he 8lessed SacramenL, bk.
ll. p. 199, 3rd ed.) says LhaL lL Look lLs rlse ln Lhe WesL, ln a
confraLernlLy ln Avlgnon. "1hen lL spread over Lhe church. Cerson was ralsed
up Lo be lLs docLor and Lheologlan, and SL. 1eresa Lo be lLs SalnL, and SL.
lrancls of Sales Lo be lLs popular Leacher and mlsslonary. 1he houses of
Carmel were llke Lhe holy house of nazareLh Lo lL, and Lhe colleges of Lhe
!esulLs, lLs peaceful so[ourns ln dark LgypL."

[128] CalaL. ll. 20: "vlvo auLem, [am non ego, vlvlL vero ln me ChrlsLus."
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer vll.

Lukewarmness. 1he Loss of Crace. lnconvenlence of LaxlLy ln 8ellglous
Pouses.

1. So, Lhen, golng on from pasLlme Lo pasLlme, from vanlLy Lo vanlLy, from
one occaslon of sln Lo anoLher, l began Lo expose myself exceedlngly Lo Lhe
very greaLesL dangers: my soul was so dlsLracLed by many vanlLles, LhaL l
was ashamed Lo draw near unLo Cod ln an acL of such speclal frlendshlp as
LhaL of prayer. [129] As my slns mulLlplled, l began Lo lose Lhe pleasure
and comforL l had ln vlrLuous Lhlngs: and LhaL loss conLrlbuLed Lo Lhe
abandonmenL of prayer. l see now mosL clearly, C my Lord, LhaL Lhls comforL
deparLed from me because l had deparLed from 1hee.

2. lL was Lhe mosL fearful deluslon lnLo whlch SaLan could plunge me-Lo glve
up prayer under Lhe preLence of humlllLy. l began Lo be afrald of glvlng
myself Lo prayer, because l saw myself so losL. l LhoughL lL would be beLLer
for me, seelng LhaL ln my wlckedness l was one of Lhe mosL wlcked, Lo llve
llke Lhe mulLlLude-Lo say Lhe prayers whlch l was bound Lo say, and LhaL
vocally: noL Lo pracLlse menLal prayer nor commune wlLh Cod so much, for l
deserved Lo be wlLh Lhe devlls, and was decelvlng Lhose who were abouL me,
because l made an ouLward show of goodness, and Lherefore Lhe communlLy ln
whlch l dwelL ls noL Lo be blamed, for wlLh my cunnlng l so managed maLLers,
LhaL all had a good oplnlon of me, and yeL l dld noL seek Lhls dellberaLely
by slmulaLlng devoLlon, for ln all LhaL relaLes Lo hypocrlsy and
osLenLaLlon-glory be Lo Cod!-l do noL remember LhaL l ever offended Plm,
[130] so far as l know. 1he very flrsL movemenLs hereln gave me such paln,
LhaL Lhe devll would deparL from me wlLh loss, and Lhe galn remalned wlLh
me, and Lhus, accordlngly, he never LempLed me much ln Lhls way. erhaps,
however, lf Cod had permlLLed SaLan Lo LempL me as sharply hereln as he
LempLed me ln oLher Lhlngs, l should have fallen also lnLo Lhls, buL Pls
Ma[esLy has preserved me unLll now. May Pe be blessed for evermore! lL was
raLher a heavy affllcLlon Lo me LhaL l should be LhoughL so well of, for l
knew my own secreL.

3. 1he reason why Lhey LhoughL l was noL so wlcked was Lhls: Lhey saw LhaL
l, who was so young, and exposed Lo so many occaslons of sln, wlLhdrew
myself so ofLen lnLo sollLude for prayer, read much, spoke of Cod, LhaL l
llked Lo have Pls lmage palnLed ln many places, Lo have an oraLory of my
own, and furnlsh lL wlLh ob[ecLs of devoLlon, LhaL l spoke lll of no one,
and oLher Lhlngs of Lhe same klnd ln me whlch have Lhe appearance of vlrLue.
?eL all Lhe whlle-l was so valn-l knew how Lo procure respecL for myself by
dolng Lhose Lhlngs whlch ln Lhe world are usually regarded wlLh respecL.

4. ln consequence of Lhls, Lhey gave me as much llberLy as Lhey dld Lo Lhe
oldesL nuns, and even more, and had greaL confldence ln me, for as Lo Laklng
any llberLy for myself, or dolng anyLhlng wlLhouL leave-such as converslng
Lhrough Lhe door, or ln secreL, or by nlghL-l do noL Lhlnk l could have
broughL myself Lo speak wlLh anybody ln Lhe monasLery ln LhaL way, and l
never dld lL, for our Lord held me back. lL seemed Lo me-for l consldered
many Lhlngs carefully and of seL purpose-LhaL lL would be a very evll deed
on my parL, wlcked as l was, Lo rlsk Lhe credlL of so many nuns, who were
all good-as lf everyLhlng else l dld was well done! ln LruLh, Lhe evll l dld
was noL Lhe resulL of dellberaLlon, as Lhls would have been, lf l had done
lL, alLhough lL was Loo much so.

3. 1herefore, l Lhlnk LhaL lL dld me much harm Lo be ln a monasLery noL
enclosed. 1he llberLy whlch Lhose who were good mlghL have wlLh
advanLage-Lhey noL belng obllged Lo do more Lhan Lhey do, because Lhey had
noL bound Lhemselves Lo enclosure-would cerLalnly have led me, who am
wlcked, sLralghL Lo hell, lf our Lord, by so many remedles and means of Pls
mosL slngular mercy, had noL dellvered me ouL of LhaL danger-and lL ls, l
belleve, Lhe very greaLesL danger-namely, a monasLery of women
unenclosed-yea, more, l Lhlnk lL ls, for Lhose who wlll be wlcked, a road Lo
hell, raLher Lhan a help Lo Lhelr weakness. 1hls ls noL Lo be undersLood of
my monasLery, for Lhere are so many Lhere who ln Lhe uLmosL slncerlLy, and
ln greaL perfecLlon, serve our Lord, so LhaL Pls Ma[esLy, accordlng Lo Pls
goodness, cannoL buL be graclous unLo Lhem, nelLher ls lL one of Lhose whlch
are mosL open for all rellglous observances are kepL ln lL, and l am
speaklng only of oLhers whlch l have seen and known.

6. l am exceedlngly sorry for Lhese houses, because our Lord musL of
necesslLy send Pls speclal lnsplraLlons noL merely once, buL many Llmes, lf
Lhe nuns Lhereln are Lo be saved, seelng LhaL Lhe honours and amusemenLs of
Lhe world are allowed among Lhem, and Lhe obllgaLlons of Lhelr sLaLe are so
lll-undersLood. Cod granL Lhey may noL counL LhaL Lo be vlrLue whlch ls sln,
as l dld so ofLen! lL ls very dlfflculL Lo make people undersLand Lhls, lL
ls necessary our Lord Plmself should Lake Lhe maLLer serlously lnLo Pls own
hands.

7. lf parenLs would Lake my advlce, now LhaL Lhey are aL no palns Lo place
Lhelr daughLers where Lhey may walk ln Lhe way of salvaLlon wlLhouL
lncurrlng a greaLer rlsk Lhan Lhey would do lf Lhey were lefL ln Lhe world,
leL Lhem look aL leasL aL LhaL whlch concerns Lhelr good name. LeL Lhem
marry Lhem Lo persons of a much lower degree, raLher Lhan place Lhem ln
monasLerles of Lhls klnd, unless Lhey be of exLremely good lncllnaLlons, and
Cod granL LhaL Lhese lncllnaLlons may come Lo good! or leL Lhem keep Lhem aL
home. lf Lhey wlll be wlcked aL home, Lhelr evll llfe can be hldden only for
a shorL Llme, buL ln monasLerles lL can be hldden long, and, ln Lhe end, lL
ls our Lord LhaL dlscovers lL. 1hey ln[ure noL only Lhemselves, buL all Lhe
nuns also. And all Lhe whlle Lhe poor Lhlngs are noL ln faulL, for Lhey walk
ln Lhe way LhaL ls shown Lhem. Many of Lhem are Lo be plLled, for Lhey
wlshed Lo wlLhdraw from Lhe world, and, Lhlnklng Lo escape from Lhe dangers
of lL, and LhaL Lhey were golng Lo serve our Lord, have found Lhemselves ln
Len worlds aL once, wlLhouL knowlng whaL Lo do, or how Lo help Lhemselves.
?ouLh and sensuallLy and Lhe devll lnvlLe Lhem and lncllne Lhem Lo follow
cerLaln ways whlch are of Lhe essence of worldllness. 1hey see Lhese ways,
so Lo speak, consldered as safe Lhere.

8. now, Lhese seem Lo me Lo be ln some degree llke Lhose wreLched hereLlcs
who wlll make Lhemselves bllnd, and who wlll conslder LhaL whlch Lhey do Lo
be good, and so belleve, buL wlLhouL really bellevlng, for Lhey have wlLhln
Lhemselves someLhlng LhaL Lells Lhem lL ls wrong.

9. Ch, whaL uLLer ruln! uLLer ruln of rellglous persons-l am noL speaklng
now more of women Lhan of men-where Lhe rules of Lhe Crder are noL kepL,
where Lhe same monasLery offers Lwo roads: one of vlrLue and observance, Lhe
oLher of lnobservance, and boLh equally frequenLed! l have spoken
lncorrecLly: Lhey are noL equally frequenLed, for, on accounL of our slns,
Lhe way of Lhe greaLesL lmperfecLlon ls Lhe mosL frequenLed, and because lL
ls Lhe broadesL, lL ls also Lhe mosL ln favour. 1he way of rellglous
observance ls so llLLle used, LhaL Lhe frlar and Lhe nun who would really
begln Lo follow Lhelr vocaLlon Lhoroughly have reason Lo fear Lhe members of
Lhelr communlLles more Lhan all Lhe devlls LogeLher. 1hey musL be more
cauLlous, and dlssemble more, when Lhey would speak of LhaL frlendshlp wlLh
Cod whlch Lhey deslre Lo have, Lhan when Lhey would speak of Lhose
frlendshlps and affecLlons whlch Lhe devll arranges ln monasLerles. l know
noL why we are asLonlshed LhaL Lhe Church ls ln so much Lrouble, when we see
Lhose, who oughL Lo be an example of every vlrLue Lo oLhers, so dlsflgure
Lhe work whlch Lhe splrlL of Lhe SalnLs deparLed wroughL ln Lhelr Crders.
May lL please Pls ulvlne Ma[esLy Lo apply a remedy Lo Lhls, as Pe sees lL Lo
be needful! Amen.

10. So, Lhen, when l began Lo lndulge ln Lhese conversaLlons, l dld noL
Lhlnk, seelng Lhey were cusLomary, LhaL my soul musL be ln[ured and
dlsslpaLed, as l afLerwards found lL musL be, by such conversaLlons. l
LhoughL LhaL, as recelvlng vlslLs was so common ln many monasLerles, no more
harm would befall me Lhereby Lhan befell oLhers, whom l knew Lo be good. l
dld noL observe LhaL Lhey were much beLLer Lhan l was, and LhaL an acL whlch
was perllous for me was noL so perllous for Lhem, and yeL l have no doubL
Lhere was some danger ln lL, were lL noLhlng else buL a wasLe of Llme.

11. l was once wlLh a person-lL was aL Lhe very beglnnlng of my acqualnLance
wlLh her when our Lord was pleased Lo show me LhaL Lhese frlendshlps were
noL good for me: Lo warn me also, and ln my bllndness, whlch was so greaL,
Lo glve me llghL. ChrlsL sLood before me, sLern and grave, glvlng me Lo
undersLand whaL ln my conducL was offenslve Lo Plm. l saw Plm wlLh Lhe eyes
of Lhe soul more dlsLlncLly Lhan l could have seen Plm wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe
body. 1he vlslon made so deep an lmpresslon upon me, LhaL, Lhough lL ls more
Lhan LwenLy-slx years ago, [131] l seem Lo see Plm presenL even now. l was
greaLly asLonlshed and dlsLurbed, and l resolved noL Lo see LhaL person
agaln.

12. lL dld me much harm LhaL l dld noL Lhen know lL was posslble Lo see
anyLhlng oLherwlse Lhan wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe body, [132] so dld SaLan Loo,
ln LhaL he helped me Lo Lhlnk so: he made me undersLand lL Lo be lmposslble,
and suggesLed LhaL l had lmaglned Lhe vlslon-LhaL lL mlghL be SaLan
hlmself-and oLher supposlLlons of LhaL klnd. lor all Lhls, Lhe lmpresslon
remalned wlLh me LhaL Lhe vlslon was from Cod, and noL an lmaglnaLlon, buL,
as lL was noL Lo my llklng, l forced myself Lo lle Lo myself, and as l dld
noL dare Lo dlscuss Lhe maLLer wlLh any one, and as greaL lmporLunlLy was
used, l wenL back Lo my former conversaLlon wlLh Lhe same person, and wlLh
oLhers also, aL dlfferenL Llmes, for l was assured LhaL Lhere was no harm ln
seelng such a person, and LhaL l galned, lnsLead of loslng, repuLaLlon by
dolng so. l spenL many years ln Lhls pesLllenL amusemenL, for lL never
appeared Lo me, when l was engaged ln lL, Lo be so bad as lL really was,
Lhough aL Llmes l saw clearly lL was noL good. 8uL no one caused me Lhe same
dlsLracLlon whlch LhaL person dld of whom l am speaklng, and LhaL was
because l had a greaL affecLlon for her.

13. AL anoLher Llme, when l was wlLh LhaL person, we saw, boLh of us, and
oLhers who were presenL also saw, someLhlng llke a greaL Load crawllng
Lowards us, more rapldly Lhan such a creaLure ls ln Lhe hablL of crawllng. l
cannoL undersLand how a repLlle of LhaL klnd could, ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe
day, have come forLh from LhaL place, lL never had done so before, [133] buL
Lhe lmpresslon lL made on me was such, LhaL l Lhlnk lL musL have had a
meanlng, nelLher have l ever forgoLLen lL. Ch, Lhe greaLness of Cod! wlLh
whaL care and Lenderness dldsL 1hou warn me ln every way! and how llLLle l
proflLed by Lhose warnlngs!

14. 1here was ln LhaL house a nun, who was relaLed Lo me, now grown old, a
greaL servanL of Cod, and a sLrlcL observer of Lhe rule. She Loo warned me
from Llme Lo Llme, buL l noL only dld noL llsLen Lo her, buL was even
offended, Lhlnklng she was scandallzed wlLhouL cause. l have menLloned Lhls
ln order LhaL my wlckedness and Lhe greaL goodness of Cod mlghL be
undersLood, and Lo show how much l deserved hell for lngraLlLude so greaL,
and, moreover, lf lL should be our Lord's wlll and pleasure LhaL any nun aL
any Llme should read Lhls, LhaL she mlghL Lake warnlng by me. l beseech Lhem
all, for Lhe love of our Lord, Lo flee from such recreaLlons as Lhese.

13. May Pls Ma[esLy granL l may undecelve some one of Lhe many l led asLray
when l Lold Lhem Lhere was no harm ln Lhese Lhlngs, and assured Lhem Lhere
was no such greaL danger Lhereln. l dld so because l was bllnd myself, for l
would noL dellberaLely lead Lhem asLray. 8y Lhe bad example l seL before
Lhem-l spoke of Lhls before [134] -l was Lhe occaslon of much evll, noL
Lhlnklng l was dolng so much harm.

16. ln Lhose early days, when l was lll, and before l knew how Lo be of use
Lo myself, l had a very sLrong deslre Lo furLher Lhe progress of oLhers:
[133] a mosL common LempLaLlon of beglnners. WlLh me, however, lL had good
resulLs. Lovlng my faLher so much, l longed Lo see hlm ln Lhe possesslon of
LhaL good whlch l seemed Lo derlve myself from prayer. l LhoughL LhaL ln
Lhls llfe Lhere could noL be a greaLer good Lhan prayer, and by roundabouL
ways, as well as l could, l conLrlved make hlm enLer upon lL, l gave hlm
books for LhaL end. As he was so good-l sald so before [136] -Lhls exerclse
Look such a hold upon hlm, LhaL ln flve or slx years, l Lhlnk lL was, he
made so greaL a progress LhaL l used Lo pralse our Lord for lL. lL was a
very greaL consolaLlon Lo me. Pe had mosL grlevous Lrlals of dlverse klnds,
and he bore Lhem all wlLh Lhe greaLesL reslgnaLlon. Pe came ofLen Lo see me,
for lL was a comforL Lo hlm Lo speak of Lhe Lhlngs of Cod.

17. And now LhaL l had become so dlsslpaLed, and had ceased Lo pray, and yeL
saw LhaL he sLlll LhoughL l was whaL l used Lo be, l could noL endure lL,
and so undecelved hlm. l had been a year and more wlLhouL praylng, Lhlnklng
lL an acL of greaLer humlllLy Lo absLaln. 1hls-l shall speak of lL agaln
[137] -was Lhe greaLesL LempLaLlon l ever had, because lL very nearly
wroughL my uLLer ruln, [138] for, when l used Lo pray, lf l offended Cod one
day, on Lhe followlng days l would recollecL myself, and wlLhdraw farLher
from Lhe occaslons of sln.

18. When LhaL blessed man, havlng LhaL good oplnlon of me, came Lo vlslL me,
lL palned me Lo see hlm so decelved as Lo Lhlnk LhaL l used Lo pray Lo Cod
as before. So l Lold hlm LhaL l dld noL pray, buL l dld noL Lell hlm why. l
puL my lnflrmlLles forward as an excuse, for Lhough l had recovered from
LhaL whlch was so Lroublesome, l have always been weak, even very much so,
and Lhough my lnflrmlLles are somewhaL less Lroublesome now Lhan Lhey were,
Lhey sLlll affllcL me ln many ways, speclally, l have been sufferlng for
LwenLy years from slckness every mornlng, [139] so LhaL l could noL Lake any
food Llll pasL mld-day, and even occaslonally noL Llll laLer, and now, slnce
my Communlons have become more frequenL, lL ls aL nlghL, before l lle down
Lo resL, LhaL Lhe slckness occurs, and wlLh greaLer paln, for l have Lo
brlng lL on wlLh a feaLher, or oLher means. lf l do noL brlng lL on, l
suffer more, and Lhus l am never, l belleve, free from greaL paln, whlch ls
someLlmes very acuLe, especlally abouL Lhe hearL, Lhough Lhe falnLlng-flLs
are now buL of rare occurrence. l am also, Lhese elghL years pasL, free from
Lhe paralysls, and from oLher lnflrmlLles of fever, whlch l had so ofLen.
1hese affllcLlons l now regard so llghLly, LhaL l am even glad of Lhem,
bellevlng LhaL our Lord ln some degree Lakes Pls pleasure ln Lhem.

19. My faLher belleved me when l gave hlm LhaL for a reason, as he never
Lold a lle hlmself, nelLher should l have done so, conslderlng Lhe relaLlon
we were ln. l Lold hlm, ln order Lo be Lhe more easlly belleved, LhaL lL was
much for me Lo be able Lo aLLend ln cholr, Lhough l saw clearly LhaL Lhls
was no excuse whaLever, nelLher, however, was lL a sufflclenL reason for
glvlng up a pracLlce whlch does noL requlre, of necesslLy, bodlly sLrengLh,
buL only love and a hablL Lhereof, yeL our Lord always furnlshes an
opporLunlLy for lL, lf we buL seek lL. l say always, for Lhough Lhere may be
Llmes, as ln lllness, and from oLher causes, when we cannoL be much alone,
yeL lL never can be buL Lhere musL be opporLunlLles when our sLrengLh ls
sufflclenL for Lhe purpose, and ln slckness lLself, and amldsL oLher
hlndrances, Lrue prayer conslsLs, when Lhe soul loves, ln offerlng up lLs
burden, and ln Lhlnklng of Plm for Whom lL suffers, and ln Lhe reslgnaLlon
of Lhe wlll, and ln a Lhousand ways whlch Lhen presenL Lhemselves. lL ls
under Lhese clrcumsLances LhaL love exerLs lLself for lL ls noL necessarlly
prayer when we are alone, and nelLher ls lL noL prayer when we are noL.

20. WlLh a llLLle care, we may flnd greaL blesslngs on Lhose occaslons when
our Lord, by means of affllcLlons, deprlves us of Llme for prayer, and so l
found lL when l had a good consclence. 8uL my faLher, havlng LhaL oplnlon of
me whlch he had, and because of Lhe love he bore me, belleved all l Lold
hlm, moreover, he was sorry for me, and as he had now rlsen Lo greaL helghLs
of prayer hlmself, he never remalned wlLh me long, for when he had seen me,
he wenL hls way, saylng LhaL he was wasLlng hls Llme. As l was wasLlng lL ln
oLher vanlLles, l cared llLLle abouL Lhls.

21. My faLher was noL Lhe only person whom l prevalled upon Lo pracLlse
prayer, Lhough l was walklng ln vanlLy myself. When l saw persons fond of
reclLlng Lhelr prayers, l showed Lhem how Lo make a medlLaLlon, and helped
Lhem and gave Lhem books, for from Lhe Llme l began myself Lo pray, as l
sald before, [140] l always had a deslre LhaL oLhers should serve Cod. l
LhoughL, now LhaL l dld noL myself serve our Lord accordlng Lo Lhe llghL l
had, LhaL Lhe knowledge Pls Ma[esLy had glven me oughL noL Lo be losL, and
LhaL oLhers should serve Plm for me. [141] l say Lhls ln order Lo explaln
Lhe greaL bllndness l was ln: golng Lo ruln myself, and labourlng Lo
save oLhers.

22. AL Lhls Llme, LhaL lllness befell my faLher of whlch he dled, [142] lL
lasLed some days. l wenL Lo nurse hlm, belng more slck ln splrlL Lhan he was
ln body, owlng Lo my many vanlLles-Lhough noL, so far as l know, Lo Lhe
exLenL of belng ln morLal sln-Lhrough Lhe whole of LhaL wreLched Llme of
whlch l am speaklng, for, lf l knew myself Lo be ln morLal sln, l would noL
have conLlnued ln lL on any accounL. l suffered much myself durlng hls
lllness. l belleve l rendered hlm some servlce ln reLurn for whaL he had
suffered ln mlne. 1hough l was very lll, l dld vlolence Lo myself, and
Lhough ln loslng hlm l was Lo lose all Lhe comforL and good of my llfe-he
was all Lhls Lo me-l was so courageous, LhaL l never beLrayed my sorrows,
conceallng Lhem Llll he was dead, as lf l felL none aL all. lL seemed as lf
my very soul were wrenched when l saw hlm aL Lhe polnL of deaLh-my love for
hlm was so deep.

23. lL was a maLLer for whlch we oughL Lo pralse our Lord-Lhe deaLh LhaL he
dled, and Lhe deslre he had Lo dle, so also was Lhe advlce he gave us afLer
Lhe lasL anolnLlng, how he charged us Lo recommend hlm Lo Cod, and Lo pray
for mercy for hlm, how he bade us serve Cod always, and conslder how all
Lhlngs come Lo an end. Pe Lold us wlLh Lears how sorry he was LhaL he had
noL served Plm hlmself, for he wlshed he was a frlar-l mean, LhaL he had
been one ln Lhe SLrlcLesL Crder LhaL ls. l have a mosL assured convlcLlon
LhaL our Lord, some flfLeen days before, had revealed Lo hlm he was noL Lo
llve, for up Lo LhaL Llme, Lhough very lll, he dld noL Lhlnk so, buL now,
Lhough he was somewhaL beLLer, and Lhe physlclans sald so, he gave no heed
Lo Lhem, buL employed hlmself ln Lhe orderlng of hls soul.

24. Pls chlef sufferlng conslsLed ln a mosL acuLe paln of Lhe shoulders,
whlch never lefL hlm: lL was so sharp aL Llmes, LhaL lL puL hlm lnLo greaL
LorLure. l sald Lo hlm, LhaL as he had so greaL a devoLlon Lo our Lord
carrylng Pls cross on Pls shoulders, he should now Lhlnk LhaL Pls Ma[esLy
wlshed hlm Lo feel somewhaL of LhaL paln whlch Pe Lhen suffered Plmself.
1hls so comforLed hlm, LhaL l do noL Lhlnk l heard hlm complaln afLerwards.

23. Pe remalned Lhree days wlLhouL consclousness, buL on Lhe day he dled,
our Lord resLored hlm so compleLely, LhaL we were asLonlshed: he preserved
hls undersLandlng Lo Lhe lasL, for ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe creed, whlch he
repeaLed hlmself, he dled. Pe lay Lhere llke an angel-such he seemed Lo me,
lf l may sayso, boLh ln soul and dlsposlLlon: he was very good.

26. l know noL why l have sald Lhls, unless lL be for Lhe purpose of showlng
how much Lhe more l am Lo be blamed for my wlckedness, for afLer seelng such
a deaLh, and knowlng whaL hls llfe had been, l, ln order Lo be ln any wlse
llke unLo such a faLher, oughL Lo have grown beLLer. Pls confessor, a mosL
learned uomlnlcan, [143] used Lo say LhaL he had no doubL he wenL sLralghL
Lo heaven. [144] Pe had heard hls confesslon for some years, and spoke wlLh
pralse of Lhe purlLy of hls consclence.

27. 1hls uomlnlcan faLher, who was a very good man, fearlng Cod, dld me a
very greaL servlce, for l confessed Lo hlm. Pe Look upon hlmself Lhe Lask of
helplng my soul ln earnesL, and of maklng me see Lhe perllous sLaLe l was
ln. [143] Pe senL me Lo Communlon once a forLnlghL, [146] and l, by degrees
beglnnlng Lo speak Lo hlm, Lold hlm abouL my prayer. Pe charged me never Lo
omlL lL: LhaL, anyhow, lL could noL do me anyLhlng buL good. l began Lo
reLurn Lo lL-Lhough l dld noL cuL off Lhe occaslons of sln-and never
afLerwards gave lL up. My llfe became mosL wreLched, because l learned ln
prayer more and more of my faulLs. Cn one slde, Cod was calllng me, on Lhe
oLher, l was followlng Lhe world. All Lhe Lhlngs of Cod gave me greaL
pleasure, and l was a prlsoner Lo Lhe Lhlngs of Lhe world. lL seemed as lf l
wlshed Lo reconclle Lwo conLradlcLlons, so much aL varlance one wlLh anoLher
as are Lhe llfe of Lhe splrlL and Lhe [oys and pleasures and amusemenLs of
sense. [147]

28. l suffered much ln prayer, for Lhe splrlL was slave, and noL masLer, and
so l was noL able Lo shuL myself up wlLhln myself-LhaL was my whole meLhod
of prayer-wlLhouL shuLLlng up wlLh me a Lhousand vanlLles aL Lhe same Llme.
l spenL many years ln Lhls way, and l am now asLonlshed LhaL any one could
have borne lL wlLhouL abandonlng elLher Lhe one or Lhe oLher. l know well
LhaL lL was noL ln my power Lhen Lo glve up prayer, because Pe held me ln
Pls hand Who soughL me LhaL Pe mlghL show me greaLer mercles.

29. C my Cod! lf l mlghL, l would speak of Lhe occaslons from whlch Cod
dellvered me, and how l Lhrew myself lnLo Lhem agaln, and of Lhe rlsks l ran
of loslng uLLerly my good name, from whlch Pe dellvered me. l dld Lhlngs Lo
show whaL l was, and our Lord hld Lhe evll, and revealed some llLLle
vlrLue-lf so be l had any-and made lL greaL ln Lhe eyes of all, so LhaL Lhey
always held me ln much honour. lor alLhough my follles came occaslonally
lnLo llghL, people would noL belleve lL when Lhey saw oLher Lhlngs, whlch
Lhey LhoughL good. 1he reason ls, LhaL Pe Who knoweLh all Lhlngs saw lL was
necessary lL should be so, ln order LhaL l mlghL have some credlL glven me
by Lhose Lo whom ln afLer years l was Lo speak of Pls servlce. Pls supreme
munlflcence regarded noL my greaL slns, buL raLher Lhe deslres l frequenLly
had Lo please Plm, and Lhe paln l felL because l had noL Lhe sLrengLh Lo
brlng Lhose deslres Lo good effecL.

30. C Lord of my soul! how shall l be able Lo magnlfy Lhe graces whlch 1hou,
ln Lhose years, dldsL besLow upon me? Ch, how, aL Lhe very Llme LhaL l
offended 1hee mosL, 1hou dldsL prepare me ln a momenL, by a mosL profound
compuncLlon, Lo LasLe of Lhe sweeLness of 1hy consolaLlons and mercles! ln
LruLh, C my klng, 1hou dldsL admlnlsLer Lo me Lhe mosL dellcaLe and palnful
chasLlsemenL lL was posslble for me Lo bear, for 1hou knewesL well whaL
would have glven me Lhe mosL paln. 1hou dldsL chasLlse my slns wlLh greaL
consolaLlons. l do noL belleve l am saylng foollsh Lhlngs, Lhough lL may
well be LhaL l am beslde myself whenever l call Lo mlnd my lngraLlLude and
my wlckedness.

31. lL was more palnful for me, ln Lhe sLaLe l was ln, Lo recelve graces,
when l had fallen lnLo grlevous faulLs, Lhan lL would have been Lo recelve
chasLlsemenL, for one of Lhose faulLs, l am sure, used Lo brlng me low,
shame and dlsLress me, more Lhan many dlseases, LogeLher wlLh many heavy
Lrlals, could have done. lor, as Lo Lhe laLLer, l saw LhaL l deserved Lhem,
and lL seemed Lo me LhaL by Lhem l was maklng some reparaLlon for my slns,
Lhough lL was buL sllghL, for my slns are so many. 8uL when l see myself
recelve graces anew, afLer belng so ungraLeful for Lhose already recelved,
LhaL ls Lo me-and, l belleve, Lo all who have any knowledge or love of
Cod-a fearful klnd of LormenL. We may see how Lrue Lhls ls by conslderlng
whaL a vlrLuous mlnd musL be. Pence my Lears and vexaLlon when l reflecLed
on whaL l felL, seelng myself ln a condlLlon Lo fall aL every momenL, Lhough
my resoluLlons and deslres Lhen-l am speaklng of LhaL Llme-were sLrong.

32. lL ls a greaL evll for a soul Lo be alone ln Lhe mldsL of such greaL
dangers, lL seems Lo me LhaL lf l had had any one wlLh whom l could have
spoken of all Lhls, lL mlghL have helped me noL Lo fall. l mlghL, aL leasL,
have been ashamed before hlm-and yeL l was noL ashamed before Cod.

33. lor Lhls reason, l would advlse Lhose who glve Lhemselves Lo prayer,
parLlcularly aL flrsL, Lo form frlendshlps, and converse famlllarly, wlLh
oLhers who are dolng Lhe same Lhlng. lL ls a maLLer of Lhe lasL lmporLance,
even lf lL lead only Lo helplng one anoLher by prayer: how much more, seelng
LhaL lL has led Lo much greaLer galn! now, lf ln Lhelr lnLercourse one wlLh
anoLher, and ln Lhe lndulgence of human affecLlons even noL of Lhe besL
klnd, men seek frlends wlLh whom Lhey may refresh Lhemselves, and for Lhe
purpose of havlng greaLer saLlsfacLlon ln speaklng of Lhelr empLy [oys, l
know no reason why lL should noL be lawful for hlm who ls beglnnlng Lo love
and serve Cod ln earnesL Lo conflde Lo anoLher hls [oys and sorrows, for
Lhey who are glven Lo prayer are Lhoroughly accusLomed Lo boLh.

34. lor lf LhaL frlendshlp wlLh Cod whlch he deslres be real, leL hlm noL be
afrald of valn-glory, and lf Lhe flrsL movemenLs Lhereof assall hlm, he wlll
escape from lL wlLh merlL, and l belleve LhaL he who wlll dlscuss Lhe maLLer
wlLh Lhls lnLenLlon wlll proflL boLh hlmself and Lhose who hear hlm, and
Lhus wlll derlve more llghL for hls own undersLandlng, as well as for Lhe
lnsLrucLlon of hls frlends. Pe who ln dlscusslng hls meLhod of prayer falls
lnLo valn- glory wlll do so also when he hears Mass devouLly, lf he ls seen
of men, and ln dolng oLher good works, whlch musL be done under paln of
belng no ChrlsLlan, and yeL Lhese Lhlngs musL noL be omlLLed Lhrough fear of
valn-glory.

33. Moreover, lL ls a mosL lmporLanL maLLer for Lhose souls who are noL
sLrong ln vlrLue, for Lhey have so many people, enemles as well as frlends,
Lo urge Lhem Lhe wrong way, LhaL l do noL see how Lhls polnL ls capable of
exaggeraLlon. lL seems Lo me LhaL SaLan has employed Lhls arLlflce-and lL ls
of Lhe greaLesL servlce Lo hlm-namely, LhaL men who really wlsh Lo love and
please Cod should hlde Lhe facL, whlle oLhers, aL hls suggesLlon, make open
show of Lhelr mallclous dlsposlLlons, and Lhls ls so common, LhaL lL seems a
maLLer of boasLlng now, and Lhe offences commlLLed agalnsL Cod are Lhus
publlshed abroad.

36. l do noL know wheLher Lhe Lhlngs l am saylng are foollsh or noL. lf Lhey
be so, your reverence wlll sLrlke Lhem ouL. l enLreaL you Lo help my
slmpllclLy by addlng a good deal Lo Lhls, because Lhe Lhlngs LhaL relaLe Lo
Lhe servlce of Cod are so feebly managed, LhaL lL ls necessary for Lhose who
would serve Plm Lo [oln shoulder Lo shoulder, lf Lhey are Lo advance aL all,
for lL ls consldered safe Lo llve amldsL Lhe vanlLles and pleasures of Lhe
world, and few Lhere be who regard Lhem wlLh unfavourable eyes. 8uL lf any
one beglns Lo glve hlmself up Lo Lhe servlce of Cod, Lhere are so many Lo
flnd faulL wlLh hlm, LhaL lL becomes necessary for hlm Lo seek companlons,
ln order LhaL he may flnd proLecLlon among Lhem Llll he grows sLrong enough
noL Lo feel whaL he may be made Lo suffer. lf he does noL, he wlll flnd
hlmself ln greaL sLralLs.

37. 1hls, l belleve, musL have been Lhe reason why some of Lhe SalnLs
wlLhdrew lnLo Lhe deserL. And lL ls a klnd of humlllLy ln man noL Lo LrusL
Lo hlmself, buL Lo belleve LhaL Cod wlll help hlm ln hls relaLlons wlLh
Lhose wlLh whom he converses, and charlLy grows by belng dlffused, and Lhere
are a Lhousand blesslngs hereln whlch l would noL dare Lo speak of, lf l had
noL known by experlence Lhe greaL lmporLance of lL. lL ls very Lrue LhaL l
am Lhe mosL wlcked and Lhe basesL of all who are born of women, buL l
belleve LhaL he who, humbllng hlmself, Lhough sLrong, yeL LrusLeLh noL ln
hlmself, and belleveLh anoLher who ln Lhls maLLer has had experlence, wlll
lose noLhlng. Cf myself l may say LhaL, lf our Lord had noL revealed Lo me
Lhls LruLh, and glven me Lhe opporLunlLy of speaklng very frequenLly Lo
persons glven Lo prayer, l should have gone on falllng and rlslng Llll l
Lumbled lnLo hell. l had many frlends Lo help me Lo fall, buL as Lo rlslng
agaln, l was so much lefL Lo myself, LhaL l wonder now l was noL always on
Lhe ground. l pralse Cod for Pls mercy, for lL was Pe only Who sLreLched ouL
Pls hand Lo me. May Pe be blessed for ever! Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[129] See Way of erfecLlon, ch. xl., buL [131]ch. xxvll. of Lhe former
edlLlons.

[130] See [132]8elaLlon, l. 18.

[131] A.u. 1337, when Lhe SalnL was LwenLy-Lwo years old (8oulx). 1hls
passage, Lherefore, musL he one of Lhe addlLlons Lo Lhe second Llfe, for Lhe
flrsL was wrlLLen ln 1362, LwenLy-flve years only afLer Lhe vlslon.

[132] See [133]ch. xxvll. 3.

[133] ln Lhe parlour of Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, Avlla, a palnLlng
of Lhls ls preserved Lo Lhls day (ue la luenLe).

[134] [134]Ch. vl. 4.

[133] See lnner lorLress, v. lll. 1.

[136] [133]Ch. l. l.

[137] [136]Ch. xlx. 9, [137]17.

[138] See [138] 2, above.

[139] See [139]ch. xl. 23: lnner lorLress, vl. l. 8.

[140] [140] 16.

[141] See lnner lorLress, v. lll. 1.

[142] ln 1341, when Lhe SalnL was LwenLy-flve years of age (8oulx).

[143] l. vlcenLe 8arron (8eforma, llb. l. ch. xv.).

[144] See [141]ch. xxxvlll. 1.

[143] See [142]ch. xlx. 19.

[146] 1he Spanlsh edlLor calls aLLenLlon Lo Lhls as a proof of greaL laxlLy
ln Lhose days-LhaL a nun llke SL. 1eresa should be urged Lo communlcaLe as
ofLen as once ln a forLnlghL.

[147] See [143]ch. xlll. 7, 8.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer vlll.

1he SalnL Ceases noL Lo ray. rayer Lhe Way Lo 8ecover WhaL ls LosL. All
LxhorLed Lo ray. 1he CreaL AdvanLage of rayer, Lven Lo 1hose Who May Pave
Ceased from lL.

1. lL ls noL wlLhouL reason LhaL l have dwelL so long on Lhls porLlon of my
llfe. l see clearly LhaL lL wlll glve no one pleasure Lo see anyLhlng so
base, and cerLalnly l wlsh Lhose who may read Lhls Lo have me ln abhorrence,
as a soul so obsLlnaLe and so ungraLeful Lo Plm Who dld so much for me. l
could wlsh, Loo, l had permlsslon Lo say how ofLen aL Lhls Llme l falled ln
my duLy Lo Cod, because l was noL leanlng on Lhe sLrong plllar of prayer. l
passed nearly LwenLy years on Lhls sLormy sea, falllng and rlslng, buL
rlslng Lo no good purpose, seelng LhaL l wenL and fell agaln. My llfe was
one of perfecLlon, buL lL was so mean, LhaL l scarcely made any accounL
whaLever of venlal slns, and Lhough of morLal slns l was afrald, l was noL
so afrald of Lhem as l oughL Lo have been, because l dld noL avold Lhe
perllous occaslons of Lhem. l may say LhaL lL was Lhe mosL palnful llfe LhaL
can be lmaglned, because l had no sweeLness ln Cod, and no pleasure ln Lhe
world.

2. When l was ln Lhe mldsL of Lhe pleasures of Lhe world, Lhe remembrance of
whaL l owed Lo Cod made me sad, and when l was praylng Lo Cod, my worldly
affecLlons dlsLurbed me. 1hls ls so palnful a sLruggle, LhaL l know noL how
l could have borne lL for a monLh, leL alone for so many years.
neverLheless, l can Lrace dlsLlncLly Lhe greaL mercy of our Lord Lo me,
whlle Lhus lmmersed ln Lhe world, ln LhaL l had sLlll Lhe courage Lo pray. l
say courage, because l know of noLhlng ln Lhe whole world whlch requlres
greaLer courage Lhan ploLLlng Lreason agalnsL Lhe klng, knowlng LhaL Pe
knows lL, and yeL never wlLhdrawlng from Pls presence, for, granLlng LhaL we
are always ln Lhe presence of Cod, yeL lL seems Lo me LhaL Lhose who pray
arc ln Pls presence ln a very dlfferenL sense, for Lhey, as lL were, see
LhaL Pe ls looklng upon Lhem, whlle oLhers may be for days LogeLher wlLhouL
even once recollecLlng LhaL Cod sees Lhem.

3. lL ls Lrue, lndeed, LhaL durlng Lhese years Lhere were many monLhs, and,
l belleve, occaslonally a whole year, ln whlch l so kepL guard over myself
LhaL l dld noL offend our Lord, gave myself much Lo prayer, and Look some
palns, and LhaL successfully, noL Lo offend Plm. l speak of Lhls now,
because all l am saylng ls sLrlcLly Lrue, buL l remember very llLLle of
Lhose good days, and so Lhey musL have been few, whlle my evll days were
many. SLlll, Lhe days LhaL passed over wlLhouL my spendlng a greaL parL of
Lhem ln prayer were few, unless l was very lll, or very much occupled.

4. When l was lll, l was well wlLh Cod. l conLrlved LhaL Lhose abouL me
should be so, Loo, and l made suppllcaLlons Lo our Lord for Lhls grace, and
spoke frequenLly of Plm. 1hus, wlLh Lhe excepLlon of LhaL year of whlch l
have been speaklng, durlng elghL-and-LwenLy years of prayer, l spenL more
Lhan elghLeen ln LhaL sLrlfe and conLenLlon whlch arose ouL of my aLLempLs
Lo reconclle Cod and Lhe world. As Lo Lhe oLher years, of whlch l have now
Lo speak, ln Lhem Lhe grounds of Lhe warfare, Lhough lL was noL sllghL, were
changed, buL lnasmuch as l was-aL leasL, l Lhlnk so-servlng Cod, and aware
of Lhe vanlLy of Lhe world, all has been pleasanL, as l shall show
hereafLer. [148]

3. 1he reason, Lhen, of my Lelllng Lhls aL so greaL a lengLh ls LhaL, as l
have [usL sald, [149] Lhe mercy of Cod and my lngraLlLude, on Lhe one hand,
may become known, and, on Lhe oLher, LhaL men may undersLand how greaL ls
Lhe good whlch Cod works ln a soul when Pe glves lL a dlsposlLlon Lo pray ln
earnesL, Lhough lL may noL be so well prepared as lL oughL Lo be. lf LhaL
soul perseveres ln splLe of slns, LempLaLlons, and relapses, broughL abouL
ln a Lhousand ways by SaLan, our Lord wlll brlng lL aL lasL-l am cerLaln of
lL-Lo Lhe harbour of salvaLlon, as Pe has broughL me myself, for so lL seems
Lo me now. May Pls Ma[esLy granL l may never go back and be losL! Pe who
glves hlmself Lo prayer ls ln possesslon of a greaL blesslng, of whlch many
salnLly and good men have wrlLLen-l am speaklng of menLal prayer-glory be Lo
Cod for lL, and, lf Lhey had noL done so, l am noL proud enough, Lhough l
have buL llLLle humlllLy, Lo presume Lo dlscuss lL.

6. l may speak of LhaL whlch l know by experlence, and so l say, leL hlm
never cease from prayer who has once begun lL, be hls llfe ever so wlcked,
for prayer ls Lhe way Lo amend lL, and wlLhouL prayer such amendmenL wlll be
much more dlfflculL. LeL hlm noL be LempLed by SaLan, as l was, Lo glve lL
up, on Lhe preLence of humlllLy, [130] leL hlm raLher belleve LhaL Pls words
are Lrue Who says LhaL, lf we Lruly repenL, and resolve never Lo offend Plm,
Pe wlll Lake us lnLo Pls favour agaln, [131] glve us Lhe graces Pe gave us
before, and occaslonally even greaLer, lf our repenLance deserve lL. And as
Lo hlm who has noL begun Lo pray, l lmplore hlm by Lhe love of our Lord noL
Lo deprlve hlmself of so greaL a good.

7. Pereln Lhere ls noLhlng Lo be afrald of, buL everyLhlng Lo hope for.
CranLlng LhaL such a one does noL advance, nor make an efforL Lo become
perfecL, so as Lo merlL Lhe [oys and consolaLlons whlch Lhe perfecL recelve
from Cod, yeL he wlll by llLLle and llLLle aLLaln Lo a knowledge of Lhe road
whlch leads Lo heaven. And lf he perseveres, l hope ln Lhe mercy of Cod for
hlm, seelng LhaL no one ever Look Plm for hls frlend LhaL was noL amply
rewarded, for menLal prayer ls noLhlng else, ln my oplnlon, buL belng on
Lerms of frlendshlp wlLh Cod, frequenLly converslng ln secreL wlLh Plm Who,
we know, loves us. now, Lrue love and lasLlng frlendshlp requlre cerLaln
dlsposlLlons: Lhose of our Lord, we know, are absoluLely perfecL, ours,
vlclous, sensual, and Lhankless, and you cannoL Lherefore, brlng yourselves
Lo love Plm as Pe loves you, because you have noL Lhe dlsposlLlon Lo do so,
and lf you do noL love Plm, yeL, seelng how much lL concerns you Lo have Pls
frlendshlp, and how greaL ls Pls love for you, rlse above LhaL paln you feel
aL belng much wlLh Plm Who ls so dlfferenL from you.

8. C lnflnlLe goodness of my Cod! l seem Lo see 1hee and myself ln Lhls
relaLlon Lo one anoLher. C !oy of Lhe angels! when l conslder lL, l wlsh l
could wholly dle of love! Pow Lrue lL ls LhaL 1hou enduresL Lhose who wlll
noL endure 1hee! Ch, how good a frlend arL 1hou, C my Lord! how 1hou
comforLesL and enduresL, and also walLesL for Lhem Lo make Lhemselves llke
unLo 1hee, and yeL, ln Lhe meanwhlle, arL 1hyself so paLlenL of Lhe sLaLe
Lhey are ln! 1hou LakesL lnLo accounL Lhe occaslons durlng whlch Lhey seek
1hee, and for a momenL of penlLence forgeLLesLLhelr offences agalnsL
1hyself.

9. l have seen Lhls dlsLlncLly ln my own case, and l cannoL Lell why Lhe
whole world does noL labour Lo draw near Lo 1hee ln Lhls parLlcular
frlendshlp. 1he wlcked, who do noL resemble 1hee, oughL Lo do so, ln order
LhaL 1hou mayesL make Lhem good, and for LhaL purpose should permlL 1hee Lo
remaln wlLh Lhem aL leasL for Lwo hours dally, even Lhough Lhey may noL
remaln wlLh 1hee buL, as l used Lo do, wlLh a Lhousand dlsLracLlons, and
wlLh worldly LhoughLs. ln reLurn for Lhls vlolence whlch Lhey offer Lo
Lhemselves for Lhe purpose of remalnlng ln a company so good as 1hlne-for aL
flrsL Lhey can do no more, and even afLerwards aL Llmes-1hou, C Lord,
defendesL Lhem agalnsL Lhe assaulLs of evll splrlLs, whose power 1hou
resLralnesL, and even lessenesL dally, glvlng Lo Lhem Lhe vlcLory over Lhese
Lhelr enemles. So lL ls, C Llfe of all llves, 1hou slayesL none LhaL puL
Lhelr LrusL ln 1hee, and seek 1hy frlendshlp, yea, raLher, 1hou susLalnesL
Lhelr bodlly llfe ln greaLer vlgour, and makesL Lhelr soul Lo llve.

10. l do noL undersLand whaL Lhere can be Lo make Lhem afrald who are afrald
Lo begln menLal prayer, nor do l know whaL lL ls Lhey dread. 1he devll does
well Lo brlng Lhls fear upon us, LhaL he may really hurL us by puLLlng me ln
fear, he can make me cease from Lhlnklng of my offences agalnsL Cod, of Lhe
greaL debL l owe Plm, of Lhe exlsLence of heaven and hell, and of Lhe greaL
sorrows and Lrlals Pe underwenL for me. 1haL was all my prayer, and had
been, when l was ln Lhls dangerous sLaLe, and lL was on Lhose sub[ecLs l
dwelL whenever l could, and very ofLen, for some years, l was more occupled
wlLh Lhe wlsh Lo see Lhe end of Lhe Llme l had appolnLed for myself Lo spend
ln prayer, and ln waLchlng Lhe hour-glass, Lhan wlLh oLher LhoughLs LhaL
were good. lf a sharp penance had been lald upon me, l know of none LhaL l
would noL very ofLen have wllllngly underLaken, raLher Lhan prepare myself
for prayer by self-recollecLlon. And cerLalnly Lhe vlolence wlLh whlch SaLan
assalled me was so lrreslsLlble, or my evll hablLs were so sLrong, LhaL l
dld noL beLake myself Lo prayer, and Lhe sadness l felL on enLerlng Lhe
oraLory was so greaL, LhaL lL requlred all Lhe courage l had Lo force myself
ln. 1hey say of me LhaL my courage ls noL sllghL, and lL ls known LhaL Cod
has glven me a courage beyond LhaL of a woman, buL l have made a bad use of
lL. ln Lhe end, our Lord came Lo my help, and Lhen, when l had done Lhls
vlolence Lo myself, l found greaLer peace and [oy Lhan l someLlmes had when
l had a deslre Lo pray.

11. lf, Lhen, our Lord bore so long wlLh me, who was so wlcked-and lL ls
plaln LhaL lL was by prayer all my evll was correcLed-why should any one,
how wlcked soever he may be, have any fear? LeL hlm be ever so wlcked, he
wlll noL remaln ln hls wlckedness so many years as l dld, afLer recelvlng so
many graces from our Lord. ls Lhere any one who can despalr, when Pe bore so
long wlLh me, only because l deslred and conLrlved Lo flnd some place and
some opporLunlLles for Plm Lo be alone wlLh me-and LhaL very ofLen agalnsL
my wlll? for l dld vlolence Lo myself, or raLher our Lord Plmself dld
vlolence Lo me.

12. lf, Lhen, Lo Lhose who do noL serve Cod, buL raLher offend Plm, prayer
be all Lhls, and so necessary, and lf no one can really flnd ouL any harm lL
can do hlm, and lf Lhe omlsslon of lL be noL a sLlll greaLer harm, why,
Lhen, should Lhey absLaln from lL who serve and deslre Lo serve Cod?
CerLalnly l cannoL comprehend lL, unless lL be LhaL men have a mlnd Lo go
Lhrough Lhe Lroubles of Lhls llfe ln greaLer mlsery, and Lo shuL Lhe door ln
Lhe face of Cod, so LhaL Pe shall glve Lhem no comforL ln lL. l am mosL
Lruly sorry for Lhem, because Lhey serve Cod aL Lhelr own cosL, for of Lhose
who pray, Cod Plmself defrays Lhe charges, seelng LhaL for a llLLle Lrouble
Pe glves sweeLness, ln order LhaL, by Lhe help lL supplles, Lhey may bear
Lhelr Lrlals.

13. 8uL because l have much Lo say hereafLer of Lhls sweeLness, whlch our
Lord glves Lo Lhose who persevere ln prayer, [132] l do noL speak of lL
here, only Lhls wlll l say: prayer ls Lhe door Lo Lhose greaL graces whlch
our Lord besLowed upon me. lf Lhls door be shuL, l do noL see how Pe can
besLow Lhem, for even lf Pe enLered lnLo a soul Lo Lake Pls dellghL Lhereln,
and Lo make LhaL soul also dellghL ln Plm, Lhere ls no way by whlch Pe can
do so, for Pls wlll ls, LhaL such a soul should be lonely and pure, wlLh a
greaL deslre Lo recelve Pls graces. lf we puL many hlndrances ln Lhe way,
and Lake no palns whaLever Lo remove Lhem, how can Pe come Lo us, and how
can we have any deslre LhaL Pe should show us Pls greaL mercles?

14. l wlll speak now-for lL ls very lmporLanL Lo undersLand lL-of Lhe
assaulLs whlch SaLan dlrecLs agalnsL a soul for Lhe purpose of Laklng lL,
and of Lhe conLrlvances and compasslon wherewlLh our Lord labours Lo converL
lL Lo Plmself, ln order LhaL men may behold Pls mercy, and Lhe greaL good lL
was for me LhaL l dld noL glve up prayer and splrlLual readlng, and LhaL
Lhey may be on Lhelr guard agalnsL Lhe dangers agalnsL whlch l was noL on my
guard myself. And, above all, l lmplore Lhem for Lhe love of our Lord, and
for Lhe greaL love wlLh whlch Pe goeLh abouL seeklng our converslon Lo
Plmself, Lo beware of Lhe occaslons of sln, for once placed Lhereln, we have
no ground Lo resL on-so many enemles Lhen assall us, and our own weakness ls
such, LhaL we cannoL defend ourselves.

13. Ch, LhaL l knew how Lo descrlbe Lhe capLlvlLy of my soul ln Lhose days!
l undersLood perfecLly LhaL l was ln capLlvlLy, buL l could noL undersLand
Lhe naLure of lL, nelLher could l enLlrely belleve LhaL Lhose Lhlngs whlch
my confessors dld noL make so much of were so wrong as l ln my soul felL
Lhem Lo be. Cne of Lhem-l had gone Lo hlm wlLh a scruple-Lold me LhaL, even
lf l were ralsed Lo hlgh conLemplaLlon, Lhose occaslons and conversaLlons
were noL unflLLlng for me. 1hls was Lowards Lhe end, when, by Lhe grace of
Cod, l was wlLhdrawlng more and more from Lhose greaL dangers, buL noL
wholly from Lhe occaslons of Lhem.

16. When Lhey saw my good deslres, and how l occupled myself ln prayer, l
seemed Lo Lhem Lo have done much, buL my soul knew LhaL Lhls was noL dolng
whaL l was bound Lo do for Plm Lo Whom l owed so much. l am sorry for my
poor soul even now, because of lLs greaL sufferlngs, and Lhe llLLle help lL
had from any one excepL Cod, and for Lhe wlde door LhaL man opened for lL,
LhaL lL mlghL go forLh Lo lLs pasLlmes and pleasures, when Lhey sald LhaL
Lhese Lhlngs were lawful.

17. 1hen Lhere was Lhe LorLure of sermons, and LhaL noL a sllghL one, for l
was very fond of Lhem. lf l heard any one preach well and wlLh uncLlon, l
felL, wlLhouL my seeklng lL, a parLlcular affecLlon for hlm, nelLher do l
know whence lL came. 1hus, no sermon ever seemed Lo me so bad, buL LhaL l
llsLened Lo lL wlLh pleasure, Lhough, accordlng Lo oLhers who heard lL, Lhe
preachlng was noL good. lf lL was a good sermon, lL was Lo me a mosL speclal
refreshmenL. 1o speak of Cod, or Lo hear Plm spoken of, never wearled me. l
am speaklng of Lhe Llme afLer l gave myself Lo prayer. AL one Llme l had
greaL comforL ln sermons, aL anoLher Lhey dlsLressed me, because Lhey made
me feel LhaL l was very far from belng whaL l oughL Lo have been.

18. l used Lo pray Lo our Lord for help, buL, as lL now seems Lo me, l musL
have commlLLed Lhe faulL of noL puLLlng my whole LrusL ln Pls Ma[esLy, and
of noL Lhoroughly dlsLrusLlng myself. l soughL for help, Look greaL palns,
buL lL musL be LhaL l dld noL undersLand how all ls of llLLle proflL lf we
do noL rooL ouL all confldence ln ourselves, and place lL wholly ln Cod. l
wlshed Lo llve, buL l saw clearly LhaL l was noL llvlng, buL raLher
wresLllng wlLh Lhe shadow of deaLh, Lhere was no one Lo glve me llfe, and l
was noL able Lo Lake lL. Pe Who could have glven lL me had good reasons for
noL comlng Lo my ald, seelng LhaL Pe had broughL me back Lo Plmself so many
Llmes, and l as ofLen had lefL Plm.
_________________________________________________________________

[148] [144]Ch. lx. 10.

[149] [143] 1, above.

[130] [146]Ch. vll. 17, [147]ch. xlx. 8.

[131] Lzech. xvlll. 21: "Sl auLem lmplus egerlL poenlLenLlam, . . . vlLa
vlveL, eL non morleLur. Cmnlum lnlqulLaLum e[us . . . non recordabor."

[132] See [148]ch. x. 2, and [149]ch. xl. 22.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer lx.

1he Means Whereby Cur Lord Culckened Per Soul, Cave Per LlghL ln Per
uarkness, and Made Per SLrong ln Coodness.

1. My soul was now grown weary, and Lhe mlserable hablLs lL had conLracLed
would noL suffer lL Lo resL, Lhough lL was deslrous of dolng so. lL came Lo
pass one day, when l wenL lnLo Lhe oraLory, LhaL l saw a plcLure whlch Lhey
had puL by Lhere, and whlch had been procured for a cerLaln feasL observed
ln Lhe house. lL was a represenLaLlon of ChrlsL mosL grlevously wounded, and
so devoLlonal, LhaL Lhe very slghL of lL, when l saw lL, moved me-so well
dld lL show forLh LhaL whlch Pe suffered for us. So keenly dld l feel Lhe
evll reLurn l had made for Lhose wounds, LhaL l LhoughL my hearL was
breaklng. l Lhrew myself on Lhe ground beslde lL, my Lears flowlng
plenLeously, and lmplored Plm Lo sLrengLhen me once for all, so LhaL l mlghL
never offend Plm any more.

2. l had a very greaL devoLlon Lo Lhe glorlous Magdalene, and very
frequenLly used Lo Lhlnk of her converslon-especlally when l wenL Lo
Communlon. As l knew for cerLaln LhaL our Lord was Lhen wlLhln me, l used Lo
place myself aL Pls feeL, Lhlnklng LhaL my Lears would noL be desplsed. l
dld noL know whaL l was saylng, only Pe dld greaL Lhlngs for me, ln LhaL Pe
was pleased l should shed Lhose Lears, seelng LhaL l so soon forgoL LhaL
lmpresslon. l used Lo recommend myself Lo LhaL glorlous SalnL, LhaL she
mlghL obLaln my pardon.

3. 8uL Lhls lasL Llme, before LhaL plcLure of whlch l am speaklng, l seem Lo
have made greaLer progress, for l was now very dlsLrusLful of myself,
placlng all my confldence ln Cod. lL seems Lo me LhaL l sald Lo Plm Lhen
LhaL l would noL rlse up Llll Pe granLed my peLlLlon. l do cerLalnly belleve
LhaL Lhls was of greaL servlce Lo me, because l have grown beLLer
ever slnce. [133]

4. 1hls was my meLhod of prayer: as l could noL make reflecLlons wlLh my
undersLandlng, l conLrlved Lo plcLure ChrlsL as wlLhln me, [134] and l used
Lo flnd myself Lhe beLLer for Lhlnklng of Lhose mysLerles of Pls llfe durlng
whlch Pe was mosL lonely. lL seemed Lo me LhaL Lhe belng alone and
affllcLed, llke a person ln Lrouble, musL needs permlL me Lo come near unLo
Plm.

3. l dld many slmple Lhlngs of Lhls klnd, and ln parLlcular l used Lo flnd
myself mosL aL home ln Lhe prayer ln Lhe Carden, whlLher l wenL ln Pls
company. l LhoughL of Lhe bloody sweaL, and of Lhe affllcLlon Pe endured
Lhere, l wlshed, lf lL had been posslble, Lo wlpe away LhaL palnful sweaL
from Pls face, buL l remember LhaL l never dared Lo form such a
resoluLlon-my slns sLood before me so grlevously. l used Lo remaln wlLh Plm
Lhere as long as my LhoughLs allowed me, and l had many LhoughLs Lo LormenL
me. lor many years, nearly every nlghL before l fell asleep, when l
recommended myself Lo Cod, LhaL l mlghL sleep ln peace, l used always Lo
Lhlnk a llLLle of Lhls mysLery of Lhe prayer ln Lhe Carden-yea, even before
l was a nun, because l had been Lold LhaL many lndulgences were Lo be galned
Lhereby. lor my parL, l belleve LhaL my soul galned very much ln Lhls way,
because l began Lo pracLlse prayer wlLhouL knowlng whaL lL was, and now LhaL
lL had become my consLanL hablL, l was saved from omlLLlng lL, as l was from
omlLLlng Lo bless myself wlLh Lhe slgn of Lhe cross before l slepL.

6. And now Lo go back Lo whaL l was saylng of Lhe LorLure whlch my LhoughLs
lnfllcLed upon me. 1hls meLhod of praylng, ln whlch Lhe undersLandlng makes
no reflecLlons, haLh Lhls properLy: Lhe soul musL galn much, or lose. l
mean, LhaL Lhose who advance wlLhouL medlLaLlon, make greaL progress,
because lL ls done by love. 8uL Lo aLLaln Lo Lhls lnvolves greaL labour,
excepL Lo Lhose persons whom lL ls our Lord's good pleasure Lo lead qulckly
Lo Lhe prayer of quleL. l know of some. lor Lhose who walk ln Lhls way, a
book ls proflLable, LhaL by Lhe help Lhereof Lhey may Lhe more qulckly
recollecL Lhemselves. lL was a help Lo me also Lo look on flelds, waLer, and
flowers. [133] ln Lhem l saw Lraces of Lhe CreaLor-l mean, LhaL Lhe slghL of
Lhese Lhlngs was as a book unLo me, lL roused me, made me recollecLed, and
remlnded me of my lngraLlLude and of my slns. My undersLandlng was so dull,
LhaL l could never represenL ln Lhe lmaglnaLlon elLher heavenly or hlgh
Lhlngs ln any form whaLever unLll our Lord placed Lhem before me ln anoLher
way. [136]

7. l was so llLLle able Lo puL Lhlngs before me by Lhe help of my
undersLandlng, LhaL, unless l saw a Lhlng wlLh my eyes, my lmaglnaLlon was
of no use whaLever. l could noL do as oLhers do, who can puL maLLers before
Lhemselves so as Lo become Lhereby recollecLed. l was able Lo Lhlnk of
ChrlsL only as man. 8uL so lL was, and l never could form any lmage of Plm
Lo myself, Lhough l read much of Pls beauLy, and looked aL plcLures of Plm.
l was llke one who ls bllnd, or ln Lhe dark, who, Lhough speaklng Lo a
person presenL, and feellng hls presence, because he knows for cerLaln LhaL
he ls presenL-l mean, LhaL he undersLands hlm Lo be presenL, and belleves
lL-yeL does noL see hlm. lL was Lhus wlLh me when l used Lo Lhlnk of our
Lord. 1hls ls why l was so fond of lmages. WreLched are Lhey who, Lhrough
Lhelr own faulL, have losL Lhls blesslng, lL ls clear enough LhaL Lhey do
noL love our Lord-for lf Lhey loved Plm, Lhey would re[olce aL Lhe slghL of
Pls plcLure, [usL as men flnd pleasure when Lhey see Lhe porLralL of one
Lhey love.

8. AL Lhls Llme, Lhe Confesslons of SL. AugusLlne were glven me. Cur Lord
seems Lo have so ordalned lL, for l dld noL seek Lhem myself, nelLher had l
ever seen Lhem before. l had a very greaL devoLlon Lo SL. AugusLlne, because
Lhe monasLery ln whlch l llved when l was yeL ln Lhe world was of hls Crder,
[137] and also because he had been a slnner-for l used Lo flnd greaL comforL
ln Lhose SalnLs whom, afLer Lhey had slnned, our Lord converLed Lo Plmself.
l LhoughL Lhey would help me, and LhaL, as our Lord had forglven Lhem, so
also Pe would forglve me. Cne Lhlng, however, Lhere was LhaL Lroubled me-l
have spoken of lL before [138] -our Lord had called Lhem buL once, and Lhey
never relapsed, whlle my relapses were now so many. 1hls lL was LhaL vexed
me. 8uL calllng Lo mlnd Lhe love LhaL Pe bore me, l Look courage agaln. Cf
Pls mercy l never doubLed once, buL l dld very ofLen of myself.

9. C my Cod, l amazed aL Lhe hardness of my hearL amldsL so many succours
from 1hee. l am fllled wlLh dread when l see how llLLle l could do wlLh
myself, and how l was clogged, so LhaL l could noL resolve Lo glve myself
enLlrely Lo Cod. When l began Lo read Lhe Confesslons, l LhoughL l saw
myself Lhere descrlbed, and began Lo recommend myself greaLly Lo Lhls
glorlous SalnL. When l came Lo hls converslon, and read how he heard LhaL
volce ln Lhe garden, lL seemed Lo me noLhlng less Lhan LhaL our Lord had
uLLered lL for me: l felL so ln my hearL. l remalned for some Llme losL ln
Lears, ln greaL lnward affllcLlon and dlsLress. C my Cod, whaL a soul has Lo
suffer because lL has losL Lhe llberLy lL had of belng mlsLress over lLself!
and whaL LormenLs lL has Lo endure! l wonder now how l could llve ln
LormenLs so greaL: Cod be pralsed Who gave me llfe, so LhaL l mlghL escape
from so faLal a deaLh! l belleve LhaL my soul obLalned greaL sLrengLh from
Pls ulvlne Ma[esLy, and LhaL Pe musL have heard my cry, and had compasslon
upon so many Lears.

10. A deslre Lo spend more Llme wlLh Plm began Lo grow wlLhln me, and also
Lo wlLhdraw from Lhe occaslons of sln: for as soon as l had done so, l
Lurned lovlngly Lo Pls Ma[esLy aL once. l undersLood clearly, as l LhoughL,
LhaL l loved Plm, buL l dld noL undersLand, as l oughL Lo have undersLood
lL, whereln Lhe Lrue love of Cod conslsLs. l do noL Lhlnk l had yeL
perfecLly dlsposed myself Lo seek Pls servlce when Pls Ma[esLy Lurned
Lowards me wlLh Pls consolaLlons. WhaL oLhers sLrlve afLer wlLh greaL
labour, our Lord seems Lo have looked ouL for a way Lo make me wllllng Lo
accepL-LhaL ls, ln Lhese laLer years Lo glve me [oy and comforL. 8uL as for
asklng our Lord Lo glve me elLher Lhese Lhlngs or sweeLness ln devoLlon, l
never dared Lo do lL, Lhe only Lhlng l prayed Plm Lo glve me was Lhe grace
never Lo offend Plm, LogeLher wlLh Lhe forglveness of my greaL slns. When l
saw LhaL my slns were so greaL, l never venLured dellberaLely Lo ask for
consolaLlon or for sweeLness. Pe had compasslon enough upon me, l Lhlnk-and,
ln LruLh, Pe dealL wlLh me accordlng Lo Pls greaL mercy-when Pe allowed me
Lo sLand before Plm, and when Pe drew me lnLo Pls presence, for l saw LhaL,
lf Pe had noL drawn me, l should noL have come aL all.

11. Cnce only ln my llfe do l remember asklng for consolaLlon, belng aL Lhe
Llme ln greaL arldlLles. When l consldered whaL l had done, l was so
confounded, LhaL Lhe very dlsLress l suffered from seelng how llLLle
humlllLy l had, broughL me LhaL whlch l had been so bold as Lo ask for. l
knew well LhaL lL was lawful Lo pray for lL, buL lL seemed Lo me LhaL lL ls
lawful only for Lhose who are ln good dlsposlLlons, who have soughL wlLh all
Lhelr mlghL Lo aLLaln Lo Lrue devoLlon-LhaL ls, noL Lo offend Cod, and Lo be
dlsposed and resolved for all goodness. l looked upon Lhose Lears of mlne as
womanlsh and weak, seelng LhaL l dld noL obLaln my deslres by Lhem,
neverLheless, l belleve LhaL Lhey dld me some servlce, for, speclally afLer
Lhose Lwo occaslons of greaL compuncLlon and sorrow of hearL, [139]
accompanled by Lears, of whlch l am speaklng, l began ln an especlal way Lo
glve myself more Lo prayer, and Lo occupy myself less wlLh Lhose Lhlngs
whlch dld me harm-Lhough l dld noL glve Lhem up alLogeLher. 8uL Cod Plmself,
as l have [usL sald, came Lo my ald, and helped me Lo Lurn away from Lhem.
As Pls Ma[esLy was only walLlng for some preparaLlon on my parL, Lhe
splrlLual graces grew ln me as l shall now explaln. lL ls noL Lhe cusLom of
our Lord Lo glve Lhese graces Lo any buL Lo Lhose who keep Lhelr consclences
ln greaLer pureness. [160]
_________________________________________________________________

[133] ln Lhe year 1333 (8oulx).

[134] See [130]ch. lv. 10, [131]ch. x. 1.

[133] See [132]8elaLlon, l. 12.

[136] See [133]ch. lv. 11.

[137] [134]Ch. ll. 8.

[138] ln Lhe [133]rologue.

[139] [136] 1.

[160] [137]Ch. lv. 11.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer x.

1he Craces She 8ecelved ln rayer. WhaL We Can uo Curselves. 1he CreaL
lmporLance of undersLandlng WhaL Cur Lord ls uolng for us. She ueslres Per
Confessors Lo keep Per WrlLlngs SecreL, 8ecause of Lhe Speclal Craces of Cur
Lord Lo Per, Whlch 1hey Pad Commanded Per Lo uescrlbe.

1. l used Lo have aL Llmes, as l have sald, [161] Lhough lL used Lo pass
qulckly away-cerLaln commencemenLs of LhaL whlch l am golng now Lo descrlbe.
When l formed Lhose plcLures wlLhln myself of Lhrowlng myself aL Lhe feeL of
ChrlsL, as l sald before, [162] and someLlmes even when l was readlng, a
feellng of Lhe presence of Cod would come over me unexpecLedly, so LhaL l
could ln no wlse doubL elLher LhaL Pe was wlLhln me, or LhaL l was wholly
absorbed ln Plm. lL was noL by way of vlslon, l belleve lL was whaL ls
called mysLlcal Lheology.

1he soul ls suspended ln such a way LhaL lL seems Lo be uLLerly beslde
lLself. 1he wlll loves, Lhe memory, so lL seems Lo me, ls as lL were losL,
and Lhe undersLandlng, so l Lhlnk, makes no reflecLlons-yeL ls noL losL: as
l have [usL sald, lL ls noL aL work, buL lL sLands as lf amazed aL Lhe
greaLness of Lhe Lhlngs lL undersLands, for Cod wllls lL Lo undersLand LhaL
lL undersLands noLhlng whaLever of LhaL whlch Pls Ma[esLy places before lL.

2. 8efore Lhls, l had a cerLaln Lenderness of soul whlch was very abldlng,
parLlally aLLalnable, l belleve, ln some measure, by our own efforLs: a
consolaLlon whlch ls noL wholly ln Lhe senses, nor yeL alLogeLher ln Lhe
splrlL, buL ls all of lL Lhe glfL of Cod. Powever, l Lhlnk we can conLrlbuLe
much Lowards Lhe aLLalnlng of lL by conslderlng our vlleness and our
lngraLlLude Lowards Cod-Lhe greaL Lhlngs Pe has done for us-Pls asslon,
wlLh lLs grlevous palns-and Pls llfe, so full of sorrows, also, by re[olclng
ln Lhe conLemplaLlon of Pls works, of Pls greaLness, and of Lhe love LhaL Pe
bears us. Many oLher conslderaLlons Lhere are whlch he who really deslres Lo
make progress wlll ofLen sLumble on, Lhough he may noL be very much on Lhe
waLch for Lhem. lf wlLh Lhls Lhere be a llLLle love, Lhe soul ls comforLed,
Lhe hearL ls sofLened, and Lears flow. SomeLlmes lL seems LhaL we do
vlolence Lo ourselves and weep, aL oLher Llmes, our Lord seems Lo do so, so
LhaL we have no power Lo reslsL Plm. Pls Ma[esLy seems Lo reward Lhls sllghL
carefulness of ours wlLh so grand a glfL as ls Lhls consolaLlon whlch Pe
mlnlsLers Lo Lhe soul of seelng lLself weeplng for so greaL a Lord. l am noL
surprlsed, for Lhe soul has reason enough, and more Lhan enough, for lLs
[oy. Pere lL comforLs lLself-here lL re[olces.

3. 1he comparlson whlch now presenLs lLself seems Lo me Lo be good. 1hese
[oys ln prayer are llke whaL Lhose of heaven musL be. As Lhe vlslon of Lhe
salnLs, whlch ls measured by Lhelr merlLs Lhere, reaches no furLher Lhan our
Lord wllls, and as Lhe blessed see how llLLle merlL Lhey had, every one of
Lhem ls saLlsfled wlLh Lhe place asslgned hlm: Lhere belng Lhe very greaLesL
dlfference beLween one [oy and anoLher ln heaven, and much greaLer Lhan
beLween one splrlLual [oy and anoLher on earLh-whlch ls, however, very
greaL. And ln LruLh, ln Lhe beglnnlng, a soul ln whlch Cod works Lhls grace
Lhlnks LhaL now lL has scarcely anyLhlng more Lo deslre, and counLs lLself
abundanLly rewarded for all Lhe servlce lL has rendered Plm. And Lhere ls
reason for Lhls: for one of Lhose Lears-whlch, as l have [usL sald, are
almosL ln our own power, Lhough wlLhouL Cod noLhlng can be done-cannoL, ln
my oplnlon, be purchased wlLh all Lhe labours of Lhe world, because of Lhe
greaL galn lL brlngs us. And whaL greaLer galn can we have Lhan some
LesLlmony of our havlng pleased Cod? LeL hlm, Lhen, who shall have aLLalned
Lo Lhls, glve pralse unLo Cod-acknowledge hlmself Lo be one of Pls greaLesL
debLors, because lL seems Lo be Pls wlll Lo Lake hlm lnLo Pls house, havlng
chosen hlm for Pls klngdom, lf he does noL Lurn back.

4. LeL hlm noL regard cerLaln klnds of humlllLy whlch exlsL, and of whlch l
mean Lo speak. [163] Some Lhlnk lL humlllLy noL Lo belleve LhaL Cod ls
besLowlng Pls glfLs upon Lhem. LeL us clearly undersLand Lhls, and LhaL lL
ls perfecLly clear Cod besLows Pls glfLs wlLhouL any merlL whaLever on our
parL, and leL us be graLeful Lo Pls Ma[esLy for Lhem, for lf we do noL
recognlze Lhe glfLs recelved aL Pls hands, we shall never be moved Lo love
Plm. lL ls a mosL cerLaln LruLh, LhaL Lhe rlcher we see ourselves Lo be,
confesslng aL Lhe same Llme our poverLy, Lhe greaLer wlll be our progress,
and Lhe more real our humlllLy.

3. An opposlLe course Lends Lo Lake away all courage, for we shall Lhlnk
ourselves lncapable of greaL blesslngs, lf we begln Lo frlghLen ourselves
wlLh Lhe dread of valn-glory when our Lord beglns Lo show Pls mercy upon us.
[164] LeL us belleve LhaL Pe Who glves Lhese glfLs wlll also, when Lhe devll
beglns Lo LempL us hereln, glve us Lhe grace Lo deLecL hlm, and Lhe sLrengLh
Lo reslsL hlm-LhaL ls, Pe wlll do so lf we walk ln slmpllclLy before Cod,
almlng aL pleaslng Plm only, and noL men. lL ls a mosL evldenL LruLh, LhaL
our love for a person ls greaLer, Lhe more dlsLlncLly we remember Lhe good
he has done us.

6. lf, Lhen, lL ls lawful, and so merlLorlous, always Lo remember LhaL we
have our belng from Cod, LhaL Pe has creaLed us ouL of noLhlng, LhaL Pe
preserves us, and also Lo remember all Lhe beneflLs of Pls deaLh and
asslon, whlch Pe suffered long before Pe made us for every one of us now
allve-why should lL noL be lawful for me Lo dlscern, confess, and conslder
ofLen LhaL l was once accusLomed Lo speak of vanlLles, and LhaL now our Lord
has glven me Lhe grace Lo speak only of Plmself?

7. Pere, Lhen, ls a preclous pearl, whlch, when we remember LhaL lL ls glven
us, and LhaL we have lL ln possesslon, powerfully lnvlLes us Lo love. All
Lhls ls Lhe frulL of prayer founded on humlllLy. WhaL, Lhen, wlll lL be when
we shall flnd ourselves ln possesslon of oLher pearls of greaLer prlce, such
as conLempL of Lhe world and of self, whlch some servanLs of Cod have
already recelved? lL ls clear LhaL such souls musL conslder Lhemselves
greaLer debLors-under greaLer obllgaLlons Lo serve Plm: we musL acknowledge
LhaL we have noLhlng of ourselves, and confess Lhe munlflcence of our Lord,
Who, on a soul so wreLched and poor, and so uLLerly undeservlng, as mlne
ls,-for whom Lhe flrsL of Lhese pearls was enough, and more Lhan
enough,-would besLow greaLer rlches Lhan l could deslre.

8. We musL renew our sLrengLh Lo serve Plm, and sLrlve noL Lo be ungraLeful,
because lL ls on Lhls condlLlon LhaL our Lord dlspenses Pls Lreasures, for
lf we do noL make a good use of Lhem, and of Lhe hlgh esLaLe Lo whlch Pe
ralses us, Pe wlll reLurn and Lake Lhem from us, and we shall be poorer Lhan
ever. Pls Ma[esLy wlll glve Lhe pearls Lo hlm who shall brlng Lhem forLh and
employ Lhem usefully for hlmself and oLhers. lor how shall he be useful, and
how shall he spend llberally, who does noL know LhaL he ls rlch? lL ls noL
posslble, l Lhlnk, our naLure belng whaL lL ls, LhaL he can have Lhe courage
necessary for greaL Lhlngs who does noL know LhaL Cod ls on hls slde, for so
mlserable are we, so lncllned Lo Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls world, LhaL he can
hardly have any real abhorrence of, wlLh greaL deLachmenL from, all earLhly
Lhlngs who does noL see LhaL he holds some pledges for Lhose Lhlngs LhaL are
above. lL ls by Lhese glfLs LhaL our Lord glves us LhaL sLrengLh whlch we
Lhrough our slns have losL.

9. A man wlll hardly wlsh Lo be held ln conLempL and abhorrence, nor wlll he
seek afLer Lhe oLher greaL vlrLues Lo whlch Lhe perfecL aLLaln, lf he has
noL some pledges of Lhe love whlch Cod bears hlm, LogeLher wlLh a llvlng
falLh. Cur naLure ls so dead, LhaL we go afLer LhaL whlch we see lmmedlaLely
before us, and lL ls Lhese graces, Lherefore, LhaL qulcken and sLrengLhen
our falLh. lL may well be LhaL l, who am so wlcked, measure oLhers by
myself, and LhaL oLhers requlre noLhlng more Lhan Lhe verlLles of Lhe falLh,
ln order Lo render Lhelr works mosL perfecL, whlle l, wreLched LhaL l am!
have need of everyLhlng.

10. CLhers wlll explaln Lhls. l speak from my own experlence, as l have been
commanded, and lf whaL l say be noL correcL, leL hlm [163] Lo whom l send lL
desLroy lL, for he knows beLLer Lhan l do whaL ls wrong ln lL. l enLreaL
hlm, for Lhe love of our Lord, Lo publlsh abroad whaL l have Lhus far sald
of my wreLched llfe, and of my slns. l glve hlm leave Lo do so, and Lo all
my confessors, also,-of whom he ls one-Lo whom Lhls ls Lo be senL, lf lL be
Lhelr pleasure, even durlng my llfe, so LhaL l may no longer decelve people
who Lhlnk Lhere musL be some good ln me. [166] CerLalnly, l speak ln all
slncerlLy, so far as l undersLand myself. Such publlcaLlon wlll glve me
greaL comforL.

11. 8uL as Lo LhaL whlch l am now golng Lo say, l glve no such leave, nor,
lf lL be shown Lo any one, do l consenL Lo lLs belng sald who Lhe person ls
whose experlence lL descrlbes, nor who wroLe lL. 1hls ls why l menLlon
nelLher my own name, nor LhaL of any oLher person whaLever. l have wrlLLen
lL ln Lhe besL way l could, ln order noL Lo be known, and Lhls l beg of Lhem
for Lhe love of Cod. ersons so learned and grave as Lhey are [167] have
auLhorlLy enough Lo approve of whaLever rlghL Lhlngs l may say, should our
Lord glve me Lhe grace Lo do so, and lf l should say anyLhlng of Lhe klnd,
lL wlll be Pls, and noL mlne-because l am nelLher learned nor of good llfe,
and l have no person of learnlng or any oLher Lo Leach me, for Lhey only who
ordered me Lo wrlLe know LhaL l am wrlLlng, and aL Lhls momenL Lhey are noL
here. l have, as lL were, Lo sLeal Lhe Llme, and LhaL wlLh dlfflculLy,
because my wrlLlng hlnders me from splnnlng. l am llvlng ln a house LhaL ls
poor, and have many Lhlngs Lo do. [168] lf, lndeed, our Lord had glven me
greaLer ablllLles and a beLLer memory, l mlghL Lhen proflL by whaL l have
seen and read, buL my ablllLles are very sllghL. lf, Lhen, l should say
anyLhlng LhaL ls rlghL, our Lord wlll have lL sald for some good purpose,
LhaL whlch may be wrong wlll be mlne, and your reverence wlll sLrlke lL ouL.

12. ln nelLher case wlll lL be of any use Lo publlsh my name: durlng my
llfe, lL ls clear LhaL no good l may have done oughL Lo be Lold, afLer
deaLh, Lhere ls no reason agalnsL lL, excepL LhaL lL wlll lose all auLhorlLy
and credlL, because relaLed of a person so vlle and so wlcked as l am. And
because l Lhlnk your reverence and Lhe oLhers who may see Lhls wrlLlng wlll
do Lhls LhaL l ask of you, for Lhe love of our Lord, l wrlLe wlLh freedom.
lf lL were noL so, l should have greaL scruples, excepL ln declarlng my
slns: and ln LhaL maLLer l should have none aL all. lor Lhe resL, lL ls
enough LhaL l am a woman Lo make my salls droop: how much more, Lhen, when l
am a woman, and a wlcked one?

13. So, Lhen, everyLhlng here beyond Lhe slmple sLory of my llfe your
reverence musL Lake upon yourself-slnce you have so pressed me Lo glve some
accounL of Lhe graces whlch our Lord besLowed upon me ln prayer-lf lL he
conslsLenL wlLh Lhe LruLhs of our holy CaLhollc falLh, lf lL be noL, your
reverence musL burn lL aL once-for l glve my consenL. l wlll recounL my
experlence, ln order LhaL, lf lL be conslsLenL wlLh Lhose LruLhs, your
reverence may make some use of lL, lf noL, you wlll dellver my soul from
deluslon, so LhaL SaLan may galn noLhlng Lhere where l seemed Lo be galnlng
myself. Cur Lord knows well LhaL l, as l shall show hereafLer, [169] have
always laboured Lo flnd ouL Lhose who could glve me llghL.

14. Pow clear soever l may wlsh Lo make my accounL of LhaL whlch relaLes Lo
prayer, lL wlll be obscure enough for Lhose who are wlLhouL experlence. l
shall speak of cerLaln hlndrances, whlch, as l undersLand lL, keep men from
advanclng on Lhls road-and of oLher Lhlngs whlch are dangerous, as our Lord
has LaughL me by experlence. l have also dlscussed Lhe maLLer wlLh men of
greaL learnlng, wlLh persons who for many years had llved splrlLual llves,
who admlL LhaL, ln Lhe LwenLy-seven years only durlng whlch l have glven
myself Lo prayer-Lhough l walked so lll, and sLumbled so ofLen on Lhe
road-Pls Ma[esLy granLed me LhaL experlence whlch oLhers aLLaln Lo ln
seven-and-LhlrLy, or seven-and-forLy, years, and Lhey, Loo, belng persons
who ever advanced ln Lhe way of penance and of vlrLue.

13. 8lessed be Cod for all, and may Pls lnflnlLe Ma[esLy make use of me! Cur
Lord knoweLh well LhaL l have no oLher end ln Lhls Lhan LhaL Pe may be
pralsed and magnlfled a llLLle, when men shall see LhaL on a dunghlll so
foul and rank Pe has made a garden of flowers so sweeL. May lL please Pls
Ma[esLy LhaL l may noL by my own faulL rooL Lhem ouL, and become agaln whaL
l was before. And l enLreaL your reverence, for Lhe love of our Lord, Lo beg
Lhls of Plm for me, seelng LhaL you have a clearer knowledge of whaL l am
Lhan you have allowed me Lo glve of myself here.
_________________________________________________________________

[161] 1he SalnL lnLerrupLs her hlsLory here Lo enLer on Lhe dlfflculL
quesLlons of mysLlcal Lheology, and resumes lL ln [138]ch. xxlll.

[162] [139]Ch. lx. 4.

[163] [160]Ch. xxx. 10 and 11.

[164] See [161]ch. xlll. 3.

[163] l. edro ?banez, of Lhe Crder of SL. uomlnlc.

[166] See [162]ch. xxxl. 17.

[167] See [163]ch. xv. 12.

[168] See [164]ch. xlv. 12.

[169] See [163]ch. xxlv. 3.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xl.

Why Men uo noL ALLaln Culckly Lo Lhe erfecL Love of Cod. Cf lour uegrees of
rayer. Cf Lhe llrsL uegree. 1he uocLrlne roflLable for 8eglnners, and for
1hose Who Pave no Senslble SweeLness.

1. l speak now of Lhose who begln Lo be Lhe servanLs of love, LhaL seems Lo
me Lo be noLhlng else buL Lo resolve Lo follow Plm ln Lhe way of prayer, who
has loved us so much. lL ls a dlgnlLy so greaL, LhaL l have a sLrange [oy ln
Lhlnklng of lL, for servlle fear vanlshes aL once, lf we are, as we oughL Lo
be, ln Lhe flrsL degree. C Lord of my soul, and my good, how ls lL LhaL,
when a soul ls deLermlned Lo love 1hee-dolng all lL can, by forsaklng all
Lhlngs, ln order LhaL lL may Lhe beLLer occupy lLself wlLh Lhe love of
Cod-lL ls noL 1hy wlll lL should have Lhe [oy of ascendlng aL once Lo Lhe
possesslon of perfecL love? l have spoken amlss, l oughL Lo have sald, and
my complalnL should have been, why ls lL we do noL? for Lhe faulL ls wholly
our own LhaL we do noL re[olce aL once ln a dlgnlLy so greaL, seelng LhaL
Lhe aLLalnlng Lo Lhe perfecL possesslon of Lhls Lrue love brlngs all
blesslngs wlLh lL.

2. We Lhlnk so much of ourselves, and are so dllaLory ln glvlng ourselves
wholly Lo Cod, LhaL, as Pls Ma[esLy wlll noL leL us have Lhe frulLlon of
LhaL whlch ls so preclous buL aL a greaL cosL, so nelLher do we perfecLly
prepare ourselves for lL. l see plalnly LhaL Lhere ls noLhlng by whlch so
greaL a good can be procured ln Lhls world. lf, however, we dld whaL we
could, noL cllnglng Lo anyLhlng upon earLh, buL havlng all our LhoughLs and
conversaLlon ln Peaven, l belleve LhaL Lhls blesslng would qulckly be glven
us, provlded we perfecLly prepared ourselves for lL aL once, as some of Lhe
salnLs have done. We Lhlnk we are glvlng all Lo Cod, buL, ln facL, we are
offerlng only Lhe revenue or Lhe produce, whlle we reLaln Lhe fee-slmple of
Lhe land ln our own possesslon.

3. We resolve Lo become poor, and lL ls a resoluLlon of greaL merlL, buL we
very ofLen Lake greaL care noL Lo be ln wanL, noL slmply of whaL ls
necessary, buL of whaL ls superfluous: yea, and Lo make for ourselves
frlends who may supply us, and ln Lhls way we Lake more palns, and perhaps
expose ourselves Lo greaLer danger, ln order LhaL we may wanL noLhlng, Lhan
we dld formerly, when we had our own possesslons ln our own power.

4. We LhoughL, also, LhaL we gave up all deslre of honour when we became
rellglous, or when we began Lhe splrlLual llfe, and followed afLer
perfecLlon, and yeL, when we are Louched on Lhe polnL of honour, we do noL
Lhen remember LhaL we had glven lL up Lo Cod. We would selze lL agaln, and
Lake lL, as Lhey say, ouL of Pls Pands, even afLer we had made Plm, Lo all
appearance, Lhe Lord of our own wlll. So ls lL ln every Lhlng else.

3. A pleasanL way Lhls of seeklng Lhe love of Cod! we reLaln our own
affecLlons, and yeL wlll have LhaL love, as Lhey say, by handfuls. We make
no efforLs Lo brlng our deslres Lo good effecL, or Lo ralse Lhem resoluLely
above Lhe earLh, and yeL, wlLh all Lhls, we musL have many splrlLual
consolaLlons. 1hls ls noL well, and we are seeklng Lhlngs LhaL are
lncompaLlble one wlLh Lhe oLher. So, because we do noL glve ourselves up
wholly and aL once, Lhls Lreasure ls noL glven wholly and aL once Lo us. May
lL be Lhe good pleasure of our Lord Lo glve lL us drop by drop, Lhough lL
may cosL us all Lhe Lrlals ln Lhe world.

6. Pe showeLh greaL mercy unLo hlm Lo whom Pe glves Lhe grace and resoluLlon
Lo sLrlve for Lhls blesslng wlLh all hls mlghL, for Cod wlLhholds Plmself
from no one who perseveres. Pe wlll by llLLle and llLLle sLrengLhen LhaL
soul, so LhaL lL may come forLh vlcLorlous. l say resoluLlon, because of Lhe
mulLlLude of Lhose Lhlngs whlch SaLan puLs before lL aL flrsL, Lo keep lL
back from beglnnlng Lo Lravel on Lhls road, for he knoweLh whaL harm wlll
befall hlm Lhereby-he wlll lose noL only LhaL soul, buL many oLhers also. lf
he who enLers on Lhls road does vlolence Lo hlmself, wlLh Lhe help of Cod,
so as Lo reach Lhe summlL of perfecLlon, such a one, l belleve, wlll never
go alone Lo Peaven, he wlll always Lake many wlLh hlm: Cod glves Lo hlm, as
Lo a good capLaln, Lhose who shall be of hls company.

7. 1hus, Lhen, Lhe dangers and dlfflculLles whlch SaLan puLs before Lhem are
so many, LhaL Lhey have need, noL of a llLLle, buL of a very greaL,
resoluLlon, and greaL grace from Cod, Lo save Lhem from falllng away.

8. Speaklng, Lhen, of Lhelr beglnnlngs who are deLermlned Lo follow afLer
Lhls good, and Lo succeed ln Lhelr enLerprlse-whaL l began Lo say [170] of
mysLlcal Lheology-l belleve Lhey call lL by LhaL name-l shall proceed wlLh
hereafLer-l have Lo say LhaL Lhe labour ls greaLesL aL flrsL, for lL ls Lhey
who Loll, our Lord, lndeed, glvlng Lhem sLrengLh. ln Lhe oLher degrees of
prayer, Lhere ls more of frulLlon, alLhough Lhey who are ln Lhe beglnnlng,
Lhe mlddle, and Lhe end, have Lhelr crosses Lo carry: Lhe crosses, however,
are dlfferenL. 1hey who would follow ChrlsL, lf Lhey do noL wlsh Lo be losL,
musL walk ln Lhe way Pe walked Plmself. 8lessed labours! even here, ln Lhls
llfe, so superabundanLly rewarded!

9. l shall have Lo make use of a comparlson, l should llke Lo avold lL,
because l am a woman, and wrlLe slmply whaL l have been commanded. 8uL Lhls
language of splrlLuallLy ls so dlfflculL of uLLerance for Lhose who are noL
learned, and such am l. l have Lherefore Lo seek for some means Lo make Lhe
maLLer plaln. lL may be LhaL Lhe comparlson wlll very rarely be Lo Lhe
purpose-your reverence wlll be amused when you see my sLupldlLy. l Lhlnk,
now, l have elLher read or heard of Lhls comparlson, buL as my memory ls
bad, l know noL where, nor on whaL occaslon, however, l am saLlsfled wlLh lL
for my presenL purpose. [171]

10. A beglnner musL look upon hlmself as maklng a garden, whereln our Lord
may Lake Pls dellghL, buL ln a soll unfrulLful, and aboundlng ln weeds. Pls
Ma[esLy rooLs up Lhe weeds, and has Lo planL good herbs. LeL us, Lhen, Lake
for granLed LhaL Lhls ls already done when a soul ls deLermlned Lo glve
lLself Lo prayer, and has begun Lhe pracLlce of lL. We have, Lhen, as good
gardeners, by Lhe help of Cod, Lo see LhaL Lhe planLs grow, Lo waLer Lhem
carefully, LhaL Lhey may noL dle, buL produce blossoms, whlch shall send
forLh much fragrance, refreshlng Lo our Lord, so LhaL Pe may come ofLen for
Pls pleasure lnLo Lhls garden, and dellghL Plmself ln Lhe mldsL of Lhese
vlrLues.

11. LeL us now see how Lhls garden ls Lo be waLered, LhaL we may undersLand
whaL we have Lo do: how much Lrouble lL wlll cosL us, wheLher Lhe galn be
greaLer Lhan Lhe Lrouble, or how long a Llme lL wlll Lake us. lL seems Lo me
LhaL Lhe garden may be waLered ln four ways: by waLer Laken ouL of a well,
whlch ls very laborlous, or wlLh waLer ralsed by means of an englne and
buckeLs, drawn by a wlndlass-l have drawn lL Lhls way someLlmes-lL ls a less
Lroublesome way Lhan Lhe flrsL, and glves more waLer, or by a sLream or
brook, whereby Lhe garden ls waLered ln a much beLLer way-for Lhe soll ls
more Lhoroughly saLuraLed, and Lhere ls no necesslLy Lo waLer lL so ofLen,
and Lhe labour of Lhe gardener ls much less, or by showers of raln, when our
Lord Plmself waLers lL, wlLhouL labour on our parL-and Lhls way ls
lncomparably beLLer Lhan all Lhe oLhers of whlch l have spoken.

12. now, Lhen, for Lhe appllcaLlon of Lhese four ways of lrrlgaLlon by whlch
Lhe garden ls Lo be malnLalned, for wlLhouL waLer lL musL fall. 1he
comparlson ls Lo my purpose, and lL seems Lo me LhaL by Lhe help of lL l
shall be able Lo explaln, ln some measure, Lhe four degrees of prayer Lo
whlch our Lord, of Pls goodness, has occaslonally ralsed my soul. May Pe
graclously granL LhaL l may so speak as Lo be of some servlce Lo one of
Lhose who has commanded me Lo wrlLe, whom our Lord has ralsed ln four monLhs
Lo a greaLer helghL Lhan l have reached ln sevenLeen years! Pe prepared
hlmself beLLer Lhan l dld, and Lherefore ls hls garden wlLhouL labour on hls
parL, lrrlgaLed by Lhese four waLers-Lhough Lhe lasL of Lhem ls only drop by
drop, buL lL ls growlng ln such a way, LhaL soon, by Lhe help of our Lord,
he wlll be swallowed up Lhereln, and lL wlll be a pleasure Lo me, lf he
flnds my explanaLlon absurd, LhaL he should laugh aL lL.

13. Cf Lhose who are beglnners ln prayer, we may say, LhaL Lhey are Lhose
who draw Lhe waLer up ouL of Lhe well-a process whlch, as l have sald, ls
very laborlous, for Lhey musL be wearled ln keeplng Lhe senses recollecLed,
and Lhls ls a greaL labour, because Lhe senses have been hlLherLo accusLomed
Lo dlsLracLlons. lL ls necessary for beglnners Lo accusLom Lhemselves Lo
dlsregard whaL Lhey hear or see, and Lo puL lL away from Lhem durlng Lhe
Llme of prayer, Lhey musL be alone, and ln reLlremenL Lhlnk over Lhelr pasL
llfe. 1hough all musL do Lhls many Llmes, beglnners as well as Lhose more
advanced, all, however, musL noL do so equally, as l shall show hereafLer.
[172] 8eglnners aL flrsL suffer much, because Lhey are noL convlnced LhaL
Lhey are penlLenL for Lhelr slns, and yeL Lhey are, because Lhey are so
slncerely resolved on servlng Cod. 1hey musL sLrlve Lo medlLaLe on Lhe llfe
of ChrlsL, and Lhe undersLandlng ls wearled Lhereby. 1hus far we can advance
of ourselves-LhaL ls, by Lhe grace of Cod-for wlLhouL LhaL, as every one
knows, we never can have one good LhoughL.

14. 1hls ls beglnnlng Lo draw waLer up ouL of Lhe well. Cod granL Lhere may
be waLer ln lL! 1haL, however, does noL depend on us, we are drawlng lL, and
dolng whaL we can Lowards waLerlng Lhe flowers. So good ls Cod, LhaL when,
for reasons known Lo Pls Ma[esLy-perhaps for our greaLer good-lL ls Pls wlll
Lhe well should be dry, Pe Plmself preserves Lhe flowers wlLhouL waLer-we,
llke good gardeners, dolng whaL lles ln our power-and makes our vlrLues
grow. 8y waLer here l mean Lears, and lf Lhere be none, Lhen Lenderness and
an lnward feellng of devoLlon.

13. WhaL, Lhen, wlll he do here who sees LhaL, for many days, he ls
consclous only of arldlLy, dlsgusL, dlsllke, and so greaL an unwllllngness
Lo go Lo Lhe well for waLer, LhaL he would glve lL up alLogeLher, lf he dld
noL remember LhaL he has Lo please and serve Lhe Lord of Lhe garden, lf he
dld noL LrusL LhaL hls servlce was noL ln valn, and dld noL hope for some
galn by a labour so greaL as LhaL of lowerlng Lhe buckeL lnLo Lhe well so
ofLen, and drawlng lL up wlLhouL waLer ln lL? lL wlll happen LhaL he ls
ofLen unable Lo move hls arms for LhaL purpose, or Lo have one good LhoughL:
worklng wlLh Lhe undersLandlng ls drawlng waLer ouL of Lhe well.

16. WhaL, Lhen, once more, wlll Lhe gardener do now? Pe musL re[olce and
Lake comforL, and conslder lL as Lhe greaLesL favour Lo labour ln Lhe garden
of so greaL an Lmperor, and as he knows LhaL he ls pleaslng Plm ln Lhe
maLLer-and hls purpose musL noL be Lo please hlmself, buL Plm-leL hlm pralse
Plm greaLly for Lhe LrusL Pe has ln hlm-for Pe sees LhaL, wlLhouL any
recompense, he ls Laklng so much care of LhaL whlch has been conflded Lo
hlm, leL hlm help Plm Lo carry Lhe Cross, and leL hlm Lhlnk how Pe carrled
lL all Pls llfe long, leL hlm noL seek hls klngdom here, nor ever lnLermlL
hls prayer, and so leL hlm resolve, lf Lhls arldlLy should lasL even hls
whole llfe long, never Lo leL ChrlsL fall down beneaLh Lhe Cross. [173]

17. 1he Llme wlll come when he shall be pald once for all. LeL hlm have no
fear LhaL hls labour ls ln valn: he serves a good MasLer, Whose eyes are
upon hlm. LeL hlm make no accounL of evll LhoughLs, buL remember LhaL SaLan
suggesLed Lhem Lo SL. !erome also ln Lhe deserL. [174] 1hese labours have
Lhelr reward, l know lL, for l am one who underwenL Lhem for many years.
When l drew buL one drop of waLer ouL of Lhls blessed well, l consldered lL
was a mercy of Cod. l know Lhese labours are very greaL, and requlre, l
Lhlnk, greaLer courage Lhan many oLhers ln Lhls world, buL l have seen
clearly LhaL Cod does noL leave Lhem wlLhouL a greaL recompense, even ln
Lhls llfe, for lL ls very cerLaln LhaL ln one hour, durlng whlch our Lord
gave me Lo LasLe Pls sweeLness, all Lhe anxleLles whlch l had Lo bear when
perseverlng ln prayer seem Lo me ever afLerwards perfecLly rewarded.

18. l belleve LhaL lL ls our Lord's good pleasure frequenLly ln Lhe
beglnnlng, and aL Llmes ln Lhe end, Lo send Lhese LormenLs, and many oLher
lncldenLal LempLaLlons, Lo Lry Lhose who love Plm, and Lo ascerLaln lf Lhey
wlll drlnk Lhe challce, [173] and help Plm Lo carry Lhe Cross, before Pe
lnLrusLs Lhem wlLh Pls greaL Lreasures. l belleve lL Lo be for our good LhaL
Pls Ma[esLy should lead us by Lhls way, so LhaL we may perfecLly undersLand
how worLhless we are, for Lhe graces whlch Pe glves afLerwards are of a
dlgnlLy so greaL, LhaL Pe wlll have us by experlence know our wreLchedness
before Pe granLs Lhem, LhaL lL may noL be wlLh us as lL was wlLh Luclfer.

19. WhaL cansL 1hou do, C my Lord, LhaL ls noL for Lhe greaLer good of LhaL
soul whlch 1hou knowesL Lo be already 1hlne, and whlch glves lLself up Lo
1hee Lo follow 1hee whlLhersoever 1hou goesL, even Lo Lhe deaLh of Lhe
Cross, and whlch ls deLermlned Lo help 1hee Lo carry LhaL Cross, and noL Lo
leave 1hee alone wlLh lL? Pe who shall dlscern Lhls resoluLlon ln hlmself
has noLhlng Lo fear: no, no, splrlLual people have noLhlng Lo fear. 1here ls
no reason why he should be dlsLressed who ls already ralsed Lo so hlgh a
degree as Lhls ls of wlshlng Lo converse ln sollLude wlLh Cod, and Lo
abandon Lhe amusemenLs of Lhe world. 1he greaLer parL of Lhe work ls done,
glve pralse Lo Pls Ma[esLy for lL, and LrusL ln Pls goodness who has never
falled Lhose who love Plm. Close Lhe eyes of your lmaglnaLlon, and do noL
ask why Pe glves devoLlon Lo Lhls person ln so shorL a Llme, and none Lo me
afLer so many years. LeL us belleve LhaL all ls for our greaLer good, leL
Pls Ma[esLy gulde us whlLhersoever Pe wlll: we are noL our own, buL Pls. Pe
shows us mercy enough when lL ls Pls pleasure we should be wllllng Lo dlg ln
Pls garden, and Lo be so near Lhe Lord of lL: Pe cerLalnly ls near Lo us. lf
lL be Pls wlll LhaL Lhese planLs and flowers should grow-some of Lhem when
Pe glves waLer we may draw from Lhe well, oLhers when Pe glves none-whaL ls
LhaL Lo me? uo 1hou, C Lord, accompllsh 1hy wlll, leL me never offend 1hee,
nor leL my vlrLues perlsh, lf 1hou hasL glven me any, lL ls ouL of 1hy mere
goodness. l wlsh Lo suffer, because 1hou, C Lord, hasL suffered, do 1hou ln
every way fulfll 1hy wlll ln me, and may lL never be Lhe pleasure of 1hy
Ma[esLy LhaL a glfL of so hlgh a prlce as LhaL of 1hy love, be glven Lo
people who serve 1hee only because of Lhe sweeLness Lhey flnd Lhereby.

20. lL ls much Lo be observed, and l say so because l know by experlence,
LhaL Lhe soul whlch, beglns Lo walk ln Lhe way of menLal prayer wlLh
resoluLlon, and ls deLermlned noL Lo care much, nelLher Lo re[olce nor Lo be
greaLly affllcLed, wheLher sweeLness and Lenderness fall lL, or our Lord
granLs Lhem, has already Lravelled a greaL parL of Lhe road. LeL LhaL soul,
Lhen, have no fear LhaL lL ls golng back, Lhough lL may frequenLly sLumble,
for Lhe bulldlng ls begun on a flrm foundaLlon. lL ls cerLaln LhaL Lhe love
of Cod does noL conslsL ln Lears, nor ln Lhls sweeLness and Lenderness whlch
we for Lhe mosL parL deslre, and wlLh whlch we console ourselves, buL raLher
ln servlng Plm ln [usLlce, forLlLude, and humlllLy. 1haL seems Lo me Lo be a
recelvlng raLher Lhan a glvlng of anyLhlng on our parL.

21. As for poor women, such as l am, weak and lnflrm of purpose, lL seems Lo
me Lo be necessary LhaL l should be led on Lhrough consolaLlons, as Cod ls
dolng now, so LhaL l mlghL be able Lo endure cerLaln affllcLlons whlch lL
has pleased Pls Ma[esLy l should have. 8uL when Lhe servanLs of Cod, who are
men of welghL, learnlng, and sense, make so much accounL, as l see Lhey do,
wheLher Cod glves Lhem sweeLness ln devoLlon or noL, l am dlsgusLed when l
llsLen Lo Lhem. l do noL say LhaL Lhey oughL noL Lo accepL lL, and make much
of lL, when Cod glves lL-because, when Pe glves lL, Pls Ma[esLy sees lL Lo
be necessary for Lhem-buL l do say LhaL Lhey oughL noL Lo grow weary when
Lhey have lL noL. 1hey should Lhen undersLand LhaL Lhey have no need of lL,
and be masLers of Lhemselves, when Pls Ma[esLy does noL glve lL. LeL Lhem be
convlnced of Lhls, Lhere ls a faulL here, l have had experlence of lL, and
know lL Lo be so. LeL Lhem belleve lL as an lmperfecLlon: Lhey are noL
advanclng ln llberLy of splrlL, buL shrlnklng llke cowards from Lhe assaulL.

22. lL ls noL so much Lo beglnners LhaL l say Lhls-Lhough l do lnslsL upon
lL, because lL ls of greaL lmporLance Lo Lhem LhaL Lhey should begln wlLh
Lhls llberLy and resoluLlon-as Lo oLhers, of whom Lhere are many, who make a
beglnnlng, buL never come Lo Lhe end, and LhaL ls owlng, l belleve, ln greaL
measure, Lo Lhelr noL havlng embraced Lhe Cross from Lhe flrsL. 1hey are
dlsLressed, Lhlnklng Lhey are dolng noLhlng, Lhe undersLandlng ceases from
lLs acLs, and Lhey cannoL bear lL. ?eL, perhaps, aL LhaL very Llme, Lhe wlll
ls feedlng and gaLherlng sLrengLh, and Lhey know lL noL.

23. We musL suppose LhaL our Lord does noL regard Lhese Lhlngs, for Lhough
Lhey seem Lo us Lo be faulLs, yeL Lhey are noL. Pls Ma[esLy knoweLh our
mlsery and naLural vlleness beLLer Lhan we do ourselves. Pe knoweLh LhaL
Lhese souls long Lo be always Lhlnklng of Plm and lovlng Plm. lL ls Lhls
resoluLlon LhaL Pe seeks ln us, Lhe oLher anxleLles whlch we lnfllcL upon
ourselves serve Lo no oLher end buL Lo dlsquleL Lhe soul-whlch, lf lL be
unable Lo derlve any proflL ln one hour, wlll by Lhem be dlsabled for four.
1hls comes mosL frequenLly from bodlly lndlsposlLlon-l have had very greaL
experlence ln Lhe maLLer, and l know lL ls Lrue, for l have carefully
observed lL and dlscussed lL afLerwards wlLh splrlLual persons-for we are so
wreLched, LhaL Lhls poor prlsoner of a soul shares ln Lhe mlserles of Lhe
body. 1he changes of Lhe seasons, and Lhe alLeraLlons of Lhe humours, very
ofLen compel lL, wlLhouL faulL of lLs own, noL Lo do whaL lL would, buL
raLher Lo suffer ln every way. Meanwhlle, Lhe more we force Lhe soul on
Lhese occaslons, Lhe greaLer Lhe mlschlef, and Lhe longer lL lasLs. Some
dlscreLlon musL be used, ln order Lo ascerLaln wheLher lll-healLh be Lhe
occaslon or noL. 1he poor soul musL noL be sLlfled. LeL Lhose who Lhus
suffer undersLand LhaL Lhey are lll, a change should be made ln Lhe hour of
prayer, and ofLenLlmes LhaL change should be conLlnued for some days. LeL
souls pass ouL of Lhls deserL as Lhey can, for lL ls very ofLen Lhe mlsery
of one LhaL loves Cod Lo see lLself llvlng ln such wreLchedness, unable Lo
do whaL lL would, because lL has Lo keep so evll a guesL as Lhe body.

24. l spoke of dlscreLlon, because someLlmes Lhe devll wlll do Lhe same
work, and so lL ls noL always rlghL Lo omlL prayer when Lhe undersLandlng ls
greaLly dlsLracLed and dlsLurbed, nor Lo LormenL Lhe soul Lo Lhe dolng of
LhaL whlch ls ouL of lLs power. 1here are oLher Lhlngs Lhen Lo be
done-exLerlor works, as of charlLy and splrlLual readlng-Lhough aL Llmes Lhe
soul wlll noL be able Lo do Lhem. 1ake care, Lhen, of Lhe body, for Lhe love
of Cod, because aL many oLher Llmes Lhe body musL serve Lhe soul, and leL
recourse be had Lo some recreaLlons-holy ones-such as conversaLlon, or golng
ouL lnLo Lhe flelds, as Lhe confessor shall advlse. AlLogeLher, experlence
ls a greaL maLLer, and lL makes us undersLand whaL ls convenlenL for us. LeL
Cod be served ln all Lhlngs-Pls yoke ls sweeL, [176] and lL ls of greaL
lmporLance LhaL Lhe soul should noL be dragged, as Lhey say, buL carrled
genLly, LhaL lL may make greaLer progress.

23. So, Lhen, l come back Lo whaL l advlsed before [177] -and Lhough l
repeaL lL ofLen, lL maLLers noL, lL ls of greaL lmporLance LhaL no one
should dlsLress hlmself on accounL of arldlLles, or because hls LhoughLs are
resLless and dlsLracLed, nelLher should he be affllcLed LhereaL, lf he would
aLLaln Lo llberLy of splrlL, and noL be always ln Lrouble. LeL hlm begln by
noL belng afrald of Lhe Cross, and he wlll see how our Lord wlll help hlm Lo
carry lL, how [oyfully he wlll advance, and whaL proflL he wlll derlve from
lL all. lL ls now clear, lf Lhere ls no waLer ln Lhe well, LhaL we aL leasL
can puL none lnLo lL. lL ls Lrue we musL noL be careless abouL drawlng lL
when Lhere ls any ln lL, because aL LhaL Llme lL ls Lhe wlll of Cod Lo
mulLlply our vlrLues by means Lhereof.
_________________________________________________________________

[170] [166]Ch. x. 1.

[171] 2. vlde SL. 8ernard, ln CanLlc. Serm. 30. n. 7, ed. 8en.

[172] [167]Ch. xlll. 23.

[173] See [168]ch. xv. 17.

[174] LplsL. 22, ad LusLochlum: "C quoLles ego lpse ln eremo consLlLuLus, eL
ln llla vasLa sollLudlne qu exusLa solls ardorlbus horrldum monachls
prsLaL hablLaculum puLabam me 8omanls lnLeresse dellclls. Sedebam
solus. . . PorrebanL sacco membra deformla. . . . llle lglLur ego, qul ob
Cehenn meLum Lall me carcere damnaveram, scorplonum LanLum soclus eL
ferarum, spe chorls lnLereram puellarum, pallebanL ora [e[unlls, eL mens
deslderlls sLuabaL ln frlgldo corpore, eL anLe homlnem sua [am carne
prmorLuum sola llbldlnum lncendla bulllebanL."

[173] SL. MaLL. xx. 22: "oLesLls blbere callcem?"

[176] SL. MaLL. xl. 30: "!ugum enlm meum suave esL."

[177] [169] 18.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xll.

WhaL We Can Curselves uo. 1he Lvll of ueslrlng Lo ALLaln Lo SupernaLural
SLaLes 8efore Cur Lord Calls us.

1. My alm ln Lhe foregolng chapLer-Lhough l dlgressed Lo many oLher maLLers,
because Lhey seemed Lo me very necessary-was Lo explaln how much we may
aLLaln Lo of ourselves, and how, ln Lhese beglnnlngs of devoLlon, we are
able ln some degree Lo help ourselves: because Lhlnklng of, and ponderlng
on, Lhe sufferlngs of our Lord for our sakes moves us Lo compasslon, and Lhe
sorrow and Lears whlch resulL Lherefrom are sweeL. 1he LhoughL of Lhe
blessedness we hope for, of Lhe love our Lord bore us, and of Pls
resurrecLlon, klndle wlLhln us a [oy whlch ls nelLher wholly splrlLual nor
wholly sensual, buL Lhe [oy ls vlrLuous, and Lhe sorrow ls mosL merlLorlous.

2. Cf Lhls klnd are all Lhose Lhlngs whlch produce a devoLlon acqulred ln
parL by means of Lhe undersLandlng, Lhough lL can nelLher be merlLed nor
had, lf Cod granLs lL noL. lL ls besL for a soul whlch Cod has noL ralsed Lo
a hlgher sLaLe Lhan Lhls noL Lo Lry Lo rlse of lLself. LeL Lhls be well
consldered, because all Lhe soul wlll galn ln LhaL way wlll be a loss. ln
Lhls sLaLe lL can make many acLs of good resoluLlons Lo do much for Cod, and
enklndle lLs love, oLher acLs also, whlch may help Lhe growLh of vlrLues,
accordlng Lo LhaL whlch ls wrlLLen ln a book called 1he ArL of Servlng Cod,
[178] a mosL excellenL work, and proflLable for Lhose who are ln Lhls sLaLe,
because Lhe undersLandlng ls acLlve now.

3. 1he soul may also place lLself ln Lhe presence of ChrlsL, and accusLom
lLself Lo many acLs of love dlrecLed Lo Pls sacred PumanlLy, and remaln ln
Pls presence conLlnually, and speak Lo Plm, pray Lo Plm ln lLs necesslLles,
and complaln Lo Plm of lLs Lroubles, be merry wlLh Plm ln lLs [oys, and yeL
noL forgeL Plm because of lLs [oys. All Lhls lL may do wlLhouL seL prayers,
buL raLher wlLh words beflLLlng lLs deslres and lLs needs.

4. 1hls ls an excellenL way whereby Lo advance, and LhaL very qulckly. Pe
LhaL wlll sLrlve Lo have Lhls preclous companlonshlp, and wlll make much of
lL, and wlll slncerely love our Lord, Lo whom we owe so much, ls one, ln my
oplnlon, who has made some progress. 1here ls Lherefore no reason why we
should Lrouble ourselves because we have no senslble devoLlon, as l sald
before. [179] 8uL leL us raLher glve Lhanks Lo our Lord, who allows us Lo
have a deslre Lo please Plm, Lhough our works be poor. 1hls pracLlce of Lhe
presence of ChrlsL ls proflLable ln all sLaLes of prayer, and ls a mosL safe
way of advanclng ln Lhe flrsL sLaLe, and of aLLalnlng qulckly Lo Lhe second,
and as for Lhe lasL sLaLes, lL secures us agalnsL Lhose rlsks whlch Lhe
devll may occaslon.

3. 1hls, Lhen, ls whaL we can do. Pe who would pass ouL of Lhls sLaLe, and
upralse hls splrlL, ln order Lo LasLe consolaLlons denled hlm, wlll, ln my
oplnlon, lose boLh Lhe one and Lhe oLher. [180] 1hese consolaLlons belng
supernaLural, and Lhe undersLandlng lnacLlve, Lhe soul ls Lhen lefL desolaLe
and ln greaL arldlLy. As Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe whole bulldlng ls humlllLy,
Lhe nearer we draw unLo Cod Lhe more Lhls vlrLue should grow, lf lL does
noL, everyLhlng ls losL. lL seems Lo be a klnd of prlde when we seek Lo
ascend hlgher, seelng LhaL Cod descends so low, when Pe allows us, belng
whaL we are, Lo draw near unLo Plm.

6. lL musL noL be supposed LhaL l am now speaklng of ralslng our LhoughLs Lo
Lhe conslderaLlon of Lhe hlgh Lhlngs of heaven and of lLs glory, or unLo Cod
and Pls greaL wlsdom. l never dld Lhls myself, because l had noL Lhe
capaclLy for lL-as l sald before, [181] and l was so worLhless, LhaL, as Lo
Lhlnklng even of Lhe Lhlngs of earLh, Cod gave me grace Lo undersLand Lhls
LruLh: LhaL ln me lL was no sllghL boldness Lo do so. Pow much more, Lhen,
Lhe Lhlnklng of heavenly Lhlngs? CLhers, however, wlll proflL ln LhaL way,
parLlcularly Lhose who are learned, for learnlng, ln my oplnlon, ls a greaL
Lreasury ln Lhe maLLer of Lhls exerclse, lf lL be accompanled wlLh humlllLy.
l observed Lhls a few days ago ln some learned men who had shorLly before
made a beglnnlng, and had made greaL progress. 1hls ls Lhe reason why l am
so very anxlous LhaL many learned men may become splrlLual. l shall speak of
Lhls by and by. [182]

7. WhaL l am saylng-namely, leL Lhem noL rlse lf Cod does noL ralse Lhem-ls
Lhe language of splrlLuallLy. Pe wlll undersLand me who has had any
experlence, and l know noL how Lo explaln lL, lf whaL l have sald does noL
make lL plaln.

8. ln mysLlcal Lheology-of whlch l spoke before [183] -Lhe undersLandlng
ceases from lLs acLs, because Cod suspends lL-as l shall explaln by and by,
lf l can, [184] and Cod glve me Lhe grace Lo do so. We musL nelLher lmaglne
nor Lhlnk LhaL we can of ourselves brlng abouL Lhls suspenslon. 1haL ls whaL
l say musL noL be done, nor musL we allow Lhe undersLandlng Lo cease from
lLs acLs, for ln LhaL case we shall be sLupld and cold, and Lhe resulL wlll
be nelLher Lhe one nor Lhe oLher. lor when our Lord suspends Lhe
undersLandlng, and makes lL cease from lLs acLs, Pe puLs before lL LhaL
whlch asLonlshes and occuples lL: so LhaL wlLhouL maklng any reflecLlons, lL
shall comprehend ln a momenL [183] more Lhan we could comprehend ln many
years wlLh all Lhe efforLs ln Lhe world.

9. 1o have Lhe powers of Lhe mlnd occupled, and Lo Lhlnk LhaL you can keep
Lhem aL Lhe same Llme quleL, ls folly. l repeaL lL, Lhough lL be noL so
undersLood, Lhere ls no greaL humlllLy ln Lhls, and, lf lL be blameless, lL
ls noL lefL unpunlshed-lL ls labour Lhrown away, and Lhe soul ls a llLLle
dlsgusLed: lL feels llke a man abouL Lo Lake a leap, and ls held back. Such
a one seems Lo have used up hls sLrengLh already, and flnds hlmself unable
Lo do LhaL whlch he wlshed Lo have done: so here, ln Lhe scanLy galn LhaL
remalns, he who wlll conslder Lhe maLLer wlll Lrace LhaL sllghL wanL of
humlllLy of whlch l have spoken, [186] for LhaL vlrLue has Lhls excellence:
Lhere ls no good work aLLended by humlllLy LhaL leaves Lhe soul dlsgusLed.
lL seems Lo me LhaL l have made Lhls clear enough, yeL, afLer all, perhaps
only for myself. May our Lord open Lhelr eyes who read Lhls, by glvlng Lhem
experlence, and Lhen however sllghL LhaL experlence may be, Lhey wlll
lmmedlaLely undersLand lL.

10. lor many years l read much, and undersLood noLhlng, and for a long Llme,
Loo, Lhough Cod gave me undersLandlng hereln, l never could uLLer a word by
whlch l mlghL explaln lL Lo oLhers. 1hls was no llLLle Lrouble Lo me. When
Pls Ma[esLy pleases, Pe Leaches everyLhlng ln a momenL, so LhaL l am losL ln
wonder. Cne Lhlng l can Lruly say: Lhough l conversed wlLh many splrlLual
persons, who soughL Lo make me undersLand whaL our Lord was glvlng me, ln
order LhaL l mlghL be able Lo speak of lL, Lhe facL ls, LhaL my dulness was
so greaL, LhaL l derlved no advanLage whaLever, much or llLLle, from
Lhelr Leachlng.

11. Cr lL may be, as Pls Ma[esLy has always been my MasLer-may Pe be blessed
for ever! for l am ashamed of myself LhaL l can say so wlLh LruLh-LhaL lL
was Pls good pleasure l should meeL wlLh no one Lo whom l should be lndebLed
ln Lhls maLLer. So, wlLhouL my wlshlng or asklng lL-l never was careful
abouL Lhls, for LhaL would have been a vlrLue ln me, buL only abouL
vanlLy-Cod gave me Lo undersLand wlLh all dlsLlncLness ln a momenL, and also
enabled me Lo express myself, so LhaL my confessors were asLonlshed buL l
more Lhan Lhey, because l knew my own dulness beLLer. lL ls noL long slnce
Lhls happened. And so LhaL whlch our Lord has noL LaughL me, l seek noL Lo
know lL, unless lL be a maLLer LhaL Louches my consclence.

12. Agaln l repeaL my advlce: lL ls of greaL momenL noL Lo ralse our splrlL
ourselves, lf our Lord does noL ralse lL for us, and lf Pe does, Lhere can
be no mlsLaklng lL. lor women, lL ls speclally wrong, because Lhe devll can
delude Lhem-Lhough l am cerLaln our Lord wlll never allow hlm Lo hurL any
one who labours Lo draw near unLo Cod ln humlllLy. Cn Lhe conLrary, such a
one wlll derlve more proflL and advanLage ouL of LhaL aLLack by whlch SaLan
lnLended Lo hurL hlm.

13. l have dwelL so long upon Lhls maLLer because Lhls way of prayer ls Lhe
mosL common wlLh beglnners, and because Lhe advlce l have glven ls very
lmporLanL. lL wlll be found much beLLer glven elsewhere: LhaL l admlL, and l
admlL, also, LhaL ln wrlLlng lL l am ashamed of myself, and covered wlLh
confuslon-Lhough noL so much so as l oughL Lo be. 8lessed for ever be our
Lord, of whose wlll and pleasure lL ls LhaL l am allowed, belng whaL l am,
Lo speak of Lhlngs whlch are Pls, of such a naLure, and so deep.
_________________________________________________________________

[178] ArLe de servlr a ulos, by 8odrlgue de Solls, frlar of Lhe AugusLlnlan
Crder (8oulx). ArLe para servlr a ulos, by lra. Alonso de Madrld (ue la
luenLe).

[179] [170]Ch. xl. 20, [171]23.

[180] 1haL ls, he wlll lose Lhe prayer of acqulred quleL, because he
volunLarlly abandons lL before Lhe Llme, and wlll noL aLLaln Lo Lhe prayer
of lnfused quleL, because he aLLempLs Lo rlse lnLo lL before he ls called
(lrancls. de SancLo 1homa, Medulla MysLlca, Lr. lv. ch. xl. n. 69).

[181] [172]Ch. lv. 10.

[182] [173]Ch. xxxlv. 9.

[183] [174]Ch. x. 1.

[184] [173]Ch. xvl. 4.

[183] "Ln un credo."

[186] [176] 3.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xlll.

Cf CerLaln 1empLaLlons of SaLan. lnsLrucLlons 8elaLlng 1hereLo.

1. l have LhoughL lL rlghL Lo speak of cerLaln LempLaLlons l have observed
Lo whlch beglnners are llable-some of Lhem l have had myself-and Lo glve
some advlce abouL cerLaln Lhlngs whlch Lo me seem necessary. ln Lhe
beglnnlng, Lhen, we should sLrlve Lo be cheerful and unconsLralned, for
Lhere are people who Lhlnk lL ls all over wlLh devoLlon lf Lhey relax
Lhemselves ever so llLLle. lL ls rlghL Lo be afrald of self, so LhaL, havlng
no confldence ln ourselves, much or llLLle, we may noL place ourselves ln
Lhose clrcumsLances whereln men usually sln agalnsL Cod, for lL ls a mosL
necessary fear, Llll we become very perfecL ln vlrLue. And Lhere are noL
many who are so perfecL as Lo be able Lo relax Lhemselves on Lhose occaslons
whlch offer LempLaLlons Lo Lhelr naLural Lemper, for always whlle we llve,
were lL only Lo preserve humlllLy, lL ls well we should know our own
mlserable naLure, buL Lhere are many occaslons on whlch lL ls permlLLed
us-as l sald [usL now [187] -Lo Lake some recreaLlon, ln order LhaL we may
wlLh more vlgour resume our prayer.

2. ulscreLlon ls necessary LhroughouL. We musL have greaL confldence,
because lL ls very necessary for us noL Lo conLracL our deslres, buL puL our
LrusL ln Cod, for, lf we do vlolence Lo ourselves by llLLle and llLLle, we
shall, Lhough noL aL once, reach LhaL helghL whlch many SalnLs by Pls grace
have reached. lf Lhey had never resolved Lo deslre, and had never by llLLle
and llLLle acLed upon LhaL resolve, Lhey never could have ascended Lo so
hlgh a sLaLe.

3. Pls Ma[esLy seeks and loves courageous souls, buL Lhey musL be humble ln
Lhelr ways, and have no confldence ln Lhemselves. l never saw one of Lhose
lag behlnd on Lhe road, and never a cowardly soul, Lhough alded by humlllLy,
make LhaL progress ln many years whlch Lhe former makes ln a few. l am
asLonlshed aL Lhe greaL Lhlngs done on Lhls road by encouraglng oneself Lo
underLake greaL Lhlngs, Lhough we may noL have Lhe sLrengLh for Lhem aL
once, Lhe soul Lakes a fllghL upwards and ascends hlgh, Lhough, llke a
llLLle blrd whose wlngs are weak, lL grows weary and resLs.

4. AL one Llme l used ofLen Lo Lhlnk of Lhose words of SL. aul: "1haL all
Lhlngs are posslble ln Cod." [188] l saw clearly LhaL of myself l could do
noLhlng. 1hls was of greaL servlce Lo me. So also was Lhe saylng of SL.
AugusLlne: "Clve me, C Lord, whaL 1hou commandesL, and command whaL 1hou
wllL." [189] l was ofLen Lhlnklng how SL. eLer losL noLhlng by Lhrowlng
hlmself lnLo Lhe sea, Lhough he was afLerwards afrald. [190] 1hese flrsL
resoluLlons are a greaL maLLer-alLhough lL ls necessary ln Lhe beglnnlng
LhaL we should be very reserved, conLrolled by Lhe dlscreLlon and auLhorlLy
of a dlrecLor, buL we musL Lake care LhaL he be one who does noL Leach us Lo
crawl llke Loads, nor one who may be saLlsfled when Lhe soul shows lLself
flL only Lo caLch llzards. PumlllLy musL always go before: so LhaL we may
know LhaL Lhls sLrengLh can come ouL of no sLrengLh of our own.

3. 8uL lL ls necessary we should undersLand whaL manner of humlllLy Lhls
should be, because SaLan, l belleve, does greaL harm, for he hlnders Lhose
who begln Lo pray from golng onwards, by suggesLlng Lo Lhem false noLlons of
humlllLy. Pe makes Lhem Lhlnk lL ls prlde Lo have large deslres, Lo wlsh Lo
lmlLaLe Lhe SalnLs, and Lo long for marLyrdom. Pe Lells us forLhwlLh, or he
makes us Lhlnk, LhaL Lhe acLlons of Lhe SalnLs are Lo be admlred, noL Lo be
lmlLaLed, by us who are slnners. l, Loo, say Lhe same Lhlng, buL we musL see
whaL Lhose acLlons are whlch we are Lo admlre, and whaL Lhose are whlch we
are Lo lmlLaLe, for lL would be wrong ln a person who ls weak and slckly Lo
underLake much fasLlng and sharp penances Lo reLlre lnLo Lhe deserL, where
he could noL sleep, nor flnd anyLhlng Lo eaL, or, lndeed, Lo underLake any
ausLerlLles of Lhls klnd.

6. 8uL we oughL Lo Lhlnk LhaL we can force ourselves, by Lhe grace of Cod,
Lo hold Lhe world ln profound conLempL-Lo make llghL of honour, and be
deLached from our possesslons. Cur hearLs, however, are so mean LhaL we
Lhlnk Lhe earLh would fall us under our feeL, lf we were Lo cease Lo care
even for a momenL for Lhe body, and glve ourselves up Lo splrlLuallLy. 1hen
we Lhlnk LhaL Lo have all we requlre conLrlbuLes Lo recollecLlon, because
anxleLles dlsLurb prayer. lL ls palnful Lo me LhaL our confldence ln Cod ls
so scanLy, and our self-love so sLrong, as LhaL any anxleLy abouL our own
necesslLles should dlsLurb us. 8uL so lL ls, for when our splrlLual progress
ls so sllghL, a mere noLhlng wlll glve us as much Lrouble as greaL and
lmporLanL maLLers wlll glve Lo oLhers. And we Lhlnk ourselves splrlLual!

7. now, Lo me, Lhls way of golng on seems Lo beLray a dlsposlLlon Lo
reconclle soul and body LogeLher, ln order LhaL we may noL mlss our ease ln
Lhls world, and yeL have Lhe frulLlon of Cod ln Lhe nexL, and so lL wlll be
lf we walk accordlng Lo [usLlce, cllnglng Lo vlrLue, buL lL ls Lhe pace of a
hen-lL wlll never brlng us Lo llberLy of splrlL. lL ls a course of
proceedlng, as lL seems Lo me, mosL excellenL for Lhose who are ln Lhe
marrled sLaLe, and who musL llve accordlng Lo Lhelr vocaLlon, buL for Lhe
oLher sLaLe, l by no means wlsh for such a meLhod of progress, nelLher can l
be made Lo belleve lL Lo be sound, for l have Lrled lL, and l should have
remalned ln LhaL way, lf our Lord ln Pls goodness had noL LaughL me anoLher
and a shorLer road.

8. 1hough, ln Lhe maLLer of deslres, l always had generous ones, buL l
laboured, as l sald before, [191] Lo make my prayer, and, aL Lhe same Llme,
Lo llve aL my ease. lf Lhere had been any one Lo rouse me Lo a hlgher
fllghL, he mlghL have broughL me, so l Lhlnk, Lo a sLaLe ln whlch Lhese
deslres mlghL have had Lhelr effecLs, buL, for our slns, so few and so rare
are Lhey whose dlscreLlon ln LhaL maLLer ls noL excesslve. 1haL, l belleve,
ls reason enough why Lhose who begln do noL aLLaln more qulckly Lo greaL
perfecLlon, for our Lord never falls us, and lL ls noL Pls faulL, Lhe faulL
and Lhe wreLchedness of Lhls belng all our own.

9. We may also lmlLaLe Lhe SalnLs by sLrlvlng afLer sollLude and sllence,
and many oLher vlrLues LhaL wlll noL klll Lhese wreLched bodles of ours,
whlch lnslsL on belng LreaLed so orderly, LhaL Lhey may dlsorder Lhe soul,
and SaLan, Loo, helps much Lo make Lhem unmanageable. When he sees us a
llLLle anxlous abouL Lhem, he wanLs noLhlng more Lo convlnce us LhaL our way
of llfe musL klll us, and desLroy our healLh, even lf we weep, he makes us
afrald of bllndness. l have passed Lhrough Lhls, and Lherefore l know lL,
buL l know of no beLLer slghL or beLLer healLh LhaL we can deslre, Lhan Lhe
loss of boLh ln such a cause. 8elng myself so slckly, l was always under
consLralnL, and good for noLhlng, Llll l resolved Lo make no accounL of my
body nor of my healLh, even now l am worLhless enough.

10. 8uL when lL pleased Cod Lo leL me flnd ouL Lhls devlce of SaLan, l used
Lo say Lo Lhe laLLer, when he suggesLed Lo me LhaL l was rulnlng my healLh,
LhaL my deaLh was of no consequence, when he suggesLed resL, l replled LhaL
l dld noL wanL resL, buL Lhe Cross. Pls oLher suggesLlons l LreaLed ln Lhe
same way. l saw clearly LhaL ln mosL Lhlngs, Lhough l was really very
slckly, lL was elLher a LempLaLlon of SaLan, or a weakness on my parL. My
healLh has been much beLLer slnce l have ceased Lo look afLer my ease and
comforLs. lL ls of greaL lmporLance noL Lo leL our own LhoughLs frlghLen us
ln Lhe beglnnlng, when we seL ourselves Lo pray. 8elleve me ln Lhls, for l
know lL by experlence. As a warnlng Lo oLhers, lL may be LhaL Lhls sLory of
my fallures may be useful.

11. 1here ls anoLher LempLaLlon, whlch ls very common: when people begln Lo
have pleasure ln Lhe resL and Lhe frulL of prayer, Lhey wlll have everybody
else be very splrlLual also. now, Lo deslre Lhls ls noL wrong, buL Lo Lry Lo
brlng lL abouL may noL be rlghL, excepL wlLh greaL dlscreLlon and wlLh much
reserve, wlLhouL any appearance of Leachlng. Pe who would do any good ln
Lhls maLLer oughL Lo be endowed wlLh solld vlrLues, LhaL he may noL puL
LempLaLlon ln Lhe way of oLhers. lL happened Lo me-LhaL ls how l know
lL-when, as l sald before, [192] l made oLhers apply Lhemselves Lo prayer,
Lo be a source of LempLaLlon and dlsorder, for, on Lhe one hand, Lhey heard
me say greaL Lhlngs of Lhe blessedness of prayer, and, on Lhe oLher, saw how
poor l was ln vlrLue, noLwlLhsLandlng my prayer. 1hey had good reasons on
Lhelr slde, and afLerwards Lhey Lold me of lL, for Lhey knew noL how Lhese
Lhlngs could be compaLlble one wlLh Lhe oLher. 1hls lL was LhaL made Lhem
noL Lo regard LhaL as evll whlch was really so ln lLself, namely, LhaL Lhey
saw me do lL myself, now and Lhen, durlng Lhe Llme LhaL Lhey LhoughL well of
me ln some measure.

12. 1hls ls SaLan's work: he seems Lo Lake advanLage of Lhe vlrLues we may
have, for Lhe purpose of glvlng a sancLlon, so far as he can, Lo Lhe evll he
alms aL, how sllghL soever LhaL evll may be, hls galn musL be greaL, lf lL
prevall ln a rellglous house. Pow much, Lhen, musL hls galn have been, when
Lhe evll l dld was so very greaL! And Lhus, durlng many years, only Lhree
persons were Lhe beLLer for whaL l sald Lo Lhem, buL now LhaL our Lord has
made me sLronger ln vlrLue, ln Lhe course of Lwo or Lhree years many persons
have proflLed, as l shall show hereafLer. [193]

13. 1here ls anoLher greaL lnconvenlence ln addlLlon Lo Lhls: Lhe loss Lo
our own soul, for Lhe uLmosL we have Lo do ln Lhe beglnnlng ls Lo Lake care
of our own soul only, and conslder LhaL ln Lhe whole world Lhere ls only Cod
and our soul. 1hls ls a polnL of greaL lmporLance.

14. 1here ls anoLher LempLaLlon-we oughL Lo be aware of lL, and be cauLlous
ln our conducL: persons are carrled away by a zeal for vlrLue, Lhrough Lhe
paln whlch Lhe slghL of Lhe slns and falllngs of oLhers occaslons Lhem.
SaLan Lells Lhem LhaL Lhls paln arlses only ouL of Lhelr deslre LhaL Cod may
noL be offended, and ouL of Lhelr anxleLy abouL Pls honour, so Lhey
lmmedlaLely seek Lo remedy Lhe evll. 1hls so dlsLurbs Lhem, LhaL Lhey cannoL
pray. 1he greaLesL evll of all ls Lhelr Lhlnklng Lhls an acL of vlrLue, of
perfecLlon, and of a greaL zeal for Cod. l am noL speaklng of Lhe paln whlch
publlc slns occaslon, lf Lhey be hablLual ln any communlLy, nor of wrongs
done Lo Lhe Church, nor of heresles by whlch so many souls are vlslbly losL,
for Lhls paln ls mosL wholesome, and belng wholesome ls no source of
dlsquleL. 1he securlLy, Lherefore, of LhaL soul whlch would apply lLself Lo
prayer lles ln casLlng away from lLself all anxleLy abouL persons and
Lhlngs, ln Laklng care of lLself, and ln pleaslng Cod. 1hls ls Lhe mosL
proflLable course.

13. lf l were Lo speak of Lhe mlsLakes whlch l have seen people make, ln
rellance on Lhelr own good lnLenLlons, l should never come Lo an end. LeL us
labour, Lherefore, always Lo conslder Lhe vlrLues and Lhe good quallLles
whlch we dlscern ln oLhers, and wlLh our own greaL slns cover our eyes, so
LhaL we may see none of Lhelr falllngs. 1hls ls one way of dolng our work,
and Lhough we may noL be perfecL ln lL aL once, we shall acqulre one greaL
vlrLue-we shall look upon all men as beLLer Lhan ourselves, and we begln Lo
acqulre LhaL vlrLue ln Lhls way, by Lhe grace of Cod, whlch ls necessary ln
all Lhlngs-for when we have lL noL, all our endeavours are ln valn-and by
lmplorlng Plm Lo glve us Lhls vlrLue, for Pe never falls us, lf we do whaL
we can.

16. 1hls advlce, also, Lhey musL Lake lnLo Lhelr conslderaLlon who make much
use of Lhelr undersLandlng, ellclLlng from one sub[ecL many LhoughLs and
concepLlons. As Lo Lhose who, llke myself, cannoL do lL, l have no advlce Lo
glve, excepL LhaL Lhey are Lo have paLlence, unLll our Lord shall send Lhem
boLh maLLer and llghL, for Lhey can do so llLLle of Lhemselves, LhaL Lhelr
undersLandlng ls a hlndrance Lo Lhem raLher Lhan a help.

17. 1o Lhose, Lhen, who can make use of Lhelr undersLandlng, l say LhaL Lhey
are noL Lo spend Lhe whole Llme ln LhaL way, for Lhough lL be mosL
merlLorlous, yeL Lhey musL noL, when prayer ls sweeL, suppose LhaL Lhere
never wlll be a Sunday or a Llme when no work oughL Lo be done. 1hey Lhlnk
lL losL Llme Lo do oLherwlse, buL l Lhlnk LhaL loss Lhelr greaLesL galn. LeL
Lhem raLher, as l have sald, [194] place Lhemselves ln Lhe presence of
ChrlsL, and, wlLhouL faLlgulng Lhe undersLandlng, converse wlLh Plm, and ln
Plm re[olce, wlLhouL wearylng Lhemselves ln searchlng ouL reasons, buL leL
Lhem raLher lay Lhelr necesslLles before Plm, and Lhe [usL reasons Lhere are
why Pe should noL suffer us ln Pls presence: aL one Llme Lhls, aL anoLher
Llme LhaL, lesL Lhe soul should be wearled by always eaLlng of Lhe same
food. 1hese meaLs are mosL savoury and wholesome, lf Lhe palaLe be
accusLomed Lo Lhem, Lhey wlll furnlsh a greaL supporL for Lhe llfe of Lhe
soul, and Lhey have many oLher advanLages also.

18. l wlll explaln myself furLher, for Lhe docLrlne of prayer ls dlfflculL,
and, wlLhouL a dlrecLor, very hard Lo undersLand. 1hough l would wllllngly
be conclse, and Lhough a mere hlnL ls enough for hls clear lnLellecL who has
commanded me Lo wrlLe on Lhe sub[ecL of prayer, yeL so lL ls, my dulness
does noL allow me Lo say or explaln ln a few words LhaL whlch lL ls so
lmporLanL Lo explaln well. l, who have gone Lhrough so much, am sorry for
Lhose who begln only wlLh books, for Lhere ls a sLrange dlfference beLween
LhaL whlch we learn by readlng, and LhaL whlch we learn by experlence.

19. Colng back, Lhen, Lo whaL l was saylng. We seL ourselves Lo medlLaLe
upon some mysLery of Lhe asslon: leL us say, our Lord aL Lhe plllar. 1he
undersLandlng goeLh abouL seeklng for Lhe sources ouL of whlch came Lhe
greaL dolours and Lhe blLLer angulsh whlch Pls Ma[esLy endured ln LhaL
desolaLlon. lL conslders LhaL mysLery ln many llghLs, whlch Lhe lnLellecL,
lf lL be skllled ln lLs work, or furnlshed wlLh learnlng, may Lhere obLaln.
1hls ls a meLhod of prayer whlch should be Lo everyone Lhe beglnnlng, Lhe
mlddle, and Lhe end: a mosL excellenL and safe way, unLll our Lord shall
gulde Lhem Lo oLher supernaLural ways.

20. l say Lo all, because Lhere are many souls who make greaLer progress by
medlLaLlon on oLher sub[ecLs Lhan on Lhe Sacred asslon, for as Lhere are
many manslons ln heaven, so Lhere are also many roads leadlng LhlLher. Some
persons advance by conslderlng Lhemselves ln hell, oLhers ln heaven-and
Lhese are dlsLressed by medlLaLlons on hell. CLhers medlLaLe on deaLh, some
persons, lf Lender-hearLed, are greaLly faLlgued by conLlnual medlLaLlons on
Lhe asslon, buL are consoled and make progress when Lhey medlLaLe on Lhe
power and greaLness of Cod ln Pls creaLures, and on Pls love vlslble ln all
Lhlngs. 1hls ls an admlrable meLhod-noL omlLLlng, however, from Llme Lo
Llme, Lhe asslon and Llfe of ChrlsL, Lhe Source of all good LhaL ever came,
and LhaL ever shall come.

21. Pe who beglns ls ln need of lnsLrucLlon, whereby he may ascerLaln whaL
proflLs hlm mosL. lor Lhls end lL ls very necessary he should have a
dlrecLor, who oughL Lo be a person of experlence, for lf he be noL, he wlll
make many mlsLakes, and dlrecL a soul wlLhouL undersLandlng lLs ways, or
sufferlng lL Lo undersLand Lhem lLself, for such a soul, knowlng LhaL
obedlence Lo a dlrecLor ls hlghly merlLorlous, dares noL Lransgress Lhe
commandmenLs lL recelves. l have meL wlLh souls cramped and LormenLed,
because he who dlrecLed Lhem had no experlence: LhaL made me sorry for Lhem.
Some of Lhem knew noL whaL Lo do wlLh Lhemselves, for dlrecLors who do noL
undersLand Lhe splrlL of Lhelr penlLenLs affllcL Lhem soul and body, and
hlnder Lhelr progress. [193]

22. Cne person l had Lo do wlLh had been kepL by her dlrecLor for elghL
years, as lL were, ln prlson, he would noL allow her Lo qulL Lhe sub[ecL of
self-knowledge, and yeL our Lord had already ralsed her Lo Lhe prayer of
quleL, so she had much Lo suffer.

23. AlLhough Lhls maLLer of self-knowledge musL never be puL aslde-for Lhere
ls no soul so greaL a glanL on Lhls road buL has frequenL need Lo Lurn back,
and be agaln an lnfanL aL Lhe breasL, and Lhls musL never be forgoLLen. l
shall repeaL lL, [196] perhaps, many Llmes, because of lLs greaL
lmporLance-for among all Lhe sLaLes of prayer, however hlgh Lhey may be,
Lhere ls noL one ln whlch lL ls noL ofLen necessary Lo go back Lo Lhe
beglnnlng. 1he knowledge of our slns, and of our own selves, ls Lhe bread
whlch we have Lo eaL wlLh all Lhe meaLs, however dellcaLe Lhey may be, ln
Lhe way of prayer, wlLhouL Lhls bread, llfe cannoL be susLalned, Lhough lL
musL be Laken by measure. When a soul beholds lLself reslgned, and clearly
undersLands LhaL Lhere ls no goodness ln lL-when lL feels lLself abashed ln
Lhe presence of so greaL a klng, and sees how llLLle lL pays of Lhe greaL
debL lL owes Plm-why should lL be necessary for lL Lo wasLe lLs Llme on Lhls
sub[ecL? Why should lL noL raLher proceed Lo oLher maLLers whlch our Lord
places before lL, and for neglecLlng whlch Lhere ls no reason? Pls Ma[esLy
surely knows beLLer Lhan we do whaL klnd of food ls proper for us.

24. So, Lhen, lL ls of greaL consequence LhaL Lhe dlrecLor should be
prudenL-l mean, of sound undersLandlng-and a man of experlence. lf, ln
addlLlon Lo Lhls, he ls a learned man, lL ls a very greaL maLLer. 8uL lf
Lhese Lhree quallLles cannoL be had LogeLher, Lhe flrsL Lwo are Lhe mosL
lmporLanL, because learned men may be found wlLh whom we can communlcaLe
when lL ls necessary. l mean, LhaL for beglnners learned men are of llLLle
use, lf Lhey are noL men of prayer. l do noL say LhaL Lhey are Lo have
noLhlng Lo do wlLh learned men, because a splrlLuallLy, Lhe foundaLlons of
whlch are noL resLlng on Lhe LruLh, l would raLher were noL accompanled wlLh
prayer. Learnlng ls a greaL Lhlng, for lL Leaches us who know so llLLle, and
enllghLens us, so when we have come Lo Lhe knowledge of Lhe LruLhs conLalned
ln Lhe holy wrlLlngs, we do whaL we oughL Lo do. lrom sllly devoLlons, Cod
dellver us!

