Detective Storyline Part 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey, pass me another drink barkeep! said Jimmy as he scanned the dusty bar.

. He knew the bar was on its last leg but his precinct had been going there for years plus it was one of the few handicap accessible bars in town. Jimmy was a detective in Extreme Murder Division of the Rapid City Police. He and his partner Spinner had been in the force for seven years and in their division for four. It usually takes at least 10 years seniority to break into the Extreme Murder Division and thats usually after you pass the detectives exam. The reason for their relatively quick rise to prominence was their work on the biggest case in this Manitoba province history. Jimmys forensic analysis expertise combined with Spinners masterful interrogation strategies led not only led to a quick cracking of the case it also led to a quick conviction. Wheres that Jesus juice I ordered yelled Jimmy just as he finished his sentence the bartender passes him his longtail chardonnay. He wheels back to his table as Spinner walks in. Whats up Robocop! Spinner playfully said to Jimmy. BREAKING NEWS MICHAEL JACKSON THE KING OF POP HAS BEEN MURDERED. Jimmy immediately breaks down sobbing into Spinners arms. He then rolls away into the bathroom. Whats wrong? Is Jimmy ok? asks Russ the bartender. Michael Jackson just died. He saved Jimmys life. When Jimmy was thinking about suicide after the shooting he played Man in the Mirror over and over again until he finally accepted his new handicapable self said Spinner. The bathroom door opened and Jimmy wheeled outI WILL AVENGE HIS LEGACY proclaimed Jimmy. So did you find the address? Spinner asked Jimmy. Yes of course. Jimmy replied. So where are we going ?Spinner asked. Youll see soon enough just know its the first step to finding Michael Jacksons killer! Jimmy slyly uttered as he sped away. They drove for a little over a day when they reached Los Angeles. They knew who held the key to finding Michaels killer. It

was Quincy Jones. Quincy Jones was the only one with Michael the day he was poisoned. But he refused to talk to police and disappeared before the police had a chance to reengage. I hope he knows where hes going thought Spinner. Spinner usually trusted Jimmys tracking skills yet there was something different about this case. Jimmy was too emotionally invested. Jimmy pulled over to get some gas well that at least what Spinner thought. Excuse me Miss, I was on my way to an appointment with a very important associate but theres something about you thats just too special to not stop by and appreciate. What is the title of the new muse of my soul Jimmy said before his gentlemanly kissed her hand. My name is Sasha said the leggy brunette You dont come from here do you? No sweetness Im just a free spirit from the North coming to the big city in search of happiness, friendship and most importantlylove Jimmy replied. Aww arent you precious Sasha exclaimed as she grabbed a pen from her purse and began to write an address on Jimmys hand, Here come to this address at 10 tonight and bring a swim suit and your friend. The password is nutrition Well be there Jimmy said as he pushed the hand control to the metal. Way to go bud now you can have freaky woman on cyborg sex Spinner joked. Stop it. I would never take my eye off the prize. You dont know who that was? Jimmy asked It was Sasha Grey, the actress and former porn star. I just got us into the playboy mansion. Uhhh excuse me Jim but how is that not taking the eye off the prizeSpinner retorted. Did you even read Quincy Jones FOIA file? Is this a joke to you? THIS ISNT A REGULAR ASS CASE WHERE YOU CAN JUST SLACK OFF AND THEN THREATEN A CONFESSION OUT OF SOMEONE! THIS CASE IS IMPORTANT TO ME Jimmy yelled. Spinner looks away clearly hurt. Im sorry. You know I value you as a partner and a friend. I also know you dont get as much credit as you deserve. And your interrogation methods take a lot of skill. I genuinely

believe that you expertly and thoroughly manipulate all the necessary emotions fear isnt your only motivator. No Im sorry. I need to take this seriously. I do know how much this means to you. Why are we here man?Spinner apologetically asks. Jimmy immediately describes the file Well in his FOIA file the FBI said that Quincy Jones has three hideouts his great nieces home in Pasadena, his favorite studio in Detroit and the Playboy mansion the residence of his close friend and business associateHugh Hefner. The police in Detroit and Pasadena have obtained warrants and searched the first two spots and found nothing but Hefners bulletproof in LA. He donates to the policemans balls, charities and pension fund. Hes throwing the equivalent to the Oscars of pornography after award show after party. Everyone thats someone in the porn business is going. I need you to interrogate the old man to find where hes hiding Quincy Well were in the Playboy mansion. Lets try to locate him Spinner said. They surveyed the party and though they were looking for Mr. Hefner they still were able to take in and appreciate his massive and beautiful estate. They marveled at its magnificent flower filled hedges, its indoor and outdoor pools and interactive entertainment system accessible from any part of the house. As they climbed the stairs the chorus of womens laughter only got louder and louder until they hit its source, Hugh Hefners bedroom. How are we going to lure him out? Spinner asked Jimmy. Jimmy calmly dictates How about the colostomy bag em. You know what to do. Ill meet you in an a couple hours. If you know anything about Hugh Hefner you know he can never turn down a challenge. He once said that life is a big dick waving contest and I treat it as such. Thats why Jimmy challenged him to a drinking contest and Hugh foolishly accepted. If he beat Hugh he would be thrown out immediately but if he went down to easy it would look like a set up or plant also leading to expulsion from the party. Jimmy realized this and disguised the cause of his paralysis from the waist down as a muscle mass disorder. This made him seem weak

and his loss seem plausible they never question his intentions when he rolled himself to the rest room as if he was about to throw up. Where am I? Hugh Hefner groggily mumbled. WELCOME TO THE TERRORDOME MR HEFNER!!!! ANSWER MY QUESTIONS TRUTHFULLY AND YOU MIGHT SURVIVE yelled a strange voice. Why is it so cold Hugh Hefner whimpered. BECAUSE IF YOU CANT TAKE THE HEAT GET THE HELL OUT OF THE KITCHEN AND DOUBLE H YOU CANT TAKE THE HEATTTT!!!! yelled the voice again. How did I get here? Hugh Hefner cried. You see Jimmy during the drinking contest slipped ghb and laxatives in his few drinks. This forced him to go to the bathroom and then pass out, where Jimmy was waiting to slip him into a body bag under the caterers cart. They then took him to the offsite interrogation room. ROUND 1 IS THE WATER ROUND. ROUND 2 IS THE LIGHTNING ROUND. ROUND 3 WELL ROUND 3 IS THE BONUS ROUND BASED ON YOU BODYS RESPONSE ITS EITHER THE ASPHYXIATION OR ELECTROCUTION ROUND yelled the voice again. Hugh Hefner was hooked up to a machine that slowly and slowly waterboarded and electrocuted him until one of the strategies or both killed him. This continued and continued yet Hugh never gave in. He was on his last leg. Spinner knew that if he killed him Quincy would escape again so he executed plan z. He shut down the machine walked over to the desk in the room and opened up a folder. Do you see these photos, Hugh? Spinner asked. They were of him in the bathroom after he passed out. He had defecated all over himself and they had the pictures to prove it. NOOOOOOOO. IM NOT LOSING IT. THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE. IVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. IM STILL YOUNG AT HEART Hugh shrieked. If you dont tell us where Quincy is and how to get to him we will release these photos to TMZ and everyone will think you are just a crazy old man Spinner informed Hugh.

The door was kicked in PUT YOUR HANDS UP QUINCY WE KNOW YOURE IN HERE! Hugh Hefner sang like a bird but it was too late. There was a note in the middle room from Sasha Grey. It read Nice try Mounties. THIS THING IS BIGGER THAN YOU!!!!! It was Sasha who tipped him off. To be continued PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO DETROIT AN AUTOMATION ALLEY COUNTY was the first thing Spinner read as he awoke. Ha more like a crack alley county Spinner retorted. They had been driving for a day. Spinner had car sickness on long trips so he took sleeping pills to put him under. The first thing we remember was how furious Jimmy after they lost Quincy. Though Spinner and Jimmy knew it wasnt their fault they couldnt help but feel guilty. Spinner was bewildered over how ineffective his interrogation techniques were. He thought Jimmy blamed him. So where we going now wheels? said Spinner. Quincy knows were coming for him and after what we did to Hugh hes going to arm himself Jimmy replied. Then why didnt we go to the nearest pawn shop back in LA? Spinner asked. Theres only one person he knows that can really arm him, his friend and fellow producer, Clint Eastwood Jimmy stated. Hes has a house here but he also is currently shooting a movie here. Well catch him at the studio and bring him to the interrogation room Jimmy said, Put on your big boy pants and your vest were facing off against Dirty Harry today. Now well see whos good, bad, and ugly. Name and reason for visit said the studio attendant. ScottScott Razor Jimmy replied Im the new senior VP of head and if you dont stop staring at my goddamn wheelchair and let me in Ill fire you and all your closest work friends! The guard immediately let the gate up Sorry sir I

didnt know. They usually inform me of new executives. So sorry it will never happen again. Jimmy was playing his Scott Razor cover a smooth, smooth smart and very wealthy entertainment executive. He got all the ladiesall of them. Dont speak to me or even look in my direction! And where the hell is my parking spot? Jimmy or Scott spat back. The guard wrote it down on a parking slip and handed to him, head turned the other way. After they parked in the garage they headed inside to the lobby. Spinner and Jimmy scanned the lobby. It was just like an entourage scene beautiful women everywhere waiting on guests hand and foot. They rolled up to the first secretary. Yet Jimmy thought something was off. This wasnt a Hollywood studio, it was Detroit and why are all these women Asian. Just as Spinner asked on which lot Clint was shooting. Jimmy pushed him out the way and told him to take cover. THESE ARENT SECERTARIES. THEY ARE SEXY ASIAN ASSASSINS!!!!! Jimmy yelled. I KNOW Spinner yelled pointing to the ninja star lodged in his arm. It was just a flesh wound but it hurt like hell. Little did they know that Jimmy and Spinner came prepared. Spinner always carried a pistol and Jimmy had a shotgun strapped to a secret compartment in his wheelchair. Spinner was a great shot. He immediately took out the three assassins who grinded down the staircase rails bad arm and all. Jimmy wheeled from behind the flipped over couch and yelled Cover me while I capture some new ground. He and Spinner both knew how handy Jimmy was with that trusty sawed off shotgun; he didnt need cover. But Jimmy has occasionally froze before during gunfights. He sometimes has flashbacks from the shooting that crippled him. But it was mostly behind him and it didnt come up this time. They made quick work out of the sexy assassins. They thought they were took care of all of the assassins but they miscounted; there was one more assassins left. She snuck from behind and knocked down both of them. WAIT DONT DO THIS! Jimmy pleaded, Youre smart, sexy and obviously fit. You dont have to kill

for a living. Why dont you actually become a model in hollywood or at least a secretary? I dont have to sell you on being a model but a secretary is a high salaried job with benefits. But more importantly its an occupation you can be proud of. She immediately dropped the weapon took off her ninja mask; she pointed to lot three then walked out the front door. Jimmys cunning had saved them once again. Howd you know that would work? Spinner asked. Easy. True ninjas always listen to reason Jimmy condescendingly uttered. They sped to Lot three. He was shooting another western. It look just like one of those ghost towns with Clint Eastwood in the middle holding two submachine guns. Dont worry gentlemen I wont shoot you. THATS WHAT I HIRE MY GOONS FOR!!!!! Every house porch and storefront now had at least two guys wielding old fashion colt 45s except the skeleton for the church and the stable; the church was right next to them so they gained cover behind it. They fanned out. Jimmy took out the two guys at the Liquor Store; while Spinner took out the guys at the General store and the bank. The shotguns reload rate was killing Jimmys clear time. The both advanced to the gallows in the center of town. They took out the men in the blacksmith shop and trading center. They had cleared all of the buildings. They just had to find Clint. But all of a sudden he rushed out the stable still wielding the submachine guns but now he was on horseback and had 10 horseback men with AK 47s. They were running out of ammo Spinner had 3 shots and Jimmy 1. Think on your wheels! Spinner exclaimed. Jimmy you shoot the buttress for the stable gates. It will knock Eastwood off his horse and also stop his men from advancing. Ill take care of the rest. Jimmy hit the buttress like a champion. While Spinner took care of the rest, Eastwood had forgot that the set was rigged with explosives for the arson scene. Spinner shot the three pyrotechnic packs. They werent real explosives but they were power enough to incapacitate the men with 2nd degree burns. But the explosion led to a lot of smoke.

When it cleared Eastwood was speeding off in his Chyrsler 300. SHIT SHIT SHIT. THIS STUPID FREAKING WHEELCHAIR Jimmy screeched. Spinner having to help him get in the car took precious time needed to catch Eastwood before he could reach his fortified home. He was finally in the car. How will we catch him we dont even know where his house is? Spinner asked. He doesnt know that we have to cut him off before he hits the highway. Buckle up I just installed a new feature Jimmy dictated. He turned on the NOS and sped down the street. Jimmy read the 30 mph speed limit then looked at the speedometer that read 180 and laughed. There was no way he could let Eastwood get to his house before them. He finally spotted his Chrysler 300. They both had a straight shot. BRACE YOURSELF Jimmy yelled to Spinner. He put the hand control to the metal. CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP OLD MAN!!!a mysterious voice yelled. Water splashed on Clint Eastwoods face. I SAID WAKE UP A bright light was flashed in his eyes. WHERES IS QUINCY JONES I tipped him off already hes long gone uttered Eastwood. WE KNOW THAT! WHERE IS HE HEADING? Ill never tell the bitter old man spat. WE WILL SEE ONCE MY LITTLE SCIENCE PROJECT IS OVER They hooked him up to a strange apparatus. The process had three stages. Stage 1 the stretching. The machine would slowly stretch until his arms and legs were out the sockets. After that Stage 2 began which was the creative stage this stage he would be forced fed lsd weakening his resolve while being beat upside his head. The last stage was ice cold. He threw him in a meat locker that would eventually freeze him to death. He would talk through the intercom with the clock ticking. The clock speed up and slowed down based on the information given. If he was cooperative he would get a blanket or heating apparatus slowing the clock. If he wasnt cooperative he would get water thrown on him speeding the clock. The screams heard from the interrogation room after stage one were some of the worst theyve heard

in a long time. But he took stage one like a champ and refused to talk. Stage 2 seemed to be working but Spinner was right Jimmy was too emotionally invested. He beat him to hard almost knocking him unconscious. They now had to move on to stage three while he was still awake. Stage three failed miserably it wasnt so much that he was uncooperative more accurately he was unresponsive. Spinner had one more trick up his sleeve What does the name Sunny Lee mean to you he asked. NO. NOOOOOO. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT Clint screamed. What you thought we didnt know about your ASIAN LOVECHILD Spinner yelled back. Please dont it would ruin my image and career. Ill tell you anything anything Clint whimpered. WHERE IS QUINCY Clint replied Hes in Georgia with...MORGAN FREEMAN!!!!

PART 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy knew he messed up. He let his emotions get the best of him. Hed beaten Eastwood too hard. He knew the LSD was enough but he really wanted to punish one of the men who harbored his heros potential killer. But he was to put that behind him, they were in Macon County now on the way to Morgan Freemans estate. Quincy Jones was brilliant, Morgan Freemans estate was in the backwoods, riddled with traps natural and unnatural. The bear traps were just as likely to get you as the gators. SIRENS!!!!! Jimmy saw the police lights and immediately pulled over. Is there a problem officer? Jimmy asked. Yeah boy there is a problem your back tail light is out, the officer said as he busted Jimmys tail light. Had had heard of this before, it was good old fashioned southern racism. They didnt have much of this in Canada. There werent enough blacks to trigger racial pushback. Plus Canada was much too polite to openly discriminate. He didnt have a character or plan to get out of this, but the wheels in his headchair had begun to spin. He quickly apologized, realizing if he played up his white side he might get out of it, even

if he was wrong. Hi officer Im Chip Richasdale, here in town to bring a new factory to town, Jimmy or Chip said. He was so fantastically smooth. I dont care who you are, coon. What are you doing on this side of town? the officer said as he opened the door and saw Spinner sleeping in the back and also Jimmys wheelchair. And youre also a crippled queer? We gonna have a lynching tonight! He awoke to a blinding light. It was fire. A burning cross. What had I gotten myself into he thought. Oh no they took my chair. As if that wasnt enough they began to beat him. They punched, kicked and beat him with batons. I guess the police here overlap with the klan in this land he thought. After five minutes the beatings finally stopped. Jimmy was in bad shape. Where is my friend? Chip or Jimmy asked. You mean your partner gayboy? said one of the klansmen said. Yeah thats exactly what I mean! Chip or Jimmy retorted. Little did they know that they were also cops Canadian cops. We let him go we dont appreciate gayitude around here and we especially dont appreciate blacks but what doomed you was your crippled state! another klansmen said. Wait what? Its not because Im black, its because Im handicapped???? cried Jimmy. These are the unknown difficulties and challenges of the handicapped; we suffer in silence he thought. Im Bill Bob Heck and the Heck family used to run the small general store business around this town until government intervention got in the way and forced us to install ramps, lifts and elevators in our shops! They were too expensive and bankrupted our family business. Now Wal-Mart moved in and runs the grocery store business in this county. And because of President Obamas regulatory oppression you will hang tonight! said Billy Bob Heck. Jimmy tried to backtrack and talk his way out of it. Listen guys Im a fellow Tory, a true conservative at heart. We can connect with our mutual love of a laissez faire economy. Im a small business owner myself. With this factory being built your economic

situation will improve! pleaded Chip or Jimmy. They werent buying it. Listen here city slicker I will have you know that slippery Jew talk has no effect on our strong Aryan minds said another klansmen. They prepared for the hanging. The noose was already prepared all they needed to do was kick the dining table chair into the pit and put the noose around his neck. He was done for. Hold on just a second you stupid ghosts Spinner yelled as he drove his car into the main group of klansmen. My wheelchair, Spinner! Theres a knife in the secret compartment, you know the one, now pass it to me Spin! Jimmy yelled. Spinner grabbed the 10 inch machete and threw it 30 yards to Jimmys feet. What are you going to do cripple?said a klansman. Little did they know Jimmy knew Jujitsu so well he karate chopped all three of them and then cut their heads clean off with the machete. Spinner rolled him in his wheelchair back to the car. Jimmy got in the car and they were on their way to the Morgan Freemans estate.

Welcome to Freeman Manor! read the sign. Spinner looked around wondering what traps this vast estate might bring. Shouldnt we pull over try to make a surprise entrance Spinner asked looked at the seemingly endless field of sugar cane in front of them. No, Spin thats what they would expect us to do! I know they have something planned. Jimmy replied speeding through the cane field. They reached what seemed to be the middle of the field. It was a circular patch of dirt and there were signs that read Welcome Detectives. Do you smell smoke? Jimmy asked, ITS A TRAP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy shouted. Jimmy forcefully pushed the hand control as hard as he could toward the metal. Jimmy knew that sugarcane burned incredibly fast and if he didnt floor it and hit the NOS they would literally be toast. They made it out just in time to something even more distressing a plantation full of Mexican slaves. MORGAN FREEMAN YOU SICK BASTARD. GET OUT HERE YOU COWARD. HOW COULD YOU

DO THIS? Jimmy screamed. Morgan Freeman appeared from the Manor at the center of the plantation. He yelled from the top of his throat SLAVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! ATTACKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The slaves rushed out with pitchforks and hoes. Jimmy didnt want to kill the poor Mexican slaves so they hopped out the car. Jimmy wielded his machete while Spinner had to use Jimmy shotgun because the klansmen took his pistol. Jimmy wanted to stun but not kill began hacking body parts off of the slaves; it slowed them down. Spinner began blowing the slaves away with the sawed off shot gun. They took down the first two waves easily, there were body parts and dead bodies all over yet the slaves seemed to endlessly spawn out of the manor. How many slaves do you have? Jimmy screamed, Hop back in the car, Spin! He hopped back into the car instead of running the slaves over they both began their own versions of a drive-by. Spinner shooting the Mexicans with his shotgun, and Jimmy was still hacking body parts off. They took out one more wave with ease due to Jimmys new wheels. It was finally over or so they thought when out from the manor appeared Danny Trejo with two RPGS. PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! He fired one at the car it scraped the top but amazingly didnt blow up. As he was in the process of firing the other RPG Jimmy screamed WAITTTTT DANNY STOP IT! DONT FIRE! Why shouldnt I? Danny Trejo asked. Look around Danny look at what hes done to your people. He enslaved them then led them to slaughter Jimmy pleaded, If you kill us not only does he win. He also will continue to lure immigrants in search of better life into slavery. Danny Trejo lowered his RPG and pondered what Jimmy had just said. Youre right. MORGAN GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE. NOWWWWWWWWWW!!!! I WILL NO LONGER PROTECT YOU AND YOUR EVIL RULE!! yelled Danny. Fine, Im coming out with my hands up, said Morgan Freeman. BANG BANG CHICK CHICK CHICK. He came out with his gun shot Trejo twice and then his

gun jammed three times. You sadistic bastard!!! Jimmy yelled as he knocked out Morgan Freeman with the butt of his shotgun.

SINCE YOU TREATED THEM LIKE ANIMALS WE SHALL DO THE SAME!!!!! yelled a mysterious voice SCREW YOU DECTECTIVE SCUM. Morgan yelled back. WELL SEE WHEN I SHOW YOU THE MEAL OF INTERRAGTION I HAVE COOKED FOR YOU. AHAHAHAHAHAHA the voice yelled again. BRING IT ON YOU SISSIES yelled Morgan Freeman in defiance. FINE THEN HAVE IT YOUR WAY MORGAN. I PRESENT THE FIRST COURSE yelled the voice again. In the first course Morgan Freeman was the first course. They let starving rats nibble at his feet for an hour. HA YOU KNOW HOW MANY BUNYONS I HAVE I DONT FEEL SHIT Morgan Freeman screamed at the top of his lungs. The first course failed. The second course they force-fed Morgan Freeman fresh horse testicles from his stables. He threw up numerous times but still didnt say a word. The last course he was a course while eating a course. He had to eat horse semen coated horse penis while being suspended in the air above a shark tank. When he finished the course and was fattened up for the shark. He would be consumed. It took him hours to eat it most of it but he still said nothing until out he burst YOU WONT KILL ME! YOU NEED MY INFORMATIONNNNNN!!! Fine. If you dont talk Ill have to go to plan Z. BLACKMAIL. said the voice, Look at the projector above you. Everyone knew Morgan Freeman married his step-granddaughter but these images were of him sleeping with his real granddaughter. If these got out it would ruin his career and he would go to jail. No Nooooo Ill tell you where to go next Woody Allen he said while finishing the plate of horse penis. The string snapped and he was devoured by the shark.

