The Wholly Book

of
Clichés & Cabbages
By
Prince Mu-Chao

A Discordian RPG based on the RISUS System

 The Wholly Book
of
Clichés & Cabbages
by Prince Mu-Chao

Introduction
(You call these) Rules
Clichés
Adventures
Appendectomy A: Reference Material
Appendectomy B: Summary of Risus
Appendectomy C: Optional Rules
Appendectomy D: Magix Twix
Appendectomy E: Thanks

Version 1.1

INTRODUCTION

Discordia is a loose disorganization of Eris Freaks. A better

definition is impossible.

If you are unfamiliar with Discordia, please read The Principia

Discordia before attempting to embark upon these misadventures.
Other possible sources for information regarding Discordianism
itself are listed in Appendectomy A at the end of this book.

If, on the other hand, you are reading this because you are a
Discordian and are unfamiliar with RISUS, please visit the RISUS
Website at Cumberland Games:
http://www222.pair.com/sjohn/risus.htm, or read Appendectomy B:
Our Summary of RISUS before continuing.
YOU CALL THESE RULES?

All rules in this supplement (and in reality, for that matter) are
subject to change by any Meta-Technician.

All rules remain as outlined in RISUS, with the following changes:

All known "Optional Rules" for Risus are fully available BUT keep
in mind that RISUS is a very simplified system for a reason - to cut
out all of the tracking and rolling that inhibits roll-playing. On one
level this is good - it frees the characters and GM to do what they
want and not have to keep track of things and roll dice every time
something comes up. On the other hand, Discordians sometimes
find enjoyment in complexity.

Pick and choose the optional rules that work for your group (or
mood). It is not out of the question for some people in the group to
play with optional rules in effect while others do not.

All known rules ever introduced to the game by Meta-Technicians

are still in effect.

Players should attempt to choose clichés that they will be able to

roleplay. For example, if you are unfamiliar with Conspiracy
Theories, you should not choose "Paranoid" as a cliché, or it you do,
research it a bit in real life.

Every player automatically gets the cliché "Pope" (since every man,
woman and child is a Pope). A Pope's chief weapon is surprise...
Surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Their two weapons are fear
and surprise... and ruthless efficiency... Their three weapons are
fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical
devotion to Eris... Their four... no... Amongst their weapons...
Hmf... Amongst their weaponry... are such elements as fear,
surprise... and nice red uniforms. Well, you get the general idea.

Optional Rules specific to this Discordian Supplement may be

found in Appendectomy C: Optional Rules.
SOME DISCORDIAN CLICHÉS

Absurdist
Sometimes referred to as a "Rutabaga Discordian", this cliché
applies to such abilities as Absurdity, Random Output, ChaoSpeak,
Confusion and Being Irritating. Tools of the Absurdist can include
Computer With USENET Access, Mondo-Creation and -
Implementation, A Pocket Dictionary, Jellybeans, and "FNORD!"
T-shirts. Examples of Absurdist Discordians are widely available at
Alt.Discordia.

Anarchist
Anarchy is deeply ingrained within Discordia, and most Discordians
are somewhat anarchic automatically. This cliché refers to those
who are pipe-bomb making, Molotov-cocktail throwing, anarchist
cookbook-writing wackos. Think of them as MacGyvers on Crack
(or Tyler Durden, I guess). Very often, Discordian Anarchists are
the only Discordians that bother to be politically active and actually
show up for protests (and get beaten and arrested). They are usually
pretty resilient in a fight. Tools of the Anarchist include: a bunch of
little things that, when assembled correctly, cause destruction and
chaos (or make soap). Tyler Durden, Brad Pitt's character in Fight
Club, is the best example of an Anarchist Discordian.

Chaos Majix-er
A Discordian Chaos Majix-er is the same as a typical, every day
Chaos Mage, but with an even higher developed sense of humor and
preposterousness. Some examples of Majix Twix are included in
this document as Appendectomy D: Magix Twix. Tools of the trade
to be determined by need. Example: Imagine Peter Carrol or Austin
Osman Spare performing the Turkey Curse.