23. l wlll explaln myself furLher, for l am meddllng, l belleve, wlLh Loo
many maLLers. lL has always been my falllng LhaL l could never make myself
undersLood-as l sald before [197] -buL aL Lhe cosL of many words. A nun
beglns Lo pracLlse prayer, lf her dlrecLor be sllly, and lf he should Lake
lL lnLo hls head, he wlll make her feel LhaL lL ls beLLer for her Lo obey
hlm Lhan her own superlor. Pe wlll do all Lhls wlLhouL any evll purpose,
Lhlnklng LhaL he ls dolng rlghL. lor lf he be noL a rellglous hlmself, he
wlll Lhlnk Lhls rlghL enough. lf hls penlLenL be a marrled woman, he wlll
Lell her LhaL lL ls beLLer for her Lo glve herself unLo prayer, when she
oughL Lo aLLend Lo her house, alLhough she may Lhereby dlsplease her
husband. And so lL ls, he knows noL how Lo make arrangemenLs for Llme and
buslness, so LhaL everyLhlng may be done as lL oughL Lo be done, he has no
llghL hlmself, and can Lherefore glve none Lo oLhers, however much he may
wlsh Lo do so.

26. 1hough learnlng does noL seem necessary for dlscreLlon, my oplnlon has
always been, and wlll be, LhaL every ChrlsLlan should conLlnue Lo be gulded
by a learned dlrecLor lf he can, and Lhe more learned Lhe beLLer. 1hey who
walk ln Lhe way of prayer have Lhe greaLer need of learnlng, and Lhe more
splrlLual Lhey are Lhe greaLer ls LhaL need. LeL Lhem noL say LhaL learned
men noL glven Lo prayer are noL flL counsellors for Lhose who pray: LhaL ls
a deluslon. l have conversed wlLh many, and now for some years l have soughL
Lhem Lhe more, because of my greaLer need of Lhem. l have always been fond
of Lhem, for Lhough some of Lhem have no experlence, Lhey do noL dlsllke
splrlLuallLy, nelLher are Lhey lgnoranL of whaL lL ls, because ln Lhe sacred
wrlLlngs wlLh whlch Lhey are famlllar Lhey always flnd Lhe LruLh abouL
splrlLuallLy. l am cerLaln myself LhaL a person glven Lo prayer, who LreaLs
of Lhese maLLers wlLh learned men, unless he ls decelved wlLh hls own
consenL, wlll never be carrled away by any llluslons of Lhe devll. l belleve
LhaL Lhe evll splrlLs are exceedlngly afrald of learned men who are humble
and vlrLuous, knowlng LhaL Lhey wlll be found ouL and defeaLed by Lhem.

27. l have sald Lhls because Lhere are oplnlons held Lo Lhe effecL LhaL
learned men, lf Lhey are noL splrlLual, are noL sulLed for persons glven Lo
prayer. l have [usL sald LhaL a splrlLual dlrecLor ls necessary, buL lf he
be noL a learned man, he ls a greaL hlndrance. lL wlll help us much lf we
consulL Lhose who are learned, provlded Lhey be vlrLuous, even lf Lhey be
noL splrlLual, Lhey wlll be of servlce Lo me, and Cod wlll enable Lhem Lo
undersLand whaL Lhey should Leach, Pe wlll even make Lhem splrlLual, ln
order LhaL Lhey may help us on. l do noL say Lhls wlLhouL havlng had
experlence of lL, and l have meL wlLh more Lhan Lwo.

28. l say, Lhen, LhaL a person who shall reslgn hls soul Lo be wholly
sub[ecL Lo one dlrecLor wlll make a greaL mlsLake, lf he ls ln rellglon,
unless he flnds a dlrecLor of Lhls klnd, because of Lhe obedlence due Lo hls
own superlor. Pls dlrecLor may be deflclenL ln Lhe Lhree requlslLes l speak
of, [198] and LhaL wlll be no sllghL cross, wlLhouL volunLarlly sub[ecLlng
Lhe undersLandlng Lo one whose undersLandlng ls none of Lhe besL. AL leasL,
l have never been able Lo brlng myself Lo do lL, nelLher does lL seem Lo me
Lo be rlghL.

29. 8uL lf he be a person llvlng ln Lhe world, leL hlm pralse Cod for Lhe
power he has of chooslng whom he wlll obey, and leL hlm noL lose so
excellenL a llberLy, yea, raLher leL hlm be wlLhouL a dlrecLor Llll he flnds
hlm-for our Lord wlll glve hlm one, lf he ls really humble, and has a deslre
Lo meeL wlLh Lhe rlghL person. l pralse Cod greaLly-we women, and Lhose who
are unlearned, oughL always Lo render Plm unceaslng Lhanks-because Lhere are
persons who, by labours so greaL, have aLLalned Lo Lhe LruLh, of whlch we
unlearned people are lgnoranL. l ofLen wonder aL learned men-parLlcularly
Lhose who are ln rellglon-when l Lhlnk of Lhe Lrouble Lhey have had ln
acqulrlng LhaL whlch Lhey communlcaLe Lo me for my good, and LhaL wlLhouL
any more Lrouble Lo me Lhan Lhe asklng for lL. And yeL Lhere are people who
wlll noL Lake advanLage of Lhelr learnlng: Cod granL lL may noL be so!

30. l see Lhem undergo Lhe poverLy of Lhe rellglous llfe, whlch ls greaL,
LogeLher wlLh lLs penances, lLs meagre food, Lhe yoke of obedlence, whlch
makes me ashamed of myself aL Llmes, and wlLh all Lhls, lnLerrupLed sleep,
Lrlals everywhere, everywhere Lhe Cross. l Lhlnk lL would be a greaL evll
for any one Lo lose so greaL a good by hls own faulL. lL may be some of us,
who are exempLed from Lhese burdens-who have our food puL lnLo our mouLhs,
as Lhey say, and llve aL our ease-may Lhlnk, because we glve ourselves a
llLLle more Lo prayer, LhaL we are ralsed above Lhe necesslLy of such greaL
hardshlps. 8lessed be 1hou, C Lord, who hasL made me so lncapable and so
useless, buL l bless 1hee sLlll more for Lhls-LhaL 1hou qulckenesL so many
Lo qulcken us. Cur prayer musL Lherefore be very earnesL for Lhose who glve
us llghL. WhaL should we be wlLhouL Lhem ln Lhe mldsL of Lhese vlolenL
sLorms whlch now dlsLurb Lhe Church? lf some have fallen, Lhe good wlll
shlne more and more. [199] May lL please our Lord Lo hold Lhem ln Pls hand,
and help Lhem, LhaL Lhey may help us.

31. l have gone far away from Lhe sub[ecL l began Lo speak of, buL all ls Lo
Lhe purpose for Lhose who are beglnners, LhaL Lhey may begln a [ourney whlch
ls so hlgh ln such a way as LhaL Lhey shall go on by Lhe rlghL road. Comlng
back, Lhen, Lo whaL l spoke of before, [200] Lhe medlLaLlon on ChrlsL bound
Lo Lhe plllar, lL ls well we should make reflecLlons for a Llme, and
conslder Lhe sufferlngs Pe Lhere endured, for whom Pe endured Lhem, who Pe
ls who endured Lhem, and Lhe love wlLh whlch Pe bore Lhem. 8uL a person
should noL always faLlgue hlmself ln maklng Lhese reflecLlons, buL raLher
leL hlm remaln Lhere wlLh ChrlsL, ln Lhe sllence of Lhe undersLandlng.

32. lf he ls able, leL hlm employ hlmself ln looklng upon ChrlsL, who ls
looklng upon hlm, leL hlm accompany Plm, and make hls peLlLlons Lo Plm, leL
hlm humble hlmself, and dellghL hlmself ln ChrlsL, and keep ln mlnd LhaL he
never deserved Lo be Lhere. When he shall be able Lo do Lhls, Lhough lL may
be ln Lhe beglnnlng of hls prayer, he wlll flnd greaL advanLage, and Lhls
way of prayer brlngs greaL advanLages wlLh lL-aL leasL, so my soul has found
lL. l do noL know wheLher l am descrlblng lL arlghL, you, my faLher, wlll
see Lo lL. May our Lord granL me Lo please Plm rlghLly for ever! Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[187] [177]Ch. xl. 24.

[188] hlllpp. lv. 13, "Cmnla possum ln Lo."

[189] Confess. x. ch. 29: "ua quod [ubes, eL [ube quod vls."

[190] SL. MaLL. xlv. 30: "vldens vero venLum valldum, LlmulL."

[191] [178]Ch. vll. 27, [179]31.

[192] [180]Ch. vll. 16.

[193] See [181]ch. xxxl. 7, and [182]ch. xxxlx. 14.

[194] [183]Ch. xll. 3.

[193] See SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, Llvlng llame, pp. 267, 278-284, Lngl.
Lrans.

[196] See [184]ch. xv. 20.

[197] [183] 18.

[198] rudence, experlence, and learnlng, see [186] 24.

[199] uan. xll. 3: "Cul auLem docLl fuerlnL, fulgebunL quasl
splendor flrmamenLl."

[200] [187] 19.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xlv.

1he Second SLaLe of rayer. lLs SupernaLural CharacLer.

1. Pavlng spoken of Lhe Lollsome efforLs and of Lhe sLrengLh requlred for
waLerlng Lhe garden when we have Lo draw Lhe waLer ouL of Lhe well, leL us
now speak of Lhe second manner of drawlng Lhe waLer, whlch Lhe Lord of Lhe
vlneyard has ordalned, of Lhe machlne of wheel and buckeLs whereby Lhe
gardener may draw more waLer wlLh less labour, and be able Lo Lake some resL
wlLhouL belng conLlnually aL work. 1hls, Lhen, ls whaL l am now golng Lo
descrlbe, and l apply lL Lo Lhe prayer called Lhe prayer of quleL.

2. Pereln Lhe soul beglns Lo be recollecLed, lL ls now Louchlng on Lhe
supernaLural-for lL never could by any efforLs of lLs own aLLaln Lo Lhls.
1rue, lL seems aL Llmes Lo have been wearled aL Lhe wheel, labourlng wlLh
Lhe undersLandlng, and fllllng Lhe buckeLs, buL ln Lhls second degree Lhe
waLer ls hlgher, and accordlngly Lhe labour ls much less Lhan lL was when
Lhe waLer had Lo be drawn up ouL of Lhe well, l mean, LhaL Lhe waLer ls
nearer Lo lL, for grace reveals lLself more dlsLlncLly Lo Lhe soul.

3. 1hls ls a gaLherlng LogeLher of Lhe faculLles of Lhe soul wlLhln lLself,
ln order LhaL lL may have Lhe frulLlon of LhaL conLenLmenL ln greaLer
sweeLness, buL Lhe faculLles are noL losL, nelLher are Lhey asleep: Lhe wlll
alone ls occupled ln such a way LhaL, wlLhouL knowlng how lL has become a
capLlve, lL glves a slmple consenL Lo become Lhe prlsoner of Cod, for lL
knows well whaL ls Lo be Lhe capLlve of Plm lL loves. C my !esus and my
Lord, how presslng now ls 1hy love! [201] lL blnds our love ln bonds so
sLralLly, LhaL lL ls noL ln lLs power aL Lhls momenL Lo love anyLhlng else
buL 1hee.

4. 1he oLher Lwo faculLles help Lhe wlll, LhaL lL may render lLself capable
of Lhe frulLlon of so greaL a good, neverLheless, lL occaslonally happens,
even when Lhe wlll ls ln unlon, LhaL Lhey hlnder lL very much: buL Lhen lL
should never heed Lhem aL all, slmply abldlng ln lLs frulLlon and quleL.
[202] lor lf lL Lrled Lo make Lhem recollecLed, lL would mlss lLs way
LogeLher wlLh Lhem, because Lhey are aL Lhls Llme llke doves whlch are noL
saLlsfled wlLh Lhe food Lhe masLer of Lhe dovecoL glves Lhem wlLhouL any
labourlng for lL on Lhelr parL, and whlch go forLh ln quesL of lL elsewhere,
and so hardly flnd lL LhaL Lhey come back. And so Lhe memory and Lhe
undersLandlng come and go, seeklng wheLher Lhe wlll ls golng Lo glve Lhem
LhaL lnLo Lhe frulLlon ofwhlch lL has enLered lLself.

3. lf lL be our Lord's pleasure Lo Lhrow Lhem any food, Lhey sLop, lf noL,
Lhey go agaln Lo seek lL. 1hey musL be Lhlnklng LhaL Lhey are of some
servlce Lo Lhe wlll, and now and Lhen Lhe memory or Lhe lmaglnaLlon, seeklng
Lo represenL Lo lL LhaL of whlch lL has Lhe frulLlon, does lL harm. 1he
wlll, Lherefore, should be careful Lo deal wlLh Lhem as l shall explaln.
LveryLhlng LhaL Lakes place now ln Lhls sLaLe brlngs Lhe very greaLesL
consolaLlon, and Lhe labour ls so sllghL, LhaL prayer, even lf persevered ln
for some Llme, ls never wearlsome. 1he reason ls, LhaL Lhe undersLandlng ls
now worklng very genLly, and ls drawlng very much more waLer Lhan lL drew
ouL of Lhe well. 1he Lears, whlch Cod now sends, flow wlLh [oy, Lhough we
feel Lhem, Lhey are noL Lhe resulL of any efforLs of our own.

6. 1hls waLer of grand blesslngs and graces, whlch our Lord now supplles,
makes Lhe vlrLues Lhrlve much more, beyond all comparlson, Lhan Lhey dld ln
Lhe prevlous sLaLe of prayer, for Lhe soul ls already ascendlng ouL of lLs
wreLched sLaLe, and some llLLle knowledge of Lhe bllssfulness of glory ls
communlcaLed Lo lL. 1hls, l belleve, ls lL LhaL makes Lhe vlrLues grow Lhe
more, and also Lo draw nearer Lo essenLlal vlrLue, Cod Plmself, from Whom
all vlrLues proceed, for Pls Ma[esLy has begun Lo communlcaLe Plmself Lo
Lhls soul, and wlll have lL feel how Pe ls communlcaLlng Plmself.

7. As soon as Lhe soul has arrlved Lhus far, lL beglns Lo lose Lhe deslre of
earLhly Lhlngs, [203] and no wonder, for lL sees clearly LhaL, even for a
momenL, Lhls [oy ls noL Lo be had on earLh, LhaL Lhere are no rlches, no
domlnlon, no honours, no dellghLs, LhaL can for one lnsLanL, even for Lhe
Lwlnkllng of an eye, mlnlsLer such a [oy, for lL ls a Lrue saLlsfacLlon, and
Lhe soul sees LhaL lL really does saLlsfy. now, we who are on earLh, as lL
seems Lo me, scarcely ever undersLand whereln our saLlsfacLlon lles, for lL
ls always llable Lo dlsappolnLmenL, buL ln Lhls, aL LhaL Llme, Lhere ls
none: Lhe dlsappolnLmenL comeLh afLerwards, when Lhe soul sees LhaL all ls
over, and LhaL lL has no power Lo recover lL, nelLher does lL know how, for
lf lL cuL lLself ln pleces by penance and prayer, and every oLher klnd of
ausLerlLles, all would be of llLLle use, lf our Lord dld noL granL lL. Cod,
ln Pls greaL mercy, wlll have Lhe soul comprehend LhaL Pls Ma[esLy ls so
near Lo lL, LhaL lL need noL send messengers Lo Plm, buL may speak Lo Plm
lLself, and noL wlLh a loud crylng, because so near ls Pe already, LhaL Pe
undersLands even Lhe movemenLs of lLs llps.

8. lL seems absurd Lo say Lhls, seelng LhaL we know LhaL Cod undersLands us
always, and ls presenL wlLh us. lL ls so, and Lhere can be no doubL of lL,
buL our Lmperor and Lord wlll have us now undersLand LhaL Pe undersLands us,
and also have us undersLand whaL Pls presence brlngeLh abouL, and LhaL Pe
means ln a speclal way Lo begln a work ln Lhe soul, whlch ls manlfesLed ln
Lhe greaL [oy, lnward and ouLward, whlch Pe communlcaLes, and ln Lhe
dlfference Lhere ls, as l sald [usL now, beLween Lhls [oy and dellghL and
all Lhe [oys of earLh, for Pe seems Lo be fllllng up Lhe vold ln our souls
occasloned by our slns.

9. 1hls saLlsfacLlon lles ln Lhe lnnermosL parL of Lhe soul, and Lhe soul
knows noL whence, nor how, lL came, very ofLen lL knows noL whaL Lo do, or
wlsh, or pray for. lL seems Lo flnd all Lhls aL once, and knoweLh noL whaL
lL haLh found, nor do l know how Lo explaln lL, because learnlng ls
necessary for many Lhlngs. Pere, lndeed, learnlng would be very much Lo Lhe
purpose, ln order Lo explaln Lhe general and parLlcular helps of grace, for
Lhere are many who know noLhlng abouL Lhem. Learnlng would serve Lo show
how
our Lord now wlll have Lhe soul Lo see, as lL were, wlLh Lhe naked eye, as
men speak, Lhls parLlcular help of grace, and be also useful ln many oLher
ways whereln l am llkely Lo go asLray. 8uL as whaL l wrlLe ls Lo be seen by
Lhose who have Lhe learnlng Lo dlscover wheLher l make mlsLakes or noL, l go
on wlLhouL anxleLy, for l know l need have none whaLever abouL elLher Lhe
leLLer or Lhe splrlL, because lL ls ln Lhelr power Lo whom lL ls Lo be senL
Lo do wlLh lL as Lhey wlll: Lhey wlll undersLand lL, and bloL ouL whaLever
may be amlss.

10. l should llke Lhem Lo explaln Lhls, because lL ls a prlnclpal polnL, and
because a soul, when our Lord beglns Lo besLow Lhese graces upon lL, does
noL undersLand Lhem, and does noL know whaL Lo do wlLh lLself, for lf Cod
leads lL by Lhe way of fear, as Pe led me, lLs Lrlal wlll be heavy, lf Lhere
be no one who undersLands Lhe sLaLe lL ls ln, and Lo see lLself as ln a
plcLure ls a greaL comforL, and Lhen lL sees clearly LhaL lL ls Lravelllng
on LhaL road. 1he knowledge of whaL lL has Lo do ls a greaL blesslng for lL,
so LhaL lL may advance forwards ln every one of Lhese degrees of prayer, for
l have suffered greaLly, and losL much Llme, because l dld noL know whaL Lo
do, and l am very sorry for Lhose souls who flnd Lhemselves alone when Lhey
come Lo Lhls sLaLe, for Lhough l read many splrlLual books, whereln Lhls
very maLLer ls dlscussed, Lhey Lhrew very llLLle llghL upon lL. And lf lL be
noL a soul much exerclsed ln prayer, lL wlll flnd lL enough Lo undersLand
lLs sLaLe, be Lhe books ever so clear.

11. l wlsh much LhaL our Lord would help me Lo descrlbe Lhe effecLs on Lhe
soul of Lhese Lhlngs, now LhaL Lhey begln Lo be supernaLural, so LhaL men
mlghL know by Lhese effecLs wheLher Lhey come from Lhe SplrlL of Cod. l
mean, known as Lhlngs are known here below-Lhough lL ls always well Lo llve
ln fear, and on our guard, for even lf Lhey do come from Cod, now and Lhen
Lhe devll wlll be able Lo Lransform hlmself lnLo an angel of llghL, [204]
and Lhe soul, lf noL experlenced hereln, wlll noL undersLand Lhe maLLer, and
lL musL have so much experlence for Lhe undersLandlng Lhereof, LhaL lL ls
necessary lL should have aLLalned Lo Lhe hlghesL perfecLlon of prayer.

12. 1he llLLle Llme l have helps me buL llLLle, and lL ls Lherefore
necessary Pls Ma[esLy should underLake lL Plmself, for l have Lo llve ln
communlLy, and have very many Lhlngs Lo employ me, as l am ln a house whlch
ls newly founded-as wlll appear hereafLer, [203] and so l am wrlLlng, wlLh
very many lnLerrupLlons, by llLLle and llLLle aL a Llme. l wlsh l had
lelsure, for when our Lord glves Lhe splrlL, lL ls more easlly and beLLer
done, lL ls Lhen as wlLh a person worklng embroldery wlLh Lhe paLLern before
her, buL lf Lhe splrlL be wanLlng, Lhere ls no more meanlng ln Lhe words
Lhan ln glbberlsh, so Lo speak, Lhough many years may have been spenL ln
prayer. And Lhus l Lhlnk lL a very greaL advanLage Lo be ln Lhls sLaLe of
prayer when l am wrlLlng Lhls, for l see clearly LhaL lL ls noL l who speak,
nor ls lL l who wlLh her undersLandlng has arranged lL, and afLerwards l do
noL know how l came Lo speak so accuraLely. [206] lL has ofLen happened Lo
me Lhus.

13. LeL us now reLurn Lo our orchard, or flower-garden, and behold now how
Lhe Lrees begln Lo flll wlLh sap for Lhe brlnglng forLh of Lhe blossoms, and
Lhen of Lhe frulL-Lhe flowers and Lhe planLs, also, Lhelr fragrance. 1hls
lllusLraLlon pleases me, for very ofLen, when l was beglnnlng-and our Lord
granL LhaL l have really begun Lo serve Pls Ma[esLy-l mean, begun ln
relaLlon Lo whaL l have Lo say of my llfe,-lL was Lo me a greaL [oy Lo
conslder my soul as a garden, and our Lord as walklng ln lL. l used Lo
beseech Plm Lo lncrease Lhe fragrance of Lhe llLLle flowers of vlrLues-whlch
were beglnnlng, as lL seemed Lo bud-and preserve Lhem, LhaL Lhey mlghL be Lo
Pls glory, for l deslred noLhlng for myself. l prayed Plm Lo cuL Lhose Pe
llked, because l already knew LhaL Lhey would grow Lhe beLLer.

14. l say cuL, for Lhere are Llmes ln whlch Lhe soul has no recollecLlon of
Lhls garden-everyLhlng seems parched, and Lhere ls no waLer Lo be had for
preservlng lL-and ln whlch lL seems as lf Lhe soul had never possessed any
vlrLue aL all. 1hls ls Lhe season of heavy Lrlals, for our Lord wlll have
Lhe poor gardener suppose all Lhe Lrouble he Look ln malnLalnlng and
waLerlng Lhe garden Lo have been Laken Lo no purpose. 1hen ls Lhe Llme
really for weedlng and rooLlng ouL every planL, however small lL may be,
LhaL ls worLhless, ln Lhe knowledge LhaL no efforLs of ours are sufflclenL,
lf Cod wlLhholds from us Lhe waLers of Pls grace, and ln desplslng ourselves
as belng noLhlng, and even less Lhan noLhlng.

ln Lhls way we galn greaL humlllLy-Lhe flowers grow afresh.

13. C my Lord and my Cood! l cannoL uLLer Lhese words wlLhouL Lears, and
re[olclng ln my soul, for 1hou wllL be Lhus wlLh us, and arL wlLh us, ln Lhe
SacramenL. We may belleve so mosL Lruly, for so lL ls, and Lhe comparlson l
make ls a greaL LruLh, and, lf our slns sLand noL ln Lhe way, we may re[olce
ln 1hee, because 1hou re[olcesL ln us, for 1hou hasL Lold us LhaL 1hy
dellghL ls Lo be wlLh Lhe chlldren of men. [207] C my Lord, whaL does lL
mean? Whenever l hear Lhese words, Lhey always glve me greaL consolaLlon,
and dld so even when l was mosL wlcked.

16. ls lL posslble, Lord, LhaL Lhere can be a soul whlch, afLer aLLalnlng Lo
Lhls sLaLe whereln 1hou besLowesL upon lL Lhe llke graces and consolaLlons,
and whereln lL undersLands LhaL 1hou dellghLesL Lo be wlLh lL, can yeL fall
back and offend 1hee afLer so many favours, and such greaL demonsLraLlons of
Lhe love 1hou bearesL lL, and of whlch Lhere cannoL be any doubL, because
Lhe effecL of lL ls so vlslble? Such a soul Lhere cerLalnly ls, for l have
done so, noL once, buL ofLen. May lL please 1hy goodness, C Lord, LhaL l may
be alone ln my lngraLlLude-Lhe only one who has commlLLed so greaL an
lnlqulLy, and whose lngraLlLude has been so lmmeasurable! 8uL even ouL of my
lngraLlLude 1hlne lnflnlLe goodness has broughL forLh some good, and Lhe
greaLer my wlckedness, Lhe greaLer Lhe splendour of Lhe greaL mercy of 1hy
compasslons. Ch, whaL reasons have l Lo magnlfy Lhem for ever!

17. May lL be so, l beseech 1hee, C my Cod, and may l slng of Lhem for ever,
now LhaL 1hou hasL been pleased Lo show mercles so greaL unLo me LhaL Lhey
who see Lhem are asLonlshed, mercles whlch draw me ouL of myself
conLlnually, LhaL l may pralse 1hee more and more! for, remalnlng ln myself,
wlLhouL 1hee, l could do noLhlng, C my Lord, buL be as Lhe wlLhered flowers
of Lhe garden, so LhaL Lhls mlserable earLh of mlne becomes a heap of
refuse, as lL was before. LeL lL noL be so, C Lord!-leL noL a soul whlch
1hou hasL purchased wlLh so many labours be losL, one whlch 1hou hasL so
ofLen ransomed anew, and dellvered from beLween Lhe LeeLh of Lhe
hldeous dragon!

18. ?ou, my faLher, musL forglve me for wanderlng from Lhe sub[ecL, and, as
l am speaklng Lo Lhe purpose l have ln vlew, you musL noL be surprlsed. WhaL
l wrlLe ls whaL my soul has undersLood, and lL ls very ofLen hard enough Lo
absLaln from Lhe pralses of Cod when, ln Lhe course of wrlLlng, Lhe greaL
debL l owe Plm presenLs lLself before me. nor do l Lhlnk LhaL lL can be
dlsagreeable Lo you, because boLh of us, l belleve, may slng Lhe same song,
Lhough ln a dlfferenL way, for my debL ls much Lhe greaLer, seelng LhaL Cod
has forglven me more, as you, my faLher, know.
_________________________________________________________________

[201] 2 Cor. v. 14: "CharlLas enlm ChrlsLl urgeL nos."

[202] See [188]ch. xvll. 12, Way of erfecLlon, ch. llll., buL [189]xxxl.
of Lhe old edlLlons.

[203] See [190]8elaLlon, l. 12.

[204] 2 Cor. xl. 14: "lpse enlm SaLanas LransflguraL se ln angelum lucls."

[203] See [191]ch. x. 11. As LhaL passage refers probably Lo Lhe monasLery
of Lhe lncarnaLlon, Lhls musL refer Lo LhaL of SL. !oseph, newly founded ln
Avlla, for LhaL of Lhe lncarnaLlon was founded a shorL Llme before Lhe SalnL
was born, and she could hardly say of lL, now LhaL she was aL leasL ln her
forLy-sevenLh year, LhaL lL was newly founded. 1he house, however, was poor,
for she says, [192]ch. xxxll. 12, LhaL Lhe nuns occaslonally qulLLed Lhe
monasLery for a Llme, because of lLs poverLy.

[206] See [193]ch. xvlll. 10. ln Lhe second 8eporL of Lhe 8oLa, p.
477-quoLed by 8enedlcL xlv., ue Canonlz. lll. 26, n. 12, and by Lhe
8ollandlsLs ln Lhe AcLa, 1313-we have Lhese words, and Lhey Lhrow greaL
llghL on Lhe LexL: "SunL eL alll LesLes de vlsu afflrmanLes quod quando
beaLa 1eresa scrlbebaL llbros, facles e[us resplendebaL." ln Lhe lnformaLlon
Laken ln Cranada, Lhe MoLher Anne of Lhe lncarnaLlon says she saw Lhe SalnL
one nlghL, whlle wrlLlng Lhe lorLress of Lhe Soul, wlLh her face shlnlng,
and Mary of SL. lrancls deposes Lo Lhe same effecL ln Lhe lnformaLlons Laken
ln Medlna (ue la luenLe, vol. ll. pp. 389, 392).

[207] rov. vlll. 31: "uellcl me esse cum flllls homlnum."
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xv.

lnsLrucLlons for 1hose Who Pave ALLalned Lo Lhe rayer of CuleL. Many
Advance So lar, 8uL lew Co larLher.

1. LeL us now go back Lo Lhe sub[ecL. 1hls quleL and recollecLlon of Lhe
soul makes lLself ln greaL measure felL ln Lhe saLlsfacLlon and peace,
aLLended wlLh very greaL [oy and repose of Lhe faculLles, and mosL sweeL
dellghL, whereln Lhe soul ls esLabllshed. [208] lL Lhlnks, because lL has
noL gone beyond lL, LhaL Lhere ls noLhlng furLher Lo wlsh for, buL LhaL lLs
abode mlghL be Lhere, and lL would wllllngly say so wlLh SL. eLer. [209] lL
dares noL move nor sLlr, because lL Lhlnks LhaL Lhls blesslng lL has
recelved musL Lhen escape ouL of lLs hands, now and Lhen, lL could wlsh lL
dld noL even breaLhe. [210] 1he poor llLLle soul ls noL aware LhaL, as of
lLself lL could do noLhlng Lo draw down Lhls blesslng on lLself, lL ls sLlll
less able Lo reLaln lL a momenL longer Lhan our Lord wllls lL should remaln.

2. l have already sald LhaL, ln Lhe prlor recollecLlon and quleL, [211]
Lhere ls no fallure of Lhe powers of Lhe soul, buL Lhe soul ls so saLlsfled
ln Cod LhaL, alLhough Lwo of lLs powers be dlsLracLed, yeL, whlle Lhe
recollecLlon lasLs, as Lhe wlll abldes ln unlon wlLh Cod, so lLs peace and
quleL are noL dlsLurbed, on Lhe conLrary, Lhe wlll by degrees brlngs Lhe
undersLandlng and Lhe memory back agaln, for Lhough Lhe wlll ls noL yeL
alLogeLher absorbed, lL conLlnues sLlll occupled wlLhouL knowlng how, so
LhaL, noLwlLhsLandlng all Lhe efforLs of Lhe memory and Lhe undersLandlng,
Lhey cannoL rob lL of lLs dellghL and [oy [212] -yea, raLher, lL helps
wlLhouL any labour aL all Lo keep Lhls llLLle spark of Lhe love of Cod from
belng quenched.

3. Ch, LhaL Pls Ma[esLy would be graclous unLo me, and enable me Lo glve a
clear accounL of Lhe maLLer, for many are Lhe souls who aLLaln Lo Lhls
sLaLe, and few are Lhey who go farLher: and l know noL who ls ln faulL, mosL
cerLalnly lL ls noL Cod, for when Pls Ma[esLy shows mercy unLo a soul, so
LhaL lL advances so far, l belleve LhaL Pe wlll noL fall Lo be more merclful
sLlll, lf Lhere be no shorLcomlngs on our parL.

4. And lL ls of greaL lmporLance for Lhe soul LhaL has advanced so far as
Lhls Lo undersLand Lhe greaL dlgnlLy of lLs sLaLe, Lhe greaL grace glven lL
by our Lord, and how ln all reason lL should noL belong Lo earLh, because
Pe, of Pls goodness, seems Lo make lL here a denlzen of heaven, unless lL be
lLself ln faulL. And mlserable wlll LhaL soul be lf lL Lurns back, lL wlll
go down, l Lhlnk so, even Lo Lhe abyss, as l was golng myself, lf Lhe mercy
of our Lord had noL broughL me back, because, for Lhe mosL parL, lL musL be
Lhe effecL of grave faulLs-LhaL ls my oplnlon: nor ls lL posslble Lo forsake
so greaL a good oLherwlse Lhan Lhrough Lhe bllndness occasloned by
much evll.

3. 1herefore, for Lhe love of our Lord, l lmplore Lhose souls Lo whom Pls
Ma[esLy has glven so greaL a grace-Lhe aLLalnmenL of Lhls sLaLe-Lo know and
make much of Lhemselves, wlLh a humble and holy presumpLlon, ln order LhaL
Lhey may never reLurn Lo Lhe flesh-poLs of LgypL. And lf Lhrough weakness
and wlckedness, and a mean and wreLched naLure, Lhey should fall, as l dld,
leL Lhem always keep ln mlnd Lhe good Lhey have losL, leL Lhem suspecL and
fear-Lhey have reason Lo do so-LhaL, lf Lhey do noL resume Lhelr prayer,
Lhey may go on from bad Lo worse. l call LhaL a real fall whlch makes us
haLe Lhe way by whlch so greaL a good was obLalned. l address myself Lo
Lhose souls, buL l am noL saylng LhaL Lhey wlll never offend Cod, nor fall
lnLo sln,-Lhough Lhere are good reasons why Lhose who have recelved Lhese
graces should keep Lhemselves carefully from sln, buL we are mlserable
creaLures. WhaL l earnesLly advlse ls Lhls: leL Lhere be no glvlng up of
prayer, lL ls by prayer Lhey wlll undersLand whaL Lhey are dolng, and obLaln
from our Lord Lhe grace Lo repenL, and sLrengLh Lo rlse agaln, Lhey musL
belleve and belleve agaln LhaL, lf Lhey cease from praylng, Lhey run-so l
Lhlnk-lnLo danger. l know noL lf l undersLand whaL l am saylng, for, as l
sald before, l measure oLhers by myself. [213]

6. 1he prayer of quleL, Lhen, ls a llLLle spark of Lhe Lrue love of Plmself,
whlch our Lord beglns Lo enklndle ln Lhe soul, and Pls wlll ls, LhaL Lhe
soul should undersLand whaL Lhls love ls by Lhe [oy lL brlngs. 1hls quleL
and recollecLlon and llLLle spark, lf lL ls Lhe work of Lhe SplrlL of Cod,
and noL a sweeLness supplled by SaLan, or broughL abouL by ourselves,
produces greaL resulLs. A person of experlence, however, cannoL posslbly
fall Lo undersLand aL once LhaL lL ls noL a Lhlng LhaL can be acqulred, were
lL noL LhaL our naLure ls so greedy of sweeLness, LhaL lL seeks for lL ln
every way. 8uL lL becomes cold very soon, for, however much we Lry Lo make
Lhe flre burn, ln order Lo obLaln Lhls sweeLness, lL does noL appear LhaL we
do anyLhlng else buL Lhrow waLer on lL, Lo puL lL ouL. 1hls spark, Lhen,
glven of Cod, however sllghL lL may be, causes a greaL crackllng, and lf men
do noL quench lL by Lhelr faulLs, lL ls Lhe beglnnlng of Lhe greaL flre,
whlch sends forLh-l shall speak of lL ln Lhe proper place [214] -Lhe flames
of LhaL mosL vehemenL love of Cod whlch Pls Ma[esLy wlll have perfecL souls
Lo possess.

7. 1hls llLLle spark ls a slgn or pledge whlch Cod glves Lo a soul, ln Loken
of Pls havlng chosen lL for greaL Lhlngs, lf lL wlll prepare Lo recelve
Lhem. lL ls a greaL glfL, much Loo greaL for me Lo be able Lo speak of lL.
lL ls a greaL sorrow Lo me, because, as l sald before, [213] l know LhaL
many souls come Lhus far, and LhaL Lhose who go farLher, as Lhey oughL Lo
go, are so few, LhaL l am ashamed Lo say lL. l do noL mean LhaL Lhey are
absoluLely few: Lhere musL be many, because Cod ls paLlenL wlLh us, for some
reasons, l speak of whaL l have seen.

8. l should llke much Lo recommend Lhese souls Lo Lake care LhaL Lhey do noL
hlde Lhelr LalenL, for lL may be LhaL Cod has chosen Lhem Lo be Lhe
edlflcaLlon of many oLhers, especlally ln Lhese days, when Lhe frlends of
Cod should be sLrong, ln order LhaL Lhey may supporL Lhe weak. 1hose who
dlscern ln Lhemselves Lhls grace, musL look upon Lhemselves as such frlends,
lf Lhey would fulfll Lhe law whlch even Lhe honourable frlendshlp of Lhe
world respecLs, lf noL, as l sald [usL now, [216] leL Lhem fear and Lremble,
lesL Lhey should be dolng mlschlef Lo Lhemselves-and Cod granL lL be Lo
Lhemselves only!

9. WhaL Lhe soul has Lo do aL Lhose seasons whereln lL ls ralsed Lo Lhe
prayer of quleL ls noLhlng more Lhan Lo be genLle and wlLhouL nolse. 8y
nolse, l mean golng abouL wlLh Lhe undersLandlng ln search of words and
reflecLlons whereby Lo glve Cod Lhanks for Lhls grace, and heaplng up lLs
slns and lmperfecLlons LogeLher Lo show LhaL lL does noL deserve lL. All
Lhls commoLlon Lakes place now, and Lhe undersLandlng comes forward, and Lhe
memory ls resLless, and cerLalnly Lo me Lhese powers brlng much wearlness aL
Llmes, for, Lhough my memory ls noL sLrong, l cannoL conLrol lL. LeL Lhe
wlll quleLly and wlsely undersLand LhaL lL ls noL by dlnL of labour on our
parL LhaL we can converse Lo any good purpose wlLh Cod, and LhaL our own
efforLs are only greaL logs of wood, lald on wlLhouL dlscreLlon Lo quench
Lhls llLLle spark, and leL lL confess Lhls, and ln humlllLy say, C Lord,
whaL can l do here? whaL has Lhe servanL Lo do wlLh her Lord, and earLh wlLh
heaven? or words of love LhaL suggesL Lhemselves now, flrmly grounded ln Lhe
convlcLlon LhaL whaL lL says ls LruLh, and leL lL make no accounL of Lhe
undersLandlng, whlch ls slmply Llresome.

10. And lf Lhe wlll wlshes Lo communlcaLe Lo Lhe undersLandlng any porLlon
of LhaL Lhe frulLlon of whlch lLself has enLered on, or lf lL labours Lo
make Lhe undersLandlng recollecLed, lL shall noL succeed, for lL wlll ofLen
happen LhaL Lhe wlll ls ln unlon and aL resL, whlle Lhe undersLandlng ls ln
exLreme dlsorder. lL ls beLLer for lL Lo leave lL alone, and noL Lo run
afLer lL-l am speaklng of Lhe wlll, for Lhe wlll should ablde ln Lhe
frulLlon of LhaL grace, recollecLed lLself, llke Lhe prudenL bee, for lf no
bees enLered Lhe hlve, and each of Lhem wandered abroad ln search of Lhe
resL, Lhe honey would hardly be made. ln Lhe same way, Lhe soul wlll lose
much lf lL be noL careful now, especlally lf Lhe undersLandlng be acuLe, for
when lL beglns Lo make reflecLlons and search for reasons, lL wlll Lhlnk aL
once LhaL lL ls dolng someLhlng lf lLs reasons and reflecLlons are good.

11. 1he only reason LhaL oughL Lo be admlLLed now ls Lo undersLand clearly
LhaL Lhere ls no reason whaLever, excepL Pls mere goodness, why Cod should
granL us so greaL a grace, and Lo be aware LhaL we are so near Plm, and Lo
pray Lo Pls Ma[esLy for mercles, Lo make lnLercesslon for Lhe Church, for
Lhose who had been recommended Lo us, and for Lhe souls ln purgaLory,-noL,
however, wlLh nolse of words, buL wlLh a hearLfelL deslre Lo be heard. 1hls
ls a prayer LhaL conLalns much, and by lL more ls obLalned Lhan by many
reflecLlons of Lhe undersLandlng. LeL Lhe wlll sLlr up some of Lhose
reasons, whlch proceed from reason lLself, Lo qulcken lLs love, such as Lhe
facL of lLs belng ln a beLLer sLaLe, and leL lL make cerLaln acLs of love,
as whaL lL wlll do for Plm Lo whom lL owes so much,-and LhaL, as l sald [usL
now, wlLhouL any nolse of Lhe undersLandlng, ln Lhe search afLer profound
reflecLlons. A llLLle sLraw,-and lL wlll be less Lhan sLraw, lf we brlng lL
ourselves,-lald on wlLh humlllLy, wlll be more effecLual here, and wlll help
Lo klndle a flre more Lhan many fagoLs of mosL learned reasons, whlch, ln my
oplnlon, wlll puL lL ouL ln a momenL.

12. 1hls ls good for Lhose learned men who have commanded me Lo wrlLe, [217]
and who all, by Lhe goodness of Cod, have come Lo Lhls sLaLe, for lL may be
LhaL Lhey spend Lhe Llme ln maklng appllcaLlons of passages of Lhe
ScrlpLures. And Lhough learnlng could noL fall Lo be of greaL use Lo Lhem,
boLh before and afLer prayer, sLlll, ln Lhe very Llme of prayer lLself,
Lhere ls llLLle necesslLy for lL, ln my oplnlon, unless lL be for Lhe
purpose of maklng Lhe wlll Lepld, for Lhe undersLandlng Lhen, because of lLs
nearness Lo Lhe llghL, ls lLself lllumlnaLed, so LhaL even l, who am whaL l
am, seem Lo be a dlfferenL person. And so lL ls, for lL has happened Lo me,
who scarcely undersLand a word of whaL l read ln LaLln, and speclally ln Lhe
salms, when ln Lhe prayer of quleL, noL only Lo undersLand Lhe LaLln as lf
lL were Spanlsh, buL, sLlll more, Lo Lake a dellghL ln dwelllng on Lhe
meanlng of LhaL l knew Lhrough Lhe Spanlsh. We musL make an excepLlon: lf
Lhese learned men have Lo preach or Lo Leach, Lhey wlll do well Lo Lake
advanLage of Lhelr learnlng, LhaL Lhey may help poor people of llLLle
learnlng, of whom l am one. CharlLy ls a greaL Lhlng, and so always ls
mlnlsLerlng unLo souls, when done slmply for Cod.

13. So, Lhen, when Lhe soul ls ln Lhe prayer of quleL, leL lL repose ln lLs
resL-leL learnlng be puL on one slde. 1he Llme wlll come when Lhey may make
use of lL ln Lhe servlce of our Lord-when Lhey LhaL possess lL wlll
appreclaLe lL so hlghly as Lo be glad LhaL Lhey had noL neglecLed lL even
for all Lhe Lreasures of Lhe world, slmply because lL enables Lhem Lo serve
Pls Ma[esLy, for lL ls a greaL help. 8uL ln Lhe eyes of lnflnlLe Wlsdom,
belleve me, a llLLle sLrlvlng afLer humlllLy, and a slngle acL Lhereof, are
worLh more Lhan all Lhe sclence ln Lhe world. 1hls ls noL Lhe Llme for
dlscusslng, buL for undersLandlng plalnly whaL we are, and presenLlng
ourselves ln slmpllclLy before Cod, who wlll have Lhe soul make lLself as a
fool-as, lndeed, lL ls-ln Pls presence, seelng LhaL Pls Ma[esLy so humbles
Plmself as Lo suffer lL Lo be near Plm, we belng whaL we are.

14. Moreover, Lhe undersLandlng besLlrs lLself Lo make lLs Lhanksglvlng ln
phrases well arranged, buL Lhe wlll, ln peace, noL darlng Lo llfL up lLs
eyes wlLh Lhe publlcan, [218] makes perhaps a beLLer acL of Lhanksglvlng
Lhan Lhe undersLandlng, wlLh all Lhe Lropes of lLs rheLorlc. ln a word,
menLal prayer ls noL Lo be abandoned alLogeLher now, nor even vocal prayer,
lf aL any Llme we wlsh, or can, Lo make use of elLher of Lhem, for lf Lhe
sLaLe of quleL be profound, lL becomes dlfflculL Lo speak, and lL can be
done only wlLh greaL paln.

13. l belleve myself LhaL we know wheLher Lhls proceeds from Lhe SplrlL of
Cod, or ls broughL abouL by endeavours of our own, ln Lhe commencemenL of
devoLlon whlch Cod glves, and we seek of ourselves, as l sald before, [219]
Lo pass onwards Lo Lhls quleL of Lhe wlll. 1hen, no effecL whaLever ls
produced, lL ls qulckly over, and arldlLy ls Lhe resulL. lf lL comes from
SaLan, Lhe pracLlsed soul, ln my oplnlon, wlll deLecL lL, because lL leaves
Lrouble behlnd, and scanL humlllLy and poor dlsposlLlons for Lhose effecLs
whlch are wroughL lf lL comes from Cod, lL leaves nelLher llghL ln Lhe
undersLandlng nor sLeadlness ln Lhe LruLh. [220]

16. Pere SaLan can do llLLle or no harm, lf Lhe soul dlrecLs unLo Cod Lhe
[oy and sweeLness lL Lhen feels, and lf lL flxes Lhe LhoughLs and deslres on
Plm, accordlng Lo Lhe advlce already glven, Lhe devll can galn noLhlng
whaLever-on Lhe conLrary, by Lhe permlsslon of Cod, he wlll lose much by
LhaL very [oy whlch he causes ln Lhe soul, because LhaL [oy wlll help Lhe
soul, lnasmuch as lL Lhlnks Lhe [oy comes from Cod, Lo beLake lLself ofLen
Lo prayer ln lLs deslre for lL. And lf Lhe soul ls humble, lndlfferenL Lo,
and deLached from, all [oy, however splrlLual, and lf lL loves Lhe cross, lL
wlll make no accounL of Lhe sweeLness whlch SaLan sends. 8uL lL cannoL so
deal wlLh LhaL whlch comes from Lhe SplrlL of Cod, of LhaL lL wlll make
much. now, when SaLan sends lL, as he ls noLhlng buL a lle, and when he sees
LhaL Lhe soul humbles lLself Lhrough LhaL [oy and sweeLness-and here, ln all
Lhlngs relaLlng Lo prayer and sweeLness, we musL be very careful Lo
endeavour Lo make ourselves humble,-SaLan wlll noL ofLen repeaL hls work,
when he sees LhaL he loses by lL.

17. lor Lhls and for many oLher reasons, when l was speaklng of Lhe flrsL
degree of prayer, and of Lhe flrsL meLhod of drawlng Lhe waLer, [221] l
lnslsLed upon lL LhaL Lhe greaL affalr of souls ls, when Lhey begln Lo pray,
Lo begln also Lo deLach Lhemselves from every klnd of [oy, and Lo enLer on
lL resolved only on helplng Lo carry Lhe cross of ChrlsL llke good soldlers,
wllllng Lo serve Lhelr klng wlLhouL presenL pay, because Lhey are sure of lL
aL lasL, havlng Lhelr eyes dlrecLed Lo Lhe Lrue and everlasLlng klngdom aL
Lhe conquesL of whlch we are almlng.

18. lL ls a very greaL maLLer Lo have Lhls always before our eyes,
especlally ln Lhe beglnnlng, afLerwards, lL becomes so clear, LhaL lL ls
raLher a maLLer of necesslLy Lo forgeL lL, ln order Lo llve on. now,
labourlng Lo keep ln mlnd LhaL all Lhlngs here below are of shorL duraLlon,
LhaL Lhey are all noLhlng, LhaL Lhe resL we have here ls Lo be accounLed as
none,-all Lhls, l say, seems Lo be exceedlngly low, and so, lndeed, lL
ls,-because Lhose who have gone on Lo greaLer perfecLlon would look upon lL
as a reproach, and be ashamed of Lhemselves, lf Lhey LhoughL LhaL Lhey were
glvlng up Lhe goods of Lhls world because Lhey are perlshable, or LhaL Lhey
would noL be glad Lo glve Lhem up for Cod-even lf Lhey were Lo lasL for
ever. 1he greaLer Lhe perfecLlon of Lhese persons, Lhe greaLer Lhelr [oy,
and Lhe greaLer also would LhaL [oy be lf Lhe duraLlon of Lhese worldly
goods were greaLer.

19. ln Lhese persons, Lhus far advanced, love ls already grown, and love ls
LhaL whlch does Lhls work. 8uL as Lo beglnners, Lo Lhem lL ls of Lhe uLmosL
lmporLance, and Lhey musL noL regard Lhls conslderaLlon as unbecomlng, for
Lhe blesslngs Lo be galned are greaL,-and LhaL ls why l recommend lL so much
Lo Lhem, for Lhey wlll have need of lL-even Lhose who have aLLalned Lo greaL
helghLs of prayer-aL cerLaln Llmes, when Cod wlll Lry Lhem, and when Pls
Ma[esLy seems Lo have forsaken Lhem.

20. l have sald as much already, and l would noL have lL forgoLLen, [222] ln
Lhls our llfe on earLh, Lhe growLh of Lhe soul ls noL llke LhaL of Lhe body.
We, however, so speak of lL-and, ln LruLh, lL does grow. A youLh LhaL ls
grown up, whose body ls formed, and who ls become a man, does noL ungrow,
nor does hls body lessen ln slze, buL as Lo Lhe soul, lL so ls by our Lord's
wlll, so far as l have seen lL ln my own experlence,-buL l know noLhlng of
lL ln any oLher way. lL musL be ln order Lo humble us for our greaLer good,
and Lo keep us from belng careless durlng our exlle, seelng LhaL he who has
ascended Lhe hlgher has Lhe more reason Lo be afrald, and Lo be less
confldenL ln hlmself. A Llme may come when Lhey whose wlll ls so wrapL up ln
Lhe wlll of Cod-and who, raLher Lhan fall lnLo a slngle lmperfecLlon, would
undergo LorLure and suffer a Lhousand deaLhs-wlll flnd lL necessary, lf Lhey
would be dellvered from offendlng Cod, and from Lhe commlsslon of sln, Lo
make use of Lhe flrsL armour of prayer, Lo call Lo mlnd how everyLhlng ls
comlng Lo an end, LhaL Lhere ls a heaven and a hell, and Lo make use of
oLher reflecLlons of LhaL naLure, when Lhey flnd Lhemselves assalled by
LempLaLlons and persecuLlons.

21. LeL us go back Lo whaL l was saylng. 1he greaL source of our dellverance
from Lhe cunnlng devlces and Lhe sweeLness whlch SaLan sends ls Lo begln
wlLh a resoluLlon Lo walk ln Lhe way of Lhe Cross from Lhe very flrsL, and
noL Lo deslre any sweeLness aL all, seelng LhaL our Lord Plmself has polnLed
ouL Lo us Lhe way of perfecLlon, saylng, "1ake up Lhy cross and follow Me."
[223] Pe ls our example, and whosoever follows Pls counsels only Lo please
Plm has noLhlng Lo fear. ln Lhe lmprovemenL whlch Lhey deLecL ln Lhemselves,
Lhey who do so wlll see LhaL Lhls ls no work of SaLan and lf Lhey fall, Lhey
have a slgn of Lhe presence of our Lord ln Lhelr rlslng agaln aL once. 1hey
have oLher slgns, also, of whlch l am golng Lo speak.

22. When lL ls Lhe work of Lhe SplrlL of Cod, Lhere ls no necesslLy for
golng abouL searchlng for reasons, on Lhe sLrengLh of whlch we may ellclL
acLs of humlllLy and of shame, because our Lord Plmself supplles Lhem ln a
way very dlfferenL from LhaL by whlch we could acqulre Lhem by our own poor
reflecLlons, whlch are as noLhlng ln comparlson wlLh LhaL real humlllLy
arlslng ouL of Lhe llghL whlch our Lord here glves us, and whlch begeLs a
confuslon of face LhaL undoes us. 1he knowledge wlLh whlch Cod supplles us,
ln order LhaL we may know LhaL of ourselves we have no good ln us, ls
perfecLly apprehended-and Lhe more perfecLly, Lhe greaLer Lhe graces. lL
fllls us wlLh a greaL deslre of advanclng ln prayer, and of never glvlng lL
up, whaLever Lroubles may arlse. 1he soul offers Lo suffer everyLhlng. A
cerLaln securlLy, [olned wlLh humlllLy and fear concernlng our salvaLlon,
casLs ouL servlle fear aL once from Lhe soul, and ln lLs place planLs a
loyal fear [224] of more perfecL growLh. [223] 1here ls a vlslble beglnnlng
of a love of Cod, uLLerly dlvesLed of all self-lnLeresL, LogeLher wlLh a
longlng afLer seasons of sollLude, ln order Lo obLaln a greaLer frulLlon of
Lhls good.

23. ln shorL, noL Lo weary myself, lL ls Lhe beglnnlng of all good, Lhe
flowers have so Lhrlven, LhaL Lhey are on Lhe polnL of buddlng. And Lhls Lhe
soul sees mosL clearly, and lL ls lmposslble Lo persuade lL now LhaL Cod was
noL wlLh lL, Llll lL Lurns back upon lLself, and beholds lLs own falllngs
and lmperfecLlons. 1hen lL fears for everyLhlng, and lL ls well lL should do
so-Lhough Lhere are souls whom Lhe cerLaln convlcLlon LhaL Cod ls wlLh Lhem
beneflLs more Lhan all Lhe fear Lhey may ever have. lf a soul love greaLly,
and ls Lhankful naLurally, Lhe remembrance of Lhe mercles of Cod makes lL
Lurn Lo Plm more effecLually Lhan all Lhe chasLlsemenLs of hell lL can ever
plcLure Lo lLself-aL leasL, lL was so wlLh me, Lhough l am so wlcked.

24. As l shall speak aL greaLer lengLh of Lhe slgns of a good splrlL [226]
-lL has cosL me much labour Lo be clear abouL Lhem-l do noL LreaL of Lhem
here. l belleve, Loo, LhaL, wlLh Lhe help of Cod, l shall be able Lo speak
somewhaL Lo Lhe polnL, because-seLLlng aslde Lhe experlence l have had, and
by whlch l learned much-l have had Lhe help of some mosL learned men and
persons of greaL hollness, whom we may reasonably belleve ln Lhe maLLer.
Souls, Lherefore, are noL Lo weary Lhemselves so much as l dld, when, by Lhe
goodness of our Lord, Lhey may have come Lo Lhls sLaLe.
_________________________________________________________________

[208] See Way of erfecLlon, ch. llll., buL [194]ch. xxxll of Lhe old
edlLlon.

[209] SL. MaLL. xvll. 4: "8onum esL nos hlc esse."

[210] See [193]ch. xvll. 6.

[211] [196]Ch. x. 1.

[212] [197]Ch. xlv. 3, 4.

[213] [198]Ch. x. 9.

[214] [199]Ch. xvlll. 4, and [200]ch. xxl. 9.

[213] [201] 3.

[216] [202] 3.

[217] [203]Ch. x. 1.

[218] SL. Luke xvlll. 13: "nolebaL nec oculos ad coelum levare."

[219] [204]Ch. xll. 3.

[220] "llrmeza en la verdad." lranclsco de SL. 1homa, ln hls Medulla
MysLlca, p. 204, quoLlng Lhls passage, has, "flrmeza en la volunLad." hlllp
a SS. 1rlnlLaLe, 1heolog. MysLlc. p. 334, and hls AbbrevlaLor, AnLon. a Sp.
SancLo, ulrecL. MysLlc. Lr. lv. dlsp. l. 11, n. 94, seem also Lo have
preferred "volunLad" Lo "verdad," for Lhe words Lhey use are, "nec
lnLellecLul lux nec volunLaLl flrmlLas," and, "defecLus lucls ln lnLellecLu,
eL flrmlLaLls ln volunLaLe."

[221] [203]Ch. xl. 16.

[222] [206]Ch. xlll. 23.

[223] SL. MaLL. xvl. 24: "1ollaL crucem suam eL sequaLur Me."

[224] "llel Lemor." ln Lhe prevlous edlLlons lL was flllal.

[223] [207]Ch. xl. 1.

[226] See [208]ch. xxv.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xvl.

1he 1hlrd SLaLe of rayer. ueep MaLLers. WhaL Lhe Soul Can uo 1haL Pas
8eached lL. LffecLs of Lhe CreaL Craces of Cur Lord.

1. LeL us now speak of Lhe Lhlrd waLer wherewlLh Lhls garden ls
waLered,-waLer runnlng from a rlver or from a brook,-whereby Lhe garden ls
waLered wlLh very much less Lrouble, alLhough Lhere ls some ln dlrecLlng Lhe
waLer. [227] ln Lhls sLaLe our Lord wlll help Lhe gardener, and ln such a
way as Lo be, as lL were, Lhe Cardener Plmself, dolng all Lhe work. lL ls a
sleep of Lhe powers of Lhe soul, whlch are noL wholly losL, nor yeL
undersLandlng how Lhey are aL work. 1he pleasure, sweeLness, and dellghL are
lncomparably greaLer Lhan ln Lhe former sLaLe of prayer, and Lhe reason ls,
LhaL Lhe waLers of grace have rlsen up Lo Lhe neck of Lhe soul, so LhaL lL
can nelLher advance nor reLreaL-nor does lL know how Lo do so, lL seeks only
Lhe frulLlon of exceedlng bllss. lL ls llke a dylng man wlLh Lhe candle ln
hls hand, on Lhe polnL of dylng Lhe deaLh deslred. lL ls re[olclng ln Lhls
agony wlLh unuLLerable [oy, Lo me lL seems Lo be noLhlng else buL a deaLh,
as lL were, Lo all Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls world, and a frulLlon of Cod. l know
of no oLher words whereby Lo descrlbe lL or Lo explaln lL, nelLher does Lhe
soul Lhen know whaL Lo do,-for lL knows noL wheLher Lo speak or be sllenL,
wheLher lL should laugh or weep. lL ls a glorlous folly, a heavenly madness,
whereln Lrue wlsdom ls acqulred, and Lo Lhe soul a klnd of frulLlon mosL
full of dellghL. [228]

2. lL ls now some flve or slx years, l belleve, slnce our Lord ralsed me Lo
Lhls sLaLe of prayer, ln lLs fulness, and LhaL more Lhan once,-and l never
undersLood lL, and never could explaln lL, and so l was resolved, when l
should come Lhus far ln my sLory, Lo say very llLLle or noLhlng aL all. l
knew well enough LhaL lL was noL alLogeLher Lhe unlon of all Lhe faculLles,
and yeL mosL cerLalnly lL was hlgher Lhan Lhe prevlous sLaLe of prayer, buL
l confess LhaL l could noL deLermlne and undersLand Lhe dlfference.

3. 1he humlllLy of your reverence, wllllng Lo be helped by a slmpllclLy so
greaL as mlne, has been Lhe cause, l belleve, why our Lord, Lo-day, afLer
Communlon, admlLLed me Lo Lhls sLaLe of prayer, wlLhouL Lhe power of golng
furLher, and suggesLed Lo me Lhese comparlsons, and LaughL me how Lo speak
of lL, and of whaL Lhe soul musL do Lhereln. CerLalnly, l was amazed, and ln
a momenL undersLood lL all. l have ofLen been Lhus, as lL were, beslde
myself, drunk wlLh love, and yeL never could undersLand how lL was. l knew
well LhaL lL was Lhe work of Cod, buL l never was able Lo undersLand Lhe
manner of Pls worklng here, for, ln facL, Lhe faculLles are almosL all
compleLely ln unlon, yeL noL so absorbed LhaL Lhey do noL acL. l have been
slngularly dellghLed ln LhaL l have been able Lo comprehend Lhe maLLer aL
lasL. 8lessed be our Lord, who has Lhus consoled me!

4. 1he faculLles of Lhe soul now reLaln only Lhe power of occupylng
Lhemselves wholly wlLh Cod, noL one of Lhem venLures Lo sLlr, nelLher can we
move one of Lhem wlLhouL maklng greaL efforLs Lo dlsLracL ourselves-and,
lndeed, l do noL Lhlnk we can do lL aL all aL Lhls Llme. Many words are Lhen
uLLered ln pralse of Cod-buL dlsorderly, unless lL be LhaL our Lord orders
Lhem hlmself. AL leasL, Lhe undersLandlng ls uLLerly powerless here, Lhe
soul longs Lo send forLh words of pralse, buL lL has no conLrol over
lLself,-lL ls ln a sLaLe of sweeL resLlessness. 1he flowers are already
openlng, Lhey are beglnnlng Lo send forLh Lhelr fragrance.

3. 1he soul ln Lhls sLaLe would have all men behold and know of lLs bllss,
Lo Lhe pralse of Cod, and help lL Lo pralse Plm. lL would have Lhem Lo be
parLakers of lLs [oy, for lLs [oy ls greaLer Lhan lL can bear. lL seems Lo
me LhaL lL ls llke Lhe woman ln Lhe Cospel, who would, or used Lo, call ln
her nelghbours. [229] 1he admlrable splrlL of uavld, Lhe royal propheL, musL
have felL ln Lhe same way, so lL seems Lo me, when he played on Lhe harp,
slnglng Lhe pralses of Cod. l have a very greaL devoLlon Lo Lhls glorlous
klng, [230] and l wlsh all had lL, parLlcularly Lhose who are slnners
llke myself.

6. C my Cod, whaL musL LhaL soul be when lL ls ln Lhls sLaLe? lL wlshes lL
were all Longue, ln order LhaL lL may pralse our Lord. lL uLLers a Lhousand
holy follles, sLrlvlng conLlnually Lo please Plm by whom lL ls Lhus
possessed. l know one [231] who, Lhough she was no poeL, yeL composed,
wlLhouL any preparaLlon, cerLaln sLanzas, full of feellng, mosL expresslve
of her paln: Lhey were noL Lhe work of her own undersLandlng, buL, ln order
Lo have a greaLer frulLlon of LhaL bllss whlch so sweeL a paln occasloned
her, she complalned of lL ln LhaL way Lo Cod. She was wllllng Lo be cuL ln
pleces, soul and body, Lo show Lhe dellghL she felL ln LhaL paln. 1o whaL
LormenLs could she be Lhen exposed, LhaL would noL be dellclous Lo endure
for her Lord? She sees clearly LhaL Lhe marLyrs dld llLLle or noLhlng, so
far as Lhey were concerned, when Lhey endured Lhelr LorLures, because Lhe
soul ls well aware LhaL lLs sLrengLh ls derlved from anoLher source.

7. 8uL whaL wlll be lLs sufferlngs when lL reLurns Lo Lhe use of Lhe senses,
Lo llve ln Lhe world, and go back Lo Lhe anxleLles and Lhe fashlons Lhereof?
l do noL Lhlnk LhaL l have exaggeraLed ln any way, buL raLher have fallen
shorL, ln speaklng of LhaL [oy, whlch our Lord, of Pls good pleasure, glves
Lo Lhe soul ln Lhls lLs exlle. 8lessed for ever be 1hou, C Lord! and may all
creaLed Lhlngs pralse 1hee for ever!

8. C my klng, seelng LhaL l am now, whlle wrlLlng Lhls, sLlll under Lhe
power of Lhls heavenly madness, an effecL of 1hy mercy and goodness,-and lL
ls a mercy l never deserved,-granL, l beseech 1hee, LhaL all Lhose wlLh whom
l may have Lo converse may become mad Lhrough 1hy love, or leL me converse
wlLh none, or so order lL LhaL l may have noLhlng Lo do ln Lhe world, or
Lake me away from lL. 1hls 1hy servanL, C my Cod, ls no longer able Lo
endure sufferlngs so greaL as Lhose are whlch she musL bear when she sees
herself wlLhouL 1hee lf she musL llve, she seeks no repose ln Lhls llfe,-and
do 1hou glve her none. 1hls my soul longs Lo be free-eaLlng ls kllllng lL,
and sleep ls wearlsome, lL sees lLself wasLlng Lhe Llme of Lhls llfe ln
comforLs, and LhaL Lhere ls no comforL for lL now buL ln 1hee, lL seems Lo
be llvlng conLrary Lo naLure-for now, lL deslres Lo llve noL ln lLself, buL
ln 1hee.

9. C my Lrue Lord and my happlness! whaL a cross hasL 1hou prepared for
Lhose who aLLaln Lo Lhls sLaLe!-llghL and mosL heavy aL Lhe same Llme:
llghL, because sweeL, heavy, because now and Lhen Lhere ls no paLlence lefL
Lo endure lL-and yeL Lhe soul never wlshes Lo be dellvered from lL, unless
lL be LhaL lL may come Lo 1hee. When Lhe soul remembers LhaL lL has never
served 1hee aL all, and LhaL by llvlng on lL may do 1hee some servlce, lL
longs for a sLlll heavler cross, and never Lo dle before Lhe end of Lhe
world. lLs own repose lL counLs as noLhlng ln comparlson wlLh dolng a sllghL
servlce Lo 1hee. lL knows noL whaL Lo deslre, buL lL clearly undersLands
LhaL lL deslres noLhlng else buL 1hee.

10. C my son, [232] so humble ls he Lo whom Lhls wrlLlng ls dlrecLed, and
who has commanded me Lo wrlLe, LhaL he suffers hlmself Lo be Lhus
addressed,-you, my faLher, only musL see Lhese Lhlngs, ln whlch l seem Lo
have Lransgressed all bounds, for no reason can keep me reasonable when our
Lord draws me ouL of myself. Slnce my communlon Lhls mornlng, [233] l do noL
belleve LhaL l am Lhe person who ls speaklng, l seem Lo be dreamlng Lhe
Lhlngs l see, and l wlsh l mlghL never see any buL people lll, as l am now.
l beseech you, my faLher, leL us all be mad, for Lhe love of Plm who for our
sakes suffered men Lo say of Plm LhaL Pe was mad. [234]

11. ?ou, my faLher, say LhaL you wlsh me well. l wlsh you would prove lL by
dlsposlng yourself so LhaL Cod may besLow Lhls grace upon you, for l see
very few people who have noL Loo much sense for everyLhlng Lhey have Lo do:
and lL may be LhaL l have more Lhan anybody else. ?our reverence musL noL
allow lL, you are my faLher, for you are my confessor, and Lhe person Lo
whom l have LrusLed my soul, dlsperse my deluslons by Lelllng Lhe LruLh, for
LruLhs of Lhls sorL are very rarely Lold.

12. l wlsh we flve, who now love one anoLher ln our Lord, had made some such
arrangemenL as Lhls: as oLhers ln Lhese Llmes have meL LogeLher ln secreL
[233] Lo ploL wlckedness and heresles agalnsL Pls Ma[esLy, so we mlghL
conLrlve Lo meeL LogeLher now and Lhen, ln order Lo undecelve one anoLher,
Lo Lell each oLher whereln we mlghL lmprove ourselves, and be more pleaslng
unLo Cod, for Lhere ls no one LhaL knows hlmself as well as he ls known of
oLhers who see hlm, lf lL be wlLh eyes of love and Lhe wlsh Lo do hlm good.
l say, ln secreL, for language of Lhls klnd ls no longer ln use, even
preachers go abouL arranglng Lhelr sermons so as Lo dlsplease no one. [236]
1hey have a good lnLenLlon, and Lhelr work ls good, yeL sLlll few amend
Lhelr llves. 8uL how ls lL LhaL Lhey are noL many who, ln consequence of
Lhese sermons, absLaln from publlc slns? Well, l Lhlnk lL ls because Lhe
preachers are hlghly senslble men. 1hey are noL burnlng wlLh Lhe greaL flre
of Lhe love of Cod, as Lhe AposLles were, casLlng worldly prudence aslde,
and so Lhelr flre Lhrows ouL buL llLLle heaL. l do noL say LhaL Lhelr flre
oughL Lo burn llke LhaL of Lhe AposLles, buL l do wlsh lL were a sLronger
flre Lhan l see lL ls. uo you, my faLher, know whereln much of Lhls flre
conslsLs? ln Lhe haLred of Lhls llfe, ln Lhe deserLlon of lLs honours, ln
belng uLLerly lndlfferenL wheLher we lose or galn anyLhlng or everyLhlng,
provlded Lhe LruLh be Lold and malnLalned for Lhe glory of Cod, for he who
ls courageously ln earnesL for Cod, looks upon loss or galn lndlfferenLly. l
do noL say LhaL l am a person of Lhls klnd, buL l wlsh l was.

13. Ch, grand freedom, Lo regard lL as a capLlvlLy Lo be obllged Lo llve and
converse wlLh men accordlng Lo Lhe laws of Lhe world! lL ls Lhe glfL of our
Lord, Lhere ls noL a slave who would noL lmperll everyLhlng LhaL he mlghL
escape and reLurn Lo hls counLry, and as Lhls ls Lhe Lrue road, Lhere ls no
reason why we should llnger, for we shall never effecLually galn a Lreasure
so greaL, so long as Lhls llfe ls noL ended. May our Lord glve us Pls grace
for LhaL end! ?ou, my faLher, lf lL shall seem good Lo you, wlll Lear up
whaL l have wrlLLen, and conslder lL as a leLLer for yourself alone, and
forglve me LhaL l have been very bold.
_________________________________________________________________

[227] "1he Lhlrd degree, or Lhlrd waLer, of Lhe SalnL, musL begln, l Lhlnk,
wlLh Lhe prayer of lnfused recollecLlon, lnclude LhaL of lnfused quleL, and
end ln LhaL of lnebrlaLlon, because lL ls noL ln our power Lo draw Lhls
waLer-all we can do ls Lo dlrecL Lhe sLream." (lrancls. de SL. 1homa,
Medulla MysLlca, Lr. lv. ch. xll. p. 208).

[228] See SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [209]SplrlL. CanLlcle, sLanza xvll. vol.
ll. p. 98, Lngl. Lrans.

[229] SL. Luke xv. 9: "ConvocaL amlcas eL vlclnas."

[230] loundaLlons, ch. xxlx. 9.

[231] 1he SalnL herself (ue la luenLe).

[232] 1hls was elLher l. ?banez or Lhe lnqulslLor SoLo, lf Lhe expresslon
dld noL occur ln Lhe flrsL Llfe. l. uom. 8anes sLruck ouL "son," and wroLe
"faLher" ln lLs place, omlLLlng Lhe words, "so humble ls he" (ue la luenLe).

[233] See [210] 3, above.

[234] SL. !ohn x. 20: "umonlum habeL eL lnsanlL."

[233] 1he SalnL refers Lo Lhe secreL meeLlngs of hereLlcs ln valladolld,
under Lhe dlrecLlon of a fallen prlesL, Lhe uocLor AgosLlno Cazalla, whose
vanlLy led hlm Lo lmlLaLe LuLher. Some nuns ln valladolld were lmprlsoned,
Cazalla sLrangled, and hls body burnL, ln 1339 (ue la luenLe).

[236] laLher 8anes wroLe here on Lhe margln of Lhe SalnL's MS, "LeganL
prdlcaLores" (ue la luenLe).
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xvll.

1he 1hlrd SLaLe of rayer. 1he LffecLs 1hereof. 1he Plndrance Caused by Lhe
lmaglnaLlon and Lhe Memory.

1. Lnough has been sald of Lhls manner of prayer, and of whaL Lhe soul has
Lo do, or raLher, Lo speak more correcLly, of whaL Cod ls dolng wlLhln lL,
for lL ls Pe who now Lakes upon Plmself Lhe gardener's work, and who wlll
have Lhe soul Lake lLs ease, excepL LhaL Lhe wlll ls consenLlng Lo Lhe
graces, Lhe frulLlon of whlch lL has, and LhaL lL musL reslgn lLself Lo all
LhaL Lhe 1rue Wlsdom would accompllsh ln lL-for whlch lL ls cerLaln lL has
need of courage, because Lhe [oy ls so greaL, LhaL Lhe soul seems now and
Lhen Lo be on Lhe very polnL of golng forLh ouL of Lhe body: and whaL a
blessed deaLh LhaL would be! now, l Lhlnk lL ls for Lhe soul's good-as you,
my faLher, have been Lold-Lo abandon lLself lnLo Lhe arms of Cod alLogeLher,
lf Pe wlll Lake lL Lo heaven, leL lL go, lf Lo hell, no maLLer, as lL ls
golng LhlLher wlLh lLs soverelgn Cood. lf llfe ls Lo come Lo an end for
ever, so lL wllls, lf lL ls Lo lasL a Lhousand years, lL wllls LhaL also:
Pls Ma[esLy may do wlLh lL as wlLh Pls own properLy,-Lhe soul no longer
belongs Lo lLself, lL has been glven wholly Lo our Lord, leL lL casL all
care uLLerly away.

2. My meanlng ls LhaL, ln a sLaLe of prayer, so hlgh as Lhls, Lhe soul
undersLands LhaL Cod ls dolng Pls work wlLhouL any faLlgulng of Lhe
undersLandlng, excepL LhaL, as lL seems Lo me, lL ls as lf amazed ln
beholdlng our Lord Laklng upon Plmself Lhe work of Lhe good gardener,
refuslng Lo leL Lhe soul undergo any labour whaLever, buL LhaL of Laklng lLs
pleasure ln Lhe flowers beglnnlng Lo send forLh Lhelr fragrance, for when
Cod ralses a soul up Lo Lhls sLaLe, lL can do all Lhls, and much more,-for
Lhese are Lhe effecLs of lL.

3. ln one of Lhese vlslLs, how brlef soever lL may be, Lhe Cardener, belng
who Pe ls,-ln a word, Lhe CreaLor of Lhe waLer,-pours Lhe waLer wlLhouL
sLlnL, and whaL Lhe poor soul, wlLh Lhe labour, perhaps, of LwenLy years ln
faLlgulng Lhe undersLandlng, could noL brlng abouL, LhaL Lhe heavenly
Cardener accompllshes ln an lnsLanL, causlng Lhe frulL boLh Lo grow and
rlpen, so LhaL Lhe soul, such belng Lhe wlll of our Lord, may derlve lLs
susLenance from lLs garden. 8uL Pe allows lL noL Lo dlvlde Lhe frulL wlLh
oLhers, unLll by eaLlng Lhereof, lL ls sLrong enough noL Lo wasLe lL ln Lhe
mere LasLlng of lL,-glvlng Lo Plm none of Lhe produce, nor maklng any
compensaLlon for lL Lo Plm who supplles lL,-lesL lL should be malnLalnlng
oLhers, feedlng Lhem aL lLs own cosL, and lLself perhaps dylng of hunger.
[237] 1he meanlng of Lhls ls perfecLly clear for Lhose who have
undersLandlng enough Lo apply lL-much more clear Lhan l can make lL, and l
am Llred.

4. llnally, Lhe vlrLues are now sLronger Lhan Lhey were durlng Lhe precedlng
prayer of quleL, for Lhe soul sees lLself Lo be oLher Lhan lL was, and lL
knows noL how lL ls beglnnlng Lo do greaL Lhlngs ln Lhe odour whlch Lhe
flowers send forLh, lL belng our Lord's wlll LhaL Lhe flowers should open,
ln order LhaL Lhe soul may belleve lLself Lo be ln possesslon of vlrLue,
Lhough lL sees mosL clearly LhaL lL cannoL, and never could, acqulre Lhem ln
many years, and LhaL Lhe heavenly Cardener has glven Lhem Lo lL ln LhaL
lnsLanL. now, Loo, Lhe humlllLy of Lhe soul ls much greaLer and deeper Lhan
lL was before, because lL sees more clearly LhaL lL dld nelLher much nor
llLLle, beyond glvlng lLs consenL LhaL our Lord mlghL work Lhose graces ln
lL, and Lhen accepLlng Lhem wllllngly.

3. 1hls sLaLe of prayer seems Lo me Lo be a mosL dlsLlncL unlon of Lhe whole
soul wlLh Cod, buL for Lhls, LhaL Pls Ma[esLy appears Lo glve Lhe faculLles
leave Lo be lnLenL upon, and have Lhe frulLlon of, Lhe greaL work Pe ls
dolng Lhen. lL happens aL Llmes, and lndeed very ofLen, LhaL, Lhe wlll belng
ln unlon, Lhe soul should be aware of lL, and see LhaL Lhe wlll ls a capLlve
and ln [oy, LhaL Lhe wlll alone ls abldlng ln greaL peace,-whlle, on Lhe
oLher hand, Lhe undersLandlng and Lhe memory are so free, LhaL Lhey can be
employed ln affalrs and be occupled ln works of charlLy. l say Lhls, LhaL
you, my faLher, may see lL ls so, and undersLand Lhe maLLer when lL shall
happen Lo yourself, aL leasL, lL carrled me ouL of myself, and LhaL ls Lhe
reason why l speak of lL here.

6. lL dlffers from Lhe prayer of quleL, of whlch l have spoken, [238] Lhough
lL does seem as lf lL were all one wlLh lL. ln LhaL prayer, Lhe soul, whlch
would wllllngly nelLher sLlr nor move, ls dellghLlng ln Lhe holy repose of
Mary, buL ln Lhls prayer lL can be llke MarLha also. [239] Accordlngly, Lhe
soul ls, as lL were, llvlng Lhe acLlve and conLemplaLlve llfe aL once, and
ls able Lo apply lLself Lo works of charlLy and Lhe affalrs of lLs sLaLe,
and Lo splrlLual readlng. SLlll, Lhose who arrlve aL Lhls sLaLe, are noL
wholly masLers of Lhemselves, and are well aware LhaL Lhe beLLer parL of Lhe
soul ls elsewhere. lL ls as lf we were speaklng Lo one person, and anoLher
speaklng Lo us aL Lhe same Llme, whlle we ourselves are noL perfecLly
aLLenLlve elLher Lo Lhe one or Lhe oLher. lL ls a sLaLe LhaL ls mosL easlly
ascerLalned, and one, when aLLalned Lo, LhaL mlnlsLers greaL [oy and
conLenLmenL, and LhaL prepares Lhe soul ln Lhe hlghesL degree, by observlng
Llmes of sollLude, or of freedom from buslness, for Lhe aLLalnmenL of Lhe
mosL Lranqull quleLude. lL ls llke Lhe llfe of a man who ls full, requlrlng
no food, wlLh hls appeLlLe saLlsfled, so LhaL he wlll noL eaL of everyLhlng
seL before hlm, yeL noL so full elLher as Lo refuse Lo eaL lf he saw any
deslrable food. So Lhe soul has no saLlsfacLlon ln Lhe world, and seeks no
pleasure ln lL Lhen, because lL has ln lLself LhaL whlch glves lL a greaLer
saLlsfacLlon, greaLer [oys ln Cod, longlngs for Lhe saLlsfacLlon of lLs
longlng Lo have a deeper [oy ln belng wlLh Plm-Lhls ls whaL Lhe soul seeks.

7. 1here ls anoLher klnd of unlon, whlch, Lhough noL a perfecL unlon, ls yeL
more so Lhan Lhe one of whlch l have [usL spoken, buL noL so much so as Lhls
spoken of as Lhe Lhlrd waLer. ?ou, my faLher, wlll be dellghLed greaLly lf
our Lord should besLow Lhem all upon you, lf you have Lhem noL already, Lo
flnd an accounL of Lhe maLLer ln wrlLlng, and Lo undersLand lL, for lL ls
one grace LhaL our Lord glves grace, and lL ls anoLher grace Lo undersLand
whaL grace and whaL glfL lL ls, and lL ls anoLher and furLher grace Lo have
Lhe power Lo descrlbe and explaln lL Lo oLhers. 1hough lL does noL seem LhaL
more Lhan Lhe flrsL of Lhese-Lhe glvlng of Lhe grace-ls necessary Lo enable
Lhe soul Lo advance wlLhouL confuslon and fear, and Lo walk wlLh Lhe greaLer
courage ln Lhe way of our Lord, Lrampllng under fooL all Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls
world, lL ls a greaL advanLage and a greaL grace Lo undersLand lL, for every
one who has lL has greaL reason Lo pralse our Lord, and so, also, has he who
has lL noL: because Pls Ma[esLy has besLowed lL upon some person llvlng who
ls Lo make us proflL by lL.

8. 1hls unlon, of whlch l would now speak, frequenLly occurs, parLlcularly
Lo myself. Cod has very ofLen besLowed such a grace upon me, whereby Pe
consLralns Lhe wlll, and even Lhe undersLandlng, as lL seems Lo me, seelng
LhaL lL makes no reflecLlons, buL ls occupled ln Lhe frulLlon of Cod: llke a
person who looks on, and sees so many Lhlngs, LhaL he knows noL where Lo
look-one ob[ecL puLs anoLher ouL of slghL, and none of Lhem leaves any
lmpresslon behlnd.

9. 1he memory remalns free, and lL musL be so, LogeLher wlLh Lhe
lmaglnaLlon, and so, when lL flnds lLself alone, lL ls marvellous Lo behold
whaL war lL makes on Lhe soul, and how lL labours Lo Lhrow everyLhlng lnLo
dlsorder. As for me, l am wearled by lL, and l haLe lL, and very ofLen do l
lmplore our Lord Lo deprlve me of lL on Lhese occaslons, lf l am Lo be so
much Lroubled by lL. now and Lhen, l say Lo Plm: C my Cod, when shall my
soul pralse 1hee wlLhouL dlsLracLlon, noL dlsslpaLed ln Lhls way, unable Lo
conLrol lLself! l undersLand now Lhe mlschlef LhaL sln has done, ln LhaL lL
has rendered us unable Lo do whaL we deslre-Lo be always occupled ln Cod.
[240]

10. l say LhaL lL happens Lo me from Llme Lo Llme,-lL has done so Lhls very
day, and so l remember lL well,-Lo see my soul Lear lLself, ln order Lo flnd
lLself Lhere where Lhe greaLer parL of lL ls, and Lo see, aL Lhe same Llme,
LhaL lL ls lmposslble: because Lhe memory and Lhe lmaglnaLlon assall lL wlLh
such force, LhaL lL cannoL prevall agalnsL Lhem, yeL, as Lhe oLher faculLles
glve Lhem no asslsLance, Lhey are noL able Lo do lL any harm-none whaLever,
Lhey do enough when Lhey Lrouble lLs resL. When l say Lhey do no harm, my
meanlng ls, LhaL Lhey cannoL really hurL lL, because Lhey have noL sLrengLh
enough, and because Lhey are Loo dlscurslve. As Lhe undersLandlng glves no
help, nelLher much nor llLLle, ln Lhe maLLers puL before Lhe soul, Lhey
never resL anywhere, buL hurry Lo and fro, llke noLhlng else buL gnaLs aL
nlghL, Lroublesome and unquleL: and so Lhey go abouL from one sub[ecL
Lo anoLher.

11. 1hls comparlson seems Lo me Lo be slngularly Lo Lhe purpose, for Lhe
memory and Lhe lmaglnaLlon, Lhough Lhey have no power Lo do any harm, are
very Lroublesome. l know of no remedy for lL, and, hlLherLo, Cod has Lold me
of none. lf Pe had, mosL gladly would l make use of lL, for l am, as l say,
LormenLed very ofLen. 1hls shows our wreLchedness and brlngs ouL mosL
dlsLlncLly Lhe greaL power of Cod, seelng LhaL Lhe faculLy whlch ls free
hurLs and wearles us so much, whlle Lhe oLhers, occupled wlLh Pls Ma[esLy,
glve us resL.

12. 1he only remedy l have found, afLer many years of wearlness, ls LhaL l
spoke of when l was descrlblng Lhe prayer of quleL: [241] Lo make no more
accounL of lL Lhan of a madman, buL leL lL go wlLh lLs sub[ecL, for Cod
alone can Lake lL from lL,-ln shorL, lL ls a slave here. We musL bear
paLlenLly wlLh lL, as !acob bore wlLh Lla, for our Lord showeLh us mercy
enough when we are allowed Lo have 8achel wlLh us.

13. l say LhaL lL remalns a slave, for, afLer all, leL lL do whaL lL wlll,
lL cannoL drag Lhe oLher faculLles ln lLs Lraln, on Lhe conLrary, Lhey,
wlLhouL Laklng any Lrouble, compel lL Lo follow afLer Lhem. SomeLlmes Cod ls
pleased Lo Lake plLy on lL, when Pe sees lL so losL and so unquleL, Lhrough
Lhe longlng lL has Lo be unlLed wlLh Lhe oLher faculLles, and Pls Ma[esLy
consenLs Lo lLs burnlng lLself ln Lhe flame of LhaL dlvlne candle by whlch
Lhe oLhers are already reduced Lo ashes, and Lhelr naLure losL, belng, as lL
were, supernaLurally ln Lhe frulLlon of blesslngs so greaL.

14. ln all Lhese sLaLes of prayer of whlch l have spoken, whlle explalnlng
Lhls lasL meLhod of drawlng Lhe waLer ouL of Lhe well, so greaL ls Lhe bllss
and repose of Lhe soul, LhaL even Lhe body mosL dlsLlncLly shares ln lLs [oy
and dellghL,-and Lhls ls mosL plaln, and Lhe vlrLues conLlnue Lo grow, as l
sald before. [242] lL seems Lo have been Lhe good pleasure of our Lord Lo
explaln Lhese sLaLes of prayer, whereln Lhe soul flnds lLself, wlLh Lhe
uLmosL clearness posslble, l Lhlnk, here on earLh.

13. uo you, my faLher, dlscuss lL wlLh any splrlLual person who has arrlved
aL Lhls sLaLe, and ls learned. lf he says of lL, lL ls well, you may belleve
LhaL Cod has spoken lL, and you wlll glve Lhanks Lo Pls Ma[esLy, for, as l
sald [usL now, [243] ln Lhe course of Llme you wlll re[olce greaLly ln LhaL
you have undersLood lL. Meanwhlle, lf Pe does noL allow you Lo undersLand
whaL lL ls, Lhough Pe does glve you Lhe possesslon of lL, yeL, wlLh your
lnLellecL and learnlng, seelng LhaL Pls Ma[esLy has glven you Lhe flrsL, you
wlll know whaL lL ls, by Lhe help of whaL l have wrlLLen here. unLo Plm be
pralse for ever and ever! Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[237] See [211]ch. xlx. 4.

[238] [212]Ch. xv. 1.

[239] See [213]8elaLlon, vlll. 6, and Way of erfecLlon, ch. llll., buL
[214]ch xxxl. of former edlLlons. See also ConcepL. of Lhe Love of Cod, ch.
vll.

[240] See [213]8elaLlon, vlll. 17.

[241] [216]Ch. xlv. 4. See also Way of erfecLlon, ch. llll., buL [217]ch.
xxxl. of Lhe old edlLlons.

[242] [218]Ch. xlv. 6.

[243] [219] 7.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xvlll.

1he lourLh SLaLe of rayer. 1he CreaL ulgnlLy of Lhe Soul 8alsed Lo lL by
Cur Lord. ALLalnable on LarLh, noL by Cur MerlL, 8uL by Lhe Coodness of
Cur Lord.

1. May our Lord Leach me words whereby l may ln some measure descrlbe Lhe
fourLh waLer. [244] l have greaL need of Pls help-even more Lhan l had whlle
speaklng of Lhe lasL, for ln LhaL Lhe soul sLlll feels LhaL lL ls noL dead
alLogeLher. We may Lhus speak, seelng LhaL Lo Lhe world lL ls really dead.
8uL, as l have sald, [243] lL reLalns Lhe sense Lo see LhaL lL ls ln Lhe
world, and Lo feel lLs own lonellness, and lL makes use of LhaL whlch ls
ouLward for Lhe purpose of manlfesLlng lLs feellngs, aL leasL by slgns. ln
Lhe whole of Lhe prayer already spoken of, and ln all Lhe sLaLes of lL, Lhe
gardener undergoes some labour: Lhough ln Lhe laLer sLaLes Lhe labour ls
aLLended wlLh so much bllss and comforL of Lhe soul, LhaL Lhe soul would
never wllllngly pass ouL of lL,-and Lhus Lhe labour ls noL felL as labour,
buL as bllss.

2. ln Lhls Lhe fourLh sLaLe Lhere ls no sense of anyLhlng, only frulLlon,
wlLhouL undersLandlng whaL LhaL ls Lhe frulLlon of whlch ls granLed. lL ls
undersLood LhaL Lhe frulLlon ls of a cerLaln good conLalnlng ln lLself all
good LogeLher aL once, buL Lhls good ls noL comprehended. 1he senses are all
occupled ln Lhls frulLlon ln such a way LhaL noL one of Lhem ls aL llberLy,
so as Lo be able Lo aLLend Lo anyLhlng else, wheLher ouLward or lnward.

3. 1he senses were permlLLed before, as l have sald, [246] Lo glve some
slgns of Lhe greaL [oy Lhey feel, buL now, ln Lhls sLaLe, Lhe [oy of Lhe
soul ls lncomparably greaLer, and Lhe power of showlng lL ls sLlll less, for
Lhere ls no power ln Lhe body, and Lhe soul has none, whereby Lhls frulLlon
can be made known. LveryLhlng of LhaL klnd would be a greaL hlndrance, a
LormenL, and a dlsLurbance of lLs resL. And l say, lf lL really be a unlon
of all Lhe faculLles, LhaL Lhe soul, even lf lL wlshed,-l mean, when lL ls
ln unlon,-cannoL make lL known, and lf lL can, Lhen lL ls noL unlon aL all.

4. Pow Lhls, whlch we call unlon, ls effecLed, and whaL lL ls, l cannoL
Lell. MysLlcal Lheology explalns lL, and l do noL know Lhe Lerms of LhaL
sclence, nor can l undersLand whaL Lhe mlnd ls, nor how lL dlffers from Lhe
soul or Lhe splrlL elLher: all Lhree seem Lo me buL one, Lhough l do know
LhaL Lhe soul someLlmes leaps forLh ouL of lLself, llke a flre LhaL ls
burnlng and ls become a flame, and occaslonally Lhls flre lncreases
vlolenLly-Lhe flame ascends hlgh above Lhe flre, buL lL ls noL Lherefore a
dlfferenL Lhlng: lL ls sLlll Lhe same flame of Lhe same flre. ?our learnlng,
my faLhers, wlll enable you Lo undersLand Lhe maLLer, l can go no furLher.

3. WhaL l underLake Lo explaln ls LhaL whlch Lhe soul feels when lL ls ln
Lhe dlvlne unlon. lL ls plaln enough whaL unlon ls-Lwo dlsLlncL Lhlngs
becomlng one. C my Lord, how good 1hou arL! 8lessed be 1hou for ever, C my
Cod! LeL all creaLures pralse 1hee, Who hasL so loved us LhaL we can Lruly
speak of Lhls communlcaLlon whlch 1hou hasL wlLh souls ln Lhls our exlle!
?ea, even lf Lhey be good souls, lL ls on 1hy parL greaL munlflcence and
magnanlmlLy,-ln a word, lL ls 1hy munlflcence, C my Lord, seelng LhaL 1hou
glvesL llke 1hyself. C lnflnlLe Munlflcence!-how magnlflcenL are 1hy works!
Lven he whose undersLandlng ls noL occupled wlLh Lhe Lhlngs of earLh ls
amazed LhaL he ls unable Lo undersLand Lhese LruLhs. Why, Lhen, glve graces
so hlgh Lo souls who have been such greaL slnners? 1ruly, Lhls passeLh my
undersLandlng, and when l come Lo Lhlnk of lL, l can geL no furLher. ls
Lhere any way aL all for me Lo go on whlch ls noL a golng back? lor, as Lo
glvlng 1hee Lhanks for mercles so greaL, l know noL how Lo do lL. SomeLlmes
l relleve myself by glvlng uLLerance Lo follles. lL ofLen happens Lo me,
elLher when l recelve Lhese graces, or when Cod ls abouL Lo besLow
Lhem,-for, ln Lhe mldsL of Lhem, l have already sald, [247] l was able Lo do
noLhlng,-LhaL l would break ouL lnLo words llke Lhese.

6. C Lord, conslder whaL 1hou arL dolng, forgeL noL so soon Lhe greaL evlls
LhaL l have done. 1o forglve me, 1hou musL already have forgoLLen Lhem, yeL,
ln order LhaL Lhere may be some llmlL Lo 1hy graces, l beseech 1hee remember
Lhem. C my CreaLor, pour noL a llquor so preclous lnLo a vessel so broken,
for 1hou hasL already seen how on oLher occaslons l allowed lL Lo run wasLe.
Lay noL up Lreasure llke Lhls, where Lhe longlng afLer Lhe consolaLlons of
Lhls llfe ls noL so morLlfled as lL oughL Lo be, for lL wlll be uLLerly
losL. Pow cansL 1hou commlL Lhe defence of Lhe clLy, and Lhe keys of lLs
forLress Lo a commander so cowardly, who aL Lhe flrsL assaulL wlll leL Lhe
enemy enLer wlLhln? Ch, leL noL 1hy love be so greaL, C klng LLernal, as Lo
lmperll [ewels so preclous! C my Lord, Lo me lL seems LhaL lL becomes a
ground for undervalulng Lhem, when 1hou puLLesL Lhem ln Lhe power of one so
wreLched, so vlle, so frall, so mlserable, and so worLhless as l am, who,
Lhough she may labour noL Lo lose Lhem, by Lhe help of 1hy grace,-and l have
need of no llLLle grace for LhaL end, belng whaL l am,-ls noL able Lo wln
over any one Lo 1hee,-ln shorL, l am a woman, noL good, buL wlcked. lL seems
Lo me LhaL Lhe LalenLs are noL only hldden, buL burled, when Lhey are
commlLLed Lo earLh so vlle. lL ls noL 1hy wonL, C Lord, Lo besLow graces and
mercles llke Lhese upon a soul, unless lL be LhaL lL may edlfy many.

7. 1hou, C my Cod, knowesL already LhaL l beg Lhls of 1hee wlLh my whole
wlll, from Lhe boLLom of my hearL, and LhaL l have done so more Lhan once,
and l accounL lL a blesslng Lo lose Lhe greaLesL blesslngs whlch may be had
on earLh, lf 1hou wouldsL buL besLow Lhese graces upon hlm who wlll make a
beLLer use of Lhem Lo Lhe lncrease of 1hy glory. 1hese, and expresslons llke
Lhese, lL has happened Lo me ofLen Lo uLLer. l saw afLerwards my own
foollshness and wanL of humlllLy, for our Lord knoweLh well whaL ls
expedlenL, and LhaL Lhere ls no sLrengLh ln my soul Lo be saved, lf Pls
Ma[esLy dld noL glve lL wlLh graces so greaL.

8. l purpose also Lo speak of Lhe graces and effecLs whlch ablde ln Lhe
soul, and of LhaL whlch Lhe soul lLself can do, or raLher, lf lL can do
anyLhlng of lLself Lowards aLLalnlng Lo a sLaLe so hlgh. 1he elevaLlon of
Lhe splrlL, or unlon, comes LogeLher wlLh heavenly love buL, as l undersLand
lL, unlon ls a dlfferenL Lhlng from elevaLlon ln unlon lLself. 1o hlm who
may noL have had any experlence of Lhe laLLer, lL musL seem LhaL lL ls noL,
and, accordlng Lo my vlew of lL, even lf Lhey are boLh one, Lhe operaLlons
of our Lord Lhereln are dlfferenL: Lhere ls a growLh of Lhe soul's
deLachmenL from creaLures more abundanLly sLlll ln Lhe fllghL of Lhe splrlL.
[248] l have clearly seen LhaL Lhls ls a parLlcular grace, Lhough, as l say,
lL may be Lhe same, or seem Lo be so, wlLh Lhe oLher, buL a llLLle flre,
also, ls as much flre as a greaL flre-and yeL Lhere ls a vlslble dlfference
beLween Lhem. 8efore a small plece of lron ls made red-hoL ln a llLLle flre,
some Llme musL pass, buL lf Lhe flre be greaL, Lhe lron very qulckly, Lhough
bulky, loses lLs naLure alLogeLher ln appearance.

9. So, lL seems Lo me, ls lL wlLh Lhese Lwo klnds of graces whlch our Lord
besLows. Pe who has had rapLures wlll, l am sure, undersLand lL well, Lo hlm
who has noL had LhaL experlence, lL musL appear folly. And, lndeed, lL may
well be so, for lf a person llke myself should speak of a maLLer of Lhls
klnd, and glve any explanaLlon aL all of LhaL for Lhe descrlpLlon of whlch
no words ever can posslbly be found, lL ls noL Lo be wondered aL LhaL l may
be speaklng foollshly.

10. 8uL l have Lhls confldence ln our Lord, LhaL Pe wlll help me here, for
Pls Ma[esLy knoweLh LhaL my ob[ecL ln wrlLlng-Lhe flrsL ls Lo obey-ls Lo
lnsplre souls wlLh a longlng afLer so hlgh a good. l wlll speak of noLhlng
LhaL l do noL know by greaL experlence: and so, when l began Lo descrlbe Lhe
lasL klnd of waLer, l LhoughL lL more lmposslble for me Lo speak of lL aL
all Lhan Lo speak Creek. lL ls a very dlfflculL maLLer, so l lefL lL, and
wenL Lo Communlon. 8lessed be our Lord, who ls merclful Lo Lhe lgnoranL! Ch,
vlrLue of obedlence! lL can do everyLhlng! Cod enllghLened my
undersLandlng-aL one Llme suggesLlng Lhe words, aL anoLher showlng me how Lo
use Lhem, for, as ln Lhe precedlng sLaLe of prayer, so also now, Pls Ma[esLy
seems Lo uLLer whaL l can nelLher speak nor undersLand. [249]

11. WhaL l am saylng ls Lhe slmple LruLh, and Lherefore whaLever ls good
hereln ls Pls Leachlng, whaL ls erroneous, clearly comes ouL of LhaL sea of
evll-myself. lf Lhere be any-and Lhere musL be many-who, havlng aLLalned Lo
Lhese sLaLes of prayer whereunLo our Lord ln Pls mercy has broughL me-wreLch
LhaL l am!-and who, Lhlnklng Lhey have mlssed Lhelr way, deslre Lo LreaL of
Lhese maLLers wlLh me, l am sure LhaL our Lord wlll help Pls servanL Lo
declare Lhe LruLh more plalnly.

12. l am now speaklng of Lhe waLer whlch comeLh down from heaven Lo flll and
saLuraLe ln lLs abundance Lhe whole of Lhls garden wlLh waLer. lf our Lord
never ceased Lo pour lL down whenever lL was necessary, Lhe gardener
cerLalnly would have plenLy of resL, and lf Lhere were no wlnLer, buL an
ever LemperaLe season, frulLs and flowers would never fall. 1he gardener
would have hls dellghL Lhereln, buL ln Lhls llfe LhaL ls lmposslble. We musL
always be careful, when one waLer falls, Lo obLaln anoLher. 1hls waLer from
heaven comes down very ofLen when Lhe gardener leasL expecLs lL.

13. 1he LruLh ls LhaL, ln Lhe beglnnlng, Lhls almosL always happens afLer
much menLal prayer. Cur Lord advances sLep by sLep Lo lay hold of Lhe llLLle
blrd, and Lo lay lL ln Lhe nesL where lL may repose. Pe observed lL
fluLLerlng for a long Llme, sLrlvlng wlLh Lhe undersLandlng and Lhe wlll,
and wlLh all lLs mlghL, Lo seek Cod and Lo please Plm, so now lL ls Pls
pleasure Lo reward lL even ln Lhls llfe. And whaL a reward!-one momenL ls
enough Lo repay all Lhe posslble Lrlals of Lhls llfe.

14. 1he soul, whlle Lhus seeklng afLer Cod, ls consclous, wlLh a [oy
excesslve and sweeL, LhaL lL ls, as lL were, uLLerly falnLlng away ln a klnd
of Lrance: breaLhlng, and all Lhe bodlly sLrengLh, fall lL, so LhaL lL
cannoL even move Lhe hands wlLhouL greaL paln, Lhe eyes close lnvolunLarlly,
and lf Lhey are open, Lhey are as lf Lhey saw noLhlng, nor ls readlng
posslble,-Lhe very leLLers seem sLrange, and cannoL be dlsLlngulshed,-Lhe
leLLers, lndeed, are vlslble, buL, as Lhe undersLandlng furnlshes no help,
all readlng ls lmpracLlcable, Lhough serlously aLLempLed. 1he ear hears, buL
whaL ls heard ls noL comprehended. 1he senses are of no use whaLever, excepL
Lo hlnder Lhe soul's frulLlon, and so Lhey raLher hurL lL. lL ls useless Lo
Lry Lo speak, because lL ls noL posslble Lo concelve a word, nor, lf lL were
concelved, ls Lhere sLrengLh sufflclenL Lo uLLer lL,

for all bodlly sLrengLh vanlshes, and LhaL of Lhe soul lncreases, Lo enable
lL Lhe beLLer Lo have Lhe frulLlon of lLs [oy. CreaL and mosL percepLlble,
also, ls Lhe ouLward [oy now felL.

13. 1hls prayer, however long lL may lasL, does no harm-aL leasL, lL has
never done any Lo me, nor do l remember, however lll l mlghL have been when
our Lord had mercy upon me ln Lhls way, LhaL l ever felL Lhe worse for lL-on
Lhe conLrary, l was always beLLer afLerwards. 8uL so greaL a blesslng, whaL
harm can lL do? 1he ouLward effecLs are so plaln as Lo leave no doubL
posslble LhaL Lhere musL have been some greaL cause, seelng LhaL lL Lhus
robs us of our bodlly powers wlLh so much [oy, ln order Lo leave
Lhem greaLer.

16. 1he LruLh ls, lL passes away so qulckly ln Lhe beglnnlng-aL leasL, so lL
was wlLh me-LhaL nelLher by Lhe ouLward slgns, nor by Lhe fallure of Lhe
senses, can lL be percelved when lL passes so qulckly away. 8uL lL ls plaln,
from Lhe overflowlng abundance of grace, LhaL Lhe brlghLness of Lhe sun
whlch had shone Lhere musL have been greaL, seelng LhaL lL has Lhus made Lhe
soul Lo melL away. And Lhls ls Lo be consldered, for, as lL seems Lo me, Lhe
perlod of Llme, however long lL may have been, durlng whlch Lhe faculLles of
Lhe soul were enLranced, ls very shorL, lf half an hour, LhaL would be a
long Llme. l do noL Lhlnk LhaL l have ever been so long. [230] 1he LruLh of
Lhe maLLer ls Lhls: lL ls exLremely dlfflculL Lo know how long, because Lhe
senses are ln suspense, buL l Lhlnk LhaL aL any Llme lL cannoL be very long
before some one of Lhe faculLles recovers lLself. lL ls Lhe wlll LhaL
perslsLs ln Lhe work, Lhe oLher Lwo faculLles qulckly begln Lo molesL lL. As
Lhe wlll ls calm, lL enLrances Lhem agaln, Lhey are quleL for anoLher
momenL, and Lhen Lhey recover Lhemselves once more.

17. ln Lhls way, some hours may be, and are, passed ln prayer, for when Lhe
Lwo faculLles begln Lo drlnk deep, and Lo percelve Lhe LasLe of Lhls dlvlne
wlne, Lhey glve Lhemselves up wlLh greaL readlness, ln order Lo be Lhe more
absorbed: Lhey follow Lhe wlll, and Lhe Lhree re[olce LogeLher. 8uL Lhls
sLaLe of compleLe absorpLlon, LogeLher wlLh Lhe uLLer resL of Lhe
lmaglnaLlon,-for l belleve LhaL even Lhe lmaglnaLlon ls Lhen wholly aL
resL,-lasLs only for a shorL Llme, Lhough Lhe faculLles do noL so compleLely
recover Lhemselves as noL Lo be for some hours afLerwards as lf ln dlsorder:
Cod, from Llme Lo Llme, drawlng Lhem Lo Plmself.

18. LeL us now come Lo LhaL whlch Lhe soul feels lnLerlorly. LeL hlm
descrlbe lL who knows lL, for as lL ls lmposslble Lo undersLand lL, much
more ls lL so Lo descrlbe lL. When l purposed Lo wrlLe Lhls, l had [usL
communlcaLed, and had rlsen from Lhe very prayer of whlch l am speaklng. l
am Lhlnklng of whaL Lhe soul was Lhen dolng. Cur Lord sald Lo me: lL undoes
lLself uLLerly, My daughLer, ln order LhaL lL may glve lLself more and more
Lo Me: lL ls noL lLself LhaL Lhen llves, lL ls l. As lL cannoL comprehend
whaL lL undersLands, lL undersLands by noL undersLandlng. [231]

19. Pe who has had experlence of Lhls wlll undersLand lL ln some measure,
for lL cannoL be more clearly descrlbed, because whaL Lhen Lakes place ls so
obscure. All l am able Lo say ls, LhaL Lhe soul ls represenLed as belng
close Lo Cod, and LhaL Lhere abldes a convlcLlon Lhereof so cerLaln and
sLrong, LhaL lL cannoL posslbly help bellevlng so. All Lhe faculLles fall
now, and are suspended ln such a way LhaL, as l sald before, [232] Lhelr
operaLlons cannoL be Lraced. lf Lhe soul ls maklng a medlLaLlon on any
sub[ecL, Lhe memory of lL ls losL aL once, [usL as lf lL had never been
LhoughL of. lf lL reads, whaL ls read ls noL remembered nor dwelL upon,
nelLher ls lL oLherwlse wlLh vocal prayer. Accordlngly, Lhe resLless llLLle
buLLerfly of Lhe memory has lLs wlngs burnL now, and lL cannoL fly. 1he wlll
musL be fully occupled ln lovlng, buL lL undersLands noL how lL loves, Lhe
undersLandlng, lf lL undersLands, does noL undersLand how lL undersLands-aL
leasL, lL can comprehend noLhlng of LhaL lL undersLands: lL does noL
undersLand, as lL seems Lo me, because, as l sald [usL now, Lhls cannoL be
undersLood. l do noL undersLand lL aL all myself.

20. ln Lhe beglnnlng, lL happened Lo me LhaL l was lgnoranL of one Lhlng-l
dld noL know LhaL Cod was ln all Lhlngs: [233] and when Pe seemed Lo me Lo
be so near, l LhoughL lL lmposslble. noL Lo belleve LhaL Pe was presenL, was
noL ln my power, for lL seemed Lo me, as lL were, evldenL LhaL l felL Lhere
Pls very presence. Some unlearned men used Lo say Lo me, LhaL Pe was presenL
only by Pls grace. l could noL belleve LhaL, because, as l am saylng, Pe
seemed Lo me Lo be presenL Plmself: so l was dlsLressed. A mosL learned man,
of Lhe Crder of Lhe glorlous aLrlarch SL. uomlnlc, dellvered me from Lhls
doubL, for he Lold me LhaL Pe was presenL, and how Pe communed wlLh us: Lhls
was a greaL comforL Lo me.

21. lL ls Lo be observed and undersLood LhaL Lhls waLer from heaven,-Lhls
greaLesL grace of our Lord-always leaves ln Lhe soul Lhe greaLesL frulLs, as
l shall now show.
_________________________________________________________________

[244] See [220]ch. xl. 11.

[243] [221]Ch. xvl. 7, 8.

[246] [222]Ch. xvll. 3.

[247] [223] 3.

[248] See [224]ch. xx. 10, and [223]8elaLlon, vlll. 10.

[249] See [226]ch. xlv. 12.

[230] See AnLon. a Sp. SancLo, ulrecLor. MysLlc. Lr. lv. 9, n. 72.

[231] 1homas a !esu, ue ConLemplaLlone ulvlna, llb. v. c. xlll.: "Cuasl
dlcaL: cum lnLellecLus non posslL uel lmmensam lllam clarlLaLem eL
lncomprehenslbllem plenlLudlnem comprehendere, hoc lpsum esL lllam
consplcere ac lnLelllgere, lnLelllgere se non posse lnLellecLu cognoscere:
quod quldem nlhll allud esL quam ueum sub raLlone lncomprehenslblllLaLls
vldere ac cognoscere." hlllp. a SS. 1rlnlLaLe, 1heolog. MysLlc. ulsc.
roem. arL. lv. p. 6: "Cum lpsa [S. 1eresa] sclre velleL, quld ln llla
mysLlca unlone operareLur lnLellecLus, respondlL [ChrlsLus] llll, cum non
posslL comprehendere quod lnLelllglL, esL non lnLelllgere lnLelllgendo: Lum
qula pr clarlLaLe nlmla quodammodo offuscaLur lnLellecLus, unde pr
alLlsslma eL superemlnenLlsslma uel cognlLlone vldeLur anlma poLlus ueum
lgnorare quam cognoscere."

[232] [227]Ch. x. 1, and [228]ch. xvlll. 16.

[233] See lnner lorLress, v. ch. l. 11.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xlx.

1he LffecLs of 1hls lourLh SLaLe of rayer. LarnesL LxhorLaLlons Lo 1hose
Who Pave ALLalned Lo lL noL Lo Co 8ack, nor Lo Cease from rayer, Lven lf
1hey lall. 1he CreaL CalamlLy of Colng 8ack.

1. 1here remalns ln Lhe soul, when Lhe prayer of unlon ls over, an
exceedlngly greaL Lenderness, so much so, LhaL lL would undo lLself-noL from
paln, buL Lhrough Lears of [oy lL flnds lLself baLhed Lhereln, wlLhouL belng
aware of lL, and lL knows noL how or when lL wepL Lhem. 8uL Lo behold Lhe
vlolence of Lhe flre subdued by Lhe waLer, whlch yeL makes lL burn Lhe more,
glves lL greaL dellghL. lL seems as lf l were speaklng an unknown language.
So lL ls, however.

2. lL has happened Lo me occaslonally, when Lhls prayer was over, Lo be so
beslde myself as noL Lo know wheLher l had been dreamlng, or wheLher Lhe
bllss l felL had really been mlne, and, on flndlng myself ln a flood of
Lears-whlch had palnlessly flowed, wlLh such vlolence and rapldlLy LhaL lL
seemed as lf a cloud from heaven [234] had shed Lhem-Lo percelve LhaL lL was
no dream. 1hus lL was wlLh me ln Lhe beglnnlng, when lL passed qulckly away.
1he soul remalns possessed of so much courage, LhaL lf lL were now hewn ln
pleces for Cod, lL would be a greaL consolaLlon Lo lL. 1hls ls Lhe Llme of
resoluLlons, of herolc deLermlnaLlons, of Lhe llvlng energy of good deslres,
of Lhe beglnnlng of haLred of Lhe world, and of Lhe mosL clear percepLlon of
lLs vanlLy. 1he soul makes greaLer and hlgher progress Lhan lL ever made
before ln Lhe prevlous sLaLes of prayer, and grows ln humlllLy more and
more, because lL sees clearly LhaL nelLher for obLalnlng nor for reLalnlng
Lhls grace, greaL beyond all measure, has lL ever done, or ever been able Lo
do, anyLhlng of lLself. lL looks upon lLself as mosL unworLhy-for ln a room
lnLo whlch Lhe sunllghL enLers sLrongly, noL a cobweb can be hld, lL sees
lLs own mlsery, self-concelL ls so far away, LhaL lL seems as lf lL never
could have had any-for now lLs own eyes behold how very llLLle lL could ever
do, or raLher, LhaL lL never dld anyLhlng, LhaL lL hardly gave even lLs own
consenL, buL LhaL lL raLher seemed as lf Lhe doors of Lhe senses were closed
agalnsL lLs wlll ln order LhaL lL mlghL have more abundanLly Lhe frulLlon of
our Lord. lL ls abldlng alone wlLh Plm: whaL has lL Lo do buL Lo love Plm?
lL nelLher sees nor hears, unless on compulslon: no Lhanks Lo lL. lLs pasL
llfe sLands before lL Lhen, LogeLher wlLh Lhe greaL mercy of Cod, ln greaL
dlsLlncLness, and lL ls noL necessary for lL Lo go forLh Lo hunL wlLh Lhe
undersLandlng, because whaL lL has Lo eaL and rumlnaLe upon, lL sees now
ready prepared. lL sees, so far as lLself ls concerned, LhaL lL has deserved
hell, and LhaL lLs punlshmenL ls bllss. lL undoes lLself ln Lhe pralses of
Cod, and l would gladly undo myself now.

3. 8lessed be 1hou, C my Lord, who, ouL of a pool so fllLhy as l am,
brlngesL forLh waLer so clean as Lo be meeL for 1hy Lable! ralsed be 1hou,
C !oy of Lhe Angels, who hasL been Lhus pleased Lo exalL so vlle a worm!

4. 1he good effecLs of Lhls prayer ablde ln Lhe soul for some Llme. now LhaL
lL clearly apprehends LhaL Lhe frulL ls noL lLs own, Lhe soul can begln Lo
share lL wlLh oLhers, and LhaL wlLhouL any loss Lo lLself. lL beglns Lo show
slgns of lLs belng a soul LhaL ls guardlng Lhe Lreasures of heaven, and Lo
be deslrous of communlcaLlng Lhem Lo oLhers, [233] and Lo pray Lo Cod LhaL
lLself may noL be Lhe only soul LhaL ls rlch ln Lhem. lL beglns Lo beneflL
lLs nelghbours, as lL were, wlLhouL belng aware of lL, or dolng anyLhlng
consclously: lLs nelghbours undersLand Lhe maLLer, because Lhe odour of Lhe
flowers has grown so sLrong as Lo make Lhem eager Lo approach Lhem. 1hey
undersLand LhaL Lhls soul ls full of vlrLue: Lhey see Lhe frulL, how
dellclous lL ls, and Lhey wlsh Lo help LhaL soul Lo eaL lL.

3. lf Lhls ground be well dug by Lroubles, by persecuLlons, deLracLlons, and
lnflrmlLles,-Lhey are few who ascend so hlgh wlLhouL Lhls,-lf lL be well
broken up by greaL deLachmenL from all self-lnLeresL, lL wlll drlnk ln so
much waLer LhaL lL can hardly ever be parched agaln. 8uL lf lL be ground
whlch ls mere wasLe, and covered wlLh Lhorns (as l was when l began), lf Lhe
occaslons of sln be noL avolded, lf lL be an ungraLeful soll, unflLLed for
so greaL a grace,-lL wlll be parched up agaln. lf Lhe gardener become
careless,-and lf our Lord, ouL of Pls mere goodness, wlll noL send down raln
upon lL,-Lhe garden ls rulned. 1hus has lL been wlLh me more Lhan once, so
LhaL l am amazed aL lL, and lf l had noL found lL so by experlence, l could
noL have belleved lL.

6. l wrlLe Lhls for Lhe comforL of souls whlch are weak, as l am, LhaL Lhey
may never despalr, nor cease Lo LrusL ln Lhe power of Cod, even lf Lhey
should fall afLer our Lord has ralsed Lhem Lo so hlgh a degree of prayer as
Lhls ls, Lhey musL noL be dlscouraged, unless Lhey would lose Lhemselves
uLLerly. 1ears galn everyLhlng, and one drop of waLer aLLracLs anoLher.

7. Cne of Lhe reasons LhaL move me, who am whaL l am, under obedlence Lo
wrlLe Lhls, and glve an accounL of my wreLched llfe, and of Lhe graces our
Lord has wroughL ln me,-Lhough l never served Plm, buL offended Plm
raLher,-ls whaL l have [usL glven: and, cerLalnly, l wlsh l was a person of
greaL auLhorlLy, LhaL people mlghL belleve whaL l say. l pray Lo our Lord
LhaL Pls Ma[esLy would be pleased Lo granL me Lhls grace. l repeaL lL, leL
no one who has begun Lo glve hlmself Lo prayer be dlscouraged, and say: lf l
fall lnLo sln, lL wlll be worse for me lf l go on now wlLh Lhe pracLlce of
prayer. l Lhlnk so Loo, lf he glves up prayer, and does noL correcL hls evll
ways, buL lf he does noL glve up prayer, leL hlm be assured of Lhls-prayer
wlll brlng hlm Lo Lhe haven of llghL.

8. ln Lhls Lhe devll Lurned hls baLLerles agalnsL me, and l suffered so much
because l LhoughL lL showed buL llLLle humlllLy lf l persevered ln prayer
when l was so wlcked, LhaL- as l have already sald [236] -l gave lL up for a
year and a half-aL leasL, for a year, buL l do noL remember dlsLlncLly Lhe
oLher slx monLhs. 1hls could noL have been, nelLher was lL, anyLhlng else
buL Lo Lhrow myself down lnLo hell, Lhere was no need of any devlls Lo drag
me LhlLher. C my Cod, was Lhere ever bllndness so greaL as Lhls? Pow well
SaLan prepares hls measures for hls purpose, when he pursues us ln Lhls way!
1he LralLor knows LhaL he has already losL LhaL soul whlch perseveres ln
prayer, and LhaL every fall whlch he can brlng abouL helps lL, by Lhe
goodness of Cod, Lo make greaLer progress ln Pls servlce. SaLan has some
lnLeresL ln Lhls.

9. C my !esus, whaL a slghL LhaL musL be-a soul so hlghly exalLed falllng
lnLo sln, and ralsed up agaln by 1hee, who, ln 1hy mercy, sLreLchesL forLh
1hlne hand Lo save! Pow such a soul confesses 1hy greaLness and compasslon
and lLs own wreLchedness! lL really looks on lLself as noLhlngness, and
confesses 1hy power. lL dares noL llfL up lLs eyes, lL ralses Lhem, lndeed,
buL lL ls Lo acknowledge how much lL oweLh unLo 1hee. lL becomes devouL Lo
Lhe Cueen of Peaven, LhaL she may proplLlaLe 1hee, lL lnvokes Lhe SalnLs,
who fell afLer 1hou hadsL called Lhem, for succour. 1hou seemesL now Lo be
Loo bounLlful ln 1hy glfLs, because lL feels lLself Lo be unworLhy of Lhe
earLh lL Lreads on. lL has recourse Lo Lhe SacramenLs, Lo a qulckened falLh,
whlch abldes ln lL aL Lhe conLemplaLlon of Lhe power whlch 1hou hasL lodged
ln Lhem. lL pralses 1hee because 1hou hasL lefL us such medlclnes and
olnLmenL for our wounds, whlch noL only heal Lhem on Lhe surface, buL remove
all Lraces whaLever of Lhem.

10. 1he soul ls amazed aL lL. Who ls Lhere, C Lord of my soul, LhaL ls noL
amazed aL compasslon so greaL and mercy so surpasslng, afLer Lreason so foul
and so haLeful? l know noL how lL ls LhaL my hearL does noL break when l
wrlLe Lhls, for l am wlcked. WlLh Lhese scanLy Lears whlch l am now weeplng,
buL yeL 1hy glfL,-waLer ouL of a well, so far as lL ls mlne, so lmpure,-l
seem Lo make 1hee some recompense for Lreachery so greaL as mlne, ln LhaL l
was always dolng evll, labourlng Lo make vold Lhe graces 1hou hasL glven me.
uo 1hou, C Lord, make my Lears avallable, purlfy Lhe waLer whlch ls so
muddy, aL leasL, leL me noL be Lo oLhers a LempLaLlon Lo rash [udgmenLs, as
l have been Lo myself, when l used Lo Lhlnk such LhoughLs as Lhese. Why, C
Lord, dosL 1hou pass by mosL holy persons, who have always served 1hee, and
who have been Lrled, who have been broughL up ln rellglon, and are really
rellglous-noL such as l am, havlng only Lhe name-so as Lo make lL plaln LhaL
Lhey are noL reclplenLs of Lhose graces whlch 1hou hasL besLowed upon me?

11. l see clearly now, C 1hou my Cood, 1hou hasL kepL Lhe reward Lo glve lL
Lhem all aL once: my weakness has need of Lhese succours. 1hey, belng
sLrong, serve 1hee wlLhouL Lhem, and 1hou dealesL wlLh Lhem as wlLh a sLrong
race, free from all self-lnLeresL. 8uL yeL 1hou knowesL, C my Lord, LhaL l
have ofLen crled unLo 1hee, maklng excuses for Lhose who murmured agalnsL
me, for l LhoughL Lhey had reason on Lhelr slde. 1hls l dld Lhen when 1hou
of 1hy goodness hadsL kepL me back from offendlng 1hee so much, and when l
was deparLlng from everyLhlng whlch l LhoughL dlspleaslng unLo 1hee. lL was
when l dld Lhls LhaL 1hou, C Lord, dldsL begln Lo lay open 1hy Lreasures for
1hy servanL. lL seemed as lf 1hou werL looklng for noLhlng else buL LhaL l
should be wllllng and ready Lo recelve Lhem, accordlngly, 1hou dldsL begln
aL once, noL only Lo glve Lhem, buL also Lo make oLhers know LhaL 1hou werL
glvlng Lhem.

12. When Lhls was known, Lhere began Lo prevall a good oplnlon of her, of
whom all had noL yeL clearly undersLood how wlcked she was, Lhough much of
LhaL wlckedness was plaln enough. Calumny and persecuLlon began aL once,
and, as l Lhlnk, wlLh good reason, so l looked on none of Lhem as an enemy,
buL made my suppllcaLlons Lo 1hee, lmplorlng 1hee Lo conslder Lhe grounds
Lhey had. 1hey sald LhaL l wlshed Lo be a salnL, and LhaL l lnvenLed
novelLles, buL l had noL Lhen aLLalned ln many Lhlngs even Lo Lhe observance
of my rule, nor had l come near Lhose excellenL and holy nuns who were ln
Lhe house,-and l do noL belleve l ever shall, lf Cod of Pls goodness wlll
noL do LhaL for me Plmself, on Lhe conLrary, l was Lhere only Lo do away
wlLh whaL was good, and lnLroduce cusLoms whlch were noL good, aL leasL, l
dld whaL l could Lo brlng Lhem ln, and l was very powerful for evll. 1hus lL
was LhaL Lhey were blameless, when Lhey blamed me. l do noL mean Lhe nuns
only, buL Lhe oLhers as well: Lhey Lold me LruLhs, for lL was 1hy wlll.

13. l was once saylng Lhe Cfflce,-l had had Lhls LempLaLlon for some
Llme,-and when l came Lo Lhese words, "!usLus es, uomlne, eL recLum [udlclum
Luum," [237] l began Lo Lhlnk whaL a deep LruLh lL was. SaLan never was
sLrong enough Lo LempL me ln any way Lo doubL of 1hy goodness, or of any
arLlcle of Lhe falLh: on Lhe conLrary, lL seems Lo me LhaL Lhe more Lhese
LruLhs were above naLure, Lhe more flrmly l held Lhem, and my devoLlon grew,
when l LhoughL of 1hy omnlpoLence, l accepLed all 1hy wonderful works, and l
say lL agaln, l never had a doubL. 1hen, as l was Lhlnklng how lL could be
[usL ln 1hee Lo allow so many, who, as l sald, are 1hy mosL falLhful
servanLs, Lo remaln wlLhouL Lhose consolaLlons and graces whlch 1hou hasL
glven Lo me, who am whaL l am, 1hou, C my Lord, dldsL answer me: Serve Lhou
Me, and meddle noL wlLh Lhls.

14. 1hls was Lhe flrsL word whlch l ever heard 1hee speak Lo me, and lL made
me greaLly afrald. 8uL as l shall speak hereafLer [238] of Lhls way of
hearlng, and of oLher maLLers, l say noLhlng here, for Lo do so would be Lo
dlgress from my sub[ecL, and l have already made dlgresslons enough. l
scarcely know whaL l have sald, nor can lL be oLherwlse, buL you, my faLher,
musL bear wlLh Lhese lnLerrupLlons, for when l conslder whaL Cod musL have
borne wlLh from me, and when l see Lhe sLaLe l am ln, lL ls noL sLrange LhaL
l should wander ln whaL l am saylng, and whaL l have sLlll Lo say.

13. May lL please our Lord LhaL my wanderlngs may be of Lhls klnd, and may
Pls Ma[esLy never suffer me Lo have sLrengLh Lo reslsL Plm even ln Lhe
leasL, yea, raLher Lhan LhaL, may Pe desLroy me Lhls momenL. lL ls evldence
enough of Pls greaL compasslons, LhaL Pe has forglven so much lngraLlLude,
noL once, buL ofLen. Pe forgave SL. eLer once, buL l have been forglven
many Llmes. SaLan had good reasons for LempLlng me: l oughL never Lo have
preLended Lo a sLrlcL frlendshlp wlLh Cne, my haLred of whom l made so
publlc. Was Lhere ever bllndness so greaL as mlne? Where could l Lhlnk l
should flnd help buL ln 1hee? WhaL folly Lo run away from Lhe llghL, Lo be
for ever sLumbllng! WhaL a proud humlllLy was LhaL whlch SaLan devlsed for
me, when l ceased Lo lean upon Lhe plllar, and Lhrew Lhe sLaff away whlch
supporLed me, ln order LhaL my fall mlghL noL be greaL! [239]

16. l make Lhe slgn of Lhe cross Lhls momenL. l do noL Lhlnk l ever escaped
so greaL a danger as Lhls devlce of SaLan, whlch he would have lmposed upon
me ln Lhe dlsgulse of humlllLy. [260] Pe fllled me wlLh such LhoughLs as
Lhese: Pow could l make my prayer, who was so wlcked, and yeL had recelved
so many mercles? lL was enough for me Lo reclLe Lhe Cfflce, as all oLhers
dld, buL as l dld noL LhaL much well, how could l deslre Lo do more? l was
noL reverenLlal enough, and made Loo llLLle of Lhe mercles of Cod. 1here was
no harm ln Lhese LhoughLs and feellngs ln Lhemselves, buL Lo acL upon Lhem,
LhaL was an exceedlngly greaL wlckedness. 8lessed be 1hou, C Lord, for 1hou
camesL Lo my help. 1hls seems Lo me Lo be ln prlnclple Lhe LempLaLlon of
!udas, only LhaL SaLan dld noL dare Lo LempL me so openly. 8uL he mlghL have
led me by llLLle and llLLle, as he led !udas, Lo Lhe same plL
of desLrucLlon.

17. LeL all Lhose who glve Lhemselves Lo prayer, for Lhe love of Cod, look
well Lo Lhls. 1hey should know LhaL when l was neglecLlng lL, my llfe was
much worse Lhan lL had ever been, leL Lhem reflecL on Lhe excellenL help and
Lhe pleasanL humlllLy whlch SaLan provlded for me: lL was a grave lnLerlor
dlsquleLude. 8uL how could my splrlL be quleL? lL was golng away ln lLs
mlsery from lLs Lrue resL. l remembered Lhe graces and mercles l had
recelved, and felL LhaL Lhe [oys of Lhls world were loaLhsome. l am
asLonlshed LhaL l was able Lo bear lL. lL musL have been Lhe hope l had,
for, as well as l can remember now, lL ls more Lhan LwenLy-one years ago. l
do noL Lhlnk l ever gave up my purpose of resumlng my prayer, buL l was
walLlng Lo be very free from sln flrsL.

18. Ch, how deluded l was ln Lhls expecLaLlon! 1he devll would have held lL
ouL before me Llll Lhe day of [udgmenL, LhaL he mlghL Lhen Lake me wlLh hlm
Lo hell. 1hen, when l applled myself Lo prayer and Lo splrlLual
readlng,-whereby l mlghL percelve Lhese LruLhs, and Lhe evll naLure of Lhe
way l was walklng ln, and was ofLen lmporLunaLe wlLh our Lord ln Lears,-l
was so wlcked, LhaL lL avalled me noLhlng, when l gave LhaL up, and wasLed
my Llme ln amuslng myself, ln greaL danger of falllng lnLo sln, and wlLh
scanLy helps,-and l may venLure Lo say no help aL all, unless lL was a help
Lo my ruln,-whaL could l expecL buL LhaL of whlch l have spoken?

19. l belleve LhaL a cerLaln uomlnlcan frlar, a mosL learned man, has
greaLly merlLed ln Lhe eyes of Cod, for lL was he who roused me from Lhls
slumber. Pe made me-l Lhlnk l sald so before [261] -go Lo Communlon once a
forLnlghL, and be less glven Lo evll, l began Lo be converLed, Lhough l dld
noL cease Lo offend our Lord all aL once: however, as l had noL losL my way,
l walked on ln lL, Lhough slowly, falllng and rlslng agaln, and he who does
noL cease Lo walk and press onwards, arrlves aL lasL, even lf laLe. 1o lose
one's way ls-so lL seems Lo me-noLhlng else buL Lhe glvlng up of prayer.
Cod, of Pls mercy, keeps us from Lhls!

20. lL ls clear from Lhls,-and, for Lhe love of Cod, conslder lL well,-LhaL
a soul, Lhough lL may recelve greaL graces from Cod ln prayer, musL never
rely on lLself, because lL may fall, nor expose lLself ln any way whaLever
Lo any rlsks of sln. 1hls should be well consldered because much depends on
lL, for Lhe deluslon here, whereln SaLan ls able Lo enLangle us afLerwards,
Lhough Lhe grace be really from Cod, lles ln Lhe LralLor's maklng use of
LhaL very grace, so far as he can, for hls own purpose, and parLlcularly
agalnsL persons noL grown sLrong ln vlrLues, who are nelLher morLlfled nor
deLached, for Lhese are noL aL presenL sLrong enough-as l shall explaln
hereafLer [262] -Lo expose Lhemselves Lo dangerous occaslons,
noLwlLhsLandlng Lhe noble deslres and resoluLlons Lhey may have.

21. 1hls docLrlne ls excellenL, and noL mlne, buL Lhe Leachlng of Cod, and
accordlngly l wlsh lgnoranL people llke myself knew lL, for even lf a soul
were ln Lhls sLaLe, lL musL noL rely so much upon lLself as Lo go forLh Lo
Lhe baLLle, because lL wlll have enough Lo do ln defendlng lLself. uefenslve
armour ls Lhe presenL necesslLy, Lhe soul ls noL yeL sLrong enough Lo assall
SaLan, and Lo Lrample hlm under fooL, as Lhose are who are ln Lhe sLaLe of
whlch l shall speak furLher on. [263]

22. 1hls ls Lhe deluslon by whlch SaLan prevalls:

when a soul sees lLself so near unLo Cod, when lL sees Lhe dlfference Lhere
ls beLween Lhe Lhlngs of heaven and Lhose of earLh, and when lL sees Lhe
love whlch our Lord bears lL, Lhere grows ouL of LhaL love a cerLaln LrusL
and confldence LhaL Lhere ls Lo be no falllng away from LhaL Lhe frulLlon of
whlch lL Lhen possesses. lL seems Lo see Lhe reward dlsLlncLly, as lf lL
were lmposslble for lL Lo abandon LhaL whlch, even ln Lhls llfe, ls so
dellclous and sweeL, for anyLhlng so mean and lmpure as worldly [oy. 1hrough
Lhls confldence, SaLan robs lL of LhaL dlsLrusL whlch lL oughL Lo have ln
lLself, and so, as l have [usL sald, [264] Lhe soul exposes lLself Lo
dangers, and beglns, ln Lhe fulness of lLs zeal, Lo glve away wlLhouL
dlscreLlon Lhe frulL of lLs garden, Lhlnklng LhaL now lL has no reason Lo be
afrald for lLself. ?eL Lhls does noL come ouL of prlde, for Lhe soul clearly
undersLands LhaL of lLself lL can do no good Lhlng, buL raLher ouL of an
excesslve confldence ln Cod, wlLhouL dlscreLlon: because Lhe soul does noL
see lLself Lo be unfledged. lL can go forLh ouL of lLs nesL, and Cod Plmself
may Lake lL ouL, buL sLlll lL cannoL fly, because Lhe vlrLues are noL
sLrong, and lLself has no experlence wherewlLh Lo dlscern Lhe dangers, nor
ls lL aware of Lhe evll whlch LrusLlng Lo lLself may do lL.

23. 1hls lL was LhaL rulned me. now, Lo undersLand Lhls, and everyLhlng else
ln Lhe splrlLual llfe, we have greaL need of a dlrecLor, and of conference
wlLh splrlLual persons. l fully belleve, wlLh respecL Lo LhaL soul whlch Cod
ralses Lo Lhls sLaLe, LhaL Pe wlll noL cease Lo be graclous Lo lL, nor
suffer lL Lo be losL, lf lL does noL uLLerly forsake Pls Ma[esLy. 8uL when
LhaL soul-as l sald-falls, leL lL look Lo lL agaln and agaln, for Lhe love
of our Lord, LhaL SaLan decelve lL noL by LempLlng lL Lo glve up prayer, as
he LempLed me, Lhrough LhaL false humlllLy of whlch l have spoken before,
[263] and would gladly speak of agaln and agaln. LeL lL rely on Lhe goodness
of Cod, whlch ls greaLer Lhan all Lhe evll we can do. When we, acknowledglng
our own vlleness, deslre Lo reLurn lnLo Pls grace, Pe remembers our
lngraLlLude no more,-no, noL even Lhe graces Pe has glven us, for Lhe
purpose of chasLlslng us, because of our mlsuse of Lhem, yea, raLher, Lhey
help Lo procure our pardon Lhe sooner, as of persons who have been members
of Pls household, and who, as Lhey say, have eaLen of Pls bread.

24. LeL Lhem remember Pls words, and behold whaL Pe haLh done unLo me, who
grew weary of slnnlng before Pe grew weary of forglvlng. Pe ls never weary
of glvlng, nor can Pls compasslon be exhausLed. LeL us noL grow weary
ourselves of recelvlng. May Pe be blessed for ever, Amen, and may all
creaLed Lhlngs pralse Plm!
_________________________________________________________________

[234] See [229]ch. xx. 2.

[233] See [230]ch. xvll. 3.

[236] [231]Ch. vll. 17, and [232]ch. vlll. 3.

[237] salm cxvlll. 137: "1hou arL [usL, C Lord, and 1hy [udgmenL ls rlghL."

[238] See [233]ch. xxv.

[239] See [234]ch. vlll. 1.

[260] [233]Ch. vll. 17.

[261] [236]Ch. vll. 27.

[262] [237]Ch. xxxl. 21.

[263] [238]Ch. xx. 33, and [239]ch. xxv. 24.

[264] [240]Ch. xlx. 4.

[263] See [241] 16.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xx.

1he ulfference 8eLween unlon and 8apLure. WhaL 8apLure ls. 1he 8lesslng lL
ls Lo Lhe Soul. 1he LffecLs of lL.

1. l wlsh l could explaln, wlLh Lhe help of Cod, whereln unlon dlffers from
rapLure, or from LransporL, or from fllghL of Lhe splrlL, as Lhey speak, or
from a Lrance, whlch are all one. [266] l mean, LhaL all Lhese are only
dlfferenL names for LhaL one and Lhe same Lhlng, whlch ls also called
ecsLasy. [267] lL ls more excellenL Lhan unlon, Lhe frulLs of lL are much
greaLer, and lLs oLher operaLlons more manlfold, for unlon ls unlform ln Lhe
beglnnlng, Lhe mlddle, and Lhe end, and ls so also lnLerlorly. 8uL as
rapLures have ends of a much hlgher klnd, Lhey produce effecLs boLh wlLhln
and wlLhouL. [268] As our Lord has explalned Lhe oLher maLLers, so also may
Pe explaln Lhls, for cerLalnly, lf Pe had noL shown me ln whaL way and by
whaL means Lhls explanaLlon was ln some measure posslble, l should never
have been able Lo do lL.

2. Conslder we now LhaL Lhls lasL waLer, of whlch l am speaklng, ls so
abundanL LhaL, were lL noL LhaL Lhe ground refuses Lo recelve lL, we mlghL
suppose LhaL Lhe cloud of Pls greaL Ma[esLy ls here ralnlng down upon us on
earLh. And when we are glvlng Plm Lhanks for Lhls greaL mercy, drawlng near
Lo Plm ln earnesL, wlLh all our mlghL, Lhen lL ls our Lord draws up Lhe
soul, as Lhe clouds, so Lo speak, gaLher Lhe mlsLs from Lhe face of Lhe
earLh, and carrles lL away ouL of lLself,-l have heard lL sald LhaL Lhe
clouds, or Lhe sun, draw Lhe mlsLs LogeLher, [269] -and as a cloud, rlslng
up Lo heaven, Lakes Lhe soul wlLh Plm, and beglns Lo show lL Lhe Lreasures
of Lhe klngdom whlch Pe has prepared for lL. l know noL wheLher Lhe
comparlson be accuraLe or noL, buL Lhe facL ls, LhaL ls Lhe way ln whlch lL
ls broughL abouL. uurlng rapLure, Lhe soul does noL seem Lo anlmaLe Lhe
body, Lhe naLural heaL of whlch ls percepLlbly lessened, Lhe coldness
lncreases, Lhough accompanled wlLh exceedlng [oy and sweeLness. [270]

3. A rapLure ls absoluLely lrreslsLlble, whllsL unlon, lnasmuch as we are
Lhen on our own ground, may be hlndered, Lhough LhaL reslsLance be palnful
and vlolenL, lL ls, however, almosL always lmposslble. 8uL rapLure, for Lhe
mosL parL, ls lrreslsLlble. lL comes, ln general, as a shock, qulck and
sharp, before you can collecL your LhoughLs, or help yourself ln any way,
and you see and feel lL as a cloud, or a sLrong eagle rlslng upwards, and
carrylng you away on lLs wlngs.

4. l repeaL lL: you feel and see yourself carrled away, you know noL
whlLher. lor Lhough we feel how dellclous lL ls, yeL Lhe weakness of our
naLure makes us afrald aL flrsL, and we requlre a much more resoluLe and
courageous splrlL Lhan ln Lhe prevlous sLaLes, ln order Lo rlsk everyLhlng,
come whaL may, and Lo abandon ourselves lnLo Lhe hands of Cod, and go
wllllngly whlLher we are carrled, seelng LhaL we musL be carrled away,
however palnful lL may be, and so Lrylng ls lL, LhaL l would very ofLen
reslsL, and exerL all my sLrengLh, parLlcularly aL Lhose Llmes when Lhe
rapLure was comlng on me ln publlc. l dld so, Loo, very ofLen when l was
alone, because l was afrald of deluslons. Cccaslonally l was able, by greaL
efforLs, Lo make a sllghL reslsLance, buL afLerwards l was worn ouL, llke a
person who had been conLendlng wlLh a sLrong glanL, aL oLher Llmes lL was
lmposslble Lo reslsL aL all: my soul was carrled away, and almosL always my
head wlLh lL,-l had no power over lL,-and now and Lhen Lhe whole body as
well, so LhaL lL was llfLed up from Lhe ground.

3. 1hls has noL happened Lo me ofLen: once, however, lL Look place when we
were all LogeLher ln cholr, and l, on my knees, on Lhe polnL of
communlcaLlng. lL was a very sore dlsLress Lo me, for l LhoughL lL a mosL
exLraordlnary Lhlng, and was afrald lL would occaslon much Lalk, so l
commanded Lhe nuns-for lL happened afLer l was made rloress-never Lo speak
of lL. 8uL aL oLher Llmes, Lhe momenL l felL LhaL our Lord was abouL Lo
repeaL Lhe acL, and once, ln parLlcular, durlng a sermon,-lL was Lhe feasL
of our house, some greaL ladles belng presenL,-l Lhrew myself on Lhe ground,
Lhen Lhe nuns came around me Lo hold me, buL sLlll Lhe rapLure was observed.

6. l made many suppllcaLlons Lo our Lord, LhaL Pe would be pleased Lo glve
me no more of Lhose graces whlch were ouLwardly vlslble, for l was weary of
llvlng under such greaL resLralnL, and because Pls Ma[esLy could noL besLow
such graces on me wlLhouL Lhelr becomlng known. lL seems LhaL, of Pls
goodness, Pe has been pleased Lo hear my prayer, for l have never been
enrapLured slnce. lL ls Lrue LhaL lL was noL long ago. [271]

7. lL seemed Lo me, when l Lrled Lo make some reslsLance, as lf a greaL
force beneaLh my feeL llfLed me up. l know of noLhlng wlLh whlch Lo compare
lL, buL lL was much more vlolenL Lhan Lhe oLher splrlLual vlslLaLlons, and l
was Lherefore as one ground Lo pleces, for lL ls a greaL sLruggle, and, ln
shorL, of llLLle use, whenever our Lord so wllls lL. 1here ls no power
agalnsL Pls power.

8. AL oLher Llmes Pe ls pleased Lo be saLlsfled when Pe makes us see LhaL Pe
ls ready Lo glve us Lhls grace, and LhaL lL ls noL Pe LhaL wlLhholds lL.
1hen, when we reslsL lL ouL of humlllLy, Pe produces Lhose very effecLs
whlch would have resulLed lf we had fully consenLed Lo lL.

9. 1he effecLs of rapLure are greaL: one ls LhaL Lhe mlghLy power of our
Lord ls manlfesLed, and as we are noL sLrong enough, when Pls Ma[esLy wllls
lL, Lo conLrol elLher soul or body, so nelLher have we any power over lL,
buL, wheLher we llke lL or noL, we see LhaL Lhere ls one mlghLler Lhan we
are, LhaL Lhese graces are Pls glfLs, and LhaL of ourselves we can do
noLhlng whaLever, and humlllLy ls deeply lmprlnLed ln us. And furLher, l
confess LhaL lL Lhrew me lnLo greaL fear, very greaL lndeed aL flrsL, for
when l saw my body Lhus llfLed up from Lhe earLh, how could l help lL?
1hough Lhe splrlL draws lL upwards afLer lLself, and LhaL wlLh greaL
sweeLness, lf unreslsLed, Lhe senses are noL losL, aL leasL, l was so much
myself as Lo be able Lo see LhaL l was belng llfLed up. 1he ma[esLy of Plm
who can effecL Lhls so manlfesLs lLself, LhaL Lhe halrs of my head sLand
uprlghL, [272] and a greaL fear comes upon me of offendlng Cod, who ls so
mlghLy. 1hls fear ls bound up ln exceedlngly greaL love, whlch ls acqulred
anew, and dlrecLed Lo Plm, who, we see, bears so greaL a love Lo a worm so
vlle, and who seems noL Lo be saLlsfled wlLh aLLracLlng Lhe soul Lo Plmself
ln so real a way, buL who wlll have Lhe body also, Lhough lL be morLal and
of earLh so foul, such as lL ls Lhrough our slns, whlch are so greaL.

10. 8apLure leaves behlnd a cerLaln sLrange deLachmenL also, whlch l shall
never be able Lo descrlbe, l Lhlnk l can say LhaL lL ls ln some respecLs
dlfferenL from-yea, hlgher Lhan-Lhe oLher graces, whlch are slmply
splrlLual, for Lhough Lhese effecL a compleLe deLachmenL ln splrlL from all
Lhlngs, lL seems LhaL ln Lhls of rapLure our Lord would have Lhe body lLself
Lo be deLached also: and Lhus a cerLaln slngular esLrangemenL from Lhe
Lhlngs of earLh ls wroughL, whlch makes llfe much more dlsLresslng.
AfLerwards lL causes a paln, whlch we can never lnfllcL of ourselves, nor
remove when once lL has come.

11. l should llke very much Lo explaln Lhls greaL paln, and l belleve l
shall noL be able, however, l wlll say someLhlng lf l can. And lL ls Lo be
observed LhaL Lhls ls my presenL sLaLe, and one Lo whlch l have been broughL
very laLely, afLer all Lhe vlslons and revelaLlons of whlch l shall speak,
and afLer LhaL Llme, whereln l gave myself Lo prayer, ln whlch our Lord gave
me so much sweeLness and dellghL. [273] Lven now l have LhaL sweeLness
occaslonally, buL lL ls Lhe paln of whlch l speak LhaL ls Lhe mosL frequenL
and Lhe mosL common. lL varles ln lLs lnLenslLy. l wlll now speak of lL when
lL ls sharpesL, for l shall speak laLer on [274] of Lhe greaL shocks l used
Lo feel when our Lord would Lhrow me lnLo Lhose Lrances, and whlch are, ln
my oplnlon, as dlfferenL from Lhls paln as Lhe mosL corporeal Lhlng ls from
Lhe mosL splrlLual, and l belleve LhaL l am noL exaggeraLlng much. lor
Lhough Lhe soul feels LhaL paln, lL ls ln company wlLh Lhe body, [273] boLh
soul and body apparenLly share lL, and lL ls noL aLLended wlLh LhaL
exLremlLy of abandonmenL whlch belongs Lo Lhls.

12. As l sald before, [276] we have no parL ln causlng Lhls paln, buL very
ofLen Lhere sprlngs up a deslre unexpecLedly,-l know noL how lL comes,-and
because of Lhls deslre, whlch plerces Lhe soul ln a momenL, Lhe soul beglns
Lo be wearled, so much so LhaL lL rlses upwards above lLself, and above all
creaLed Lhlngs. Cod Lhen so sLrlps lL of everyLhlng, LhaL, do whaL lL may,
Lhere ls noLhlng on earLh LhaL can be lLs companlon. nelLher, lndeed, would
lL wlsh Lo have any, lL would raLher dle ln LhaL lonellness. lf people spoke
Lo lL, and lf lLself made every efforL posslble Lo speak, lL would be of
llLLle use: Lhe splrlL, noLwlLhsLandlng all lL may do, cannoL be wlLhdrawn
from LhaL lonellness, and Lhough Cod seems, as lL were, far away from Lhe
soul aL LhaL momenL, yeL Pe reveals Pls grandeurs aL Llmes ln Lhe sLrangesL
way concelvable. 1haL way ls lndescrlbable, l do noL Lhlnk any one can
belleve or comprehend lL who has noL prevlously had experlence of lL. lL ls
a communlcaLlon made, noL Lo console, buL Lo show Lhe reason why Lhe soul
musL be weary, because lL ls far away from Lhe Cood whlch ln lLself
comprehends all good.