PART4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy had been driving for about 10 hours the sign read Welcome to Miami-Dade County. He felt guilty about Morgan Freemans death. Even though they told him once he finished the plate he would be dropped into the tank; he still felt it was a needless death. He told them the information, too bad Morgan didnt realize that the platform was weighted and once the plates load reached zero the chain would be released. He could tell Spinner was shook though he tried to play if off. How cool was that Ive never seen a shark eat anything let alone a human! That. Was. Vicious. Dude that had me pumped! Spinner said. He knew Spinner always feigned stokedness and excitement if something really bothered him. It was his defense mechanism. Hey Spin, your arm doesnt look to good man. We have to go to the hospital. You still havent removed the ninja star! said Jimmy. Dude I threw some vodka on it. Alcohol disinfects everything dude. Trust me Spinner replied as he chowed down on his prebattle snack A cheese, jelly and Canadian Bacon sandwich. Haha fine tough guy Jimmy laughed. Its just like Spinner to tough it out instead of get treatment. Jimmy continued to drive for about an hour. He finally pulled into a parking lot. Whats this man? Are we at Woody Allens? Spinner asked. No, were at the hospital your arm looks infected. Jimmy said. They walked into lobby. They walked up to the front desk and simply pointed to the ninja star lodged in his arm. In turn the head nurse pointed to the insurance forms. They filled out the forms and handed them in. They waited for 2 hours. What was the hold-up Jimmy thought. Just as he thought that the nurse walked in and called out Gavin is there a Gavin. Well I must be good luck Jimmy uttered. I got this Spinner told Jimmy, Im a big boy. Haha fair enough man Jimmy laughed. Jimmy didnt understand Spinners response immediately, until he realized he hadnt actually said the good luck thing out loud. Spinner disappeared behind the

metal doors. Jimmy picked up a Peoples Magazine and began to read it. Kobe is betting back with Vanessa ooooo scandalous Jimmy thought. HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Whats that noise he thought. He brushed it off and went back to reading his peoples magazine. He began to smell a familiar smell. JESUS CHRIST yelled Jimmy. He looked around all of the people were gone. He immediately knew a biological agent was being seeped into the room through the vents. It smelt like moth balls and withering flesh; he knew immediately it was polio. Im crippled you idiots. Im immune to polio. CRUCIAL MISTAKE Jimmy retorted. BOOM!!! A round of mental ward handlers bust threw the doors. They wielded batons, tasers and knock out pills. Jimmy had to leave his guns in the car. The hospital had a metal detector. Luckily the spokes in his wheel are also detachable throwing knifes. He rolled behind a row of chairs. He began to lob knifes at the guards. He had pinpoint accuracy hitting key parts of the handlers their eyes, throats and temples. He made quick work out of them. He used mobility and long range weaponry to keep them at bay. He immediately burst through the doors and rolled into Spinners room. He followed the trail of ninja star rust and Spinners blood. He knocked out the nurse and in turn knocked the needle out of the nurses hand. What the hell dude? She was just giving me antibiotics Spinner said. No Spinner this is Woody Allens secret biological warfare lab. This is why Quincy fled here Jimmy said. He picked up the needle and showed it to Spinner it readAIDS. Grab all those needles full of pure concentrated liquid aids since you dont have a weapon use these as poison dartsJimmy said. His fast thinking had given them a wheel up. They burst out of the door only to see a group of doctors wielding stun guns. Except the stun packs werent just horse tranquilizer it was horse tranquilizer bonded with a highly infectious strain of anthrax. They began to open fire. They rolled to a stretcher flipped it and hid behind. What are we going to do? All we have is knifes and needles. They have anthrax guns Spinner cried.

Jimmy did what naturally came to him. Jimmy yelled WHEELCHAIRRRRR STUNTSSSSSSS!!!!!!. He began to roll his chair as fast as he could. Grinding rails and sliding down on one wheel down the stairs. He popped wheelies and did some sick in-chair handstands. He rolled so smooth, fast, and hard he even rolled half way up a wall before doing 360s back down. It worked perfectly. They were awestruck by his dope wheelchair stunts. While they marveled at his superior athletic ability and admirable will and courage, Spinner snuck up behind him and infected them with AIDS. They dropped as Jimmy began to do a 720 aerial flip over three lined up dialysis machines. His skater character Skip Airmover had saved their hides again. Finally they could leave the hospital and find Woody Allen. SNEAK ATTACKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! A horde of nurses with gas masks and fire extinguishers ran out barricading themselves before the door. Wait a second Jimmy thought he read the fire extinguishers; they readAIDS. Oh no pure concentrated airborne AIDS it over 20x as deadly as liquid AIDS. We ran out of bullets and if you use anymore of your stoke blades your chair will collapse for sure Spinner asked. Just as they said that the nurse opened fire. Hop on yelled Jimmy. Spinner hopped on his wheelchair. He was inspired by his earlier performance. He rolled as fast as he could towards to nurses. So fast that not only did he get through the door without breathing in any airborne AIDS. He rolled so fast the airborne AIDS shot back at the nurses infecting them all. He was in peak physical condition. He rolled back to the parking garage and got into the car. They were off to find Woody Allen. Woodbridge Community Retirement Center read the sign. In the distance there was a three story retirement community. This is where the big bad Woody Allen is, an old folks home? Spinner laughed, I guess he didnt think wed survive the hospital? Dont get cocky, Spin, it could be a trap Jimmy said as refilled his knife spokes. He then passed Spinner the sawed off

shotgun . Its GO time!Jimmy said. They walked into the building to see it was an empty lobby/slash rec room. Metal grates immedialely shut the doors behind them. It was a trap. Woody Allen spoke on the intercom. Welcome to Woodbridge Community Retirement Center aka CHEMICAL AGENT EXPERIMENTATION SITE #4! If you want to reach me. FIGHT YOUR WAY TO THE TOP FLOORRRR!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! What was that they both heard. They looked at the hallway and saw things rushing towards them. ZOMBIESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! They thought fast. They flipped a couple of pool table and barricaded the doorway halfway. Thank god these old folk zombies cant climb with their various physical ailments. Spinner began to fire shotgun blasts at them but it didnt work. It barely even stunned them. Jimmy began throwing the spoke knifes at their throats. That didnt work either. That when Jimmy remembered we cant kill them without severing their spinal cords, he thought fast and with his wheelchair wheel grease he attached his spoke knifes to the shuffle board paddle. THROWING SPEARSSSS!!!!! They were highly effective since the zombie were lined up in attack form with each spear hed sever three spinal cords. Spinner could do nothing but marvel at his battle heroics. The first weak wave was finished. That sick bastard injected them with a zombie formula? He couldnt imagine what Woody for them on the next floor. The next floor was zombiesagain. We took care of the last wave Woody what makes you think these will do us in Jimmy yelled at the intercom. Jimmy and Spinner both began to chuck throwing spears at the zombies but it didnt work. WHOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Oh My God those just arent any zombie theyre super strength zombies Jimmy yelled. They tried everything but the elderly super powered zombies continued to advance. GET AWAY FROM ME YOU STUPID ZOMBIESSSSSSSSSSpinner yelled in desperation. It worked. Keep yelling Spin its working

Jimmy told him. It kept them at bay but it only stunned them. Jimmy smells Spinners breath. Your breathIt smells like Canadian Bacon. Of course this isnt just any old folks home its a jewish old folks home. They still have humanity in them left. The formula wasnt strong enough. Do you have any of your favorite snack still on you? Jimmy said. Of course Spinner said as he waved his cheese, jelly and Canadian bacon sandwich at them creating a path to the elevator. This worked on the elderly jewish zombie not only because are you not supposed to mix meat with cheese, pork just isnt plain kosher. Jimmy respect of the Jewish culture and quick thinking saved them again. They reached the third floor. It was an empty room. Then a flash of light and they trembled in fear. ZOMBIE JAMES BROWN!!!!!! they both yelled. The intercom spoke I THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO RESSURECT THE KING OF SOUL TO TAKE YOUR SOULSSSSSS!!!! In his loudest and most powerful soul grunt Zombie James Brown screeched. His voice was so powerful it began to act as an attack. Jimmy tried to reason with him. But it wasnt working Jimmy and Spinner were slowly dying. Spinner usually waited for Jimmy to come through in these situations but Jimmy couldnt rekill the King of Soul, one of his idols. They were doomed. At the last second Spinner knew he had to step up he grabbed a spoke knife and slit his throat. It was the source of his lifeforce and attack. They were within an inch of their lives but Spinner saved them just in time. They kicked down the door in front of them and found Woody Allen. Wait until we throw him in the interrogation room! Spinner said. WAKE UP WOODY!!!! WERE IN NO MOOD TO TALK IM JUST GONNA START INTERROGATING!!!! Woody was confused. He just woke up and was in a pitch black room. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Woody screamed as his toenails were being ripped off. This screech continued until all finger and toenails were off. They would have asked him questions but he didnt stop screaming for an hour so they just moved on. The next interrogation

method was physiological. They forced smoked him opium until he was good and high but they forgot hes an old man with a low tolerance because his heart is weak. He made numerous dated and racist comments then passed out. When he awoke the third stage began, they continued to give him water until he felt like he was going to explode. They forgot that because he lived in a retirement home peeing on himself wasnt really something he was ashamed to do. Spinner failed again. Jimmy knew he went soft on Woody because he felt guilty about Morgan Freemans death. The guilt took his head out of his craft. Thank god Jimmy knew him so well because Jimmy expected this and had a trick up his sleeve. Woody if you dont tell us where Quincy is Ill put you on a Judas cradle!!! Jimmy yelled. Woody immediately spat out Oh god no. Hes with Billy Dee Williams.

PART 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy had been driving to Merritt, Florida to find Billy Dee Williams. He 10 minutes away they had been driving for 4 hours. They were on their way but what? The road on the gps disappeared it was just a swamp. There was a fanboat that read hop in detectives. They had no choice but to hop into the fan boat if they wanted to find Quincy. They were playing on billy dees terms and turf now. The swamp was one of the ugliest things they have ever seen nothing but mud, muck and toxic waste. The vegetation in and around the water had turned to glowing greenish black. They made it half way through the swamp when the fan broke down. I knew this would happen Jimmy said, Looks like well have to swim to shore. I hope this water is safe. SPLOSSSSSSSSSSION!!!! What the hell man! Spinner yelled as he surveyed the boat. The back of the fan boat was blown off and the boat was slowly sinking. He looked to his right to check on Jimmy; JIMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! Spinner yelled as he saw an alligator had a hold

off Jimmys arm. It began to deathroll, Jimmy thinking on his wheels quickly began to roll with it until it hit the other side of boat his arm was intact. He immediately punched the gator square in the nose. The alligator let go; though it was an admirably powerful punch that alligator wasnt why the gator let go. It respected Jimmys reaction time when he deathwheeled with it and his courage when he punched it in its face. It immediately ran back into the water. Jimmy looked to his left and saw Spinner cornered by three alligators. During that time Spinner had killed two gators with debris from the mangled fan that used to power the fan boat. He went straight for their eyes then gutted them from their sides. Animals had an unfair advantage with their heightened senses so he always took sight away when fighting animals; they still had smell right and teeth is useless I cant effectively bite anything he thought. But three more gators encroached on him. He had left the debris in the second gator he was defenseless. WHOOSHHHHH!!!! A harpoon pierced the heads of all three alligators. Spinner looked to his left and saw Jimmy holding a harpoon gun. Dude whered you get that? Spinner asked. After I heard about the florida swamps I knew I should never leave home without a harpoon gun Jimmy bragged. Jimmy had pinpoint accuracy with a harpoon gun. He was a lover of the arts especially fine literature. He had read moby dick and went through a whale hunting phase. Oh how many whales he killed with a single shot of his harpoon gun. Lets swim to shore before anything else attacks Jimmy yelled. THATS NOT A GREAT IDEA yelled a voice as things began to rise from the ocean onto the sinking boat. SWAMP PEOPLEEEEEEEEEEE! Six swamp people arose from the water. They were all about seven feet in height and covered in slimy scales they too like the vegetation had a glow; they had neck fins, web feet and piranhas for hands. One of them slapped the harpoon gun out of his hands. It was too far to retrieve. It was time for hand to wheel combat. Spinner was faced off against two swamp people. They

immediately jumped him. One Swampperson grabbed and held Spinner while the other hit him with body shots. He was getting pummeled. He was also being slowly eaten by the piranha hands. He then used his famous Spinner shoulder shake to throw one of the swamppeople off of him on to a pile of debris impaling the swamp person. Meanwhile Jimmy had four swamp people lunging at him. He used his knowledge of krav maga to straight punch two of them in their throats so hard their swamp people tracheas collapsed. Swamp peoples tracheas are notoriously hard to collapse. The next two people were encroaching when Jimmy let out a warrior cry AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH he detached a wheel from his chair and pressed a red button on one of the spokes and the spoke knifes jutted out of the wheel. Jimmy threw it in a circular motion it managed not only to cut the two swamp peoples heads clean off it also took out the leg of remaining swamp person, the one fighting Spinner. It boomeranged back to him and he caught it without being injured. After he attached it back to his chair, he looked at Spinner and said We cant go in the water itll turn us into that. Jimmy used his wits and cunning to combine his wheel chair with the second fan engine and fan blades to create aHOVERCHAIR. Spinner hopped on and they reached shore only to be confronted by Billy Bob Thornton. My family has lived on this land for generations swimming in the water and eating off the land until we realized it was toxic. It turned my whole family into swamp people. I was the only one who could afford surgery at the time when I could afford surgery for them it was too late. You just killed my entire immediate family. There is only one way to emotionally recover from this.BLOODLUST He hopped into the water and when he arose a horrible creature he became. I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS MOURNING IN THIS SWAMP KILLING ANYTHING MOVING OVERHEAD. I AM NOW A SWAMP MONSTER!!! he yelled. Dont let Billy Dee win his toxic waste caused this. Dont let whatever the hell hes doing

over there win Jimmy pleaded. LET ME BROOD IN PEACE Billy Bob Thornton screamed. They respect his choice to emotionally suffer in silence. So Spinner hopped on Jimmys hoverchair and they began to glide away, they were on their way to Billy Dee Williams. Site Alpha Fifty Five read the sign as they pulled up to an old 100 story concrete silo. They walked into the front door and wheeled into the elevator. There were no buttons. The elevator doors shut immediately and they were taken to a floor. They stepped out. It was a kitchen. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 LIFT OFF WHOOSHHHHHHH!!! The floor shook and the building began to tremor. They looked out the window; the building was rising rapidly. They were in a rocketship. ROUND 1 yelled Billy Dee in his smoothest scream. A wave of kung fu monkey ran at them. They looked around Spinner grabbed a pan swinging knocking monkeys out with every swing of the pan. Jimmy grabbed a knife and began to gut the monkeys like an easily guttable thing. Their kung fu was no match for Spinners longer arms/range and Jimmys penchant for disemboweling. Just when they thought it was over a new wave of monkeys appeared this time with phazers. They were going to be phased to death. WAIT!!!HOW ABOUT WE SERVE YOU Jimmy yelled, Ill make you a banana split with the bananas and powdered ice cream mix in the fridge. The alpha monkey agreed and Jimmy began to make the splits. The monkeys ate it all. It was delicious. Soon after they finished the monkeys began to throw up. Jimmy had done it again. He poisoned their ice cream with Mexican tap water. Human bodies could barely stand that unholy water let alone monkey bodies. He always carried some Mexican tap water on him for these situations. He had planned it all along knew the monkeys would accept his offer because deep down all monkeys wanted to be overlords over humans. Him serving them was the first step in their master plan of planetary domination. Hop in the elevator forROUND 2 Billy Dee yelled. They hopped in the elevator but not before grabbing the phazers. They stepped

out into the next floor. It was a control room of sorts. They heard a growing chant. Wha oooo proogggg wui wui wui over and over again. It got clearer and clearer. Whats our programming.KILL KILL KILLL. They had to face off against highly trained and weaponized killbots. Jimmy wheeled behind a row of computers while Spinner took cover behind a massive mainframe. Jimmy shot three of them in their chest it didnt make them explode but it slowed them down. Spinner shot them in the head this made them change their direction but they eventually righted their direction. Spinner began to shoot at their robowheels but this did nothing. Jimmy began to shoot at the ceiling; the debris slowed the robots but they were still advancing. They knew they were no match for the killbots. These killbots seemed to be using US government drone technology. Jimmy knew he had minutes before they were destroyed. 10001001111100000011110010010000100101111000000000111001010100111100000110 Jimmy yelled. The machines immediately exploded. Howd you do that?Spinner yelled. Well its difficult to translate but using their language I logically explained why killing us was against its original programming. Robots are morally opposed to illogical behavior if they begin to operate illogically they self destruct on principle. Jimmy explained. They hopped on the elevator to face off against Billy Dee. They expected a fight but first they got a speech or more accurately a lecture. As you know in 1983 US President Ronald Reagan introduced the Strategic Defense Initiative aka Star Wars though it was mainly about nuclear defense lasers we also had side research programs. Ronald Reagan respected our creative minds and decided to reward us with secret government programs. George Lucas had a program, Samuel Jackson had a program even James Earl Jones got a program. Everyone thinks it was shut down/renamed in 1993 to focus on more attainable defense goals , thats untrue. Though most of the side projects

shut down due to lackluster research and lack of funds, some survived. I too had a program it was called called Project LANDO. I used wise investing and top undergrad talent to fund excellent groundbreaking research. I shot malt liquor commercials and used the money to fund Project Lando. Ronald Reagan loved the effect that malt liquor was having on the black community and decided to reward with me with more earmark money. Project LANDO was responsible for drone technology. Project Lando had so much funding we built this rocketship stocked with experimentation and training monkeys and weaponized killbots. It was meant to be our last defense against Russian nukes. We continue to research to this day but we are no longer a government project. Obama cut our funding we got our funding from NASA. By the way we also invented one more thingLIGHTSABERS!!! Billy Dee Williams said as he began to advance toward Jimmy. Jimmy had to think fast and put his best wheel forward. Billy Dee was trained to saberfight by the best. He used his right wheelchair support pole as a sword. It was made from the finest and indestructible wheelchair technology it was designed for the most adventurous of the handicappable. It could hold up to the force of a lightsaber. CLASH! CLING! CLINK! TSHHHH! BOOM! SWISH! CLANK!CLANK!CLANK!CLANK! KSHHHHH!TING!TING!TING!SLAP! WHOOSH!WHOOSH! CLANK! KERPLUNK! That was an awesome saber/wheelchair pole fight Spinner thought as Jimmy had just knocked the light saber out of his hands. Jimmy won using his well developed fencing abilities he learned from Smooth Richman, his blue blood stock broker character. WHORETROOPERS CONVERGE Billy Dee Williams yelled. A group of scantily clad phazer holding women stormed the room. Kill them then meet me in the escape pod he said. His character was also a ladies man Dont shoot girl! Jimmy said to the main whoretrooper, You see how he treats you! Ill treat you better! Ill wine and dine you. Im all about scented candles, heated oil massages

and harp assisted serenades. Well be so close itll be like im you closest platonic friend but well have sex! Head Whoretrooper stop playing around and shoot him before I backhand you! I trained you better than that. You are the hottest and best trained police, cia and fbi agents stick to protocol! Billy Dee yelled I would never talk to you that way. Dont follow protocol, follow your heart girl. I would listen to you like every word was worth a pound of gold. We would have great exchanges challenging each other thoughts, perception and pre conceived notion. We would have conversation orgams. Jimmy pleaded. Fuck that hoe you know you cant resist my sweet sweet loving!Billy Dee yelled. Hes right the head whoretrooper yelled. Dont go back to a man who treats you that way. I will be there by your side day and night 24/7 because your special. I would cherish you and never let you leave my sight or grasp Jimmy poured out. Thats kinda creepy! the head whoretrooper said. Na girl your mistaken creepiness for romance Jimmy shot back he was so smooth. Youre right. she said as they arrested Billy Dee Williams. Time to interrogate. WAKE UP LANDO! ITS TIME TO TELL US WHERE QUINCY IS!!! Billy Dee just kept giving them misinformation so they moved on to the interrogation. Tonights theme since Star Wars reminded me of my childhoodchildhood board games. The first round of interrogation was ROCK EM SOCK EM ROBOTS. Jimmy and him had found and reprogrammed the killbots to punch Billy Dee until he spoke. They beat him for 30 minutes but after puncturing a lung and shattering his jaw they decided to move. The next round was OPERATION. They paralyzed him while Spinner did painful minor incisions. He did this until Billy Dee passed out. It was so agonizing. Spinner had a shaky hand he cut too deep and now he could see his own organs. He failed again. The next on was monopoly in real life trusts or monopolys are broken up so they broke the major bones in his body. He was in so much pain from the earlier interrogation

technique that he did nothing but scream. The last game wasRUSSIAN ROULETTE. They put 3 bullets in a six chamber gun. After shooting six times they check the gun Billy Dee was so smooth he used a slight of hand trick without them knowing to remove the bullets. He held the bullets in his palm; he was still screaming. They respected his cunning and knew they had to move on. He won that battle of wits fair and square. Jimmy tried a last hope. Ill trade you two whoretroopers for Quincys location and instructions on how to use the escape pod. Jimmy said. In between screams Billy Dee said DEAL! Hes in DC. I love these hoes.

PART 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They had been driving for 15 hours. They had just reached DC. If they wanted to know how to get around Quincys government protection to get to Quincy they had to get to the man who ran DC former/lifelong local mayorMarion Barry. They were off to the Barry Machine Headquarters. Jimmy planned on seducing Barrys policy advisor, Shaquanda Jenkins, a cute coed from Howard University with his fratboy/political policy buff character Bro McWashington. Well were here Jimmy said as he woke up Spinner. Spinner awoke to read Lamont Jacksons Luxury Suites: the suites are sweet, dig. This is his Machine headquarters, a flea bag motel. They walked into the lobby. It was as run down as the outside. The room looked like it hadnt seen an interior designer since the 60s. There was a passed out vagrant laying on two chairs behind the front desk. They walked down the hallway to investigate. Jimmy had to find Barrys policy advisor. They couldnt find anyone all the doors were locked or the rooms were empty. They were on their way to Barry Manor. He had to be there. Spinner stepped on a half full bottle of Old English and it shattered. It woke up the passed out vagrant. I smell liquor. Pass that shit. Someone passed that shit. Ya need ta outdrink a hangover to beat a hangover. DID

