Full Stop Is Not The End....

In fact, people who really know me know that I am more of a talkative guy, and whenever I am in front of people, I love to laugh, and some time I m very strong which may be very positive for me. I am always a good person to get along with others in the community, more of a Social person and always eager to learn some of the so-called interpersonal relationships. Even, in my little notebook, when I sit down to write all of those painful life stories, I give hundreds small smiles to myself. Pleasant traits, something that is not good to be ; but I do not want to become a sensational role which I always adhered to. Slowly but so lonely, I enjoy. I was watching a Mid night Program on Star World last night- a Lady toldIn many cases, girls, do not care about so many things; they only care about their own feelings or those of touch of sadness, birds, flowers, fish, small pets and insects that, those lovely, small, small things.

It reminded me of a book I had finished lately taking whole of 4 months I suppose , translated version though, Renes , "I is not perfect".

Colleagues often joke, why spend so much money to buy books?? People who have been to my room know well, most space in my room is occupied by books only.I always laugh Silly, this is my habit. No matter how open guy I am , but my love with the books and my little world of my room , I do not want to share these two things with the people too much; so I do not have a sense of belonging. So, I read the book, it must be different from the bookshelf of my reality. Also, I only know my own expectations and hard work getting to the purchase. But this is hobby, I always think; you have to love books to have some heart to love people.. Otherwise, I would be understood as a same spoilt guy of the day time: such a waste. Trust me; I am a different figure in the evening/night when I enter my room. Living a dual life for so long which even my parents took several years to recognize.

Let people talk shit. Many things the world is unbearable to say.

I like to pause,

It represents the static:

Rest, breathing

And then start again. . . . . .

Full stop is not the end. . . . . .

---- Finally, bless my family and friends. Big money, of course, is good; but we need good health, family harmony, something that is not wealth.

Opening legs for material Things....

It has been more than a decade, Every Evening, I have been sitting in front of girls hostel of Tribhuvan University in the canteen Called Bikri Bhandar. I saw different class of girls there and along with time, a change in them..I mean their loving style.to be precise, to love a guy with money and ride on their car, bike..whatever.

Most girls have exchanged their dignity for material comforts. Their life may be full of nice and beautiful things with a rich boyfriend, may be ugly boy too.but its not the result of hard work from either their hands or their mind; They are merely rich mans play thing and when a boy gets bored of them, there will be many younger and beautiful girls with no self-respect to fill that role.

Most girls have got beautiful faces, sexy bodies, and well whatever you have to please a man or to look attractive. However, how long do you think it will last? No one can fight the nature and so do you. Once you got shaggy and wrinkles, I bet he will leave you alone and at that time you

will just only ended as a crybaby. At that time you will lose all your dreams and even future. Is not break up so common these days.

You think that being a mans side piece is the greatest gift to your life. Instead of taking the time to be an independent woman, You rather sneak around with a man who is as ugly as an ass so that you can have a nice date , can spend money on you ,put mobile balance for you or even pays rent for you and a few Notes..GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

No girls, Let me set something straight. You are nothing but another woman that is willing to let your pretty face , nice ass, sexy dress up , long hair, nails do the talking instead of standing on your own two feet and making a way for yourself and your family. What a shame for you? Some of you are setting a bad example for other girls that are studying now that being a girl of NO substance is the best way to be. I am so sick of these nasty females just laying on their back and opening their legs for material things.

I found these girls so are ugly both from outside and inside. Do not know why some Nepali girls these days think so highly of themselves, they need to look in the mirror then check other Asian girls like Japanese and Koreans who are much better looking and have class as well.

If you are shallow enough to sell your own dignity, go ahead! But, Not all girls are materialistic, salute to you if you do not belong to this class.

Are Degrees really that Important??

Do you still remember what is your first job? How much you earn per month from your first job?

As usual, I was on my way back Home from Bhaktapur. I decided to buy sausages and stopped the car near the small store in Koteshwor. I heard two young and beautiful girls talking about

their experiences on how to find their job, and how much salary they will ask from their company and even what kind of job they wish to do from now on.

From their talking, I got that they just finished their masters. when they said that they would be very happy if they could get a job with 12000 per month. It was really shocking for m as I wonder how they could live with 12000 per month? Then I recalled my memory about my first job and first salary.....

Degree sometime may add nothing to your earning. I see bachelor degrees licking stamps for small money in offices in Kathmandu. What makes you earn more money is your abilities not a worthless declaration in a piece of paper. In my years of experience, I saw many masters degree student unable to walk and chew gum at the same time.

Actually my buddies who earn big bugs are those with so-called lower education..It's exactly becoz they find the education system clueless and they score low in school but have smarter brain to use outside of school that earn big money. They are also usually the guys that think much faster with great flexibility to make a living.

But I believe you need at least a bachelor degree. After that, it is personal motivation, intelligence and personal encounters.

oh yes.....I have also walked the same way before...I got my first job in NGI School in Naikab as an English teacher and my salary was just 3500 per month.. then I could not stop my mind to recalled all of my memory about it.. . Finally arrived home thinking many things about how much we spend to get degrees and new graduates are finding hard to find a reasonable job in Nepallast month only 45,000 people left Nepal for jobs abroad. ......

But, we always grow up little by little, from smile, tears and nothing... Cheers!! Because I have already started challenging myself from my first step coming into second step. I have no idea what will happen next but it's ok. I think I can accept all kinds of results.

But, my suggestion to all students- never chose any degrees based on how much money you could make in the future. It seems to me that a hell of a lot of people in this world, especially in asian countries, are centered on income. Hell bad culture.....

Dont be a nail and go into every hole u find-Deep inside the forest , where nothing is lush and green. lives a witch.... Every 1 has seen for a while now...

She was not quite like other witches, covered up with spots and moles, She did not sneak around at night, or observe from dark holes of d window,

She was in fact a pretty attitude filled witch, so fetching to one's eye for 4 years, once you fell in love with her, without her you would b empty.......

She did not cackle, like folk say witches tend to do, in fact she used to create an illusion of love, and stab your heart with a big knife...

and when she dunked anoder boy in the river, just before she drowned you, I swore to make where she laid, a sacred cheap and hollow prostitute after a year!

She gasped "I love you" and take you in the ditch... Its why you buried the witch...........

Some words to my Mum.....

Today I felt like writing about my creator, the author of my existence, the provider of my childhood and the pillar of my strength, no other than my mother who brought me into this world, raised me, loved me unconditionally for so long and gave me the foundations on which I could build. A woman who forever etched a special niche in my heart- My mom.

I still remember your scolding to me as a kidyou used to go to all my friends home with a stick on your hand to see where I have hidden, stayed up with me till mid night with your shooting care.. I have studied under your tutelage, now it is time for my test and I am well prepared for it because after all, I learned from the best. And all of this, you did with no pay.

Were not you the same lady who had burrowed money from Sunil Bhai's mother and send my brother to Japan when he was a kid so that he could experience the new world? Were not you the same lady who had carried me on your lap at 2 am and walked an hour to take me to the hospital when I was sick to death? Were not you the same woman who used to go to my school each and every week and asked about our progress to the teachers? What I can tell here is -there are very few women in our community who have suffered as much as you while making sushil brother and me a capable man.

No one will ever take your place as my best friend; this is because no one can ever be there the way you have been there for me. A woman with an innate strength of character of 60 odd years, she is the epitome of motherhood. No one will ever come close to knowing me the way you knew me.

You enabled me to soar, and the limit was merely the sky.. When I displayed my faults, and caused you worry and trouble, you've given me more than any one person deserves. I may not pay back your tears you have shed for me, but one thing is sure those tears have given me enough strength in life to move forward. As a child, you tended to my every need. You loved me more than life itself. I know your dreams and wishes were being sacrificed for me.. People praise my Dad's contribution in bringing the family at this level but for me you're the heart of this family, the center, the glue who has handled this family sometimes with tears, sometimes with pains, sometimes with care and sometimes without Penny.

To the lady, who took more pains as happiness backslided and the ship of this brief journey almost about to drown then, she stood firm, anchored the etire world of us, my joy, my happiness, my mom. Love you mom!

I wouldn't be me without you here today

My Painful Past
People who know me should know that I m often online, but little chat, and busy writing little blogs, few stories of my own. But I like Facebook, no ads.

Not so much, a matter of course, with the times, rarely I have been "out of touch with my friends. So again today, I wish I could tell you my stories, the tales of my glamorous hell. The times in my life I succeeded, and the times when my spirit had fell.

Sitting here again in my favorite chair of my room, listening to Ronan Keatings THIS IS I PROMISE YOU - and waiting for the pain to end. But I know that it won't, no not until the very end. But, I try to keep my head high and hope for better tomorrow. No one knows, my sorrows outweigh anything and everything. I hurt, I ache, I pain, I grieve, but in all of this turmoil, I do live a Jolly life. Sometimes I just want to run away- away from the grief, away from the pain, away from me, hoping the hurt - these scars, will relieve but nothing has changed much. Rebuilding a past is a difficult thing to do and many cannot do it alone. It can take years of painful therapy to make strides. However, I know hanging on to the past ruins any chance of success for the future. So, I am trying to crave a new path yet again in this long journey, we call life.

I knew that there were no such things as fairy-tales but I have not stopped dreaming of my good future. Tough Stuff happens to people every day. That's a tough reality of life we all face. In my life, there are too many memories, good, bad, sweet, bitter But Ill be saving all my intimate secrets for a day when you might know me better. Few days back, bought an English translated version of a famous Chinese writer Zhou Guoping s book.started to read a little and found a sentence there: LOVE AND BE LOVED..and thats exactly how my life is moving till now despite being hunted by flooding memories of my own, despite perfect being shattered at my feet like a million shards of glasses.despite being living on a hopeless hope. Remembered by

father quoting Phil McGraws lines to me many times Stand up and walk out of your history." Thats why am smiling today despite carrying a painful past with me

Delhi is not a city of love........

Last week , I went to a bar in Delhi....tonight I recalled the memories of what I saw there and few things came to my mind.

Delhi, men do not believe women, a woman despises men. So there are too many single men and women, as they could not conquer their desire, the desire to conquer them. Then, the bars become their release desire place. During the day time , the night dust is deposited there ; but at night, there are rippling daytime ghosts. The air is filled with the pungent smell of desire, cigarettes and beer wandering back and forth, deafen the ear with its roar music , all people there look like a homeless person, twisted ass, swinging head ... .. Many modern people crave to be absorbed and immersed in Work all the day and , crave to party hardest throughout the night...few may go for one night stands too. Most youth have released themselves to have an adventure of their own.

I felt girls who do not match the standard of the city will become the city 's funerary object...even if they have charming appearance and personality, but also did not find what they want to belong, city will kick them out. True love is the least valuable asset in this buzzing city where everyone cares about his or her own most. You come with dreams to study here- but like your friends , You jumped into a relationship by trusting your instincts and then a day you will find he would not take you serious. You will be dumped.....Love isnt easy, But it should not be this hard. This is Delhi.. Welcome>

The object of love is very rare. Most girls already have second occupation by the time they reach their second year here. Metamorphosis of the city created a sick woman, I mean her luxurious pursuit of material, but I appreciate such metamorphosis women, at least they are honest and trustworthy, who are guided by the principle of equivalent exchange of commodity economy. What a cheap love?? How many boys say "NO TO TAKERS" and stick to some decent Values?

Got chance to sit with a beautiful Delhi University graduate girl of Guwawoti , on my way back to Nepal and she told me the same- " life changes after staying in a big city. I did not get lost but I know I am different now. It is prosperous, but I lost my youth." ..........

Yeah .....Is he Gilly?

He is a bit lazy but always active... Freedom to life is his core, he is strong, he always tolerates the loneliness and pain, but still do want to mention it to everyone. Never deliberately avoids, he appropriately involves himself in everything that his friends offer him with an indifferent smile. Bear his pride..... his unreasonable, his stubbornness, his pessimism, all his character flaws, and never fail, the only way he will feel at ease. He never gave the girl a sense of security neither a sense of security for him too, he himself does not know whats that. The only thing that attracts his attentions are only a beautiful woman, sexy woman. For him love is distant, but who knows how much his heart is longing to find love.

In fact, he's not much, he's just a person, understand his heart. This is too important for him, though in his mouth,there is a thing to tell you is: "I do not need love". He never cried in front of lover, unless he really loved. He is so strong, overbearing, unreasonable, not agreeable favor. His inner world, is mysterious, the secret of his heart... His temper, his fickle, do not have patience, his short-tempered, he is impulsive, but most lost and lonely like the hypocritical to be alone. Sometimes he is full of sunshine in the air, love to laugh, love to speak, jump, not handsome but sometime charming and Jolly. He is very selfish, only people willing to share same views will be treated sweet, others were willing to suffer.He sacrificed many of those. Challenge is the word he tries his best to avoid all his life time so far.

He likes the night, waiting for the arrival of lonely moon to talk with him...the sky, clear as tears, comforts him... He also enjoy the solitude, will sit in a room listening to very sad music, always earphone plugged in. He will stay in the room all day feeling depressed depressed and smoking heavily, but the next morning together, will easily take care of all the problem He never give love, his love is silent, it is not because he lacked the courage to share in his heart,but there is a fence that is self-esteem. sometimes he have to get closure all by himself...,he had not found a right one for almost 3 years...it's long enough.and he had enough being like this... You do not know him, do not know his strange temper....do not know him well, do not love him. most of time he think he is different or unique...becoz of his personality, his thoughts,and his experience ...but... on another point for girls, he is just another boy that needs girls to fulfill his desires.... so i am nothing different. swagger like look in front of strangers, stir up chaos, always in front of his friends, have lots to talk about humor. He will always emerge with some fresh ideas to spice up life, his varied thinking sometimes even may make you uncomfortable.

So, do not love this man, he is too extreme, too hypocritical, too strong, too unreasonable, and too boring...

please do not leave him, because he afford to lose himself.... But he couldn't stay away too , he couldn't fight it too??

Lost in this life, his heart will always be closed.......

Happy and help is what he can do for others , but what can he do for himself ? stop hurting himself...that's it....

Finally started to write again.........

People are exposed to in my entire life, I have no privacy. I encountered many types of people, choices and few contacts with people who really can change my entire life. Today saw an old classmate's blog ( the current central Afghan Education affairs chief in the Foreign Office of Chinese embassy in Kabul). I was surprised. I touched a lot of text to access high-end people, make my own relationship grow faster. Of course, how to select and contact with their own personality, knowledge, career has relevance.

Optimists give us hope, happy people always gives us happiness, knowledgeable people give us our culture. There are people who give us the quality grade, who have the responsibility to give our commitment to the ideals of the people we want to choose what we are good at ...people around, I think our fate more or less affected, and even our future and happiness. Living in the city, we have experienced some of the large and small, more or less sweet and injury. Deceit and betrayal....Over coming it requires something--...but what is that something??

We all made mistakes, done wrong, a lot of them with our own lack of common sense , and their contact with human consciousness and behavior have a great relationship misleading. But if we dare to face their own shortcomings, the courage to correct ourselves, we can do better!

I hope I have good people around, healthy and happy. Oh talking beside the point. . . Well! I shut up ... ... ... ... This is dedicated to only who lost their own!

Jestha 19 - Today and I wrote a poem for king Birendra

The physical existanece though short, Hurts the sudden demise, Spritual existance lasts forever, But still the heart cries

Farther you go for the long journey, Gives surprise, nothing but see, Worrying for we all people, An absolute monarch shall you be

The cruel time, the cruel fire Though divided you into parts, You shall still be our king, Ruling the kingdom of our Hearts.

( Condolence to late King Birendra)

THE YOU,YOU SEE' THE YOU I SEE

Mirror!

Excluding every black spots, Presenting a cute,handsome image, You think, Compared to lumps of iceberg or, Reflected rays from the peaks,like infant Child, Remote from prejudices, Distant from Cureliness, The you, you see- Virgin

The you, I see, Reflecting past events, Excluding every fair spots, Full of hates and grumblings, You are the worst, far better worse than, smoke or bombs or, Swept away sprits, The you, I see- Broken heart

The same you, never variable , a constant, But, different eyes, see you different, Variation in eyes

The you , You see- Virgin, The you, I see- Broken heart, Oh! What a conflict

Arun Patel...Aka Paneer Kumar

Patel has been one of my closest friend since the day we met in Kathmandu, almost 2 years down the line. There are plenty of people who can and will speak about him. I have one very real issue to talk about one I can probably talk as well as anyone outside the Patel family And thats the quality of this mans character.

He is a good, caring, loving man but sometime a man who is hard to be altered. I know 50 different people who have known Patel for the same period of time. But, I know all of them will tell you the same thing- disciplined, hard working and a sinceare guy.