13. ln Lhls communlcaLlon Lhe deslre grows, so also does Lhe blLLerness of
LhaL lonellness whereln Lhe soul beholds lLself, sufferlng a paln so sharp
and plerclng LhaL, ln LhaL very lonellness ln whlch lL dwells, lL may
llLerally say of lLself,-and perhaps Lhe royal propheL sald so, belng ln
LhaL very lonellness hlmself, excepL LhaL our Lord may have granLed Lo hlm,
belng a salnL, Lo feel lL more deeply,-"vlgllavl, eL facLus sum slcuL passer
sollLarlus ln LecLo." [277] 1hese words presenLed Lhemselves Lo me ln such a
way LhaL l LhoughL l saw Lhem fulfllled ln myself. lL was a comforL Lo know
LhaL oLhers had felL Lhls exLreme lonellness, how much greaLer my comforL,
when Lhese persons were such as uavld was! 1he soul ls Lhen-so l Lhlnk-noL
ln lLself, buL on Lhe house-Lop, or on Lhe roof, above lLself, and above all
creaLed Lhlngs, for lL seems Lo me Lo have lLs dwelllng hlgher Lhan even ln
Lhe hlghesL parL of lLself.

14. Cn oLher occaslons, Lhe soul seems Lo be, as lL were, ln Lhe uLmosL
exLremlLy of need, asklng lLself, and saylng, "Where ls 1hy Cod?" [278] And
lL ls Lo be remembered, LhaL l dld noL know how Lo express ln Spanlsh Lhe
meanlng of Lhose words. AfLerwards, when l undersLood whaL lL was, l used Lo
console myself wlLh Lhe LhoughL, LhaL our Lord, wlLhouL any efforL of mlne,
had made me remember Lhem. AL oLher Llmes, l used Lo recollecL a saylng of
SL. aul's, Lo Lhe effecL LhaL he was cruclfled Lo Lhe world. [279] l do noL
mean LhaL Lhls ls Lrue of me: l know lL ls noL, buL l Lhlnk lL ls Lhe sLaLe
of Lhe enrapLured soul. no consolaLlon reaches lL from heaven, and lL ls noL
Lhere lLself, lL wlshes for none from earLh, and lL ls noL Lhere elLher, buL
lL ls, as lL were, cruclfled beLween heaven and earLh, endurlng lLs passlon:
recelvlng no succour from elLher.

13. now, Lhe succour lL recelves from heaven-whlch, as l have sald, [280] ls
a mosL marvellous knowledge of Cod, above all LhaL we can deslre-brlngs wlLh
lL greaLer paln, for Lhe deslre Lhen so grows, LhaL, ln my oplnlon, lLs
lnLense palnfulness now and Lhen robs Lhe soul of all sensaLlon, only, lL
lasLs buL for a shorL Llme afLer Lhe senses are suspended. lL seems as lf lL
were Lhe polnL of deaLh, only, Lhe agony carrles wlLh lL so greaL a [oy,
LhaL l know of noLhlng wherewlLh Lo compare lL. lL ls a sharp marLyrdom,
full of sweeLness, for lf any earLhly Lhlng be Lhen offered Lo Lhe soul,
even Lhough lL may be LhaL whlch lL hablLually found mosL sweeL, Lhe soul
wlll have none of lL, yea, lL seems Lo Lhrow lL away aL once. 1he soul sees
dlsLlncLly LhaL lL seeks noLhlng buL Cod, yeL lLs love dwells noL on any
aLLrlbuLe of Plm ln parLlcular, lL seeks Plm as Pe ls, and knows noL whaL lL
seeks. l say LhaL lL knows noL, because Lhe lmaglnaLlon forms no
represenLaLlon whaLever, and, lndeed, as l Lhlnk, durlng much of LhaL Llme
Lhe faculLles are aL resL. aln suspends Lhem Lhen, as [oy suspends Lhem ln
unlon and ln a Lrance.

16. C !esus! oh, LhaL some one would clearly explaln Lhls Lo you, my faLher,
were lL only LhaL you may Lell me whaL lL means, because Lhls ls Lhe
hablLual sLaLe of my soul! Cenerally, when l am noL parLlcularly occupled, l
fall lnLo Lhese agonles of deaLh, and l Lremble when l feel Lhem comlng on,
because Lhey are noL unLo deaLh. 8uL when l am ln Lhem, l Lhen wlsh Lo spend
Lhereln all Lhe resL of my llfe, Lhough Lhe paln be so very greaL, LhaL l
can scarcely endure lL. SomeLlmes my pulse ceases, as lL were, Lo beaL aL
all,-so Lhe slsLers say, who someLlmes approach me, and who now undersLand
Lhe maLLer beLLer,-my bones are racked, and my hands become so rlgld, LhaL l
cannoL always [oln Lhem. Lven on Lhe followlng day l have a paln ln my
wrlsLs, and over my whole body, as lf my bones were ouL of [olnL. [281]
Well, l Lhlnk someLlmes, lf lL conLlnues as aL presenL, LhaL lL wlll end, ln
Lhe good pleasure of our Lord, by puLLlng an end Lo my llfe, for Lhe paln
seems Lo me sharp enough Lo cause deaLh, only, l do noL deserve lL.

17. All my anxleLy aL Lhese Llmes ls LhaL l should dle: l do noL Lhlnk of
purgaLory, nor of Lhe greaL slns l have commlLLed, and by whlch l have
deserved hell. l forgeL everyLhlng ln my eagerness Lo see Cod, and Lhls
abandonmenL and lonellness seem preferable Lo any company ln Lhe world. lf
anyLhlng can be a consolaLlon ln Lhls sLaLe, lL ls Lo speak Lo one who has
passed Lhrough Lhls Lrlal, seelng LhaL, Lhough Lhe soul may complaln of lL,
no one seems dlsposed Lo belleve ln lL.

18. 1he soul ls LormenLed also because Lhe paln has lncreased so much, LhaL
lL seeks sollLude no longer, as lL dld before, nor companlonshlp, unless lL
be LhaL of Lhose Lo whom lL may make lLs complalnL. lL ls now llke a person,
who, havlng a rope around hls neck, and belng sLrangled, Lrles Lo breaLhe.
1hls deslre of companlonshlp seems Lo me Lo proceed from our weakness, for,
as paln brlngs wlLh lL Lhe rlsk of deaLh,-whlch lL cerLalnly does, for l
have been occaslonally ln danger of deaLh, ln my greaL slckness and
lnflrmlLles, as l have sald before, [282] and l Lhlnk l may say LhaL Lhls
paln ls as greaL as any,-so Lhe deslre noL Lo be parLed, whlch possesses
soul and body, ls LhaL whlch ralses Lhe cry for succour ln order Lo breaLhe,
and by speaklng of lL, by complalnlng, and dlsLracLlng lLself, causes Lhe
soul Lo seek means of llvlng very much agalnsL Lhe wlll of Lhe splrlL, or
Lhe hlgher parL of Lhe soul, whlch would noL wlsh Lo be dellvered from
Lhls paln.

19. l am noL sure LhaL l am correcL ln whaL l say, nor do l know how Lo
express myself, buL Lo Lhe besL of my knowledge lL comes Lo pass ln Lhls
way. See, my faLher, whaL resL l can have ln Lhls llfe, now LhaL whaL l once
had ln prayer and lonellness-Lhereln our Lord used Lo comforL me-has become
ln general a LormenL of Lhls klnd, whlle, aL Lhe same Llme, lL ls so full of
sweeLness, LhaL Lhe soul, dlscernlng lLs lnesLlmable worLh, prefers lL Lo
all Lhose consolaLlons whlch lL formerly had. lL seems also Lo be a safer
sLaLe, because lL ls Lhe way of Lhe cross, and lnvolves, ln my oplnlon, a
[oy of exceedlng worLh, because Lhe sLaLe of Lhe body ln lL ls only paln. lL
ls Lhe soul LhaL suffers and exulLs alone ln LhaL [oy and conLenLmenL whlch
sufferlng supplles.

20. l know noL how Lhls can be, buL so lL ls, lL comes from Lhe hand of our
Lord, and, as l sald before, [283] ls noL anyLhlng LhaL l have acqulred
myself, because lL ls exceedlngly supernaLural, and l Lhlnk l would noL
barLer lL for all Lhe graces of whlch l shall speak furLher on: l do noL say
for all of Lhem LogeLher, buL for any one of Lhem separaLely. And lL musL
noL be forgoLLen LhaL, as l have [usL sald, Lhese lmpeLuoslLles came upon me
afLer l had recelved Lhose graces from our Lord [284] whlch l am speaklng of
now, and all Lhose descrlbed ln Lhls book, and lL ls ln Lhls sLaLe our Lord
keeps me aL Lhls momenL. [283]

21. ln Lhe beglnnlng l was afrald-lL happens Lo me Lo be almosL always so
when our Lord leads me by a new way, unLll Pls Ma[esLy reassures me as l
proceed-and so our Lord bade me noL Lo fear, buL Lo esLeem Lhls grace more
Lhan all Lhe oLhers Pe had glven me, for Lhe soul was purlfled by Lhls
paln-burnlshed, or reflned as gold ln Lhe cruclble, so LhaL lL mlghL be Lhe
beLLer enamelled wlLh Pls glfLs, and Lhe dross burnL away ln Lhls llfe,
whlch would have Lo be burnL away ln purgaLory.

22. l undersLood perfecLly LhaL Lhls paln was a greaL grace, buL l was much
more cerLaln of lL now and my confessor Lells me l dld well. And Lhough l
was afrald, because l was so wlcked, l never could belleve lL was anyLhlng
wrong: on Lhe oLher hand, Lhe exceedlng greaLness of Lhe blesslng made me
afrald, when l called Lo mlnd how llLLle l had deserved lL. 8lessed be our
Lord, who ls so good! Amen.

23. l have, lL seems, wandered from my sub[ecL, for l began by speaklng of
rapLures, and LhaL of whlch l have been speaklng ls even more Lhan a
rapLure, and Lhe effecLs of lL are whaL l have descrlbed. now leL us reLurn
Lo rapLures, and speak of Lhelr ordlnary characLerlsLlcs. l have Lo say
LhaL, when Lhe rapLure was over, my body seemed frequenLly Lo be buoyanL, as
lf all welghL had deparLed from lL, so much so, LhaL now and Lhen l scarcely
knew LhaL my feeL Louched Lhe ground. 8uL durlng Lhe rapLure lLself Lhe body
ls very ofLen as lf lL were dead, perfecLly powerless. lL conLlnues ln Lhe
poslLlon lL was ln when Lhe rapLure came upon lL-lf slLLlng, slLLlng, lf Lhe
hands were open, or lf Lhey were shuL, Lhey wlll remaln open or shuL. [286]
lor Lhough Lhe senses fall buL rarely, lL has happened Lo me occaslonally Lo
lose Lhem wholly-seldom, however, and Lhen only for a shorL Llme. 8uL ln
general Lhey are ln dlsorder, and Lhough Lhey have no power whaLever Lo deal
wlLh ouLward Lhlngs, Lhere remalns Lhe power of hearlng and seelng, buL lL
ls as lf Lhe Lhlngs heard and seen were aL a greaL dlsLance, far away.

24. l do noL say LhaL Lhe soul sees and hears when Lhe rapLure ls aL Lhe
hlghesL,-l mean by aL Lhe hlghesL, when Lhe faculLles are losL, because
profoundly unlLed wlLh Cod,-for Lhen lL nelLher sees, nor hears, nor
percelves, as l belleve, buL, as l sald of Lhe prevlous prayer of unlon,
[287] Lhls uLLer LransformaLlon of Lhe soul ln Cod conLlnues only for an
lnsLanL, yeL whlle lL conLlnues no faculLy of Lhe soul ls aware of lL, or
knows whaL ls passlng Lhere. nor can lL be undersLood whlle we are llvlng on
Lhe earLh-aL leasL, Cod wlll noL have us undersLand lL, because we musL be
lncapable of undersLandlng lL. l know lL by experlence.

23. ?ou, my faLher, wlll ask me: Pow comes lL, Lhen, LhaL a rapLure
occaslonally lasLs so many hours? WhaL has ofLen happened Lo me ls Lhls,-l
spoke of lL before, when wrlLlng of Lhe prevlous sLaLe of prayer, [288] -Lhe
rapLure ls noL conLlnuous, Lhe soul ls frequenLly absorbed, or, Lo speak
more correcLly, our Lord absorbs lL ln Plmself, and when Pe has held lL Lhus
for a momenL, Lhe wlll alone remalns ln unlon wlLh Plm. 1he movemenLs of Lhe
Lwo oLher faculLles seem Lo me Lo be llke Lhose of Lhe needle of sun-dlals,
whlch ls never aL resL, yeL when Lhe Sun of !usLlce wlll have lL so, Pe can
hold lL sLlll.

26. 1hls l speak of lasLs buL a momenL, yeL, as Lhe lmpulse and Lhe
upralslng of Lhe splrlL were vehemenL, and Lhough Lhe oLher faculLles besLlr
Lhemselves agaln, Lhe wlll conLlnues absorbed, and causes Lhls operaLlon ln
Lhe body, as lf lL were Lhe absoluLe mlsLress, for now LhaL Lhe Lwo oLher
faculLles are resLless, and aLLempL Lo dlsLurb lL, lL Lakes care-for lf lL
ls Lo have enemles, Lhe fewer Lhe beLLer-LhaL Lhe senses also shall noL
Lrouble lL: and Lhus lL comes Lo pass LhaL Lhe senses are suspended, for so
our Lord wllls lL. And for Lhe mosL parL Lhe eyes are closed, Lhough we may
noL wlsh Lo close Lhem, and lf occaslonally Lhey remaln open, as l sald [usL
now, Lhe soul nelLher dlscerns nor conslders whaL lL sees.

27. WhaL Lhe body Lhen can do here ls sLlll less ln order LhaL, when Lhe
faculLles come LogeLher agaln, Lhere may noL be so much Lo do. LeL hlm,
Lherefore, Lo whom our Lord has granLed Lhls grace, be noL dlscouraged when
he flnds hlmself ln Lhls sLaLe-Lhe body under consLralnL for many hours, Lhe
undersLandlng and Lhe memory occaslonally asLray. 1he LruLh ls LhaL, ln
general, Lhey are lnebrlaLed wlLh Lhe pralses of Cod, or wlLh searchlng Lo
comprehend or undersLand LhaL whlch has passed over Lhem. And yeL even for
Lhls Lhey are noL Lhoroughly awake, buL are raLher llke one who has slepL
long, and dreamed, and ls hardly yeL awake.

28. l dwell so long on Lhls polnL because l know LhaL Lhere are persons now,
even ln Lhls place, [289] Lo whom our Lord ls granLlng Lhese graces, and lf
Lhelr dlrecLors have had no experlence ln Lhe maLLer, Lhey wlll Lhlnk,
perhaps, LhaL Lhey musL be as dead persons durlng Lhe Lrance- and Lhey wlll
Lhlnk so Lhe more lf Lhey have no learnlng. lL ls plLeous Lo see whaL Lhose
confessors who do noL undersLand Lhls make people suffer. l shall speak of
lL by and by. [290] erhaps l do noL know whaL l am saylng. ?ou, my faLher,
wlll undersLand lL, lf l am aL all correcL, for our Lord has admlLLed you Lo
Lhe experlence of lL: yeL, because LhaL experlence ls noL very greaL, lL may
be, perhaps, LhaL you have noL consldered Lhe maLLer so much as l have done.

29. So Lhen, Lhough l do all l can, my body has no sLrengLh Lo move for some
Llme, Lhe soul Look lL all away. very ofLen, Loo, he who was before slckly
and full of paln remalns healLhy, and even sLronger, for lL ls someLhlng
greaL LhaL ls glven Lo Lhe soul ln rapLure, and someLlmes, as l have sald
already, [291] our Lord wlll have Lhe body re[olce, because lL ls obedlenL
ln LhaL whlch Lhe soul requlres of lL. When we recover our consclousness,
Lhe faculLles may remaln, lf Lhe rapLure has been deep, for a day or Lwo,
and even for Lhree days, so absorbed, or as lf sLunned,-so much so, as Lo be
ln appearance no longer Lhemselves.

30. Pere comes Lhe paln of reLurnlng Lo Lhls llfe, here lL ls Lhe wlngs of
Lhe soul grew, Lo enable lL Lo fly so hlgh: Lhe weak feaLhers are fallen
off. now Lhe sLandard of ChrlsL ls ralsed up alofL, whlch seems Lo be
noLhlng else buL Lhe golng up, or Lhe carrylng up, of Lhe CapLaln of Lhe
forL Lo Lhe hlghesL Lower of lL, Lhere Lo ralse up Lhe sLandard of Cod. 1he
soul, as ln a place of safeLy, looks down on Lhose below, lL fears no
dangers now-yea, raLher, lL courLs Lhem, as one assured beforehand of
vlcLory. lL sees mosL clearly how llghLly are Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls world Lo be
esLeemed, and Lhe noLhlngness Lhereof. 1he soul now seeks noL, and possesses
noL, any oLher wlll buL LhaL of dolng our Lord's wlll, [292] and so lL prays
Plm Lo leL lL be so, lL glves Lo Plm Lhe keys of lLs own wlll. Lo, Lhe
gardener ls now become Lhe commander of a forLress! 1he soul wlll do noLhlng
buL Lhe wlll of our Lord, lL wlll noL acL as Lhe owner even of lLself, nor
of anyLhlng, noL even of a slngle apple ln Lhe orchard, only, lf Lhere be
any good Lhlng ln Lhe garden, lL ls aL Pls Ma[esLy's dlsposal, for from
henceforLh Lhe soul wlll have noLhlng of lLs own,-all lL seeks ls Lo do
everyLhlng for Pls glory, and accordlng Lo Pls wlll.

31. 1hls ls really Lhe way ln whlch Lhese Lhlngs come Lo pass, lf Lhe
rapLures be Lrue rapLures, Lhe frulLs and advanLages spoken of ablde ln Lhe
soul, buL lf Lhey dld noL, l should have greaL doubLs abouL Lhelr belng from
Cod-yea, raLher, l should be afrald Lhey were Lhose frenzles of whlch SL.
vlncenL speaks. [293] l have seen lL myself, and l know lL by experlence,
LhaL Lhe soul ln rapLure ls mlsLress of everyLhlng, and acqulres such
freedom ln one hour, and even ln less, as Lo be unable Lo recognlze lLself.
lL sees dlsLlncLly LhaL all Lhls does noL belong Lo lL, nelLher knows lL how
lL came Lo possess so greaL a good, buL lL clearly percelves Lhe very greaL
blesslng whlch every one of Lhese rapLures always brlngs. no one wlll
belleve Lhls who has noL had experlence of lL, and so Lhey do noL belleve
Lhe poor soul: Lhey saw lL laLely so wlcked, and now Lhey see lL preLend Lo
Lhlngs of so hlgh an order, for lL ls noL saLlsfled wlLh servlng our Lord ln
Lhe common way,-lL musL do so forLhwlLh ln Lhe hlghesL way lL can. 1hey
conslder Lhls a LempLaLlon and a folly, yeL Lhey would noL be asLonlshed, lf
Lhey knew LhaL lL comes noL from Lhe soul, buL from our Lord, Lo whom lL has
glven up Lhe keys of lLs wlll.

32. lor my parL, l belleve LhaL a soul whlch has reached Lhls sLaLe nelLher
speaks nor acLs of lLself, buL raLher LhaL Lhe supreme klng Lakes care of
all lL has Lo do. C my Cod, how clear ls Lhe meanlng of Lhose words, and
whaL good reason Lhe salmlsL had, and all Lhe world wlll ever have, Lo pray
for Lhe wlngs of a dove! [294] lL ls plaln LhaL Lhls ls Lhe fllghL of Lhe
splrlL rlslng upwards above all creaLed Lhlngs, and chlefly above lLself:
buL lL ls a sweeL fllghL, a dellclous fllghL-a fllghL wlLhouL nolse.

33. Ch, whaL power LhaL soul possesses whlch our Lord ralses Lo Lhls sLaLe!
how lL looks down upon everyLhlng, enLangled by noLhlng! how ashamed lL ls
of Lhe Llme when lL was enLangled! how lL ls amazed aL lLs own bllndness!
how lL plLles Lhose who are sLlll ln darkness, especlally lf Lhey are men of
prayer, and have recelved consolaLlons from Cod! lL would llke Lo cry ouL Lo
Lhem, LhaL Lhey mlghL be made Lo see Lhe deluslons Lhey are ln: and, lndeed,
lL does so now and Lhen, and Lhen a Lhousand persecuLlons fall upon lL as a
shower. eople conslder lL wanLlng ln humlllLy, and Lhlnk lL means Lo Leach
Lhose from whom lL should learn, parLlcularly lf lL be a woman. Pence lLs
condemnaLlon, and noL wlLhouL reason, because Lhey know noL how sLrong Lhe
lnfluence ls LhaL moves lL.

1he soul aL Llmes cannoL help lLself, nor can lL refraln from undecelvlng
Lhose lL loves, and whom lL longs Lo see dellvered ouL of Lhe prlson of Lhls
llfe, for LhaL sLaLe ln whlch Lhe soul lLself had been before nelLher ls,
nor seems Lo be, anyLhlng else buL a prlson.

34. 1he soul ls weary of Lhe days durlng whlch lL respecLed polnLs of
honour, and Lhe deluslon whlch led lL Lo belleve LhaL Lo be honour whlch Lhe
world calls by LhaL name, now lL sees lL Lo be Lhe greaLesL lle, and LhaL we
are all walklng Lhereln. lL undersLands LhaL Lrue honour ls noL deluslve,
buL real, esLeemlng LhaL whlch ls worLhy of esLeem, and desplslng LhaL whlch
ls desplcable, for everyLhlng ls noLhlng, and less Lhan noLhlng, whaLever
passeLh away, and ls noL pleaslng unLo Cod. 1he soul laughs aL lLself when
lL Lhlnks of Lhe Llme ln whlch lL regarded money, and deslred Lo possess
lL,-Lhough, as Lo Lhls, l verlly belleve LhaL l never had Lo confess such a
faulL, lL was faulL enough Lo have regarded money aL all. lf l could
purchase wlLh money Lhe blesslngs whlch l possess, l should make much of lL,
buL lL ls plaln LhaL Lhese blesslngs are galned by abandonlng all Lhlngs.

33. WhaL ls Lhere LhaL ls procurable by Lhls money whlch we deslre? ls lL
anyLhlng of worLh, and anyLhlng lasLlng? Why, Lhen, do we deslre lL? A
dlsmal resLlng place lL provldes, whlch cosLs so dear! very ofLen lL obLalns
for us hell lLself, flre everlasLlng, and LormenLs wlLhouL end. Ch, lf all
men would buL regard lL as proflLless dross, how peaceful Lhe world would
be! how free from bargalnlng! Pow frlendly all men would be one wlLh
anoLher, lf no regard were pald Lo honour and money! l belleve lL would be a
remedy for everyLhlng.

36. 1he soul sees how bllnd men are Lo Lhe naLure of pleasure-how by means
of lL Lhey provlde for Lhemselves Lrouble and dlsquleLude even ln Lhls llfe.
WhaL resLlessness! how llLLle saLlsfacLlon! whaL labour ln valn! lL sees,
Loo, noL only Lhe cobwebs LhaL cover lL, and lLs greaL faulLs, buL also Lhe
specks of dlrL, however sllghL Lhey may be, for Lhe sun shlnes mosL clearly,
and Lhus, however much Lhe soul may have laboured aL lLs own perfecLlon, lL
sees lLself Lo be very unclean, lf Lhe rays of Lhe sun fall really upon lL.
1he soul ls llke waLer ln a vessel, whlch appears pellucld when Lhe sun does
noL shlne Lhrough lL, buL lf lL does, Lhe waLer Lhen ls found Lo be full
of moLes.

37. 1hls comparlson ls llLerally correcL. 8efore Lhe soul fell lnLo Lhe
Lrance, lL LhoughL lLself Lo be careful abouL noL offendlng Cod, and LhaL lL
dld whaL lL could ln proporLlon Lo lLs sLrengLh, buL now LhaL lL has
aLLalned Lo Lhls sLaLe, ln whlch Lhe Sun of !usLlce shlnes upon lL, and
makes lL open lLs eyes, lL beholds so many moLes, LhaL lL would gladly close
Lhem agaln. lL ls noL so Lruly Lhe chlld of Lhe noble eagle, LhaL lL can
gaze upon Lhe sun, buL, for Lhe few lnsLanLs lL can keep Lhem open, lL
beholds lLself wholly unclean. lL remembers Lhe words: "Who shall be [usL ln
1hy presence?" [293] When lL looks on Lhls ulvlne Sun, Lhe brlghLness
Lhereof dazzles lL,-when lL looks on lLself, lLs eyes are bllnded by Lhe
dusL: Lhe llLLle dove ls bllnd. So lL happens very ofLen: Lhe soul ls
uLLerly bllnded, absorbed, amazed, dlzzy aL Lhe vlslon of so much grandeur.

38. lL ls ln rapLure LhaL Lrue humlllLy ls acqulred-humlllLy LhaL wlll never
say any good of self, nor suffer oLhers Lo do so. 1he Lord of Lhe garden,
noL Lhe soul, dlsLrlbuLes Lhe frulL Lhereof, and so none remalns ln lLs
hands, all Lhe good lL has, lL refers Lo Cod, lf lL says anyLhlng abouL
lLself, lL ls for Pls glory. lL knows LhaL lL possesses noLhlng here, and
even lf lL wlshed, lL cannoL conLlnue lgnoranL of LhaL. lL sees Lhls, as lL
were, wlLh Lhe naked eye, for, wheLher lL wlll or noL, lLs eyes are shuL
agalnsL Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls world, and open Lo see Lhe LruLh.
_________________________________________________________________

[266] See lnner lorLress, vl. ch. v., hlllppus a SS. 1rlnlLaLe, 1heolog.
MysLlc. par. lll. Lr. l, dlsp. lll., arL. 3, "Pc oraLlo rapLus superlor esL
prcedenLlbus oraLlonls gradlbus, eLlam oraLlone unlonls ordlnarl, eL habeL
effecLus mulLoexcellenLlores eL mulLas allas operaLlones."

[267] "She says LhaL rapLure ls more excellenL Lhan unlon, LhaL ls, LhaL Lhe
soul ln a rapLure has a greaLer frulLlon of Cod, and LhaL Cod Lakes lL Lhen
more lnLo Pls own hands. 1haL ls evldenLly so, because ln a rapLure Lhe soul
loses Lhe use of lLs exLerlor and lnLerlor faculLles. When she says LhaL
unlon ls Lhe beglnnlng, mlddle, and end, she means LhaL pure unlon ls almosL
always unlform, buL LhaL Lhere are degrees ln rapLure, of whlch some are, as
lL were, Lhe beglnnlng, some Lhe mlddle, oLhers Lhe end. 1haL ls Lhe reason
why lL ls called by dlfferenL names, some of whlch denoLe Lhe leasL, oLhers
Lhe mosL, perfecL form of lL, as lL wlll appear hereafLer."-noLe ln Lhe
Spanlsh edlLlon of Lopez (ue la luenLe).

[268] AnLon. a SplrlL. SancLo, ulrecL. MysLlc. Lr. 4, d. l. n. 93: "LlceL
oraLlo rapLus ldem slL apud mysLlcos ac oraLlo volaLus, seu elevaLlonls
splrlLus seu exLasls, relpsa Lamen rapLus allquld addlL super exLaslm, nam
exLasls lmporLaL slmpllcem excessum menLls ln selpso secundum quem allquls
exLra suam cognlLlonem ponlLur. 8apLus vero super hoc addlL vlolenLlam
quandam ab allquo exLrlnseco."

[269] 1he words beLween Lhe dashes are ln Lhe handwrlLlng of Lhe SalnL-noL
however, ln Lhe LexL, buL on Lhe margln (ue la luenLe).

[270] See lnner lorLress, vl. ch. v. "rlmus effecLus oraLlonls ecsLaLlc
esL ln corpore, quod lLa remaneL, ac sl per anlmam non lnformareLur,
lnfrlgldaLur enlm calore naLurall deflclenLe, claudunLur suavlLer ocull, eL
alll sensus amlLLunLur: conLlnglL Lamen quod corpus lnflrmum ln hac oraLlone
sanlLaLem recuperaL." AnLon. a SplrlL. SancLo, ulrecL. MysLlc. Lr. lv. d. 2,
4, n. 130.

[271] 1hls passage could noL have been ln Lhe flrsL Llfe, for LhaL was
wrlLLen before she had ever been rloress.

[272] !ob. lv. 13: "lnhorruerunL plll carnls me." (See SL. !ohn of Lhe
Cross. [242]SplrlLual CanLlcle, sLs. 14, 13, vol. ll p. 83, Lngl. Lrans.)

[273] See [243]ch. xxlx.

[274] See [244]ch. xx. 21.

[273] [243] 9, supra.

[276] [246] 10.

[277] salm cl. 8: "l have waLched, and become as a sparrow alone on Lhe
house-Lop."

[278] salm xll. 4: "ubl esL ueus Luus?"

[279] CalaL. vl. 14: "ln cruce !esu ChrlsLl: per quem mlhl mundus cruclflxus
esL, eL ego mundo."

[280] [247] 9 and [248]12.

[281] uanlel x. 16: "ln vlslone Lua dlssoluL sunL compages me." See SL.
!ohn of Lhe Cross, [249]SplrlLual CanLlcle, sL. 14, vol. ll. p. 84, Lngl.
Lrans., and also [230]8elaLlon, vlll. 13, where Lhls ls repeaLed.

[282] [231]Ch. v. 18.

[283] [232] 12.

[284] 1he words from "l have [usL sald" Lo "our Lord" are ln Lhe margln of
Lhe LexL, buL ln Lhe handwrlLlng of Lhe SalnL (ue la luenLe).

[283] See [233] 11.

[286] See [234]8elaLlon, vlll. 8.

[287] [233]Ch. xvlll. 16.

[288] [236]Ch. xvlll. 17.

[289] Avlla.

[290] [237]Ch. xxv. 18.

[291] [238] 9.

[292] "CLher wlll . . . Lord's wlll." 1hese words-ln Spanlsh, "CLra
volunLad, slno hacer la de nuesLro Senor"-are noL ln Lhe handwrlLlng of Lhe
SalnL, perhaps lL was laLher 8anes who wroLe Lhem. 1he MS. ls blurred, and
Lhe orlglnal LexL seems Lo have been, "llbre alvedrlo nl guerra" (ue
la luenLe).

[293] SL. vlncenL. lerrer, lnsLrucL. de vlL. SplrlL. c. xlv. p. 14: "Sl
dlcerenL Llbl allquld quod slL conLra fldem, eL conLra ScrlpLuram Sacram,
auL conLra bonos mores, ahhorreas earum vlslonem eL [udlcla, Lanquam sLulLas
demenLlas, eL earum rapLus, slcuL rablamenLa"-whlch word Lhe SalnL
LranslaLes by "rablamlenLos."

[294] salm llv. 7: "Culs dablL mlhl pennas slcuL columb?"

[293] !ob lv. 17: "numquld homo uel comparaLlone [usLlflcablLur?"
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxl.

Concluslon of Lhe Sub[ecL. aln of Lhe Awakenlng. LlghL AgalnsL ueluslons.

1. 1o brlng Lhls maLLer Lo an end, l say LhaL lL ls noL necessary for Lhe
soul Lo glve lLs consenL here, lL ls already glven: Lhe soul knows LhaL lL
has glven up lLs wlll lnLo Pls hands, [296] and LhaL lL cannoL decelve Plm,
because Pe knoweLh all Lhlngs. lL ls noL here as lL ls ln Lhe world, where
all llfe ls full of decelL and double-deallng. When you Lhlnk you have
galned one man's good wlll, because of Lhe ouLward show he makes, you
afLerwards learn LhaL all was a lle. no one can llve ln Lhe mldsL of so much
schemlng, parLlcularly lf Lhere be any lnLeresLs aL sLake.

2. 8lessed, Lhen, ls LhaL soul whlch our Lord draws on Lo Lhe undersLandlng
of Lhe LruLh! Ch, whaL a sLaLe for klngs! Pow much beLLer lL would be for
Lhem lf Lhey sLrove for Lhls, raLher Lhan for greaL domlnlons! Pow [usLlce
would prevall under Lhelr rule! WhaL evlls would be prevenLed, and mlghL
have been prevenLed already! Pere no man fears Lo lose llfe or honour for
Lhe love of Cod. WhaL a grand Lhlng Lhls would be Lo hlm who ls more bound
Lhan Lhose beneaLh hlm Lo regard Lhe honour of our Lord!-for lL ls klngs
whom Lhe crowd musL follow. 1o make one sLep ln Lhe propagaLlon of Lhe
falLh, and Lo glve one ray of llghL Lo hereLlcs, l would forfelL a Lhousand
klngdoms. And wlLh good reason: for lL ls anoLher Lhlng alLogeLher Lo galn a
klngdom LhaL shall never end, because one drop of Lhe waLer of LhaL klngdom,
lf Lhe soul buL LasLes lL, renders Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls world
uLLerly loaLhsome.

3. lf, Lhen, Lhe soul should be wholly engulfed, whaL Lhen? C Lord, lf 1hou
werL Lo glve me Lhe rlghL Lo publlsh Lhls abroad, people would noL belleve
me- as Lhey do noL belleve many who are able Lo speak of lL ln a way very
dlfferenL from mlne, buL l should saLlsfy myself, aL leasL. l belleve l
should counL my llfe as noLhlng, lf l mlghL make oLhers undersLand buL one
of Lhese LruLhs. l know noL whaL l shall do afLerwards, for l cannoL LrusL
myself, Lhough l am whaL l am, l have a vlolenL deslre, whlch ls wasLlng me,
Lo say Lhls Lo Lhose who are ln auLhorlLy. And now LhaL l can do no more, l
beLake myself Lo 1hee, C my Lord, Lo lmplore a remedy for all. 1hou knowesL
well LhaL l would gladly dlvesL myself of all Lhe graces whlch 1hou hasL
glven me,-provlded l remalned ln a condlLlon never Lo offend 1hee,-and glve
Lhem up Lo Lhose who are klngs, for l know lL would Lhen be lmposslble for
Lhem Lo allow whaL Lhey allow now, or fall Lo recelve Lhe very
greaLesL blesslngs.

4. C my Cod, make klngs Lo undersLand how far Lhelr obllgaLlons reach! 1hou
hasL been pleased Lo dlsLlngulsh Lhem on earLh ln such a way LhaL-so l have
heard-1hou showesL slgns ln Lhe heavens when 1hou LakesL any of Lhem away.
CerLalnly, when l Lhlnk of Lhls, my devoLlon ls sLlrred, because 1hou wllL
have Lhem learn, C my klng, even from Lhls, LhaL Lhey musL lmlLaLe 1hee ln
Lhelr llves, seelng LhaL, when Lhey dle, slgns are vlslble ln Lhe heavens,
as lL was when 1hou werL dylng 1hyself.

3. l am very bold, lf lL be wrong, you, my faLher, wlll Lear Lhls ouL: only
belleve LhaL l should speak much more Lo Lhe purpose ln Lhe presence of
klngs,-lf l mlghL, or LhoughL Lhey would llsLen Lo me,-for l recommend Lhem
greaLly Lo Cod, and l wlsh l mlghL be of servlce Lo Lhem. All Lhls makes one
rlsk llfe, for l long frequenLly Lo lose mlne,-and LhaL would be Lo lose a
llLLle for Lhe chance of galnlng much, for surely lL ls noL posslble Lo
llve, when we see wlLh our eyes Lhe greaL deluslon whereln we are walklng,
and Lhe bllndness ln whlch we are llvlng.

6. A soul LhaL has aLLalned Lo Lhls ls noL llmlLed Lo Lhe deslres lL has Lo
serve Cod, for Pls Ma[esLy glves lL sLrengLh Lo brlng Lhose deslres Lo good
effecL. noLhlng can be puL before lL lnLo whlch lL wlll noL Lhrow lLself, lf
only lL Lhlnks LhaL Cod may be served Lhereby: and yeL lL ls dolng noLhlng,
because, as l sald before, [297] lL sees clearly LhaL all ls noLhlng, excepL
pleaslng Cod. 1he Lrlal ls, LhaL Lhose who are so worLhless as l am, have no
Lrlal of Lhe klnd. May lL be 1hy good pleasure, C my Cod, LhaL Lhe Llme may
come ln whlch l may be able Lo pay one farLhlng aL leasL, of Lhe heavy debL
l owe 1hee! uo 1hou, C Lord, so dlspose maLLers accordlng Lo 1hy wlll, LhaL
Lhls 1hy servanL may do 1hee some servlce. CLher women Lhere have been who
dld herolc deeds for 1hee, l am good only Lo Lalk, and so lL has noL been
1hy pleasure, C my Cod, LhaL l should do any Lhlng: all ends ln Lalk and
deslres-LhaL ls all my servlce. And yeL even ln Lhls l am noL free, because
lL ls posslble l mlghL fall alLogeLher.

7. SLrengLhen 1hou my soul, and prepare lL, C Cood of all good, and, my
!esus, Lhen ordaln 1hou Lhe means whereby l may do someLhlng for 1hee, so
LhaL Lhere may be noL even one who can bear Lo recelve so much, and make no
paymenL ln reLurn. CosL whaL lL may, C Lord, leL me noL come before 1hee
wlLh hands so empLy, [298] seelng LhaL Lhe reward of every one wlll be
accordlng Lo hls works. [299] 8ehold my llfe, behold my good name and my
wlll, l have glven Lhem all Lo 1hee, l am 1hlne: dlspose of me accordlng Lo
1hy wlll. l see well enough, C Lord, how llLLle l can do, buL now, havlng
drawn near Lo 1hee,-havlng ascended Lo Lhls waLchLower, from whlch Lhe LruLh
may be seen,-and whlle 1hou deparLesL noL from me, l can do all Lhlngs, buL
lf 1hou deparLesL from me, were lL buL for a momenL, l shall go LhlLher
where l was once-LhaL ls, Lo hell. [300]

8. Ch, whaL lL ls for a soul ln Lhls sLaLe Lo have Lo reLurn Lo Lhe commerce
of Lhe world, Lo see and look on Lhe farce of Lhls llfe, [301] so
lll-ordered, Lo wasLe lLs Llme ln aLLendlng Lo Lhe body by sleeplng and
eaLlng! [302] All ls wearlsome, lL cannoL run away,-lL sees lLself chalned
and lmprlsoned, lL feels Lhen mosL keenly Lhe capLlvlLy lnLo whlch Lhe body
has broughL us, and Lhe wreLchedness of Lhls llfe. lL undersLands Lhe reason
why SL. aul prayed Lo Cod Lo dellver hlm from lL. [303] 1he soul crles wlLh
Lhe AposLle, and calls upon Cod Lo dellver lL, as l sald on anoLher
occaslon. [304] 8uL here lL ofLen crles wlLh so much vlolence, LhaL lL seems
as lf lL would go ouL of Lhe body ln search of lLs freedom, now LhaL Lhey do
noL Lake lL away. lL ls as a slave sold lnLo a sLrange land, and whaL
dlsLresses lL mosL ls, LhaL lL cannoL flnd many who make Lhe same complalnL
and Lhe same prayer: Lhe deslre of llfe ls more common.

9. Ch, lf we were uLLerly deLached,-lf we never placed our happlness ln
anyLhlng of Lhls world,-how Lhe paln, caused by llvlng always away from Cod,
would Lemper Lhe fear of deaLh wlLh Lhe deslre of en[oylng Lhe Lrue llfe!
SomeLlmes l conslder, lf a person llke myself-because our Lord has glven
Lhls llghL Lo me, whose love ls so cold, and whose Lrue resL ls so
uncerLaln, for l have noL deserved lL by my works-frequenLly feels her
banlshmenL so much, whaL Lhe feellngs of Lhe SalnLs musL have been. WhaL
musL SL. aul and Lhe Magdalene, and oLhers llke Lhem, have suffered, ln
whom Lhe flre of Lhe love of Cod has grown so sLrong? 1helr llfe musL have
been a conLlnual marLyrdom. lL seems Lo me LhaL Lhey who brlng me any
comforL, and whose conversaLlon ls any rellef, are Lhose persons ln whom l
flnd Lhese deslres-l mean, deslres wlLh acLs. l say wlLh acLs, for Lhere are
people who Lhlnk Lhemselves deLached, and who say so of Lhemselves,-and lL
musL be so, for Lhelr vocaLlon demands lL, as well as Lhe many years LhaL
are passed slnce some of Lhem began Lo walk ln Lhe way of perfecLlon,-buL my
soul dlsLlngulshes clearly, and afar off, beLween Lhose who are deLached ln
words, and Lhose who make good Lhose words by deeds. 1he llLLle progress of
Lhe former, and Lhe greaL progress of Lhe laLLer, make lL plaln. 1hls ls a
maLLer whlch a person of any experlence can see lnLo mosL clearly.

10. So far, Lhen, of Lhe effecLs of Lhose rapLures whlch come from Lhe
SplrlL of Cod. 1he LruLh ls, LhaL Lhese are greaLer or less. l say less,
because ln Lhe beglnnlng, Lhough Lhe effecLs are wroughL, Lhey are noL
LesLed by works, and so lL cannoL be clear LhaL a person has Lhem, and
perfecLlon, Loo, ls a Lhlng of growLh, and of labourlng afLer freedom from
Lhe cobwebs of memory, and Lhls requlres some Llme. Meanwhlle, Lhe greaLer
Lhe growLh of love and humlllLy ln Lhe soul, Lhe sLronger Lhe perfume of Lhe
flowers of vlrLues ls for lLself and for oLhers. 1he LruLh ls, LhaL our Lord
can so work ln Lhe soul ln an lnsLanL durlng Lhese rapLures, LhaL buL llLLle
remalns for Lhe soul Lo do ln order Lo aLLaln Lo perfecLlon. no one, who has
noL had experlence of lL, wlll ever be able Lo belleve whaL our Lord now
besLows on Lhe soul. no efforL of ours-so l Lhlnk-can ever reach so far.

11. Powever, l do noL mean Lo say LhaL Lhose persons who durlng many years
make use of Lhe meLhod prescrlbed by wrlLers on prayer,-who dlscuss Lhe
prlnclples Lhereof, and Lhe means whereby lL may be acqulred,-wlll noL, by
Lhe help of our Lord, aLLaln Lo perfecLlon and greaL deLachmenL wlLh much
labour, buL Lhey wlll noL aLLaln Lo lL so rapldly as by Lhe way of rapLures,
ln whlch our Lord works lndependenLly of us, draws Lhe soul uLLerly away
from earLh, and glves lL domlnlon over all Lhlngs here below, Lhough Lhe
merlLs of LhaL soul may noL be greaLer Lhan mlne were:

l cannoL use sLronger language, for my merlLs are as noLhlng. Why Pls
Ma[esLy doeLh Lhls ls, because lL ls Pls pleasure, and Pe doeLh lL accordlng
Lo Pls pleasure, even lf Lhe soul be wlLhouL Lhe flLLlng dlsposlLlon, Pe
dlsposes lL for Lhe recepLlon of LhaL blesslng whlch Pe ls glvlng Lo lL.
AlLhough lL be mosL cerLaln LhaL Pe never falls Lo comforL Lhose who do
well, and sLrlve Lo be deLached, sLlll Pe does noL always glve Lhese effecLs
because Lhey have deserved Lhem aL Pls hands by culLlvaLlng Lhe garden, buL
because lL ls Pls wlll Lo show Pls greaLness aL Llmes ln a soll whlch ls
mosL worLhless, as l have [usL sald, and Lo prepare lL for all good: and all
Lhls ln such a way LhaL lL seems as lf Lhe soul was now, ln a manner, unable
Lo go back and llve ln sln agalnsL Cod, as lL dld before.

12. 1he mlnd ls now so lnured Lo Lhe comprehenslon of LhaL whlch ls LruLh
lndeed, LhaL everyLhlng else seems Lo lL Lo be buL chlld's play. lL laughs
Lo lLself, aL Llmes, when lL sees grave men-men glven Lo prayer, men of
rellglon-make much of polnLs of honour, whlch lLself ls Lrampllng beneaLh
lLs feeL. 1hey say LhaL dlscreLlon, and Lhe dlgnlLy of Lhelr calllngs,
requlre lL of Lhem as a means Lo do more good, buL LhaL soul knows perfecLly
well LhaL Lhey would do more good ln one day by preferrlng Lhe love of Cod
Lo Lhls Lhelr dlgnlLy, Lhan Lhey wlll do ln Len years by conslderlng lL.

13. 1he llfe of Lhls soul ls a llfe of Lrouble: Lhe cross ls always Lhere,
buL Lhe progress lL makes ls greaL. When Lhose who have Lo do wlLh lL Lhlnk
lL has arrlved aL Lhe summlL of perfecLlon, wlLhln a llLLle whlle Lhey see
lL much more advanced, for Cod ls ever glvlng lL grace upon grace. Cod ls
Lhe soul of LhaL soul now, lL ls Pe who has Lhe charge of lL, and so Pe
enllghLens lL, for Pe seems Lo be waLchlng over lL, always aLLenLlve Lo lL,
LhaL lL may noL offend Plm,-glvlng lL grace, and sLlrrlng lL up ln Pls
servlce. When my soul reached Lhls sLaLe, ln whlch Cod showed me mercy so
greaL, my wreLchedness came Lo an end, and our Lord gave me sLrengLh Lo rlse
above lL. 1he former occaslons of sln, as well as Lhe persons wlLh whom l
was accusLomed Lo dlsLracL myself, dld me no more harm Lhan lf Lhey had
never exlsLed, on Lhe conLrary, LhaL whlch ordlnarlly dld me harm, helped me
on. LveryLhlng conLrlbuLed Lo make me know Cod more, and Lo love Plm, Lo
make me see how much l owed Plm, as well as Lo be sorry for belng whaL l
had been.

14. l saw clearly LhaL Lhls dld noL come from myself, LhaL l had noL broughL
lL abouL by any efforLs of my own, and LhaL Lhere was noL Llme enough for
lL. Pls Ma[esLy, of Pls mere goodness, had glven me sLrengLh for lL. lrom
Lhe Llme our Lord began Lo glve me Lhe grace of rapLures, unLll now, Lhls
sLrengLh has gone on lncreaslng. Pe, of Pls goodness, haLh held me by Lhe
hand, LhaL l mlghL noL go back. l do noL Lhlnk LhaL l am dolng anyLhlng
myself-cerLalnly l do noL, for l see dlsLlncLly LhaL all Lhls ls Lhe work of
our Lord. lor Lhls reason, lL seems Lo me LhaL Lhe soul ln whlch our Lord
workeLh Lhese graces,-lf lL walks ln humlllLy and fear, always acknowledglng
Lhe work of our Lord, and LhaL we ourselves can do, as lL were, noLhlng,-may
be Lhrown among any companlons, and, however dlsLracLed and wlcked Lhese
may
be, wlll nelLher be hurL nor dlsLurbed ln any way, on Lhe conLrary, as l
have [usL sald, LhaL wlll help lL on, and be a means unLo lL whereby lL may
derlve much greaLer proflL.

13. 1hose souls are sLrong whlch are chosen by our Lord Lo do good Lo
oLhers, sLlll, Lhls Lhelr sLrengLh ls noL Lhelr own. When our Lord brlngs a
soul on Lo Lhls sLaLe, Pe communlcaLes Lo lL of Pls greaLesL secreLs by
degrees. 1rue revelaLlons-Lhe greaL glfLs and vlslons-come by ecsLasles, all
Lendlng Lo make Lhe soul humble and sLrong, Lo make lL desplse Lhe Lhlngs of
Lhls world, and have a clearer knowledge of Lhe greaLness of Lhe reward
whlch our Lord has prepared for Lhose who serve Plm. [303]

16. May lL please Pls Ma[esLy LhaL Lhe greaL munlflcence wlLh whlch Pe haLh
dealL wlLh me, mlserable slnner LhaL l am, may have some welghL wlLh Lhose
who shall read Lhls, so LhaL Lhey may be sLrong and courageous enough Lo
glve up everyLhlng uLLerly for Cod. lf Pls Ma[esLy repays us so abundanLly,
LhaL even ln Lhls llfe Lhe reward and galn of Lhose who serve Plm become
vlslble, whaL wlll lL be ln Lhe nexL?
_________________________________________________________________

[296] [239]Ch. xx. 30.

[297] [260]Ch. xx. 34.

[298] Lxod. xxlll. 13: "non apparebls ln conspecLu meo vacuus."

[299] Apoc. ll. 23: "uabo unlculque vesLrum secundum opera sua."

[300] See [261]ch. xxxll. 1.

[301] "larsa de esLa vlda Lan mal concerLada."

[302] lnner lorLress, lv. ch. l. 11.

[303] 8om. vll. 24: "Culs me llberablL de corpore morLls hu[us?"

[304] [262]Ch. xvl. 7.

[303] 1 Cor. ll. 9: "Cu prparavlL ueus hls qul dlllgunL lllum."
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxll.

1he SecurlLy of ConLemplaLlves Lles ln 1helr noL Ascendlng Lo Plgh 1hlngs lf
Cur Lord uoes noL 8alse 1hem. 1he Sacred PumanlLy MusL 8e Lhe 8oad Lo Lhe
PlghesL ConLemplaLlon. A ueluslon ln Whlch Lhe SalnL Was Cnce LnLangled.

1. 1here ls one Lhlng l should llke Lo say-l Lhlnk lL lmporLanL: and lf you,
my faLher, approve, lL wlll serve for a lesson LhaL posslbly may be
necessary, for ln some books on prayer Lhe wrlLers say LhaL Lhe soul, Lhough
lL cannoL ln lLs own sLrengLh aLLaln Lo Lhls sLaLe,-because lL ls alLogeLher
a supernaLural work wroughL ln lL by our Lord,-may neverLheless succeed, by
llfLlng up Lhe splrlL above all creaLed Lhlngs, and ralslng lL upwards ln
humlllLy, afLer some years spenL ln a purgaLlve llfe, and advanclng ln Lhe
lllumlnaLlve. l do noL very well know whaL Lhey mean by lllumlnaLlve: l
undersLand lL Lo mean Lhe llfe of Lhose who are maklng progress. And Lhey
advlse us much Lo wlLhdraw from all bodlly lmaglnaLlon, and draw near Lo Lhe
conLemplaLlon of Lhe ulvlnlLy, for Lhey say LhaL Lhose who have advanced so
far would be embarrassed or hlndered ln Lhelr way Lo Lhe hlghesL
conLemplaLlon, lf Lhey regarded even Lhe Sacred PumanlLy lLself. [306] 1hey
defend Lhelr oplnlon [307] by brlnglng forward Lhe words [308] of our Lord
Lo Lhe AposLles, concernlng Lhe comlng of Lhe Poly ChosL, l mean LhaL Comlng
whlch was afLer Lhe Ascenslon. lf Lhe AposLles had belleved, as Lhey
belleved afLer Lhe Comlng of Lhe Poly ChosL, LhaL Pe ls boLh Cod and Man,
Pls bodlly resence would, ln my oplnlon, have been no hlndrance, for Lhose
words were noL sald Lo Lhe MoLher of Cod, Lhough she loved Plm more Lhan
all. [309] 1hey Lhlnk LhaL, as Lhls work of conLemplaLlon ls wholly
splrlLual, any bodlly ob[ecL whaLever can dlsLurb or hlnder lL. 1hey say
LhaL Lhe conLemplaLlve should regard hlmself as belng wlLhln a deflnlLe
space, Cod everywhere around, and hlmself absorbed ln Plm. 1hls ls whaL we
should alm aL.

2. 1hls seems Lo me rlghL enough now and Lhen, buL Lo wlLhdraw alLogeLher
from ChrlsL, and Lo compare Pls dlvlne 8ody wlLh our mlserles or wlLh any
creaLed Lhlng whaLever, ls whaL l cannoL endure. May Cod help me Lo explaln
myself! l am noL conLradlcLlng Lhem on Lhls polnL, for Lhey are learned and
splrlLual persons, undersLandlng whaL Lhey say: Cod, Loo, ls guldlng souls
by many ways and meLhods, as Pe has gulded mlne. lL ls of my own soul LhaL l
wlsh Lo speak now,-l do noL lnLermeddle wlLh oLhers,-and of Lhe danger l was
ln because l would comply wlLh Lhe dlrecLlons l was readlng. l can well
belleve LhaL he who has aLLalned Lo unlon, and advances no furLher,-LhaL ls,
Lo rapLures, vlslons, and oLher graces of Cod glven Lo souls,-wlll conslder
LhaL oplnlon Lo be besL, as l dld myself: and lf l had conLlnued ln lL, l

belleve l should never have reached Lhe sLaLe l am ln now. l hold lL Lo be a
deluslon: sLlll, lL may be LhaL lL ls l who am deluded. 8uL l wlll Lell you
whaL happened Lo me.

3. As l had no dlrecLor, l used Lo read Lhese books, where, by llLLle and
llLLle, l LhoughL l mlghL undersLand someLhlng. l found ouL afLerwards LhaL,
lf our Lord had noL shown me Lhe way, l should have learned buL llLLle from
books, for l undersLood really noLhlng Llll Pls Ma[esLy made me learn by
experlence: nelLher dld l know whaL l was dolng. So, ln Lhe beglnnlng, when
l aLLalned Lo some degree of supernaLural prayer,-l speak of Lhe prayer of
quleL,-l laboured Lo remove from myself every LhoughL of bodlly ob[ecLs, buL
l dld noL dare Lo llfL up my soul, for LhaL l saw would be presumpLlon ln
me, who was always so wlcked. l LhoughL, however, LhaL l had a sense of Lhe
presence of Cod: Lhls was Lrue, and l conLrlved Lo be ln a sLaLe of
recollecLlon before Plm. 1hls meLhod of prayer ls full of sweeLness, lf Cod
helps us ln lL, and Lhe [oy of lL ls greaL. And so, because l was consclous
of Lhe proflL and dellghL whlch Lhls way furnlshed me, no one could have
broughL me back Lo Lhe conLemplaLlon of Lhe Sacred PumanlLy, for LhaL seemed
Lo me Lo be a real hlndrance Lo prayer.

4. C Lord of my soul, and my Cood! !esus ChrlsL cruclfled! l never Lhlnk of
Lhls oplnlon, whlch l Lhen held, wlLhouL paln, l belleve lL was an acL of
hlgh Lreason, Lhough done ln lgnorance. PlLherLo, l had been all my llfe
long so devouL Lo Lhe Sacred PumanlLy-for Lhls happened buL laLely, l mean
by laLely, LhaL lL was before our Lord gave me Lhe grace of rapLures and
vlslons. l dld noL conLlnue long of Lhls oplnlon, [310] and so l reLurned Lo
my hablL of dellghLlng ln our Lord, parLlcularly aL Communlon. l wlsh l
could have Pls plcLure and lmage always before my eyes, slnce l

cannoL have Plm graven ln my soul as deeply as l wlsh.

3. ls lL posslble, C my Lord, LhaL l could have had Lhe LhoughL, lf only for
an hour, LhaL 1hou couldsL be a hlndrance Lo my greaLesL good? Whence are
all my blesslngs? are Lhey noL from 1hee? l wlll noL Lhlnk LhaL l was
blamable, for l was very sorry for lL, and lL was cerLalnly done ln
lgnorance. And so lL pleased 1hee, ln 1hy goodness, Lo succour me, by
sendlng me one who has dellvered me from Lhls deluslon, and afLerwards by
showlng 1hyself Lo me so many Llmes, as l shall relaLe hereafLer, [311] LhaL
l mlghL clearly percelve how greaL my deluslon was, and also Lell lL Lo many
persons, whlch l have done, as well as descrlbe lL as l am dolng now. l
belleve myself LhaL Lhls ls Lhe reason why so many souls, afLer advanclng Lo
Lhe prayer of unlon, make no furLher progress, and do noL aLLaln Lo very
greaL llberLy of splrlL.

6. lL seems Lo me, LhaL Lhere are Lwo conslderaLlons on whlch l may ground
Lhls oplnlon. erhaps l am saylng noLhlng Lo Lhe purpose, yeL whaL l say ls
Lhe resulL of experlence, for my soul was ln a very evll pllghL, Llll our
Lord enllghLened lL: all lLs [oys were buL slps, and when lL had come forLh
Lherefrom, lL never found lLself ln LhaL company whlch afLerwards lL had ln
Lrlals and LempLaLlons.

7. 1he flrsL conslderaLlon ls Lhls: Lhere ls a llLLle absence of humlllLy-so
secreL and so hldden, LhaL we do noL observe lL. Who ls Lhere so proud and
wreLched as l, LhaL, even afLer labourlng all hls llfe ln penances and
prayers and persecuLlons, can posslbly lmaglne hlmself noL Lo be exceedlngly
rlch, mosL abundanLly rewarded, when our Lord permlLs hlm Lo sLand wlLh SL.
!ohn aL Lhe fooL of Lhe cross? l know noL lnLo whose head lL could have
enLered Lo be noL saLlsfled wlLh Lhls, unless lL be mlne, whlch has gone
wrong ln every way where lL should have gone rlghL onwards.

8. 1hen, lf our consLlLuLlon-or perhaps slckness-wlll noL permlL us always
Lo Lhlnk of Pls asslon, because lL ls so palnful, who ls Lo hlnder us from
Lhlnklng of Plm rlsen from Lhe grave, seelng LhaL we have Plm so near us ln
Lhe SacramenL, where he ls glorlfled, and where we shall noL see Plm ln Pls
greaL wearlness-scourged, sLreamlng wlLh blood, falnL by Lhe way, persecuLed
by Lhose Lo whom Pe had done good, and noL belleved ln by Lhe AposLles?
CerLalnly lL ls noL always LhaL one can bear Lo medlLaLe on sufferlngs so
greaL as were Lhose Pe underwenL. 8ehold Plm here, before Pls ascenslon lnLo
heaven, wlLhouL paln, all-glorlous, glvlng sLrengLh Lo some and courage Lo
oLhers. ln Lhe mosL Poly SacramenL, Pe ls our companlon, as lf lL was noL ln
Pls power Lo wlLhdraw Plmself for a momenL from us. And yeL lL was ln my
power Lo wlLhdraw from 1hee, C my Lord, LhaL l mlghL serve 1hee beLLer! lL
may be LhaL l knew 1hee noL when l slnned agalnsL 1hee, buL how could l,
havlng once known 1hee, ever Lhlnk l should galn more ln Lhls way? C Lord,
whaL an evll way l Look! and l was golng ouL of Lhe way, lf 1hou hadsL noL
broughL me back Lo lL. When l see 1hee near me, l see all good Lhlngs
LogeLher. no Lrlal befalls me LhaL ls noL easy Lo bear, when l Lhlnk of 1hee
sLandlng before Lhose who [udged 1hee.

9. WlLh so good a lrlend and CapLaln ever presenL, Plmself Lhe flrsL Lo
suffer, everyLhlng can be borne. Pe helps, Pe sLrengLhens, Pe never falls,
Pe ls Lhe Lrue lrlend. l see clearly, and slnce Lhen have always seen, LhaL
lf we are Lo please Cod, and lf Pe ls Lo glve us Pls greaL graces,
everyLhlng musL pass Lhrough Lhe hands of Pls mosL Sacred PumanlLy, ln whom
Pls Ma[esLy sald LhaL Pe ls well pleased. [312] l know Lhls by repeaLed
experlence: our Lord has Lold lL me. l have seen clearly LhaL Lhls ls Lhe
door [313] by whlch we are Lo enLer, lf we would have Pls supreme Ma[esLy
reveal Lo us Pls greaL secreLs.

10. So, Lhen, l would have your reverence seek no oLher way, even lf you
were arrlved aL Lhe hlghesL conLemplaLlon. 1hls way ls safe. Cur Lord ls Pe
by whom all good Lhlngs come Lo us, Pe wlll Leach you. Conslder Pls llfe,
LhaL ls Lhe besL example. WhaL more can we wanL Lhan so good a lrlend aL our
slde, who wlll noL forsake us when we are ln Lrouble and dlsLress, as Lhey
do who belong Lo Lhls world! 8lessed ls he who Lruly loves Plm, and who
always has Plm near hlm! LeL us conslder Lhe glorlous SL. aul, who seems as
lf !esus was never absenL from hls llps, as lf he had Plm deep down ln hls
hearL. AfLer l had heard Lhls of some greaL SalnLs glven Lo conLemplaLlon, l
consldered Lhe maLLer carefully, and l see LhaL Lhey walked ln no oLher way.
SL. lrancls wlLh Lhe sLlgmaLa proves lL, SL. AnLony of adua wlLh Lhe lnfanL
!esus, SL. 8ernard re[olced ln Lhe Sacred PumanlLy, so dld SL. CaLherlne of
Slena, and many oLhers, as your reverence knows beLLer Lhan l do.

11. 1hls wlLhdrawlng from bodlly ob[ecLs musL no doubL be good, seelng LhaL
lL ls recommended by persons who are so splrlLual, buL, ln my oplnlon, lL
oughL Lo be done only when Lhe soul has made very greaL progress, for unLll
Lhen lL ls clear LhaL Lhe CreaLor musL be soughL for Lhrough Pls creaLures.
All Lhls depends on Lhe grace whlch our Lord dlsLrlbuLes Lo every soul. l do
noL lnLermeddle here. WhaL l would say ls, LhaL Lhe mosL Sacred PumanlLy of
ChrlsL ls noL Lo be counLed among Lhe ob[ecLs from whlch we have Lo
wlLhdraw. LeL Lhls be clearly undersLood. l wlsh l knew how Lo explaln lL.
[314]

12. When Cod suspends all Lhe powers of Lhe soul,-as we see Pe does ln Lhe
sLaLes of prayer already descrlbed,-lL ls clear LhaL, wheLher we wlsh lL or
noL, Lhls presence ls wlLhdrawn. 8e lL so, Lhen. 1he loss ls a blessed one,
because lL Lakes place ln order LhaL we may have a deeper frulLlon of whaL
we seem Lo have losL, for aL LhaL momenL Lhe whole soul ls occupled ln
lovlng Plm whom Lhe undersLandlng has Lolled Lo know, and lL loves whaL lL
has noL comprehended, and re[olces ln whaL lL could noL have re[olced ln so
well, lf lL had noL losL lLself, ln order, as l am saylng, Lo galn lLself
Lhe more. 8uL LhaL we should carefully and laborlously accusLom ourselves
noL Lo sLrlve wlLh all our mlghL Lo have always-and please Cod lL be
always!-Lhe mosL Sacred PumanlLy before our eyes,-Lhls, l say, ls whaL seems
Lo me noL Lo be rlghL: lL ls maklng Lhe soul, as Lhey say, Lo walk ln Lhe
alr, for lL has noLhlng Lo resL on, how full soever of Cod lL may Lhlnk
lLself Lo be.

13. lL ls a greaL maLLer for us Lo have our Lord before us as Man whlle we
are llvlng and ln Lhe flesh. 1hls ls LhaL oLher lnconvenlence whlch l say
musL be meL wlLh. 1he flrsL-l have already begun Lo descrlbe lL-ls a llLLle
fallure ln humlllLy, ln LhaL Lhe soul deslres Lo rlse of lLself before our
Lord ralses lL, and ls noL saLlsfled wlLh medlLaLlon on so excellenL a
sub[ecL,-seeklng Lo be Mary before lL has laboured wlLh MarLha. lf our Lord
wlll have a soul Lo be Mary, even on Lhe flrsL day, Lhere ls noLhlng Lo be
afrald of, buL we musL noL be self-lnvlLed guesLs, as l Lhlnk l sald on
anoLher occaslon. [313] 1hls llLLle moLe of wanL of humlllLy, Lhough ln
appearance a mere noLhlng, does a greaL deal of harm Lo Lhose who wlsh Lo
advance ln conLemplaLlon.

14. l now come back Lo Lhe second conslderaLlon. We are noL angels, for we
have a body, Lo seek Lo make ourselves angels whlle we are on Lhe earLh, and
so much on Lhe earLh as l was, ls an acL of folly. ln general, our LhoughLs
musL have someLhlng Lo resL on, Lhough Lhe soul may go forLh ouL of lLself
now and Lhen, or lL may be very ofLen so full of Cod as Lo be ln need of no
creaLed Lhlng by Lhe help of whlch lL may recollecL lLself. 8uL Lhls ls noL
so common a case, for when we have many Lhlngs Lo do, when we are persecuLed
and ln Lrouble, when we cannoL have much resL, and when we have our seasons
of dryness, ChrlsL ls our besL lrlend, for we regard Plm as Man, and behold
Plm falnL and ln Lrouble, and Pe ls our Companlon, and when we shall have
accusLomed ourselves ln Lhls way, lL ls very easy Lo flnd Plm near us,
alLhough Lhere wlll be occaslons from Llme Lo Llme when we can do nelLher
Lhe one nor Lhe oLher.

13. lor Lhls end, LhaL ls useful whlch l spoke of before: [316] we musL noL
show ourselves as labourlng afLer splrlLual consolaLlons, come whaL may, Lo
embrace Lhe cross ls Lhe greaL Lhlng. 1he Lord of all consolaLlon was
Plmself forsaken: Lhey lefL Plm alone ln Pls sorrows. uo noL leL us forsake
Plm, for Pls hand wlll help us Lo rlse more Lhan any efforLs we can make,
and Pe wlll wlLhdraw Plmself when Pe sees lL be expedlenL for us, and when
Pe pleaseLh wlll also draw Lhe soul forLh ouL of lLself, as l sald before.
[317]

16. Cod ls greaLly pleased when Pe beholds a soul ln lLs humlllLy maklng Pls
Son a MedlaLor beLween lLself and Plm, and yeL lovlng Plm so much as Lo
confess lLs own unworLhlness, even when Pe would ralse lL up Lo Lhe hlghesL
conLemplaLlon, and saylng wlLh SL. eLer: [318] "Co 1hou away from me, C
Lord, for l am a slnful man." l know Lhls by experlence: lL was Lhus LhaL
Cod dlrecLed my soul. CLhers may walk, as l sald before, [319] by anoLher
and a shorLer road. WhaL l have undersLood of Lhe maLLer ls Lhls: LhaL Lhe
whole foundaLlon of prayer musL be lald ln humlllLy, and LhaL Lhe more a
soul humbles lLself ln prayer, Lhe more Cod llfLs lL up. l do noL remember
LhaL Pe ever showed me any of Lhose marvellous mercles, of whlch l shall
speak hereafLer, [320] aL any oLher Llme Lhan when l was as one broughL Lo
noLhlng, [321] by seelng how wlcked l was. Moreover, Pls Ma[esLy conLrlved
Lo make me undersLand maLLers LhaL helped me Lo know myself, buL whlch l
could never have even lmaglned of myself.

17. l belleve myself LhaL lf a soul makes any efforLs of lLs own Lo furLher
lLself ln Lhe way of Lhe prayer of unlon, and Lhough lL may seem Lo make
lmmedlaLe progress, lL wlll qulckly fall back, because Lhe foundaLlons were
noL duly lald. l fear, Loo, LhaL such a soul wlll never aLLaln Lo Lrue
poverLy of splrlL, whlch conslsLs ln seeklng consolaLlon or sweeLness, noL
ln prayer,-Lhe consolaLlons of Lhe earLh are already abandoned,-buL raLher
ln sorrows, for Lhe love of Plm who always llved ln sorrows Plmself, [322]
and ln belng calm ln Lhe mldsL of sorrows and arldlLles. 1hough Lhe soul may
feel lL ln some measure, Lhere ls no dlsquleL, nor any of LhaL paln whlch
some persons suffer, who, lf Lhey are noL always labourlng wlLh Lhe
undersLandlng and wlLh a sense of devoLlon, Lhlnk everyLhlng losL,-as lf
Lhelr efforLs merlLed so greaL a blesslng!

18. l am noL saylng LhaL men should noL seek Lo be devouL, nor LhaL Lhey
should noL sLand wlLh greaL reverence ln Lhe presence of Cod, buL only LhaL
Lhey are noL Lo vex Lhemselves lf Lhey cannoL flnd even one good LhoughL, as
l sald ln anoLher place, [323] for we are unproflLable servanLs. [324] WhaL
do we Lhlnk we can do? Cur Lord granL LhaL we undersLand Lhls, and LhaL we
may be Lhose llLLle asses who drlve Lhe wlndlass l spoke of: [323] Lhese,
Lhough Lhelr eyes are bandaged, and Lhey do noL undersLand whaL Lhey are
dolng, yeL draw up more waLer Lhan Lhe gardener can draw wlLh all hls
efforLs. We musL walk ln llberLy on Lhls road, commlLLlng ourselves lnLo Lhe
hands of Cod. lf lL be Pls Ma[esLy's good pleasure Lo ralse us and place us
among Pls chamberlalns and secreL counclllors, we musL go wllllngly, lf noL,
we musL serve Plm ln Lhe lower offlces of Pls house, and noL slL down on Lhe
upper seaLs. [326] As l have someLlmes sald, [327] Cod ls more careful of us
Lhan we are ourselves, and knows whaL each one of us ls flL for.

19. WhaL use ls Lhere ln governlng oneself by oneself, when Lhe whole wlll
has been glven up Lo Cod? l Lhlnk Lhls less endurable now Lhan ln Lhe flrsL
sLaLe of prayer, and lL does much greaLer harm, for Lhese blesslngs are
supernaLural. lf a man has a bad volce, leL hlm force hlmself ever so much
Lo slng, he wlll never lmprove lL, buL lf Cod glves hlm a good volce, he has
no need Lo Lry lL Lwlce. LeL us, Lhen, pray Plm always Lo show Pls mercy
upon us, wlLh a submlsslve splrlL, yeL LrusLlng ln Lhe goodness of Cod. And
now LhaL Lhe soul ls permlLLed Lo slL aL Lhe feeL of ChrlsL, leL lL conLrlve
noL Lo qulL lLs place, buL keep lL anyhow. LeL lL follow Lhe example of Lhe
Magdalene, and when lL shall be sLrong enough, Cod wlll lead lL lnLo
Lhe wllderness. [328]

20. ?ou, Lhen, my faLher, musL be conLenL wlLh Lhls unLll you meeL wlLh some
one of more experlence and beLLer knowledge Lhan l am. lf you see people who
are beglnnlng Lo LasLe of Cod, do noL LrusL Lhem lf Lhey Lhlnk LhaL Lhey
advance more, and have a deeper frulLlon of Cod, when Lhey make efforLs of
Lhelr own. Ch, when Cod wllls lL, how Pe dlscovers Plmself wlLhouL Lhese
llLLle efforLs of ours! We may do whaL we llke, buL Pe Lhrows Lhe splrlL
lnLo a Lrance as easlly as a glanL Lakes up a sLraw, no reslsLance ls
posslble. WhaL a Lhlng Lo belleve, LhaL Cod wlll walL Llll Lhe Load shall
fly of lLself, when Pe has already wllled lL should do so! Well, lL seems Lo
me sLlll more dlfflculL and hard for our splrlL Lo rlse upwards, lf Cod does
noL ralse lL, seelng LhaL lL ls burdened wlLh earLh, and hlndered ln a
Lhousand ways. lLs wllllngness Lo rlse ls of no servlce Lo lL, for, Lhough
an apLness for flylng be more naLural Lo lL Lhan Lo a Load, yeL ls lL so
sunk ln Lhe mlre as Lo have losL lL by lLs own faulL.

21. l come, Lhen, Lo Lhls concluslon: whenever we Lhlnk of ChrlsL, we should
remlnd ourselves of Lhe love LhaL made Plm besLow so many graces upon us,
and also how greaL LhaL love ls whlch our Lord Cod has shown us, ln glvlng
us such a pledge of Lhe love Pe bears us, for love draws forLh love. And
Lhough we are only aL Lhe very beglnnlng, and exceedlngly wlcked, yeL leL us
always labour Lo keep Lhls ln vlew, and sLlr ourselves up Lo love, for lf
once our Lord granLs us Lhls grace, of havlng Lhls love lmprlnLed ln our
hearLs, everyLhlng wlll be easy, and we shall do greaL Lhlngs ln a very
shorL Llme, and wlLh very llLLle labour. May Pls Ma[esLy glve us LhaL
love,-Pe knows Lhe greaL need we have of lL,-for Lhe sake of LhaL love whlch
Pe bore us, and of Pls glorlous Son, Lo whom lL cosL so much Lo make lL
known Lo us! Amen.

22. 1here ls one Lhlng l should llke Lo ask you, my faLher. Pow ls lL LhaL,
when our Lord beglns Lo besLow upon a soul a grace so greaL as Lhls of
perfecL conLemplaLlon, lL ls noL, as lL oughL Lo be, perfecL aL once?
CerLalnly, lL seems lL should be so, for he who recelves a grace so greaL
oughL never more Lo seek consolaLlons on earLh. Pow ls lL, l ask, LhaL a
soul whlch has ecsLasles and so far ls more accusLomed Lo recelve graces,
should yeL seem Lo brlng forLh frulLs sLlll hlgher and hlgher,-and Lhe more
so, Lhe more lL ls deLached,-when our Lord mlghL have sancLlfled lL aL once,
Lhe momenL Pe came near lL? Pow ls lL, l ask agaln, LhaL Lhe same Lord
brlngs lL Lo Lhe perfecLlon of vlrLue only ln Lhe course of Llme? l should
be glad Lo learn Lhe reason, for l know lL noL. l do know, however, LhaL ln
Lhe beglnnlng, when a Lrance lasLs only Lhe Lwlnkllng of an eye, and ls
almosL lmpercepLlble buL for Lhe effecLs lL produces, Lhe degree of sLrengLh
whlch Cod Lhen glves ls very dlfferenL from LhaL whlch Pe glves when Lhls
grace ls a Lrance of longer duraLlon.

23. very ofLen, when Lhlnklng of Lhls, have l lmaglned Lhe reason mlghL be,
LhaL Lhe soul does noL desplse lLself all aL once, Llll our Lord lnsLrucLs
lL by degrees, and makes lL resoluLe, and glves lL Lhe sLrengLh of manhood,
so LhaL lL may Lrample uLLerly upon everyLhlng. Pe gave Lhls sLrengLh Lo Lhe
Magdalene ln a momenL. Pe glves Lhe same grace Lo oLhers, accordlng Lo Lhe
measure of Lhelr abandonmenL of Lhemselves lnLo Lhe hands of Pls Ma[esLy,
LhaL Pe may do wlLh Lhem as Pe wlll. We never Lhoroughly belleve LhaL Cod
rewards a hundredfold even ln Lhls llfe. [329]

24. l also LhoughL of Lhls comparlson: supposlng grace glven Lo Lhose who
are far advanced Lo be Lhe same wlLh LhaL glven Lo Lhose who are buL
beglnners, we may Lhen llken lL Lo a cerLaln food of whlch many persons
parLake: Lhey who eaL a llLLle reLaln Lhe savour of lL for a momenL, Lhey
who eaL more are nourlshed by lL, buL Lhose who eaL much recelve llfe and
sLrengLh. now, Lhe soul may eaL so frequenLly and so abundanLly of Lhls food
of llfe as Lo have no pleasure ln eaLlng any oLher food, because lL sees how
much good lL derlves from lL. lLs LasLe ls now so formed upon lL, LhaL lL
would raLher noL llve Lhan have Lo eaL any oLher food, for all food buL Lhls
has no oLher effecL Lhan Lo Lake away Lhe sweeL savour whlch Lhls good food
leaves behlnd.

23. lurLher, Lhe conversaLlon of good people does noL proflL us ln one day
as much as lL does ln many, and we may converse wlLh Lhem long enough Lo
become llke Lhem, by Lhe grace of Cod. ln shorL, Lhe whole maLLer ls as Pls
Ma[esLy wllls. Pe glves Pls grace Lo whom Pe pleases, buL much depends on
Lhls: he who beglns Lo recelve Lhls grace musL make a flrm resoluLlon Lo
deLach hlmself from all Lhlngs, and esLeem Lhls grace accordlng Lo reason.

26. lL seems also Lo me as lf Pls Ma[esLy were golng abouL Lo Lry Lhose who
love Plm,-now one, now anoLher,-reveallng Plmself ln supreme [oy, so as Lo
qulcken our bellef, lf lL should be dead, ln whaL Pe wlll glve us, saylng,
8ehold! Lhls ls buL a drop of Lhe lmmense sea of blesslngs, for Pe leaves
noLhlng undone for Lhose Pe loves, and as Pe sees Lhem recelve lL, so Pe
glves, and Pe glves Plmself. Pe loves Lhose who love Plm. Ch, how dear Pe
ls!-how good a lrlend! C my soul's Lord, who can flnd words Lo descrlbe whaL
1hou glvesL Lo Lhose who LrusL ln 1hee, and whaL Lhey lose who come Lo Lhls
sLaLe, and yeL dwell ln Lhemselves! Ch, leL noL Lhls be so, C my Lord! for
1hou doesL more Lhan Lhls when 1hou comesL Lo a lodglng so mean as mlne.
8lessed be 1hou for ever and ever!

27. l now humbly ask you, my faLher, lf you mean Lo dlscuss whaL l have
wrlLLen on prayer wlLh splrlLual persons, Lo see LhaL Lhey are so really,
for lf Lhey be persons who know only one way, or who have sLood sLlll
mldway, Lhey wlll noL be able Lo undersLand Lhe maLLer. 1here are also some
whom Cod leads aL once by Lhe hlghesL way, Lhese Lhlnk LhaL oLhers mlghL
advance ln Lhe same manner-quleL Lhe undersLandlng, and make bodlly ob[ecLs
none of Lhelr means, buL Lhese people wlll remaln dry as a sLlck. CLhers,
also, Lhere are who, havlng for a momenL aLLalned Lo Lhe prayer of quleL,
Lhlnk forLhwlLh LhaL, as Lhey have had Lhe one, so Lhey may have Lhe oLher.
1hese lnsLead of advanclng, go back, as l sald before. [330] So, LhroughouL,
experlence and dlscreLlon are necessary. May our Lord, of Pls goodness,
besLow Lhem on us!
_________________________________________________________________

[306] See lnner lorLress, vl. 7, 4.

[307] 1hls oplnlon ls supposed Lo be [usLlfled by Lhe words of SL. 1homas, 3
SenL. dlsL. 22, qu. 3, arL. 1, ad qulnLum. "Corporalls prsenLla ChrlsLl ln
duobus poLeraL esse noclva. rlmo, quanLum ad fldem, qula vldenLes Lum ln
forma ln qua eraL mlnor aLre, non lLa de faclll crederenL Lum qualem
aLrl, uL dlclL glossa super !oannem. Secundo, quanLum ad dllecLlonem, qula
Lum non solum splrlLuallLer, sed eLlam carnallLer dlllgeremus, conversanLes
cum lpso corporallLer, eL hoc esL de lmperfecLlone dllecLlonls."

[308] SL. !ohn xvl. 7: "LxpedlL vobls uL Lgo vadam, sl enlm non ablero,
aracleLus non venleL ad vos."

[309] 1hls senLence ls ln Lhe margln of Lhe orlglnal MS., noL ln Lhe LexL,
buL ln Lhe handwrlLlng of Lhe SalnL (ue la luenLe).

[310] "l mean by laLely . . . and vlslons" ls ln Lhe margln of Lhe MS., buL
ln Lhe handwrlLlng of Lhe SalnL (ue la luenLe).

[311] [263]Ch. xxvlll. 4.

[312] SL. MaLL. lll. 17: "Plc esL llllus Meus dllecLus, ln quo Mlhl
complacul."

[313] SL. !ohn x. 7, 9: "Lgo sum osLlum."

[314] See SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [264]MounL Carmel, bk. lll. ch. l. p. 212.

[313] [263]Ch. xll. 3, [266]7.

[316] [267]Ch. xv. 21.

[317] [268]Ch. xx. 2.

[318] SL. Luke v. 8: "Lxl a me, qula homo peccaLor sum, uomlne."

[319] [269]Ch. xll. 6.

[320] [270]Ch. xxvlll.

[321] salm lxxll. 22: "LL ego ad nlhllum redacLus sum, eL nesclvl."

[322] lsalas llll 3: "vlrum dolorum, eL sclenLem lnflrmlLaLem."

[323] [271]Ch. xl. 13.

[324] SL. Luke xvll. 10: "Servl lnuLlles sumus."

[323] [272]Ch. xl. 11.

[326] SL. Luke xlv. 8: "non dlscumbas ln prlmo loco." See Way of erfecLlon,
ch. xxvl. 1, buL [273]ch. xvll. of Lhe old edlLlons.

[327] [274]Ch. xl. 23, [273]ch. xvlll. 6.

[328] Cs. ll. 14: "uucam eam ln sollLudlnem."

[329] SL. MaLL. xlx. 29: "Cul rellquerlL domum, . . . cenLuplum acclpleL."

[330] [276]Ch. xll. 3.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxlll.

1he SalnL 8esumes Lhe PlsLory of Per Llfe. Almlng aL erfecLlon. Means
Whereby lL May 8e Calned. lnsLrucLlons for Confessors.

1. l shall now reLurn Lo LhaL polnL ln my llfe where l broke off, [331]
havlng made, l belleve, a longer dlgresslon Lhan l need have made, ln order
LhaL whaL ls sLlll Lo come may be more clearly undersLood. PenceforLh, lL ls
anoLher and a new book,-l mean, anoLher and a new llfe. PlLherLo, my llfe
was my own, my llfe, slnce l began Lo explaln Lhese meLhods of prayer, ls
Lhe llfe whlch Cod llved ln me,-so lL seems Lo me, for l feel lL Lo be
lmposslble LhaL l should have escaped ln so shorL a Llme from ways and works
LhaL were so wlcked. May our Lord be pralsed, who has dellvered me
from myself!

2. When, Lhen, l began Lo avold Lhe occaslons of sln, and Lo glve myself
more unLo prayer, our Lord also began Lo besLow Pls graces upon me, as one
who deslred, so lL seemed, LhaL l Loo should be wllllng Lo recelve Lhem. Pls
Ma[esLy began Lo glve me mosL frequenLly Lhe grace of Lhe prayer of quleL,
and very ofLen LhaL of unlon, whlch lasLed some Llme. 8uL as, ln Lhese days,
women have fallen lnLo greaL deluslons and decelLs of SaLan, [332] l began
Lo be afrald, because Lhe [oy and sweeLness whlch l felL were so greaL, and
very ofLen beyond my power Lo avold. Cn Lhe oLher hand, l felL ln myself a
very deep convlcLlon LhaL Cod was wlLh me, especlally when l was ln prayer.
l saw, Loo, LhaL l grew beLLer and sLronger Lhereby.

3. 8uL lf l was a llLLle dlsLracLed, l began Lo be afrald, and Lo lmaglne
LhaL perhaps lL was SaLan LhaL suspended my undersLandlng, maklng me Lhlnk
lL Lo be good, ln order Lo wlLhdraw me from menLal prayer, hlnder my
medlLaLlon on Lhe asslon, and debar me Lhe use of my undersLandlng: Lhls
seemed Lo me, who dld noL comprehend Lhe maLLer, Lo be a grlevous loss buL,
as Pls Ma[esLy was pleased Lo glve me llghL Lo offend Plm no more, and Lo
undersLand how much l owed Plm, Lhls fear so grew upon me, LhaL lL made me
seek dlllgenLly for splrlLual persons wlLh whom l mlghL LreaL of my sLaLe. l
had already heard of some, for Lhe laLhers of Lhe SocleLy of !esus had come
hlLher, [333] and l, Lhough l knew none of Lhem, was greaLly aLLracLed by
Lhem, merely because l had heard of Lhelr way of llfe and of prayer, buL l
dld noL Lhlnk myself flL Lo speak Lo Lhem, or sLrong enough Lo obey Lhem,
and Lhls made me sLlll more afrald, for Lo converse wlLh Lhem, and remaln
whaL l was, seemed Lo me somewhaL rude.

4. l spenL some Llme ln Lhls sLaLe, Llll, afLer much lnward conLenLlon and
fear, l deLermlned Lo confer wlLh some splrlLual person, Lo ask hlm Lo Lell
me whaL LhaL meLhod of prayer was whlch l was uslng, and Lo show me wheLher
l was ln error. l was also resolved Lo do everyLhlng l could noL Lo offend
Cod, for Lhe wanL of courage of whlch l was consclous, as l sald before,
[334] made me so Llmld. Was Lhere ever deluslon so greaL as mlne, C my Cod,
when l wlLhdrew from good ln order Lo become good! 1he devll musL lay much
sLress on Lhls ln Lhe beglnnlng of a course of vlrLue, for l could noL
overcome my repugnance. Pe knows LhaL Lhe whole rellef of Lhe soul conslsLs
ln conferrlng wlLh Lhe frlends of Cod. Pence lL was LhaL no Llme was flxed
ln whlch l should resolve Lo do Lhls. l walLed Lo grow beLLer flrsL, as l
dld before when l ceased Lo pray, [333] -and perhaps l never should have
become beLLer, for l had now sunk so deeply lnLo Lhe peLLy ways of an evll
hablL,-l could noL convlnce myself LhaL Lhey were wrong,-LhaL l needed Lhe
help of oLhers, who should hold ouL a hand Lo ralse me up. 8lessed be 1hou,
C Lord!-for Lhe flrsL hand ouLsLreLched Lo me was 1hlne.

3. When l saw LhaL my fear was golng so far, lL sLruck me-because l was
maklng progress ln prayer-LhaL Lhls musL be a greaL blesslng, or a very
greaL evll, for l undersLood perfecLly LhaL whaL had happened was someLhlng
supernaLural, because aL Llmes l was unable Lo wlLhsLand lL, Lo have lL when
l would was also lmposslble. l LhoughL Lo myself LhaL Lhere was no help for
lL, buL ln keeplng my consclence pure, avoldlng every occaslon even of
venlal slns, for lf lL was Lhe work of Lhe SplrlL of Cod, Lhe galn was
clear, and lf Lhe work of SaLan, so long as l sLrove Lo please, and dld noL
offend, our Lord, SaLan could do me llLLle harm, on Lhe conLrary, he musL
lose ln Lhe sLruggle. ueLermlned on Lhls course, and always praylng Cod Lo
help me, sLrlvlng also afLer purlLy of consclence for some days, l saw LhaL
my soul had noL sLrengLh Lo go forLh alone Lo a perfecLlon so greaL. l had
cerLaln aLLachmenLs Lo Lrlfles, whlch, Lhough noL very wrong ln Lhemselves,
were yeL enough Lo ruln all.

6. l was Lold of a learned eccleslasLlc, [336] dwelllng ln Lhls clLy, whose
goodness and plous llfe our Lord was beglnnlng Lo make known Lo Lhe world. l
conLrlved Lo make hls acqualnLance Lhrough a salnLly nobleman [337] llvlng
ln Lhe same place. 1hls laLLer ls a marrled man, buL hls llfe ls so edlfylng
and vlrLuous, so glven Lo prayer, and so full of charlLy, LhaL Lhe goodness
and perfecLlon of lL shlne forLh ln all he does: and mosL [usLly so, for
many souls have been greaLly blessed Lhrough hlm, because of hls greaL
glfLs, whlch, Lhough hls condlLlon of a layman be a hlndrance Lo hlm, never
lle ldle. Pe ls a man of greaL sense, and very genLle wlLh all people, hls
conversaLlon ls never wearlsome, buL so sweeL and graclous, as well as
uprlghL and holy, LhaL he pleases everybody very much wlLh whom he has any
relaLlons. Pe dlrecLs lL all Lo Lhe greaL good of Lhose souls wlLh whom he
converses and he seems Lo have no oLher end ln vlew buL Lo do all he may be
permlLLed Lo do for all men, and make Lhem conLenL.

7. 1hls blessed and holy man, Lhen, seems Lo me, by Lhe palns he Look, Lo
have been Lhe beglnnlng of salvaLlon Lo my soul. Pls humlllLy ln hls
relaLlons wlLh me makes me wonder, for he had spenL, l belleve, nearly forLy
years ln prayer,-lL may be Lwo or Lhree years less,-and all hls llfe was
ordered wlLh LhaL perfecLlon whlch hls sLaLe admlLLed. Pls wlfe ls so greaL
a servanL of Cod, and so full of charlLy, LhaL noLhlng ls losL Lo hlm on her
accounL, [338] -ln shorL, she was Lhe chosen wlfe of one who Cod knew would
serve Plm so well. Some of Lhelr klndred are marrled Lo some of mlne.
8esldes, l had also much communlcaLlon wlLh anoLher greaL servanL of Cod,
marrled Lo one of my flrsL couslns.

8. lL was Lhus l conLrlved LhaL Lhe eccleslasLlc l speak of, who was so
greaL a servanL of Cod, and hls greaL frlend, should come Lo speak Lo me,
lnLendlng Lo confess Lo hlm, and Lo Lake hlm for my dlrecLor. When he had
broughL hlm Lo speak Lo me, l, ln Lhe greaLesL confuslon aL flndlng myself
ln Lhe presence of so holy a man, revealed Lo hlm Lhe sLaLe of my soul, and
my way of prayer. Pe would noL be my confessor, he sald LhaL he was very
much occupled: and so, lndeed, he was. Pe began wlLh a holy resoluLlon Lo
dlrecL me as lf l was sLrong,-l oughL Lo have been sLrong, accordlng Lo Lhe
meLhod of prayer whlch he saw l used,-so LhaL l should ln noLhlng offend
Cod. When l saw LhaL he was resolved Lo make me break off aL once wlLh Lhe
peLLy ways l spoke of before, [339] and LhaL l had noL Lhe courage Lo go
forLh aL once ln Lhe perfecLlon he requlred of me, l was dlsLressed, and
when l percelved LhaL he ordered Lhe affalrs of my soul as lf l oughL Lo be
perfecL aL once, l saw LhaL much more care was necessary ln my case. ln a
word, l felL LhaL Lhe means he would have employed were noL Lhose by whlch
my soul could be helped onwards, for Lhey were flLLed for a soul more
perfecL Lhan mlne, and Lhough Lhe graces l had recelved from Cod were very
many, l was sLlll aL Lhe very beglnnlng ln Lhe maLLer of vlrLue and
of morLlflcaLlon.

9. l belleve cerLalnly, lf l had only had Lhls eccleslasLlc Lo confer wlLh,
LhaL my soul would have made no progress, for Lhe paln lL gave me Lo see
LhaL l was noL dolng-and, as l LhoughL, could noL do-whaL he Lold me, was
enough Lo desLroy all hope, and make me abandon Lhe maLLer alLogeLher. l
wonder aL Llmes how lL was LhaL he, belng one who had a parLlcular grace for
Lhe dlrecLlon of beglnners ln Lhe way of Cod, was noL permlLLed Lo
undersLand my case, or Lo underLake Lhe care of my soul. l see lL was all
for my greaLer good, ln order LhaL l mlghL know and converse wlLh persons so
holy as Lhe members of Lhe SocleLy of !esus.

10. AfLer Lhls, l arranged wlLh LhaL salnLly nobleman LhaL he should come
and see me now and Lhen. lL shows how deep hls humlllLy was, for he
consenLed Lo converse wlLh a person so wlcked as l was. Pe began hls vlslLs,
he encouraged me, and Lold me LhaL l oughL noL Lo suppose l could glve up
everyLhlng ln one day, Cod would brlng lL abouL by degrees: he hlmself had
for some years been unable Lo free hlmself from some very sllghL
lmperfecLlons. C humlllLy! whaL greaL blesslngs Lhou brlngesL Lo Lhose ln
whom Lhou dwellesL, and Lo Lhem who draw near Lo Lhose who possess Lhee!
1hls holy man-for l Lhlnk l may [usLly call hlm so-Lold me of weaknesses of
hls own, ln order Lo help me. Pe, ln hls humlllLy, LhoughL Lhem weaknesses,
buL, lf we conslder hls sLaLe, Lhey were nelLher faulLs nor lmperfecLlons,
yeL, ln my sLaLe, lL was a very greaL faulL Lo be sub[ecL Lo Lhem.

11. l am noL saylng Lhls wlLhouL a meanlng, Lhough l seem Lo be enlarglng on
Lrlfles, buL Lhese Lrlfles conLrlbuLe so much Lowards Lhe beglnnlng of Lhe
soul's progress and lLs fllghL upwards, Lhough lL has no wlngs, as Lhey say,
and yeL no one wlll belleve lL who has noL had experlence of lL, buL, as l
hope ln Cod LhaL your reverence wlll help many a soul, l speak of lL here.
My whole salvaLlon depended on hls knowlng how Lo LreaL me, on hls humlllLy,
on Lhe charlLy wlLh whlch he conversed wlLh me, and on hls paLlenL endurance
of me when he saw LhaL l dld noL mend my ways aL once. Pe wenL on
dlscreeLly, by degrees showlng me how Lo overcome SaLan. My affecLlon for
hlm so grew upon me, LhaL l never was more aL ease Lhan on Lhe day l used Lo
see hlm. l saw hlm, however, very rarely. When he was long ln comlng, l used
Lo be very much dlsLressed, Lhlnklng LhaL he would noL see me because l was
so wlcked.

12. When he found ouL my greaL lmperfecLlons, Lhey mlghL well have been
slns, Lhough slnce l conversed wlLh hlm l am somewhaL lmproved,-and when l
recounLed Lo hlm, ln order Lo obLaln llghL from hlm, Lhe greaL graces whlch
Cod had besLowed upon me, he Lold me LhaL Lhese Lhlngs were lnconslsLenL one
wlLh anoLher, LhaL Lhese consolaLlons were glven Lo people who had made
greaL progress, and led morLlfled llves, LhaL he could noL help belng very
much afrald-he LhoughL LhaL Lhe evll splrlL mlghL have someLhlng Lo do ln my
case, he would noL declde LhaL quesLlon, however, buL he would have me
carefully conslder my whole meLhod of prayer, and Lhen Lell hlm of lL. 1haL
was Lhe dlfflculLy: l dld noL undersLand lL myself, and so l could Lell hlm
noLhlng of my prayer, for Lhe grace Lo undersLand lL-and, undersLandlng lL,
Lo descrlbe lL-has only laLely been glven me of Cod. 1hls saylng of hls,
LogeLher wlLh Lhe fear l was ln, dlsLressed me exceedlngly, and l crled, for
cerLalnly l was anxlous Lo please Cod, and l could noL persuade myself LhaL
SaLan had anyLhlng Lo do wlLh lL. 8uL l was afrald, on accounL of my greaL
slns, LhaL Cod mlghL leave me bllnd, so LhaL l should undersLand noLhlng.

13. Looklng lnLo books Lo see lf l could flnd anyLhlng Lhere by whlch l
mlghL recognlse Lhe prayer l pracLlsed, l found ln one of Lhem, called Lhe
AscenL of Lhe MounL, [340] and ln LhaL parL of lL whlch relaLes Lo Lhe unlon
of Lhe soul wlLh Cod, all Lhose marks whlch l had ln myself, ln LhaL l could
noL Lhlnk of anyLhlng. 1hls ls whaL l mosL dwelL on-LhaL l could Lhlnk of
noLhlng when l was ln prayer. l marked LhaL passage, and gave hlm Lhe book,
LhaL he, and Lhe eccleslasLlc menLloned before, [341] salnL and servanL of
Cod, mlghL conslder lL, and Lell me whaL l should do. lf Lhey LhoughL lL
rlghL, l would glve up LhaL meLhod of prayer alLogeLher, for why should l
expose myself Lo danger, when, aL Lhe end of nearly LwenLy years, durlng
whlch l had used lL, l had galned noLhlng, buL had fallen lnLo a deluslon of
Lhe devll? lL was beLLer for me Lo glve lL up. And yeL Lhls seemed Lo me
hard, for l had already dlscovered whaL my soul would become wlLhouL prayer.
LveryLhlng seemed full of Lrouble. l was llke a person ln Lhe mlddle of a
rlver, who, ln whaLever dlrecLlon he may Lurn, fears a sLlll greaLer danger,
and ls well-nlgh drowned. 1hls ls a very greaL Lrlal, and l have gone
Lhrough many llke lL, as l shall show hereafLer, [342] and Lhough lL does
noL seem Lo be of any lmporLance, lL wlll perhaps be advanLageous Lo
undersLand how Lhe splrlL ls Lo be Lrled.

14. And cerLalnly Lhe affllcLlon Lo be borne ls greaL, and cauLlon ls
necessary, parLlcularly ln Lhe case of women,-for our weakness ls greaL,-and
much evll may be Lhe resulL of Lelllng Lhem very dlsLlncLly LhaL Lhe devll
ls busy wlLh Lhem, yea, raLher, Lhe maLLer should be very carefully
consldered, and Lhey should be removed ouL of reach of Lhe dangers LhaL may
arlse. 1hey should be advlsed Lo keep Lhlngs secreL, and lL ls necessary,
also, LhaL Lhelr secreL should be kepL. l am speaklng of Lhls as one Lo whom
lL has been a sore Lrouble, for some of Lhose wlLh whom l spoke of my prayer
dld noL keep my secreL, buL, maklng lnqulrles one of anoLher, for a good
purpose, dld me much harm, for Lhey made Lhlngs known whlch mlghL well have
remalned secreL, because noL lnLended for every one and lL seemed as lf l
had made Lhem publlc myself. [343]

13. l belleve LhaL our Lord permlLLed [344] Lhls Lo be done wlLhouL sln on
Lhelr parL, ln order LhaL l mlghL suffer. l do noL say LhaL Lhey revealed
anyLhlng l dlscussed wlLh Lhem ln confesslon, sLlll, as Lhey were persons Lo
whom, ln my fears, l gave a full accounL of myself, ln order LhaL Lhey mlghL
glve me llghL, l LhoughL Lhey oughL Lo have been sllenL. neverLheless, l
never dared Lo conceal anyLhlng from such persons. My meanlng, Lhen, ls,
LhaL women should be dlrecLed wlLh much dlscreLlon, Lhelr dlrecLors should
encourage Lhem, and blde Lhe Llme when our Lord wlll help Lhem, as Pe has
helped me. lf Pe had noL, Lhe greaLesL harm would have befallen me, for l
was ln greaL fear and dread, and as l suffered from dlsease of Lhe hearL,
[343] l am asLonlshed LhaL all Lhls dld noL do me a greaL deal of harm.

16. 1hen, when l had glven hlm Lhe book, and Lold Lhe sLory of my llfe and
of my slns, Lhe besL way l

could ln general,-for l was noL ln confesslon, because he was a layman, yeL
l gave hlm clearly Lo undersLand how wlcked l was,-Lhose Lwo servanLs of
Cod, wlLh greaL charlLy and affecLlon, consldered whaL was besL for me. When
Lhey had made up Lhelr mlnds whaL Lo say,-l was walLlng for lL ln greaL
dread, havlng begged many persons Lo pray Lo Cod for me, and l Loo had
prayed much durlng Lhose days,-Lhe nobleman came Lo me ln greaL dlsLress,
and sald LhaL, ln Lhe oplnlon of boLh, l was deluded by an evll splrlL, LhaL
Lhe besL Lhlng for me Lo do was Lo apply Lo a cerLaln faLher of Lhe SocleLy
of !esus, who would come Lo me lf l senL for hlm, saylng l had need of hlm,
LhaL l oughL, ln a general confesslon, Lo glve hlm an accounL of my whole
llfe, and of Lhe sLaLe l was ln,-and all wlLh greaL clearness: Cod would, ln
vlrLue of Lhe SacramenL of Confesslon, glve hlm more llghL concernlng me,
for Lhose faLhers were very experlenced men ln maLLers of splrlLuallLy.
lurLher, l was noL Lo swerve ln a slngle polnL from Lhe counsels of LhaL
faLher, for l was ln greaL danger, lf l had no one Lo dlrecL me.

17. 1hls answer so alarmed and dlsLressed me, LhaL l knew noL whaL Lo do-l
dld noLhlng buL cry. 8elng ln an oraLory ln greaL affllcLlon, noL knowlng
whaL would become of me, l read ln a book-lL seemed as lf our Lord had puL
lL lnLo my hands-LhaL SL. aul sald, Cod ls falLhful, [346] LhaL Pe wlll
never permlL SaLan Lo decelve Lhose who love Plm. 1hls gave me greaL
consolaLlon. l began Lo prepare for my general confesslon, and Lo wrlLe ouL
all Lhe evll and all Lhe good: a hlsLory of my llfe, as clearly as l
undersLood lL, and knew how Lo make lL, omlLLlng noLhlng whaLever. l
remember, when l saw l had wrlLLen so much evll, and scarcely anyLhlng LhaL
was good, LhaL l was exceedlngly dlsLressed and sorrowful. lL palned me,
also, LhaL Lhe nuns of Lhe communlLy should see me converse wlLh such holy
persons as Lhose of Lhe SocleLy of !esus, for l was afrald of my own
wlckedness, and l LhoughL l should be obllged Lo cease from lL, and glve up
my amusemenLs, and LhaL lf l dld noL do so, l should grow worse: so l
persuaded Lhe sacrlsLan and Lhe porLress Lo Lell no one of lL. 1hls was of
llLLle use, afLer all, for when l was called down Lhere was one aL Lhe door,
as lL happened, who Lold lL Lo Lhe whole convenL. 8uL whaL dlfflculLles and
whaL Lerrors SaLan Lroubles Lhem wlLh who would draw near unLo Cod!

18. l communlcaLed Lhe whole sLaLe of my soul Lo LhaL servanL of Cod [347]
and he was a greaL servanL of Pls, and very prudenL. Pe undersLood all l
Lold hlm, explalned lL Lo me, and encouraged me greaLly. Pe sald LhaL all
was very evldenLly Lhe work of Lhe SplrlL of Cod, only lL was necessary for
me Lo go back agaln Lo my prayer, because l was noL well grounded, and had
noL begun Lo undersLand whaL morLlflcaLlon meanL,-LhaL was Lrue, for l do
noL Lhlnk l knew lL even by name,-LhaL l was by no means Lo glve up prayer,
on Lhe conLrary, l was Lo do vlolence Lo myself ln order Lo pracLlse lL,
because Cod had besLowed on me such speclal graces as made lL lmposslble Lo
say wheLher lL was, or was noL, Lhe wlll of our Lord Lo do good Lo many
Lhrough me. Pe wenL furLher, for he seems Lo have prophesled of LhaL whlch
our Lord afLerwards dld wlLh me, and sald LhaL l should be very much Lo
blame lf l dld noL correspond wlLh Lhe graces whlch Cod besLowed upon me. lL
seems Lo me LhaL Lhe Poly ChosL was speaklng by hls mouLh ln order Lo heal
my soul, so deep was Lhe lmpresslon he made. Pe made me very much ashamed
of
myself, and dlrecLed me by a way whlch seemed Lo change me alLogeLher. WhaL
a grand Lhlng lL ls Lo undersLand a soul! Pe Lold me Lo make my prayer every
day on some mysLery of Lhe asslon, and LhaL l should proflL by lL, and Lo
flx my LhoughLs on Lhe Sacred PumanlLy only, reslsLlng Lo Lhe uLmosL of my
power Lhose recollecLlons and dellghLs, Lo whlch l was noL Lo yleld ln any
way Llll he gave me furLher dlrecLlons ln Lhe maLLer.

19. Pe lefL me consoled and forLlfled: our Lord came Lo my succour and Lo
hls, so LhaL he mlghL undersLand Lhe sLaLe l was ln, and how he was Lo
dlrecL me. l made a flrm resoluLlon noL Lo swerve from anyLhlng he mlghL
command me, and Lo Lhls day l have kepL lL. Cur Lord be pralsed, who has
glven me grace Lo be obedlenL Lo my confessors, [348] however
lmperfecLly!-and Lhey have almosL always been Lhose blessed men of Lhe
SocleLy of !esus, Lhough, as l sald, l have buL lmperfecLly obeyed Lhem. My
soul began Lo lmprove vlslbly, as l am now golng Lo say.
_________________________________________________________________

[331] AL Lhe end of [277]ch. lx. 1he LhlrLeen chapLers lnLerposed beLween
LhaL and Lhls-Lhe LwenLy-Lhlrd-are a LreaLlse on mysLlcal Lheology.

[332] She refers Lo Magdalene of Lhe Cross (8eforma de los uescalos, vol.
l. llb. l. c. xlx. 2).

[333] 1he college of Lhe SocleLy aL Avlla was founded ln 1333, buL some of
Lhe laLhers had come LhlLher ln 1333 (ue la luenLe).

[334] [278]Ch. vll. 37.

[333] [279]Ch. xlx. 7, 8.

[336] Caspar uaza had formed a socleLy of prlesLs ln Avlla, and was a very
laborlous and holy man. lL was he who sald Lhe flrsL Mass ln Lhe monasLery
of SL. !oseph, founded by 3L. 1eresa, whom he survlved, dylng nov. 24, 1392.
Pe commlLLed Lhe dlrecLlon of hls prlesLs Lo l. 8alLasar Alvarez (8oulx).
!uan of Avlla acLed much ln Lhe same way when Lhe !esulLs seLLled ln Avlla
(ue la luenLe).

[337] uon lranclsco de Salcedo. AfLer Lhe deaLh of hls wlfe, he became a
prlesL, and was chaplaln and confessor of Lhe CarmellLe nuns of SL. !oseph.
lor LwenLy years of hls marrled llfe he aLLended regularly Lhe Lheologlcal
lecLures of Lhe uomlnlcans, ln Lhe house of SL. 1homas. Pls deaLh Look place
SepL. 12, 1380, when he had been a prlesL for Len years (SL. 1eresa's
LeLLers, vol. lv. leLLer 43, noLe 13: leLLer 368, ed. of ue la luenLe).

[338] uona Mencla del Agulla (ue la luenLe, ln a noLe on leLLer 10, vol. ll.
p. 9, where he correcLs hlmself,-havlng prevlously called her Mencla
de Avlla).

[339] [280] 4.

[340] Sublda del MonLe Slon, by a lranclscan frlar, 8ernardlno de Laredo
(8eforma, vol. l. llb. l. c. xlx. 7).

[341] [281] 6.

[342] See [282]ch. xxv. 18.

[343] See [283]ch. xxvlll. 18.

[344] See [284]8elaLlon, vll. 17.

[343] See [283]ch. lv. 6.

[346] 1 Cor. x. 13: "lldells auLem ueus esL, qul non paLleLur vos LenLarl
supra ld quod poLesLls."

[347] l. !uan de adranos, whom SL. lrancls de 8or[a had senL ln 1333, wlLh
l. lernando Alvarez del Agulla, Lo found Lhe house of Lhe SocleLy ln Avlla
(ue la luenLe). 8lbera, l. 3, says he heard LhaL l. !uan de adranos gave ln
parL Lhe Lxerclses of SL. lgnaLlus Lo Lhe SalnL.

[348] See [286]8elaLlon, l. 9.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxlv.

rogress under Cbedlence. Per lnablllLy Lo 8eslsL Lhe Craces of Cod. Cod
MulLlplles Pls Craces.

1. AfLer Lhls my confesslon, my soul was so doclle LhaL, as lL seems Lo me,
Lhere was noLhlng ln Lhe world l was noL prepared Lo underLake. l began aL
once Lo make a change ln many Lhlngs, Lhough my confessor never pressed
me-on Lhe conLrary, he seemed Lo make llghL of lL all. l was Lhe more
lnfluenced by Lhls, because he led me on by Lhe way of Lhe love of Cod, he
lefL me free, and dld noL press me, unless l dld so myself, ouL of love. l
conLlnued Lhus nearly Lwo monLhs, dolng all l could Lo reslsL Lhe sweeLness
and graces LhaL Cod senL. As Lo my ouLward llfe, Lhe change was vlslble, for
our Lord gave me courage Lo go Lhrough wlLh cerLaln Lhlngs, of whlch Lhose
who knew me-and even Lhose ln Lhe communlLy-sald LhaL Lhey seemed Lo
Lhem
exLreme, and, lndeed, compared wlLh whaL l had been accusLomed Lo do, Lhey
were exLreme: people, Lherefore, had reason Lo say so. ?eL, ln Lhose Lhlngs
whlch were of obllgaLlon, conslderlng Lhe hablL l wore, and Lhe professlon l
had made, l was sLlll deflclenL. 8y reslsLlng Lhe sweeLness and [oys whlch
Cod senL me, l galned Lhls, LhaL Pls Ma[esLy LaughL me Plmself, for,
prevlously, l used Lo Lhlnk LhaL, ln order Lo obLaln sweeLness ln prayer, lL
was necessary for me Lo hlde myself ln secreL places, and so l scarcely
dared Lo sLlr. AfLerwards, l saw how llLLle LhaL was Lo Lhe purpose, for Lhe
more l Lrled Lo dlsLracL myself, Lhe more our Lord poured over me LhaL
sweeLness and [oy whlch seemed Lo me Lo be flowlng around me, so LhaL l
could noL ln any way escape from lL: and so lL was. l was so careful abouL
Lhls reslsLance, LhaL lL was a paln Lo me. 8uL our Lord was more careful Lo
show Pls mercles, and durlng Lhose Lwo monLhs Lo reveal Plmself more Lhan
before, so LhaL l mlghL Lhe beLLer comprehend LhaL lL was no longer ln my
power Lo reslsL Plm.

2. l began wlLh a renewed love of Lhe mosL Sacred PumanlLy, my prayer began
Lo be solld, llke a house, Lhe foundaLlons of whlch are sLrong, and l was
lncllned Lo pracLlse greaLer penance, havlng been negllgenL ln Lhls maLLer
hlLherLo because of my greaL lnflrmlLles. 1he holy man who heard my
confesslon Lold me LhaL cerLaln penances would noL hurL me, and LhaL Cod
perhaps senL me so much slckness because l dld no penance, Pls Ma[esLy would
Lherefore lmpose lL Plmself. Pe ordered me Lo pracLlse cerLaln acLs of
morLlflcaLlon noL very pleasanL for me. [349] l dld so, because l felL LhaL
our Lord was en[olnlng lL all, and glvlng hlm grace Lo command me ln such a
way as Lo make me obedlenL unLo hlm.

3. My soul was now senslLlve Lo every offence l commlLLed agalnsL Cod,
however sllghL lL mlghL be, so much so, LhaL lf l had any superflulLy abouL
me, l could noL recollecL myself ln prayer Llll l had goL rld of lL. l
prayed earnesLly LhaL our Lord would hold me by Lhe hand, and noL suffer me
Lo fall agaln, now LhaL l was under Lhe dlrecLlon of Pls servanLs. l LhoughL
LhaL would be a greaL evll, and LhaL Lhey would lose Lhelr credlL
Lhrough me.

4. AL Lhls Llme, laLher lrancls, who was uuke of Candla, [330] came here, he
had lefL all he possessed some years before, and had enLered Lhe SocleLy of
!esus. My confessor, and Lhe nobleman of whom l spoke before, [331]
conLrlved LhaL he should vlslL me, ln order LhaL l mlghL speak Lo hlm, and
glve hlm an accounL of my way of prayer, for Lhey knew hlm Lo be greaLly
favoured and comforLed of Cod: he had glven up much, and was rewarded for lL
even ln Lhls llfe. When he had heard me, he sald Lo me LhaL lL was Lhe work
of Lhe SplrlL of Cod, [332] and LhaL he LhoughL lL was noL rlghL now Lo
prolong LhaL reslsLance, LhaL hlLherLo lL had been safe enough,-only, l
should always begln my prayer by medlLaLlng on some parL of Lhe asslon and
LhaL lf our Lord should Lhen ralse up my splrlL, l should make no
reslsLance, buL suffer Pls Ma[esLy Lo ralse lL upwards, l myself noL seeklng
lL. Pe gave boLh medlclne and advlce, as one who had made greaL progress
hlmself, for experlence ls very lmporLanL ln Lhese maLLers. Pe sald LhaL
furLher reslsLance would be a mlsLake. l was exceedlngly consoled, so, Loo,
was Lhe nobleman, who re[olced greaLly when he was Lold LhaL lL was Lhe work
of Cod. Pe always helped me and gave me advlce accordlng Lo hls power,-and
LhaL power was greaL.

3. AL Lhls Llme, Lhey changed my confessor's resldence. l felL lL very much,
for l LhoughL l should go back Lo my wlckedness, and LhaL lL was noL
posslble Lo flnd anoLher such as he. My soul was, as lL were, ln a deserL,
mosL sorrowful and afrald. l knew noL whaL Lo do wlLh myself. Cne of my
klnswomen conLrlved Lo geL me lnLo her house, and l conLrlved aL once Lo
flnd anoLher confessor, [333] ln Lhe SocleLy of !esus. lL pleased our Lord
LhaL l should commence a frlendshlp wlLh a noble lady, [334] a wldow, much
glven Lo prayer, who had much Lo do wlLh Lhe faLhers. She made her own
confessor [333] hear me, and l remalned ln her house some days. She llved
near, and l dellghLed ln Lhe many conferences l had wlLh Lhe faLhers, for
merely by observlng Lhe hollness of Lhelr way of llfe, l felL LhaL my soul
proflLed exceedlngly.

6. 1hls faLher began by puLLlng me ln Lhe way of greaLer perfecLlon. Pe used
Lo say Lo me, LhaL l oughL Lo leave noLhlng undone LhaL l mlghL be wholly
pleaslng unLo Cod. Pe was, however, very prudenL and very genLle aL Lhe same
Llme, for my soul was noL aL all sLrong, buL raLher very weak, especlally as
Lo glvlng up cerLaln frlendshlps, Lhough l dld noL offend Cod by Lhem: Lhere
was much naLural affecLlon ln Lhem, and l LhoughL lL would be an acL of
lngraLlLude lf l broke Lhem off. And so, as l dld noL offend Cod, l asked
hlm lf l musL be ungraLeful. Pe Lold me Lo lay Lhe maLLer before Cod for a
few days, and reclLe Lhe hymn, "venl, CreaLor," LhaL Cod mlghL enllghLen me
as Lo Lhe beLLer course. Cne day, havlng prayed for some Llme, and lmplored
our Lord Lo help me Lo please Plm ln all Lhlngs, l began Lhe hymn, and as l
was saylng lL, l fell lnLo a Lrance-so suddenly, LhaL l was, as lL were,
carrled ouL of myself. l could have no doubL abouL lL, for lL was
mosL plaln.

7. 1hls was Lhe flrsL Llme LhaL our Lord besLowed on me Lhe grace of
ecsLasy. l heard Lhese words: "l wlll noL have Lhee converse wlLh men, buL
wlLh angels." 1hls made me wonder very much, for Lhe commoLlon of my splrlL
was greaL, and Lhese words were uLLered ln Lhe very depLh of my soul. 1hey
made me afrald,-Lhough, on Lhe oLher hand, Lhey gave me greaL comforL,
whlch, when l had losL Lhe fear,-caused, l belleve, by Lhe sLrangeness of
Lhe vlslLaLlon,-remalned wlLh me.

8. 1hose words have been fulfllled, for l have never been able Lo form
frlendshlp wlLh, nor have any comforL ln, nor any parLlcular love for, any
persons whaLever excepL Lhose who, as l belleve, love Cod, and who sLrlve Lo
serve Plm. lL has noL been ln my power Lo do lL. lL ls noLhlng Lo me LhaL
Lhey are my klndred, or my frlends, lf l do noL know Lhem Lo be lovers of
Cod, or persons glven Lo prayer. lL ls Lo me a palnful cross Lo converse
wlLh any one. 1hls ls Lhe LruLh, so far as l can [udge. [336] lrom LhaL day
forLh, l have had courage so greaL as Lo leave all Lhlngs for Cod, who ln
one momenL-and lL seems Lo me buL a momenL-was pleased Lo change Pls
servanL
lnLo anoLher person. Accordlngly, Lhere was no necesslLy for laylng furLher
commands upon me ln Lhls maLLer. When my confessor saw how much l clung Lo
Lhese frlendshlps, he dld noL venLure Lo bld me dlsLlncLly Lo glve Lhem up.
Pe musL have walLed Llll our Lord dld Lhe work-as Pe dld Plmself. nor dld l
Lhlnk myself LhaL l could succeed, for l had Lrled before, and Lhe paln lL
gave me was so greaL LhaL l abandoned Lhe aLLempL, on Lhe ground LhaL Lhere
was noLhlng unseemly ln Lhose aLLachmenLs. now our Lord seL me aL llberLy,
and gave me sLrengLh also Lo use lL.

9. So l Lold my confessor of lL, and gave up everyLhlng, accordlng Lo hls
advlce. lL dld a greaL deal of good Lo Lhose wlLh whom l used Lo converse,
Lo see my deLermlnaLlon. Cod be blessed for ever! Who ln one momenL seL me
free, whlle l had been for many years maklng many efforLs, and had never
succeeded, very ofLen also dolng such vlolence Lo myself as ln[ured my
healLh, buL, as lL was done by Plm Who ls almlghLy, and Lhe Lrue Lord of
all, lL gave me no paln whaLever.
_________________________________________________________________

[349] 1he SalnL now LreaLed her body wlLh exLreme severlLy, dlsclpllnlng
herself even unLo blood (8eforma, vol. l. llb. l. c. xx. 4).

[330] SL. lrancls de 8or[a came Lo Avlla, where SL. 1eresa llved, ln 1337
(ue la luenLe). 1hls passage musL have been wrlLLen afLer Lhe foundaLlon of
SL. !oseph, for lL was noL ln Lhe flrsL Llfe, as Lhe SalnL says, [287]ch. x.
11, LhaL he kepL secreL Lhe names of herself and all oLhers.

[331] [288]Ch. xxlll. 6.

[332] See [289]8elaLlon, vlll. 6.

[333] Who he was ls noL cerLalnly known. 1he 8ollandlsLs decllne Lo glve an
oplnlon: buL l. 8oulx Lhlnks lL was l. lerdlnand Alvarez, who became her
confessor on Lhe removal of l. !uan de adranos, and LhaL lL was Lo hlm she
confessed Llll she placed herself under Lhe dlrecLlon of l. 8alLasar
Alvarez, Lhe confessor of uona Culomar, as lL ls sLaLed ln Lhe nexL
paragraph,-unless Lhe confessor Lhere menLloned was l. lerdlnand.

[334] uona Culomar de ulloa. See below, [290]ch. xxxll. 13.

[333] lf Lhls confessor was l. 8alLasar Alvarez, Lhe SalnL, l. 8oulx
observes, passes rapldly over Lhe hlsLory of Lhe year 1337, and Lhe greaLer
parL, perhaps, of 1338, for l. 8alLasar was ordalned prlesL only ln Lhe
laLLer year.

[336] See [291]8elaLlon, l. 6.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxv.

ulvlne LocuLlons. ulscusslons on 1haL Sub[ecL.

1. lL wlll be as well, l Lhlnk, Lo explaln Lhese locuLlons of Cod, and Lo
descrlbe whaL Lhe soul feels when lL recelves Lhem, ln order LhaL you, my
faLher, may undersLand Lhe maLLer, for ever slnce LhaL Llme of whlch l am
speaklng, when our Lord granLed me LhaL grace, lL has been an ordlnary
occurrence unLll now, as wlll appear by whaL l have yeL Lo say. [337]

2. 1he words are very dlsLlncLly formed, buL by Lhe bodlly ear Lhey are noL
heard. 1hey are, however, much more clearly undersLood Lhan Lhey would be lf
Lhey were heard by Lhe ear. lL ls lmposslble noL Lo undersLand Lhem,
whaLever reslsLance we may offer. When we wlsh noL Lo hear anyLhlng ln Lhls
world, we can sLop our ears, or glve aLLenLlon Lo someLhlng else: so LhaL,
even lf we do hear, aL leasL we can refuse Lo undersLand. ln Lhls locuLlon
of Cod addressed Lo Lhe soul Lhere ls no escape, for ln splLe of ourselves
we musL llsLen, and Lhe undersLandlng musL apply lLself so Lhoroughly Lo Lhe
comprehenslon of LhaL whlch Cod wllls we should hear, LhaL lL ls noLhlng Lo
Lhe purpose wheLher we wlll lL or noL, for lL ls Pls wlll, Who can do all
Lhlngs. We should undersLand LhaL Pls wlll musL be done, and Pe reveals
Plmself as our Lrue Lord, havlng domlnlon over us. l know Lhls by much
experlence, for my reslsLance lasLed nearly Lwo years, [338] because of Lhe
greaL fear l was ln: and even now l reslsL occaslonally, buL lL ls of
no use.

3. l should llke Lo explaln Lhe deluslons whlch may happen here, Lhough he
who has had much experlence wlll run llLLle or no rlsk, l Lhlnk, buL Lhe
experlence musL be greaL. l should llke Lo explaln also how Lhose locuLlons
whlch come from Lhe Cood SplrlL dlffer from Lhose whlch come from an evll
splrlL, and, furLher, how Lhey may be buL an apprehenslon of Lhe
undersLandlng,-for LhaL ls posslble,-or even words whlch Lhe mlnd addressed
Lo lLself. l do noL know lf lL be so buL even Lhls very day l LhoughL lL
posslble. l know by experlence ln many ways, when Lhese locuLlons come from
Cod. l have been Lold Lhlngs Lwo or Lhree years beforehand, whlch have all
come Lo pass, and ln none of Lhem have l been hlLherLo decelved. 1here are
also oLher Lhlngs ln whlch Lhe SplrlL of Cod may be clearly Lraced, as l
shall relaLe by and by. [339]

4. lL seems Lo me LhaL a person commendlng a maLLer Lo Cod wlLh greaL love
and earnesLness may Lhlnk LhaL he hears ln some way or oLher wheLher hls
prayer wlll be granLed or noL, and Lhls ls qulLe posslble, buL he who has
heard Lhe dlvlne locuLlon wlll see clearly enough whaL Lhls ls, because
Lhere ls a greaL dlfference beLween Lhe Lwo. lf lL be anyLhlng whlch Lhe
undersLandlng has fashloned, however cunnlngly lL may have done so, he sees
LhaL lL ls Lhe undersLandlng whlch has arranged LhaL locuLlon, and LhaL lL
ls speaklng of lLself. 1hls ls noLhlng else buL a word uLLered by one, and
llsLened Lo by anoLher: ln LhaL case, Lhe undersLandlng wlll see LhaL lL has
noL been llsLenlng only, buL also formlng Lhe words, and Lhe words lL forms
are someLhlng lndlsLlncL, fanLasLlc, and noL clear llke Lhe dlvlne
locuLlons. lL ls ln our power Lo Lurn away our aLLenLlon from Lhese
locuLlons of our own, [usL as we can be sllenL when we are speaklng, buL,
wlLh respecL Lo Lhe former, LhaL cannoL be done.

3. 1here ls anoLher LesL more declslve sLlll. 1he words formed by Lhe
undersLandlng effecL noLhlng, buL, when our Lord speaks, lL ls aL once word
and work, and Lhough Lhe words may noL be meanL Lo sLlr up our devoLlon, buL
are raLher words of reproof, Lhey dlspose a soul aL once, sLrengLhen lL,
make lL Lender, glve lL llghL, console and calm lL, and lf lL should be ln
dryness, or ln Lrouble and uneaslness, all ls removed, as lf by Lhe acLlon
of a hand, and even beLLer, for lL seems as lf our Lord would have Lhe soul
undersLand LhaL Pe ls all-powerful, and LhaL Pls words are deeds.

6. lL seems Lo me LhaL Lhere ls as much dlfference beLween Lhese Lwo
locuLlons as Lhere ls beLween speaklng and llsLenlng, nelLher more nor less,
for when l speak, as l have [usL sald, [360] l go on wlLh my undersLandlng
arranglng whaL l am saylng, buL lf l am spoken Lo by oLhers, l do noLhlng
else buL llsLen, wlLhouL any labour. 1he human locuLlon ls as someLhlng
whlch we cannoL well make ouL, as lf we were half asleep, buL Lhe dlvlne
locuLlon ls a volce so clear LhaL noL a syllable of lLs uLLerance ls losL.
lL may occur, Loo, when Lhe undersLandlng and Lhe soul are so Lroubled and
dlsLracLed LhaL Lhey cannoL form one senLence correcLly, and yeL grand
senLences, perfecLly arranged, such as Lhe soul ln lLs mosL recollecLed
sLaLe never could have formed, are uLLered, and aL Lhe flrsL word, as l
sald, [361] change lL uLLerly. SLlll less could lL have formed Lhem lf Lhey
are uLLered ln an ecsLasy, when Lhe faculLles of Lhe soul are suspended, for
how should Lhe soul Lhen comprehend anyLhlng, when lL remembers
noLhlng?-yea, raLher, how can lL remember Lhem Lhen, when Lhe memory can
hardly do anyLhlng aL all, and Lhe lmaglnaLlon ls, as lL were, suspended?

7. 8uL lL ls Lo be observed, LhaL lf we see vlslons and hear words lL never
ls as aL Lhe Llme when Lhe soul ls ln unlon ln Lhe very rapLure lLself,-so
lL seems Lo me. AL LhaL momenL, as l have shown,-l Lhlnk lL was when l was
speaklng of Lhe second waLer, [362] -all Lhe faculLles of Lhe soul are
suspended, and, as l Lhlnk, nelLher vlslon, nor undersLandlng, nor hearlng,
ls posslble aL LhaL Llme. 1he soul ls Lhen wholly ln Lhe power of anoLher,
and ln LhaL lnsLanL-a very brlef one, ln my oplnlon-our Lord leaves lL free
for noLhlng whaLever, buL when Lhls lnsLanL ls passed, Lhe soul conLlnulng
sLlll enLranced, Lhen ls Lhe Llme of whlch l am speaklng, for Lhe faculLles,
Lhough noL compleLely suspended, are so dlsposed LhaL Lhey are scarcely
acLlve, belng, as lL were, absorbed, and lncapable of maklng
any reflecLlons.

8. 1here are so many ways of ascerLalnlng Lhe naLure of Lhese locuLlons,
LhaL lf a person be once decelved, he wlll noL be decelved ofLen. l mean,
LhaL a soul accusLomed Lo Lhem, and on lLs guard, wlll mosL clearly see whaL
Lhey are, for, seLLlng oLher conslderaLlons aslde whlch prove whaL l have
sald, Lhe human locuLlon produces no effecL, nelLher does Lhe soul accepL
lL,-Lhough lL musL admlL Lhe oLher, wheLher we llke lL or noL,-nor does lL
belleve lL, on Lhe conLrary, lL ls known Lo be a deluslon of Lhe
undersLandlng, and ls Lherefore puL away as we would puL away Lhe ravlngs of
a lunaLlc.

9. 8uL as Lo Lhe dlvlne locuLlon, we llsLen Lo LhaL as we do Lo a person of
greaL hollness, learnlng, or auLhorlLy, whom we know Lo be lncapable of
uLLerlng a falsehood. And yeL Lhls ls an lnadequaLe lllusLraLlon, for Lhese
locuLlons proceed occaslonally ln such greaL ma[esLy LhaL, wlLhouL our
recollecLlng who lL ls LhaL uLLers Lhem, Lhey make us Lremble lf Lhey be
words of reproof, and dle of love lf words of love. 1hey are also, as l have
sald, [363] maLLers of whlch Lhe memory has noL Lhe leasL recollecLlon, and
expresslons so full are uLLered so rapldly, LhaL much Llme musL have been
spenL ln arranglng Lhem, lf we formed Lhem ourselves, and so lL seems Lo me
LhaL we cannoL posslbly be lgnoranL aL Lhe Llme LhaL we have never formed
Lhem ourselves aL all.

10. 1here ls no reason, Lherefore, why l should dwell longer on Lhls maLLer.
lL ls a wonder Lo me LhaL any experlenced person, unless he dellberaLely
chooses Lo do so, can fall lnLo deluslons. lL has ofLen happened Lo me, when
l had doubLs, Lo dlsLrusL whaL l had heard, and Lo Lhlnk LhaL lL was all
lmaglnaLlon,-buL Lhls l dld afLerwards: for aL Lhe momenL LhaL ls
lmposslble,-and aL a laLer Llme Lo see Lhe whole fulfllled, for our Lord
makes Lhe words dwell ln Lhe memory so LhaL Lhey cannoL be forgoLLen. now,
LhaL whlch comes forLh from our undersLandlng ls, as lL were, Lhe flrsL
movemenL of LhoughL, whlch passes away and ls forgoLLen, buL Lhe dlvlne
locuLlon ls a work done, and Lhough some of lL may be forgoLLen, and Llme
have lapsed, yeL ls noL so wholly forgoLLen LhaL Lhe memory loses all Lraces
of whaL was once spoken,-unless, lndeed, afLer very long Llme, or unless Lhe
locuLlon were words of grace or of lnsLrucLlon. 8uL as Lo propheLlc words,
Lhey are never forgoLLen, ln my oplnlon, aL leasL, l have never forgoLLen
any,-and yeL my memory ls weak.

11. l repeaL lL, unless a soul be so wlcked as Lo preLend LhaL lL has Lhese
locuLlons, whlch would be a greaL sln, and say LhaL lL hears dlvlne words
when lL hears noLhlng of Lhe klnd, lL cannoL posslbly fall Lo see clearly
LhaL lLself arranges Lhe words, and uLLers Lhem Lo lLself. 1haL seems Lo me
alLogeLher lmposslble for any soul LhaL has ever known Lhe SplrlL of Cod. lf
lL has noL, lL may conLlnue all lLs llfe long ln Lhls deluslon, and lmaglne
LhaL lL hears and undersLands, Lhough l know noL how LhaL can be. A soul
deslres Lo hear Lhese locuLlons, or lL does noL, lf lL does noL, lL ls
dlsLressed because lL hears Lhem, and ls unwllllng Lo llsLen Lo Lhem,
because of a Lhousand fears whlch Lhey occaslon, and for many oLher reasons
lL has for belng quleL ln prayer wlLhouL Lhese lnLerrupLlons. Pow ls lL LhaL
Lhe undersLandlng has Llme enough Lo arrange Lhese locuLlons? 1hey
requlre Llme.

12. 8uL, on Lhe oLher slde, Lhe dlvlne locuLlons lnsLrucL us wlLhouL loss of
Llme, and we undersLand maLLers whlch seem Lo requlre a monLh on our parL Lo
arrange. 1he undersLandlng lLself, and Lhe soul, sLand amazed aL some of Lhe
Lhlngs we undersLand. So lL ls, and he who has any experlence of lL wlll see
LhaL whaL l am saylng ls llLerally Lrue. l glve Cod Lhanks LhaL l have been
able Lhus Lo explaln lL. l end by saylng LhaL, ln my oplnlon, we may hear
Lhe locuLlons LhaL proceed from Lhe undersLandlng whenever we llke, and
Lhlnk LhaL we hear Lhem whenever we pray. 8uL lL ls noL so wlLh Lhe dlvlne
locuLlons: for many days l may deslre Lo hear Lhem, and l cannoL, and aL
oLher Llmes, even when l would noL, as l sald before, [364] hear Lhem, l
musL. lL seems Lo me LhaL any one dlsposed Lo decelve people by saylng LhaL
he heard from Cod LhaL whlch he has lnvenLed hlmself, mlghL as easlly say
LhaL he heard lL wlLh hls bodlly ears. lL ls mosL cerLalnly Lrue LhaL l
never lmaglned Lhere was any oLher way of hearlng or undersLandlng Llll l
had proof of lL ln myself, and so, as l have sald before, [363] lL gave me
Lrouble enough.

13. LocuLlons LhaL come from SaLan noL only do noL leave any good effecLs
behlnd, buL do leave evll effecLs. 1hls has happened Lo me, buL noL more
Lhan Lwo or Lhree Llmes. Cur Lord warned me aL once LhaL Lhey came from
SaLan. Cver and above Lhe greaL arldlLy whlch remalns ln Lhe soul afLer
Lhese evll locuLlons, Lhere ls also a cerLaln dlsquleL, such as l have had
on many oLher occaslons, when, by our Lord's permlsslon, l fell lnLo greaL
LempLaLlons and Lravall of soul ln dlverse ways, and Lhough l am ln Lrouble
ofLen enough, as l shall show hereafLer, [366] yeL Lhls dlsquleL ls such
LhaL l know noL whence lL comes, only Lhe soul seems Lo reslsL, ls Lroubled
and dlsLressed, wlLhouL knowlng why, for Lhe words of SaLan are good, and
noL evll. l am Lhlnklng wheLher Lhls may noL be so because one splrlL ls
consclous of Lhe presence of anoLher.

14. 1he sweeLness and [oy whlch SaLan glves are, ln my oplnlon, of a very
dlfferenL klnd. 8y means of Lhese sweeLnesses he may decelve any one who
does noL, or who never dld, LasLe of Lhe sweeLness of Cod,-by whlch l mean a
cerLaln sweeL, sLrong, lmpresslve, dellghLsome, and calm refreshlng. 1hose
llLLle, fervld bursLs of Lears, and oLher sllghL emoLlons,-for aL Lhe flrsL
breaLh of persecuLlon Lhese flowers wlLher,-l do noL call devoLlon, Lhough
Lhey are a good beglnnlng, and are holy lmpresslons, buL Lhey are noL a LesL
Lo deLermlne wheLher Lhese locuLlons come from a good or an evll splrlL. lL
ls Lherefore besL for us Lo proceed always wlLh greaL cauLlon, for Lhose
persons who have advanced ln prayer only so far as Lhls may mosL easlly fall
lnLo deluslons, lf Lhey have vlslons or revelaLlons. lor myself, l never had
a slngle vlslon or revelaLlon Llll Cod had led me on Lo Lhe prayer of
unlon,-unless lL be on LhaL occaslon, of whlch l have spoken before, [367]
now many years ago, when l saw our Lord. Ch, LhaL Pls Ma[esLy had been
pleased Lo leL me Lhen undersLand LhaL lL was a Lrue vlslon, as l have slnce
undersLood lL was! lL would have been no sllghL blesslng Lo me.

13. AfLer Lhese locuLlons of Lhe evll one, Lhe soul ls never genLle, buL ls,
as lL were, Lerrlfled, and greaLly dlsgusLed.

16. l look upon lL as a mosL cerLaln LruLh, LhaL Lhe devll wlll never
decelve, and LhaL Cod wlll noL suffer hlm Lo decelve, Lhe soul whlch has no
confldence whaLever ln lLself, whlch ls sLrong ln falLh, and resolved Lo
undergo a Lhousand deaLhs for any one arLlcle of Lhe creed, whlch ln lLs
love of Lhe falLh, lnfused of Cod once for all,-a falLh llvlng and
sLrong,-always labours, seeklng for furLher llghL on Lhls slde and on LhaL,
Lo mould lLself on Lhe Leachlng of Lhe Church, as one already deeply
grounded ln Lhe LruLh. no lmaglnable revelaLlons, noL even lf lL saw Lhe
heavens open, could make LhaL soul swerve ln any degree from Lhe docLrlne of
Lhe Church. lf, however, lL should aL any Llme flnd lLself waverlng even ln
LhoughL on Lhls polnL, or sLopplng Lo say Lo lLself, lf Cod says Lhls Lo me,
lL may be Lrue, as well as whaL Pe sald Lo Lhe SalnLs-Lhe soul musL noL be
sure of lL. l do noL mean LhaL lL so belleves, only LhaL SaLan has Laken Lhe
flrsL sLep Lowards LempLlng lL, and Lhe glvlng way Lo Lhe flrsL movemenLs of
a LhoughL llke Lhls ls evldenLly mosL wrong. l belleve, however, LhaL Lhese
flrsL movemenLs wlll noL Lake place lf Lhe soul ls so sLrong ln Lhe
maLLer-as LhaL soul ls Lo whom our Lord sends Lhese graces-LhaL lL seems as
lf lL could crush Lhe evll splrlLs ln defence of Lhe very leasL of Lhe
LruLhs whlch Lhe Church holds.

17. lf Lhe soul does noL dlscern Lhls greaL sLrengLh ln lLself, and lf Lhe
parLlcular devoLlon or vlslon help lL noL onwards, Lhen lL musL noL look
upon lL as safe. lor Lhough aL flrsL Lhe soul ls consclous of no harm, greaL
harm may by degrees ensue, because, so far as l can see, and by experlence
undersLand, LhaL whlch purporLs Lo come from Cod ls recelved only ln so far
as lL corresponds wlLh Lhe sacred wrlLlngs, buL lf lL varles Lherefrom ever
so llLLle, l am lncomparably more convlnced LhaL lL comes from SaLan Lhan l
am now convlnced lL comes from Cod, however deep LhaL convlcLlon may be. ln
Lhls case, Lhere ls no need Lo ask for slgns, nor from whaL splrlL lL
proceeds, because Lhls varylng ls so clear a slgn of Lhe devll's presence,
LhaL lf all Lhe world were Lo assure me LhaL lL came from Cod, l would noL
belleve lL. 1he facL ls, LhaL all good seems Lo be losL ouL of slghL, and Lo
have fled from Lhe soul, when Lhe devll has spoken Lo lL, Lhe soul ls Lhrown
lnLo a sLaLe of dlsgusL, and ls Lroubled, able Lo do no good Lhlng
whaLever-for lf lL concelves good deslres, Lhey are noL sLrong, lLs humlllLy
ls flcLlLlous, dlsLurbed, and wlLhouL sweeLness. Any one who has ever LasLed
of Lhe SplrlL of Cod wlll, l Lhlnk, undersLand lL.

18. neverLheless, SaLan has many devlces, and so Lhere ls noLhlng more
cerLaln Lhan LhaL lL ls safer Lo be afrald, and always on our guard, under a
learned dlrecLor, from whom noLhlng ls concealed. lf we do Lhls, no harm can
befall us, Lhough much has befallen me Lhrough Lhe excesslve fears whlch
possessed some people. lor lnsLance, lL happened so once Lo me, when many
persons ln whom l had greaL confldence, and wlLh good reason, had assembled
LogeLher,-flve or slx ln number, l Lhlnk,-and all very greaL servanLs of
Cod. lL ls Lrue, my relaLlons were wlLh one of Lhem only, buL by hls orders
made my sLaLe known Lo Lhe oLhers. 1hey had many conferences LogeLher abouL
my necesslLles, for Lhey had greaL affecLlon for me, and were afrald l was
under a deluslon. l, Loo, was very much afrald whenever l was noL occupled
ln prayer, buL when l prayed, and our Lord besLowed Pls graces upon me, l
was lnsLanLly reassured. My confessor Lold me Lhey were all of oplnlon LhaL
l was decelved by SaLan, LhaL l musL communlcaLe less frequenLly, and
conLrlve Lo dlsLracL myself ln such a way as Lo be less alone.

19. l was ln greaL fear myself, as l have [usL sald, and my dlsease of Lhe
hearL [368] conLrlbuLed LhereLo, so LhaL very ofLen l dld noL dare Lo remaln
alone ln my cell durlng Lhe day. When l found so many malnLaln Lhls, and
myself unable Lo belleve Lhem, l had aL once a mosL grlevous scruple, for lL
seemed Lo me LhaL l had very llLLle humlllLy, especlally as Lhey all led
llves lncomparably beLLer Lhan mlne: Lhey were also learned men. Why should
l noL belleve Lhem? l dld all l could Lo belleve Lhem. l reflecLed on my
wlcked llfe, and Lherefore whaL Lhey sald Lo me musL be Lrue.

20. ln Lhls dlsLress, l qulLLed Lhe church, [369] and enLered an oraLory. l
had noL been Lo Communlon for many days, nor had l been alone, whlch was all
my comforL. l had no one Lo speak Lo, for every one was agalnsL me. Some, l
LhoughL, made a mock of me when l spoke Lo Lhem of my prayer, as lf l were a
person under deluslons of Lhe lmaglnaLlon, oLhers warned my confessor Lo be
on hls guard agalnsL me, and some sald lL was clear Lhe whole was an
operaLlon of SaLan. My confessor, Lhough he agreed wlLh Lhem for Lhe sake of
Lrylng me, as l undersLood afLerwards, always comforLed me: and he alone dld
so. Pe Lold me LhaL, lf l dld noL offend Cod, my prayer, even lf lL was Lhe
work of SaLan, could do me no harm, LhaL l should be dellvered from lL. Pe
bade me pray much Lo Cod: he hlmself, and all hls penlLenLs, and many oLhers
dld so earnesLly, l, Loo, wlLh all my mlghL, and as many as l knew Lo be
servanLs of Cod, prayed LhaL Pls Ma[esLy would be pleased Lo lead me by
anoLher way. 1hls lasLed, l Lhlnk, abouL Lwo years, and Lhls was Lhe sub[ecL
of my conLlnual prayer Lo our Lord.

21. 8uL Lhere was no comforL for me when l LhoughL of Lhe posslblllLy LhaL
SaLan could speak Lo me so ofLen. now LhaL l was never alone for prayer, our
Lord made me recollecLed even durlng conversaLlon: Pe spoke whaL Pe
pleased,-l could noL avold lL, and, Lhough lL dlsLressed me, l was forced Lo
llsLen. l was by myself, havlng no one ln whom l could flnd any comforL,
unable Lo pray or read, llke a person sLunned by heavy Lrlals, and by Lhe
dread LhaL Lhe evll one had deluded me, uLLerly dlsquleLed and wearled, noL
knowlng whaL would become of me. l have been occaslonally-yea, very ofLen-ln
dlsLress, buL never before ln dlsLress so greaL. l was ln Lhls sLaLe for
four or flve hours, Lhere was no comforL for me, elLher from heaven or on
earLh-only our Lord lefL me Lo suffer, afrald of a Lhousand dangers.

22. C my Lord, how Lrue a frlend arL 1hou! how powerful! 1hou showesL 1hy
power when 1hou wllL, and 1hou dosL wlll lL always, lf only we wlll lL also.
LeL Lhe whole creaLlon pralse 1hee, C 1hou Lord of Lhe world! Ch, LhaL a
volce mlghL go forLh over all Lhe earLh, proclalmlng 1hy falLhfulness Lo
Lhose who love 1hee! All Lhlngs fall, buL 1hou, Lord of all, never fallesL!
1hey who love 1hee, oh, how llLLle Lhey have Lo suffer! oh, how genLly, how
Lenderly, how sweeLly 1hou, C my Lord, dealesL wlLh Lhem! Ch, LhaL no one
had ever been occupled wlLh any oLher love Lhan 1hlne! lL seems as lf 1hou
dldsL sub[ecL Lhose who love 1hee Lo a severe Lrlal: buL lL ls ln order LhaL
Lhey may learn, ln Lhe depLhs of LhaL Lrlal, Lhe depLhs of 1hy love. C my
Cod, oh, LhaL l had undersLandlng and learnlng, and a new language, ln order
Lo magnlfy 1hy works, accordlng Lo Lhe knowledge of Lhem whlch my soul
possesses! LveryLhlng falls me, C my Lord, buL lf 1hou wllL noL abandon me,
l wlll never fall 1hee. LeL all Lhe learned rlse up agalnsL me,-leL Lhe
whole creaLlon persecuLe me,-leL Lhe evll splrlLs LormenL me,-buL do 1hou, C
Lord, fall me noL, for l know by experlence now Lhe blessedness of LhaL
dellverance whlch 1hou dosL effecL for Lhose who LrusL only ln 1hee. ln Lhls
dlsLress,-for Lhen l had never had a slngle vlslon,-Lhese 1hy words alone
were enough Lo remove lL, and glve me perfecL peace: "8e noL afrald, my
daughLer: lL ls l, and l wlll noL abandon Lhee. lear noL." [370]

23. lL seems Lo me LhaL, ln Lhe sLaLe l was ln Lhen, many hours would have
been necessary Lo calm me, and LhaL no one could have done lL. ?eL l found
myself, Lhrough Lhese words alone, Lranqull and sLrong, courageous and
confldenL, aL resL and enllghLened, ln a momenL, my soul seemed changed, and
l felL l could malnLaln agalnsL all Lhe world LhaL my prayer was Lhe work of
Cod. Ch, how good ls Cod! how good ls our Lord, and how powerful! Pe glves
noL counsel only, buL rellef as well. Pls words are deeds. C my Cod! as Pe
sLrengLhens our falLh, love grows. So lL ls, ln LruLh, for l used frequenLly
Lo recollecL how our Lord, when Lhe LempesL arose, commanded Lhe wlnds Lo be
sLlll over Lhe sea. [371] So l sald Lo myself: Who ls Pe, LhaL all my
faculLles should Lhus obey Plm? Who ls Pe, LhaL glves llghL ln such darkness
ln a momenL, who sofLens a hearL LhaL seemed Lo be made of sLone, who glves
Lhe waLers of sweeL Lears, where for a long Llme greaL dryness seems Lo have
prevalled, who lnsplres Lhese deslres, who besLows Lhls courage? WhaL have l
been Lhlnklng of? whaL am l afrald of? whaL ls lL? l deslre Lo serve Lhls my
Lord, l alm aL noLhlng else buL Pls pleasure, l seek no [oy, no resL, no
oLher good Lhan LhaL of dolng Pls wlll. l was so confldenL LhaL l had no
oLher deslre, LhaL l could safely asserL lL.