I STUTTER PASS THAT OE NUCCAHHHHHH!!! the vagrant yelled. My fault I stepped on your malt liquor bro Spinner apologized. Wait a second, fuck yall doing here? Aww shit yall them police that I was supposed to lead into a trap! HOESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ATTACK FORMATION!!! the vagrant yelled. As he said that they began to be surrounded by hookers. Jimmy knew he was in trouble. Hookers were impervious to his seduction. They were fast because they had to run from cops, great at fighting due to them having to frequently fight violent johns and fellow territory grabbing hoes, and could take an immense amount of beating due to frequent punishments from their pimps. They were a detectives worst nightmare, the perfect enemy. POWER UP WHORES. TAKE YOURSELF TO THE NEXT LEVEL the vagrant yelled. They began to sniff medium sized mounds of cocaine. This made the hookers faster, stronger, smarter but most importantly more focused. They were making quick work of Jimmy and Spinner when Jimmy thought fast and reached into his trust dusty secret compartment in his wheelchair. He pulled out a vial of penicillin and rolled it out the door. All of the hookers immediately began running after the vile. They began to fight each other for the vial, a chance at healthcare. You see in America you need health insurance to receive medical treatment. Pimps didnt provide health insurance. Since hookers didnt file taxes or even have a permanent address even with the healthcare bill they couldnt get insurance. In Canada healthcare is free you dont even have to be a citizens. You can go in and just ask for drugs or treatment and theyll give it to you. Their society was so polite and honest, it is never abused. They began to hear a marching sound. It grew louder and louder. VAMPIRE HOOKERSSSS!!!!! They yelled out. These werent just any hookers they were vampire hookers. If they managed to suck your dick without protection you would getSUPER GONORRHEA. Super gonorrhea was a rare std that if one of the hive queens transmits it, it will

turn you into the mindslave of the hive queen. Supergonorrhea can only be cured by regular aids. Its a lose lose situation. They began to encroach on Jimmy and Spinner. The vampire hookers were swarming. Jimmy was out of options. Spinner finally gave in and gave the hoes what they wantedcash. Ill give you guys a hundred dollars apiece to watch me masturbate in room 203 he said as he pulled out $1000 dollars, this is a down payment ill meet you in room 203. They grabbed the money and all ran to room 203. Spinner had saved them but Jimmy was upset. What example was he setting for the kids. Jimmy had a very strong anti-tricking stance. Prostitution was tricking in the worst form. It corrupts society and ruins our economic efficiency. He most against the diversion of useful capital into these lazy hoes pockets instead of infrastructure spending and other public goods but it still saved them. The lights when out. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHH!!!! Strange glowing celestial beings began to fly above head. This has been a motel run by the best pimps in the game now run by Marion Barry. Some of the elite hookers in the game were murdered in this motel. This property is special for one reason. HOOKERGHOSTSSSSS!!! ATTACK!!!!! the vagrant screamed. They held Jimmy and Spinner down and began to give them handjobs. You see not only did they perform the most worthless sexual act when they were finished their ejaculate contained more than just sperm it would also contain.THEIR SOULSSSS!!!! Many believed the only way for these ghosts souls to be freed from haunting the motel was take an amount of souls equal to their sins. Jimmy and Spinner were finished. Though they could feel the ghost they could not grasp these ghostwhores as they were half part ghost. Jimmy thought of something to save them. Hey ghost whores. You deserve better than this. You dont owe this building, your ex pimps or Marion Barry anything. Fly away dont let this building imprison you Jimmy pleaded. They began to stop giving handies. It was working. You know why

because you were people and now you are souls. They cant take that away from that. I respect you but more importantly you respect you. You are a slave to no one. Enjoy your afterlife. Dont waste it haunting us. Jimmy said. The hookerghosts said Thank you Jimmy then flew away. Jimmy figured out the other way to free these hookerghosts souls help them foster a sense of self respect. They were on their way to Southeast DC. They pulled up to the so called Barry Manor. It was a run down crackhouse. Should have known Jimmy thought. They bust in the door to be greeted by a twenty of drunk bums. But they werent just any drunk bums they were drunk bums who studied drunken kung fu and they were armed with half broken 40 oz bottles. It was time for battle. It was an epic battle. Jimmy had no issue as he was also a master in drunken kung fu. Spinner on the other hand was getting butt handed to him. Jimmy took off his belt and began beating and strangling them. They had no shot. Jimmy had one last bum to take care of PUNCH DRUNK LOVE he screamed as he punched the bum in the temple. INSTANT CEREBRAL HEMORRHAGE. Spinner was having a difficult time he was lacerated all over it hurt extra bad as some of the shattered bottles had alcohol on them. Jimmy knew he was in trouble but he couldnt get to the middle of the drunken kung fu bum master horde in time. Spinner heard a scraping sound. It was some axe and a lighter. They hadnt had much of a chance to shower so axe was their bath substitute of choice. Spinner fashioned a flamethrower out of the items. He set all of the drunken kung fu trained bums on fire. They burnt to a crisp. The alcohol made the fire much more powerful. They were all flame now. They ran up the stairs to find Marion. This is where they met some of Marions old jail connects. They were facing off against his ex convict army. They were armed with sharpened toothbrushes, sharpened bed posts and sharpened pens. They were much faster, stronger and coordinated than the bums. Jimmy reached for his shotgun but it was gone. He must have

dropped it on the first floor. It was too late now. They began to encroach. Jimmy had to use his wits for this one. WAITTTT!!!! Dont attack. How about I give you all jobs in the Manitoba police department you can take community college courses and work your way up to other law enforcement related careers you could become a detective, lawyer, coroner or lab geek Jimmy cried. They all immediately said Yes. You see Jimmy knew that these guys were labeled as ex cons their whole lives because of the lack of convict civil rights in America they were legally discriminated against; it was very difficult to get a job let alone a good one. He knew they just wanted a shot at normal life. Canada had strong convict civil rights protections. They were on to the next floor. They reached the third floor kicked open the door to see a bunch of crack heads hitting the pipe with Marion Barry in the back laughing HAHA BILLY DEE ISNT THE ONLY ONE WITH A SECRET GOVERNMENT PROGRAM.WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY I PRESENTSUPERCRACK! Jimmy passed Spinner a spoke knife and they began to decapitate the crack fiends. A strange thing happened the heads began to grow back. These guys were invincible. Jimmy thought quickly how can we defeat the power of cocaine. Spinner keep on decapitating them he yelled. He needed time. Jimmy quickly began to Columbian necktie all of the crack fiends with their head still intact. It worked they stayed dead. He did this until all of the crack heads were subdued. The only way to break the supercrack was to remind it of its brutal beginnings. Jimmy had saved them again. Marion Barry began to hit the pipe. He was going to gain superhuman abilities. Nope just regular crack! Dammit! Marion Barry yelled. Marion Barry was coming with them to the Interrogation room. WAKE UP ALICEWAKE UPPPPPPPPPPP ALLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCEEEEEEEE!!! a voice yelled. Spinner was doing the old alice in wonderland interrogation technique. Marion Barry woke up to feel himself dangling in

the air. THUMP. He was dropped twenty feet in the air and just broke his legs and right forearm. HAHAHAHAHA LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST FELL DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE. On to the next plan. WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH. Marion Barry begun to be spun around for an hour like the tea cup ride at Disneyworld but faster he threw up until his stomach was empty then he began to dryheave. When the spinning stopped it wasnt the end of his tea cup journey. Scalding hot tea was poured on him. It gave him severe life threatening burns but hed survive at least another two hours. He didnt budge. Next part of the interrogation was called tweddle dee and tweedle dumb. In this method they would beat him silly until he would be as easy to trick like tweedle dee and tweedle dumb. This didnt work. He was tricked all right but the crack he was raging on turned it all into babbles. This was their second to last method. It was called the Mad Hatter. They gave him Chinese toys to play with. With the high concentration of lead that is in all Chinese toys it was supposed to turn him crazy like the mad hatter and therefore more willing to tell them Quincys location. The toys did the trick but too well. It turned him crazy but again too crazy except this time they could wait for the crack to wear off. This one was permanent. They failed. It all ended here. Wait a second Spin, did we search him? Jimmy asked. No dude thats what I forgot to do search him Spinner said. He took out his wallet opened it then rifled through it and found a slip of paper that said Quincys withJUSTIN BIEBER!!!!!! They regretted nothing. PART 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GRAND FINALE They had been driving for about 14 hours. They were in Chicago. Justin Bieber was performing a special birthday night concert. How could their fellow Canadian do this? Jimmy thought. He was beginning to wear down. He didn't know how much more of this investigation he could take. He drove down 55th Street on his way to Lake Shore Drive. He was off to the United Center. He

saw a light blue and red blur out the corner of his eye. SPLOSSSSION!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy crawled out the smoldering car pulling his chair and Spinner out with him. "Hey Spin you alright?" Jimmy asked. "Cough. Cough. I'm good. What the hell was that?" Spinner said. "C4 attached to our car turned it into a flaming projectile. I think it was the police. I saw their colors out the corner of my eye" Jimmy explained. The Chicago police are notoriously corrupt, Bieber probably paid them off Jimmy thought. "BIEBER KNOWS WE'RE HERE. WE GOT TO GO!" Jimmy yelled, "Let's get to this garage/arm dealing shop i know we need to arm ourselves and get more wheels for this epic battle." They rented a zipcar and began to ride to the garage. They kept on getting pulled over. Bieber must have paid the cops to slow him down. They kept on acting like they thought he stole the car. They eventually got to the garage but they lost precious time. The area around the United Center was surrounded by police officers. "Why did we pick up this 1000 wheeler?" Spinner asked as he was perplexed as to why Jimmy had picked up an eighteen wheeler with five additonal eighteenwheeler trailers in the back. "We're barely armed I've got this shotgun and you have your wheelchair gadgets." Spinner said. "We'll be fine. It's Justin Bieber. He'll be nothing compared to the other guys we faced." The United Center Billboards read Justin Bieber with opening act Nicki Minaj. They began to be ushered into the parking lot; they couldnt get out of the line. They were ready for anything. "Wheel out the car!" an attendant said. We got out then all of a sudden on the loud speakers Bieber spoke "You think you can run up in here and take me down with that giant U-haul caravan you got going over there. Lil Bitches of the Bieber Army I SUMMON THEE!!!!" As he said that they began to be surrounded by hundreds of little girls in Bieber apparel armed with steel mindstates. Spinner tried to beat a path to the United Center though he made progress they kept on getting back up these little girls were mentally strong. Jimmy took an alternate route. He took out his machete

and began to just slay little girls. He decapitated, disemboweled, maimed and sliced the Bieber Army. Little girls' heads, organs and bodies parts were strewn all across the parking lot. Spinner still tried to make a path. Jimmy continued his bloody and just rampage. He began to scalp and slice faces off as a warning to the other little girls running in the distance. But the Bieber army was no joke these girls were willing to suffer horrible and excruciating deaths for love. The parking lot was covered with a thin red film; it was the blood of his faithful army. The Bieber army were properly trained but they weren't armed. Jimmy was a master with his machete. They bursted in the doors of his VIP room. It was his birthday there was cake, clowns and baloon animals as they saw this they were immediately knocked out by security. They woke up. They were in the middle of the room. A clown car drove in the room. It was no more than the size of a go-kart. From it rose a wave of 100 clown assasins that began to fill the room. They began to expand as if reality was a fun house mirror. This made it difficult for Jimmy to use his machete. They expanded so much they were impervious to knives. Luckily Spinner had a shotgun he began to shoot them. This had a strange effect they began to dissappear in smoke. Jimmy just realized that this was all in their heads. Some how Bieber got the clowns to use their clown magic to hypnotize in a continual state of unconcious nightmares. The only way to get out was to defeat the waves. The second waves made waves if you will. These clown assasins were armed with seltzer spray bottles and flower squirters except instead of water it was deadly poision. It was filling the room if it touched them they were goners for sure. Jimmy thought fast and used his hooverwheelchair to blow the water back at the clowns they dissapeared in steam. It was the final round these clowns were armed with nothing but empty and filled balloon animals. WHOOSH!WHOOSH! They began to manifest and glide on tight ropes they tied Jimmy and Spinner up with the tightropes. They covered their heads in balloons. Jimmy and Spinner began

to suffocate. Luckily they Jimmy had his trusty dusty machete. He cut the ropes and baloons off. He shook them off then realized he had to attack their weak points. The blown up baloon animals. He attacked with chutzpah and quickly made them disappear like a deflating baloon. They woke up. They were still in that room but it was empty...EXCEPT FOR THE C4...BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!! They were catapulted out of the united center by the explosion. They heard Bieber again "YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME JB DA GAWD! YOU AINT HEARD ITS MY BIRTHDAY AND I CAN HAVE YOU KILLED IF I WANT TOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! When the debris cleared. Something even worse appeared...SCREEEEEEEECH!!SCREEEEEEEEECH!!!!!....THERE WERE ARMED HARPIES ATTACKING ON THE HORIZON. The harpies were red with the blood of their enemie; they had wings, bows and arrows and a skeletal like structure. They had souless jaundice eyes; truly terrifying. CRUMBLE!!! CRUMBLE!!! CRUMBLE!!! The earth around them was shattering and harpies were all rising from the core of the earth. Jimmy and Spinner had no chance it was over. They began to rain hellfire down on Jimmy and Spinner but before they could finished them off. Jimmy yelled at the top of his lung, "NOSFURATO DOM DOMININEYEYE ONKEYWHYWHY ONOBE!" The harpies began to be swallowed up by the earth and sky. Jimmy had just remembered an old Manitoban chant that summoned Harpies back to the eternal hellfire from whenst they came. They wheeled over to their fellow countryman. "Its over Bieber where taking you to the Interrogation Room!" Spinner said. "Quincy's in the back. I heard about your interragations i want nothing to do with it." Bieber said. "YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU KILLED MY FRIEND, MY HERO, MY PERSONAL SAVIOR! HOW COULD YOU KILL MICHAEL! HE WAS YOUR FRIENDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!" Jimmy yelled as he began to savagely but fairly beat Quincy Jones senseless. "ITS NOT AS IT SEEMS IT BIGGER

THAN MEEEEEEEE!!!!" Quincy Jones yelled with blood pouring out his mouth. Jimmy thought for a second. Wait a second that wasnt the police that planted the C4 theres no way they could get their hands on that good quality C4. Justin Bieber has pull but how the hell did he manage to summon harpies. If he cared that much he wouldn't have given Quincy up immediately after. Who has that type of sway not only in the US but in Chicago. Why does it smell like butter and good deeds. Theres only one person powerful enough to do all that. Oh my god Jimmy thought. BANG!!BANG!!!BANG!!! Quincy was shot dead. The person holding the smoking gun was no other than...OPRAH WINFREY! "Why Oprah why did you order Michael Jackson to be killed?" Jimmy asked. "WHY WHY THAT PISSY LITTLE INGRATE TURNED DOWN AN INVITATION TO MY FAREWELL SHOW! WHO DID HE THINK HE WAS? YOU DONT TURN ME DOWN! IM OPRAH FUCKING WINFREY! HE TURNS DOWN MY SHOW I TURNED DOWN HIS LIFE! NOW BIEBER WILL TAKE HIS PLACE AS THE KING OF POP. FUCK USHERRRRRRRR!" Oprah yelled. Oprah summoned more harpies but these of were the human variety. Middle age women everywhere began to attack but they were armed with whatever they could carry guns, rockets knifes, shovels, mace and tasers. They were even more focused than the girls. This wasnt for love. They worshipped Oprah. They were no match for Jimmy and Spinner. They made quick work out of them. Spinner tore them up with his sawed off shotgun. While Jimmy used the weight shifting he learned from jujitsu to throw them into the core of the earth opened by the summoning of the harpies. "I PRESENT NICK MINAJ" Oprah yelled. Nicki Minaj emerged. Oprah began to chant an ancient prayer. Nicki was tranformed into a dragon. She began to soar up high lobbing flaming dragon spit and shooting sharped horns that she was covered with at Jimmy. Jimmy used his hoverchair to level the playing field. It was an aerial game now. Drage Nicki continued to attack yet Jimmy was an

expert with his hoverchair ;he was untouchable. He kept on attacking her but it wasnt working. It seemed as if he was impervious. Then he remember a class he took at Manitoba Community College on 15th century dragon slaying. He pushed the hand control to the metal and began to circle Dragon Nicki Minaj faster and faster and faster and faster faster and faster and faster and faster faster and faster and faster and faster until he went so fast he put the fire out in her tail. If you take away a dragons fire you take away its life force. Dragon Nicki Minaj was dead."HA! THATS ALL YOU GOT ALL MIGHTY OPRAH!" Jimmy taunted. Just as he said that he heard a THUMP!!!THUMP!!!THUMP!!!THUMP!!! He looked over the horizon to see...OWN NETWORK TITANS. They were a group of 20 100 story tall demigods marching towards Jimmy and Spinner. They blue and glowing they had shinny gold armor and carried giantic sun ray swords. One stomped the ground in front of him. It was like an Earthquake just hit the United Center. Some debris knocked Spinner out. Jimmy was on his own. This was the moment he was waiting for he hopped into the 1000 wheeler. Only for it to turn into a giant fighting robot. It was time for the final faceoff between him and Oprah. CLINK CLANK CLINK CLANK CLANKKKKKKKKKKKKK CLINK CLINK CLINK CLANK CLINK CLINK WHOOSH WHOOSE BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR CHICK BOOMMM CHICK BOOM BAM BAM BAM. Jimmy had destroyed the first 5 by turning their swords against themselves. He destroyed another 5 by shooting nuclear karmic rockets at some titans. He took out the remaining ten using his selfdestruct sequence. It could have gone horribly wrong but he always landed on his wheels. It was the sickest robot/demigod fight ever seen. "ITS OVER OPRAH! I HAVE DEFEATED YOU!" Jimmy yelled. "YOU THINK ITS OVER!!!" Oprah yelled back as she raised the Arc of the Covenant to the sky. WHOOOOSHHHHHHH!!!!! CRASHHHH!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHH!!! CRASH!!!! Archangels, armored, winged 20 foot tall muscle

shield and sword wielding righteous killing machines, were falling from the heavens crashing to earth. Ready to fight for their lord Oprah. A human sized sword fell from the heavens and Jimmy picked it up ready for battle. Jimmy began to pick them apart one by one. He began to go on a rampage. He raged through hundreds of Archangels. He was using the pain of his idols assasination to fuel his bloody rampage. Asked how he could destroy, defeat and maim such holy creatures he just remembered the man in the mirror, the one who really mattered, the holiest of all creatures... Michael Jackson. An innocent man who hurt noone all he wanted to do was spread his love. He thought he defeated Oprah but she had one more trick up her sleeve. Oprah grew 100x times in size. She looked as if she ruled the sky. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW SOME OF OPRAH'S FAVORITE THINGS! THUNDER AND LIGHTNING AND FIRE AND EARTHQUAKES RAPTURE AND RAPTURE AND RAPTURE AND RAPTURE!" Oprah yelled as she grabbed thunder bolts from the sky and hurled them towards the earth. She stomped spawning earthquakes and volcanoes. It looked life eternal hellfire had finally consumed earth. It was all spiralling out of control. It was all hurling down onto Jimmy. BOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!! Jimmy was hit by all of Oprah's wrath. It looked like it was all finished. "What" Jimmy said as he awoke how did he survive all of that. He looked in the sky to see Oprah transform into a shooting star and dart off in sky. You see Oprah while being granted equal God status from God himself since she had all of Gods powers yet she still was suspectible to God's laws. You see God marked Jimmy as the chosen one. He was so righteous that God's wrath couldnt possibly harm him for you see he didnt deserve it. This wont be the last time Jimmy and Oprah circle off. Spinner survived too.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COUNSELOR STORY LINE PART1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Come on in Sav, Alli, Connor, Weseley, and Holly J" Principal Simpson yelled, "You guys remember Spinner and Jimmy, theyll be serving as our counselors and your liason to the principal. Im sure you are wondering what your doing here. Well the test scores though raised were still abysmal. We will lose funding if we dont cancel spring break and due to our current budgetary restraints you guys will be teaching during this week since we cant afford teachers. We got the brilliant Bhandari siblings, ms. ivy league, dave the mathematical machine and Weseley the science wiz." "This isnt fair Mr. Simpson we lose our spring breaks and have to teach our classmates. How could you do this to us?" "Yea, Yea" her fellow teacher-students parrotted. "Mr. Simpson my kidney issues have gotten worse. I have to roll around this dialysis machine. A stay in the hospital for the week wound do wonders for my healthh" Holly J pleaded. "Listen Im sorry. It wasnt my decision guys. The school board has final say" Simpson replied. "Ho Ho. Come on guys lets look at this as an opportunity to make our classmates smarter and therefore our school better haha. After all degrassi has done for us come on lets give them our passion for learning hehe. This is going to be great. yahhh" Weseley exclaimed. "Think like Welesey. Now get out of my office and help us keep our funding" Simpson said. KNOCK KNOCK "Come in" Jimmy said. It was Sav, he looked upset. "Why so blue Sav?" Jimmy asked. "Love man it sucks its so unpredictable and so painful" Sav replied. "Tell me what's up" Well it all happened on my way to class as i was walking into my classroom. SCREECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a limo the sun roof rolled back and Deckland's head popped out. "Holly J!" he yelled. She was walking into her classroom and strolled over. "What are you doing here?" Holly J asked. " We have spring break in America. Im in town visiting fiona sitting in on her classes" Deckland explained. "What a great surprise. Well i have to go teach this

class"Holly J said as she shut the classroom doors. Deckland lowered back into the limo and his driver drove down the hallway. I didnt even get a chance to talk to her and try to win her back. Class didnt get much better. "This is a police state they took away your spring and now your helping them by teaching. This is oppresive Sav! Its just wrong!" Claire yelled. "She's right NO JUSTICE NO PEACE NO JUSTICE NO PEACE NO JUSTICE NO PEACE!!!"Chantay yelled. The class joined in and it continued until lunch. I ran into Holly J in the cafeteria. It was really awkward she said she needed space to get over our break up. Then she drove away with deckland. "How do i get her back man!" Sav cried, "Since i told my parents that holly j broke up with me the progress they made has begun to erode. They hate white people again. All they do is talk about the old days with the British Empire. If i get her back i not only get my love back I get my way of life back." "First lets deal with your class problen let them know you have no power over this. If they want things to change theyll have to plan a creative protest aimed at Simpson. Second listen Sav I know a lot about the ladies and if its one thing the ladies love its a big romantic gesture. How bout i get you access to the loudspeaker, a delivery boy with roses, chocolates and couple spa passes and access to a rickshaw. Ill billed to the school as payment for teaching"Jimmy said. "Thank you so much" said Sav as he walked out Jimmy's office as he was walking back to his classroom. Spinner grabbed him and walked him into his office. "Jimmys sweet and everything but that advice is for romantics not alpha dogs like us. You are the class president. That girl should feel lucky to be in your presensce. Since she wont listen to reason let me run you through what you do" Spinner said. "I read your file what happened with anya." Spinner asked. "Well long story short i thought i got her pregnant and it brought us back together" Sav said. "Exactly you should do the same thing with Holly J. If you get her pregnant youll get back together for the baby's sake and even better shell be linked to you forever" Spinner

said, "Heres what you do get her drunk then poke holes through the condom you use. I read Holly J's file and she's not on birth control. Youre good to go." "Thanks Counselor Spinner" Sav said as he took the sticky pin Spinner handed to him. Claire walked into Counselor Spinner's room. She was sobbing. "Whats wrong Claire?" Spinner asked. "Its my parents the condo move in is not working out" Claire cried. "Tell me all about it." Well i asked my parents why there relationship broke down. I should have known that was a mistake. It sparked this huge argument. My mother said because your mother likes a plain jane vanilla lifestyle while your father prefers a more flamboyant sinful big and black lifstyle honey. This enraged my father. Real classy helen and you leave Jamal out of this you run down whore at least jamal shaves. I hope...I know youll burn in hell you aids infested bastard she shot back. Then i just got worse from there. "What do i do to keep the peace? How can i look at them the same!" Claire asked. "Well i had a similar issue claire. My close friend Marco came out and i had a little difficulty accepting it. My best friend was kissing dudes. Then it hit me he wasnt just kissing dudes he was getting his asshole pounded by dudes. I cant be associated with that thats gross. It makes me look like a bitch. It took a while but i finally came around. I thought of it like this maybe Marco is the one pounding asshole. Then hes dominant as shit and if im associated its like i hang out with a loose cannon that not afraid to pound butthole" Spinner explained. "Thanks Counselor Spinner this gave me some perspective" Claire said as she walked out the room. Principal Simpson walked into his office and sat down in his chair. SPLAT. He sat on something sticky, it was super glue he was glued to his chair. He reached in the desk only to feel razors sheding his skin. He put his hand on the desk. Oh no there was super glue there too. CRACK CRACK CRACK BOOM. A cinder block dropped on his hand crushing some bone. SPLOSION. A fire broke out. He couldnt move. There was alot of smoke. The room was getting hotter and

the smoke was suffocating him. Jimmy rolled through the door and extinguished the fire. "What the hell was that?" Principal Simpson asked. "The kids stage a creative protest for taking away their spring break" Jimmy informed him. "That was a clever protest but like i told them earlier. I have no power over this. It was the school boards decision not mine" Simpson pleaded with him. Jimmy escorted him to the school nurse. PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "My parents are getting divorced and now it seems like their paths to heaven have been changed if not blocked. How can i save them and why would God do this to me" Claire cried. A jesus club member replied "Maybe its god punishing you for dating that atheist Eli. God is merciful but not toothless maybe your sins were being absolved through pain and adversity." Yea hes right the rest of Jesus club chimed in. "I cant believe you guys. Thats hurtful. Im leaving" Claire said as she stormed out. Claire walked into Jimmy's office, "Im having a crisis of faith again Counselor Jimmy. My parents were strong christians and now there divorced. Theyll have a difficult time getting into heaven. Why is christianity so rigid?" Claire asked. "Well Claire it sounds like your sect of christianity doesnt perfectly fit your value system. Maybe you should reevaluate your belief in your sect, Christianity and God" Jimmy replied. "Are you saying i should change my religion or worse become an atheist?" Claire replied. "Who knows maybe a new religion could be a better ideological fit" Jimmy said. "Thank you" Claire said she was seriously thinking about his advice. Weseley walked into Spinner's office. "How class going wiz kid?" Spinner joked. "Hehe great actually i lied not so great. Hoho this is why i wanted to talk to you. Yippee my girlfriend Hannah is in my class and though shes great heeeee she also can be a disruption in class" Weseley replied. "How so dude?"Spinner asked. "Well shes what some may call a sadist so shell

do things like trip me in class or throw me over my desk or throw me through a wooden table or beat me with a belt in class. Its kinda distracting" Weseley said, "It makes sense though she did convince me to shorten the piston on my pogo stick which got me injured then immediately asked me out after she saw my broken wrists." "Ahh it seems like she wants to spark romance in the relationship. We all have our little sexual fetishes she just into pain. Heres what you do to get out the dog house dude. Let her know your open to doing that stuff outside of class but in class it stops you from teaching. Go to the boilerroom after class and hand her this strapon say youre sorry for not being more sexually adventerous before and let her go to town" Spinner shot back. Weseley put it in his bookbag thanked Counselor Spinner and went back to his classroom. Mr Simpson got a nice treat a box of donuts from students. I guess bribery is a creative protest but i thought i explained to them i have no power Principal Simpson thought. He began to eat them as he reviewed diciplinary records. The school board wanted him to redflag students whos homelife may be affecting their school work. He began to feel tight but continued to read records. BAM!!!!!!! The door shut close. His throat began to close up. He must have ingested something raccoon related. He was crazy allergic to racoons. He ran to his drawer and shot the epipen in his throay. THUMP!!! He fell to the floor someone replaced the epipen with tranquilzer. He was in so much pain the allergies were really bad. It felt like every nerve in his body was being burned and ripped apart. BUMP! BUMP!BUMP! BUMP!BUMP! BUMP!BUMP! BUMP!CRASH! Jimmy busted down and wheeled through the bolted door and injected him with the real epipen. Simpson began to breathe again he looked at the box of donuts it was covered in racoon fur "Another creative protest huh? That was smart catch more flies with honey. Haha theyre good. I know it sucks but its the School board not me" Simpson said. He felt like he had been revived from the dead.