I lived with him for almost 1 and half year. What did we do? We played football , watched football, ate maggie, roamed around,chat with girls,use facebook 24times 7....when maybe we should have been studying for exams but we never did it.

Wed discuss who could open d door when its knocked in the winter season mid night when blanets had already covered us. We'd discuss how to bunk our classes. And it was usually everytime.

We also hide many things in our room secretly so that we could eat when every1 else would be sleeping, but never knew he had wrapped a bottle of Ghee inside a glass jar with a plastic and used to drink it with blanket covering his head. ( source @singh Vikas)

There was serious time too but only once. We were all affected by the break up between Prabhjot and me and her active involvement to make me down.

I remember how Patel struggled to hold on to his faith, at a time when it seemed like he was losing his way. Change was there. Everyone felt Patel is changed but he had hold the inner platinium with him which would never change. Change was just in the style of talking but not character. I can tell you, he never did lose faith in him.

I am nt sure what he is going to end up doing with his life. But I always knew he has the brains and the heart to change his life. Then there was his love for Paneer as we all were meat hunters, pirates. He survived the storm staying among chicken crazy people.

I onlyhave been knowing him for a short while when we started college. But I knew I d b in touch with him for the rest of my life. I am very proud of what he has stood for till now in India representing a Nepali community. And I will tell you that he was the closest thing Ive had.

And for me, the big issues, therefore, are:will he get justified by completing his degrees? Does not he deserve more than this? And will the stress of the job and carrer hurt him? And I can tell you with full confidence he has sense enough to handle tough situations well and the stress is no problem.

I want people to know what I know: youre going to be one of the proud boy Patel family has ever had. We need a person with your commitment. We need a person with your heart and sincearity. And so, with affection, with admiration, with faith in the future he will lead I remember my friend patel as one of my very good friend.

Few days to go till my life changes completely

Sitting at my favorite Chair at my Home, watching the rainfall for last few days , all quiet and so unusual. I rarely stay in home, but several days I just feel like staying in my room. I got used to this Town, I lived here for five full years of my life, made friends, lost friends, was hated badly, found some most wonderful people I met in my life, done some craziest silliest things I ever done :) It's not coming to an end yet, I will come back, but now it's the time to contemplate my long journey across each and every provinces....I will at least leave Nepal with that aim. I have read somewhere- "if you loose don't loose the lesson"- at least in that respect, I gained the experience, and that's what life is all about....... changes and challenges keeps us going and keeps us alive, otherwise life becomes boring.

What does future bring- I ask myself? I'm totally stoked, excited because every trip changes my life forever and this will not be an exclusion. Change powers me up and routine brings me

down...its the only reason why I can not stay in a certain place for longer periods....I love travel..I love new experiences of life. Looking forward to you Guangzhou- I will be landing there soon and start writing my incomplete China Diaries...

You killed me once and that is enough....

The battlefield of love and relationship bears everyday a new surprise. Some of those surprises are coming with a bitter taste and forcing you to make a decision, hopefully for good. Suddenly the guy who stabbed you in the back, left and hurt you, remembers you. He wants you back. He remembers the good time you had together, how much fun it was to have you as a partner. He recalls all the romantic moments, the intimacy you shared, the long talks and the quality time you spend together. Now his life is miserable, sad and grey and the other girl he replaced you with was a disappointment all the way through. Now he wants you back. With phone calls, emails and chats , he tries to win you back. He spent every effort he gets to make it up to you. First you feel flattered by all the gestures, then you think how badly he have treated you, how many tears you have cried and sleepless nights you had because of him and then you ask yourself, is he really worth all this. Will you take him back, even when he is coming crawling towards you? You consider, you think, you remember, but then you bring yourself to the perception, that have he killed you once and that is enough.

And d Divorce agreement goes.....

I remember the days after I met her. Every morning I used to wake up in her arms. She would help me get ready. To make a tie knot for me was her everyday stuff. She used to change the different patterns of breakfast every day for me. During sunny days there would be bacon and eggs with toast; rainy days would pass with a little rice with salted pickles; in cloudy days we would better eat bread and butter and fried noodles. She used to change new tricks for food every day, but I knew she never got tired of it. She used to Escort me to go to work every day. Before leaving, she used to add an intimate kiss and even if its just a shallow smile most of the time, she would laugh. However, few months later..

I believe the time is not to itch. My interaction with her was changing day by day along with the flow of time. In the morning, her position often would be empty. The folds of the linen proved that she really existed, even if she occasionally slept too far or small depending on the bed. She used to rush from the bed, jumped up and got fresh. Afterward clothing and she used to go to College without saying good bye also.

I also forgot to greet the sun by her sense of embrace. Some time I used to go early for my job. To check my dress up was no longer her thing, I started making breakfast myself. We did not eat together for a long period, and she also did not have to think hard about the menu, check the recipe. And, not to mention, "I love you", with a warm good morning kiss, also vanished. Think about these 4 months, she has not said it once, "I love you", not even once.

We hardly used to speak with each other, starting from the evening at seven o'clock, that is, after she came home from College until we fall asleep. If she went to her mothers home, then the time may be extended up to 8.

After marriage, she went to school for her cooking, "to seize a man's heart, first through his stomach," This iron law is the most important criteria for marriage in Nepalese society. Therefore, some restaurant dishes often appeared in our table, Dal fry, Nan, paneer chilly and sweets.... I used to be glad to see her eat those dishes, and I had to laugh though they were not my favorite dishes. But she likes means I have to like those too. I had to hide and eat Buff, pork secretly which were my favorite dishes.

After dinner, we would snuggle on the couch watching TV, I watched the news with her. She had to listen to my comments on Cricket, English premier league and critical political issues. she did watch all those things for months together with me though she had no interest at all. She knew Akram, Ricky Ponting and Zidane. She knew who the president of Cuba was, she knew what Red Devils, Catalana is and You will never walk alone.

Cooking, I did not know which day, but I began to interfere with her method of cooking. I did not like too much pepper on chicken. I told her not to shower oil, and told her not to put soy sauce on Chicken. She had something to say. Later on she did the dishes more and more simple, and sometimes just a plate of stir-fried vegetables, meatballs and tofu soup and preserved eggs, but I was silent all the time.

I think she could never catch me on the stomach. So, I compromised.

I began staying with my friends outside till late , and we rarely watched TV together, and I knew nothing can be said for national affairs, football or cricket. There was less than justice between us two. I told her every day, "Do not wait for me," "sleep early, But whenever I came back at mid night, there always used to be a "hot dish and ever warming rice cooker.

We did not have the same topic, did not have the same interest any more, in addition, poor communication vague, if not more than just ordinary friends.

Marital relationship is more ridiculous, is not it?

Marriage, before we have described as the vision of the future. She said, to have two children, the first male and female so that brother would protect his sister. Marriage, for a while, she was positive about having children, so I felt no need to wear a condom. But never knew she did not want it from her inner core of her heart. She was not happy about me not using a condom. So, she carried her to eat birth control pills. She did not dare to have a baby.

Few months later, I too have abandoned an idea of having a baby.

However, she felt bored staying in my empty house after college. She suddenly felt a baby is also good, at least the room will be busy; she would be a little less lonely.

She wanted a baby, but I did not to want, she did not know how to convince me.

Not to mention, her frequent coming home late from her mothers Home. After a competitive football match, I often got tired and fell down asleep at night before her arrival. If I opened the mouth, it seemed that it increased the pressure on her. We two were really getting low, and did not need to add a cause of conflict topics.

When we loved, she liked to take me to the water, sitting beside the river bank watching the sunset in Galchi. Sometimes she took me on the ferry to the other side of Trisuli where we not could only eat traditional Nepali food on the same plate but we always would have something more to say. I would also ride double with my bike ride along the old road of University, and then ride back to the home by the street light. The scenery along the way was not very attractive, but the kind of simple taste, and the cool breeze hit in the face, I used to enjoy this atmosphere. Of course, sitting in the back seat of my bike and holding me tightly, I used to get a strong feeling inside my heart.

I miss, really, even after decade, the bike ride with her. That part of memory is still vivid in my mind. Every holiday, she would not wake up at noon also. I saw her so tired, of course, did not bother her anymore to sit at my bike. I just used to come for a sleep at home, but lunch and dinner, I started taking outside. She gradually knew; I had lost interest on her. Food stalls next to my home was gone where we used to go together to buy some stuffs. All I concentrated was in to a walk of the University. The road had become clean and tidy, and its good, but her collection of memories of that road could not disappear. I did find that clean and tidy road no more good. Without her, my guide, I could not find an authentic Newari restaurant and could not find tasty snacks.

One morning, she handed out a divorce agreement. It was the first time I found myself so shocked. If that day was April fools Day, I thought she succeeded. However, I knew fun could not be so bad, I knew she was serious. Unlike ordinary men, I was no furious, and never began to reprove the woman's guilt. There was no crying, knelting down and begging her to stay. I just tried to calm her mood, did not speak a word, just opened the door and leave for work as usual. Perhaps she is also aware of our marital relationship to a bottleneck, so I also intended to carefully consider the possibility of divorce. I did not shed a tear, but she was cold that day. I had some regret, that regret had spread to the heart as a starting point, spread through my head and toes. But regret what? I did not know how much love is left of her, but I was not clear how much love is left for me. Marry her, I knew she was taciturn, she thought I could change, but she did not change herself much. My love, It was not enough to change her. Her love, it could not change me, probably this was the key. I tasted relationships for several months, but in exchange for lessons. We had no children and no strings attached, so she probably would have felt it was the best time of divorce, right?

I signed an agreement, yeahhh a divorce agreement. Few hours later she went out. I was still shaking. This was an unknown fear. After the divorce settlement was handed to me, I did not say a word to her for a whole week; she too did not say a word to me. I slept on the sofa for seven days. And, in addition to extreme cold, I felt her joy, anger and dirge. Agreement went on. I doubted that she did a wrong thing, while ignoring me, but I did not look her at will to forget the divorce case. I could not stand that. With divorce, you have to leave to be so indifferent?

However, after seven days, she shocked me.

Early in the morning, I heard her got up in the living room. The voice heard seems not to be true. Metal banging impact struck my ears. She had quietly replaced the daily routine. I did not contain myself, got up and looked. I smelled the aroma of food for a while when I opened the door.

"Get up? Eat egg rolls." she laughed, the smile was the same when I kissed her in the first night of wedding.

My heart jumped a bit harsh. She was so easy, she could touch my heart.

I ate breakfast in silence, imagining a moment she would say she would give up divorce? Or tore the agreement in front of me? Undeniably, my heart inclined to the latter.

"I got admitted in Kathmandu University ," the first sentence, to my surprise. "But, for me study things came to an end, and I have decided to deal with the things at home properly. Row at home before work is it? I smile.

"Sit down, I can give you a safe home." She explained my doubts, "I know you always cranky one at home ... ..."

We talked for a whole day, several hours of conversation, she cried many times because I felt I made a monstrous mistake in our relationship. She told me, she did hold me wake up every day, but later she was busy and tired with college life. She preferred to but she knew sometimes I would kiss her face, saw her lazy sleep and I could not bear to wake her up. She admitted that she did miss breakfast, but I told her I could not bear to see her too tired making breakfast for me so early.. "I married you; hope you enjoy a happy life, not to make you my maid." From the beginning of my remarks, she could not stop the tears. When newly married she often helped me to match the clothes I wear, but after so many months of togetherness, I knew her preferences of clothes. So I did not bother to ask her again. After a warm good morning kiss, I slept in her room but she killed the dead end by saying she did not need me to kiss.

"Why do you never say you love me?" I asked her.

"I thought you knew, if not why we will get married?" She answered. Yes ah, I know, I always knew that, otherwise I would not have married her. Women are always in need of some words of love, and I thought this is the reason I thought I need to say more love words to her.

My interpretation of a sentence let her out of a cylinder with tears. As long as I cook, every time you think I have to prepare food for you only, but you do not eat, and in the end why do I feel cannot catch your stomach? So, did I I grab your heart?

I found, if they wish, two people can talk about anything. Even I explained the story of East Timor to her, and she listened with great interest. She told me that no matter what, she always wanted to hear, but she let her knew me, a husband and wife, almost all in this world waste their some time in misunderstanding, I deserved, and she deserved it.

"I rarely read the news, do not know what happened to the State recently." She asked me. "Well, I'll be your news station every day." I laughed softly. I started to talk the children's things, she stayed silent for a while. "I want to have a child." At this time, she had the courage to say it. "I thought you do not want to just get married so that you do not have to eat birth control pills?" I blamed her in a laugh. But again one day, I discovered she was taking medicine - at times she might have casually put the medicine on the dresser, which I saw, and I thoroughly understood she did not want children.

"Do you really want to have?" "Think, ah, I am a good person at home, bored." "Just because of boredom? If a person is bored at home, you should go out to learn something, go to work, start studying again and go shopping with your friends, I will not stop you". She began talking about the four thousand two hundred grams of the giant baby we saw in the Hospital. It not only scared her, scared me too. I understood the pain and fear a woman carries while giving birth to a baby, so I abandoned the idea of having children. "I do not care, I want to grow." Cleared my mind, I had just hoped one child to continue my blood. After I explained, she realized that even if the work and the football match is tired, and I occasionally desire to hold her at night sometimes, and watched her sleep soundly, I urged her to change her clothes and go out.

Had not travelled with her for long, and sitting next to her catching her cold hand in between, I had the feeling of love. I looked forward to concentrate on her side faces, movements and appearance to see how deep her love was in my heart, because I almost forgot, between us there is a sideways problemDivorce agreement goes. I wanted to what her life would be if divorce would be signed. However, she should not go on with that anymore? Otherwise, she would not have discussed children issues with me.

Strong cold breeze was blowing on an empty road. I remembered the place, the place where we treasured the memory. "I always want to travel with you, but you always enjoy your holiday with your friends, I had to go to bed covered with blankets at home." She complained. She began to suspect that I did not love myself, I did not love her, she realized that love is not gone, but dissolved into the lives of the people to forget the existence of a nature. Love's performance, which can be sticky, intimacy, devotion, blessings, and even concessions, treats everyone in different ways, will lead to mixed results. Our marriage was like building a castle in the air. At the top of this lack of communication, to marry this woman, I thought I did not love her gradually, but sometime I was satisfied thinking all the love has resurfaced, and even grows. Man neglected woman because of the disappointment of love can also be a word for a man full of hope and of love, I did not want to divorce her, not the least intention, but had no alternative but to sign a name, perhaps just a fit of anger, but she look the other way to look at me, but ... ...

"That, goes on a divorce settlement ... ..." she wanted back. This means that ... ...?

"You want a divorce, and so I became your husband, I lured her tears.

She really loves me ... ... even if she did not say. I think if I stick a divorce, she would let me go, she could not bear to see me sad as she hugged me up so tightly that day as if she never wanted a separation from me forever.

If it is she wanted a divorce? Excuse me selfish,,,,,,,, "Water has changed the whole, I do not even know." I quickly opened with the topic. I thought marriage life is a tired life..Everyday discussions, compromise, no freedom, tired, had to live for others.. Finally I decided I will sign the paper, and

THE DIVORCE AGREEMENT GOES ON. Five months of marriage, I did not find a love

My life with hookers???

My lifelong association with hookers started in Shankar Dev. Imagine: studied in a very strict College for almost 2 years straight with a bunch of high testosterone dicks and then you're suddenly let loose on a Government College, alcohol and hookers as far as the eye can see. My former naivet and stigmatic resistance to prostitution gone with my first night in Dohari Restaurant there, 6 dicks /4chiccks/3 hotel suite.

Growing up, yeah I viewed prostitution negatively but as I passed college age, I realized that hookers and giving business to hookers has an undeserved bad reputation. I say prostitution is a legit job for an otherwise unqualified girl to make decent money. The only reason people think negatively about hookers is the same reason drugs are also viewed negatively: because its illegal. Thats it. But I argue that in some countries drugs and prostitution are legal. In white countries, hookers are kind of shady and skanky because they are not properly organized and they all work streets. (some exceptions of course) In Asian countries though, I am

surprised to find that a lot of hookers are otherwise normal girls that for some reason or another, got into this profession.

Whats wrong with hookers and people that pay for their services?? If you think about it, besides married people, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Most scientists view sex as a bodily function like pissing or crapping. Its just another liquid exiting your body. What is the difference between picking up a chick in a bar, having a one niter versus picking up a hooker and having a one niter?? Besides personal satisfaction of having conquered a strange chick for free, and money of course, there is barely any distinction. And the hookers most often turn out to be better lays. Why do men use hookers? Obviously for the intimacy of having sex with a real chick and because we just horny and want to release some toxic fluids thats burning up our balls, while having as much variety as possible.