Chaosopher
A Chaosopher is a Discordian philosopher. They should be versed
in semantics, religious philosophy, science, and general philosophy.
They probably also have a better-than-average understanding of
mathematical principles. The Chaosopher's only tools are internal,
aside from the probability of a huge home library. Examples of
Chaosophers may be found among most of the more intelligent
members of Discordia.
Chauthor
Chauthors (pronounced Kay-ow-thers) are skilled Discordian
propaganda writers. They are especially apt at vaguely disturbing
scrawls and shaggy-dog stories, but in a pinch they can write other
things such as fake news, inflammatory articles and Jake letters. The
tools of a Chauthor are primarily internal and the only thing they are
likely to have on them that other clichés do not provide is a pen and
a notebook. Examples of Chauthors include Robert Anton Wilson
and R.U. Sirius.

Game Master
A Discordian Game Master is a Discordian who is extremely
knowledgeable and proficient at Discordian Games. Although there
is no single complete list of known Discordian Games and their
attributes, many may be found here on 23AE. A Game Master
would be able to beat a non-Game Master at a game of Sink, hands
down. He could probably even sink Cthulu. The great thing about
this cliché is that many Discordians think LIFE ITSELF IS A
GAME. Do with it what you will. The tools of a Discordian Game
Master vary widely.

Hacker
A Discordian Hacker has the abilities of the pulp hacker, but
utililizes them much differently. Instead of putting up a hack page,
for example, a Discordian Hacker would change little bits of
information or plant things that would lay undetected for a long
time. They are much like a Discordian Mindfucker, and may in fact
BE a Mindfucker as well, but their preferred method involves
hacking/phreaking to mindfuck. Tools of the Discordian Hacker can
include a laptop, servers, lots of IP addresses, usernames,
passwords... Example: Adrian Lamo
(http://www.securityfocus.com/news/254)

Idealistic Acolyte
This person is a perpetual student who doesn't actually know
anything, but has a wealth of esoteric/trivial knowledge about
completely unrelated and sometimes surprising things, and a canny
ability to relate unrelated things (but not believe a word of it, even if
they made the relation themselves). They are in between majors, in
between religions, and in between political parties. They are out of
place but strive for self actualization because it sounded good in
psych class. They want to improve everything but are completely
dumbfounded due to the wide variety of mediocre choices. Abilities
can include the knowledge mentioned above and multiple
connections in underground scenes (ravers, dealers, weirdos,
hackers/phreakers, and such). The key to this cliché would be that
this person would be smart, knowledgeable and crafty, able to come
up with data and plans as needed, but would have no faith that the
data was correct or that the plans had a chance in hell of working.
Their tools would probably include an address book and cell phone.

Mad Tinkerist
A Discordian Mad Tinkerist enjoys taking things apart and
sometimes even putting them back together (likely in a bizarre
fashion, though). Many Mad Tinkerists design and build machines
which serve questionable purposes. The machines may turn out to
help in some sort of way, but don't count on it... they are just as
likely to blow up (or feed the cat... who knows?). This cliché is run
a bit differently than the others. For disassembly and reassembly of
any complex item, roll as you normally would against a cliché. For
inventions, however, a higher cliché number merely means that the
invention is that much more complexly assembled than those of a
lower cliché number - it speaks nothing to the success of the
invention (at least not in the way it was meant to succeed). The tools
of the Mad Tinkerist include everything they can get their hands on,
because they KNOW it will come in useful SOMEDAY. Examples:
Rube Goldberg, Red Green, Wile E. Coyote.