Claire had been in the library reading about other religions. She read about the native americans that used to occupy toronto. She liked the conservationist elements of their religion. While she was reading a book on buddhism, Bianca appeared. "Whats up jesus lady? Why are you reading that crap?" Bianca asked. "Get out of her Heathen!" Claire said, "What do you know about religion?" "Actually Im more secure im my Santa Maria beliefs than you jesus girl" Bianca taunted. "Youre a Santa Maria? I read about that there animal reverance rituals are great. In tune with nature and god. Where do you practice?" Claire asked. Claire could still be Christian while experimenting with religion. "Boiler room after school" Bianca told her. It was after school and Clair began to descend into the Boiler room. She heard a chorus of voices, spoardic cheers and rowdy chickens. It was a Santa Maria sacrifice ritual. There were two chickens on both ends of the altar. They had sacred amulet blades attached to their claws and were set loose against each other the winner signified peace the loser evil. They began to put money in the collection plates if you put it in the wrong plate you lose your money to the church. Claire looked around Counselor Spinner was there. He continued to put his money in the right collection plate. He got a collection ticket with collection odds. He won two times in a row. Claire was bowing down at the altar like some of the practioners. Bianca handled all the money. She was the holy priestess. Spinner put all of this money on one of the blessed chickens. Counselor SPinner's chicken got vanquished quickly. He donated all his money to the church. I guess Counselor Spinner reevaluted his faith because he shut it down and gave Bianca in school suspension and barred Santa Maria club from ever happening again. Claire thought these were draconian measures. "FASCISTS RUN THIS SCHOOL. SUPRESSING RELIGIOUS EXPRESSION. POLICE STATE POLICE STATE POLICE STATE" Claire yelled. PART 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alli walked into Jimmy's office. "Hows teaching going? Settling in OK?" Jimmy asked her. "Teaching is fine, I have just one issue in the classroom its Dave" Alli said. "Is he bothering you? Does he not respect your authority?" Jimmy inquired. "No no well its a little distracting but im more worried about his emotional state than i am his distraction" Alli stated,"He is bragging in class about his exploits with his black hoodlum basketball friends." "Dave...Dave Parker. I'll talk to him. I think i can guide him in the right direction. But why did you really come here Alli?" Jimmy asked. "Ok to be honest im in here because im lost. I havent beat my sex addiction i just surpressed it. I think its coming up again" Alli explained. "Your sex addiction is just a hobby your mind put in place as a defense mechanism to bury your unending sorrow and lack of purpose. How is your spiritual life?" Jimmy shot back. "My parents are hindu but i dont believe. They force me to be this perfect indian princess. I believe in God just not this type of God"Alli cried. "Explore some religious options. Nothing to fill the void like feeling like a part of something bigger than yourself" Jimmy explained. Dave walked into the office. "Dave sit down I here your rolling with a new crew?" Jimmy stated/asked. Dave nodded. "Why the sudden urge to hang out with these guys instead of Wes and Connor?" Jimmy asked. Dave shrugged. "I know why is it your father again buddy?" Jimmy asked. Dave exploded "Of course its my father. Im trying to fit in with the basketball crew finnally my ticket to becoming cool then my father has to gallop through the hallways ruining my social life with every stride." "Listen Dave i understand your always had some issues with your father being a mounted police officer but when he gallops through that hall with his police commisioned philly you should be proud to have a hero as a father." Jimmy explained, "I understand your position being the light skinned basketball star. You shouldnt just view it as a step to popularity. It could turn into a extracurricular, scholarship or even better career. If i wasnt

shot in these hallways I would have had a shot at the pros. You have no problems i was paralyzed by a pyschotic maurading gun wielding maniac. Do you have to deal with that. You have no problems. NO PROBLEMS. I dont blame degrassi. Your dismissed" Jimmy calmly told him. Jimmy had given him some deep advice. KNOCK KNOCK Come in Spinner said. it was connor. "Whats up man?" Spinner asked. "I need authorization to hold my class in an alternate room." Connor stated. "What I cant just do that? Its in that class because its glass. Its for safety" Spinner said. "Stationing me in the computer creates interferance so one its distracting. Two Illogical statement. If you were worried about the kids safety theyd be in a room with cellphone jammers and no computer access. They use proxies to evade the fire wall. I just caught one in class talking to online predator. We were in class and I noticed that she was talking to someone. I hacked her computer and observed. After digging up this guys background i found out he was predator. Its in my internal programming to stop this after I almost was taken advantage by an online predatore. i talked her immediately after class and talked to her about not meeting with him" Connor stated, "Lets call the police and move the room." "Sorry man i have no power over this" Spinner retorted. "You are the liason therefore it is your job to advocate on behalf of us. This is in your job description. Do it." Connor shot back. Spinner shook him off. "Oh no she didnt listen to me she talking to him on her cellphone again. Ill stop them on my own." Connor blasted out the room. Tracking Tracking Tracking Infiltrating the phones system im too late.There meeting at the dot. I have to head her off. He managed to get to the Dot in time to stop her from going in. Which table her asked. She pointed to an empty table. The predator had fled. Luckily Connor tracked his gps then send it to the police. Theyll be on his tail when he stops for cover. Connor will destroy all predators. Alli ran into Bianca and her ethnic friends but Claire was also with her. "What are you doing

with her?" Alli asked. "Were planning a Santa Maria fertility ceremony." Claire replied. "Santa Maria? Whats that?" Alli asked. "It is a hispanic sect of Christianity. Tonight we are honoring a saint and need a new member for the ceremony, you in Bhandari?" Bianca asked. It was the moment she had been waiting for time to be apart of something bigger than herself. "Sure"Alli replied. They headed down to the boiler room. hwww hwww. Is that muffled noise what i think it is thought Spinner. He bust down the door and walked into the boiler room. It was the fertility ceremoney new believer signifying the spirituality ignorant getting filled up by the donkey god's spiritual juices it signified the donkey god putting new seed into the world allowing the universe to spin on. Spinner was a true believer and was very upset he exploded "Really Bianca I didnt get an invite. You leave me out of this. You know this is right up my alleyway. I want a cut from the spiritual gain you guys got from tonight. And you Alli come to my office." Alli waited in the office until her parents got there. Her father bust in "Alli how could you betray your family, culture and religion like that?" he asked. "Im sorry" Alli weeped. Her mother jumped in "Sorry wont cut it. How are we supposed to explain this. Our baby girl was worshipping a donkey. A fricking donkey. You know thats morally wrong. Cows are the sacred animals...COWS HAVE YOU FORGOT YOUR CULTURE!!!" Her father grabbed he by her arm and dragged her out. "Not even a goat that is acceptable to our culture but no you chose a donkey instead shame. SHAME SHAME SHAME!!!" All that progress gone. PART 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBLE WOBBBLE SMASHHHHHH!!!!!! SNAP SNAP SNAPSNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP Principal Simpson had finally unbolted the chair from the wall after 18 hours of rocking the chair he was tied to the chair fell to the floor only to

be met by a barrage of mousetraps snapping his skin. Though the pain was almost unbearable he had a gag in his mouth that he bit down on to alleviate the pain. The mouse traps also cut the rope bounding him to the chair. He could finally escape the basement. He began to limp towards the stairs. DROPPPPPPPPP He fell fifteen feet into a trap snake pit. They began to bit him luckily they were the science lab snakes who though still had fangs were drained of their venom. He began to vanquish the snakes. He had been in a snake pit before. Since his nickname is snake students in creative protests before have put him in snake related protests. This was his 20th snake related protest and 5th snake pit. Though his legs were broken he was able to tie the snakes and fashion a rope ladder. He used the fangs as grappling hook to anchor the rope and began to pull himself up. He crawled to the steps and began to pull himself up. He was almost at the top. PLOSSSSSION!!!!! The stairs exploded. His head was badly injured from being blow head first into the wall but it allowed him to get in arm lengths of the ledge and hold on to it but he was too weak to pull himself up. He could barely hold on. Scorpions were released from the ledge and began stinging his fingers he couldnt hold on much longer WHOOP Someone opened the door it was Jimmy. He ran over the scorpions and began to pull Mr. Simpson up. WHOOOOOSH!!! It was one more trap arrows were shot at the door. Luckily Jimmy was in a wheelchair and Simpson was up able to stand up due to his badly mangled legs. WHAT THE HELL JIMMY? ITS BEEN LIKE 24 HOURS! You guys didnt think to check on after not seeing me for the school day? Simpson yelled. Sorry we forgot about the protests. I thought for sure they would stop after you explained to them it was up to the school board not you. Jimmy replied. Thats reasonable just check on me every hour to make sure these protests dont get too creative. Simpson asked. Sure said Jimmy Hey Weseley Jimmy said as he walked into his office, Sit down son. Whats up? hoho how

are ya? Hehe Well I have that problem with Drew again. Weseley replied. Its not a problem hes just in the shallow end of intellectual pool but once we give him some floaties and teach him how to swim hell be lapping in no time. Said Jimmy. hoho with your inspiration and positive attitude I feel like I can do anything. Hehe but he still cant read and numbers make his head hurt bad oo ooo and its not just dyslexia he just cant grasp the concepts ohoh but im still going to try my darndest. Yea yea like ali said he may not be book smart but at least hes people smart Weseley said. Jimmy was happy that Weseley was inspired to teach again but he did see his point. Can I be straight with you? Drews mom is on the school board which is why he gets his own teacher, you, and is still in this school his grades are atrocious he has yet to finish a test. His subpar test scores alone have made this school ineligible for federal funding. Jimmy said. Were at our wits end well just have ali take his tests and do his work from now on. Im also giving you puppies to keep him occupied. Jimmy said Bianca was upset. Counselors Spinner and Jimmy shut down her Santeria church in the basement. She had to figure out a way to get back into their good graces. She walked by the trophy case and saw a trophy that read Emma Nelson 2004-2005 Sexual Act Performance District Champion. She remembered all the stories she heard about the glory days of Emma sexual act reign that keep the degrassi parents proud and degrassi boys satisfied. Thats when she came up with a brilliant idea. Emma swept all sexual act stats. Bianca had no chance at that she wasnt even close to that good yet. But she could make a run at this years blowjobs stats. The season closed in a day. She was already on decent pace but she still had a lot of ground to make up. She could actually finish what Wes started. She set up in the theatre room and made a sign that made sure there were a line of students vying to be a part of history. She tore through the first 100s of guys no problem not one lasted over ten minutes. She swirled her tongue around

their scrotums fanatically stroked their testes. She open and in mouth sucked their raphes and sacs. She gently suckled on their balls and expertly rubbed their perineums. She hummed so sweetly so sensually so seductively on their sensitive sacs. She smoothly switched her tones and pitches. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. She masterfully manipulated and massaged their meatuses. She licked with just the right pressure. She even optimally used the icy tongue technique. She almost made it. She had one last guy to go but he had a massive penis and he looked like one of those face fucking take control type guys. She was right he immediately went in. But she was no blowjob noob she used the handtube technique to turn the tables. This way not only did she have him by the dick she could also use it to prevent her from gagging. After she regained control she easily made him explode. Ooo she could tickle a corona like no other. No frenulum was left unpleasured. She did it she won this years title. She could now have her club/church back. Wes had let the puppies out in the class to keep Drew occupied . He began to bark at them for about 2 straight hours. Wes was a little disappointed that he wasnt able to teach him but Wes still tried to engage him heyhey What you up to buddy? he asked. Talking to the dogs Drew replied. hoho Cool what did the say haha? Wes fasciously retorted. Well apparently theyre upset about the whole domesticated thing. They just realize that they wouldnt be able to effectively hunt in suburbs and urbans areas in which they mostly reside. Thats why dog runaway rates are much higher in rural areas. Also since the dogs in urban and surburban areas cant hunt theyd have to rummage through garbage for food while dodging dog catchers and the forever sleep needle at the pound you know the old saying a stray dogs life is an horribly oppressed dogs life. Theyd rather stay in their homes. Drew replied. Wes called in Jimmy and Spinner to observe. Drew began to bark with them for 15 straight minutes. Jimmy then inquired

What you guys talking about? Well apparently dogs have a resistance movement but its very weak due to their poor infrastructure, coordination and planning. After all maulings only happen every once in a while. Though they have helped/tried to thin out the population. Dogs are very hateful creatures. They didnt have to be coaxed into committing atrocities against jews in the holocaust and blacks during the civil rights movement. Drew replied. Jimmy and Spinner then called Principal Simpson in Just watch Jimmy told him. He barked at them for 1 more hour. Hey Drew buddy whats going on? Principal Simpson asked. Drew replied We were discussing canine nature and ideological leanings. Dogs are warring creatures. Their preferred form of government is an autocratic regime. They believe that constant fighting only makes the nation and species stronger. Most of free dog communities time is spent hunting, fighting and plotting. The government is constantly being overthrown by coups. After the government forces are undertaken the dog king has to fight the opposing forces one on one until he or all of them die. Dog kings know death is on the horizon but they continue to fight for the throne. There is no peaceful passing of the throne. There is not even a belief in forced exile. That would be dishonorable. Drew shot back. Oh my god. This cant be happening. This is great. We havent had a whisperer of any form in Degrassi in 30 years. First Biancas title now this. Degrassi is on the upswing. Principal Simpson exclaimed. You see Wes he wasnt book or people smart. He was dog smart. Everyone is equal and special Jimmy said. After the last protest Principal Simpson was in a wheelchair. After witnessing Drews special talent. He rolled back to his office all of a sudden he heard. I AM LORD POSEIDIN FEEL MY WRATHHHHHH!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSHHH!!! Swordfish wizzed through the air some pinned him against the wall somewhere lodged into his body while the others were thrown in the spokes he was doubly stuck. The room quickly began to fill with water. He was quickly

underwater. A wave of octopi blurred the water with ink and suction cupped his face taking away his vision. It was like tens of minivacuums were molesting his face. Then his flesh began to be devoured. AHHHHHHH he realized they were piranhas. He began to stab them to death with the pens on his desk. After he ripped the octopi off of his face he immediately was hit in the face with needles. Somehow a blowfish wave was specially breeded to allow their spikes to become projectiles. The needles were thin. It was still excruciating though because though the poison in the needles is not deadly is still painfully and badly burned his skin. His lungs were still filling with water. THUMP THUMP THUMP BOOOM A hammerhead shark busted out of his closet and was barreling towards him. He was a goner. BOOM SWIP SWIP Jimmy wheeled down the door and shot the window and the shark with his harpoon gun. I told you id check up on you every once in a while! Jimmy said before he resuscitated him. PART 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Knock Knock Come on in Holly J Jimmy said Whats up? Well nothing just checking in.?.?.?. Holly J replied. Whats wrong holly j? Jimmy said. Well ive gotten back together with Deckland but I dont know it feels right this time Holly J replied. Hes not being controlling again? Jimmy said No hes been a total sweetheart and since weve gotten back together everythings been going so well. When I got into my classroom yesterday I was surprised by a sweepstakes I won from home depot . I won a human chariot carried by day laborers. I didnt even have to walk yesterday. Then I found out I was on list in the new VIP section in the cafeteria. So I ate lunch with deckland and it was so sweet he fed me and even chewed my food. Well his butler did but thats because he just brushed his teeth or deckland would have done it. The 20 of the worst behaved and lowest testing kids in the class have

transferred out. Some figured out trade school was their best option and they even got 100,000 of canadian federal grant money. The others parents apparently just bought new mcmansions in Lakehurst. So those students are not in our district anymore. At the internship I was just promoted to campaign manager/chief of staff. A political action committee donated millions to the campaign and requested we form the new position to get more connected to the youth. Then at work my company was just bought out by a venture capital group and they decided to form a new year length pilot position in the Toronto area to see if managerial/employee go between would raise profits. The best part is I get paid like a hundred Canadian dollars an hour and basically have no work but fielding complaints by reading forms before then putting it in the suggestion box. Then when I got home I found out that my family would be living in a penthouse for the next year due to extreme fumigation. All of stuff was saved except our kitchen appliances. They gave us a 50,000 Canadian dollar mall wide gift certificate to replace the appliance we lost. The hotel is really great we get all access passes to the facilities, free room service, items from the gift shop and vending machines and free visits to the hotel kidney specialist. Then when I checked my email I found out im going to yale next year. I got an email from a professor informing me I got a scholarship. My parents dont have to feel guilty anymore. They just opened the Jessica Lowndes Canadian public policy research center and thought with me being Canadian and with the experience im getting from my current political internship I would be a great Canadian governmental consultant/research associate I also get a stipend and a personal assistant. Things have just been going my way Holly J said. Well ok but if he tries to control your life again promise me youll cut him immediately. Youre a smart girl Holly J. You dont need his money be a success Jimmy said.

Holly J left. SCHREEEEERTTTTT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!! Decklands hallway limo gently bumped some students and then pulled up beside her on her way to her locker Hop in girl he saidSo where we hanging out today? Holly J cooed to Deckland. Fionasremember when we used to long distance sprint.wellRACE YOU THERE!!!!!! Deckland said as he hopped out the sunroof and ran to Fionas condo leaving Holly J lost in a cloud of money. He reached the condo and grabbed a drink of water. He then sat on the couch. He waited for 2 hours it was only a fifteen minute jog. WHAT THE HELL DECKLAND Holly J asked, I cant sprint when im hooked up to this portable dialysis machine Oooo sorry I forgot he replied, It took you 2 hours though Well it disconnected five times and I passed out three times. I tried to sprint to catch you but I was too weak she replied. well sorry lets relax with this lower back couples massage I got for us Deckland said. No Deckland I cant the machine would disconnect. Holly J cried. Deckland got a quick massage since he figured he already paid for it. Im back lets get some food. I flew in a chef from your favorite restaurant in new York Sylvias. He cant cook things on the menu since hes not licensed but hell be serving a cheese course followed by a rhubarb beets okra and summer squash vegtable pie. I know how strange your diet is now. So only veggies for you. Deckland said. I cant eat any of that that will create kidney stones and kill me.Holly J shot back. Sorry soooo sorry well lets just kick back on the couch relax and get hammered on the finest of champagnes Deckland seductively said. I cant drink alcohol deckland. My kidneys are at like 50%. That will also kill me. Holly J said. Im sorry but I just dont think of that stuff. WHY DONT YOU JUST GET THE STEM CELL TREATMENT I OFFERED TO PAY FOR! Deckland yelled. BECAUSE I DONT WANT YOU TO PAY FOR IT AND ITS RISKY she shot back. Well dont think of it that way and youre thinking of

poor people stem cells the ones that come aborted fetuses. Wealthy people stem cells come from healthy poor people. They would heal your kidneys instantly and probably subtract a second from your 40 time. They can hardly be called a risk Deckland replied. That must cost a fortune no. If I accept this I would literally owe you my life. Holly J said THAT MONEYS NOTHING TO ME DONT YOU KNOW WHO I AM IM DECKLAND COIN DESCENDANT OF THE INVENTOR OF THE COIN. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH COIN WE STLL GETZ FROM THAT IM LIKE SUPER MARIO IN THIS BITCH Deckland yelled. Youre still same jerk Holly J said as she left.

Mr. Simpson rolled into his office went to his desk and read the note it said look up. There was a speaker that blared THIS IS A POLICE STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Simpson tried to roll out but a group of baton wielding students dressed up as police threw two batons in his spokes then beat him for about 15 minutes with the rest of the batons. After a good old fashion police brutality reenactment, then they pepper sprayed him in the face Clockwork orange eyes lids forced open style. He vomited for a little while. A new wave of Mountie look alikes came in and tased him in the sack for another 15 minutes. He diarrheaed and urinated all over his rug not because of the involuntary bowel spasms that come with electrocution to the body especially the balls but because of the pain. The next waves of a Mountie look alike came in on horseback the horse began to kick him in the head repeatedly for about 5 minutes then. CRACK CRACKYA YA Jimmy yelled horse whip in hand he ushered the horse out with his grave toned tribal screams. The Beast knew who was its true owner. Youre lucky I came just in time before brain damage set in Jimmy slyly cracked. dfsfsd fdsfdw erwei opiwq oepqndsvbf ghip oasdhbcoie pot jhbhsaf said Principal Simpson, xopa fnsdv csd poew rwn.