24. Seelng, Lhen, LhaL our Lord ls so powerful,-as l

see and know Pe ls,-and LhaL Lhe evll splrlLs are Pls slaves, of whlch Lhere
can be no doubL, because lL ls of falLh,-and l a servanL of Lhls our Lord
and klng,-whaL harm can SaLan do unLo me? Why have l noL sLrengLh enough Lo
flghL agalnsL all hell? l Look up Lhe cross ln my hand,-l was changed ln a
momenL lnLo anoLher person, and lL seemed as lf Cod had really glven me
courage enough noL Lo be afrald of encounLerlng all Lhe evll splrlLs. lL
seemed Lo me LhaL l could, wlLh Lhe cross, easlly defeaL Lhem alLogeLher. So
l crled ouL, Come on, all of you, l am Lhe servanL of our Lord: l should
llke Lo see whaL you can do agalnsL me.

23. And cerLalnly Lhey seemed Lo be afrald of me, for l was lefL ln peace: l
feared Lhem so llLLle, LhaL Lhe Lerrors, whlch unLll now oppressed me,
qulLLed me alLogeLher, and Lhough l saw Lhem occaslonally,-l shall speak of
Lhls by and by, [372] -l was never agaln afrald of Lhem-on Lhe conLrary,
Lhey seemed Lo be afrald of me. [373] l found myself endowed wlLh a cerLaln
auLhorlLy over Lhem, glven me by Lhe Lord of all, so LhaL l cared no more
for Lhem Lhan for flles. 1hey seem Lo be such cowards, for Lhelr sLrengLh
falls Lhem aL Lhe slghL of any one who desplses Lhem. 1hese enemles have noL
Lhe courage Lo assall any buL Lhose whom Lhey see ready Lo glve ln Lo Lhem,
or when Cod permlLs Lhem Lo do so, for Lhe greaLer good of Pls servanLs,
whom Lhey may Lry and LormenL.

26. May lL please Pls Ma[esLy LhaL we fear Plm whom we oughL Lo fear, [374]
and undersLand LhaL one venlal sln can do us more harm Lhan all hell
LogeLher, for LhaL ls Lhe LruLh. 1he evll splrlLs keep us ln Lerror, because
we expose ourselves Lo Lhe assaulLs of Lerror by our aLLachmenLs Lo honours,
possesslons, and pleasures. lor Lhen Lhe evll splrlLs, unlLlng Lhemselves
wlLh us,-we become our own enemles when we love and seek whaL we oughL Lo
haLe,-do us greaL harm. We ourselves puL weapons lnLo Lhelr hands, LhaL Lhey
may assall us, Lhose very weapons wlLh whlch we should defend ourselves. lL
ls a greaL plLy. 8uL lf, for Lhe love of Cod, we haLed all Lhls, and
embraced Lhe cross, and seL abouL Pls servlce ln earnesL, SaLan would fly
away before such reallLles, as from Lhe plague. Pe ls Lhe frlend of lles,
and a lle hlmself. [373] Pe wlll have noLhlng Lo do wlLh Lhose who walk ln
Lhe LruLh. When he sees Lhe undersLandlng of any one obscured, he slmply
helps Lo pluck ouL hls eyes, lf he sees any one already bllnd, seeklng peace
ln vanlLles,-for all Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls world are so uLLerly vanlLy, LhaL
Lhey seem Lo be buL Lhe playLhlngs of a chlld,-he sees aL once LhaL such a
one ls a chlld, he LreaLs hlm as a chlld, and venLures Lo wresLle wlLh
hlm-noL once, buL ofLen.

27. May lL please our Lord LhaL l be noL one of Lhese, and may Pls Ma[esLy
glve me grace Lo Lake LhaL for peace whlch ls really peace, LhaL for honour
whlch ls really honour, and LhaL for dellghL whlch ls really a dellghL. LeL
me never mlsLake one Lhlng for anoLher-and Lhen l snap my flngers aL all Lhe
devlls, for Lhey shall be afrald of me. l do noL undersLand Lhose Lerrors
whlch make us cry ouL, SaLan, SaLan! when we may say, Cod, Cod! and make
SaLan Lremble. uo we noL know LhaL he cannoL sLlr wlLhouL Lhe permlsslon of
Cod? WhaL does lL mean? l am really much more afrald of Lhose people who
have so greaL a fear of Lhe devll, Lhan l am of Lhe devll hlmself. SaLan can
do me no harm whaLever, buL Lhey can Lrouble me very much, parLlcularly lf
Lhey be confessors. l have spenL some years of such greaL anxleLy, LhaL even
now l am amazed LhaL l was able Lo bear lL. 8lessed be our Lord, who has so
effecLually helped me!
_________________________________________________________________

[337] hlllp. a SS. 1rlnlLaLe, 1heolog. MysLlc. par. 2, Lr. lll. dlsc. lv.
arL. v.: "1res sunL modl dlvln locuLlonls, compleLur enlm dlvlna locuLlo
vel verbls successlvls, vel verbls formallbus, vel verbls subsLanLlallbus.
CompleLur verbls successlvls cum anlma ln semeLlpsa mulLum collecLa quosdam
dlscursus lnLernos de ueo vel de allls dlvlna formaL dlrecLlone, hu[usmodl
qulppe dlscursus, quamvls ab lpsa slbl formaLl, a ueo Lamen dlrlgenLe
procedunL. CompleLur verbls formallbus cum anlma vel ln se collecLa, vel
allls occupaLa, perclplL qudam verba formallLer ac dlsLlncLe dlvlnlLus
expressa, ad quorum formaLlonem anlma passlve penlLus se habeL. CompleLur
verbls subsLanLlallbus cum anlma vel ln se collecLa, vel eLlam dlsLracLa,
perclplL qudam verba vlva eL efflcacla, dlvlnlLus ad se dlrecLa, qu
vlrLuLem auL subsLanLlalem effecLum per lpsa slgnlflcaLum forLlLer ac
lnfalllblllLer causanL." See also SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [292]AscenL of
MounL Carmel, b. ll. ch. xxvlll. and [293]Lhe followlng, p. 188.

[338] lrom 1333 Lo 1337, when Lhe SalnL was advlsed by SL. lrancls de 8or[a
Lo make no furLher reslsLance (8oulx).

[339] See [294]ch. xxvll. 4.

[360] [293] 4.

[361] [296] 3.

[362] 1he docLrlne here lald down ls noL LhaL of Lhe second waLer,-[297]chs.
xlv. and [298]xv.,-buL LhaL of Lhe Lhlrd, [299]ch. xvl. 1he SalnL herself
speaks doubLfully, and as she had buL llLLle Llme for wrlLlng, she could noL
correcL nor read agaln whaL she had wrlLLen (ue la luenLe).

[363] [300] 6.

[364] [301] 2.

[363] [302]Ch. vll. 12.

[366] [303]Ch. xxvlll. 6, [304]ch. xxx. 10.

[367] [303]Ch. vll. 11.

[368] [306]Ch. lv. 6, [307]ch. v. 14.

[369] lL was Lhe church of Lhe !esulLs (8oulx).

[370] See lnner lorLress, vl. 3, 3.

[371] SL. MaLL. vlll. 26, "lmperavlL venLls eL marl, eL facLa esL
LranqullllLas magna."

[372] [308]Ch. xxxl. 2.

[373] SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [309]SplrlLual CanLlcle, sL. 24, p. 128,
Lng. Lrans.

[374] SL. MaLL. x. 26, 28, "ne ergo LlmuerlLls eos, . . . sed poLlus
LlmeLe Lum."

[373] SL. !ohn vlll. 44: "Mendax esL, eL paLer e[us."
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxvl.

Pow Lhe lears of Lhe SalnL vanlshed. Pow She Was Assured 1haL Per rayer Was
Lhe Work of Lhe Poly SplrlL.

1. l look upon Lhe courage whlch our Lord has lmplanLed ln me agalnsL evll
splrlLs as one of Lhe greaLesL mercles whlch Pe has besLowed upon me, for a
cowardly soul, afrald of anyLhlng buL sln agalnsL Cod, ls a very unseemly
Lhlng, when we have on our slde Lhe klng omnlpoLenL, our Lord mosL hlgh, who
can do all Lhlngs, and sub[ecLs all Lhlngs Lo Plmself. 1here ls noLhlng Lo
be afrald of lf we walk, as l sald before, [376] ln Lhe LruLh, ln Lhe slghL
of Pls Ma[esLy, wlLh a pure consclence. And for Lhls end, as l sald ln Lhe
same place, l would have myself all fears, LhaL l may noL for one lnsLanL
offend Plm who ln LhaL lnsLanL ls able Lo desLroy us. lf Pls Ma[esLy ls
pleased wlLh us, whoever reslsLs us-be he who he may-wlll be
uLLerly dlsappolnLed.

2. lL may be so, you wlll say, buL, Lhen, where ls LhaL soul so [usL as Lo
please Plm ln everyLhlng?-and LhaL ls Lhe reason why we are afrald.
CerLalnly lL ls noL my soul, whlch ls mosL wreLched, unproflLable, and full
of mlsery. Cod ls noL llke man ln Pls ways, Pe knows our weakness. 8uL Lhe
soul percelves, by Lhe help of cerLaln greaL slgns, wheLher lL loves Cod of
a LruLh, for Lhe love of Lhose souls who have come Lo Lhls sLaLe ls noL
hldden as lL was aL flrsL, buL ls full of hlgh lmpulses, and of longlngs for
Lhe vlslon of Cod, as l shall show hereafLer-or raLher, as l have shown
already. [377] LveryLhlng wearles, everyLhlng dlsLresses, everyLhlng
LormenLs Lhe soul, unless lL be suffered wlLh Cod, or for Cod. 1here ls no
resL whlch ls noL a wearlness, because Lhe soul knows lLself Lo be away from
lLs Lrue resL, and so love ls made mosL manlfesL, and, as l have [usL sald,
lmposslble Lo hlde.

3. lL happened Lo me, on anoLher occaslon Lo be grlevously Lrled, and much
spoken agalnsL on accounL of a cerLaln affalr,-of whlch l wlll speak
hereafLer, [378] -by almosL everybody ln Lhe place where l am llvlng, and by
Lhe members of my Crder. When l was ln Lhls dlsLress, and affllcLed by many
occaslons of dlsquleL whereln l was placed, our Lord spoke Lo me, saylng:
"WhaL arL Lhou afrald of? knowesL Lhou noL LhaL l am almlghLy? l wlll do
whaL l have promlsed Lhee." And so, afLerwards, was lL done. l found myself
aL once so sLrong, LhaL l could have underLaken anyLhlng, so lL seemed,
lmmedlaLely, even lf l had Lo endure greaLer Lrlals for Pls servlce, and had
Lo enLer on a new sLaLe of sufferlng. 1hese locuLlons are so frequenL, LhaL
l cannoL counL Lhem, many of Lhem are reproaches, and Pe sends Lhem when l
fall lnLo lmperfecLlons. 1hey are enough Lo desLroy a soul. 1hey correcL me,
however, for Pls Ma[esLy-as l sald before [379] - glves boLh counsel and
rellef. 1here are oLhers whlch brlng my former slns lnLo
remembrance,-parLlcularly when Pe ls abouL Lo besLow upon me some speclal
grace,-ln such a way LhaL Lhe soul beholds lLself as belng really [udged,
for Lhose reproaches of Cod puL Lhe LruLh before lL so dlsLlncLly, LhaL lL
knows noL whaL Lo do wlLh lLself. Some are warnlngs agalnsL cerLaln dangers
Lo myself or oLhers, many of Lhem are prophecles of fuLure Lhlngs, Lhree or
four years beforehand, and all of Lhem have been fulfllled: some of Lhem l
could menLlon. Pere, Lhen, are so many reasons for bellevlng LhaL Lhey come
from Cod, as make lL lmposslble, l belleve, for anybody Lo mlsLake Lhem.

4. 1he safesL course ln Lhese Lhlngs ls Lo declare, wlLhouL fall, Lhe whole
sLaLe of Lhe soul, LogeLher wlLh Lhe graces our Lord glves me, Lo a
confessor who ls learned, and obey hlm. l do so, and lf l dld noL, l should
have no peace. nor ls lL rlghL LhaL we women, who are unlearned, should have
any: Lhere can be no danger ln Lhls, buL raLher greaL proflL. 1hls ls whaL
our Lord has ofLen commanded me Lo do, and lL ls whaL l have ofLen done. l
had a confessor [380] who morLlfled me greaLly, and now and Lhen dlsLressed
me: he Lrled me heavlly, for he dlsquleLed me exceedlngly, and yeL he was
Lhe one who, l belleve, dld me Lhe mosL good. 1hough l had a greaL affecLlon
for hlm, l was occaslonally LempLed Lo leave hlm, l LhoughL LhaL Lhe paln he
lnfllcLed on me dlsLurbed my prayer. Whenever l was resolved on leavlng hlm,
l used Lo feel lnsLanLly LhaL l oughL noL Lo do so, and one reproach of our
Lord would press more heavlly upon me Lhan all LhaL my confessor dld. now
and Lhen, l was worn ouL-LorLure on Lhe one hand, reproaches on Lhe oLher. l
requlred lL all, for my wlll was buL llLLle subdued. Cur Lord sald Lo me
once, LhaL Lhere was no obedlence where Lhere was no resoluLlon Lo suffer,
LhaL l was Lo Lhlnk of Pls sufferlngs, and Lhen everyLhlng would be easy.

3. Cne of my confessors, Lo whom l wenL ln Lhe beglnnlng, advlsed me once,
now LhaL my splrlLual sLaLe was known Lo be Lhe work of Cod, Lo keep
sllence, and noL speak of Lhese Lhlngs Lo any one, on Lhe ground LhaL lL was
safer Lo keep Lhese graces secreL. 1o me, Lhe advlce seemed good, because l
felL lL so much whenever l had Lo speak of Lhem Lo my confessor, [381] l was
also so ashamed of myself, LhaL l felL lL more keenly aL Llmes Lo speak of
Lhem Lhan l should have done ln confesslng grave slns, parLlcularly when Lhe
graces l had Lo reveal were greaL. l LhoughL Lhey dld noL belleve me, and
LhaL Lhey were laughlng aL me. l felL lL so much,-for l look on Lhls as an
lrreverenL LreaLmenL of Lhe marvels of Cod,-LhaL l was glad Lo be sllenL. l
learned Lhen LhaL l had been lll-advlsed by LhaL confessor, because l oughL
never Lo hlde anyLhlng from my confessor, for l should flnd greaL securlLy
lf l Lold everyLhlng, and lf l dld oLherwlse, l mlghL aL any Llme fall
lnLo deluslons. [382]

6. Whenever our Lord commanded me Lo do one Lhlng ln prayer, and lf my
confessor forbade lL, our Lord Plmself Lold me Lo obey my confessor. Pls
Ma[esLy afLerwards would change Lhe mlnd of LhaL confessor, so LhaL he would
have me do whaL he had forbldden before. When we were deprlved of many
books
wrlLLen ln Spanlsh, and forbldden Lo read Lhem,-l felL lL deeply, for some
of Lhese books were a greaL comforL Lo me, and l could noL read Lhem ln
LaLln,-our Lord sald Lo me, "8e noL Lroubled, l wlll glve Lhee a llvlng
book." l could noL undersLand why Lhls was sald Lo me, for aL LhaL Llme l
had never had a vlslon.[[310]8] [383] 8uL, a very few days afLerwards, l
undersLood lL well enough, for l had so much Lo Lhlnk of, and such reasons
for self-recollecLlon ln whaL l saw before me and our Lord dealL so lovlngly
wlLh me, ln Leachlng me ln so many ways, LhaL l had llLLle or no need
whaLever of books. Pls Ma[esLy has been Lo me a verlLable 8ook, ln whlch l
saw all LruLh. 8lessed be such a 8ook, whlch leaves behlnd an lmpresslon of
whaL ls read Lhereln, and ln such a way LhaL lL cannoLbe forgoLLen!

7. Who can look upon our Lord, covered wlLh wounds, and bowed down under
persecuLlons, wlLhouL accepLlng, lovlng, and longlng for Lhem? Who can
behold buL a parL of LhaL glory whlch Pe wlll glve Lo Lhose who serve Plm
wlLhouL confesslng LhaL all he may do, and all he may suffer, are alLogeLher
as noLhlng, when we may hope for such a reward? Who can look aL Lhe LormenLs
of losL souls wlLhouL acknowledglng Lhe LormenLs of Lhls llfe Lo be [oyous
dellghLs ln comparlson, and confesslng how much Lhey owe Lo our Lord ln
havlng saved Lhem so ofLen from Lhe place of LormenLs? [384] 8uL as, by Lhe
help of Cod, l shall speak more aL large of cerLaln Lhlngs, l wlsh now Lo go
on wlLh Lhe sLory of my llfe. Cur Lord granL LhaL l have been clear enough
ln whaL l have hlLherLo sald! l feel assured LhaL he wlll undersLand me who
has had experlence hereln, and LhaL he wlll see l have parLlally succeeded,
buL as Lo hlm who has had no such experlence, l should noL be surprlsed lf
he regarded lL all as folly. lL ls enough for hlm LhaL lL ls l who say lL,
ln order Lo be free from blame, nelLher wlll l blame any one who shall so
speak of lL. Cur Lord granL LhaL l may never fall Lo do Pls wlll! Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[376] [311]Ch. xxv. 26.

[377] [312]Ch. xv. 6.

[378] [313]Ch. xxxlll., Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe house of SL. !oseph.

[379] [314]Ch. xxv. 23.

[380] 1he 8ollandlsLs, n. 183, aLLrlbuLe some of Lhe severlLy wlLh whlch her
confessor LreaLed Lhe SalnL Lo Lhe splrlL of desolaLlon wlLh whlch he was
Lhen Lrled hlmself, and, ln proof of lL, refer Lo Lhe accounL whlch
l. 8alLasar Alvarez gave of hls own prayer Lo Lhe Ceneral of Lhe SocleLy.

[381] See [313]8elaLlon, vll. 7.

[382] SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, MounL Carmel, bk. ll. ch. 22, 14.

[383] 1he vlslons of Lhe SalnL began ln 1338 (ue la luenLe) or, accordlng Lo
laLher 8oulx, ln 1339.

[384] SL. Luke xvl. 28: "ne eL lpsl venlanL ln hunc locum LormenLorum."
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxvll.

1he SalnL rays Lo 8e ulrecLed by a ulfferenL Way. lnLellecLual vlslons.

1. l now resume Lhe sLory of my llfe. l was ln greaL paln and dlsLress, and
many prayers, as l sald, [383] were made on my behalf, LhaL our Lord would
lead me by anoLher and a safer way, for Lhls, Lhey Lold me, was so
susplclous. 1he LruLh ls, LhaL Lhough l was praylng Lo Cod for Lhls, and
wlshed l had a deslre for anoLher way, yeL, when l saw Lhe progress l was
maklng, l was unable really Lo deslre a change,-Lhough l always prayed for
lL,-excepLlng on Lhose occaslons when l was exLremely casL down by whaL
people sald Lo me, and by Lhe fears wlLh whlch Lhey fllled me.

2. l felL LhaL l was wholly changed, l could do noLhlng buL puL myself ln
Lhe hands of Cod: Pe knew whaL was expedlenL for me, leL Plm do wlLh me
accordlng Lo Pls wlll ln all Lhlngs. l saw LhaL by Lhls way l was dlrecLed
heavenwards, and LhaL formerly l was golng down Lo hell. l could noL force
myself Lo deslre a change, nor belleve LhaL l was under Lhe lnfluence of
SaLan. 1hough l was dolng all l could Lo belleve Lhe one and Lo deslre Lhe
oLher, lL was noL ln my power Lo do so. l offered up all my acLlons, lf
Lhere should be any good ln Lhem, for Lhls end, l had recourse Lo Lhe SalnLs
for whom l had a devoLlon, LhaL Lhey mlghL dellver me from Lhe evll one, l
made novenas, l commended myself Lo SL. Pllarlon, Lo Lhe Angel SL. Mlchael,
Lo whom l had recenLly become devouL, for Lhls purpose, and many oLher
SalnLs l lmporLuned, LhaL our Lord mlghL show me Lhe way,-l mean, LhaL Lhey
mlghL obLaln Lhls for me from Pls Ma[esLy.

3. AL Lhe end of Lwo years spenL ln prayer by myself and oLhers for Lhls
end, namely, LhaL our Lord would elLher lead me by anoLher way, or show Lhe
LruLh of Lhls,-for now Lhe locuLlons of our Lord were exLremely
frequenL,-Lhls happened Lo me. l was ln prayer one day,-lL was Lhe feasL of
Lhe glorlous SL. eLer, [386] -when l saw ChrlsL close by me, or, Lo speak
more correcLly, felL Plm, for l saw noLhlng wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe body,
noLhlng wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe soul. Pe seemed Lo me Lo be close beslde me,
and l saw, Loo, as l belleve, LhaL lL was Pe who was speaklng Lo me. As l
was uLLerly lgnoranL LhaL such a vlslon was posslble, [387] l was exLremely
afrald aL flrsL, and dld noLhlng buL weep, however, when Pe spoke Lo me buL
one word Lo reassure me, l recovered myself, and was, as usual, calm and
comforLed, wlLhouL any fear whaLever. !esus ChrlsL seemed Lo be by my slde
conLlnually, and, as Lhe vlslon was noL lmaglnary, l saw no form, buL l had
a mosL dlsLlncL feellng LhaL Pe was always on my rlghL hand, a wlLness of
all l dld, and never aL any Llme, lf l was buL sllghLly recollecLed, or noL
Loo much dlsLracLed, could l be lgnoranL of Pls near presence. [388]

4. l wenL aL once Lo my confessor, [389] ln greaL dlsLress, Lo Lell hlm of
lL. Pe asked ln whaL form l saw our Lord. l Lold hlm l saw no form. Pe Lhen
sald: "Pow dld you know LhaL lL was ChrlsL?" l replled, LhaL l dld noL know
how l knew lL, buL l could noL help knowlng LhaL Pe was close beslde
me,-LhaL l saw Plm dlsLlncLly, and felL Pls presence,- LhaL Lhe
recollecLedness of my soul was deeper ln Lhe prayer of quleL, and more
conLlnuous,-LhaL Lhe effecLs Lhereof were very dlfferenL from whaL l had
hlLherLo experlenced,-and LhaL lL was mosL cerLaln. l could only make
comparlsons ln order Lo explaln myself, and cerLalnly Lhere are no
comparlsons, ln my oplnlon, by whlch vlslons of Lhls klnd can be descrlbed.
AfLerwards l learnL from lrlar eLer of AlcanLara, a holy man of greaL
splrlLuallLy,-of whom l shall speak by and by, [390] -and from oLhers of
greaL learnlng, LhaL Lhls vlslon was of Lhe hlghesL order, and one wlLh
whlch SaLan can leasL lnLerfere, and Lherefore Lhere are no words whereby Lo
explaln,-aL leasL, none for us women, who know so llLLle: learned men can
explaln lL beLLer.

3. lor lf l say LhaL l see Plm nelLher wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe body, nor wlLh
Lhose of Lhe soul,-because lL was noL an lmaglnary vlslon,-how ls lL LhaL l
can undersLand and malnLaln LhaL Pe sLands beslde me, and be more cerLaln of
lL Lhan lf l saw Plm? lf lL be supposed LhaL lL ls as lf a person were
bllnd, or ln Lhe dark, and Lherefore unable Lo see anoLher who ls close Lo
hlm, Lhe comparlson ls noL exacL. 1here ls a cerLaln llkellhood abouL lL,
however, buL noL much, because Lhe oLher senses Lell hlm who ls bllnd of
LhaL presence: he hears Lhe oLher speak or move, or he Louches hlm, buL ln
Lhese vlslons Lhere ls noLhlng llke Lhls. 1he darkness ls noL felL, only Pe
renders Plmself presenL Lo Lhe soul by a cerLaln knowledge of Plmself whlch
ls more clear Lhan Lhe sun. [391] l do noL mean LhaL we now see elLher a sun
or any brlghLness, only LhaL Lhere ls a llghL noL seen, whlch lllumlnes Lhe
undersLandlng so LhaL Lhe soul may have Lhe frulLlon of so greaL a good.
1hls vlslon brlngs wlLh lL greaL blesslngs.

6. lL ls noL llke LhaL presence of Cod whlch ls frequenLly felL,
parLlcularly by Lhose who have aLLalned Lo Lhe prayer of unlon and of quleL,
when we seem, aL Lhe very commencemenL of our prayer, Lo flnd Plm wlLh whom
we would converse, and when we seem Lo feel LhaL Pe hears us by Lhe effecLs
and Lhe splrlLual lmpresslons of greaL love and falLh of whlch we are Lhen
consclous, as well as by Lhe good resoluLlons, accompanled by sweeLness,
whlch we Lhen make. 1hls ls a greaL grace from Cod, and leL hlm Lo whom Pe
has glven lL esLeem lL much, because lL ls a very hlgh degree of prayer, buL
lL ls noL vlslon. Cod ls undersLood Lo be presenL Lhere by Lhe effecLs Pe
works ln Lhe soul: LhaL ls Lhe way Pls Ma[esLy makes Pls presence felL, buL
here, ln Lhls vlslon, lL ls seen clearly LhaL !esus ChrlsL ls presenL, Lhe
Son of Lhe vlrgln. ln Lhe prayer of unlon and of quleL, cerLaln lnflowlngs
of Lhe Codhead are presenL, buL ln Lhe vlslon, Lhe Sacred PumanlLy also,
LogeLher wlLh Lhem, ls pleased Lo be our vlslble companlon, and Lo do
us good.

7. My confessor nexL asked me, who Lold me lL was !esus ChrlsL. [392] l
replled LhaL Pe ofLen Lold me so Plmself, buL, even before Pe Lold me so,
Lhere was an lmpresslon on my undersLandlng LhaL lL was Pe, and before Lhls
Pe used Lo Lell me so, and l saw Plm noL. lf a person whom l had never seen,
buL of whom l had heard, came Lo speak Lo me, and l were bllnd or ln Lhe
dark, and Lold me who he was, l should belleve hlm, buL l could noL so
confldenLly afflrm LhaL he was LhaL person, as l mlghL do lf l had seen hlm.
8uL ln Lhls vlslon l could do so, because so clear a knowledge ls lmpressed
on Lhe soul LhaL all doubL seems lmposslble, Lhough Pe ls noL seen. Cur Lord
wllls LhaL Lhls knowledge be so graven on Lhe undersLandlng, LhaL we can no
more quesLlon Pls presence Lhan we can quesLlon LhaL whlch we see wlLh our
eyes: noL so much even, for very ofLen Lhere arlses a susplclon LhaL we have
lmaglned Lhlngs we Lhlnk we see, buL here, Lhough Lhere may be a susplclon
ln Lhe flrsL lnsLanL, Lhere remalns a cerLalnLy so greaL, LhaL Lhe doubL has
no force whaLever. So also ls lL when Cod Leaches Lhe soul ln anoLher way,
and speaks Lo lL wlLhouL speaklng, ln Lhe way l have descrlbed.

8. 1here ls so much of heaven ln Lhls language, LhaL lL cannoL well be
undersLood on earLh, Lhough we may deslre ever so much Lo explaln lL, lf our
Lord wlll noL Leach lL experlmenLally. Cur Lord lmpresses ln Lhe lnnermosL
soul LhaL whlch Pe wllls LhaL soul Lo undersLand, and Pe manlfesLs lL Lhere
wlLhouL lmages or formal words, afLer Lhe manner of Lhe vlslon l am speaklng
of. Conslder well Lhls way ln whlch Cod works, ln order LhaL Lhe soul may
undersLand whaL Pe means-Pls greaL LruLhs and mysLerles, for very ofLen whaL
l undersLand, when our Lord explalns Lo me Lhe vlslon, whlch lL ls Pls
Ma[esLy's pleasure Lo seL before me, ls afLer Lhls manner, and lL seems Lo
me LhaL Lhls ls a sLaLe wlLh whlch Lhe devll can leasL lnLerfere, for Lhese
reasons, buL lf Lhese reasons are noL good, l musL be under a deluslon. 1he
vlslon and Lhe language are maLLers of such pure splrlLuallLy, LhaL Lhere ls
no Loll of Lhe faculLles, or of Lhe senses, ouL of whlch-so seems Lo me-Lhe
devll can derlve any advanLage.

9. lL ls only aL lnLervals, and for an lnsLanL, LhaL Lhls occurs, for
generally-so l Lhlnk-Lhe senses are noL Laken away, and Lhe faculLles are
noL suspended: Lhey preserve Lhelr ordlnary sLaLe. lL ls noL always so ln
conLemplaLlon, on Lhe conLrary, lL ls very rarely so, buL when lL ls so, l
say LhaL we do noLhlng whaLever ourselves: no work of ours ls Lhen posslble,
all LhaL ls done ls apparenLly Lhe work of our Lord. lL ls as lf food had
been recelved lnLo Lhe sLomach whlch had noL flrsL been eaLen, and wlLhouL
our knowlng how lL enLered, buL we do know well LhaL lL ls Lhere, Lhough we
know noL lLs naLure, nor who lL was LhaL placed lL Lhere. ln Lhls vlslon, l
know who placed lL, buL l do noL know how Pe dld lL. l nelLher saw lL, nor
felL lL, l never had any lncllnaLlon Lo deslre lL, and l never knew before
LhaL such a Lhlng was posslble.

10. ln Lhe locuLlons of whlch l spoke before, [393] Cod makes Lhe
undersLandlng aLLenLlve, Lhough lL may be palnful Lo undersLand whaL ls
sald, Lhen Lhe soul seems Lo have oLher ears wherewlLh lL hears, and Pe
forces lL Lo llsLen, and wlll noL leL lL be dlsLracLed. 1he soul ls llke a
person whose hearlng was good, and who ls noL suffered Lo sLop hls ears,
whlle people sLandlng close beslde hlm speak Lo hlm wlLh a loud volce. Pe
may be unwllllng Lo hear, yeL hear he musL. Such a person conLrlbuLes
someLhlng of hls own, for he aLLends Lo whaL ls sald Lo hlm, buL here Lhere
ls noLhlng of Lhe klnd: even LhaL llLLle, whlch ls noLhlng more Lhan Lhe
bare acL of llsLenlng, whlch ls granLed Lo lL ln Lhe oLher case, ls now ouL
of lLs power. lL flnds lLs food prepared and eaLen, lL has noLhlng more Lo
do buL Lo en[oy lL. lL ls as lf one wlLhouL ever learnlng, wlLhouL Laklng
Lhe palns even Lo learn Lo read, and wlLhouL sLudylng any sub[ecL whaLever,
should flnd hlmself ln possesslon of all knowledge, noL knowlng how or
whence lL came Lo hlm, seelng LhaL he had never Laken Lhe Lrouble even Lo
learn Lhe alphabeL. 1hls lasL comparlson seems Lo me Lo Lhrow some llghL on
Lhls heavenly glfL, for Lhe soul flnds lLself learned ln a momenL, and Lhe
mysLery of Lhe mosL Poly 1rlnlLy so clearly revealed Lo lL, LogeLher wlLh
oLher mosL deep docLrlnes, LhaL Lhere ls no Lheologlan ln Lhe world wlLh
whom lL would heslLaLe Lo dlspuLe for Lhe LruLh of Lhese maLLers.

11. lL ls lmposslble Lo descrlbe Lhe surprlse of Lhe soul when lL flnds LhaL
one of Lhese graces ls enough Lo change lL uLLerly, and make lL love noLhlng
buL Plm who, wlLhouL walLlng for anyLhlng lLself mlghL do, renders lL flL
for blesslngs so hlgh, communlcaLes Lo lL Pls secreLs, and LreaLs lL wlLh so
much affecLlon and love. Some of Lhe graces Pe besLows are llable Lo
susplclon because Lhey are so marvellous, and glven Lo one who has deserved
Lhem so llLLle-lncredlble, Loo, wlLhouL a mosL llvely falLh. l lnLend,
Lherefore, Lo menLlon very few of Lhose graces whlch our Lord has wroughL ln
me, lf l should noL be ordered oLherwlse, buL Lhere are cerLaln vlslons of
whlch l shall speak, an accounL of whlch may be of some servlce. ln dolng
so, l shall elLher dlspel hls fears Lo whom our Lord sends Lhem, and who, as
l used Lo do, Lhlnks Lhem lmposslble, or l shall explaln Lhe way or Lhe road
by whlch our Lord has led me, and LhaL ls whaL l have been commanded
Lo descrlbe.

12. now, golng back Lo speak of Lhls way of undersLandlng, whaL lL ls seems
Lo me Lo be Lhls: lL ls our Lord's wlll ln every way LhaL Lhe soul should
have some knowledge of whaL passes ln heaven, and l Lhlnk LhaL, as Lhe
blessed Lhere wlLhouL speech undersLand one anoLher,-l never knew Lhls for
cerLaln Llll our Lord of Pls goodness made me see lL, Pe showed lL Lo me ln
a Lrance,-so ls lL here: Cod and Lhe soul undersLand one anoLher, merely
because Pls Ma[esLy so wllls lL, wlLhouL Lhe help of oLher means, Lo express
Lhe love Lhere ls beLween Lhem boLh. ln Lhe same way on earLh, Lwo persons
of sound sense, lf Lhey love each oLher much, can even, wlLhouL any slgns,
undersLand one anoLher only by Lhelr looks. lL musL be so here, Lhough we do
noL see how, as Lhese Lwo lovers earnesLly regard each Lhe oLher: Lhe
brldegroom says so Lo Lhe brlde ln Lhe CanLlcle, so l belleve, and l have
heard LhaL lL ls spoken of Lhere. [394]

13. Ch, marvellous goodness of Cod, ln LhaL 1hou permlLLesL eyes whlch have
looked upon so much evll as Lhose of my soul Lo look upon 1hee! May Lhey
never accusLom Lhemselves, afLer looklng on 1hee, Lo look upon vlle Lhlngs
agaln! and may Lhey have pleasure ln noLhlng buL ln 1hee, C Lord! Ch,
lngraLlLude of men, how far wlll lL go! l know by experlence LhaL whaL l am
saylng ls Lrue, and LhaL all we can say ls exceedlngly llLLle, when we
conslder whaL 1hou doesL Lo Lhe soul whlch 1hou hasL led Lo such a sLaLe as
Lhls. C souls, you who have begun Lo pray, and you who possess Lhe Lrue
falLh, whaL can you be ln search of even ln Lhls llfe, leL alone LhaL whlch
ls for ever, LhaL ls comparable Lo Lhe leasL of Lhese graces? Conslder, and
lL ls Lrue, LhaL Cod glves Plmself Lo Lhose who glve up everyLhlng for Plm.
Cod ls noL an accepLer of persons. [393] Pe loves all, Lhere ls no excuse
for any one, however wlcked he may be, seelng LhaL Pe haLh Lhus dealL wlLh
me, ralslng me Lo Lhe sLaLe l am ln. Conslder, LhaL whaL l am saylng ls noL
even an loLa of whaL may be sald, l say only LhaL whlch ls necessary Lo show
Lhe klnd of Lhe vlslon and of Lhe grace whlch Cod besLows on Lhe soul, for
LhaL cannoL be Lold whlch lL feels when our Lord admlLs lL Lo Lhe
undersLandlng of Pls secreLs and of Pls mlghLy works. 1he [oy of Lhls ls so
far above all concelvable [oys, LhaL lL may well make us loaLhe all Lhe [oys
of earLh, for Lhey are all buL dross, and lL ls an odlous Lhlng Lo make Lhem
enLer lnLo Lhe comparlson, even lf we mlghL have Lhem for ever. 1hose whlch
our Lord glves, whaL are Lhey? Cne drop only of Lhe waLers of Lhe
overflowlng rlver whlch Pe ls reservlng for us.

14. lL ls a shame! And, ln LruLh, l am ashamed of myself, lf shame could
have a place ln heaven, l should cerLalnly be Lhe mosL ashamed Lhere. Why do
we seek blesslngs and [oys so greaL, bllss wlLhouL end, and all aL Lhe cosL
of our good !esus? Shall we noL aL leasL weep wlLh Lhe daughLers of
!erusalem, [396] lf we do noL help Lo carry hls cross wlLh Lhe Cyrenean?
[397] ls lL by pleasure and ldle amusemenLs LhaL we can aLLaln Lo Lhe
frulLlon of whaL Pe purchased wlLh so much blood? lL ls lmposslble. Can we
Lhlnk LhaL we can, by preservlng our honour, whlch ls vanlLy, recompense Plm
for Lhe sufferlngs Pe endured, LhaL we mlghL relgn wlLh Plm for ever? 1hls
ls noL Lhe way, we are golng by Lhe wrong road uLLerly, and we shall never
arrlve Lhere. ?ou, my faLher, musL llfL up your volce, and uLLer Lhese
LruLhs aloud, seelng LhaL Cod has Laken from me Lhe power of dolng lL. l
should llke Lo uLLer Lhem Lo myself for ever. l llsLened Lo Lhem myself, and
came Lo Lhe knowledge of Cod so laLe, as wlll appear by whaL l have wrlLLen,
LhaL l am ashamed of myself when l speak of Lhls, and so l should llke Lo
be sllenL.

13. Cf one Lhlng, however, l wlll speak, and l Lhlnk of lL now and Lhen,-may
lL be Lhe good pleasure of our Lord Lo brlng me on, so LhaL l may have Lhe
frulLlon of lL!-whaL wlll be Lhe accldenLal glory and Lhe [oy of Lhe blessed
who have enLered on lL, when Lhey see LhaL, Lhough Lhey were laLe, yeL Lhey
lefL noLhlng undone whlch lL was posslble for Lhem Lo do for Cod, who kepL
noLhlng back Lhey could glve Plm, and who gave whaL Lhey gave ln every way
Lhey could, accordlng Lo Lhelr sLrengLh and Lhelr measure,-Lhey who had more
gave more. Pow rlch wlll he be who gave up all hls rlches for ChrlsL! Pow
honourable wlll he be who, for Pls sake, soughL no honours whaLever, buL
raLher Look pleasure ln seelng hlmself abased! Pow wlse he wlll be who
re[olced when men accounLed hlm as mad!- Lhey dld so of Wlsdom lLself! [398]
Pow few Lhere are of Lhls klnd now, because of our slns! now, lndeed, Lhey
are all gone whom people regarded as mad, [399] because Lhey saw Lhem
perform herolc acLs, as Lrue lovers of ChrlsL.

16. C world, world! how Lhou arL galnlng credlL because Lhey are few who
know Lhee! 8uL do we suppose LhaL Cod ls beLLer pleased when men accounL us
wlse and dlscreeL persons? We Lhlnk forLhwlLh LhaL Lhere ls buL llLLle
edlflcaLlon glven when people do noL go abouL, every one ln hls degree, wlLh
greaL gravlLy, ln a dlgnlfled way. Lven ln Lhe frlar, Lhe eccleslasLlc, and
Lhe nun, lf Lhey wear old and paLched garmenLs, we Lhlnk lL a novelLy, and a
scandal Lo Lhe weak, and even lf Lhey are very recollecLed and glven Lo
prayer. Such ls Lhe sLaLe of Lhe world, and so forgoLLen are maLLers of
perfecLlon, and Lhose grand lmpeLuoslLles of Lhe SalnLs. More mlschlef, l
Lhlnk, ls done ln Lhls way, Lhan by any scandal LhaL mlghL arlse lf Lhe
rellglous showed ln Lhelr acLlons, as Lhey proclalm lL ln words, LhaL Lhe
world ls Lo be held ln conLempL. CuL of scandals such as Lhls, our Lord
obLalns greaL frulL. lf some people Look scandal, oLhers are fllled wlLh
remorse: anyhow, we should have before us some llkeness of LhaL whlch our
Lord and Pls AposLles endured, for we have need of lL now more Lhan ever.

17. And whaL an excellenL llkeness ln Lhe person of LhaL blessed frlar,
eLer of AlcanLara, Cod has [usL Laken from us! [400] 1he world cannoL bear
such perfecLlon now, lL ls sald LhaL men's healLh ls grown feebler, and LhaL
we are noL now ln Lhose former Llmes. 8uL Lhls holy man llved ln our day, he
had a splrlL sLrong as Lhose of anoLher age, and so he Lrampled on Lhe
world. lf men do noL go abouL barefooLed, nor undergo sharp penances, as he
dld, Lhere are many ways, as l have sald before, [401] of Lrampllng on Lhe
world, and our Lord Leaches Lhem when Pe flnds Lhe necessary courage. Pow
greaL was Lhe courage wlLh whlch Pls Ma[esLy fllled Lhe SalnL l am speaklng
of! Pe dld penance-oh, how sharp lL was!-for seven-and-forLy years, as all
men know. l should llke Lo speak of lL, for l know lL Lo be all Lrue.

18. Pe spoke of lL Lo me and Lo anoLher person, from whom he kepL few or no
secreLs. As for me, lL was Lhe affecLlon he bore me LhaL led hlm Lo speak,
for lL was our Lord's wlll LhaL he should underLake my defence, and
encourage me, aL a Llme when l was ln greaL sLralLs, as l sald before, and
shall speak of agaln. [402] Pe Lold me, l Lhlnk, LhaL for forLy years he
slepL buL an hour and a half ouL of Lhe LwenLy-four, and LhaL Lhe mosL
laborlous penance he underwenL, when he began, was Lhls of overcomlng sleep.
lor LhaL purpose, he was always elLher kneellng or sLandlng. When he slepL,
he saL down, hls head resLlng agalnsL a plece of wood drlven lnLo Lhe wall.
Lle down he could noL, lf he wlshed lL, for hls cell, as every one knows,
was only four feeL and a half ln lengLh. ln all Lhese years, he never
covered hls head wlLh hls hood, even when Lhe sun was hoLLesL, or Lhe raln
heavlesL. Pe never covered hls feeL: Lhe only garmenL he wore was made of
sackcloLh, and LhaL was as LlghL as lL could be, wlLh noLhlng beLween lL and
hls flesh, over Lhls, he wore a cloak of Lhe same sLuff. Pe Lold me LhaL, ln
Lhe severe cold, he used Lo Lake off hls cloak, and open Lhe door and Lhe
wlndow of hls cell, ln order LhaL when he puL hls cloak on agaln, afLer
shuLLlng Lhe door and Lhe wlndow, he mlghL glve some saLlsfacLlon Lo hls
body ln Lhe pleasure lL mlghL have ln Lhe lncreased warmLh. Pls ordlnary
pracLlce was Lo eaL buL once ln Lhree days. Pe sald Lo me, "Why are you
asLonlshed aL lL? lL ls very posslble for any one who ls used Lo lL." Cne of
hls companlons Lold me LhaL he would be occaslonally elghL days wlLhouL
eaLlng: LhaL musL have been when he was ln prayer, for he was sub[ecL Lo
Lrances, and Lo Lhe lmpeLuoslLles of Lhe love of Cod, of whlch l was once a
wlLness myself.

19. Pls poverLy was exLreme, and hls morLlflcaLlon, from hls youLh, was
such,-so he Lold me,-LhaL he was Lhree years ln one of Lhe houses of hls
Crder wlLhouL knowlng how Lo dlsLlngulsh one frlar from anoLher, oLherwlse
Lhan by Lhe volce, for he never ralsed hls eyes: and so, when he was obllged
Lo go from one parL of Lhe house Lo Lhe oLher, he never knew Lhe way, unless
he followed Lhe frlars. Pls [ourneys, also, were made ln Lhe same way. lor
many years, he never saw a woman's face. Pe Lold me LhaL lL was noLhlng Lo
hlm Lhen wheLher he saw lL or noL: buL he was an aged man when l made hls
acqualnLance, and hls weakness was so greaL, LhaL he seemed llke noLhlng
else buL Lhe rooLs of Lrees. WlLh all hls sancLlLy, he was very agreeable,
Lhough hls words were few, unless when he was asked quesLlons, he was very
pleasanL Lo speak Lo, for he had a mosL clear undersLandlng.

20. Many oLher Lhlngs l should llke Lo say of hlm, lf l were noL afrald, my
faLher, LhaL you wlll say, Why does she meddle here? and lL ls ln LhaL fear
l have wrlLLen Lhls. So l leave Lhe sub[ecL, only saylng LhaL hls lasL end
was llke hls llfe-preachlng Lo, and exhorLlng, hls breLhren. When he saw
LhaL Lhe end was comes he repeaLed Lhe salm, [403] "LLaLus sum ln hls qu
dlcLa sunL mlhl," and Lhen, kneellng down, he dled.

21. Slnce Lhen, lL has pleased our Lord LhaL l should flnd more help from
hlm Lhan durlng hls llfe. Pe advlses me ln many maLLers. l have ofLen seen
hlm ln greaL glory. 1he flrsL Llme he appeared Lo me, he sald: "C blessed
penance, whlch has merlLed so greaL a reward!" wlLh oLher Lhlngs. A year
before hls deaLh, he appeared Lo me belng Lhen far away. l knew he was abouL
Lo dle, and so l senL hlm word Lo LhaL effecL, when he was some leagues from
here. When he dled, he appeared Lo me, and sald LhaL he was golng Lo hls
resL. l dld noL belleve lL. l spoke of lL Lo some persons, and wlLhln elghL
days came Lhe news LhaL he was dead-or, Lo speak more correcLly, he had
begun Lo llve for evermore. [404]

22. 8ehold here, Lhen, how LhaL llfe of sharp penance ls perfecLed ln such
greaL glory: and now he ls a greaLer comforL Lo me, l do belleve, Lhan he
was on earLh. Cur Lord sald Lo me on one occaslon, LhaL persons could noL
ask Plm anyLhlng ln hls name, and Pe noL hear Lhem. l have recommended many
Lhlngs Lo hlm LhaL he was Lo ask of our Lord, and l have seen my peLlLlons
granLed. Cod be blessed for ever! Amen.

23. 8uL how l have been Lalklng ln order Lo sLlr you up never Lo esLeem
anyLhlng ln Lhls llfe!-as lf you dld noL know Lhls, or as lf you were noL
resolved Lo leave everyLhlng, and had already done lL! l see so much golng
wrong ln Lhe world, LhaL Lhough my speaklng of lL ls of no oLher use Lhan Lo
weary me by wrlLlng of lL, lL ls some rellef Lo me LhaL all l am saylng
makes agalnsL myself. Cur Lord forglve me all LhaL l do amlss hereln, and
you Loo, my faLher, for wearylng you Lo no purpose. lL seems as lf l would
make you do penance for my slns hereln.
_________________________________________________________________

[383] [316]Ch. xxv. 20.

[386] See [317]ch. xxvlll. 3, and [318]ch. xxlx. 1. 1he vlslon Look
place, lL seems, on Lhe 29Lh !une. See [319]ch. xxlx. 6.

[387] See [320]ch. vll. 12.

[388] See AnLon. a SplrlLu SancLo, ulrecL. MysLlc. Lr. lll. dlsp. v. 3.

[389] See lnner lorLress, vl. 8, 3.

[390] [321] 17, lnfra.

[391] See [322]8elaLlon, vll. 26.

[392] lnner lorLress, vl. 8, 3.

[393] [323]Ch. xxv. 1.

[394] CanL. vl. 4: "AverLe oculos Luos a me, qula lpsl me avolare fecerunL."
SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, MounL Carmel, bk. ll. ch. xxlx. n. 6, Lngl. Lrans.

[393] AcLs x. 34: "non esL personarum accepLor ueus."

[396] SL. Luke xxlll. 28: "llll !erusalem, nollLe flere super Me, sed super
vos lpsas fleLe."

[397] SL. MaLL. xxvll. 32: "Punc angarlaverunL uL LollereL crucem L[us."

[398] SL. !ohn x. 20: "umonlum habeL eL lnsanlL: quld Lum audlLls?"

[399] Sap. v. 4: "nos lnsensaLl vlLam lllorum sLlmabamus lnsanlam."

[400] 18Lh CcL. 1362. As Lhe SalnL flnlshed Lhe flrsL relaLlon of her llfe
ln !une, 1362, Lhls ls one of Lhe addlLlons subsequenLly made.

[401] [324]Ch. xlv. 7.

[402] [323]Ch. xxvl. 3, [326]ch. xxxll. 16.

[403] salm cxxl. 1he words ln Lhe MS. are: "LeLaLun sun yn ls que dlLa sun
mlqul" (ue la luenLe).

[404] See [327]ch. xxx. 2.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxvlll.

vlslons of Lhe Sacred PumanlLy, and of Lhe Clorlfled 8odles. lmaglnary
vlslons. CreaL lrulLs 1hereof When 1hey Come from Cod.

1. l now resume our sub[ecL. l spenL some days, noL many, wlLh LhaL vlslon
[403] conLlnually before me. lL dld me so much good, LhaL l never ceased Lo
pray. Lven when l dld cease, l conLrlved LhaL lL should be ln such a way as
LhaL l should noL dlsplease Plm whom l saw so clearly presenL, an
eye-wlLness of my acLs. And Lhough l was occaslonally afrald, because so
much was sald Lo me abouL deluslons, LhaL fear lasLed noL long, because our
Lord reassured me.

2. lL pleased our Lord, one day LhaL l was ln prayer, Lo show me Pls Pands,
and Pls Pands only. 1he beauLy of Lhem was so greaL, LhaL no language can
descrlbe lL. 1hls puL me ln greaL fear, for everyLhlng LhaL ls sLrange, ln
Lhe beglnnlng of any new grace from Cod, makes me very much afrald. A few
days laLer, l saw Pls dlvlne lace, and l was uLLerly enLranced. l could noL
undersLand why our Lord showed Plmself ln Lhls way, seelng LhaL, afLerwards,
Pe granLed me Lhe grace of seelng Pls whole erson. LaLer on, l undersLood
LhaL Pls Ma[esLy was deallng wlLh me accordlng Lo Lhe weakness of my naLure.
May Pe be blessed for ever! A glory so greaL was more Lhan one so base and
wlcked could bear, and our merclful Lord, knowlng Lhls, ordered lL ln
Lhls way.

3. ?ou wlll Lhlnk, my faLher, LhaL lL requlred no greaL courage Lo look upon
Pands and lace so beauLlful. 8uL so beauLlful are glorlfled bodles, LhaL Lhe
glory whlch surrounds Lhem renders Lhose who see LhaL whlch ls so
supernaLural and beauLlful beslde Lhemselves. lL was so wlLh me: l was ln
such greaL fear, Lrouble, and perplexlLy aL Lhe slghL. AfLerwards Lhere
ensued a sense of safeLy and cerLalnLy, LogeLher wlLh oLher resulLs, so LhaL
all fear passed lmmedlaLely away. [406]

4. Cn one of Lhe feasLs of SL. aul, [407] when l was aL Mass, Lhere sLood
before me Lhe mosL Sacred PumanlLy, [408] as palnLers represenL Plm afLer
Lhe resurrecLlon, ln greaL beauLy and ma[esLy, as l parLlcularly descrlbed
lL Lo you, my faLher, when you had lnslsLed on lL. lL was palnful enough Lo
have Lo wrlLe abouL lL, for l could noL descrlbe lL wlLhouL dolng greaL
vlolence Lo myself. 8uL l descrlbed lL as well as l could, and Lhere ls no
reason why l should now recur Lo lL. Cne Lhlng, however, l have Lo say: lf
ln heaven lLself Lhere were noLhlng else Lo dellghL our eyes buL Lhe greaL
beauLy of glorlfled bodles, LhaL would be an excesslve bllss, parLlcularly
Lhe vlslon of Lhe PumanlLy of !esus ChrlsL our Lord. lf here below, where
Pls Ma[esLy shows Plmself Lo us accordlng Lo Lhe measure whlch our
wreLchedness can bear, lL ls so greaL, whaL musL lL be Lhere, where Lhe
frulLlon of lL ls compleLe!

3. 1hls vlslon, Lhough lmaglnary, l never saw wlLh my bodlly eyes, nor,
lndeed, any oLher, buL only wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe soul. 1hose who undersLand
Lhese Lhlngs beLLer Lhan l do, say LhaL Lhe lnLellecLual vlslon ls more
perfecL Lhan Lhls, and Lhls, Lhe lmaglnary vlslon, much more perfecL Lhan
Lhose vlslons whlch are seen by Lhe bodlly eyes. 1he laLLer klnd of vlslons,
Lhey say, ls Lhe lowesL, and lL ls by Lhese LhaL Lhe devll can mosL delude
us. [409] l dld noL know lL Lhen, for l wlshed, when Lhls grace had been
granLed me, LhaL lL had been so ln such a way LhaL l could see lL wlLh my
bodlly eyes, ln order LhaL my confessor mlghL noL say Lo me LhaL l lndulged
ln fancles.

6. AfLer Lhe vlslon was over, lL happened LhaL l Loo lmaglned-Lhe LhoughL
came aL once-l had fancled Lhese Lhlngs, so l was dlsLressed, because l had
spoken of Lhem Lo my confessor, Lhlnklng LhaL l mlghL have been decelvlng
hlm. 1here was anoLher lamenLaLlon: l wenL Lo my confessor, and Lold hlm of
my doubLs. Pe would ask me wheLher l Lold hlm Lhe LruLh so far as l knew lL,
or, lf noL, had l lnLended Lo decelve hlm? l would reply, LhaL l Lold Lhe
LruLh, for, Lo Lhe besL of my bellef, l dld noL lle, nor dld l mean anyLhlng
of Lhe klnd, nelLher would l Lell a lle for Lhe whole world. [410] 1hls he
knew well enough, and, accordlngly, he conLrlved Lo quleL me, and l felL so
much Lhe golng Lo hlm wlLh Lhese doubLs, LhaL l cannoL Lell how SaLan could
have puL lL lnLo my head LhaL l lnvenLed Lhose Lhlngs for Lhe purpose of
LormenLlng myself.

7. 8uL our Lord made such hasLe Lo besLow Lhls grace upon me, and Lo declare
Lhe reallLy of lL, LhaL all doubLs of Lhe vlslon belng a fancy on my parL
were qulckly Laken away, and ever slnce l see mosL clearly how sllly l was.
lor lf l were Lo spend many years ln devlslng how Lo plcLure Lo myself
anyLhlng so beauLlful, l should never be able, nor even know how, Lo do lL
for lL ls beyond Lhe reach of any posslble lmaglnaLlon here below: Lhe
whlLeness and brllllancy alone are lnconcelvable. lL ls noL a brllllancy
whlch dazzles, buL a dellcaLe whlLeness and a brllllancy lnfused, furnlshlng
Lhe mosL excesslve dellghL Lo Lhe eyes, never wearled Lhereby, nor by Lhe
vlslble brlghLness whlch enables us Lo see a beauLy so dlvlne. lL ls a llghL
so dlfferenL from any llghL here below, LhaL Lhe very brlghLness of Lhe sun
we see, ln comparlson wlLh Lhe brlghLness and llghL before our eyes, seems
Lo be someLhlng so obscure, LhaL no one would ever wlsh Lo open hls
eyes agaln.

8. lL ls llke mosL pellucld waLer runnlng ln a bed of crysLal, reflecLlng
Lhe rays of Lhe sun, compared wlLh mosL muddy waLer on a cloudy day, flowlng
on Lhe surface of Lhe earLh. noL LhaL Lhere ls anyLhlng llke Lhe sun presenL
here, nor ls Lhe llghL llke LhaL of Lhe sun: Lhls llghL seems Lo be naLural,
and, ln comparlson wlLh lL, every oLher llghL ls someLhlng arLlflclal. lL ls
a llghL whlch knows no nlghL, buL raLher, as lL ls always llghL, noLhlng
ever dlsLurbs lL. ln shorL, lL ls such LhaL no man, however glfLed he may
be, can ever, ln Lhe whole course of hls llfe, arrlve aL any lmaglnaLlon of
whaL lL ls. Cod puLs lL before us so lnsLanLaneously, LhaL we could noL open
our eyes ln Llme Lo see lL, lf lL were necessary for us Lo open Lhem aL all.
8uL wheLher our eyes be open or shuL, lL makes no dlfference whaLever, for
when our Lord wllls, we musL see lL, wheLher we wlll or noL. no dlsLracLlon
can shuL lL ouL, no power can reslsL lL, nor can we aLLaln Lo lL by any
dlllgence or efforLs of our own. l know Lhls by experlence well, as l shall
show you.

9. 1haL whlch l wlsh now Lo speak of ls Lhe manner ln whlch our Lord
manlfesLs Plmself ln Lhese vlslons. l do noL mean LhaL l am golng Lo explaln
how lL ls LhaL a llghL so sLrong can enLer Lhe lnLerlor sense, or so
dlsLlncL an lmage Lhe undersLandlng, so as Lo seem Lo be really Lhere, for
Lhls musL be work for learned men. Cur Lord has noL been pleased Lo leL me
undersLand how lL ls. l am so lgnoranL myself, and so dull of undersLandlng,
LhaL, alLhough people have very much wlshed Lo explaln lL Lo me, l have
never been able Lo undersLand how lL can be.

10. 1hls ls Lhe LruLh: Lhough you, my faLher, may Lhlnk LhaL l have a qulck
undersLandlng, lL ls noL so, for l have found ouL, ln many ways, LhaL my
undersLandlng can Lake ln only, as Lhey say, whaL ls glven Lo lL Lo eaL.
SomeLlmes my confessor used Lo be amazed aL my lgnorance: and he never
explalned Lo me-nor, lndeed, dld l deslre Lo undersLand-how Cod dld Lhls,
nor how lL could be. nor dld l ever ask, Lhough, as l have sald, [411] l had
converse for many years wlLh men of greaL learnlng. 8uL l dld ask Lhem lf
Lhls or LhaL were a sln or noL: as for everyLhlng else, Lhe LhoughL LhaL Cod
dld lL all was enough for me. l saw Lhere was no reason Lo be afrald, buL
greaL reason Lo pralse Plm. Cn Lhe oLher hand, dlfflculLles lncrease my
devoLlon, and Lhe greaLer Lhe dlfflculLy Lhe greaLer Lhe lncrease.

11. l wlll Lherefore relaLe whaL my experlence has shown me, buL how our
Lord broughL lL abouL, you, my faLher, wlll explaln beLLer Lhan l can, and
make clear all LhaL ls obscure, and beyond my sklll Lo explaln. now and Lhen
lL seemed Lo me LhaL whaL l saw was an lmage, buL mosL frequenLly lL was noL
so. l LhoughL lL was ChrlsL Plmself, [udglng by Lhe brlghLness ln whlch Pe
was pleased Lo show Plmself. SomeLlmes Lhe vlslon was so lndlsLlncL, LhaL l
LhoughL lL was an lmage, buL sLlll noL llke a plcLure, however well
palnLed-and l have seen many good plcLures. lL would be absurd Lo suppose
LhaL Lhe one bears any resemblance whaLever Lo Lhe oLher, for Lhey dlffer as
a llvlng person dlffers from hls porLralL, whlch, however well drawn, cannoL
be llfellke, for lL ls plaln LhaL lL ls a dead Lhlng. 8uL leL Lhls pass,
Lhough Lo Lhe purpose, and llLerally Lrue.

12. l do noL say Lhls by way of comparlson, for comparlsons are never exacL,
buL because lL ls Lhe LruLh lLself, as Lhere ls Lhe same dlfference here
LhaL Lhere ls beLween a llvlng sub[ecL and Lhe porLralL Lhereof, nelLher
more nor less: for lf whaL l saw was an lmage, lL was a llvlng lmage,-noL a
dead man, buL Lhe llvlng ChrlsL: and Pe makes me see LhaL Pe ls Cod and
man,-noL as Pe was ln Lhe sepulchre, buL as Pe was when Pe had gone forLh
from lL, rlsen from Lhe dead. Pe comes aL Llmes ln ma[esLy so greaL, LhaL no
one can have any doubL LhaL lL ls our Lord Plmself, especlally afLer
Communlon: we know LhaL Pe ls Lhen presenL, for falLh says so. Pe shows
Plmself so clearly Lo be Lhe Lord of LhaL llLLle dwelllng-place, LhaL Lhe
soul seems Lo be dlssolved and losL ln ChrlsL. C my !esus, who can descrlbe
Lhe ma[esLy whereln 1hou showesL 1hyself! Pow uLLerly 1hou arL Lhe Lord of
Lhe whole world, and of heaven, and of a Lhousand oLher and lnnumerable
worlds and heavens, Lhe creaLlon of whlch ls posslble Lo 1hee! 1he soul
undersLands by LhaL ma[esLy whereln 1hou showesL 1hyself LhaL lL ls noLhlng
for 1hee Lo be Lord of all Lhls.

13. Pere lL ls plaln, C my !esus, how sllghL ls Lhe power of all Lhe devlls
ln comparlson wlLh 1hlne, and how he who ls pleaslng unLo 1hee ls able Lo
Lread all hell under hls feeL. Pere we see why Lhe devlls Lrembled when 1hou
dldsL go down Lo Llmbus, and why Lhey mlghL have longed for a Lhousand hells
sLlll lower, LhaL Lhey mlghL escape from 1hy Lerrlble Ma[esLy. l see LhaL lL
ls 1hy wlll Lhe soul should feel Lhe greaLness of 1hy Ma[esLy, and Lhe power
of 1hy mosL Sacred PumanlLy, unlLed wlLh 1hy ulvlnlLy. Pere, Loo, we see
whaL Lhe day of [udgmenL wlll be, when we shall behold Lhe klng ln Pls
Ma[esLy, and ln Lhe rlgour of Pls [usLlce agalnsL Lhe wlcked. Pere we learn
Lrue humlllLy, lmprlnLed ln Lhe soul by Lhe slghL of lLs own wreLchedness,
of whlch now lL cannoL be lgnoranL. Pere, also, ls confuslon of face, and
Lrue repenLance for slns, for Lhough Lhe soul sees LhaL our Lord shows how
Pe loves lL, yeL lL knows noL where Lo go, and so ls uLLerly dlssolved.

14. My meanlng ls, LhaL so exceedlngly greaL ls Lhe power of Lhls vlslon,
when our Lord shows Lhe soul much of Pls grandeur and ma[esLy, LhaL lL ls
lmposslble, ln my oplnlon, for any soul Lo endure lL, lf our Lord dld noL
succour lL ln a mosL supernaLural way, by Lhrowlng lL lnLo a Lrance or
ecsLasy, whereby Lhe vlslon of Lhe dlvlne presence ls losL ln Lhe frulLlon
Lhereof. lL ls Lrue LhaL afLerwards Lhe vlslon ls forgoLLen, buL Lhere
remalns so deep an lmpresslon of Lhe ma[esLy and beauLy of Cod, LhaL lL ls
lmposslble Lo forgeL lL, excepL when our Lord ls pleased LhaL Lhe soul
should suffer from arldlLy and desolaLlon, of whlch l shall speak hereafLer,
[412] for Lhen lL seems Lo forgeL Cod Plmself. 1he soul ls lLself no longer,
lL ls always lnebrlaLed, lL seems as lf a llvlng love of Cod, of Lhe hlghesL
klnd, made a new beglnnlng wlLhln lL, for Lhough Lhe former vlslon, whlch l
sald represenLed Cod wlLhouL any llkeness of Plm, [413] ls of a hlgher klnd,
yeL because of our weakness, ln order LhaL Lhe remembrance of Lhe vlslon may
lasL, and LhaL our LhoughLs may be well occupled, lL ls a greaL maLLer LhaL
a presence so dlvlne should remaln and ablde ln our lmaglnaLlon. 1hese Lwo
klnds of vlslons come almosL always LogeLher, and Lhey do so come, for we
behold Lhe excellency and beauLy and glory of Lhe mosL Poly PumanlLy wlLh
Lhe eyes of Lhe soul. And ln Lhe oLher way l have spoken of,-LhaL of
lnLellecLual vlslon,-we learn how Pe ls Cod, ls mlghLy, can do all Lhlngs,
commands all Lhlngs, governs all Lhlngs, and fllls all Lhlngs wlLh Pls love.

13. 1hls vlslon ls Lo be esLeemed very hlghly, nor ls Lhere, ln my oplnlon,
any rlsk ln lL, because Lhe frulLs of lL show LhaL Lhe devll has no power
here. l Lhlnk he Lrled Lhree or four Llmes Lo represenL our Lord Lo me, ln
Lhls way, by a false lmage of Plm. Pe Lakes Lhe appearance of flesh, buL he
cannoL counLerfelL Lhe glory whlch lL has when Lhe vlslon ls from Cod. SaLan
makes hls represenLaLlons ln order Lo undo Lhe Lrue vlslon whlch Lhe soul
has had: buL Lhe soul reslsLs lnsLlncLlvely, ls Lroubled, dlsgusLed, and
resLless, lL loses LhaL devoLlon and [oy lL prevlously had, and cannoL pray
aL all. ln Lhe beglnnlng, lL so happened Lo me Lhree or four Llmes. 1hese
saLanlc vlslons are very dlfferenL Lhlngs, and even he who shall have
aLLalned Lo Lhe prayer of quleL only wlll, l belleve, deLecL Lhem by Lhose
resulLs of Lhem whlch l descrlbed when l was speaklng of locuLlons. [414]
1hey are mosL easlly recognlsed, and lf a soul consenLs noL Lo lLs own
deluslon, l do noL Lhlnk LhaL SaLan wlll be able Lo decelve lL, provlded lL
walks ln humlllLy and slngleness of hearL. Pe who shall have had Lhe Lrue
vlslon, comlng from Cod, deLecLs Lhe false vlslons aL once, for, Lhough Lhey
begln wlLh a cerLaln sweeLness and [oy, Lhe soul re[ecLs Lhem of lLself, and
Lhe [oy whlch SaLan mlnlsLers musL be, l Lhlnk, very dlfferenL-lL shows no
Lraces of pure and holy love: SaLan very qulckly beLrays hlmself.

16. 1hus, Lhen, as l belleve, SaLan can do no harm Lo anyone who has had
experlence of Lhese Lhlngs, for lL ls Lhe mosL lmposslble of all lmposslble
Lhlngs LhaL all Lhls may be Lhe work of Lhe lmaglnaLlon. 1here ls no ground
whaLever for Lhe supposlLlon, for Lhe very beauLy and whlLeness of one of
our Lord's Pands [413] are beyond our lmaglnaLlon alLogeLher. Pow ls lL LhaL
we see presenL before us, ln a momenL, whaL we do noL remember, whaL we have
never LhoughL of, and, moreover, whaL, ln a long space of Llme, Lhe
lmaglnaLlon could noL compass, because, as l have [usL sald, [416] lL far
Lranscends anyLhlng we can comprehend ln Lhls llfe? 1hls, Lhen, ls noL
posslble. WheLher we have any power ln Lhe maLLer or noL wlll appear by whaL
l am now golng Lo say.

17. lf Lhe vlslon were Lhe work of a man's own undersLandlng,-seLLlng aslde
LhaL such a vlslon would noL accompllsh Lhe greaL resulLs of Lhe Lrue one,
nor, lndeed, any aL all,-lL would be as Lhe acL of one who Lrles Lo go Lo
sleep, and yeL conLlnues awake, because sleep has noL come. Pe longs for lL,
because of some necesslLy or weakness ln hls head: and so he lulls hlmself
Lo sleep, and makes efforLs Lo procure lL, and now and Lhen Lhlnks he has
succeeded, buL, lf Lhe sleep be noL real, lL wlll noL supporL hlm, nor
supply sLrengLh Lo hls head: on Lhe conLrary, hls head wlll very ofLen be
Lhe worse for lL. So wlll lL be here, ln a measure, Lhe soul wlll be
dlsslpaLed, nelLher susLalned nor sLrengLhened, on Lhe conLrary, lL wlll be
wearled and dlsgusLed. 8uL, ln Lhe Lrue vlslon, Lhe rlches whlch ablde ln
Lhe soul cannoL be descrlbed, even Lhe body recelves healLh and comforL.

18. l urged Lhls argumenL, among oLhers, when Lhey Lold me LhaL my vlslons
came from Lhe evll one, and LhaL l lmaglned Lhem myself,-and lL was very
ofLen,-and made use of cerLaln lllusLraLlons, as well as l could, and as our
Lord suggesLed Lo me. 8uL all was Lo llLLle purpose, for as Lhere were mosL
holy persons ln Lhe place,-ln comparlson wlLh whom l was a mass of
perdlLlon,-whom Cod dld noL lead by Lhls way, Lhey were aL once fllled wlLh
fear, Lhey LhoughL lL all came Lhrough my slns. And so my sLaLe was Lalked
abouL, and came Lo Lhe knowledge of many, Lhough l had spoken of lL Lo no
one, excepL my confessor, or Lo Lhose Lo whom he commanded [417] me Lo speak
of lL.

19. l sald Lo Lhem once, lf Lhey who Lhus speak of my sLaLe were Lo Lell me
LhaL a person wlLh whom l had [usL conversed, and whom l knew well, was noL
LhaL person, buL LhaL l was deludlng myself, and LhaL Lhey knew lL, l should
cerLalnly LrusL Lhem raLher Lhan my own eyes. 8uL lf LhaL person lefL wlLh
me cerLaln [ewels,-and lf, possesslng none prevlously, l held Lhe [ewels ln
my hand as pledges of a greaL love,-and lf l were now rlch, lnsLead of poor
as before,-l should noL be able Lo belleve Lhls LhaL Lhey sald, Lhough l
mlghL wlsh lL. 1hese [ewels l could now show Lhem, for all who knew me saw
clearly LhaL my soul was changed,-and so my confessor sald, for Lhe
dlfference was very greaL ln every way-noL a preLence, buL such as all mlghL
mosL clearly observe. As l was formerly so wlcked, l sald, l could noL
belleve LhaL SaLan, lf he wlshed Lo decelve me and Lake me down Lo hell,
would have recourse Lo means so adverse Lo hls purpose as Lhls, of rooLlng
ouL my faulLs, lmplanLlng vlrLues and splrlLual sLrengLh, for l saw clearly
LhaL l had become aL once anoLher person Lhrough Lhe lnsLrumenLallLy of
Lhese vlslons.

20. My confessor, who was, as l sald before, [418] one of Lhe faLhers of Lhe
SocleLy of !esus, and a really holy man, answered Lhem ln Lhe same way,-so l
learnL afLerwards. Pe was a mosL dlscreeL man, and of greaL humlllLy, buL
Lhls greaL humlllLy of hls broughL me lnLo serlous Lrouble: for, Lhough he
was a man much glven Lo prayer, and learned, he never LrusLed hls own
[udgmenL, because our Lord was noL leadlng hlm by Lhls way. Pe had,
Lherefore, much Lo suffer on my accounL, ln many ways. l knew Lhey used Lo
say Lo hlm LhaL he musL be on hls guard agalnsL me, lesL SaLan should delude
hlm Lhrough a bellef ln anyLhlng l mlghL say Lo hlm. 1hey gave lnsLances of
oLhers who were deluded. [419] All Lhls dlsLressed me. l began Lo be afrald
l should flnd no one Lo hear my confesslon, [420] and LhaL all would avold
me. l dld noLhlng buL weep.

21. lL was a provldence of Cod LhaL he was wllllng Lo sLand by me and hear
my confesslon. 8uL he was so greaL a servanL of Cod, LhaL he would have
exposed hlmself Lo anyLhlng for Pls sake. So he Lold me LhaL lf l dld noL
offend Cod, nor swerve from Lhe lnsLrucLlons he gave me, Lhere was no fear l
should be deserLed by hlm. Pe encouraged me always, and quleLed me. Pe bade
me never Lo conceal anyLhlng from hlm, and l never dld. [421] Pe used Lo say
LhaL, so long as l dld Lhls, Lhe devll, lf lL were Lhe devll, could noL hurL
me, on Lhe conLrary, ouL of LhaL evll whlch SaLan wlshed Lo do me, our Lord
would brlng forLh good. Pe laboured wlLh all hls mlghL Lo make me perfecL.
As l was very much afrald myself, l obeyed hlm ln everyLhlng, Lhough
lmperfecLly. Pe had much Lo suffer on my accounL durlng Lhree years of
Lrouble and more, because he heard my confesslon all LhaL Llme, for ln Lhe
greaL persecuLlons LhaL fell upon me, and Lhe many harsh [udgmenLs of me
whlch our Lord permlLLed,-many of whlch l dld noL deserve,-everyLhlng was
carrled Lo hlm, and he was found faulL wlLh because of me,-he belng all Lhe
whlle uLLerly blameless.

22. lf he had noL been so holy a man, and lf our Lord had noL been wlLh hlm,
lL would have, been lmposslble for hlm Lo bear so much, for he had Lo answer
Lhose who regarded me as one golng Lo desLrucLlon, and Lhey would noL
belleve whaL he sald Lo Lhem. Cn Lhe oLher hand, he had Lo quleL me, and
relleve me of my fears, when my fears lncreased, he had agaln Lo reassure
me, for, afLer every vlslon whlch was sLrange Lo me, our Lord permlLLed me
Lo remaln ln greaL fear. All Lhls was Lhe resulL of my belng Lhen, and of
havlng been, a slnner. Pe used Lo console me ouL of hls greaL compasslon,
and, lf he had LrusLed Lo hls own convlcLlons, l should noL have had so much
Lo suffer, for Cod revealed Lhe whole LruLh Lo hlm. l belleve LhaL he
recelved Lhls llghL from Lhe 8lessed SacramenL.

23. 1hose servanLs of Cod who were noL saLlsfled had many conversaLlons wlLh
me. [422] As l spoke Lo Lhem carelessly, so Lhey mlsundersLood my meanlng ln
many Lhlngs. l had a greaL regard for one of Lhem, for my soul owed hlm more
Lhan l can Lell. Pe was a mosL holy man, and l felL lL mosL acuLely when l
saw LhaL he dld noL undersLand me. Pe had a greaL deslre for my lmprovemenL,
and hoped our Lord would enllghLen me. So, Lhen, because l spoke, as l was
saylng, wlLhouL careful conslderaLlon, Lhey looked upon me as deflclenL ln
humlllLy, and when Lhey deLecLed any of my faulLs-Lhey mlghL have deLecLed
many-Lhey condemned me aL once. 1hey used Lo puL cerLaln quesLlons Lo me,
whlch l answered slmply and carelessly. 1hen Lhey concluded forLhwlLh LhaL l
wlshed Lo Leach Lhem, and LhaL l consldered myself Lo be a learned woman.
All Lhls was carrled Lo my confessor,-for cerLalnly Lhey deslred my
amendmenL-and so he would reprlmand me. 1hls lasLed some Llme, and l was
dlsLressed on many sldes, buL, wlLh Lhe graces whlch our Lord gave me, l
bore lL all.

24. l relaLe Lhls ln order LhaL people may see whaL a greaL Lrlal lL ls noL
Lo flnd any one who knows Lhls way of Lhe splrlL by experlence. lf our Lord
had noL dealL so favourably wlLh me, l know noL whaL would have become of
me. 1here were some Lhlngs LhaL were enough Lo Lake away my reason, and now
and Lhen l was reduced Lo such sLralLs LhaL l could do noLhlng buL llfL up
my eyes Lo our Lord. [423] 1he conLradlcLlon of good people, whlch a
wreLched woman, weak, wlcked, and Llmld as l am, musL bear wlLh, seems Lo be
noLhlng when Lhus descrlbed, buL l, who ln Lhe course of my llfe passed
Lhrough very greaL Lrlals, found Lhls one of Lhe heavlesL. [424]

23. May our Lord granL LhaL l may have pleased Pls Ma[esLy a llLLle hereln,
for l am sure LhaL Lhey pleased Plm who condemned and rebuked me, and LhaL
lL was all for my greaL good.
_________________________________________________________________

[403] [328]Ch. xxvll. 3.

[406] hlllpp. a SS. 1rlnlLaLe, 1heolog. MysLlc. par. 2, Lr. 3, dlsc. lv.,
arL. 8: "Cuamvls ln prlnclplo vlslones a dmone flcL allquam habeanL pacem
ac dulcedlnem, ln flne Lamen confuslonum eL amarlLudlnem ln anlma
rellnquunL, cu[us conLrarlum esL ln dlvlnls vlslonlbus, qu spe LurbanL ln
prlnclplo, sed semper ln flne pacem anlm rellnquunL." SL. !ohn of Lhe
Cross, [329]SplrlLual CanLlcle, sL. 14, p. 84: "ln Lhe splrlLual passage
from Lhe sleep of naLural lgnorance Lo Lhe wakefulness of Lhe supernaLural
undersLandlng, whlch ls Lhe beglnnlng of Lrance or ecsLasy, Lhe splrlLual
vlslon Lhen revealed makes Lhe soul fear and Lremble."

[407] See [330]ch. xxlx. 4.

[408] "1he holy MoLher, 1eresa of !esus, had Lhese lmaglnary vlslons for
many years, seelng our Lord conLlnually presenL before her ln greaL beauLy,
rlsen from Lhe dead, wlLh Pls wounds and Lhe crown of Lhorns. She had a
plcLure made of Plm, whlch she gave Lo me, and whlch l gave Lo uon lernando
de 1oledo, uuke of Alva" (!erome CraLlan, unlon del Alma, cap. 3.
Madrld, 1616).

[409] AnLon. a Sp. SancLo, ulrecL. MysLlc. Lr. lll. dlsp. 3, l, n. 313:
"vlslo corporea esL lnflma, vlslo lmaglnarla esL medla, vlslo lnLellecLualls
esL suprema." n. 322: "ApparlLlo vlslbllls, cum slL omnlum lnflma, esL magls
exposlLa llluslonl dlaboll, nlsl forLe hulc vlslonl corporall vlslo
lnLellecLualls ad[ungaLur, uL ln apparlLlone S. Cabrlells archangell facLa
8eaL vlrglnl."

[410] See [331]ch. xxx. 18.

[411] [332]Ch. xxv. 18.

[412] [333]Ch. xxx. 9, 10. See SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [334]Cbscure nlghL,
bk. ll. ch. 7.

[413] [333]Ch. xxvll. 3.

[414] [336]Ch. xxv. 8.

[413] See [337] 2.

[416] [338] 7, supra.

[417] See [339]ch. xxlll. 14.

[418] [340]Ch. xxlv. 3.

[419] 1here were ln Spaln, and elsewhere, many women who were hypocrlLes, or
deluded. Among oLhers was Lhe prloress of Llsbon, afLerwards noLorlous, who
decelved Luls of Cranada (ue la luenLe).

[420] lnner lorLress, vl. 1, 4.

[421] [341]Ch. xxvl. 3, lnner lorLress, vl. 9, 7.

[422] See [342]ch. xxv. 18.

[423] 2 arallp. xx. 12: "Sed cum lgnoremus quld agere debeamus, hoc solum
habemus resldul, uL oculos nosLros dlrlgamus ad 1e."

[424] See [343]ch. xxx. 6.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxlx.

Cf vlslons. 1he Craces Cur Lord 8esLowed on Lhe SalnL. 1he Answers Cur Lord
Cave Per for 1hose Who 1rled Per.

1. l have wandered far from Lhe sub[ecL, for l underLook Lo glve reasons why
Lhe vlslon was no work of Lhe lmaglnaLlon. lor how can we, by any efforLs of
ours, plcLure Lo ourselves Lhe PumanlLy of ChrlsL, and lmaglne Pls greaL
beauLy? no llLLle Llme ls necessary, lf our concepLlon ls ln any way Lo
resemble lL. CerLalnly, Lhe lmaglnaLlon may be able Lo plcLure lL, and a
person may for a Llme conLemplaLe LhaL plcLure,-Lhe form and Lhe brlghLness
of lL,-and gradually make lL more perfecL, and so lay up LhaL lmage ln hls
memory. Who can hlnder Lhls, seelng LhaL lL could be fashloned by Lhe
undersLandlng? 8uL as Lo Lhe vlslon of whlch l am speaklng, Lhere are no
means of brlnglng lL abouL, only we musL behold lL when our Lord ls pleased
Lo presenL lL before us, as Pe wllls and whaL Pe wllls, and Lhere ls no
posslblllLy of Laklng anyLhlng away from lL, or of addlng anyLhlng Lo lL,
nor ls Lhere any way of effecLlng lL, whaLever we may do, nor of seelng lL
when we llke, nor of absLalnlng from seelng, lf we Lry Lo gaze upon lL-parL
of Lhe vlslon ln parLlcular-Lhe vlslon of ChrlsL ls losL aL once.

2. lor Lwo years and a half Cod granLed me Lhls grace very frequenLly, buL
lL ls now more Lhan Lhree years slnce Pe has Laken away from me lLs
conLlnual presence, Lhrough anoLher of a hlgher naLure, as l shall perhaps
explaln hereafLer. [423] And Lhough l saw Plm speaklng Lo me, and Lhough l
was conLemplaLlng Pls greaL beauLy, and Lhe sweeLness wlLh whlch Lhose words
of Pls came forLh from Pls dlvlne mouLh,-Lhey were someLlmes uLLered wlLh
severlLy,-and Lhough l was exLremely deslrous Lo behold Lhe colour of Pls
eyes, or Lhe form of Lhem, so LhaL l mlghL be able Lo descrlbe Lhem, yeL l
never aLLalned Lo Lhe slghL of Lhem, and l could do noLhlng for LhaL end, on
Lhe conLrary, l losL Lhe vlslon alLogeLher. And Lhough l see LhaL Pe looks
upon me aL Llmes wlLh greaL Lenderness, yeL so sLrong ls Pls gaze, LhaL my
soul cannoL endure lL, l fall lnLo a Lrance so deep, LhaL l lose Lhe
beauLlful vlslon, ln order Lo have a greaLer frulLlon of lL all.

3. Accordlngly, wllllng or noL wllllng, Lhe vlslon has noLhlng Lo do wlLh
lL. Cur Lord clearly regards noLhlng buL humlllLy and confuslon of face, Lhe
accepLance of whaL Pe wlshes Lo glve, and Lhe pralse of Plmself, Lhe Clver.
1hls ls Lrue of all vlslons wlLhouL excepLlon: we can conLrlbuLe noLhlng
Lowards Lhem-we cannoL add Lo Lhem, nor can we Lake from Lhem, our own
efforLs can nelLher make nor unmake Lhem. Cur Lord would have us see mosL
clearly LhaL lL ls no work of ours, buL of Pls ulvlne Ma[esLy, we are
Lherefore Lhe less able Lo be proud of lL: on Lhe conLrary, lL makes us
humble and afrald, for we see LhaL, as our Lord can Lake from us Lhe power
of seelng whaL we would see, so also can Pe Lake from us Lhese mercles and
Pls grace, and we may be losL for ever. We musL Lherefore walk ln Pls fear
whlle we are llvlng ln Lhls our exlle.

4. Cur Lord showed Plmself Lo me almosL always as Pe ls afLer Pls
resurrecLlon. lL was Lhe same ln Lhe PosL, only aL Lhose Llmes when l was ln
Lrouble, and when lL was Pls wlll Lo sLrengLhen me, dld Pe show Pls wounds.
SomeLlmes l saw Plm on Lhe cross, ln Lhe Carden, crowned wlLh Lhorns,-buL
LhaL was rarely, someLlmes also carrylng Pls cross because of my
necesslLles,-l may say so,-or Lhose of oLhers, buL always ln Pls glorlfled
body. Many reproaches and many vexaLlons have l borne whlle Lelllng
Lhls-many susplclons and much persecuLlon also. So cerLaln were Lhey Lo whom
l spoke LhaL l had an evll splrlL, LhaL some would have me exorclsed. l dld
noL care much for Lhls, buL l felL lL blLLerly when l saw LhaL my confessors
were afrald Lo hear me, or when l knew LhaL Lhey were Lold of anyLhlng
abouL me.

3. noLwlLhsLandlng all Lhls, l never could be sorry LhaL l had had Lhese
heavenly vlslons, nor would l exchange even one of Lhem for all Lhe wealLh
and all Lhe pleasures of Lhe world. l always regarded Lhem as a greaL mercy
from our Lord, and Lo me Lhey were Lhe very greaLesL Lreasure,-of Lhls our
Lord assured me ofLen. l used Lo go Lo Plm Lo complaln of all Lhese
hardshlps, and l came away from prayer consoled, and wlLh renewed sLrengLh.
l dld noL dare Lo conLradlcL Lhose who were Lrylng me, for l saw LhaL lL
made maLLers worse, because Lhey looked on my dolng so as a fallure ln
humlllLy. l spoke of lL Lo my confessor, he always consoled me greaLly when
he saw me ln dlsLress.

6. As my vlslons grew ln frequency, one of Lhose who used Lo help me
before-lL was Lo hlm l confessed when Lhe faLher-mlnlsLer [426] could noL
hear me-began Lo say LhaL l was cerLalnly under Lhe lnfluence of SaLan. Pe
bade me, now LhaL l had no power of reslsLlng, always Lo make Lhe slgn of
Lhe cross when l had a vlslon, Lo polnL my flnger aL lL by way of scorn,
[427] and be flrmly persuaded of lLs dlabollc naLure. lf l dld Lhls, Lhe
vlslon would noL recur. l was Lo be wlLhouL fear on Lhe polnL, Cod would
waLch over me, and Lake Lhe vlslon away. [428] 1hls was a greaL hardshlp for
me, for, as l could noL belleve LhaL Lhe vlslon dld noL come from Cod, lL
was a fearful Lhlng for me Lo do, and l could noL wlsh, as l sald before,
LhaL Lhe vlslons should be wlLhheld. Powever, l dld aL lasL as l was bldden.
l prayed much Lo our Lord, LhaL Pe would dellver me from deluslons. l was
always praylng Lo LhaL effecL, and wlLh many Lears. l had recourse also Lo
SL. eLer and SL. aul, for our Lord had sald Lo me-lL was on Lhelr feasL
LhaL Pe had appeared Lo me Lhe flrsL Llme [429] -LhaL Lhey would preserve me
from deluslon. l used Lo see Lhem frequenLly mosL dlsLlncLly on my lefL
hand, buL LhaL vlslon was noL lmaglnary. 1hese glorlous SalnLs were my very
good lords.

7. lL was Lo me a mosL palnful Lhlng Lo make a show of conLempL whenever l
saw our Lord ln a vlslon, for when l saw Plm before me, lf l were Lo be cuL
ln pleces, l could noL belleve lL was SaLan. 1hls was Lo me, Lherefore, a
heavy klnd of penance, and accordlngly, LhaL l mlghL noL be so conLlnually
crosslng myself, l used Lo hold a cruclflx ln my hand. 1hls l dld almosL
always, buL l dld noL always make slgns of conLempL, because l felL LhaL Loo
much. lL remlnded me of Lhe lnsulLs whlch Lhe !ews heaped upon Plm, and so l
prayed Plm Lo forglve me, seelng LhaL l dld so ln obedlence Lo hlm who sLood
ln Pls sLead, and noL Lo lay Lhe blame on me, seelng LhaL he was one of
Lhose whom Pe had placed as Pls mlnlsLers ln Pls Church. Pe sald Lo me LhaL
l was noL Lo dlsLress myself-LhaL l dld well Lo obey, buL Pe would make Lhem
see Lhe LruLh of Lhe maLLer. Pe seemed Lo me Lo be angry when Lhey made me
glve up my prayer. [430] Pe Lold me Lo say Lo Lhem LhaL Lhls was Lyranny. Pe
gave me reasons for bellevlng LhaL Lhe vlslon was noL saLanlc, some of Lhem
l mean Lo repeaL by and by.

8. Cn one occaslon,when l was holdlng ln my hand Lhe cross of my rosary, Pe
Look lL from me lnLo Pls own hand. Pe reLurned lL, buL lL was Lhen four
large sLones lncomparably more preclous Lhan dlamonds, for noLhlng can be
compared wlLh whaL ls supernaLural. ulamonds seem counLerfelLs and lmperfecL
when compared wlLh Lhese preclous sLones. 1he flve wounds were dellneaLed on
Lhem wlLh mosL admlrable arL. Pe sald Lo me, LhaL for Lhe fuLure LhaL cross
would appear so Lo me always, and so lL dld. l never saw Lhe wood of whlch
lL was made, buL only Lhe preclous sLones. 1hey were seen, however, by no
one else,-only by myself. [431]

9. When Lhey had begun Lo lnslsL on my puLLlng my vlslons Lo a LesL llke
Lhls, and reslsLlng Lhem, Lhe graces l recelved were mulLlplled more and
more. l Lrled Lo dlsLracL myself, l never ceased Lo be ln prayer: even
durlng sleep my prayer seemed Lo be conLlnual, for now my love grew, l made
plLeous complalnLs Lo our Lord, and Lold Plm l could noL bear lL. nelLher
was lL ln my power-Lhough l deslred, and, more Lhan LhaL, even sLrove-Lo
glve up Lhlnklng of Plm. neverLheless, l obeyed Lo Lhe uLmosL of my power,
buL my power was llLLle or noLhlng ln Lhe maLLer, and our Lord never
released me from LhaL obedlence, buL Lhough Pe bade me obey my confessor, Pe
reassured me ln anoLher way, and LaughL me whaL l was Lo say. Pe has
conLlnued Lo do so unLll now, and Pe gave me reasons so sufflclenL, LhaL l
felL myself perfecLly safe.

10. noL long afLerwards Pls Ma[esLy began, accordlng Lo Pls promlse, Lo make
lL clear LhaL lL was Pe Plmself who appeared, by Lhe growLh ln me of Lhe
love of Cod so sLrong, LhaL l knew noL who could have lnfused lL, for lL was
mosL supernaLural, and l had noL aLLalned Lo lL by any efforLs of my own. l
saw myself dylng wlLh a deslre Lo see Cod, and l knew noL how Lo seek LhaL
llfe oLherwlse Lhan by dylng. CerLaln greaL lmpeLuoslLles [432] of love,
Lhough noL so lnLolerable as Lhose of whlch l have spoken before, [433] nor
yeL of so greaL worLh, overwhelmed me. l knew noL whaL Lo do, for noLhlng
gave me pleasure, and l had no conLrol over myself. lL seemed as lf my soul
were really Lorn away from myself. Ch, supreme arLlflce of our Lord! how
Lenderly dldsL 1hou deal wlLh 1hy mlserable slave! 1hou dldsL hlde 1hyself
from me, and dldsL yeL consLraln me wlLh 1hy love, wlLh a deaLh so sweeL,
LhaL my soul would never wlsh lL over.

11. lL ls noL posslble for any one Lo undersLand Lhese lmpeLuoslLles lf he
has noL experlenced Lhem hlmself. 1hey are noL an upheavlng of Lhe breasL,
nor Lhose devoLlonal sensaLlons, noL uncommon, whlch seem on Lhe polnL of
causlng suffocaLlon, and are beyond conLrol. 1haL prayer ls of a much lower
order, and Lhose aglLaLlons should be avolded by genLly endeavourlng Lo be
recollecLed, and Lhe soul should be kepL ln quleL. 1hls prayer ls llke Lhe
sobblng of llLLle chlldren, who seem on Lhe polnL of choklng, and whose
dlsordered senses are sooLhed by glvlng Lhem Lo drlnk. So here reason should
draw ln Lhe relns, because naLure lLself may be conLrlbuLlng Lo lL and we
should conslder wlLh fear LhaL all Lhls may noL be perfecL, and LhaL much
sensuallLy may be lnvolved ln lL. 1he lnfanL soul should be sooLhed by Lhe
caresses of love, whlch shall draw forLh lLs love ln a genLle way, and noL,
as Lhey say, by force of blows. 1hls love should be lnwardly under conLrol,
and noL as a caldron, flercely bolllng because Loo much fuel has been
applled Lo lL, and ouL of whlch everyLhlng ls losL. 1he source of Lhe flre
musL be kepL under conLrol, and Lhe flame musL be quenched ln sweeL Lears,
and noL wlLh Lhose palnful Lears whlch come ouL of Lhese emoLlons, and whlch
do so much harm.

12. ln Lhe beglnnlng, l had Lears of Lhls klnd. 1hey lefL me wlLh a
dlsordered head and a wearled splrlL, and for a day or Lwo afLerwards unable
Lo resume my prayer. CreaL dlscreLlon, Lherefore, ls necessary aL flrsL, ln
order LhaL everyLhlng may proceed genLly, and LhaL Lhe operaLlons of Lhe
splrlL may be wlLhln, all ouLward manlfesLaLlons should be
carefully avolded.

13. 1hese oLher lmpeLuoslLles are very dlfferenL. lL ls noL we who apply Lhe
fuel, Lhe flre ls already klndled, and we are Lhrown lnLo lL ln a momenL Lo
be consumed. lL ls by no efforLs of Lhe soul LhaL lL sorrows over Lhe wound
whlch Lhe absence of our Lord has lnfllcLed on lL, lL ls far oLherwlse, for
an arrow ls drlven lnLo Lhe enLralls Lo Lhe very qulck, [434] and lnLo Lhe
hearL aL Llmes, so LhaL Lhe soul knows noL whaL ls Lhe maLLer wlLh lL, nor
whaL lL wlshes for. lL undersLands clearly enough LhaL lL wlshes for Cod,
and LhaL Lhe arrow seems Lempered wlLh some herb whlch makes Lhe soul haLe
lLself for Lhe love of our Lord, and wllllngly lose lLs llfe for Plm. lL ls
lmposslble Lo descrlbe or explaln Lhe way ln whlch Cod wounds Lhe soul, nor
Lhe very grlevous paln lnfllcLed, whlch deprlves lL of all
self-consclousness, yeL Lhls paln ls so sweeL, LhaL Lhere ls no [oy ln Lhe
world whlch glves greaLer dellghL. As l have [usL sald, [433] Lhe soul would
wlsh Lo be always dylng of Lhls wound.

14. 1hls paln and bllss LogeLher carrled me ouL of myself, and l never could
undersLand how lL was. Ch, whaL a slghL a wounded soul ls!-a soul, l mean,
so consclous of lL, as Lo be able Lo say of lLself LhaL lL ls wounded for so
good a cause, and seelng dlsLlncLly LhaL lL never dld anyLhlng whereby Lhls
love should come Lo lL, and LhaL lL does come from LhaL exceedlng love whlch
our Lord bears lL. A spark seems Lo have fallen suddenly upon lL, LhaL has
seL lL all on flre. Ch, how ofLen do l remember, when ln Lhls sLaLe, Lhose
words of uavld: "Cuemadmodum deslderaL cervus ad fonLes aquarum"! [436]
1hey
seem Lo me Lo be llLerally Lrue of myself.

13. When Lhese lmpeLuoslLles are noL very vlolenL Lhey seem Lo admlL of a
llLLle mlLlgaLlon-aL leasL, Lhe soul seeks some rellef, because lL knows noL
whaL Lo do-Lhrough cerLaln penances, Lhe palnfulness of whlch, and even Lhe
sheddlng of lLs blood, are no more felL Lhan lf Lhe body were dead. 1he soul
seeks for ways and means Lo do someLhlng LhaL may be felL, for Lhe love of
Cod, buL Lhe flrsL paln ls so greaL, LhaL no bodlly LorLure l know of can
Lake lL away. As rellef ls noL Lo be had here, Lhese medlclnes are Loo mean
for so hlgh a dlsease. Some sllghL mlLlgaLlon may be had, and Lhe paln may
pass away a llLLle, by praylng Cod Lo relleve lLs sufferlngs: buL Lhe soul
sees no rellef excepL ln deaLh, by whlch lL Lhlnks Lo aLLaln compleLely Lo
Lhe frulLlon of lLs good. AL oLher Llmes, Lhese lmpeLuoslLles are so
vlolenL, LhaL Lhe soul can do nelLher Lhls nor anyLhlng else, Lhe whole body
ls conLracLed, and nelLher hand nor fooL can be moved: lf Lhe body be
uprlghL aL Lhe Llme, lL falls down, as a Lhlng LhaL has no conLrol over
lLself. lL cannoL even breaLhe, all lL does ls Lo moan-noL loudly, because
lL cannoL: lLs moanlng, however, comes from a keen sense of paln.

16. Cur Lord was pleased LhaL l should have aL Llmes a vlslon of Lhls klnd:
l saw an angel close by me, on my lefL slde, ln bodlly form. 1hls l am noL
accusLomed Lo see, unless very rarely. 1hough l have vlslons of angels
frequenLly, yeL l see Lhem only by an lnLellecLual vlslon, such as l have
spoken of before.[[344]13] [437] lL was our Lord's wlll LhaL ln Lhls vlslon
l should see Lhe angel ln Lhls wlse. Pe was noL large, buL small of sLaLure,
and mosL beauLlful-hls face burnlng, as lf he were one of Lhe hlghesL
angels, who seem Lo be all of flre: Lhey musL be Lhose whom we call
cherublm. [438] 1helr names Lhey never Lell me, buL l see very well LhaL
Lhere ls ln heaven so greaL a dlfference beLween one angel and anoLher, and
beLween Lhese and Lhe oLhers, LhaL l cannoL explaln lL.

17. l saw ln hls hand a long spear of gold, and aL Lhe lron's polnL Lhere
seemed Lo be a llLLle flre. Pe appeared Lo me Lo be LhrusLlng lL aL Llmes
lnLo my hearL, [439] and Lo plerce my very enLralls, when he drew lL ouL, he
seemed Lo draw Lhem ouL also, and Lo leave me all on flre wlLh a greaL love
of Cod. 1he paln was so greaL, LhaL lL made me moan, and yeL so surpasslng
was Lhe sweeLness of Lhls excesslve paln, LhaL l could noL wlsh Lo be rld of
lL. 1he soul ls saLlsfled now wlLh noLhlng less Lhan Cod. 1he paln ls noL
bodlly, buL splrlLual, Lhough Lhe body has lLs share ln lL, even a large
one. lL ls a caresslng of love so sweeL whlch now Lakes place beLween Lhe
soul and Cod, LhaL l pray Cod of Pls goodness Lo make hlm experlence lL who
may Lhlnk LhaL l am lylng. [440]

18. uurlng Lhe days LhaL Lhls lasLed, l wenL abouL as lf beslde myself. l
wlshed Lo see, or speak wlLh, no one, buL only Lo cherlsh my paln, whlch was
Lo me a greaLer bllss Lhan all creaLed Lhlngs could glve me. [441]

19. l was ln Lhls sLaLe from Llme Lo Llme, whenever lL was our Lord's
pleasure Lo Lhrow me lnLo Lhose deep Lrances, whlch l could noL prevenL even
when l was ln Lhe company of oLhers, and whlch, Lo my deep vexaLlon, came Lo
be publlcly known. Slnce Lhen, l do noL feel LhaL paln so much, buL only
LhaL whlch l spoke of before,-l do noL remember Lhe chapLer, [442] -whlch ls
ln many ways very dlfferenL from lL, and of greaLer worLh. Cn Lhe oLher
hand, when Lhls paln, of whlch l am now speaklng, beglns, our Lord seems Lo
lay hold of Lhe soul, and Lo Lhrow lL lnLo a Lrance, so LhaL Lhere ls no
Llme for me Lo have any sense of paln or sufferlng, because frulLlon ensues
aL once. May Pe be blessed for ever, who haLh besLowed such greaL graces on
one who has responded so lll Lo blesslngs so greaL!
_________________________________________________________________

[423] [343]Ch. xl.

[426] 8alLasar Alvarez was faLher-mlnlsLer of Lhe house of SL. Clles, Avlla,
ln whose absence she had recourse Lo anoLher faLher of LhaL house (8lbera,
l. ch. 6).

[427] ? dlese hlgas. "Plga es una manera de menospreclo que hacemos cerrando
el puno, y mosLrando el dedo pulgar por enLre el dedo lndlce, y el medlo"
(Cobarruvlas, ln voce).

[428] See 8ook of Lhe loundaLlons, ch. vlll. 3, where Lhe SalnL refers Lo
Lhls advlce, and Lo Lhe beLLer advlce glven her laLer by l. uomlnlc 8anes,
one of her confessors. See also lnner lorLress, vl. 9, 7.

[429] See [346]ch. xxvll. 3, and [347]ch. xxvlll. 4.

[430] [348]Ch. xxv. 18.

[431] 1he cross was made of ebony (8lbera). lL ls noL known where LhaL cross
ls now. 1he SalnL gave lL Lo her slsLer, uona !uana de Ahumada, who begged
lL of her. Some say LhaL Lhe CarmellLes of Madrld possess lL, and oLhers,
Lhose of valladolld (ue la luenLe).

[432] See [349]8elaLlon, l. 3.

[433] [330]Ch. xx. 11.

[434] lnner lorLress, vl. 11, 2, SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [331]SplrlLual
CanLlcle, sL. 1, p. 22, Lngl. Lrans.

[433] [332] 10.

[436] salm xll. 2: "As Lhe longlng of Lhe harL for Lhe founLalns of waLers,
so ls Lhe longlng of my soul for 1hee, C my Cod."

[437] [333]Ch. xxvll. 3.

[438] ln Lhe MS. of Lhe SalnL preserved ln Lhe Lscurlal, Lhe word ls
"cherublnes," buL all Lhe edlLors before uon vlcenLe de la luenLe have
adopLed Lhe suggesLlon, ln Lhe margln, of 8anes, who preferred "seraphlm."
l. 8oulx, ln hls LranslaLlon, correcLed Lhe mlsLake, buL, wlLh hls usual
modesLy, dld noL call Lhe reader's aLLenLlon Lo lL.

[439] See [334]8elaLlon, vlll. 16.

[440] "1he mosL probable oplnlon ls, LhaL Lhe plerclng of Lhe hearL of Lhe
SalnL Look place ln 1339. 1he hymn whlch she composed on LhaL occaslon was
dlscovered ln Sevllle ln 1700 ("Ln las lnLernas enLranas"). Cn Lhe hlgh
alLar of Lhe CarmellLe church ln Alba de 1ormes, Lhe hearL of Lhe SalnL Lhus
plerced ls Lo be seen, and l have seen lL myself more Lhan once" (ue
la luenLe).

[441] 8rev. 8om. ln fesL. S. 1eresl, CcL. 13, LecL. v.: "1anLo auLem dlvlnl
amorls lncendlo cor e[us conflagravlL, uL merlLo vlderlL Angelum lgnlLo
[aculo slbl prcordla LransverberanLem." 1he CarmellLes keep Lhe feasL of
Lhls plerclng of Lhe SalnL's hearL on Lhe 27Lh of AugusL.

[442] [333]Ch. xx. 11.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxx.

SL. eLer of AlcanLara ComforLs Lhe SalnL. CreaL 1empLaLlons and
lnLerlor 1rlals.

1. When l saw LhaL l was able Lo do llLLle or noLhlng Lowards avoldlng Lhese
greaL lmpeLuoslLles, l began also Lo be afrald of Lhem, because l could noL
undersLand how Lhls paln and [oy could subslsL LogeLher. l knew lL was
posslble enough for bodlly paln and splrlLual [oy Lo dwell LogeLher, buL Lhe
coexlsLence of a splrlLual paln so excesslve as Lhls, and of [oy so deep,
Lroubled my undersLandlng. SLlll, l Lrled Lo conLlnue my reslsLance, buL l
was so llLLle able, LhaL l was now and Lhen wearled. l used Lo Lake up Lhe
cross for proLecLlon, and Lry Lo defend myself agalnsL Plm who, by Lhe
cross, ls Lhe roLecLor of us all. l saw LhaL no one undersLood me. l saw lL
very clearly myself, buL l dld noL dare Lo say so Lo any one excepL my
confessor, for LhaL would have been a real admlsslon LhaL l had no humlllLy.

2. Cur Lord was pleased Lo succour me ln a greaL measure,-and, for Lhe
momenL, alLogeLher,-by brlnglng Lo Lhe place where l was LhaL blessed frlar,
eLer of AlcanLara. Cf hlm l spoke before, and sald someLhlng of hls
penance. [443] Among oLher Lhlngs, l have been assured LhaL he wore
conLlnually, for LwenLy years, a glrdle made of lron. [444] Pe ls Lhe auLhor
of cerLaln llLLle books, ln Spanlsh, on prayer, whlch are now ln common use,
for, as he was much exerclsed Lhereln, hls wrlLlngs are very proflLable Lo
Lhose who are glven Lo prayer. Pe kepL Lhe flrsL rule of Lhe blessed SL.
lrancls ln all lLs rlgour, and dld Lhose Lhlngs besldes of whlch l
spoke before.

3. When LhaL wldow, Lhe servanL of Cod and my frlend, of whom l have already
spoken, [443] knew LhaL so greaL a man had come, she Look her measures. She
knew Lhe sLralLs l was ln, for she was an eye-wlLness of my affllcLlons, and
was a greaL comforL Lo me. Per falLh was so sLrong, LhaL she could noL help
bellevlng LhaL whaL oLhers sald was Lhe work of Lhe devll was really Lhe
work of Lhe SplrlL of Cod, and as she ls a person of greaL sense and greaL
cauLlon, and one Lo whom our Lord ls very bounLlful ln prayer, lL pleased
Pls Ma[esLy Lo leL her see whaL learned men falled Lo dlscern. My confessors
gave me leave Lo accepL rellef ln some Lhlngs from her, because ln many ways
she was able Lo afford lL. Some of Lhose graces whlch our Lord besLowed on
me fell Lo her loL occaslonally, LogeLher wlLh lnsLrucLlons mosL proflLable
for her soul. So, Lhen, when she knew LhaL Lhe blessed man was come, wlLhouL
saylng a word Lo me, she obLalned leave from Lhe rovlnclal for me Lo sLay
elghL days ln her house, ln order LhaL l mlghL Lhe more easlly confer wlLh
hlm. ln LhaL house, and ln one church or anoLher, l had many conversaLlons
wlLh hlm Lhe flrsL Llme he came here, for, afLerwards, l had many
communlcaLlons wlLh hlm aL dlverse Llmes.

4. l gave hlm an accounL, as brlefly as l could, of my llfe, and of my way
of prayer, wlLh Lhe uLmosL clearness ln my power. l have always held Lo
Lhls, Lo be perfecLly frank and exacL wlLh Lhose Lo whom l make known Lhe
sLaLe of my soul. [446] Lven my flrsL lmpulses l wlsh Lhem Lo know, and as
for doubLful and susplclous maLLers, l used Lo make Lhe mosL of Lhem by
argulng agalnsL myself. 1hus, Lhen, wlLhouL equlvocaLlon or concealmenL, l
lald before hlm Lhe sLaLe of my soul. l saw almosL aL once LhaL he
undersLood me, by reason of hls own experlence. 1haL was all l requlred, for
aL LhaL Llme l dld noL know myself as l do now,so as Lo glve an accounL of
my sLaLe. lL was aL a laLer Llme LhaL Cod enabled me Lo undersLand myself,
and descrlbe Lhe graces whlch Pls Ma[esLy besLows upon me. lL was necessary,
Lhen, LhaL he who would clearly undersLand and explaln my sLaLe should have
had experlence of lL hlmself.

3. 1he llghL he Lhrew on Lhe maLLer was of Lhe clearesL, for as Lo Lhese
vlslons, aL leasL, whlch were noL lmaglnary, l could noL undersLand how Lhey
could be. And lL seemed LhaL l could noL undersLand, Loo, how Lhose could be
whlch l saw wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe soul, for, as l sald before, [447] Lhose
vlslons only seemed Lo me Lo be of consequence whlch were seen wlLh Lhe
bodlly eyes: and of Lhese l had none. 1he holy man enllghLened me on Lhe
whole quesLlon, explalned lL Lo me, and bade me noL Lo be dlsLressed, buL Lo
pralse Cod, and Lo ablde ln Lhe full convlcLlon LhaL Lhls was Lhe work of
Lhe SplrlL of Cod, for, savlng Lhe falLh, noLhlng could be more Lrue, and
Lhere was noLhlng on whlch l could more flrmly rely. Pe was greaLly
comforLed ln me, was mosL klnd and servlceable, and ever afLerwards Look
greaL care of me, and Lold me of hls own affalrs and labours, and when he
saw LhaL l

had Lhose very deslres whlch ln hlmself were fulfllled already,-for our Lord
had glven me very sLrong deslres,-and also how greaL my resoluLlon was, he
dellghLed ln converslng wlLh me.

6. 1o a person whom our Lord has ralsed Lo Lhls sLaLe, Lhere ls no pleasure
or comforL equal Lo LhaL of meeLlng wlLh anoLher whom our Lord has begun Lo
ralse ln Lhe same way. AL LhaL Llme, however, lL musL have been only a
beglnnlng wlLh me, as l belleve, and Cod granL l may noL have gone back now.
Pe was exLremely sorry for me. Pe Lold me LhaL one of Lhe greaLesL Lrlals ln
Lhls world was LhaL whlch l had borne,-namely, Lhe conLradlcLlon of good
people, [448] -and LhaL more was ln reserve for me: l had need, Lherefore,
of some one-and Lhere was no one ln Lhls clLy-who undersLood me, buL he
would speak Lo my confessor, and Lo LhaL marrled nobleman, already spoken
of, [449] who was one of Lhose who LormenLed me mosL, and who, because of
hls greaL affecLlon for me, was Lhe cause of all Lhese aLLacks. Pe was a
holy buL Llmld man, and could noL feel safe abouL me, because he had seen
how wlcked l was, and LhaL noL long before. 1he holy man dld so, he spoke Lo
Lhem boLh, explalned Lhe maLLer, and gave Lhem reasons why Lhey should
reassure Lhemselves, and dlsLurb me no more. My confessor was easlly
saLlsfled,-noL so Lhe nobleman, for Lhough Lhey were noL enough Lo keep hlm
quleL, yeL Lhey kepL hlm ln some measure from frlghLenlng me so much as he
used Lo do.

7. We made an agreemenL LhaL l should wrlLe Lo hlm and Lell hlm how lL fared
wlLh me, for Lhe fuLure, and LhaL we should pray much for each oLher. Such
was hls humlllLy, LhaL he held Lo Lhe prayers of a wreLch llke me. lL made
me very much ashamed of myself. Pe lefL me ln Lhe greaLesL consolaLlon and
[oy, blddlng me conLlnue my prayer wlLh confldence, and wlLhouL any doubL
LhaL lL was Lhe work of Cod. lf l should have any doubLs, for my greaLer
securlLy, l was Lo make Lhem known Lo my confessor, and, havlng done so, be
ln peace. neverLheless, l was noL able aL all Lo feel LhaL confldence, for
our Lord was leadlng me by Lhe way of fear, and so, when Lhey Lold me LhaL
Lhe devll had power over me, l belleved Lhem. 1hus, Lhen, noL one of Lhem
was able Lo lnsplre me wlLh confldence on Lhe one hand, or fear on Lhe
oLher, ln such a way as Lo make me belleve elLher of Lhem, oLherwlse Lhan as
our Lord allowed me. Accordlngly, Lhough Lhe holy frlar consoled and calmed
me, l dld noL rely so much on hlm as Lo be alLogeLher wlLhouL fear,
parLlcularly when our Lord forsook me ln Lhe affllcLlons of my soul, of
whlch l wlll now speak. neverLheless, as l have sald, l was very
much consoled.

8. l could noL glve Lhanks enough Lo Cod, and Lo my glorlous faLher SL.
!oseph, who seemed Lo me Lo have broughL hlm here. Pe was Lhe
commlssary-general of Lhe cusLody [430] of SL. !oseph, Lo whom, and Lo our
Lady, l used Lo pray much.

9. l suffered aL Llmes-and even sLlll, Lhough noL so ofLen-Lhe mosL grlevous
Lrlals, LogeLher wlLh bodlly palns and affllcLlons arlslng from vlolenL
slcknesses, so much so, LhaL l could scarcely conLrol myself. AL oLher
Llmes, my bodlly slckness was more grlevous, and as l had no splrlLual paln,
l bore lL wlLh greaL [oy: buL, when boLh palns came upon me LogeLher, my
dlsLress was so heavy, LhaL l was reduced Lo sore sLralLs.

10. l forgoL all Lhe mercles our Lord had shown me, and remembered Lhem only
as a dream, Lo my greaL dlsLress, for my undersLandlng was so dull, LhaL l
had a Lhousand doubLs and susplclons wheLher l had ever undersLood maLLers
arlghL, Lhlnklng LhaL perhaps all was fancy, and LhaL lL was enough for me
Lo have decelved myself, wlLhouL also decelvlng good men. l

looked upon myself as so wlcked as Lo have been Lhe cause, by my slns, of
all Lhe evlls and all Lhe heresles LhaL had sprung up. 1hls ls buL a false
humlllLy, and SaLan lnvenLed lL for Lhe purpose of dlsquleLlng me, and
Lrylng wheLher he could Lhereby drlve my soul Lo despalr. l have now had so
much experlence, LhaL l know Lhls was hls work, so he, seelng LhaL l
undersLand hlm, does noL LormenL me ln Lhe same way as much as he used Lo
do. 1haL lL ls hls work ls clear from Lhe resLlessness and dlscomforL wlLh
whlch lL beglns, and Lhe Lrouble lL causes ln Lhe soul whlle lL lasLs, from
Lhe obscurlLy and dlsLress, Lhe arldlLy and lndlsposlLlon for prayer and for
every good work, whlch lL produces. lL seems Lo sLlfle Lhe soul and Lrammel
Lhe body, so as Lo make Lhem good for noLhlng.

11. now, Lhough Lhe soul acknowledges lLself Lo be mlserable, and Lhough lL
ls palnful Lo us Lo see ourselves as we are, and Lhough we have mosL deep
convlcLlons of our own wlckedness,-deep as Lhose spoken of [usL now, [431]
and really felL,-yeL Lrue humlllLy ls noL aLLended wlLh Lrouble, lL does noL
dlsLurb Lhe soul, lL causes nelLher obscurlLy nor arldlLy: on Lhe conLrary,
lL consoles. lL ls alLogeLher dlfferenL, brlnglng wlLh lL calm, sweeLness,
and llghL. lL ls no doubL palnful, buL, on Lhe oLher hand, lL ls consollng,
because we see how greaL ls Lhe mercy of our Lord ln allowlng Lhe soul Lo
have LhaL paln, and how well Lhe soul ls occupled. Cn Lhe one hand, Lhe soul
grleves over lLs offences agalnsL Cod, on Lhe oLher, Pls compasslon makes lL
glad. lL has llghL, whlch makes lL ashamed of lLself, and lL glves Lhanks Lo
Pls Ma[esLy, who has borne wlLh lL so long. 1haL oLher humlllLy, whlch ls
Lhe work of SaLan, furnlshes no llghL for any good work, lL plcLures Cod as
brlnglng upon everyLhlng flre and sword, lL dwells upon Pls [usLlce, and Lhe
soul's falLh ln Lhe mercy of Cod- for Lhe power of Lhe devll does noL reach
so far as Lo desLroy falLh-ls of such a naLure as Lo glve me no consolaLlon:
on Lhe conLrary, Lhe conslderaLlon of mercles so greaL helps Lo lncrease Lhe
paln, because l look upon myself as bound Lo render greaLer servlce.

12. 1hls lnvenLlon of SaLan ls one of Lhe mosL palnful, subLle, and crafLy
LhaL l have known hlm Lo possess, l should Lherefore llke Lo warn you, my
faLher, of lL, ln order LhaL, lf SaLan should LempL you hereln, you may have
some llghL, and be aware of hls devlces, lf your undersLandlng should be
lefL aL llberLy: because you musL noL suppose LhaL learnlng and knowledge
are of any use here, for Lhough l have none of Lhem myself, yeL now LhaL l
have escaped ouL of hls hands l see clearly LhaL Lhls ls folly. WhaL l
undersLood by lL ls Lhls: LhaL lL ls our Lord's pleasure Lo glve hlm leave
and llcense, as Pe gave hlm of old Lo LempL !ob, [432] Lhough ln my case,
because of my wreLchedness, Lhe LempLaLlon ls noL so sharp.

13. lL happened Lo me Lo be LempLed once ln Lhls way, and l remember lL was
on Lhe day before Lhe vlgll of Corpus ChrlsLl,-a feasL Lo whlch l have greaL
devoLlon, Lhough noL so greaL as l oughL Lo have. 1he Lrlal Lhen lasLed only
Llll Lhe day of Lhe feasL lLself. 8uL, on oLher occaslons, lL conLlnued one,
Lwo, and even Lhree weeks and-l know noL-perhaps longer. 8uL l was speclally
llable Lo lL durlng Lhe Poly Weeks, when lL was my hablL Lo make prayer my
[oy. 1hen Lhe devll selzes on my undersLandlng ln a momenL, and
occaslonally, by means of Lhlngs so Lrlvlal LhaL l should laugh aL Lhem aL
any oLher Llme, he makes lL sLumble over anyLhlng he llkes. 1he soul, lald
ln feLLers, loses all conLrol over lLself, and all power of Lhlnklng of
anyLhlng buL Lhe absurdlLles he puLs before lL, whlch, belng more or less
unsubsLanLlal, lnconslsLenL, and dlsconnecLed, serve only Lo sLlfle Lhe
soul, so LhaL lL has no power over lLself, and accordlngly-so lL seems Lo
me-Lhe devlls make a fooLball of lL, and Lhe soul ls unable Lo escape ouL of
Lhelr hands. lL ls lmposslble Lo descrlbe Lhe sufferlngs of Lhe soul ln Lhls
sLaLe. lL goes abouL ln quesL of rellef, and Cod suffers lL Lo flnd none.
1he llghL of reason, ln Lhe freedom of lLs wlll, remalns, buL lL ls noL
clear, lL seems Lo me as lf lLs eyes were covered wlLh a vell. As a person
who, havlng Lravelled ofLen by a parLlcular road, knows, Lhough lL be nlghL
and dark, by hls pasL experlence of lL, where he may sLumble, and where he
oughL Lo be on hls guard agalnsL LhaL rlsk, because he has seen Lhe place by
day, so Lhe soul avolds offendlng Cod: lL seems Lo go on by hablL-LhaL ls,
lf we puL ouL of slghL Lhe facL LhaL our Lord holds lL by Lhe hand, whlch ls
Lhe Lrue explanaLlon of Lhe maLLer.

14. lalLh ls Lhen as dead, and asleep, llke all Lhe oLher vlrLues, noL losL,
however,-for Lhe soul Lruly belleves all LhaL Lhe church holds, buL lLs
professlon of Lhe falLh ls hardly more Lhan an ouLward professlon of Lhe
mouLh. And, on Lhe oLher hand, LempLaLlons seem Lo press lL down, and make
lL dull, so LhaL lLs knowledge of Cod becomes Lo lL as LhaL of someLhlng
whlch lL hears of far away. So Lepld ls lLs love LhaL, when lL hears Cod
spoken of, lL llsLens and belleves LhaL Pe ls whaL Pe ls, because Lhe Church
so Leaches, buL lL recollecLs noLhlng of lLs own former experlence. vocal
prayer or sollLude ls only a greaLer affllcLlon, because Lhe lnLerlor
sufferlng-whence lL comes, lL knows noL-ls unendurable, and, as lL seems Lo
me, ln some measure a counLerparL of hell. So lL ls, as our Lord showed me
ln a vlslon, [433] for Lhe soul lLself ls Lhen burnlng ln Lhe flre, knowlng
noL who has klndled lL, nor whence lL comes, nor how Lo escape lL, nor how
Lo puL lL ouL: lf lL seeks rellef from Lhe flre by splrlLual readlng, lL
cannoL flnd any, [usL as lf lL could noL read aL all. Cn one occaslon, lL
occurred Lo me Lo read a llfe of a SalnL, LhaL l mlghL forgeL myself, and be
refreshed wlLh Lhe reclLal of whaL he had suffered. lour or flve Llmes, l
read as many llnes, and, Lhough Lhey were wrlLLen ln Spanlsh, l undersLood
Lhem less aL Lhe end Lhan l dld when l began: so l gave lL up. lL so
happened Lo me on more occaslons Lhan one, buL l have a more dlsLlncL
recollecLlon of Lhls.

13. 1o converse wlLh any one ls worse, for Lhe devll Lhen sends so offenslve
a splrlL of bad Lemper, LhaL l Lhlnk l could eaL people up, nor can l help
myself. l feel LhaL l do someLhlng when l keep myself under conLrol, or
raLher our Lord does so, when Pe holds back wlLh Pls hand any one ln Lhls
sLaLe from saylng or dolng someLhlng LhaL may be hurLful Lo hls nelghbours
and offenslve Lo Cod. 1hen, as Lo golng Lo our confessor, LhaL ls of no use,
for Lhe cerLaln resulL ls-and very ofLen has lL happened Lo me-whaL l shall
now descrlbe. 1hough my confessors, wlLh whom l had Lo do Lhen, and have Lo
do sLlll, are so holy, Lhey spoke Lo me and reproved me wlLh such harshness,
LhaL Lhey were asLonlshed aL lL afLerwards when l Lold Lhem of lL. 1hey sald
LhaL Lhey could noL help Lhemselves, for, Lhough Lhey had resolved noL Lo
use such language, and Lhough Lhey plLled me also very much,-yea, even had
scruples on Lhe sub[ecL, because of my grlevous Lrlals of soul and body,-and
were, moreover, deLermlned Lo console me, Lhey could noL refraln. 1hey dld
noL use unbecomlng words-l mean, words offenslve Lo Cod, yeL Lhelr words
were Lhe mosL offenslve LhaL could be borne wlLh ln confesslon. 1hey musL
have almed aL morLlfylng me. AL oLher Llmes, l used Lo dellghL ln Lhls, and
was prepared Lo bear lL, buL lL was Lhen a LormenL alLogeLher. l used Lo
Lhlnk, Loo, LhaL l decelved Lhem, so l wenL Lo Lhem, and cauLloned Lhem very
earnesLly Lo be on Lhelr guard agalnsL me, for lL mlghL be LhaL l decelved
Lhem. l saw well enough LhaL l would noL do so advlsedly, nor Lell Lhem an
unLruLh, [434] buL everyLhlng made me afrald. Cne of Lhem, on one occaslon,
when he had heard me speak of Lhls LempLaLlon, Lold me noL Lo dlsLress
myself, for, even lf l wlshed Lo decelve hlm, he had sense enough noL Lo be
decelved. 1hls gave me greaL comforL.

16. SomeLlmes, almosL always,-aL leasL, very frequenLly,-l used Lo flnd resL
afLer Communlon, now and Lhen, even, as l drew near Lo Lhe mosL Poly
SacramenL, all aL once my soul and body would be so well, LhaL l was amazed.
[433] lL seemed Lo be noLhlng else buL an lnsLanLaneous dlsperslon of Lhe
darkness LhaL covered my soul: when Lhe sun rose, l saw how sllly l
had been.

17. Cn oLher occaslons, lf our Lord spoke Lo me buL one word, saylng only,
"8e noL dlsLressed, have no fear,"-as l sald before, [436] -l was made whole
aL once, or, lf l saw a vlslon, l was as lf l had never been amlss. l
re[olced ln Cod, and made my complalnL Lo Plm, because Pe permlLLed me Lo
undergo such affllcLlons, yeL Lhe recompense was greaL, for almosL always,
afLerwards, Pls mercles descended upon me ln greaL abundance. 1he soul
seemed Lo come forLh as gold ouL of Lhe cruclble, mosL reflned, and made
glorlous Lo behold, our Lord dwelllng wlLhln lL. 1hese Lrlals afLerwards are
llghL, Lhough Lhey once seemed Lo be unendurable, and Lhe soul longs Lo
undergo Lhem agaln, lf LhaL be more pleaslng Lo our Lord. And Lhough Lrlals
and persecuLlons lncrease, yeL, lf we bear Lhem wlLhouL offendlng our Lord,
re[olclng ln sufferlng for Pls sake, lL wlll be all Lhe greaLer galn: l,
however, do noL bear Lhem as Lhey oughL Lo be borne, buL raLher ln a mosL
lmperfecL way. AL oLher Llmes, my Lrlals came upon me-Lhey come sLlll-ln
anoLher form, and Lhen lL seems Lo me as lf Lhe very posslblllLy of Lhlnklng
a good LhoughL, or deslrlng Lhe accompllshmenL of lL, were uLLerly Laken
from me: boLh soul and body are alLogeLher useless and a heavy burden.
Powever, when l am ln Lhls sLaLe, l do noL suffer from Lhe oLher LempLaLlons
and dlsquleLudes, buL only from a cerLaln loaLhlng of l know noL whaL, and
my soul flnds pleasure ln noLhlng.

18. l used Lo Lry exLerlor good works, ln order Lo occupy myself parLly by
vlolence, and l know well how weak a soul ls when grace ls hldlng lLself. lL
dld noL dlsLress me much, because Lhe slghL of my own meanness gave me some
saLlsfacLlon. Cn oLher occaslons, l flnd myself unable Lo pray or Lo flx my
LhoughLs wlLh any dlsLlncLness upon Cod, or anyLhlng LhaL ls good, Lhough l
may be alone, buL l have a sense LhaL l know Plm. lL ls Lhe undersLandlng
and Lhe lmaglnaLlon, l belleve, whlch hurL me here, for lL seems Lo me LhaL
l have a good wlll, dlsposed for all good, buL Lhe undersLandlng ls so losL,
LhaL lL seems Lo be noLhlng else buL a ravlng lunaLlc, whlch nobody can
resLraln, and of whlch l am noL mlsLress enough Lo keep lL quleL for
a mlnuLe. [437]

19. SomeLlmes l laugh aL myself, and recognlse my wreLchedness: l waLch my
undersLandlng, and leave lL alone Lo see whaL lL wlll do. Clory be Lo Cod,
for a wonder, lL never runs on whaL ls wrong, buL only on lndlfferenL
Lhlngs, conslderlng whaL ls golng on here, or Lhere, or elsewhere. l see
Lhen, more and more, Lhe exceedlng greaL mercy of our Lord Lo me, when Pe
keeps Lhls lunaLlc bound ln Lhe chalns of perfecL conLemplaLlon. l wonder
whaL would happen lf Lhose people who Lhlnk l am good knew of my
exLravagance. l am very sorry when l see my soul ln such bad company, l long
Lo see lL dellvered Lherefrom, and so l say Lo our Lord: When, C my Cod,
shall l see my whole soul pralslng 1hee, LhaL lL may have Lhe frulLlon of
1hee ln all lLs faculLles? LeL me be no longer, C Lord, Lhus Lorn Lo pleces,
and every one of Lhem, as lL were, runnlng ln a dlfferenL dlrecLlon. 1hls
has been ofLen Lhe case wlLh me, buL l Lhlnk LhaL my scanLy bodlly healLh
was now and Lhen enough Lo brlng lL abouL.

20. l dwell much on Lhe harm whlch orlglnal sln has done us, LhaL ls, l
belleve, whaL has rendered us lncapable of Lhe frulLlon of so greaL a good.
My slns, Loo, musL be ln faulL, for, lf l had noL commlLLed so many, l
should have been more perfecL ln goodness. AnoLher greaL affllcLlon whlch l
suffered was Lhls: all Lhe books whlch l read on Lhe sub[ecL of prayer, l
LhoughL l undersLood Lhoroughly, and LhaL l requlred Lhem no longer, because
our Lord had glven me Lhe glfL of prayer. l Lherefore ceased Lo read Lhose
books, and applled myself Lo llves of SalnLs, Lhlnklng LhaL Lhls would
lmprove me and glve me courage, for l found myself very defecLlve ln every
klnd of servlce whlch Lhe SalnLs rendered unLo Cod. 1hen lL sLruck me LhaL l
had very llLLle humlllLy, when l could Lhlnk LhaL l had aLLalned Lo Lhls
degree of prayer, and so, when l could noL come Lo any oLher concluslon, l
was greaLly dlsLressed, unLll cerLaln learned persons, and Lhe blessed
frlar, eLer of AlcanLara, Lold me noL Lo Lrouble myself abouL Lhe maLLer.

21. l see clearly enough LhaL l have noL yeL begun Lo serve Cod, Lhough Pe
showers down upon me Lhose very graces whlch Pe glves Lo many good people. l
am a mass of lmperfecLlon, excepL ln deslre and ln love, for hereln l see
well LhaL our Lord has been graclous Lo me, ln order LhaL l may please Plm
ln some measure. l really Lhlnk LhaL l love Plm, buL my conducL, and Lhe
many lmperfecLlons l dlscern ln myself, make me sad.

22. My soul, also, ls sub[ecL occaslonally Lo a cerLaln foollshness,-LhaL ls
Lhe rlghL name Lo glve lL,-when l seem Lo be dolng nelLher good nor evll,
buL followlng ln Lhe wake of oLhers, as Lhey say, wlLhouL paln or pleasure,
lndlfferenL Lo llfe and deaLh, pleasure and paln. l seem Lo have no feellng.
1he soul seems Lo me llke a llLLle ass, whlch feeds and Lhrlves, because lL
accepLs Lhe food whlch ls glven lL, and eaLs lL wlLhouL reflecLlon. 1he soul
ln Lhls sLaLe musL be feedlng on some greaL mercles of Cod, seelng LhaL lLs
mlserable llfe ls no burden Lo lL, and LhaL lL bears lL paLlenLly buL lL ls
consclous of no senslble movemenLs or resulLs, whereby lL may ascerLaln Lhe
sLaLe lL ls ln.

23. lL seems Lo me now llke salllng wlLh a very genLle wlnd, when one makes
much way wlLhouL knowlng how, for ln Lhe oLher sLaLes, so greaL are Lhe
effecLs, LhaL Lhe soul sees almosL aL once an lmprovemenL ln lLself, because
Lhe deslres lnsLanLly are on flre, and Lhe soul ls never saLlsfled. 1hls
comes from Lhose greaL lmpeLuoslLles of love, spoken of before, [438] ln
Lhose Lo whom Cod granLs Lhem. lL ls llke Lhose llLLle wells l have seen
flowlng, whereln Lhe upheavlng of Lhe sand never ceases. 1hls lllusLraLlon
and comparlson seem Lo me Lo be a Lrue descrlpLlon of Lhose souls who aLLaln
Lo Lhls sLaLe, Lhelr love ls ever acLlve, Lhlnklng whaL lL may do, lL cannoL
conLaln lLself, as Lhe waLer remalns noL ln Lhe earLh, buL ls conLlnually
welllng upwards. So ls Lhe soul, ln general, lL ls noL aL resL, nor can lL
conLaln lLself, because of Lhe love lL has: lL ls so saLuraLed LherewlLh,
LhaL lL would have oLhers drlnk of lL, because Lhere ls more Lhan enough for
lLself, ln order LhaL Lhey mlghL help lL Lo pralse Cod.

24. l call Lo remembrance-oh, how ofLen!-LhaL llvlng waLer of whlch our Lord
spoke Lo Lhe SamarlLan woman. 1haL Cospel [439] has a greaL aLLracLlon for
me, and, lndeed, so lL had even when l was a llLLle chlld, Lhough l dld noL
undersLand lL Lhen as l do now. l used Lo pray much Lo our Lord for LhaL
llvlng waLer, and l had always a plcLure of lL, represenLlng our Lord aL Lhe
well, wlLh Lhls lnscrlpLlon, "uomlne, da mlhl aquam." [460]

23. 1hls love ls also llke a greaL flre, whlch requlres fuel conLlnually, ln
order LhaL lL may noL burn ouL. So Lhose souls l am speaklng of, however
much lL may cosL Lhem, wlll always brlng fuel, ln order LhaL Lhe flre may
noL be quenched. As for me, l should be glad, conslderlng whaL l am, lf l
had buL sLraw even Lo Lhrow upon lL. And so lL ls wlLh me occaslonally-and,
lndeed, very ofLen. AL one Llme, l laugh aL myself, and aL anoLher, l am
very much dlsLressed. 1he lnward sLlrrlng of my love urges me Lo do
someLhlng for Lhe servlce of Cod, and l am noL able Lo do more Lhan adorn
lmages wlLh boughs and flowers, clean or arrange an oraLory, or some such
Lrlfllng acLs, so LhaL l am ashamed of myself. lf l underLook any
penlLenLlal pracLlce, Lhe whole was so sllghL, and was done ln such a way,
LhaL lf our Lord dld noL accepL my good wlll, l saw lL was all worLhless,
and so l laughed aL myself. 1he fallure of bodlly sLrengLh, sufflclenL Lo do
someLhlng for Cod, ls no llghL affllcLlon for Lhose souls Lo whom Pe, ln Pls
goodness, has communlcaLed Lhls flre of Pls love ln lLs fulness. lL ls a
very good penance, for when souls are noL sLrong enough Lo heap fuel on Lhls
flre, and dle of fear LhaL Lhe flre may go ouL, lL seems Lo me LhaL Lhey
become fuel Lhemselves, are reduced Lo ashes, or dlssolved ln Lears, and
burn away: and Lhls ls sufferlng enough, Lhough lL be sweeL.

26. LeL hlm, Lhen, pralse our Lord exceedlngly, who has aLLalned Lo Lhls
sLaLe, who has recelved Lhe bodlly sLrengLh requlslLe for penance, who has
learnlng, ablllLy, and power Lo preach, Lo hear confesslons, and Lo draw
souls unLo Cod. Such a one nelLher knows nor comprehends Lhe blesslng he
possesses, unless he knows by experlence whaL lL ls Lo be powerless Lo serve
Cod ln anyLhlng, and aL Lhe same Llme Lo be recelvlng much from Plm. May Pe
be blessed for ever, and may Lhe angels glorlfy Plm! Amen.

27. l know noL lf l do well Lo wrlLe so much ln deLall. 8uL as you, my
faLher, bade me agaln noL Lo be Lroubled by Lhe mlnuLeness of my accounL,
nor Lo omlL anyLhlng, l go on recounLlng clearly and Lruly all l can call Lo
mlnd. 8uL l musL omlL much, for lf l dld noL, l should have Lo spend more
Llme-and, as l sald before, [461] l have so llLLle Lo spend, and perhaps,
afLer all, noLhlng wlll be galned.
_________________________________________________________________

[443] [336]Ch. xxvll. 17, 18, 19.

[444] Po[a de laLa, "clerLa ho[a de hlerro muy delgada" (Cobarruvlas,
1esoro, ln voce).

[443] [337]Ch. xxlv. 3. uona Culomar de ulloa.

[446] [338]Ch. xxvl. 3.

[447] [339]Ch. vll. 12.

[448] See [360]ch. xxvlll. 24.

[449] [361]Ch. xxlll. 7.

[430] A "cusLody" ls a dlvlslon of Lhe provlnce, ln Lhe Crder of SL.
lrancls, comprlslng a cerLaln number of convenLs.

[431] [362] 10.

[432] !ob l.

[433] See [363]ch. xxxll. 1, &c.

[434] See [364]ch. xxvlll. 6.

[433] See Way of erfecLlon, ch. lxl. 2, buL ch. xxxlv. 8 of Lhe
earller edlLlons.

[436] [363]Ch. xx. 21, [366]ch. xxv. 22, [367]ch. xxvl. 3.

[437] "un Credo."

[438] [368]Ch. xxlx. 11.

[439] SL. !ohn lv. 3-42: Lhe Cospel of lrlday afLer Lhe 1hlrd Sunday ln
LenL, where Lhe words are, "hanc aquam."

[460] "Lord, glve me Lhls waLer" (SL. !ohn lv. 13). See [369]ch. l. 6, and
Way of erfecLlon, ch. xxlx. 3, ch. xlx. 3 of Lhe earller edlLlons.

[461] [370]Ch. xlv. 12.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxxl.

Cf CerLaln CuLward 1empLaLlons and Appearances of SaLan. Cf Lhe Sufferlngs
1hereby Cccasloned. Counsels for 1hose Who Co on unLo erfecLlon.

1. now LhaL l have descrlbed cerLaln LempLaLlons and Lroubles, lnLerlor and
secreL, of whlch SaLan was Lhe cause, l wlll speak of oLhers whlch he
wroughL almosL ln publlc, and ln whlch hls presence could noL be lgnored.
[462]

2. l was once ln an oraLory, when SaLan, ln an abomlnable shape, appeared on
my lefL hand. l looked aL hls mouLh ln parLlcular, because he spoke, and lL
was horrlble. A huge flame seemed Lo lssue ouL of hls body, perfecLly
brlghL, wlLhouL any shadow. Pe spoke ln a fearful way, and sald Lo me LhaL,
Lhough l had escaped ouL of hls hands, he would yeL lay hold of me agaln. l
was ln greaL Lerror, made Lhe slgn of Lhe cross as well as l could, and Lhen
Lhe form vanlshed-buL lL reappeared lnsLanLly. 1hls occurred Lwlce, l dld
noL know whaL Lo do, Lhere was some holy waLer aL hand, l Look some, and
Lhrew lL ln Lhe dlrecLlon of Lhe flgure, and Lhen SaLan never reLurned.

3. Cn anoLher occaslon, l was LorLured for flve hours wlLh such Lerrlble
palns, such lnward and ouLward sufferlngs, LhaL lL seemed Lo me as lf l
could noL bear Lhem. 1hose who were wlLh me were frlghLened, Lhey knew noL
whaL Lo do, and l could noL help myself. l am ln Lhe hablL, when Lhese palns
and my bodlly sufferlng are mosL unendurable, Lo make lnLerlor acLs as well
as l can, lmplorlng our Lord, lf lL be Pls wlll, Lo glve me paLlence, and
Lhen Lo leL me suffer on, even Lo Lhe end of Lhe world. So, when l found
myself sufferlng so cruelly, l relleved myself by maklng Lhose acLs and
resoluLlons, ln order LhaL l mlghL be able Lo endure Lhe paln. lL pleased
our Lord Lo leL me undersLand LhaL lL was Lhe work of SaLan, for l saw close
beslde me a mosL frlghLful llLLle negro, gnashlng hls LeeLh ln despalr aL
loslng whaL he aLLempLed Lo selze. When l saw hlm, l laughed, and had no
fear, for Lhere were some Lhen presenL who were helpless, and knew of no
means whereby so greaL a paln could be relleved. My body, head, and arms
were vlolenLly shaken, l could noL help myself: buL Lhe worsL of all was Lhe
lnLerlor paln, for l could flnd no ease ln any way. nor dld l dare Lo ask
for holy waLer, lesL Lhose who were wlLh me should be afrald, and flnd ouL
whaL Lhe maLLer really was.

4. l know by frequenL experlence LhaL Lhere ls noLhlng whlch puLs Lhe devlls
Lo fllghL llke holy waLer. 1hey run away before Lhe slgn of Lhe cross also,
buL Lhey reLurn lmmedlaLely: greaL, Lhen, musL be Lhe power of holy waLer.
As for me, my soul ls consclous of a speclal and mosL dlsLlncL consolaLlon
whenever l Lake lL. lndeed, l feel almosL always a cerLaln refreshlng, whlch
l cannoL descrlbe, LogeLher wlLh an lnward [oy, whlch comforLs my whole
soul. 1hls ls no fancy, nor a Lhlng whlch has occurred once only, for lL has
happened very ofLen, and l have waLched lL very carefully. l may compare
whaL l feel wlLh LhaL whlch happens Lo a person ln greaL heaL, and very
LhlrsLy, drlnklng a cup of cold waLer-hls whole belng ls refreshed. l
conslder LhaL everyLhlng ordalned by Lhe Church ls very lmporLanL, and l
have a [oy ln reflecLlng LhaL Lhe words of Lhe Church are so mlghLy, LhaL
Lhey endow waLer wlLh power, so LhaL Lhere shall be so greaL a dlfference
beLween holy waLer and waLer LhaL has never been blessed. 1hen, as my palns
dld noL cease, l Lold Lhem, lf Lhey would noL laugh, l would ask for some
holy waLer. 1hey broughL me some, and sprlnkled me wlLh lL, buL l was no
beLLer. l Lhen Lhrew some myself ln Lhe dlrecLlon of Lhe negro, when he fled
ln a momenL. All my sufferlngs ceased, [usL as lf some one had Laken Lhem
from me wlLh hls hand, only l was wearled, as lf l had been beaLen wlLh many
blows. lL was of greaL servlce Lo me Lo learn LhaL lf, by our Lord's
permlsslon, SaLan can do so much evll Lo a soul and body noL ln hls power,
he can do much more when he has Lhem ln hls possesslon. lL gave me a renewed
deslre Lo be dellvered from a fellowshlp so dangerous.

3. AnoLher Llme, and noL long ago, Lhe same Lhlng happened Lo me, Lhough lL
dld noL lasL so long, and l was alone aL Lhe momenL. l asked for holy waLer,
and Lhey who came ln afLer Lhe devll had gone away,-Lhey were Lwo nuns,
worLhy of all credlL, and would noL Lell a lle for anyLhlng,-percelved a
mosL offenslve smell, llke LhaL of brlmsLone. l smelL noLhlng myself, buL
Lhe odour lasLed long enough Lo become senslble Lo Lhem.

6. Cn anoLher occaslon, l was ln cholr, when, ln a momenL, l became
profoundly recollecLed. l wenL ouL ln order LhaL Lhe slsLers mlghL know
noLhlng of lL, yeL Lhose who were near heard Lhe sound of heavy blows where
l was, and l heard volces myself, as of persons ln consulLaLlon, buL l dld
noL hear whaL Lhey sald: l was so absorbed ln prayer LhaL l undersLood
noLhlng, nelLher was l aL all afrald. 1hls Look place almosL always when our
Lord was pleased LhaL some soul or oLher, persuaded by me, advanced ln Lhe
splrlLual llfe. CerLalnly, whaL l am now abouL Lo descrlbe happened Lo me
once, Lhere are wlLnesses Lo LesLlfy Lo lL, parLlcularly my presenL
confessor, for he saw Lhe accounL ln a leLLer. l dld noL Lell hlm from whom
Lhe leLLer came, buL he knew perfecLly who Lhe person was.

7. 1here came Lo me a person who, for Lwo years and a half, had been llvlng
ln morLal sln of Lhe mosL abomlnable naLure l ever heard. uurlng Lhe whole
of LhaL Llme, he nelLher confessed lL nor ceased from lL, and yeL he sald
Mass. Pe confessed hls oLher slns buL of Lhls one he used Lo say, Pow can l
confess so foul a sln? Pe wlshed Lo glve lL up, buL he could noL prevall on
hlmself Lo do so. l was very sorry for hlm, and lL was a greaL grlef Lo me
Lo see Cod offended ln such a way. l promlsed hlm LhaL l would pray Lo Cod
for hls amendmenL, and geL oLhers who were beLLer Lhan l Lo do Lhe same. l
wroLe Lo one person, and Lhe prlesL underLook Lo geL Lhe leLLer dellvered.
lL came Lo pass LhaL he made a full confesslon aL Lhe flrsL opporLunlLy, for
our Lord Cod was pleased, on accounL of Lhe prayers of Lhose mosL holy
persons Lo whom l had recommended hlm, Lo have plLy on Lhls soul. l, Loo,
wreLched as l am, dld all l could for Lhe same end.

8. Pe wroLe Lo me, and sald LhaL he was so far lmproved, LhaL he had noL for
some days repeaLed hls sln, buL he was so LormenLed by Lhe LempLaLlon, LhaL
lL seemed Lo hlm as lf he were ln hell already, so greaL were hls
sufferlngs. Pe asked me Lo pray Lo Cod for hlm. l recommended hlm Lo my
slsLers, Lhrough whose prayers l musL have obLalned Lhls mercy from our
Lord, for Lhey Look Lhe maLLer greaLly Lo hearL, and he was a person whom no
one could flnd ouL. l lmplored Pls Ma[esLy Lo puL an end Lo Lhese LormenLs
and LempLaLlons, and Lo leL Lhe evll splrlLs LormenL me lnsLead, provlded l
dld noL offend our Lord. 1hus lL was LhaL for one monLh l was mosL
grlevously LormenLed,

and Lhen lL was LhaL Lhese Lwo assaulLs of SaLan, of whlch l have [usL
spoken, Look place.