Mindfucker
All Discordians have a degree of ability in mindfucking, but
Mindfuckers are the elite Discordians that drive Operation
Mindfuck. Mindfuckers are likely to be slick and smooth - perfect
shoplifters, they instead (or additionally) use their abilities to tweak
normality in such a way as to cause astonishment and hopefully
enlightenment of the cabbages. The tools of a Mindfucker vary
depending upon their favorite mindfucks, but most will have weird
stickers, markers, small disguise kits, and/or fake ID on them.
Examples of Discordian Mindfuckers are Hagbard Celine and
Markoff Chaney in the Illuminatus! Trilogy, and the Billboard
Liberation Front.
Meta-Technician
Meta-Technicians are aware that they are merely fictional characters
in a role-playing game created for the mere entertainment of "the
Gods". With successful rolls, they are able to change the rules of the
game, or even the reality they are faced with within the game. Meta-
Techician points cost double what other points cost. If an odd
number of points is applied to the Meta-Technician cliché, record as
.5 and round up for purposes of dice rolling. There are no tools
associated with a Meta-Technician. Examples of Meta-Technicians
include anyone who realizes that they are part of a role-playing
game that Eris is playing with Eric, Coyote and Loki.

Paranoid
Paranoid Discordians are the masters of Occult Knowledge and
Conspiracy Theory. They usually twitch a bit and sometimes dress
like history professors. Their talent lies in making connections
between unrelated bits of data. They will quickly sniff out a
conspiracy, even (especially) if there isn't one there. Tools of the
trade include charting software and lots and lots of meaningless
scraps of information on post-it notes. An example of a Paranoid
Discordian would be a cross between Mulder of X-Files and Robert
Anton Wilson.

Pope (Free!)
Every person in the world has the cliché of Pope(1). All players (i.e.
Discordians) get the free cliché of Pope(2) due to the fact that they
KNOW they have the cliché, while most others do not. After the
initial free points, the rest of the Pope points must be purchased as
other clichés are. The points represent the degree of understanding
one has of what the title of Pope MEANS and what it enables one to
do. These details of what the Pope cliché is good for will not be
revealed here. Consult your pineal gland for usage.

Sex Kitten/Hunk/Slut
A Discordian Sex Kitten/Hunk/Slut (pick the name that best suits) is
a sex maniac. The character with this cliché can be either male or
female; straight, gay or bi (most likely bi, if for no other reason than
to increase their options). Not any old sex manic, the Discordian
Sex Kitten/Hunk/Slut has a certain enthusiasm and naturalness to
their obsession. They enjoy sexual situations and bare bodies and
just can't understand why other people have hang-ups about these
things. Their main abilities are seduction and loss of self to
hedonism. Fetishes are optional. Their tools include the obvious
paraphernalia, leather and studs optional. Examples include most
Discordians (at least in their minds).

SubGenius
Discordian SubGenii are usually not as intelligent as other
Discordians and tend to be a bit more propheteering than others.
Their major ability is the unceasing rant and the abilities that go
along with it - such as salesmanship and televangelism. When
multiple Subgenii congregate, they tend to take off their clothes,
even if they are in public. They will always have a pipe with them.
Examples of SubGenius' are much too easy to come by (try
alt.slack).

Trickster
A Trickster is much like a Mindfucker, but the Trickster performs
their feats of Trickiness for absolutely no reason but their own joy
and happiness. This extends the Trickster's realm from mindfucking
in order to illuminate, to screwing with people for any reason - or no
reason at all. It opens more doors of possibility for situations in
which the cliché will be useful, but is in general a more base and
animalistic specialty. Also, the Trickster is usually a bit sloppy and
doesn't have the finesse a Mindfucker does. The Trickster "Jakes",
while the Mindfucker "Mindfucks". Tricksters cannot restrain
themselves and will "attack" other Discordians just as likely as
Cabbage. Examples of Discordian Tricksters: Ol' Man Coyote,
Jakers, or "Trickster" in the movie Brainscan.