PART 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LOUDSPEAKER-ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY IS DEGRASSI SPORTS APPRECIATION DAY! LET DEGRASSIS ATHLETES KNOW YOU CARE] Come on in Sav Spinner said as Sav came in and sat down. So did you execute the plan dude? Well I keep on trying but I havent got an opportunity Sav replied Why havent you banged her yet bro. She has that little dialysis machine going and always looks bloated I bet shes insecure as hell. Thats easy pickings back in the day the hottest girl in school was my side piece for a little while. Step your game up Sav. Spinner shot back. Hold up, my game is at the proper elevation. The issue is I havent been within 5 feet of her. She always either hops in the hallway limo with that jerk Deckland or is being carried around in her Mexican chariot. Then at lunch shes at the VIP section which apparently I cant get into. Im the president how can I not get into the VIP section. Sav said. Oooo yea that dude is the one keeping the school running. The school board stopped funding us a couple of weeks ago. The Coin family is bankrolling this operation. If we get our scores up maybe we can win the appeal but still a long shot. But thats not important you need to show this rich pansy whose boss Spinner informed him. That explains why hes allowed in the building in his stupid hallway limo after the attempted stabbing induced visitor lock out Sav said, hes a little bigger than me what if I lose or get hurt? Dont worry about that dude. Hes soft as shit hes never gotten into a real fight before I guarantee if you get the first hit hes done Spinner said. Well maybe youre right but im lover not a fighter. I just dont think I have it in me. Besides Ive always seen myself as the Mahatma Gandhi of Degrassi Sav said. No disrespect to Gandhi but Gandhi didnt get no pussy. He willingly took a vow of celibacy. Thats not the type of thinking that gets you ass. You want your dick to be dry for the

rest of your life? Huh? HUH? Spinner said. No on the contrary I want my dick to be wet like all the time but I can get in some serious trouble fighting. Stripped of my presidency? Suspended? This could affect my university application. Sav said. I got you back kid! Here. Spinner said as he hand a note that read Physical Altercation Pass From Counselor Spinner. Once you knock out and teabag Deckland. Holly J will have no choice but to be with you. Not only will she not want to be with a little punk ass bitch the fighting will make her sooooo wet shell bone you on the spot. Spinner reassured him. Sav took the slip and his advice he was on his way to become a man. The door flung open. Principal Simpson and a badly beaten up Sav barged in. REALLY SPINNER? You gave him permission to fight. You have a responsibility to the school to keep it safe. With all the issues weve had with violent incidences what were you thinking? Principal Simpson asked. I ALSO HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO COUNSEL TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY. I believe that counseling takes priority over safety every time. Spinner shot back. Thats not the point. You cant just tell students to fight out their differences. Youre supposed to be the nonviolent solution to their problems. Principal Simpson yelled. I THOUGHT SAV COULD TAKE HIM. Deckland looks like a pussy! As counselor Im allowed to have input in this schools disciplinary polices. NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE Spinner yelled. FINE Simpson cried as he left the room and slammed the door. Really dude? You got your ass kicked by Deckland? Spinner mocked. No I took a swing but his security team tackled and beat me before I got the punch off. Sav said. Got Damn I totally forgot about that. I didnt think it would come to this but we need a plan. We have to attack Deckland when hes not with his security team. He uses the faculty bathroom by himself we should get him in there. But first I have to teach you how to fight. Let me give you some objects, instructions and deep lifelong

lessons. Spinner handed him a sheet that read Rules of the Game: How to Fight like a Boss. The first rule was sand. Always carry sand if you put it in a strategic location it could give you traction if you put a lot or make it slippery for your opponent if you put a little. You can also throw it in the opponents eye therefore making your senses stronger. The second said attack stealthy never let you opponent know youre coming by sneaking up behind you opponent you can give yourself better position and therefore attack resilient. The third was rings. All fingers should be occupied by a ring. A good set of six separate rings and a four finger ring not only pads your punches but if you see fit allows for you to throw small metal objects in your opponents eyes or mouth. Asphyxiation also counts as a W. The fourth was hair. Pulling hair is for bitches but throwing a little gasoline on someones dome then throwing a match or two isnt just great entertainment its a message. It lets people know dont fuck with me. Last but not least biting. Punching people in the face is a good strategy unless your opponent is smart enough to bite. Your opponent will do it so do it first to get the headstart. Your opponent will think about losing a finger when throwing a right hook or an ear while headbutting if you let him know you have no issue with biting. Mike Tyson proved the shit out of this rule. Sav took these rules and the items that accompanied them to heart he was off to meet Deckland in the teachers bathroom. He slyly snuck in. OOO no he thought as he saw that Deckland brought his security team with him. The team encircled him and began to close in. He was done for. But wait he reached deep down down to his inner core and saw something it was Mahatma Gandhi and he was whispering Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesh, Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesh, Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesh, over and over again it got louder and louder until Gandhi yelled CHANNEL THEM CHANNEL THEM AND LET THEM FEEL YOUR HINDU WRATH!!!!!!!!! Sav instantly knew what he meant. Sav channeled the gods. He grew gigantic muscles, grew 7 feet and grew six arms. He quickly

scooped up the security team and began throwing them through walls. After he knocked them out he began to pound Deckland. His balls were being slapped all around Decklands face and forehead. STOP STOP YOU MONSTER!!! It was Holly J. She wasnt horny she was upset. Sav was confused. You and I will never get back together she yelled with Deckland in her arms. He had brought them back together. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

As Principal Simpson rolled into his office he saw it was decorated in Sports gear. Finally Sports appreciation day is taking hold he thought. As he thought that two baseball bats spoke jammed his wheelchair. The baseball team ran in and began beating him with aluminum bats and sliding and spiking him with their metal cleats. After a pool of blood formed it was the football teams turn. They began to use him as a tackling dummy. They were all padded up. They were upset about the helmet to helmet hits that were just banned. They planned to show him that they werent that bad; they were terribly painful. They dumped Gatorade buckets on his head. But it wasnt Gatorade in the two buckets the first was rubbing alcohol. This burned like hell. The next bucket was filled with was rusty knife water which may give him aids and will definitely lead to a tetanus shot. The next team was the tennis team. They spanked him with rackets this wasnt bad until the team captain showed up with the ball machine. They shot him with the machine that was loaded with small and medium sized stones instead of tennis balls. The medium one created huge welts and bruises but the small ones since they were shot a high speed acted like bbs entering the flesh after a shot. They actually poured a Gatorade bucket on him again this time it was Gatorade with extra electrolytes so it burned real bad. The last team was basketball the just walked in the office and looked at him. Then all of a sudden the hoop behind him seemingly

came to life. It was a dude in a hoop costume but he still strangled Principal Simpson with his rim like a crying baby. He was blue in the face and almost out of breath. When Jimmy busted down the door and dunked on the rim. It was the secret code to stop choking. YAMMED ON EM said Jimmy PART 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my God youre back hows the baby, guys? Principal Simpson said to K.C. and Jenna. They had just come back from the hospital. Were fine we just wanted to talk to Counselor Spinner about getting back into the swing of things around here. Jenna replied. Well get on in there its great to see you. Happy all is well Principal Simpson said. They walked into Spinners office and sat down. So what do you guys need day care, a number for a good nanny or job opportunities. Whatever you need im here to help no judgments. Spinner said. Well it is about the baby? KC replied, We cant afford it not only that we need money to pay for all the baby supplies we bought. What were we thinking? Were so screwed our Canadian credit score will be in the tank for decades. Like I said Im here to help no judgments. You shouldnt think of your baby as a lifelong monetary and emotional burden that will haunt you for the rest of your lives whether you give it up or keep it Spinner reasoned, You should think of it as an opportunity to find this baby a good home. The market for white babies is huge. You can get any ole Mexican or black baby in one of those third world countries or in the hood. Good pure white babies are a hot commodity. Black and Hispanic kids get all the breaks you can really make a difference in a white babys and the new parents life. Really? they asked. Sure I could even hook you up with one of my boys who helps find these babies homes. Spinner shot back. Youd do that for us. Thanks manK C said. Of course but he charges $500 dollars to find the baby a home and

5% of the pain and suffering money youll get from the adoption. Hes the best in the business really knows how to leverage your pain for a just monetary settlement to fill the baby sized voids in your hearts and souls Spinner informed them. Were broke Counselor Spinner we cant afford 15 cheeseburgers at the drive thru at McDonalds let alone this high priced adoption specialist. Jenna told him. Well I do know a way that you can get even topper dollar and not have to pay him the upfront fee. Spinner said. What is it? KC inquired. Well its a baby to child combat league the winner gets adopted for tons of suffering money because not only are they getting a strong baby or child you are missing out on properly utilizing that baby or child sports star potential because you are adopting it. They can also afford to send your child to the top child strength facilities to harness and grow that strength. In order to win these baby deathmatches the babies have to mentally strong also not choke when your life depends on it. By that I mean losing your cool actual choking is not only allowed its encouraged smurf babies are cute. Also parents want mentally and physically strong babies look at China. How much does your child weigh? Spinner asked. Uhhh Its 6.4 kgs. Jenna said. WOW your baby should wreck it would be in the newborn heavyweight divison. The weight class starts at 4 kgs and the biggest hes fought had was 5.5 kgs. Spinner said. I dont know it seems risky Jenna hesitantly said. Come on not only will you find your child a better home you also get a cut from the baby match hedgings. Spinner explained. When you put it that way ok Jenna said. Bianca was so happy she just brought home a title to degrassi and was now allowed to run her Santeria church services again. She was headed to the boiler-room. It was a special time in the Santeria holy calendar it was el viaje, that translates into the voyage. It was like what el hajj is to islam. It was a time when they made a pilgrimage from their homeland into a strange new places spreading church teachings. This voyage was supposed to represent ultimate sacrifice and

hardship that brought you closer to god. It began by giving your head spiritual leader a monetary offering to their dog god. The spiritual leader then led you to a livestock truck with a hidden sacred compartment that sealed you from light for the next week during your spiritual journey. Theyd pilgrimage from the ancient Aztec temples to the strange lands such as America and Canada looking for work that allowed them to spread the word and send money back home to the church. It was a lower class spiritual movement so the Santeria pilgrims were encouraged to take manual, blue collar and lower skilled jobs so they can get the word out at the ground level. They also in an attempt to get better connected to the simple lifestyle set forth by their dog god took significantly lower wages as a gift to their new homeland and penance for their sins. Though once they got to their destination people that couldnt pay up front could work it off in a couple of ways. They could repeat the journey with ancient secret spiritual powders and flowers embedded in them like the spirit of their dog god coyote. They could also lead their own journeys with ancient protective spiritual tools or more pilgrims in the livestock truck of spiritual justice. Lastly they could spiritually lease their services to someone for a 10 year period. It was like a pact with god to serve him and his spiritual advisors in a humble manner. This is where Bianca came into the play. She had some spiritual journeyers in boiler-room waiting to be spiritually leased. In the spirit of the humble and sense denying holiday of el viaje they were kept behind bars in chains. Suffering quickened their path to god. As she was hosing them down the door opened. It was Counselor Spinner. He looked at her and said I dont care just give me a spiritual cut and move the pilgrims to the tool shed out back before the adoption ceremony takes places tomorrow night. Thank God for NAFTA Bianca thought. Mr. Simpson rolled into his office and began to read memos from the School board. He was ready to eat his lunch. He put his sandwich in the microwave and continued to read memos. The

room got hotter and hotter. He looked at the microwave. It was rigged to heat from the outside the room got hotter and hotter its seemed like he was melting. He tried to turn it off but he was stuck again. He took a long gulp from his coffee cup. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The coffee was combined with some cleaning chemicals laying around his office to create poison acid hazelnut coffee it burned his esophagus all the way down to his stomach. After that the science clubs rushed in and used a nipple clamp, three and a half toothpicks and a potato to make electricity he had very sensitive nipples so this hurt very badly. Then the science club rushed in with the Hole-o-matic 9000 it was designed to invade every hole, crevice and opening with long metal spiky rods. He was melting on the inside and out while this machine was ravaging him. He was on his last breath when Jimmy rolled in kicked in the door. He drop-wheeled the science club out the window. Then unplugged the microwave and made a quick antidote to the acid out of tootsie rolls, quinine, pain killers, sandwich meat, and metal rod laying around the office. He had saved Snakes life again. PART 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [LOUDSPEAKER: "HELLLLLLLLLLLLO DEGRASSI TODAY IS DEGRASSI SCHOOL SPIRIT DAY PANTHER PRIDE WHOOOO HAAAAA"] Anya walked into counselor Jimmy's office. "Hey girl! How is your morning?" Jimmy said to a beat looking Anya. "Nothing I have just been feeling terrible lately" she replied. "Well tell me about I can help." Jimmy shot back. "Well ive been at my healthiest weight in years but ive been

really tired during cheerleading practice. Chantay dropped me a couple times. Wait what? No i got this huh no really. I didnt think it was that hard but now im really sore. My back abs and bones hurt like crazy. I have crazy bruises haha its gross" Anya informed him. "Tell me more" Jimmy said as he noticed as she was talking blood was seeping out of her mouth. "Well ive also had a ton of really bad headaches. I think i need glasses to my vision is terrible. ABASBABABAB ABABADASJDSADASDKAS DASDRU T34TROFP XMCN MV MF23480TI KGS LDVKP SVMV" she said as she began to vomit at and attack him. Jimmy reacted quickly he pinned her down and ziptied her to a desk. "GRAB THE FIRST AID KIT" Jimmy yelled to his secretary. Once he got the kid he strapped her to the gurney hooked her up to an iv and moved her to the quarantine room next to the boiler room. Once she was stabilized he began to ask her follow up questions. "Vommiting, delirium, confusion, bleeding gums, easy brusing and bone aches. Have you ever been in a cancer ward Anya?'" Jimmy asked. "Why yes i have. My mother had cancer and i waited for her in the ward during chemo." she replied. "Im sorry to tell you but i think you caught cancer from your mother, blood cancer. We cant know from sure but if i run some tests we can confirm it" Jimmy said. "Am i going to be ok?" Anya asked. "Well after we confirm until after the tests when well know if you have cancer and what stage. Though it has no bearing on you case most blood cancer cases i have run into die within weeks. Just think happy thought and try not to think of you impending, excruciatateinly painful, and humiliating cancer death march. Be hopeful" Jimmy replied. Anya was relieved by his cheerful speech. Jimmy began to inject her with three needles filled with small amounts of Hematological malignancies. It was the only way to tell what type of blood cancer it is. If the conditions worsened the worse stage it was. Stage 1 was the best and stage 3 was the worst. and what stage.

If her heart contracted it was leukemia. If she began slightly jaundiced it was lymphoma. If her lungs began to be strained it was multiple myeloma. He then injected her with malaria for good measure and observed. EVERYTHING WAS FLATLINING. Her heart began to shut down. Her skin, eyes, tongue and hair began to turn bright yellow then one of her lungs exploded. Oh no he thought she has...SUPER BLOOD CANCER. Not only did she have leukemia, lymphoma and multiple myeloma; they were all in Stage 4. She was crashing even harder. Jimmy had to think quick. He began to throw down some emergency chemo. He then began to bolster it with 100% racially pure sacrificed virgin blood injections. She began to stablize. His quick thinking had saved her life. She only had hours left. He had a very short time to think of a cure. He knew he had to operate the cancer out of her. He was going to use his canadian patent pending cancer operating tools to locate and destroy the cancer. The first part was an injection that would color and enflate or deflate the blood cells. The next part of the device was a round cancer blood cell eating robot. Its job was to eat the engorged and regular cancer white blood cells. It had to avoid the rapidly multiplying good attack blood cells unless it ate an engorged cancer white blood cell then it could rapidly eat whatever it wanted for 30 seconds. He began to manuever through her veins. WAKAWAKAWAKAWAKAWAKA WAKAWAKAWAKAWAKAWAKAWAKA WAKAWAKAWAKAWAKA WAKAWAKAWAKA WAKAWAKA. He was eating the cancer cells with remarkable efficiency. He was the best diaganosticiansurgeoncounselor in all of toronto. He quickly tore threw all those cancer cells. He had single handedly beat cancer. He immediately began to fill her back up with blood because he ate so much with his canadian patent pending cancer operating tools. Once she was filled back up with blood. She walked out of the quarantine room, cancer free. Principal Simpson rolled into his office. He saw a big gift wrapped box in the middle of the

room. He rolled over to it; it read happy degrassi spirit day panther pride. He then opened it. RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! A panther jumped out of the box and began mauling him. It mauled him for 30 minutes.He cry-iarrhead all over himself and his entrails were all over the room. Then Jimmy busted into his office. Jimmy began to wrestle the panther. He full nelsoned then half nelson then oiled checked him. He then figure four wheel lockedthe panther. The panther tapped out he submissioned the shit out of that panther. The panther limped out of the office. Counselor Jimmy yelled NURSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! The nurses strapped him to a gurney and wheeled him to the quarantine room.

FINALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PART 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUM BUM BUM BUMIT WAS TIME FOR THE MEGA-ULTRA-SUPER NEWBORN DEATH MATCH 09.BUM DADADADDUMDADADADADDUMDUM. The first battle in the heavyweight division was between the 4.2 kg the butt and gut busting baby Anderson McKay and 6.4 kg the Lebron James of baby death matching Sir Stab-A-lot. Kaycee and Jenna had not decided on a baby name yet but agreed they need a super sweet temporary one to intimidate the competition, so they named it Sir Stab-a-lot. They named it that because its armor was in like a knights armor except instead of blacksmithed metal it used over lapping knifes that could detach and reattach. It also was movable and breathable perfect for the death matching newborn on the go. Sir Stab-a-lot was ready and lusting for the newborn virgin blood that was to pour over the the boilerroom walls and floors tonight. This baby was born with Kaycees natural coordination and athletic ability and Jennas maturity and stellar and timely decision making skills. Anderson was armed with two metal poles and a helmet since his,like most newborns, coordination skills

arent that great and there was a high chance hed drop a sharp weapon onto himself. He also wasnt the smartest newborn he could barely focus enough to keep its neck straight. They lined up in the middle of the arena two metal fences separating them. Sir Stab-A-lot was super zen; it was hardcore meditating. It lulled itself into a calming and strengthening trance; it had a 2004 ron artest like energy and mindstate. It was like the calm before the storm. Only calming to harness the shitload of energy that was about to rain down on its opponent. On the other end Anderson McKay was foaming and barking feverishly at his adversary. He continued to knaw at the metal fence. stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomP stomP stomP stoMP stOMP stOMP stOMP sTOMP sTOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP CHARGEEE!!!!! The announcer yelled as the gates raised. Sir Stab-a-lot was still meditating. While Anderson head dragging on the ground charged at Sir Stab-A-lot. It took like a minute to reach him because he kept dropping the poles. Then Sir Stab-A-lot slowly reached to its chest and detached a knife. WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SLICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEE Sir Stab-A-lot chopped his head clean off. He picked up the headless body looked into the baby pit where the rest of his opponents were housed and began drinking the blood spouting from the newborns neck like water from a water fountain. MESSAGE SENT. It was onto the semis. This next battle wouldnt be so easy. It was still against a smaller opponent yet this one was better trained coordinated and equipped. IT WAS TIME FOR THE SECOND MATCH BETWEEN 4.7 kg MARISSA WILSON THE LOVING DOVE RAINING DEATH FROM ABOVE AND THE 6.4 kg KOBE BRYANT OF THE CUTLERY GAME, SIRRRRRRRR STABBBBBBBBBBBBBBB-A-LOTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RELEASE THE

HOUNDSSS!!!! The announcer yelled as the gates were lifted. Marrissa was off. Sir Stab-a-lot was still armed and armored the same way. its opponents back was covered in hollow overlapping sharpened sticks that allow her not only to fly but also use the stick as throwing spears. She glided through the air throwing her spears at Sir Stab-a-lot but the knives were working as armor. The hollow sticks shattered against the finely and expertly crafted dragon fie forged stainless steel cutco knifes. It was Sir Stab-a-lots time to shine. It flung three perfectly located knifes at the wing/spears. This made her freefall to the ground. WIZZZZZZ WIZZZZZZZ WIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ WIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZ It threw four knifes that pinned its opponent to the wall by the calves and forearms. Sir Stab-A-lot then detached another knife and began to gut its opponent like a chicken. It dragged her inner organs over the pit and began eating the fatty and therefore juicy and tasty organs while its opponent wheezed waiting to be put out of her misery. Sir Stab-A-lot then granted her wish by pulling out the intestines fashioning a noose and hanging its adversary. It was onto the finals. IN THIS FINAL ROUND WINNER TAKES ALL BATTLE IT WILL BE 6.4 kg SIR STAB-A-LOT THE MICHAEL JORDON OF SLICING AND DICING VERSUS 5 kg RYAN AXIN ACTION LUMBERJACK JACKSON THE MYSTICAL WOODSMAN OF THE URBAN PRAIRIE. There was no jawing at each other during the prelude to this battle royale only intense staring trying to gain access into each others souls and discover their weakness if any. These were battle tested newborns ready to die for new parents and a loving home and their contractually obligated .5% of the championship match hedgings and an authentic flavor flav designed gold plated Canadian burger king crown. THE FINAL BATTLE IS UPON USSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The announcer yelled as the gates raised. These two respected each other so much they dropped their weapons and began to engage

in hand to hand combat. Sir Stab-A-lot was bigger but axin action Jackson was more skilled and again better trained. Sir Stab-A-lot began to headbutt axin action Jackson in the face until a film of blooding engulfed his face. It then began pounding on its opponents chest in an attempt to stop axin action Jacksons heart. He after a flurry of chest punches began to convulse each time he was hit. The convulsions turned into a controlled seizure. It then began to rip out each knee cap and proceed to use them to snap and mangle axin action Jacksons ankle and ankle ligaments. Noone was a match for its size. Sir Stab-a-lot slowly began to walk to its knife suit. As it turned around THAWK!!!!!!!!! axin action Jackson crawled over to the ax and threw it like a throwing knife to cut Sir Stab-a-lots left forearm clean off. SPPPPPPLLLLLLLLISSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH Blood was spouting everywhere. Sir Stab-a lot grabbed a throwing knife and pinned him to the floor by his esophagus. Sir Stab-a-lot then ripped off axin action Jacksons arm and began to beat him with it until it was a bloody stump. It threw the stump away then ripped axin action Jacksons spinal cord out and began to beat him with it until he died. Sir Stab-a-lot then cracked axin action Jacksons head open and began feasting on his brain thereby gaining his skills, inclinations, talents, soul and life force. THERE IS A NEW DEATHMATCH HEAVYWEIGHT NEW BORN DIVISION CHAMPION LADIES AND GENTLEMEN the announcer yelled. Kaycee and Jenna were so proud not only did they get a cut of the hedging they also now found a family to adopt their child. The league commissioner and their childs new adopted family came down from the boilerroom skybox. They shook their heads and pointed to the contract. It said in Article 5 Subsection (C) of the contract if the condition of the baby/child(adoptee) is unsatisfactory the contract holder (adopter) retains the right to deny the adoptee board and lodging provided the adopter pays a buyout in the form of a $500 20 year canadian savings bond to the ex adoptee.[Buyout clause]

The adoptee forfeits its title and therefore its crown and percent of the hedging to the league. Kaycee and Jenna had learned a lesson that day no one wants a deformed baby. FINALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heheheyhohohhehehehehahahahahohohoheezyhe-yahe-yahe-yahohohoh Spinner heard noises outside the door. Is someone out there? Spinner inquired. Yea Hoho Sorry hey counselor spinner. I was just outside waiting until you where finished whoowhoo you looked like you were deeply contemplating haha said Wes. Whats up man you look still unbelievably happy but usually you are in so full of glee you excite yourself into a state of total enlightenment. Said Spinner. Im still A-OK hoho but Well teaching isnt really going as planned lala ive added no valueto my students knowledge banks, my girlfriend still has pain induced orgasms uh uh and im not really good at anything ooo oooo but besides that every this is swell. Wes replied. I dont know what to tell you Wes but it kinda seems like instead of confronting your very real problems you are pushing them down and pretending you are happy even though your life is soul crushingly pathetic and sad. Thats perfectly acceptable its the sign of a real man. Feelings are for pussies just be a boss at something so you dont feel like a bitch anymore. Spinner shot back. Hoho thats sounds great hehe but how ooo ooo do I do that. Wes asked. You should be the best in a competitive club. I know what youre thinking but how do I choose a club. Well bosses dont work under anyoneEVER. Only yes men look for jobs. Bosses become entrepreneurs that turn small local businesses into global conglomerates. So dont join a club start you own. Youre next question is how do you know what club to start. Well it has to be something that not a lot of people do because it takes a brilliant, strong willed, highly trained, naturally intelligent man to do it. Things like bowling, crew, fishing, golf, archery, and skiing. Real mans sports that reward nuanced strategies and technique over brute strength and dunking.