I have made friends with a couple of girls that are "massage specialists" and some of my friends even dated some. I find Chinese "massage specialists" to be the best looking, the most liberal, and very cool to hang out with. They have to sell themselves so a lot of them take great care on their hygiene, fashion, hair, *body hair*, and makeup. Normal girls here just fall too far from their standards. Why the hell should I waste my time in chasing some mediocre "normal" ass when I can just pop out some money and get with hot chicks? I don't have to play games, don't have to chase them, go on dates, buy them dinner and shit, wait for weeks, just to get disappointed by their naked ugliness or lack of horizontal skill?? Besides, some hookers are really down to earth, pretty and they really treat you like a boyfriend and not a client. Ok, sometimes I enjoy the chase but most of the time, I want a quick release.

Sex is a bodily function. Some may argue its the ultimate act of love, but shit, we're not fundamental Lutherans. We're human; we need to eat, crap, piss, drink, and blow our loads. Granted, if you married, its a whole another argument, but if you are single, it is completely legit.

Im sorry, I must apologize to all you all chicks and some gay dudes, and I much prefer a hot hooker over mediocre free ass any day. Oh, and I use condoms every time unless its a blow job of course. I do like free ass too but quality free ass is hard to come by and sex with 1 partner gets old quick.

Who feels me on this???

Farewell Speech to my Dad Padam Devkota

My surname is Devkota, a name I share with my Brother, a name I share with my father. Although it hasnt been easy at times to live with this surname, Ive never been more proud of it than I am today. He because of several problems of heart, diabetes, muscles and his age decided to resign from the last left organization he was engaged, World View Nepal, an organization which was created decades ago through his effort.

My dad had the greatest friends in the world. All of you here are also my friends, and his greatest gift to me. I love you just as much as he did.

There is much to say, and much will be said, about My Dad, a loyal man, a proud man, a revolutionary think tank, very simple man, a true servant of the nation. There is also much to say and much will be said about my father, the man. The storyteller, the lover of meat, tea and cigarettes, a practical joker, the accomplished writer. He was a lover of everything Indian: Kurta, Amratya sen, APJ Abdul Kalam, Vajpayee and Sachin. He was a hill climber, Very good spin bowler, navigator, skipper of College football team, dog lover, and all around adventurer. I still remember our family vacation in Pokhara which left us all injured and exhausted.

He is a dinner table debater and criticizer. He is a Nepali Congress supporter and a proud member of the Nepali Congress. But never entered politics unlike his College days roommate Ram Sharan Mahat and Govinda Raj Joshi.

He is a Hindu and when free he reads Vedas that helped him survive unbearable losses and whose teachings taught him that he has a moral obligation to help others in need.

He is not perfect, far from it. But my father believes in redemption and he never surrenders. Never stops trying to right wrongs be they the results of his own failings or of ours. It is the only reason; he did not get enough opportunities in life.

But today Im simply compelled to remember Padam Devkota as my father and my best friend. When I was 12 years old I was diagnosed with a deadly disease. My father went to the store room to bring a football and asked me if I wanted to go to play football. And I was trying to get used to my new health condition. It was very cold outside and the ground was covered with frost. It wasnt easy for me to walk. And the ground was slippery and as I struggled to walk even, I slipped and I fell on the ground and I started to cry and I said I cant do this. I said, Ill never be able to play football again. And he lifted me in his strong, gentle arms and said something Ill never forget. He said I know youll do it, there is nothing you cant do. Were going to play football together, even if it takes us all day. You will run today with energy.

Sure enough, he held me around my waist and we slowly made it to the football practice, and, you know, at age 12 unable to walk pretty much seems like the end of the world, but as I start kicking the ball, I knew he was right. I knew I was going to be OK. You see, my father taught me that even our most profound losses are survivable and it is what we do with that loss, our ability to transform it into a positive event that is one of my fathers greatest lessons. He taught me that nothing is impossible. From that day I love football so much, I have not loved anything else more than that.

During the summer months when I was growing up, my father would arrive late in the afternoon from office on Fridays .He would want to go straight out and start running . . . in anticipation of that yearly races.

And wed be out late, and the sun would be setting, and family dinner would be getting cold, and wed still be out there practicing our race. Well one night, not another people running around us. I asked him, Why are we always the last ones on the road? Kancha, he said, Well, you see, most of the other people we race against are stronger and more gifted than we are. But the reason why we are going to win is that we are going to work harder than them and we will be better prepared. I never watched him losing any races during annual Dashain Festival which used to be held between Professors. Even at this age with worst health condition, he looks so young, active and restless. Its all because of his passion towards Sports.

And he just wasnt talking about running. My father admires perseverance. My father believes that to do a job effectively requires a tremendous amount of time and effort.

He believes that in order to know what to do in the future, you have to understand the past. My father loves other old things. He loves his classic sofa; he loves lighthouses and his old National Branded Radio and Hitachi TV.

My father taught me to treat everyone I meet, no matter what station in life, with the same dignity and respect. I once told him that he accidentally left some money, I remember this when I was a little kid, on the sink in our hotel room. And he replied , let me tell you something. Making beds all day is back breaking work. The woman who has to clean up after us today has a family to feed.

And thats just the kind of guy he is.

He even taught me some of lifes harder lessons, such as how to like Enemies, though I never learnt it. He once told me, he said, My Enemies, love this University just as much as I do. I think that he felt like he had something in common with them:. He understood the hardship that teaching has on a family and the hard work and commitment that it requires.

He often brought his so called back bitters home for dinner and he believed in developing personal relationships and honoring differences. And one of the wonderful experiences that I will remember today is how many of his so called back bitters are sitting here, right before him.. And he always told me that, Always be ready to compromise but never compromise on your principles. He is an idealist and a pragmatist. He is restless but patient.

At the end of his career day, my dad returned home early than usual. He told me to make a sugarless tea. He lived at the place he loved more than any other, trees, flowers and gardens he has made in our Home for so many years. The last months of my dads Job life were not sad or terrifying, but filled with profound experiences, a series of moments more precious than I could have imagined. He taught me more about humility, vulnerability, and courage than he had taught me in my whole life.

Although he lived a full and complete Job life by any measure, the fact is he isnt done. He still has work to do. He was so proud of where we have recently come as a family, and although I do

grieve for might have been, for what he might have helped us accomplish, I pray today that we can set aside this wonderful 42 years of his journey of work and instead celebrate all that he is, and did, and stood for. I will try to live up to the high standard that my father set for all of us when he said The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die. I know I have not by any means.

I love you dad and I always will.

Dream ..dreaming these days

if you've been in some relationships before,it's fine to me,but i hope when i am your boyfriend,i hope you already learned to cherish the one who walk beside you now.

i dont need you to make big money,as long as you have a plan for our own family in the future.

support Chelsea Football club with me and if you can't,at least pretend then because i'll support your team too if you like football.

i dont need you stick with me everyday,both of us need our own spaces.as long as you reply my message right away and have phone with you all the time so that i can call you when i want to hear your voice.

you dont have to bring me with you everytime when you hang out with your friends,but i hope you would like to proudly introduce me.

i dont need you to do a lot of housework,but when i'm tired or when you see the house is messy sometimes,dont blame on me,just clean it up,i will appreciate it. .

i know i'm spoiled boy,but i am growing up,so just be patient please.

if one day i quit my job for some reasons,dont be upset,i'll eat less and i will cook healthy and inexpensive dishes for us and you must say it's delicious.

i hope you love my family as much as you love yours.cuz i will do the same thing.

I want to drink Tea with you

I missed you people... As I thought of the cup of tea That we could have shared... In this summer ...

I missed you people As I thought of those talks That we could have had... In this summer...

As the clouds sang their song, And the skies changed colour... As I saw your eyes ... And a feeling lingered...

How precious is relationship How valued is love Distances dont change it Only the cravings grow...

There is nothing that matters Except hearts with truth... And bonds that grow stronger And emotions that soothe...

I craved to have a tea again with you people... But only with you people... I stared at all the water around Left parched in the end...

Good bye to seniors....

I would like to start with a sad, but true, story from my childhood. When I was a young boy of only 14, it was decided that I should take guitar class. I studied guitar for a year and learnt to play one song poorly, which actually turned out to be an improvement over high school. Nobody was willing to tell me that I had no musical talent whatsoever. Finally, after a year, I was invited by my music teacher, Mr. Lalit, to play in Parents day. I can't answer for others, but I was very excited that I was at last, going to play my song in front of an audience. The day arrived. That morning, I got Diarrhea and, tragically, I never got to play my song. But after 6 years, I had taken the liberty of taking a guitar with me. I finally got to play my song in front of an audience. It was my graduation day of my college. I swear to you, that was the song that I learnt to play after a year the only song I knew how to play on the guitar. I think you will see that the lesson is patience. There comes a time for everything.

That graduation day reminds me of something, how we need to shape our life. After few years, we also will be graduating from this college. It does not matter that your dreams come true if you spend the whole life sleeping. We will never have more energy, enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than we have at this age. My parents had cried when I left my home to stay in the hostel at the age of 9. Not because I was leaving, but rather, I think, because they were afraid I would be coming back. Not one teacher, I ever had in school or college would have believed that there was even the slightest chance that one day Id be asked to co-ordinate college magazine or establish Red Cross in the college. I did not have money, but I could afford to fail, and there were many failures. But later I found what I was good at. I found something I loved. Never be afraid to fail. If you are going to fail, fail big. Even monkeys fall from tress. Creativity is allowing our self to make mistakes.

Dream of my mother to make my brother a Doctor and me an Engineer was drowned when I was restricted from an Engineering College in Nepal after studying there for merely 6 months. It was an Incident 9 years down the line. I was caught cheating in the exams and I with my friend threw a brick at the teachers head and escaped from that College. I was not allowed to stay in my house and eventually I was forced to leave my Motherland. This incident was the turning point of my life that drove me to live with a passion, love and with little compassion. It taught me to be an actor of my own life, to infuse my life with action, to make my own love and hope, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what I can to make grace happen-myself. I was a loser in high school with grades, with girls and with sports. I did not excel. I stayed home and argued with my parents. What I was in the High School was not the

final word on me, there was a hope. A few months back, I was at a dinner with who were getting something called a silver plate, an achievement award for doing well in their fields. Some were working with Google, some were Stanford University graduates, some were Harvard graduates and one was Seoul University Topper. I was the least famous person there who even could not continue his study. The idea was to get the bunch of achievers together and bring in the advertisement of the School. Would you have been invited to something like this when you were in High School? My friend asked me. I answered him- No I was not a good student. He replied, I did not even finish my High School. I had to get my high School equivalency later. But he had became an Icon for all youngsters in Nepal, formed a MUSICAL band called ANTIM GARAHAN and dedicated his life to music. The lesson was only academic excellence would not carry you forward. There are many things in life that can make you successful other than academic excellence.

When we graduate, we walk with only one thing that no one else. There will be hundreds of People out there with same degree; hundreds of people will be wanting to do what you wished to do in your life. When we were Children, all our dreams were same viz. play, enjoy, eat ice cream and so on. As we grew old, our dreams became distinct. The spark that we have in Childhood, vanish with our age. The million sparks I used to get when someone presented me toy vanished with age. I used to do a daily countdown of birthday several months in advance; just for the days I would cut my own birthday cake. But with maturity, no sparks are left. Unless we carry that spark, our life will be dull, dejected and passive. We are people, not programmed devices. People with rich family, connections, and beautiful faces make life easy for them. But what for us? Some people are born luckier than us. This thing should not create a deviation from our aim. Same had happened with me, striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closet to me expected of me. Given a time turner or a time machine, I would tell my 26 years experience of this world happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check list of achievement. Your qualification, your CV, is not your life. We all live in a world that is changing every day. And to keep up, we must stand and grow up.

Though you will meet many people of my age and older who are confused with this thing. I wish you will do whatever you want from your heart, thats the only way you should move ahead after your graduation. What other people label or might try to call failure, I have learnt its just the Gods way to point us towards a new direction. Even if, things are difficult, I have been grateful; its the only reason I am passionate enough to come back to my College life after quitting studies for a decade. I know its a big responsibility to make your parents proud and happy, but believe me, its not a big deal if you leave here with the right attitude as you have always defined what you stand for. If you have confidence in who you are, there is no end to what you can accomplish. Life has no limit; it is unpredictable, thrilling and awesome. Just focus can get you

success. I always liked the story of a College student who got C on his final Paper because his idea was implausible. The idea, over night delivery services. The student FRED SMITH. You may know him better as the CEO of FedEx. So, do not let anyone else take the measure of your worth and capabilities, Always stand proud in who you are. Be alive, be humble, be awake. Take each step, as if it was the first. Then take another, and when you tumble, as you would, when a kind hand reaches out to pick you up, smile, say Thanks and give back to them. It will not give you a whole life, but it will get you started.

Your certificates and medals may gather dust on a shelf or in a drawer. But, you will always be remembered for caring enough, for helping someone, for making someone feel special and appreciated and for being the kind of person that others enjoy spending time with.

As is a tale, there is a life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.

I wish all my seniors very good life.

Bud that never existed

Why do you want to kill a bud? You have neither passion nor permission to raise it. I wish I could make it a flower. The gardener vanished for several days. I again asked her.. Where is the bud? Its already killed in the harsh unrelenting cold of a summer.

I will always go looking, lost and searching for that bud

I remember winter flowering, such a glorious time, to see that bud opening and blooming. I gazed at the sky absently. I recalled those past memories which I cherish all the time. It had taken away half of my heart to cultivate that bud.

But, We already paid our price, a life. Such a lovely bud, I could have irrigated it and make it a lovely flower. Bud might have bloomed into a flower with a gentle smile, long hair and limpid eyes, like clear water in a tranquil pool. I had thought she could easily take care of the bud. She did not..

I had wished I could swim with that bud forever, but it sink down to die, and the waves dragged me and force me to jump from cove to cove to escape the pull. Am alive but the bud is killed. What I was left with was the flood of tears to sweep my eyes, and a heart stabbed with a stake.

Years have passed by and am still drifting and searching for that gardener who threw that bud away.

If I meet her, I know bud will come again in my life, even stronger, but never again for the first time.

Well who cares?

I guess this is the end and that we both belong to two different world. Can I remove you from my life? No As I have pondered so many times, it's better to keep everything about you in a box, lock it, hide it and forget where i've put it. Luckily you didn't give me many things. For all the time with you, just one greeting card, three keys, several pictures and some memories, which i pray that will slowly fade away some day. Well,who cares? hehe

Why girls are in shortage of good boys?

When my Uncle was in his 20s had achieved most of the milestones of adulthood: a high-school diploma, financial independence, marriage and children. Today, most men in their 20s hang with a motive- Life is too long game to start something early. I see some of my friends a year or so younger than me, still unable to make their career. I looked at myself25 plusI have to ask my pocket money from my Family. I feel ashamed in front of my foreign friends. Despite the fact, I think there is "pre-adulthood" in most of us , especially for the college-educated. I saw my 18 year Sister in Facebook and feel ashamed; she has changed 6 boyfriends already with pictures I will feel shy to look into and proudly writes to me everyday- Brother, take good care of yourself. Is this generation changing? Must be Pre adulthood. Yesterday , one among my many sisters Sumnima had written in her Facebook Status- My right love to the wrong Person. I began to analyze why most Young girls are frustrated these days to know why It doesn't bring out the best in men.

I am tired with guys," My another sisters Facebook Status last night. I asked her WHY she is upset? She replied me his guy hangs around the PlayStation with his roommates, and never comes online in the night, or a Party outside with his college friends.... They are more like the kids, not matured enough even at 20 plusplaying MOTOGP whole night, watching movies putting notebook in their lap or stay up talking silly things about their classmates the whole night.

I met another Sister, Who have achieved so much in life, younger than me by 8 years. Represented our Country in Asian Games 2010. What also makes this pre-adulthood something new is its radical reversal of the sexual hierarchy. Among pre-adults, I feel girls are the first sex. They graduate from high school in greater numbers and they have higher marks than Boys.(

record of SLC of 2008,Kathmandu). I asked the same thing to my friend, who himself is a teacher. He told me girls these days have more confidence and drive. These strengths carry women through their 20s. I feel the same when I watch Pranima, my another Sister, much more Younger than me but yet far more matured. Some of my female friends are even out-earning their brothers and boyfriends and they always have a problem because of this reason.