Other Clichés
Of course, as in any RISUS game, you may make up whatever
clichés you like for your characters. If you develop an original
Discordian Cliché or think of any important facets of these clichés
that I left out, please let me know and I will include it with these.
Before sending, please be sure that it is not covered by one of the
others.
POSSIBLE ADVENTURES

RPGs Destroy The Mind

This is the best way to play Discordia - incorporate real life into the
role-playing game and vice versa. If this path is to be taken,
characters should be modeled closely after the person playing the
character. Some elements, especially those difficult to duplicate in
apparently-real life, should be roleplayed. Other elements, such as
Jakes, Mindfucks, research, clue-hunting, puzzling out puzzles,
writings, flyers, etc should be done in real life. The possibilities for
this type of game are endless and can begin to warp the player's
minds if the GM is witty enough. "Clues" could be made to be a
major part of the campaign - and if you can sneak clues into a
player's workplace or home, true paranoia will begin to set in and
they will look for clues EVERYWHERE. The possibilities of this
type of game are endless and infinitely amusing. This idea was
originally put forth in the famous Discordian Game LARP Solitaire.

Discordia in the Multiverse

The Multiverse is open to your enjoyment. Think of the riotous
laughs and general good times your characters could have with such
superstars as Coyote, Loki, Shiva, Kali, Eric, even Eris Herself and
all those other Wacky Gods you can think of (or make up) as they
battle Aneris, party at Castle Chaos, and generally screw up the
Multiverse. For more information on the Multiverse and a
description of Castle Chaos, check out CastleChaos.com or the
Babylon Project, but don't let that restrict you. Make up your own!

Discordia vs. The Government

Five years in the future, Discordia is underground. Due to an
innocent, misleading clue found at a Major Crime Scene, The
Authorities have declared Discordia to be a Dangerous Cult.
Everyone is now aware of Discordia and this is NOT A GOOD
THING! All Discordian cabals that still exist are underground and
several discordians are on the run. A special government department
has been created called the Agency of Cult Awareness. When the
ACA began, it was chiefly responsible for cataloging cults and
escalating information about those it deemed dangerous to the
Agency responsible for “keeping them in line”, but they acquired a
strong leader and their powers slowly grew...
Discordia vs. The Illuminati
The Discordians fight The Conspiracy in all of its forms. I would
suggest the GM read the Illuminatus Trilogy by Robert Shea and
Robert Anton Wilson for ideas about how to approach a campaign
like this.

Wandering Around Screwing Things Up

Another recommendation is for the GM to have a starting point in
mind and just let the players wander around and show off their wit,
changing signs, passing out flyers, putting acid in evian bottles...
and generally screwing around. The GM will have to stay on top of
the situation, of course, and be able to move along the story when
things begin to sag with a new NPC or opportunity.

No Boundaries
There is absolutely no reason why all of these (as well as many of
your own) cannot be incorporated into the same game...
APPENDECTOMY A. Reference Material:

00001. RISUS
RISUS: http://www222.pair.com/sjohn/risus.htm
Illuminati for RISUS:
http://www.angelfire.com/rpg/flamingskies/RIlluminati.html

00002. Discordia
The Principia Discordia
Hundreds of Discordian Webpages: www.23ae.com/links.asp
The Illuminatus Trilogy by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson
Your Pineal Gland
APPENDECTOMY B. Summary of Risus

This summary merely summarizes, as many summaries do. You will

not be able to play the game until you read the rulebook located at
http://www222.pair.com/sjohn/risus.htm (free!). This was included
merely so you would have some inkling about what the hell we are
talking about in this Book before reading the RISUS Rules.

The key to RISUS is its scalability. It can be used for a campaign or

a night of goofiness with virtually no preparation - the characters
take about a minute to create.

Instead of having abilities (like Speed or Intelligence) you choose

quot;clichés". You have, say, 10 points to apply to as many clichés
as you want. You might put four points toward one (so you are
really good at that), two points toward another, and one point
toward four others. You can have up to six dice per cliché, more if
you are god-classed.