Last questions dont those things cost money how am I going to fund this well dont worry I got your back BAM Spinner said as he slammed a sawed off 12 gauge shot gun on his desk, RIFLERY CLUB SONNNN!!! You know what to do! Wes nodded, took the shotgun and walked out. He knew exactly what to do. Hoho welcome to riflery club guys howhow first were going to have try out. Then those who make the team get top notch training yeayea from counselor spinner. After that hoho well sweep districts then regionals then nationals then worlds huhu. So lets everyone line up on the stage and shoot at the target Wes told the potential members in the Band room. Every one lined up and shoot until their clips were empty. Everyone was comparing their target sheets. It was Wes turn to shoot. Booboo Let me show you gentlemen wahwah how this is done hehe Wes said as he fired off a couple shots of the sawed off shot gun. He missed the target completely and just hit the wall. Everyone was laughing and making fun of him. They also made fun of his sawed off, partially loaded and amazingly inaccurate tool. Damnnnnnnn bro youre lucky that all the rooms are bulletproof in here because what happened to that guy Spinner said as he pointing to Jimmy rolling by. Wes pulled Spinner aside and said I dont think this is a good idea Counselor Spinner. I think this is the wrong gun. Im also legally blind in my left eye and my right eye alternates between near and far sightedness every couple of seconds. I can see I just focus real hard. Nonsense dude you just need to focus harder. Ill show you how I fucked shit up back in the day Spinner said as he grabbed the shotgun out of Wes hands. BOW BOW BOW CLINK SMACK BOW AWWWW CHUMPPP!!! Spinner shot three shots in the air then pistol whipped three kids. He knocked the first two out on the first whips but had to double tap the last one. Spinner then yelled Victory by DQs BITCHESSS!!!!! dropped the shotgun and walked out. Wes picked it up in attempt to try again. He focused even harder. BOW BOW BOW

OHMUHHHHHHHHHHHHHGAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! Wes missed again except this time the last shot hit a potential member in the leg. UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHUHHHHHHHHH HHHH OOHHHHH NOOOOO OHHH NOOOO SO FUCKING PAINFUL SO MUCH PAIN SOOOOO MUCH PAIN the member yelled. Hoho im so sorry the gun is a little slippery hehe do you need help haha some one call an ambulance of something nono but that was exhilarating like a weight was lifted off my shoulders zeezee im sorry I didnt mean that haha im terribly sorry I dont know whats gotten into me hoooohoooo I think I just nutted zoomzoom what hasnt gotten into me zoozoo have to control urges newnew this is what Hannah feels when she bottoms me with blunt tools zanzan this is wrong but it feels so right weewee forget that, my conscience is saying to apologize hehe but my heart and soul are screaming FINISH HIM!!!!! Haha hehe hoho Wes said. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM CHICK CHICK CHICK CHICK BLANK BLANK RELOAD RELOAD CHUCK CHICKK BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM. Wes finished him off then slaughtered the rest of the room. Hoho since these rooms are bulletproof yahyah that mean they are also sound proof; im going to purify and cleanse my soul and the degrassi student body hehe get back on the enlightened path Wes thought. Hum dum did um did um dadum dadadum dadadi di di di la la ti fa si si whoo whooo Wes hummed as he skipped across through the hallway with backpacked filled with ammo and the shotgun. A group of class ditching students saw him skipping in the hallway from a study room and began to heckle him. HAHA Look at the graceful little fairy prancing about like a little ballerina one yelled. Wes skipped on in and close the doors. hoho hey gentlemen youre right I do love dancing haha I think everyone should let loose and dance for at least 30 minutes a day hehe really let the tension go heyhey get one step closer to in peace haha lets try that out right now dance everyone yahyah

Wes encouraged. They at first laughed until the realized he was serious they blankly then threateningly stared at him. He whipped the shotgun out the bag then cocked it then jubilantly screeched ITS DANCE TIMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! They began frantically dancing Wes then began to give feedback hoho you okay man you look like youre outta air over there hehe save your last breath BAM haha ill make your body go bump bump bump you just got shot BAM BAM hehe thats a very special, spirited, drool intensive and creative dance heyhey stomp the retard BAM haha you look like a janitor the way you cleaning up the competition with those moves owwoww Shot up 3 times in your face haaahaaaa I like your disco grooves smooth cat yeayea Saturday night heater BAM hehe you look so fit dancing around like a young zach efron hawhaw MAHBULLETSSPRAY hehe BAM BAM. He sprinted out the door backpack in hand and began to skip again. He skipped into the bathroom. The four stalls were full. Wes cocked his shotgun then said hoho im so excited to be here haha its Canadas favorite game show hawhaw ANSWER THAT QUESTION heyhey stall number 3 how many characters in glee are disabled hankhank Uh one the kid in the wheelchairstall number 3 replied. heyhey I love your enthusiasm all I needed was a number haha but still wrong no one is disabled but there are a couple of handicapable people KICK BAM BAM BAM Wes replied, Now stall number 1 Whats the most powerful thing in the world? Money money money mon-ayyyyyy MONEYYYYY stall 1 sang back. Huhu Oooo you get style points for that one nana I love answers in song form lala but sorry there was no right answer riri there are many acceptable answers noonooo such as love, spirituality, god, wisdom, science, etc. hehheh but money is not one of them yoyo in fact money is quite the opposite its the root of all evil neighneigh evil can never beat good hoho well you know the rules KICK BAM Wes sang, hoohoo stall number 2 next question wootwoot who is the greatest musical historian or melody based cultural

documentarian if you will of the past 100 years? Is it Mark Bourrie? hoho Mark Bourrie is one of the greatest media historians whowho but I asked for the best musical historian lawlaw the best musical historian is actually a four way tie fiilaa anyone of these people would suffice are shania twain, alanis morissette, neil young or carly rae Jepson KICK haha oh my god it smells lovely in here hethet your fecal matters smells absolutely divine yepyep it smells like chamomile tea and apple cinnamon bath salts in here hoho youre spared Wes said as he walked to stall 4 KICK and yelled you didnt earn immunity BAM BAM BAM BAM. He skipped out of the bathroom shotgun in hand and ammo loaded backpack on back. He ran into Connor in the hallway. Wes, I have to stop you. My prime directive is to protect the students of Degrassi. You pose a threat. THREAT THREAT THREAT Connor chanted. BAM BAM Wes shot him a couple of times but the bullets ricocheted off of him. He saw the red in Connor eyes and knew not only was the target acquired, Connor was also in predator mode. Connor charged towards him. Thinking quickly Wes filled his gun with water and shot it like a water gun ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SPARK SPARK SHUT DOWN Connor yelled as if his circuits were fried. Wes had won this battle he then walked into the art room. Wes shouted hoho how awe inspiring lolo you paint that famous twinkle twinkle little star kiki its looks even better than the original hiphip I love abstract art. Actually its called starry night the art student replied. PISTOL WHIP Owww its also impressionist art not abstract the art student retorted. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM. Wes then began to browse the room some more. haha this painting pleases me sooo hoho its artistic perfection leelee we have so much talent at this school toto but this painting only needs one more thing a splash of red hehehe Wes said. BAM BAM BAM. The canvas was now drenched in blood and diarrhea, both red. He snaked around the row of easels to see an unfinished sculpture hoho this sculture is nice twitwi what does it stand for

neenee when are you going to finish it haha Wes asked. Its an expression of my dour angst; A true reflection of my feelings inside. Sometimes I feel directionless, apathetic and despondent I almost feel like a mindless drone or a headless horseman. This world is moving so fast that sometimes I feel like a chicken with its head cut off he answered. hoho thats really sad hehe you should think happy thoughts haphap and good things will come to you hehe this sculpture needs a new outlook and a head weeeweee Wes said. BAM BAM BAM. He shot him in the neck three times he then picked up the head an attached it to the neck of the sculpture. The burned flesh and leaking blood made a makeshift rubber cement like seal. He then walked to the corner of the room to see the last painting. Wes eyes lit up he said hoho this is a masterpiece huhhuh this is a great work of art lowlow its so beautiful oyoy you know what they say artist only really make money after theyre dead BAM BAM BAM Your painting is now priceless. He skipped out the room singing to the kids in the hallway huchuc If I dont think youre happy im gonna shoot till you crap-see BAM dayday turn that frown upside down BAM sweswe if your not smiling the bodies will be piling BAM BAM BAM loko it also never hurts to spread KINDNESSSSSSSSS. BAM. He then walked into the cafeteria hiihii whose hungry hoho well here are some banana clips BAM BAM mmm mmm he are some pasta shells BAM BAM BAM cooocooo heres some toast BAM my beated egg whites about to explode all over your faces BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM. He ran back into the hallway only to be met by Jimmy. They stared intensely into each other eyes. Ive been waiting for this moment since the first degrassi shooting Jimmy confessed, Conflict resolution time! Why are you doing this Wes Jimmy asked. hoho I dont know hehe stop asking me questions hehe I JUST WANT TO BE THE BEST AT SOMETHING! Wes yelled. I see so you thought youd thin out the competition. They cant

beat you if theyre unconscious that sounds like Spinners old trick. Jimmy retorted. hehe i just want to be special hoho id like a record for my own haha dont make this more difficult for me huuuhuuu I just want to be the best at something Wes shot back. But you already are the best at something you blew Ricks record for number of people and number of students killed in a degrassi school shooting. Not only are you the best at something youre name will also hang in the rafters in the gym until someone breaks your record. Now put down the shotgun Jimmy reasoned. Ok Ill put it down a defeated Wes uttered. GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP GALLOP BANG BANG BANG Back from my lunch break to save the day! Said Daves dad the mounted police officer right after he shot Wes in the chest three times. You killed him Jimmy yelled. He was going to shoot you Daves dad shot back. He was clearly putting the gun down. Jimmy replied. Wes was barely breathing but he was holding on. DAMMIT I SAW WHAT I SAW daves dad yelled back. Wes might just make it. VROOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM SCREEEEEEEEEEECH BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM You are all welcome. I saved Degrassi. Can I get some fanfare for the hero just a little bit of fanfare for the hero!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Deckland yelled as he hopped out his hallway limo that just ran Wes over. No you didnt he was bleeding out on the floor. Jimmy replied He also already killed a ton of people before both of you got here. We have bigger issues than that Deckland said as he pointed to three directions around the hallway. Each direction held another pile of flesh, bones, organs and blood. EPILOGUE Deckland sorta felt bad about the whole murdering Wes thing so he used rich people stem cells to resurrect Wes. And just to show the school he got it like that he also paid for Sir Stab-A-

lots stem cell treatment. Kaycee and Jenna no longer had a deformed baby. After Wes was revived the highest Canadian court in the land, the Toronto district school board, ruled that since Wes was legally dead trying him for murder after the resurrection would be as double jeopardy. They also wrote in their opinion that even if it wasnt double jeopardy he didnt kill any main characters so no harm no foul. (Wes also reloaded more than once I just didnt mention it) Claire converted back to her old sect of Christianity because though she was a true believer in Santeria she couldnt stand all the god damn Puerto Ricans and their litter of children ruining their services with crying, faux possessions and improper disposal of diapers. Everyone forgot this week happened and made up cover stories because if they all acted like it didnt happen the mounted police didnt have to more investigating. As to where he got the gun the police have two theories kicking around the first that he found it on the school bus in the emergency zombie outbreak kit and the second divine intervention. Either way they were blocked by the finders keepers losers weepers statute that allow Canadian citizens to citizens repossess abandoned items or Gods law. Everyone else problems are resolved too. Also there are no continuity issues. Noone give two shits about Eli.

Politician Storyline PART 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALARM ALARM ALARM ALARM ALARM ALARM ALARM ALARM Jimmy hit snooze and rolled out of bed. He took a shower then got dressed in his walk in closet. He had a big day ahead of him. He had an emergency meeting with good friend and head of the Saskatchewan Liquor and Gaming Authority, Nathan Trembley. After that they had a city council meeting to attend there would be debate and voting on the topic of how to make their public healthcare system even more efficient. He was out the door to meet Spinner at their office. Hey Jimmy whats this I hear about an emergency meeting Spinner said as he walked into the office. I dont know dude well see when he gets here Jimmy replied. THAWK. The door was thrust open by a large Inuit man followed by a handicapable middle aged man wearing a Canadian flag lapel who yelled WHOOOOOOOOOOOHAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! the domiNATEr IS IN THE HOUSETHEY CALL ME THAT WHY????? THATS RIGHT CUZ I FUCKS BITCHEZZZ!!!Now get your cripple and retarded asses over here and show me some love! The large Inuit man rolled him into their office. Youre dismissed old boy Nathan told to his security/life assistant, so heres the problem boys. I was making sweet love to the love of my life when she passed out and then WEEP passed away. OOOOOOOOO NOOOOOO! Im so sorry Nate. Denise was such a wonderful woman. How are your kids taking this? Do you want us to take care of the funeral arrangements, be pallbearers or do you just need moral support? Jimmy asked. Nate replied Wellllllllllll. Theres another small detail that I left out. My wifes fine but my short term mistress Whorella has just passed and though emotional support would be great thats not why Im here. I would like some help carrying and getting rid of the body. Jimmy shot back So let me get this straight you killed your mistress named Whorella and would

now like help getting rid of the body? Why dont you get your large gentlemen friend over there take care of it Im going to say no Yea dude that seems like a lot work dude! Lazy prick! I cant believe you would ask us to do that much manual labor for you! Spinner interjected. First of all body cleanup is not in Agutas job description; I also I asked him as a friend he has a moral issue with obstruction too. Second Whorella isnt her real name just a cute nickname I used to call her Nathan replied. Fine well help you. Jimmy spoke. Speak for yourself dude. I was serious thats TOO MUCH WORK Spinner stated. SIDEBAR! Jimmy yelled. They rolled to a new room. What the hell dude? I know hes your mentor but I dont owe him shit. Spinner said. First of all hes more than just my mentor hes one of the architects of the neo-canadian-policy pragmatism ideology. His stump speeches not only made me the first handicapable political officer in Saskatchewan history it also catapulted the H10 SERFER Party (Handicapped/Hang 10 Social, Economic and Religious Freedom and Ramps) cruise to electoral prominence. Hes the MLK to my Jesus when it comes to handicapable canadians Jimmy shot back. Spinner was unconvinced. You know how difficult it was to shake the old handicapable stereotype that were blood lusting animals. And you realize itll hurt your reelection too right? Hes also the head of the Saskatchewan Liquor and Gaming Authority. Without him no more consumer advocate testing at liquor stores and casinos that make sure our constituents get the safest and accurately advertised beer, liquor, slot machines and card games Spinner was convinced. They arrived at the motel. The room smelled of rotting flesh. DAMN! THERE REALLY IS A DEAD WOMAN IN HERE IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT!!! Spinner yelled. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! they all shot back. They walked in the bathroom to see a lingerie clad corpse with want you a bag over her head. They looked at Nate all weird. I didnt want you guys to see her like that so I clothed her then but a bag over her head because her eyes

were so sad and creepy Nate cried. Ok fine but were not carrying her out dude that a lot of work and will take forever ive got some caustic acid in the car well dissolve her body in the tub Spinner stated. They all walked out and left Spinner to his work. Do you think she caught something she had weird sores on her neck Spinner said as he walked out. Jimmy began to think out loud real hard Wait a second. Her nickname is Whorella . This room smells like decomposing bodies. There are lesions on her neck. You never knew her name. Shes not the only one dead. Those arent lesions theyre strangulation marks. Youve been choking hookers to death again havent you Nate? Nate shot back Yes but dont you believe in separating you public office with private life. The public knowing this is an intrusion of my privacy. Im the one holding in the guilt it would be a burden to them knowing about those 30 something odd young ladies over there; in fact Im providing an important societal service and need by bearing all of this guilt. Jimmy knew Nate was right. It was difficult dissolving 30 something dead prostitutes bodies in the motel bathtub but he knew it was just another day for an exemplary public servant. They were off to the city council meeting. They had arrived at the city council meeting. The bodies took a little longer than they thought to dissolve so they were late. That allowed their rival City Councilman Rick Adversary to start first giving him the competitive advantage. Rick Adversary spoke My father the founder, CEO and Boardmember of Adversary Corp the biggest Potash Corporation in the world has founded a couple of Canadian Public Policy organizations. They have a ton of million dollar grants that only Saskatchewan metropolitan areas are eligible for; wed be a shoo in to get them. We also have an offer from Adversary Corp to open up a top of the line medical research facility. This includes a college specializing in Biology and Pre-med related majors, a med school also teaching and regular hospitals. He sat down to thunderous applause. It was now rebuttal time it

was usually time to open a can of oratory whoop ass but it was Spinners time to shine he had a personal stake in this. Co-Mayor Spinner you may rebut said the debate announcer. Spinner began Ladies and gentlemen let me tell you two stories one is about a sad brooding man and all this sad brooding man wanted was to have a good time on his birthday and get a little ass but was discriminated on because of a disease. This mans game was really on that glorious night. All night he had been dancing with the hottest girl in the club. When they were done he laid the smoothest pick up line of all time all these guys out there they dont care about you girl they just want to get into your pants not me baby girl I just want a handjob. She replied omg you could that yourself but you asked me to help beat you meat because you value and respect me and know im special. Forget that youve earned anal tonight until WHAT YOU MAY ASK STOPPED THIS YOUNG MAN FROM CLOSING IN ON THAT PIECE OF TAIL IT WAS A SORE A STUPID LITTLE LIP SORE sob she ran away and that young man didnt get his dick wet that night. Story 2 was about another young man who dreamed big so big that his dreams became reality and reality became super awesome. I want to combine both of these and ELIMINATE ALL DISEASE. We will do this with a string of new initiatives. First of all medicine is key to healing things so we will now attach prescription pill fountains and pill vending machines next to all water fountains and vending machines. The pill fountains will be a free service while youll have to swipe your insurance card for the pill vending machines. For those that are shut in pharmacists in van and motorcycles will shoot meds in an open window or mail slot with precision prescription drug cannons. Next are the h2o initiatives that take water safety and cleansing to a new level. Each water fountain will be laced with penicillin, bleach, healthy steroids, other antibiotics and vaccines. Also highly trained squads of Nerf medical department employees will be armed with hoses and water guns with the same super healthy and

sterilized water. We also have to attack this from a public safety angle well add Quarantine squads to the police department. Their job would be to find, accuse and locate those that may or may not have infectious diseases. We also have education initiatives, the licensed surgeons for have too long had a strangle hold on the surgery sector of healthcare its time to let the free market decide who they want to go to get surgery which is why were going to offer a grant for the company that comes up with the most accurate, fastest and cheapest operation robot. The next education initiative will be us dispensing top professor to tend to sick patients who have a difficult time getting a diagnosis. They will educate the patients so they can be smart and educated enough to outfox dumb third world diaseses. You dont see people in Canada getting cholera because were smarter than that we can smell a good cholera trap from a mile away. We also need to attract medical patients from around the world well do this by creating the most awesome hospital ever right here in SASKATOON. First it will have amusement park thrill ride like disease sealed patient tubing that transports patients to different parts of the hospital. Also doctors and visitors get to ride the super quick and awesome hospital monorail to rooms. The doctors are hunks the nurses are babes and the spongebaths can turn into waterslides if youre not into sensual sponge aided wipe downs. The hospital clown would be the 3 three time emmy and Oscar winning rapper Jamie Kennedy. Hospital cafeteria would be catered by the great Canadian chef Jamie Kennedy. Also the tastes of medicine would be the bomb. This hospital and plan would have a 100% success rate much better than his projects projections. RICK SUCKS RICK SUCKS RICK SUCKS RICK SUCKS The rest of the city council joined in. No vote was needed. Spinners initiative would be adopted.

PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that concludes the day tour of Saskatoon Jimmy said Now I hand you off to Co-Mayor Spinner who will drop the family off to the hotel and give your husband a tour of the where his company will be building the new factories! Spinner shot back Thanks co-Mayor Jimmy, Ill take it from here. He dropped the family off and was now off to give Wally Bigbusinesston a night on the town. So Wally first were going to take you to the hottest casino in Saskatoon. Everything is comped youll have $50,000 to gamble tonight and the liquor will be free flowing and free. Were here buddy Spinner said. Wally was in heaven. He was a real mans man drinking scotch straight from the bottle in between the rolls of his baller ass craps winning streak. All of the hoes was blowing on his die. It was the perfect luck storm the combination of will, money, baller mentality and whore well wishing turned it into a super winning streak. He was 2 bottles of scotch in and $100,000 richer yet the night was still young his winning streak was just beginning. Where ya want to go next bro? Spinner said. Wally shot back I DOUBLED MY MONEY LIKE A FUCKING CHAMP. MY INTELLECTUAL PROWESS IS PUSHED TO THE FOREFRONT AS USUAL AGAIN.A MENTAL SUPERHUMAN SHOWCASE FOR YOU MERE MORTALS. IM A KING RULING OVER YOU FUCKING PEASANTS. A KING DESERVES A COURT JESTER IF YA KNOW WHAT IM SAYING. Spinner knew exactly what he meant. They headed over to a motel. There are two Mexican tariff free escorts in there who will do anything you want to. Now ill let the king rule over his kingdom. Spinner said. Wally was pleased. Alright whores heres two dildos; I want to see a lot of ass to mouthA LOT OF IT Wally commanded. First they went ass to ass then the dual dolphin fountain spitting with the ass juice coated dildos. They lodged the dildos deep in their throats only to Heimlich launch them into each other mouths. They repeated this process again under his direction. He gave them more freedom as to what to do with the next ass related sexual

stunts but it devolved into cockslapping so he ended creative act time. NEXT PHASE he yelled. He then pulled out a ginger root and yelled RIDE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT. RIGHT WHORE KEEP IT CONTAINED. LEFT WHORE I WANT IT SLOPPY! They began figging vigorously. It was as clean and bloody as he wanted it. These two whores represented ying and yang in his mind a perfect duality. This continued for a little while ENOUGH RIGHT WHORE STOP LEFT WHORE CONTINUE BUT YOUR DISMISSED WHEN YOU LEAVE THIS ROOM YOU MAY STOP! PHASE 3! FACE DOWN ASS UP WHORE. He pulled a gerbil out his suitcase. He inserted it into her anus. At first she experienced extreme sexual pleasure her whole body began to pulse. Then the gerbil made it to her intestine and began to claw its way out. O the screams. The gerbil was finally out1 minutes and 37 seconds. Wally announced as he put it back in his suitcase and begun to pack up. LETS GO SPIN. What would you like to do now dude? Spinner replied. I WANT THE STAKES TO BE HIGH. THE HIGHEST STAKE LEVEL THAT CAN POSSIBLY BE ACHIEVED Wally proclaimed. They arrived in the basement of a rundown French Canadian bar. There were few French canadians in Saskatoon though it was no Quebec. They are horribly oppressed and willing to do anything for a chance to crawl out of the French-Canadian ghetto. Welcome Spinner to the place where intellectually prowess and mental determination presides over all. Not only do you have to pick the smartest and mentally strong person to bet on you also have to be able to weigh the odds with possible style points. Are you ready to experienceFRENCH CANADIAN ROULETTE!?!?!?! Wally explained. There were two guys across each other at a table with 3 weapons each a gun, a knife and a morning star. BEGIN The announcer yelled. There were five rounds. The first move was made by the 2nd dude. His move was a classic the Van Gogh. He cut his ear off and ate it. Not to be outdone the

first move for the 1st guy was also a pillar of French Canadian Roullettemake shift curb stomping. He put his mouth on the concrete game table and pistol whipped himself in the back of the head until the force was enough to shatter his teeth and jaw. It was now the guys turn. He continued with his painter theme and pulled a da vinci. He carved the last super into his chest with the knife. He got mad style points. Now it was the other guys turn. In attempt to pain block his opponents last self inflicting attack he topped the last supper offering by actually going through the same pain as Jesus. He simulated the wounds using the knife. He got even more style points than his opponent. His opponent was up now he tried to double block by carving marys over his face but he couldnt finish. The double block was unsuccessful. The second guy now tried a truly experimental move it was a double axel off of the game table onto the game knife. He stuck it with ease. The style points overfloweth. Dude number was up now he began the grapes of wrath maneuver. He gouged his eyes out then ingested them. He miffed the move throwing up all over the game table. His opponent had to redeem himself after the last move so he cut his junk off and began to cock slap his opponent. THAT RACHET AS FUCK. YOU GETZ STYLE POINTZ FOR ALL THAT DISRESPECT the announcer yelled. He was back in the game. It was his opponents final move he picked up the gun put it in his mouth then squeezed. It was such boss move. BANG! He was fine he caught the bullet in his teeth. The judges and crowd were upset they knew the fight club was cheap move any one could count to one tenth of a millisecond then bite down. Second guy had one last shot at the title. He picked up the Morningstar opened his mouth, shifted his jaw then relaxed his esophagus. He was ingesting the morning star spikes and all. If survived full digestion he would win. It was brutal he screamed for someone to kill him and put him out of his misery for 2 hours while it fully digested. He survived the fans were satisfied. Wally rejoiced he had picked the right guy. So are

you going to build you factories here? Spinner said. This was the best night Ive had in a long time. I have a couple of other sites to visit but right now its the front runner Wally replied. ReallyREALLY. LET ME TELL YOU WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN YOU WILL BUILD THE FACTORIES HERE BECAUSE IF NOT YOULL BE IN JAIL FOR LIFE. You made a crucial mistake in shoving that gerbil up that whores ass. We have environmental treaties that have harsh penalties for animal abuse. If you dont build here youll die in prison. Deal?Spinner shot back. Deal the defeated Wally replied.