Still, for these women, one key question won't go away: Where have the good men gone? My another friends Facebook status was about a Movie "Knocked Up." The storys hero is 23year-old Boy who not only gets drunk every night but also gets her girlfriend pregnant. Ben lives in a Los Angeles with a group of friends who spend their days playing videogames, smoking pot and unsuccessfully planning to launch a porn website. Her girl, by contrast, is on her way up as a television reporter and lives in a neatly kept apartment with what appear to be clean sheets and towels. So where did these pre-adults come from? I m among the same boy trying to prolong the campus drinking and hook-up scene thinking life is only 1, so enjoy it Dude. But the causes run deeper than that. We Most boys till today never realized a fact that good jobs go to those with degrees. And degrees take years. And, women are in a parallel line with us in this thing, if not forward in big cities.

Another factor in the lengthening of the road to adulthood is labor market. The past decades' economic expansion and the digital revolution have transformed the high-end labor market into a fierce competition for the most stimulating, creative and glamorous jobs. Fields that attract ambitious young men and women often require years of moving between college and internships, between internships and jobs, laterally and horizontally between jobs, and between cities. I know I will never enter those so called MNC unless I do so. So,its a struggle for me as well these days. Most of us are looking not just for jobs but for "careers," work in which we can exercise our talents and express our deepest passions. I work in AIPMA and I always repent, I wish I could work in some Big companies for free as well. I expect my careers to give shape to my family identity. For today's pre-adults, "what you do" is almost synonymous with "who you are," and starting a family is seldom part of the picture. I am already 25 , and am not even in the frame as I have no career.

Before one of my grandfather went straight to work, since the families couldn't afford the lost labor and income. But since my country had changed a lot since last half a century, I must have to continue my higher education to carve out space and time to create myself as a more highly educated citizenry and work force. So, I have to become adult early. We often hear about the miseries of women confined to the domestic sphere once men began to work in offices and factories away from home. Time is changing. Once my father himself, who at first had refused to put down the money to buy those newfangled televisions changed their minds when the networks began broadcasting world cup cricket. His craziness towards cricket, being educated in India, lead him to buy a TV. At the same time, I was tuning in to cable channels like MTV,

BBC,CNN, ESPN, etc Mentality changed, the way we Father and son were brought up changed and our mentality changed.

One thing always comes in my mindI see this pre adult as an expression of our cultural uncertainty about the social role of men. It's been an almost universal rule of civilization that girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, but boys had to pass a test. They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess or mastery of the necessary skills. The goal was to prove their competence as protectors and providers. Today, however, with women moving ahead in our advanced economy, husbands, and Boy friends are now optional, and the qualities of character men once needed to play their roles are vanished. And girls are thinking, where to find a Capable men? I have so many single girls who are single and have no time to rush around and waste a time with a Boy. A new concept- One night Stand must have been grown from this root. Today's pre-adult male is like an actor in a drama in which he only knows what he shouldn't say. I found another merit for girls to be single than us Boys. M single means my advisers and confidants are generally undomesticated guys just like me. Its my own personal experience.

Single men have never been civilization's most responsible actors; they continue to be more troubled and less successful than men who deliberately choose to become husbands and fathers. Never try to give me an example of Kalam or other handful of guys who never got married. Exceptions Happens in this World. So we can be disgusted if some of them continue to live in rooms decorated with Pamela Andersons posters and crushed beer cans and to treat women like disposable estrogen toys, but we shouldn't be surprised. I once almost used to be in the same category. Free of family responsibilities, and entertained by all means of electronic gadgets devoted to his every pleasure, the single young man can live in pig heavenand often does. Women put up with him for a while, but then again think of their career, perfect boy who has a stable income and a decent Job rather than staying with the troublesome man. This may be a reason no women stayed in my hand, despite staying with different girls in different intervals of time as I never have the things that comfort big, educated girls- career, enough money, a good car. But these rational choices on the part of women only serve to make this love unfair as we have to stand out against all of our friends to get a decent girl. But Why should I grow up? Just because there was very few decent men in this world to whom girls want to marry or stay.

Went to massage center one night.....

Living in China, we all know all the funs a foreigner can have in China, beer, girls, barbeque, travel, food.Need money for that.. But still I shall call a Paradise for a Young guy like me. ..What at this age you want more- good food, branded clothes, beautiful girl..Yummmyyyyyyy even the Ugliest Chinese girls have so beautiful legs and sexy dresses.

So, foreigners are targets... lot of them.., no, sorry I have to say lot of us.

But some foreigners are unbelievable. Ranjan Brother, Santosh Brother- oh 5,000 Yuan just drinking in a bar in a night .some time I used to get a call- Brother come with us..Oh, I would cancel the date with my girl and go with them.Sorry Santosh brother If you are reading this- ha ha I know you are. Lets go back now

It is almost 7 am in Tianhe Coach Terminal , the last station of Subway of line 4.and main Guangzhou Bus terminal ....in every 2 minutes more than 300 long route bus moves from that route to all over China , a thing U will not find in New York as well. My maternal Uncle and i are going to go for a little outing..Meet some body...some works, I can say to put butter to logistics officers. I always used to give him company during football matches, so this time was my turn to be with him, travel with him for free. Lucky me. He is yet another foreigner who is lost in lust of Chinese culture, drink, Sex, girls, food, etc.

Though I never but that day, we were nicely dressed.and woken up at like 5 am after having three hour massages at 2 am...30 Yuan per hour, Pink House- amazing feeling to get drunk and enter the massage house, every1 does. I know your mouth must be watering remembering all d funs we used to do- Sorry Nishant ,Uday, and Umesh to make you sick nowIf I had done in Nepal, I will be a spoilt brat for sure. Who cares? You are abroad, far from society that talks, and doing massage is their Culture, everyone does in the evening so do we? Message, which can i just get off the story to explain this awful Guangzhou massage place of LongDong? Message of massage, I have to say my maternal Uncle and i are in the hotel... got to be somewhere at 8 am.

but its like 2 am already...i forget how it got to be so late...

hmmmmm..maybe im wrong.....

so it says on the door...3 hours 108 Yuan ( Chinese currency)....but im too Chinese to believe that noise...

but i fall for it anyway.....

and we enter the scene ..Where baby oil is misused on adults...and where roamers roam the rooms looking through the big glass doors to see if any monkey business is going on! (Whats this monkey Business?) Only someone who knows Chinese culture will know the internal intestine of this message.

So yeah. ...its 108 for like triple hoursIt may be too cheap for my maternal Uncle. Even down my Apartment there was like 30 Yuan per hour, cheap services.But for super foreign deluxers.You must get a supplementary shoulder massage? (huuuuuh?) It will definitely cost them more

And then to top off it all..like basically rub you down then throw shit in your face..they ask for a tip.....could you imagine my face???? And its a little tick off box ...on a piece of white paper...where it goes????..

10, 20, 30 ,40 ,50, 80, 100...and my bitch ..Points to the fifty zone..And im like what on earth is wrong with you!!!

oh i forgot to mention...my maternal Uncle gets one room and i get another ..and his words where...

some wretched woman came in to my room at the beginning..and i hoped it wasnt my girl..then she walked in your rooms direction..and i felt bad for a second..then i saw my hot girl come in and i forgot all about you..."

mind you this is not one of the monkey business pleasure arenas...this is regular old..so i dont mind what they look like....as if i minded either way... but they have to be strong and skilled to work me back because my Uncles wife, who too is a Chinese is like super massage acupuncture Chinese doctor deluxe

So like this wretch of a lady...( 2 am starting a massage ..hmmm...i d be pissed )

absolute ugly written all over her face...i love ugly ..Donna get me wrong..its the fact that she was just mad...mad at me...mad at the world..Mad at my back!! at first i was on my back and she was like

"Turn over this is not one of those massages"

im thinking alright but usually it starts with a head massage...whatever...my maternal Uncle tells me later that he started on his back and got a head massage later.

so she proceeds to attack my back with her arms..for the next hour and then shoves a tip box in my face...and it was so funny..i was like speaking Chinese before and she was like oh you speak chinese...then when she pulled out the tissue Paper....i was like

I dont know what your saying...In Chinese ting bu dong...

and she was like oh where you not just speaking perfect Chinese a second ago??? muahahahahahha

so there its 6.45 ...we are massaged out...well one of us is...

and he is at the front of the line at the ticket machine. )Its the worst place you wish to be, a long line..Pushing, over takingno Separate line for females) with his huge laptop bag and whatever other bags u usually see foreigners around....and hes struggling with the bills and figuring out which stop in Shenzhen..i know we where in Shenzhen..dont be a dick my dear maternal Uncle

so like as we walked into the subway finally ..I noticed what looked like a tour group...of thieves..Must be from Hunan.oh May be Xinjiang an autonomous part of China.I mean it was obvious that they where thieves....it was like a taxi stand in the morning where they get there tea..and talk about yesterdays hot blond bombshell that stunk up their cab at mid night...but instead they where talking about how some guy caught them pick pocketing yesterday.Such a shit bunch of Taxi driversIs there any place on this earth where Drivers are nice? I have shits stories my friends told me who had gone to Australia and the states as well

so like four guys separate from this group..and although Im with my Maternal Uncle..im always a few paces behind.. If I walked with him, I know I could not rotate my head back to see some beautiful girls that passes away..Cleaver me. so like the four..Surround my maternal Uncle... I am watching..Oh what a shit is going to happen, so early.

.. four guys get all up behind my dad..all from this group..while the group are all egging them on with their eyes.. for my maternal Uncle defense It was like 6.45 , we had just come from massage..and his ears wear just recently cleaned...

so the guy directly behind my maternal Uncle sticks his hand deep into his bag..Looking for goodies i suppose......i see this from like five steps away...and very nicely excuse myself to the three other thieves that are directly behind the number one thief.. And pass them. Oh the actual story begins now..full of crowd..we begin to pull each others hand. A thin guy like me and three goody Chinese boys, oh yeah even experienced ones..I did not loose hope as I knew If I fight, I fight to death.and you know it guysha ha, did not you Bibek and Nimaam Crazy??

so he like turns around...and the other guys behind me try to hold me back.... these bitches been paid..My maternal Uncle is still turning around.....he is so innocent..With that bag on...so he finally gets to 180 degrees and hes like..

"what on earth is happening Sunil?, dont push the young man..."

i love how in his mind come - Sunil would start a fight with a stranger for no reason..?

so i try to say that he was being pick pocketed but all that comes out is...Chinese....

ni jiao se la!!

In English , u looking for die!!!

so the other pickpocketeers..have dispersed like cockroaches.. and the few that were involved with my elbow and feet that were directly behind me ..are just repeating over and over that ..my friend was confused if it was his friend and he was teasing....thats all..! so i finally say that they were stealing from maternal Uncle..and my maternal Uncle..goes in crazy mode on them...

anyway..nothing to see here folks..i kept just four shots to the body and ear...i was wearing my favorite Nepali Style shirt...didnt want it to get bloodied..and we had a meet up in like ten minutes...so i figured it was for the best....that things didnt get wild and crazy...even though i would have loved to break that fuckers fingers so he cant steal for a few days...but then what if his kids go hungryPeople gathered, StrangeZhenma la? What happened? I was amazed..whats on the earth is going here. I could not trust what all is happened here within a minute.

and i get something to write as no Internet access today the whole night and my roommate is disturbing me with the lights on.I never can fall asleep if the lights are on and I watch maximum of 2 movies in a yearSo how useless my notebook becomes when there is no

internet access now, It is crazy for me..Because i desperately needed some material to write..so it all worked out..for the best and I came out with this worst shit for you to read

Story of a Poor bee and an Ugly bird....

She again today called me an Ugly Bird, I felt happy. I never asked her why she calls me by that nameUgly I can predict, I know am not in d rank of those hot and handsome guyzzzzzzzzz.. May be I can guess a reason; I always talk about moving into life, I Donna have patience to stay in a stationary place. I know rolling stones creates no moss..but still I do what I like. Bird has always been a fantasy, I dream of.

Prawartak came to my room, Must be before 8. Luckily, I had slept at 2 last night. He is working in People strong, For me, it must be a very good HR Company. Just have a bitter experience of being not selected. I went to People strong for a HR jobInterviewer asked me what was my aim. I replied, I want to fly, soar in the clouds with someone holding my hand and leading my way.

Not me He was nervous, red faced. Smiled a little and immediately said, Thank you. You can go now, we will contact you soon.

I know this odd line seized my job, or maybe I was busy drinking with my brothers till 2.15 noon and went to Interview at 2. 30, did my mouth smell? I do not know. Why the hell I shall I stop myself doing those things thinking I have a job Interview- am among those few nerds who do what they like- I always have to defend with my friends saying, I always follow my heart. People who knows me are I feel so pity for a bird. Everyone likes bird but still I know people insert barbeque rods in birds spine when they die. Mine life is the same. People try to catch me, find me, kill me, and hunt me because I know I am too delicious to be eaten, used and finally fried. But I know I will not be easily hunted. I love being surrounded by white clouds ( good people), even knowing blue is further than I can see but I never stopped flying, at least I can move higher than the trees. I am lost above the world, quite different from other people, quite uniquemy dream never can be fulfilled as I know flying will not let me reach the sky or touch down the burning sunbut its

my life, I keep on flying. I will never change, I am who I am and I will do what I have been doing for so many years. Its my life, I fly with my life like birds fly with their wings flapping, keeping them self in the air aloft.

Last night eventually I had gone outside from my room to receive the call, I saw Stars after a long timebeautiful. A strange feeling came into my Mind. I wish I could fly and reach it one day so that I can move them, gathered in one place so that they will give us more lightSuch a strange feeling. I know its just a dream, a fake dream but shall I stop dreaming? People say I did not become Doctor, I did not become an engineer and I did not have a good job. Where is there written I must be a successful person by 25? I have seen where my dream is, what I want to be in my lifeEven if you people call my name while spitting tobacco off the end of your razor tongue, I will not change for youbecause I know where I have to fly. No one teaches birds where to go and come- they have no certain routes and paths-they move on and on until they find something they can bring back in the nest by evening. Let me be free like a bird- You cruel Society.

Never think I have wasted my all these years doing nothing, I think I have travelled so little, yet achieved so much in life. I would tell with my 25 years experience of this world, happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check list of achievements. Your qualification, your CV, is not your life. Happiness lies somewhere elsenot everyone who are successful have got academic qualifications. Because of this thinking, my feathers scuffled, battered and torn by these social elements and I had to start all over again in life So I repent to be born in South Asia, I wish I were an American, a part of free society.

I fell many times in my life following my trend of free flying, seeking freedom from this Society. The ground where I fell was not soft, I was hurt, ached. I some time had to stand motionless. How hard it had been for a bird like me? I remembered my House, family many times, a nest where I was brought up , especially, when I was looking for a Job abroad and just had last 2 Yuan left in my Pocket. I tried to recall the warmth, the safety of the nest where I perched and some time thought of living in that society, family again? I was already thrown from the nest. Thus, same like a small bird if thrown from the nest once, it will never be able to make it again to the same nest, I did not make it too. It seems so high, so far away, and unobtainable for a kid like me after falling down to the ground once. Rather decided to fly bravely seeking happiness and joy and teaching my heart to trust my own dream that were so different from what my parents and society had expected. But I kept on flying..

Though I could not Fly through time at the speed of light, neither has anyone but I did start to fly.. I met many moving Clouds following me, They say me to move on along with them as they think I go because I can; I've not yet become a man. Those clouds are my Idol and I will follow them- Pramod brother, sushil brother, Govinda brother, Lok Raj brother, Chetan brother, Khadka brotherwho became so successful just because they have always inspired me to do things what I like from heart, and am doing the same. Flying through the sky they had reached places Google, California , earned millionsmake a name.Oh wait, I will be there one day as I am never deviated from my path, though I may have been from my studies or love life.

Had not that thing hurt me when my Mom torn my poem copy collection while I was writing a poem before the night of the exam>? My 3 years hard work all torn apart in a night. Had not that thing hurt me when I had became Nepal second in Poetry competition at the age of 17 and my Dad even did not pat at my back as I did skip my internal exams and go there to participate? Every Xavierians that time knows what a proud moment I had brought in the college, for a kid of 17 and winning the national awardI did not do any mistake- I just wish I could fly like a birddo what I wish to do as life for me is just one. I want to enjoy it from the bottom of my heart.

Now am prepared to take off into the endless sky, to jump and flap my wings and rise into the clouds. I know fake jump off the rock is not a real fly; I only will fall to the ground if I do so. So I have decided I will fly real without caring anything I know some time I was backward, forward and back again, a splash, a rise and again a fall like a WAVE. This is all the fight for life I have been doing for many years. Is what it's all about me and my dream to fly like a bird..