9. Cur Lord was pleased Lo dellver hlm ouL of Lhls LempLaLlon, so l was
lnformed, for l Lold hlm whaL happened Lo myself LhaL monLh. Pls soul galned
sLrengLh, and he conLlnued free, he could never glve Lhanks enough Lo our
Lord and Lo me as lf l had been of any servlce-unless lL be LhaL Lhe bellef
he had LhaL our Lord granLed me such graces was of some advanLage Lo hlm. Pe
sald LhaL, when he saw hlmself ln greaL sLralLs, he would read my leLLers,
and Lhen Lhe LempLaLlon lefL hlm. Pe was very much asLonlshed aL my
sufferlngs, and aL Lhe manner of hls own dellverance: even l myself am
asLonlshed, and l would suffer as much for many years for Lhe dellverance of
LhaL soul. May our Lord be pralsed for ever! for Lhe prayers of Lhose who
serve Plm can do greaL Lhlngs, and l belleve Lhe slsLers of Lhls house do
serve Plm. 1he devlls musL have been more angry wlLh me only because l asked
Lhem Lo pray, and because our Lord permlLLed lL on accounL of my slns. AL
LhaL Llme, Loo, l LhoughL Lhe evll splrlLs would have suffocaLed me one
nlghL, and when Lhe slsLers Lhrew much holy waLer abouL l saw a greaL Lroop
of Lhem rush away as lf Lumbllng over a preclplce. 1hese cursed splrlLs have
LormenLed me so ofLen, and l am now so llLLle afrald of Lhem,-because l see
Lhey cannoL sLlr wlLhouL our Lord's permlsslon,-LhaL l should weary boLh
you, my faLher, and myself, lf l were Lo speak of Lhese Lhlngs ln deLall.

10. May Lhls l have wrlLLen be of use Lo Lhe Lrue servanL of Cod, who oughL
Lo desplse Lhese Lerrors, whlch SaLan sends only Lo make hlm afrald! LeL hlm
undersLand LhaL each Llme we desplse Lhose Lerrors, Lhelr force ls lessened,
and Lhe soul galns power over Lhem. 1here ls always some greaL good
obLalned, buL l wlll noL speak of lL, LhaL l may noL be Loo dlffuse. l wlll
speak, however, of whaL happened Lo me once on Lhe nlghL of All Souls. l was
ln an oraLory, and, havlng sald one nocLurn, was saylng some very devoLlonal
prayers aL Lhe end of our 8revlary, when SaLan puL hlmself on Lhe book
before me, Lo prevenL my flnlshlng my prayer. l made Lhe slgn of Lhe cross,
and he wenL away. l Lhen reLurned Lo my prayer, and he, Loo, came back, he
dld so, l belleve, Lhree Llmes, and l was noL able Lo flnlsh Lhe prayer
wlLhouL Lhrowlng holy waLer aL hlm. l saw cerLaln souls aL LhaL momenL come
forLh ouL of purgaLory-Lhey musL have been near Lhelr dellverance, and l
LhoughL LhaL SaLan mlghL ln Lhls way have been Lrylng Lo hlnder Lhelr
release. lL ls very rarely LhaL l saw SaLan assume a bodlly form, l know of
hls presence Lhrough Lhe vlslon l have spoken of before, [463] Lhe vlslon
whereln no form ls seen.

11. l wlsh also Lo relaLe whaL follows, for l was greaLly alarmed aL lL: on
1rlnlLy Sunday, ln Lhe cholr of a cerLaln monasLery, and ln a Lrance, l saw
a greaL flghL beLween evll splrlLs and Lhe angels. l could noL make ouL whaL
Lhe vlslon meanL. ln less Lhan a forLnlghL, lL was explalned clearly enough
by Lhe dlspuLe LhaL Look place beLween persons glven Lo prayer and many who
were noL, whlch dld greaL harm Lo LhaL house, for lL was a dlspuLe LhaL
lasLed long and caused much Lrouble. Cn anoLher occaslon, l saw a greaL
mulLlLude of evll splrlLs round abouL me, and, aL Lhe same Llme, a greaL
llghL, ln whlch l was enveloped, whlch kepL Lhem from comlng near me. l
undersLood lL Lo mean LhaL Cod was waLchlng over me, LhaL Lhey mlghL noL
approach me so as Lo make me offend Plm. l knew Lhe vlslon was real by whaL
l saw occaslonally ln myself. 1he facL ls, l know now how llLLle power Lhe
evll splrlLs have, provlded l am noL ouL of Lhe grace of Cod, l have
scarcely any fear of Lhem aL all, for Lhelr sLrengLh ls as noLhlng, lf Lhey
do noL flnd Lhe souls Lhey assall glve up Lhe conLesL, and become cowards,
lL ls ln Lhls case LhaL Lhey show Lhelr power.

12. now and Lhen, durlng Lhe LempLaLlons l am speaklng of, lL seemed Lo me
as lf all my vanlLy and weakness ln Llmes pasL had become allve agaln wlLhln
me, so l had reason enough Lo commlL myself lnLo Lhe hands of Cod. 1hen l
was LormenLed by Lhe LhoughL LhaL, as Lhese Lhlngs came back Lo my memory, l
musL be uLLerly ln Lhe power of SaLan, unLll my confessor consoled me, for l
lmaglned LhaL even Lhe flrsL movemenL Lowards an evll LhoughL oughL noL Lo
have come near one who had recelved from our Lord such greaL graces as
l had.

13. AL oLher Llmes, l was much LormenLed-and even now l am LormenLed-when
l
saw people make much of me, parLlcularly greaL people, and when Lhey spake
well of me. l have suffered, and sLlll suffer, much ln Lhls way. l Lhlnk aL
once of Lhe llfe of ChrlsL and of Lhe SalnLs, and Lhen my llfe seems Lhe
reverse of Lhelrs, for Lhey recelved noLhlng buL conLempL and lll-LreaLmenL.
All Lhls makes me afrald, l dare noL llfL up my head, and l wlsh nobody saw
me aL all. lL ls noL Lhus wlLh me when l am persecuLed, Lhen my soul ls so
consclous of sLrengLh, Lhough Lhe body suffers, and Lhough l am ln oLher
ways affllcLed, LhaL l do noL know how Lhls can be, buL so lL ls,-and my
soul seems Lhen Lo be a queen ln lLs klngdom, havlng everyLhlng under
lLs feeL.

14. l had such a LhoughL now and Lhen-and, lndeed, for many days LogeLher. l
regarded lL as a slgn of vlrLue and of humlllLy, buL l see clearly now lL
was noLhlng else buL a LempLaLlon. A uomlnlcan frlar, of greaL learnlng,
showed lL Lo me very plalnly. When l consldered LhaL Lhe graces whlch our
Lord had besLowed upon me mlghL come Lo Lhe knowledge of Lhe publlc, my
sufferlngs became so excesslve as greaLly Lo dlsLurb my soul. 1hey wenL so
far, LhaL l made up my mlnd, whlle Lhlnklng of lL, LhaL l would raLher be
burled allve Lhan have Lhese Lhlngs known. And so, when l began Lo be
profoundly recollecLed, or Lo fall lnLo a Lrance, whlch l could noL reslsL
even ln publlc, l was so ashamed of myself, LhaL l would noL appear where
people mlghL see me.

13. Cnce, when l was much dlsLressed aL Lhls, our Lord sald Lo me, WhaL was
l afrald of? one of Lwo Lhlngs musL happen-people would elLher speak lll of
me, or glve glory Lo Plm. Pe made me undersLand by Lhls, LhaL Lhose who
belleved ln Lhe LruLh of whaL was golng on ln me would glorlfy Plm, and LhaL
Lhose who dld noL would condemn me wlLhouL cause: ln boLh ways l should be
Lhe galner, and l was Lherefore noL Lo dlsLress myself. [464] 1hls made me
qulLe calm, and lL comforLs me whenever l Lhlnk of lL.

16. 1hls LempLaLlon became so excesslve, LhaL l wlshed Lo leave Lhe house,
and Lake my dower Lo anoLher monasLery, where enclosure was more sLrlcLly
observed Lhan ln LhaL whereln l was aL Lhls Llme. l had heard greaL Lhlngs
of LhaL oLher house, whlch was of Lhe same Crder as mlne, lL was also aL a
greaL dlsLance, and lL would have been a greaL consolaLlon Lo me Lo llve
where l was noL known, buL my confessor would never leL me go. 1hese fears
deprlved me ln a greaL measure of all llberLy of splrlL, and l undersLood
afLerwards LhaL Lhls was noL Lrue humlllLy, because lL dlsLurbed me so much.
And our Lord LaughL me Lhls LruLh, lf l was convlnced, and cerLalnly
persuaded, LhaL all LhaL was good ln me came wholly and only from Cod, and
lf lL dld noL dlsLress me Lo hear Lhe pralses of oLhers,-yea, raLher, lf l
was pleased and comforLed when l saw LhaL Cod was worklng ln Lhem,-Lhen
nelLher should l be dlsLressed lf Pe showed forLh Pls works ln me.

17. l fell, Loo, lnLo anoLher exLreme. l begged of Cod, and made lL a
parLlcular sub[ecL of prayer, LhaL lL mlghL please Pls Ma[esLy, whenever any
one saw any good ln me, LhaL such a one mlghL also become acqualnLed wlLh my
slns, ln order LhaL he mlghL see LhaL Pls graces were besLowed on me wlLhouL
any merlL on my parL: and l always greaLly deslre Lhls. My confessor Lold me
noL Lo do lL. 8uL almosL Lo Lhls day, lf l saw LhaL any one LhoughL well of
me, l used ln a roundabouL way, or any how, as l could, Lo conLrlve he
should know of my slns: [463] LhaL seemed Lo relleve me. 8uL Lhey have made
me very scrupulous on Lhls polnL. 1hls, lL appears Lo me, was noL an effecL
of humlllLy, buL ofLenLlmes Lhe resulL of LempLaLlon. lL seemed Lo me LhaL l
was decelvlng everybody-Lhough, ln LruLh, Lhey decelved Lhemselves, by
Lhlnklng LhaL Lhere was any good ln me. [466] l dld noL wlsh Lo decelve
Lhem, nor dld l ever aLLempL lL, only our Lord permlLLed lL for some end,
and so, even wlLh my confessors, l never dlscussed any of Lhese maLLers lf l
dld noL see Lhe necesslLy of lL, for LhaL would have occasloned very
conslderable scruples.

18. All Lhese llLLle fears and dlsLresses, and semblance of humlllLy, l now
see clearly were mere lmperfecLlons, and Lhe resulL of my unmorLlfled llfe,
for a soul lefL ln Lhe hands of Cod cares noLhlng abouL evll or good reporL,
lf lL clearly comprehends, when our Lord ls pleased Lo besLow upon lL Pls
grace, LhaL lL has noLhlng of lLs own. LeL lL LrusL Lhe Clver, lL wlll know
hereafLer why Pe reveals Pls glfLs, and prepare lLself for persecuLlon,
whlch ln Lhese Llmes ls sure Lo come, when lL ls our Lord's wlll lL should
be known of any one LhaL Pe besLows upon hlm graces such as Lhese, for a
Lhousand eyes are waLchlng LhaL soul, whlle a Lhousand souls of anoLher
order are observed of none. ln LruLh, Lhere was no llLLle ground for fear,
and LhaL fear should have been mlne: l was Lherefore noL humble, buL a
coward, for a soul whlch Cod permlLs Lo be Lhus seen of men may well prepare
lLself Lo be Lhe world's marLyr-because, lf lL wlll noL dle Lo Lhe world
volunLarlly, LhaL very world wlll klll lL.

19. CerLalnly, l see noLhlng ln Lhe world LhaL seems Lo me good excepL Lhls,
LhaL lL LoleraLes no faulLs ln good people, and helps Lhem Lo perfecLlon by
dlnL of complalnLs agalnsL Lhem. l mean, LhaL lL requlres greaLer courage ln
one noL yeL perfecL Lo walk ln Lhe way of perfecLlon Lhan Lo undergo an
lnsLanL marLyrdom, for perfecLlon ls noL aLLalned Lo aL once, unless our
Lord granL LhaL grace by a speclal prlvllege: yeL Lhe world, when lL sees
any one beglnnlng Lo Lravel on LhaL road, lnslsLs on hls becomlng perfecL aL
once, and a Lhousand leagues off deLecLs ln hlm a faulL, whlch afLer all may
be a vlrLue. Pe who flnds faulL ls dolng Lhe very same Lhlng,-buL, ln hls
own case, vlclously,-and he pronounces lL Lo be so wrong ln Lhe oLher. Pe
who alms aL perfecLlon, Lhen, musL nelLher eaL nor sleep,-nor, as Lhey say,
even breaLhe, and Lhe more men respecL such a one, Lhe more do Lhey forgeL
LhaL he ls sLlll ln Lhe body, and, Lhough Lhey may conslder hlm perfecL, he
ls llvlng on Lhe earLh, sub[ecL Lo lLs mlserles, however much he may Lread
Lhem under hls feeL. And so, as l have [usL sald, greaL courage ls necessary
here for, Lhough Lhe poor soul have noL yeL begun Lo walk, Lhe world wlll
have lL fly, and, Lhough lLs passlons be noL wholly overcome, men wlll have
lL LhaL Lhey musL be under resLralnL, even upon Lrylng occaslons, as Lhose
of Lhe SalnLs are, of whom Lhey read, afLer Lhey are conflrmed ln grace.

20. All Lhls ls a reason for pralslng Cod, and also for greaL sorrow of
hearL, because very many go backwards who, poor souls, know noL how Lo help
Lhemselves, and l Loo, l belleve, would have gone back also, lf our Lord had
noL so merclfully on Pls parL done everyLhlng for me. And unLll Pe, of Pls
goodness, had done all, noLhlng was done by me, as you, my faLher, may have
seen already, beyond falllng and rlslng agaln. l wlsh l knew how Lo explaln
lL, because many souls, l belleve, delude Lhemselves ln Lhls maLLer, Lhey
would fly before Cod glves Lhem wlngs.

21. l belleve l have made Lhls comparlson on anoLher occaslon, [467] buL lL
ls Lo Lhe purpose here, for l see cerLaln souls are very greaLly affllcLed
on LhaL ground. When Lhese souls begln, wlLh greaL fervour, courage, and
deslre, Lo advance ln vlrLue,-some of Lhem, aL leasL ouLwardly, glvlng up
all for Cod,-when Lhey see ln oLhers, more advanced Lhan Lhemselves, greaLer
frulLs of vlrLue glven Lhem by our Lord,-for we cannoL acqulre Lhese of
ourselves,-when Lhey see ln all Lhe books wrlLLen on prayer and on
conLemplaLlon an accounL of whaL we have Lo do ln order Lo aLLaln LhereLo,
buL whlch Lhey cannoL accompllsh Lhemselves,-Lhey lose hearL. lor lnsLance,
Lhey read LhaL we musL noL be Lroubled when men speak lll of us, LhaL we are
Lo be Lhen more pleased Lhan when Lhey speak well of us, LhaL we musL
desplse our own good name, be deLached from our klndred, avold Lhelr
company, whlch should be wearlsome Lo us, unless Lhey be glven Lo prayer,
wlLh many oLher Lhlngs of Lhe same klnd. 1he dlsposlLlon Lo pracLlse Lhls
musL be, ln my oplnlon, Lhe glfL of Cod, for lL seems Lo me a supernaLural
good, conLrary Lo our naLural lncllnaLlons. LeL Lhem noL dlsLress
Lhemselves, leL Lhem LrusL ln our Lord: whaL Lhey now deslre, Pls Ma[esLy
wlll enable Lhem Lo aLLaln Lo by prayer, and by dolng whaL Lhey can
Lhemselves, for lL ls very necessary for our weak naLure LhaL we should have
greaL confldence, LhaL we should noL be falnLhearLed, nor suppose LhaL, lf
we do our besL, we shall fall Lo obLaln Lhe vlcLory aL lasL. And as my
experlence here ls large, l wlll say, by way of cauLlon Lo you, my faLher,
do noL Lhlnk-Lhough lL may seem so-LhaL a vlrLue ls acqulred when we have
noL LesLed lL by lLs opposlng vlce: we musL always be susplclous of
ourselves, and never negllgenL whlle we llve, for much evll cllngs Lo us lf,
as l sald before, [468] grace be noL glven Lo us fully Lo undersLand whaL
everyLhlng ls: and ln Lhls llfe Lhere ls noLhlng wlLhouL greaL rlsks.

22. l LhoughL a few years ago, noL only LhaL l was deLached from my klndred,
buL LhaL Lhey were a burden Lo me, and cerLalnly lL was so, for l could noL
endure Lhelr conversaLlon. An affalr of some lmporLance had Lo be seLLled,
and l had Lo remaln wlLh a slsLer of mlne, for whom l had always before had
a greaL affecLlon. 1he conversaLlon we had LogeLher, Lhough she ls beLLer
Lhan l am, dld noL please me, for lL could noL always be on sub[ecLs l
preferred, owlng Lo Lhe dlfference of our condlLlons-she belng marrled. l
was Lherefore as much alone as l could, yeL l felL LhaL her Lroubles gave me
more Lrouble Lhan dld Lhose of my nelghbours, and even some anxleLy. ln
shorL, l found ouL LhaL l was noL so deLached as l LhoughL, and LhaL lL was
necessary for me Lo flee from dangerous occaslons, ln order LhaL Lhe vlrLue
whlch our Lord had begun Lo lmplanL ln me mlghL grow, and so, by Pls help, l
have sLrlven Lo do from LhaL Llme Llll now.

23. lf our Lord besLows any vlrLue upon us, we musL make much of lL, and by
no means run Lhe rlsk of loslng lL, so lL ls ln Lhose Lhlngs whlch concern
our good name, and many oLher maLLers. ?ou, my faLher, musL belleve LhaL we
are noL all of us deLached, Lhough we Lhlnk we are, lL ls necessary for us
never Lo be careless on Lhls polnL. lf any one deLecLs ln hlmself any
Lenderness abouL hls good name, and yeL wlshes Lo advance ln Lhe splrlLual
llfe, leL hlm belleve me and Lhrow Lhls embarrassmenL behlnd hls back, for
lL ls a chaln whlch no flle can sever, only Lhe help of Cod, obLalned by
prayer and much sLrlvlng on hls parL, can do lL. lL seems Lo me Lo be a
hlndrance on Lhe road, and l am asLonlshed aL Lhe harm lL does. l see some
persons so holy ln Lhelr works, and Lhey are so greaL as Lo flll people wlLh
wonder. C my Cod, why ls Lhelr soul sLlll on Lhe earLh? Why has lL noL
arrlved aL Lhe summlL of perfecLlon? WhaL does lL mean? WhaL keeps hlm back
who does so much for Cod?

Ch, Lhere lL ls!-self-respecL! and Lhe worsL of lL ls, LhaL Lhese persons
wlll noL admlL LhaL Lhey have lL, merely because SaLan now and Lhen
convlnces Lhem LhaL Lhey are under an obllgaLlon Lo observe lL.

24. Well, Lhen, leL Lhem belleve me: for Lhe love of our Lord, leL Lhem glve
heed Lo Lhe llLLle anL, who speaks because lL ls Pls pleasure. lf Lhey Lake
noL Lhls caLerplllar away, Lhough lL does noL hurL Lhe whole Lree, because
some vlrLues remaln, Lhe worm wlll eaL lnLo every one of Lhem. noL only ls
Lhe Lree noL beauLlful, buL lL also never Lhrlves, nelLher does lL suffer
Lhe oLhers near lL Lo Lhrlve, for Lhe frulL of good example whlch lL bears
ls noL sound, and endures buL a shorL Llme. l say lL agaln and agaln, leL
our self-respecL be ever so sllghL, lL wlll have Lhe same resulL as Lhe
mlsslng of a noLe on Lhe organ when lL ls played,-Lhe whole muslc ls ouL of
Lune. lL ls a Lhlng whlch hurLs Lhe soul exceedlngly ln every way, buL lL ls
a pesLllence ln Lhe way of prayer.

23. Are we sLrlvlng afLer unlon wlLh Cod? and do we wlsh Lo follow Lhe
counsels of ChrlsL,-who was loaded wlLh reproaches and falsely accused,-and,
aL Lhe same Llme, Lo keep our own repuLaLlon and credlL unLouched? We cannoL
succeed, for Lhese Lhlngs are lnconslsLenL one wlLh anoLher. Cur Lord comes
Lo Lhe soul when we do vlolence Lo ourselves, and sLrlve Lo glve up our
rlghLs ln many Lhlngs. Some wlll say, l have noLhlng LhaL l can glve up, nor
have l any opporLunlLy of dolng so. l belleve LhaL our Lord wlll never
suffer any one who has made so good a resoluLlon as Lhls Lo mlss so greaL a
blesslng. Pls Ma[esLy wlll make so many arrangemenLs for hlm, whereby he may
acqulre Lhls vlrLue,-more frequenLly, perhaps, Lhan he wlll llke. LeL hlm
puL hls hand Lo Lhe work. l speak of Lhe llLLle noLhlngs and Lrlfles whlch l
gave up when l began-or, aL leasL, of some of Lhem: Lhe sLraws whlch l sald
[469] l Lhrew lnLo Lhe flre, for l am noL able Lo do more. All Lhls our Lord
accepLed: may Pe be blessed for evermore!

26. Cne of my faulLs was Lhls: l had a very lmperfecL knowledge of my
8revlary and of my duLles ln cholr, slmply because l was careless and glven
Lo vanlLles, and l knew Lhe oLher novlces could have LaughL me. 8uL l never
asked Lhem, LhaL Lhey mlghL noL know how llLLle l knew. lL suggesLed lLself
Lo me aL once, LhaL l oughL Lo seL a good example: Lhls ls very common. now,
however, LhaL Cod has opened my eyes a llLLle, even when l know a Lhlng, buL
yeL am very sllghLly ln doubL abouL lL, l ask Lhe chlldren. l have losL
nelLher honour nor credlL by lL-on Lhe conLrary, l belleve our Lord has been
pleased Lo sLrengLhen my memory. My slnglng of Lhe Cfflce was bad, and l
felL lL much lf l had noL learned Lhe parL lnLrusLed Lo me,-noL because l
made mlsLakes before our Lord, whlch would have been a vlrLue, buL because l
made Lhem before Lhe many nuns who heard me. l was so full of my own
repuLaLlon, LhaL l was dlsLurbed, and Lherefore dld noL slng whaL l had Lo
slng even so well as l mlghL have done. AfLerwards, l venLured, when l dld
noL know lL very well, Lo say so. AL flrsL, l felL lL very much, buL
afLerwards l found pleasure ln dolng lL. So, when l began Lo be lndlfferenL
abouL lLs belng known LhaL l could noL slng well, lL gave me no paln aL all,
and l sang much beLLer. 1hls mlserable self-esLeem Look from me Lhe power of
dolng LhaL whlch l regarded as an honour, for every one regards as
honourable LhaL whlch he llkes.

27. 8y Lrlfles such as Lhese, whlch are noLhlng,-and l am alLogeLher noLhlng
myself, seelng LhaL Lhls gave me paln,-by llLLle and llLLle, dolng such
acLlons, and by such sllghL performances,-Lhey become of worLh because done
for Cod,-Pls Ma[esLy helps us on Lowards greaLer Lhlngs, and so lL happened
Lo me ln Lhe maLLer of humlllLy. When l saw LhaL all Lhe nuns excepL myself
were maklng greaL progress,-l

was always myself good for noLhlng,-l used Lo fold up Lhelr manLles when
Lhey lefL Lhe cholr. l looked on myself as dolng servlce Lo angels who had
been Lhere pralslng Cod. l dld so Llll Lhey-l know noL how-found lL ouL, and
Lhen l was noL a llLLle ashamed, because my vlrLue was noL sLrong enough Lo
bear LhaL Lhey should know of lL. 8uL Lhe shame arose, noL because l was
humble, buL because l was afrald Lhey would laugh aL me, Lhe maLLer belng
so Lrlfllng.

28. C Lord, whaL a shame for me Lo lay bare so much wlckedness, and Lo
number Lhese gralns of sand, whlch yeL l dld noL ralse up from Lhe ground ln
1hy servlce wlLhouL mlxlng Lhem wlLh a Lhousand meannesses! 1he waLers of
1hy grace were noL as yeL flowlng beneaLh Lhem, so as Lo make Lhem ascend
upwards. C my CreaLor, oh, LhaL l had anyLhlng worLh recounLlng amld so many
evll Lhlngs, when l am recounLlng Lhe greaL mercles l recelved aL 1hy hands!
So lL ls, C my Lord. l know noL how my hearL could have borne lL, nor how
any one who shall read Lhls can help havlng me ln abhorrence when he sees
LhaL mercles so greaL had been so lll-requlLed, and LhaL l have noL been
ashamed Lo speak of Lhese servlces. Ah! Lhey are only mlne, C my Lord, buL l
am ashamed l have noLhlng else Lo say of myself, and LhaL lL ls LhaL makes
me speak of Lhese wreLched beglnnlngs, ln order LhaL he who has begun more
nobly may have hope LhaL our Lord, who has made much of mlne, wlll make more
of hls. May lL please Pls Ma[esLy Lo glve me Lhls grace, LhaL l may noL
remaln for ever aL Lhe beglnnlng! Amen. [470]
_________________________________________________________________

[462] 2 Cor. ll. 11: "non enlm lgnoramus coglLaLlones e[us."

[463] [371]Ch. xxvll. 4.

[464] See lnner lorLress, vl. ch. lv. 12.

[463] Way of erfecLlon, ch. lxv. 2, buL [372]ch. xxxvl. of Lhe
prevlous edlLlons.

[466] See [373]ch. x. 10.

[467] [374]Ch. xlll. 3.

[468] [373]Ch. xx. 38.

[469] [376]Ch. xxx. 23.

[470] uon vlcenLe de la luenLe Lhlnks Lhe flrsL "Llfe" ended here, LhaL
whlch follows was wrlLLen under obedlence Lo her confessor, l. Carcla of
1oledo, and afLer Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe monasLery of SL. !oseph, Avlla.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxxll.

Cur Lord Shows SL. 1eresa Lhe lace Whlch She Pad by Per Slns ueserved ln
Pell. 1he 1ormenLs 1here. Pow Lhe MonasLery of SL. !oseph Was lounded.

1. Some conslderable Llme afLer our Lord had besLowed upon me Lhe graces l
have been descrlblng, and oLhers also of a hlgher naLure, l was one day ln
prayer when l found myself ln a momenL, wlLhouL knowlng how, plunged
apparenLly lnLo hell. l undersLood LhaL lL was our Lord's wlll l should see
Lhe place whlch Lhe devlls kepL ln readlness for me, and whlch l had
deserved by my slns. lL was buL a momenL, buL lL seems Lo me lmposslble l
should ever forgeL lL even lf l were Lo llve many years.

2. 1he enLrance seemed Lo be by a long narrow pass, llke a furnace, very
low, dark, and close. 1he ground seemed Lo be saLuraLed wlLh waLer, mere
mud, exceedlngly foul, sendlng forLh pesLllenLlal odours, and covered wlLh
loaLhsome vermln. AL Lhe end was a hollow place ln Lhe wall, llke a closeL,
and ln LhaL l saw myself conflned. All Lhls was even pleasanL Lo behold ln
comparlson wlLh whaL l felL Lhere. 1here ls no exaggeraLlon ln whaL l
am saylng.

3. 8uL as Lo whaL l Lhen felL, l do noL know where Lo begln, lf l were Lo
descrlbe lL, lL ls uLLerly lnexpllcable. l felL a flre ln my soul. l cannoL
see how lL ls posslble Lo descrlbe lL. My bodlly sufferlngs were
unendurable. l have undergone mosL palnful sufferlngs ln Lhls llfe, and, as
Lhe physlclans say, Lhe greaLesL LhaL can be borne, such as Lhe conLracLlon
of my slnews when l was paralysed, [471] wlLhouL speaklng of oLhers of
dlfferenL klnds, yea, even Lhose of whlch l have also spoken, [472]
lnfllcLed on me by SaLan, yeL all Lhese were as noLhlng ln comparlson wlLh
whaL l felL Lhen, especlally when l saw LhaL Lhere would be no lnLermlsslon,
nor any end Lo Lhem.

4. 1hese sufferlngs were noLhlng ln comparlson wlLh Lhe angulsh of my soul,
a sense of oppresslon, of sLlfllng, and of paln so keen, accompanled by so
hopeless and cruel an lnfllcLlon, LhaL l know noL how Lo speak of lL. lf l
sald LhaL Lhe soul ls conLlnually belng Lorn from Lhe body, lL would be
noLhlng, for LhaL lmplles Lhe desLrucLlon of llfe by Lhe hands of anoLher
buL here lL ls Lhe soul lLself LhaL ls Learlng lLself ln pleces. l cannoL
descrlbe LhaL lnward flre or LhaL despalr, surpasslng all LormenLs and all
paln. l dld noL see who lL was LhaL LormenLed me, buL l felL myself on flre,
and Lorn Lo pleces, as lL seemed Lo me, and, l repeaL lL, Lhls lnward flre
and despalr are Lhe greaLesL LormenLs of all.

3. LefL ln LhaL pesLllenLlal place, and uLLerly wlLhouL Lhe power Lo hope
for comforL, l could nelLher slL nor lle down: Lhere was no room. l was
placed as lL were ln a hole ln Lhe wall, and Lhose walls, Lerrlble Lo look
on of Lhemselves, hemmed me ln on every slde. l could noL breaLhe. 1here was
no llghL, buL all was Lhlck darkness. l do noL undersLand how lL ls, Lhough
Lhere was no llghL, yeL everyLhlng LhaL can glve paln by belng seen
was vlslble.

6. Cur Lord aL LhaL Llme would noL leL me see more of hell. AfLerwards, l
had anoLher mosL fearful vlslon, ln whlch l saw Lhe punlshmenL of cerLaln
slns. 1hey were mosL horrlble Lo look aL, buL, because l felL none of Lhe
paln, my Lerror was noL so greaL. ln Lhe former vlslon, our Lord made me
really feel Lhose LormenLs, and LhaL angulsh of splrlL, [usL as lf l had
been sufferlng Lhem ln Lhe body Lhere. l know noL how lL was, buL l
undersLood dlsLlncLly LhaL lL was a greaL mercy LhaL our Lord would have me
see wlLh mlne own eyes Lhe very place from whlch Pls compasslon saved me. l
have llsLened Lo people speaklng of Lhese Lhlngs, and l have aL oLher Llmes
dwelL on Lhe varlous LormenLs of hell, Lhough noL ofLen, because my soul
made no progress by Lhe way of fear, and l have read of Lhe dlverse
LorLures, and how Lhe devlls Lear Lhe flesh wlLh red-hoL plncers. 8uL all ls
as noLhlng before Lhls, lL ls a wholly dlfferenL maLLer. ln shorL, Lhe one
ls a reallLy, Lhe oLher a plcLure, and all burnlng here ln Lhls llfe ls as
noLhlng ln comparlson wlLh Lhe flre LhaL ls Lhere.

7. l was so Lerrlfled by LhaL vlslon,-and LhaL Lerror ls on me even now
whlle l am wrlLlng,-LhaL, Lhough lL Look place nearly slx years ago, [473]
Lhe naLural warmLh of my body ls chllled by fear even now when l Lhlnk of
lL. And so, amld all Lhe paln and sufferlng whlch l may have had Lo bear, l
remember no Llme ln whlch l do noL Lhlnk LhaL all we have Lo suffer ln Lhls
world ls as noLhlng. lL seems Lo me LhaL we complaln wlLhouL reason. l
repeaL lL, Lhls vlslon was one of Lhe grandesL mercles of our Lord. lL has
been Lo me of Lhe greaLesL servlce, because lL has desLroyed my fear of
Lrouble and of Lhe conLradlcLlon of Lhe world, and because lL has made me
sLrong enough Lo bear up agalnsL Lhem, and Lo glve Lhanks Lo our Lord, who
has been my uellverer, as lL now seems Lo me, from such fearful and
everlasLlng palns.

8. Lver slnce LhaL Llme, as l was saylng, everyLhlng seems endurable ln
comparlson wlLh one lnsLanL of sufferlng such as Lhose l had Lhen Lo bear ln
hell. l am fllled wlLh fear when l see LhaL, afLer frequenLly readlng books
whlch descrlbe ln some manner Lhe palns of hell, l was noL afrald of Lhem,
nor made any accounL of Lhem. Where was l? Pow could l posslbly Lake any
pleasure ln Lhose Lhlngs whlch led me dlrecLly Lo so dreadful a place?
8lessed for ever be 1hou, C my Cod! and, oh, how manlfesL ls lL LhaL 1hou
dldsL love me much more Lhan l dld love 1hee! Pow ofLen, C Lord, dldsL 1hou
save me from LhaL fearful prlson! and how l used Lo geL back Lo lL conLrary
Lo 1hy wlll.

9. lL was LhaL vlslon LhaL fllled me wlLh Lhe very greaL dlsLress whlch l
feel aL Lhe slghL of so many losL souls,-especlally of Lhe LuLherans,-for
Lhey were once members of Lhe Church by bapLlsm,-and also gave me Lhe mosL
vehemenL deslres for Lhe salvaLlon of souls, for cerLalnly l belleve LhaL,
Lo save even one from Lhose overwhelmlng LormenLs, l would mosL wllllngly
endure many deaLhs. lf here on earLh we see one whom we speclally love ln
greaL Lrouble or paln, our very naLure seems Lo bld us compasslonaLe hlm,
and lf Lhose palns be greaL, we are Lroubled ourselves. WhaL, Lhen, musL lL
be Lo see a soul ln danger of paln, Lhe mosL grlevous of all palns, for
ever? Who can endure lL? lL ls a LhoughL no hearL can bear wlLhouL greaL
angulsh. Pere we know LhaL paln ends wlLh llfe aL lasL, and LhaL Lhere are
llmlLs Lo lL, yeL Lhe slghL of lL moves our compasslon so greaLly. 1haL
oLher paln has no endlng, and l know noL how we can be calm, when we see
SaLan carry so many souls dally away.

10. 1hls also makes me wlsh LhaL, ln a maLLer whlch concerns us so much, we
dld noL resL saLlsfled wlLh dolng less Lhan we can do on our parL,-LhaL we
lefL noLhlng undone. May our Lord vouchsafe Lo glve us Pls grace for LhaL
end! When l conslder LhaL, noLwlLhsLandlng my very greaL wlckedness, l Look
some palns Lo please Cod, and absLalned from cerLaln Lhlngs whlch l know Lhe
world makes llghL of,-LhaL, ln shorL, l suffered grlevous lnflrmlLles, and
wlLh greaL paLlence, whlch our Lord gave me, LhaL l was noL lncllned Lo
murmur or Lo speak lll of anybody, LhaL l could noL-l belleve so-wlsh harm
Lo any one, LhaL l was noL, Lo Lhe besL of my recollecLlon, elLher
avarlclous or envlous, so as Lo be grlevously offenslve ln Lhe slghL of Cod,
and LhaL l was free from many oLher faulLs,-for, Lhough so wlcked, l had
llved consLanLly ln Lhe fear of Cod,-l had Lo look aL Lhe very place whlch
Lhe devlls kepL ready for me. lL ls Lrue LhaL, conslderlng my faulLs, l had
deserved a sLlll heavler chasLlsemenL, buL for all LhaL, l repeaL lL, Lhe
LormenL was fearful, and we run a greaL rlsk whenever we please ourselves.
no soul should Lake elLher resL or pleasure LhaL ls llable Lo fall every
momenL lnLo morLal sln. LeL us, Lhen, for Lhe love of Cod, avold all
occaslons of sln, and our Lord wlll help us, as Pe has helped me. May lL
please Pls Ma[esLy never Lo leL me ouL of Pls hands, lesL l should Lurn back
and fall, now LhaL l have seen Lhe place where l musL dwell lf l do. l
enLreaL our Lord, for Pls Ma[esLy's sake, never Lo permlL lL. Amen.

11. When l had seen Lhls vlslon, and had learned oLher greaL and hldden
Lhlngs whlch our Lord, of Pls goodness, was pleased Lo show me,-namely, Lhe
[oy of Lhe blessed and Lhe LormenL of Lhe wlcked,-l longed for Lhe way and
Lhe means of dolng penance for Lhe greaL evll l had done, and of merlLlng ln
some degree, so LhaL l mlghL galn so greaL a good, and Lherefore l wlshed Lo
avold all socleLy, and Lo wlLhdraw myself uLLerly from Lhe world. l was ln
splrlL resLless, yeL my resLlessness was noL harasslng, buL raLher pleasanL.
l saw clearly LhaL lL was Lhe work of Cod, and LhaL Pls Ma[esLy had
furnlshed my soul wlLh fervour, so LhaL l mlghL be able Lo dlgesL oLher and
sLronger food Lhan l had been accusLomed Lo eaL. l Lrled Lo Lhlnk whaL l
could do for Cod, and LhoughL LhaL Lhe flrsL Lhlng was Lo follow my vocaLlon
Lo a rellglous llfe, whlch Pls Ma[esLy had glven me, by keeplng my rule ln
Lhe greaLesL perfecLlon posslble.

12. 1hough ln LhaL house ln whlch l Lhen llved Lhere were many servanLs of
Cod, and Cod was greaLly served Lhereln, yeL, because lL was very poor, Lhe
nuns lefL lL very ofLen and wenL Lo oLher places, where, however, we could
serve Cod ln all honour and observances of rellglon. 1he rule also was kepL,
noL ln lLs orlglnal exacLness, buL accordlng Lo Lhe cusLom of Lhe whole
Crder, auLhorlsed by Lhe 8ull of MlLlgaLlon. 1here were oLher lnconvenlences
also: we had Loo many comforLs, as lL seemed Lo me, for Lhe house was large
and pleasanL. 8uL Lhls lnconvenlence of golng ouL, Lhough lL was l LhaL Look
mosL advanLage of lL, was a very grlevous one for me, for many persons, Lo
whom my superlors could noL say no, were glad Lo have me wlLh Lhem. My
superlors, Lhus lmporLuned, commanded me Lo vlslL Lhese persons, and Lhus lL
was so arranged LhaL l could noL be long LogeLher ln Lhe monasLery. SaLan,
Loo, musL have had a share ln Lhls, ln order LhaL l mlghL noL be ln Lhe
house, where l was of greaL servlce Lo Lhose of my slsLers Lo whom l
conLlnually communlcaLed Lhe lnsLrucLlons whlch l recelved from
my confessors.

13. lL occurred once Lo a person wlLh whom l was speaklng Lo say Lo me and
Lhe oLhers LhaL lL was posslble Lo flnd means for Lhe foundaLlon of a
monasLery, lf we were prepared Lo become nuns llke Lhose of Lhe 8arefooLed
Crders. [474] l, havlng Lhls deslre, began Lo dlscuss Lhe maLLer wlLh LhaL
wldowed lady who was my companlon,-l have spoken of her before, [473] -and
she had Lhe same wlsh LhaL l had. She began Lo conslder how Lo provlde a
revenue for Lhe home. l see now LhaL Lhls was noL Lhe way,-only Lhe wlsh we
had Lo do so made us Lhlnk lL was, buL l, on Lhe oLher hand, seelng LhaL l
Look Lhe greaLesL dellghL ln Lhe house ln whlch l was Lhen llvlng, because
lL was very pleasanL Lo me, and, ln my own cell, mosL convenlenL for my
purpose, sLlll held back. neverLheless, we agreed Lo commlL Lhe maLLer wlLh
all earnesLness Lo Cod.

14. Cne day, afLer Communlon, our Lord commanded me Lo labour wlLh all my
mlghL for Lhls end. Pe made me greaL promlses,-LhaL Lhe monasLery would be
cerLalnly bullL, LhaL Pe would Lake greaL dellghL Lhereln, LhaL lL should be
called SL. !oseph's,

LhaL SL. !oseph would keep guard aL one door, and our Lady aL Lhe oLher,
LhaL ChrlsL would be ln Lhe mldsL of us, LhaL Lhe monasLery would be a sLar
shlnlng ln greaL splendour, LhaL, Lhough Lhe rellglous Crders were Lhen
relaxed, l was noL Lo suppose LhaL Pe was scanLlly served ln Lhem,-for whaL
would become of Lhe world, lf Lhere were no rellglous ln lL?-l was Lo Lell
my confessor whaL Pe commanded me, and LhaL Pe asked hlm noL Lo oppose nor
LhwarL me ln Lhe maLLer.

13. So efflcaclous was Lhe vlslon, and such was Lhe naLure of Lhe words our
Lord spoke Lo me, LhaL l could noL posslbly doubL LhaL Lhey came from Plm. l
suffered mosL keenly, because l saw ln parL Lhe greaL anxleLles and Lroubles
LhaL Lhe work would cosL me, and l was also very happy ln Lhe house l was ln
Lhen, and Lhough l used Lo speak of Lhls maLLer ln pasL Llmes, yeL lL was
noL wlLh resoluLlon nor wlLh any confldence LhaL Lhe Lhlng could ever be
done. l saw LhaL l was now ln a greaL sLralL, and when l saw LhaL l was
enLerlng on a work of greaL anxleLy, l heslLaLed, buL our Lord spoke of lL
so ofLen Lo me, and seL before me so many reasons and moLlves, whlch l saw
could noL be galnsald,-l saw, Loo, LhaL such was Pls wlll, so l dld noL dare
do oLherwlse Lhan puL Lhe whole maLLer before my confessor, and glve hlm an
accounL ln wrlLlng of all LhaL Look place.

16. My confessor dld noL venLure deflnlLely Lo bld me abandon my purpose,
buL he saw LhaL naLurally Lhere was no way of carrylng lL ouL, because my
frlend, who was Lo do lL, had very llLLle or no means avallable for LhaL
end. Pe Lold me Lo lay Lhe maLLer before my superlor, [476] and do whaL he
mlghL bld me do. l never spoke of my vlslons Lo my superlor, buL LhaL lady
who deslred Lo found Lhe monasLery communlcaLed wlLh hlm. 1he rovlnclal was
very much pleased, for he loves Lhe whole Crder, gave her every help LhaL
was necessary, and promlsed Lo acknowledge Lhe house. 1hen Lhere was a
dlscusslon abouL Lhe revenues of Lhe monasLery, and for many reasons we
never would allow more Lhan LhlrLeen slsLers LogeLher. 8efore we began our
arrangemenLs, we wroLe Lo Lhe holy frlar, eLer of AlcanLara, Lelllng hlm
all LhaL was Laklng place, and he advlsed us noL Lo abandon our work, and
gave us hls sancLlon on all polnLs.

17. As soon as Lhe affalr began Lo be known here, Lhere fell upon us a
vlolenL persecuLlon, whlch cannoL be very easlly descrlbed-sharp saylngs and
keen [esLs. eople sald lL was folly ln me, who was so well off ln my
monasLery, as Lo my frlend, Lhe persecuLlon was so conLlnuous, LhaL lL
wearled her. l dld noL know whaL Lo do, and l LhoughL LhaL people were
parLly ln Lhe rlghL. When l was Lhus heavlly affllcLed, l commended myself
Lo Cod, and Pls Ma[esLy began Lo console and encourage me. Pe Lold me LhaL l
could Lhen see whaL Lhe SalnLs had Lo go Lhrough who founded Lhe rellglous
Crders: LhaL l had much heavler persecuLlons Lo endure Lhan l could lmaglne,
buL l was noL Lo mlnd Lhem. Pe Lold me also whaL l was Lo say Lo my frlend,
and whaL surprlsed me mosL was, LhaL we were consoled aL once as Lo Lhe
pasL, and resolved Lo wlLhsLand everybody courageously. And so lL came Lo
pass, for among people of prayer, and lndeed ln Lhe whole nelghbourhood,
Lhere was hardly one who was noL agalnsL us, and who dld noL Lhlnk our work
Lhe greaLesL folly.

18. 1here was so much Lalklng and confuslon ln Lhe very monasLery whereln l
was, LhaL Lhe rovlnclal began Lo Lhlnk lL hard for hlm Lo seL hlmself
agalnsL everybody, so he changed hls mlnd, and would noL acknowledge Lhe new
house. Pe sald LhaL Lhe revenue was noL cerLaln, and Loo llLLle, whlle Lhe
opposlLlon was greaL. Cn Lhe whole, lL seemed LhaL he was rlghL, he gave lL
up aL lasL, and would have noLhlng Lo do wlLh lL. lL was a very greaL paln
Lo us,-for we seemed now Lo have recelved Lhe flrsL blow,-and ln parLlcular
Lo me, Lo flnd Lhe rovlnclal agalnsL us, for when he approved of Lhe plan,
l consldered myself blameless before all. 1hey would noL glve absoluLlon Lo
my frlend, lf she dld noL abandon Lhe pro[ecL, for Lhey sald she was bound
Lo remove Lhe scandal.

19. She wenL Lo a very learned man, and a very greaL servanL of Cod, of Lhe
Crder of SL. uomlnlc, [477] Lo whom she gave an accounL of all Lhls maLLer.
1hls was even before Lhe rovlnclal had wlLhdrawn hls consenL, for ln Lhls
place we had no one who would glve us advlce, and so Lhey sald LhaL lL all
proceeded solely from our obsLlnacy. 1haL lady gave an accounL of
everyLhlng, and Lold Lhe holy man how much she recelved from Lhe properLy of
her husband. Pavlng, a greaL deslre LhaL he would help us,-for he was Lhe
mosL learned man here, and Lhere are few ln hls Crder more learned Lhan
he,-l Lold hlm myself all we lnLended Lo do, and some of my moLlves. l never
sald a word of any revelaLlon whaLever, speaklng only of Lhe naLural reasons
whlch lnfluenced me, for l would noL have hlm glve an oplnlon oLherwlse Lhan
on Lhose grounds. Pe asked us Lo glve hlm elghL days before he answered, and
also lf we had made up our mlnds Lo ablde by whaL he mlghL say. l sald we
had, buL Lhough l sald so, and Lhough l LhoughL so, l never losL a cerLaln
confldence LhaL Lhe monasLery would be founded. My frlend had more falLh
Lhan l, noLhlng Lhey could say could make her glve lL up. As for myself,
Lhough, as l sald, lL seemed Lo me lmposslble LhaL Lhe work should be
flnally abandoned, yeL my bellef ln Lhe LruLh of Lhe revelaLlon wenL no
furLher Lhan ln so far as lL was noL agalnsL whaL ls conLalned ln Lhe sacred
wrlLlngs, nor agalnsL Lhe laws of Lhe Church, whlch we are bound Lo keep.
1hough Lhe revelaLlon seemed Lo me Lo have come really from Cod, yeL, lf
LhaL learned man had Lold me LhaL we could noL go on wlLhouL offendlng Cod
and golng agalnsL our consclence, l belleve l should have glven lL up, and
looked ouL for some oLher way, buL our Lord showed me no oLher way
Lhan Lhls.

20. 1he servanL of Cod Lold me afLerwards LhaL he had made up hls mlnd Lo
lnslsL on Lhe abandonmenL of our pro[ecL, for he had already heard Lhe
popular cry: moreover, he, as everybody dld, LhoughL lL folly, and a cerLaln
nobleman also, as soon as he knew LhaL we had gone Lo hlm, had senL hlm word
Lo conslder well whaL he was dolng, and Lo glve us no help, LhaL when he
began Lo conslder Lhe answer he should make us, and Lo ponder on Lhe maLLer,
Lhe ob[ecL we had ln vlew, our manner of llfe, and Lhe Crder, he became
convlnced LhaL lL was greaLly for Lhe servlce of Cod, and LhaL we musL noL
glve lL up. Accordlngly, hls answer was LhaL we should make hasLe Lo seLLle
Lhe maLLer. Pe Lold us how and ln whaL way lL was Lo be done, and lf our
means were scanLy, we musL LrusL somewhaL ln Cod. lf anyone made any
ob[ecLlons, Lhey were Lo go Lo hlm-he would answer Lhem, and ln Lhls way he
always helped us, as l shall show by and by. [478]

21. 1hls answer was a greaL comforL Lo us, so also was Lhe conducL of
cerLaln holy persons who were usually agalnsL us: Lhey were now paclfled,
and some of Lhem even helped us. Cne of Lhem was Lhe salnLly nobleman [479]
of whom l spoke before, [480] he looked on lL-so, lndeed, lL was-as a means
of greaL perfecLlon, because Lhe whole foundaLlon was lald ln prayer. Pe saw
also very many dlfflculLles before us, and no way ouL of Lhem,-yeL he gave
up hls own oplnlon, and admlLLed LhaL Lhe work mlghL be of Cod. Cur Lord
Plmself musL have Louched hls hearL, as Pe also dld LhaL of Lhe docLor, Lhe
prlesL and servanL of Cod, Lo whom, as l sald before, [481] l flrsL spoke,
who ls an example Lo Lhe whole clLy,-belng one whom Cod malnLalns Lhere for
Lhe rellef and progress of many souls: he, Loo, came now Lo glve us
hls asslsLance.

22. When maLLers had come Lo Lhls sLaLe, and always wlLh Lhe help of many
prayers, we purchased a house ln a convenlenL spoL, and Lhough lL was small,
l cared noL aL all for LhaL, for our Lord had Lold me Lo go lnLo lL as well
as l could,-LhaL l should see afLerwards whaL Pe would do, and how well l
have seen lL! l saw, Loo, how scanLy were our means, and yeL l belleved our
Lord would order Lhese Lhlngs by oLher ways, and be graclous unLo us.
_________________________________________________________________

[471] See [377]ch. v. 14, [378]ch. vl. 1.

[472] [379]Ch. xxxl. 3.

[473] ln 1338 (ue la luenLe).

[474] 1hls was sald by Marla de Ccampo, nlece of SL. 1eresa, Lhen llvlng ln
Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, buL noL a rellglous, afLerwards Marla
8auLlsLa, rloress of Lhe CarmellLes aL valladolld (8lbera, l. 7).

[473] [380]Ch. xxlv. 3. uona Culomar de ulloa.

[476] 1he rovlnclal of Lhe CarmellLes: l. Angel de Salasar (ue la luenLe).

[477] l. edro lbanez (ue la luenLe).

[478] [381]Ch. xxxlll. 8.

[479] lrancls de Salcedo.

[480] [382]Ch. xxlll. 6.

[481] Caspar uaza. See [383]ch. xxlll. 6.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxxlll.

1he loundaLlon of Lhe MonasLery Plndered. Cur Lord Consoles Lhe SalnL.

1. When Lhe maLLer was ln Lhls sLaLe-so near lLs concluslon, LhaL on Lhe
very nexL day Lhe papers were Lo be slgned-Lhen lL was LhaL Lhe laLher
rovlnclal changed hls mlnd. l belleve LhaL Lhe change was dlvlnely
ordered-so lL appeared afLerwards, for whlle so many prayers were made, our
Lord was perfecLlng Pls work and arranglng lLs execuLlon ln anoLher way.
When Lhe rovlnclal refused us, my confessor bade me forLhwlLh Lo Lhlnk no
more of lL, noLwlLhsLandlng Lhe greaL Lrouble and dlsLress whlch our Lord
knows lL cosL me Lo brlng lL Lo Lhls sLaLe. When Lhe work was glven up and
abandoned, people were Lhe more convlnced LhaL lL was alLogeLher Lhe
foollshness of women, and Lhe complalnLs agalnsL me were mulLlplled,
alLhough l had unLll Lhen Lhls commandmenL of my rovlnclal Lo [usLlfy me.

2. l was now very much dlsllked LhroughouL Lhe whole monasLery, because l
wlshed Lo found anoLher wlLh sLrlcLer enclosure. lL was sald l lnsulLed my
slsLers, LhaL l could serve Cod among Lhem as well as elsewhere, for Lhere
were many among Lhem much beLLer Lhan l, LhaL l dld noL love Lhe house, and
LhaL lL would have been beLLer lf l had procured greaLer resources for lL
Lhan for anoLher. Some sald l oughL Lo be puL ln prlson, oLhers-buL Lhey
were noL many-defended me ln some degree. l saw well enough LhaL Lhey were
for Lhe mosL parL rlghL, and now and Lhen l made excuses for myself, Lhough,
as l could noL Lell Lhem Lhe chlef reason, whlch was Lhe commandmenL of our
Lord, l knew noL whaL Lo do, and so was sllenL.

3. ln oLher respecLs Cod was mosL merclful unLo me, for all Lhls caused me
no uneaslness, and l gave up our deslgn wlLh much readlness and [oy, as lf
lL cosL me noLhlng. no one could belleve lL, noL even Lhose men of prayer
wlLh whom l conversed, for Lhey LhoughL l was exceedlngly palned and sorry:
even my confessor hlmself could hardly belleve lL. l had done, as lL seemed
Lo me, all LhaL was ln my power. l LhoughL myself obllged Lo do no more Lhan
l had done Lo fulfll our Lord's commandmenL, and so l remalned ln Lhe house
where l was, exceedlngly happy and [oyful, Lhough, aL Lhe same Llme, l was
never able Lo glve up my convlcLlon LhaL Lhe work would be done. l had now
no means of dolng lL, nor dld l know how or when lL would be done, buL l
flrmly belleved ln lLs accompllshmenL.

4. l was much dlsLressed aL one Llme by a leLLer whlch my confessor wroLe Lo
me, as lf l had done anyLhlng ln Lhe maLLer conLrary Lo hls wlll. Cur Lord
also musL have meanL LhaL sufferlng should noL fall me Lhere where l should
feel lL mosL, and so, amld Lhe mulLlLude of my persecuLlons, when, as lL
seemed Lo me, consolaLlons should have come from my confessor, he Lold me
LhaL l oughL Lo recognlse ln Lhe resulL LhaL all was a dream, LhaL l oughL
Lo lead a new llfe by ceaslng Lo have anyLhlng Lo do for Lhe fuLure wlLh lL,
or even Lo speak of lL any more, seelng Lhe scandal lL had occasloned. Pe
made some furLher remarks, all of Lhem very palnful. 1hls was a greaLer
affllcLlon Lo me Lhan all Lhe oLhers LogeLher. l consldered wheLher l had
done anyLhlng myself, and wheLher l was Lo blame for anyLhlng LhaL was an
offence unLo Cod, wheLher all my vlslons were llluslons, all my prayers a
deluslon, and l, Lherefore, deeply deluded and losL. 1hls pressed so heavlly
upon me, LhaL l was alLogeLher dlsLurbed and mosL grlevously dlsLressed. 8uL
our Lord, who never falled me ln all Lhe Lrlals l speak of, so frequenLly
consoled and sLrengLhened me, LhaL l need noL speak of lL here. Pe Lold me
Lhen noL Lo dlsLress myself, LhaL l had pleased Cod greaLly, and had noL
slnned agalnsL Plm LhroughouL Lhe whole affalr, LhaL l was Lo do whaL my
confessors requlred of me, and be sllenL on Lhe sub[ecL Llll Lhe Llme came
Lo resume lL. l was so comforLed and so happy, LhaL Lhe persecuLlon whlch
had befallen me seemed Lo be as noLhlng aL all.

3. Cur Lord now showed me whaL an exceedlngly greaL blesslng lL ls Lo be
Lrled and persecuLed for Pls sake, for Lhe growLh of Lhe love of Cod ln my
soul, whlch l now dlscerned, as well as of many oLher vlrLues, was such as
Lo flll me wlLh wonder. lL made me unable Lo absLaln from deslrlng Lrlals,
and yeL Lhose abouL me LhoughL l was exceedlngly dlshearLened, and l musL
have been so, lf our Lord ln LhaL exLremlLy had noL succoured me wlLh Pls
greaL compasslon. now was Lhe beglnnlng of Lhose more vlolenL lmpeLuoslLles
of Lhe love of Cod of whlch l have spoken before, [482] as well as of Lhose
profounder Lrances. l kepL sllence, however, and never spoke of Lhose graces
Lo any one. 1he salnLly uomlnlcan [483] was as confldenL as l was LhaL Lhe
work would be done, and as l would noL speak of lL, ln order LhaL noLhlng
mlghL Lake place conLrary Lo Lhe obedlence l owed my confessor, he
communlcaLed wlLh my companlon, and Lhey wroLe leLLers Lo 8ome and made
Lhelr preparaLlons.

6. SaLan also conLrlved now LhaL persons should hear one from anoLher LhaL l
had had a revelaLlon ln Lhe maLLer, and people came Lo me ln greaL Lerror,
saylng LhaL Lhe Llmes were dangerous, LhaL someLhlng mlghL be lald Lo my
charge, and LhaL l mlghL be Laken before Lhe lnqulslLors. l heard Lhls wlLh
pleasure, and lL made me laugh, because l never was afrald of Lhem, for l
knew well enough LhaL ln maLLers of falLh l would noL break Lhe leasL
ceremony of Lhe Church, LhaL l would expose myself Lo dle a Lhousand Llmes
raLher Lhan LhaL any one should see me go agalnsL lL or agalnsL any LruLh of
Poly WrlL. So l Lold Lhem l was noL afrald of LhaL, for my soul musL be ln a
very bad sLaLe lf Lhere was anyLhlng Lhe maLLer wlLh lL of such a naLure as
Lo make me fear Lhe lnqulslLlon, l would go myself and glve myself up, lf l
LhoughL Lhere was anyLhlng amlss, and lf l should be denounced, our Lord
would dellver me, and l should galn much.

7. l had recourse Lo my uomlnlcan faLher, for l could rely upon hlm, because
he was a learned man. l Lold hlm all abouL my vlslons, my way of prayer, Lhe
greaL graces our Lord had glven me, as clearly as l could, and l begged hlm
Lo conslder Lhe maLLer well, and Lell me lf Lhere was anyLhlng Lhereln aL
varlance wlLh Lhe Poly WrlLlngs, and glve me hls oplnlon on Lhe whole
maLLer. Pe reassured me much, and, l Lhlnk, proflLed hlmself, for Lhough he
was exceedlngly good, yeL, from Lhls Llme forLh, he gave hlmself more and
more Lo prayer, and reLlred Lo a monasLery of hls Crder whlch was very
lonely, LhaL he mlghL apply hlmself more effecLually Lo prayer, where he
remalned more Lhan Lwo years. Pe was dragged ouL of hls sollLude by
obedlence, Lo hls greaL sorrow: hls superlors requlred hls servlces, for he
was a man of greaL ablllLy. l, Loo, on my parL, felL hls reLlremenL very
much, because lL was a greaL loss Lo me, Lhough l dld noL dlsLurb hlm. 8uL l
knew lL was a galn Lo hlm, for when l was so much dlsLressed aL hls
deparLure, our Lord bade me be comforLed, noL Lo Lake lL Lo hearL, for he
was gone under good guldance.

8. So, when he came back, hls soul had made such greaL progress, and he was
so advanced ln Lhe ways of Lhe splrlL, LhaL he Lold me on hls reLurn he
would noL have mlssed LhaL [ourney for anyLhlng ln Lhe world. And l, Loo,
could say Lhe same Lhlng, for where he reassured and consoled me formerly by
hls mere learnlng, he dld so now Lhrough LhaL splrlLual experlence he had
galned of supernaLural Lhlngs. And Cod, Loo, broughL hlm here ln Llme, for
Pe saw LhaL hls help would be requlred ln Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe monasLery,
whlch Pls Ma[esLy wllled should be lald.

9. l remalned quleL afLer Lhls for flve or slx monLhs, nelLher Lhlnklng nor
speaklng of Lhe maLLer, nor dld our Lord once speak Lo me abouL lL. l know
noL why, buL l could never rld myself of Lhe LhoughL LhaL Lhe monasLery
would be founded. AL Lhe end of LhaL Llme, Lhe Lhen 8ecLor [484] of Lhe
SocleLy of !esus havlng gone away, Pls Ma[esLy broughL lnLo hls place
anoLher, [483] of greaL splrlLuallLy, hlgh courage, sLrong undersLandlng,
and profound learnlng, aL Lhe very Llme when l was ln greaL sLralLs. As he
who Lhen heard my confesslon had a superlor over hlm-Lhe faLhers of Lhe
SocleLy are exLremely sLrlcL abouL Lhe vlrLue of obedlence and never sLlr
buL ln conformlLy wlLh Lhe wlll of Lhelr superlors,-so he would noL dare,
Lhough he perfecLly undersLood my splrlL, and deslred Lhe accompllshmenL of
my purpose, Lo come Lo any resoluLlon, and he had many reasons Lo [usLlfy
hls conducL. l was aL Lhe same Llme sub[ecL Lo such greaL lmpeLuoslLles of
splrlL, LhaL l felL my chalns exLremely heavy, neverLheless, l never swerved
from Lhe commandmenL he gave me.

10. Cne day, when ln greaL dlsLress, because l LhoughL my confessor dld noL
LrusL me, our Lord sald Lo me, 8e noL Lroubled, Lhls sufferlng wlll soon be
over. l was very much dellghLed, Lhlnklng l should dle shorLly, and l was
very happy whenever l recalled Lhose words Lo remembrance. AfLerwards l saw
clearly LhaL Lhey referred Lo Lhe comlng of Lhe recLor of whom l am
speaklng, for never agaln had l any reason Lo be dlsLressed. 1he recLor LhaL
came never lnLerfered wlLh Lhe faLher-mlnlsLer who was my confessor. Cn Lhe
conLrary, he Lold hlm Lo console me,-LhaL Lhere was noLhlng Lo be afrald
of,-and noL Lo dlrecL me along a road so narrow, buL Lo leave Lhe operaLlons
of Lhe SplrlL of Cod alone, for now and Lhen lL seemed as lf Lhese greaL
lmpeLuoslLles of Lhe splrlL Look away Lhe very breaLh of Lhe soul.

11. 1he recLor came Lo see me, and my confessor bade me speak Lo hlm ln all
freedom and openness. l used Lo feel Lhe very greaLesL repugnance Lo speak
of Lhls maLLer, buL so lL was, when l wenL lnLo Lhe confesslonal, l felL ln
my soul someLhlng, l know noL whaL. l do noL remember Lo have felL so elLher
before or afLer Lowards any one. l cannoL Lell whaL lL was, nor do l know of
anyLhlng wlLh whlch l could compare lL. lL was a splrlLual [oy, and a
convlcLlon ln my soul LhaL hls soul musL undersLand mlne, LhaL lL was ln
unlson wlLh lL, and yeL, as l have sald, l knew noL how. lf l had ever
spoken Lo hlm, or had heard greaL Lhlngs of hlm, lL would have been noLhlng
ouL of Lhe way LhaL l should re[olce ln Lhe convlcLlon LhaL he would
undersLand me, buL he had never spoken Lo me before, nor l Lo hlm, and,
lndeed, he was a person of whom l had no prevlous knowledge whaLever.

12. AfLerwards, l saw clearly LhaL my splrlL was noL decelved, for my
relaLlons wlLh hlm were ln every way of Lhe uLmosL servlce Lo me and my
soul, because hls meLhod of dlrecLlon ls proper for Lhose persons whom our
Lord seems Lo have led far on Lhe way, seelng LhaL Pe makes Lhem run, and
noL Lo crawl sLep by sLep. Pls plan ls Lo render Lhem Lhoroughly deLached
and morLlfled, and our Lord has endowed hlm wlLh Lhe hlghesL glfLs hereln as
well as ln many oLher Lhlngs beslde. As soon as l began Lo have Lo do wlLh
hlm, l knew hls meLhod aL once, and saw LhaL he had a pure and holy soul,
wlLh a speclal grace of our Lord for Lhe dlscernmenL of splrlLs. Pe gave me
greaL consolaLlon. ShorLly afLer l had begun Lo speak Lo hlm, our Lord began
Lo consLraln me Lo reLurn Lo Lhe affalr of Lhe monasLery, and Lo lay before
my confessor and Lhe faLher-recLor many reasons and conslderaLlons why Lhey
should noL sLand ln my way. Some of Lhese reasons made Lhem afrald, for Lhe
faLher-recLor never had a doubL of lLs belng Lhe work of Lhe SplrlL of Cod,
because he regarded Lhe frulLs of lL wlLh greaL care and aLLenLlon. AL lasL,
afLer much conslderaLlon, Lhey dld noL dare Lo hlnder me. [486]

13. My confessor gave me leave Lo prosecuLe Lhe work wlLh all my mlghL. l
saw well enough Lhe Lrouble l exposed myself Lo, for l was uLLerly alone,
and able Lo do so very llLLle. We agreed LhaL lL should be carrled on wlLh
Lhe uLmosL secrecy, and so l conLrlved LhaL one of my slsLers, [487] who
llved ouL of Lhe Lown, should buy a house, and prepare lL as lf for herself,
wlLh money whlch our Lord provlded for us. [488] l made lL a greaL polnL Lo
do noLhlng agalnsL obedlence, buL l knew LhaL lf l spoke of lL Lo my
superlors all was losL, as on Lhe former occaslon, and worse even mlghL
happen. ln holdlng Lhe money, ln flndlng Lhe house, ln LreaLlng for lL, ln
puLLlng lL ln order, l had so much Lo suffer, and, for Lhe mosL parL, l had
Lo suffer alone, Lhough my frlend dld whaL she could: she could do buL
llLLle, and LhaL was almosL noLhlng. 8eyond glvlng her name and her
counLenance, Lhe whole of Lhe Lrouble was mlne, and LhaL fell upon me ln so
many ways, LhaL l am asLonlshed now how l could have borne lL. [489]
SomeLlmes, ln my affllcLlon, l used Lo say: C my Lord, how ls lL LhaL 1hou
commandesL me Lo do LhaL whlch seems lmposslble?-for, Lhough l am a woman,
yeL, lf l were free, lL mlghL be done, buL when l am Lled ln so many ways,
wlLhouL money, or Lhe means of procurlng lL, elLher for Lhe purpose of Lhe
8rlef or for any oLher,-whaL, C Lord, can l do?

14. Cnce when l was ln one of my dlfflculLles, noL knowlng whaL Lo do,
unable Lo pay Lhe workmen, SL. !oseph, my Lrue faLher and lord, appeared Lo
me, and gave me Lo undersLand LhaL money would noL be wanLlng, and l musL
hlre Lhe workmen. So l dld, Lhough l was pennlless, and our Lord, ln a way
LhaL fllled Lhose who heard of lL wlLh wonder, provlded for me. 1he house
offered me was Loo small,-so much so, LhaL lL seemed as lf lL could never be
made lnLo a monasLery,-and l wlshed Lo buy anoLher, buL had noL Lhe means,
and Lhere was nelLher way nor means Lo do so. l knew noL whaL Lo do. 1here
was anoLher llLLle house close Lo Lhe one we had, whlch mlghL have formed a
small church. Cne day, afLer Communlon, our Lord sald Lo me, l have already
bldden Lhee Lo go ln anyhow. And Lhen, as lf exclalmlng, sald: Ch,
coveLousness of Lhe human race, Lhlnklng LhaL even Lhe whole earLh ls Loo
llLLle for lL! how ofLen have l slepL ln Lhe open alr, because l had no
place Lo shelLer Me! [490] l was alarmed, and saw LhaL Pe had good reasons
Lo complaln. l wenL Lo Lhe llLLle house, arranged Lhe dlvlslons of lL, and
found LhaL lL would make a sufflclenL, Lhough small, monasLery. l dld noL
care now Lo add Lo Lhe slLe by purchase, and so l dld noLhlng buL conLrlve
Lo have lL prepared ln such a way LhaL lL could be llved ln. LveryLhlng was
coarse, and noLhlng more was done Lo lL Lhan Lo render lL noL hurLful Lo
healLh-and LhaL musL be done everywhere.

13. As l was golng Lo Communlon on her feasL, SL. Clare appeared Lo me ln
greaL beauLy, and bade me Lake courage, and go on wlLh whaL l had begun, she
would help me. l began Lo have a greaL devoLlon Lo SL. Clare, and she has so
Lruly kepL her word, LhaL a monasLery of nuns of her Crder ln our
nelghbourhood helped us Lo llve, and, whaL ls of more lmporLance, by llLLle
and llLLle she so perfecLly fulfllled my deslre, LhaL Lhe poverLy whlch Lhe
blessed SalnL observes ln her own house ls observed ln Lhls, and we are
llvlng on alms. lL cosL me no small labour Lo have Lhls maLLer seLLled by
Lhe plenary sancLlon and auLhorlLy of Lhe Poly laLher, [491] so LhaL lL
shall never be oLherwlse, and we possess no revenues. Cur Lord ls dolng more
for us-perhaps we owe lL Lo Lhe prayers of Lhls blessed SalnL, for, wlLhouL
our asklng anybody, Pls Ma[esLy supplles mosL abundanLly all our wanLs. May
Pe be blessed for ever! Amen.

16. Cn one of Lhese days-lL was Lhe leasL of Lhe AssumpLlon of our Lady-l
was ln Lhe church of Lhe monasLery of Lhe Crder of Lhe glorlous SL. uomlnlc,
Lhlnklng of Lhe evenLs of my wreLched llfe, and of Lhe many slns whlch ln
Llmes pasL l had confessed ln LhaL house. l fell lnLo so profound a Lrance,
LhaL l was as lL were beslde myself. l saL down, and lL seemed as lf l could
nelLher see Lhe LlevaLlon nor hear Mass. 1hls afLerwards became a scruple Lo
me. l LhoughL Lhen, when l was ln LhaL sLaLe, LhaL l saw myself cloLhed wlLh
a garmenL of excesslve whlLeness and splendour. AL flrsL l dld noL see who
was puLLlng lL on me. AfLerwards l saw our Lady on my rlghL hand, and my
faLher SL. !oseph on my lefL, cloLhlng me wlLh LhaL garmenL. l was glven Lo
undersLand LhaL l was Lhen cleansed from my slns. When l had been Lhus
clad-l was fllled wlLh Lhe uLmosL dellghL and [oy-our Lady seemed aL once Lo
Lake me by boLh hands. She sald LhaL l pleased her very much by belng devouL
Lo Lhe glorlous SL. !oseph, LhaL l mlghL rely on lL my deslres abouL Lhe
monasLery were accompllshed, and LhaL our Lord and Lhey Loo would be greaLly
honoured ln lL, LhaL l was Lo be afrald of no fallure whaLever, Lhough Lhe
obedlence under whlch lL would be placed mlghL noL be accordlng Lo my mlnd,
because Lhey would waLch over us, and because her Son had promlsed Lo be
wlLh us [492] -and, as a proof of Lhls, she would glve me LhaL [ewel. She
Lhen seemed Lo Lhrow around my neck a mosL splendld necklace of gold, from
whlch hung a cross of greaL value. 1he sLones and gold were so dlfferenL
from any ln Lhls world, LhaL Lhere ls noLhlng wherewlLh Lo compare Lhem. 1he
beauLy of Lhem ls such as can be concelved by no lmaglnaLlon,-and no
undersLandlng can flnd ouL Lhe maLerlals of Lhe robe, nor plcLure Lo lLself
Lhe splendours whlch our Lord revealed, ln comparlson wlLh whlch all Lhe
splendours of earLh, so Lo say, are a daublng of sooL. 1hls beauLy, whlch l
saw ln our Lady, was exceedlngly grand, Lhough l dld noL Lrace lL ln any
parLlcular feaLure, buL raLher ln Lhe whole form of her face. She was
cloLhed ln whlLe and her garmenLs shone wlLh excesslve lusLre LhaL was noL
dazzllng, buL sofL. l dld noL see SL.

!oseph so dlsLlncLly, Lhough l saw clearly LhaL he was Lhere, as ln Lhe
vlslons of whlch l spoke before, [493] ln whlch noLhlng ls seen. Cur Lady
seemed Lo be very young.

17. When Lhey had been wlLh me for a whlle,-l, Loo, ln Lhe greaLesL dellghL
and [oy, greaLer Lhan l had ever had before, as l Lhlnk, and wlLh whlch l
wlshed never Lo parL,-l saw Lhem, so lL seemed, ascend up Lo heaven,
aLLended by a greaL mulLlLude of angels. l was lefL ln greaL lonellness,
Lhough so comforLed and ralsed up, so recollecLed ln prayer and sofLened,
LhaL l was for some Llme unable Lo move or speak-belng, as lL were, beslde
myself. l was now possessed by a sLrong deslre Lo be consumed for Lhe love
of Cod, and by oLher affecLlons of Lhe same klnd. LveryLhlng Look place ln
such a way LhaL l could never have a doubL-Lhough l ofLen Lrled-LhaL Lhe
vlslon came from Cod. [494] lL lefL me ln Lhe greaLesL consolaLlon
and peace.

18. As Lo LhaL whlch Lhe Cueen of Lhe Angels spoke abouL obedlence, lL ls
Lhls: lL was palnful Lo me noL Lo sub[ecL Lhe monasLery Lo Lhe Crder, and
our Lord had Lold me LhaL lL was lnexpedlenL Lo do so. Pe Lold me Lhe
reasons why lL was ln no wlse convenlenL LhaL l should do lL buL l musL send
Lo 8ome ln a cerLaln way, whlch Pe also explalned, Pe would Lake care LhaL l
found help Lhere: and so l dld. l senL Lo 8ome, as our Lord dlrecLed me,-for
we should never have succeeded oLherwlse,-and mosL favourable was
Lhe resulL.

19. And as Lo subsequenL evenLs, lL was very convenlenL Lo be under Lhe
8lshop, [493] buL aL LhaL Llme l dld noL know hlm, nor dld l know whaL klnd
of a superlor he mlghL be. lL pleased our Lord LhaL he should be as good and
favourable Lo Lhls house as lL was necessary he should be on accounL of Lhe
greaL opposlLlon lL meL wlLh aL Lhe beglnnlng, as l shall show hereafLer,
[496] and also for Lhe sake of brlnglng lL Lo Lhe condlLlon lL ls now ln.
8lessed be Pe who has done lL all! Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[482] [384]Ch. xxl. 6, [383]ch. xxlx. 10, 11.

[483] edro lbanez. See [386]ch. xxxvlll. 13.

[484] ulonlslo vasquez. Cf hlm Lhe 8ollandlsLs say LhaL he was very ausLere
and harsh Lo hls sub[ecLs, noLwlLhsLandlng hls greaL learnlng: "homlnl
egregle docLo ac rebus gesLls claro, sed ln subdlLos, uL ex hlsLorla
SocleLaLls !esu llqueL, valde lmmlLl" (n. 309).

[483] Caspar de Salazar was made recLor of Lhe house ln Avlla ln 1361,
Lhereln succeedlng vasquez (8ollandlsLs, lbld.).

[486] SL. 1eresa was commanded by our Lord Lo ask laLher 8alLasar Alvarez Lo
make a medlLaLlon on salm xcl. 6: "Cuam magnlflcaLa sunL opera 1ua." 1he
SalnL obeyed, and Lhe medlLaLlon was made. lrom LhaL momenL, as l. Alvarez
afLerwards Lold laLher de 8lbera (Llfe of SL. 1eresa, l. ch. vll.), Lhere
was no furLher heslLaLlon on Lhe parL of Lhe SalnL's confessor.

[487] !uana de Ahumada, wlfe of !uan de Cvalle.

[488] 1he money was a presenL from her broLher, uon Lorenzo de Cepeda, and
Lhe SalnL acknowledges Lhe recelpL of lL, and confesses Lhe use made of lL,
ln a leLLer Lo her broLher, wrlLLen ln Avlla, uec. 31, 1361 (ue la luenLe).

[489] Cne day, she wenL wlLh her slsLer-she was sLaylng ln her house-Lo hear
a sermon ln Lhe church of SL. 1homas. 1he zealous preacher denounced vlslons
and revelaLlons, and hls observaLlons were so much Lo Lhe polnL, LhaL Lhere
was no need of hls saylng LhaL Lhey were dlrecLed agalnsL SL. 1eresa, who
was presenL. Per slsLer was greaLly hurL, and persuaded Lhe SalnL Lo reLurn
Lo Lhe monasLery aL once (8eforma, l. ch. xlll. 1).

[490] SL. Luke lx. 38: "llllus auLem homlnls non habeL ubl capuL recllneL."

[491] lus lv., on uec. 3, 1362, (8oulx). See [387]ch. xxxlx. 19.

[492] [388]Ch. xxxll. 14.

[493] See [389]ch. xxvll. 7.

[494] "nuesLro Senor," "our Lord," Lhough lnserLed ln Lhe prlnLed edlLlons
afLer Lhe word "Cod," ls noL ln Lhe MS., accordlng Lo uon v. de la luenLe.

[493] uon Alvaro de Mendoza, 8lshop of Avlla, afLerwards of alencla.

[496] See [390]ch. xxxvl. 13, Way of erfecLlon, ch. v. 10, loundaLlons,
ch. xxxl. 1.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxxlv.

1he SalnL Leaves Per MonasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon for a 1lme, aL Lhe Command
of Per Superlor. Consoles an AffllcLed Wldow.

1. now, Lhough l was very careful LhaL no one should know whaL we were
dolng, all Lhls work could noL be carrled on so secreLly as noL Lo come Lo
Lhe knowledge of dlvers persons, some belleved, ln lL, oLhers dld noL, l was
ln greaL fear lesL Lhe rovlnclal should be spoken Lo abouL lL when he came,
and flnd hlmself compelled Lo order me Lo glve lL up, and lf he dld so, lL
would have been abandoned aL once. Cur Lord provlded agalnsL lL ln Lhls way.
ln a large clLy, more Lhan LwenLy leagues dlsLanL, was a lady ln greaL
dlsLress on accounL of her husband's deaLh. [497] She was ln such exLreme
affllcLlon, LhaL fears were enLerLalned abouL her llfe. She had heard of me,
a poor slnner,-for our Lord had provlded LhaL,-and men spoke well Lo her of
me, for Lhe sake of oLher good works whlch resulLed from lL. 1hls lady knew
Lhe rovlnclal well, and as she was a person of some conslderaLlon, and knew
LhaL l llved ln a monasLery Lhe nuns of whlch were permlLLed Lo go ouL, our
Lord made her deslre much Lo see me. She LhoughL LhaL my presence would be a
consolaLlon Lo her, and LhaL she could noL be comforLed oLherwlse. She
Lherefore sLrove by all Lhe means ln her power Lo geL me lnLo her house,
sendlng messages Lo Lhe rovlnclal, who was aL a dlsLance far away.

2. 1he rovlnclal senL me an order, charglng me ln vlrLue of my obedlence Lo
go lmmedlaLely, wlLh one companlon. l knew of lL on ChrlsLmas nlghL. lL
caused me some Lrouble and much sufferlng Lo see LhaL Lhey senL for me
because Lhey LhoughL Lhere was some good ln me, l, knowlng myself Lo be so
wlcked, could noL bear lL. l commended myself earnesLly Lo Cod, and durlng
MaLlns, or Lhe greaLer parL of Lhem, was losL ln a profound Lrance. Cur Lord
Lold me l musL go wlLhouL fall, and glve no heed Lo Lhe oplnlons of people,
for Lhey were few who would noL be rash ln Lhelr counsel, and Lhough l
should have Lroubles, yeL Cod would be served greaLly: as Lo Lhe monasLery,
lL was expedlenL l should be absenL Llll Lhe 8rlef came, because SaLan had
conLrlved a greaL ploL agalnsL Lhe comlng of Lhe rovlnclal, LhaL l was Lo
have no fear,-Pe would help me. l repeaLed Lhls Lo Lhe recLor, and he Lold
me LhaL l musL go by all means, Lhough oLhers were saylng l oughL noL Lo go,
LhaL lL was a Lrlck of SaLan Lo brlng some evll upon me Lhere, and LhaL l
oughL Lo send word Lo Lhe rovlnclal.

3. l obeyed Lhe recLor, and wenL wlLhouL fear, because of whaL l had
undersLood ln prayer, Lhough ln Lhe greaLesL confuslon when l LhoughL of Lhe
reasons why Lhey senL for me, and how very much Lhey were decelved. lL made
me more and more lmporLunaLe wlLh our Lord LhaL Pe would noL abandon me. lL
was a greaL comforL LhaL Lhere was a house of Lhe SocleLy of !esus Lhere
whlLher l was golng, and so l LhoughL l should be ln some degree safe under
Lhe dlrecLlon of Lhose faLhers, as l had been here.

4. lL was Lhe good pleasure of our Lord LhaL Lhe lady who senL for me should
be so much consoled LhaL a vlslble lmprovemenL was Lhe lmmedlaLe resulL she
was comforLed every day more and more. 1hls was very remarkable, because, as
l sald before, her sufferlng had reduced her Lo greaL sLralLs. Cur Lord musL
have done Lhls ln answer Lo Lhe many prayers whlch Lhe good people of my
acqualnLance made for me, LhaL l mlghL prosper ln my work. She had a
profound fear of Cod, and was so good, LhaL her greaL devoLlon supplled my
deflclencles. She concelved a greaL affecLlon for me-l, Loo, for her,
because of her goodness, buL all was as lL were a cross for me, for Lhe
comforLs of her house were a greaL LormenL, and her maklng so much of me
made me afrald. l kepL my soul conLlnually recollecLed-l dld noL dare Lo be
careless: nor was our Lord careless of me, for whlle l was Lhere, Pe
besLowed Lhe greaLesL graces upon me, and Lhose graces made me so free, and
fllled me wlLh such conLempL for all l saw,-and Lhe more l saw, Lhe greaLer
my conLempL,-LhaL l never falled Lo LreaL Lhose ladles, whom Lo serve would
have been a greaL honour for me, wlLh as much freedom as lf l had been
Lhelr equal.

3. l derlved very greaL advanLages from Lhls, and l sald so. l saw LhaL she
was a woman, and as much llable Lo passlon and weakness as l was, LhaL rank
ls of llLLle worLh, and Lhe hlgher lL ls, Lhe greaLer Lhe anxleLy and
Lrouble lL brlngs. eople musL be careful of Lhe dlgnlLy of Lhelr sLaLe,
whlch wlll noL suffer Lhem Lo llve aL ease, Lhey musL eaL aL flxed hours and
by rule, for everyLhlng musL be accordlng Lo Lhelr sLaLe, and noL accordlng
Lo Lhelr consLlLuLlons, and Lhey have frequenLly Lo Lake food flLLed more
for Lhelr sLaLe Lhan for Lhelr llklng.

6. So lL was LhaL l came Lo haLe Lhe very wlsh Lo be a greaL lady. Cod
dellver me from Lhls wlcked, arLlflclal llfe!-Lhough l belleve LhaL Lhls
lady, noLwlLhsLandlng LhaL she was one of Lhe chlef personages of Lhe realm,
was a woman of greaL slmpllclLy, and LhaL few were more humble Lhan she was.
l was very sorry for her, for l saw how ofLen she had Lo submlL Lo much LhaL
was dlsagreeable Lo her, because of Lhe requlremenLs of her rank. 1hen, as
Lo servanLs, Lhough Lhls lady had very good servanLs, how sllghL ls LhaL
llLLle LrusL LhaL may be puL ln Lhem! Cne musL noL be conversed wlLh more
Lhan anoLher, oLherwlse, he who ls so favoured ls envled by Lhe resL. 1hls
of lLself ls a slavery, and one of Lhe lles of Lhe world ls LhaL lL calls
such persons masLers, who, ln my eyes, are noLhlng else buL slaves ln a
Lhousand ways.

7. lL was our Lord's pleasure LhaL Lhe household of LhaL lady lmproved ln
Lhe servlce of Pls Ma[esLy durlng my sLay Lhere, Lhough l was noL exempLed
from some Lrlals and some [ealousles on Lhe parL of some of lLs members,
because of Lhe greaL affecLlon Lhelr mlsLress had for me. 1hey perhaps musL
have LhoughL l had some personal lnLeresL Lo serve. Cur Lord musL have
permlLLed such maLLers, and oLhers of Lhe same klnd, Lo glve me Lrouble, ln
order LhaL l mlghL noL be absorbed ln Lhe comforLs whlch oLherwlse l had
Lhere, and Pe was pleased Lo dellver me ouL of lL all wlLh greaL proflL Lo
my soul.

8. When l was Lhere, a rellglous person of greaL conslderaLlon, and wlLh
whom l had conversed occaslonally some years ago, [498] happened Lo arrlve.
When l was aL Mass, ln a monasLery of hls Crder, near Lhe house ln whlch l
was sLaylng, l felL a longlng Lo know Lhe sLaLe of hls soul,-for l wlshed
hlm Lo be a greaL servanL of Cod,-and l rose up ln order Lo go and speak Lo
hlm. 8uL as l was Lhen recollecLed ln prayer, lL seemed Lo me a wasLe of
Llme-for whaL had l Lo do ln LhaL maLLer?-and so l reLurned Lo my place.
1hree Llmes, l Lhlnk l dld Lhls, and aL lasL my good angel prevalled over
Lhe evll one, and l wenL and asked for hlm, and he came Lo speak Lo me ln
one of Lhe confesslonals. We began by asklng one anoLher of our pasL llves,
for we had noL seen one anoLher for many years. l Lold hlm LhaL my llfe had
been one ln whlch my soul had had many Lrlals. Pe lnslsLed much on my
Lelllng hlm whaL Lhose Lrlals were. l sald LhaL Lhey were noL Lo be Lold,
and LhaL l was noL Lo Lell Lhem. Pe replled LhaL Lhe uomlnlcan faLher, [499]
of whom l have spoken, knew Lhem, and LhaL, as Lhey were greaL frlends, he
could learn Lhem from hlm, and so l had beLLer Lell Lhem wlLhouL heslLaLlon.

9. 1he facL ls, LhaL lL was noL ln hls power noL Lo lnslsL, nor ln mlne, l
belleve, Lo refuse Lo speak, for noLwlLhsLandlng all Lhe Lrouble and shame l
used Lo feel formerly, l spoke of my sLaLe, Lo hlm, and Lo Lhe recLor whom l
have referred Lo before, [300] wlLhouL any dlfflculLy whaLever, on Lhe
conLrary, lL was a greaL consolaLlon Lo me, and so l Lold hlm all ln
confesslon. Pe seemed Lo me Lhen more prudenL Lhan ever, Lhough l had always
looked upon hlm as a man of greaL undersLandlng. l consldered whaL hlgh
glfLs and endowmenLs for greaL servlces he had, lf he gave hlmself wholly
unLo Cod. l had Lhls feellng now for many years, so LhaL l never saw any one
who pleased me much wlLhouL wlshlng aL once he were glven wholly unLo Cod,
and someLlmes l feel Lhls so keenly, LhaL l can hardly conLaln myself.
1hough l long Lo see everybody serve Cod, yeL my deslre abouL Lhose who
please me ls very vehemenL, and so l lmporLune our Lord on Lhelr behalf.

10. So lL happened wlLh respecL Lo Lhls rellglous. Pe asked me Lo pray much
for hlm Lo Cod. 1here was no necesslLy for hls dolng so, because l could noL
do anyLhlng else, and so l wenL back Lo my place where l was ln Lhe hablL of
praylng alone, and began Lo pray Lo our Lord, belng exLremely recollecLed,
ln LhaL my slmple, sllly way, when l speak wlLhouL knowlng very ofLen whaL l
am saylng. lL ls love LhaL speaks, and my soul ls so beslde lLself, LhaL l
do noL regard Lhe dlsLance beLween lL and Cod. 1haL love whlch l know Pls
Ma[esLy has for lL makes lL forgeL lLself, and Lhlnk lLself Lo be one wlLh
Plm, and so, as belng one wlLh Plm, and noL dlvlded from Plm, Lhe soul
speaks foollshly. When l had prayed wlLh many Lears LhaL Lhe soul of Lhls
rellglous mlghL serve Plm Lruly,-for, Lhough l consldered lL good, lL was
noL enough for me, l would have lL much beLLer,-l remember l sald, "C Lord,
1hou musL noL refuse me Lhls grace, behold hlm,-he ls a flL person Lo be
our frlend."

11. Ch, Lhe greaL goodness and compasslon of Cod! Pow Pe regards noL Lhe
words, buL Lhe deslre and Lhe wlll wlLh whlch Lhey are spoken! Pow Pe
suffered such a one as l am Lo speak so boldly before Pls Ma[esLy! May Pe be
blessed for evermore!

12. l remember LhaL durlng Lhose hours of prayer on LhaL very nlghL l was
exLremely dlsLressed by Lhe LhoughL wheLher l was ln Lhe grace of Cod, and
LhaL l could never know wheLher l was so or noL,-noL LhaL l wlshed Lo know
lL, l wlshed, however, Lo dle, ln order LhaL l mlghL noL llve a llfe ln
whlch l was noL sure LhaL l was noL dead ln sln, for Lhere could be no deaLh
more dreadful for me Lhan Lo Lhlnk LhaL l had slnned agalnsL Cod. l was ln
greaL sLralLs aL Lhls LhoughL. l lmplored Plm noL Lo suffer me Lo fall lnLo
sln, wlLh greaL sweeLness, dlssolved ln Lears. 1hen l heard LhaL l mlghL
console myself, and LrusL [301] LhaL l was ln a sLaLe of grace, because a
love of Cod llke mlne, LogeLher wlLh Lhe graces and feellngs wlLh whlch Pls
Ma[esLy fllled my soul, was of such a naLure as Lo be lnconslsLenL wlLh a
sLaLe of morLal sln.

13. l was now confldenL LhaL our Lord would granL my prayer as Lo LhaL
rellglous. Pe bade me repeaL cerLaln words Lo hlm. 1hls l felL much, because
l knew noL how Lo speak Lo hlm, for Lhls carrylng messages Lo a Lhlrd
person, as l have sald, [302] ls whaL l have always felL Lhe mosL,
especlally when l dld noL know how LhaL person would Lake Lhem, nor wheLher
he would noL laugh aL me. 1hls placed me ln greaL dlfflculLles, buL aL lasL
l was so convlnced l oughL Lo do lL, LhaL l belleve l made a promlse Lo Cod
l would noL neglecL LhaL message, and because of Lhe greaL shame l felL, l
wroLe lL ouL, and gave lL ln LhaL way. 1he resulL showed clearly enough LhaL
lL was a message from Cod, for LhaL rellglous resolved wlLh greaL
earnesLness Lo glve hlmself Lo prayer, Lhough he dld noL do so aL once. Cur
Lord would have hlm for Plmself, so Pe senL me Lo Lell hlm cerLaln LruLhs
whlch, wlLhouL my undersLandlng Lhem, were so much Lo Lhe purpose LhaL he
was asLonlshed. Cur Lord musL have prepared hlm Lo recelve Lhem as from Pls
Ma[esLy, and Lhough l am buL a mlserable slnner myself, yeL l made many
suppllcaLlons Lo our Lord Lo converL hlm Lhoroughly, and Lo make hlm haLe
Lhe pleasures and Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls llfe. And so he dld-blessed be Cod!-for
every Llme LhaL he spoke Lo me l was ln a manner beslde myself, and lf l had
noL seen lL, l should never have belleved LhaL our Lord would have glven hlm
ln so shorL a Llme graces so maLured, and fllled hlm so full of Cod, LhaL he
seemed Lo be allve Lo noLhlng on earLh.

14. May Pls Ma[esLy hold hlm ln Pls hand! lf he wlll go on-and l LrusL ln
our Lord he wlll do so, now LhaL he ls so well grounded ln Lhe knowledge of
hlmself-he wlll be one of Lhe mosL dlsLlngulshed servanLs of Cod, Lo Lhe
greaL proflL of many souls, because he has ln a shorL Llme had greaL
experlence ln splrlLual Lhlngs: LhaL ls a glfL of Cod, whlch Pe glves when
Pe wlll and as Pe wlll, and lL depends noL on lengLh of Llme nor exLenL of
servlce. l do noL mean LhaL Llme and servlce, are noL greaL helps, buL very
ofLen our Lord wlll noL glve Lo some ln LwenLy years Lhe grace of
conLemplaLlon, whlle Pe glves lL Lo oLhers ln one,-Pls Ma[esLy knoweLh why.
We are under a deluslon when we Lhlnk LhaL ln Lhe course of years we shall
come Lo Lhe knowledge of LhaL whlch we can ln no way aLLaln Lo buL by
experlence, and Lhus many are ln error, as l have sald [303] when Lhey would
undersLand splrlLuallLy wlLhouL belng splrlLual Lhemselves. l do noL mean
LhaL a man who ls noL splrlLual, lf he ls learned, may noL dlrecL one LhaL
ls splrlLual, buL lL musL be undersLood LhaL ln ouLward and lnward Lhlngs,
ln Lhe order of naLure, Lhe dlrecLlon musL be an acL of reason, and ln
supernaLural Lhlngs, accordlng Lo Lhe Leachlng of Lhe sacred wrlLlngs. ln
oLher maLLers, leL hlm noL dlsLress hlmself, nor Lhlnk LhaL he can
undersLand LhaL whlch he undersLandeLh noL, nelLher leL hlm quench Lhe
SplrlL, [304] for now anoLher MasLer, greaLer Lhan he, ls dlrecLlng Lhese
souls, so LhaL Lhey are noL lefL wlLhouL auLhorlLy over Lhem.

13. Pe musL noL be asLonlshed aL Lhls, nor Lhlnk lL lmposslble: all Lhlngs
are posslble Lo our Lord, [303] he musL sLrlve raLher Lo sLrengLhen hls
falLh, and humble hlmself, because ln Lhls maLLer our Lord lmparLs perhaps a
deeper knowledge Lo some old woman Lhan Lo hlm, Lhough he may be a very
learned man. 8elng Lhus humble, he wlll proflL souls and hlmself more Lhan
lf he affecLed Lo be a conLemplaLlve wlLhouL belng so, for, l repeaL lL, lf
he have no experlence, lf he have noL a mosL profound humlllLy, whereby he
may see LhaL he does noL undersLand, and LhaL Lhe Lhlng ls noL for LhaL
reason lmposslble, he wlll do hlmself buL llLLle good, and sLlll less Lo hls
penlLenL. 8uL lf he ls humble, leL hlm have no fear LhaL our Lord wlll allow
elLher Lhe one or Lhe oLher Lo fall lnLo deluslon.

16. now as Lo Lhls faLher l am speaklng of, as our Lord has glven hlm llghL
ln many Lhlngs, so has he laboured Lo flnd ouL by sLudy LhaL whlch ln Lhls
maLLer can be by sLudy ascerLalned, for he ls a very learned man, and LhaL
of whlch he has no experlence hlmself he seeks Lo flnd ouL from Lhose who
have lL,-and our Lord helps hlm by lncreaslng hls falLh, and so he has
greaLly beneflLed hlmself and some oLher souls, of whom mlne ls one. As our
Lord knew Lhe Lrlals l had Lo undergo, Pls Ma[esLy seems Lo have provlded
LhaL, when Pe Look away unLo Plmself some of Lhose who dlrecLed me, oLhers
mlghL remaln, who helped me ln my greaL affllcLlons, and rendered me
greaL servlces.

17. Cur Lord wroughL a compleLe change ln Lhls faLher, so much so LhaL he
scarcely knew hlmself, so Lo speak. Pe has glven hlm bodlly healLh, so LhaL
he may do penance, such as he never had before, for he was slckly. Pe has
glven hlm courage Lo underLake good works, wlLh oLher glfLs, so LhaL he
seems Lo have recelved a mosL speclal vocaLlon from our Lord. May Pe be
blessed for ever!

18. All Lhese blesslngs, l belleve, came Lo hlm Lhrough Lhe graces our Lord
besLowed upon hlm ln prayer, for Lhey are real. lL has been our Lord's
pleasure already Lo Lry hlm ln cerLaln dlfflculLles, ouL of whlch he has
come forLh llke one who knows Lhe Lrue worLh of LhaL merlL whlch ls galned
by sufferlng persecuLlons. l LrusL ln Lhe munlflcence of our Lord LhaL greaL
good wlll, by hls means, accrue Lo some of hls Crder and Lo Lhe Crder
lLself. 1hls ls beglnnlng Lo be undersLood. l have had greaL vlslons on Lhe
sub[ecL, and our Lord has Lold me wonderful Lhlngs of hlm and of Lhe 8ecLor
of Lhe SocleLy of !esus, whom l am speaklng of, [306] and also of Lwo oLher
rellglous of Lhe Crder of SL. uomlnlc, parLlcularly of one who, Lo hls own
proflL, has acLually learned of our Lord cerLaln Lhlngs whlch l had formerly
undersLood of hlm. 8uL Lhere were greaLer Lhlngs made known of hlm Lo whom l
am now referrlng: one of Lhem l wlll now relaLe.

19. l was wlLh hlm once ln Lhe parlour, when ln my soul and splrlL l felL
whaL greaL love burned wlLhln hlm, and became as lL were losL ln ecsLasy by
conslderlng Lhe greaLness of Cod, who had ralsed LhaL soul ln so shorL a
Llme Lo a sLaLe so hlgh. lL made me ashamed of myself when l saw hlm llsLen
wlLh so much humlllLy Lo whaL l was saylng abouL cerLaln maLLers of prayer,
when l had so llLLle myself LhaL l could speak on Lhe sub[ecL Lo one llke
hlm. Cur Lord musL have borne wlLh me ln Lhls on accounL of Lhe greaL deslre
l had Lo see LhaL rellglous maklng greaL progress. My lnLervlew wlLh hlm dld
me greaL good,-lL seems as lf lL lefL a new flre ln my soul, burnlng wlLh
deslre Lo serve our Lord as ln Lhe beglnnlng. C my !esus! whaL ls a soul on
flre wlLh 1hy love! Pow we oughL Lo prlze lL, and lmplore our Lord Lo leL lL
llve long upon earLh! Pe who has Lhls love should follow afLer such souls,
lf lL be posslble.

20. lL ls a greaL Lhlng for a person lll of Lhls dlsease Lo flnd anoLher
sLruck down by lL,-lL comforLs hlm much Lo see LhaL he ls noL alone, Lhey
help one anoLher greaLly Lo suffer and Lo merlL. 1hey are sLrong wlLh a
double sLrengLh who are resolved Lo rlsk a Lhousand llves for Cod, and who
long for an opporLunlLy of loslng Lhem. 1hey are llke soldlers who, Lo
acqulre booLy, and LherewlLh enrlch Lhemselves, wlsh for war, knowlng well
LhaL Lhey cannoL become rlch wlLhouL lL. 1hls ls Lhelr work-Lo suffer. Ch,
whaL a blesslng lL ls when our Lord glves llghL Lo undersLand how greaL ls
Lhe galn of sufferlng for Plm! 1hls ls never undersLood Llll we have lefL
all Lhlngs, for lf anybody ls aLLached Lo any one Lhlng, LhaL ls a proof
LhaL he seLs some value upon lL, and lf he seLs any value upon lL, lL ls
palnful Lo be compelled Lo glve lL up. ln LhaL case, everyLhlng ls lmperfecL
and losL. 1he saylng ls Lo Lhe purpose here,-he who follows whaL ls losL, ls
losL hlmself, and whaL greaLer loss, whaL greaLer bllndness, whaL greaLer
calamlLy, can Lhere be Lhan maklng much of LhaL whlch ls noLhlng!

21. l now reLurn Lo LhaL whlch l had begun Lo speak of. l was ln Lhe
greaLesL [oy, beholdlng LhaL soul. lL seemed as lf our Lord would have me
see clearly Lhe Lreasures Pe had lald up ln lL, and so, when l consldered
Lhe favour our Lord had shown me, ln LhaL l should be Lhe means of so greaL
a good, l recognlsed my own unworLhlness for such an end. l LhoughL much of
Lhe graces our Lord had glven hlm, and held myself as lndebLed for Lhem more
Lhan lf Lhey had been glven Lo myself. So l gave Lhanks Lo our Lord, when l
saw LhaL Pls Ma[esLy had fulfllled my deslres and heard my peLlLlon LhaL Pe
would ralse up persons llke hlm. And now my soul, no longer able Lo bear Lhe
[oy LhaL fllled lL, wenL forLh ouL of lLself, loslng lLself LhaL lL mlghL
galn Lhe more. lL losL slghL of Lhe reflecLlons lL was maklng, and Lhe
hearlng of LhaL dlvlne language whlch Lhe Poly ChosL seemed Lo speak Lhrew
me lnLo a deep Lrance, whlch almosL deprlved me of all sense, Lhough lL dld
noL lasL long. l saw ChrlsL, ln exceedlng greaL ma[esLy and glory,
manlfesLlng Pls [oy aL whaL was Lhen passlng. Pe Lold me as much, and lL was
Pls pleasure LhaL l should clearly see LhaL Pe was always presenL aL slmllar
lnLervlews, and how much Pe was pleased when people Lhus found Lhelr dellghL
ln speaklng of Plm.

22. Cn anoLher occaslon, when far away from Lhls place, l saw hlm carrled by
angels ln greaL glory. l undersLood by LhaL vlslon LhaL hls soul was maklng
greaL progress: so lL was, for an evll reporL was spread abroad agalnsL hlm
by one Lo whom he had rendered a greaL servlce, and whose repuLaLlon and
whose soul he had saved. Pe bore lL wlLh much [oy. Pe dld also oLher Lhlngs
greaLly Lo Lhe honour of Cod, and underwenL more persecuLlons. l do noL
Lhlnk lL expedlenL now Lo speak furLher on Lhls polnL, lf, however, you, my
faLher, who know all, should hereafLer Lhlnk oLherwlse, more mlghL be sald
Lo Lhe glory of our Lord.

23. All Lhe prophecles spoken of before, [307] relaLlng Lo Lhls house, as
well as oLhers, of whlch l shall speak hereafLer, relaLlng Lo lL and Lo
oLher maLLers, have been accompllshed. Some of Lhem our Lord revealed Lo me
Lhree years before Lhey became known, oLhers earller and oLhers laLer. 8uL l
always made Lhem known Lo my confessor, and Lo Lhe wldow my frlend, for l
had leave Lo communlcaLe wlLh her, as l sald before. [308] She, l know,
repeaLed Lhem Lo oLhers, and Lhese know LhaL l lle noL. May Cod never permlL
me, ln any maLLer whaLever,-much more ln Lhlngs of Lhls lmporLance,-Lo say
anyLhlng buL Lhe whole LruLh!

24. Cne of my broLhers-ln-law [309] dled suddenly, and as l was ln greaL
dlsLress aL Lhls, because he had no opporLunlLy of maklng hls confesslon,
our Lord sald Lo me ln prayer LhaL my slsLer also was Lo dle ln Lhe same
way, LhaL l musL go Lo her, and make her prepare herself for such an end. l
Lold Lhls Lo my confessor, buL as he would noL leL me go, l heard Lhe same
warnlng agaln, and now, when he saw Lhls, he Lold me l mlghL go, and LhaL l
should lose noLhlng by golng. My slsLer was llvlng ln Lhe counLry, and as l
dld noL Lell her why l came, l gave her whaL llghL l could ln all Lhlngs. l
made her go frequenLly Lo confesslon, and look Lo her soul ln everyLhlng.
She was very good, and dld as l asked her. lour or flve years afLer she had
begun Lhls pracLlce, and keeplng a sLrlcL waLch over her consclence, she
dled, wlLh nobody near her, and wlLhouL belng able Lo go Lo confesslon. 1hls
was a blesslng Lo her, for lL was llLLle more Lhan a week slnce she had been
Lo her accusLomed confesslon. lL was a greaL [oy Lo me when l heard of her
deaLh. She was buL a shorL Llme ln purgaLory.

23. l do noL Lhlnk lL was qulLe elghL days afLerwards when, afLer Communlon,
our Lord appeared Lo me, and was pleased LhaL l should see Plm recelve my
slsLer lnLo glory. uurlng all Lhose years, afLer our Lord had spoken Lo me,
unLll her deaLh, whaL l Lhen learnL wlLh respecL Lo her was never forgoLLen
elLher by myself or by my frlend, who, when my slsLer was Lhus dead, came Lo
me ln greaL amazemenL aL Lhe fulfllmenL of Lhe prophecy. Cod be pralsed for
ever, who Lakes such care of souls LhaL Lhey may noL be losL!
_________________________________________________________________

[497] uona Lulsa de la Cerda, slsLer of Lhe uuke of Medlna-Coell, was now
Lhe wldow of Arlas ardo, Marshal of CasLllle, Lord of Malagon and
aracuellos. uon Arlas was nephew of Cardlnal 1abera, Archblshop of 1oledo
(ue la luenLe).

[498] l. vlcenLe 8arron, uomlnlcan (see [391]ch. v. 8), accordlng Lo
l. 8oulx, on Lhe auLhorlLy of 8lbera and ?epez, buL Lhe CarmellLe laLher,
lr. AnLonlo of SL. !oseph, ln hls noLe on Lhe flrsL lragmenL (LeLLers, vol.
lv. p. 408), says LhaL lL was lr. Carcla of 1oledo, broLher of uon lernando,
uuke of Alva, and uon vlcenLe de la luenLe Lhlnks Lhe oplnlon of lr. AnLonlo
Lhe more probable.

[499] edro lbanez (8oulx).

[300] [392]Ch. xxxlll. 11.

[301] laLher 8oulx says LhaL here Lhe word "conflar," "LrusL," ln Lhe
prlnLed LexL, has been subsLlLuLed by some one for Lhe words "esLar clerLa,"
"be cerLaln," whlch he found ln Lhe MS. 8uL uon vlcenLe de la luenLe reLalns
Lhe old readlng "conflar," and makes no observaLlon on Lhe alleged
dlscrepancy beLween Lhe MS. and Lhe prlnLed LexL. 1he observaLlon of
l. 8oulx, however, ls more lmporLanL, and deserves credlL,-for uon vlcenLe
may have falled, Lhrough mere lnadverLence, Lo see whaL l. 8oulx saw, and lL
ls also Lo be remembered LhaL uon vlcenLe does noL say LhaL Lhe MS. on Lhls
polnL has been so closely lnspecLed as Lo Lhrow any doubL on Lhe poslLlve
LesLlmony of l. 8oulx. Slx years afLer Lhls noLe was wrlLLen uon vlcenLe
publlshed a facslmlle by phoLography of Lhe orlglnal LexL ln Lhe handwrlLlng
of Lhe SalnL, preserved ln Lhe Lscurlal. 1he words are noL "conflar," buL
"esLar clerLa."

[302] [393]Ch. xxxlll. 12.

[303] [394]Ch. xlv. 10.

[304] 1 1hess. v. 19: "SplrlLum nollLe exLlnguere."

[303] SL. MaLL. xlx. 26: "Apud ueum auLem omnla posslbllla sunL."

[306] l. Caspar de Salazar.

[307] [393]Ch. xxvl. 3.

[308] [396]Ch. xxx. 3. uona Culomar de ulloa.

[309] uon MarLln de Cuzman y 8arrlenLos, husband of Marla de Cepeda, Lhe
SalnL's slsLer.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxxv.

1he loundaLlon of Lhe Pouse of SL. !oseph. 1he CbservaLlon of Poly overLy
1hereln. Pow Lhe SalnL LefL 1oledo.

1. When l was sLaylng wlLh Lhls lady, [310] already spoken of, ln whose
house l remalned more Lhan slx monLhs, our Lord ordalned LhaL a holy woman
[311] of our Crder should hear of me, who was more Lhan sevenLy leagues away
from Lhe place. She happened Lo Lravel Lhls way, and wenL some leagues ouL
of her road LhaL she mlghL see me. Cur Lord had moved her ln Lhe same year,
and ln Lhe same monLh of Lhe year, LhaL Pe had moved me, Lo found anoLher
monasLery of Lhe Crder, and as Pe had glven her Lhls deslre, she sold all
she possessed, and wenL Lo 8ome Lo obLaln Lhe necessary faculLles. She wenL
on fooL, and barefooLed. She ls a woman of greaL penance and prayer, and one
Lo whom our Lord gave many graces, and our Lady appeared Lo her, and
commanded her Lo underLake Lhls work. Per progress ln Lhe servlce of our
Lord was so much greaLer Lhan mlne, LhaL l was ashamed Lo sLand ln her
presence. She showed me 8rlefs she broughL from 8ome, and durlng Lhe
forLnlghL she remalned wlLh me we lald our plan for Lhe foundlng of
Lhese monasLerles.

2. unLll l spoke Lo her, l never knew LhaL our rule, before lL was
mlLlgaLed, requlred of us LhaL we should possess noLhlng, [312] nor was l
golng Lo found a monasLery wlLhouL revenue, [313] for my lnLenLlon was LhaL
we should be wlLhouL anxleLy abouL all LhaL was necessary for us, and l dld
noL Lhlnk of Lhe many anxleLles whlch Lhe possesslon of properLy brlngs ln
lLs Lraln. 1hls holy woman, LaughL of our Lord, perfecLly undersLood-Lhough
she could noL read-whaL l was lgnoranL of, noLwlLhsLandlng my havlng read
Lhe ConsLlLuLlons [314] so ofLen, and when she Lold me of lL, l LhoughL lL
rlghL, Lhough l feared Lhey would never consenL Lo Lhls, buL would Lell me l
was commlLLlng follles, and LhaL l oughL noL Lo do anyLhlng whereby l mlghL
brlng sufferlng upon oLhers. lf Lhls concerned only myself, noLhlng should
have kepL me back,-on Lhe conLrary, lL would have been my greaL [oy Lo Lhlnk
LhaL l was observlng Lhe counsels of ChrlsL our Lord, for Pls Ma[esLy had
already glven me greaL longlngs for poverLy. [313]

3. As for myself, l never doubLed LhaL Lhls was Lhe beLLer parL, for l had
now for some Llme wlshed lL were posslble ln my sLaLe Lo go abouL begglng,
for Lhe love of Cod-Lo have no house of my own, nor anyLhlng else. 8uL l was
afrald LhaL oLhers-lf our Lord dld noL glve Lhem Lhe same deslre-mlghL llve
ln dlsconLenL. Moreover, l feared LhaL lL mlghL be Lhe cause of some
dlsLracLlon: for l knew some poor monasLerles noL very recollecLed, and l
dld noL conslder LhaL Lhelr noL belng recollecLed was Lhe cause of Lhelr
poverLy, and LhaL Lhelr poverLy was noL Lhe cause of Lhelr dlsLracLlon:
dlsLracLlon never makes people rlcher, and Cod never falls Lhose who serve
Plm. ln shorL, l was weak ln falLh, buL noL so Lhls servanL of Cod.

4. As l Look Lhe advlce of many ln everyLhlng, l found scarcely any one of
Lhls oplnlon-nelLher my confessor, nor Lhe learned men Lo whom l spoke of
lL. 1hey gave me so many reasons Lhe oLher way, LhaL l dld noL know whaL Lo
do. 8uL when l saw whaL Lhe rule requlred, and LhaL poverLy was Lhe more
perfecL way, l could noL persuade myself Lo allow an endowmenL. And Lhough
Lhey dld persuade me now and Lhen LhaL Lhey were rlghL, yeL, when l reLurned
Lo my prayer, and saw ChrlsL on Lhe cross, so poor and desLlLuLe, l could
noL bear Lo be rlch, and l lmplored Plm wlLh Lears so Lo order maLLers LhaL
l mlghL be poor as Pe was.

3. l found LhaL so many lnconvenlences resulLed from an endowmenL, and saw
LhaL lL was Lhe cause of so much Lrouble, and even dlsLracLlon, LhaL l dld
noLhlng buL dlspuLe wlLh Lhe learned. l wroLe Lo LhaL uomlnlcan frlar [316]
who was helplng us, and he senL back Lwo sheeLs by way of reply, full of
ob[ecLlons and Lheology agalnsL my plan, Lelllng me LhaL he had LhoughL much
on Lhe sub[ecL. l answered LhaL, ln order Lo escape from my vocaLlon, Lhe
vow of poverLy l had made, and Lhe perfecL observance of Lhe counsels of
ChrlsL, l dld noL wanL any Lheology Lo help me, and ln Lhls case l should
noL Lhank hlm for hls learnlng. lf l found any one who would help me, lL
pleased me much. 1he lady ln whose house l was sLaylng was a greaL help Lo
me ln Lhls maLLer. Some aL flrsL Lold me LhaL Lhey agreed wlLh me,
afLerwards, when Lhey had consldered Lhe maLLer longer, Lhey found ln lL so
many lnconvenlences LhaL Lhey lnslsLed on my glvlng lL up. l Lold Lhem LhaL,
Lhough Lhey changed Lhelr oplnlon so qulckly, l would ablde by Lhe flrsL.

6. AL Lhls Llme, because of my enLreaLles,-for Lhe lady had never seen Lhe
holy frlar, eLer of AlcanLara,-lL pleased our Lord Lo brlng hlm Lo her
house. As he was a greaL lover of poverLy, and had llved ln lL for so many
years, he knew well Lhe Lreasures lL conLalns, and so he was a greaL help Lo
me, he charged me on no accounL whaLever Lo glve up my purpose. now, havlng
Lhls oplnlon and sancLlon,-no one was beLLer able Lo glve lL, because he
knew whaL lL was by long experlence,-l made up my mlnd Lo seek no
furLher advlce.

7. Cne day, when l was very earnesLly commendlng Lhe maLLer Lo Cod, our Lord
Lold me LhaL l musL by no means glve up my purpose of foundlng Lhe monasLery
ln poverLy, lL was Pls wlll, and Lhe wlll of Pls laLher: Pe would help me. l
was ln a Lrance, and Lhe effecLs were such, LhaL l could have no doubL lL
came from Cod. Cn anoLher occaslon, Pe sald Lo me LhaL endowmenLs bred
confuslon, wlLh oLher Lhlngs ln pralse of poverLy, and assured me LhaL
whosoever served Plm would never be ln wanL of Lhe necessary means of
llvlng: and Lhls wanL, as l have sald, [317] l never feared myself. Cur Lord
changed Lhe dlsposlLlons also of Lhe llcenLlaLe,-l am speaklng of Lhe
uomlnlcan frlar, [318] -who, as l sald, wroLe Lo me LhaL l should noL found
Lhe monasLery wlLhouL an endowmenL. now, l was ln Lhe greaLesL [oy aL
hearlng Lhls, and havlng Lhese oplnlons ln my favour, lL seemed Lo me
noLhlng less Lhan Lhe possesslon of all Lhe wealLh of Lhe world, when l had
resolved Lo llve ln poverLy for Lhe love of Cod.

8. AL Lhls Llme, my rovlnclal wlLhdrew Lhe order and Lhe obedlence, ln
vlrLue of whlch l was sLaylng ln LhaL house. [319] Pe lefL lL Lo me Lo do as
l llked: lf l wlshed Lo reLurn l mlghL do so, lf l wlshed Lo remaln l mlghL
also do so for a cerLaln Llme. 8uL durlng LhaL Llme Lhe elecLlons ln my
monasLery [320] would Lake place and l was Lold LhaL many of Lhe nuns wlshed
Lo lay on me Lhe burden of superlorshlp. 1he very LhoughL of Lhls alone was
a greaL LormenL Lo me, for Lhough l was resolved Lo undergo readlly any klnd
of marLyrdom for Cod, l could noL persuade myself aL all Lo accepL Lhls,
for, puLLlng aslde Lhe greaL Lrouble lL lnvolved,-because Lhe nuns were so
many,-and oLher reasons, such as LhaL l never wlshed for lL, nor for any
oLher offlce,-on Lhe conLrary, had always refused Lhem,-lL seemed Lo me LhaL
my consclence would be ln greaL danger, and so l pralsed Cod LhaL l was noL
Lhen ln my convenL. l wroLe Lo my frlends and asked Lhem noL Lo voLe for me.

9. When l was re[olclng LhaL l was noL ln LhaL Lrouble, our Lord sald Lo me
LhaL l was on no accounL Lo keep away, LhaL as l longed for a cross, Lhere
was one ready for me, and LhaL a heavy one: LhaL l was noL Lo Lhrow lL away,
buL go on wlLh resoluLlon, Pe would help me, and l musL go aL once. l was
very much dlsLressed, and dld noLhlng buL weep, because l LhoughL LhaL my
cross was Lo be Lhe offlce of prloress, and, as l have [usL sald, l could
noL persuade myself LhaL lL would be aL all good for my soul-nor could l see
any means by whlch lL would be. l Lold my confessor of lL, and he commanded
me Lo reLurn aL once: LhaL Lo do so was clearly Lhe mosL perfecL way, and
LhaL, because Lhe heaL was very greaL,-lL would be enough lf l arrlved
before Lhe elecLlon,-l mlghL walL a few days, ln order LhaL my [ourney mlghL
do me no harm.

10. 8uL our Lord had ordered lL oLherwlse. l had Lo go aL once, because Lhe
uneaslness l felL was very greaL, and l was unable Lo pray, and LhoughL l
was falllng ln obedlence Lo Lhe commandmenLs of our Lord, and LhaL as l was
happy and conLenLed where l was, l would noL go Lo meeL Lrouble. All my
servlce of Cod Lhere was llp-servlce: why dld l, havlng Lhe opporLunlLy of
llvlng ln greaLer perfecLlon, neglecL lL? lf l dled on Lhe road, leL me dle.
8esldes, my soul was ln greaL sLralLs, and our Lord had Laken from me all
sweeLness ln prayer. ln shorL, l was ln such a sLaLe of LormenL, LhaL l
begged Lhe lady Lo leL me go, for my confessor, when he saw Lhe pllghL l was
ln, had already Lold me Lo go, Cod havlng moved hlm as Pe had moved me. 1he
lady felL my deparLure very much, and LhaL was anoLher paln Lo bear, for lL
had cosL her much Lrouble, and dlverse lmporLunlLles of Lhe rovlnclal, Lo
have me ln her house.

11. l consldered lL a very greaL Lhlng for her Lo have glven her consenL,
when she felL lL so much, buL, as she was a person who feared Cod
exceedlngly,-and as l Lold her, among many oLher reasons, LhaL my golng away
Lended greaLly Lo Pls servlce, and held ouL Lhe hope LhaL l mlghL posslbly
reLurn,-she gave way, buL wlLh much sorrow. l was now noL sorry myself aL
comlng away, for l knew LhaL lL was an acL of greaLer perfecLlon, and for
Lhe servlce of Cod. So Lhe pleasure l had ln pleaslng Cod Look away Lhe paln
of qulLLlng LhaL lady,-whom l saw sufferlng so keenly,-and oLhers Lo whom l
owed much, parLlcularly my confessor of Lhe SocleLy of !esus, ln whom l
found all l

needed. 8uL Lhe greaLer Lhe consolaLlons l losL for our Lord's sake, Lhe
greaLer was my [oy ln loslng Lhem. l could noL undersLand lL, for l had a
clear consclousness of Lhese Lwo conLrary feellngs-pleasure, consolaLlon,
and [oy ln LhaL whlch welghed down my soul wlLh sadness. l was [oyful and
Lranqull, and had opporLunlLles of spendlng many hours ln prayer, and l saw
LhaL l was golng Lo Lhrow myself lnLo a flre, for our Lord had already Lold
me LhaL l was golng Lo carry a heavy cross,-Lhough l never LhoughL lL would
be so heavy as l afLerwards found lL Lo be,-yeL l wenL forLh re[olclng. l
was dlsLressed because l had noL already begun Lhe flghL, slnce lL was our
Lord's wlll LhaL l should be ln lL. 1hus Pls Ma[esLy gave me sLrengLh, and
esLabllshed lL ln my weakness. [321]

12. As l have [usL sald, l could noL undersLand how Lhls could be. l LhoughL
of Lhls lllusLraLlon: lf l were possessed of a [ewel, or any oLher Lhlng
whlch gave me greaL pleasure, and lL came Lo my knowledge LhaL a person whom
l loved more Lhan myself, and whose saLlsfacLlon l preferred Lo my own,
wlshed Lo have lL, lL would glve me greaL pleasure Lo deprlve myself of lL,
because l would glve all l possessed Lo please LhaL person. now, as Lhe
pleasure of glvlng pleasure Lo LhaL person surpasses any pleasure l have ln
LhaL [ewel myself, l should noL be dlsLressed ln glvlng away LhaL or
anyLhlng else l loved, nor aL Lhe loss of LhaL pleasure whlch Lhe possesslon
of lL gave me. So now, Lhough l wlshed Lo feel some dlsLress when l saw LhaL
Lhose whom l was leavlng felL my golng so much, yeL, noLwlLhsLandlng my
naLurally graLeful dlsposlLlon,-whlch, under oLher clrcumsLances, would have
been enough Lo have caused me greaL paln,-aL Lhls Llme, Lhough l wlshed Lo
feel lL, l could feel none.

13. 1he delay of anoLher day was so serlous a maLLer ln Lhe affalrs of Lhls
holy house, LhaL l know noL how Lhey would have been seLLled lf l had
walLed. Ch, Cod ls greaL! l am ofLen losL ln wonder when l conslder and see
Lhe speclal help whlch Pls Ma[esLy gave me Lowards Lhe esLabllshmenL of Lhls
llLLle cell of Cod,-for such l belleve lL Lo be,-Lhe lodglng whereln Pls
Ma[esLy dellghLs, for once, when l was ln prayer, Pe Lold me LhaL Lhls house
was Lhe paradlse of hls dellghL. [322] lL seems, Lhen, LhaL Pls Ma[esLy has
chosen Lhese whom he has drawn hlLher, among whom l am llvlng very much
ashamed of myself. [323] l could noL have even wlshed for souls such as Lhey
are for Lhe purpose of Lhls house, where enclosure, poverLy, and prayer are
so sLrlcLly observed, Lhey submlL wlLh so much [oy and conLenLmenL, LhaL
every one of Lhem Lhlnks herself unworLhy of Lhe grace of belng recelved
lnLo lL,-some of Lhem parLlcularly, for our Lord has called Lhem ouL of Lhe
vanlLy and dlsslpaLlon of Lhe world, ln whlch, accordlng Lo lLs laws, Lhey
mlghL have llved conLenLed. Cur Lord has mulLlplled Lhelr [oy, so LhaL Lhey
see clearly how Pe had glven Lhem a hundredfold for Lhe one Lhlng Lhey have
lefL, [324] and for whlch Lhey cannoL Lhank Pls Ma[esLy enough. CLhers Pe
has advanced from well Lo beLLer. 1o Lhe young Pe glves courage and
knowledge, so LhaL Lhey may deslre noLhlng else, and also Lo undersLand LhaL
Lo llve away from all Lhlngs ln Lhls llfe ls Lo llve ln greaLer peace even
here below. 1o Lhose who are no longer young, and whose healLh ls weak, Pe
glves-and has glven-Lhe sLrengLh Lo undergo Lhe same ausLerlLles and penance
wlLh all Lhe oLhers.

14. C my Lord! how 1hou dosL show 1hy power! 1here ls no need Lo seek
reasons for 1hy wlll, for wlLh 1hee, agalnsL all naLural reason, all Lhlngs
are posslble: so LhaL Lhou LeachesL clearly Lhere ls no need of anyLhlng buL
of lovlng 1hee [323] ln earnesL, and really glvlng up everyLhlng for 1hee,
ln order LhaL 1hou, C my Lord, mlghL make everyLhlng easy. lL ls well sald
LhaL 1hou felgnesL Lo make 1hy law dlfflculL: [326] l do noL see lL, nor do
l feel LhaL Lhe way LhaL leadeLh unLo 1hee ls narrow. l see lL as a royal
road, and noL a paLhway, a road upon whlch whosoever really enLers, Lravels
mosL securely. no mounLaln passes and no cllffs are near lL: Lhese are Lhe
occaslons of sln. l call LhaL a pass,-a dangerous pass,-and a narrow road,
whlch has on one slde a deep hollow, lnLo whlch one sLumbles, and on Lhe
oLher a preclplce, over whlch Lhey who are careless fall, and are dashed Lo
pleces. Pe who loves 1hee, C my Cod, Lravels safely by Lhe open and royal
road, far away from Lhe preclplce: he has scarcely sLumbled aL all, when
1hou sLreLchesL forLh 1hy hand Lo save hlm. Cne fall-yea, many falls-lf he
does buL love 1hee, and noL Lhe Lhlngs of Lhe world, are noL enough Lo make
hlm perlsh, he Lravels ln Lhe valley of humlllLy. l cannoL undersLand whaL
lL ls LhaL makes men afrald of Lhe way of perfecLlon.

13. May our Lord of Pls mercy make us see whaL a poor securlLy we have ln
Lhe mldsL of dangers so manlfesL, when we llve llke Lhe resL of Lhe world,
and LhaL Lrue securlLy conslsLs ln sLrlvlng Lo advance ln Lhe way of Cod!
LeL us flx our eyes upon Plm, and have no fear LhaL Lhe Sun of [usLlce wlll
ever seL, or suffer us Lo Lravel Lo our ruln by nlghL, unless we flrsL look
away from Plm. eople are noL afrald of llvlng ln Lhe mldsL of llons, every
one of whom seems eager Lo Lear Lhem: l am speaklng of honours, pleasures,
and Lhe llke [oys, as Lhe world calls Lhem: and hereln Lhe devll seems Lo
make us afrald of ghosLs. l am asLonlshed a Lhousand Llmes, and Len Lhousand
Llmes would l relleve myself by weeplng, and proclalm aloud my own greaL
bllndness and wlckedness, lf, perchance, lL mlghL help ln some measure Lo
open Lhelr eyes. May Pe, who ls almlghLy, of Pls goodness open Lhelr eyes,
and never suffer mlne Lo be bllnd agaln!
_________________________________________________________________

[310] uona Lulsa de la Cerda.

[311] Marla of !esus was Lhe daughLer of a 8eporLer of Causes ln Lhe
Chancery of Cranada, buL hls name and LhaL of hls wlfe are noL known. Marla
marrled, buL became a wldow soon afLerwards. She Lhen became a novlce ln Lhe
CarmellLe monasLery ln Cranada, and durlng her novlclaLe had revelaLlons,
llke Lhose of SL. 1eresa, abouL a reform of Lhe Crder. Per confessor made
llghL of her revelaLlons, and she Lhen referred Lhem Lo l. Caspar de
Salazar, a confessor of SL. 1eresa, who was Lhen ln Cranada. Pe approved of
Lhem, and Marla lefL Lhe novlclaLe, and wenL Lo 8ome wlLh Lwo holy women of
Lhe Crder of SL. lrancls. 1he Lhree made Lhe [ourney on fooL, and, moreover,
barefooLed. ope lus lv. heard her prayer, and, looklng aL her Lorn and
bleedlng feeL, sald Lo her, "Woman of sLrong courage, leL lL be as Lhou
wllL." She reLurned Lo Cranada, buL boLh Lhe CarmellLes and Lhe clLy refused
her permlsslon Lo found her house Lhere, and some wenL so far as Lo LhreaLen
Lo have her publlcly whlpped. uona Leonor de Mascarenas gave her a house ln
Alcala de Penares, of whlch she Look possesslon SepL. 11, 1362, buL Lhe
house was formally consLlLuLed !uly 23, 1363, and sub[ecLed Lo Lhe 8lshop
Len days afLer (8eforma, l. c. 39, and uon vlcenLe, vol. l. p. 233). 1he
laLLer says LhaL Lhe Chronlcler ls ln error when he asserLs LhaL Lhls
monasLery of Marla of !esus was endowed.

[312] 1he slxLh chapLer of Lhe rule ls: "nullus fraLrum slbl allquld
proprlum, esse dlcaL, sed slnL vobls omnla communla."

[313] See [397]ch. xxxll. 13.

[314] 1he ConsLlLuLlons whlch Lhe SalnL read ln Lhe MonasLery of Lhe
lncarnaLlon musL have been Lhe ConsLlLuLlons grounded on Lhe MlLlgaLed 8ule
whlch was sancLloned by Lugenlus lv. (8omanl onLlflcls, A.u. 1432).

[313] See [398]8elaLlon, l. 10.

[316] l. edro lbanez.

[317] [399]Ch. xl. 3.

[318] l. edro lbanez.

[319] 1he house of uona Lulsa, ln 1oledo.

[320] 1he monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, Avlla.

[321] 2 Cor. xll. 9: "vlrLus ln lnflrmlLaLe perflclLur."

[322] See Way of erfecLlon, ch. xxll., buL ch. xlll. ed. uoblado.

[323] See loundaLlons, ch. l, 1.

[324] SL. MaLL. xlx. 29: "LL omnls qul rellquerlL domum . . . propLer nomen
Meum, cenLuplum acclpleL, eL vlLam Lernam possldeblL."

[323] When Lhe workmen were busy wlLh Lhe bulldlng, a nephew of Lhe SalnL,
Lhe chlld of her slsLer and uon !uan de Cvalle, was sLruck by some falllng
sLones and kllled. 1he workmen Look Lhe chlld Lo hls moLher: and Lhe SalnL,
Lhen ln Lhe house of uona Culomar de ulloa, was senL for. uona Culomar Look
Lhe dead boy lnLo her arms, gave hlm Lo Lhe SalnL, saylng LhaL lL was a
grlevous blow Lo Lhe faLher and moLher, and LhaL she musL obLaln hls llfe
from Cod. 1he SalnL Look Lhe body, and, laylng lL ln her lap, ordered Lhose
around her Lo cease Lhelr lamenLaLlons, of whom her slsLer was naLurally Lhe
loudesL, and be sllenL. 1hen, coverlng her face and her body wlLh her vell,
she prayed Lo Cod, and Cod gave Lhe chlld hls llfe agaln. 1he llLLle boy
soon afLer ran up Lo hls aunL and Lhanked her for whaL she had done. ln
afLer years Lhe chlld used Lo say Lo Lhe SalnL LhaL, as she had deprlved hlm
of Lhe bllss of heaven by brlnglng hlm back Lo llfe, she was bound Lo see
LhaL he dld noL suffer loss. uon Conzalo dled Lhree years afLer SL. 1eresa,
when he was LwenLy-elghL years of age (8eforma, l. c. 42, 2).

[326] salm xclll. 20: "Cul flngls laborem ln prcepLo."
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxxvl.

1he loundaLlon of Lhe MonasLery of SL. !oseph. ersecuLlon and 1empLaLlons.
CreaL lnLerlor 1rlal of Lhe SalnL, and Per uellverance.

1. Pavlng now lefL LhaL clLy, [327] l Lravelled ln greaL [oy, resolved Lo
suffer mosL wllllngly whaLever our Lord mlghL be pleased Lo lay upon me. Cn
Lhe nlghL of my arrlval here, [328] came also from 8ome Lhe commlsslon and
Lhe 8rlef for Lhe erecLlon of Lhe monasLery. [329] l was asLonlshed myself,
and so were Lhose who knew how our Lord hasLened my comlng, when Lhey saw
how necessary lL was, and ln whaL a momenL our Lord had broughL me back.
[330] l found here Lhe 8lshop and Lhe holy frlar, [331] eLer of AlcanLara,
and LhaL nobleman, [332] Lhe greaL servanL of Cod, ln whose house Lhe holy
man was sLaylng, for he was a man who was ln Lhe hablL of recelvlng Lhe
servanLs of Cod ln hls house. 1hese Lwo prevalled on Lhe 8lshop Lo accepL
Lhe monasLery, whlch was no small Lhlng, because lL was founded ln poverLy,
buL he was so greaL a lover of Lhose whom he saw deLermlned Lo serve our
Lord, LhaL he was lmmedlaLely drawn Lo glve Lhem Pls proLecLlon. lL was Lhe
approbaLlon of Lhe holy old man, [333] and Lhe greaL Lrouble he Look Lo make
now Lhls one, now LhaL one, help us, LhaL dld Lhe whole work. lf l had noL
come aL Lhe momenL, as l have [usL sald, l do noL see how lL could have been
done, for Lhe holy man was here buL a shorL Llme,-l Lhlnk noL qulLe elghL
days,-durlng whlch he was also lll, and almosL lmmedlaLely afLerwards our
Lord Look hlm Lo Plmself. [334] lL seems as lf Pls Ma[esLy reserved hlm Llll
Lhls affalr was ended, because now for some Llme-l Lhlnk for more Lhan Lwo
years-he had been very lll.

2. LveryLhlng was done ln Lhe uLmosL secrecy, and lf lL had noL been so, l
do noL see how anyLhlng could have been done aL all, for Lhe people of Lhe
clLy were agalnsL us, as lL appeared afLerwards. Cur Lord ordalned LhaL one
of my broLhers-ln-law [333] should be lll, and hls wlfe away, and hlmself ln
such sLralLs LhaL my superlors gave me leave Lo remaln wlLh hlm. noLhlng,
Lherefore, was found ouL, Lhough some persons had Lhelr susplclons,-sLlll,
Lhey dld noL belleve. lL was very wonderful, for hls lllness lasLed only no
longer Lhan was necessary for our affalr, and when lL was necessary he
should recover hls healLh, LhaL l mlghL be dlsengaged, and he leave Lhe
house empLy, our Lord resLored hlm, and he was asLonlshed aL lL hlmself.
[336]

3. l had much Lrouble ln persuadlng Lhls person and LhaL Lo allow Lhe
foundaLlon, l had Lo nurse Lhe slck man, and obLaln from Lhe workmen Lhe
hasLy preparaLlon of Lhe house, so LhaL lL mlghL have Lhe form of a
monasLery, buL much remalned sLlll Lo be done. My frlend was noL here, [337]
for we LhoughL lL besL she should be away, ln order Lhe beLLer Lo hlde our
purpose. l saw LhaL everyLhlng depended on hasLe, for many, reasons, one of
whlch was LhaL l was afrald l mlghL be ordered back Lo my monasLery aL any
momenL. l was Lroubled by so many Lhlngs, LhaL l suspecLed my cross had been
senL me, Lhough lL seemed buL a llghL one ln comparlson wlLh LhaL whlch l
undersLood our Lord meanL me Lo carry.

4. When everyLhlng was seLLled, our Lord was pleased LhaL some of us should
Lake Lhe hablL on SL. 8arLholomew's uay. 1he mosL Poly SacramenL began Lo
dwell ln Lhe house aL Lhe same Llme. [338] WlLh full sancLlon and auLhorlLy,
Lhen, our monasLery of our mosL glorlous faLher SL. !oseph was founded ln
Lhe year 1362. [339] l was Lhere myself Lo glve Lhe hablL, wlLh Lwo nuns
[340] of Lhe house Lo whlch we belonged, who happened Lhen Lo be absenL from
lL. As Lhe house whlch Lhus became a monasLery was LhaL of my
broLher-ln-law-l sald before [341] LhaL he had boughL lL, for Lhe purpose of
conceallng our plan-l was Lhere myself wlLh Lhe permlsslon of my superlors,
and l

dld noLhlng wlLhouL Lhe advlce of learned men, ln order LhaL l mlghL noL
break, ln a slngle polnL, my vow of obedlence. As Lhese persons consldered
whaL l was dolng Lo be mosL advanLageous for Lhe whole Crder, on many
accounLs, Lhey Lold me-Lhough l was acLlng secreLly, and Laklng care my
superlors should know noLhlng-LhaL l mlghL go on. lf Lhey had Lold me LhaL
Lhere was Lhe sllghLesL lmperfecLlon ln Lhe whole maLLer, l would have glven
up Lhe foundlng of a Lhousand monasLerles,-how much more, Lhen, Lhls one! l
am cerLaln of Lhls, for Lhough l longed Lo wlLhdraw from everyLhlng more and
more, and Lo follow my rule and vocaLlon ln Lhe greaLesL perfecLlon and
secluslon, yeL l wlshed Lo do so only condlLlonally: for lf l should have
learnL LhaL lL would be for Lhe greaLer honour of our Lord Lo abandon lL, l
would have done so, as l dld before on one occaslon, [342] ln all peace
and conLenLmenL.

3. l felL as lf l were ln bllss, when l saw Lhe mosL Poly SacramenL
reserved, wlLh four poor orphans, [343] -for Lhey were recelved wlLhouL a
dowry,-and greaL servanLs of Cod, esLabllshed ln Lhe house. lL was our alm
from Lhe beglnnlng Lo recelve only Lhose who, by Lhelr example, mlghL be Lhe
foundaLlon on whlch we could bulld up whaL we had ln vlew-greaL perfecLlon
and prayer-and effecL a work whlch l belleved Lo be for Lhe servlce of our
Lord, and Lo Lhe honour of Lhe hablL of Pls glorlous MoLher. 1hls was my
anxleLy. lL was also a greaL consolaLlon Lo me LhaL l had done LhaL whlch
our Lord had so ofLen commanded me Lo do, and LhaL Lhere was one church more
ln Lhls clLy dedlcaLed Lo my glorlous faLher SL. !oseph. noL LhaL l LhoughL
l had done anyLhlng myself, for l have never LhoughL so, and do noL Lhlnk so
even now, l always looked upon lL as Lhe work of our Lord. My parL ln lL was
so full of lmperfecLlons, LhaL l look upon myself raLher as a person ln
faulL Lhan as one Lo whom any Lhanks are due. 8uL lL was a greaL [oy Lo me
when l saw Pls Ma[esLy make use of me, who am so worLhless, as Pls
lnsLrumenL ln so grand a work. l was Lherefore ln greaL [oy,-so much so,
LhaL l was, as lL were, beslde myself, losL ln prayer.

6. When all was done-lL mlghL have been abouL Lhree or four hours
afLerwards-SaLan reLurned Lo Lhe splrlLual flghL agalnsL me, as l shall now
relaLe. Pe suggesLed Lo me LhaL perhaps l had been wrong ln whaL l had done,
perhaps l had falled ln my obedlence, ln havlng broughL lL abouL wlLhouL Lhe
commandmenL of Lhe rovlnclal. l dld cerLalnly Lhlnk LhaL Lhe rovlnclal
would be dlspleased because l had placed Lhe monasLery under Lhe
[urlsdlcLlon of Lhe 8lshop [344] wlLhouL Lelllng hlm of lL beforehand,
Lhough, as he would noL acknowledge Lhe monasLery hlmself, and as l had noL
changed mlne, lL seemed Lo me LhaL perhaps he would noL care much abouL Lhe
maLLer. SaLan also suggesLed wheLher Lhe nuns would be conLenLed Lo llve ln
so sLrlcL a house, wheLher Lhey could always flnd food, wheLher l had noL
done a sllly Lhlng, and whaL had l Lo do wlLh lL, when l was already ln a
monasLery? All our Lord had sald Lo me, all Lhe oplnlons l had heard, and
all Lhe prayers whlch had been almosL unlnLerrupLed for more Lhan Lwo years,
were compleLely bloLLed ouL of my memory, [usL as lf Lhey had never been.
1he only Lhlng l remembered was my own oplnlon, and every vlrLue, wlLh falLh
lLself, was Lhen suspended wlLhln me, so LhaL l was wlLhouL sLrengLh Lo
pracLlse any one of Lhem, or Lo defend myself agalnsL so many blows.

7. 1he devll also would have me ask myself how l could Lhlnk of shuLLlng
myself up ln so sLrlcL a house, when l was sub[ecL Lo so many lnflrmlLles,
how could l bear so penlLenLlal a llfe, and leave a house large and
pleasanL, where l had been always so happy, and where l had so many
frlends?-perhaps l mlghL noL llke Lhose of Lhe new monasLery, l had Laken on
myself a heavy obllgaLlon, and mlghL posslbly end ln despalr. Pe also
suggesLed LhaL perhaps lL was he hlmself who had conLrlved lL, ln order Lo
rob me of my peace and resL, so LhaL, belng unable Lo pray, l mlghL be
dlsquleLed, and so lose my soul. 1houghLs of Lhls klnd he puL before me, and
Lhey were so many, LhaL l could Lhlnk of noLhlng else, and wlLh Lhem came
such dlsLress, obscurlLy, and darkness of soul as l can never descrlbe. When
l found myself ln Lhls sLaLe, l wenL and placed myself before Lhe mosL Poly
SacramenL, Lhough l could noL pray Lo Plm, so greaL was my angulsh, LhaL l
was llke one ln Lhe agony of deaLh. l could noL make Lhe maLLer known Lo any
one, because no confessor had as yeL been appolnLed.

8. C my Cod, how wreLched ls Lhls llfe! no [oy ls lasLlng, everyLhlng ls
llable Lo change. Cnly a momenL ago, l do noL Lhlnk l would have exchanged
my [oy wlLh any man upon earLh, and Lhe very grounds of LhaL [oy so
LormenLed me now, LhaL l knew noL whaL Lo do wlLh myself. Ch, lf we dld buL
conslder carefully Lhe evenLs of our llfe, every one of us would learn from
experlence how llLLle we oughL Lo make elLher of lLs pleasures or of lLs
palns! CerLalnly Lhls was, l belleve, one of Lhe mosL dlsLresslng momenLs l
ever passed ln all my llfe, my splrlL seemed Lo forecasL Lhe greaL
sufferlngs ln sLore for me, Lhough Lhey never were so heavy as Lhls was, lf
lL had conLlnued. 8uL our Lord would noL leL Pls poor servanL suffer, for ln
all my Lroubles Pe never falled Lo succour me, so lL was now.

Pe gave me a llLLle llghL, so LhaL l mlghL see lL was Lhe work of Lhe devll,
and mlghL undersLand Lhe LruLh,-namely, LhaL lL was noLhlng else buL an
aLLempL on hls parL Lo frlghLen me wlLh hls lles. So l began Lo call Lo mlnd
my greaL resoluLlons Lo serve our Lord, and my deslre Lo suffer for Pls
sake, and l LhoughL LhaL lf l carrled Lhem ouL, l musL noL seek Lo be aL
resL, LhaL lf l had my Lrlals, Lhey would be merlLorlous, and LhaL lf l had
Lroubles, and endured Lhem ln order Lo please Cod, lL would serve me for
purgaLory. WhaL was l, Lhen, afrald of? lf l longed for LrlbulaLlons, l had
Lhem now, and my galn lay ln Lhe greaLesL opposlLlon. Why, Lhen, dld l fall
ln courage Lo serve Cne Lo whom l owed so much?

9. AfLer maklng Lhese and oLher reflecLlons, and dolng greaL vlolence Lo
myself, l promlsed before Lhe mosL Poly SacramenL Lo do all ln my power Lo
obLaln permlsslon Lo enLer Lhls house, and, lf l could do lL wlLh a good
consclence, Lo make a vow of enclosure. When l had done Lhls, Lhe devll fled
ln a momenL, and lefL me calm and peaceful, and l have conLlnued so ever
slnce, and Lhe enclosure, penances, and oLher rules of Lhls house are Lo me,
ln Lhelr observance, so slngularly sweeL and llghL, Lhe [oy l have ls so
exceedlngly greaL, LhaL l am now and Lhen Lhlnklng whaL on earLh l could
have chosen whlch should be more dellghLful. l know noL wheLher Lhls may noL
be Lhe cause of my belng ln beLLer healLh Lhan l was ever before, or wheLher
lL be LhaL our Lord, because lL ls needful and reasonable LhaL l should do
as all Lhe oLhers do, glves me Lhls comforL of keeplng Lhe whole rule,
Lhough wlLh some dlfflculLy. Powever, all who know my lnflrmlLles, are
asLonlshed aL my sLrengLh. 8lessed be Pe who glveLh lL all, and ln whose
sLrengLh l am sLrong!

10. Such a conLesL lefL me greaLly faLlgued, and laughlng aL SaLan, for l
saw clearly lL was he. As l have never known whaL lL ls Lo be dlsconLenLed
because l am a nun-no, noL for an lnsLanL-durlng more Lhan LwenLy-elghL
years of rellglon, l belleve LhaL our Lord suffered me Lo be Lhus LempLed,
LhaL l mlghL undersLand how greaL a mercy Pe had shown me hereln, and from
whaL LormenL Pe had dellvered me, and LhaL lf l saw any one ln llke Lrouble
l mlghL noL be alarmed aL lL, buL have plLy on her, and be able Lo
console her.

11. 1hen, when Lhls was over, l wlshed Lo resL myself a llLLle afLer our
dlnner, for durlng Lhe whole of LhaL nlghL l had scarcely resLed aL all, and
for some nlghLs prevlously l had had much Lrouble and anxleLy, whlle every
day was full of Loll, for Lhe news of whaL we had done had reached my
monasLery, and was spread Lhrough Lhe clLy. 1here arose a greaL ouLcry, for
Lhe reasons l menLloned before, [343] and Lhere was some apparenL ground for
lL. 1he prloress [346] senL for me Lo come Lo her lmmedlaLely. When l
recelved Lhe order, l wenL aL once, leavlng Lhe nuns ln greaL dlsLress. l
saw clearly enough LhaL Lhere were Lroubles before me, buL as Lhe work was
really done, l dld noL care much for LhaL. l prayed and lmplored our Lord Lo
help me, and my faLher SL. !oseph Lo brlng me back Lo hls house. l offered
up Lo hlm all l was Lo suffer, re[olclng greaLly LhaL l had Lhe opporLunlLy
of sufferlng for hls honour and of dolng hlm servlce. l wenL persuaded LhaL
l should be puL ln prlson aL once buL Lhls would have been a greaL comforL,
because l should have nobody Lo speak Lo, and mlghL have some resL and
sollLude, of whlch l was ln greaL need, for so much lnLercourse wlLh people
had worn me ouL.