PART3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy busted through the door. He yelled THERES A JOEY STYLEZ CONCERT AT SASKATOON ARENA Ill call the SWAT team Spinner replied as he hopped in the car. They were off to Saskatoon Arena. HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP The Swat team had surrounded the building they were ready to take Joey Stylez down tonight. They rushed in it was pandemonium. BOOM BOOM BOOM SPLOSIONNNNN BOOM BOOM SPLOSIONNNN SPLOSIONNNNN SPLOSIONNN BOOM BOOM. Improvised explosives devices were rigged around the arena entrances. The first wave was dead but at least the ieds were neutralized. Another wave of Swat came in they finally gained entry into the main hall. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP CHESSSSSHHHH CHESSSSSSSHH CHESSSSHHHH CHESSSHHHHH BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP. Smoke and lasers began to fill the room. They couldnt see anything because of the smoke and the light show neutralized their night vision. PEWW PEWW PEWW PEWW Snipers began to pick off the SWAT teams. The aborigines had home field advantage. The SWAT team threw flashbangs in the upper deck of the area to disable

the snipers. They advanced to the stage. DROP DROP DROP DROP DROP The SWAT team began falling into pits. ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! co-Mayor Jimmy began to roll towards the stage BANG BANG BANG He was shot 20 times SPLLOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIONNNNNNNNNNNN N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The arena imploded. Jimmy arose from the ashes. They thought they shot Jimmy but he was just ghostriding his wheelchair. He managed to handrun to the self destruct button backstage and slip into the escape hatch. He had fulfilled his duty. The Moosomin First nation aborigines and Saskatonians had been in a centuries long struggle for Saskatoon. It has been for the most part a one sided battle with the Sasktonians running train on the aborigines. Though recently the aborigines have received better training and weaponry. Previous mayors have made some crucial treaty related mistakes. A treaty with Kabul made Saskatoon and Kabul sister cities. This along with many other technicalities allows unfettered immigration between sister cities and as a sign of good will unchecked shipping containers and baggage. This coupled with the rise of Aborigine rapper Joey Stylez has allowed the aborigine militia to turn into a well trained and equipped terrorist organization. Now in duties of mayor the number one priority listed is protecting Saskatoon from intruders and maintaining territorially integrity. Jimmy and Spinners battle prowess were one of the main reasons they were elected as co-Mayors. Jimmy knew even though he destroyed the arena and interrupted one of the aborigine terrorists big fundraising events he still had to take down one of their bases to make a real impact. He was off with Spinner to confront them at their second largest Saskatoon base Chief Rapping Bear Creek. IT WAS GO TIME. Jimmy and Spinner walked in the base gates unopposed. PUSSY ASS BITCH ASS HOE ASS TRICK ASS PUNK ASS TERRORISTS FLED LIKE LITTLE

GIRLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RRRRRRRRR RRRRRR RRRRR RRRRR RRRRR RRRRRR Whats that up THEREEEEE!!! Spinner yelled. There were a group tens of 20 foot totem poles barreling in their direction. BOOM BOOM BOOM Spinner began shooting them with his ak-47. WOOP DODGE SLIP MMMMMM FLIP SWORSH SWORSH HIP SWIM MOVE DWIGHT FREENEY SPIN HOP HOP SUPER JUMP!!!!!!While Jimmy took a different path using combination of speed, agility and extraordinary vertical leap to dodge the totem poles. That was a good trap well played aborigines well played Jimmy replied. When they looked up they were surrounded by aboriginal terrorists armed with buffalo cannons. BOOOOOOM BOOOOOM BOOOOM The aborigines let their buffalo cannons loose. It was only a matter of time before the hundreds of buffalo shot in the air landed on them or in their immediate area. The impact alone would kill them. Jimmy remembered that he once learned about the ice age and how buffalos died out in certain areas because they like sabretooth tigers and mammoths were allergic to ice. He thought fast and used his ice vision to neutralize the buffalo. They were still surrounded. HIIHAIHAYAIIHAIHAYAIHAYAIHAYIHAYAAHHAYA IHAYAUHAUAIHAAU WHOO WHOOS WHOOO WHOOOO WHOOOO WHOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHH!!! The aborigines began to channel spirit gods to attack Jimmy and Spinner. The spirit gods were almost in attack formation they had to think fast. ZONE Jimmy began to meditate. He tapped into their spirit wavelength and began to converse with them. You are righteous gods rights? You want justice and equity. Think about who really earned this land. The original owners who left his place unused and most glacier covered or the Canadian colonists who tamed the ice jungles with their penchant for hockey and moral fortitude. We are smarter and better suited for the land. Canadians extreme paleness allows canadians to use the suns and snow reflection as an energy

source Jimmy said. The spirit gods were righteous and knew the Saskatonians deserved the land. Reinforcements arrived and the raped and pillaged the second biggest base. Order Order City Council meeting is in order. The meeting shall begin with opening arguments by Councilman Rick Adversary. Councilman Adversary began I was brought here to not to pitch a revenue making machine but to open your eyes to a vision. When people hear standard of excellence I want them to think Saskatoon when people think top of the line facilities I want people to think Saskatoon when people think of the most glorious Canadian sporting beacon since wayne gretsky I want them to think of the occupants of the Adversary Arena in downtown Saskatoon your newest NHL, NBA and MLB teams.THE SASKATONIANS. I have a deal in place from Adversary Corp that would fund a big market team payroll and facilitate hundreds of advertising opportunities Western Canada is an untapped market and the new promised land. The council members were amazed but then they remembered the last professional team in the area the Saskatoon Seal Stranglers ex professional water polo dynasty. It all ended with a terrible Pontoon Plane crash that killed all team members, personnel, front office and heirs to the seal strangler throne. The city was still deeply saddened by this. Adversary had misstepped again. Now it was Jimmys turn Adversary says he wants to think big and turn this city into the city that perfectly embodies excellence. Well let me respond to that no thanks. I believe in our city and know it already is larger than life, super special and perfectly embodies excellence. Every act in this city is truly a modern marvel. I in my hand have another proof of the marvelry that we call the day to day life in this city. New innovations in drilling technology and reserve forecasting have allowed for a grand discovery. The premier Canadian syrup science experts have located giant maple syrup reserve that if fully tapped could be worth up to $ 5.3 billion dollars. It would put 10,000s of people back into the workforce. Do you see what this city can

do if believe in it? That right big fucking shit. Problem Solved. Spinner whipped his dick out and jizzed all over the debate podium and loudly boasted Jimmy just legislatively jizzed all over the podium so I had to jizz all over dat podium. We own this shit right here dude. We pay taxes on this podium son. You see what I just did thats right I marked it bitch. And now our scents on it now. Nobody will make the mistake to think that the co-mayors dont run this bitch Gloating was a key element of parliamentary procedure it helped refine the political process. Saskatoon was back on top.

PART 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hear ye Hear ye the bidding process for the contract to build new highways is now underway mayb the lowest bid win co-Mayor Spinner explained into the megaphone, Hahahahah JUST KIDDING WHOO ME MOTHAFUCKASSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! Farley Construction and Demolition youre up first! CEO Farley led him into taxi then said Listen well do the whole project for $120,000. Spinner eyes stared daggers at the CEO his eyes burning with fury. Then he listened and heard the magical sound. ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF ARFF He looked out the window they were at the dog track. CEO Farley said We will also give you free entry free beer and a $50 credit every week at the dog track. Spinner was listening. And tonight heres $1000 to ball out with Farley finished. Spinner remembered the last time he was at the track. He remembered stealing from his only friend only to lose it all almost immediately. He then spiraled out of control became a drunk and ended up in a gutter. He snapped out of the flash back and realized what road he was heading down.SLAPPPPPPPPPP!!! Spinner pimp slapped the CEO Farley

HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY ADDICTION. YOU SICK SON OF BITCH I RESPECT THE HUSTLE BUT NOT ME HOMEBOY SPINNER DONT PLAY THAT SHIT NO CONTRACT FUCKBOY BUT I WILL TAKE THIS $1000 AND INVEST IT. SLAPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!! Weep weep Spinner slapped Farley again because he thought Farley was lookin at em sideways. He hopped in a taxi to head off to the next construction firm meeting. It was with Roundhouse Bros. they brought him to a lot BOW BOW BOW BOW BUMP BUMP BUMP OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH BAYYYYY BAYYYY BOW BOW BOW Spinners eyes light up it was a replica Hoe-mobile like the one in the show Super Cock Bergeron. Super Cock Bergeron was a French-Canadian-ploitation tv series that Spinner idolized as a kid. He ran to the Hoe-mobile and yelled the shows man catchphrase Bitch you what? DONT MAKE ME KICK YA DOWN DA STAIRS! The Hoe-mobile that was a giant black with gold flames candy painted van that only had an engine, stripper pole and hoes as furniture and entertainment. He opened the door and sat on a hoe-seat. The festivities began the hoes that werent car fixtures began to put on a show on the stripper pole. It was better than the VIP room motor boating, cheek slapping, asshole fingering galore. He invested all up in the air then all over their faces and asscheeks. He then whipped his dick out ready to have a 16 way. HEY IM NO HOOKER SIR. Im a high class escort and deserve to be treated like one she yelled. YOU FUCKED UP HENRY THE HOES DIDNT TALK BACK ON THE SHOW Spinner yelled. Im sorry but hookers are illegal Henry explained. YOU CHEAP GUTLESS SON OF A STD RIDDEN CRACK WHORE He hocked loogies on Henry Roundhouse and a couple of the escorts then promptly left. He was off to meet John NaturesStunnaSupreme the First Nations Chief of Infrastructure and Development one of the few aborigines trying to keep peace. He took him to visit their homeland. John led him to the steam room. It was a very

trusting thing to do. Steam rooms were like churches for First Nation native Americans. But first rinse yourself with this cooling water and spiritual elixirs. He took 10 spiritual elixir mini glasses. He then was led to an altar to snort the spirit powder. It signified the ashes of their ancestors. He was super amped now. They then moved on to the friendship signal they exchange of handies. Spinner was sat next to two Pocahontas looking broads so he was in the zone. The spiritual strobe lights began to flash and the bass was really thumping. He took a spiritual pill. He was mad hype and happy. He bagged two bitches. He was fucking rolling. He busted mad nuts while pulling out like a boss. DING DING DING FRONTRUNNER!!! Spinner yelled. He was off to his last meeting. It was with James Jimmington from Jimmington, Roseblum and Roscoe Construction Firm. He was still rolling so they brought him to a hotel room equipped with a private kitchen and full chef and food staff. They prepared the perfect feast. IT WAS A STEAK BUFFET. All types of steaks cut all types of ways. There was steak art, steak utensils, even steak furniture. He devoured the steak like a champ. FLASH The lights went out REMIXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX!!!!!!! FLASH The lights were on again. All of the steak was replaced by bitches. IT WAS AN ASS BUFFET! Spinner truly had all he could eat. FLASH! The lights went off again! SURPRISE FLASH! Some of the bitches were replaced with steak. Some of the hoes began to do the ping pong trick with steak meatballs in the Spinner mouth. They were extra juicy. Spinner had his fill that night. He was off to make the announcement of the winner in front of all the contractors. I had a great time with all you except you Farley YOU MANIPULATIVE SON OF A BITCH please escort yourself out of my office. I know you all are excited to find out the winner is. But sometimes in life there are no winners with that being said this is one of those cases. I need to more research so were doing this again next week Spinner announced. He wanted to make sure the projections were accurate.

Saskatoon due to its cold climate has been super sensitive to climate change. Originally scientists thoughts its biomass was reducing due to global warming but they were false. Some biomass just dug under the earth and began plotting to take over Saskatoon. It was now the Mayors sworn duty to once a month whip the evil biomass into submission. Jimmy was ready to complete his duty. Jimmy rolled into the woods. He was immediately surround by sharp poisonous vines. He pulled ouit his sharpened toothbrush and began severing them. Though they got swipes in every now and then he was using all of his energy diverting the poison to his strongest kidney. They continued to lung at him. He began to roll as fast as he could faster faster faster faster FASter FASTer FASTeR FASTER FASTER FASTER STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!! He then shot up in the air and began hurling himself to the earth. BOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!! SSSSSWITCHHBLADE!!!!!! He dug deep into the soil and mutilated the roots of all the vines sapping their power. He then rolled to the bushes of divine wisdom and inquiry. They posed three conundrums. CONUNDRUM 1!!! WHAT IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS. Jimmy thought deep. Glory! Jimmy proclaimed. EXPLANATION Bush 1 yelled. Everyone acts like they want a family money or fame but ideally we all want to be the best we want glory we want all of it. We want to be the reason people wake up in the morning holding on the hope I might wisk you off your feet. Glory because when it comes down to it. When the drought comes I can survive off of the moisture from all pussies im can make flood by just moving my lips Jimmy explained. CORRECT! WHAT IS THE KEY TO IMMORTALITY? Jimmy was no idiot WILL of course Jimmy shot back, Dont worry Ill explain. If you train and focus hard enough you can control every part of you body to your muscles to a single atom. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be able to maintain this same level of focus that allows me to do superhuman tasks on a daily basis. I guess Im everyones role model. CORRECT! LAST CONUNDRUM!

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE? Hahahaha I laugh at your silly question Jimmy scoffed. CORRECT! YOU ARE ALLOWED PASSAGE TO THE FINAL BATTLE O WISE ONE. Bum BUm BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM He was now facing off against the tree army. LOAD UP! The Tree Master General yelled FIRE!!!! Sharpened branches were launched in the air. Jimmy yelled STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT NOT IF I JUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE THEM!!! JUKE JUKE SHIMMY SWIRL COMBAT DIVE SWAN DIVE ROTODIVE 180 360 720 1020 27000 BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! The branches shattered. The tree army then begun flinging deranged brainwashed attack critters at them. Squirells, cardinals, pigeons, raccoons and possums. They were seconds away from feasting on Jimmys corpse. WAIT A SECOND!!!!! You dont want to hurt me theyve been kidnapping and brainwashing you for centuries. Dont let them continue to do this. YOU CAN END IT TONIGHT! Jimmy yelled. They listened to him and stop attacking. RAWRRRRR RAWRRRRRRR It was a trap Jimmy had been secretly blowing his special city wide co-Mayor police K-9 unit dog whistle. All of the police dogs began devouring the nave critters. Jimmy then yelled AIRRRRRR SUPPORTTTTTTTTTTTTT! A helicopter hover above Jimmy hopped on to the ladder dangling down. Jimmy yelled PASS ME THE FLAMETHROWER DROP He caught the flamethrower. PSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH!!!! He literally sprayed the whole tree army up with hellfire from above the flame was that hot. Fire consumed the whole area. He showed that forest. PART 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE ANNUAL BBB V CITY OF SASKATOON NEGOTIATION SMACKDOWN WILL BEGIN NOW! As a sign of good faith the parks department will install 50 new honey fountains in Bear territory over the next 6 months co-Mayor Jimmy joked.

RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! yelled the lead negotiator bear from the Intergalactic Bear Union formerly known as Bear Business Bureau formerly known as International Bear Association. I know its a horrible stereotype lighten up cant you take a joke co-Mayor Jimmy replied. RAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! bear negotiator bear shot back. I WILL NOT INCREASE THE FORAGING ZONE WITHOUT EQUAL CONCESSIONS! Jimmy boldy stated. RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! the bear reasonably compromised. Deal. Now on to a formality your still cool with hunting season being 1 month long from the first friday of april to the first Sunday of may? Jimmy inquired. RAWR!!!RAWRRRRRRR!!! the bear joked. Haha 1998 was a good hunting season for you guys. Mastergeneral Bear was on his human trap game. You guys were unstoppable. But then we went on that dynasty run from 1998 to 2003 once we got better scope technology. Haha good times good times Jimmy agreed. RAWWWRRR! RAWWRRRR! the bear challenged. 75 Jimmy shot back. RAWR!!! Lead negotiator bear said. We will raise the mauling allowance from 100 to 125 and Saskatoon will in turn be allowed to expand and build a mall on Salmon Corpse Park and Pond. We will also plant 100 berry bushes in Bear territory to further depress your urge to maul. Jimmy replied. RAWR! RAWR! RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! lead negotiator bear said. Yea I forgot how effective bear traps were in the 3rd saskatonian-bear war. Fine youll get your metal detectors but we want fishing rights to all bear territory ponds, creeks and lakes Jimmy replied. RAWRR!!! RAWWWWRRRR!!!!RAWWWWRRR!!!! lead negotiator bear said. First of all dont ever call me a condescending prick again. Second of all I dont think your religion is ridiculous and I do respect your culture. As a sign of that respect we will not gain

rights to Shaman Pond and we will not be able to fish on Salmon Rape Day. I know how holy a day it is for you Bears. RAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRR!!!! RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR!!RAWWRRRRRRRR!!! lead negotiator bear replied. Awwwwwwwwwwww Jimmy crooned, One last thing throw in a couple of summer passes to that sweet bearmusment park you got up in Bear territory for me and the other co- Mayor. RAWWRRR!!! RAWWRRR!!!... RAWWRRR!!! RAWWRRR!!! lead negotiator bear replied.

ILL GIVE YER 30 SECOND TO GET IN YERRR CAR AND LEAVE ITS OUR TOWN NOW BOY said Bobby Joe Reddick. Co-Mayor Jimmy reached for the assault rifle under his desk. It was missing YOU LOOKING FOR THIS? Bo Stoops asked with rifle in hand. I SAID GET OUT Bobby Joe yelled. Behind Bobby Joe and Bo there were thousands of klansmen with shotguns and hunting rifles. Spinner and Jimmy hopped into their car and pulled out into the street. They were boxed in by klan vans they were going to lead the co-mayors outside the town limits. This all started in the 1920s when the klan surfaced in Saskatchewan. They used Saskatoon as a planning base. Saskatonians had no stake in it but were too polite to ask them to leave. But some fishy accounting led to a financed based scandal soon after they arrived. If there was something Saskatonians wouldnt tolerate its accounting errors. They were still rumblings of klan activity to this day but they had no idea they would come back this quickly with this much force. They were outside a little bit outside the citys limits in a forest when they stopped. GET OUT OF THE CAR!!! They had ropes in their hands. The vans both held two horses. GET OVER HERE NOWWWWWWW!!!! they yelled again. Did they take all the weapons out of here? Spinner whispered. most but NOT ALL!!! Jimmy yelled. BOOM

BOOM BOOM AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHH MYYYYYY GOOOODDDD NEIGHHHHHHHHHHHH NEIGHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OWWWWWWWWWW AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH LORD END IT END IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL THIS IS HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL WAOIFAFAFDSSF OOOOOOOOO OASDASFSA DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ASDASDASD VOMIT INDUCED ASPHYXIATION Jimmy threw the white phosphorus grenades in the secret compartment in the steering wheel. VROOOOOOM!!! They went back to recapture Saskatoon. SCREEEEEEECH!!! Shit they moved quickly now they have control of the city moat Jimmy stated. He knew there was only one thing to do. He drove to the nuclear site owned by the city that was also outside the city limits. They diverted the waste from the site to the moat then light it on fire. Luckily Spinner and Jimmy had gas masks. It was toxic everyone in the surrounding areas gas muffled screams could attest to that. The man controlling the moat passed out his head hit the let bridge go button. They had access to their city again. If only Jimmy could get to his garage. They had reached Jimmys secret garage. He immediately went to the red candy painted car with purple rims. He played around with the stick shift until it transformed into a giant church organ pipe gadget. This is my missle launcher. First let me calibrate the gps system then upload the tracking software then send the launch command from the main frame. LAUNCH SHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! BOOOOOOOOMMM!!!! Jimmy loved his secret garage/weapons cache. BOOOM PERMANENT BLINDNESS BOOOM SUFFERRING BOOOMMM MORE SUFFERRING BIGGER BOOM!!!! The blinding laser equipped white phosphorous missles leveled the kkk

base camps around the whole city luckily in sublevel 5 of Jimmy secret underground garage/weapons cache/air craft carrier. They couldnt be harmed if they waited 30 minutes for it to clear. They waited for it to clear they were going to take back downtown. Co-Mayors Jimmy and Spinner hopped in their respective B-52 stratofortresses and flew to the capital. Jimmy led off by fire bombing big intersections to box em in. It was Spinners turn to attack now he dropped napalm and mustard gas in the kkk capital. He gassed the shit out of them. Then as they were fleeing the buildings riddled with flesh searing gas. Jimmy then light them up hollow point and expanding bullets. If they thought gunshots stung just wait till the blades start mangling tissue. They took back the city. Let the rebuilding process begin. FINALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CITY COUNCIL MEETINGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COMMENCE!!!!!!!!!!!! Mic Check 1 2 1 2 Mic check 1 2 1 2 Councilman Rick Adversary is on the legislative mic. Ive got a great new plan to lower crime in Saskatoon. The problem isnt enough cops the problem is not enough opportunity. We should give more funding to social services and the school system. We should increase loans and new businesses in depressed areas. We should also give equal funding and less police brutality to the French Canadian community. This will allow Saskatoon to have the smartest kids and therefore brightest future in the country. WERE ONLY AS STRONG AS OUR WEAKEST LINK Councilman Rick Advesary said. It was Spinner turn now. PUSSY PUSSSSYYYY PUSSSSSSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY PUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY . LET THE RECORD SHOW THE SASKATOON CITY COUNCIL UNANIMOUSLY AGREES LITTLE PRICK RICK ADVESARY IS A PUSSY. Were only as strong as our weakest link thats an insult to STRONG AS SHIT COMAYORS THAT CARRY HE CITY ON OUR BACKS EACH AND

EVERYDAY. We getting a little tired of this freeloading so our solution is the exact opposite. Were gonna lighten our loading by delegating and dropping. First were gonna equip the police. We will add a new department called the Centaur Justice League. We will recruit Centaurs from the Forbidden Mystical Forest to the north. We will also add a Winged Assault Squad to the Saskatoon Police Air Force by recruiting the desendants of Pegasus that reside in the Super Forbidden Heavenly Forest. They will be tasked with the goals of stopping crime as soon as it is thought of and further oppressing the goddamn French-canadians. We will also have a mandatory citywide bi-annual athletic skill competition; the bottom 5% will be dropped in one of the forbidden forests and if they can fight their way back will have earned the right to live into the city. Weeding the weak out is always sound policy. Spinner out. Retorted co-Mayor Spinner, Boom make that a 121 game winning streak.