I know my dream will never be fulfilled. I've always dreamed of possessing wings, but Birds just take it for granted, the gift of flight but I will never stop myself to try to fly. No matter how many times I will fail job interviews in my life, if they ask me what your dream is or whats your aimI will answer the same, I want to fly, soar in the clouds with someone

holding my hand and leading my way. Its only my dream and some ones dream that never gonna be fulfilled- poor she.

So we have been calling each other POOR BEE AND UGLY BIRD for years now..and she is one of my best friends who shares the same dream with me, same feelings and same reasoning for life to livefly like a BIRD....fly like a BEE

Types of Friends I do not wish to have?

1. I simply do not need you at all. What else I will do at this age of 25 with people who dont smoke and drink and i not only feel bad but demoralized when my friend doesnt have a cigarette to lend me... Awake till 4 AM and could not fall asleep as I have no cigarettes? I need to wake up someone who has it.What the hell I will do with who does not Smoke or drink?? 2. one who always takes family in between- Some of my friends are likei cant go with you for football today as my Mother is online, waiting for fathers call, Sister is online, My family has sent me here to study, not to play and i got to do gay things all day, like please, today is the last daywe also do not study in exams time, please Coke bet..hmmmmmmmm Damn

3. .if they are Greedy or have no money...i mean im not rich either but I manage my money somehow from here and there, enough to have a royal life ....and if my friends arent rich well then..its like gay..because they are always like................... m not in a mood today or like "Gilly all i got is this 50 " or like "nah man i cant go out im sickor Busy with soemthing

4.Who just agree with me and never ask me questions - ..Gilly has many shits in his life, always full of shit..and i talk a lot of crap..and im too rude at times with different slangs and i make little to no sense at times, so people call me Non Sense So U must do it.

Never mind on this thing if u all r my friend as U must have read the fourth point and U must understand its a humor of a literature, nothing else or intended to any1.

I was almost Killed.......??

I am not a Shy guy but I really feel shy when someone offers me a sit on a motorbike. How to ignore? Sometime I unwillingly accept their offer but most of the time I said NO. It has nothing to do with genetic character, a reminder.my Dad never sits on a motorbike. Writing about motorbike, Seeing how i am writing this post on Motorbike ride ..not someone who comes from Kathmandu, tends to point to a happy ending where having a Bike carries so much Value, girlfriend, status and many more

like most of you living here in china i find living here in the pearl river delta (Guangzhou) to be a challenging and exciting experience.

about 3 weeks ago...

riding an girlfriends electric motor scooter..It was good I was alone....which they say is legal for us foreigners...without a license...i was heading through one of those intersections from hell...where cars figure they are the big dog..do not stop even for a pedestrian, bicyclist , motor scooter or motorcyclist...red light..green light..yeah like anyone pays attention...( Never see this anywhere either in gulf )

(i must preface to say..i am a foreigner..eventually your karma will get fine...I felt for my poor country, rich Countries invented the SUV and now have caused this mismatch of large metal objects versus us little flies zipping around on these little scooters who can not offer a Car)

so this SUV barrels through a red lite...i am traveling through a green light...naively thinking this guy is going to eventually give way...i mean there are laws here right....((and barbeque, cigarette, alcohol sellers need a permit??))

well unfortunately i guess the guy behind the tinted windows was busy lighting a cigarette or talking to someone ( must be a beautiful Chinese girl dying for money as most are) on the phone..Making reservations at the hotel...who knows?...( i had my helmet on ..did he know?)..i think he just considered his right as a large beast of a car that all others should give way...

so my surreal memory recalls being nearly knocked into oncoming traffic..was i flying horizontally??holding the handles of the scooter as it was sliding...i think i was somewhere above it...hey i cannot be hit??? i am invincible...is that my helmet i see flying in front of me...shouldn't that be on my head...can someone put that back on please...like before i hit the ground...i knew i should have fixed that snap...hey are those white lights gonna stop??? don't they see me???shi.....now i remember i am a Yellow ghost from Nepal they cannot see me...karma...fu.....ng karma... well i landed on my shoulder first...bounced a bit on my head..came to a stop just short of oncoming traffic...maybe i am a pink ghost high blood pressure at this young age may have given me a visible glow...

ok stand up...the crowd may rifle my pockets...come on...you are alive ...it is not the big one......i am standing now...the beast is out of his car...talking to the crowd...shit......all i can say is bu hao...bu hao ni.( you are bad in English)....so lame...how do you say?

did you see he did not stop...??? seen many of these scenes..but i am in the middle of it...lots of people gathering....some of them quite amused...zhe shi shenme? ( what happened?) you think this is funny??? (he does..now am loosing my cool)...okay...need evidence......ahhh take some pictures...Hmmm am not that lucky who had carried a mobile with even 2 maga pixel cameraunlucky BoyI just hate mobiles that enhances anything except talking and messaging.

A guy with beautiful black mobile..Oh, Please,,,take pictures of the scooter...the crowd...the green light...shit...its now red....wait what's with my shoulder?....dammm there are several extra pieces here...put them back in place......come on...put it back in place..its your fu...g imagination

take a picture of the . license plate...done..got the pictures.....well the crowd has not allowed the SUV to clear out...that is good...i hear sirens....gotta get call someone on the phone.My friend pick it... been hit.... is saying to stay calm,....i will call police ..he will come translate...hold on...battery is dying...need battery charger...phone disconnects... .Such a shameful thing for me

(mid story lesson...learn the language stupid foreigner..you will need it someday)

ambulance arrives..police telling everybody to stop gawking and get back...i hope that is what he is saying...

they put me in a mini van with a stretcher...green uniformed guy does not have battery charger... dyen she(do u have electricity) ...battery??? need battery.he thinks i am asking for something else...or that i am hysterical......he scowls...he does not have phone will not use mine..not permitted...shiiiiiiiiiiiiii

My experience with a Chinese girl........

As a foreigner who is staying with a Chinese girl, I also dont have that many problemsfor much the same reason. Also, Im a young, attractive dude( big laugh,oh many girls said I have very attractive eyes).I mean to say Not at all like those other foreigners that sometimes get puzzled looks when out walking with their girlfriends.

In fact, my girl, has had more trouble due our relationship. Shes been turned down for more than a few jobs from her relatives because those companies figured she would be taking off for abroad soon. ( They never knew She would be a future American Citizen herself)

There is however one area in my life where my foreigners has given me a lot of grief, that is, with her family.

After 4 hours from Guangzhou, we together went to her Home Town ,Huidong,,, Lovely village in the sea coast, amazing place.

The first time I met her family, I thought it was the perfect situation. They didnt know English. I didnt know Cantonese. Their Mandarin wasnt that great, but mine was even worse. I wasn't nervous at all. I couldnt mess up by trying too hard to impress them or by being myself and keeping quiet.

I could do what I had always wanted to do when meeting a girlfriends family: keep my mouth shut, smile politely, and leave with my dignity.

If I did say something, it was improved in the translation.

It was wonderful.

But the second, third, fourth, fifth time we visited wasnt so great. The novelty of the perfect situation had worn off. And having a conversation might have been a nice way to pass the time in a small town where there was nothing else to do but talk. I was bored out of my mind.

Over the years, there were a number of things I wish I couldve saidor at least said directly without the improving translation:

You all are very nice. And I think its great that you want to ONLY cook food that I like, but we can eat something other than beef, potatoes and carrots. Are you guys done talking yet? Is there anything on TV thats in English? I dont know why I cant speak Cantonese like that foreign guy on TV. Maybe Im stupid. I know we can stay here for free, but I would be more comfortable in a hotel. Dont you guys need some space?

And just this past Spring Festival, upon the arrival of the Rossina to our apartment, a few other sentences came to mind:

Huh. 10 people in a two-bedroom apartment. No, its wonderful. The more the merrier. Wow. I didnt think 5 people could fit in one bed. I need some air. Ill be back in a few hours.

Actually, being able to express myself directly would have made me sound like a jerk.

There were times though when it wouldve made me sound more pleasant.

Once, She took me to a karaoke jam with her cousins coworkers. There were no songs in English and not nearly enough booze. I asked her if she could tell them we were tired and politely excuse ourselves.

When we were on the street, I asked her what she told them. She said, I just told them you were bored because you cant understand anything and you wanted to go home. They understood.

And there is a word that I would like to say that would just make my life better:

Mom.

As I havent had a real conversation with my mother-in-law, I dont feel like I really know her. As I dont really know her, I dont feel comfortable calling her Mom. Ive known her for three years.

My girl is the most wonderful woman in the world. However, Ive been pretty lazy due to her wonderfulness. Im so dependent on her to talk to people, that Ive never really studied Mandarin or Cantonese hard enough. And Ive never really put myself in situations where I am the main communicator.

This year I will study harder. I will learn to be rude when I want to be. I will learn to be diplomatic. I will learn to develop real relationships with the people I most want to. I will hit the books right now. Right after dinner. Terasa, could you help me order something to eat?

Girls on Facebook........No entry Zone for girls

At first I will talk about Princess Complex.......

The princess complex refers to the girls that think they're so pretty and think they're better than other girls and that they deserve better treatment than mere peasants. (like a princess) they expect the men to treat them like royalty and girls to look up to them. many girls today are afflicted w/ this condition. shit, most girls i know are afflicted w/ this condition. this is fine when they really are pretty, but what gets me is when ugly girls have this condition. .Ok if you have money,beauty,carrier-give a damn to guys no matter.But some ugly girlswithout height,body,carrier,money pretend this princess complex and think they are herione... that make me sick of them.They do not deserve anything than my...............????

Now again those Princess Complex girls comeing on Facebook--

1.girls using fake photo- damn black dumb ass with ugly face,afraid people will see their ugly face,so hide from people.no need to waste comments for them....Never be confused ,donna waste your time on them guys.

2.girls saying i miss you,how are you, are you online, I love you as a friend, you are like my family to next room girl or fellow girl -fuck the lesbo sypmtom,who cares those lesbo-do not waste comments ,..all are lesbo ,no need to taste...

3. girls getting too many profile comments..do not think guys rally like you,do not be proud of you getting to many coments, girls can not be friend,just for attractions and highlight...You will realize it later when U start deleting people and pictures from your Facebook one day.

4.pic like travelling/celebrating bday pictures in Hundreds-- shit are yoy alone travelling or are you the only one who is travlling,many people travelling in the world,no need to show you travel a lot,we all travel one day or another day,do not think you have dome unique job,we will not be influenced.

5.make up and sexy pictures,we all know you are butch ,money minded girls..trying to hook rich hancy guys... shit no one will truley love you as we guys know what type of girl are you,if possible can be in the list of your guys one night stand list..endless lists,do not worry many users are waiting for you girls.. near ,some where

6. fake id,i found some when i type their email address- those are girls born with fake fathers,their motehr's secret love ,so they are with fake profiles,those may be dangerous girls of all ,like sicors cuttig from inside,talk sex being fake,talk shit being fake ,shit delet me if you are those....I donna like Fake.....

IIPMA Job experience with a co-ed Bathroom

Finally, Dream Job is found, thanks to Gandhi Sir, that we call Industry Integrated in Algol. Writing emails, telecalling. Going to Colleges, ..Oh sleepless nights before going for a Job. Next morning I went to the officelittle shy, speak less though I am a Shameless Guy..Bloody guys have spread the rumor to everyone; a Big Playboy is comingMy impression - First Day Boss asked me- Do you have a girlfriend?? Surprise..Hmm no Need to, he might have many when he was Young.

Its big..Three floors and our office is on first floor.... No canteen... different cabins but we all stay in the same Cabin.. And my desk mate two girls, exactly opposite on Size -one from Haryana, one from Jaipur. One is a typical girl from Haryana, with money- what the girls need more? (Single- 2 meters tall!!!- She is cool, funny, and humorous but worrying factor is she seems the double age of mine??Eat your heart out AIPMA! Just what the girls need??...They never knew am a thin man with a big heart.....

Speaking of another girl..she likes to chat, she may be new into this chatting world and finding so much fun in it. And this is the only thing she does the whole day if she is given laptop for free by anyone of us. She has been here for whopping days and ...and has only been offered to look at reception. Receptionist must be beautiful, sexy, does she gives the definition of receptionistI Donna have an answer. Gandhi sir who hired her must have an answer.

Here in the office..we have something like ..1 bathroom( ???)...It is a single person one(for when you want to shit in peace or for a mid day nap)..one I never wish to be in which is the boss personal potty, western seaters and all this for an office of 7 or so people. My desk just in front of the bathroom. Whole day I have to do is watch people going to washroom and come.tried many times not to but cannot keep my eyes out from it.

but get this... bathroom is open to both the boys and the girls...is that an Indian style, of course not,,,Indian Boss.

now you ask why do i bring these girls here together..?? Because they were the one that made me realize that there are co-ed toilets....!!! I was Nepali ...i didnt notice!!!

I thought in my minda strange feeling came today?? "Girls...why do we all piss in the same bathroom..its weird " They were all like: "Really, we never realized this?

(My life I ll tell you...it started with "tequila for everybody!!!" at around nine pm, Thanks to my Boss (I found before many years) was a great person even being a pure vegetarian Indian ...and sometime starts with a Heineken at 6 am during weekends.. Im all about standardizations, no matter what my family standard is?? Then this CO ED bathroomdoes it match my standard?? Its most office common phenomenonCO Ed bathroomeverywhere in India.in Colleges there are separate, in Train, Metro, everywhere it is separated, but why its same in every offices and home??

Its a natural act of expulsion...which in many cases brings pleasure and or satisfaction to boys or problems to girls ..And in the modern world is something like this.staying in the same washroom, one after another in a queue. These girls...both brought together by the need to defecate...sitting.. Well..Rather squatting.what a common similarity we have as we all eat and drink. God, we all need a washroom....There is no towel, no soap but dont complain about it..And if this was Japan..The toilet itself would be technologically advanced to wipe itself all the wet I have in my hands.

There was a girl named Christina when I used to work in China mmmmmm she was hot too though...but Im into ass at the moment ..she had not it Legs are only but the extensions of the ass....but she got some legs..she does...but I know even if I work for a decade in AIPMA, I will never come across with a girl who comes with short skirt..and with her cheerful smile, says Hi Boss.??

but nothing matters now as I have already Joined and I cannot leave just because here are not hot girls like ChristinaIts Gurgaon, and its not MNC, its AIPMA-----AIPMA

washing my hand before I go to the bathroom (i hate those people though) and clearing my throat to show am a smoker, actually, I am a Chain smokerit ruins my mood here sometime as I do not have that freedom here...washroom is so close to my deskeven Boss will notice who went to washroom how many times? And we also notice how many he goes a day?? Oh Yeah, plenty??

Anyway......Our helper brother JHA uncle is uncomfortable with the bathroom, never see him going there...its a small bathroom..Lucky, no girl is here like Christina, a hot office staff. I know it was Christina Inside the washroom because of her jingle..Same keys on her neck everyday...and her smell...AIPMA washroom never smelt even if it was CO ED...Making me feel as if we eat similar things......i know what..*whew* at least I dont eat rats like before. If I had eaten, either washroom should have been shifted from here or me myself would have been kicked out. I know what exactly it smells in the washroom after eating RAT.

When everyone comes from washroom, they give me one glance as my desk is just attached to the washroom.. with a smile..as they enter back to cabin back as if they have won a historical war.shhhhhhhhhhhhh I glance away as quickly as milliseconds will allow...and in my millisecond peripheral memory..Their smile quickly went upside down......the door is closed..and only after split second...I feel shy looking at straight to people after they come back from washroom ).. ...now its a matter of washing our hands....a must ...Sound kisses my ear.shhhhhhhhhhh and we all know its over, an episode is over , 5 minutes episode inside a washroom. ...

Even after coming from washroom, some guys does a hair wave...shakes it out...takes the long breath and look at me at firstas if Im the bathroom massage guy in the bar.....one last smile i plead with my eyes in my laptop again, I really feel shy.. I wash my hands as people slowly dries their in the corners..Also looking at me, from behind, . But Im a hard ass.. i dont smile back...i just hock on my own work..Like a man should do... wipe my hands on my cotton pant... turn around.. Ever so slightly... from behind...come back in my place ...like a gentleman should...after such an act... I gave them no signs I had just came from washroom...............if it was good or not I donna know

see the bathroom is right in front of all of our Desk...and only the brave shit there....because everyone is most definitely timing your ass..I controlled many times and I must go,,,God no one here asks me where I am going when I just stand uplucky me.

its the popular kids bathroom here in AIPMA and am enjoying it.My days in AIPMA.I have 6 full complete hours to finish this article

Farewell Speech to Abilasha ma'am

Today the ending of one of the best chapters of our college is being spoken. But today is a celebration, a celebration of the many personal qualities of her, who she is and what she has achieved. You are an impeccable role model for women, a champion of the disadvantage and an example of excellence in everything you do. There are hundreds of examples of people in the world who have believed what others have said about them, and failed; there are just as many who have refused to be influenced by the opinions of others, and been successful. May be because of this thing, I may have disobeyed you. So, we are sorry for our mistakes for not obeying your words. Two incidents- we BBA T2, not taking the classes after the exam and we sat in the exam for just 10 minutes and gave a blank paper which was a preparation exam just before the final exam.