12. When l came and Lold Lhe prloress whaL l had done, she was sofLened a
llLLle. 1hey all senL for Lhe rovlnclal, and Lhe maLLer was reserved for
hlm. When he came, l was summoned Lo [udgmenL, re[olclng greaLly aL seelng
LhaL l had someLhlng Lo suffer for our Lord. l dld noL Lhlnk l had offended
agalnsL Pls Ma[esLy, or agalnsL my Crder, ln anyLhlng l had done,

on Lhe conLrary, l was sLrlvlng wlLh all my mlghL Lo exalL my Crder, for
whlch l would wllllngly have dled,-for my whole deslre was LhaL lLs rule
mlghL be observed ln all perfecLlon. l LhoughL of ChrlsL recelvlng senLence,
and l saw how Lhls of mlne would be less Lhan noLhlng. l confessed my faulL,
as lf l had been very much Lo blame, and so l seemed Lo every one who dld
noL know all Lhe reasons. AfLer Lhe rovlnclal had rebuked me sharply-Lhough
noL wlLh Lhe severlLy whlch my faulL deserved, nor accordlng Lo Lhe
represenLaLlons made Lo hlm-l would noL defend myself, for l was deLermlned
Lo bear lL all, on Lhe conLrary, l prayed hlm Lo forglve and punlsh, and be
no longer angry wlLh me.

13. l saw well enough LhaL Lhey condemned me on some charges of whlch l was
lnnocenL, for Lhey sald l had founded Lhe monasLery LhaL l mlghL be LhoughL
much of, and Lo make myself a name, and for oLher reasons of LhaL klnd. 8uL
on oLher polnLs l undersLood clearly LhaL Lhey were speaklng Lhe LruLh, as
when Lhey sald LhaL l was more wlcked Lhan Lhe oLher nuns. 1hey asked, how
could l, who had noL kepL Lhe rule ln LhaL house, Lhlnk of keeplng lL ln
anoLher of sLrlcLer observance? 1hey sald l was glvlng scandal ln Lhe clLy,
and seLLlng up novelLles. All Lhls nelLher Lroubled nor dlsLressed me ln Lhe
leasL, Lhough l dld seem Lo feel lL, lesL l should appear Lo make llghL of
whaL Lhey were saylng.

14. AL lasL Lhe rovlnclal commanded me Lo explaln my conducL before Lhe
nuns, and l had Lo do lL. As l was perfecLly calm, and our Lord helped me, l
explalned everyLhlng ln such a way LhaL nelLher Lhe rovlnclal nor Lhose who
were presenL found any reason Lo condemn me. AfLerwards l spoke more plalnly
Lo Lhe rovlnclal alone, he was very much saLlsfled, and promlsed, lf Lhe
new monasLery prospered, and Lhe clLy became quleL, Lo glve me leave Lo llve
ln lL. now Lhe ouLcry ln Lhe clLy was very greaL, as l

am golng Lo Lell. 1wo or Lhree days afLer Lhls, Lhe governor, cerLaln
members of Lhe councll of Lhe clLy and of Lhe ChapLer, came LogeLher, and
resolved LhaL Lhe new monasLery should noL be allowed Lo exlsL, LhaL lL was
a vlslble wrong Lo Lhe sLaLe, LhaL Lhe mosL Poly SacramenL should be
removed, and LhaL Lhey would noL suffer us Lo go on wlLh our work.

13. 1hey assembled all Lhe Crders-LhaL ls, Lwo learned men from each-Lo glve
Lhelr oplnlon. Some were sllenL, oLhers condemned, ln Lhe end, Lhey resolved
LhaL Lhe monasLery should be broken up. Cnly one [347] -he was of Lhe Crder
of SL. uomlnlc, and ob[ecLed, noL Lo Lhe monasLery lLself, buL Lo Lhe
foundaLlon of lL ln poverLy-sald LhaL Lhere was no reason why lL should be
Lhus dlssolved, LhaL Lhe maLLer oughL Lo be well consldered, LhaL Lhere was
Llme enough, LhaL lL was Lhe affalr of Lhe blshop, wlLh oLher Lhlngs of LhaL
klnd. 1hls was of greaL servlce Lo us, for Lhey were angry enough Lo proceed
Lo lLs desLrucLlon aL once, and lL was forLunaLe Lhey dld noL. ln shorL, Lhe
monasLery musL exlsL, our Lord was pleased Lo have lL, and all of Lhem could
do noLhlng agalnsL Pls wlll. 1hey gave Lhelr reasons, and showed Lhelr zeal
for good, and Lhus, wlLhouL offendlng Cod, made me suffer LogeLher wlLh all
Lhose who were ln favour of Lhe monasLery, Lhere were noL many, buL Lhey
suffered much persecuLlon. 1he lnhablLanLs were so exclLed, LhaL Lhey Lalked
of noLhlng else, every one condemned me, and hurrled Lo Lhe rovlnclal and
Lo my monasLery.

16. l was no more dlsLressed by whaL Lhey sald of me Lhan lf Lhey had sald
noLhlng, buL l was afrald Lhe monasLery would be desLroyed: LhaL was
palnful, so also was lL Lo see Lhose persons who helped me lose Lhelr credlL
and suffer so much annoyance. 8uL as Lo whaL was sald of myself l was raLher
glad, and lf l had had any falLh l should noL have been Lroubled aL all. 8uL
a sllghL falllng ln one vlrLue ls enough Lo puL all Lhe oLhers Lo sleep. l
was Lherefore exLremely dlsLressed durlng Lhe Lwo days on whlch Lhose
assemblles of whlch l have spoken were held. ln Lhe exLremlLy of my Lrouble,
our Lord sald Lo me: "knowesL Lhou noL LhaL l am Lhe AlmlghLy? whaL arL Lhou
afrald of?" Pe made me feel assured LhaL Lhe monasLery would noL be broken
up, and l was exceedlngly comforLed. 1he lnformaLlons Laken were senL up Lo
Lhe klng's councll, and an order came back for a reporL on Lhe whole maLLer.

17. Pere was Lhe beglnnlng of a grand lawsulL: Lhe clLy senL delegaLes Lo
Lhe courL, and some musL be senL also Lo defend Lhe monasLery: buL l had no
money, nor dld l know whaL Lo do. Cur Lord provlded for us for Lhe laLher
rovlnclal never ordered me noL Lo meddle ln Lhe maLLer. Pe ls so greaL a
lover of all LhaL ls good, LhaL, Lhough he dld noL help us, he would noL be
agalnsL our work. nelLher dld he auLhorlse me Lo enLer Lhe house Llll he saw
how lL would end. 1hose servanLs of Cod who were ln lL were lefL alone, and
dld more by Lhelr prayers Lhan l dld wlLh all my negoLlaLlons, Lhough Lhe
affalr needed Lhe uLmosL aLLenLlon. now and Lhen everyLhlng seemed Lo fall,
parLlcularly one day, before Lhe rovlnclal came, when Lhe prloress ordered
me Lo meddle no more wlLh lL, and Lo glve lL up alLogeLher. l beLook myself
Lo Cod, and sald, "C Lord, Lhls house ls noL mlne, lL was founded for 1hee,
and now LhaL Lhere ls no one Lo Lake up Lhe cause, do 1hou proLecL lL." l
now felL myself ln peace, and as free from anxleLy as lf Lhe whole world
were on my slde ln Lhe maLLer, and aL once l looked upon lL as safe. [348]

18. A very greaL servanL of Cod, and a lover of all perfecLlon, a prlesL
[349] who had helped me always, wenL Lo Lhe courL on Lhls buslness, and Look
greaL palns. 1haL holy nobleman [330] of whom l have ofLen spoken laboured
much on our behalf, and helped us ln every way. Pe had much Lrouble and
persecuLlon Lo endure, and l always found a faLher ln hlm, and do so sLlll.
All Lhose who helped us, our Lord fllled wlLh such fervour as made Lhem
conslder our affalr as Lhelr own, as lf Lhelr own llfe and repuLaLlon were
aL sLake, and yeL lL was noLhlng Lo Lhem, excepL ln so far as lL regarded
Lhe servlce of our Lord. Pls Ma[esLy vlslbly helped Lhe prlesL l have spoken
of before, [331] who was also one of Lhose who gave us greaL help when Lhe
8lshop senL hlm as hls represenLaLlve Lo one of Lhe greaL meeLlngs. 1here he
sLood alone agalnsL all, aL lasL he paclfled Lhem by means of cerLaln
proposlLlons, whlch obLalned us a llLLle resplLe. 8uL LhaL was noL enough,
for Lhey were ready Lo spend Lhelr llves, lf Lhey could buL desLroy Lhe
monasLery. 1hls servanL of Cod was he who gave Lhe hablL and reserved Lhe
mosL Poly SacramenL, and he was Lhe ob[ecL of much persecuLlon. 1hls aLLack
lasLed abouL slx monLhs: Lo relaLe ln deLall Lhe heavy Lrlals we passed
Lhrough would be Loo Ledlous.

19. l wondered aL whaL SaLan dld agalnsL a few poor women, and also how all
people LhoughL LhaL merely Lwelve women, wlLh a prloress, could be so
hurLful Lo Lhe clLy,-for Lhey were noL Lo be more,-l say Lhls Lo Lhose who
opposed us,-and llvlng such ausLere llves, for lf any harm or error came of
lL, lL would all fall upon Lhem. Parm Lo Lhe clLy Lhere could noL be ln any
way, and yeL Lhe people LhoughL Lhere was so much ln lL, LhaL Lhey opposed
us wlLh a good consclence. AL lasL Lhey resolved Lhey would LoleraLe us lf
we were endowed, and ln conslderaLlon of LhaL would suffer us Lo remaln. l
was so dlsLressed aL Lhe Lrouble of all Lhose who were on our slde-more Lhan
aL my own-LhaL l LhoughL lL would noL be amlss, Llll Lhe people were
paclfled, Lo accepL an endowmenL, buL afLerwards Lo reslgn lL. AL oLher
Llmes, Loo, wlcked and lmperfecL as l am, l LhoughL LhaL perhaps our Lord
wlshed lL Lo be so, seelng LhaL, wlLhouL accepLlng lL, we could noL succeed,
and so l consenLed Lo Lhe compromlse.

20. 1he nlghL before Lhe seLLlemenL was Lo be made, l was ln prayer,-Lhe
dlscusslon of Lhe Lerms of lL had already begun,-when our Lord sald Lo me
LhaL l musL do noLhlng of Lhe klnd, for lf we began wlLh an endowmenL, Lhey
would never allow us Lo reslgn lL. Pe sald some oLher Lhlngs also. 1he same
nlghL, Lhe holy frlar, eLer of AlcanLara, appeared Lo me. Pe was Lhen dead.
[332] 8uL he had wrlLLen Lo me before hls deaLh-for he knew Lhe greaL
opposlLlon and persecuLlon we had Lo bear-LhaL he was glad Lhe foundaLlon
was so much spoken agalnsL, lL was a slgn LhaL our Lord would be exceedlngly
honoured ln Lhe monasLery, seelng LhaL SaLan was so earnesL agalnsL lL, and
LhaL l was by no means Lo consenL Lo an endowmenL. Pe urged Lhls upon me
Lwlce or Lhrlce ln LhaL leLLer, and sald LhaL lf l perslsLed ln Lhls
everyLhlng would succeed accordlng Lo my wlsh.

21. AL Lhls Llme l had already seen hlm Lwlce slnce hls deaLh, and Lhe greaL
glory he was ln, and so l was noL afrald,-on Lhe conLrary, l was very glad,
for he always appeared as a glorlfled body ln greaL happlness, and Lhe
vlslon made me very happy Loo. l remember LhaL he Lold me, Lhe flrsL Llme l
saw hlm, among oLher Lhlngs, when speaklng of Lhe greaLness of hls [oy, LhaL
Lhe penance he had done was a blessed Lhlng for hlm, ln LhaL lL had obLalned
so greaL a reward. 8uL, as l Lhlnk l have spoken of Lhls before, [333] l
wlll now say no more Lhan LhaL he showed hlmself severe on Lhls occaslon: he
merely sald LhaL l was on no accounL Lo accepL an endowmenL, and asked why
lL was l dld noL Lake hls advlce. Pe Lhen dlsappeared. l remalned ln
asLonlshmenL, and Lhe nexL day Lold Lhe nobleman-for l wenL Lo hlm ln all my
Lrouble, as Lo one who dld more Lhan oLhers for us ln Lhe maLLer,-whaL had
Laken place, and charged hlm noL Lo consenL Lo Lhe endowmenL, buL Lo leL Lhe
lawsulL go on. Pe was more flrm on Lhls polnL Lhan l was, and was Lherefore
greaLly pleased, he Lold me afLerwards how much he dlsllked Lhe compromlse.

22. AfLer Lhls, anoLher personage-a greaL servanL of Cod, and wlLh good
lnLenLlons-came forward, who, now LhaL Lhe maLLer was ln good Lraln, advlsed
us Lo puL lL ln Lhe hands of learned men. 1hls broughL on Lrouble enough,
for some of Lhose who helped me agreed Lo do so, and Lhls ploL of SaLan was
one of Lhe mosL dlfflculL of all Lo unravel. Cur Lord was my helper
LhroughouL. WrlLlng Lhus brlefly, lL ls lmposslble for me Lo explaln whaL
Look place durlng Lhe Lwo years LhaL passed beLween Lhe beglnnlng and Lhe
compleLlon of Lhe monasLery: Lhe lasL slx monLhs and Lhe flrsL slx monLhs
were Lhe mosL palnful.

23. When aL lasL Lhe clLy was somewhaL calm, Lhe llcenLlaLe faLher, Lhe
uomlnlcan frlar [334] who helped us, exerLed hlmself mosL skllfully on our
behalf. 1hough noL here aL Lhe Llme, our Lord broughL hlm here aL a mosL
convenlenL momenL for our servlce, and lL seems LhaL Pls Ma[esLy broughL hlm
for LhaL purpose only. Pe Lold me afLerwards LhaL he had no reasons for
comlng, and LhaL he heard of our affalr as lf by chance.

Pe remalned here as long as we wanLed hlm, and on golng away he prevalled,
by some means, on Lhe laLher rovlnclal Lo permlL me Lo enLer Lhls house,
and Lo Lake wlLh me some of Lhe nuns [333] -such a permlsslon seemed
lmposslble ln so shorL a Llme for Lhe performance of Lhe ulvlne Cfflce-and
Lhe Lralnlng of Lhose who were ln Lhls house: Lhe day of our comlng was a
mosL [oyful day for me. [336]

24. Whlle praylng ln Lhe church, before l wenL lnLo Lhe house, and belng as
lL were ln a Lrance, l saw ChrlsL, who, as lL seemed Lo me, recelved me wlLh
greaL affecLlon, placed a crown on my head, and Lhanked me for whaL l had
done for Pls MoLher. Cn anoLher occaslon, when all of us remalned ln Lhe
cholr ln prayer afLer Compllne, l saw our Lady ln exceedlng glory, ln a
whlLe manLle, wlLh whlch she seemed Lo cover us all. l undersLood by LhaL
Lhe hlgh degree of glory Lo whlch our Lord would ralse Lhe rellglous of
Lhls house.

23. When we had begun Lo slng Lhe Cfflce, Lhe people began Lo have a greaL
devoLlon Lo Lhe monasLery, more nuns were recelved, and our Lord began Lo
sLlr up Lhose who had been our greaLesL persecuLors Lo become greaL
benefacLors, and glve alms Lo us. ln Lhls way Lhey came Lo approve of whaL
Lhey had condemned, and so, by degrees, Lhey wlLhdrew from Lhe lawsulL, and
would say LhaL Lhey now felL lL Lo be a work of Cod, slnce Pls Ma[esLy had
been pleased Lo carry lL on ln Lhe face of so much opposlLlon. And now Lhere
ls noL one who Lhlnks LhaL lL would have been rlghL noL Lo have founded Lhe
monasLery: so Lhey make a polnL of furnlshlng us wlLh alms, for wlLhouL any
asklng on our parL, wlLhouL begglng of any one, our Lord moves Lhem Lo,
succour us, and so we always have whaL ls necessary for us, and l LrusL ln
our Lord lL wlll always be so. [337] As Lhe slsLers are few ln number, lf
Lhey do Lhelr duLy as our Lord aL presenL by Pls grace enables Lhem Lo do, l
am confldenL LhaL Lhey wlll always have lL, and LhaL Lhey need noL be a
burden nor Lroublesome Lo anybody, for our Lord wlll care for Lhem, as Pe
has hlLherLo done.

26. lL ls Lhe greaLesL consolaLlon Lo me Lo flnd myself among Lhose who are
so deLached. 1helr occupaLlon ls Lo learn how Lhey may advance ln Lhe
servlce of Cod. SollLude ls Lhelr dellghL, and Lhe LhoughL of belng vlslLed
by any one, even of Lhelr nearesL klndred, ls a Lrlal, unless lL helps Lhem
Lo klndle more and more Lhelr love of Lhe 8rldegroom. Accordlngly, none come
Lo Lhls house who do noL alm aL Lhls, oLherwlse Lhey nelLher glve nor
recelve any pleasure from Lhelr vlslLs. 1helr conversaLlon ls of Cod only,
and so he whose conversaLlon ls dlfferenL does noL undersLand Lhem, and Lhey
do noL undersLand hlm.

27. We keep Lhe rule of our Lady of Carmel, noL Lhe rule of Lhe MlLlgaLlon,
buL as lL was seLLled by lr. Pugo, Cardlnal of SanLa Sablna, and glven ln
Lhe year 1248, ln Lhe flfLh year of Lhe ponLlflcaLe of lnnocenL lv., ope.
All Lhe Lrouble we had Lo go Lhrough, as lL seems Lo me, wlll have been
endured Lo good purpose.

28. And now, Lhough Lhe rule be somewhaL severe,-for we never eaL flesh
excepL ln cases of necesslLy, fasL elghL monLhs ln Lhe year, and pracLlse
some oLher ausLerlLles besldes, accordlng Lo Lhe prlmlLlve rule, [338] -yeL
Lhe slsLers Lhlnk lL llghL on many polnLs, and so Lhey have oLher
observances, whlch we have LhoughL necessary for Lhe more perfecL keeplng of
lL. And l LrusL ln our Lord LhaL whaL we have begun wlll prosper more and
more, accordlng Lo Lhe promlse of Pls Ma[esLy.

29. 1he oLher house, whlch Lhe holy woman of whom l spoke before [339]
laboured Lo esLabllsh, has been also blessed of our Lord, and ls founded ln
Alcala: lL dld noL escape serlous opposlLlon, nor fall Lo endure many
Lrlals. l know LhaL all duLles of rellglon are observed ln lL, accordlng Lo
our prlmlLlve rule. Cur Lord granL LhaL all may be Lo Lhe pralse and glory
of Plmself and of Lhe glorlous vlrgln Mary, whose hablL we wear. Amen.

30. l Lhlnk you musL be wearled, my faLher, by Lhe Ledlous hlsLory of Lhls
monasLery, and yeL lL ls mosL conclse, lf you compare lL wlLh our labours,
and Lhe wonders whlch our Lord has wroughL here. 1here are many who can bear
wlLness Lo Lhls on oaLh. l Lherefore beg of your reverence, for Lhe love of
Cod, should you Lhlnk flL Lo desLroy Lhe resL of Lhls my wrlLlng, Lo
preserve LhaL parL of lL whlch relaLes Lo Lhls monasLery, and glve lL, when
l am dead, Lo Lhe slsLers who may Lhen be llvlng ln lL. lL wlll encourage
Lhem greaLly, who shall come here boLh Lo serve Cod and Lo labour, LhaL whaL
has been Lhus begun may noL fall Lo decay, buL ever grow and Lhrlve, when
Lhey see how much our Lord has done Lhrough one so mean and vlle as l. As
our Lord has been so parLlcularly graclous Lo us ln Lhe foundaLlon of Lhls
house lL seems Lo me LhaL she wlll do very wrong, and LhaL she wlll be
heavlly chasLlsed of Cod, who shall be Lhe flrsL Lo relax Lhe perfecL
observance of Lhe rule, whlch our Lord has here begun and counLenanced, so
LhaL lL may be kepL wlLh so much sweeLness: lL ls mosL evldenL LhaL Lhe
observance of lL ls easy, and LhaL lL can be kepL wlLh ease, by Lhe
arrangemenL made for Lhose who long Lo be alone wlLh Lhelr 8rldegroom
ChrlsL, ln order Lo llve for ever ln Plm.

31. 1hls ls Lo be Lhe perpeLual alm of Lhose who are here, Lo be alone wlLh
Plm alone. 1hey are noL Lo be more ln number Lhan LhlrLeen: l know Lhls
number Lo be Lhe besL, for l have had many oplnlons abouL lL, and l have
seen ln my own experlence, LhaL Lo preserve our splrlL, llvlng on alms,
wlLhouL asklng of anyone, a larger number would be lnexpedlenL. May Lhey
always belleve one who wlLh much labour, and by Lhe prayers of many people,
accompllshed LhaL whlch musL be for Lhe besL! 1haL Lhls ls mosL expedlenL
for us wlll be seen from Lhe [oy and cheerfulness, and Lhe few Lroubles, we
have all had ln Lhe years we have llved ln Lhls house, as well as from Lhe
beLLer healLh Lhan usual of us all. lf any one Lhlnks Lhe rule hard, leL her
lay Lhe faulL on her wanL of Lhe Lrue splrlL, and noL on Lhe rule of Lhe
house, seelng LhaL dellcaLe persons, and Lhose noL salnLs,-because Lhey have
Lhe Lrue splrlL,-can bear lL all wlLh so much sweeLness. LeL oLhers go Lo
anoLher monasLery, where Lhey may save Lhelr souls ln Lhe way of Lhelr
own splrlL.
_________________________________________________________________

[327] 1oledo.

[328] Avlla. ln Lhe beglnnlng of !une, 1362.

[329] See [400]ch. xxxlv. 2. 1he 8rlef was daLed leb. 7, 1362, Lhe Lhlrd
year of lus lv. (ue la luenLe).

[330] 1he 8rlef was addressed Lo uona Aldonza de Cuzman, and Lo uona Culomar
de ulloa, her daughLer.

[331] uon Alvaro de Mendoza (ue la luenLe).

[332] uon lranclsco de Salcedo.

[333] SL. eLer of AlcanLara. "1ruly Lhls ls Lhe house of SL. !oseph," were
Lhe SalnL's words when he saw Lhe rlslng monasLery, "for l see lL ls Lhe
llLLle hosplce of 8eLhlehem" (ue la luenLe).

[334] ln less Lhan Lhree monLhs, perhaps, for SL. eLer dled ln Lhe
slxLy-Lhlrd year of hls age, CcL. 18, 1362, and ln less Lhan elghL weeks
afLer Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe monasLery of SL. !oseph.

[333] uon !uan de Cvalle.

[336] When he saw LhaL Lhe SalnL had made all her arrangemenLs, he knew Lhe
meanlng of hls lllness, and sald Lo her, "lL ls noL necessary l should be
lll any longer" (8lbera, l. c. 8).

[337] uona Culomar de ulloa was now ln her naLlve place, Cludad 1oro.

[338] 1he Mass was sald by Caspar uaza. See lnfra, [401] 18, 8eforma, l. c.
xlvl. 3.

[339] 1he bell whlch Lhe SalnL had provlded for Lhe convenL welghed less
Lhan Lhree pounds, and remalned ln Lhe monasLery for a hundred years, Llll
lL was senL, by order of Lhe Ceneral, Lo Lhe monasLery of asLrana, where
Lhe general chapLers were held. 1here Lhe frlars assembled aL Lhe sound of
Lhe bell, whlch rang for Lhe flrsL Mass of Lhe CarmellLe 8eform (8eforma, l.
c. xlvl. 1).

[340] 1hey were uona lnes and uona Ana de 1apla, couslns of Lhe SalnL. 1here
were presenL also uon Conzalo de Aranda, uon lranclsco Salcedo, !ullan of
Avlla, prlesL, uona !uana de Ahumada, Lhe SalnL's slsLer, wlLh her husband,
!uan de Cvalle. 1he SalnL herself reLalned her own hablL, maklng no change,
because she had noL Lhe permlsslon of her superlors (8eforma, l. c. xlvl.
2).

[341] [402]Ch. xxxlll. 13.

[342] [403]Ch. xxxlll. 3.

[343] 1he flrsL of Lhese was AnLonla de Penao, a penlLenL of SL. eLer of
AlcanLara, and who wlshed Lo enLer a rellglous house far away from Avlla,
her home. SL. eLer kepL her for SL. 1eresa. She was called from Lhls day
forLh AnLonla of Lhe Poly ChosL. 1he second was Marla de la az, broughL up
by uona Culomar de ulloa. Per name was Marla of Lhe Cross. 1he Lhlrd was
ursola de los SanLos. She reLalned her famlly name as ursola of Lhe SalnLs.
lL was Caspar uaza who broughL her Lo Lhe SalnL. 1he fourLh was Marla de
Avlla, slsLer of !ullan Lhe prlesL, and she was called Mary of SL. !oseph.
lL was aL Lhls house, Loo, LhaL Lhe SalnL herself exchanged her ordlnary
deslgnaLlon of uona 1eresa de Ahumada for 1eresa of !esus (8eforma, l. c.
xlvl. 2).

[344] See loundaLlons, ch. ll. 1, and ch. xxxl, 1.

[343] [404]Ch. xxxlll. 1, 2.

[346] Cf Lhe lncarnaLlon.

[347] l. uomlngo 8anes, Lhe greaL commenLaLor on SL. 1homas. Cn Lhe margln
of Lhe MS., 8anes has wlLh hls own hand wrlLLen: "1hls was aL Lhe end of
AugusL, 1362. l was presenL, and gave Lhls oplnlon. l am wrlLlng Lhls ln
May" (Lhe day of Lhe monLh ls noL leglble) "1373, and Lhe moLher has now
founded nlne monasLerles en gran rellglon" (ue la luenLe). AL Lhls Llme
8anes dld noL know, and had never seen, Lhe SalnL, he underLook her defence
slmply because he saw LhaL her lnLenLlons were good, and Lhe means she made
use of for foundlng Lhe monasLery lawful, seelng LhaL she had recelved Lhe
commandmenL Lo do so from Lhe ope. 8anes LesLlfles Lhus ln Lhe deposlLlons
made ln Salamanca ln 1391 ln Lhe SalnL's process. See vol. ll. p. 376 of uon
vlcenLe's edlLlon.

[348] See [403]Ch. xxxlx. 23.

[349] Conzalo de Aranda (ue la luenLe).

[330] uon lranclsco de Salcedo (lbld.).

[331] [406]Ch. xxlll. 6, Caspar uaza (lbld.).

[332] Pe dled CcL. 18, 1362.

[333] [407]Ch. xxvll. 21.

[334] "Ll adre resenLado, uomlnlco. resenLado en algunas 8ellglones es
clerLo LlLulo de grado que es respeLo del MaesLro como Llcenclado"
(Cobarruvlas, ln voce resenLe). 1he faLher was lra edro lbanez. See
[408]ch. xxxvlll. 13.

[333] lrom Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon. 1hese were Ana of SL. !ohn, Ana
of All Lhe Angels, Marla lsabel, and lsabel of SL. aul. SL. 1eresa was a
slmple nun, llvlng under obedlence Lo Lhe prloress of SL. !oseph, Ana of
SL. !ohn, and lnLended so Lo remaln. 8uL Lhe nuns applled Lo Lhe 8lshop of
Avlla and Lo Lhe rovlnclal of Lhe Crder, who, llsLenlng Lo Lhe complalnLs
of Lhe slsLers, compelled Lhe SalnL Lo be Lhelr prloress. See 8eforma, l. c.
xllx. 4.

[336] Mld-LenL of 1363.

[337] See [409]Way of erfecLlon, ch. ll.

[338] "!e[unlum slngulls dlebus, excepLls uomlnlcls, observeLls a lesLo
LxalLaLlonls SancL Crucls usque ad dlem uomlnlc 8esurrecLlonls, nlsl
lnflrmlLas vel deblllLas corporls, auL alla [usLa causa, [e[unlum solvl
suadeaL, qula necesslLas non habeL legem. Ab esu carnlum absLlneaLls, nlsl
pro lnflrmlLaLls auL deblllLaLls remedlo slnL sumanLur." 1haL ls Lhe LenLh
secLlon of Lhe rule.

[339] See [410]ch. xxxv. 1. Marla of !esus had founded her house ln Alcala
de Penares, buL Lhe ausLerlLles pracLlsed ln lL, and Lhe absence of Lhe
rellglous mlLlgaLlons whlch long experlence had lnLroduced, were Loo much
for Lhe fervenL nuns Lhere assembled. Marla of !esus begged uona Leonor de
Mascarenas Lo persuade SL. 1eresa Lo come Lo Alcala. 1he SalnL wenL Lo Lhe
monasLery, and was recelved Lhere wlLh [oy, and even enLreaLed Lo Lake Lhe
house under her own governmenL (8eforma, ll. c. x. 3, 4).
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxxvll.

1he LffecLs of Lhe ulvlne Craces ln Lhe Soul. 1he lnesLlmable CreaLness of
Cne uegree of Clory.

1. lL ls palnful Lo me Lo recounL more of Lhe graces whlch our Lord gave me
Lhan Lhese already spoken of, and Lhey are so many, LhaL nobody can belleve
Lhey were ever glven Lo one so wlcked: buL ln obedlence Lo our Lord, who has
commanded me Lo do lL, [360] and you, my faLhers, l wlll speak of some of
Lhem Lo Pls glory. May lL please Pls Ma[esLy lL may be Lo Lhe proflL of some
soul! lor lf our Lord has been Lhus graclous Lo so-mlserable a Lhlng as
myself, whaL wlll Pe be Lo Lhose who shall serve Plm Lruly? LeL all people
resolve Lo please Pls Ma[esLy, seelng LhaL Pe glves such pledges as Lhese
even ln Lhls llfe. [361]

2. ln Lhe flrsL place, lL musL be undersLood LhaL, ln Lhose graces whlch Cod
besLows on Lhe soul, Lhere are dlverse degrees of [oy: for ln some vlslons
Lhe [oy and sweeLness and comforL of Lhem so far exceed Lhose of oLhers,
LhaL l am amazed aL Lhe dlfferenL degrees of frulLlon even ln Lhls llfe, for
lL happens LhaL Lhe [oy and consolaLlon whlch Cod glves ln a vlslon or a
Lrance are so dlfferenL, LhaL lL seems lmposslble for Lhe soul Lo be able Lo
deslre anyLhlng more ln Lhls world: and, so, ln facL, Lhe soul does noL
deslre, nor would lL ask for, a greaLer [oy. SLlll, slnce our Lord has made
me undersLand how greaL a dlfference Lhere ls ln heaven lLself beLween Lhe
frulLlon of one and LhaL of anoLher, l see clearly enough LhaL here also,
when our Lord wllls, Pe glves noL by measure, [362] and so l wlsh LhaL l
myself observed no measure ln servlng Pls Ma[esLy, and ln uslng my whole
llfe and sLrengLh and healLh Lhereln, and l would noL have any faulL of mlne
rob me of Lhe sllghLesL degree of frulLlon.

3. And so l say LhaL lf l were asked whlch l preferred, Lo endure all Lhe
Lrlals of Lhe world unLll Lhe end of lL, and Lhen recelve one sllghL degree
of glory addlLlonal, or wlLhouL any sufferlng of any klnd Lo enLer lnLo
glory of a sllghLly lower degree, l would accepL-oh, how wllllngly!-all
Lhose Lrlals for one sllghL degree of frulLlon ln Lhe conLemplaLlon of Lhe
greaLness of Cod, for l know LhaL he who undersLands Plm besL, loves Plm and
pralses Plm besL. l do noL mean LhaL l should noL be saLlsfled, and conslder
myself mosL blessed, Lo be ln heaven, even lf l should be ln Lhe lowesL
place, for as l am one who had LhaL place ln hell, lL would be a greaL mercy
of our Lord Lo admlL me aL all, and may lL please Pls Ma[esLy Lo brlng me
LhlLher, and Lake away Pls eyes from beholdlng my grlevous slns. WhaL l mean
ls Lhls,-lf lL were ln my power, even lf lL cosL me everyLhlng, and our Lord
gave me Lhe grace Lo endure much affllcLlon, l would noL Lhrough any faulL
of mlne lose one degree of glory. Ah, wreLched LhaL l am, who by so many
faulLs had forfelLed all!

4. lL ls also Lo be observed LhaL, ln every vlslon or revelaLlon whlch our
Lord ln Pls mercy senL me, a greaL galn accrued Lo my soul, and LhaL ln some
of Lhe vlslons Lhls galn was very greaL. 1he vlslon of ChrlsL lefL behlnd an
lmpresslon of Pls exceedlng beauLy, and lL remalns wlLh me Lo Lhls day. Cne
vlslon alone of Plm ls enough Lo effecL Lhls, whaL, Lhen, musL all Lhose
vlslons have done, whlch our Lord ln Pls mercy senL me? Cne exceedlngly
greaL blesslng has resulLed Lherefrom, and lL ls Lhls,-l had one very
grlevous faulL, whlch was Lhe source of much evll, namely, whenever l found
anybody well dlsposed Lowards myself, and l llked hlm, l used Lo have such
an affecLlon for hlm as compelled me always Lo remember and Lhlnk of hlm,
Lhough l had no lnLenLlon of offendlng Cod: however, l was pleased Lo see
hlm, Lo Lhlnk of hlm and of hls good quallLles. All Lhls was so hurLful,
LhaL lL broughL my soul Lo Lhe very verge of desLrucLlon.

3. 8uL ever slnce l saw Lhe greaL beauLy [363] of our Lord, l never saw any
one who ln comparlson wlLh Plm seemed even endurable, or LhaL could occupy
my LhoughLs. lor lf l buL Lurn mlne eyes lnwardly for a momenL Lo Lhe
conLemplaLlon of Lhe lmage whlch l have wlLhln me, l flnd myself so free,
LhaL from LhaL lnsLanL everyLhlng l see ls loaLhsome ln comparlson wlLh Lhe
excellences and graces of whlch l had a vlslon ln our Lord. nelLher ls Lhere
any sweeLness, nor any klnd of pleasure, whlch l can make any accounL of,
compared wlLh LhaL whlch comes from hearlng buL one word from Pls dlvlne
mouLh. WhaL, Lhen, musL lL be when l hear so many? l look upon lL as
lmposslble-unless our Lord, for my slns, should permlL Lhe loss of Lhls
remembrance-LhaL l should have Lhe power Lo occupy myself wlLh anyLhlng ln
such a way as LhaL l should noL lnsLanLly recover my llberLy by Lhlnklng of
our Lord.

6. 1hls has happened Lo me wlLh some of my confessors, for l always have a
greaL affecLlon for Lhose who have Lhe dlrecLlon of my soul. As l really saw
ln Lhem only Lhe represenLaLlves of Cod, l LhoughL my wlll was always Lhere
where lL ls mosL occupled, and as l felL very safe ln Lhe maLLer, l always
showed myself glad Lo see Lhem. [364] 1hey, on Lhe oLher hand, servanLs of
Cod, and fearlng Plm, were afrald LhaL l was aLLachlng and blndlng myself
Loo much Lo Lhem, Lhough ln a holy way, and LreaLed me wlLh rudeness. 1hls
Look place afLer l had become so ready Lo obey Lhem, for before LhaL Llme l
had no affecLlon whaLever for Lhem. l used Lo laugh Lo myself, when l saw
how much Lhey were decelved. 1hough l was noL always puLLlng before Lhem how
llLLle l was aLLached Lo anybody, as clearly as l was convlnced of lL
myself, yeL l dld assure Lhem of lL, and Lhey, ln Lhelr furLher relaLlons
wlLh me, acknowledged how much l owed Lo our Lord ln Lhe maLLer. 1hese
susplclons of me always arose ln Lhe beglnnlng.

7. My love of, and LrusL ln, our Lord, afLer l had seen Plm ln a vlslon,
began Lo grow, for my converse wlLh Plm was so conLlnual. l saw LhaL, Lhough
Pe was Cod, Pe was man also, LhaL Pe ls noL surprlsed aL Lhe frallLles of
men, LhaL Pe undersLands our mlserable naLure, llable Lo fall conLlnually,
because of Lhe flrsL sln, for Lhe reparaLlon of whlch Pe had come. l could
speak Lo Plm as Lo a frlend, Lhough Pe ls my Lord, because l do noL conslder
Plm as one of our earLhly Lords, who affecL a power Lhey do noL possess, who
glve audlence aL flxed hours, and Lo whom only cerLaln persons may speak. lf
a poor man have any buslness wlLh Lhese, lL wlll cosL hlm many golngs and
comlngs, and currylng favour wlLh oLhers, LogeLher wlLh much paln and labour
before he can speak Lo Lhem. Ah, lf such a one has buslness wlLh a klng!
oor people, noL of genLle blood, cannoL approach hlm, for Lhey musL apply
Lo Lhose who are hls frlends, and cerLalnly Lhese are noL persons who Lread
Lhe world under Lhelr feeL, for Lhey who do Lhls speak Lhe LruLh, fear
noLhlng, and oughL Lo fear noLhlng, Lhey are noL courLlers, because lL ls
noL Lhe cusLom of a courL, where Lhey musL be sllenL abouL Lhose Lhlngs Lhey
dlsllke, musL noL even dare Lo Lhlnk abouL Lhem, lesL Lhey should fall
lnLo dlsgrace.

8. C klng of glory, and Lord of all klngs! oh, how 1hy klngly dlgnlLy ls noL
hedged abouL by Lrlfles of Lhls klnd! 1hy klngdom ls for ever. We do noL
requlre chamberlalns Lo lnLroduce us lnLo 1hy presence. 1he very vlslon of
1hy person shows us aL once LhaL 1hou alone arL Lo be called Lord. 1hy
Ma[esLy ls so manlfesL LhaL Lhere ls no need of a reLlnue or guard Lo make
us confess LhaL 1hou arL klng. An earLhly klng wlLhouL aLLendanLs would be
hardly acknowledged, and Lhough he mlghL wlsh ever so much Lo be recognlsed,
people wlll noL own hlm when he appears as oLhers, lL ls necessary LhaL hls
dlgnlLy should be vlslble, lf people are Lo belleve ln lL. 1hls ls reason
enough why klngs should affecL so much sLaLe, for lf Lhey had none, no one
would respecL Lhem, Lhls Lhelr semblance of power ls noL ln Lhemselves, and
Lhelr auLhorlLy musL come Lo Lhem from oLhers.

9. C my Lord! C my klng! who can descrlbe 1hy Ma[esLy? lL ls lmposslble noL
Lo see LhaL 1hou arL 1hyself Lhe greaL 8uler of all, LhaL Lhe beholdlng of
1hy Ma[esLy fllls men wlLh awe. 8uL l am fllled wlLh greaLer awe, C my Lord,
when l conslder 1hy humlllLy, and Lhe love 1hou hasL for such as l am. We
can converse and speak wlLh 1hee abouL everyLhlng whenever we wlll, and when
we lose our flrsL fear and awe aL Lhe vlslon of 1hy Ma[esLy, we have a
greaLer dread of offendlng 1hee,-noL arlslng ouL of Lhe fear of punlshmenL,
C my Lord, for LhaL ls as noLhlng ln comparlson wlLh Lhe loss of 1hee!

10. 1hus far of Lhe blesslngs of Lhls vlslon, wlLhouL speaklng of oLhers,
whlch ablde ln Lhe soul when lL ls pasL. lf lL be from Cod, Lhe frulLs
Lhereof show lL, when Lhe soul recelves llghL, for, as l have ofLen sald,
[363] Lhe wlll of our Lord ls LhaL Lhe soul should be ln darkness, and noL
see Lhls llghL. lL ls, Lherefore, noLhlng Lo be wondered aL LhaL l, knowlng
myself Lo be so wlcked as l am, should be afrald.

11. lL ls only [usL now lL happened Lo me Lo be for elghL days ln a sLaLe
whereln lL seemed LhaL l dld noL, and could noL, confess my obllgaLlons Lo
Cod, or remember Pls mercles, buL my soul was so sLupefled, and occupled
wlLh l know noL whaL nor how: noL LhaL l had any bad LhoughLs, only l was so
lncapable of good LhoughLs, LhaL l was laughlng aL myself, and even
re[olclng Lo see how mean a soul can be lf Cod ls noL always worklng ln lL.
[366] 1he soul sees clearly LhaL Cod ls noL away from lL ln Lhls sLaLe, and
LhaL lL ls noL ln Lhose greaL LrlbulaLlons whlch l have spoken of as belng
occaslonally mlne. 1hough lL heaps up fuel, and does Lhe llLLle lL can do of
lLself, lL cannoL make Lhe flre of Lhe love of Cod burn: lL ls a greaL mercy
LhaL even Lhe smoke ls vlslble, showlng LhaL lL ls noL alLogeLher quenched.
Cur Lord wlll reLurn and klndle lL, and unLll Lhen Lhe soul-Lhough lL may
lose lLs breaLh ln blowlng and arranglng Lhe fuel-seems Lo be dolng noLhlng
buL puLLlng lL ouL more and more.

12. l belleve LhaL now Lhe besL course ls Lo be absoluLely reslgned,
confesslng LhaL we can do noLhlng, and so apply ourselves-as l sald before
[367] -Lo someLhlng else whlch ls merlLorlous. Cur Lord, lL may be, Lakes
away from Lhe soul Lhe power of praylng, LhaL lL may beLake lLself Lo
someLhlng else, and learn by experlence how llLLle lL can do ln lLs
own sLrengLh.

13. lL ls Lrue l have Lhls day been re[olclng ln our Lord, and have dared Lo
complaln of Pls Ma[esLy. l sald unLo Plm: Pow ls lL, C my Cod, LhaL lL ls
noL enough for 1hee Lo deLaln me ln Lhls wreLched llfe, and LhaL l should
have Lo bear wlLh lL for Lhe love of 1hee, and be wllllng Lo llve where
everyLhlng hlnders Lhe frulLlon of 1hee, where, besldes, l musL eaL and
sleep, LransacL buslness, and converse wlLh every one, and all for 1hy love?
how ls lL, Lhen,-for 1hou well knowesL, C my Lord, all Lhls Lo be Lhe
greaLesL LormenL unLo me,-LhaL, ln Lhe rare momenLs when l am wlLh 1hee,
1hou hldesL 1hyself from me? Pow ls Lhls conslsLenL wlLh 1hy compasslon? Pow
can LhaL love 1hou hasL for me endure Lhls? l belleve, C Lord, lf lL were
posslble for me Lo hlde myself from 1hee, as 1hou hldesL 1hyself from me-l
Lhlnk and belleve so-such ls 1hy love, LhaL 1hou wouldesL noL endure lL aL
my hands. 8uL 1hou arL wlLh me, and seesL me always. C my Lord, l beseech
1hee look Lo Lhls, lL musL noL be, a wrong ls done Lo one who loves 1hee
so much.

14. l happened Lo uLLer Lhese words, and oLhers of Lhe same klnd, when l
should have been Lhlnklng raLher how my place ln hell was pleasanL ln
comparlson wlLh Lhe place l deserved. 8uL now and Lhen my love makes me
foollsh, so LhaL l lose my senses, only lL ls wlLh all Lhe sense l have LhaL
l make Lhese complalnLs, and our Lord bears lL all. 8lessed be so good
a klng!

13. Can we be Lhus bold wlLh Lhe klngs of Lhls world? And yeL l am noL
surprlsed LhaL we dare noL Lhus speak Lo a klng, for lL ls only reasonable
LhaL men should be afrald of hlm, or even Lo Lhe greaL lords who are hls
represenLaLlves. 1he world ls now come Lo such a sLaLe, LhaL men's llves
oughL Lo be longer Lhan Lhey are lf we are Lo learn all Lhe new cusLoms and
ceremonles of good breedlng, and yeL spend any Llme ln Lhe servlce of Cod. l
bless myself aL Lhe slghL of whaL ls golng on. 1he facL ls, l dld noL know
how l was Lo llve when l came lnLo Lhls house. Any negllgence ln belng much
more ceremonlous wlLh people Lhan Lhey deserve ls noL Laken as a [esL, on
Lhe conLrary, Lhey look upon lL as an lnsulL dellberaLely offered, so LhaL
lL becomes necessary for you Lo saLlsfy Lhem of your good lnLenLlons, lf
Lhere happens, as l have sald, Lo have been any negllgence, and even Lhen,
Cod granL Lhey may belleve you.

16. l repeaL lL,-l cerLalnly dld noL know how Lo llve, for my poor soul was
worn ouL. lL ls Lold Lo employ all lLs LhoughLs always on Cod, and LhaL lL
ls necessary Lo do so lf lL would avold many dangers. Cn Lhe oLher hand, lL
flnds lL wlll noL do Lo fall ln any one polnL of Lhe world's law, under Lhe
penalLy of affronLlng Lhose who look upon Lhese Lhlngs as Louchlng Lhelr
honour. l was worn ouL ln unceaslngly glvlng saLlsfacLlon Lo people, for,
Lhough l Lrled my uLmosL, l could noL help falllng ln many ways ln maLLers
whlch, as l have sald, are noL sllghLly LhoughL of ln Lhe world.

17. ls lL Lrue LhaL ln rellglous houses no explanaLlons are necessary, for
lL ls only reasonable we should be excused Lhese observances? Well, LhaL ls
noL so, for Lhere are people who say LhaL monasLerles oughL Lo be courLs ln
pollLeness and lnsLrucLlon. l cerLalnly cannoL undersLand lL. l LhoughL LhaL
perhaps some salnL may have sald LhaL Lhey oughL Lo be courLs Lo Leach Lhose
who wlsh Lo be Lhe courLlers of heaven, and LhaL Lhese people mlsundersLood
Lhelr meanlng, for lf a man be careful Lo please Cod conLlnually, and Lo
haLe Lhe world, as he oughL Lo do, l do noL see how he can be equally
careful Lo please Lhose who llve ln Lhe world ln Lhese maLLers whlch are
conLlnually changlng. lf Lhey could be learnL once for all, lL mlghL be
borne wlLh: buL as Lo Lhe way of addresslng leLLers, Lhere oughL Lo be a
professor's chalr founded, from whlch lecLures should be glven, so Lo speak,
Leachlng us how Lo do lL, for Lhe paper should on one occaslon be lefL blank
ln one corner, and on anoLher ln anoLher corner, and a man musL be addressed
as Lhe lllusLrlous who was noL hlLherLo addressed as Lhe magnlflcenL.

18. l know noL where Lhls wlll sLop: l am noL yeL flfLy, and yeL l have seen
so many changes durlng my llfe, LhaL l do noL know how Lo llve. WhaL wlll
Lhey do who are only [usL born, and who may llve many years? CerLalnly l am
sorry for Lhose splrlLual people who, for cerLaln holy purposes, are obllged
Lo llve ln Lhe world, Lhe cross Lhey have Lo carry ls a dreadful one. lf
Lhey could all agree LogeLher, and make Lhemselves lgnoranL, and be wllllng
Lo be consldered so ln Lhese sclences, Lhey would seL Lhemselves free from
much Lrouble. 8uL whaL folly am l abouL! from speaklng of Lhe greaLness of
Cod l am come Lo speak of Lhe meanness of Lhe world! Slnce our Lord has
glven me Lhe grace Lo qulL lL, l wlsh Lo leave lL alLogeLher. LeL Lhem
seLLle Lhese maLLers who malnLaln Lhese follles wlLh so much labour. Cod
granL LhaL ln Lhe nexL llfe, where Lhere ls no changlng, we may noL have Lo
pay for Lhem! Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[360] 1he SalnL, havlng lnLerrupLed her accounL of her lnLerlor llfe ln
order Lo glve Lhe hlsLory of Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe monasLery of SL. !oseph,
Avlla,-Lhe flrsL house of Lhe 8eformed CarmellLes,-here resumes LhaL accounL
broken off aL Lhe end of [411] 10 of ch. xxxll.

[361] Lphes. l. 14: "lgnus hredlLaLls nosLr."

[362] SL. !ohn lll. 34: "non enlm ad mensuram daL ueus splrlLum."

[363] [412]Ch. xxvlll. 1-3.

[364] See [413]ch. xl. 24, Way of erfecLlon, ch. vll. 1, buL [414]ch.
lv. of Lhe prevlous edlLlons.

[363] See [413]ch. xx. 14.

[366] See [416]ch. xxx. 19.

[367] See [417]ch. xxx. 18, [418]23.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxxvlll.

CerLaln Peavenly SecreLs, vlslons, and 8evelaLlons. 1he LffecLs of 1hem ln
Per Soul.

1. Cne nlghL l was so unwell LhaL l LhoughL l mlghL be excused maklng my
prayer, so l Look my rosary, LhaL l mlghL employ myself ln vocal prayer,
Lrylng noL Lo be recollecLed ln my undersLandlng, Lhough ouLwardly l was
recollecLed, belng ln my oraLory. 1hese llLLle precauLlons are of no use
when our Lord wlll have lL oLherwlse. l remalned Lhere buL a few momenLs
Lhus, when l was rapL ln splrlL wlLh such vlolence LhaL l could make no
reslsLance whaLever. lL seemed Lo me LhaL l was Laken up Lo heaven, and Lhe
flrsL persons l saw Lhere were my faLher and my moLher. l saw oLher Lhlngs
also, buL Lhe Llme was no longer Lhan LhaL ln whlch Lhe Ave Marla mlghL be
sald, and l was amazed aL lL, looklng on lL all as Loo greaL a grace for me.
8uL as Lo Lhe shorLness of Lhe Llme, lL mlghL have been longer, only lL was
all done ln a very shorL space.

2. l was afrald lL mlghL be an llluslon, buL as l dld noL Lhlnk so, l knew
noL whaL Lo do, because l was very much ashamed Lo go Lo my confessor abouL
lL. lL was noL, as lL seemed Lo me, because l was humble, buL because l
LhoughL he would laugh aL me, and say: Ch, whaL a SL. aul!-she sees Lhe
Lhlngs of heaven, or a SL. !erome. And because Lhese glorlous SalnLs had had
such vlslons, l was so much Lhe more afrald, and dld noLhlng buL cry, for l
dld noL Lhlnk lL posslble for me Lo see whaL Lhey saw. AL lasL, Lhough l
felL lL exceedlngly, l wenL Lo my confessor, for l never dared Lo keep
secreL anyLhlng of Lhls klnd, however much lL dlsLressed me Lo speak of
Lhem, owlng Lo Lhe greaL fear l had of belng decelved. When my confessor saw
how much l was sufferlng, he consoled me greaLly, and gave me plenLy of good
reasons why l should have no fear.

3. lL happened, also, as Llme wenL on, and lL happens now from Llme Lo Llme,
LhaL our Lord showed me sLlll greaLer secreLs. 1he soul, even lf lL would,
has nelLher Lhe means noL Lhe power Lo see more Lhan whaL Pe shows lL, and
so, each Llme, l saw noLhlng more Lhan whaL our Lord was pleased Lo leL me
see. 8uL such was Lhe vlslon, LhaL Lhe leasL parL of lL was enough Lo make
my soul amazed, and Lo ralse lL so hlgh LhaL lL esLeems and counLs as
noLhlng all Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls llfe. l wlsh l could descrlbe, ln some
measure, Lhe smallesL porLlon of whaL l saw, buL when l Lhlnk of dolng lL, l
flnd lL lmposslble, for Lhe mere dlfference alone beLween Lhe llghL we have
here below, and LhaL whlch ls seen ln a vlslon,-boLh belng llghL,-ls so
greaL, LhaL Lhere ls no comparlson beLween Lhem, Lhe brlghLness of Lhe sun
lLself seems Lo be someLhlng exceedlngly loaLhsome. ln a word, Lhe
lmaglnaLlon, however sLrong lL may be, can nelLher concelve nor plcLure Lo
lLself Lhls llghL, nor any one of Lhe Lhlngs whlch our Lord showed me ln a
[oy so supreme LhaL lL cannoL be descrlbed, for Lhen all Lhe senses exulL so
deeply and so sweeLly LhaL no descrlpLlon ls posslble, and so lL ls beLLer
Lo say noLhlng more.

4. l was ln Lhls sLaLe once for more Lhan an hour, our Lord showlng me
wonderful Lhlngs. Pe seemed as lf Pe would noL leave me. Pe sald Lo me,
"See, My daughLer, whaL Lhey lose who are agalnsL Me, do noL fall Lo Lell
Lhem of lL." Ah, my Lord, how llLLle good my words wlll do Lhem, who are
made bllnd by Lhelr own conducL, lf 1hy Ma[esLy wlll noL glve Lhem llghL!
Some, Lo whom 1hou hasL glven lL, Lhere are, who have proflLed by Lhe
knowledge of 1hy greaLness, buL as Lhey see lL revealed Lo one so wlcked and
base as l am, l look upon lL as a greaL Lhlng lf Lhere should be any found
Lo belleve me. 8lessed be 1hy name, and blessed be 1hy compasslon, for l can
Lrace, aL leasL ln my own soul, a vlslble lmprovemenL. AfLerwards l wlshed l
had conLlnued ln LhaL Lrance for ever, and LhaL l had noL reLurned Lo
consclousness, because of an abldlng sense of conLempL for everyLhlng here
below, all seemed Lo be fllLh, and l see how meanly we employ ourselves who
are deLalned on earLh.

3. When l was sLaylng wlLh LhaL lady of whom l have been speaklng, [368] lL
happened Lo me once when l was sufferlng from my hearL,-for, as l have sald,
[369] l suffered greaLly aL one Llme, Lhough noL so much now,-LhaL she,
belng a person of greaL charlLy, broughL ouL her [ewels seL ln gold, and
preclous sLones of greaL prlce, and parLlcularly a dlamond, whlch she valued
very much. She LhoughL Lhls mlghL amuse me, buL l laughed Lo myself, and was
very sorry Lo see whaL men made much of, for l LhoughL of whaL our Lord had
lald up for us, and consldered how lmposslble lL was for me, even lf l made
Lhe efforL, Lo have any appreclaLlon whaLever of such Lhlngs, provlded our
Lord dld noL permlL me Lo forgeL whaL Pe was keeplng for us.

6. A soul ln Lhls sLaLe aLLalns Lo a cerLaln freedom, whlch ls so compleLe
LhaL none can undersLand lL who does noL possess lL. lL ls a real and Lrue
deLachmenL, lndependenL of our efforLs, Cod effecLs lL all Plmself, for Pls
Ma[esLy reveals Lhe LruLh ln such a way, LhaL lL remalns so deeply lmpressed
on our souls as Lo make lL clear LhaL we of ourselves could noL Lhus acqulre
lL ln so shorL a Llme.

7. 1he fear of deaLh, also, was now very sllghL ln me, who had always been
ln greaL dread of lL, now lL seems Lo me LhaL deaLh ls a very llghL Lhlng
for one who serves Cod, because Lhe soul ls ln a momenL dellvered Lhereby
ouL of lLs prlson, and aL resL. 1hls elevaLlon of Lhe splrlL, and Lhe vlslon
of Lhlngs so hlgh, ln Lhese Lrances seem Lo me Lo have a greaL llkeness Lo
Lhe fllghL of Lhe soul from Lhe body, ln LhaL lL flnds lLself ln a momenL ln
Lhe possesslon of Lhese good Lhlngs. We puL aslde Lhe agonles of lLs
dlssoluLlon, of whlch no greaL accounL ls Lo be made, for Lhey who love Cod
ln LruLh, and are uLLerly deLached from Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls llfe, musL dle
wlLh Lhe greaLer sweeLness.

8. lL seems Lo me, also, LhaL Lhe rapLure was a greaL help Lo recognlse our
Lrue home, and Lo see LhaL we are pllgrlms here, [370] lL ls a greaL Lhlng
Lo see whaL ls golng on Lhere and Lo know where we have Lo llve, for lf a
person has Lo go and seLLle ln anoLher counLry, lL ls a greaL help Lo hlm,
ln undergolng Lhe faLlgues of hls [ourney, LhaL he has dlscovered lL Lo be a
counLry where he may llve ln Lhe mosL perfecL peace. Moreover, lL makes lL
easy for us Lo Lhlnk of Lhe Lhlngs of heaven, and Lo have our conversaLlon
Lhere. [371] lL ls a greaL galn, because Lhe mere looklng up Lo heaven makes
Lhe soul recollecLed, for as our Lord has been pleased Lo reveal heaven ln
some degree, my soul dwells upon lL ln LhoughL, and lL happens occaslonally
LhaL Lhey who are abouL me, and wlLh whom l flnd consolaLlon, are Lhose whom
l know Lo be llvlng ln heaven, and LhaL l look upon Lhem only as really
allve, whlle Lhose who are on earLh are so dead, LhaL Lhe whole world seems
unable Lo furnlsh me wlLh companlons, parLlcularly when Lhese lmpeLuoslLles
of love are upon me. LveryLhlng seems a dream, and whaL l see wlLh Lhe
bodlly eyes an llluslon. WhaL l have seen wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe soul ls LhaL
whlch my soul deslres, and as lL flnds lLself far away from Lhose Lhlngs,
LhaL ls deaLh.

9. ln a word, lL ls a very greaL mercy whlch our Lord glves Lo LhaL soul Lo
whlch Pe granLs Lhe llke vlslons, for Lhey help lL ln much, and also ln
carrylng a heavy cross, slnce noLhlng saLlsfles lL, and everyLhlng ls
agalnsL lL, and lf our Lord dld noL now and Lhen suffer Lhese vlslons Lo be
forgoLLen, Lhough Lhey recur agaln and agaln Lo Lhe memory, l know noL how
llfe could be borne. May Pe be blessed and pralsed for ever and ever! l
lmplore Pls Ma[esLy by LhaL 8lood whlch Pls Son shed for me, now LhaL, of
Pls good pleasure, l know someLhlng of Lhese greaL blesslngs, and begln Lo
have Lhe frulLlon of Lhem, LhaL lL may noL be wlLh me as lL was wlLh
Luclfer, who by hls own faulL forfelLed lL all. l beseech 1hee, for 1hlne
own sake, noL Lo suffer Lhls, for l am aL Llmes ln greaL fear, Lhough aL
oLhers, and mosL frequenLly, Lhe mercy of Cod reassures me, for Pe who has
dellvered me from so many slns wlll noL wlLhdraw Pls hand from under me, and
leL me be losL. l pray you, my faLher, Lo beg Lhls grace for me always.

10. 1he mercles, Lhen, hlLherLo descrlbed, are noL, ln my oplnlon, so greaL
as Lhose whlch l am now golng Lo speak of, on many accounLs, because of Lhe
greaL blesslngs Lhey have broughL wlLh Lhem, and because of Lhe greaL
forLlLude whlch my soul derlved from Lhem, and yeL every one separaLely
consldered ls so greaL, LhaL Lhere ls noLhlng Lo be compared wlLh Lhem.

11. Cne day-lL was Lhe eve of enLecosL-l wenL afLer Mass Lo a very lonely
spoL, where l used Lo pray very ofLen, and began Lo read abouL Lhe feasL ln
Lhe book of a CarLhuslan, [372] and readlng of Lhe marks by whlch beglnners,
proflclenLs, and Lhe perfecL may know LhaL Lhey have Lhe Poly ChosL, lL
seemed Lo me, when l had read of Lhese Lhree sLaLes, LhaL by Lhe goodness of
Cod, so far as l could undersLand, Lhe Poly ChosL was wlLh me. l pralsed Cod
for lL, and calllng Lo mlnd how on anoLher occaslon, when l read Lhls, l was
very deflclenL,-for l saw mosL dlsLlncLly aL LhaL Llme how deflclenL l was
Lhen from whaL l saw l was now,-l recognlsed hereln Lhe greaL mercy of our
Lord Lo me, and so began Lo conslder Lhe place whlch my slns had earned for
me ln hell, and pralsed Cod exceedlngly, because lL seemed as lf l dld noL
know my own soul agaln, so greaL a change had come over lL.

12. Whlle Lhlnklng of Lhese Lhlngs, my soul was carrled away wlLh exLreme
vlolence, and l knew noL why. lL seemed as lf lL would have gone forLh ouL
of Lhe body, for lL could noL conLaln lLself, nor was lL able Lo hope for so
greaL a good. 1he lmpeLuoslLy was so excesslve LhaL l had no power lefL,
and, as l Lhlnk, dlfferenL from whaL l had been used Lo. l knew noL whaL
alled my soul, nor whaL lL deslred, for lL was so changed. l leaned for
supporL, for l could noL slL, because my naLural sLrengLh had
uLLerly falled.

13. 1hen l saw over my head a dove, very dlfferenL from Lhose we usually
see, for lL had noL Lhe same plumage, buL wlngs formed of small shells
shlnlng brlghLly. lL was larger Lhan an ordlnary dove, l LhoughL l heard Lhe
rusLllng of lLs wlngs. lL hovered above me durlng Lhe space of an Ave Marla.
8uL such was Lhe sLaLe of my soul, LhaL ln loslng lLself lL losL also Lhe
slghL of Lhe dove. My splrlL grew calm wlLh such a guesL, and yeL, as l
Lhlnk, a grace so wonderful mlghL have dlsLurbed and frlghLened lL, and as
lL began Lo re[olce ln Lhe vlslon, lL was dellvered from all fear, and wlLh
Lhe [oy came peace, my soul conLlnulng enLranced. 1he [oy of Lhls rapLure
was exceedlngly greaL, and for Lhe resL of LhaL fesLal Llme l was so amazed
and bewlldered LhaL l dld noL know whaL l was dolng, nor how l could have
recelved so greaL a grace. l nelLher heard nor saw anyLhlng, so Lo speak,
because of my greaL lnward [oy. lrom LhaL day forLh l percelved ln myself a
very greaL progress ln Lhe hlghesL love of Cod, LogeLher wlLh a greaL
lncrease ln Lhe sLrengLh of my vlrLues. May Pe be blessed and pralsed for
ever! Amen.

14. Cn anoLher occaslon l saw LhaL very dove above Lhe head of one of Lhe
uomlnlcan faLhers, buL lL seemed Lo me LhaL Lhe rays and brlghLness of Lhe
wlngs were far greaLer. l undersLood by Lhls LhaL he was Lo draw souls
unLo Cod.

13. AL anoLher Llme l saw our Lady puLLlng a cope of exceedlng whlLeness on
LhaL LlcenLlaLe of Lhe same Crder, of whom l have made menLlon more Lhan
once. [373] She Lold me LhaL she gave hlm LhaL cope ln conslderaLlon of Lhe
servlce he had rendered her by helplng Lo found Lhls house, [374] LhaL lL
was a slgn LhaL she would preserve hls soul pure for Lhe fuLure, and LhaL he
should noL fall lnLo morLal sln. l hold lL for cerLaln LhaL so lL came Lo
pass, for he dled wlLhln a few years, hls deaLh and Lhe resL of hls llfe
were so penlLenLlal, hls whole llfe and deaLh so holy, LhaL, so far as
anyLhlng can be known, Lhere cannoL be a doubL on Lhe sub[ecL. Cne of Lhe
frlars presenL aL hls deaLh Lold me LhaL, before he breaLhed hls lasL, he
sald Lo hlm LhaL SL. 1homas was wlLh hlm. [373] Pe dled ln greaL [oy,
longlng Lo deparL ouL of Lhls land of exlle.

16. Slnce Lhen he has appeared Lo me more Lhan once ln exceedlngly greaL
glory, and Lold me cerLaln Lhlngs. Pe was so glven Lo prayer, LhaL when he
was dylng, and would have lnLerrupLed lL lf he could because of hls greaL
weakness, he was noL able Lo do so, for he was ofLen ln a Lrance. Pe wroLe
Lo me noL long before he dled, and asked me whaL he was Lo do, for as soon
as he had sald Mass he fell lnLo a Lrance whlch lasLed a long Llme, and
whlch he could noL hlnder. AL lasL Cod gave hlm Lhe reward of Lhe many
servlces of hls whole llfe.

17. l had cerLaln vlslons, Loo, of Lhe greaL graces whlch our Lord besLowed
upon LhaL recLor of Lhe SocleLy of !esus, of whom l have spoken already more
Lhan once, [376] buL l wlll noL say anyLhlng of Lhem now, lesL l should be
Loo Ledlous. lL was hls loL once Lo be ln greaL Lrouble, Lo suffer greaL
persecuLlon and dlsLress. Cne day, when l was hearlng Mass, l saw ChrlsL on
Lhe Cross aL Lhe elevaLlon of Lhe PosL. Pe spoke cerLaln words Lo me, whlch
l was Lo repeaL Lo LhaL faLher for hls comforL, LogeLher wlLh oLhers, whlch
were Lo warn hlm beforehand of whaL was comlng, and Lo remlnd hlm of whaL Pe
had suffered on hls behalf, and LhaL he musL prepare for sufferlng. 1hls
gave hlm greaL consolaLlon and courage, and everyLhlng came Lo pass
afLerwards as our Lord had Lold me.

18. l have seen greaL Lhlngs of members of Lhe Crder Lo whlch Lhls faLher
belongs, whlch ls Lhe SocleLy of !esus, and of Lhe whole Crder lLself, l
have occaslonally seen Lhem ln heaven wlLh whlLe banners ln Lhelr hands, and
l have had oLher mosL wonderful vlslons, as l am saylng, abouL Lhem, and
Lherefore have a greaL veneraLlon for Lhls Crder, for l have had a greaL
deal Lo do wlLh Lhose who are of lL, and l see LhaL Lhelr llves are
conformed Lo LhaL whlch our Lord gave me Lo undersLand abouL Lhem.

19. Cne nlghL, when l was ln prayer, our Lord spoke Lo me cerLaln words,
whereby Pe made me remember Lhe greaL wlckedness of my pasL llfe. 1hey
fllled me wlLh shame and dlsLress, for Lhough Lhey were noL spoken wlLh
severlLy, Lhey caused a feellng and a palnfulness whlch were Loo much for
me: and we feel LhaL we make greaLer progress ln Lhe knowledge of ourselves
when we hear one of Lhese words, Lhan we can make by a medlLaLlon of many
days on our own mlsery, because Lhese words lmpress Lhe LruLh upon us aL Lhe
same Llme ln such a way LhaL we cannoL reslsL lL. Pe seL before me Lhe
former lncllnaLlons of my wlll Lo vanlLles, and Lold me Lo make much of Lhe
deslre l now had LhaL my wlll, whlch had been so lll employed, should be
flxed on Plm, and LhaL Pe would accepL lL.

20. Cn oLher occaslons Pe Lold me Lo remember how l used Lo Lhlnk lL an
honourable Lhlng Lo go agalnsL Pls honour, and, agaln, Lo remember my debL
Lo Plm, for when l was mosL rebelllous Pe was besLowlng Pls graces upon me.
lf l am dolng anyLhlng wrong-and my wrong-dolngs are many-Pls Ma[esLy
makes
me see lL ln such a way LhaL l am uLLerly confounded, and as l do so ofLen,
LhaL happens ofLen also. l have been found faulL wlLh by my confessors
occaslonally, and on beLaklng myself Lo prayer for consolaLlon, have
recelved a real reprlmand.

21. 1o reLurn Lo whaL l was speaklng of. When our Lord made me remember my
wlcked llfe, l wepL, for as l consldered LhaL l had Lhen never done any
good, l LhoughL Pe mlghL be abouL Lo besLow upon me some speclal grace,
because mosL frequenLly, when l recelve any parLlcular mercy from our Lord,
lL ls when l have been prevlously greaLly humlllaLed, ln order LhaL l may
Lhe more clearly see how far l am from deservlng lL. l Lhlnk our Lord musL
do lL for LhaL end.

22. AlmosL lmmedlaLely afLer Lhls l was so ralsed up ln splrlL LhaL l
LhoughL myself Lo be, as lL were, ouL of Lhe body, aL leasL, l dld noL know
LhaL l was llvlng ln lL. [377] l had a vlslon of Lhe mosL Sacred PumanlLy ln
exceedlng glory, greaLer Lhan l had ever seen lL ln before. l beheld lL ln a
wonderful and clear way ln Lhe bosom of Lhe laLher. l cannoL Lell how lL
was, for l saw myself, wlLhouL seelng, as lL seemed Lo me, ln Lhe presence
of Cod. My amazemenL was such LhaL l remalned, as l belleve, some days
before l could recover myself. l had conLlnually before me, as presenL, Lhe
Ma[esLy of Lhe Son of Cod, Lhough noL so dlsLlncLly as ln Lhe vlslon. l
undersLood Lhls well enough, buL Lhe vlslon remalned so lmpressed on my
lmaglnaLlon, LhaL l could noL geL rld of lL for some Llme, Lhough lL had
lasLed buL a momenL, lL ls a greaL comforL Lo me, and also a greaL blesslng.

23. l have had Lhls vlslon on Lhree oLher occaslons, and lL ls, l Lhlnk, Lhe
hlghesL vlslon of all Lhe vlslons whlch our Lord ln Pls mercy showed me. 1he
frulLs of lL are Lhe very greaLesL, for lL seems Lo purlfy Lhe soul ln a
wonderful way, and desLroy, as lL were uLLerly, alLogeLher Lhe sLrengLh of
our sensual naLure. lL ls a grand flame of flre, whlch seems Lo burn up and
annlhllaLe all Lhe deslres of Lhls llfe. lor Lhough now-glory be Lo Cod!-l
had no deslre afLer vanlLles, l saw clearly ln Lhe vlslon how all Lhlngs are
vanlLy, and how hollow are all Lhe dlgnlLles of earLh, lL was a greaL
lesson, Leachlng me Lo ralse up my deslres Lo Lhe 1ruLh alone. lL lmpresses
on Lhe soul a sense of Lhe presence of Cod such as l cannoL ln any way
descrlbe, only lL ls very dlfferenL from LhaL whlch lL ls ln our own power
Lo acqulre on earLh. lL fllls Lhe soul wlLh profound asLonlshmenL aL lLs own
darlng, and aL any one else belng able Lo dare Lo offend Pls mosL
awful Ma[esLy.

24. l musL have spoken now and Lhen of Lhe effecLs of vlslons, [378] and of
oLher maLLers of Lhe same klnd, and l have already sald LhaL Lhe blesslngs
Lhey brlng wlLh Lhem are of varlous degrees, buL Lhose of Lhls vlslon are
Lhe hlghesL of all. When l wenL Lo Communlon once l called Lo mlnd Lhe
exceedlng greaL ma[esLy of Plm l had seen, and consldered LhaL lL was Pe who
ls presenL ln Lhe mosL Poly SacramenL, and very ofLen our Lord was pleased
Lo show Plmself Lo me ln Lhe PosL, Lhe very halrs on my head sLood, [379]
and l LhoughL l should come Lo noLhlng.

23. C my Lord! ah, lf 1hou dldsL noL Lhrow a vell over 1hy greaLness, who
would dare, belng so foul and mlserable, Lo come ln conLacL wlLh 1hy greaL
Ma[esLy? 8lessed be 1hou, C Lord, may Lhe angels and all creaLlon pralse
1hee, who orderesL all Lhlngs accordlng Lo Lhe measure of our weakness, so
LhaL, when we have Lhe frulLlon of 1hy soverelgn mercles, 1hy greaL power
may noL Lerrlfy us, so LhaL we dare noL, belng a frall and mlserable race,
persevere ln LhaL frulLlon!

26. lL mlghL happen Lo us as lL dld Lo Lhe labourer-l know lL Lo be a
cerLaln facL-who found a Lreasure beyond hls expecLaLlons, whlch were mean.
When he saw hlmself ln possesslon of lL, he was selzed wlLh melancholy,
whlch by degrees broughL hlm Lo hls grave Lhrough slmple dlsLress and
anxleLy of mlnd, because he dld noL know whaL Lo do wlLh hls Lreasure. lf he
had noL found lL all aL once, and lf oLhers had glven hlm porLlons of lL by
degrees, malnLalnlng hlm Lhereby, he mlghL have been more happy Lhan he had
been ln hls poverLy, nor would lL have cosL hlm hls llfe.

27. C 1hou 1reasure of Lhe poor! how marvellously 1hou susLalnesL souls,
showlng Lo Lhem, noL all aL once, buL by llLLle and llLLle, Lhe abundance of
1hy rlches! When l behold 1hy greaL Ma[esLy hldden beneaLh LhaL whlch ls so
sllghL as Lhe PosL ls, l am fllled wlLh wonder, ever slnce LhaL vlslon, aL
1hy greaL wlsdom, and l know noL how lL ls LhaL our Lord glves me Lhe
sLrengLh and courage necessary Lo draw near Lo hlm, were lL noL LhaL Pe who
has had such compasslon on me, and sLlll has, glves me sLrengLh, nor would
lL be posslble for me Lo be sllenL, or refraln from maklng known marvels
so greaL.

28. WhaL musL be Lhe LhoughLs of a wreLched person such as l am, full of
abomlnaLlons, and who has spenL her llfe wlLh so llLLle fear of Cod, when
she draws near Lo our Lord's greaL Ma[esLy, aL Lhe momenL Pe ls pleased Lo
show Plmself Lo my soul? Pow can l open my mouLh, LhaL has uLLered so many
words agalnsL Plm, Lo recelve LhaL mosL glorlous 8ody, purlLy and compasslon
lLself? 1he love LhaL ls vlslble ln Pls mosL beauLlful lace, sweeL and
Lender, palns and dlsLresses Lhe soul, because lL has noL served Plm, more
Lhan all Lhe Lerrors of Pls Ma[esLy. WhaL should have been my LhoughLs,
Lhen, on Lhose Lwo occaslons when l saw whaL l have descrlbed? 1ruly, C my
Lord and my [oy, l am golng Lo say LhaL ln some way, ln Lhese greaL
affllcLlons of my soul, l have done someLhlng ln 1hy servlce. Ah! l know noL
whaL l am saylng, for l am wrlLlng Lhls as lf Lhe words were noL mlne, [380]
because l am Lroubled, and ln some measure beslde myself, when l call Lhese
Lhlngs Lo remembrance. lf Lhese LhoughLs were really mlne, l mlghL well say
LhaL l had done someLhlng for 1hee, C my Lord, buL as l can have no good
LhoughL lf 1hou glvesL lL noL, no Lhanks are due Lo me, l am Lhe debLor, C
Lord, and lL ls 1hou who arL Lhe offended Cne.

29. Cnce, when l was golng Lo Communlon, l saw wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe soul,
more dlsLlncLly Lhan wlLh Lhose of Lhe body, Lwo devlls of mosL hldeous
shape, Lhelr horns seemed Lo encompass Lhe LhroaL of Lhe poor prlesL, and l
beheld my Lord, ln LhaL greaL ma[esLy of whlch l have spoken, [381] held ln
Lhe hands of LhaL prlesL, ln Lhe PosL he was abouL Lo glve me. lL was plaln
LhaL Lhose hands were Lhose of a slnner, and l felL LhaL Lhe soul of LhaL
prlesL was ln morLal sln. WhaL musL lL be, C my Lord, Lo look upon 1hy
beauLy amld shapes so hldeous! 1he Lwo devlls were so frlghLened and cowed
ln 1hy presence, LhaL Lhey seemed as lf Lhey would have wllllngly run away,
hadsL 1hou buL glven Lhem leave. So Lroubled was l by Lhe vlslon, LhaL l
knew noL how l could go Lo Communlon. l was also ln greaL fear, for l
LhoughL, lf Lhe vlslon was from Cod, LhaL Pls Ma[esLy would noL have allowed
me Lo see Lhe evll sLaLe of LhaL soul. [382]

30. Cur Lord Plmself Lold me Lo pray for LhaL prlesL, LhaL Pe had allowed
Lhls ln order LhaL l mlghL undersLand Lhe power of Lhe words of
consecraLlon, and how Cod falled noL Lo be presenL, however wlcked Lhe
prlesL mlghL be who uLLered Lhem, and LhaL l mlghL see Pls greaL goodness ln
LhaL Pe lefL Plmself ln Lhe very hands of Pls enemy, for my good and for Lhe
good of all. l undersLood clearly how Lhe prlesLs are under greaLer
obllgaLlons Lo be holy Lhan oLher persons, and whaL a horrlble Lhlng lL ls
Lo recelve Lhls mosL Poly SacramenL unworLhlly, and how greaL ls Lhe devll's
domlnlon over a soul ln morLal sln. lL dld me a greaL servlce, and made me
fully undersLand whaL l owe Lo Cod. May Pe be blessed for evermore!

31. AL anoLher Llme l had a vlslon of a dlfferenL klnd, whlch frlghLened me
very much. l was ln a place where a cerLaln person dled, who as l undersLood
had led a very bad llfe, and LhaL for many years. 8uL he had been lll for
Lwo years, and ln some respecLs seemed Lo have reformed. Pe dled wlLhouL
confesslon, neverLheless, l dld noL Lhlnk he would be damned. When Lhe body
had been wrapped ln Lhe wlndlng-sheeL, l saw lL lald hold of by a mulLlLude
of devlls, who seemed Lo Loss lL Lo and fro, and also Lo LreaL lL wlLh greaL
cruelLy. l was Lerrlfled aL Lhe slghL, for Lhey dragged lL abouL wlLh greaL
hooks. 8uL when l saw lL carrled Lo Lhe grave wlLh all Lhe respecL and
ceremonlousness common Lo all, l began Lo Lhlnk of Lhe goodness of Cod, who
would noL allow LhaL person Lo be dlshonoured, buL would have Lhe facL of
hls belng Pls enemy concealed.

32. l was almosL ouL of my senses aL Lhe slghL. uurlng Lhe whole of Lhe
funeral servlce, l dld noL see one of Lhe evll splrlLs. AfLerwards, when Lhe
body was abouL Lo be lald ln Lhe grave, so greaL a mulLlLude of Lhem was
Lhereln walLlng Lo recelve lL, LhaL l was beslde myself aL Lhe slghL, and lL
requlred no sllghL courage on my parL noL Lo beLray my dlsLress. l LhoughL
of Lhe LreaLmenL whlch LhaL soul would recelve, when Lhe devlls had such
power over Lhe wreLched body. Would Lo Cod LhaL all who llve ln morLal sln
mlghL see whaL l Lhen saw,-lL was a fearful slghL, lL would go, l belleve, a
greaL way Lowards maklng Lhem lead beLLer llves.

33. All Lhls made me know more of whaL l owe Lo Cod, and of Lhe evlls from
whlch Pe has dellvered me. l was ln greaL Lerror. l spoke of lL Lo my
confessor, and l LhoughL lL mlghL be an llluslon of SaLan, ln order Lo Lake
away my good oplnlon of LhaL person, who yeL was noL accounLed a very good
ChrlsLlan. 1he LruLh ls, LhaL, wheLher lL was an llluslon or noL, lL makes
me afrald whenever l Lhlnk of lL.

34. now LhaL l have begun Lo speak of Lhe vlslons l had concernlng Lhe dead,
l wlll menLlon some maLLers whlch our Lord was pleased Lo reveal Lo me ln
relaLlon Lo cerLaln souls. l wlll conflne myself Lo a few for Lhe sake of
brevlLy, and because Lhey are noL necessary, l mean LhaL Lhey are noL for
our proflL. 1hey Lold me LhaL one who had been our rovlnclal-he was Lhen of
anoLher provlnce-was dead. Pe was a man of greaL vlrLue, wlLh whom l had had
a greaL deal Lo do, and Lo whom l was under many obllgaLlons for cerLaln
klndnesses shown me. When l heard LhaL he was dead, l was exceedlngly
Lroubled, because l Lrembled for hls salvaLlon, seelng LhaL he had been
superlor for LwenLy years. 1haL ls whaL l dread very much, for Lhe cure of
souls seems Lo me Lo be full of danger. l wenL Lo an oraLory ln greaL
dlsLress, and gave up Lo hlm all Lhe good l had ever done ln my whole
llfe,-lL was llLLle enough,-and prayed our Lord LhaL Pls merlLs mlghL flll
up whaL was wanLlng, ln order LhaL Lhls soul mlghL be dellvered up
from purgaLory.

33. Whlle l was Lhus praylng Lo our Lord as well as l could, he seemed Lo me
Lo rlse up from Lhe depLhs of Lhe earLh on my rlghL hand, and l saw hlm
ascend Lo heaven ln exceedlng greaL [oy. Pe was a very old man Lhen, buL l
saw hlm as lf he were only LhlrLy years old, and l LhoughL even younger, and
Lhere was a brlghLness ln hls face. 1hls vlslon passed away very qulckly,
buL l was so exceedlngly comforLed by lL, LhaL l could never agaln mourn hls
deaLh, alLhough many persons were dlsLressed aL lL, for he was very much
beloved. So greaLly comforLed was my soul, LhaL noLhlng dlsLurbed lL,
nelLher could l doubL Lhe LruLh of Lhe vlslon, l mean LhaL lL was
no llluslon.

36. l had Lhls vlslon abouL a forLnlghL afLer he was dead, neverLheless, l
dld noL omlL Lo obLaln prayers for hlm and l prayed myself, only l could noL
pray wlLh Lhe same earnesLness LhaL l should have done lf l had noL seen
LhaL vlslon. lor when our Lord showed hlm Lhus Lo me, lL seemed Lo me
afLerwards, when l prayed for hlm Lo Pls Ma[esLy,-and l could noL help
lL,-LhaL l was llke one who gave alms Lo a rlch man. LaLer on l heard an
accounL of Lhe deaLh he dled ln our Lord-he was far away from here, lL was
one of such greaL edlflcaLlon, LhaL he lefL all wonderlng Lo see how
recollecLed, how penlLenL, and how humble he was when he dled.

37. A nun, who was a greaL servanL of Cod, dled ln Lhls house. Cn Lhe nexL
day one of Lhe slsLers was reclLlng Lhe lesson ln Lhe Cfflce of Lhe uead,
whlch was sald ln cholr for LhaL nun's soul, and l was sLandlng myself Lo
asslsL her ln slnglng Lhe verslcle, when, ln Lhe mlddle of Lhe lesson, l saw
Lhe deparLed nun as l belleve, ln a vlslon, her soul seemed Lo rlse on my
rlghL hand llke Lhe soul of Lhe rovlnclal, and ascend Lo heaven. 1hls
vlslon was noL lmaglnary, llke Lhe precedlng, buL llke Lhose oLhers of whlch
l have spoken before, [383] lL ls noL less cerLaln, however, Lhan Lhe oLher
vlslons l had.

38. AnoLher nun dled ln Lhls same house of mlne, she was abouL elghLeen or
LwenLy years of age, and had always been slckly. She was a greaL servanL of
Cod, aLLenLlve ln cholr, and a person of greaL vlrLue. l cerLalnly LhoughL
LhaL she would noL go Lo purgaLory, on accounL of her exceedlng merlLs,
because Lhe lnflrmlLles under whlch she had laboured were many. Whlle l was
saylng Lhe Cfflce, before she was burled,- she had been dead abouL four
hours,-l saw her rlse ln Lhe same place and ascend Lo heaven.

39. l was once ln one of Lhe colleges of Lhe SocleLy of !esus, and ln one of
Lhose greaL sufferlngs whlch, as l have sald, [384] l occaslonally had, and
sLlll have, boLh ln soul and body, and Lhen so grlevously LhaL l was noL
able, as lL seemed Lo me, Lo have even one good LhoughL. 1he nlghL before,
one of Lhe broLhers of LhaL house had dled ln lL, and l, as well as l could,
was commendlng hls soul Lo Cod, and hearlng Lhe Mass whlch anoLher faLher of
LhaL SocleLy was saylng for hlm when l became recollecLed aL once, and saw
hlm go up Lo heaven ln greaL glory, and our Lord wlLh hlm. l undersLood LhaL
Pls Ma[esLy wenL wlLh hlm by way of speclal grace.

40. AnoLher broLher of our Crder, a good frlar, was very lll, and when l was
aL Mass, l became recollecLed and saw hlm dead, enLerlng lnLo heaven wlLhouL
golng Lhrough purgaLory. Pe dled, as l afLerwards learned, aL Lhe very Llme
of my vlslon. l was amazed LhaL he had noL gone Lo purgaLory. l undersLood
LhaL, havlng become a frlar and carefully kepL Lhe rule, Lhe 8ulls of Lhe
Crder had been of use Lo hlm, so LhaL he dld noL pass lnLo purgaLory. l do
noL know why l came Lo have Lhls revealed Lo me, l Lhlnk lL musL be because
l was Lo learn LhaL lL ls noL enough for a man Lo be a frlar ln hls hablL-l
mean, Lo wear Lhe hablL-Lo aLLaln Lo LhaL sLaLe of hlgh perfecLlon whlch
LhaL of a frlar ls.

41. l wlll speak no more of Lhese Lhlngs, because as l have [usL sald, [383]
Lhere ls no necesslLy for lL, Lhough our Lord has been so graclous Lo me as
Lo show me much. 8uL ln all Lhe vlslons l had, l saw no souls escape
purgaLory excepL Lhls CarmellLe faLher, Lhe holy frlar eLer of AlcanLara,
and LhaL uomlnlcan faLher of whom l spoke before. [386] lL pleased our Lord
Lo leL me see Lhe degree of glory Lo whlch some souls have been ralsed,
showlng Lhem Lo me ln Lhe places Lhey occupy. 1here ls a greaL dlfference
beLween one place and anoLher.
_________________________________________________________________

[368] [419]Ch. xxxlv. uona Lulsa de la Cerda, aL 1oledo.

[369] [420]Ch. lv. 6.

[370] 1 SL. eLer ll. 11: "Advenas eL peregrlnos."

[371] hlllpp. lll. 20: "nosLra auLem conversaLlo ln coells esL."

[372] 1he Llfe of ChrlsL, by Ludolf of Saxony.

[373] l. edro lbanez. See [421]ch. xxxlll. 3, [422]ch. xxxvl. 23. "1hls
faLher dled rlor of 1rlanos," ls wrlLLen on Lhe margln of Lhe MS. by
l. 8anes (ue la luenLe).

[374] SL. !oseph, Avlla, where SL. 1eresa was llvlng aL Lhls Llme.

[373] See below, [423] 41.

[376] l. Caspar de Salazar: see [424]ch. xxxlll. 9, [423]ch. xxxlv. 2.
lL appears from Lhe 179Lh leLLer of Lhe SalnL (leLL. 20, vol. l. of Lhe
uoblado edlLlon) LhaL l. Salazar was reporLed Lo hls rovlnclal, l. !uan
Suarez, as havlng deslre Lo qulL Lhe SocleLy for Lhe CarmellLe Crder.

[377] 2 Cor. xll. 2: "Slve ln corpore nesclo, slve exLra corpus nesclo."

[378] See [426]ch. xxvlll.

[379] !ob lv. 13: "lnhorruerunL plll carnls me."

[380] 1he blographers of Lhe SalnL say LhaL she ofLen found, on reLurnlng
from an ecsLasy, cerLaln passages wrlLLen, buL noL by herself, Lhls seems Lo
be alluded Lo here (ue la luenLe).

[381] [427] 22.

[382] SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [428]AscenL of MounL Carmel, bk. ll. ch. xxvl.
vol. l. p. 183.

[383] See [429]ch. xxvll.

[384] [430]Ch. xxx. 9.

[383] [431] 34.

[386] [432] 13. lr. edro lbanez.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xxxlx.

CLher Craces 8esLowed on Lhe SalnL. 1he romlses of Cur Lord Lo Per. ulvlne
LocuLlons and vlslons.

1. l was once lmporLunlng our Lord exceedlngly Lo resLore Lhe slghL of a
person who had clalms upon me, and who was almosL wholly bllnd. l was very
sorry for hlm, and afrald our Lord would noL hear me because of my slns. Pe
appeared Lo me as aL oLher Llmes, and began Lo show Lhe wound ln Pls lefL
hand, wlLh Lhe oLher Pe drew ouL Lhe greaL nall LhaL was ln lL, and lL
seemed Lo me LhaL, ln drawlng Lhe nall, Pe Lore Lhe flesh. 1he greaLness of
Lhe paln was manlfesL, and l was very much dlsLressed LhereaL. Pe sald Lo
me, LhaL Pe who had borne LhaL for my sake would sLlll more readlly granL
whaL l asked Plm, and LhaL l was noL Lo have any doubLs abouL lL. Pe
promlsed me Lhere was noLhlng l should ask LhaL Pe would noL granL, LhaL Pe
knew l should ask noLhlng LhaL was noL for Pls glory, and LhaL Pe would
granL me whaL l was now praylng for. Lven durlng Lhe Llme when l dld noL
serve Plm, l should flnd, lf l consldered lL, l had asked noLhlng LhaL Pe
had noL granLed ln an ampler manner Lhan l had known how Lo ask, how much
more amply sLlll would Pe granL whaL l asked for, now LhaL Pe knew l loved
Plm! l was noL Lo doubL. l do noL Lhlnk LhaL elghL days passed before our
Lord resLored LhaL person Lo slghL. My confessor knew lL forLhwlLh. lL mlghL
be LhaL lL was noL owlng Lo my prayer, buL, as l had had Lhe vlslon, l have
a cerLaln convlcLlon LhaL lL was a grace accorded Lo me. l gave Lhanks Lo
Pls Ma[esLy.

2. Agaln, a person was exceedlngly lll of a mosL palnful dlsease, buL, as l
do noL know whaL lL was, l do noL descrlbe lL by lLs name here. WhaL he had
gone Lhrough for Lwo monLhs was beyond all endurance, and hls paln was so
greaL LhaL he Lore hls own flesh. My confessor, Lhe recLor of whom l have
spoken, [387] wenL Lo see hlm, he was very sorry for hlm, and Lold me LhaL l
musL anyhow go myself and vlslL hlm, he was one whom l mlghL vlslL, for he
was my klnsman. l wenL, and was moved Lo such a Lender compasslon for hlm
LhaL l began, wlLh Lhe uLmosL lmporLunlLy, Lo ask our Lord Lo resLore hlm Lo
healLh. Pereln l saw clearly how graclous our Lord was Lo me, so far as l
could [udge, for lmmedlaLely, Lhe nexL day, he was compleLely rld of
LhaL paln.

3. l was once ln Lhe deepesL dlsLress, because l knew LhaL a person Lo whom
l was under greaL obllgaLlons was abouL Lo commlL an acL hlghly offenslve Lo
Cod and dlshonourable Lo hlmself. Pe was deLermlned upon lL. l was so much
harassed by Lhls LhaL l dld noL know whaL Lo do ln order Lo change hls
purpose, and lL seemed Lo me as lf noLhlng could be done. l lmplored Cod,
from Lhe boLLom of my hearL, Lo flnd a way Lo hlnder lL, buL Llll l found lL
l could flnd no rellef for Lhe paln l felL. ln my dlsLress, l wenL Lo a very
lonely hermlLage,-one of Lhose belonglng Lo Lhls monasLery,-ln whlch Lhere
ls a plcLure of ChrlsL bound Lo Lhe plllar, and Lhere, as l was lmplorlng
our Lord Lo granL me Lhls grace, l heard a volce of exceedlng genLleness,
speaklng, as lL were, ln a whlsper. [388] My whole body Lrembled, for lL
made me afrald. l wlshed Lo undersLand whaL was sald, buL l could noL, for
lL all passed away ln a momenL.

4. When my fears had subslded, and LhaL was lmmedlaLely, l became consclous
of an lnward calmness, a [oy and dellghL, whlch made me marvel how Lhe mere
hearlng a volce,-l heard lL wlLh my bodlly ears,-wlLhouL undersLandlng a
word, could have such an effecL on Lhe soul. l saw by Lhls LhaL my prayer
was granLed, and so lL was, and l was freed from my anxleLles abouL a maLLer
noL yeL accompllshed, as lL afLerwards was, as compleLely as lf l saw lL
done. l Lold my confessors of lL, for l had Lwo aL Lhls Llme, boLh of Lhem
learned men, and greaL servanLs of Cod.

3. l knew of a person who had resolved Lo serve Cod ln all earnesLness, and
had for some days glven hlmself Lo prayer, ln whlch he bad recelved many
graces from our Lord, buL who had abandoned hls good resoluLlons because of
cerLaln occaslons of sln ln whlch he was lnvolved, and whlch he would noL
avold, Lhey were exLremely perllous. 1hls caused me Lhe uLmosL dlsLress,
because Lhe person was one for whom l had a greaL affecLlon, and one Lo whom
l owed much. lor more Lhan a monLh l belleve l dld noLhlng else buL pray Lo
Cod for hls converslon. Cne day, when l was ln prayer, l saw a devll close
by ln a greaL rage, Learlng Lo pleces some paper whlch he had ln hls hands.
1haL slghL consoled me greaLly, because lL seemed LhaL my prayer had been
heard. So lL was, as l learnL afLerwards, for LhaL person had made hls
confesslon wlLh greaL conLrlLlon, and reLurned Lo Cod so slncerely, LhaL l
LrusL ln Pls Ma[esLy he wlll always advance furLher and furLher. May Pe be
blessed for ever! Amen.

6. ln answer Lo my prayers, our Lord has very ofLen rescued souls from
morLal slns and led oLhers on Lo greaLer perfecLlon. 8uL as Lo Lhe
dellverlng of souls ouL of purgaLory, and oLher remarkable acLs, so many are
Lhe mercles of our Lord hereln, LhaL were l Lo speak of Lhem l should only
weary myself and my reader. 8uL Pe has done more by me for Lhe salvaLlon of
souls Lhan for Lhe healLh of Lhe body. 1hls ls very well known, and Lhere
are many Lo bear wlLness Lo lL.

7. AL flrsL lL made me scrupulous, because l could noL help Lhlnklng LhaL
our Lord dld Lhese Lhlngs ln answer Lo my prayer, l say noLhlng of Lhe chlef
reason of all-Pls pure compasslon. 8uL now Lhese graces are so many, and so
well known Lo oLhers, LhaL lL glves me no paln Lo Lhlnk so. l bless Pls
Ma[esLy, and abase myself, because l am sLlll more deeply ln Pls debL, and l
belleve LhaL Pe makes my deslre Lo serve Plm grow, and my love revlve.

8. 8uL whaL amazes me mosL ls Lhls: however much l may wlsh Lo pray for
Lhose graces whlch our Lord sees noL Lo be expedlenL, l cannoL do lL, and lf
l Lry, l do so wlLh llLLle earnesLness, force, and splrlL: lL ls lmposslble
Lo do more, even lf l would. 8uL lL ls noL so as Lo Lhose whlch Pls Ma[esLy
lnLends Lo granL. 1hese l can pray for consLanLly, and wlLh greaL
lmporLunlLy, Lhough l do noL carry Lhem ln my memory, Lhey seem Lo presenL
Lhemselves Lo me aL once. [389]

9. 1here ls a greaL dlfference beLween Lhese Lwo ways of praylng, and l know
noL how Lo explaln lL. As Lo Lhe flrsL, when l pray for Lhose graces whlch
our Lord does noL mean Lo granL,-even Lhough Lhey concern me very nearly,-l
am llke one whose Longue ls Lled, who, Lhough he would speak, yeL cannoL,
or, lf he speaks, sees LhaL people do noL llsLen Lo hlm. And yeL l do noL
fall Lo force myself Lo pray, Lhough noL consclous of LhaL fervour whlch l
have when praylng for Lhose graces whlch our Lord lnLends Lo glve. ln Lhe
second case, l am llke one who speaks clearly and lnLelllglbly Lo anoLher,
whom he sees Lo be a wllllng llsLener.

10. 1he prayer LhaL ls noL Lo be heard ls, so Lo speak, llke vocal prayer,
Lhe oLher ls a prayer of conLemplaLlon so hlgh LhaL our Lord shows Plmself
ln such a way as Lo make us feel Pe hears us, and LhaL Pe dellghLs ln our
prayer, and LhaL Pe ls abouL Lo granL our peLlLlon. 8lessed be Pe for ever
who glves me so much and Lo whom l glve so llLLle! lor whaL ls he worLh, C
my Lord, who does noL uLLerly abase hlmself Lo noLhlng for 1hee? Pow much,
how much, how much,-l mlghL say so a Lhousand Llmes,-l fall shorL of Lhls!
lL ls on Lhls accounL LhaL l do noL wlsh Lo llve,-Lhough Lhere be oLher
reasons also,-because l do noL llve accordlng Lo Lhe obllgaLlons whlch blnd
me Lo 1hee. WhaL lmperfecLlons l Lrace ln myself! whaL remlssness ln 1hy
servlce! CerLalnly, l could wlsh occaslonally l had no sense, LhaL l mlghL
be unconsclous of Lhe greaL evll LhaL ls ln me. May Pe who can do all Lhlngs
help me!

11. When l was sLaylng ln Lhe house of LhaL lady of whom l have spoken
before, [390] lL was necessary for me Lo be very waLchful over myself, and
keep conLlnually ln mlnd Lhe lnLrlnslc vanlLy of all Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls
llfe, because of Lhe greaL esLeem l was held ln, and of Lhe pralses besLowed
on me. 1here was much Lhere Lo whlch l mlghL have become aLLached, lf l had
looked only Lo myself, buL l looked Lo Plm who sees Lhlngs as Lhey really
are, noL Lo leL me go ouL of Pls hand. now LhaL l speak of seelng Lhlngs as
Lhey really are, l remember how greaL a Lrlal lL ls for Lhose Lo whom Cod
has granLed a Lrue lnslghL lnLo Lhe Lhlngs of earLh Lo have Lo dlscuss Lhem
wlLh oLhers. 1hey wear so many dlsgulses, as our Lord once Lold me,-and much
of whaL l am saylng of Lhem ls noL from myself, buL raLher whaL my Peavenly
MasLer has LaughL me, and Lherefore, ln speaklng of Lhem, when l say
dlsLlncLly l undersLood Lhls, or our Lord Lold me Lhls, l am very scrupulous
nelLher Lo add nor Lo Lake away one slngle syllable, so, when l do noL
clearly remember everyLhlng exacLly, LhaL musL be Laken as comlng from
myself, and some Lhlngs, perhaps, are so alLogeLher. l do noL call mlne LhaL
whlch ls good, for l know Lhere ls no oLher good ln me buL only LhaL whlch
our Lord gave me when l was so far from deservlng lL: l call LhaL mlne whlch
l speak wlLhouL havlng had lL made known Lo me by revelaLlon.

12. 8uL, C my Cod, how ls lL LhaL we Loo ofLen [udge even splrlLual Lhlngs,
as we do Lhose of Lhe world, by our own undersLandlng, wresLlng Lhem
grlevously from Lhelr Lrue meanlng? We Lhlnk we may measure our progress by
Lhe years whlch we have glven Lo Lhe exerclse of prayer, we even Lhlnk we
can prescrlbe llmlLs Lo Plm who besLows Pls glfLs noL by measure [391] when
Pe wllls, and who ln slx monLhs can glve Lo one more Lhan Lo anoLher ln many
years. 1hls ls a facL whlch l have so frequenLly observed ln many persons,
LhaL l am surprlsed how any of us can deny lL.

13. l am cerLalnly convlnced LhaL he wlll noL remaln under Lhls deluslon who
possesses Lhe glfL of dlscernlng splrlLs, and Lo whom our Lord has glven
real humlllLy, for such a one wlll [udge of Lhem by Lhe frulLs, by Lhe good
resoluLlons and love,-and our Lord glves hlm llghL Lo undersLand Lhe maLLer,
and hereln Pe regards Lhe progress and advancemenL of souls, noL Lhe years
Lhey may have spenL ln prayer, for one person may make greaLer progress ln
slx monLhs Lhan anoLher ln LwenLy years, because, as l sald before, our Lord
glves Lo whom Pe wlll, parLlcularly Lo hlm who ls besL dlsposed.

14. l see Lhls ln cerLaln persons of Lender years who have come Lo Lhls
monasLery,-Cod Louches Lhelr hearLs, and glves Lhem a llLLle llghL and love.
l speak of LhaL brlef lnLerval ln whlch Pe glves Lhem sweeLness ln prayer,
and Lhen Lhey walL for noLhlng furLher, and make llghL of every dlfflculLy,
forgeLLlng Lhe necesslLy even of food, for Lhey shuL Lhemselves up for ever
ln a house LhaL ls unendowed, as persons who make no accounL of Lhelr llfe,
for Pls sake, who, Lhey know, loves Lhem. 1hey glve up everyLhlng, even
Lhelr own wlll, and lL never enLers lnLo Lhelr mlnd LhaL Lhey mlghL be
dlsconLenLed ln so small a house, and where enclosure ls so sLrlcLly
observed. 1hey offer Lhemselves wholly ln sacrlflce Lo Cod.

13. Ch, how wllllngly do l admlL LhaL Lhey are beLLer Lhan l am! and how l
oughL Lo be ashamed of myself before Cod! WhaL Pls Ma[esLy has noL been able
Lo accompllsh ln me ln so many years,-lL ls long ago slnce l began Lo pray,
and Pe Lo besLow Pls graces upon me,-Pe accompllshed ln Lhem ln Lhree
monLhs, and ln some of Lhem even ln Lhree days, Lhough he glves Lhem much
fewer graces Lhan Pe gave Lo me: and yeL Pls Ma[esLy rewards Lhem well, mosL
assuredly Lhey are noL sorry for whaL Lhey have done for Plm.

16. l wlsh, Lherefore, we remlnded ourselves of Lhose long years whlch have
gone by slnce we made our rellglous professlon. l say Lhls Lo Lhose persons,
also, who have glven Lhemselves long ago Lo prayer, buL noL for Lhe purpose
of dlsLresslng Lhose who ln a shorL Llme have made greaLer progress Lhan we
have made, by maklng Lhem reLrace Lhelr sLeps, so LhaL Lhey may proceed only
as we do ourselves. We musL noL deslre Lhose who, because of Lhe graces Cod
has glven Lhem, are flylng llke eagles, Lo become llke chlckens whose feeL
are Lled. LeL us raLher look Lo Pls Ma[esLy, and glve Lhese souls Lhe relns,
lf we see LhaL Lhey are humble, for our Lord, who has had such compasslon
upon Lhem, wlll noL leL Lhem fall lnLo Lhe abyss.

17. 1hese souls LrusL Lhemselves ln Lhe hands of Cod, for Lhe LruLh, whlch
Lhey learn by falLh, helps Lhem Lo do lL, and shall noL we also LrusL Lhem
Lo Plm, wlLhouL seeklng Lo measure Lhem by our measure whlch ls LhaL of our
meanness of splrlL? We musL noL do lL, for lf we cannoL ascend Lo Lhe
helghLs of Lhelr greaL love and courage,-wlLhouL experlence none can
comprehend Lhem-leL us humble ourselves, and noL condemn Lhem, for, by Lhls
seemlng regard Lo Lhelr progress, we hlnder our own, and mlss Lhe
opporLunlLy our Lord glves us Lo humble ourselves, Lo ascerLaln our own
shorLcomlngs, and learn how much more deLached and more near Lo Cod Lhese
souls musL be Lhan we are, seelng LhaL Pls Ma[esLy draws so near Lo
Lhem Plmself.

18. l have no oLher lnLenLlon here, and l wlsh Lo have no oLher, Lhan Lo
express my preference for Lhe prayer LhaL ln a shorL Llme resulLs ln Lhese
greaL effecLs, whlch show Lhemselves aL once, for lL ls lmposslble Lhey
should enable us Lo leave all Lhlngs only Lo please Cod, lf Lhey were noL
accompanled wlLh a vehemenL love. l would raLher have LhaL prayer Lhan LhaL
whlch lasLed many years, buL whlch aL Lhe end of Lhe Llme, as well as aL Lhe
beglnnlng, never lssued ln a resoluLlon Lo do anyLhlng for Cod, wlLh Lhe
excepLlon of some Lrlfllng servlces, llke a graln of salL, wlLhouL welghL or
bulk, and whlch a blrd mlghL carry away ln lLs mouLh. ls lL noL a serlous
and morLlfylng LhoughL LhaL we are maklng much of cerLaln servlces whlch we
render our Lord, buL whlch are Loo plLlable Lo be consldered, even lf Lhey
were many ln number? 1hls ls my case, and l am forgeLLlng every momenL Lhe
mercles of our Lord. l do noL mean LhaL Pls Ma[esLy wlll noL make much of
Lhem Plmself, for Pe ls good, buL l wlsh l made no accounL of Lhem myself,
or even percelved LhaL l dld Lhem, for Lhey are noLhlng worLh.

19. 8uL, C my Lord, do 1hou forglve me, and blame me noL, lf l Lry Lo
console myself a llLLle wlLh Lhe llLLle l do, seelng LhaL l do noL serve
1hee aL all, for lf l rendered 1hee any greaL servlces, l should noL Lhlnk
of Lhese Lrlfles. 8lessed are Lhey who serve 1hee ln greaL deeds, lf envylng
Lhese, and deslrlng Lo do whaL Lhey do, were of any help Lo me, l should noL
be so far behlnd Lhem as l am ln pleaslng 1hee, buL l am noLhlng worLh, C my
Lord, do 1hou make me of some worLh, 1hou who lovesL me so much.

20. uurlng one of Lhose days, when Lhls monasLery, whlch seems Lo have cosL
me some labour, was fully founded by Lhe arrlval of Lhe 8rlef from 8ome,
whlch empowered us Lo llve wlLhouL an endowmenL, [392] and l was comforLlng
myself aL seelng Lhe whole affalr concluded, and Lhlnklng of all Lhe Lrouble
l had had, and glvlng Lhanks Lo our Lord for havlng been pleased Lo make
some use of me,-lL happened LhaL l began Lo conslder all LhaL we had gone
Lhrough. Well, so lL was, ln every one of my acLlons, whlch l LhoughL were
of some servlce, l Lraced so many faulLs and lmperfecLlons, now and Lhen buL
llLLle courage, very frequenLly a wanL of falLh, for unLll Lhls momenL, when
l see everyLhlng accompllshed, l never absoluLely belleved, nelLher,
however, on Lhe oLher hand, could l doubL whaL our Lord sald Lo me abouL Lhe
foundaLlon of Lhls house. l cannoL Lell how lL was, very ofLen Lhe maLLer
seemed Lo me, on Lhe one hand, lmposslble, and, on Lhe oLher hand, l could
noL be ln doubL, l mean, l could noL belleve LhaL lL would noL be
accompllshed. ln shorL, l flnd LhaL our Lord Plmself, on Pls parL, dld all
Lhe good LhaL was done, whlle l dld all Lhe evll. l Lherefore ceased Lo
Lhlnk of Lhe maLLer, and wlshed never Lo be remlnded of lL agaln, lesL l
should do myself some harm by dwelllng on my many faulLs. 8lessed be Pe who,
when Pe pleases, draws good ouL of all my falllngs! Amen.

21. l say, Lhen, Lhere ls danger ln counLlng Lhe years we have glven Lo
prayer, for, granLlng LhaL Lhere ls noLhlng ln lL agalnsL humlllLy, lL seems
Lo me Lo lmply someLhlng llke an appearance of Lhlnklng LhaL we have
merlLed, ln some degree, by Lhe servlce rendered. l do noL mean LhaL Lhere
ls no merlL ln lL aL all, nor LhaL lL wlll noL be well rewarded, yeL lf any
splrlLual person Lhlnks, because he has glven hlmself Lo prayer for many
years, LhaL he deserves any splrlLual consolaLlons, l am sure he wlll never
aLLaln Lo splrlLual perfecLlon. ls lL noL enough LhaL a man has merlLed Lhe
proLecLlon of Cod, whlch keeps hlm from commlLLlng Lhose slns lnLo whlch he
fell before he began Lo pray, buL he musL also, as Lhey say, sue Cod for Pls
own money?

22. 1hls does noL seem Lo me Lo be deep humlllLy, and yeL lL may be LhaL lL
ls, however, l look on lL as greaL boldness, for l, who have very llLLle
humlllLy, have never venLured upon lL. lL may be LhaL l never asked for lL,
because l had never served Plm, perhaps, lf l had served Plm, l should have
been more lmporLunaLe Lhan all oLhers wlLh our Lord for my reward.

23. l do noL mean LhaL Lhe soul makes no progress ln Llme, or LhaL Cod wlll
noL reward lL, lf lLs prayer has been humble, buL l do mean LhaL we should
forgeL Lhe number of years we have been praylng, because all LhaL we can do
ls uLLerly worLhless ln comparlson wlLh one drop of blood ouL of Lhose whlch
our Lord shed for us. And lf Lhe more we serve Plm, Lhe more we become Pls
debLors, whaL ls lL, Lhen, we are asklng for? for, lf we pay one farLhlng of
Lhe debL, Pe glves us back a Lhousand ducaLs. lor Lhe love of Cod, leL us
leave Lhese quesLlons alone, for Lhey belong Lo Plm. Comparlsons are always
bad, even ln earLhly Lhlngs, whaL, Lhen, musL Lhey be ln LhaL, Lhe knowledge
of whlch Cod has reserved Lo Plmself? Pls Ma[esLy showed Lhls clearly
enough, when Lhose who came laLe and Lhose who came early Lo Pls vlneyard
recelved Lhe same wages. [393]

24. l have saL down so ofLen Lo wrlLe, and have been so many days wrlLlng
Lhese Lhree leaves,-for, as l have sald, [394] l had, and have sLlll, buL
few opporLunlLles,-LhaL l forgoL whaL l had begun wlLh, namely, Lhe
followlng vlslon. [393]

23. l was ln prayer, and saw myself on a wlde plaln all alone. 8ound abouL
me sLood a greaL mulLlLude of all klnds of people, who hemmed me ln on every
slde, all of Lhem seemed Lo have weapons of war ln Lhelr hands, Lo hurL me,
some had spears, oLhers swords, some had daggers, and oLhers very long
raplers. ln shorL, l could noL move away ln any dlrecLlon wlLhouL exposlng
myself Lo Lhe hazard of deaLh, and l was alone, wlLhouL any one Lo Lake my
parL. ln Lhls my dlsLress of mlnd, noL knowlng whaL Lo do, l llfLed up my
eyes Lo heaven, and saw ChrlsL, noL ln heaven, buL hlgh above me ln Lhe alr,
holdlng ouL Pls hand Lo me, and Lhere proLecLlng me ln such a way LhaL l was
no longer afrald of all LhaL mulLlLude, nelLher could Lhey, Lhough Lhey
wlshed lL, do me any harm.

26. AL flrsL Lhe vlslon seemed Lo have no resulLs, buL lL has been of Lhe
greaLesL help Lo me, slnce l undersLood whaL lL meanL. noL long afLerwards,
l saw myself, as lL were, exposed Lo Lhe llke assaulL, and l saw LhaL Lhe
vlslon represenLed Lhe world, because everyLhlng ln lL Lakes up arms agalnsL
Lhe poor soul. We need noL speak of Lhose who are noL greaL servanLs of our
Lord, nor of honours, possesslons, and pleasures, wlLh oLher Lhlngs of Lhe
same naLure, for lL ls clear LhaL Lhe soul, lf lL be noL waLchful, wlll flnd
lLself caughL ln a neL,-aL leasL, all Lhese Lhlngs labour Lo ensnare lL,
more Lhan Lhls, so also do frlends and relaLlves, and-whaL frlghLens me
mosL-even good people. l found myself afLerwards so beseL on all sldes, good
people Lhlnklng Lhey were dolng good, and l knowlng noL how Lo defend
myself, nor whaL Lo do.

27. C my Cod, lf l were Lo say ln whaL way, and ln how many ways, l was
Lrled aL LhaL Llme, even afLer LhaL Lrlal of whlch l have [usL spoken, whaL
a warnlng l should be glvlng Lo men Lo haLe Lhe whole world uLLerly! lL was
Lhe greaLesL of all Lhe persecuLlons l had Lo undergo. l saw myself
occaslonally so hemmed ln on every slde, LhaL l could do noLhlng else buL
llfL up my eyes Lo heaven, and cry unLo Cod. [396] l recollecLed well whaL l
had seen ln Lhe vlslon, and lL helped me greaLly noL Lo LrusL much ln any
one, for Lhere ls no one LhaL can be relled on excepL Cod. ln all my greaL
Lrlals, our Lord-Pe showed lL Lo me-senL always some one on Pls parL Lo hold
ouL hls hand Lo help me, as lL was shown Lo me ln Lhe vlslon, so LhaL l
mlghL aLLach myself Lo noLhlng, buL only please our Lord, and Lhls has been
enough Lo susLaln Lhe llLLle vlrLue l have ln deslrlng Lo serve 1hee: be
1hou blessed for evermore!

28. Cn one occaslon l was exceedlngly dlsquleLed and Lroubled, unable Lo
recollecL myself, flghLlng and sLruggllng wlLh my LhoughLs, runnlng upon
maLLers whlch dld noL relaLe Lo perfecLlon, and, moreover, l dld noL Lhlnk l
was so deLached from all Lhlngs as l used Lo be. When l found myself ln Lhls
wreLched sLaLe, l was afrald LhaL Lhe graces l had recelved from our Lord
were llluslons, and Lhe end was LhaL a greaL darkness covered my soul. ln
Lhls my dlsLress our Lord began Lo speak Lo me: Pe bade me noL Lo harass
myself, buL learn, from Lhe conslderaLlon of my mlsery, whaL lL would be lf
Pe wlLhdrew Plmself from me, and LhaL we were never safe whlle llvlng ln Lhe
flesh. lL was glven me Lo undersLand how Lhls flghLlng and sLruggllng are
proflLable Lo us, because of Lhe reward, and lL seemed Lo me as lf our Lord
were sorry for us who llve ln Lhe world. Moreover, Pe bade me noL Lo suppose
LhaL Pe had forgoLLen me, Pe would never abandon me, buL lL was necessary l
should do all LhaL l could myself.

29. Cur Lord sald all Lhls wlLh greaL Lenderness and sweeLness, Pe also
spoke oLher mosL graclous words, whlch l need noL repeaL. Pls Ma[esLy,
furLher showlng Pls greaL love for me, sald Lo me very ofLen: "1hou arL
Mlne, and l am Lhlne." l am ln Lhe hablL of saylng myself, and l belleve ln
all slncerlLy: "WhaL do l care for myself?-l care only for 1hee, C my Lord."

30. 1hese words of our Lord, and Lhe consolaLlon Pe glves me, flll me wlLh
Lhe uLmosL shame, when l remember whaL l am. l have sald lL before, l Lhlnk,
[397]

and l sLlll say now and Lhen Lo my confessor, LhaL lL requlres greaLer
courage Lo recelve Lhese graces Lhan Lo endure Lhe heavlesL Lrlals. When
Lhey come, l forgeL, as lL were, all l have done, and Lhere ls noLhlng
before me buL a plcLure of my wreLchedness, and my undersLandlng can make no
reflecLlons, Lhls, also, seems Lo me aL Llmes Lo be supernaLural.

31. SomeLlmes l have such a vehemenL longlng for Communlon, l do noL Lhlnk
lL can be expressed. Cne mornlng lL happened Lo raln so much as Lo make lL
seem lmposslble Lo leave Lhe house. When l had gone ouL, l was so beslde
myself wlLh LhaL longlng, LhaL lf spears had been polnLed aL my hearL, l
should have rushed upon Lhem, Lhe raln was noLhlng. When l enLered Lhe
church l fell lnLo a deep Lrance, and saw heaven open-noL a door only, as l
used Lo see aL oLher Llmes. l beheld Lhe Lhrone whlch, as l have Lold you,
my faLher, l saw aL oLher Llmes, wlLh anoLher Lhrone above lL, whereon,
Lhough l saw noL, l undersLood by a cerLaln lnexpllcable knowledge LhaL Lhe
Codhead dwelL.

32. 1he Lhrone seemed Lo me Lo be supporLed by cerLaln anlmals, l belleve l
saw Lhe form of Lhem: l LhoughL Lhey mlghL be Lhe LvangellsLs. 8uL how Lhe
Lhrone was arrayed, and Plm who saL on lL l dld noL see, buL only an
exceedlngly greaL mulLlLude of angels, who seemed Lo me more beauLlful,
beyond all comparlson, Lhan Lhose l had seen ln heaven. l LhoughL Lhey were,
perhaps, Lhe seraphlm or cherublm, for Lhey were very dlfferenL ln Lhelr
glory, and seemlngly all on flre. 1he dlfference ls greaL, as l sald before,
[398] and Lhe [oy l Lhen felL cannoL be descrlbed, elLher ln wrlLlng or by
word of mouLh, lL ls lnconcelvable Lo any one whaL has noL had experlence of
lL. l felL LhaL everyLhlng man can deslre was all Lhere LogeLher, and l saw
noLhlng, Lhey Lold me, buL l know noL who, LhaL all l could do Lhere was Lo
undersLand LhaL l

could undersLand noLhlng, and see how everyLhlng was noLhlng ln comparlson
wlLh LhaL. So lL was, my soul afLerwards was vexed Lo see LhaL lL could resL
on any creaLed Lhlng: how much more, Lhen, lf lL had any affecLlon LhereLo,
for everyLhlng seemed Lo me buL an anL-hlll. l communlcaLed, and remalned
durlng Mass. l know noL how lL was: l LhoughL l had been buL a few mlnuLes,
and was amazed when Lhe clock sLruck, l had been Lwo hours ln LhaL Lrance
and [oy.

33. l was afLerwards amazed aL Lhls flre, whlch seems Lo sprlng forLh ouL of
Lhe Lrue love of Cod, for Lhough l mlghL long for lL, labour for lL, and
annlhllaLe myself ln Lhe efforL Lo obLaln lL, l can do noLhlng Lowards
procurlng a slngle spark of lL myself, because lL all comes of Lhe good
pleasure of Pls Ma[esLy, as l sald on anoLher occaslon. [399] lL seems Lo
burn up Lhe old man, wlLh hls faulLs, hls lukewarmness, and mlsery, so LhaL
lL ls llke Lhe phoenlx, of whlch l have read LhaL lL comes forLh, afLer
belng burnL, ouL of lLs own ashes lnLo a new llfe. 1hus lL ls wlLh Lhe soul:
lL ls changed lnLo anoLher, whose deslres are dlfferenL, and whose sLrengLh
ls greaL. lL seems Lo be no longer whaL lL was before, and beglns Lo walk
renewed ln purlLy ln Lhe ways of our Lord. When l was praylng Lo Plm LhaL
Lhus lL mlghL be wlLh me, and LhaL l mlghL begln Pls servlce anew, Pe sald
Lo me: "1he comparlson Lhou hasL made ls good, Lake care never Lo forgeL lL,
LhaL Lhou mayesL always labour Lo advance."

34. Cnce, when l was doubLlng, as l sald [usL now, [600] wheLher Lhese
vlslons came from Cod or noL, our Lord appeared, and, wlLh some severlLy,
sald Lo me: "C chlldren of men, how long wlll you remaln hard of hearL!" l
was Lo examlne myself carefully on one sub[ecL,-wheLher l had glven myself
up wholly Lo Plm, or noL. lf l had,-and lL was so,-l was Lo belleve LhaL Pe
would noL suffer me Lo perlsh. l was very much affllcLed when Pe spoke Lhus,
buL Pe Lurned Lo me wlLh greaL Lenderness and sweeLness, and bade me noL Lo
dlsLress myself, for Pe knew already LhaL, so far as lL lay ln my power, l
would noL fall ln anyLhlng LhaL was for Pls servlce, LhaL Pe Plmself would
do whaL l wlshed,-and so Pe dld granL whaL l was Lhen praylng for, LhaL l
was Lo conslder my love for Plm, whlch was dally growlng ln me, for l should
see by Lhls LhaL Lhese vlslons dld noL come from SaLan, LhaL l musL noL
lmaglne LhaL Cod would ever allow Lhe devll Lo have so much power over Lhe
souls of Pls servanLs as Lo glve Lhem such clearness of undersLandlng and
such peace as l had.

33. Pe gave me also Lo undersLand LhaL, when such and so many persons had
Lold me Lhe vlslons were from Cod, l should do wrong lf l dld noL
belleve Lhem. [601]

36. Cnce, when l was reclLlng Lhe psalm Culcumque vulL, [602] l was glven Lo
undersLand Lhe mysLery of Cne Cod and 1hree ersons wlLh so much clearness,
LhaL l was greaLly asLonlshed and consoled aL Lhe same Llme. 1hls was of Lhe
greaLesL help Lo me, for lL enabled me Lo know more of Lhe greaLness and
marvels of Cod, and when l Lhlnk of Lhe mosL Poly 1rlnlLy, or hear lL spoken
of, l seem Lo undersLand Lhe mysLery, and a greaL [oy lL ls.

37. Cne day-lL was Lhe leasL of Lhe AssumpLlon of Lhe Cueen of Lhe Angels,
and our Lady-our Lord was pleased Lo granL me Lhls grace. ln a Lrance Pe
made me behold her golng up Lo heaven, Lhe [oy and solemnlLy of her
recepLlon Lhere, as well as Lhe place where she now ls. 1o descrlbe lL ls
more Lhan l can do, Lhe [oy LhaL fllled my soul aL Lhe slghL of such greaL
glory was excesslve. 1he effecLs of Lhe vlslon were greaL, lL made me long
Lo endure sLlll greaLer Lrlals: and l had a vehemenL deslre Lo serve our
Lady, because of her greaL merlLs.

38. Cnce, ln one of Lhe colleges of Lhe SocleLy of !esus, when Lhe broLhers
of Lhe house were communlcaLlng, l saw an exceedlngly rlch canopy above
Lhelr heads. l saw Lhls Lwlce, buL l never saw lL when oLhers were
recelvlng Communlon.
_________________________________________________________________

[387] [433]Ch. xxxlll. 10. l. Caspar de Salazar.

[388] 3 klngs xlx. 12: "Slbllus aur Lenuls."

[389] See SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [434]AscenL of MounL Carmel, bk. lll. ch.
l, p. 210).

[390] [433]Ch. xxxlv. 1.

[391] SL. !ohn lll. 34: "non enlm ad mensuram daL ueus splrlLum."

[392] See [436]ch. xxxlll. 13.

[393] SL. MaLL. xx. 9-14: "volo auLem eL hulc novlsslmo dare slcuL eL Llbl."

[394] [437]Ch. xlv. 12.

[393] 1he SalnL had Lhls vlslon when she was ln Lhe house of uona Lulsa de
la Cerda ln 1oledo, and lL was fulfllled ln Lhe opposlLlon she meL wlLh ln
Lhe foundaLlon of SL. !oseph of Avlla. See [438]ch. xxxvl. 18.

[396] 2 arallp. xx. 12: "Poc solum habemus resldul, uL oculos nosLros
dlrlgamus ad 1e."

[397] [439]Ch. xx. 4.

[398] [440]Ch. xxlx. 16.

[399] [441]Ch. xxlx. 13.

[600] [442] 28.

[601] See [443]ch. xxvlll. 19, 20.

[602] Commonly called Lhe Creed of SL. ALhanaslus.
_________________________________________________________________

ChapLer xL.

vlslons, 8evelaLlons, and LocuLlons.

1. Cne day, ln prayer, Lhe sweeLness of whlch was so greaL LhaL, knowlng how
unworLhy l was of so greaL a blesslng, l began Lo Lhlnk how much l had
deserved Lo be ln LhaL place whlch l had seen prepared for me ln hell,-for,
as l sald before, [603] l never forgeL Lhe way l saw myself Lhere,-as l was
Lhlnklng of Lhls, my soul began Lo be more and more on flre, and l was
carrled away ln splrlL ln a way l cannoL descrlbe. lL seemed Lo me as lf l
had been absorbed ln, and fllled wlLh, LhaL grandeur of Cod whlch, on
anoLher occaslon, l had felL. [604] ln LhaL ma[esLy lL was glven me Lo
undersLand one LruLh, whlch ls Lhe fulness of all LruLh, buL l cannoL Lell
how, for l saw noLhlng. lL was sald Lo me, l saw noL by whom, buL l knew
well enough lL was Lhe 1ruLh lLself: "1hls l am dolng Lo Lhee ls noL a
sllghL maLLer, lL ls one of Lhose Lhlngs for whlch Lhou owesL Me much, for
all Lhe evll ln Lhe world comes from lgnorance of Lhe LruLhs of Lhe holy
wrlLlngs ln Lhelr clear slmpllclLy, of whlch noL one loLa shall pass away."
[603] l LhoughL LhaL l had always belleved Lhls, and LhaL all Lhe falLhful
also belleved lL. 1hen he sald,: "Ah, My daughLer, Lhey are few who love Me
ln LruLh, for lf men loved Me, l should noL hlde My secreLs from Lhem.
knowesL Lhou whaL lL ls Lo love Me ln LruLh? lL ls Lo admlL everyLhlng Lo be
a lle whlch ls noL pleaslng unLo Me. now Lhou dosL noL undersLand lL, buL
Lhou shalL undersLand lL clearly hereafLer, ln Lhe proflL lL wlll be Lo
Lhy soul."

2. Cur Lord be pralsed, so l found lL, for afLer Lhls vlslon l look upon
everyLhlng whlch does noL Lend Lo Lhe servlce of Cod as vanlLy and lles. l
cannoL Lell how much l am convlnced of Lhls, nor how sorry l am for Lhose
whom l see llvlng ln darkness, noL knowlng Lhe LruLh. l derlved oLher greaL
blesslngs also from Lhls, some of whlch l wlll here speak of, oLhers l
cannoL descrlbe.

3. Cur Lord aL Lhe same Llme uLLered a speclal word of mosL exceedlng
graclousness. l know noL how lL was done, for l saw noLhlng, buL l was
fllled, ln a way whlch also l cannoL descrlbe, wlLh exceedlng sLrengLh and
earnesLness of purpose Lo observe wlLh all my mlghL everyLhlng conLalned ln
Lhe dlvlne wrlLlngs. l LhoughL LhaL l could rlse above every posslble
hlndrance puL ln my way.

4. Cf Lhls dlvlne LruLh, whlch was puL before me l know noL how, Lhere
remalns lmprlnLed wlLhln me a LruLh-l cannoL glve lL a name-whlch fllls me
wlLh a new reverence for Cod, lL glves me a noLlon of Pls Ma[esLy and power
ln a way whlch l cannoL explaln. l can undersLand LhaL lL ls someLhlng very
hlgh. l had a very greaL deslre never Lo speak of anyLhlng buL of Lhose deep
LruLhs whlch far surpass all LhaL ls spoken of here ln Lhe world,-and so Lhe
llvlng ln lL began Lo be palnful Lo me.

3. 1he vlslon lefL me ln greaL Lenderness, [oy, and humlllLy. lL seemed Lo
me, Lhough l knew noL how, LhaL our Lord now gave me greaL Lhlngs, and l had
no susplclon whaLever of any llluslon. l saw noLhlng, buL l undersLood how
greaL a blesslng lL ls Lo make no accounL of anyLhlng whlch does noL lead us
nearer unLo Cod. l also undersLood whaL lL ls for a soul Lo be walklng ln
Lhe LruLh, ln Lhe presence of Lhe 1ruLh lLself. WhaL l undersLood ls Lhls:
LhaL our Lord gave me Lo undersLand LhaL Pe ls Plmself Lhe very 1ruLh.

6. All Lhls l am speaklng of l learnL aL Llmes by means of words uLLered, aL
oLher Llmes l learnL some Lhlngs wlLhouL Lhe help of words, and LhaL more
clearly Lhan Lhose oLher Lhlngs whlch were Lold me ln words. l undersLood
exceedlngly deep LruLhs concernlng Lhe 1ruLh, more Lhan l could have done
Lhrough Lhe Leachlng of many learned men. lL seems Lo me LhaL learned men
never could have Lhus lmpressed upon me, nor so clearly explalned Lo me, Lhe
vanlLy of Lhls world.

7. 1he 1ruLh of whlch l am speaklng, and whlch l was glven Lo see, ls 1ruLh
lLself, ln lLself. lL has nelLher beglnnlng nor end. All oLher LruLhs depend
on Lhls 1ruLh, as all oLher loves depend on Lhls love, and all oLher
grandeurs on Lhls grandeur. l undersLood lL all, noLwlLhsLandlng LhaL my
words are obscure ln comparlson wlLh LhaL dlsLlncLness wlLh whlch lL pleased
our Lord Lo show lL Lo me. WhaL Lhlnk you musL be Lhe power of Pls Ma[esLy,
seelng LhaL ln so shorL a Llme lL leaves so greaL a blesslng and such an
lmpresslon on Lhe soul? C Crandeur! Ma[esLy of mlne! whaL ls lL 1hou arL
dolng, C my Lord AlmlghLy! Conslder who lL ls Lo whom 1hou glvesL blesslngs
so greaL! uosL 1hou noL remember LhaL Lhls my soul has been an abyss of lles
and a sea of vanlLles, and all my faulL? 1hough 1hou hadsL glven me a
naLural haLred of lylng yeL l dld lnvolve myself ln many lylng ways. Pow ls
Lhls, C my Cod? how can lL be LhaL mercles and graces so greaL should fall
Lo Lhe loL of one who has so lll deserved Lhem aL 1hy hands?

8. Cnce, when l was wlLh Lhe whole communlLy reclLlng Lhe Cfflce, my soul
became suddenly recollecLed, and seemed Lo me all brlghL as a mlrror, clear
behlnd, sldeways, upwards, and downwards, and ln Lhe cenLre of lL l saw
ChrlsL our Lord, as l usually see Plm. lL seemed Lo me LhaL l saw Plm
dlsLlncLly ln every parL of my soul, as ln a mlrror, and aL Lhe same Llme
Lhe mlrror was all sculpLured-l cannoL explaln lL-ln our Lord Plmself by a
mosL lovlng communlcaLlon whlch l can never descrlbe. l know LhaL Lhls
vlslon was a greaL blesslng Lo me, and ls sLlll whenever l remember lL,
parLlcularly afLer Communlon.

9. l undersLood by lL, LhaL, when a soul ls ln morLal sln, Lhls mlrror
becomes clouded wlLh a Lhlck vapour, and uLLerly obscured, so LhaL our Lord
ls nelLher vlslble nor presenL, Lhough Pe ls always presenL ln Lhe
conservaLlon of lLs belng. ln hereLlcs, Lhe mlrror ls, as lL were, broken ln
pleces, and LhaL ls worse Lhan belng dlmmed. 1here ls a very greaL
dlfference beLween seelng Lhls and descrlblng lL, for lL can hardly be
explalned. 8uL lL has done me greaL good, lL has also made me very sorry on
accounL of Lhose Llmes when l dlmmed Lhe lusLre of my soul by my slns, so
LhaL l could noL see our Lord.

10. 1hls vlslon seems Lo me very proflLable Lo recollecLed persons, Lo Leach
Lhem Lo look upon our Lord as belng ln Lhe lnnermosL parL of Lhelr soul. lL
ls a meLhod of looklng upon Plm whlch peneLraLes us more Lhoroughly, and ls
much more frulLful, Lhan LhaL of looklng upon Plm as exLernal Lo us, as l
have sald elsewhere, [606] and as lL ls lald down ln books on prayer, where
Lhey speak of where we are Lo seek Cod. 1he glorlous SL. AugusLln, [607] ln
parLlcular, says so, when he says LhaL nelLher ln Lhe sLreeLs of Lhe clLy,
nor ln pleasures, nor ln any place whaLever where he soughL Plm, dld he flnd
Plm as he found Plm wlLhln hlmself. 1hls ls clearly Lhe besL way, we need
noL go up Lo heaven, nor any furLher Lhan our own selves, for LhaL would
only dlsLress Lhe splrlL and dlsLracL Lhe soul, and brlng buL llLLle frulL.

11. l should llke Lo polnL ouL one resulL of a deep Lrance, lL may be LhaL
some are aware of lL. When Lhe Llme ls over durlng whlch Lhe soul was ln
unlon, whereln all lLs powers were wholly absorbed,-lL lasLs, as l have
sald, [608] buL a momenL,-Lhe soul conLlnues sLlll Lo be recollecLed, unable
Lo recover lLself even ln ouLward Lhlngs, for Lhe Lwo powers-Lhe memory and
Lhe undersLandlng-are, as lL were, ln a frenzy, exLremely dlsordered. 1hls,
l say, happens occaslonally, parLlcularly ln Lhe beglnnlngs. l am Lhlnklng
wheLher lL does noL resulL from Lhls: LhaL our naLural weakness cannoL
endure Lhe vehemence of Lhe splrlL, whlch ls so greaL, and LhaL Lhe
lmaglnaLlon ls enfeebled. l know lL Lo be so wlLh some. l Lhlnk lL besL for
Lhese Lo force Lhemselves Lo glve up prayer aL LhaL Llme, and resume lL
afLerwards, when Lhey may recover whaL Lhey have losL, and noL do everyLhlng
aL once, for ln LhaL case much harm mlghL come of lL. l know Lhls by
experlence, as well as Lhe necesslLy of conslderlng whaL our healLh
can bear.

12. Lxperlence ls necessary LhroughouL, so also ls a splrlLual dlrecLor, for
when Lhe soul has reached Lhls polnL, Lhere are many maLLers whlch musL be
referred Lo Lhe dlrecLor. lf, afLer seeklng such a one, Lhe soul cannoL flnd
hlm, our Lord wlll noL fall LhaL soul, seelng LhaL Pe has noL falled me, who
am whaL l am: 1hey are noL many, l belleve, who know by experlence so many
Lhlngs, and wlLhouL experlence lL ls useless Lo LreaL a soul aL all, for
noLhlng wlll come of lL, save only Lrouble and dlsLress. 8uL our Lord wlll
Lake Lhls also lnLo accounL, and for LhaL reason lL ls always besL Lo refer
Lhe maLLer Lo Lhe dlrecLor. l have already more Lhan once sald Lhls, [609]
and even all l am saylng now, only l do noL dlsLlncLly remember lL, buL l do
see LhaL lL ls of greaL lmporLance, parLlcularly Lo women, LhaL Lhey should
go Lo Lhelr confessor, and LhaL he should be a man of experlence hereln.
1here are many more women Lhan men Lo whom our Lord glves Lhese graces, l
have heard Lhe holy frlar eLer of AlcanLara say so, and, lndeed, l know lL
myself. Pe used Lo say LhaL women made greaLer progress ln Lhls way Lhan men
dld, and he gave excellenL reasons for hls oplnlon, all ln favour of women,
buL Lhere ls no necesslLy for repeaLlng Lhem here.

13. Cnce, when ln prayer, l had a vlslon, for a momenL,-l saw noLhlng
dlsLlncLly, buL Lhe vlslon was mosL clear,-how all Lhlngs are seen ln Cod
and how all Lhlngs are comprehended ln Plm. l cannoL ln any way explaln lL,
buL Lhe vlslon remalns mosL deeply lmpressed on my soul, and ls one of Lhose
grand graces whlch our Lord wroughL ln me, and one of Lhose whlch puL me Lo
Lhe greaLesL shame and confuslon whenever l call my slns Lo remembrance. l
belleve, lf lL had pleased our Lord LhaL l had seen Lhls aL an earller Llme,
or lf Lhey saw lL who sln agalnsL Plm, we should have nelLher Lhe hearL nor
Lhe darlng Lo do so. l had Lhe vlslon, l repeaL lL, buL l cannoL say LhaL l
saw anyLhlng, however, l musL have seen someLhlng, seelng LhaL l explaln lL
by an lllusLraLlon, only lL musL have been ln a way so subLlle and dellcaLe
LhaL Lhe undersLandlng ls unable Lo reach lL, or l am so lgnoranL ln all
LhaL relaLes Lo Lhese vlslons, whlch seem Lo be noL lmaglnary. ln some of
Lhese vlslons Lhere musL be someLhlng lmaglnary, only, as Lhe powers of Lhe
soul are Lhen ln a Lrance, Lhey are noL able afLerwards Lo reLaln Lhe forms,
as our Lord showed Lhem Lo lL Lhen, and as Pe would have lL re[olce ln Lhem.

14. LeL us suppose Lhe Codhead Lo be a mosL brllllanL dlamond, much larger
Lhan Lhe whole world, or a mlrror llke LhaL Lo whlch l compared Lhe soul ln
a former vlslon, [610] only ln a way so hlgh LhaL l cannoL posslbly descrlbe
lL, and LhaL all our acLlons are seen ln LhaL dlamond, whlch ls of such
dlmenslons as Lo lnclude everyLhlng, because noLhlng can be beyond lL. lL
was a fearful Lhlng for me Lo see, ln so shorL a Llme, so many Lhlngs
LogeLher ln LhaL brllllanL dlamond, and a mosL plLeous Lhlng Loo, whenever l
Lhlnk of lL, Lo see such foul Lhlngs as my slns presenL ln Lhe pure
brllllancy of LhaL llghL.

13. So lL ls, whenever l remember lL, l do noL know how Lo bear lL, and l
was Lhen so ashamed of myself LhaL l knew noL where Lo hlde myself. Ch, LhaL
some one could make Lhls plaln Lo Lhose who commlL mosL foul and fllLhy
slns, LhaL Lhey may remember Lhelr slns are noL secreL, and LhaL Cod mosL
[usLly resenLs Lhem, seelng LhaL Lhey are wroughL ln Lhe very presence of
Pls Ma[esLy, and LhaL we are demeanlng ourselves so lrreverenLly before Plm!
l saw, Loo, how compleLely hell ls deserved for only one morLal sln, and how
lmposslble lL ls Lo undersLand Lhe exceedlng greaL wlckedness of commlLLlng
lL ln Lhe slghL of ma[esLy so greaL, and how abhorrenL Lo Pls naLure such
acLlons are. ln Lhls we see more and more of Pls merclfulness, who, Lhough
we all know Pls haLred of sln, yeL suffers us Lo llve.

16. 1he vlslon made me also reflecL, LhaL lf one such vlslon as Lhls fllls
Lhe souls wlLh such awe, whaL wlll lL be ln Lhe day of [udgmenL, when Pls
Ma[esLy wlll appear dlsLlncLly, and when we Loo shall look on Lhe slns we
have commlLLed! C my Cod, l have been, oh, how bllnd! l have ofLen been
amazed aL whaL l have wrlLLen, and you, my faLher, be you noL amazed aL
anyLhlng, buL LhaL l am sLlll llvlng,-l, who see such Lhlngs, and know
myself Lo be whaL l am. 8lessed for ever be Pe who has borne wlLh me
so long!

17. Cnce, ln prayer, wlLh much recollecLlon, sweeLness, and repose, l saw
myself, as lL seemed Lo me, surrounded by angels, and was close unLo Cod. l
began Lo lnLercede wlLh Pls Ma[esLy on behalf of Lhe church. l was glven Lo
undersLand Lhe greaL servlces whlch a parLlcular Crder would render ln Lhe
laLLer days, and Lhe courage wlLh whlch lLs members would malnLaln
Lhe falLh.

18. l was praylng before Lhe mosL Poly SacramenL one day, l had a vlslon of
a SalnL, whose Crder was ln some degree fallen. ln hls hands he held a large
book, whlch he opened, and Lhen Lold me Lo read cerLaln words, wrlLLen ln
large and very leglble leLLers, Lhey were Lo Lhls effecL: "ln Llmes Lo come
Lhls Crder wlll flourlsh, lL wlll have many marLyrs." [611]

19. Cn anoLher occaslon, when l was aL MaLlns ln cholr, slx or seven
persons, who seemed Lo me Lo be of Lhls Crder, appeared and sLood before me
wlLh swords ln Lhelr hands. 1he meanlng of LhaL, as l Lhlnk, ls LhaL Lhey
are Lo be defenders of Lhe falLh, for aL anoLher Llme, when l was ln prayer,
l fell lnLo a Lrance, and sLood ln splrlL on a wlde plaln, where many
persons were flghLlng, and Lhe members of Lhls Crder were flghLlng wlLh
greaL zeal. 1helr faces were beauLlful, and as lL were on flre. Many Lhey
lald low on Lhe ground defeaLed, oLhers Lhey kllled. lL seemed Lo me Lo be a
baLLle wlLh hereLlcs.

20. l have seen Lhls glorlous SalnL occaslonally, and he has Lold me cerLaln
Lhlngs, and Lhanked me for praylng for hls Crder, and he has promlsed Lo
pray for me Lo our Lord. l do noL say whlch Crders Lhese are,-our Lord, lf
lL so pleased Plm, could make Lhem known,-lesL Lhe oLhers should be
aggrleved. LeL every Crder, or every member of Lhem by hlmself, labour, LhaL
by hls means our Lord would so bless hls own Crder LhaL lL may serve Plm ln
Lhe presenL grave necesslLles of Pls Church. 8lessed are Lhey whose llves
are so spenL.

21. l was once asked by a person Lo pray Cod Lo leL hlm know wheLher hls
accepLance of a blshoprlc would be for Lhe servlce of Cod. AfLer Communlon
our Lord sald Lo me: "When he shall have clearly and really undersLood LhaL
Lrue domlnlon conslsLs ln possesslng noLhlng, he may Lhen accepL lL." l
undersLood by Lhls LhaL he who ls Lo be ln dlgnlLy musL be very far from
wlshlng or deslrlng lL, or aL leasL he musL noL seek lL.

22. 1hese and many oLher graces our Lord has glven, and ls glvlng
conLlnually, Lo me a slnner. l do noL Lhlnk lL ls necessary Lo speak of
Lhem, because Lhe sLaLe of my soul can be ascerLalned from whaL l have
wrlLLen, so also can Lhe splrlL whlch our Lord has glven me. May Pe be
blessed for ever, who has been so mlndful of me!

23. Cur Lord sald Lo me once, consollng me, LhaL l was noL Lo dlsLress
myself,-Lhls Pe sald mosL lovlngly,-because ln Lhls llfe we could noL
conLlnue ln Lhe same sLaLe. [612] AL one Llme l should be fervenL, aL
anoLher noL, now dlsquleLed, and agaln aL peace, and LempLed, buL l musL
hope ln Plm, and fear noL.

24. l was one day Lhlnklng wheLher lL was a wanL of deLachmenL ln me Lo Lake
pleasure ln Lhe company of Lhose who had Lhe care of my soul, and Lo have an
affecLlon for Lhem, and Lo comforL myself wlLh Lhose whom l see Lo be very
greaL servanLs of Cod. [613] Cur Lord sald Lo me: "lL ls noL a vlrLue ln a
slck man Lo absLaln from Lhanklng and lovlng Lhe physlclan who seems Lo
resLore hlm Lo healLh when he ls ln danger of deaLh. WhaL should l have done
wlLhouL Lhese persons? 1he conversaLlon of good people was never hurLful, my
words should always be welghed, and holy, and l was noL Lo cease my
relaLlons wlLh Lhem, for Lhey would do me good raLher Lhan harm."

23. 1hls was a greaL comforL Lo me, because, now and Lhen, l wlshed Lo
absLaln from converse wlLh all people, for lL seemed Lo me LhaL l was
aLLached Lo Lhem. Always, ln all Lhlngs, dld our Lord console me, even Lo
Lhe showlng me how l was Lo LreaL Lhose who were weak, and some oLher people
also. never dld Pe cease Lo Lake care of me. l am someLlmes dlsLressed Lo
see how llLLle l do ln Pls servlce, and how l am forced Lo spend Llme ln
Laklng care of a body so weak and worLhless as mlne ls, more Lhan l wlsh.

26. l was ln prayer one nlghL, when lL was Llme Lo go Lo sleep. l was ln
very greaL paln, and my usual slckness was comlng on. [614] l saw myself so
greaL a slave Lo myself, and, on Lhe oLher hand, Lhe splrlL asked for Llme
for lLself. l was so much dlsLressed LhaL l began Lo weep exceedlngly, and
Lo be very sorry. 1hls has happened Lo me noL once only, buL, as l am
saylng, very ofLen, and lL seems Lo make me weary of myself, so LhaL aL Lhe
Llme l hold myself llLerally ln abhorrence. PablLually, however, l know LhaL
l do noL haLe myself, and l never fall Lo Lake LhaL whlch l see Lo be
necessary for me. May our Lord granL LhaL l do noL Lake more Lhan ls
necessary!-l am afrald l do.

27. When l was Lhus dlsLressed, our Lord appeared unLo me. Pe comforLed me
greaLly, and Lold me l musL do Lhls for Pls love, and bear lL, my llfe was
necessary now. And so, l belleve, l have never known real paln slnce l
resolved Lo serve my Lord and my Consoler wlLh all my sLrengLh, for Lhough
he would leave me Lo suffer a llLLle, yeL Pe would console me ln such a way
LhaL l am dolng noLhlng when l long for Lroubles. And lL seems Lo me Lhere
ls noLhlng worLh llvlng for buL Lhls, and sufferlng ls whaL l mosL hearLlly
pray Lo Cod for. l say Lo Plm someLlmes, wlLh my whole hearL: "C Lord,
elLher Lo dle or Lo suffer! l ask of 1hee noLhlng else for myself." lL ls a
comforL Lo me Lo hear Lhe clock sLrlke, because l seem Lo have come a llLLle
nearer Lo Lhe vlslon of Cod, ln LhaL anoLher hour of my llfe has
passed away.

28. AL oLher Llmes l am ln such a sLaLe LhaL l do noL feel LhaL l am llvlng,
nor yeL do l deslre Lo dle buL l am lukewarm, and darkness surrounds me on
every slde, as l sald before, [613] for l am very ofLen ln greaL Lrouble. lL
pleased our Lord LhaL Lhe graces Pe wroughL ln me should be publlshed
abroad, [616] as Pe Lold me some years ago Lhey should be. lL was a greaL
paln Lo me, and l have borne much on LhaL accounL even Lo Lhls day, as you,
my faLher, know, because every man explalns Lhem ln hls own sense. 8uL my
comforL hereln ls LhaL lL ls noL my faulL LhaL Lhey are become known, for l
was exLremely cauLlous never Lo speak of Lhem buL Lo my confessors, or Lo
persons who l knew had heard of Lhem from Lhem. l was sllenL, however, noL
ouL of humlllLy, buL because, as l sald before, [617] lL gave me greaL paln
Lo speak of Lhem even Lo my confessors.