Each point represents one 6-sided die. Therefore, if you have 3

points in one specific cliché, whenever you try to use that cliché in
the game and the GM requires it, you roll three dice to try to
accomplish the task. Target numbers follow this scale:

5: A cinch. A snap. A challenge for a Schmuck. Routine for a pro.

10: A challenge for a Professional.
15: An Heroic challenge. For really inventive or tricky stunts.
20: A challenge for a Master. Nearly superhuman difficulty.
30: You've GOT to be Kidding. Actual superhuman difficulty.

If you are competing against someone, they roll the number of dice
THEY have in the appropriate cliché. Highest number wins. Very
simple.

The thing is, you don't HAVE to roll for everything. Just what the
GM determines your character might fail at. You can have a whole
night of interactive story without rolling a thing.

Characters are assumed to have the proper tools for their cliché. If
you're a hacker, you have a computer. If you're a Harley Dude, you
have a Harley (probably a leather jacket and a baseball bat as well).
The rules stress that conflicts can be verbal or conceptual - not
necessarily physical. If you are playing chess, for example, you
would role against the other player in the appropriate cliché (say
you have Gaming and they have Military General - both are
applicable).

You may use inappropriate clichés, such as using Hairdresser to

play chess, provided the role-playing is entertaining and realistic. If
you use the Hairdresser cliché to, for example, somehow choke your
opponent with that damn perm-smell and give them a headache so
they can't concentrate, the GM may permit that.

If you have no clichés that are pertinent but it is something that

anyone can do, such as a fistfight, everyone gets two dice (including
the people who have applicable clichés - Boxing(2) would go to
Boxing(4), for example).

Ongoing players may advance in their clichés. At the end of each

session, you roll the number of dice you have in any clichés that
were used significantly. If all dice are even you get a point to apply
to THAT cliché. Also, if you do something especially entertaining
during play, the GM may give you a free roll using the same rules
outlined above at that point.

Many other rules such as many sided dice exist and may be found
on the RISUS website, but this should give you a general idea of
what the game is like.
APPENDECTOMY C. Discordian Optional Rules

00001. Preyer On Eris

When using this option, the player may at any time refuse to roll the
dice and instead prey on Eris for guidance. This is chancy, to say the
least. One person was turned into a slice of toast after doing just
such a thing. On the other hand, True Chaos may be one's only
chance when up against a superior foe.

00002. The Turkey Curse

At any point during a confrontation instead of rolling against a
specific cliché, a Discordian may elect to use his turn to cast the
Turkey Curse on an opponent. The player must act out the Turkey
Curse in full, with their bare face hanging out. The results of the
curse depend entirely on the opponent in question and the degree of
expertise achieved by the player in the curse itself. The GM should
determine results accordingly.
APPENDECTOMY D. Examples ov Majix Twix

What follows are some suggestions for Discordian Majix Twix.

Players should be encouraged to develop their own Twix. As with
the clichés, any Twix sent to us will be included in this section.

00001. The Ritual Discordian Mass of St. Joey

Gabba gabba, we accept you

We accept you - one of us!
Gabba gabba, we accept you
We accept you - one of us!
Gabba gabba - HEY!
Gabba gabba - HEY!
Gabba gabba - HEY!
Gabba gabba - HEY!

[Then everyone down some thorazine.]

by Rev. Dr. Hexar le Saipe

00002. Thee Rite of Pigpen

Prepare your Area Thusly:

Your Banishing Ritual should include carving all the soap in your
house to look like various peanuts characters. Discard all soap
pieces that have been carved off of figurines. Buy no new soap

The Rite itself must be subconsciously performed over a period of

two weeks. It consists of reminding yourself throughout the day that
he is in reality no more powerful than your 5th grade teacher was - it
just appears to you that he is from your position.