You will probably feel, as I do a touch of sadness about Avilasha Maams departure after her long period in the College senior position. But today is a celebration, a celebration of the many personal qualities of her, who she is and what she has achieved. if women are capable of studying at a University they are capable of helping to run one- I remember a famous Chinese saying. She has done it and proved it.

When I came here, I called two countries my home Nepal, a country I was born in and grew up in, and China, the country that gave me the opportunity to learn and to succeed. However, Im leaving here tomorrow with three countries in my heart, the third country being India for being the country that will make my dream come trueand that Dream when I share with my Kids, somewhere, someday I will mention the name Abilasha.

Needless to say, this college has been through and seen a lot of changes. As a principal, she has also been the catalyst for much of that change.Thanks for your having a heart for the students. A rare gift these days. So, her legacy will never fade.we should look forward to everything life has in store for us. So thank you Avilasha Maam, for always pushing us and inking up our drafts. We may not have had the chance to say this before, but thank you. You are the heart and soul of Algol. And to the Class of 2010, now and forever more, Stand Tall yeah ODDS of Algol...........???

It will be hard to imagine Algol without you, but your successor will have solid foundations on which you build.On behalf of the students of Algol, we thank you most heartily.

WHY IN LIFE?
Few months back when I had gone to Nepal, I met one of my College mate. She told me that once she was on the train to Scotland from England. It was a long and boring way and lonely on the train. She accidently fell asleep on the shoulder of a young man sat beside her in the night. After she woke up when the train stopped, she felt quite embarrassed. So they started to chat and after they took off the train they went different ways. ;-( Why in life, there's no romance at all? They could have something more than that! Right?

why in life, there're so little romance???

SISTERS....
Our lives are made up of different types of relationships. We depend on our relationships for many reasons. For companionship, comfort, laughter. No matter the reason for the importance of the relationship, there is one that will always stand out clearly in my mind. My relationship with my sisters was special, something to be cherished for the rest of my life.

We never share our childhood. They were unknown till then. We know nothing about each other that everyone else knows. But still a bonding was created..Till now hanging on that bonding though never saw each other for years now.. We are hundreds of miles apart, both physically and emotionally. They had their own friends, no more than they had me; the one person that if they were to be honest with, were to treat like a brother..we were best friends, we could share our deepest secrets, we could go shopping and Barbeque nights together. The way things have been, are and seem to be destined to be are going on opposite directions, but yet slim memory is keeping everything alive like yesterday. We have shared so much together, the tears ( often on fourth floor), the Joys ,the pains.. so till today ,despite of the paths our lives has taken, I always remember you all.

Sisters are supposed to be connected in some special way. They're supposed to be friends, have secrets, go shopping and have dinner together. There was not a single place we did not explore in Guangzhou. From Baiyuan mountain, to lotus gardenfrom Beijing lu to the beach of Zhuhai.from the deep blue sea of Huidong to the ever living Zhapo beach. We explored, we travelled and we enjoyed so much. Oh yeah , zhujiang river bank.even could not remember how many nights we awake up seeing the silent flowing river and the dark Blue moon. Memories are countless, even more than infinity.

They were innocent girls..too innocent to care and love me. Theyd had vanished now from my eyes, so.now tragically responding to lifes brutal events that now became part of me and who knows part of their too. Time for my departure was coming, Coldness overshadowed, penetrated and stung with vivid complexity into the recesses of our mind. I did final good bye and saidsee u on Facebook.oh yeah Facebook.

Anger toward my sisters for nothing kept them door close sometime. But Still we were crazy to wake up at 6 am and go for a swimming, fall asleep in ur rooms when were drunkdelicious coffee and tea you sisters used to make for me.all r the things that keep me alive to find true sisters like u again. Now talking on facebook, it was all we could do to keep our relation alive. But they still are the one that got away, the one that warned of painful distance far away and a life without some people to care so selflessly. . I had fled for their shelter when I was feeling ashamed or hurt. I relished them excitement and happiness when I achieved something.

But I know you people are strong to held back your tears. I proudly say you all are are my sisters who relied on your strength to keep on living. Forcefully letting go of the pain you all sisters nursed for years. I wish I could hold all my sisters in my arms whispering, I still care you all sisters. Well get through this together. Its going to be okay. There is only so much our little body can take only so much pain, only so much griefbut still no worries, everything is going to be okay. We all will one day get drunk and laugh like hell for all the craziest things we did when we were together.

They had their life and I had mine. Our lives were separate, but meshing in a peculiar way. There is only so much that a little body can take only so much pain, only so much grief, but its a part of life, a way to remember someone special in our life. We are still trudging down the same beaten path. This time one behind the other within reach, yet neither of us know when we will see all together again.

Night and day, thats what we were. But over the years, we became sisters and brother. And, I am incredibly grateful to you who have been so helpful through my tapering and withdrawals of my life. I've stumbled along the way, as have most, but I know my sister are always there for me to care.

Don't give up. We can make it together.

No one knew who gave my name Gillybhai.it was you all my sisters and its here till today how I am called.I everytime hear an echowhen someone calls me Gilly Bhai, ..I always remember you all and your care to me.

Girls and Washroom...Lucky I am a Boy??

I was with my bladder full but still being unable to pee. I was coming from Manali, I tried hard but could not. I really was worried and asked Pradeep sir, what the hell is going on with me? This think stroke my mind and I thought many things on my way back in a sloppy and spectacular highway of snowy mountain just about Pee and I came out with this SHitttt.Did I mean Shiiiiitttt oh yeah but talking shiit about pee. ??

I always feel women have certain criteria regarding the suitability of a public restroom and they are unlucky than us men in this thing. Thanks God, I am born as a male. How hard phase it might be for a woman as she progresses through a lifetime of occasionally having to use public restrooms. I have seen girls getting worried everywhere on a tour,picnic, travel ,even dating,outing. Not nig tentions, just a tention of Pee. Laugh .????? And, fact be known, we would all prefer to only use our own personal bathroom at home for as long as we live. Its the only way we pee everytime in our room before going outside.

Vikash! Vikash! I always have to shout -- come fastam waiting like hellBrother, wait let me pee? Every time I have to lock my room as I remain last at my room than my roommates as I love to pee before going out. I think it is Universal. However, in order to function in the world, we force ourselves to use public restrooms. If none of the following criteria are met by a public restroom, we would rather burst than use the toilet.

Toilet is the most essential thing we need to see in a public place, but hardly seen in Gurgaon. Indian public washroom..Oh name Deluxe Washroom are even worst. Close your nose and goHmmmm even pay phucking 5 IRS..Bloody looters and money milkers.

The first and the minimum requirement is that there is toilet paper. If all else fails, there MUST be toilet paper. Learning this lesson the hard way leads some women to carry around a spare tissue in their bag for months on end until it looks like a ragged piece of trash, just in case they end up using a toilet before noticing the paper dispenser is empty. I tried to look at the bags of some of my female friends, they gave a Big Objection, I think they fear just this thing about the visibility of this piece of trash. The ragged tissue may only absorb one or two drops, but it's better than several alternatives. Some relations I have seen grown up in woman just to exchange these wash room used things. Whisper in the ear slowly as if we boys are not cleaver enough to know it and rushing to bathroom running- womenve all found themselves close on the empty dispenser side, a main cause of their whispering. Careful guys, if they whisper in each others ear, it a whisper for whisper.

The next requirement is that the toilet has been flushed after its last use. If it is full of toilet paper and other unmentionable yellow and/or brown stuff, it's time to look for a new stall. Does it ever happen? Rarely not only in Public places, but even also in my room or friends roomhuman memory..Phuck You Arun and Ishwar for this.who are they? Bloody room mates, who else?

The third requirement is that the seat is not wet. There is not a single man and woman on the face of this planet that willingly sits on a wet toilet seat. We all know how it got wet. Someone actually had the leg strength to hover above the toilet. Oh , thanks if its summer, will evaporate

soon. Hot and humid climate of Gurgaon. If its winter----and early morning of winter. Sometime you will feel its the biggest punishment u will get in d cold January morning after you wake up. Damnhole is not that microscopic..still everywhere is wet..

The fourth requirement is that the stall has a door, and it closes and latches. If you have to go bad enough, these are optional. If you have a friend, and this is why women often go to public restrooms in pairs, your friend can block a door less opening with her full body or hold the door shut and stand sentry for you. You take turns. It's a bonding experience. Few things are more intrusive than having someone come along and push a stall door open and hit you in the head while you are sitting on the toilet. "Oh sorry," does not quite compensate for this pain and suffering. I have seen girls doing that often. For us boys, we never care this thing.we trust in stand and delive like chris Gayles batting.go go go and goingSo lucky I was not born as a girl. I have seen my girlfriend facing so many problems just because of this reason...I always used to worry while going out with her.

Fifth,women proudly carry their purse on hand- colorful -pink, red, yellow.many many. Walk proudly with her purse on her handbut when they rush inside for a washroom, where to keep that Purse? There needs to be a hook for your purse. Again, if they have to go bad enough, they will hang their purse around their neck. This is one of the few times a woman regrets having a purse, The last thing they want is for the purse to fall on or even touch the floor, where the germs that are not in the toilet bowl are waiting to climb onto your purse and go home with you and contaminate everything in your home for the rest of your life. Pity for you woman..u r purse r coming in enormous sizes these days--- Phuck Fashion, it even is making ur life hell in doing just a simple thing a human can ever do..Just go to Washroom.

There should be a soap to wash your hands and paper towels to dry them. we've all been in restrooms which have no soap, just paper towels, or soap but no paper towels, or soap and paper towels but no water. Women usually have plenty of opportunity to observe these amenities while waiting in line, which we do about 99 percent of the time when we need to use the restroom. The worse you have to go, the longer the waiting line. Please God help me.even worse when a person who had gone inside never comes in time at your difficult times..watching wrist watches..mobile timingsshitttt what the hell is he doing> ? Come fast..come fast..The person who has gone inside is learning the lesson of patience he/she never learnt his/her whole life.Phuck dose people.

I wish I could PEE in peace..Thanks God I am born as a Boy.

My first Kiss
If you talk of perfection and my life, they are like cats and dogs. This thing never happened with me. From my studies to relationships to dance to food to dress to football to jobs to my writings... to friendships. the list is endless. The perfect never happened in my life. I did not have a WHY answer for it, but I know I never have them even till now. But I had one perfect thing in life. The lawn kissing(my first kiss) at evening 8 in the cold December winter almost 10 years back -the reflected and the actual perfect - if there is one. How to describe in words? It is a tough task. The remarkable warmth, and passion she conveyed with that first kiss. It ignited fireworks, sparks, and heart pounding emotions I had never felt before. My first kiss was the kiss I measured every kiss against until I met someone special in my life. I was just sixteen at that time. I had studied at SOS where teachers to their best are concerned on extra activities apart from studies, and as usual Friday evening, Dancing and singing competitions. The evening had started with a school dance. School dances were the perfect time to prove you were strong and alive, care free. The girls were so excited and shook their bodies on the dance floor. The guys watched and joked. I had a responsibility to drop one of my senior girl up to her house after the competition. I was happy, first time I am going out with a girl in the night, walking. Wished the road never ends so that we could walk all our life, little shy, little nervous but happiest creatures of the world. We stopped behind the Pine tree as we already had walked 20 minutes in heart aching cold. I turned and looked into her eyes with a little smile on her face. I began to break a smile after

holding it back for so long. Then I popped the question something I have never asked before, can I kiss you? Oh my gosh could this really be true was all that I could think it was so generous of me to ask such a sily question. My face all became red and I began to shiver with nervousness. She smiled and I leaned in for the kill. I had never kissed a girl before, and I had the fortune to be her first open mouth attempt. A swift breezy wind launched its fullness on my lips; it took me soaring up into the sky and dreaming a very romantic dream. It was just she and me and no witness except half glowing moon and twinkling stars. It was the most wonderful and the most disturbing thing that had ever happened to me. It seemed to last forever yet probably only lasted one or two minutes. That kiss just so happened to be the start of the worst and best 1 year of my life. She was my first love, and in the end of everything she really did help me learn a lot about relationships as well. It is funny how one little kiss can turn into something so huge, and end in complete tragedy. There was nothing Hollywood about this kiss that an actor and an actress do for our entertainment. No soft music, no whistles, no Villain to disturb us or orchestra in the background. I was drifting away in the air. She was exquisitely beautiful with long, black hair and brown eyes; her smile evoked the sweetness and purity of her soul. She always wore colorful dresses printed with flowers that I used to notice everyday at my school functions. That outfit made her looks really pretty and feminine. But I was so worried because there is something very authentic about a person who can kiss well, especially on the first attempt. I had never kissed anyone before that and I doubt she had as culture a decade back was not the same culture you young guys are brought up to. I wished to give a strong, overbearing kiss that can give her an impression that I had a controlling attitude. A weak, subtle kiss can be interpreted as not being confident or meaningful. I even till day do not know how she felt about it. But whatever happened, poor or great- It was completely memorable, totally share-worthy, heart-throbbing, wish-I-could-fly days. I can still remember it today like it was yesterday But I was always told that you learn a lot from you first loves and you carry it for the rest of your life.

Oh and good luck in India......

As a kid brought up in a society where the stories of a Chinese used to alarm the society. My grandmother used to tell me the stories that Chinese even eat their own baby, never left dogs and cockroaches as well as cat. A kid with a soft heart, it was a horrible experience listening to those stories. Even my Dad used to tell the stories how people are shot there if spoken against the government. They cannot own money and property; no one is rich or poor. Everyone is equal. A day came in my life when I took south China airlines and went there myself with a house of fear and eventually stayed there for so many years. It was a complete different place than those stories, hypes and notions. I just dont understand how you guys have these problems and issues with the Chinese??? But why so many lies about China? My friend who had stayed in China with me, everyday talk shits

about Chinese and is finally going to India. Thinking of giving something from a place that I love much. How many lies about China? Their products, food, geography and politics?

I think theyre fuzzy little bumpkins and they couldnt rip me off for the life of them.

Now of course when i first got here i used to overpay for things but i have never been successfully robbed, ripped or dipped like in foreign countries including India and Arab World.

They do not know how to pickpocket.

Only phucking losers get pick pocketed usually because they are listening to their iPods, daydreaming, and not watching out for my Xingjiang boys. ( xingjiang is an autonomous region of China whose people are thought to be expert in robbing and stealing)

U know why a lot of xing jiang boys steal and pickpocket? Because its gangsta in xjnjiang, because they come here and say- Hello ,what a surprise? what a bunch of rich-retardrumpfukers...with iPods?

U guys ever been to a truly fucked up and evil/treacherous country? Like Venezuela? or colombia? A nigga there will steal your shoes while youre wearing them and then sell them back to your ass before you know they done come off your tar heels.

U ever travel to a country where they live with a canon and a taxi driver is 90% likely to be the person who will kill you one day..

Where twelve year old boy carry razor blades in their pockets..And are fully trained in the drop and slash..lets not go into details but I learnt it as such when I was in India. sheeeet

First i read of some silly Canadian girl being fuked over big time. by the cops(??) Now this Pick pocketing, stealing, cheating, robbery?? Is there any place in the world these things does not happen?

I mean of course... I here shit everyday..But I ask myself every day too..

?? How could this be? China? This China? This cute fuzzy world?

Cops love me!

Have i been here too long? Did i forget what its like to be a newbie? Wait....i dont think i was ever a newbie expat in China.

I fell into china like a drop of rain in the Mediterranean. I dont mean to sound like a blind supporter of China, but still?

Thing is.. There are so many wonderful ways to get the things done in China, nowhere in other places this Happens.

But does not mean all Chinese are nice to you.

I have had Chinese try to weel and deel my ass..but sadly their skills are all a shazamy-wammy.

The louder you scream..And the more of a hussy fuss you bring on their heads..And not in the Im a stupid foreigner way. It must be in Chinese..and it must make sense and it must be filled with Im going to call my military connections to come and roll you up into a ball of shit the size an African dung beetle can drum up before noon..

You can get away with murder people!

