Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse favoured cat food? There is fish flavoured! Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, which side would it fall on? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? How did a fool and his money get together in the first place? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? What's another word for thesaurus? Why do they sterilise the needles for lethal injections? What do they use to ship Styrofoam?

When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Is it possible to be totally partial? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? Where does the fire go when the fire goes out? So what's the speed of dark? Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

What disease did cured ham originally have?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot Give me ambiguity or give me something else Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs Out of my mind... back in five minutes Look busy - God's coming It's lonely at the top, but you eat better Eschew obfuscation Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after I started out with nothing and still have most of it left I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere Jury: 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool On the other hand, you have different fingers Laugh alone and people cross the street to avoid you Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done My karma ran over your dogma Adults are just kids who owe money A day without sunshine is like, you know, night I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_) Kiss my arse!! friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass! A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not

half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get MEN-opause MENstrual pain MENtal illness GUYnecologist HISterectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN?? Hello!Im a little alien called Ted.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your phone.And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb! Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh damn im sorry i have the wrong number NEWSFLASH... Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let one off. I'm @ the police station now been

done 4 drink driving.Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.they r now doin me 4 taking the piss Dear friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy jokes.in text messaging & in poor signal.til low battery do us part?
Sign in 'George's Service Station' Glen Ellen, CA

If your car sounds like: "ping-click-ping" - $10.00 "click-whine-click" - $25.00 "clunk-whine-clunk" - $50.00 "thud-clunk-thud" - $100.00 "clang-thudc-clang" - $300.00 "Can't describe it" - $500.00
At a Towing Company

We don't want an arm and a leg. We want your tows.

At A Tire Shop In Milwaukee

Invite us to your next blowout.

Sign at a Chicago radiator shop

Best place in town to take a leak.

On A Scientist's Door

Gone Fission
At The Electric Company

We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
At A Farmer's Field

The farmer allows walkers to cross

the field for free, but the bull charges.

On A Billboard - Ad For A Safe Company

If your stuff is stolen, it's not our vault.

A sign on the elevator door:

"This elevator is out of whack." Later someone had penciled in, "More whack is on order."
On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania

Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On a Plumber's truck

We repair what your husband fixed.

On an electrician's truck

Let us remove your shorts.

In A Restroom

Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

On a Septic Tank Truck sign

We're #1 in the #2 business.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'pan Genie Three Wishes - Manager (PG)

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep."I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pia coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." ties'pGeorge Carlin Classics (PG) Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? OK so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the Jags and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed tYou never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

POPULAR JOKES George W Bush at the Pearly Gates (13) Albert Einstein, Pablo Picasso, and George W. Bush arrive at the Pearly Gates and introduce themselves. St. Peter says, "You'll have to prove to me that's who you are." Einstein takes a piece of paper, writes E=MC squared, and then starts writing the formulas that lead him to it. St. Peter says, "I believe you, come on in." Picasso takes out a pencil and paper and starts to draw. St. Peter says, "I believe, you come on in." George W. Bush says to St. Peter, "Who were those guys?" St. Peter says, "Come on in, George."

REF..: http://www.thevoiceofreason.co.uk/WorldsFunniestJokes/FunnyQuestions.htmWhy
do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? What disease did cured ham originally have? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? If eectricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head