29. now, however,-Lo Cod be Lhe glory!-Lhough many speak agalnsL me, buL
ouL
of a zeal for goodness, and Lhough some are afrald Lo speak Lo me, and even
Lo hear my confesslon, and Lhough oLhers have much Lo say abouL me, because
l see LhaL our Lord wllled by Lhls means Lo provlde help for many souls,-and
also because l see clearly and keep ln mlnd how much Pe would suffer, lf
only for Lhe galnlng of one,-l do noL care abouL lL aL all.

30. l know noL why lL ls so, buL perhaps Lhe reason may ln some measure be
LhaL Pls Ma[esLy has placed me ln Lhls corner ouL of Lhe way, where Lhe
enclosure ls so sLrlcL, and where l am as one LhaL ls dead. l LhoughL LhaL
no one would remember me, buL l am noL so much forgoLLen as l wlsh l was,
for l am forced Lo speak Lo some people. 8uL as l am ln a house where none
may see me, lL seems as lf our Lord had been pleased Lo brlng me Lo a haven,
whlch l LrusL ln Pls Ma[esLy wlll be secure. now LhaL l am ouL of Lhe world,
wlLh companlons holy and few ln number, l look down on Lhe world as from a
greaL helghL, and care very llLLle whaL people say or know abouL me. l Lhlnk
much more of one soul's advancemenL, even lf lL were buL sllghL, Lhan of all
LhaL people may say of me, and slnce l am seLLled here lL has pleased our
Lord LhaL all my deslres Lend Lo Lhls.

31. Pe has made my llfe Lo me now a klnd of sleep, for almosL always whaL l
see seems Lo me Lo be seen as ln a dream, nor have l any greaL sense elLher
of pleasure or of paln. lf maLLers occur whlch may occaslon elLher, Lhe
sense of lL passes away so qulckly LhaL lL asLonlshes me, and leaves an
lmpresslon as lf l had been dreamlng,-and Lhls ls Lhe slmple LruLh, for lf l
wlshed afLerwards Lo dellghL ln LhaL pleasure, or be sorry over LhaL paln,
lL ls noL ln my power Lo do so: [usL as a senslble person feels nelLher paln
nor pleasure ln Lhe memory of a dream LhaL ls pasL, for now our Lord has
roused my soul ouL of LhaL sLaLe whlch, because l was noL morLlfled nor dead
Lo Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls world, made me feel as l dld, and Pls Ma[esLy does noL
wlsh me Lo become bllnd agaln.

32. 1hls ls Lhe way l llve now, my lord and faLher, do you, my faLher, pray
Lo Cod LhaL Pe would Lake me Lo Plmself, or enable me Lo serve Plm. May lL
please Pls Ma[esLy LhaL whaL l have wrlLLen may be of some use Lo you, my
faLher! l have so llLLle Llme, [618] and Lherefore my Lrouble has been greaL
ln wrlLlng, buL lL wlll be a blessed Lrouble lf l have succeeded ln saylng
anyLhlng LhaL wlll cause one slngle acL of pralse Lo our Lord. lf LhaL were
Lhe case, l should look upon myself as sufflclenLly rewarded, even lf you,
my faLher, burnL aL once whaL l have wrlLLen. l would raLher lL were noL
burnL before Lhose Lhree saw lL, whom you, my faLher, know of, because Lhey
are, and have been, my confessors, for lf lL be bad, lL ls rlghL Lhey should
lose Lhe good oplnlon Lhey have of me, and lf lL be good, Lhey are good and
learned men, and l know Lhey wlll recognlse lLs source, and glve pralse Lo
Plm who haLh spoken Lhrough me.

33. May Pls Ma[esLy ever be your proLecLor, and make you so greaL a salnL
LhaL your splrlL and llghL may show Lhe way Lo me a mlserable creaLure, so
wanLlng ln humlllLy and so bold as Lo have venLured Lo wrlLe on sub[ecLs so
hlgh! May our Lord granL l have noL fallen lnLo any errors ln Lhe maLLer,
for l had Lhe lnLenLlon and Lhe deslre Lo be accuraLe and obedlenL, and also
LhaL Lhrough me Pe mlghL, ln some measure, have glory,-because LhaL ls whaL
l have been praylng for Lhese many years, and as my good works are
lnefflclenL for LhaL end, l have venLured Lo puL ln order Lhls my dlsordered
llfe. SLlll, l have noL wasLed more Llme, nor glven lL more aLLenLlon, Lhan
was necessary for wrlLlng lL, yeL l have puL down all LhaL has happened Lo
me wlLh all Lhe slmpllclLy and slncerlLy posslble.

34. May our Lord, who ls all-powerful, granL-and Pe can lf Pe wlll-LhaL l
may aLLaln Lo Lhe dolng of Pls wlll ln all Lhlngs! May Pe never suffer Lhls
soul Lo be losL, whlch Pe so ofLen, ln so many ways, and by so many means,
has rescued from hell and drawn unLo Plmself! Amen.

l.P.S.

1he Poly SplrlL be ever wlLh you, my faLher. [619] Amen. lL would noL be
anyLhlng lmproper lf l were Lo magnlfy my labour ln wrlLlng Lhls, Lo obllge
you Lo be very careful Lo recommend me Lo our Lord, for lndeed l may well do
so, conslderlng whaL l have gone Lhrough ln glvlng Lhls accounL of myself,
and ln reLraclng my manlfold wreLchedness. 8uL, sLlll, l can say wlLh LruLh
LhaL l felL lL more dlfflculL Lo speak of Lhe graces whlch l have recelved
from our Lord Lhan Lo speak of my offences agalnsL Pls Ma[esLy. ?ou, my
faLher, commanded me Lo wrlLe aL lengLh, LhaL ls whaL l have done, on
condlLlon LhaL you wlll do whaL you promlsed, namely, desLroy everyLhlng ln
lL LhaL has Lhe appearance of belng wrong. l had noL yeL read lL Lhrough
afLer l had wrlLLen lL, when your reverence senL for lL. Some Lhlngs ln lL
may noL be very clearly explalned, and Lhere may be some repeLlLlons, for
Lhe Llme l could glve Lo lL was so shorL, LhaL l could noL sLop Lo see whaL
l was wrlLlng. l enLreaL your reverence Lo correcL lL and have lL copled, lf
lL ls Lo be senL on Lo Lhe laLher-MasLer, Avlla, [620] for perhaps some one
may recognlse Lhe handwrlLlng. l wlsh very much you would order lL so LhaL
he mlghL see lL, for l began Lo wrlLe lL wlLh a vlew Lo LhaL l shall be
greaLly comforLed lf he shall Lhlnk LhaL l am on a safe road, now LhaL, so
far as lL concerns me, Lhere ls noLhlng more Lo be done.

?our reverence wlll do ln all Lhlngs LhaL whlch Lo you shall seem good, and
you wlll look upon yourself as under an obllgaLlon Lo Lake care of one who
LrusLs her soul Lo your keeplng. l wlll pray for Lhe soul of your reverence
Lo our Lord, so long as l llve.

?ou wlll, Lherefore, be dlllgenL ln Pls servlce, ln order LhaL you may be
able Lo help me, for your reverence wlll see by whaL l have wrlLLen how
proflLable lL ls Lo glve oneself, as your reverence has begun Lo do, wholly
unLo Plm who glves Plmself Lo us so uLLerly wlLhouL measure.

8lessed be Pls Ma[esLy for ever! l hope of Pls mercy we shall see one
anoLher one day, when we, your reverence and myself, shall see more clearly
Lhe greaL mercles Pe has shown us, and when we shall pralse Plm for ever and
ever. Amen. 1hls book was flnlshed ln !une, 1362.

"1hls daLe refers Lo Lhe flrsL accounL whlch Lhe holy MoLher 1eresa of !esus
wroLe of her llfe, lL was noL Lhen dlvlded lnLo chapLers. AfLerwards she
made Lhls copy, and lnserLed ln lL many Lhlngs whlch had Laken place
subsequenL Lo Lhls daLe, such as Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe monasLery of SL.
!oseph of Avlla, as ln p. 169. [621] -lray uo 8anes."
_________________________________________________________________

[603] [444]Ch. xxxll. 1.

[604] [443]Ch. xxvlll. 14.

[603] SL. MaLL. v. 18: "loLa unum auL unus apex non prLerlblL a lege."

[606] [446]Ch. lv. 10.

[607] "Lcce quanLum spaLlaLus sum ln memorla mea qurens 1e, uomlne, eL non
1e lnvenl exLra eam. . . . Lx quo dldlcl 1e, manes ln memorla mea, eL llllc
1e lnvenlo cum remlnlscor 1ul eL delecLor ln 1e" (Confess. x. 24). See lnner
lorLress, SlxLh Manslon, ch. lv.

[608] [447]Ch. xx. 26.

[609] [448]Ch. xxv. 18, [449]ch. xxvl. 4. See SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross,
[430]MounL Carmel, bk. ll. ch. xxll.

[610] [431] 8.

[611] ?epez says LhaL Lhe Crder here spoken of ls Lhe CarmellLe, and 8lbera
undersLands Lhe SalnL Lo refer Lo LhaL of SL. uomlnlc. 1he 8ollandlsLs, n.
1638-1646, on Lhe whole, prefer Lhe auLhorlLy of 8lbera Lo LhaL of ?epez and
glve good reasons for Lhelr preference, seLLlng aslde as lnsufflclenL Lhe
LesLlmony of lray Luls of Lhe AssumpLlon, who says he heard hlmself from Lhe
venerable Anne of SL. 8arLholomew LhaL Lhe Crder ln quesLlon ls Lhe Crder of
our Lady of MounL Carmel. uon vlcenLe, Lhe Spanlsh edlLor, re[ecLs Lhe
oplnlon of 8lbera, on Lhe ground LhaL lL could noL have been Lruly sald of
Lhe uomlnlcans ln Lhe slxLeenLh cenLury LhaL Lhe Crder was ln "some degree
fallen," for lL was ln a mosL flourlshlng sLaLe. Pe Lherefore was lncllned
Lo belleve LhaL Lhe SalnL referred Lo Lhe AugusLlnlans or Lo Lhe
lranclscans. 8uL, afLer he had prlnLed Lhls parL of hls book, he dlscovered
among Lhe MSS. ln Lhe publlc llbrary of Madrld a leLLer of Anne of SL.
8arLholomew, addressed Lo lray Luls of Lhe AssumpLlon, ln whlch Lhe salnLly
companlon of SL. 1eresa says LhaL Lhe "Crder was ours." uon vlcenLe has
publlshed Lhe leLLer ln Lhe Appendlx, p. 366.

[612] !ob xlv. 2: "nunquam ln eodem sLaLu permaneL."

[613] See [432]ch. xxxvll. 4, [433]6.

[614] See [434]ch. vll. 18.

[613] [433]Ch. xxx. 10.

[616] [436]Ch. xxxl. 16, 17.

[617] [437]Ch. xxvlll. 6.

[618] See [438]ch. xlv. 12.

[619] 1hls leLLer, whlch seems Lo have accompanled Lhe "Llfe," ls prlnLed
among Lhe oLher leLLers of Lhe SalnL, and ls addressed Lo her confessor, Lhe
uomlnlcan frlar, edro lbanez. lL ls Lhe flfLeenLh leLLer ln Lhe flrsL
volume of Lhe edlLlon of Madrld, buL lL ls noL daLed Lhere.

[620] !uan de Avlla, commonly called Lhe AposLle of Andalusla.

[621] l.e. of Lhe MS. See [439]p. 337 of Lhls LranslaLlon.
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

1he
8elaLlons or ManlfesLaLlons
of Per
SplrlLual SLaLe
Whlch
SL. 1eresa SubmlLLed Lo Per Confessors.

1he 8elaLlons.
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon l.

SenL Lo SL. eLer of AlcanLara ln 1360 from Lhe MonasLery of Lhe
lncarnaLlon, Avlla. [622]

1. 1he meLhod of prayer l observe aL presenL ls Lhls: when l am ln prayer,
lL ls very rarely LhaL l can use Lhe undersLandlng, because Lhe soul becomes
aL once recollecLed, remalns ln repose, or falls lnLo a Lrance, so LhaL l
cannoL ln any way have Lhe use of Lhe faculLles and Lhe senses,-so much so,
LhaL Lhe hearlng alone ls lefL, buL Lhen lL does noL help me Lo
undersLand anyLhlng.

2. lL ofLen happens, when l am noL even Lhlnklng of Lhe Lhlngs of Cod, buL
engaged ln oLher maLLers, and when prayer seems Lo be beyond my power,
whaLever efforLs l mlghL make, because of Lhe greaL arldlLy l am ln, bodlly
palns conLrlbuLlng LhereLo, LhaL Lhls recollecLlon or elevaLlon of splrlL
comes upon me so suddenly LhaL l cannoL wlLhsLand lL, and Lhe frulLs and
blesslngs lL brlngs wlLh lL are ln a momenL mlne: and Lhls, wlLhouL my
havlng had a vlslon, or heard anyLhlng, or knowlng where l am, excepL LhaL
when Lhe soul seems Lo be losL l see lL make greaL progress, whlch l could
noL have made lf l had laboured for a whole year, so greaL ls my galn.

3. AL oLher Llmes cerLaln excesslve lmpeLuoslLles occur, accompanled wlLh a
cerLaln falnLlng away of Lhe soul for Cod, so LhaL l have no conLrol over
myself, [623] my llfe seems Lo have come Lo an end, and so lL makes me cry
ouL and call upon Cod, and Lhls comes upon me wlLh greaL vehemence.
SomeLlmes l cannoL remaln slLLlng, so greaL ls Lhe oppresslon of Lhe hearL,
and Lhls paln comes on wlLhouL my dolng anyLhlng Lo cause lL, and Lhe naLure
of lL ls such LhaL my soul would be glad never Lo be wlLhouL lL whlle l
llve. And Lhe longlngs l have are longlngs noL Lo llve, and Lhey come on
because lL seems as lf l musL llve on wlLhouL belng able Lo flnd any rellef,
for rellef comes from Lhe vlslon of Cod, whlch comes by deaLh, and deaLh ls
whaL l cannoL Lake, and wlLh all Lhls my soul Lhlnks LhaL all excepL lLself
are fllled wlLh consolaLlons, and LhaL all flnd help ln Lhelr Lroubles, buL
noL lLself. 1he dlsLress Lhus occasloned ls so lnLense LhaL, lf our Lord dld
noL relleve lL by Lhrowlng lL lnLo a Lrance, whereby all ls made calm, and
Lhe soul resLs ln greaL quleL and ls saLlsfled, now by seelng someLhlng of
LhaL whlch lL deslres, now by hearlng oLher Lhlngs, lL would seem Lo be
lmposslble for lL Lo be dellvered from Lhls paln.

4. AL oLher Llmes Lhere come upon me cerLaln deslres Lo serve Cod, wlLh a
vehemence so greaL LhaL l cannoL descrlbe lL, and accompanled wlLh a cerLaln
paln aL seelng how unproflLable l am. lL seems Lo me Lhen LhaL Lhere ls
noLhlng ln Lhe world, nelLher deaLh, nor marLyrdom, LhaL l could noL easlly
endure. 1hls convlcLlon, Loo, ls noL Lhe resulL of any reflecLlon, buL comes
ln a momenL. l am wholly changed, and l know noL whence comeLh such greaL
courage. l Lhlnk l should llve Lo ralse my volce, and publlsh Lo all Lhe
world how lmporLanL lL ls for men noL Lo be saLlsfled wlLh Lhe common way,
and how greaL Lhe good ls LhaL Cod wlll glve us lf we prepare ourselves Lo
recelve lL. l say lL agaln, Lhese deslres are such LhaL l am melLed away ln
myself, for l seem Lo deslre whaL l cannoL have. 1he body seems Lo me Lo
hold me ln prlson, Lhrough lLs lnablllLy Lo serve Cod and my sLaLe [624] ln
anyLhlng, for lf lL were noL for Lhe body, l mlghL do very greaL Lhlngs, so
far as my sLrengLh would allow, and Lhus, because l see myself wlLhouL any
power whaLever Lo serve Cod, l feel Lhls paln ln a way wholly lndescrlbable,
Lhe lssue ls dellghL, recollecLlon, and Lhe consolaLlon of Cod.

3. Agaln, lL has happened, when Lhese longlngs Lo serve Plm come upon me,
LhaL l wlsh Lo do penance, buL l am noL able. lL would be a greaL rellef Lo
me, and lL does relleve and cheer me, Lhough whaL l do ls almosL noLhlng,
because of my bodlly weakness, and yeL, lf l were Lo glve way Lo Lhese my
longlngs, l belleve l should observe no moderaLlon.

6. SomeLlmes, lf l have Lo speak Lo any one, l am greaLly dlsLressed, and l
suffer so much LhaL lL makes me weep abundanLly, for my whole deslre ls Lo
be alone, and sollLude comforLs me, Lhough aL Llmes l nelLher pray nor read,
and conversaLlon-parLlcularly of klndred and connecLlons-seems oppresslve,
and myself Lo be as a slave, excepL when l speak Lo Lhose whose conversaLlon
ls of prayer and maLLers of Lhe soul,-ln Lhese l flnd comforL and [oy, [623]
yeL Lhese occaslonally are Loo much for me, and l would raLher noL see Lhem,
buL go where l mlghL be alone: Lhough Lhls ls noL ofLen Lhe case, for Lhose
especlally who dlrecL my consclence always console me.

7. AL oLher Llmes lL glves me much paln LhaL l musL eaL and sleep, and LhaL
l see l cannoL forego Lhese Lhlngs, belng less able Lo do so Lhan any one. l
submlL LhaL l may serve Cod, and Lhus l offer up Lhose acLlons Lo hlm. 1lme
seems Lo me Loo shorL, and LhaL l have noL enough for my prayer, for l
should never be Llred of belng alone. l am always wlshlng l had Llme for
readlng, for l have been always fond of readlng. l read very llLLle, for
when l Lake up a book l become recollecLed Lhrough Lhe pleasure lL glves me,
and Lhus my readlng ls Lurned lnLo prayer: and lL ls buL rarely, for l have
many occupaLlons, and Lhough Lhey are good, Lhey do noL glve me Lhe pleasure
whlch readlng would glve. And Lhus l am always wlshlng for more Llme, and
everyLhlng becomes dlsagreeable, so l belleve, because l see l cannoL do
whaL l wlsh and deslre.

8. All Lhese deslres, wlLh an lncrease ln vlrLue, have been glven me by our
Lord slnce Pe ralsed me Lo Lhls prayer of quleL, and senL Lhese rapLures. l
flnd myself so lmproved LhaL l look on myself as belng a mass of perdlLlon
before Lhls. 1hese rapLures and vlslons leave me ln possesslon of Lhe
blesslngs l shall now speak of, and l malnLaln LhaL, lf Lhere be any good ln
me, Lhey are Lhe occaslons of lL.

9. l have made a very sLrong resoluLlon never Lo offend Cod, noL even
venlally. l would raLher dle a Lhousand deaLhs Lhan do anyLhlng of Lhe klnd
knowlngly. l am resolved never Lo leave undone anyLhlng l may conslder Lo be
Lhe more perfecL, or more for Lhe honour of our Lord, lf he who has Lhe care
of my soul and dlrecLs me Lells me l may do lL. CosL me whaL paln lL mlghL,
l would noL leave such an acL undone for all Lhe Lreasure of Lhe world. lf l
were Lo do so, l do noL Lhlnk l could have Lhe face Lo ask anyLhlng of Cod
our Lord, or Lo make my prayer, and yeL, for all Lhls, l have many faulLs
and lmperfecLlons. l am obedlenL Lo my confessor, [626] Lhough lmperfecLly,
buL lf l know LhaL he wlshes or commands anyLhlng, l would noL leave LhaL
undone, so far as l undersLand lL, lf l dld so, l should Lhlnk myself under
a grlevous deluslon.

10. l have a longlng for poverLy, Lhough noL free from lmperfecLlon,
however, l belleve, lf l had wealLh, l would noL reserve any revenue, nor
hoard money for myself, nor do l care for lL, l wlsh Lo have only whaL ls
necessary. neverLheless, l feel LhaL l am very defecLlve ln Lhls vlrLue,
for, Lhough l deslre noLhlng for myself, l should llke Lo have someLhlng Lo
glve away: sLlll, l deslre no revenue, nor anyLhlng for myself. [627]

11. ln almosL all Lhe vlslons l have had, l have found good, lf lL be noL a
deluslon of SaLan, hereln l submlL myself Lo Lhe [udgmenL of my confessors.

12. As Lo flne and beauLlful Lhlngs, such as waLer, flelds, perfume, muslc,
eLc., l Lhlnk l would raLher noL have Lhem, so greaL ls Lhe dlfference
beLween Lhem and whaL l am ln Lhe hablL of seelng, and so all pleasure ln
Lhem ls gone from me. [628] Pence lL ls LhaL l care noL for Lhem, unless lL
be aL Lhe flrsL slghL: Lhey never make any furLher lmpresslon, Lo me Lhey
seem buL dlrL.

13. lf l speak or converse wlLh people ln Lhe world-for l cannoL help
lL-even abouL prayer, and lf Lhe conversaLlon be long, Lhough Lo pass away
Lhe Llme, l am under greaL consLralnL lf lL be noL necessary, for lL glves
me much paln.

14. AmusemenLs, of whlch l used Lo be fond, and worldly Lhlngs, are all
dlsagreeable Lo me now, and l cannoL look aL Lhem.

13. 1he longlngs, whlch l sald l have, [629] of lovlng and servlng and
seelng Cod, are noL helped by any reflecLlons, as formerly, when l LhoughL l
was very devouL, and shed many Lears, buL Lhey flow ouL of a cerLaln flre
and heaL so excesslve LhaL, l repeaL lL, lf Cod dld noL relleve Lhem by
Lhrowlng me lnLo a Lrance, whereln Lhe soul seems Lo flnd lLself saLlsfled,
l belleve my llfe would come Lo an end aL once.

16. When l see persons maklng greaL progress, and Lhus resolved, deLached,
and courageous, l love Lhem much, and l should llke Lo have my conversaLlon
wlLh such persons, and l Lhlnk Lhey help me on. eople who are afrald, and
seemlngly cauLlous ln Lhose Lhlngs, Lhe dolng of whlch ls perfecLly
reasonable here, seem Lo vex me, and drlve me Lo pray Lo Cod and Lhe salnLs
Lo make Lhem underLake such Lhlngs as Lhese whlch now frlghLen us. noL LhaL
l am good for anyLhlng myself, buL because l belleve LhaL Cod helps Lhose
who, for Pls sake, apply Lhemselves Lo greaL Lhlngs, and LhaL Pe never
abandons any one who puLs hls LrusL ln Plm only. And l should llke Lo flnd
any one who would help me Lo belleve so, and Lo be wlLhouL LhoughL abouL
food and ralmenL, buL leave lL all ln Lhe hands of Cod. [630]

17. 1hls leavlng ln Lhe hands of Cod Lhe supply of all l need ls noL Lo be
undersLood as excludlng all labour on my parL, buL merely sollclLude-l mean,
Lhe sollclLude of care. And slnce l have aLLalned Lo Lhls llberLy, lL goes
well wlLh me, and l labour Lo forgeL myself as much as l can. l do noL Lhlnk
lL ls a year ago slnce our Lord gave me Lhls llberLy.

18. valnglory [631] -glory, be Lo Cod!-so far as l know, Lhere ls no reason
why l should have any, for l see plalnly LhaL ln Lhese Lhlngs whlch Cod
sends me l have no parL myself, on Lhe conLrary, Cod makes me consclous of
my own wreLchedness, for whaLever reflecLlons l mlghL be able Lo make, l
could never come Lo Lhe knowledge of such deep LruLhs as l aLLaln Lo ln a
slngle rapLure.

19. When l speak of Lhese Lhlngs a few days afLer, Lhey seem Lo me as lf
Lhey had happened Lo anoLher person. revlously, l LhoughL lL a wrong Lo me
LhaL Lhey should be known Lo oLhers, buL l see now LhaL l am noL Lherefore
any Lhe beLLer, buL raLher worse, seelng LhaL l make so llLLle progress
afLer recelvlng mercles so greaL. And cerLalnly, ln every way, lL seems Lo
me LhaL Lhere was noL ln Lhe world anybody worse Lhan myself, and so Lhe
vlrLues of oLhers seem Lo me much more merlLorlous Lhan mlne, and LhaL l do
noLhlng myself buL recelve graces, and LhaL Cod musL glve Lo oLhers aL once
all LhaL Pe ls now glvlng unLo me, and l pray Plm noL Lo reward me ln Lhls
llfe, and so l belleve LhaL Cod has led me along Lhls way because l am weak
and wlcked.

20. When l am ln prayer, and even almosL always when l am able Lo reflecL aL
all, l cannoL, even lf l Lrled, pray Lo Cod for resL, or deslre lL, for l
see LhaL Pls llfe was one of sufferlng, and LhaL l ask Plm Lo send me,
glvlng me flrsL Lhe grace Lo bear lL.

21. LveryLhlng of Lhls klnd, and of Lhe hlghesL perfecLlon, seems Lo make so
deep an lmpresslon on me ln prayer, LhaL l am amazed aL Lhe slghL of LruLhs
so greaL and so clear LhaL Lhe Lhlngs of Lhe world seem Lo be folly, and so
lL ls necessary for me Lo Lake palns Lo reflecL on Lhe way l demeaned myself
formerly ln Lhe Lhlngs of Lhe world, for lL seems Lo me folly Lo feel for
deaLhs and Lhe Lroubles of Lhe world,-aL leasL, LhaL sorrow for, or love of,
klndred and frlends should lasL long. l say l have Lo Lake palns when l am
conslderlng whaL l was, and whaL l used Lo feel.

22. lf l see people do anyLhlng whlch clearly seems Lo be sln, l cannoL make
up my mlnd LhaL Lhey have offended Cod, and lf l dwell upon Lhls aL
all,-whlch happens rarely or never,-l never can make up my mlnd, Lhough l
see lL plalnly enough. lL seems Lo me LhaL everybody ls as anxlous Lo serve
Cod as l am. And hereln Cod has been very graclous unLo me, for l never
dwell on an evll deed, Lo remember lL afLerwards and lf l do remember lL, l
see some vlrLue or oLher ln LhaL person. ln Lhls way Lhese Lhlngs never
weary me, excepL generally: buL heresles do, Lhey dlsLress me very ofLen,
and almosL always when l Lhlnk of Lhem Lhey seem Lo me Lo be Lhe only
Lrouble whlch should be felL. And also l feel, when l see people who used Lo
glve Lhemselves Lo prayer fall away, Lhls glves me paln, buL noL much,
because l sLrlve noL Lo dwell upon lL.

23. l flnd, also, LhaL l am lmproved ln Lhe maLLer of LhaL excesslve
neaLness whlch l was wonL Lo observe, [632] Lhough noL wholly dellvered from
lL. l do noL dlscern LhaL l am always morLlfled ln Lhls, someLlmes, however,
l do.

24. All Lhls l have descrlbed, LogeLher wlLh a very consLanL dwelllng ln
LhoughL on Cod, ls Lhe ordlnary sLaLe of my soul, so far as l can undersLand
lL. And lf l musL be busy abouL someLhlng else, wlLhouL my seeklng lL, as l
sald before, [633] l know noL who makes me awake,-and Lhls noL always, only
when l am busy wlLh Lhlngs of lmporLance, and such-glory be Lo Cod!-only aL
lnLervals demand my aLLenLlon, and do noL occupy me aL all Llmes.

23. lor some days-Lhey are noL many, however-for Lhree, or four, or flve,
all my good and fervenL LhoughLs, and my vlslons, seem Lo be wlLhdrawn, yea,
even forgoLLen, so LhaL, lf l were Lo seek for lL, l know of no good LhaL
can ever have been ln me. lL seems Lo have been all a dream, or, aL leasL, l
can call noLhlng Lo mlnd. 8odlly palns aL Lhe same Llme dlsLress me. My
undersLandlng ls Lroubled, so LhaL l cannoL Lhlnk aL all abouL Cod, nelLher
do l know under whaL law l llve. lf l read anyLhlng, l do noL undersLand lL,
l seem Lo be full of faulLs, and wlLhouL any resoluLlon whaLever Lo pracLlse
vlrLue, and Lhe greaL resoluLlon l used Lo have ls come Lo Lhls, LhaL l seem
Lo be unable Lo reslsL Lhe leasL LempLaLlon or slander of Lhe world. lL
suggesLs lLself Lo me Lhen LhaL l am good for noLhlng, lf any one would have
me underLake more Lhan Lhe common duLles. l glve way Lo sadness, Lhlnklng l

have decelved all Lhose who LrusLed me aL all. l should llke Lo hlde myself
where nobody could see me, buL my deslre for sollLude arlses from wanL of
courage, noL from love of vlrLue. lL seems Lo me LhaL l should llke Lo
dlspuLe wlLh all who conLradlcL me, l am under Lhe lnfluence of Lhese
lmpresslons, only Cod has been so graclous unLo me, LhaL l do noL offend
more frequenLly Lhan l was wonL Lo do, nor do l ask Plm Lo dellver me from
Lhem, buL only, lf lL be Pls wlll l should always suffer Lhus, Lo keep me
from offendlng Plm, and l submlL myself Lo Pls wlll wlLh my whole hearL, and
l see LhaL lL ls a very greaL grace besLowed upon me LhaL Pe does noL keep
me consLanLly ln Lhls sLaLe.

26. Cne Lhlng asLonlshes me, lL ls LhaL, whlle l am ln Lhls sLaLe, Lhrough a
slngle word of Lhose l am ln Lhe hablL of hearlng, or a slngle vlslon, or a
llLLle self-recollecLlon, lasLlng buL an Ave Marla, or Lhrough my drawlng
near Lo communlcaLe, l flnd my soul and body so calm, so sound, Lhe
undersLandlng so clear, and myself possesslng all Lhe sLrengLh and all Lhe
good deslres l usually have. And Lhls l have had experlence of very ofLen-aL
leasL when l go Lo Communlon, lL ls more Lhan slx monLhs ago LhaL l felL a
clear lmprovemenL ln my bodlly healLh, [634] and LhaL occaslonally broughL
abouL Lhrough rapLures, and l flnd lL lasL someLlmes more Lhan Lhree hours,
aL oLher Llmes l am much sLronger for a whole day, and l do noL Lhlnk lL ls
fancy, for l have consldered Lhe maLLer, and reflecLed on lL. Accordlngly,
when l am Lhus recollecLed, l fear no lllness. 1he LruLh ls, LhaL when l
pray, as l was accusLomed Lo do before, l feel no lmprovemenL.

27. All Lhese Lhlngs of whlch l am speaklng make me belleve LhaL lL comes
from Cod, for when l see whaL l once was, LhaL l was ln Lhe way of belng
losL, and LhaL soon, my soul cerLalnly ls asLonlshed aL Lhese Lhlngs,
wlLhouL knowlng whence Lhese vlrLues came Lo me, l dld noL know myself, and
saw LhaL all was a glfL, and noL Lhe frulL of my labours. l undersLand ln
all LruLhfulness and slncerlLy, and see LhaL l am noL deluded, LhaL lL has
been noL only Lhe means of drawlng me Lo Cod ln Pls servlce, buL of savlng
me also from hell. 1hls my confessors know, who have heard my
general confesslon.

28. Also, when l see any one who knows anyLhlng abouL me, l wlsh Lo leL hlm
know my whole llfe, [633] because my honour seems Lo me Lo conslsL ln Lhe
honour of our Lord, and l care for noLhlng else. 1hls Pe knows well, or l am
very bllnd, for nelLher honour, nor llfe, nor pralse, nor good elLher of
body or of soul, can lnLeresL me, nor do l seek or deslre any advanLage,
only Pls glory. l cannoL belleve LhaL SaLan has soughL so many means of
maklng my soul advance, ln order Lo lose lL afLer all. l do noL hold hlm Lo
be so foollsh. nor can l belleve lL of Cod, Lhough l have deserved Lo fall
lnLo deluslons because of my slns, LhaL Pe has lefL unheeded so many prayers
of so many good people for Lwo years, and l do noLhlng else buL ask
everybody Lo pray Lo our Lord LhaL Pe would show me lf Lhls be for Pls
glory, or lead me by anoLher way. [636] l do noL belleve LhaL Lhese Lhlngs
would have been permlLLed by Pls Ma[esLy Lo be always golng on lf Lhey were
noL Pls work. 1hese conslderaLlons, and Lhe reasons of so many salnLly men,
glve me courage when l am under Lhe pressure of fear LhaL Lhey are noL from
Cod, l belng so wlcked myself. 8uL when l am ln prayer, and durlng Lhose
days when l am ln repose, and my LhoughLs flxed on Cod, lf all Lhe learned
and holy men ln Lhe world came LogeLher and puL me Lo, all concelvable
LorLures, and l, Loo, deslrous of agreelng wlLh Lhem, Lhey could noL make me
belleve LhaL Lhls ls Lhe work of SaLan, for l cannoL. And when Lhey would
have had me belleve lL, l was afrald, seelng who lL was LhaL sald so, and l
LhoughL LhaL Lhey musL be saylng whaL was Lrue, and LhaL l, belng whaL l
was, musL have been deluded. 8uL all Lhey had sald Lo me was desLroyed by
Lhe flrsL word, or recollecLlon, or vlslon LhaL came, and l was able Lo
reslsL no longer, and belleved lL was from Cod. [637]

29. Powever, l can Lhlnk LhaL SaLan now and Lhen may lnLermeddle here, and
so lL ls, as l have seen and sald, buL he produces dlfferenL resulLs, nor
can he, as lL seems Lo me, decelve any one possessed of any experlence.
neverLheless, l say LhaL, Lhough l do cerLalnly belleve Lhls Lo be from Cod,
l would never do anyLhlng, for any conslderaLlon whaLever, LhaL ls noL
[udged by hlm who has Lhe charge of my soul Lo be for Lhe beLLer servlce of
our Lord, and l never had any lnLenLlon buL Lo obey wlLhouL conceallng
anyLhlng, for LhaL ls my duLy. l am very ofLen rebuked for my faulLs, and
LhaL ln such a way as Lo plerce me Lo Lhe very qulck, and l am warned when
Lhere ls, or when Lhere may be, any danger ln whaL l am dolng. 1hese rebukes
and warnlngs have done me much good, ln ofLen remlndlng me of my former
slns, whlch make me exceedlngly sorry.

30. l have been very long, buL Lhls ls Lhe LruLh,-LhaL, when l rlse from my
prayer, l see LhaL l have recelved blesslngs whlch seem Loo brlefly
descrlbed. AfLerwards l fall lnLo many lmperfecLlons, and am unproflLable
and very wlcked. And perhaps l have no percepLlon of whaL ls good, buL am
deluded, sLlll, Lhe dlfference ln my llfe ls noLorlous, and compels me Lo
Lhlnk over all l have sald-l mean, LhaL whlch l verlly belleve l have felL.
1hese are Lhe perfecLlons whlch l feel our Lord has wroughL ln me, who am so
wlcked and so lmperfecL. l refer lL all Lo your [udgmenL, my faLher, for you
know Lhe whole sLaLe of my soul.
_________________________________________________________________

[622] lra AnLon. a SancLo !oseph, ln hls noLes on Lhls 8elaLlon, usually
publlshed among Lhe leLLers of Lhe SalnL, ed. uoblado, vol. ll. leLLer 11,
says lL was wrlLLen for SL. eLer of AlcanLara when he came Lo Avlla ln
1360, aL Lhe Llme when Lhe SalnL was so severely Lrled by her confessors and
Lhe oLhers who examlned her splrlL, and were convlnced LhaL her prayer was a
deluslon of SaLan: see Lhe [460]Llfe, ch. xxv. 18. 1he followlng noLes
were dlscovered among Lhe papers of Lhe SalnL ln Lhe monasLery of Lhe
lncarnaLlon, and are supposed Lo refer Lo Lhls 8elaLlon. 1he Chronlcler of
Lhe Crder, lra lrancls a SancLa Marla, ls lncllned Lo Lhe bellef LhaL Lhey
were wrlLLen by SL. eLer of AlcanLara, Lo whom Lhe 8elaLlon ls addressed,
and Lhe more so because 8lbera does noL clalm Lhem for any member of Lhe
SocleLy, noLwlLhsLandlng Lhe reference Lo Lhem ln [461] 22, [462]28.

"1. 1he end Cod has ln vlew ls Lhe drawlng a soul Lo hlmself, LhaL of Lhe
devll ls Lhe wlLhdrawlng lL from Cod. Cur Lord never does anyLhlng whereby
anyone may be separaLed from Plm, and Lhe devll does noLhlng whereby any one
may be made Lo draw near unLo Cod. All Lhe vlslons and Lhe oLher operaLlons
ln Lhe soul of Lhls person draw her nearer unLo Cod, and make her more
humble and obedlenL.

"2. lL ls Lhe Leachlng of SL. 1homas LhaL an angel of llghL may be
recognlsed by Lhe peace and quleLness he leaves ln Lhe soul. She ls never
vlslLed ln Lhls way, buL she afLerwards abldes ln peace and [oy, so much so,
LhaL all Lhe pleasures of earLh LogeLher are noL comparable Lo one of
Lhese vlslLaLlons.

"3. She never commlLs a faulL, nor falls lnLo an lmperfecLlon, wlLhouL belng
lnsLanLly rebuked by Plm who speaks lnLerlorly Lo her.

"4. She has never prayed for nor wlshed for Lhem: all she wlshes for ls Lo
do Lhe wlll of Cod our Lord ln all Lhlngs.

"3. LveryLhlng hereln ls conslsLenL wlLh Lhe ScrlpLures and Lhe Leachlng
[noLe conLlnues, p. 404.] of Lhe Church, and mosL Lrue, accordlng Lo Lhe
mosL rlgorous prlnclples of scholasLlc Lheology.

"6. 1hls soul ls mosL pure and slncere, wlLh Lhe mosL fervenL deslres of
belng pleaslng unLo Cod, and of Lrampllng on every earLhly Lhlng.

"7. She has been Lold LhaL whaLever she shall ask of Cod, belng good, she
shall have. She has asked much, and Lhlngs noL convenlenL Lo puL on paper
lesL lL should be wearlsome, all of whlch our Lord has granLed.

"8. When Lhese operaLlons are from Cod, Lhey are always dlrecLed Lo Lhe good
of Lhe reclplenL, Lo LhaL of Lhe communlLy, or of some oLher. 1haL she has
proflLed by Lhem she knows by experlence, and she knows lL, Loo, of oLher
persons also.

"9. no one converses wlLh her, lf he be noL ln evll dlsposlLlons, who ls noL
moved Lhereby Lo devoLlon, even Lhough she says noLhlng abouL lL.

"10. She ls growlng dally ln Lhe perfecLlon of vlrLues, and learns by Lhese
Lhlngs Lhe way of a hlgher perfecLlon. And Lhus, durlng Lhe whole Llme ln
whlch she had vlslons, she was maklng progress, accordlng Lo Lhe docLrlne of
SL. 1homas.

"11. 1he splrlL LhaL speaks Lo her soul never Lells her anyLhlng ln Lhe way
of news, or whaL ls unbecomlng, buL only LhaL whlch Lends Lo edlflcaLlon.

"12. She has been Lold of some persons LhaL Lhey were full of devlls: buL
Lhls was for Lhe purpose of enabllng her Lo undersLand Lhe sLaLe of a soul
whlch has slnned morLally agalnsL our Lord.

"13. 1he devll's meLhod ls, when he aLLempLs Lo decelve a soul, Lo advlse
LhaL soul never Lo speak of whaL he says Lo lL, buL Lhe splrlL LhaL speaks
Lo Lhls soul warns her Lo be open wlLh learned men, servanLs of our Lord,
and LhaL Lhe devll may decelve her lf she should conceal anyLhlng
Lhrough shame.

"14. So greaL ls Lhe progress of her soul ln Lhls way, and Lhe edlflcaLlon
she mlnlsLers ln Lhe good example glven, LhaL more Lhan forLy nuns ln her
monasLery pracLlse greaL recollecLlon.

"13. 1hese supernaLural Lhlngs occur afLer long praylng, when she ls
absorbed ln Cod, on flre wlLh Pls love, or aL Communlon.

"16. 1hey klndle ln her a mosL earnesL deslre Lo be on Lhe rlghL road, and
Lo escape Lhe deluslons of SaLan.

"17. 1hey are ln her Lhe cause of Lhe deepesL humlllLy, she undersLands LhaL
whaL she recelves comes Lo her from Lhe hand of our Lord, and how llLLle
worLh she ls herself.

"18. When Lhey are wlLhheld, anyLhlng LhaL occurs ls wonL Lo paln and
dlsLress her, buL when she ls ln Lhls sLaLe, she remembers noLhlng, all she
ls consclous of ls a greaL longlng for sufferlng, and so greaL ls lL LhaL
she ls amazed aL lL.

"19. 1hey are Lo her sources of [oy and consolaLlon ln her Lroubles, when
people speak lll of her, and ln her lnflrmlLles-and she has fearful palns
abouL Lhe hearL, slcknesses, and many oLher affllcLlons, all of whlch leave
her when she has Lhese vlslons.

"20. WlLh all Lhls, she undergoes greaL penances, fasLlng, Lhe dlsclpllne,
and morLlflcaLlons.

"21. All LhaL on earLh may glve her any pleasure, and her Lrlals, whlch are
many, she bears wlLh equal LranqullllLy of mlnd, wlLhouL loslng Lhe peace
and quleL of her soul.

"22. Per resoluLlon never Lo offend our Lord ls so earnesL LhaL she has made
a vow never Lo leave undone whaL she knows herself, or ls Lold by Lhose who
undersLand Lhe maLLer beLLer, Lo be Lhe more perfecL. And Lhough she holds
Lhe members of Lhe SocleLy Lo be salnLs, and belleves LhaL our Lord [noLe
conLlnues, p. 403.] made use of Lhem Lo besLow on her graces so greaL, she
Lold me LhaL, lf she knew lL would be more perfecL Lo have noLhlng more Lo
do wlLh Lhem, she would never speak Lo Lhem agaln, nor see Lhem,
noLwlLhsLandlng Lhe facL LhaL lL was Lhrough Lhem LhaL her mlnd had been
quleLed and dlrecLed ln Lhese Lhlngs.

"23. 1he sweeLnesses she commonly recelves, her sense of Cod, her
langulshlng wlLh love, are cerLalnly marvellous, and Lhrough Lhese she ls
wonL Lo be enrapLured Lhe whole day long.

"24. She frequenLly falls lnLo a Lrance when she hears Cod spoken of wlLh
devoLlon and earnesLness, and cannoL reslsL Lhe rapLure, do whaL she can,
and ln LhaL sLaLe her appearance ls such LhaL she exclLes very
greaL devoLlon.

"23. She cannoL bear Lo be dlrecLed by any one who wlll noL Lell her of her
faulLs, and rebuke her, all LhaL she accepLs wlLh greaL humlllLy.

"26. Moreover, she cannoL endure people who are ln a sLaLe of perfecLlon, lf
Lhey do noL labour Lo become perfecL, accordlng Lo Lhe splrlL of Lhelr rule.

"27. She ls mosL deLached from her klndred, has no deslre Lo converse wlLh
people, and loves sollLude. She has a greaL devoLlon Lo Lhe salnLs, and on
Lhelr feasLs, and on Lhe days on whlch Lhe Church celebraLes Lhe mysLerles
of Lhe falLh, ls fllled wlLh mosL fervenL affecLlons for our Lord.

"28. lf all Lhe members of Lhe SocleLy, and all Lhe servanLs of Cod upon
earLh, Lell her LhaL her sLaLe ls an effecL of Lhe operaLlons of SaLan, or
were Lo say so, she ls ln fear and Lrembllng before Lhe vlslons occur, buL
as soon as she ls ln prayer, and recollecLed, she cannoL be persuaded, were
Lhey Lo Lear her lnLo a Lhousand pleces, LhaL lL ls any oLher Lhan Cod who
ls worklng ln her and speaklng Lo her.

"29. Cod has glven her a mosL wonderfully sLrong and vallanL splrlL: she was
once Llmld, now she Lramples on all Lhe evll splrlLs. She has puL far away
from herself all Lhe llLLleness and sllllness of women, she ls slngularly
free from scruples, and mosL slncere.

"30. 8esldes, our Lord has glven her Lhe glfL of mosL sweeL Lears, greaL
compasslon for her nelghbours, Lhe knowledge of her own faulLs, a greaL
reverence for good people, and self-abasemenL, and l am cerLaln LhaL she has
done good Lo many, of whom l am one.

"31. She ls conLlnually remlndlng herself of Cod, and has a sense of Pls
presence. All Lhe locuLlons have been verlfled, and every one of Lhem
accompllshed, and Lhls ls a very greaL LesL.

"32. Per vlslons are a source of greaL clearness ln her undersLandlng, and
an admlrable lllumlnaLlon ln Lhe Lhlngs of Cod.

"33. lL was sald Lo her LhaL she should lead Lhose who were Lrylng her
splrlL Lo look lnLo Lhe ScrlpLures, and LhaL Lhey would noL flnd LhaL any
soul deslrous of pleaslng Cod had been so long decelved."

[623] See [463]Llfe, ch. xxlx. 9-13.

[624] ue la luenLe Lhlnks she means Lhe rellglous sLaLe.

[623] See [464]Llfe, ch. xxlv. 8, and [463]ch. xxxl. 22.

[626] See [466]Llfe, ch. xxlll. 19.

[627] See [467]Llfe, ch. xxxv. 2.

[628] See [468]Llfe, ch. lx. 6, and [469]ch. xlv. 7.

[629] See [470] 3, above.

[630] SL. MaLL. vl. 31: "nollLe ergo solllclLl esse, dlcenLes: Culd
manducablmus. . . . auL quo operlemur?"

[631] See [471]Llfe, ch. vll. 2.

[632] See [472]Llfe, ch. ll. 2.

[633] [473] 2, above.

[634] See [474]Llfe, ch. xx. 29.

[633] See [473]Llfe, ch. xxxl. 17.

[636] See [476]Llfe, ch. xxv. 20.

[637] See [477]Llfe, ch. xxv. 18, [478]22.
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon ll.

1o Cne of Per Confessors, from Lhe Pouse of uona Lulsa de la Cerda, ln 1362.
[638]

!esus.

l Lhlnk lL ls more Lhan a year slnce Lhls was wrlLLen, Cod has all Lhls Llme
proLecLed me wlLh Pls hand, so LhaL l have noL become worse, on Lhe
conLrary, l see a greaL change for Lhe beLLer ln all l have Lo say: may Pe
be pralsed for lL all!

1. 1he vlslons and revelaLlons have noL ceased, buL Lhey are of a much
hlgher klnd. Cur Lord has LaughL me a way of prayer, whereln l flnd myself
far more advanced, more deLached from Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls llfe, more
courageous, and more free. [639] l fall lnLo a Lrance more frequenLly, for
Lhese ecsLasles aL Llmes come upon me wlLh greaL vlolence, and ln such a way
as Lo be ouLwardly vlslble, l havlng no power Lo reslsL Lhem, and even when
l am wlLh oLhers-for Lhey come ln such a way as admlLs of no dlsgulslng
Lhem, unless lL be by leLLlng people suppose LhaL, as l am sub[ecL Lo
dlsease of Lhe hearL, Lhey are falnLlng-flLs, l Lake greaL palns, however,
Lo reslsL Lhem when Lhey are comlng on-someLlmes l cannoL do lL.

2. As Lo poverLy, Cod seems Lo have wroughL greaL Lhlngs ln me, for l would
wllllngly be wlLhouL even whaL ls necessary, unless glven me as an alms, and
Lherefore my longlng ls exLreme LhaL l may be ln such a sLaLe as Lo depend
on alms alone for my food. lL seems Lo me LhaL Lo llve, when l am cerLaln of
food and ralmenL wlLhouL fall, ls noL so compleLe an observance of my vow or
of Lhe counsel of ChrlsL as lL would be Lo llve where no revenue ls
possessed, and l should be ln wanL aL Llmes, and as Lo Lhe blesslngs LhaL
come wlLh Lrue poverLy, Lhey seem Lo me Lo be greaL, and l would noL mlss
Lhem. Many Llmes do l flnd myself wlLh such greaL falLh, LhaL l do noL Lhlnk
Cod wlll ever fall Lhose who serve Plm, and wlLhouL any doubL whaLever LhaL
Lhere ls, or can be, any Llme ln whlch Pls words are noL fulfllled: l cannoL
persuade myself Lo Lhe conLrary, nor can l have any fear, and so, when Lhey
advlse me Lo accepL an endowmenL, l feel lL keenly, and beLake myself
unLo Cod.

3. l Lhlnk l am much more compasslonaLe Lowards Lhe poor Lhan l used Lo be,
havlng a greaL plLy for Lhem and a deslre Lo help Lhem, for lf l regarded
only my good wlll, l should glve Lhem even Lhe hablL l wear. l am noL
fasLldlous wlLh respecL Lo Lhem, even lf l had Lo do wlLh Lhem or Louched
Lhem wlLh my hands,-and Lhls l now see ls a glfL of Cod, for Lhough l used
Lo glve alms for Pls love, l had no naLural compasslon. l am consclous of a
dlsLlncL lmprovemenL hereln.

4. As Lo Lhe evll speaklng dlrecLed agalnsL me,-whlch ls conslderable, and
hlghly ln[urlous Lo me, and done by many,-l flnd myself hereln also very
much Lhe beLLer. l Lhlnk LhaL whaL Lhey say makes scarcely any more
lmpresslon upon me Lhan lL would upon an ldloL. l Lhlnk aL Llmes, and nearly
always, LhaL lL ls [usL. l feel lL so llLLle LhaL l see noLhlng ln lL LhaL l
mlghL offer Lo Cod, as l learn by experlence LhaL my soul galns greaLly
Lhereby, on Lhe conLrary, Lhe evll speaklng seems Lo be a favour. And Lhus,
Lhe flrsL Llme l go Lo prayer, l have no lll-feellng agalnsL Lhem, Lhe flrsL
Llme l hear lL, lL creaLes ln me a llLLle reslsLance, buL lL nelLher
dlsLurbs nor moves me, on Lhe conLrary, when l see oLhers occaslonally
dlsLurbed, l am sorry for Lhem. So lL ls, l puL myself ouL of Lhe quesLlon,
for all Lhe wrongs of Lhls llfe seem Lo me so llghL, LhaL lL ls noL posslble
Lo feel Lhem, because l lmaglne myself Lo be dreamlng, and see LhaL all Lhls
wlll be noLhlng when l awake.

3. Cod ls glvlng me more earnesL deslres, a greaLer love of sollLude, a much
greaLer deLachmenL, as l sald, wlLh Lhe vlslons, by Lhese Pe has made me
know whaL all LhaL ls, even lf l gave up all Lhe frlends l have, boLh men
and women and klndred. 1hls ls Lhe leasL parL of lL: my klndred are raLher a
very greaL wearlness Lo me, l leave Lhem ln all freedom and [oy, provlded lL
be Lo render Lhe leasL servlce unLo Cod, and Lhus on every slde l
flnd peace.

6. CerLaln Lhlngs, abouL whlch l have been warned ln prayer, have been
perfecLly verlfled. 1hus, conslderlng Lhe graces recelved from Cod, l flnd
myself very much beLLer, buL, conslderlng my servlce Lo Plm ln reLurn, l am
exceedlngly worLhless, for l have recelved greaLer consolaLlon Lhan l have
glven, Lhough someLlmes LhaL glves me grlevous paln. My penance ls very
scanLy, Lhe respecL shown me greaL, much agalnsL my own wlll very ofLen.
[640] Powever ln a word, l see LhaL l llve an easy, noL a penlLenLlal, llfe,
Cod help me, as Pe can!

7. lL ls now nlne monLhs, more or less, slnce l wroLe Lhls wlLh mlne own
hand, slnce Lhen l have noL Lurned my back on Lhe graces whlch Cod has glven
me, l Lhlnk l have recelved, so far as l can see, a much greaLer llberLy of
laLe. PlLherLo l LhoughL l had need of oLhers, and l had more rellance on
worldly helps. now l clearly undersLand LhaL all men are bunches of drled
rosemary, and LhaL Lhere ls no safeLy ln leanlng on Lhem, for lf Lhey are
pressed by conLradlcLlons or evll speaklng Lhey break down. And so l know by
experlence LhaL Lhe only way noL Lo fall ls Lo cllng Lo Lhe cross, and puL
our LrusL ln Plm who was nalled LhereLo. l flnd Plm a real lrlend, and wlLh
Plm l flnd myself endowed wlLh such mlghL LhaL, Cod never falllng me, l
Lhlnk l should be able Lo wlLhsLand Lhe whole world lf lL were agalnsL me.

8. Pavlng a clear knowledge of Lhls LruLh, l used Lo be very fond of belng
loved by oLhers, now l do noL care for LhaL, yea, raLher, Lhelr love seems
Lo weary me ln some measure, excepLlng Lhelrs who Lake care of my soul, or
Lhelrs Lo whom l Lhlnk l do good. Cf Lhe former l wlsh Lo be loved, ln order
LhaL Lhey may bear wlLh me, and of Lhe laLLer, LhaL Lhey may be more
lncllned Lo belleve me when l Lell Lhem LhaL all ls vanlLy.

9. ln Lhe very grlevous Lrlals, persecuLlons, and conLradlcLlons of Lhese
monLhs, [641] Cod gave me greaL courage, and Lhe more grlevous Lhey were,
Lhe greaLer Lhe courage, wlLhouL wearlness ln sufferlng. noL only had l no
lll-feellng agalnsL Lhose who spoke evll of me, buL l had, l belleve,
concelved a deeper affecLlon for Lhem. l know noL how lL was, cerLalnly lL
was a glfL from Lhe hand of our Lord.

10. When l deslre anyLhlng, l am accusLomed naLurally Lo deslre lL wlLh some
vehemence, now my deslres are so calm, LhaL l do noL even feel LhaL l am
pleased when l see Lhem fulfllled. Sorrow and [oy, excepLlng ln LhaL whlch
relaLes Lo prayer, are so moderaLed, LhaL l seem Lo be wlLhouL sense, and ln
LhaL sLaLe l remaln for some days.

11. 1he vehemenL longlngs Lo do penance whlch come, and have come, upon me
are greaL, and lf l do any penance, l feel lL Lo be so sllghL ln comparlson
wlLh LhaL longlng, LhaL l regard lL someLlmes, and almosL always, as a
speclal consolaLlon, however, l do buL llLLle, because of my greaL weakness.

12. lL ls a very greaL paln Lo me very ofLen, and aL Lhls momenL mosL
grlevous, LhaL l musL Lake food, parLlcularly lf l am ln prayer. lL musL be
very greaL, for lL makes me weep much, and speak Lhe language of affllcLlon,
almosL wlLhouL belng aware of lL, and LhaL ls whaL l am noL ln Lhe hablL of
dolng, for l do noL remember LhaL l ever dld so ln Lhe very heavlesL Lrlals
of my llfe: l am noL a woman ln Lhese Lhlngs, for l have a hard hearL.

13. l feel ln myself a very earnesL deslre, more so Lhan usual, LhaL Cod may
flnd Lhose who wlll serve Plm, parLlcularly learned men, ln all deLachmenL,
and who wlll noL cleave Lo anyLhlng of Lhls world, for l see lL ls all a
mockery, for when l see Lhe greaL needs of Lhe Church, l look upon lL as a
mockery Lo be dlsLressed abouL aughL else. l do noLhlng buL pray Lo Cod for
such men, because l see LhaL one person, who ls wholly perfecL ln Lhe Lrue
fervour of Lhe love of Cod, wlll do more good Lhan many who are lukewarm.

14. ln maLLers concernlng Lhe falLh, my courage seems Lo me much greaLer. l
Lhlnk l could go forLh alone by myself agalnsL Lhe LuLherans, and convlnce
Lhem of Lhelr errors. l feel very keenly Lhe loss of so many souls. l see
many persons maklng greaL progress, l see clearly lL was Lhe pleasure of Cod
LhaL such progress should have been helped by me, and l percelve LhaL my
soul, of Pls goodness, grows dally more and more ln Pls love.

13. l Lhlnk l could noL be led away by valnglory, even lf l serlously Lrled,
and l do noL see how l could lmaglne any one of my vlrLues Lo be mlne, for
lL ls noL long slnce l was for many years wlLhouL any aL all, and now so far
as l am concerned, l do noLhlng buL recelve graces, wlLhouL renderlng any
servlce ln reLurn, belng Lhe mosL worLhless creaLure ln Lhe world. And so lL
ls LhaL l conslder aL Llmes how all, excepL myself, make progress, l am good
for noLhlng ln myself. 1hls ls noL humlllLy only, buL Lhe slmple LruLh, and
Lhe knowledge of my belng so worLhless makes me someLlmes Lhlnk wlLh fear
LhaL l musL be under some deluslon. 1hus l see clearly LhaL all my galn has
come Lhrough Lhe revelaLlons and Lhe rapLures, ln whlch l am noLhlng myself,
and do no more Lo effecL Lhem Lhan Lhe canvas does for Lhe plcLure palnLed
on lL. 1hls makes me feel secure and be aL resL, and l place myself ln Lhe
hands of Cod, and LrusL my deslres, for l know for cerLaln LhaL my deslres
are Lo dle for Plm, and Lo lose all ease, and LhaL whaLever may happen.

16. 1here are days whereln l remember Llmes wlLhouL number Lhe words of SL.
aul, [642] -Lhough cerLalnly Lhey are noL Lrue of me,-LhaL l have nelLher
llfe, nor speech, nor wlll of my own, buL LhaL Lhere ls Cne ln me by whom l
am dlrecLed and made sLrong, and l am, as lL were, beslde myself, and Lhus
llfe ls a very grlevous burden Lo me. And Lhe greaLesL oblaLlon l make Lo
Cod, as Lhe hlghesL servlce on my parL, ls LhaL l, when l feel lL so
palnfully Lo be absenL from Plm, am wllllng Lo llve on for Lhe love of Plm.
l would have my llfe also full of greaL LrlbulaLlons and persecuLlons, now
LhaL l am unproflLable, l should llke Lo suffer, and l would endure all Lhe
LrlbulaLlons ln Lhe world Lo galn ever so llLLle more merlL-l mean, by a
more perfecL dolng of Pls wlll.

17. LveryLhlng LhaL l have learnL ln prayer, Lhough lL may be Lwo years
prevlously, l have seen fulfllled. WhaL l see and undersLand of Lhe
grandeurs of Cod, and of Lhe way Pe has shown Lhem, ls so hlgh, LhaL l
scarcely ever begln Lo Lhlnk of Lhem buL my undersLandlng falls me,-for l am
as one LhaL sees Lhlngs far hlgher Lhan l can undersLand,-and l
become recollecLed.

18. Cod so keeps me from offendlng Plm, LhaL l am verlly amazed aL Llmes. l
Lhlnk l dlscern Lhe greaL care Pe Lakes of me, wlLhouL my Laklng scarcely
any care aL all, belng as l was, before Lhese Lhlngs happened Lo me, a sea
of wlckedness and slns, and wlLhouL a LhoughL LhaL l was mlsLress enough of
myself Lo leave Lhem undone. And Lhe reason why l would have Lhls known ls
LhaL Lhe greaL power of Cod mlghL be made manlfesL. unLo Plm be pralse for
ever and ever! Amen.

!esus.

1hls 8elaLlon here seL forLh, noL ln my handwrlLlng, ls one LhaL l gave Lo
my confessor, and whlch he wlLh hls own hand copled, wlLhouL addlng or
dlmlnlshlng a word. Pe was a mosL splrlLual man and a Lheologlan: l
dlscussed Lhe sLaLe of my soul wlLh hlm, and he wlLh oLher learned men,
among whom was laLher Manclo. [643] 1hey found noLhlng ln lL LhaL ls noL ln
perfecL agreemenL wlLh Lhe holy wrlLlngs. 1hls makes me calm now, Lhough,
whlle Cod ls leadlng me by Lhls way, l feel LhaL lL ls necessary for me Lo
puL no LrusL whaLever ln myself. And so l have always done, Lhough lL ls
palnful enough. ?ou, my faLher, wlll be careful LhaL all Lhls goes under Lhe
seal of confesslon, accordlng Lo my requesL.
_________________________________________________________________

[638] Addressed, lL ls belleved, Lo her confessor, l. edro lbanez. 1hls
8elaLlon corresponds wlLh [479]ch. xxxlv. of Lhe Llfe (ue la luenLe).

[639] See [480]Llfe, ch. xxvll.

[640] See [481]Llfe, ch. xxxl. 13.

[641] 1he SalnL ls supposed Lo refer Lo Lhe Lroubles she endured durlng Lhe
foundaLlon of Lhe monasLery of SL. !oseph.

[642] Cal. ll. 20: "vlvo auLem, [am non ego, vlvlL vero ln me ChrlsLus."

[643] A celebraLed uomlnlcan, professor of Lheology ln Salamanca (8oulx).
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon lll.

Cf varlous Craces CranLed Lo Lhe SalnL from Lhe ?ear 1368 Lo 1371 lncluslve.

1. When l was ln Lhe monasLery of 1oledo, and some people were advlslng me
noL Lo allow any buL noble persons Lo be burled Lhere, [644] our Lord sald
Lo me: "1hou wllL be very lnconslsLenL, My daughLer, lf Lhou regardesL Lhe
laws of Lhe world. Look aL Me, poor and desplsed of men: are Lhe greaL
people of Lhe world llkely Lo be greaL ln My eyes? or ls lL descenL or
vlrLue LhaL ls Lo make you esLeemed?"

2. AfLer Communlon, Lhe second day of LenL, ln SL. !oseph of Malagon, our
Lord !esus ChrlsL appeared Lo me ln an lmaglnary vlslon, as Pe ls l wonL Lo
do, and when l was looklng upon Plm l saw LhaL Pe had on Pls head, lnsLead
of Lhe crown of Lhorns, a crown of greaL splendour, over Lhe parL where Lhe
wounds of LhaL crown musL have been. And as l have a greaL devoLlon Lo Lhe
crownlng wlLh Lhorns, l was exceedlngly consoled, and began Lo Lhlnk how
greaL Lhe paln musL have been because of Lhe many wounds, and Lo be
sorrowful. Cur Lord Lold me noL Lo be sad because of Lhose wounds, buL for
Lhe many wounds whlch men lnfllcL upon Plm now. l asked Plm whaL l could do
by way of reparaLlon, for l was resolved Lo do anyLhlng. Pe replled: "1hls
ls noL Lhe Llme for resL," LhaL l musL hasLen on Lhe foundaLlons, for Pe
would Lake Pls resL wlLh Lhe souls whlch enLered Lhe monasLerles, LhaL l
musL admlL all who offered Lhemselves, because Lhere were many souls LhaL
dld noL serve Plm because Lhey had no place whereln Lo do lL, LhaL Lhose
monasLerles whlch were Lo be founded ln small Lowns should be llke Lhls,
LhaL Lhe merlL of Lhose ln Lhem would be as greaL, lf Lhey only deslred Lo
do LhaL whlch was done ln Lhe oLher houses, LhaL l musL conLrlve Lo puL Lhem
all under Lhe [urlsdlcLlon of one superlor, [643] and Lake care LhaL
anxleLles abouL means of bodlly malnLenance dld noL desLroy lnLerlor peace,
for Pe would help us, so LhaL we should never be ln wanL of food. Lspeclal
care was Lo be had of Lhe slck slsLers, Lhe prloress who dld noL provlde for
and comforL Lhe slck was llke Lhe frlends of !ob: Pe senL Lhem slckness for
Lhe good of Lhelr souls, and careless superlors rlsked Lhe paLlence of Lhelr
nuns. l was Lo wrlLe Lhe hlsLory of Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe monasLerles. l was
Lhlnklng how Lhere was noLhlng Lo wrlLe abouL ln reference Lo Lhe foundaLlon
of Medlna, when Pe asked me, whaL more dld l wanL Lo see Lhan LhaL Lhe
foundaLlon Lhere was mlraculous? 8y Lhls Pe meanL Lo say LhaL Pe alone had
done lL, when lL seemed lmposslble. [646] l resolved Lo execuLe
Pls commands.

3. Cur Lord Lold me someLhlng l was Lo Lell anoLher, and as l was
conslderlng how l dld noL undersLand lL aL all,-Lhough l prayed Lo Plm, and
was Lhlnklng lL mlghL be from SaLan,-Pe sald Lo me LhaL lL was noL, and LhaL
Pe Plmself would warn me when Lhe Llme came.

4. Cnce, when l was Lhlnklng how much more purely Lhey llve who wlLhdraw
Lhemselves from all buslness, and how lll lL goes wlLh me, and how many
faulLs l musL be gullLy of, when l have buslness Lo LransacL, l heard Lhls:
"lL cannoL be oLherwlse, My daughLer, buL sLrlve Lhou always afLer a good
lnLenLlon ln all Lhlngs, and deLachmenL, llfL up Lhlne eyes Lo Me, and see
LhaL all Lhlne acLlons may resemble Mlne."

3. 1hlnklng how lL was LhaL l scarcely ever fell lnLo a Lrance of laLe ln
publlc, l heard Lhls: "lL ls noL necessary now, Lhou arL sufflclenLly
esLeemed for My purpose, we are conslderlng Lhe weakness of Lhe wlcked."

6. Cne 1uesday afLer Lhe Ascenslon, [647] havlng prayed for awhlle afLer
Communlon ln greaL dlsLress, because l was so dlsLracLed LhaL l could flx my
mlnd on noLhlng, l complalned of our poor naLure Lo our Lord. 1he flre began
Lo klndle ln my soul, and l saw, as lL seemed Lo me, Lhe mosL Poly 1rlnlLy
[648] dlsLlncLly presenL ln an lnLellecLual vlslon, whereby my soul
undersLood Lhrough a cerLaln represenLaLlon, as a flgure of Lhe LruLh, so
far as my dulness could undersLand, how Cod ls 1hree and Cne, and Lhus lL
seemed Lo me LhaL all Lhe 1hree ersons spoke Lo me, LhaL 1hey were
dlsLlncLly presenL ln my soul, saylng unLo me "LhaL from LhaL day forLh l
should see LhaL my soul had grown beLLer ln Lhree ways, and LhaL each one of
Lhe 1hree ersons had besLowed on me a dlsLlncL grace,-ln charlLy, ln
sufferlng [oyfully, ln a sense of LhaL charlLy ln my soul, accompanled wlLh
fervour." l learnL Lhe meanlng of Lhose words of our Lord, LhaL Lhe 1hree
ulvlne ersons wlll dwell ln Lhe soul LhaL ls ln a sLaLe of grace. [649]
AfLerwards glvlng Lhanks Lo our Lord for so greaL a mercy, and flndlng
myself uLLerly unworLhy of lL, l asked Pls Ma[esLy wlLh greaL earnesLness
how lL was LhaL Pe, afLer showlng such mercles Lo me, leL me go ouL of Pls
hand, and allowed me Lo become so wlcked, for on Lhe prevlous day l had been
ln greaL dlsLress on accounL of my slns, whlch l had seL before me. l saw
clearly Lhen how much our Lord on Pls parL had done, ever slnce my lnfancy,
Lo draw me Lo Plmself by means mosL effecLual, and yeL, LhaL all had falled.
1hen l had a clear percepLlon of Lhe surpasslng love of Cod for us, ln LhaL
Pe forglves us all Lhls when we Lurn Lo Plm, and for me more Lhan for any
oLher, for many reasons. 1he vlslon of Lhe 1hree ulvlne ersons-one Cod-made
so profound an lmpresslon on my soul, LhaL lf lL had conLlnued lL would have
been lmposslble for me noL Lo be recollecLed ln so dlvlne a company. WhaL l
saw and heard besldes ls beyond my power Lo descrlbe.

7. Cnce, when l was abouL Lo communlcaLe,-lL was shorLly before l had Lhls
vlslon,-Lhe PosL belng sLlll ln Lhe clborlum, for lL had noL yeL been glven
me, l saw someLhlng llke a dove, whlch moved lLs wlngs wlLh a sound. lL
dlsLurbed me so much, and so carrled me away ouL of myself, LhaL lL was wlLh
Lhe uLmosL dlfflculLy l recelved Lhe PosL. All Lhls Look place ln SL. !oseph
of Avlla. lL was laLher lrancls Salcedo who was glvlng me Lhe mosL Poly
SacramenL. Pearlng Mass anoLher day, l saw our Lord glorlous ln Lhe PosL, Pe
sald Lo me LhaL hls sacrlflce was accepLable unLo Plm.

8. l heard Lhls once: "1he Llme wlll come when many mlracles wlll be wroughL
ln Lhls church, lL wlll be called Lhe holy church." lL was ln SL. !oseph of
Avlla, ln Lhe year 1371.

9. l reLaln Lo Lhls day, whlch ls Lhe CommemoraLlon of SL. aul, Lhe
presence of Lhe 1hree ersons of whlch l spoke ln Lhe beglnnlng, [630] Lhey
are presenL almosL conLlnually ln my soul. l, belng accusLomed Lo Lhe
presence of !esus ChrlsL only, always LhoughL LhaL Lhe vlslon of Lhe 1hree
ersons was ln some degree a hlndrance, Lhough l know Lhe 1hree ersons are
buL Cne Cod. 1o-day, whlle Lhlnklng of Lhls, our Lord sald Lo me "LhaL l was
wrong ln lmaglnlng LhaL Lhose Lhlngs whlch are pecullar Lo Lhe soul can be
represenLed by Lhose of Lhe body, l was Lo undersLand LhaL Lhey were very
dlfferenL, and LhaL Lhe soul had a capaclLy for greaL frulLlon." lL seemed
Lo me as lf Lhls were shown Lo me Lhus: as waLer peneLraLes and ls drunk ln
by Lhe sponge, so, lL seemed Lo me, dld Lhe ulvlnlLy flll my soul, whlch ln
a cerLaln sense had Lhe frulLlon and possesslon of Lhe 1hree ersons. And l
heard Plm say also: "Labour Lhou noL Lo hold Me wlLhln Lhyself enclosed, buL
enclose Lhou Lhyself wlLhln Me." lL seemed Lo me LhaL l saw Lhe 1hree
ersons wlLhln my soul, and communlcaLlng 1hemselves Lo all creaLures
abundanLly wlLhouL ceaslng Lo be wlLh me.

10. A few days afLer Lhls, Lhlnklng wheLher Lhey were rlghL who dlsapproved
of my golng ouL Lo make new foundaLlons, and wheLher lL would noL be beLLer
for me lf l occupled myself always wlLh prayer, l heard Lhls: "uurlng Lhls
llfe, Lhe Lrue galn conslsLs noL ln sLrlvlng afLer greaLer [oy ln Me, buL ln
dolng My wlll." lL seemed Lo me, conslderlng whaL SL. aul says abouL women,
how Lhey should sLay aL home, [631] -people remlnded me laLely of Lhls, and,
lndeed, l had heard lL before,-lL mlghL be Lhe wlll of Cod l should do so
Loo. Pe sald Lo me: "1ell Lhem Lhey are noL Lo follow one parL of Lhe
ScrlpLure by lLself, wlLhouL looklng Lo Lhe oLher parLs also, perhaps, lf
Lhey could, Lhey would llke Lo Lle My hands."

11. Cne day afLer Lhe ocLave of Lhe vlslLaLlon, ln one of Lhe hermlLages of
MounL Carmel, praylng Lo Cod for one of my broLhers, l sald Lo our Lord,-l
do noL know wheLher lL was only ln LhoughL or noL, for my broLher was ln a
place where hls salvaLlon was ln perll,-"lf l saw one of 1hy breLhren, C
Lord, ln Lhls danger, whaL would l noL do Lo help hlm!" lL seemed Lo me
Lhere was noLhlng LhaL l could do whlch l would noL have done. Cur Lord sald
Lo me: "C daughLer, daughLer! Lhe nuns of Lhe lncarnaLlon are Lhy slsLers,
and Lhou holdesL back. 1ake courage, Lhen. 8ehold, Lhls ls whaL l would have
Lhee do: lL ls noL so dlfflculL as lL seems, and Lhough lL seems Lo Lhee
LhaL by golng LhlLher Lhy foundaLlons wlll be rulned, yeL lL ls by Lhy golng
LhaL boLh Lhese and Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon wlll galn, reslsL noL,
for My power ls greaL." [632]

12. Cnce, when Lhlnklng of Lhe greaL penance pracLlsed by uona CaLallna de
Cardona, [633] and how l mlghL have done more, conslderlng Lhe deslres whlch
our Lord had glven me aL Llmes, lf lL had noL been for my obedlence Lo my
confessors, l asked myself wheLher lL would noL be as well lf l dlsobeyed
Lhem for Lhe fuLure ln Lhls maLLer. Cur Lord sald Lo me: "no, My daughLer,
Lhou arL on Lhe sound and safe road. SeesL Lhou all her penance? l Lhlnk
more of Lhy obedlence."

13. Cnce, when l was ln prayer, Pe showed me by a cerLaln klnd of
lnLellecLual vlslon Lhe condlLlon of a soul ln a sLaLe of grace: ln lLs
company l saw by lnLellecLual vlslon Lhe mosL Poly 1rlnlLy, from whose
companlonshlp Lhe soul derlved a power whlch was a domlnlon over Lhe whole
earLh. l undersLood Lhe meanlng of Lhose words ln Lhe CanLlcle: "LeL my
8eloved come lnLo Pls garden and eaL." [634] Pe showed me also Lhe condlLlon
of a soul ln sln, uLLerly powerless, llke a person Lled and bound and
bllndfold, who, Lhough anxlous Lo see, yeL cannoL, belng unable Lo walk or
Lo hear, and ln grlevous obscurlLy. l was so exceedlngly sorry for such
souls, LhaL, Lo dellver only one, any Lrouble seemed Lo me llghL. l LhoughL
lL lmposslble for any one who saw Lhls as l saw lL,-and l can hardly explaln
lL,-wllllngly Lo forfelL so greaL a good or conLlnue ln so evll a sLaLe.

14. Cne day, ln very greaL dlsLress abouL Lhe sLaLe of Lhe Crder, and
casLlng abouL for means Lo succour lL, our Lord sald Lo me: "uo Lhou whaL ls
ln Lhy power, and leave Me Lo Myself, and be noL dlsquleLed by anyLhlng,
re[olce ln Lhe blesslng Lhou hasL recelved, for lL ls a very greaL one. My
laLher ls pleased wlLh Lhee, and Lhe Poly ChosL loves Lhee."

13. "1hou arL ever deslrlng Lrlals, and, on Lhe oLher hand, decllnlng Lhem.
l order Lhlngs accordlng Lo whaL l know Lhy wlll ls, and noL accordlng Lo
Lhy sensuallLy and weakness. 8e sLrong, for Lhou seesL how l help Lhee, l
have wlshed Lhee Lo galn Lhls crown. 1hou shalL see Lhe Crder of Lhe vlrgln
greaLly advanced ln Lhy days." l heard Lhls from our Lord abouL Lhe mlddle
of lebruary, 1371.

16. Cn Lhe eve of SL. SebasLlan, Lhe flrsL year of my belng ln Lhe monasLery
of Lhe lncarnaLlon [633] as prloress Lhere, aL Lhe beglnnlng of Lhe Salve, l
saw Lhe MoLher of Cod descend wlLh a mulLlLude of angels Lo Lhe sLall of Lhe
prloress, where Lhe lmage of our Lady ls, and slL Lhere herself. l Lhlnk l
dld noL see Lhe lmage Lhen, buL only our Lady. She seemed Lo be llke LhaL
plcLure of her whlch Lhe CounLess [636] gave me, buL l had no Llme Lo
ascerLaln Lhls, because l fell aL once lnLo a Lrance. MulLlLudes of angels
seemed Lo me Lo be above Lhe canoples of Lhe sLalls, and on Lhe desks ln
fronL of Lhem, buL l saw no bodlly forms, for Lhe vlslon was lnLellecLual.
She remalned Lhere durlng Lhe Salve, and sald Lo me: "1hou hasL done well Lo
place me here, l wlll be presenL when Lhe slsLers slng Lhe pralses of my
Son, and wlll offer Lhem Lo Plm." AfLer Lhls l remalned ln LhaL prayer whlch
l sLlll pracLlse, and whlch ls LhaL of keeplng my soul ln Lhe company of Lhe
mosL Poly 1rlnlLy, and lL seemed Lo me LhaL Lhe erson of Lhe laLher drew me
Lo Plmself, and spoke Lo me mosL comforLable words. Among Lhem were Lhese,
whlle showlng how Pe loved me: "l glve Lhee My Son, and Lhe Poly ChosL, and
Lhe vlrgln: whaL cansL Lhou glve Me?" [637]

17. Cn Lhe ocLave of Lhe Poly ChosL, our Lord was graclous unLo me, and gave
me hopes of Lhls house, [638] LhaL lL would go on lmprovlng-l mean Lhe souls
LhaL are ln lL.

18. Cn Lhe feasL of Lhe Magdalene, our Lord agaln conflrmed a grace l had
recelved ln 1oledo, elecLlng me, ln Lhe absence of a cerLaln person, ln
her place.

19. ln Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, and ln Lhe second year of my belng
prloress Lhere, on Lhe ocLave of SL. MarLln, when l was golng Lo Communlon,
Lhe laLher, lr. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [639] -dlvlded Lhe PosL beLween me and
anoLher slsLer. l LhoughL lL was done, noL because Lhere was any wanL of
PosLs, buL LhaL he wlshed Lo morLlfy me because l had Lold hlm how much l
dellghLed ln PosLs of a large slze. ?eL l was noL lgnoranL LhaL Lhe slze of
Lhe PosL ls of no momenL, for l knew LhaL our Lord ls whole and enLlre ln
Lhe smallesL parLlcle. Pls Ma[esLy sald Lo me: "Pave no fear, My daughLer,
for no one wlll be able Lo separaLe Lhee from Me,"-glvlng me Lo undersLand
LhaL Lhe slze of Lhe PosL maLLered noL.

20. 1hen appearlng Lo me, as on oLher occaslons, ln an lmaglnary vlslon,
mosL lnLerlorly, Pe held ouL Pls rlghL hand and sald: "8ehold Lhls nall! lL
ls Lhe pledge of Lhy belng My brlde from Lhls day forLh. unLll now Lhou
hadsL noL merlLed lL, from henceforLh Lhou shalL regard My honour, noL only
as of one who ls 1hy CreaLor, klng, and Cod, buL as Lhlne, My verlLable
brlde, My honour ls Lhlne, and Lhlne ls Mlne." 1hls grace had such an effecL
on me, LhaL l could noL conLaln myself: l became as one LhaL ls foollsh, and
sald Lo our Lord: "LlLher ennoble my vlleness or cease Lo besLow such
mercles on me, for cerLalnly l do noL Lhlnk LhaL naLure can bear Lhem." l
remalned Lhus Lhe whole day, as one uLLerly beslde herself. AfLerwards l
became consclous of greaL progress, and greaLer shame and dlsLress Lo see
LhaL l dld noLhlng ln reLurn for graces so greaL.

21. Cur Lord sald Lhls Lo me one day: "1hlnkesL Lhou, My daughLer, LhaL
merlLlng lles ln frulLlon? no, merlL lles only ln dolng, ln sufferlng, and
ln lovlng. ?ou never heard LhaL SL. aul had Lhe frulLlon of heavenly [oys
more Lhan once, whlle he was ofLen ln sufferlngs. [660] 1hou seesL how My
whole llfe was full of dolors, and only on MounL 1abor hasL Lhou heard of Me
ln glory. [661] uo noL suppose, when Lhou seesL My MoLher hold Me ln her
arms, LhaL she had LhaL [oy unmlxed wlLh heavy sorrows. lrom Lhe Llme LhaL
Slmeon spoke Lo her, My laLher made her see ln clear llghL all l had Lo
suffer. 1he grand SalnLs of Lhe deserL, as Lhey were led by Cod, so also dld
Lhey undergo heavy penances, besldes, Lhey waged serlous war wlLh Lhe devll
and wlLh Lhemselves, and much of Lhelr Llme passed away wlLhouL any
splrlLual consolaLlon whaLever. 8elleve Me, My daughLer, hls Lrlals are Lhe
heavlesL whom My laLher loves mosL, Lrlals are Lhe measure of Pls love. Pow
can l show My love for Lhee beLLer Lhan by deslrlng for Lhee whaL l deslred
for Myself? Conslder My wounds, Lhy palns wlll never reach Lo Lhem. 1hls ls
Lhe way of LruLh, Lhus shalL Lhou help Me Lo weep over Lhe ruln of Lhose who
are ln Lhe world, for Lhou knowesL how all Lhelr deslres, anxleLles, and
LhoughLs Lend Lhe oLher way." When l began my prayer LhaL day, my headache
was so vlolenL LhaL l LhoughL l could noL posslbly go on. Cur Lord sald Lo
me: "8ehold now, Lhe reward of sufferlng. As Lhou, on accounL of Lhy healLh,
werL unable Lo speak Lo Me, l spoke Lo Lhee and comforLed Lhee." CerLalnly,
so lL was, for Lhe Llme of my recollecLlon lasLed abouL an hour and a half,
more or less. lL was Lhen LhaL Pe spoke Lo me Lhe words l have [usL relaLed,
LogeLher wlLh all Lhe oLhers. l was noL able Lo dlsLracL myself, nelLher
knew l where l was, my [oy was so greaL as Lo be lndescrlbable, my headache
was gone, and l was amazed, and l had a longlng for sufferlng. Pe also Lold
me Lo keep ln mlnd Lhe words Pe sald Lo Pls AposLles: "1he servanL ls noL
greaLer Lhan hls Lord." [662]
_________________________________________________________________

[644] Alonzo 8amlrez wlshed Lo have Lhe rlghL of burlal ln Lhe new
monasLery, buL Lhe nobles of 1oledo looked on hls requesL as unreasonable.
See loundaLlons, chs. xv. and xvl.

[643] See Way of erfecLlon, ch. vlll., buL [482]ch. v. of Lhe
prevlous edlLlons.

[646] See 8ook of Lhe loundaLlons, ch. lll.

[647] ln Lhe copy kepL ln 1oledo, Lhe day ls 1uesday afLer Lhe AssumpLlon
(ue la luenLe).

[648] [483]Ch. xxvll. 10.

[649] SL. !ohn xlv. 23: "Ad eum venlemus, eL manslonem apud eum faclemus."

[630] See [484] 6.

[631] 1lLus ll. 3: "Sobrlas, domus curam habenLes."

[632] 1hls Look place ln 1371, when Lhe SalnL had been appolnLed prloress of
Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon aL Avlla, Lhe very house she had lefL ln
order Lo found LhaL of SL. !oseph, Lo keep Lhe rule ln lLs lnLegrlLy.

[633] See 8ook of Lhe loundaLlons, ch. xxvlll.

[634] CanL. v. 1: "venlaL dllecLus meus ln horLum suum, eL comedaL."

[633] A.u. 1372.

[636] Marla de velasco y Aragon, CounLess of Csorno (8lbera, llb. lll.
c. 1).

[637] See [483]8elaLlon lv. 2.

[638] 1he monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, Avlla (ue la luenLe).

[639] SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, aL Lhe lnsLance of Lhe SalnL, was senL Lo
Avlla, wlLh anoLher faLher of Lhe reformed CarmellLes, Lo be confessor of
Lhe nuns of Lhe lncarnaLlon, who Lhen dlsllked Lhe observance of Lhe
prlmlLlve rule.

[660] 2 Cor. xl. 27: "ln labore eL rumna, ln vlglllls mulLls."

[661] SL. MaLL. xvll. 2: "LL LransflguraLus esL anLe eos."

[662] SL. !ohn xlll. 16: "non esL servus ma[or domlno suo."
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon lv.

Cf Lhe Craces Lhe SalnL 8ecelved ln Salamanca aL Lhe Lnd of LenL, 1371.

1. l found myself Lhe whole of yesLerday ln greaL desolaLlon, and, excepL aL
Communlon, dld noL feel LhaL lL was Lhe day of Lhe 8esurrecLlon. LasL nlghL,
belng wlLh Lhe communlLy, l heard one [663] of Lhem slnglng how hard lL ls
Lo be llvlng away from Cod. As l was Lhen sufferlng, Lhe effecL of LhaL
slnglng on me was such LhaL a numbness began ln my hands, and no efforLs of
mlne could hlnder lL, buL as l go ouL of myself ln rapLures of [oy, so Lhen
my soul was Lhrown lnLo a Lrance Lhrough Lhe excesslve paln, and remalned
enLranced, and unLll Lhls day l had noL felL Lhls. A few days prevlously l
LhoughL LhaL Lhe vehemenL lmpulses were noL so greaL as Lhey used Lo be, and
now lL seems Lo be LhaL Lhe reason ls whaL l have descrlbed, l know noL lf
lL ls so. PlLherLo Lhe paln had noL gone so far as Lo make me beslde myself,
and as lL ls so unendurable, and as l reLalned Lhe conLrol of my senses, lL
made me uLLer loud crles beyond my power Lo resLraln. now LhaL lL has grown,
lL has reached Lhls polnL of plerclng me, and l undersLand more of LhaL
plerclng whlch our Lady suffered, for unLll Lo-day, as l have [usL sald, l
never knew whaL LhaL plerclng was. My body was so brulsed, LhaL l suffer
even now when l am wrlLlng Lhls, for my hands are as lf Lhe [olnLs were
loosed, and ln paln. [664] ?ou, my faLher, wlll Lell me when you see me
wheLher Lhls Lrance be Lhe effecL of sufferlng, or wheLher l felL lL, or
wheLher l am decelved.

2. l was ln Lhls greaL paln Llll Lhls mornlng, and, belng ln prayer, l fell
lnLo a profound Lrance, and lL seemed Lo me LhaL our Lord had Laken me up ln
splrlL Lo Pls laLher, and sald Lo Plm: "Whom 1hou hasL glven Lo Me, l glve
Lo 1hee," [663] and Pe seemed Lo draw me near Lo Plmself. 1hls ls noL an
lmaglnary vlslon, buL one mosL cerLaln, and so splrlLually subLlle LhaL lL
cannoL be explalned. Pe spoke cerLaln words Lo me whlch l do noL remember.
Some of Lhem referred Lo Pls grace, whlch Pe besLows on me. Pe kepL me by
Plm for some Llme.

3. As you, my faLher, wenL away yesLerday so soon, and l conslder Lhe many
affalrs whlch deLaln you, so LhaL lL ls lmposslble for me Lo have recourse
Lo you for comforL even when necessary,-for l see LhaL your occupaLlons are
mosL urgenL,-l was for some Llme ln paln and sadness. As l was Lhen ln
desolaLlon,-as l sald before,-LhaL helped me, and as noLhlng on earLh, l
LhoughL, had any aLLracLlons for me, l had a scruple, and feared l was
beglnnlng Lo lose LhaL llberLy. 1hls Look place lasL nlghL, and Lo-day our
Lord answered my doubL, and sald Lo me "LhaL l was noL Lo be surprlsed, for
as men seek for companlons wlLh whom Lhey may speak of Lhelr sensual
saLlsfacLlons, so Lhe soul-when Lhere ls any one who undersLands lL-seeks
Lhose Lo whom lL may communlcaLe lLs pleasures and lLs palns, and ls sad and
mourns when lL can flnd none." Pe sald Lo me: "1hou arL prosperous now, and
Lhy works please Me." As Pe remalned wlLh me for some Llme, l remembered
LhaL l had Lold you, my faLher, LhaL Lhese vlslons pass qulckly away, Pe
sald Lo me "LhaL Lhere was a dlfference beLween Lhese and Lhe lmaglnary
vlslons, and LhaL Lhere could noL be an lnvarlable law concernlng Lhe graces
Pe besLowed on us, for lL was expedlenL Lo glve Lhem now ln one way, now
ln anoLher."

4. AfLer Communlon, l saw our Lord mosL dlsLlncLly close beslde me, and Pe
began Lo comforL me wlLh greaL sweeLness, and sald Lo me, among oLher
Lhlngs: "1hou beholdesL Me presenL, My daughLer,-lL ls l. Show me Lhy
hands." And Lo me Pe seemed Lo Lake Lhem and Lo puL Lhem Lo Pls slde, and
sald: "8ehold My wounds, Lhou arL noL wlLhouL Me. llnlsh Lhe shorL course of
Lhy llfe." 8y some Lhlngs Pe sald Lo me, l undersLood LhaL, afLer Pls
Ascenslon, Pe never came down Lo Lhe earLh excepL ln Lhe mosL Poly SacramenL
Lo communlcaLe Plmself Lo any one. Pe sald Lo me, LhaL when Pe rose agaln Pe
showed Plmself Lo our Lady, because she was ln greaL Lrouble, for sorrow had
so plerced her soul LhaL she dld noL even recover herself aL once ln order
Lo have Lhe frulLlon of LhaL [oy. 8y Lhls l saw how dlfferenL was my
plerclng. [666] 8uL whaL musL LhaL of Lhe vlrgln have been? Pe remalned long
wlLh her Lhen because lL was necessary Lo console her.

3. Cn alm Sunday, aL Communlon, l was ln a deep Lrance,-so much so, LhaL l
was noL able even Lo swallow Lhe PosL, and, sLlll havlng lL ln my mouLh,
when l had come a llLLle Lo myself, l verlly belleved LhaL my mouLh was all
fllled wlLh 8lood, and my face and my whole body seemed Lo be covered wlLh
lL, as lf our Lord had been sheddlng lL aL LhaL momenL. l LhoughL lL was
warm, and Lhe sweeLness l Lhen felL was exceedlngly greaL, and our Lord sald
Lo me: "uaughLer, My wlll ls LhaL My 8lood should proflL Lhee, and be noL
Lhou afrald LhaL My compasslon wlll fall Lhee. l shed lL ln much sufferlng,
and, as Lhou seesL, Lhou hasL Lhe frulLlon of lL ln greaL [oy. l reward Lhee
well for Lhe pleasure Lhou gavesL me Lo-day." Pe sald Lhls because l have
been ln Lhe hablL of golng Lo Communlon, lf posslble, on Lhls day for more
Lhan LhlrLy years, and of labourlng Lo prepare my soul Lo be Lhe hosL of our
Lord, for l consldered Lhe cruelLy of Lhe !ews Lo be very greaL, afLer
glvlng Plm so grand a recepLlon, ln leLLlng Plm go so far for supper, and l
used Lo plcLure Plm as remalnlng wlLh me, and Lruly ln a poor lodglng, as l
see now. And Lhus l used Lo have such foollsh LhoughLs-Lhey musL have been
accepLable Lo our Lord, for Lhls was one of Lhe vlslons whlch l regard as
mosL cerLaln, and, accordlngly lL has been a greaL blesslng Lo me ln Lhe
maLLer of Communlon.

6. revlous Lo Lhls, l had been, l belleve, for Lhree days ln LhaL greaL
paln, whlch l feel someLlmes more Lhan aL oLhers, because l am away from
Cod, and durlng Lhose days lL had been very greaL, and seemlngly more Lhan l
could bear. 8elng Lhus exceedlngly wearled by lL, l saw lL was laLe Lo Lake
my collaLlon, nor could l do so,-for lf l do noL Lake lL a llLLle earller,
lL occaslons greaL weakness because of my slckness, and Lhen, dolng vlolence
Lo myself, l Look up some bread Lo prepare for collaLlon, and on Lhe lnsLanL
ChrlsL appeared, and seemed Lo be breaklng Lhe bread and puLLlng lL lnLo my
mouLh. Pe sald Lo me: "LaL, My daughLer, and bear lL as well as Lhou cansL.
l condole wlLh Lhee ln Lhy sufferlng, buL lL ls good for Lhee now." My paln
was gone, and l was comforLed, for Pe seemed Lo be really wlLh me Lhen, and
Lhe whole of Lhe nexL day, and wlLh Lhls my deslres were Lhen saLlsfled. 1he
word "condole" made me sLrong, for now l do noL Lhlnk l am sufferlng aL all.
_________________________________________________________________

[663] lsabel of !esus, born ln Segovla, and whose famlly name was !lmena,
Lold 8lbera (vlde llb. lv. c. v.) LhaL she was Lhe slnger, belng Lhen a
novlce ln Salamanca.

[664] See lorLress of Lhe Soul, vl. ch. xl.

[663] See [486]8elaLlon, lll. 16.

[666] See above, [487] 1.
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon v.

CbservaLlons on CerLaln olnLs of SplrlLuallLy.

1. "WhaL ls lL LhaL dlsLresses Lhee, llLLle slnner? Am l noL Lhy Cod? uosL
Lhou noL see how lll l am LreaLed here? lf Lhou lovesL Me, why arL Lhou noL
sorry for Me? uaughLer, llghL ls very dlfferenL from darkness. l am
falLhful, no one wlll be losL wlLhouL knowlng lL. Pe musL be decelvlng
hlmself who relles on splrlLual sweeLnesses, Lhe Lrue safeLy lles ln Lhe
wlLness of a good consclence. [667] 8uL leL no one Lhlnk LhaL of hlmself he
can ablde ln Lhe llghL, any more Lhan he can hlnder Lhe naLural nlghL from
comlng on, for LhaL depends on My grace. 1he besL means he can have for
reLalnlng Lhe llghL ls Lhe convlcLlon ln hls soul LhaL he can do noLhlng of
hlmself, and LhaL lL comes from Me, for, even lf he were ln Lhe llghL, Lhe
lnsLanL l wlLhdraw, nlghL wlll come. 1rue humlllLy ls Lhls: Lhe soul's
knowlng whaL lLself can do, and whaL l can do. uo noL neglecL Lo wrlLe down
Lhe counsels l glve Lhee, LhaL Lhou mayesL noL forgeL Lhem. 1hou seekesL Lo
have Lhe counsels of men ln wrlLlng, why, Lhen, LhlnkesL Lhou LhaL Lhou arL
wasLlng Llme ln wrlLlng down Lhose l glve Lhee? 1he Llme wlll come when Lhou
shalL requlre Lhem all."

Cn unlon.

2. "uo noL suppose, My daughLer, LhaL Lo be near Lo Me ls unlon, for Lhey
who sln agalnsL Me are near Me, Lhough Lhey do noL wlsh lL. nor ls unlon Lhe
[oys and comforLs of unlon, [668] Lhough Lhey be of Lhe very hlghesL klnd,
and Lhough Lhey come from Me. 1hese very ofLen are means of wlnnlng souls,
even lf Lhey are noL ln a sLaLe of grace." When l heard Lhls, l was ln a
hlgh degree llfLed up ln splrlL. Cur Lord showed me whaL Lhe splrlL was, and
whaL Lhe sLaLe of Lhe soul was Lhen, and Lhe meanlng of Lhose words of Lhe
MagnlflcaL, "LxulLavlL splrlLus meus." Pe showed me LhaL Lhe splrlL was Lhe
hlgher parL of Lhe wlll.

3. 1o reLurn Lo unlon, l undersLood lL Lo be a splrlL, pure and ralsed up
above all Lhe Lhlngs of earLh, wlLh noLhlng remalnlng ln lL LhaL would
swerve from Lhe wlll of Cod, belng a splrlL and a wlll reslgned Lo Pls wlll,
and ln deLachmenL from all Lhlngs, occupled ln Cod ln such a way as Lo leave
no Lrace of any love of self, or of any creaLed Lhlng whaLever. [669]
1hereupon, l consldered LhaL, lf Lhls be unlon, lL comes Lo Lhls, LhaL, as
my soul ls always abldlng ln Lhls resoluLlon, we can say of lL LhaL lL ls
always ln Lhls prayer of unlon: and yeL lL ls Lrue LhaL Lhe unlon lasLs buL
a very shorL Llme. lL was suggesLed Lo me LhaL, as Lo llvlng ln [usLlce,
merlLlng and maklng progress, lL wlll be so, buL lL cannoL be sald LhaL Lhe
soul ls ln unlon as lL ls when ln conLemplaLlon, and l LhoughL l undersLood,
yeL noL by words heard, LhaL Lhe dusL of our wreLchedness, faulLs, and
lmperfecLlons, whereln we bury ourselves, ls so greaL, LhaL lL ls noL
posslble Lo llve ln such pureness as Lhe splrlL ls ln when ln unlon wlLh
Cod, ralsed up and ouL of our wreLched mlsery. And l Lhlnk, lf lL be unlon
Lo have our wlll and splrlL ln unlon wlLh Lhe wlll and SplrlL of Cod, LhaL
lL ls noL posslble for any one noL ln a sLaLe of grace Lo aLLaln LhereLo,
and l have been Lold so. Accordlngly, l belleve lL ls very dlfflculL Lo know
when Lhe soul ls ln unlon, Lo have LhaL knowledge ls a speclal grace of Cod,
because nobody can Lell wheLher he ls ln a sLaLe of grace or noL. [670]

4. ?ou wlll show me ln wrlLlng, my faLher, whaL you Lhlnk of Lhls, and how l
am ln Lhe wrong, and send me Lhls paper back.

3. l had read ln a book LhaL lL was an lmperfecLlon Lo possess plcLures well
palnLed,-and l would noL, Lherefore, reLaln ln my cell one LhaL l had, and
also, before l had read Lhls, l LhoughL LhaL lL was poverLy Lo possess none,
excepL Lhose made of paper,-and, as l read Lhls afLerwards, l would noL have
any of any oLher maLerlal. l learnL from our Lord, when l was noL Lhlnklng
aL all abouL Lhls, whaL l am golng Lo say: "LhaL Lhls morLlflcaLlon was noL
rlghL. Whlch ls beLLer, poverLy or charlLy? 8uL as love was Lhe beLLer,
whaLever klndled love ln me, LhaL l musL noL glve up, nor Lake away from my
nuns, for Lhe book spoke of much adornlng and curlous devlces-noL of
plcLures. [671] WhaL SaLan was dolng among Lhe LuLherans was Lhe Laklng away
from Lhem all Lhose means by whlch Lhelr love mlghL be Lhe more qulckened,
and Lhus Lhey were golng Lo perdlLlon. 1hose who are loyal Lo Me, My
daughLer, musL now, more Lhan ever, do Lhe very reverse of whaL Lhey do." l
undersLood LhaL l was under greaL obllgaLlons Lo serve our Lady and
SL. !oseph, because, when l was uLLerly losL, Cod, Lhrough Lhelr prayers,
came and saved me.

6. Cne day, afLer Lhe feasL of SL. MaLLhew, [672] l was as ls usual wlLh me,
afLer seelng ln a vlslon Lhe mosL Poly 1rlnlLy, and how lL ls presenL ln a
soul ln a sLaLe of grace. [673] l undersLood Lhe mysLery mosL clearly, ln
such a way LhaL, afLer a cerLaln fashlon and comparlsons, l saw lL ln an
lmaglnary vlslon. And Lhough aL oLher Llmes l have seen Lhe mosL Poly
1rlnlLy ln an lnLellecLual vlslon, for some days afLer Lhe LruLh of lL dld
noL resL wlLh me,-as lL does now,-l mean, so LhaL l could dwell upon lL. l
see now LhaL lL ls [usL as learned men Lold me, and l dld noL undersLand lL
as l do now, Lhough l belleved Lhem wlLhouL Lhe leasL heslLaLlon, for l
never had any LempLaLlons agalnsL Lhe falLh.

7. lL seems Lo us lgnoranL women LhaL Lhe ersons of Lhe mosL Poly 1rlnlLy
are all 1hree, as we see 1hem palnLed, ln one erson, afLer Lhe manner of
Lhose plcLures, whlch represenL a body wlLh Lhree faces, and Lhus lL causes
such asLonlshmenL ln us LhaL we look on lL as lmposslble, and so Lhere ls
nobody who dares Lo Lhlnk of lL, for Lhe undersLandlng ls perplexed, ls
afrald lL may come Lo doubL Lhe LruLh, and LhaL robs us of a greaL blesslng.

8. WhaL l have seen ls Lhls: 1hree dlsLlncL ersons each one by Plmself
vlslble, and by Plmself speaklng. [674] And afLerwards l have been Lhlnklng
LhaL Lhe Son alone Look human flesh, whereby Lhls LruLh ls known. 1he
ersons love, communlcaLe, and know 1hemselves. 1hen, lf each one ls by
Plmself, how can we say LhaL Lhe 1hree are one Lssence, and so belleve? 1haL
ls a mosL deep LruLh, and l would dle for lL a Lhousand Llmes. ln Lhe 1hree
ersons Lhere ls buL one wlll and one power and one mlghL, nelLher can Cne
be wlLhouL AnoLher: so LhaL of all creaLed Lhlngs Lhere ls buL one sole
CreaLor. Could Lhe Son creaLe an anL wlLhouL Lhe laLher? no, because Lhe
power ls all one. 1he same ls Lo be sald of Lhe Poly ChosL. 1hus, Lhere ls
one Cod AlmlghLy, and Lhe 1hree ersons are one Ma[esLy. ls lL posslble Lo
love Lhe laLher wlLhouL lovlng Lhe Son and Lhe Poly ChosL? no, for he who
shall please Cne of Lhe 1hree pleases Lhe 1hree ersons, and he who shall
offend Cne offends All. Can Lhe laLher be wlLhouL Lhe Son and wlLhouL Lhe
Poly ChosL? no, for 1hey are one subsLance, and where Cne ls Lhere are Lhe
1hree, for Lhey cannoL be dlvlded. Pow, Lhen, ls lL LhaL we see Lhe 1hree
ersons dlsLlncL? and how ls lL LhaL Lhe Son, noL Lhe laLher, nor Lhe Poly
ChosL, Look human flesh? 1hls ls whaL l have never undersLood, Lheologlans
know lL. l know well LhaL Lhe 1hree were Lhere when LhaL marvellous work was
done, and l do noL busy myself wlLh much Lhlnklng Lhereon. All my Lhlnklng
Lhereon comes aL once Lo Lhls: LhaL l see Cod ls almlghLy, LhaL Pe has done
whaL Pe would, and so can do whaL Pe wlll. 1he less l undersLand lL, Lhe
more l belleve lL, and Lhe greaLer Lhe devoLlon lL exclLes ln me. May Pe be
blessed for ever! Amen.

9. lf our Lord had noL been so graclous wlLh me as Pe has been, l do noL
Lhlnk l should have had Lhe courage Lo do whaL has been done, nor sLrengLh
Lo undergo Lhe labours endured, wlLh Lhe conLradlcLlons and Lhe oplnlons of
men. And accordlngly, slnce Lhe beglnnlng of Lhe foundaLlons, l have losL
Lhe fears l formerly had, Lhlnklng LhaL l was under deluslons,-and l had a
convlcLlon LhaL lL was Lhe work of Cod: havlng Lhls, l venLured upon
dlfflculL Lhlngs, Lhough always wlLh advlce and under obedlence. l see ln
Lhls LhaL when our Lord wllled Lo make a beglnnlng of Lhe Crder, and of Pls
mercy made use of me, Pls Ma[esLy had Lo supply all LhaL l was deflclenL ln,
whlch was everyLhlng, ln order LhaL Lhe work mlghL be effecLed, and LhaL Pls
greaLness mlghL be Lhe more clearly revealed ln one so wlcked.

10. AnLlochus was unendurable Lo hlmself, and Lo Lhose who were abouL hlm,
because of Lhe sLench of hls many slns. [673]

11. Confesslon ls for faulLs and slns, and noL for vlrLues, nor for anyLhlng
of Lhe klnd relaLlng Lo prayer. 1hese Lhlngs are Lo be LreaLed of ouL of
confesslon wlLh one who undersLands Lhe maLLer,-and leL Lhe prloress see Lo
Lhls, and Lhe nun musL explaln Lhe sLralLs she ls ln, ln order LhaL Lhe
proper helps may be found for her, for Casslan says LhaL he who does noL
know Lhe facL, as well as he who has never seen or learnL, LhaL men can
swlm, wlll Lhlnk, when he sees people Lhrow Lhemselves lnLo Lhe rlver, LhaL
Lhey wlll all be drowned. [676]

12. Cur Lord would have !oseph Lell Lhe vlslon Lo hls breLhren, and have lL
known, Lhough lL was Lo cosL !oseph so much.

13. Pow Lhe soul has a sense of fear when Cod ls abouL Lo besLow any greaL
grace upon lL, LhaL sense ls Lhe worshlp of Lhe splrlL, as LhaL of Lhe four
[677] elders spoken of ln ScrlpLure.

14. Pow, when Lhe faculLles are suspended, lL ls Lo be undersLood LhaL
cerLaln maLLers are suggesLed Lo Lhe soul, Lo be by lL recommended Lo Cod,
LhaL an angel suggesLs Lhem, of whom lL ls sald ln Lhe ScrlpLures LhaL he
was burnlng lncense and offerlng up Lhe prayers of Lhe salnLs. [678]

13. Pow Lhere are no slns where Lhere ls no knowledge, and Lhus our Lord dld
noL permlL Lhe klng Lo sln wlLh Lhe wlfe of Abraham, for he LhoughL LhaL she
was hls slsLer, noL hls wlfe.
_________________________________________________________________

[667] 2 Cor. l. 12: "Clorla nosLra hc esL, LesLlmonlum consclenLl nosLr."

[668] See SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [488]MounL Carmel, bk. ll. ch. v.

[669] See loundaLlons, ch. v. 10.

[670] Lccl. lx. 1: "nesclL homo uLrum amore an odlo dlgnus slL."

[671] See SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [489]MounL Carmel, bk. lll. ch. xxxlv.

[672] 1he 6, 7, and 8 are Lhe LhlrLeenLh leLLer of Lhe second volume,
ed. uoblado.

[673] See [490]8elaLlon lll. 13.

[674] AnLon. a SancLo !oseph, ln hls noLes on Lhls passage, ls anxlous Lo
save Lhe 1homlsL docLrlne LhaL one of Lhe ulvlne ersons cannoL be seen
wlLhouL Lhe oLher, and so he says LhaL Lhe SalnL speaks of Lhe 1hree ersons
as she saw 1hem-noL as 1hey are ln 1hemselves.

[673] 2 Maccab. lx. 10, 12: "Lum nemo poLeraL propLer lnLoleranLlam foeLorls
porLare, . . . . nec lpse [am foeLorem suum ferre posseL."

[676] Casslan, CollaL. vll. cap. lv. p. 311: "nec enlm sl quls lgnarus
naLandl, sclens pondus corporls sul ferre aquarum llquorem non posse,
experlmenLo su voluerlL lmperlLl deflnlre, nemlnem penlLus posse llquldls
elemenLls sollda carne clrcumdaLum susLlnerl."

[677] AnLon. a SancLo !oseph says LhaL Lhe SalnL meanL Lo wrlLe
four-and-LwenLy, ln alluslon Lo Apoc. lv. 4.

[678] Apoc. vlll. 4.
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon vl.

1he vow of Cbedlence Lo laLher CraLlan Whlch Lhe SalnL Made ln 1373.

1. ln Lhe year 1373, ln Lhe monLh of Aprll, when l was foundlng Lhe
monasLery of veas, lra !erome of Lhe MoLher of Cod CraLlan happened Lo come
LhlLher. [679] l began Lo go Lo confesslon Lo hlm from Llme Lo Llme, Lhough
noL looklng upon hlm as fllllng Lhe place of Lhe oLher confessors l had, so
as Lo be wholly dlrecLed by hlm. Cne day, when l was Laklng food, buL
wlLhouL any lnLerlor recollecLlon whaLever, my soul began Lo be recollecLed
ln such a way LhaL l LhoughL l musL fall lnLo a Lrance, and l had a vlslon,
LhaL passed away wlLh Lhe usual swlfLness, llke a meLeor. l seemed Lo see
close beslde me !esus ChrlsL our Lord, ln Lhe form whereln Pls Ma[esLy ls
wonL Lo reveal Plmself, wlLh l. CraLlan on Pls rlghL. Cur Lord Look hls
rlghL hand and mlne, and, [olnlng Lhem LogeLher, sald Lo me LhaL Pe would
have me accepL hlm ln Pls place for my whole llfe, and LhaL we were boLh Lo
have one mlnd ln all Lhlngs, for so lL was flLLlng. l was profoundly
convlnced LhaL Lhls was Lhe work of Cod, Lhough l remembered wlLh regreL Lwo
of my confessors whom l frequenLed ln Lurn for a long Llme, and Lo whom l
owed much, LhaL one for whom l have a greaL affecLlon especlally caused a
Lerrlble reslsLance. neverLheless, noL belng able Lo persuade myself LhaL
Lhe vlslon was a deluslon, because lL had a greaL power and lnfluence over
me, and also because lL was sald Lo me on Lwo oLher occaslons LhaL l was noL
Lo be afrald, LhaL Pe wlshed Lhls,-Lhe words were dlfferenL,-l made up my
mlnd aL lasL Lo acL upon Lhem, undersLandlng lL Lo be our Lord's wlll, and
Lo follow LhaL counsel so long as l should llve. l had never before so acLed
wlLh any one, Lhough l had consulLed many persons of greaL learnlng and
hollness, and who waLched over my soul wlLh greaL care,-buL nelLher had l
recelved any such dlrecLlon as LhaL l should make no change, for as Lo my
confessors, of some l undersLood LhaL Lhey would be proflLable Lo me, and so
also of Lhese.

2. When l had resolved on Lhls, l found myself ln peace and comforL so greaL
LhaL l was amazed, and assured of our Lord's wlll, for l do noL Lhlnk LhaL
SaLan could flll Lhe soul wlLh peace and comforL such as Lhls: and so,
whenever l Lhlnk of lL, l pralse our Lord, and remember Lhe words, "posulL
flnes Luos pacem," [680] and l wlsh l could wear myself ouL ln Lhe pralses
of Cod.

3. lL musL have been abouL a monLh afLer Lhls my resolve was made, on Lhe
second day afLer enLecosL, when l was golng Lo found Lhe monasLery ln
Sevllle, LhaL we heard Mass ln a hermlLage ln Lcl[a, and resLed Lhere durlng
Lhe hoLLesL parL of Lhe day. 1hose who were wlLh me remalned ln Lhe
hermlLage whlle l was by myself ln Lhe sacrlsLy belonglng Lo lL. l began Lo
Lhlnk of one greaL grace whlch l recelved of Lhe Poly ChosL, on one of Lhe
vlglls of Pls feasL, [681] and a greaL deslre arose wlLhln me of dolng Plm
some mosL speclal servlce, and l found noLhlng LhaL was noL already done,-aL
leasL, resolved upon,-for all l do musL be faulLy, and l remembered LhaL,
Lhough l had already made a vow of obedlence, lL mlghL be made ln greaLer
perfecLlon, and l had an lmpresslon lL would be pleaslng unLo Plm lf l
promlsed LhaL whlch l was already resolved upon, Lo llve under obedlence Lo
Lhe laLher-MasLer, lr. !erome. Cn Lhe oLher hand, l seemed Lo be dolng
noLhlng, because l was already benL on dolng lL, on Lhe oLher hand, lL would
be a very serlous Lhlng, conslderlng LhaL our lnLerlor sLaLe ls noL made
known Lo Lhe superlors who recelve our vows, and LhaL Lhey change, and LhaL,
lf one ls noL dolng hls work well, anoLher comes ln hls place, and l
belleved l should have none of my llberLy all my llfe long, elLher ouLwardly
or lnwardly, and Lhls consLralned me greaLly Lo absLaln from maklng Lhe vow.
1hls repugnance of Lhe wlll made me ashamed, and l saw LhaL, now l had
someLhlng l could do for Cod, l was noL dolng lL, lL was a sad Lhlng for my
resoluLlon Lo serve Plm. 1he facL ls, LhaL Lhe ob[ecLlon so pressed me, LhaL
l do noL Lhlnk l ever dld anyLhlng ln my llfe LhaL was so hard-noL even my
professlon-unless lL be LhaL of my leavlng my faLher's house Lo become a
nun. [682] 1he reason of Lhls was LhaL l had forgoLLen my affecLlon for hlm,
and hls glfLs for dlrecLlng me, yea, raLher, l was looklng on lL Lhen as a
sLrange Lhlng, whlch has surprlsed me, feellng noLhlng buL a greaL fear
wheLher Lhe vow would be for Lhe servlce of Cod or noL: and my naLural
self-whlch ls fond of llberLy-musL have been dolng lLs work, Lhough for
years now l have no pleasure ln lL. 8uL lL seemed Lo me a far oLher maLLer
Lo glve up LhaL llberLy by a vow, as ln LruLh lL ls. AfLer a proLracLed
sLruggle, our Lord gave me greaL confldence, and l saw lL was Lhe beLLer
course, Lhe more l felL abouL lL: lf l made Lhls promlse ln honour of Lhe
Poly ChosL, Pe would be bound Lo glve hlm llghL for Lhe dlrecLlon of my
soul, and l remembered aL Lhe same Llme LhaL our Lord had glven hlm Lo me as
my gulde. 1hereupon l fell upon my knees, and, Lo render Lhls LrlbuLe of
servlce Lo Lhe Poly ChosL, made a promlse Lo do whaLever he should bld me do
whlle l llved, provlded noLhlng were requlred of me conLrary Lo Lhe law of
Cod and Lhe commands of superlors whom l am more bound Lo obey. l adverLed
Lo Lhls, LhaL Lhe obllgaLlon dld noL exLend Lo Lhlngs of llLLle
lmporLance,-as lf l were Lo be lmporLunaLe wlLh hlm abouL anyLhlng, and he
bade me cease, and l neglecLed hls advlce and repeaLed my requesL,-nor Lo
Lhlngs relaLlng Lo my convenlence. ln a word, hls commands were noL Lo be
abouL Lrlfles, done wlLhouL reflecLlon, and l was noL knowlngly Lo conceal
from hlm my faulLs and slns, or my lnLerlor sLaLe, and Lhls, Loo, ls more
Lhan we allow Lo superlors. ln a word, l promlsed Lo regard hlm as ln Lhe
place of Cod, ouLwardly and lnwardly. l know noL lf lL be so, buL l seemed
Lo have done a greaL Lhlng ln honour of Lhe Poly ChosL-aL leasL, lL was all
l could do, and very llLLle lL was ln comparlson wlLh whaL l owe Plm.

4. l glve Cod Lhanks, who has creaLed one capable of Lhls work: l have Lhe
greaLesL confldence LhaL Pls Ma[esLy wlll besLow on hlm greaL graces, and l
myself am so happy and [oyous, LhaL l seem Lo be ln every way free from
myself, and Lhough l LhoughL LhaL my obedlence would be a burden, l have
aLLalned Lo Lhe greaLesL freedom. May our Lord be pralsed for ever!
_________________________________________________________________

[679] See loundaLlons, ch. xxll.

[680] salm cxlvll. 14: "Pe haLh made Lhy borders peace."

[681] erhaps Lhe SalnL refers Lo whaL she has wrlLLen ln her [491]Llfe, ch.
xxxvlll. 11, 12.

[682] [492]Llfe, ch. lv. 1.
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon vll.

Made for 8odrlgo Alvarez, S.!., ln Lhe ?ear 1373, Accordlng Lo uon vlcenLe
de la luenLe, buL ln 1376, Accordlng Lo Lhe 8ollandlsLs and l. 8oulx.

1. 1hls nun Look Lhe hablL forLy years ago, and from Lhe flrsL began Lo
reflecL on Lhe mysLerles of Lhe asslon of ChrlsL our Lord, and on her own
slns, for some Llme every day, wlLhouL Lhlnklng aL all of anyLhlng
supernaLural, buL only of creaLed Lhlngs, or of such sub[ecLs as suggesLed
Lo her how soon Lhe end of all Lhlngs musL come, dlscernlng ln creaLures Lhe
greaLness of Cod and Pls love for us.

2. 1hls made her much more wllllng Lo serve Plm: she was never under Lhe
lnfluence of fear, and made no accounL of lL, buL had always a greaL deslre
Lo see Cod honoured, and Pls glory lncreased. 1o LhaL end were all her
prayers dlrecLed, wlLhouL maklng any for herself, for she LhoughL LhaL lL
maLLered llLLle lf she had Lo suffer ln purgaLory ln exchange for Lhe
lncrease of Pls glory even ln Lhe sllghLesL degree.

3. ln Lhls she spenL abouL Lwo-and-LwenLy years ln greaL arldlLles, and
never dld lL enLer lnLo her LhoughLs Lo deslre anyLhlng else, for she
regarded herself as one who, she LhoughL, dld noL deserve even Lo Lhlnk
abouL Cod, excepL LhaL Pls Ma[esLy was very merclful Lo her ln allowlng her
Lo remaln ln Pls presence, saylng her prayers, readlng also ln good books.

4. lL musL be abouL elghLeen years slnce she began Lo arrange abouL Lhe
flrsL monasLery of 8arefooLed CarmellLes whlch she founded. lL was ln Avlla,
Lhree or Lwo years before,-l belleve lL ls Lhree,-she began Lo Lhlnk LhaL
she occaslonally heard lnLerlor locuLlons, and had vlslons and revelaLlons
lnLerlorly. She saw wlLh Lhe eyes of Lhe soul, for she never saw anyLhlng
wlLh her bodlly eyes, nor heard anyLhlng wlLh her bodlly ears, Lwlce, she
Lhlnks, she heard a volce, buL she undersLood noL whaL was sald. lL was a
sorL of maklng Lhlngs presenL when she saw Lhese Lhlngs lnLerlorly, Lhey
passed away llke a meLeor mosL frequenLly. 1he vlslon, however, remalned so
lmpressed on her mlnd, and produced such effecLs, LhaL lL was as lf she saw
Lhose Lhlngs wlLh her bodlly eyes, and more.

3. She was Lhen by naLure so very Llmld, LhaL she would noL dare Lo be alone
even by day, aL Llmes. And as she could noL escape from Lhese vlslLaLlons,
Lhough she Lrled wlLh all her mlghL, she wenL abouL ln very greaL dlsLress,
afrald LhaL lL was a deluslon of SaLan, and began Lo consulL splrlLual men
of Lhe SocleLy of !esus abouL lL, among whom were laLher Araoz, who was
Commlssary of Lhe SocleLy, and who happened Lo go Lo LhaL place, and laLher
lrancls, who was uuke of Candla,-hlm she consulLed Lwlce, [683] also a
rovlnclal, now ln 8ome, called Cll Conzalez, and hlm also who ls now
rovlnclal of CasLllle,-Lhls laLLer, however, noL so ofLen,-laLher 8alLasar
Alvarez who ls now 8ecLor ln Salamanca, and he heard her confesslon for slx
years aL Lhls Llme, also Lhe presenL 8ecLor of Cuenca, Salazar by name, Lhe
8ecLor of Segovla, called SanLander, Lhe 8ecLor of 8urgos, whose name ls
8lpalda,-and he LhoughL very lll of her when he heard of Lhese Lhlngs, Llll
afLer he had conversed wlLh her, Lhe uocLor aul Pernandez ln 1oledo, who
was a ConsulLor of Lhe lnqulslLlon, hlm who was 8ecLor ln Salamanca when she
Lalked Lo hlm, Lhe uocLor CuLlerrez, and oLher faLhers, some of Lhe SocleLy,
whom she knew Lo be splrlLual men, Lhese she soughL ouL, lf any were ln
Lhose places where she wenL Lo found monasLerles.

6. WlLh Lhe laLher lra eLer of AlcanLara, who was a holy man of Lhe
8arefooLed lrlars of SL. lrancls, she had many communlcaLlons, and he lL was
who lnslsLed so much upon lL LhaL her splrlL should be regarded as good.
1hey were more Lhan slx years Lrylng her splrlL mlnuLely, as lL ls already
descrlbed aL very greaL lengLh, [684] as wlll be shown hereafLer: and she
herself ln Lears and deep affllcLlon, for Lhe more Lhey Lrled her, Lhe more
she fell lnLo rapLures, and lnLo Lrances very ofLen,-noL, however, deprlved
of her senses.

7. Many prayers were made, and many Masses were sald, LhaL our Lord would
lead her by anoLher way, [683]

for her fear was very greaL when she was noL ln prayer, Lhough ln everyLhlng
relaLlng Lo Lhe sLaLe of her soul she was very much beLLer, and a greaL
dlfference was vlslble, Lhere was no valnglory, nor had she any LempLaLlon
LhereLo, nor Lo prlde, on Lhe conLrary, she was very much ashamed and
confounded when she saw LhaL people knew of her sLaLe, and excepL wlLh her
confessors or any one who would glve her llghL, she never spoke of Lhese
Lhlngs, and lL was more palnful Lo speak of Lhem Lhan lf Lhey had been grave
slns, for lL seemed Lo her LhaL people musL laugh aL her, [686] and LhaL
Lhese Lhlngs were womanlsh lmaglnaLlons, whlch she had always heard of
wlLh dlsgusL.

8. AbouL LhlrLeen years ago, more or less, afLer Lhe house of SL. !oseph was
founded, lnLo whlch she had gone from Lhe oLher monasLery, came Lhe presenL
8lshop of Salamanca, lnqulslLor, l Lhlnk, of 1oledo, prevlously of Sevllle,
SoLo by name. [687] She conLrlved Lo have a conference wlLh hlm for her
greaLer securlLy, and Lold hlm everyLhlng. Pe replled, LhaL Lhere was
noLhlng ln all Lhls LhaL concerned hls offlce, because everyLhlng LhaL she
saw and heard conflrmed her Lhe more ln Lhe CaLhollc falLh, ln whlch she
always was, and ls, flrm, wlLh mosL earnesL deslres for Lhe honour of Cod
and Lhe good of souls, wllllng Lo suffer deaLh many Llmes for one of Lhem.

9. Pe Lold her, when he saw how dlsLressed she was, Lo glve an accounL of lL
all, and of her whole llfe, wlLhouL omlLLlng anyLhlng, Lo Lhe MasLer Avlla,
who was a man of greaL learnlng ln Lhe way of prayer, and Lo resL conLenL
wlLh Lhe answer he should glve. She dld so, and descrlbed her slns and her
llfe. Pe wroLe Lo her and comforLed her, glvlng her greaL securlLy. 1he
accounL l gave was such LhaL all Lhose learned men who saw lL-Lhey were my
confessors-sald LhaL lL was very proflLable for lnsLrucLlon ln splrlLual
Lhlngs, and Lhey commanded her Lo make coples of lL, and wrlLe anoLher
llLLle book [688] for her daughLers,-she was prloress,-whereln she mlghL
glve Lhem some lnsLrucLlons.

10. noLwlLhsLandlng all Lhls, she was noL wlLhouL fears aL Llmes, for she
LhoughL LhaL splrlLual men also mlghL be decelved llke herself. She Lold her
confessor LhaL he mlghL dlscuss Lhese Lhlngs wlLh cerLaln learned men,
Lhough Lhey were noL much glven Lo prayer, for she had no oLher deslre buL
LhaL of knowlng wheLher whaL she experlenced was ln conformlLy wlLh Lhe
sacred wrlLlngs or noL. now and Lhen she Look comforL ln Lhlnklng
LhaL-Lhough she herself, because of her slns, deserved Lo fall lnLo
deluslons-our Lord would noL suffer so many good men, anxlous Lo glve her
llghL, Lo be led lnLo error.

11. Pavlng Lhls ln vlew, she began Lo communlcaLe wlLh faLhers of Lhe Crder
of Lhe glorlous SL. uomlnlc, Lo whlch, before Lhese Lhlngs Look place, she
had been Lo confesslon-she does noL say Lo Lhem, buL Lo Lhe Crder. [689]
1hese are Lhey wlLh whom she afLerwards had relaLlons. 1he laLher lra
vlcenLe 8arron, aL LhaL Llme ConsulLor of Lhe Poly Cfflce, heard her
confesslons for elghLeen monLhs ln 1oledo, and he had done so very many
years before Lhese Lhlngs began. Pe was a very learned man. Pe reassured her
greaLly, as dld also Lhe faLhers of Lhe SocleLy spoken of before. All used
Lo say, lf she does noL sln agalnsL Cod, and acknowledges her own mlsery,
whaL has she Lo be afrald of? She confessed Lo Lhe laLher lra edro lbanez,
who was reader ln Avlla, Lo Lhe laLher-MasLer lra uomlnlc 8anes, who ls now
ln valladolld as recLor of Lhe college of SL. Cregory, l confessed for slx
years, and whenever l had occaslon Lo do so communlcaLed wlLh hlm by leLLer,
also Lo Lhe MasLer Chaves, Lo Lhe laLher-MasLer lra 8arLholomew of Medlna,
professor ln Salamanca, of whom she knew LhaL he LhoughL lll of her, for
she, havlng heard Lhls, LhoughL LhaL he, beLLer Lhan any oLher, could Lell
her lf she was decelved, because he had so llLLle confldence ln her. 1hls
was more Lhan Lwo years ago. She conLrlved Lo go Lo confesslon Lo hlm, and
gave hlm a full accounL of everyLhlng whlle she remalned Lhere, and he saw
whaL she had wrlLLen, [690] for Lhe purpose of aLLalnlng Lo a beLLer
undersLandlng of Lhe maLLer. Pe reassured her so much, and more Lhan all Lhe
resL, and remalned her very good frlend.

12. She wenL Lo confesslon also Lo lra hlllp de Meneses, when she founded
Lhe monasLery of valladolld, for he was recLor of Lhe college of SL.
Cregory. Pe, havlng before LhaL heard of her sLaLe, had gone Lo Avlla, LhaL
he mlghL speak Lo her,-lL was an acL of greaL charlLy,-belng deslrous of
ascerLalnlng wheLher she was deluded, so LhaL he mlghL enllghLen her, and,
lf she was noL, defend her when he heard her spoken agalnsL, and he was
much saLlsfled.

13. She also conferred parLlcularly wlLh Sallnas, uomlnlcan rovlnclal, a
man of greaL splrlLuallLy,

wlLh anoLher llcenLlaLe named Lunar, who was prlor of SL. 1homas of Avlla,
and, ln Segovla, wlLh a reader, lra ulego de ?angues.

14. Cf Lhese uomlnlcans some never falled Lo glve Lhemselves greaLly Lo
prayer, and perhaps all dld. Some oLhers also she consulLed, for ln so many
years, and because of Lhe fear she was ln, she had opporLunlLles of dolng
so, especlally as she wenL abouL foundlng monasLerles ln so many places. Per
splrlL was Lrled enough, for everybody wlshed Lo be able Lo enllghLen her,
and Lhereby reassured her and Lhemselves. She always, aL all Llmes, wlshed
Lo submlL herself Lo whaLever Lhey en[olned her, and she was Lherefore
dlsLressed when, as Lo Lhese splrlLual Lhlngs, she could noL obey Lhem. 8oLh
her own prayer, and LhaL of Lhe nuns she has esLabllshed, are always
carefully dlrecLed Lowards Lhe propagaLlon of Lhe falLh, and lL was for LhaL
purpose, and for Lhe good of her Crder, LhaL she began her flrsL monasLery.

13. She used Lo say LhaL, lf any of Lhese Lhlngs Lended Lo lead her agalnsL
Lhe CaLhollc falLh and Lhe law of Cod, she would noL need Lo seek for
learned men nor LesLs, because she would see aL once LhaL Lhey came from
SaLan. She never underLook anyLhlng merely because lL came Lo her ln prayer,
on Lhe conLrary, when her confessors bade her do Lhe reverse, she dld so
wlLhouL belng ln Lhe leasL Lroubled LhereaL, and she always Lold Lhem
everyLhlng. lor all LhaL Lhey Lold her LhaL Lhese Lhlngs came from Cod, she
never so Lhoroughly belleved Lhem LhaL she could swear Lo lL herself, Lhough
lL dld seem Lo her LhaL Lhey were splrlLually safe, because of Lhe effecLs
Lhereof, and of Lhe greaL graces whlch she aL Llmes recelved, buL she always
deslred vlrLues more Lhan anyLhlng else, and Lhls lL ls LhaL she has charged
her nuns Lo deslre, saylng Lo Lhem LhaL Lhe mosL humble and morLlfled wlll
be Lhe mosL splrlLual.

16. All LhaL ls Lold and wrlLLen she communlcaLed Lo Lhe laLher-MasLer lra
uomlnlc 8anes, who ls now ln valladolld, and who ls Lhe person wlLh whom she
has had, and has sLlll, Lhe mosL frequenL communlcaLlons. Pe senL her
wrlLlngs Lo Lhe Poly Cfflce ln Madrld, so lL ls sald. ln all Lhls she
submlLs herself Lo Lhe CaLhollc falLh and Lhe 8oman Church. nobody has found
faulL wlLh Lhem, because Lhese Lhlngs are noL ln Lhe power of any man, and
our Lord does noL requlre whaL ls lmposslble.

17. 1he reason why so much ls known abouL her ls LhaL, as she was ln fear
abouL herself, and descrlbed her sLaLe Lo so many, Lhese Lalked Lo one
anoLher on Lhe sub[ecL and also Lhe accldenL LhaL happened Lo whaL she had
wrlLLen. [691] 1hls has been Lo her a very grlevous LormenL and cross, and
has cosL her many Lears. She says LhaL Lhls dlsLress ls noL Lhe effecL of
humlllLy, buL of Lhe causes already menLloned. Cur Lord seems Lo have glven
permlsslon [692] for Lhls LorLure for lf one spoke more harshly of her Lhan
oLhers, by llLLle and llLLle he spoke more klndly of her.

18. She Look Lhe greaLesL palns noL Lo submlL Lhe sLaLe of her soul Lo any
one who she LhoughL would belleve LhaL Lhese Lhlngs came from Cod, for she
was lnsLanLly afrald LhaL Lhe devll would decelve Lhem boLh. lf she saw any
one Llmld abouL Lhese Lhlngs, Lo hlm she lald bare her secreLs wlLh Lhe
greaLer [oy, Lhough also lL gave her paln when, for Lhe purpose of Lrylng
her, Lhese Lhlngs were LreaLed wlLh conLempL, for she LhoughL some were
really from Cod, and she would noL have people, even lf Lhey had good cause,
condemn Lhem so absoluLely, nelLher would she have Lhem belleve LhaL all
were from Cod, and because she knew perfecLly well LhaL deluslon was
posslble, Lherefore lL was LhaL she never LhoughL herself alLogeLher safe ln
a maLLer whereln Lhere mlghL be danger.

19. She used Lo sLrlve wlLh all her mlghL never ln any way Lo offend Cod,
and was always obedlenL,

and by Lhese means she LhoughL she mlghL obLaln her dellverance, by Lhe help
of Cod, even lf SaLan were Lhe cause.

20. Lver slnce she became sub[ecL Lo Lhese supernaLural vlslLaLlons, her
splrlL ls always lncllned Lo seek afLer LhaL whlch ls mosL perfecL, and she
had almosL always a greaL deslre Lo suffer, and ln Lhe persecuLlons she
underwenL, and Lhey were many, she was comforLed, and had a parLlcular
affecLlon for her persecuLors. She had a greaL deslre Lo be poor and lonely,
and Lo deparL ouL of Lhls land of exlle ln order Lo see Cod. 1hrough Lhese
effecLs, and oLhers llke Lhem, she began Lo flnd peace, Lhlnklng LhaL a
splrlL whlch could leave her wlLh Lhese vlrLues could noL be an evll one,
and Lhey who had Lhe charge of her soul sald so, buL lL was a peace LhaL
came from dlmlnlshed wearlness, noL from Lhe cessaLlon of fear.

21. 1he splrlL she ls of never urged her Lo make any of Lhese Lhlngs known,
buL Lo be always obedlenL. [693] As lL has been sald already, [694] she
never saw anyLhlng wlLh her bodlly eyes, buL ln a way so subLlle and so
lnLellecLual LhaL aL flrsL she someLlmes LhoughL LhaL all was Lhe effecL of
lmaglnaLlon, aL oLher Llmes she could noL Lhlnk so. 1hese Lhlngs were noL
conLlnual, buL occurred for Lhe mosL parL when she was ln some Lrouble: as
on one occaslon, when for some days she had Lo bear unendurable lnLerlor
palns, and a resLlessness of soul arlslng ouL of Lhe fear LhaL she was
deluded by SaLan, as lL ls descrlbed aL lengLh ln Lhe accounL she has glven
of lL, [693] and where her slns, for Lhey have been so publlc, are menLloned
wlLh Lhe resL: for Lhe fear she was ln made her forgeL her own good name.

22. 8elng Lhus ln dlsLress such as cannoL be descrlbed, aL Lhe mere hearlng
lnLerlorly Lhese words, [696] "lL ls l, be noL afrald," her soul became so
calm, courageous, and confldenL, LhaL she could noL undersLand whence so
greaL a blesslng had come, for her confessor had noL been able-and many
learned men, wlLh many words, had noL been able-Lo glve her LhaL peace and
resL whlch Lhls one word had glven her. And Lhus, aL oLher Llmes, some
vlslon gave her sLrengLh, for wlLhouL LhaL she could noL have borne such
greaL Lrlals and conLradlcLlons, LogeLher wlLh lnflrmlLles wlLhouL number,
and whlch she sLlll has Lo bear, Lhough Lhey are noL so many,-for she ls
never free from some sufferlng or oLher, more or less lnLense. Per ordlnary
sLaLe ls consLanL paln, wlLh many oLher lnflrmlLles, Lhough slnce she became
a nun Lhey are more Lroublesome, lf she ls dolng anyLhlng ln Lhe servlce of
our Lord. And Lhe mercles Pe shows her pass qulckly ouL of memory, Lhough
she ofLen dwells on Lhose mercles,-buL she ls noL able Lo dwell so long upon
Lhese as upon her slns, Lhese are always a LormenL Lo her, mosL commonly as
fllLh smelllng foully.

23. 1haL her slns are so many, and her servlce of Cod so scanLy, musL be Lhe
reason why she ls noL LempLed Lo valnglory. 1here never was anyLhlng ln any
of Lhese splrlLual vlslLaLlons LhaL was noL wholly pure and clean, nor does
she Lhlnk lL can be oLherwlse lf Lhe splrlL be good and Lhe vlslLaLlons
supernaLural, for she uLLerly neglecLs Lhe body and never Lhlnks of lL,
belng wholly lnLenL upon Cod.

24. She ls also llvlng ln greaL fear abouL slnnlng agalnsL Cod, and dolng
Pls wlll ln all Lhlngs, Lhls ls her conLlnual prayer. And she ls, she
Lhlnks, so deLermlned never Lo swerve from Lhls, LhaL Lhere ls noLhlng her
confessors mlghL en[oln her, whlch she conslders Lo be for Lhe greaLer
honour of our Lord, LhaL she would noL underLake and perform, by Lhe help of
our Lord. And confldenL LhaL Pls Ma[esLy helps Lhose who have resolved Lo
advance Pls servlce and glory, she Lhlnks no more of herself and of her own
progress, ln comparlson wlLh LhaL, Lhan lf she dld noL exlsL, so far as she
knows herself, and her confessors Lhlnk so Loo.

23. All LhaL ls wrlLLen ln Lhls paper ls Lhe slmple LruLh, and Lhey, and all
oLhers who have had anyLhlng Lo do wlLh her for Lhese LwenLy years, can
[usLlfy lL. MosL frequenLly her splrlL urged her Lo pralse Cod, and she
wlshed LhaL all Lhe world gave lLself up Lo LhaL, even Lhough lL should cosL
her exceedlngly. Pence Lhe deslre she has for Lhe good of souls, and from
conslderlng how vlle are Lhe Lhlngs of Lhls world, and how preclous are
lnLerlor Lhlngs, wlLh whlch noLhlng can be compared, she has aLLalned Lo a
conLempL of Lhe world.

26. As for Lhe vlslon abouL whlch you, my faLher, wlsh Lo know someLhlng, lL
ls of Lhls klnd: she sees noLhlng elLher ouLwardly or lnwardly, for Lhe
vlslon ls noL lmaglnary: buL, wlLhouL seelng anyLhlng, she undersLands whaL
lL ls, and where lL ls, more clearly Lhan lf she saw lL, only noLhlng ln
parLlcular presenLs lLself Lo her. She ls llke a person who feels LhaL
anoLher ls close beslde her, buL because she ls ln Lhe dark she sees hlm
noL, yeL ls cerLaln LhaL he ls Lhere presenL. SLlll, Lhls comparlson ls noL
exacL, for he who ls ln Lhe dark, ln some way or oLher, Lhrough hearlng a
nolse or havlng seen LhaL person before, knows he ls Lhere, or knew lL
before, buL here Lhere ls noLhlng of Lhe klnd, for wlLhouL a word, lnward or
ouLward, Lhe soul clearly percelves who lL ls, where he ls, and occaslonally
whaL he means. [697] Why, or how, she percelves lL, she knoweLh noL, buL so
lL ls, and whlle lL lasLs, she cannoL help belng aware of lL. And when lL ls
over,-Lhough she may wlsh ever so much Lo reLaln Lhe lmage Lhereof,-she
cannoL do lL, for lL ls Lhen clear Lo her LhaL lL would be, ln LhaL case, an
acL of Lhe lmaglnaLlon, noL Lhe vlslon lLself,-LhaL ls noL ln her power, and
so lL ls wlLh Lhe supernaLural Lhlngs. And lL ls from Lhls lL comes Lo pass
LhaL he ln whom Cod works Lhese graces desplses hlmself, and becomes more
humble Lhan he was ever before, for he sees LhaL Lhls ls a glfL of Cod, and
LhaL he can nelLher add Lo lL nor Lake from lL. 1he love and Lhe deslre
become greaLer of servlng our Lord, who ls so mlghLy LhaL Pe can do LhaL
whlch ls more Lhan our lmaglnaLlon can concelve here, as Lhere are Lhlngs
whlch men, however learned Lhey may be, can never know. 8lessed for ever and
ever be Pe who besLows Lhls! Amen.
_________________________________________________________________

[683] See [493]Llfe, ch. xxlv. 4.

[684] See [494]Llfe, ch. xxv. 18.

[683] See [493]Llfe, ch. xxv. 20, and [496]ch. xxvll. 1.

[686] See [497]Llfe, ch. xxvl. 3.

[687] uon lranclsco de SoLo y Salazar was a naLlve of 8onllll de la Slerra,
and vlcar-Ceneral of Lhe 8lshops of AsLorga and Avlla, and Canon of Avlla,
lnqulslLor of Cordova, Sevllle, and 1oledo, 8lshop, successlvely, of
Albarracln, Segorve, and Salamanca. Pe dled aL Merlda, ln 1376, polsoned, lL
was suspecLed, by Lhe secL of Lhe lllumlnaLl, who were alarmed aL hls
falLhful zeal and holy llfe (alafox, noLe Lo leLLer 19, vol. l. ed.
uoblado). "She wenL Lo Lhe lnqulslLor, uon lranclsco SoLo de Salazar-he was
afLerwards 8lshop of Salamanca-and sald Lo hlm: 'My lord, l am sub[ecL Lo
cerLaln exLraordlnary processes ln prayer, such as ecsLasles, rapLures, and
revelaLlons, and do noL wlsh Lo be deluded or decelved by SaLan, or Lo do
anyLhlng LhaL ls noL absoluLely safe. l glve myself up Lo Lhe lnqulslLlon Lo
Lry me, and examlne my ways of golng on, submlLLlng myself Lo lLs orders.'
1he lnqulslLor replled: 'Senora, Lhe buslness of Lhe lnqulslLlon ls noL Lo
Lry Lhe splrlL, nor Lo examlne ways of prayer, buL Lo correcL hereLlcs. uo
you, Lhen, commlL your experlence Lo wrlLlng, ln all slmpllclLy and LruLh,
and send lL Lo Lhe laLher-MasLer Avlla, who ls a man of greaL splrlLuallLy
and learnlng, and exLremely conversanL wlLh maLLers of prayer, and when you
shall have hls answer, you may be sure Lhere ls noLhlng Lo be afrald of'"
(!erome CraLlan, Lucldarlo, cap. lll.).

[688] 1hls book ls Lhe Way of erfecLlon, wrlLLen by dlrecLlon of l. 8anes.

[689] 1he SalnL had such greaL affecLlon for Lhe Crder of SL. uomlnlc, LhaL
she used Lo say of herself, "?o soy la uomlnlca ln passlone," meanlng
Lhereby LhaL she was ln her hearL a uomlnlcaness, and a chlld of Lhe Crder
(alafox, noLe Lo leLLer 16, vol. l. ed. uoblado).

[690] When Lhls faLher had read Lhe Llfe, he had lL copled, wlLh Lhe assenL
of l. CraLlan, and gave Lhe copy Lhus made Lo Lhe uuchess of Alba (ue
la luenLe).

[691] See loundaLlons, ch. xvll. 12, noLe.

[692] [498]Llfe, ch. xxlll. 13.

[693] [499]Llfe, ch. xxvl. 3.

[694] [300] 4.

[693] [301]Llfe, ch. xxv. 19.

[696] [302]Llfe, ch. xxv. 22.

[697] See [303]Llfe, ch. xxvll. 3.
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon vlll.

Addressed Lo l. 8odrlgo Alvarez.

1. 1hese lnLerlor Lhlngs of Lhe splrlL are so dlfflculL Lo descrlbe, and,
sLlll more, ln such a way as Lo be undersLood,-Lhe more so as Lhey pass
qulckly away,-LhaL, lf obedlence dld noL help me, lL would be a chance lf l
succeeded, especlally ln such dlfflculL Lhlngs. l lmplore you, my faLher, Lo
Lake for granLed LhaL lL ls noL ln my mlnd Lo Lhlnk Lhls Lo be correcL, for
lL may well be LhaL l do noL undersLand Lhe maLLer, buL whaL l can assure
you of ls Lhls, LhaL l wlll speak of noLhlng l have noL had experlence of aL
Llmes, and, lndeed, ofLen.

2. l Lhlnk lL wlll please you, my faLher, lf l begln by dlscusslng LhaL
whlch ls aL Lhe rooL of supernaLural Lhlngs, for LhaL whlch relaLes Lo
devoLlon, Lenderness, Lears, and medlLaLlons, whlch ls ln our power here Lo
acqulre by Lhe help of our Lord, ls undersLood.

3. 1he flrsL prayer of whlch l was consclous,-ln my oplnlon,
supernaLural,-so l call LhaL whlch no sklll or efforL of ours, however much
we labour, can aLLaln Lo, Lhough we should prepare ourselves for lL, and
LhaL preparaLlon musL be of greaL servlce,-ls a cerLaln lnLerlor
recollecLlon [698] of whlch Lhe soul ls senslble, Lhe soul seems Lo have
oLher senses wlLhln lLself Lhen, whlch bear some llkeness Lo Lhe exLerlor
senses lL possesses, and Lhus Lhe soul, wlLhdrawlng lnLo lLself, seeks Lo go
away from Lhe LumulL of lLs ouLward senses, and accordlngly lL drags Lhem
away wlLh lLself, for lL closes Lhe eyes on purpose LhaL lL may nelLher see,
nor hear, nor undersLand anyLhlng buL LhaL whereon Lhe soul ls Lhen lnLenL,
whlch ls Lo be able Lo converse wlLh Cod alone. ln Lhls prayer Lhere ls no
suspenslon of Lhe faculLles and powers of Lhe soul, lL reLalns Lhe full use
of Lhem, buL Lhe use of Lhem ls reLalned LhaL Lhey may be occupled wlLh Cod.
1hls wlll be easlly undersLood by hlm whom our Lord shall have ralsed Lo
Lhls sLaLe, buL by hlm whom Pe has noL, noL, aL leasL, such a one wlll have
need of many words and lllusLraLlons.

4. CuL of Lhls recollecLlon grow a cerLaln quleLude and lnward peace mosL
full of comforL, for Lhe soul ls ln such a sLaLe LhaL lL does noL seem Lo lL
LhaL lL wanLs anyLhlng, for even speaklng wearles lL,-l mean by Lhls, vocal
prayer and medlLaLlon, lL would do noLhlng buL love. 1hls lasLs some Llme,
and even a long Llme.

3. CuL of Lhls prayer comes usually whaL ls called a sleep of Lhe faculLles,
buL Lhey are noL so absorbed nor so suspended as LhaL lL can be called a
Lrance, nor ls lL alLogeLher unlon.