At the end of the two weeks, arrange to meet this person. When he
appears, make sure to spend much time as close to him as possible.
This Rite has a difficulty rating of 2.

Repeat if necessary.
00003. A Discordian Blessing

Make the sign of the apple and murmur, "Dominus Odorous

Orundus, Motherfucker."

00004. The Rant of the Hot Dog

IO ERIS! IO DISCHORD!
FFFFFRY!
EVERT SINAH GAMUS NKEYA EEAPP!
SILAN TIMOH ARIEA EYIHA POOOP!
FFFFFRY!
IO ERIS! IO CHAOS!
FFFFFRY!
IO DISCHORD! IO ERIS!

AN EXPLAINATION
The Rant of the Hot Dog becomes, in essence, a round pinkish
square that contains the truth. When consumed, the truth resides
outside of you. Activating the truth while at a 90 degree angle to it
is much trickier, and is too complicated to go into here. See the
original Principia Discordia (page 00122) for further enlightenment

00005. The Discordian Mouse-Banishing Ritual

Chant "Eris, Goddess of Chaos, She what done it all... oh, never
mind, I'll do it myself."

Burn a black candle, for a banishing, and/or a brown candle, for the
rodents you intend to banish. Or do the ritual during daylight, which
works too.

Chant "Rodents of my garage, I dig this hole to trap you, thank

Goddess (and/or God - be specific if desired) that you cannot
understand English. At least I hope you damned rodents can't
understand English, and aren't bright enough to figure this out. But
if you do, go along with it, or else I will have to get real mouse
traps."
Dig a hole next to the entrance to the garage the rodents are believed
to use. Put a bucket in it, so that the top is even with the ground.

Cover the bucket with twigs and leaves, or even better, a piece of
paper with rocks holding it down so it won't blow away, but leave it
loose enough it will collapse into the bucket if a rodent is on it.

Chant "Damned rodents, those which chew into my birdseed bags,

those which infest my firewood, smell this peanut butter, fall into
this bucket, so that soon, soon, I will be rid of ye."

Place peanut butter on paper or leaves.

Chant "O mighty Bucket of some hole in the ground, preferably

with peanut butter, capture my rodents, but make sure they are
rodents, in other words, don't catch me a SKUNK."

Hide the birdseed so the rodents don't eat it instead. Remove the
candles and leave. Wait overnight.

Check for rodents periodically.

When a rodent is captured, lift the bucket out by the handle.

Walk a mile or more away, preferably into woods and not somebody
else's yard, and empty the bucket.

While walking, chant "Damned mice, o ye that eats my birdseed,

chews my garbage, infests my firewood, be gone from whence ye
came, or at the very least stay out of my garage."

When emptying the bucket, don't drop the mouse on your foot.

Go back home, and repeat as necessary.

- by the one false haddock

Twix Conclusion
As you can see, some of these Twix do not inform the reader of the
result of the casting. This is to be embraced as Nearly Erisian and
emulated to the fullest extent in Discordian Mages.
APPENDECTOMY E. Thanks!

Thanks to S. John Ross, for the creation and free dissemination of

Risus.

Thanks to Sunny, Bishop Squarepeg Roundhole, Gypsy, Hexar,

Helga, and everyone else at ye olde Yahoo: Discordia who
participated in the discussion refining the Clichés incorporated into
this "fine" product. The Discordian Slut(k) was play-tested by
Sunny and hundreds of innocent, unsuspecting young women.
Thanks also to Hexar for permission for use of the Ritual Discordian
Mass Of St. Joey and thanks to the one false haddock for writing the
Discordian Mouse-Banishing Ritual, which we stole without
permission. Thanks also to David Masad, creator of Illuminati
Risus, for pointing out that I was missing a cliché for GAMES.

(K) All Rights Reversed (except for RISUS and signed info (some
of the Twix), Which Isn't Ours). Reprint What You Like.
Published by Synaptyclypse Generator (K) 3172
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