Literally, U know..Im so wrong..And so mean..Here..

I feel so good now. oh and good luck in India..Ill tell them youre coming....

Please tell me your experiences there????? Wish to hear soon from yo

I miss you Nima Bhunte, Bibek Bhai......

A full crowdy Bus..... Poor me, always used to get late for office. Standing on a Bus queue in a Country with more than a billion Population. What a poor experience from a guy who has came from a city whose population is merely 12,00,000 Only. This is even less than the number of Cars that runs in a city of China. But whatever, Lucky me,got a seat. Chinese respect foreigners,they offer a seat if they are University students. This morning I really cried, I let a rip. Not alone, in front of everyone. on the bus, in front of strangers and behind my so called friend Mitch who is a Dutch. We both live in shunde, and we take the zhongshan bus, every morning, to Dalian, where we used to work as a translator. I am not the crying type and the last time i cried was when I had left Terasa up to the airport for her departure and I have cried in her Mothers lap, being like a kid who cries in her mothers lap only. This was like a serious purging of emoticons and my whole being was engulfed in a babys blanket of tears. I hardly use my mobile, Mp4 player or any electric gadget in my life. On a long list of Chinese trinkets my father brought back from Taiwan for me were extra sound quality Big mobile, a mp4 player and a small portable DVD player things with me ,I have carried with me when I had gone to China, but this morning i just figured I d give it a try. As I perused past playlists from times when music was my friend, I realized how much I miss my old reality... Then as I pressed play, then paused and perused once more, I realized it wasnt a missing, but a gone sensation that I was feeling one that was all my fault and here is a poem dedicated to people who are dead and dying in my mind..

As i cried on the bus My old reality has come and gone, and now is what it should be. my new reality will come and go and will never be what it could be, The people that have helped me here, have never heard a word from me, my family that have kept me here, will always hear the worst of me... I never call nor write nor bother, to communicate with my mothers brother, My grandmother is 88 of late and not a word or flower, My cousins have had babies lately and i am just the coward. Neither a present nor a pleasant word of congratulations. For fear of past and present, gifting stipulations. My friends from school, my family, that man know me through pictures, of me and my clan But lost me as someone to whom they can speak, lost forever...i told them id be gone for three weeks. I came to this country so different, enthralling I woke up this morning, I found myself balling. I did not cry, i would say, for the things that i miss, i did not cry, i believe, for those girls that id kiss, i didn't cry, nor did i try, to feel more than this: i needed to cry , needed to reminisce... remembering the things or the people i knew, it got me to thinking, has it happened to you? for a boy of twenty i cried but a cup, when i am fourty, will i fill the bus up? Basically what i mean to say is that i just cried for all those things in the past AND all those people I ve never kept in contact that were good friends.

And i really cried because i was angry that i had let that happen and actually stopped contacting dem for different reasons. No facebook, no Hi5, No myspace, even no Computers when I graduate from my High school. Am I that old?? i was like a cup of beer. i kept pouring, so the beers always cold, easy to drink but actually warm beer has flavor, has soul and its the reason we drink. id rather drink warm beer the rest of my life than never drink cold beer again. I feel bad when im on facebook and i comment on someones photo someone from so long ago and they never comment back as if im just a random person that they dont know. and i see the people who stayed in China and even though in the past they werent as good as friends as i with these people now since they live with a same profession other than mine They have became own. its such a gay, simple feeling i had this morning. 10% of the cry was dedicated to my football teacher who i never called back or went to his house after i left that school and heard he died of excessive drinking a few years ago. i never cried.. He was Paul Bahadur Adhikari. He put football in my blood. Did know, It hamper my studies but I never regret I learnt football. Its the thing which gives me much Happiness. A few other pips go to a friend who was killed after high school. why didnt i ever call him and say thanks for always getting in trouble with me or hey you want to hang out for old times sake. Eventually an Army killed him one Evening in the name of a terrorist. And this is before i left to china! Some of the people i had already given up on in Kathmandu. Im pissed i wasnt a better person. i was looking at a friends friends list and at the number of people he actually talked to from it and i even ventured to ask. he had like 200 friends and most of them he talked to and some of them every once in a while. i on the other hand have hundreds, and talk to dozens, if that. why cant i be like them? they have kids too and they have live and some live in other countries but i just cant keep in touch like they can. is there something wrong with me. Anyway, i had a nice cry this morning. The Chinese of course looked once then looked away. I was in a full bus and I was all alone crying in my seat and listening to-

. oh you wouldnt get it even if I told you the song... (I deleted most people from my Facebook this morning, almost removed 250 people. Once people who were so important in your life fade away with time, situation. I just remember my old friends once were the life of me,now all busy,even no contacts with many...and I just recall the day I cried on the bus....)

Am I a Gay?
Something Big now ( Girls be aware as it is something related to Sexual feelings, even Bp Koirala, Fraud wrote on Sex psychology, I have no shame at all)

I am becoming gay these days and I need people to help and remind me I am a man.!

My girl friend came to visit me after our long disconnection because of Spring festival celebration and she needed to go to Home Town. Still,I did not touch her, feel her, stay away from her. She was angry. She tried to come close to me, I stayed far away. This thing continued for 2-3 days. She was shocked but I was speechless. She became angry- " You have become Gay.....Gay "and she began to cry. What a crime I did? How I became a gay> Fuck....I never thought even my girlfriend would call me a gay. Such a shame for me?

Wait; let me first explain what type of gay I am talking here. I am not using the word in the homosexual sense.

and I am actually ashamed and aware that calling myself gay in the adjective form for being girly and just being gay is like highly offensive to real homosexuals which I honestly, being from Kathmandu and all, could care less about a persons sexual interests.

What I mean to say is dont blame me for using the word gay. Its because where I am from thats just the norm. Its our vocabulary I cant change that and I have principles that people dont know

but i never delete or go back. so I cant change the title or anything. I type in stone. If I make a mistake I just figure its like part of the deal.

What I mean is I am like turning into a woman or something similar. This is just because of Ramadan.

No booze no cigs no sex and no food or water during the day time, well like 5 am to six pm roughly..

And these few little rules.( Ask any Muslim friends what they have to do during the whole Ramadan) for 30 days.

Anyway its as hardcore as you make it . Everyones got different like levels of hardcoreness. I dont do sex for the whole month. Others do it after the sun goes down

so like now that basically "my-no-booze-no-sex-no-cigs-no-food" buttons have all been pressed by the one and only Ramadan.

I have become a woman

Reason I am gay these days....

I like go to sleep at like 9 till ten after my bubble bath (8-9)

I have had a bubble bath every night for like two weeks.

And after my bubble bath..i drink a few glass of cold water and take a nap and why do I sleep from 9- 10

Remember the milk? I literally have replaced beer for milk. U should see me at night. I am at home and I literally go through four bottles of milk in a sitting, is that weird?

May be thats just weird and not gay, but by being weird. I am kinda like girls, all weird in their ways, see what I mean

I am like not interested in sex in the least bit.

There has to be a reason.

I am usually a horn dog that will screw the knee joint with margarine if shes fallen asleep its bad but hey at least its not full rape and sometimes she even laughs at me.

Anyway reasons? Help me guys!

Does not eating lower your testosterone?

And another, remember the milk again? Low fat, i know it tastes like water but i cant drink ten bottles of full i wont be able to fit in those size zeros anymore..

I really need to stop.

Hopefully the second Ramadan gets done.

( Dedicated to one of my Best friend Anjum who can not breathe without Drinks, sex and ciggartes. I in despair think what he might be doing in Ramadan)

Proud to be born as Devkota..Oh yeah Devkota Family's tradition

I am a cheap Guy ..and i might not always wanna buy another 200 bottle beer or 5 Rupee per piece cigarrate

specially since it only makes me frat and dunk...and even more especially since i usually just follow my rich friends to have these things.

but maybe sometimes...and im sorry ...but i might..just..i tend to mislead the public that You must smoke and drink quality brands only being a man.well there i went and blew the whistle..well not really people should be able to put one and one together when they call me and im in New Road with 200 in my pocket .but simply put i care more about eating,drinking and smoking than ..anything else..

but i digress

point is im a Nepali right...but i am not your average Nepali.( doesn't mean I am rich but I am financially sound to lead a good life , may be show off,of yeah,true) and even if i was making loooooads of money i still would not put money were people think i should.

and it gets me when people both foreigner and so called Kathmandu local alike.. ask me:

why do not you wear branded clothes ? they are only like 2000 Rs.

why your baby dont have a good shoes. ? they are only like 3000 Rs.

why your hair is so Messy ? A good hair dresses just needs 1500

why you dont wear pants? they are only like 1500

For my Dad ,they askwhy you dont buy an apartment? they are only like 50,00,000 Rs.

why dont you get a servant? its only like 2,000 a month.. why do not u buy a Toy for your grandson, it just cost 500 Rs.

why dont you live exactly like i would?

U know...its like..fuk off...

My cousin gets sick of toys in an instant....his favorite is Spoon..and dont fucking say ...what if she pokes her eyes...thats like pussied people bullshit..we do not want our family to be used to soft things that can never hurt her...

dont give your computer screen that face..its time for people to wake up...oh i mean.. people with money..because guess what ?

people without money ..dont have the money to buy mattel or barbies or legos or whatever...other toys that are soft and mind numbing..

so they end up just playing with twigs and bricks..and those people are ..

like my Mother.. the salt of the earth.. so yes id rather my kid grow up salty than sweety...( we have a strange rule about sweety in my house ...it just dont fly wit us). So, I am Simple as ever and so is My Dad.

When I was a kid= 20 years back story mosquito bites..... every neighbors ask my mother- why I had so many mosquito bites My so called Neighbours: should he wear the mosquito net all the time?...or nooo wait... now i see why your baby doesnt have mosquito bites...because hes wrapped in a kilo of cotton batting with little shoes and gloves and a hat..and a pink towel wrapped around her for good luck...which in turn limits her movements...which is about... all day..since my mother is working all day and the grandmother just strolls around with a baby on her back like a monkey...(which is also bad for their hips by the way..always in that position no doubt!)

all the while as a kid. I .wear shorts..no shoes..so yes there is a possibility of me catching japanese encopholitis..but chances are if I get it ..my advanced immunity to mosquito saliva, from always getting bit.. will reject any viral attacks...as a side note my Mother had seen me catching mosquitos and eat them when I was a kid...i know cool!

you all know why my brother never wear pants......thick thighs..

i like the freedom of renting..you can just leave and rent somewhere else...this might have been brought upon by a life of always moving...but i hate staying in one apartment for too long..oh and i dont have the money to actually buy..thats a big reason...i aint stupid..i will buy one day..probably rent it out..then go rent me self..

Servant?? my mom is just on a well needed vacation..shell be back this week..plus two thousand a month is like how many pork fry and chicken fry dinners?...we value or stomachs more than our sanity...

and why dont i live like you....because id rather die...

anyway all i do these days is work in my Dad's office then go home..eat..take care of my Cousin..which is just getting easier and easier by the day..and walk around run into:

from a mile away...sees me and i can tell...my spidey senses...well actually the fact that he wouldnt stop looking at my sandals let me know.....that he believes he is of a different class than i...

An Oxford graduate neighbour married to a white guy incident this bloody neighbor just wanted to prove that her baby was cuter than ours cousin..but from afar she couldnt tell that she was soooo wrong...

and maybe make a friend ..

so they approach..the girl screaming... arms opened to our cousin...doing the little "slap your hands together asking 'do you wanna get picked up' to the baby"

and immediately she asks my mother ..where Do your husband works?

my mother and i give each other a glance..and. she replied: "ask him yourself"..

akward laugh....from the lady...then a wicked ...Oh ho Ram .........Ram

My Dad Said UNDP ..He always do..( that time he was working as the regional head of Nepalgunj UNDP)

im not ashamed that i grew up in Nepal...and if i know you for more than a minute ill tell you that i was born and raised in Nepal...but if you knew anything about Kathmandu you can grow up there in a highly foreign environment..so if you take culture into account..my culture is more Western Nepalese type than ...and not localized Kathmandu culture ...but what people believe Kathmandu resident to be... so as not to lead anyone to believe that i am one of them fucks from Kathmandu ..i just keep it Nepal...u feel me? in reality..im actually the Yellow Asian you know.. hey you ask the jungle story kid if hes a man or a wolf.. ?know it ..but i has been raised by a Village standard..and if you wanna try on me on that ,You will find it in a second so the guy is like silent..and my mother knows.. no need to go asking where his tall ass white self be from..he dont like us anyway..

see the Nepali girl is fooled by my elder brother white pretty face..He looks like an American,.after she gets a long look... she sees the difference...

the white man on the other hand..wearing levis and a belt with his belly about to fly out him jeans..and a plaid long sleeve shirt buttoned to the top....knows all too well what folk we is..

so their baby cart is one of them , mutherfukin 7000 Rs. i like ones..tri weeled..yet big like a boat..

shit ..donate that to Terai right now theyd fit 3 kids in there and think its a mobile home..its affected by flood

and the bag they had....! they had several bottles..a water bottle ..a juice bottle a milk bottle..extra bottle.. several diapers..extra clothes..toys galore..a full milk can..talk about Terai relief

if this bag was dropped from a helicopter..right now...not only in Terai??.

i hate when people chant..

shit forget Terai, forget Karnali.....there are countries in the world..that live in this level of dire straits on a daily!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and my country is not an exception

...i dont see you fukers..donating your money to africa...on a daily..!

but see Muslims

and yes im totally generalizing here..not everyone does this..and yes i know other religions have similar things.....one thing i do like about the muslimality of it all..is that we donate.. by the year.. a percentage of our annual wages..its like taxes to the poor... every year...not just when some shit goes down to our people..oh no...every year to all the poors..of all peoples...or at least we try..

thinking about it a second time around its kinda silly..its like.... (Does money really goes to everyone equally?)

of course there is actually a whole lot of bullshit everywhere..and you never know where your money really ends up...

anyway...if that kids bag was dropped in one of these poor countries..people would kill just to get at it....

the irony of it all...

and in the end..

im sure the bag would be used for a makeshift bed for babies

..the bottles as liquor storages for men.. ..what am i talking about they aint got no money to save...theyd empty out the bottom and use it as a mini basketball hoop.. the poor always have their games...uh-huh..

and the diapers..dont even get me started on the waste that is a diaper...they wouldn't know what to do with that shit....

so this padded guy is like getting a little sick of the women fawning over babies....and most likely also my eyes burning a whole in his retina..i like to stare...kill me..

so he attempts at a pitiful...

Asked my Dad

"I have heard you a teacher..?"

really like shameful like...like father should be ashamed if he was not but he was...

and he reply in anger

"no"

meanwhile..My mother and his wife have had a full conversation,never knew what they had.

so im itching to split..and then.... the questions come.. Why people care so much about others? thats why i started with it...

he literrally asked us ..each and every question that i put up there....what a random freak..doesnt even know us..and is like asking ...while laughing.. why im not wearing pants.....and if we live around here because we dont have any toys or bag for food or diapers so we must be here for only a bit....and if we are going to buy that little mango that their daughter is eating...(no)..

and i haven't had my daily stomach fill... so im pulling a cart of 400 plus Rs. worth of beer..Pork ( strange in Brahmin's House in Nepal,but not in my house).. that day an Army officer even had given us deer meat. Thought will fry the deer meat in Olive.....??? oh and olive oil..fuking expensive that is..

any way so the guy takes a peek at my food..and totally wants to steer clear of me..and quickly whisks his wife and baby back off into civilized world....which btw their baby.. didnt even wake from her sleepy little mosquito netted little plush little 3 baby bed..

probably because she is wrapped so tight with cloth that the oxygen to her brain has been cut off...

oh yeah...and also...

why doesn't my cousin has shoes!? or a sweater on....its cold in here..!AC hmmmmmmmm!!! one more dummyhead question..

meanwhile he is sweating at the back of her head..and eating a stolen mini mangoes...and screaming at it..

maybe he crazy ?

what a sight??

my mother and me..

we were fuking: dirty clothes..(just from being rich and lazy and feeding my cousin random shit all day..that we either stole or bought)

one dirty hardly clothed(in their mind) baby...

and to top it all off.. a bit drunk cousin like me....muahahahahha.

Again tomorrow went to Dad office to work-----

i guess i can understand why i hate people like me ..this guy sitting in the office.. and why i love the 20 Rs. yellow ...undersized sandals.. short shorts.... wearing.. garlic and beer breathed.. freak that buys pork to eat everyday , wear cheapest clothes and list goes on...... yeah i get it...now...i really do like both sides..in fact im obsessed with both sides...hmmm..u learn something everyday.. oh and guess what the guy was?? a teacher..a teacher at British School.....my mother asked him...i wont even say where hes from...but ill laugh at the thought!!!!