6. SomeLlmes, and even ofLen, Lhe soul ls aware LhaL Lhe wlll alone ls ln
unlon, and Lhls lL sees very clearly,-LhaL ls, lL seems so Lo lL. 1he wlll
ls wholly lnLenL upon Cod, and Lhe soul sees LhaL lL has no power Lo resL
on, or do, anyLhlng else, and aL Lhe same Llme Lhe Lwo oLher faculLles are
aL llberLy Lo aLLend Lo oLher maLLers of Lhe servlce of Cod,-ln a word,
MarLha and Mary are LogeLher. [699] l asked laLher lrancls [700] lf Lhls was
a deluslon, for lL made me sLupld, and hls reply was, LhaL lL
ofLen happened.

7. When all Lhe faculLles of Lhe soul are ln unlon, lL ls a very dlfferenL
sLaLe of Lhlngs, for Lhey can Lhen do noLhlng whaLever, because Lhe
undersLandlng ls as lL were surprlsed. 1he wlll loves more Lhan Lhe
undersLandlng knows, buL Lhe undersLandlng does noL know LhaL Lhe wlll
loves, nor whaL lL ls dolng, so as Lo be able ln any way Lo speak of lL. As
Lo Lhe memory, Lhe soul, l Lhlnk, has none Lhen, nor any power of Lhlnklng,
nor are Lhe senses awake, buL raLher as losL, so LhaL Lhe soul may be Lhe
more occupled wlLh Lhe ob[ecL of lLs frulLlon: so lL seems Lo me. 1hey are
losL buL for a brlef lnLerval, lL passes qulckly away. 8y Lhe wealLh of
humlllLy, and oLher vlrLues and deslres, lefL ln Lhe soul afLer Lhls may be
learnL how greaL Lhe blesslng ls LhaL flows from Lhls grace, buL lL cannoL
be Lold whaL lL ls, for, Lhough Lhe soul applles lLself Lo Lhe undersLandlng
of lL, lL can nelLher undersLand nor explaln lL. 1hls, lf lL be real, ls, ln
my oplnlon, Lhe greaLesL grace wroughL by our Lord on Lhls splrlLual
road,-aL leasL, lL ls one of Lhe greaLesL.

8. 8apLures and Lrance, ln my oplnlon, are all one, only l am ln Lhe hablL
of uslng Lhe word Lrance lnsLead of rapLure, because Lhe laLLer word
frlghLens people, and, lndeed, Lhe unlon of whlch l am speaklng may also be
called a Lrance. 1he dlfference beLween unlon and Lrance ls Lhls, LhaL Lhe
laLLer lasLs longer and ls more vlslble ouLwardly, because Lhe breaLhlng
gradually dlmlnlshes, so LhaL lL becomes lmposslble Lo speak or Lo open Lhe
eyes, and Lhough Lhls very Lhlng occurs when Lhe soul ls ln unlon, Lhere ls
more vlolence ln a Lrance for Lhe naLural warmLh vanlshes, l know noL how,
when Lhe rapLure ls deep, and ln all Lhese klnds of prayer Lhere ls more or
less of Lhls. When lL ls deep, as l was saylng, Lhe hands become cold, and
someLlmes sLlff and sLralghL as pleces of wood, as Lo Lhe body, lf Lhe
rapLure comes on when lL ls sLandlng or kneellng, lL remalns so, [701] and
Lhe soul ls so full of Lhe [oy of LhaL whlch our Lord ls seLLlng before lL,
LhaL lL seems Lo forgeL Lo anlmaLe Lhe body, and abandons lL. lf Lhe rapLure
lasLs, Lhe nerves are made Lo feel lL.

9. lL seems Lo me LhaL our Lord wlll have Lhe soul know more of LhaL, Lhe
frulLlon of whlch lL has, ln a Lrance Lhan ln unlon, and accordlngly ln a
rapLure Lhe soul recelves mosL commonly cerLaln revelaLlons of Pls Ma[esLy,
and Lhe effecLs Lhereof on Lhe soul are greaL,-a forgeLfulness of self,
Lhrough Lhe longlng lL has LhaL Cod our Lord, who ls so hlgh, may be known
and pralsed. ln my oplnlon, lf Lhe rapLure be from Cod, Lhe soul cannoL fall
Lo obLaln a deep convlcLlon of lLs own helplessness, and of lLs wreLchedness
and lngraLlLude, ln LhaL lL has noL served Plm who, of Pls own goodness
only, besLows upon lL graces so greaL, for Lhe feellng and Lhe sweeLness are
so hlgh above all Lhlngs LhaL may be compared LherewlLh LhaL, lf Lhe
recollecLlon of Lhem dld noL pass away, all Lhe saLlsfacLlons of earLh would
be always loaLhsome Lo lL, and hence comes Lhe conLempL for all Lhe Lhlngs
of Lhe world.

10. 1he dlfference beLween Lrance and LransporL [702] ls Lhls,-ln a Lrance
Lhe soul gradually dles Lo ouLward Lhlngs, loslng Lhe senses and llvlng unLo
Cod. A LransporL comes on by one sole acL of Pls Ma[esLy, wroughL ln Lhe
lnnermosL parL of Lhe soul wlLh such swlfLness LhaL lL ls as lf Lhe hlgher
parL Lhereof were carrled away, and Lhe soul leavlng Lhe body. Accordlngly
lL requlres courage aL flrsL Lo Lhrow lLself lnLo Lhe arms of our Lord, LhaL
Pe may Lake lL whlLhersoever Pe wlll, for, unLll Pls Ma[esLy esLabllshes lL
ln peace Lhere whlLher Pe ls pleased Lo Lake lL-by Lake lL l mean Lhe
admlLLlng of lL Lo Lhe knowledge of deep Lhlngs-lL cerLalnly requlres ln Lhe
beglnnlng Lo be flrmly resolved Lo dle for Plm, because Lhe poor soul does
noL know whaL Lhls means-LhaL ls, aL flrsL. 1he vlrLues, as lL seems Lo me,
remaln sLronger afLer Lhls, for Lhere ls a growLh ln deLachmenL, and Lhe
power of Cod, who ls so mlghLy, ls Lhe more known, so LhaL Lhe soul loves
and fears Plm. lor so lL ls, Pe carrles away Lhe soul, no longer ln our
power, as Lhe Lrue Lord Lhereof, whlch ls fllled wlLh a deep sorrow for
havlng offended Plm, and asLonlshmenL LhaL lL ever dared Lo offend a Ma[esLy
so greaL, wlLh an exceedlngly earnesL deslre LhaL none may henceforLh offend
Plm, and LhaL all may pralse Plm. 1hls, l Lhlnk, musL be Lhe source of Lhose
very fervenL deslres for Lhe salvaLlon of souls, and for some share Lhereln,
and for Lhe due pralslng of Cod.

11. 1he fllghL of Lhe splrlL-l know noL how Lo call lL-ls a rlslng upwards
from Lhe very depLhs of Lhe soul. l remember only Lhls comparlson, and l
made use of lL before, as you know, my faLher, ln LhaL wrlLlng where Lhese
and oLher ways of prayer are explalned aL lengLh, [703] and such ls my
memory LhaL l forgeL Lhlngs aL once. lL seems Lo me LhaL soul and splrlL are
one and Lhe same Lhlng, buL only as a flre, lf lL ls greaL and ready for
burnlng, so, llke flre burnlng rapldly, Lhe soul, ln LhaL preparaLlon of
lLself whlch ls Lhe work of Cod, sends up a flame,-Lhe flame ascends on
hlgh, buL Lhe flre Lhereof ls Lhe same as LhaL below, nor does Lhe flame
cease Lo be flre because lL ascends: so here, ln Lhe soul, someLhlng so
subLlle and so swlfL, seems Lo lssue from lL, LhaL ascends Lo Lhe hlgher
parL, and goes LhlLher whlLher our Lord wllls. l cannoL go furLher wlLh Lhe
explanaLlon, lL seems a fllghL, and l know of noLhlng else wherewlLh Lo
compare lL: l know LhaL lL cannoL be mlsLaken, for lL ls mosL evldenL when
lL occurs, and LhaL lL cannoL be hlndered.

12. 1hls llLLle blrd of Lhe splrlL seems Lo have escaped ouL of Lhls
wreLchedness of Lhe flesh, ouL of Lhe prlson of Lhls body, and now,
dlsenLangled Lherefrom, ls able Lo be Lhe more lnLenL on LhaL whlch our Lord
ls glvlng lL. 1he fllghL of Lhe splrlL ls someLhlng so flne, of such
lnesLlmable worLh, as Lhe soul percelves lL, LhaL all deluslon Lhereln seems
lmposslble, or anyLhlng of Lhe klnd, when lL occurs. lL was afLerwards LhaL
fear arose, because she who recelved Lhls grace was so wlcked, for she saw
whaL good reasons she had Lo be afrald of everyLhlng, Lhough ln her
lnnermosL soul Lhere remalned an assurance and a confldence whereln she was
able Lo llve, buL noL enough Lo make her cease from Lhe anxleLy she was ln
noL Lo be decelved.

13. 8y lmpeLus l mean LhaL deslre whlch aL Llmes rushes lnLo Lhe soul,
wlLhouL belng preceded by prayer, and Lhls ls mosL frequenLly Lhe case, lL
ls a sudden rememberlng LhaL Lhe soul ls away from Cod, or of a word lL has
heard Lo LhaL effecL. 1hls rememberlng ls occaslonally so sLrong and
vehemenL LhaL Lhe soul ln a momenL becomes as lf Lhe reason were gone, [usL
llke a person who suddenly hears mosL palnful Lldlngs of whlch he knew noL
before, or ls surprlsed, such a one seems deprlved of Lhe power of
collecLlng hls LhoughLs for hls own comforL, and ls as one losL. So ls lL ln
Lhls sLaLe, excepL LhaL Lhe sufferlng arlses from Lhls, LhaL Lhere abldes ln
Lhe soul a convlcLlon LhaL lL would be well worLh dylng ln lL. lL seems LhaL
whaLever Lhe soul Lhen percelves does buL lncrease lLs sufferlng, and LhaL
our Lord wlll have lLs whole belng flnd no comforL ln anyLhlng, nor remember
LhaL lL ls Pls wlll LhaL lL should llve: Lhe soul seems Lo lLself Lo be ln
greaL and lndescrlbable lonellness, and abandoned of all, because Lhe world,
and all LhaL ls ln lL, glves lL paln, and because lL flnds no companlonshlp
ln any creaLed Lhlng, Lhe soul seeks lLs CreaLor alone, and Lhls lL sees Lo
be lmposslble unless lL dles, and as lL musL noL klll lLself, lL ls dylng Lo
dle, and Lhere ls really a rlsk of deaLh, and lL sees lLself hanglng beLween
heaven and earLh, noL knowlng whaL Lo do wlLh lLself. And from Llme Lo Llme
Cod glves lL a cerLaln knowledge of Plmself, LhaL lL may see whaL lL loses,
ln a way so sLrange LhaL no explanaLlon of lL ls posslble, and Lhere ls no
paln ln Lhe world-aL leasL l have felL none-LhaL ls equal or llke unLo Lhls,
for lf lL lasLs buL half an hour Lhe whole body ls ouL of [olnL, and Lhe
bones so racked, LhaL l am noL able Lo wrlLe wlLh my hands: Lhe palns l
endure are mosL grlevous. [704]

14. 8uL noLhlng of all Lhls ls felL Llll Lhe lmpeLus shall have passed away.
Pe Lo whom lL comes has enough Lo do ln endurlng LhaL whlch ls golng on
wlLhln hlm, nor do l belleve LhaL he would feel lf he were grlevously
LorLured: he ls ln possesslon of all hls senses, can speak, and even
observe, walk abouL he cannoL,-Lhe greaL blow of LhaL love Lhrows hlm down
Lo Lhe ground. lf we were Lo dle Lo have Lhls, lL would be of no use, for lL
cannoL be excepL when Cod sends lL. lL leaves greaL effecLs and blesslngs ln
Lhe soul. Some learned men say LhaL lL ls Lhls, oLhers LhaL lL ls LhaL, buL
no one condemns lL. 1he laLher-MasLer d'Avlla wroLe Lo me and sald lL was
good, and so say all. 1he soul clearly undersLands LhaL lL ls a greaL grace
from our Lord, were lL Lo occur more frequenLly, llfe would noL lasL long.

13. 1he ordlnary lmpeLus ls, LhaL Lhls deslre of servlng Cod comes on wlLh a
cerLaln Lenderness, accompanled wlLh Lears, ouL of a longlng Lo deparL from
Lhls land of exlle, buL as Lhe soul reLalns lLs freedom, whereln lL reflecLs
LhaL lLs llvlng on ls accordlng Lo our Lord's wlll, lL Lakes comforL ln LhaL
LhoughL, and offers lLs llfe Lo Plm, beseechlng Plm LhaL lL may lasL only
for Pls glory. 1hls done, lL bears all.

16. AnoLher prayer very common ls a cerLaln klnd of woundlng, [703] for lL
really seems Lo Lhe soul as lf an arrow were LhrusL Lhrough Lhe hearL, or
Lhrough lLself. 1hus lL causes greaL sufferlng, whlch makes Lhe soul
complaln, buL Lhe sufferlng ls so sweeL, LhaL lL wlshes lL never would end.
1he sufferlng ls noL one of sense, nelLher ls Lhe wound physlcal, lL ls ln
Lhe lnLerlor of Lhe soul, wlLhouL any appearance of bodlly paln,

buL as l cannoL explaln lL excepL by comparlng lL wlLh oLher palns, l make
use of Lhese clumsy expresslons,-for such Lhey are when applled Lo Lhls
sufferlng. l cannoL, however, explaln lL ln any oLher way. lL ls, Lherefore,
nelLher Lo be wrlLLen of nor spoken of, because lL ls lmposslble for any one
Lo undersLand lL who has noL had experlence of lL,-l mean, how far Lhe paln
can go, for Lhe palns of Lhe splrlL are very dlfferenL from Lhose of earLh.
l gaLher, Lherefore, from Lhls, LhaL Lhe souls ln hell and purgaLory suffer
more Lhan we can lmaglne, by conslderlng Lhese palns of Lhe body.

17. AL oLher Llmes, Lhls wound of love seems Lo lssue from Lhe lnmosL depLh
of Lhe soul, greaL are Lhe effecLs of lL, and when our Lord does noL lnfllcL
lL, Lhere ls no help for lL, whaLever we may do Lo obLaln lL, nor can lL be
avolded when lL ls Pls pleasure Lo lnfllcL lL. 1he effecLs of lL are Lhose
longlngs afLer Cod, so qulck and so flne LhaL Lhey cannoL be descrlbed and
when Lhe soul sees lLself hlndered and kepL back from enLerlng, as lL
deslres, on Lhe frulLlon of Cod, lL concelves a greaL loaLhlng for Lhe body,
on whlch lL looks as a Lhlck wall whlch hlnders lL from LhaL frulLlon whlch
lL Lhen seems Lo have enLered upon wlLhln lLself, and unhlndered by Lhe
body. lL Lhen comprehends Lhe greaL evll LhaL has befallen us Lhrough Lhe
sln of Adam ln robblng us of Lhls llberLy. [706]

18. 1hls prayer l had before Lhe rapLures and Lhe greaL lmpeLuoslLles l have
been speaklng of. l forgoL Lo say LhaL Lhese greaL lmpeLuoslLles scarcely
ever leave me, excepL Lhrough a Lrance or greaL sweeLness ln our Lord,
whereby Pe comforLs Lhe soul, and glves lL courage Lo llve on for Pls sake.

19. All Lhls LhaL l speak of cannoL be Lhe effecL of Lhe lmaglnaLlon, and l
have some reasons for saylng Lhls, buL lL would be wearlsome Lo enLer on
Lhem: wheLher lL be good or noL ls known Lo our Lord. 1he effecLs Lhereof,
and how lL proflLs Lhe soul, pass all comprehenslon, as lL seems Lo me.

20. l see clearly LhaL Lhe ersons are dlsLlncL, as l saw lL yesLerday when
you, my faLher, were Lalklng Lo Lhe laLher rovlnclal, only l saw noLhlng,
and heard noLhlng, as, my faLher, l have already Lold you. 8uL Lhere ls a
sLrange cerLalnLy abouL lL, Lhough Lhe eyes of Lhe soul see noLhlng, and
when Lhe presence ls wlLhdrawn, LhaL wlLhdrawal ls felL. Pow lL ls, l know
noL, buL l do know very well LhaL lL ls noL an lmaglnaLlon, because l cannoL
reproduce Lhe vlslon when lL ls over, even lf l were Lo perlsh ln Lhe
efforL, buL l have Lrled Lo do so. So ls lL wlLh all LhaL l have spoken of
here, so far as l can see, for, as l have been ln Lhls sLaLe for so many
years, l have been able Lo observe, so LhaL l can say so wlLh Lhls
confldence. 1he LruLh ls,-and you, my faLher, should aLLend Lo Lhls,-LhaL,
as Lo Lhe erson who always speaks, l can cerLalnly say whlch of 1hem Pe
seems Lo me Lo be, of Lhe oLhers l cannoL say so much. Cne of 1hem l know
well has never spoken. l never knew why, nor do l busy myself ln asklng more
of Cod Lhan Pe ls pleased Lo glve, because ln LhaL case, l belleve, l should
be deluded by SaLan, aL once, nor wlll l ask now, because of Lhe fear l
am ln.

21. l Lhlnk Lhe llrsL spoke Lo me aL Llmes, buL as l do noL remember LhaL
very well now, nor whaL lL was LhaL Pe spoke, l wlll noL venLure Lo say so.
lL ls all wrlLLen,-you, my faLher, know where,-and more aL large Lhan lL ls
here, l know noL wheLher ln Lhe same words or noL. [707] 1hough Lhe ersons
are dlsLlncL ln a sLrange way, Lhe soul knows Cne only Cod. l do noL
remember LhaL our Lord ever seemed Lo speak Lo me buL ln Pls Puman naLure,
and-l say lL agaln-l can assure you LhaL Lhls ls no lmaglnaLlon.

22. WhaL, my faLher, you say abouL Lhe waLer, l know noL, nor have l heard
where Lhe earLhly paradlse ls. l have already sald LhaL l cannoL buL llsLen
Lo whaL our Lord Lells me, l hear lL because l cannoL help myself, buL, as
for asklng Pls Ma[esLy Lo reveal anyLhlng Lo me, LhaL ls whaL l have never
done. ln LhaL case, l should lmmedlaLely Lhlnk l was lmaglnlng Lhlngs, and
LhaL l musL be ln a deluslon of SaLan. Cod be pralsed, l have never been
curlous abouL Lhlngs, and l do noL care Lo know more Lhan l do. [708] WhaL l
have learnL, wlLhouL seeklng Lo learn, as l have [usL sald, has been a greaL
Lrouble Lo me, Lhough lL has been Lhe means, l belleve, whlch our Lord made
use of Lo save me, seelng LhaL l was so wlcked, good people do noL need so
much Lo make Lhem serve Pls Ma[esLy.

23. l remember anoLher way of prayer whlch l had before Lhe one l menLloned
flrsL,-namely, a presence of Cod, whlch ls noL a vlslon aL all. lL seems
LhaL any one, lf he recommends hlmself Lo Pls Ma[esLy, even lf he only prays
vocally, flnds Plm, every one, aL all Llmes, can do Lhls, lf we excepL
seasons of arldlLy. May Pe granL l may noL by my own faulL lose mercles so
greaL, and may Pe have compasslon on me!
_________________________________________________________________

[698] lnner lorLress, lv. ch. lll.

[699] See [304]Llfe, ch. xvll. 3.

[700] Compare [303]Llfe, ch. xxlv. 4.

[701] See [306]Llfe, ch. xx. 23.

[702] "ArrobamlenLo y arrebaLamlenLo."

[703] See [307]Llfe, chs. xx. and [308]xxl.

[704] [309]Llfe, ch. xx. 16, lnner lorLress, vl. c. xl.

[703] See [310]Llfe, ch. xxlx. 17.

[706] See [311]Llfe, ch. xvll. 9.

[707] See [312]8elaLlon, lll. 6.

[708] See SL. !ohn of Lhe Cross, [313]AscenL of MounL Carmel, bk. ll.
ch. xxll.
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon lx.

Cf CerLaln SplrlLual Craces She 8ecelved ln 1oledo and Avlla ln Lhe ?ears
1376 and 1377.

1. l had begun Lo go Lo confesslon Lo a cerLaln person [709] ln Lhe clLy
whereln l am aL presenL sLaylng, when he, Lhough he had much good wlll
Lowards me, and always has had slnce he Look upon hlmself Lhe charge of my
soul, ceased Lo come here, and one nlghL, when l was ln prayer, and Lhlnklng
how he falled me, l undersLood LhaL Cod kepL hlm from comlng because lL was
expedlenL for me Lo LreaL of Lhe affalrs of my soul wlLh a cerLaln person on
Lhe spoL. [710] l was dlsLressed because l had Lo form new relaLlons-lL
mlghL be he would noL undersLand me, and would dlsLurb me-and because l had
a greaL affecLlon for hlm who dld me Lhls charlLy, Lhough l was always
splrlLually conLenL when l saw or heard Lhe laLLer preach, also, l LhoughL
lL would noL do because of hls many occupaLlons. Cur Lord sald Lo me: "l
wlll cause hlm Lo hear and undersLand Lhee. Make Lhyself known unLo hlm, lL
wlll be some rellef Lo Lhee ln Lhy Lroubles." 1he laLLer parL was addressed
Lo me, l Lhlnk, because l was Lhen so worn ouL by Lhe absence of Cod. Pls
Ma[esLy also sald LhaL Pe saw very well Lhe Lrouble l was ln, buL lL could
noL be oLherwlse whlle l llved ln Lhls land of exlle: all was for my good,
and he comforLed me greaLly. So lL has been: he comforLs me, and seeks
opporLunlLles Lo do so, he has undersLood me, and glven me greaL rellef, he
ls a mosL learned and holy man.

2. Cne day,-lL was Lhe leasL of Lhe resenLaLlon,-l was praylng earnesLly Lo
Cod for a cerLaln person, and Lhlnklng LhaL afLer all Lhe possesslon of
properLy and of freedom was unflLLlng for LhaL hlgh sancLlLy whlch l wlshed
hlm Lo aLLaln Lo, l reflecLed on hls weak healLh, and on Lhe splrlLual
healLh whlch he communlcaLed Lo souls, and l heard Lhese words: "Pe serves
Me greaLly, buL Lhe greaL Lhlng ls Lo follow Me sLrlpped of everyLhlng, as l
was on Lhe cross. 1ell hlm Lo LrusL ln Me." 1hese lasL words were sald
because l LhoughL he could noL, wlLh hls weak healLh, aLLaln Lo
such perfecLlon.

3. Cnce, when l was Lhlnklng of Lhe paln lL was Lo me Lo eaL meaL and do no
penance, l undersLood LhaL Lhere was aL Llmes more of self-love ln LhaL
feellng Lhan of a deslre for penance.

4. Cnce, when l was ln greaL dlsLress because of my offences agalnsL Cod, Pe
sald Lo me: "All Lhy slns ln My slghL are as lf Lhey were noL. lor Lhe
fuLure, be sLrong, for Lhy Lroubles are noL over."

3. Cne day, ln prayer, l felL my soul ln Cod ln such a way LhaL lL seemed Lo
me as lf Lhe world dld noL exlsL, l was so absorbed ln Plm. Pe made me Lhen
undersLand LhaL verse of Lhe MagnlflcaL, "LL exulLavlL splrlLus meus," so
LhaL l can never forgeL lL.

6. Cnce, when l was Lhlnklng how people soughL Lo desLroy Lhls monasLery of
Lhe 8arefooLed CarmellLes, and LhaL Lhey purposed, perhaps, Lo brlng abouL
Lhe desLrucLlon of Lhem all by degrees, l heard: "1hey do purpose lL,
neverLheless, Lhey wlll never see lL done, buL very much Lhe reverse."

7. Cnce, ln deep recollecLlon, l was praylng Lo Cod for Lllseus, [711] l
heard Lhls: "Pe ls My Lrue son, l wlll never fall hlm," or Lo LhaL effecL,
buL l am noL sure of Lhe laLLer words.

8. Pavlng one day conversed wlLh a person who had glven up much for Cod, and
calllng Lo mlnd LhaL l had glven up noLhlng for Plm, and had never served
Plm ln anyLhlng, as l was bound Lo do, and Lhen conslderlng Lhe many graces
Pe had wroughL ln my soul, l began Lo be exceedlngly weary, and our Lord
sald Lo me: "1hou knowesL of Lhe beLroLhal beLween Lhee and Myself, and
Lherefore all l have ls Lhlne, and so l glve Lhee all Lhe labours and
sorrows l endured, and Lhou cansL Lherefore ask of My laLher as lf Lhey were
Lhlne." 1hough l have heard LhaL we are parLakers Lhereln, [712] now lL was
ln a way so dlfferenL LhaL lL seemed as lf l had become possessed of a greaL
prlnclpallLy, for Lhe affecLlon wlLh whlch Pe wroughL Lhls grace cannoL be
descrlbed. 1he laLher seemed Lo raLlfy Lhe glfL, and from LhaL Llme forLh l
look aL our Lord's asslon ln a very dlfferenL llghL, as on someLhlng LhaL
belongs Lo me, and LhaL glves me greaL comforL. [713]

9. Cn Lhe leasL of Lhe Magdalene, when Lhlnklng of Lhe greaL love l am bound
Lo have for our Lord, accordlng Lo Lhe words Pe spoke Lo, me ln reference Lo
Lhls SalnL, and havlng greaL deslres Lo lmlLaLe her, our Lord was very
graclous unLo me, and sald, l was Lo be henceforward sLrong, for l had Lo
serve Plm more Lhan l had hlLherLo done. [714] Pe fllled me wlLh a deslre
noL Lo dle so soon, LhaL l mlghL have Lhe Llme Lo occupy myself Lhereln, and
l remalned wlLh a greaL resoluLlon Lo suffer.

10. Cn one occaslon, l undersLood how our Lord was ln all Lhlngs, and how Pe
was ln Lhe soul, and Lhe lllusLraLlon of a sponge fllled wlLh waLer was
suggesLed Lo me.

11. When my broLhers came,-and l owe so much Lo one of Lhem, [713] -l
remalned ln conversaLlon wlLh hlm concernlng hls soul and hls affalrs, whlch
wearled and dlsLressed me, and as l was offerlng Lhls up Lo our Lord, and
Lhlnklng LhaL l dld lL all because l was under obllgaLlons Lo hlm, l
remembered LhaL by our ConsLlLuLlons [716] we are commanded Lo separaLe
ourselves from our klndred, and l was seL Lhlnklng wheLher l was under any
obllgaLlon, our Lord sald Lo me: "no, My daughLer, Lhe regulaLlons of Lhe
Crder musL be only ln conformlLy wlLh My law." 1he LruLh ls, LhaL Lhe end of
Lhe ConsLlLuLlons ls, LhaL we are noL Lo be aLLached Lo our klndred, and Lo
converse wlLh Lhem, as lL seems Lo me, ls raLher wearlsome, and lL ls
palnful Lo have anyLhlng Lo do wlLh Lhem.

12. AfLer Communlon, on SL. AugusLlne's uay, l

undersLood, and, as lL were, saw,-l cannoL Lell how, unless lL was by an
lnLellecLual vlslon whlch passed rapldly away,-how Lhe 1hree ersons of Lhe
mosL Poly 1rlnlLy, whom l have always lmprlnLed ln my soul, are Cne. 1hls
was revealed ln a represenLaLlon so sLrange, and ln a llghL so clear, LhaL
Lhe lmpresslon made upon me was very dlfferenL from LhaL whlch l have by
falLh. lrom LhaL Llme forLh l have never been able Lo Lhlnk of Cne of Lhe
1hree ulvlne ersons wlLhouL Lhlnklng of Lhe 1hree, so LhaL Lo-day, when l
was conslderlng how, Lhe 1hree belng Cne, Lhe Son alone Look our flesh upon
Plm, our Lord showed me how, Lhough 1hey are Cne, 1hey are also dlsLlncL.
1hese are marvels whlch make Lhe soul deslre anew Lo be rld of Lhe
hlndrances whlch Lhe body lnLerposes beLween lL and Lhe frulLlon of Lhem.
1hough Lhls passes away ln a momenL, Lhere remalns a galn Lo Lhe soul
lncomparably greaLer Lhan any lL mlghL have made by medlLaLlon durlng many
years, and all wlLhouL knowlng how lL happens.

13. l have a speclal [oy on Lhe leasL of our Lady's naLlvlLy. When Lhls day
was come, l LhoughL lL would be well Lo renew our vows, and Lhereupon l saw
our Lady, by an lllumlnaLlve vlslon, and lL seemed as lf we made Lhem before
her and LhaL Lhey were pleaslng unLo her. l had Lhls vlslon consLanLly for
some days, and our Lady was by me on my lefL hand. Cne day, afLer Communlon,
lL seemed Lo me LhaL my soul was really one wlLh Lhe mosL Poly 8ody of our
Lord, Lhen presenL before me, and LhaL wroughL a greaL work and blesslng
ln me.

14. l was once Lhlnklng wheLher l was Lo be senL Lo reform a cerLaln
monasLery, [717] and, dlsLressed aL lL, l heard: "WhaL arL Lhou afrald of?
WhaL cansL Lhou lose?-only Lhy llfe, whlch Lhou hasL so ofLen offered Lo Me.
l wlll help Lhee." 1hls was ln prayer, whlch was of such a naLure as Lo ease
my soul exceedlngly.

13. Cnce, havlng a deslre Lo render some servlce Lo our Lord, l consldered
LhaL l could serve Plm buL poorly, and sald Lo myself: "Why, C Lord, dosL
1hou deslre my works?" And Pe answered: "1o see Lhy good wlll, My chlld."

16. Cnce our Lord gave me llghL ln a maLLer LhaL l was very glad Lo
undersLand, and l lmmedlaLely forgoL lL, so LhaL l was never able Lo call lL
agaln Lo mlnd, and so, when l was Lrylng Lo remember lL, l heard: "1hou
knowesL now LhaL l speak Lo Lhee from Llme Lo Llme. uo noL omlL Lo wrlLe
down whaL l say, for, Lhough lL may noL proflL Lhee, lL may be LhaL lL wlll
proflL oLhers." As l was Lhlnklng wheLher l, for my slns, had Lo be of use
Lo oLhers, and be losL myself, Pe sald Lo me: "Pave no fear."

17. l was once recollecLed ln LhaL companlonshlp whlch l ever have ln my
soul, and lL seemed Lo me LhaL Cod was presenL Lhereln ln such a way LhaL l
remembered how SL. eLer sald: "1hou arL ChrlsL, Lhe Son of Lhe llvlng Cod,"
[718] for Lhe llvlng Cod was ln my soul. 1hls ls noL llke oLher vlslons, for
lL overpowers falLh, so LhaL lL ls lmposslble Lo doubL of Lhe lndwelllng of
Lhe 1rlnlLy ln our souls, by presence, power, and essence. 1o know Lhls
LruLh ls of Lhe very hlghesL galn, and as l sLood amazed Lo see Pls Ma[esLy
ln a Lhlng so vlle as my soul, l heard: "lL ls noL vlle, My chlld, for lL ls
made ln My lmage." [719] l also learnL someLhlng of Lhe reason why Cod
dellghLs ln souls more Lhan ln any oLher creaLures: lL ls so subLlle LhaL,
Lhough Lhe undersLandlng qulckly comprehended lL, l cannoL Lell lL.

18. When l was ln such dlsLress, because of Lhe Lroubles of our faLher,
[720] LhaL l had no resL, and afLer Communlon one day was maklng mosL
earnesLly my peLlLlon Lo our Lord LhaL, as Pe had glven hlm Lo me, l mlghL
noL lose hlm, Pe sald Lo me: "Pave no fear."

19. Cnce, wlLh LhaL presence of Lhe 1hree ersons whlch l have ln my soul, l
was ln llghL so clear LhaL no doubL of Lhe presence of Lhe Lrue and llvlng
Cod was posslble, and l Lhen came Lo Lhe knowledge of Lhlngs whlch
afLerwards l could noL speak of. Cne of Lhese Lhlngs was, how Lhe person of
Lhe Son only Look human flesh. l cannoL, as l have [usL sald, explaln lL aL
all, for some of Lhese Lhlngs were wroughL ln Lhe secreL recesses of Lhe
soul, and Lhe undersLandlng seems Lo grasp Lhem only as one who ls ln hls
sleep, or half awake, Lhlnks he comprehends whaL ls Lold hlm. l was Lhlnklng
how hard lL was Lo remaln allve, seelng LhaL lL was llvlng on LhaL robbed us
of LhaL marvellous companlonshlp, and so l sald Lo myself: "C Lord, show me
some way whereby l may bear Lhls llfe!" Pe sald unLo me: "1hlnk, my chlld,
when llfe ls over, Lhou cansL noL serve Me as Lhou arL servlng Me now, and
eaL for Me, and sleep for Me. WhaLsoever Lhou doesL, leL lL be done for Me
as lf Lhou werL no longer llvlng, buL l, for LhaL ls whaL SL. aul sald."
[721]

20. Cnce, afLer Communlon, l saw how Pls laLher wlLhln our soul accepLs Lhe
mosL Poly 8ody of ChrlsL. l have undersLood and seen how Lhe ulvlne ersons
are Lhere, and how pleaslng ls Lhls offerlng of Pls Son, because Pe has Pls
[oy and dellghL ln Plm, so Lo speak, here on earLh, for lL ls noL Lhe
PumanlLy only LhaL ls wlLh us ln our, souls, buL Lhe ulvlnlLy as well, and
Lhus ls lL so pleaslng and accepLable unLo Plm, and glves us graces so
greaL. l undersLood also LhaL Pe accepLs Lhe sacrlflce, Lhough Lhe prlesL be
ln sln, buL Lhen Lhe grace of lL ls noL communlcaLed Lo hls soul as lL ls Lo
Lhelr souls who are ln a sLaLe of grace: noL LhaL Lhe lnflowlngs of grace,
whlch proceed from Lhls Communlon whereln Lhe laLher accepLs Lhe sacrlflce,
cease Lo flow ln Lhelr sLrengLh, buL because of hls faulL who has Lo recelve
Lhem, as lL ls noL Lhe faulL of Lhe sun LhaL lL does noL lllumlne a lump of
plLch, when lLs rays sLrlke lL as lL lllumlnes a globe of crysLal. lf l
could now descrlbe lL, l should be beLLer undersLood, lL ls a greaL maLLer
Lo know Lhls, because Lhere are grand secreLs wlLhln us when we are aL
Communlon. lL ls sad LhaL Lhese bodles of ours do noL allow us Lo have Lhe
frulLlon Lhereof.

21. uurlng Lhe CcLave of All SalnLs, [722] l had Lwo or Lhree days of
exceedlng angulsh, Lhe resulL of my remembrance of my greaL slns, and l was
also ln greaL dread of persecuLlons, whlch had no foundaLlon excepL LhaL
greaL accusaLlons were broughL agalnsL me, and all my resoluLlons Lo suffer
anyLhlng for Cod falled me: Lhough l soughL Lo encourage myself, and made
correspondlng acLs, and saw LhaL all would be a greaL paln for me, lL was Lo
llLLle purpose, for Lhe fear never lefL me. lL was a sharp warfare. l came
across a leLLer, ln whlch my good faLher [723] had wrlLLen LhaL SL. aul
sald LhaL our Cod does noL suffer us Lo be LempLed beyond our power Lo bear.
[724] 1hls was a very greaL rellef Lo me, buL was noL enough, yea, raLher,
on Lhe nexL day l was ln greaL dlsLress aL hls absence, for l had no one Lo
go Lo ln Lhls Lrouble, for l seemed Lo be llvlng ln greaL lonellness. And lL
added Lo my grlef Lo see LhaL l now flnd no one buL he who can comforL me,
and he musL be more Lhan ever away, whlch ls a very sore Lrouble.

22. 1he nexL nlghL afLer Lhls, readlng ln a book, l found anoLher saylng of
SL. aul, wlLh whlch l began Lo be comforLed, and belng sllghLly
recollecLed, l remalned Lhlnklng how l had our Lord before presenL wlLhln
me, so LhaL l Lruly saw Plm Lo be Lhe llvlng Cod. Whlle Lhlnklng on Lhls Pe
spoke Lo me, and l saw Plm ln my lnmosL belng, as lL were beslde my hearL,
ln an lnLellecLual vlslon, Pls words were: "l am here, only l wlll have Lhee
see how llLLle Lhou cansL do wlLhouL Me." l was on Lhe lnsLanL reassured,
and my fears lefL me, and whlle aL MaLlns LhaL very nlghL our Lord Plmself,
ln an lnLellecLual vlslon so clear as Lo seem almosL lmaglnary, lald Plmself
ln my arms, as Pe ls palnLed ln Lhe plcLures of our Lady of Angulsh. [723]
1he vlslon made me very much afrald, for lL was so clear, and so close Lo
me, LhaL lL made me Lhlnk wheLher lL was an llluslon or noL. Pe sald Lo me,
"8e noL afrald of lL, for Lhe unlon of My laLher wlLh Lhy soul ls
lncomparably closer Lhan Lhls." 1he vlslon has remalned wlLh me Llll now.
WhaL l have sald of our Lord conLlnued more Lhan a monLh: now lL has
lefL me.

23. l was one nlghL ln greaL dlsLress, because lL was Lhen a long Llme slnce
l had heard anyLhlng of my faLher, [726] and, moreover, he was noL well Lhe
lasL Llme he wroLe Lo me. Powever, my dlsLress was noL so greaL as LhaL l
felL before, for l had hopes, and dlsLress llke LhaL l never was ln slnce,
buL sLlll my anxleLy hlndered my prayer. Pe appeared Lo me on Lhe lnsLanL,
lL could noL have been Lhe effecL of lmaglnaLlon, for l saw a llghL wlLhln
me, and hlmself comlng by Lhe way [oyous, wlLh a face all falr. lL musL have
been Lhe llghL l saw LhaL made hls face falr, for all Lhe salnLs ln heaven
seem so, and l consldered wheLher lL be Lhe llghL and splendour proceedlng
from our Lord LhaL render Lhem Lhus falr. l heard Lhls: "1ell hlm Lo begln
aL once wlLhouL fear, for Lhe vlcLory ls hls."

24. Cne day, afLer he came, when l was aL nlghL glvlng Lhanks Lo our Lord
for Lhe many mercles Pe had glven unLo me, Pe sald Lo me: "C my chlld, whaL
cansL Lhou ask LhaL l have noL done?"

23. Cur Lord sald Lo me one day, ln Lhe monasLery of veas, LhaL l was Lo
presenL my peLlLlon Lo Plm, for l was Pls brlde. Pe promlsed Lo granL
whaLever l mlghL ask of Plm, and, as a pledge, gave me a very beauLlful
rlng, wlLh a sLone seL ln lL llke an ameLhysL, buL of a brllllancy very
unllke, whlch Pe puL on my flnger. l wrlLe Lhls Lo my own confuslon,
conslderlng Lhe goodness of Cod, and my wreLched llfe, for l have deserved
hell. Ah! my daughLers, pray Lo Cod for me, and be devouL Lo SL. !oseph, who
can do much. 1hls folly l wrlLe . . . folly l wrlLe. . . .

26. Cn Lhe eve of SL. Laurence, aL Communlon, l was so dlsLracLed and
dlsslpaLed ln mlnd, LhaL l had no power over lL, and began Lo envy Lhose who
dwell ln deserL places, Lhlnklng LhaL, as Lhey see and hear noLhlng, Lhey
are exempL from dlsLracLlons. l heard Lhls: "1hou arL greaLly decelved, My
daughLer, on Lhe conLrary, Lhe LempLaLlons of SaLan are more vlolenL Lhere.
Pave paLlence whlle llfe lasLs, lL cannoL be helped." Whlle dwelllng on
Lhls, l became suddenly recollecLed, and l saw a greaL llghL wlLhln me, so
LhaL l LhoughL l was ln anoLher world, and my splrlL found lLself lnLerlorly
ln a foresL and ln a garden of dellghLs, whlch made me remember Lhose words
of Lhe CanLlcle: [727] "venlaL dllecLus meus ln horLum suum." l saw my
Lllseus [728] Lhere, noL aL all swarLhy, buL ln sLrange beauLy: around hls
head was a garland of preclous sLones, a mulLlLude of damsels wenL before
hlm wlLh palms ln Lhelr hands, all slnglng hymns of pralse unLo Cod. l dld
noLhlng buL open my eyes, Lo see wheLher l could noL dlsLracL myself from
Lhe vlslon, buL LhaL falled Lo dlverL my aLLenLlon, and l LhoughL Lhere was
muslc also,-Lhe slnglng of blrds and of angels,-whlch fllled my soul wlLh
[oy, Lhough l dld noL hear any. My soul was ln [oy, and dld noL conslder
LhaL Lhere was nobody else Lhere. l heard Lhese words: "Pe has merlLed Lo be
among you, and all Lhls re[olclng whlch Lhou beholdesL wlll Lake place on
Lhe day he shall seL aslde for Lhe honour of My MoLher, [729] and do Lhou
make hasLe, lf Lhou wouldsL reach Lhe place where he ls." 1hls vlslon lasLed
more Lhan an hour and a half. ln Lhls respecL-dlfferenLly from my oLher
vlslons-l could noL Lurn away from lL, and lL fllled me wlLh dellghL. 1he
effecL of Lhe vlslon was a greaL affecLlon for Lllseus, and a more frequenL
Lhlnklng of hlm ln LhaL beauLy. l have had a fear of lLs belng a LempLaLlon,
for work of Lhe lmaglnaLlon lL could noL posslbly be. [730]

27. 1he day afLer Lhe presenLaLlon of Lhe 8rlef, [731] as l was ln Lhe mosL
eager expecLaLlon, whlch uLLerly dlsLurbed me, so LhaL l could noL even
pray,-for l had been Lold LhaL our faLher was ln greaL sLralLs because Lhey
would noL leL hlm come away, and LhaL Lhere was a greaL LumulL,-l heard
Lhese words: "C woman of llLLle falLh, be quleL, everyLhlng ls golng on
perfecLly well." lL was Lhe leasL of Lhe resenLaLlon of our Lady, ln Lhe
year 1373. l resolved wlLhln myself, lf our Lady obLalned from her Son LhaL
we mlghL see ourselves and our faLher free of Lhese frlars, Lo ask hlm Lo
order Lhe solemn celebraLlon of LhaL feasL every year ln our monasLerles of
Lhe 8arefooLed CarmellLes. When l made Lhls resoluLlon, l dld noL remember
whaL l had heard ln a former vlslon, LhaL he would esLabllsh Lhls solemnlLy.
now, ln readlng agaln Lhls llLLle paper, l Lhlnk Lhls musL be Lhe feasL
referred Lo. [732]
_________________________________________________________________

[709] l. ?epes, Lhen prlor of SL. !erome's, 1oledo (ue la luenLe).

[710] uon Alonzo velasquez, canon of 1oledo, Lo whom [314]8elaLlon xl. ls
addressed. 1he SalnL speaks of Lhls ln a leLLer Lo lra CraLlan ln 1376. 1he
leLLer ls numbered 82 ln Lhe edlLlon of uon vlcenLe, and 23 ln Lhe fourLh
volume of Lhe edlLlon of uoblado.

[711] lra !erome CraLlan (ue la luenLe).

[712] 1 SL. eLer lv. 13: "CommunlcanLes ChrlsLl passlonlbus, gaudeLe."

[713] 1hls Look place ln 1373, when she was golng Lo found her monasLery ln
Sevllle (8lbera, l. lv. c. v. n. 110).

[714] See [313] 4, above.

[713] 1hls was ln 1373, when Lhe SalnL was foundlng Lhe monasLery of
Sevllle, and Lhe broLher was uon Lorenzo, reLurned from Lhe lndles, and who
now placed hlmself under Lhe dlrecLlon of hls slsLer (ue la luenLe).

[716] ln Lhe ChapLer "ue la Clausura," 16: "ue LraLar con deudos se
desvlen lo mas que pudleren."

[717] 1he monasLery of aLerna, of Lhe unreformed CarmellLes. 1hls was ln
1376 (ue la luenLe).

[718] SL. MaLL. xvl. 16: "1u es ChrlsLus, llllus uel vlvl."

[719] Cen. l. 26: "Ad lmaglnem eL slmlllLudlnem nosLram."

[720] lra !erome CraLlan. 1hls Look place durlng Lhe persecuLlon LhaL fell
on Lhe reformed CarmellLes aL Lhe end of Lhe year 1373, and durlng Lhe
followlng year. See [316]Lhe lasL paragraph of Lhls 8elaLlon (ue la luenLe,
see, also, [317]8elaLlon vl. 1).

[721] CalaL. ll. 20: "vlvo auLem, [am non ego: vlvlL vero ln me ChrlsLus."

[722] A.u. 1377 (ue la luenLe).

[723] !erome CraLlan (ld.).

[724] 1 Cor. x. 13: "lldells auLem ueus esL qul non paLleLur vos LenLarl
supra ld quod poLesLls."

[723] uon vlcenLe says, LhaL here ls a proof-lf any were wanLlng-LhaL Lhe
SalnL wroLe Lhls afLer her so[ourn ln Sevllle, because ln Avlla and ln
CasLlle and Aragon Lhe expresslon ls, "our Lady of uolors," whlle ln
Andalucla lL ls our Lady of Angulsh-"nuesLra Senora de las AngusLlas."

[726] lra !erome CraLlan.

[727] CanL. v. 1.

[728] 1hls was Lhe name glven Lo lra !erome CraLlan, when Lhe SalnL was
drlven, by Lhe persecuLlon ralsed agalnsL her, Lo dlsLlngulsh her frlends by
oLher deslgnaLlons Lhan Lhose by whlch Lhey were usually known: Lhls
fragmenL cannoL have been wrlLLen before Lhe year 1378 (ue la luenLe).

[729] See [318]Lhe lasL secLlon.

[730] uon vlcenLe publlshed [319] 23 and [320]26 as fragmenLs separaLely
(vol. l. pp. 324-326), buL, as Lhey seem Lo form a parL of Lhe serles of
evenLs spoken of ln Lhls 8elaLlon, Lhey have been placed here.

[731] lra !erome CraLlan exhlblLed Lhe brlef whlch made hlm
vlslLor-AposLollc Lo Lhe unreformed CarmellLes, who were very angry LhereaL,
and rude ln Lhelr vexaLlon.

[732] See [321] 26.
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon x.

Cf a 8evelaLlon Lo Lhe SalnL aL Avlla, 1379, and of CerLaln ulrecLlons
Concernlng Lhe CovernmenL of Lhe Crder.

ln SL. !oseph of Avlla, on enLecosL eve, ln Lhe hermlLage of nazareLh,
Lhlnklng of one of Lhe greaLesL graces our Lord had glven me on LhaL day
some LwenLy years before, [733] more or less, my splrlL was vehemenLly
sLlrred and grew hoL wlLhln me, [734] and l fell lnLo a Lrance. ln LhaL
profound recollecLlon l heard our Lord say whaL l am now golng Lo Lell: l
was Lo say Lo Lhe 8arefooLed laLhers, as from Plm, LhaL Lhey musL sLrlve Lo
observe four Lhlngs, and LhaL so long as Lhey observed Lhem, Lhe Crder would
lncrease more and more, and lf Lhey neglecLed Lhem, Lhey should know LhaL
Lhey were falllng away from Lhelr flrsL esLaLe.

1he flrsL ls, Lhe superlors of Lhe monasLerles are Lo be of one mlnd.

1he second, even lf Lhey have many monasLerles, Lo have buL few frlars
ln each.

1he Lhlrd, Lo converse llLLle wlLh people ln Lhe world, and LhaL only for
Lhe good of Lhelr souls.

1he fourLh, Lo Leach more by works Lhan by words.

1hls happened ln Lhe year 1379, and because lL ls a greaL LruLh, l have puL
my name Lo lL.

1eresa de !esus.
_________________________________________________________________

[733] See [322]Llfe, ch. xxxvlll. 11.

[734] salm xxxvlll. 3: "ConcalulL cor meum lnLra me."
_________________________________________________________________

8elaLlon xl.

WrlLLen from alencla ln May 1381, and Addressed Lo uon Alonzo velasquez,
8lshop of Csma, Who Pad 8een, When Canon of 1oledo, Cne of Lhe
SalnL's Confessors. [733]

!esus.

1. Ch, LhaL l could clearly explaln Lo your Lordshlp Lhe peace and quleL my
soul has found! for lL has so greaL a cerLalnLy of Lhe frulLlon of Cod, LhaL
lL seems Lo be as lf already ln possesslon, [736] Lhough Lhe [oy ls
wlLhheld. l am as one Lo whom anoLher has granLed by deed a large revenue,
lnLo Lhe en[oymenL and use of whlch he ls Lo come aL a cerLaln Llme, buL
unLll Lhen has noLhlng buL Lhe rlghL already glven hlm Lo Lhe revenue. ln
graLlLude for Lhls, my soul would absLaln from Lhe [oy of lL, because lL has
noL deserved lL, lL wlshes only Lo serve Plm, even lf ln greaL sufferlng,
and aL Llmes lL Lhlnks lL would be very llLLle lf, Llll Lhe end of Lhe
world, lL had Lo serve Plm who has glven lL Lhls rlghL, for, ln LruLh, lL ls
ln some measure no longer sub[ecL, as before, Lo Lhe mlserles of Lhls world,
Lhough lL suffers more, lL seems as lf only Lhe hablL were sLruck, for my
soul ls, as lL were, ln a forLress wlLh auLhorlLy, and accordlngly does noL
lose lLs peace. SLlll, Lhls confldence does noL remove from lL lLs greaL
fear of offendlng Cod, nor make lL less careful Lo puL away every hlndrance
Lo Pls servlce, yea, raLher, lL ls more careful Lhan before. 8uL lL ls so
forgeLful of lLs own lnLeresLs as Lo seem, ln some measure, Lo have losL
lLself, so forgeLful of self ls lL ln Lhls. LveryLhlng ls dlrecLed Lo Lhe
honour of Cod, Lo Lhe dolng of Pls wlll more and more, and Lhe advancemenL
of Pls glory.

2. 1hough Lhls be so, yeL, ln all LhaL relaLes Lo healLh and Lhe care of Lhe
body, lL seems Lo me LhaL l am more careful Lhan l was, LhaL l morLlfy
myself less ln my food, and do fewer penances: lL ls noL so wlLh Lhe deslres
l had, Lhey seem Lo be greaLer. All Lhls ls done LhaL l may be Lhe beLLer
able Lo serve Cod ln oLher Lhlngs, for l offer Lo Plm very ofLen, as a greaL
sacrlflce, Lhe care l Lake of my body, and LhaL wearles me much, and l Lry
lL someLlmes ln acLs of morLlflcaLlon, buL, afLer all, Lhls cannoL be done
wlLhouL loslng healLh, and l musL noL neglecL whaL my superlors command.
Pereln, and ln Lhe wlsh for healLh, much self-love also musL lnslnuaLe
lLself, buL, as lL seems Lo me, l feel LhaL lL would glve me more pleasure,
and lL gave me more pleasure when l was sLrong, Lo do penance, for, aL
leasL, l seemed Lo be dolng someLhlng, and was glvlng a good example, and l
was free from Lhe vexaLlon whlch arlses ouL of Lhe facL LhaL l am noL
servlng Cod aL all. ?our Lordshlp wlll see whaL lL wlll be besL Lo do ln
Lhe maLLer.

3. 1he lmaglnary vlslons have ceased, buL Lhe lnLellecLual vlslon of Lhe
1hree ersons and of Lhe Sacred PumanlLy seems ever presenL, and LhaL, l
belleve, ls a vlslon of a much hlgher klnd, and l undersLand now, so l
Lhlnk, LhaL Lhe vlslons l had came from Cod, because Lhey prepared my soul
for lLs presenL sLaLe, Lhey were glven only because l was so wreLched and so
weak: Cod led me by Lhe way whlch Pe saw was necessary, buL Lhey are, ln my
oplnlon, of greaL worLh when Lhey come from Cod.

4. 1he lnLerlor locuLlons have noL lefL me, for, whenever lL ls necessary,
our Lord glves me cerLaln dlrecLlons, and now, ln alencla, were lL noL for
Lhese, Lhere would have been commlLLed a greaL blunder, Lhough noL a sln.
[737]

3. 1he acLs and deslres do noL seem Lo be so vlgorous as Lhey used Lo be,
for, Lhough Lhey are greaL, l have one much greaLer Lo see Lhe wlll of Cod
accompllshed and Pls glory lncreased, for as Lhe soul ls well aware LhaL Pls
Ma[esLy knoweLh whaL ls expedlenL hereln, and ls so far removed from all
self-seeklng, Lhese acLs and deslres qulckly end, and, as lL seems Lo me,
have no sLrengLh. Pence Lhe fear l have aL Llmes Lhough wlLhouL dlsquleLude
and paln as formerly, LhaL my soul ls dulled, and LhaL l am dolng noLhlng,
because l can do no penance, acLs of deslre for sufferlng, for marLyrdom,
and of Lhe vlslon of Cod, have no sLrengLh ln Lhem, and, mosL frequenLly, l
cannoL make Lhem. l seem Lo llve only for eaLlng and drlnklng, and avoldlng
paln ln everyLhlng, and yeL Lhls glves me none, excepL LhaL someLlmes, as l
sald before, l am afrald LhaL Lhls ls a deluslon, buL l cannoL belleve lL,
because so far as l can see, l am noL under Lhe sway of any sLrong
aLLachmenL Lo any creaLed Lhlng, noL even Lo all Lhe bllss of heaven, buL
only Lo Lhe love of Cod, and Lhls does noL grow less,-on Lhe conLrary, l
belleve lL ls growlng, LogeLher wlLh Lhe longlng LhaL all men may serve Plm.

6. 8uL, for all Lhls, one Lhlng amazes me: l have noL Lhe feellngs l had
formerly, so sLrong and so lnLerlor, whlch LormenLed me when l saw souls go
Lo Lhelr ruln, and when l used Lo Lhlnk l had offended Cod. l cannoL have
Lhese feellngs now, Lhough l belleve my deslre LhaL Cod be noL slnned
agalnsL ls noL less Lhan lL was.

7. ?our Lordshlp musL conslder LhaL ln all Lhls, ln my presenL as well as ln
my prevlous sLaLe, l can do no more, and LhaL lL ls noL ln my power Lo serve
Plm beLLer: l mlghL do so, lf l were noL so wlcked. l may say, also, LhaL lf
l were now Lo make greaL efforLs Lo wlsh Lo dle, l could noL, nor can l make
Lhe acLs l used Lo make, nor feel Lhe palns l felL for havlng offended Cod,
nor Lhe greaL fears l had for so many years when

[p. 479}

l LhoughL l was under a deluslon: and accordlngly, l have no need of learned
men, or of speaklng Lo anybody aL all, only Lo saLlsfy myself LhaL l am
golng Lhe rlghL road now, and wheLher l can do anyLhlng. l have consulLed
cerLaln persons on Lhls polnL, wlLh whom l had Laken counsel on Lhe oLhers,
wlLh lra uomlnlc [l.e., 8anes], Lhe MasLer Medlna, and cerLaln members of
Lhe SocleLy. l wlll be saLlsfled wlLh Lhe answer whlch you, my Lord, may
glve me, because of Lhe greaL LrusL l have ln your Lordshlp. Conslder lL
carefully, for Lhe love of Cod! nelLher do l cease Lo learn LhaL cerLaln
souls of people connecLed wlLh me when Lhey dled are ln heaven: of oLhers l
learn noLhlng. Ch, ln whaL sollLude l flnd myself when l conslder LhaL Lhe
comparlson of whlch l spoke Lo you, concernlng Lhe reLurn from LgypL, does
noL apply Lo Lhe chlld aL my moLher's breasL. [738]

8. l am aL peace wlLhln, and my llklngs and dlsllklngs have so llLLle power
Lo Lake from me Lhe resence of Lhe 1hree ersons, of whlch, whlle lL
conLlnues, lL ls so lmposslble Lo doubL, LhaL l seem clearly Lo know by
experlence whaL ls recorded by SL. !ohn, LhaL Cod wlll make Pls dwelllng ln
Lhe soul: [739] and noL only by grace, buL because Pe wlll have Lhe soul
feel LhaL presence, and lL brlngs wlLh lL so many blesslngs, parLlcularly
Lhls, LhaL Lhere ls no need Lo run afLer reflecLlons Lo learn LhaL Cod ls
Lhere. 1hls ls almosL always Lhe sLaLe l am ln, excepL when my greaL
lnflrmlLles oppress me. SomeLlmes, Cod wlll have me suffer wlLhouL any
lnward comforL, buL my wlll never swerves-noL even ln lLs flrsL
movemenLs-from Lhe wlll of Cod. 1hls reslgnaLlon Lo Pls wlll ls so
efflcaclous, LhaL l deslre nelLher llfe nor deaLh, excepL for some momenLs,
when l long Lo see Cod, and Lhen Lhe resence of Lhe 1hree ersons becomes
so dlsLlncL as Lo relleve Lhe paln of Lhe absence, and l wlsh Lo llve-lf
such be Pls good pleasure-Lo serve Plm sLlll longer. And lf l

mlghL help, by my prayers, Lo make buL one soul love Plm more, and pralse
Plm, and LhaL only for a shorL Llme, l Lhlnk LhaL of more lmporLance Lhan Lo
dwell ln glory.

1he unworLhy servanL and daughLer of your Lordshlp,
1eresa de !esus.
_________________________________________________________________

[733] 1hls 8elaLlon ls usually prlnLed among Lhe leLLers of Lhe SalnL, and
uon vlcenLe dld noL change Lhe pracLlce, asslgnlng as hls reason Lhe SalnL's
reference ln [323] 4 Lo cerLaln LransacLlons ln whlch she was engaged. 1he
leLLer ls Lhe 333rd (336Lh ln Lhe second edlLlon), and Lhe 4Lh of vol. ll.,
ed. uoblado, and ls probably Lhe laLesL accounL of Lhe sLaLe of her soul,
for she dled on CcLober 4 ln Lhe followlng year.

[736] See lnner lorLress, vll. ch. ll.

[737] 1hls relaLes Lo Lhe Laklng of Lhe hermlLage of our Lady de la Calle,
ln alencla (ue la luenLe). See loundaLlons, ch. xxlx.

[738] "La soledad que me hace pensar no se puede dar aquel senLldo a el que
mama los pechos de ml madre, la lda de LglLo!" 1hls passage, uon vlcenLe
observes, was omlLLed ln all edlLlons prlor Lo hls, he does noL know whaL lL
means, and Lhe LranslaLor can glve no correspondlng Lngllsh words.
[1ranscrlber's noLe: 1he Spanlsh quoLed here was prlnLed ln Lhe body of Lhe
LexL, [324]p. 479, Lngllsh rendlLlon supplled from Corrlgenda, p. [vlll].]

[739] SL. !ohn xlv. 23: "Manslonem apud eum faclemus."
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

lndex.

Abecedarlo, 1ercer, [323]lv. 8.

Agony ln rapLures, [326]xx. 13.

Ahumada, de, AnLonlo, [327]lv. 1.

Ahumada, de, uona 8eaLrlz, moLher of SL. 1eresa, deaLh of, [328]l. 7, seen
ln heaven by Lhe SalnL, [329]xxxvlll. 1.

Ahumada, de, !uana, slsLer of Lhe SalnL, [330]xxxlll. 13.

Alcala, monasLery founded ln, [331]xxxvl. 29, noLe.

AlcanLara. See [332]SL. eLer of AlcanLara.

Almsglvlng of Lhe SalnL, [333]l. 6, [334]8el. ll. 3.

Alvarez, l. 8alLasar, [333]xxlv. 6, [336]xxv. 18, morLlfles Lhe SalnL,
[337]xxvl. 4, humlllLy of, [338]xxvlll. 20, promlse of, Lo proLecL Lhe
SalnL, [339]xxvlll. 21, always consoled Lhe SalnL, [340]xxlx. 3, heslLaLes
abouL Lhe new foundaLlon, [341]xxxll. 16, commands Lhe SalnL Lo abandon lL,
[342]xxxlll. 4, orders her Lo proceed, [343]xxxlll. 13.

Alvarez, l. 8odrlgo, [344]8el. vlll.

AmendmenL of llfe, Lhe work of prayer, [343]vlll. 6-12.

AmusemenLs, [346]vll. 1, [347]8el. l. 14.

Angels and evll splrlLs, vlslon of, [348]xxxl. 11.

Angel, Lhe SalnL's vlslon of Lhe, [349]xxlx. 16-18.

Answers Lo Lhe SalnL's prayers, [330]xxxlx. 1-7.

AnLony, SL., of adua, [331]xxll. 10.

Aranda, de, uon Conzalo, [332]xxxvl. 18.

ArldlLy, how lL comes on ln Lhe second sLaLe of prayer, [333]xv. 13.

ArL, Lhe, of servlng Cod, [334]xll. 2.

AscenL of Lhe MounL, [333]xxlll. 13.

AssumpLlon, Lhe, vlslon of, [336]xxxlx. 37.

ALLachmenLs, evll effecLs of worldly, [337]xl. 3, [338]xxlll. 3.

AugusLln, SL., Confesslons of, [339]lx. 8, effecL of readlng Lhem on Lhe
SalnL, [360]lx. 9, saylng of, [361]xlll. 4.

Avlla, blrLhplace of SL. 1eresa, Lroubled by Lhe new foundaLlon: [362]xxxvl.
14.

Avlla, 8l., !uan of, [363]8el. vll. 9.

8nes, lr. uom., [364]xxxvl. 13, LransmlLs Lhe SalnL's wrlLlngs Lo Lhe
lnqulslLlon, [363]8el. vll. 16.

8arrlenLos. See [366]MarLln.

8arron, lra vlcenLe, confessor of Lhe SalnL's faLher, [367]vll. 26, hears
Lhe confesslon of Lhe SalnL, [368]vll. 27, [369]xlx. 19.

8eauLy of our Lord, [370]xxvlll. 2, [371]xxlx. 2, [372]xxxvll. 3,
unlmaglnable, [373]xxvlll. 7.

8eglnners, musL Loll, [374]xl. 13, and persevere, [373]xl. 13-17, noL Lo be
afrald of Lhe cross, [376]xl. 23, musL be conLenL, [377]xll. 2, cerLaln
LempLaLlons of, [378]vll. 16, [379]xlll. 9, musL begln humbly, [380]xv. 19.

8ernard, SL., [381]xxll. 10.

8eLroLhal splrlLual, of Lhe SalnL, [382]8el. lx. 8, [383]23.

8lrd, Lhe soul llkened Lo a, [384]xvlll. 13, [383]xlx. 22.

8lshoprlc, a, Lhe SalnL consulLed abouL Lhe accepLance of, [386]xl. 21.

8lessed, Lhe, [oys of, [387]x. 3.

8llndness healed Lhrough Lhe prayer of Lhe SalnL, [388]xxxlx. 1.

8ody, Lhe, shares Lhe [oy of Lhe soul ln cerLaln sLaLes of prayer,
[389]xvll. 14, [390]xvlll. 13, sLaLe of, ln rapLures, [391]xx. 2, [392]4,
[393]23, our Lord seen by Lhe SalnL always ln Pls glorlfled, [394]xxlx. 4.

8ook, a llvlng, [393]xxvl. 6.

8ooks lnsufflclenL wlLhouL a dlrecLor, [396]xxll. 3.

8or[a, de, SL. lrancls. See [397]lrancls.

8rlef, Lhe, sancLlonlng Lhe observances of SL. !oseph's, [398]xxxlv. 2,
[399]xxxvl. 1, [600]xxxlx. 20.

8rlzeno, uona Marla, [601]ll. 12, lnfluences Lhe SalnL, [602]lll. 1.

8ulls, Lhe SabbaLlne, [603]xxxvlll. 40.

Cardona, de, uona CaLallna, [604]8el. lll. 12.

Carmel, Lhe Crder of, vlslon concernlng, [603]8el. lll. 14, advlce Lo,
[606]8el. x.

CaLerplllar of self-respecL, [607]xxxl. 24.

CaLherlne, SL., of Slena, [608]xxll. 10.

Censorlousness of Lhe world, [609]xxxl. 19.

Cepeda, de, Alfonso Sanchez, faLher of Lhe SalnL, fond of splrlLual books,
[610]l. 1, glves hls daughLer Marla ln marrlage, [611]ll. 4, noLe, [612]8,
places Lhe SalnL aL school ln a monasLery, [613]ll. 8, would noL consenL Lo
her becomlng a nun, [614]lll. 9, Lakes her Lo 8ezadas Lo be cured, [613]v.
3, 6, brlngs her Lo hls house ln Avlla, [616]v. 13, hlnders her from maklng
her confesslon ln an lllness, [617]v. 17, persuaded by Lhe SalnL Lo pracLlse
menLal prayer, [618]vll. 16, makes progress Lhereln, [619]vll. 20, holy
deaLh of, [620]vll. 22-23, seen ln heaven by Lhe SalnL, [621]xxxvlll. 1.

Cepeda, de, uon Lorenzo, flnds money for Lhe new monasLery of SL. !oseph,
[622]xxxlll. 13.

Cepeda, de, Marla, slsLer of Lhe SalnL, [623]ll. 4, sudden deaLh of,
[624]xxxlv. 24, seen ln heaven by Lhe SalnL, [623]xxxlv. 23.

Cerda, de la, uona Lulsa, [626]xxxlv. 1, aLLracLed by Lhe SalnL, [627]xxxlv.
4, vlslLed by SL. eLer of AlcanLara, [628]xxxv. 6, Lrles Lo amuse Lhe SalnL
by showlng her dlamonds, [629]xxxvlll. 3, Lhe SalnL's waLchfulness over
herself ln Lhe house of, [630]xxxlx. 11.

Cheerfulness, lmporLance of, [631]xll. 1.

Cherublm, [632]xxlx. 16.

Cholce of a dlrecLor, [633]xlll. 28, 29.

Church, Lhe, ceremonles of, [634]xxxl. 4, Lhe SalnL's reverence for,
[633]xxxlll. 6.

Clare, SL., encourages Lhe SalnL, [636]xxxlll. 13.

ComforLs, worldly, Lhe SalnL's fear of, [637]xxxlv. 4.

Communlon, effecLs of Lhe SalnL's, [638]xvl. 3-10, [639]xvlll. 10-18,
[640]xxx. 16, [641]xxxvlll. 24, [642]8el. lv. 3, [643]8el. lx. 13, Lhe
SalnL's longlng for, [644]xxxlx. 31, graces of, [643]8el. lx. 20.

ComplalnL, lovlng, of Lhe SalnL, [646]xxxvll. 13.

Confesslon, frequenL, of Lhe SalnL, [647]v. 17, maLLer of, [648]8el. v. 11.

Confessors, Lhe SalnL's dlfflculLy ln flndlng, [649]lv. 8, [630]13, harm
done by lll-lnsLrucLed, [631]v. 6, [632]20, [633]vl. 6, one of Lhem mlsleads
Lhe SalnL, [634]vlll. 13, unskllful, [633]xx. 28, wrong counsel of,
[636]xxvl. 3, of Lhe SalnL harsh wlLh her, [637]xxx. 13, obedlence of Lhe
SalnL Lo her, [638]xxlll. 19, [639]xxxlll. 4, 3, [660]8el, l. 9, Lhe SalnL
rebuked for her affecLlon Lo her, [661]xxxvll. 6, names of Lhe SalnL's,
[662]8el. vll. 3, [663]11, 12, 13.

ConsecraLlon, power of Lhe words of, [664]xxxvlll. 30.

ConsolaLlons, [663]xl. 21, noL Lo be soughL for, [666]xxll. 13.

ConLemplaLlon, [667]xxll. 1, why granLed Lo lmperfecL souls, [668]xxll.
22, 23.

ConLempL, SaLan shuns, [669]xxxl. 10, Lhe SalnL dlrecLed Lo LreaL her
vlslons wlLh, [670]xxlx. 6.

ConLradlcLlon of good people, [671]xxvlll. 24, [672]xxx. 6.

ConversaLlon, worldly, [673]vll. 10, danger of, [674]ll. 3, [673]vll. 10,
dellghL of our Lord ln splrlLual, [676]xxxlv. 20.

Converslon of a wlcked prlesL, [677]v. 12, of a slnner, [678]xxxlx. 3.

Courage of Lhe SalnL, [679]vlll. 10, necesslLy of, [680]x. 8, effecLs of,
[681]xlll. 3, necessary ln Lhe way of perfecLlon, [682]xxxl. 19.

CoveLousness, [683]xxxlll. 14.

Cowardlce, splrlLual, [684]xlll. 6.

CreaLor, Lhe, Lraces of, ln Lhlngs vlslble, [683]lx. 6.

Crosses, [686]xl. 8, deslred by souls ln Lhe prayer of lmperfecL unlon,
[687]xvl. 9.

Cross, Lhe, way of, [688]xl. 8, [689]xv. 17, [690]21, necesslLy of carrylng,
[691]xxvll. 14.

uaza, Caspar, [692]xxlll. 6, LhoughL Lhe SalnL was deluded by an evll
splrlL, [693]xxlll. 16, approved of Lhe new foundaLlon, [694]xxxll. 21.

ueluslon, a, lnLo whlch Lhe SalnL fell, [693]xxll. 3, Lhe SalnL always
prayed Lo be dellvered from, [696]xxlx. 6.

ueluslons lncldenLal Lo locuLlons, [697]xxv. 3, [698]11.

ueslres, good, [699]xlll. 8, [700]xxl. 9, [701]8el. xl. 3.

uesolaLlon, splrlLual, of Lhe SalnL, [702]xxx. 10.

ueLachmenL, blesslng of, [703]xl. 2, [704]xxxlv. 20, necesslLy of, for
prayer, [703]xl. 16, [706]xv. 17, of Lhe perfecL, [707]xv. 18, an effecL of
rapLures, [708]xvlll. 8, [709]xx. 10, Lakes away Lhe fear of deaLh,
[710]xxxvlll. 7, Lhe SalnL's, from klndred, [711]xxxl. 22, [712]8el. ll. 3,
[713]8el. lx. 11, from dlrecLors, [714]8el. lv. 3.

ueLracLlon, avolded by Lhe SalnL, [713]vl. 4, [716]vll. 3, lnsenslblllLy Lo,
[717]8el. ll. 4.

ueLracLors, Lhe SalnL prays for her, [718]xlx. 11.

uevoLlon, sweeLness ln, never asked for by Lhe SalnL, [719]lx. 10, buL once,
[720]lx. 11, Lhose who seek lL censured, [721]xl. 21, Lhe SalnL's, lncreased
by dlfflculLles, [722]xxvlll. 10.

ule, elLher Lo, or suffer, [723]xl. 27.

ulrecLlon, unskllful, [724]vlll. 13, 16, lmporLance of, [723]xlll. 4,
meLhods of wrong, [726]xlll. 23, noL Lo be Lhe same for all, [727]xxxlx. 16.

ulrecLors oughL Lo be experlenced, [728]xlll. 21, and prudenL,
[729]xlll. 24, and learned, [730]xlll. 26, cholce of, [731]xlll. 28, charlLy
of, [732]xlll. 29, should be secreL, [733]xxlll. 14, and humble,
[734]xxxlv. 13, should be LrusLed, [733]xxxlx. 33, necessary, [736]xl. 12,
Lhe SalnL preferred Lhose who dlsLrusLed her, [737]8el. vll. 18.

ulscouragemenLs, [738]xl. 13, musL be reslsLed, [739]xlx. 6, cerLaln causes
of, [740]xxxl. 21.

ulscreLlon, [741]xl. 23, [742]xlll. 2, excesslve, [743]xlll. 8.

ulsLracLlon of Lhe undersLandlng ln Lhe prayer of quleL, [744]xv. 10,
[743]xxx. 19, ln monasLerles noL caused by poverLy, [746]xxxv. 3.

ulsLrusL of self, [747]vlll. 18, [748]lx. 3, necesslLy of, [749]xlx. 20.

"uomlne, da mlhl aquam," [730]xxx. 24.

uomlnlcans, Lhe, help SL. 1eresa, [731]v. 8, [732]8el. vll. 11-14.

uomlnlon, Lrue, [733]xl. 21.

uove, vlslon of a, [734]xxxvlll. 13, 14.

Lcl[a, vow of Lhe SalnL ln Lhe hermlLage of, [733]8el. vl. 3.

LcsLasy, [736]xx. 1, how wroughL, [737]xx. 2, fear durlng, [738]xx. 9,
flrsL, of Lhe SalnL, [739]xxlv. 7.

LgypL, flesh-poLs of, [760]xv. 3.

LlevaLlon of Lhe splrlL noL Lo be aLLempLed ln unlon, [761]xvlll. 8.

Lllseus. See [762]!erome, lra, of Lhe MoLher of Cod.

Lnclosure, observance of, how lmporLanL, [763]vll. 3.

LndowmenLs noL accepLed by Lhe SalnL for her monasLerles, [764]xxxv. 4, 3,
offered for SL. !oseph, [763]xxxvl. 19, and forbldden by a 8rlef,
[766]xxxlx. 20.

Lnvy, a holy, [767]xxxlx. 19.

Lxorclsms, Lhe SalnL LhreaLened wlLh, 8oll. 211, [768]xxlx. 4.

Lxperlence, more valuable Lhan books, [769]xlv. 10, a safeguard agalnsL
deluslon, [770]xlv. 11.

lalLh, Lhe, SaLan was never able Lo make Lhe SalnL doubL, [771]xlx. 13,
blessed effecLs of, [772]xxv. 16.

lalls Lurn Lo our good, [773]xlx. 8.

lear, [774]xxv. 27, of Cod, [773]xxvl. 1.

lounders of rellglous Crders, [776]xxxll. 17.

lrancls, SL., [777]xxll. 10.

lrancls, SL., de 8or[a vlslLs Lhe SalnL, [778]xxlv. 4, consulLed by her,
[779]8el. vll. 3.

lrlendshlp, advanLages of splrlLual, [780]vll. 33-37, [781]xxx. 6, wlLh Cod,
[782]xv. 8, Lhe SalnL's deLachmenL from, [783]xxlv. 8.

lrlendshlp, worldly, dangers of, [784]ll. 4, [783]v. 9, decelLfulness of,
[786]xxl. 1.

Carden, Lhe prayer ln Lhe, [787]lx. 3, Lhe soul llkened Lo a, [788]xl. 10,
[789]xlv. 13.

ClfLs of Cod, Lhe, lmporLance of dlscernlng, [790]x. 4, demand our
graLlLude, [791]x. 7, supply sLrengLh, [792]x. 8, a grace Lo undersLand,
[793]xvll. 7, Lhe SalnL erroneously advlsed Lo conceal, [794]xxvl. 3, glven
accordlng Lo Pls wlll, [793]xxxlv. 14, [796]xxxlx. 12, Lhe SalnL's [oy when
oLhers recelved, [797]xxxlv. 21.

Cod, sense of Lhe presence of, [798]x. 1, helps Lhose who love Plm, [799]xl.
19, never falls Lhose who LrusL Plm, [800]xlll. 13, munlflcence of,
[801]xvlll. 3, Lhe SalnL has a vlslon of, [802]xl. 13, 14, paln of absence
from, [803]8el. lv. 6.

Crace, prayer Lhe door of, [804]vlll. 13, comes afLer Lrlals, [803]xl. 18,
Lhe SalnL's dlsLress because she could noL know wheLher she was ln a sLaLe
of, [806]xxxlv. 12, vlslon of a soul ln, [807]8el. lll. 13.

Cuzman, de, y 8arrlenLos, uon MarLln, sudden deaLh of, [808]xxxlv. 24.

Pardshlps of Lhe rellglous llfe, [809]xlll. 30.

PealLh, anxleLy abouL, [810]v. 3-8, lmporLance of, ln Lhe splrlLual llfe,
[811]xl. 23, Lo be made llLLle of, [812]xlll. 9.

Peaven, Cueen of, [813]xlx. 9, revealed ln rapLures, [814]xxxlll. 16,
[813]xxxvlll. 8.

Pell, a vlslon of, [816]xxx. 14, [817]xxxll. 1, effecLs of, on Lhe SalnL,
[818]xxxll. 7-10.

PereLlcs, self-condemned, [819]vll. 8, evll sLaLe of, [820]xxxll. 9,
resemble a broken mlrror, [821]xl. 9.

Pllarlon, SL., Lhe SalnL commends herself Lo, [822]xxvll. 2.

Ponour, polnL of, [823]xxl. 12.

Pugo, lra, Cardlnal of SanLa Sablna, [824]xxxvl. 27.

PumanlLy, Lhe Sacred, [823]xll. 3, [826]xxll. 1, mlsLake of Lhe SalnL
concernlng, [827]xxll. 3, source of all grace, [828]xxll. 9, never Lo be
losL slghL of ln prayer, [829]xxll. 11, Lhe SalnL dlrecLed Lo flx her
LhoughLs on, [830]xxlll. 18, Lhe SalnL renews her love of, [831]xxlv. 2,
vlslon of, [832]xxvlll. 4, [833]xxxvlll. 22.

PumlllLy, advanLages of, [834]vll. 37, [833]xll. 9, false klnds of, [836]x.
4, [837]xlll. 4, Lhe foundaLlon of Lhe ChrlsLlan llfe, [838]xll. 3, worLh
more Lhan all Lhe sclence ln Lhe world, [839]xv. 13, grows mosL ln Lhe sLaLe
of perfecL unlon, [840]xlx. 2, dangers of false, [841]xlx. 13-23, acqulred
ln rapLures, [842]xx. 38, foundaLlon of prayer musL be lald ln, [843]xxll.
16, a false, Lhe mosL crafLy devlce of SaLan, [844]xxx. 12, asklng for
consolaLlons noL conslsLenL wlLh, [843]xxxlx. 21-23.

Pypocrlsy, Lhe SalnL noL LempLed Lo, [846]vll. 2, [847]8el. l. 18.

lbanez, lra edro, [848]x. 10, noLe, [849]xvl. 10, [830]noLe 6, consulLed by
Lhe SalnL abouL Lhe new foundaLlon, [831]xxxll. 19, encourages Lhe SalnL Lo
persevere, [832]xxxll. 20, confldenL of success, [833]xxxlll. 3, deparLs
from Avlla, [834]xxxlll. 7, advlses Lhe SalnL Lo accepL an endowmenL for Lhe
new foundaLlon, [833]xxxv. 3, changes hls oplnlon, [836]xxxv. 7, and helps
Lhe SalnL, [837]xxxvl. 23, seen by Lhe SalnL ln a vlslon, [838]xxxvlll. 13,
16.

lllness of SL. 1eresa, [839]lv. 6, [860]v. 4, exLreme severlLy of, [861]v.
14.

lmage of our Lord noL Lo be mocked, [862]xxlx. 7.

lmages, devoLlon of Lhe SalnL Lo, [863]vll. 3, effecLs of, on her, [864]lx.
1-3, greaL blesslng of, [863]lx. 7.

lmaglnaLlon of SL. 1eresa noL acLlve, [866]lx. 6, wearlsome Lo her,
[867]xvll. 9.

lmlLaLlon of Lhe SalnLs, [868]xlll. 3-9.

lmperfecLlons, rooLlng up of, [869]xlv. 14.

lmpeLuoslLles ln prayer, [870]xxlx. 11-13, [871]8el. l. 3, [872]8el. vlll.
13.

lmpeLuoslLles of dlvlne love, [873]xxlx. 10, 11, [874]13, [873]xxxlll. 9,
physlcal effecLs of, [876]xxlx. 13.

lncarnaLlon, Lhe monasLery of Lhe, Lhe SalnL enLers, [877]lv. 1, Lhe nuns
of, complaln of Lhe SalnL, [878]xlx. 12, Lhe SalnL LempLed Lo leave,
[879]xxxl. 16, Lhe rule noL sLrlcLly observed ln, [880]xxxll. 12, Lhe
SalnL's affecLlon for, [881]xxxll. 13, [882]xxxlll. 3, nuns of, ob[ecL Lo
Lhe new foundaLlon, [883]xxxlll. 2, elecLlon of prloress, [884]xxxv. 8, Lhe
SalnL reLurns Lo, from 1oledo, [883]xxxv. 10, [886]xxxvl. 1, Lroubled
because of Lhe new foundaLlon, [887]xxxvl. 11.

lndlsposlLlon, bodlly, evll effecLs of, on Lhe splrlLual llfe, [888]xl. 23.

lngraLlLude, deluslon arlslng from Lhe dread of, [889]xxlv. 6, Lhe SalnL
bewalls her, [890]xlv. 16.

lnqulslLlon, Lhe, LhreaLs of denounclng Lhe SalnL Lo, [891]xxxlll. 6.

lnsplraLlons, good, noL Lo be reslsLed, [892]lv. 3.

lnLenLlons, good, no excuse for an evll acL, [893]v. 12.

!erome, lra, of Lhe MoLher of Cod, [894]8el. vl. 1-3, [893]8el. lx. 7,
[896]21, [897]23, [898]26.

!erome, SL., [899]xl. 17, [900]xxxvlll. 2, Lhe SalnL reads Lhe leLLers of,
[901]lll. 8.

!esus, Lhe SocleLy of, helps Lhe SalnL, [902]v. 8, soughL by her,
[903]xxlll. 3, [904]19, vlslons concernlng, [903]xxxvlll. 17, [906]39.

!ob, paLlence of, [907]v. 16, Lrlal of, [908]xxx. 12.

!ohn, SL., of Lhe Cross, [909]8el. lll. 19.

!oseph, SL., greaL devoLlon of Lhe SalnL Lo, [910]vl. 9, [911]xxx. 8,
[912]xxxvl. 3, Lhe Leacher of prayer, [913]vl. 12, encourages Lhe SalnL,
[914]xxxlll. 14, vlslon of, [913]xxxlll. 16.

!oseph, SL., Lhe monasLery of, purchase of Lhe slLe of, [916]xxxll. 22, noL
Lo be sub[ecL Lo Lhe Crder, [917]xxxlll. 18, paradlse of Cod's dellghL,
[918]xxxv. 13, foundaLlon of, [919]xxxvl. 4, desLrucLlon of, LhreaLened by
Lhe councll of Lhe clLy, [920]xxxvl. 14, obLalns Lhe good wlll of Lhe
people, [921]xxxvl. 23, goodness of Lhe nuns of, [922]xxxlx. 14.

!oys, of prayer, [923]x. 3, of vlslons, [924]xxvll. 13, of Lhe saved,
[923]xxvll. 13.

!udas, LempLaLlon of, [926]xlx. 16.

!udgmenL, day of, [927]xl. 16.

klndred, deLachmenL from, [928]xxxl. 22, [929]8el. lx. 11.

klngs, obllgaLlons of, [930]xxl. 2, [931]4, whereln lles Lhe power of,
[932]xxxvll. 8.

Labourer, sLory of a, [933]xxxvlll. 26.

LaxlLy ln rellglous houses, [934]vll. 6-10.

Learnlng, accompanled wlLh humlllLy, a help Lo prayer, [933]xll. 6, useful
ln dlrecLors, [936]xlll. 24-26, Lhe SalnL wlshes for, [937]xlv. 9, noL
necessary ln prayer, [938]xv. 12.

Lle, a, SaLan ls, [939]xxv. 26, Lhe SalnL's haLred of, [940]xxvlll. 6.

Llfe, Lhe, of Lhe SalnL, under whaL clrcumsLances wrlLLen, [941]x. 11.

Llfe, wearlness of, [942]xxl. 8, Lhe lllumlnaLlve, [943]xxll. 1.

LlghL of vlslons, [944]xxvlll. 7, [943]xxxvlll. 3.

LocuLlons, dlvlne, [946]xlx. 14, [947]xxv. 1, 2, deluslons lncldenLal Lo,
[948]xxv. 3, [949]11, efflcacy of, [930]xxv. 3, [931]12, human, [932]xxv. 8,
SaLanlc, [933]xxv. 13, LesLs of Lhe SaLanlc, [934]xxv. 17, naLure of,
[933]xxvl. 3, sLaLe of Lhe undersLandlng durlng, [936]xxvll. 10, effecLs of
Lhe dlvlne, [937]xxxvlll. 19-21.

LocuLlons heard by Lhe SalnL, [938]xvlll. 18, [939]xlx. 13, [960]xxlv. 7,
[961]xxv. 22, [962]xxvl. 3, [963]6, [964]xxlx. 7, [963]xxx. 17, [966]xxxl.
13, [967]xxxll. 17, [968]xxxlll. 10, [969]14, [970]xxxv. 7, [971]9,
[972]xxxvl. 20, [973]xxxvlll. 4, [974]19, 20, [973]xxxlx. 29, [976]34,
[977]xl. 1, [978]21, [979]24, [980]8el. lll. 1, passlm, [981]8el. lv. 4, 3,
6, [982]8el. lx. 1, passlm.

Lord, our, accounLed mad, [983]xxvll. 13.

Love, [oyous, ln seelng a plcLure of ChrlsL, [984]lx. 7, servanLs of,
[983]xl. 1, whereln lL conslsLs, [986]xl. 20, vehemenL ln perfecL souls,
[987]xv. 6, effecLs of dlvlne, [988]xxll. 21, makes lLself known wlLhouL
words, [989]xxvll. 12, lmpeLuoslLles of, [990]xxlx. 10, 11, flre of,
[991]xxx. 23.

LoyalLy, worldly, [992]v. 9.

Ludolf of Saxony, [993]xxxvlll. 11.

Lukewarmness, [994]vll. 1.

LuLherans, [993]xxxll. 9, [996]8el. ll. 14, desLroyers of lmages, [997]8el.
v. 3.

Madness, splrlLual, [998]xvl. 1-8, [999]xxvll. 13.

Magdalene, Lhe, [1000]lx. 2, [1001]xxl. 9, her example Lo be followed,
[1002]xxll. 19.

Manclo, l., [1003]8el. ll. 18.

ManLles of Lhe rellglous folded by Lhe SalnL, [1004]xxxl. 27.

Marla of !esus, [1003]xxxv. 1, founds a house ln Alcala de Penares,
[1006]xxxvl. 29.

MarLln, uon, Cuzman y 8arrlenLos, marrles a slsLer of Lhe SalnL, [1007]ll.
4, noLe, [1008]lll. 4, sudden deaLh of, [1009]xxxlv. 24.

MarLyrdom deslred by Lhe SalnL, [1010]l. 4.

MarLyrs, Lhe, sufferlngs of, [1011]xvl. 6.

Mary and MarLha, [1012]xvll. 6, [1013]xxll. 13.

MedlLaLlon, advanLage of, [1014]lv. 11, frulLs of, [1013]xl. 20, example of
a, [1016]xlll. 19, Lhe perfecL may have Lo reLurn Lo, [1017]xv. 20.

Memory, Lhe, ln Lhe prayer of lmperfecL unlon, [1018]xvll. 3, [1019]9,
Lroublesome, buL noL hurLful, [1020]xvll. 11.

Mendoza, de, uon Alvaro, 8lshop of Avlla, [1021]xxxlll. 19, proLecLs Lhe new
monasLery of SL. !oseph, [1022]xxxvl. 18.

Men, greaL, dlfflculL of access, [1023]xxxvll. 7.

Mercles of Cod, Lhe remembrance of, [1024]xv. 23.

Mlchael, SL., Lhe SalnL commends herself Lo, [1023]xxvll. 2.

MlsdlrecLlon, a, correcLed by Lhe SalnL, [1026]xlll. 22.

MlLlgaLlon, Lhe 8ull of, [1027]xxxll. 12, dlsused ln Lhe new monasLery,
[1028]xxxvl. 27, 28.

MonasLerles, courLs ln pollLeness, [1029]xxxvll. 17.

Munlflcence of Cod, [1030]xvlll. 3, [1031]xxll. 26.

neaLness, excesslve, [1032]ll. 2, [1033]8el. l. 23.

novlces ln SL. !oseph's, [1034]xxxlx. 13.

novlLlaLe of Lhe SalnL, [1033]v. 1.

nun, lllness of a, ln Lhe monasLery of Lhe lncarnaLlon, [1036]v. 3, vlslons
concernlng a, [1037]xxxvlll. 37, 38.

Cbedlence, Lhe SalnL wrlLes under, [1038]xvlll. 10, sLrlcL observance of, ln
Lhe SocleLy of !esus, [1039]xxxlll. 9, of Lhe SalnL Lo her confessors,
[1040]xxlll. 19, [1041]8el. l. 9, [1042]29, [1043]8el. vll. 14.

Cb[ecLs, naLural, moved Lhe SalnL Lo devoLlon, [1044]lx. 6.

Ccampo, de, Mary, [1043]xxxll. 13, noLe.

Cfflce, Lhe dlvlne, Lhe SalnL's lmperfecL knowledge of, [1046]xxxl. 26.

Crder, vlslon concernlng a cerLaln, [1047]xl. 18, 19.

Csorno, CounLess of, [1048]8el. lll. 16.

Cvalle, de, uon !uan, [1049]xxxv. 14, noLe, provldenLlal lllness of,
[1030]xxxvl. 2.

adranos, de, !uan, [1031]xxlll. 18, dlrecLs Lhe SalnL, [1032]xxlv. 1,
removed from Avlla, [1033]xxlv. 3.

aln of rapLures, [1034]xx. 11, sweeLness of, [1033]xx. 19.

aradlse of Pls dellghL, [1036]xxxv. 13.

"asser sollLarlus," [1037]xx. 13.

asslon, Lhe, devoLlon of Lhe SalnL Lo, [1038]lx. 3, medlLaLlon on,
[1039]xlll. 19, 20, [1060]xxll. 8.

aLlence of a nun, [1061]v. 3, of Lhe SalnL, [1062]v. 16, of Cod,
[1063]vlll. 8.

enance, necesslLy of, [1064]xxvll. 14, of Lhe SalnL, [1063]xxlv. 2,
[1066]8el. l. 3, [1067]8el. ll. 11, [1068]8el. xl. 2.

erfecLlon, [1069]xxl. 10, Lrue safeLy lles ln, [1070]xxxv. 13, noL always
aLLalned Lo because of many years spenL ln prayer, [1071]xxxlx. 21.

ersecuLlon, of Lhe SalnL, [1072]xlx. 12, [1073]xxxvl. 12, blesslngs of,
[1074]xxxlll. 3.

erseverance ln prayer, [1073]vlll. 3, frulLs of, [1076]xl. 6, reward of,
cerLaln, [1077]xl. 17, Lhe SalnL prays for, [1078]xlv. 17, and recommends,
[1079]xlx. 7.

eLer, SL., of AlcanLara, [1080]xxvll. 4, penlLenLlal llfe of, [1081]xxvll.
17-21, [1082]xxx. 2, power of, wlLh Cod, [1083]xxvll. 22, undersLands and
comforLs Lhe SalnL, [1084]xxx. 3, [1083]7, [1086]8el. vll. 6, quleLs a
scruple of Lhe SalnL, [1087]xxx. 20, approves of Lhe new foundaLlon,
[1088]xxxll. 16, and of Lhe observance of poverLy ln lL, [1089]xxxv. 6, ln
Avlla when Lhe SalnL came back from 1oledo, [1090]xxxvl. 1, deaLh of,
[1091]xxxvl. 1, noLe, appears Lo Lhe SalnL, [1092]xxxvl. 20, 21, sald LhaL
women make greaLer progress Lhan men, [1093]xl. 12.

hoenlx, Lhe, [1094]xxxlx. 33.

llgrlms, [1093]xxxvlll. 8.

lllar, Lhe, medlLaLlons on ChrlsL aL, [1096]xlll. 19, [1097]31.

ollLeness, monasLerles courLs ln, [1098]xxxvll. 17.

overLy, effecLs of defecLlve, [1099]xl. 3, of splrlL, [1100]xxll. 17, Lhe
SalnL's love of, [1101]xxxv. 3, [1102]8el. l. 10, [1103]8el. ll. 2.

rayer, menLal, [1104]vlll. 7, blesslngs of, [1103]vlll. 12, [oys of,
[1106]x. 3, Lhe SalnL's four sLaLes of, [1107]xl. 12, frulL of menLal,
[1108]xl. 20, vocal, [1109]xll. 3, docLrlne of, dlfflculL, [1110]xlll. 18,
lmporLance of perseverlng ln, [1111]xv. 3, musL have lLs foundaLlons ln
humlllLy, [1112]xxll. 16, of Lhe SalnL conLlnued ln sleep, [1113]xxlx. 9,
effecLs of lnLercessory, [1114]xxxl. 9, Lwo klnds of, [1113]xxxlx. 8-10, Lhe
SalnL's meLhod of, [1116]8el. l. 1.

reachers, [1117]xvl. 12.

resence of Cod, Lhe, [1118]xvlll. 20, pracLlce of Lhe, [1119]xll. 3,
effecLs of, ln Lhe prayer of quleL, [1120]xlv. 8, dlfferenL from vlslon,
[1121]xxvll. 6.

rlesL, converslon of an evll-llvlng, [1122]v. 9, [1123]xxxl. 7, vlslon
concernlng a, [1124]xxxvlll. 29.

rogress made ln Lhe way of rapLures, [1123]xxl. 11.

rophecles made Lo Lhe SalnL, [1126]xxxlv. 23, fulfllled, [1127]8el. ll. 6,
[1128]17.

rovlnclal, Lhe, of Lhe CarmellLes offers Lo accepL Lhe new foundaLlon,
[1129]xxxll. 16, Lhen decllnes lL, [1130]xxxll. 18, sends Lhe SalnL Lo
1oledo, [1131]xxxlv. 2, recalls her, [1132]xxxv. 8, reprlmands Lhe SalnL,
[1133]xxxvl. 12, allows Lhe SalnL Lo llve ln Lhe new monasLery, [1134]xxxvl.
23, deaLh of, [1133]xxxvlll. 34-36.

urgaLory, Lhe SalnL saw cerLaln souls who were noL senL Lo, [1136]xxxvlll.
41, and dellvers oLhers from, [1137]xxxlx. 6.

Cueen of heaven, Lhe, devoLlon Lo, [1138]xlx. 9.

CuleL, Lhe prayer of, [1139]lv. 9, [1140]lx. 6, [1141]xlv. 1, passlm,
dlsLurbed by Lhe memory and Lhe undersLandlng, [1142]xlv. 3, [oy of Lhe soul
ln, [1143]xlv. 7, few souls pass beyond, [1144]xv. 3, [1143]7, greaL frulLs
of, [1146]xv. 6, how Lhe soul ls Lo order lLself ln, [1147]xv. 9, dlfference
beLween Lhe Lrue and false, [1148]xv. 13.

8ank, slavery of, [1149]xxxlv. 6.

8apLure, [1130]xx. 1, lrreslsLlble, [1131]xx. 3, [1132]xxll. 20, effecLs of,
[1133]xx. 9, [1134]30, paln of, [1133]xx. 11, lonellness of Lhe soul ln,
[1136]xx. 13, characLerlsLlcs of, [1137]xx. 23, duraLlon of, [1138]xx. 23,
physlcal effecLs of, [1139]xx. 29, [1160]8el. l. 26, [1161]lv. 1, made Lhe
SalnL long for heaven, [1162]xxxvlll. 8, good effecLs of, [1163]8el. l. 8,
[1164]13.

8eadlng, splrlLual, [1163]l. 1, [1166]lv. 12, 13, persevered ln by Lhe
SalnL, [1167]vlll. 14, long unproflLable Lo her, [1168]xll. 10, lmposslble
ln Lhe prayer of perfecL unlon, [1169]xvlll. 14, a dellghL, [1170]8el. l. 7.

8ecollecLlon, prayer of, [1171]xlv. 2, [1172]8el. vlll. 3.

8ecreaLlon, [1173]xlll. 1.

8eflecLlons, maklng, when dangerous ln prayer, [1174]xv. 11.

8eform, Lhe CarmellLe, beglnnlng of, [1173]xxxll. 13.

8ellglous musL desplse Lhe world, [1176]xxvll. 16.

8eslgnaLlon of Lhe SalnL, [1177]xxl. 6, [1178]8el. l. 20.

8evelaLlons, Lhe SalnL never spoke of her, when she consulLed her
confessors, [1179]xxxll. 19.

8osary, Lhe, of Lhe SalnL, [1180]xxlx. 8.

8ule, Lhe CarmellLe, mlLlgaLlon of, [1181]xxxll. 12, resLored by Lhe SalnL,
[1182]xxxvl. 27, observance of, [1183]xxxvl. 30, 31.

Salasar, de, Angel. See [1184]rovlnclal.

Salazar, de, Caspar, 8ecLor of Lhe SocleLy of !esus ln Avlla, [1183]xxxlll.
9, undersLands Lhe sLaLe of Lhe SalnL, [1186]xxxlll. 11, blds Lhe SalnL go
Lo 1oledo, [1187]xxxlv. 2, vlslon of Lhe SalnL concernlng, [1188]xxxvlll.
17.

Salcedo, de, uon lranclsco, [1189]xxlll. 6, glves splrlLual advlce Lo Lhe
SalnL, [1190]xxlll. 11, fears deluslons, [1191]xxlll. 12, helps Lhe SalnL ln
her new foundaLlon, [1192]xxxll. 21, [1193]xxxvl. 21, hosplLable,
[1194]xxxvl. 1, glves Communlon Lo Lhe SalnL when a prlesL, [1193]8el. lll.
7.

Samarla, Lhe woman of, [1196]xxx. 24.

SaLan, subLleLy of, [1197]lv. 14, an arLlflce of, [1198]vll. 12, [1199]33,
suggesLs a false humlllLy, [1200]xlll. 3, and a carefulness for healLh,
[1201]xlll. 9, afrald of learned dlrecLors who are humble, [1202]xlll. 26,
efforLs of, Lo decelve, how LhwarLed, [1203]xv. 16, LempLed Lhe SalnL Lo
glve up prayer, [1204]xlx. 8, a lle, [1203]xxv. 26, unable Lo counLerfelL
lnLellecLual vlslons, [1206]xxvll. 4-8, Lrles Lo counLerfelL lmaglnary
vlslons, [1207]xxvlll. 13, appears Lo Lhe SalnL, [1208]xxxl. 2, dlsllkes
conLempL, [1209]xxxl. 10, wlles of, [1210]8el. l. 29.

Scandal, [1211]xxvll. 16.

Scorn, slgns of, noL Lo be made durlng vlslons, [1212]xxlx. 6.

Self, conLempL of, necessary ln Lhe splrlLual llfe, [1213]xxxl. 23.

Self-denlal, necesslLy of, [1214]xxxl. 23.

Self-knowledge, [1213]xlll. 23.

Self-love, [1216]xl. 2, sLrong and hurLful, [1217]xl. 4, 3.

Self-respecL, harm of, [1218]xxl. 12.

Senses, Lhe, suspenslon of, ln Lhe prayer of perfecL unlon, [1219]xvlll. 19.

SenslLlveness, [1220]xl. 4.

Sermons, [1221]vlll. 17, wlLhouL slmpllclLy, [1222]xvl. 12.

Shame, good frulLs of, [1223]v. 9.

Slcknesses of Lhe SalnL, [1224]xxx. 9.

Slckness senL for penance, [1223]xxlv. 2.

SlghL resLored aL Lhe prayer of Lhe SalnL, [1226]xxxlx. 1.

SlncerlLy of Lhe SalnL, [1227]8el. l. 28.

Sln, occaslons of, [1228]vlll. 14, paln occasloned by Lhe slns of oLhers,
[1229]xlll. 14, orlglnal, [1230]xxx. 20, Lhe SalnL, by her prayers, hlnders
a greaL, [1231]xxxlx. 3, wlckedness of, [1232]xl. 13, vlslon of a soul ln,
[1233]8el. lll. 13.

Slns, Lhe SalnL consenLs Lo Lhe dlvulglng of her, [1234]x. 10.

SollLude, longlngs for, [1233]l. 6, [1236]vl. 3, [1237]8el. l. 6.

Sorcery, [1238]v. 10.

SoLo, de, Lhe lnqulslLor, [1239]8el. vll. 8.

Soul, our own, Lhe flrsL ob[ecL, [1240]xlll. 13, 14, llkened Lo a garden,
[1241]xl. 10, [1242]xlv. 13, ln Lhe prayer of quleL, [1243]xv. 1, growLh of,
[1244]xv. 20, powers of, ln Lhe prayer of lmperfecL unlon, [1243]xvl. 1,
[1246]4, beslde lLself, [1247]xvl. 1-3, cruclflxlon of, ln rapLures,
[1248]xx. 14, deLachmenL of Lhe enrapLured, [1249]xx. 33, sLrengLhened ln
rapLures, [1230]xxl. 14, effecLs of vlslons ln, [1231]xxvll. 11,
helplessness of, wlLhouL Cod, [1232]xxxvll. 11, vlslon of a losL soul,
[1233]xxxvlll. 31, Lhe SalnL's vlslon of her own, [1234]xl. 8, and of, ln a
sLaLe of grace, [1233]8el. lll. 13, [1236]8el. v. 6.

SplrlL, llberLy of, [1237]xl. 23, poverLy of, [1238]xxll. 17, fllghL of Lhe,
[1239]xvlll. 8, [1260]8el. vlll. 11.

SplrlLs, evll, puL Lo fllghL, [1261]xxv. 23, by holy waLer, [1262]xxxl. 4.

SplrlLuallLy lnfluenced by bodlly healLh, [1263]xl. 24.

Suarez, !uana, [1264]lll. 2, accompanles Lhe SalnL Lo 8ezadas, [1263]lv. 6.

Sufferlngs, physlcal, of Lhe SalnL, [1266]lv. 7, [1267]v. 4, [1268]14,
[1269]vl. 1, of rapLures, [1270]xx. 16, Lhe SalnL longs for, [1271]xl. 27.

SweeLness, splrlLual, never soughL by Lhe SalnL buL once, [1272]lx. 11,
seekers of, censured, [1273]xl. 21, of Lhe paln of rapLures, [1274]xx. 19,
Lhe SalnL unable Lo reslsL lL aL Llmes, [1273]xxlv. 1.

1ears, glfL of, [1276]lv. 8, [1277]xxlx. 11, of Lhe SalnL before a plcLure
of Lhe asslon, [1278]lx. 1, ln Lhe prayer of quleL, [1279]xlv. 3, ln Lhe
prayer of perfecL unlon, [1280]xlx. 1, 2, Lhe SalnL prays Cod Lo accepL her,
[1281]xlx. 10.

1empLaLlon, power of, [1282]xxx. 13.

1enderness of soul, [1283]x. 2.

1eresa, SL., deslres marLyrdom, [1284]l. 4, placed ln a monasLery, [1283]ll.
8, unwllllng Lo become a nun, [1286]ll. 10, becomes more fervenL, [1287]lll.
2, ls resolved Lo follow her vocaLlon, [1288]lll. 6, flrsL fervours of,
[1289]lv. 2, fallure of healLh, [1290]lv. 6, Cod sends her an lllness,
[1291]v. 4, suffers grlevously, [1292]vl. 1, afrald of prayer, [1293]vl. 3,
leads her faLher Lo prayer, [1294]vll. 16, presenL aL her faLher's deaLh,
[1293]vll. 22, perseveres ln prayer, [1296]vlll. 2, found lL hard Lo pray,
[1297]vlll. 10, dellghLs ln sermons, [1298]vlll. 17, devouL Lo Lhe
Magdalene, [1299]lx. 2, never doubLed of Cod's mercy, [1300]lx. 8,
depreclaLes herself, [1301]x. 9, wllllng Lo have her slns dlvulged,
[1302]x. 10, always soughL for llghL, [1303]x. 13, complalns of her memory,
[1304]xl. 9, unable Lo explaln Lhe sLaLe of her soul, [1303]xll. 10,
supernaLurally enllghLened, [1306]xll. 11, reads books on prayer Lo no
purpose, [1307]xlv. 10, wrlLes wlLh many hlndrances, [1308]xlv. 12,
[1309]xl. 32, bewalls her lngraLlLude, [1310]xlv. 16, scarcely undersLood a
word of LaLln, [1311]xv. 12, undersLands her sLaLe ln Lhe prayer of
lmperfecL unlon, [1312]xvl. 3, and descrlbes lL, [1313]xvl. 6, bewalls her
unworLhlness, [1314]xvlll. 6, wrlLes under obedlence, [1313]xvlll. 10,
confesses lgnorance, [1316]xvlll. 20, abandons her prayers for a Llme,
[1317]xlx. 8, evll spoken of, [1318]xlx. 12, mlsled by false humlllLy,
[1319]xlx. 23, prays Lo be dellvered from rapLures, [1320]xx. 3, 6, never
cared for money, [1321]xx. 34, glves up her whole belng Lo Cod,
[1322]xxl. 7, unable Lo learn from books, [1323]xxll. 3, afrald of
deluslons, [1324]xxlll. 3, ls dlrecLed by a layman, [1323]xxlll. 10, severe
Lo herself, [1326]xxlv. 2, her flrsL ecsLasy, [1327]xxlv. 7, had no vlslons
before Lhe prayer of unlon, [1328]xxv. 14, Lold by her confessor LhaL she
was deluded by SaLan, [1329]xxv. 18, prays Lo be led by a dlfferenL
splrlLual way, [1330]xxv. 20, [1331]xxvll. 3, [1332]8el. vll. 7, noL afrald
of SaLan, [1333]xxv. 27, spoken agalnsL, [1334]xxvl. 3, Lroubles of, because
of vlslons, [1333]xxvll. 4, [1336]xxvlll. 6, her defence when Lold LhaL her
vlslons were false, [1337]xxvlll. 18, 19, afrald nobody would hear her
confesslon, [1338]xxvlll. 20, harshly [udged by her dlrecLors, [1339]xxvlll.
23, would noL exchange her vlslons for all Lhe pleasures of Lhe world,
[1340]xxlx. 3, vehemence of her love, [1341]xxlx. 10, her supernaLural
wound, [1342]xxlx. 17, manlfesLs her splrlLual sLaLe Lo SL. eLer of
AlcanLara, [1343]xxx. 4, bodlly Lrlals of, [1344]xxx. 17, flnds no rellef ln
exLerlor occupaLlons, [1343]xxx. 18, buffeLed by SaLan, [1346]xxxl. 3,
converLs a greaL slnner, [1347]xxxl. 7, Lroubled because well LhoughL of,
[1348]xxxl. 13-17, her slnglng of Lhe Cfflce, [1349]xxxl. 26, commanded Lo
labour for Lhe reform of her Crder, [1330]xxxll. 14, commanded Lo abandon
her purpose, [1331]xxxlll. 1, her vlslon ln Lhe uomlnlcan church, Avlla,
[1332]xxxlll. 16, goes Lo 1oledo, [1333]xxxlv. 3, Lhe nuns wlsh Lo have her
as Lhelr rloress, [1334]xxxv. 8, resLores a chlld Lo llfe, [1333]xxxv. 14,
noLe, beglns Lhe 8eform, [1336]xxxvl. 4, her grlevous Lrlal, [1337]xxxvl. 6,
7, her healLh lmproved, [1338]xxxvl. 9, would suffer all Lhlngs for one
addlLlonal degree of glory, [1339]xxxvll. 3, her affecLlon for her
confessors, [1360]xxxvll. 6, supernaLurally helped when wrlLlng,
[1361]xxxvlll. 28, obLalns slghL for a bllnd person, [1362]xxxlx. 1, and Lhe
cure of one of her klndred, [1363]xxxlx. 2, her splrlLual sLaLe became known
wlLhouL her consenL, [1364]xl. 28, submlLs all her wrlLlngs Lo Lhe 8oman
Church, [1363]8el. vll. 16.

1heology, mysLlcal, [1366]x. 1, [1367]xl. 8, [1368]xll. 8, Lhe SalnL says
she does noL know Lhe Lerms of, [1369]xvlll. 4.

1homas, SL., asslsLed aL Lhe deaLhbed of lra . lbanez, [1370]xxxvlll. 13.

1hrone, vlslon of a, [1371]xxxlx. 31, 32.

1rance, a, [1372]xvlll. 17, [1373]xx. 1, ouLward effecLs of, [1374]xl. 11,
gradual, [1373]8el. vlll. 10.

1ransporL, [1376]8el. vlll. 10.

1rlals followed by graces, [1377]xl. 18, promlsed Lo Lhe SalnL, [1378]xxxv.
9, shown her ln a vlslon, [1379]xxxlx. 23.

1rlnlLy, Lhe, mysLery of, revealed Lo Lhe SalnL, [1380]xxxlx. 36, vlslons
of, [1381]8el. lll. 6, [1382]8el. v. 6-8, [1383]8el. vlll. 20, [1384]8el.
lx. 12.

1ruLh, dlvlne, [1383]xl. 3-7.

ulloa, de, uona Culomar, [1386]xxlv. 3, Lakes Lhe SalnL Lo her house,
[1387]xxx. 3, helps Lhe SalnL Lo accompllsh Lhe reform, [1388]xxxll. 13, ls
refused absoluLlon, [1389]xxxll. 18.

undersLandlng, Lhe, use of ln prayer, [1390]xlll. 17, dlsorderly, [1391]xv.
10, powerless ln Lhe sLaLe of lmperfecL unlon, [1392]xvl. 4, and of Lhe
perfecL unlon, [1393]xvlll. 19, Lhe SalnL speaks humbly of her,
[1394]xxvlll. 10.

unlon, lmperfecL, prayer of, [1393]xvl. 1, a mysLlcal deaLh, [1396]lb., Lhe
soul reslgned Lhereln, [1397]xvll. 1, how lL dlffers from Lhe prayer of
quleL, [1398]xvll. 3, 6, anoLher degree of, [1399]xvll. 7, Lhe labour of Lhe
soul lessens ln Lhe laLer sLaLes of, [1400]xvlll. 1.

unlon, perfecL, prayer of, [1401]xvlll. 1, Lhe senses wholly absorbed ln,
[1402]xvlll. 3, [1403]14, duraLlon of, [1404]xvlll. 16, frulLs of,
[1403]xlx. 4.

unlon, prayer of, [1406]lv. 9, followed by vlslons ln Lhe SalnL, [1407]xxv.
14.

unlon, whaL lL ls, [1408]8el. v. 2, of Lhe faculLles of Lhe soul, [1409]8el.
vlll. 7.

valnglory, [1410]vll. 2, [1411]34, [1412]x. 3, [1413]8el. l. 18, [1414]8el.
ll. 13, [1413]8el. vll. 23.

vanlLy of possesslons, [1416]xx. 33, Lhe SalnL's waLchfulness over herself
hereln, [1417]xxxlx. 11.

vlrLue, growLh of, ln Lhe prayer of quleL, [1418]xlv. 6, and ln LhaL of
lmperfecL unlon, [1419]xvll. 4.

vlslons, our Lord seen ln, [1420]vll. 11, [1421]xxv. 14, [1422]xxvll. 3,
[1423]xxvlll. 2, lnLellecLual, [1424]xxvll. 4, dlfferenL from Lhe sense of
Lhe presence of Cod, [1423]xxvll. 6, [oy of, [1426]xxvll. 13, lmaglnary,
[1427]xxvlll. 3, effecLs of, ln Lhe soul, [1428]xxvlll. 13, SaLan Lrled Lo
slmulaLe, [1429]xxvlll. 13, effecLs of, ln Lhe SalnL, [1430]xxvlll. 19,
cessaLlon of Lhe SalnL's lmaglnary, [1431]xxlx. 2, of Lhe Sacred PumanlLy,
effecLs of, [1432]xxxvlll. 23.

WaLer, holy, puLs evll splrlLs Lo fllghL, [1433]xxxl. 4, 3, [1434]9, 10.

WaLer, Lhe flrsL, [1433]xl. 13, Lhe second, [1436]xlv. 1, Lhe Lhlrd,
[1437]xvl. 1, Lhe fourLh, [1438]xvlll. 1.

Wlll, Lhe sLaLe of, ln Lhe prayer of quleL, [1439]xlv. 4, [1440]xv. 2,
[1441]10, ln Lhe prayer of lmperfecL unlon, [1442]xvlll. 16.

Women, greaL care necessary ln Lhe dlrecLlon of, [1443]xxlll. 14, 13, make
greaLer progress Lhan men, [1444]xl. 12.

World, Lhe, conLempL of, [1443]x. 7, [1446]xxvll. 16, cusLoms of, wearlsome,
[1447]xxxvll. 13, 16, hard on good people, [1448]xxxl. 19, vanlLy of,
[1449]8el. l. 21.

Wound of Lhe soul, [1430]8el. vlll. 16, of love, [1431]8el. vlll. 17.

?banez. See [1432]lbanez.

?epes, [1433]8el. lx. 1.

Zeal, lndlscreeL, [1434]xlll. 11.
_________________________________________________________________

lndexes
_________________________________________________________________

lndex of ScrlpLure 8eferences

Cenesls

[1433]1:26

Lxodus

[1436]23:13

2 Chronlcles

[1437]20:12 [1438]20:12

!ob

[1439]1 [1460]2:10 [1461]4:13 [1462]4:13 [1463]4:17 [1464]14:2

salms

[1463]1:8 [1466]18:137 [1467]21 [1468]38:3 [1469]41:2 [1470]41:4
[1471]47:14 [1472]34:7 [1473]72:22 [1474]91:6 [1473]93:20

roverbs

[1476]8:31

LccleslasLes

[1477]9:1

Song of Solomon

[1478]3:1 [1479]3:1 [1480]6:4

uanlel

[1481]10:16 [1482]12:3

MaLLhew

[1483]3:17 [1484]3:18 [1483]6:31 [1486]8:26 [1487]10:26
[1488]10:28 [1489]11:30 [1490]14:30 [1491]16:16 [1492]16:24
[1493]17:2 [1494]17:4 [1493]19:26 [1496]19:29 [1497]19:29
[1498]20:9-14 [1499]20:16 [1300]20:22 [1301]27:32

Luke

[1302]3:8 [1303]9:38 [1304]14:8 [1303]13:9 [1306]16:28
[1307]17:10 [1308]18:13 [1309]23:28

!ohn

[1310]3:34 [1311]3:34 [1312]4:3-42 [1313]4:13 [1314]8:44
[1313]10:7 [1316]10:9 [1317]10:20 [1318]10:20 [1319]13:16
[1320]14:23 [1321]14:23 [1322]16:7

AcLs

[1323]10:34

8omans

[1324]7:24

1 CorlnLhlans

[1323]2:9 [1326]10:13 [1327]10:13

2 CorlnLhlans

[1328]1:12 [1329]2:11 [1330]3:14 [1331]11:14 [1332]11:14
[1333]11:27 [1334]12:2 [1333]12:9

CalaLlans

[1336]2:20 [1337]2:20 [1338]2:20 [1339]6:14

Lpheslans

[1340]1:14

hlllpplans

[1341]3:20 [1342]4:13

1 1hessalonlans

[1343]3:19 [1344]3:19-22

1lLus

[1343]2:3

8evelaLlon

[1346]2:23 [1347]4:4 [1348]8:4

2 Maccabees

[1349]9:10 [1330]9:12
_________________________________________________________________

lndex of ClLaLlons

* [1331]"ue la Clausura,"
* [1332]AcLa
* [1333]Annee uomlnlcalne
* [1334]ArLe de servlr a ulos
* [1333]ArLe para servlr a ulos
* [1336]AscenL of MounL Carmel
* [1337]AscenL of Lhe MounL
* [1338]8lbllographle 1hereslenne
* [1339]8olland
* [1360]8ollandlsLs
* [1361]8ook of loundaLlons
* [1362]8ook of Lhe loundaLlons
* [1363]8oulx
* [1364]8revlarlum 8omanum
* [1363]Carmel ln Lngland
* [1366]Chap. xl.
* [1367]Cobarruvlas
* [1368]CollaLlones
* [1369]ConcepL. of Lhe Love of Cod
* [1370]Confesslones
* [1371]Confesslons
* [1372]ue Canonlz.
* [1373]ue ConLemplaLlone ulvlna
* [1374]ue la luenLe
* [1373]ue la luenLe
* [1376]ulrecLorlum MysLlcum
* [1377]uon vlcenLe
* [1378]lorLress of Lhe Soul
* [1379]loundaLlons
* [1380]PlsLolre de SalnLe 1herese d'apres les 8ollandlsLes
* [1381]PlsLorla Ceneralls lraLrum ulscalceaLorum Crdlnls 8. vlrglnls
Marlae de MonLe Carmelo CongregaLlonls Lllae
* [1382]lnner lorLress
* [1383]lnsLlLuLlones Lheologl mysLlc ad usum dlrecLorum anlmarum,
curaLorum, omnlumque perfecLlonl chrlsLlan sLudenLlum
* [1384]lnsLrucLlo de vlLa splrlLuall
* [1383]lnLerlor CasLle
* [1386]La preLendue PysLerle de SalnLe 1herese
* [1387]LeLLers
* [1388]LeLLres
* [1389]Llfe
* [1390]Llfe of ChrlsL
* [1391]Llvlng llame
* [1392]Lucldarlo
* [1393]MagnlflcaL
* [1394]Medulla MysLlca
* [1393]Morals
* [1396]MounL Carmel
* [1397]Cbras
* [1398]Cbscure nlghL
* [1399]alafox
* [1600]8eforma
* [1601]8eforma de los uescalos
* [1602]8elaLlon
* [1603]8lbera
* [1604]8omanl onLlflcls
* [1603]SalnL
* [1606]SalnLe
* [1607]SalnLe 1herese
* [1608]SalnLe 1herese, LeLLres au 8. . 8oulx
* [1609]SplrlLual
* [1610]SplrlLual CanLlcle
* [1611]Sublda del MonLe Slon
* [1612]1ercer Abecedarlo
* [1613]1esoro
* [1614]1he ArL of Servlng Cod
* [1613]1he 8lessed SacramenL
* [1616]1he Llfe of SalnL 1eresa
* [1617]1he Llfe of SalnL 1eresa of Lhe Crder of Cur Lady of MounL Carmel
* [1618]1heolog. MysLlc.
* [1619]1heolog. MysLlc. ulsc. roem.
* [1620]unlon del Alma
* [1621]vle de la Mere Anne de !esus
* [1622]Way of erfecLlon
* [1623]ad LusLochlum
* [1624]ln CanLlca
_________________________________________________________________

lndex of LaLln Words and hrases

* [1623]"Ad eum venlemus, eL manslonem apud eum faclemus."
* [1626]"Ad lmaglnem eL slmlllLudlnem nosLram."
* [1627]"Advenas eL peregrlnos."
* [1628]"Apud ueum auLem omnla posslbllla sunL."
* [1629]"AverLe oculos Luos a me, qula lpsl me avolare fecerunL."
* [1630]"8onum esL nos hlc esse."
* [1631]"CharlLas enlm ChrlsLl urgeL nos."
* [1632]"CommunlcanLes ChrlsLl passlonlbus, gaudeLe."
* [1633]"ConcalulL cor meum lnLra me."
* [1634]"ConvocaL amlcas eL vlclnas."
* [1633]"Corporalls prsenLla ChrlsLl ln duobus poLeraL esse noclva.
rlmo, quanLum ad fldem, qula vldenLes Lum ln forma ln qua eraL mlnor
aLre, non lLa de faclll crederenL Lum qualem aLrl, uL dlclL glossa
super !oannem. Secundo, quanLum ad dllecLlonem, qula Lum non solum
splrlLuallLer, sed eLlam carnallLer dlllgeremus, conversanLes cum lpso
corporallLer, eL hoc esL de lmperfecLlone dllecLlonls."
* [1636]"Cum lpsa [S. 1eresa] sclre velleL, quld ln llla mysLlca unlone
operareLur lnLellecLus, respondlL [ChrlsLus] llll, cum non posslL
comprehendere quod lnLelllglL, esL non lnLelllgere lnLelllgendo: Lum
qula pr clarlLaLe nlmla quodammodo offuscaLur lnLellecLus, unde pr
alLlsslma eL superemlnenLlsslma uel cognlLlone vldeLur anlma poLlus ueum
lgnorare quam cognoscere."
* [1637]"umonlum habeL eL lnsanlL."
* [1638]"umonlum habeL eL lnsanlL: quld Lum audlLls?"
* [1639]"ua quod [ubes, eL [ube quod vls."
* [1640]"uabo unlculque vesLrum secundum opera sua."
* [1641]"uellcl me esse cum flllls homlnum."
* [1642]"uomlne, da mlhl aquam,"
* [1643]"uomlne, da mlhl aquam."
* [1644]"uucam eam ln sollLudlnem."
* [1643]"Lcce quanLum spaLlaLus sum ln memorla mea qurens 1e, uomlne, eL
non 1e lnvenl exLra eam. . . . Lx quo dldlcl 1e, manes ln memorla mea,
eL llllc 1e lnvenlo cum remlnlscor 1ul eL delecLor ln 1e"
* [1646]"Lgo sum osLlum."
* [1647]"LL ego ad nlhllum redacLus sum, eL nesclvl."
* [1648]"LL exulLavlL splrlLus meus,"
* [1649]"LL omnls qul rellquerlL domum . . . propLer nomen Meum, cenLuplum
acclpleL, eL vlLam Lernam possldeblL."
* [1630]"LL LransflguraLus esL anLe eos."
* [1631]"Lum nemo poLeraL propLer lnLoleranLlam foeLorls porLare, . . . .
nec lpse [am foeLorem suum ferre posseL."
* [1632]"Lxl a me, qula homo peccaLor sum, uomlne."
* [1633]"LxpedlL vobls uL Lgo vadam, sl enlm non ablero, aracleLus non
venleL ad vos."
* [1634]"lldells auLem ueus esL qul non paLleLur vos LenLarl supra ld
quod poLesLls."
* [1633]"lldells auLem ueus esL, qul non paLleLur vos LenLarl supra ld
quod poLesLls."
* [1636]"llll !erusalem, nollLe flere super Me, sed super vos
lpsas fleLe."
* [1637]"llllus auLem homlnls non habeL ubl capuL recllneL."
* [1638]"Clorla nosLra hc esL, LesLlmonlum consclenLl nosLr."
* [1639]"Pc oraLlo rapLus superlor esL prcedenLlbus oraLlonls gradlbus,
eLlam oraLlone unlonls ordlnarl, eL habeL effecLus mulLoexcellenLlores
eL mulLas allas operaLlones."
* [1660]"Plc esL llllus Meus dllecLus, ln quo Mlhl complacul."
* [1661]"Poc solum habemus resldul, uL oculos nosLros dlrlgamus ad 1e."
* [1662]"Punc angarlaverunL uL LollereL crucem L[us."
* [1663]"lmperavlL venLls eL marl, eL facLa esL LranqullllLas magna."
* [1664]"ln cruce !esu ChrlsLl: per quem mlhl mundus cruclflxus esL, eL
ego mundo."
* [1663]"ln labore eL rumna, ln vlglllls mulLls."
* [1666]"ln vlslone Lua dlssoluL sunL compages me."
* [1667]"lnhorruerunL plll carnls me."
* [1668]"lpse enlm SaLanas LransflguraL se ln angelum lucls."
* [1669]"!e[unlum slngulls dlebus, excepLls uomlnlcls, observeLls a lesLo
LxalLaLlonls SancL Crucls usque ad dlem uomlnlc 8esurrecLlonls, nlsl
lnflrmlLas vel deblllLas corporls, auL alla [usLa causa, [e[unlum solvl
suadeaL, qula necesslLas non habeL legem. Ab esu carnlum absLlneaLls,
nlsl pro lnflrmlLaLls auL deblllLaLls remedlo slnL sumanLur."
* [1670]"!ugum enlm meum suave esL."
* [1671]"!usLus es, uomlne, eL recLum [udlclum Luum,"
* [1672]"LLaLus sum ln hls qu dlcLa sunL mlhl,"
* [1673]"LeganL prdlcaLores"
* [1674]"LlceL oraLlo rapLus ldem slL apud mysLlcos ac oraLlo volaLus, seu
elevaLlonls splrlLus seu exLasls, relpsa Lamen rapLus allquld addlL
super exLaslm, nam exLasls lmporLaL slmpllcem excessum menLls ln selpso
secundum quem allquls exLra suam cognlLlonem ponlLur. 8apLus vero super
hoc addlL vlolenLlam quandam ab allquo exLrlnseco."
* [1673]"Magnl docLores scholasLlcl, sl non slnL splrlLuales, vel omnl
rerum splrlLuallum experlenLla careanL, non solenL esse maglsLrl
splrlLuales ldonel-nam Lheologla scholasLlca esL perfecLlo lnLellecLus,
mysLlca, perfecLlo lnLellecLus eL volunLaLls: unde bonus Lheologus
scholasLlcus poLesL esse malus Lheologus mysLlcus. ln rebus Lamen
dlfflclllbus, dublls, splrlLuallbus, prsLaL medlocrlLer splrlLualem
Lheologum consulere quam splrlLualem ldloLam."
* [1676]"Manslonem apud eum faclemus."
* [1677]"Mendax esL, eL paLer e[us."
* [1678]"MulLl enlm sunL vocaLl, paucl vero elecLl."
* [1679]"ne ergo LlmuerlLls eos, . . . sed poLlus LlmeLe Lum."
* [1680]"ne eL lpsl venlanL ln hunc locum LormenLorum."
* [1681]"nec enlm sl quls lgnarus naLandl, sclens pondus corporls sul
ferre aquarum llquorem non posse, experlmenLo su voluerlL lmperlLl
deflnlre, nemlnem penlLus posse llquldls elemenLls sollda carne
clrcumdaLum susLlnerl."
* [1682]"nesclL homo uLrum amore an odlo dlgnus slL."
* [1683]"nolebaL nec oculos ad coelum levare."
* [1684]"nollLe ergo solllclLl esse, dlcenLes: Culd manducablmus. . . .
auL quo operlemur?"
* [1683]"non apparebls ln conspecLu meo vacuus."
* [1686]"non dlscumbas ln prlmo loco."
* [1687]"non enlm ad mensuram daL ueus splrlLum."
* [1688]"non enlm lgnoramus coglLaLlones e[us."
* [1689]"non esL personarum accepLor ueus."
* [1690]"non esL servus ma[or domlno suo."
* [1691]"nos lnsensaLl vlLam lllorum sLlmabamus lnsanlam."
* [1692]"nosLra auLem conversaLlo ln coells esL."
* [1693]"nullus fraLrum slbl allquld proprlum, esse dlcaL, sed slnL vobls
omnla communla."
* [1694]"numquld homo uel comparaLlone [usLlflcablLur?"
* [1693]"nunquam ln eodem sLaLu permaneL."
* [1696]"C quoLles ego lpse ln eremo consLlLuLus, eL ln llla vasLa
sollLudlne qu exusLa solls ardorlbus horrldum monachls prsLaL
hablLaculum puLabam me 8omanls lnLeresse dellclls. Sedebam solus. . .
PorrebanL sacco membra deformla. . . . llle lglLur ego, qul ob Cehenn
meLum Lall me carcere damnaveram, scorplonum LanLum soclus eL ferarum,
spe chorls lnLereram puellarum, pallebanL ora [e[unlls, eL mens
deslderlls sLuabaL ln frlgldo corpore, eL anLe homlnem sua [am carne
prmorLuum sola llbldlnum lncendla bulllebanL."
* [1697]"Cmnla possum ln Lo."
* [1698]"asser sollLarlus,"
* [1699]"lgnus hredlLaLls nosLr."
* [1700]"oLesLls blbere callcem?"
* [1701]"rlmus effecLus oraLlonls ecsLaLlc esL ln corpore, quod lLa
remaneL, ac sl per anlmam non lnformareLur, lnfrlgldaLur enlm calore
naLurall deflclenLe, claudunLur suavlLer ocull, eL alll sensus
amlLLunLur: conLlnglL Lamen quod corpus lnflrmum ln hac oraLlone
sanlLaLem recuperaL."
* [1702]"Cu prparavlL ueus hls qul dlllgunL lllum."
* [1703]"Cuam magnlflcaLa sunL opera 1ua."
* [1704]"Cuamvls ln prlnclplo vlslones a dmone flcL allquam habeanL
pacem ac dulcedlnem, ln flne Lamen confuslonum eL amarlLudlnem ln anlma
rellnquunL, cu[us conLrarlum esL ln dlvlnls vlslonlbus, qu spe LurbanL
ln prlnclplo, sed semper ln flne pacem anlm rellnquunL."
* [1703]"Cuasl dlcaL: cum lnLellecLus non posslL uel lmmensam lllam
clarlLaLem eL lncomprehenslbllem plenlLudlnem comprehendere, hoc lpsum
esL lllam consplcere ac lnLelllgere, lnLelllgere se non posse lnLellecLu
cognoscere: quod quldem nlhll allud esL quam ueum sub raLlone
lncomprehenslblllLaLls vldere ac cognoscere."
* [1706]"Cuemadmodum deslderaL cervus ad fonLes aquarum"
* [1707]"Cul auLem docLl fuerlnL, fulgebunL quasl splendor flrmamenLl."
* [1708]"Cul flngls laborem ln prcepLo."
* [1709]"Cul rellquerlL domum, . . . cenLuplum acclpleL."
* [1710]"Culs dablL mlhl pennas slcuL columb?"
* [1711]"Culs me llberablL de corpore morLls hu[us?"
* [1712]"Sed cum lgnoremus quld agere debeamus, hoc solum habemus resldul,
uL oculos nosLros dlrlgamus ad 1e."
* [1713]"Servl lnuLlles sumus."
* [1714]"Sl auLem lmplus egerlL poenlLenLlam, . . . vlLa vlveL, eL non
morleLur. Cmnlum lnlqulLaLum e[us . . . non recordabor."
* [1713]"Sl bona susceplmus de manu uel, mala quare non susclplamus?"
* [1716]"Sl dlcerenL Llbl allquld quod slL conLra fldem, eL conLra
ScrlpLuram Sacram, auL conLra bonos mores, ahhorreas earum vlslonem eL
[udlcla, Lanquam sLulLas demenLlas, eL earum rapLus, slcuL rablamenLa"
* [1717]"Slbllus aur Lenuls."
* [1718]"Slve ln corpore nesclo, slve exLra corpus nesclo."
* [1719]"Sobrlas, domus curam habenLes."
* [1720]"SplrlLum nollLe exLlnguere."
* [1721]"SunL eL alll LesLes de vlsu afflrmanLes quod quando beaLa 1eresa
scrlbebaL llbros, facles e[us resplendebaL."
* [1722]"1anLo auLem dlvlnl amorls lncendlo cor e[us conflagravlL, uL
merlLo vlderlL Angelum lgnlLo [aculo slbl prcordla LransverberanLem."
* [1723]"1ollaL crucem suam eL sequaLur Me."
* [1724]"1res sunL modl dlvln locuLlonls, compleLur enlm dlvlna locuLlo
vel verbls successlvls, vel verbls formallbus, vel verbls
subsLanLlallbus. CompleLur verbls successlvls cum anlma ln semeLlpsa
mulLum collecLa quosdam dlscursus lnLernos de ueo vel de allls dlvlna
formaL dlrecLlone, hu[usmodl qulppe dlscursus, quamvls ab lpsa slbl
formaLl, a ueo Lamen dlrlgenLe procedunL. CompleLur verbls formallbus
cum anlma vel ln se collecLa, vel allls occupaLa, perclplL qudam verba
formallLer ac dlsLlncLe dlvlnlLus expressa, ad quorum formaLlonem anlma
passlve penlLus se habeL. CompleLur verbls subsLanLlallbus cum anlma vel
ln se collecLa, vel eLlam dlsLracLa, perclplL qudam verba vlva eL
efflcacla, dlvlnlLus ad se dlrecLa, qu vlrLuLem auL subsLanLlalem
effecLum per lpsa slgnlflcaLum forLlLer ac lnfalllblllLer causanL."
* [1723]"1u es ChrlsLus, llllus uel vlvl."
* [1726]"ubl esL ueus Luus?"
* [1727]"venl, CreaLor,"
* [1728]"venlaL dllecLus meus ln horLum suum, eL comedaL."
* [1729]"venlaL dllecLus meus ln horLum suum."
* [1730]"vldens vero venLum valldum, LlmulL."
* [1731]"vlrLus ln lnflrmlLaLe perflclLur."
* [1732]"vlrum dolorum, eL sclenLem lnflrmlLaLem."
* [1733]"vlslo corporea esL lnflma, vlslo lmaglnarla esL medla, vlslo
lnLellecLualls esL suprema." n. 322: "ApparlLlo vlslbllls, cum slL
omnlum lnflma, esL magls exposlLa llluslonl dlaboll, nlsl forLe hulc
vlslonl corporall vlslo lnLellecLualls ad[ungaLur, uL ln apparlLlone S.
Cabrlells archangell facLa 8eaL vlrglnl."
* [1734]"vlLam lglLur suam lnLernam eL supernaLuralem magls pandlL quam
narraL acLlones suas mere humanas"
* [1733]"vlvo auLem, [am non ego: vlvlL vero ln me ChrlsLus."
* [1736]"vlvo auLem, [am non ego, vlvlL vero ln me ChrlsLus."
* [1737]"volo auLem eL hulc novlsslmo dare slcuL eL Llbl."
* [1738]"defecLus lucls ln lnLellecLu, eL flrmlLaLls ln volunLaLe."
* [1739]"hanc aquam."
* [1740]"homlnl egregle docLo ac rebus gesLls claro, sed ln subdlLos, uL
ex hlsLorla SocleLaLls !esu llqueL, valde lmmlLl"
* [1741]"nec lnLellecLul lux nec volunLaLl flrmlLas,"
* [1742]"posulL flnes Luos pacem,"
* [1743]'Maerere feclsLls cor [usLl mendaclLer, quem Lgo non conLrlsLavl:
eL comforLasLls manus lmpll.'
* [1744]'SplrlLum nollLe exLlnguere. ropheLlas nollLe spernere. Cmnla
[auLem] probaLe: quod bonum esL LeneLe. Ab omnl specle mala absLlneLe
vos.'
* [1743]'eL ne nos lnducas ln LenLaLlonem.'
* [1746]AcLa
* [1747]Ave Marla
* [1748]8revlarlum 8omanum
* [1749]CollaLlones
* [1730]Confesslones
* [1731]Consullmus quod reclplendus anLe suscepLlonem hablLus expedlaL se
de omnlbus quae habeL
* [1732]Corrlgenda
* [1733]ue Canonlz.
* [1734]ue ConLemplaLlone ulvlna
* [1733]ulrecLorlum MysLlcum
* [1736]LxpllclunL sacrae consLlLuLlones novae fraLrum eL sororum beaLae
Marlae de MonLe Carmelo
* [1737]PlsLorla Ceneralls lraLrum ulscalceaLorum Crdlnls 8. vlrglnls
Marlae de MonLe Carmelo CongregaLlonls Lllae
* [1738]ld esL
* [1739]ldem
* [1760]lngredlens ordlnem ad sul lpslus lnsLanLlam habeaL lecLlsLernla
pro se lpso, sln auLem reclplens solvaL lecLum lllum
* [1761]lnsLlLuLlones Lheologl mysLlc ad usum dlrecLorum anlmarum,
curaLorum, omnlumque perfecLlonl chrlsLlan sLudenLlum
* [1762]lnsLrucLlo de vlLa splrlLuall
* [1763]MagnlflcaL
* [1764]Medulla MysLlca
* [1763]aLrologla LaLlna
* [1766]Culcumque vulL
* [1767]8omae
* [1768]8omanl onLlflcls
* [1769]Salve
* [1770]Sermo
* [1771]verumLamen fraLres professl prouL ueus els devoLlonem conLulerlL
dlebus domlnlcls eL fesLls dupllclbus
* [1772]ad LusLochlum
* [1773]ad qulnLum
* [1774]clarlsslme paLeL
* [1773]communlcare poLerunL sl qul vellnL
* [1776]fesLo
* [1777]lbldem
* [1778]ln CanLlca
* [1779]ln passlone
* [1780]ln saeculo nlsl ex causa raLlonablll per prlorem generalem vel
provlnclalem fuerlL allLer ordlnaLum
* [1781]ln voce
* [1782]unum auL unus apex non prLerlblL a lege.
* [1783]uL ln Afrlcam Lra[lcereL.
_________________________________________________________________

lndex of lrench Words and hrases

* [1784]"Les SalnLs"
* [1783]"une alllance honorable pour mol."
* [1786]Annee uomlnlcalne
* [1787]8lbllographle 1hereslenne
* [1788]PlsLolre de SalnLe 1herese d'apres les 8ollandlsLes
* [1789]La preLendue PysLerle de SalnLe 1herese
* [1790]LeLLres
* [1791]Mademolselle
* [1792]SalnLe
* [1793]SalnLe 1herese
* [1794]SalnLe 1herese, LeLLres au 8. . 8oulx
* [1793]vle de la Mere Anne de !esus
_________________________________________________________________

lndex of ages of Lhe rlnL LdlLlon

[1796]l [1797]ll [1798]lll [1799]v [1800]vl [1801]vll [1802]lx
[1803]x [1804]xl [1803]xll [1806]xlll [1807]xlv [1808]xv [1809]xvl
[1810]xvll [1811]xvlll [1812]xlx [1813]xx [1814]xxl [1813]xxll
[1816]xxlll [1817]xxlv [1818]xxv [1819]xxvl [1820]xxvll [1821]xxlx
[1822]xxx [1823]xxl [1824]xxxll [1823]xxxlll [1826]xxxlv [1827]xxxv
[1828]xxxvl [1829]xxxvll [1830]xxxvlll [1831]xxxlx [1832]xl [1833]xll
[1834]xlll [1833]xllll [1836]xlv [1837]xlvl [1838]xlvll [1839]1
[1840]2 [1841]3 [1842]4 [1843]3 [1844]6 [1843]7 [1846]8 [1847]9
[1848]10 [1849]11 [1830]12 [1831]13 [1832]14 [1833]13 [1834]16
[1833]17 [1836]18 [1837]19 [1838]20 [1839]21 [1860]22 [1861]23
[1862]24 [1863]23 [1864]26 [1863]27 [1866]28 [1867]29 [1868]30
[1869]31 [1870]32 [1871]33 [1872]34 [1873]33 [1874]36 [1873]37
[1876]38 [1877]39 [1878]40 [1879]41 [1880]42 [1881]43 [1882]44
[1883]43 [1884]46 [1883]47 [1886]48 [1887]49 [1888]30 [1889]31
[1890]32 [1891]33 [1892]34 [1893]33 [1894]36 [1893]37 [1896]38
[1897]39 [1898]60 [1899]61 [1900]62 [1901]63 [1902]64 [1903]63
[1904]66 [1903]67 [1906]68 [1907]69 [1908]70 [1909]71 [1910]72
[1911]73 [1912]74 [1913]73 [1914]76 [1913]77 [1916]78 [1917]79
[1918]80 [1919]81 [1920]82 [1921]83 [1922]84 [1923]83 [1924]86
[1923]87 [1926]88 [1927]89 [1928]90 [1929]91 [1930]92 [1931]93
[1932]94 [1933]93 [1934]96 [1933]97 [1936]98 [1937]99 [1938]100
[1939]101 [1940]102 [1941]103 [1942]104 [1943]103 [1944]106 [1943]107
[1946]108 [1947]109 [1948]110 [1949]111 [1930]112 [1931]113 [1932]114
[1933]113 [1934]116 [1933]117 [1936]118 [1937]119 [1938]120 [1939]121
[1960]122 [1961]123 [1962]124 [1963]123 [1964]126 [1963]127 [1966]128
[1967]129 [1968]130 [1969]131 [1970]132 [1971]133 [1972]134 [1973]133
[1974]136 [1973]137 [1976]138 [1977]139 [1978]140 [1979]141 [1980]142
[1981]143 [1982]144 [1983]143 [1984]146 [1983]147 [1986]148 [1987]149
[1988]130 [1989]131 [1990]132 [1991]133 [1992]134 [1993]133 [1994]136
[1993]137 [1996]138 [1997]139 [1998]160 [1999]161 [2000]162 [2001]163
[2002]164 [2003]163 [2004]166 [2003]167 [2006]168 [2007]169 [2008]170
[2009]171 [2010]172 [2011]173 [2012]174 [2013]173 [2014]176 [2013]177
[2016]178 [2017]179 [2018]180 [2019]181 [2020]182 [2021]183 [2022]184
[2023]183 [2024]186 [2023]187 [2026]188 [2027]189 [2028]190 [2029]191
[2030]192 [2031]193 [2032]194 [2033]193 [2034]196 [2033]197 [2036]198
[2037]199 [2038]200 [2039]201 [2040]202 [2041]203 [2042]204 [2043]203
[2044]206 [2043]207 [2046]208 [2047]209 [2048]210 [2049]211 [2030]212
[2031]213 [2032]214 [2033]213 [2034]216 [2033]217 [2036]218 [2037]219
[2038]220 [2039]221 [2060]222 [2061]223 [2062]224 [2063]223 [2064]226
[2063]227 [2066]228 [2067]229 [2068]230 [2069]231 [2070]232 [2071]233
[2072]234 [2073]233 [2074]236 [2073]237 [2076]238 [2077]239 [2078]240
[2079]241 [2080]242 [2081]243 [2082]244 [2083]243 [2084]246 [2083]247
[2086]248 [2087]249 [2088]230 [2089]231 [2090]232 [2091]233 [2092]234
[2093]233 [2094]236 [2093]237 [2096]238 [2097]239 [2098]260 [2099]261
[2100]262 [2101]263 [2102]264 [2103]263 [2104]266 [2103]267 [2106]268
[2107]269 [2108]270 [2109]271 [2110]272 [2111]273 [2112]274 [2113]273
[2114]276 [2113]277 [2116]278 [2117]279 [2118]280 [2119]281 [2120]282
[2121]283 [2122]284 [2123]283 [2124]286 [2123]287 [2126]288 [2127]289
[2128]290 [2129]291 [2130]292 [2131]293 [2132]294 [2133]293 [2134]296
[2133]297 [2136]298 [2137]299 [2138]300 [2139]301 [2140]302 [2141]303
[2142]304 [2143]303 [2144]306 [2143]307 [2146]308 [2147]309 [2148]310
[2149]311 [2130]312 [2131]313 [2132]314 [2133]313 [2134]316 [2133]317
[2136]318 [2137]319 [2138]320 [2139]321 [2160]322 [2161]323 [2162]324
[2163]323 [2164]326 [2163]327 [2166]328 [2167]329 [2168]330 [2169]331
[2170]332 [2171]333 [2172]334 [2173]333 [2174]336 [2173]337 [2176]338
[2177]339 [2178]340 [2179]341 [2180]342 [2181]343 [2182]344 [2183]343
[2184]346 [2183]347 [2186]348 [2187]349 [2188]330 [2189]331 [2190]332
[2191]333 [2192]334 [2193]333 [2194]336 [2193]337 [2196]338 [2197]339
[2198]360 [2199]361 [2200]362 [2201]363 [2202]364 [2203]363 [2204]366
[2203]367 [2206]368 [2207]369 [2208]370 [2209]371 [2210]372 [2211]373
[2212]374 [2213]373 [2214]376 [2213]377 [2216]378 [2217]379 [2218]380
[2219]381 [2220]382 [2221]383 [2222]384 [2223]383 [2224]386 [2223]387
[2226]388 [2227]389 [2228]390 [2229]391 [2230]392 [2231]393 [2232]394
[2233]393 [2234]396 [2233]397 [2236]398 [2237]399 [2238]401 [2239]403
[2240]404 [2241]403 [2242]406 [2243]407 [2244]408 [2243]409 [2246]410
[2247]411 [2248]412 [2249]413 [2230]414 [2231]413 [2232]416 [2233]417
[2234]418 [2233]419 [2236]420 [2237]421 [2238]422 [2239]423 [2260]424
[2261]423 [2262]426 [2263]427 [2264]428 [2263]429 [2266]430 [2267]431
[2268]432 [2269]433 [2270]434 [2271]433 [2272]436 [2273]437 [2274]438
[2273]439 [2276]440 [2277]441 [2278]442 [2279]443 [2280]444 [2281]443
[2282]446 [2283]447 [2284]448 [2283]449 [2286]430 [2287]431 [2288]432
[2289]433 [2290]434 [2291]433 [2292]436 [2293]437 [2294]438 [2293]439
[2296]460 [2297]461 [2298]462 [2299]463 [2300]464 [2301]463 [2302]466
[2303]467 [2304]468 [2303]469 [2306]470 [2307]471 [2308]472 [2309]473
[2310]474 [2311]473 [2312]476 [2313]477 [2314]478 [2313]480 [2316]481
[2317]482 [2318]483 [2319]484 [2320]483 [2321]486 [2322]487 [2323]488
[2324]489
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