Unforgettable day , Unforgettable you

February 3rd again comingalthough this is not what a very special day for everyone ,but for me , is a very special day and is a very unforgettable day in my lifetime , These are all is because of her appearance.. and all the true happy , true sad in my lifetime were happened since this day .it were change me all , my life , my way of thinking ect ,forever , forever cant forget . Ever that happy day again coming , but now , leave to me only have memory , sad and tears. Although the time day by day passed , but my love and thoughts for you would forever remain in my heart It is not going to fade out or forget as time passed, it is not as simple as just a click to earse the memories we made together they are drilled deep into my heart and soul Untill to now , I Still clearly remember your gentle, your considerate , your care, your warmth I still miss it very much , I still clearly remember your promise , Unfortunately, the promise did not materialize, but you already left , really when I remember all of it , my heart very pain , i cant contorl my tears , because I cant cheat myself and my feeling , I know that I still miss you , I still love you , deeply love you , that Is a true will never change . whatever how deep you had hurted me . Although a long time has passed , Although a long time has passed, but sad to lose you of the mood still unable to calm down , Until now, I still can not be used to life without you,Life without you I don't know what is the true happy . what is the true smile and really , sometimes I don't know I alive for what ? ..i lost myself , lack of direction and goal, can not find the way forward , I feeling very helpless and confused , Now I know that love brings the two extremes, that is, happiness and sorrow, we can not imagine, can not control and can not change, only to bear in silence

All have been impossible to return to the starting point, you already have your new life, although I still want with you together again , but I do not want to break your silence, I now only want to see you are happy, as long as you happy I feel comforted, don't want see any sad from your face, for you, I am willing to bear all the sad alone, even though I am not a great person, but for you, I would like to , all just because I love you Never thought we have to leave each other one day. But each step in life teach you a lesson. I still remember the first day I carried you down from Baiyuan Mountain, How your mother treat me and my sisters in your House, how my friends always take you in drink and BBQ night. You were shy,timid,caring,selfless. The last good bye in airport,never knew it was the last good bye and I have never seen u ever since. But if our love is true, we will be each other's someday some where. So many loves and harts linger in my heart , so many stories begin without an ending , so many roads cover up the fragmentation. Can't cut away that piece of true love , cant's crush that piece of purity , can't fall that piece of yearning , only walk forward that i can . Regardless of the passion that freezes in an instant , the tiring steps , because of love , feel lightened. The tender steps far away , always stand on the figure, deeper the figure becomes,stronger the missing is . The first to be hurt , the most frequently to be hurt is always the true love ! Let's all continue to be a better memory that just belone you and me !

Father I miss u so much these days

Its a drunken night again, But, today and before is not the same, the mind inside recollect many past person and the things.

Really,very long time not have this feel like tonight ,within few years, I drink in the bar every evenings, until anaesthetize oneself completely , I dont want living in calmness . Because I am afraid ,foretime ,I elusion to think some problems and think some people, But I don't know what stimulate I got tonight ,these people and problems are again continuous to present in my mind, happy memory already didn't much, most is that heap of to let me sad recollection .

Before ,I don't know what is annoyance ,because i did not have annoyance, so ,everyday is happy. now,happy still around me , but not too much , and some happy seem falsity ,not true .

my happy not from my innermost ,at my face ,you can feel I am is happy ,but that is feint , at my innermost ,I am very unhappy and sad, Perhaps, in my growth road , I experienced a lot of things ,have happy and unhappy ,but , if let me choose again, I hoped to return to childhood, because childhood I have no sad ,and dont know what is sad , there is no pressure, everday is happy .I know that is impossible, because have no time tunnel in this world! so ,I just can do is to face !!

Within few years, make me sad most is my father Sickness, and make a regret in my lifetime too . At father becomes sick before I always busy in the trip , more than 11 months stay outside the house in a year ,I have no time to take care my disease heavy father, till my father become very serious one night and told me he wanted to see me graduate , I took a fly rush to return the next day from China.

I never forget that situation , I still remembered very clearly, when I arrived the hospital in Norvic , he already have no perception ,very thin and weak, lying in sickbed, waiting for death,looking at all these, I crazy cried ,shout loudly father:" father father I have already came back ,can you see me ? please wake up and talk with me " by this time. He seem heard my shout , he try to open his eyes , he looking very hard , but he still try to do it ,after he saw me there with him then , he dripped a tears, and he seem want try to say me something , but is more hard for him . lastly he said me one thing Please take care of your Mother. I have no been leaving my father ,until the second day afternoon , he have no opening his eyes ,but suddenly with great effort of doctors he was slowly recovering.

After father became sick, my mother tells me, father is very strong, has been insisting waiting me comes back to see me ,until after he see me , he almost left me with a ease face . I can't forget this day in my lifetime. Till now , I still very sad about it , but, I can't show my grief on my face, I dont want to affect their mood, but I know that my grandmother and mother is same ,them still very sad about my father disease , especially my grandmother , but, she did not want to let us know her sadness, so, everyone buried it in the hearts !!

When I got sad and problem then , I will more miss my father , because , when my father he still was a healthy man ,then ,whatever I got difficult or unhappy , father will comfort me, help me solve the problem ,he will quietly listen what I said ,maybe he can't help me ,but ,he will gave me many good proposal, he gave me all proposal ,always let me easy to resolve the problems , also he will share all my happy things too . I just can not depend on myself because of my immaturity . still remember what my father's say to me then :"Grow up, a lot of things have to solve by yourself , strong face own life, I know you can do it and very good , father supports you forever , you must be father's pride !

Though father recovered,he was never that strong man again. My responsibility was to props up my family , these years , I really feeling very tired, and the pressure is very heavy, I wanted to give up, but I knew I can't, because my grandmother and mother them, still need me to take care , that also is my father give mes mission too , whatever have much difficulties, I have to continue to support my family, I also hope grandmother and mother can have a good life !

Dear father, how are you ? did u used your new live ? did you miss us ? I really miss you so much, do you know ? A lot of words I want to tell you, but you can hear me ? dear father , dont worry about me , I have grown up ,I would be strong , I will take care myslfe and family , no matter how many difficulties ,I will face it with courage ,I will always be your proud !!

I love you father ! I very miss you ! When you will join me in my dreams again ?

Sometime I feel like getting married

Already have 7 years living outside Home , at this 7 years , i been all the place of china , Bulgaria, Qatar, Israel. almost didnt let myself stop Travelling everday , the life had been likeness to drift , but i never feel tired and boredom , because i love my travelling and meeting new places. so whatever how hard , i still keep going on. 7 years passed , i experience alot of things , heav get , also have lost , i got a successful sense of superiority , but i lost my private space and my love .

Once , my friend asked me :" did u having penitence taht you give up the love because of the work ?" i still remember then i asnwer is said :" no " , but after longtime , i discover , i very penitence now , really , Time gradual of past , the person and circumstance around me that also continuously of change , see continuously the friends to got married and has childs , i feel them is very happiness and sweet . really , i envy very much about it , compare with them , im very lonely , to the desire of family more strong . now , i start to feeling treid from my body and heart , most is my heart . perhaps i really need let myself stop the work and looking for belongs to my own family !!!!

I really envy one of my best friend , we was born at the same year , but the destiny is big different . whatever she is tired or sad , behind her always has a very big place to let her depend on , that is her family and her husband , at over there , she can abreact and cry , and can also get consolation , but how about myself ? when i was tired , can't say to my family , because i was the only one who is supposed to support my reputed family , when i was sad and want cry then , no one can let me depend on , because i don't know where is that one i need . so , just can be alone to face all what had happend . yes , i have alot of friends in my live , but i know that can't be with me 24 hours , they have they slef work and family , maybe they can accompany me a short time , but after that , i still become alone !

Really , i need to look for a belong to my own family , but , who is the exactly person ? who i can depend on ? important is who really can give me a warm and happiness family ?? Expect !!!!

Wrote this at the beginning of the winter...But Poor me???

This winter is so cold. In winter there are more people get into relationships. The cold weather makes us dont want to be alone,want someone to cuddle, to get warm.We feel lonely easier because it's cold.

As myself, I dont need a date for just dating, but in this winter, there are so many times my heart is telling me I want someone to cuddle,to get warm... But who?

My mind: It's so cold! I need to be warmed up. My heart: But I can't just get someone for just get warm,that's not right.That's not love.I dont need games. My mind: Right, I need real love, I'm not seeking a girlfriend anymore, but the right man.BUT I just want someone to be with now. I can go out with XXX or XXX as they asked me before,it's not wrong to hang out with them.

My heart: Yes.but you can not offer what they want, so why do u want to bring up their hope then break it? You need to be patient to wait for your Mrs.Right. You know it all worthy. My mind: But she is just too slow.........I want someone to care and hug and love and...I'm cold. My heart: she is somewhere looking hard for you.Just wait. You know God is the only one care and love you the most,you can warm yourself for now. My mind: .........I can........

This winter is cold cold cold,but I can warm myself before she found me....... People keep asking me why I dont like to go out for dating,well its not I dont like to,I like to, but I don't want to play games anymore,and no more time for wasted. If I know I can't offer what they want from me, why do I start something I can't finish?I should prepare myself for my Mrs. Right,so I can be a better man and husband when she found me. I don't want anyone to get hurt, and I dont want to cheat anyone, so I don't date anyone just for fun, that is not right. If I can't offer you love, I don't want to start it.

In this winter, it's cold. But for I have Jesus in my heart, I'm warm inside. :)

Someone come, someone go, without any traces

2 years ago, I met a Chinese girl named Tracy. I talked with her because I want to find some friends who were willing to eat kimchi Jigea with me in really Korean style. We chatted, and we met. I taught her English, but we usually talked in Chinese. That evening, we run so fast to catch the movie, when she took my hand, I didn't withdrawed. I knew I didn't love her that much, she just reminded me of someone. We created many interesting memory together: we talked every night before sleep; we drank until mid night by the river; we went shopping and cooked Jigea together; we watched Japanese variety program although I even didn't know what it said. She wrote me a letter, that I would like to protect me from being dyed by the dark side of society. That night I cried, I knew it wasn't love, but it would be some day, and I would like to. However one day, she disappeared, without any words. It's a great terror to find someone suddenly disappeared. I felt everything was just a dream just like before. No reply to every message, all memories were fading.

After 8 months, I finally made up my mind and say hello to her. she said she had gone to Hangzhou and would be back within a month. I shocked. So many time I have dreamed that she would stay with me. Even though she disappeared, as long as I knew we were staying within one city, there was a feeling that we might meet by chance one day. But now she was gone, actually nothing gonna change my life. I said take care to her, and wish her all the best. I don't know whether we will meet in the future, and don't know whether she would like to see me. Memories have been fading, but not got rid of. It was very nice time for me even though it ends with tears, I won't regret.

From when, things gonna move so easily with me? Someone come, Someone go, without any traces

Finally a Farewell to youth, but no farewell longing for love. This Outgoing, optimistic and free guy is getting married. Self-confidence is strong, like challenges, have ego and is adventurous.

Something about meHobbies: music, internet, sports ,tourism, Party Favourite dishes! easy to serve me- boil and give me anything that looks like Chinese Love feats: not disclosed ..LMAO Love: don't care everlasting, care once owned Hello, I don't know who you are and where you are. I only know that you must be physically and mentally fit. One can abandon at any moment but don't abandon me as you must be an obedient daughter, responsible for husband, good-hearted and most important has the ability to be a mother. I don't want extreme person . I know I am not good. So I want to grumble and also stand back. Age should not be above 25, height above my shoulder is fine, weight around 50 kilograms. If you have certain economic ability is better. I want a little woman, every day to give me a warm home. I work for myself and am engaged in the education sector. I understand life, education with higher quality, has connotation/I am extroverted! Hope you have received higher education ,has the quality, has the tutelage, has a house in Surkhet, have a stable income, and your own enterprise ..overall with a Good character!! Hope I can be your warm harbor!!!!!!!! I will make you to become the happiest woman in the world!! I hope to have the opportunity to love and know your love! I'll give you a surprise every day ,let you become the happiest woman in the world!! we can have a family weekend for a holiday by the sea!! Enjoy life!!! Lover!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looking forward to your emergence!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Conditions discrepancy not faze!! Thank you

Where does the Love go?

so, There's someone in your life you've spent the last - How long being best of friends with, making love to, talking to on the phone every night, taking care of, believing in a future with, promising and believing that you'd never hurt each other... basically, Loving and being In Love with. And one day, something happens. Something goes terribly awry. Maybe it wasn't even something drawn-out, cataclysmic, disastrous. Maybe it was just a huge misunderstanding that miscommunication compounded into a breach of your relationship. And just like that... *poof*... they're gone. For good. Your best friend turned their back on you. Your future just disappeared. The phone doesn't ring every night anymore with someone on the other end who's living to hear how your day was, someone who won't feel like the day's events meant anything unless they share them with you. There's nothing anymore. OK, there's a difference between "loving" someone and being "in love with" someone. I absolutely believe that. I love a lot of people. And I LOVE a lot of people. Right now, I'm not in love with anyone... which is why I'm not with anyone. Or maybe it's the other way around. But there is a definite difference. And sometimes, we just fall out of love. It happens. People change. Everyone changes. And sometimes we just don't change in the same, or compatible, ways. And we fall out of love. So the relationship ends. But where does the love go? I was in a long term ralationship with someone a few years back. But after some time of fulfilling all those signs of a true loving relationship that I mentioned before, as well as some even higher emotions that neither of us had experienced before, the love of my life just left me. And took off after she migrated abroad. We walked away and never looked back. We had a couple of conversations after that, though not in a long time, and there wasn't a trace of any care in the conversation. Not even a trace of the love that was felt when the two of us were just good friends before we became a couple. We ended an intimate, romantic relationship that was built on a strong friendship. So it follows common sense for all signs of that romantic relationship to be gone. But what about the friendship that was so strong before that? where does the love go?

And the night continues..

I have adjusted to very deep feelings today . Many people feel that Sunil is very gray. At least the text is gray. It is not true friends. The burden of giving life to stay in someone's heart will make you weak,broken and emotional., or very few people can feel what I am saying. Life has rarely seen mine softer side. In fact, life, ah, always has been a mask of the confession. I was a Hero once who in pursuit of a dream, would rather give up the life of dedication, but shook his soul. Even feel that my personal charm gradually disappeared in this bustling city in the rest of the time.

There's always a casual look, to know the end. Despite my dream from so near, still do not not get the final part of my stage. Leaving only a string of endless regret. A ridiculous farce? Live under the shadow of this farce of regrets.The spirit is like a morphine-like stimulating my nerves. Just ... ... ... ... she still sometimes may not see the road ahead. So life becomes a wait. Waiting for the sunset of all things in silence. More waiting for the next round of the newborn sun. Heater stopped, activity stopped, thinking stopped, diplomacy stopped and the world stopped. The music is set to to maximum, regardless of the window , the night of alternating black and white reversed. Unfettered life seems to have become the main theme. I like it.

My fingers are scratched off, I have been stabbed through the skin, there are a lot of blood at risk, but no pain to me. Its my life- its my choice . Layers of loneliness to spill out, overwhelmed me, but never ever shed out a tear at Home.

Midnight, inspiration and then tears . I want to soak perfume bath! Ah! The water temperature just right, the music just right, the time flow away in silence in the back. Close my eyes, sink to the bottom, my mind flashing light recently. Some things like love, once missed, they no longer have. So, I have missed a lot, this is no longer soft. I see love, I heard the story of my love does not have a positive attitude. Can not imagine injury . If life can not find a woman , "I believe you believe in love," then what to look forward to? I was lucky ? Do not know. Only in the air trance colorful illusion. In fact, I do not want to leave. Want to leave. But, we all know, that is longer on the wings on my shoulders. And we do not know, where is the end?

If one day I said to him: "will you love me for the rest of my life?" I hope she will answer me: "no, i'll love you for the rest of mine." I kept thinking, sleep together. Hey! Well, nothing more. Life ... laugh ah crying, very short. Then rub on massage cream. Rinse, turn off the music, wrapped myself into the fragrant thick with a towel. The skin is smooth and delicate now . The smell of mood. Hope to have dreams tonight. No matter how lonely at the moment, I have not regretted the decision today. Perhaps one day, I suddenly regret, at least not now. For me, life can not shirk, it will only be regretted. Tired of the wings away, life has been an overdraft of hurt.

Lying on the couch watching the sky, watching it fall asleep, fall asleep asleep and woke up, I watched and fell asleep. and the night continues

Good night! .~ ~