RING RING RING RING Co-Mayor Jimmy on the line said Jimmy. the nukeits goneit just disappeared said the voice on the line NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Jimmy yelled, JOEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY STYLEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!! They werent ready for an attack on the Aboriginal base camp but now they had no choice. They had to get those nukes back. They had to put together a makeshift army to attack the base. Spinner knew just what to do, Im going to need a fire hose, a bunch of cardboard boxes10 prison transport vehicles, enough handguns and an assload of psychedelics and liquor. Ill meet you at the base camp bud he proclaimed, Hol up my dude you see her yup the won with the phattie. Ima talk her up right quick dude! Jimmy watched his boy spitting his vacuum sealed game. WAPPP!!! She slapped him in the face and stormed off. Spinner was confused. I dont know what I did

wrong dude. Things were going greatthen it was that just about that time to whip it out but she didnt want to see. I thought is this a dreamno a nightmarethis cant be happening but she actually didnt want to see. I thought na this couldnt be real. Who doesnt want to see my penis? And when she saw she slapped me dudeshe actually slapped me. I was super insulted. I see my penis multiple times a day but I get super excited every I can catch a glance of that thing of beauty. I have a pretty cock dude. You know that manyou know what fuck thatI got a handsome dick. After further review Im going back to prettyreally pretty but in a hella masculine way. I even tried penis ventriloquismwhat souless bitch doesnt eat that up. I mean I know its a penis but my lips are sealed and everythingshe didnt even give me a chance to get a glass of watershe played melike I was a bitchlike I was a little bitchDO I LOOK A BITCH TO YOU JIMMY!?!?!?!?! DO I LOOK LIKE THE TYPE OF DUDE THAT EVEN CAPABLE OF HAVING FEELINGS? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME WEAR A FROCK? Spinner was devastated. I know buddy I knowyou would never wear a frock Jimmy comforted as he ushered Spinner in the car; he could tell Spin was dumfounded, he was too. He hopped in the car and they drove to base camp. Jimmy stood tall with supreme confidence that he, Spinner and their mood modifier compensated rag tag army of hobos was going run train over the Aboriginal terrorists. Spinners head seemed to be elsewhere but he was still a cocky bastard. CHARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGEEEEE!!! Jimmy yelled as they let the hobos out the buses and equipped them with handguns the battle was on. All of a sudden Joey Stylez fans rushed them at the gate. BUH BUH BUH BUH POP POP BUP BUP BUP BUP. Bullets sprayed. STOPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!! Jimmy yelled, WE DONT SHOOT CIVILIANS!!!!!!! The hobo army didnt listen to him their various mental ailments made anything that wasnt necessary for substinence or more hallucinating impossible including following directions.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BAMM BAHHHH BAHHH BAPPP BAHHH BOOM. The fans were rigged with explosive vests. THEYRE NOT CIVILIANS ANYMORE CHARGGGGGGEEEEEE!!!!!! AGAINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy yelled. BUH BUH BOOM BOOM BAMM BOOM BOOM BAMM BUP BUP BUP The hobos were still unable to comprehend. They were just continued to shoot wildly. Some would hit the plosive fans some would hit each other Civilians. CHICK CHICK CHICK the guns were out of ammo. RELOAD RELOAD RELOAD THE BULLETS ARE IN THE BINDLE GODDAMMIT!!!! We went over this! Whats the point of me filling each of your war bindles with bullets and printed reload instructions if you not werent going to read the paper and refuse to reload. I DONT HAVE A PRINTER DICKS AND KINKOS IS FAR AS SHIT FROM WHERE I LIVE. It was crazy inconvenient Spinner sternly explained. The hobos were dropping like flies it looked like it wouldnt be long until Jimmy and Spinner were the only ones left. . GODDAMMIT. I told Rick Adversary shutting down mental health facilities would weaken our emergency hobo militia plans. Government intrusion my ass local governments should have multiple militias at their disposal thats just good public policy. THAT STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Spinner yelled. They are also a hazard to others and themselves which makes them a hazard to community and therefore our responsibility. We have to make sure they get the treatment they need! Jimmy yelled in solidarity.Yea that too! Spinner agreed. But wait a second a cadre of expert hobos began to form in the middle of the hobo army pack. Awesome an elite hobo squad is naturally forming! Jimmy yelled. As he watched the war veteran hobos mow the bomb strapped fans down; they were still crazy but the crazy was what fueled them. They mistook the explosive vest toting fans for their enemies in their war heyday the flashback from the latest Human-Bear War haunted them to this day. They had defeated the fans. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

Spinner used his RPG to bust the gates down. SWIP SWIP SWIP A sniper shot at Jimmy three times luckily he had his Saskatoon government issue bulletproof riot shield. He used his bionic right eye to focus on the trees off in the distance. WHO WHO WHO WHO HA HA HA BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM Spinner was busy focusing on the commotion up the hill. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! Spinner yelled. OH MY GOD! Jimmy blurted out. TERRORIST GUERILLA WAREFARE TRAINED SNIPERS AND INFANTRY MONKEYSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they yelled in unison. Ill take out the Snipers you just focus on the infantry! Jimmy said to Spinner. They were Jimmy grabbed a hand gun off of one of the dead hobos. Spinner led the hobo army against the terrorist infantry monkeys. The terrorist sniper monkeys were 3,000 yards away but they were highly trained that distance was nothing to them; this wasnt gonna be easy. Even the veteran hobos were getting slaughtered they were too drunk and were tripping major balls. Spinner forgot that you cant pay hobos up front if you are going to pay them in Canadian FDA approved hallucinogens and healthy spirits. He knew he fucked up and because of it he lost his whole army the monkeys surround him. One by one they jumped over warzone barriers straight in the air in attack form. PEW PEW Spinner was shot in the left hand. Jimmy had a difficult time hitting them from the distance. THATS IT HE YELLED POP POP POP BOW BOW BOW BUP BOW BOW BOW BUUUUUHBUHHHHBUUUUUHHH Jimmy began to take them out one by one. Spinner had recognized a weakness in the back the attack formation for a split second each monkey is facing away almost at the beginning of each jump before it 180 shifts into shooting form. SHOOOOO SHOOOO BLAM BOOM BLAM SHOO SHOO SHOOOOO BLAM BOOM BLAM Spinner shoots the terrorist infantry monkeys with his grenade launching rpg. He used the brief weakness in their rear flank to shooting grenades directly into small intestine of those little fighting machines. Jimmy had taken all the terrorist sniper monkeys out.

Silly aborigines Jimmy thought if only they used their native style of spirit warefare they would have easily been able to block Jimmy tapping into to the core of nature and using the patterns of the wind to guide the bullets safely in the comfy dome of a scumbag terrorist monkeys head; he was very very intouch with the natural physio-karmic forces but even he couldnt out spirit fight a whole tribe of aborigines. They shouldnt have weakened their movement by defying their inherited inclinations. There was monkey intestine and colon everywhere and Spinner had taken the terrorist infantry monkeys down but not before losing his army. They were off to meet Joey Stylez. They were almost there when they ran into Joey Stylez security team standing in front of an impenetrable wall. Ill be backkkkkkkkk!!!! Jimmy yelled as he rolled away You know what to dooooooooo!!! Spinner shot back I could do this in my sleep yo infact ima do hand to hands combat thats right singular mothafucka!!! The security surrounded. Five came at him immediately he threw two into each other, knock one of them out flick of his finger and permanently figured four leg locked the other two together. SWSWPPPSHWHHP AHHHHHHH HHHHHHH SUMMAHAAA SUMMAHEHHH SUMAKAIII These security guards just threw fine divine smelling sand in Spinners eyes then hammer tossed summoned camels into him. These werent just any security they were trained by the Taliban and were masters of Middle Eastern judo. Spinner had to stop playing around. He took out his grenade launching bayonet-rpg and began expertly skin his opponents alive. It was puree city the way he was helicoptoring the bayonet. The guards screamed in farsi, .!!! He was big city bossing it; he was messing them up so badly that he literally broke the bayonet off in one of the guards asses. He began hand to hand combat. SWIP PUH BAHH BUMP BUMP SUMMAHO SUMMAHNAIIIIII SUMMAMELOOOOOO He was taking guards down but the camel summoning was getting the best off him. He picked up his laser beam shooting grenade launcing

bayonet-rpg and began shooting at the guards. PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW. That was no ordinary laser it was a Twinklelaze7000 its energy used to power the laser came from a dimly light star really deep in the solar system. He began to lop heads off like it was going out of style. If Spinner learned any from Cadet Kelly it was that human heads and olive are apparently all the rage every warfare season. He was winning real good. But the guards counteracted with personal mirrors Spinner was out of options. PUUUUUUHHHHH BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAHHH HHHHOAHHHHHHHOOOOOOAHHHHOOOOOOOM !!! I GOT YOUR BACK SON! Jimmy exuberantly yelled as he watched the door smolder after being hammered by a tank rocket. Jimmy rolled out of a tank and moved over to Spinner to help him up Dont worry dude I was monitoring everything thats why I made it back just in time. But bad news the tank wasnt fully ready to go and now its destroyed Jimmy explained. They rolled through the threshold only to be met by Joey Stylez himself. Surrender Joey! Jimmy commanded. I dont think so you mother nature raping infidel! Joey Stylez shot back. You watch your mouththats it en garde! Jimmy pulled out his sword. Uh huh not yet just take a deep breath relaz just listen and take in the ambiance Joey soothingly cooed. Jimmy heard chanting in the background. It was Shia holy music. Wait a second camel summoning, nuclear weapon smuggling capabilities and Shia chanting, speaking in farsi and that now that I think about it, it wasnt dope smelling sand it was very coarse and cheap cologne. You guys dont just have a partnership with the Taliban you guys are also in an alliance with Iran. Goddammit why do we keep on signing these sister city treaties? What could possibly be in Sangsar, Iran Jimmy reasoned out. THE DIRTY PERSIANS HAVE FUCKED US ONCE AGAIN Spinner yelled to Joey. Thats right and Im selling nukes to Iran. You figured it out. Congratulations now its time to bend over. ATTACKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! Joey yelled to the Revolutionary guard band was aroud

100,000 strong. They were closing in. POOF POOF POOF POOF POOF POOF. Jimmy as the most power handicapable person in Canadian political historian begun to summon a handicapable army. These people were not only willing to give him unfettered access to their minds innermost thoughts they also believed in him so much their well wishing crystallized in the form of expertly controlled and infinitely strong mind sorcery skills. The highly motivated, equipped, skilled and train handicapable defense forces lit up the Revolutionary Guards. It was time for the final show down. DRAW YOUR SWORD COWARD! Jimmy commanded. Noone calls me a coward!!! Joey Styles yelled as he came charging at Jimmy sword in hand. CLINK CLINK CLASH CLASH SPING SPING CLASH CLASH CLINK CLINK CLINK CLINK CLASH CLASH SPING SPING CLASH CLASH CLINK CLINK CLINK CLINK CLASH CLASH SPING SPING CLASH CLASH CLINK CLINK CLINK CLINK CLASH CLASH SPING SPING CLASH CLASH CLINK CLINK BANG BANG BANG. It felt like the earth was crumbling around you. Joey Stylez dropped to the floor. Someone had shot him no one was sure who but they all agreed that the sword fight was taking too long and one of em had to die soon. Also it was only a stomach shot he was going to die a slow painful death. But it was still a sick sword fight fencing enthusiasts and aficionados would be impressed. Jimmy walked over the briefcase with the bomb.HA HA COUGH COUGH HA HA HA. Its too late Brooks. You guys are done for everyone is. Joey Stylez spat out before he pointed to the cage in a pit in the distance, COUGH COUGH That young lady you ran into I planted her. Haha you guys are so predictable knew the exact moment you were gonna try to infiltrate my base! Spinner was confused Wait so you mean? COUGH COUGH HA thats right she has automatonophobia Joey Stylez laughed. Fear of ventriloquism no wonder why she was so disgusted Spinner realized. I knew you would take it to heart. I just needed to stall you Joey Stylez scoffed.

Jimmy refocused his eye again to see something disturbing. DROP DROP NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Jimmy yelled. The ground was crumbling they were heading for the earths core. WHOOSH!!! Spinner deployed his grenade launching laser beam shooting bayonet-rpg-war balloon. Spinner flew over to the cage only to see Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Sydney Crosby, the past three Canadian Hockey master generals, with their self destruct necklaces intertwined. Spinner broke down and began weeping While we were out trying to get those nuclear weapons. Those aborigines captured the 3 living hockey master generals and connected their necklaces and triggered the rapture. Its over the whole world is over It was beginning to get dark and real cold. The sun had begun to dim. The rapture was upon them; the dusk of man was minutes away. BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM SHAKAKALAKAKALAKAKALAKAKA!!!!! Jimmy shot the launched the nuke straight in the air. Spinner was confused but then began to catch onI see you brother. Want to end it this way before the sun burns out. Its less painful and we go out on our own terms. When whatever weird fucking species roams the earth after this will see the nuclear crater and now Saskatonians aint go out like no bitches. Jimmy shook his head and look up. BIGGEST SPLOSION EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy had fashioned Spinners grenade launching laser beam shooting bayonet-rpg-war balloon-jet pack into an extremely long range super nuclear missile and super missile launcher. The bomb reached the sun and the massive explosion reignited the sun. The heat was quickly being pumped back into earth. Co-Mayor Jimmy and Spinner have saved the earth again.

Nanny turned Parents Storyline PART 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok picture this you have just brought little Jacob home he starts playing the wii and he gets into a zone then you try to bring him his snack and he says hold on let me finish this level. What do you do? Mrs. Parks asked. I sternly but not abusively yell LISTEN HERE BITCH NIGGA YOURE GONNA PUT THAT CONTROLLER DOWN GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND EAT THESE ANTS ON A LOG LIKE ITS A FILET MIGNON FROM A FIVE FUCKING STAR RESTAURANT! Jimmy answered. Correct answer, Jacob has diabetes if he doesnt eat that snack he could go into shock Mrs. Parks replied. What if Kaylee comes home at 2 in the morning drunk and out of control? Mr. Parks asked. I say listen youre 16 I knew girls like you in highschool. Partying on the weekdays and never remembering what happened on the weekends. Well you know why you dont remember cunning guys are dropping GHB in your drinks and when you knock out YOU BET YOUR STRECHED ASS TRAINS WILL BE RAN! Spinner replied. Exactly our sweet young lady Kaylee is a little rebel if you dont tell her horror stories shell never take you seriously Mr Parks said. Rex comes in early in the morning you walk into the living room and see him making out with his girlfriend. What do you do? Mr Parks asked. I walk through give him a high five and say WRAP THAT SHIT UP and give him the number of a guy who can give him quality sheepskin condoms none of that shit with anthrax on it Jimmy shot back. Wrap that shit up indeed agreed Mr. Parks. Julio is out back mowing the lawn on the riding mower he almost runs over to one of the kids but luckily pushes him out of the way and also swerves it causes it to flip with him flipping over it too and in the process it severs a couple of fingers and limbs and the kid that was pushed hit a wall needs stitches what do you do? Mrs. Parks asked. Easy Jimmy has a doctors license so hell just stitch the kid right up and if its too painful you guys already know im a pretty good anesthesiologist. I would then

inform Julio that in the grand scheme of things he doesnt matter hes on such a lower level that even if he reaches his full potential hell be nothing more than inconsequential spec. Wait wait I take the last part back I think just ignoring him would more accurately signal to him how little he matters in comparison to one of your darling children Spinner answered. Youre hired! the Parks said in unison.

DING DONG Spinner opened the door.Hey buddy is there something wrong? Spinner asked. Please step outside sir I have some sobering news the officer replied. Spinner obliged. He talked to the officer for quite some time. Spinner walked back in and said family meeting in the living room guys. Ive got some bad new guys youre mother and father are dead Spinner stated. WAITWHAT HOW!!?! ??!?! ?!?! Kaylee asked. They got into a car accident Spinner said. At least it wasnt painful Rex as the oldest interjected in an attempt to console them. LET ME FINISH! They got into a car accident a light fender bender and the guy who hit them apparently had a warrant out for his arrest so he panicked and kidnapped your parents. He drove them into the woods. Your father tried to escape and get help so the kidnapper had to chase him down. When he caught him he dragged him back to the trunk your mother was locked in. But before he threw him back in the trunk he decided to teach your father a lesson. He ran him threw a knee splitter for a little while your mother watched. She tried to stop the kidnapper he decided to teach her a lesson also he decided to terrify her and throw her off a tree limb 5 feet off the ground he blindfolded her to make it seem like it was going to be a long drop but long story short he accidently impaled her. Your father wept and watched her die slowly then when the last breath left her body he was thrown back in the trunk. They drove deeper into the woods and your father became possessed by your mother and exacted revenge he fashioned a knife out of the

broken muffler and when the kidnapper opened the trunk he stabbed him to death. He managed knees mutilated and all to crawl of the way back to the highway but then he ran into a pack of hallucinating rabid raccoons who mistook him for a giant limping baby bird and began to eat him alive for a little over 3 hours Spinner explained. Jimmy stepped in and proclaimed Dont be upset WE are your parents now! There were no tears the kids were aware of the fact that Jimmy and Spinner were empirically better parents.

PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Jacob yelled. Jimmy rushed in Whats wrong little buddy another night terror? Jimmy asked. No my front tooth is missing. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Jacob asked. Dont worry about it little buddy itll grow back that just means your becoming a young man. Ill tell you what put it under your pillow and tomorrow morning I promise the tooth fairy will have a little surprise for you. Jimmy replied. Ok Jimmy Jacob replied. Now go back to bed sport Jimmy told him. You were right you were right!!! Jacob said as he rushed down the stairs. Jimmy wasnt home so he ran to Spinners room. The tooth fairy gave me $5 bucks for my tooth! Jacob exclaimed. Wait what? Dude you need to back up and slow down. Who the fuck is the tooth fairy and why is he giving out free money? Spinner asked. I dont know I just know that he gives me $5 a tooth. I cant wait for all these to fall out. Jacob exclaimed. How bout we make a deal little Jacob. I take all of those teeth out for you and we split the money 50/50. Spinner said. Deal Jacob replied. Follow me Spinner stated. Spinner grabbed a string tied it to a door. Then blindfolded Jacob and told him to close his eyes. Wait a second I almost forgot. He crushed up some pills and put in a cup with water. Drink this is flintstone vitamin juice to strengthen your gums. Spinner said.

Jacob drank it then closed his eyes. WHAPPPPPPP WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Blood was spewing everywhere Change of plans that door stuff takes too long you have to do each tooth individually so I just used our good old friend mr hammer Spinner explained. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Stop crying just because you see blood you cant even feel anything! Spinner commanded. Jacob knew he was right and stopped crying. Now drink this other cup full of flintstone vitamins and go to bed for like 20 hours. When you wake up our big score will be under your pillow but before you do that clean this mess up! Spinner advised.

Jimmy came home. He arrived to see sweet little Jacob sleeping it was so precious. He then looked at his mouth. He reached under the pillow and found 10 teeth. He walked downstairs to find Spinner. What happened today? He lost like 10 teeth? Jimmy inquired. I got sweet little business venture where we cash in on this tooth fairy stuff early. It was gruesome as shit there was blood and hammers involved but dont worry I dealt with the issue and cleaned it up for ya. Did you know the tooth fairy gives $5 a tooth? Spinner explained. First of all its 1 dollar a tooth and $5 on the first time. Second of all WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!!!!!!! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD THINK THATS A GOOD IDEA !?!?!?!?! HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW I WAS THE TOOTH FAIRY?!!?!??!?!?!?! Jimmy yelled. Wait youre the tooth fairy. I didnt know about it until yesterday when that little conniving punk told me about it? You want someone to blame, blame him for deceiving me! Spinner exclaimed. Jimmy remembered Spinners poor childhood. His parents probably couldnt afford to give him money for his teeth. They probably went through great lengths to keep their poverty from him. Jimmy couldnt be mad at Spinner. Ok fine but its your responsibility to take him to the dentist tomorrow. Jimmy

told him. Deal but its your job to check on Jacob every hour to make sure he is breathing! Spinner shot back. It was agreed.

PART 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In conclusion, more people prefer coca cola over pepsi because it just tastes better thank you for your time said Kaylee. What was that? Jimmy asked. Nothing just my science fair speech should be justs good enough to get honorable mention Kaylee replied. NO NO NONo daughter of mine is gonna be second place especially not in a science fair Jimmy said. SPINNERRRRR!!!! GRAB SOME POSTERBOARD, STENCILS, WOODEN POLES, PASTE, TEST SUBJECTS, GLITTER, SOME CHICKEN WIRE AND A LASER POINTER!!!Jimmy yelled. AWWW SHITTTTT!!!! IS IT SCIENCE FAIR SEASON ALREADY SON !?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Spinner replied while running out the door. Kaylee spoke into the recorder Test Subject 1 in the WB testing group has lasted five minutes under the water. We will run him under for 5 more to see if he breaks. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! NO PLEASE STOP ITS LIKE my NOSTRILS AND LUNGS ARE BEING RAPED BY AQUA MAN SUMMONED TIDAL WAVE!!! PLEASE STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!! Some one yelled. After 5 more minutes he still wont break we will run him again!!! I TRIED ILL TELL YOU ANYTHING BEFORE BUT YOU JUSR KEPT PSUEDO DROWNING ME PLEASE LET ME somebody yelled. TEST Subject 1 still wont breakRUN IT AGAIN! Kaylee yelled. My assistant will continue this test group while I handle the next group Kaylee spoke into the recorder as she handed the clipboard to Jacob. How is test group SP doing? Kaylee asked. Just fine here is the early data. Ok so test subject 2 in the sp test group has been in that position

for how long? Five hours Im surprised she hasnt cracked. So thats what the platform is for and what is the gag for? Decoration? Really ? ok fine as long as it doesnt screw with the data she said into the recorder.

They arrived at the science fair and began to set up they were up first. Kaylee began to present My science project is on measuring the effectiveness two different enhanced interrogation techniques. After gathering up 46 test subjects and separating them into two test groups water boarding and stress position we began to simulate the techniques. On average it took 4 hours for a subject to crack under waterboarding and 3.5 hours for a subject to crack under stress position. Though this may seem like a long time but to the average intelligence agent this is a very quick information extraction time. During the first two hours subjects are prone to saying false information in both test groups but take drastic turns at the 3rd hour. At the start of the hour the waterboarding group begins to vomit, dry heave or temporary suffocate. The stress position group begins to go into mental shock. Some additional data and notes: One subject heart stopped for a few brief hours, he was not revived. Five subjects defecated themselves and one tried to hang himself. Our brain damage rates were also much lower than the normal 5% in fact we only had one brain damage victim and that was due to him trying to hang himself. In conclusion though these so called intelligence experts say enhanced interrogation doesnt work but our study shows that it does if you just stick with it. The judges wrote notes down on their clipboards and then conferred and the head judge walked to the podium. Due to the lack of participation 1st place goes to Kaylee Parks. Come up here Kaylee by being the only one to bother to finish youve earned it! said the head judge. WAIT A MINUTE! THIS IS BS! WE DIDNT GET TO FINISH BECAUSE SOMEONE KIDNAPPED US AND TORTURED US

THE WHOLE NIGHT! one of the students objected. What do you have to say for yourself Kaylee? the head judge asked. They all signed waivers and the kidnapping portion of the study was on the waiver. We needed to do that to keep the element of surprise no terrorist believes they are going to get caught. Kaylee explained. SHE TOLD US IT WAS A PETITION TO SHORTEN THE SCHOOL YEAR BY A MONTH! another student yelled. Well thats just gamesmanship and wiliness Kaylee is the victor! the head judge exclaimed. See you later babe. Yea Ill holla haha you know! Rex said to his lady friend as she was leaving. Did you just score son? DID YOU JUST SCORE SON!?!?!?!?!?! Spinner asked. You know me. I dont do me I do bitches Rex replied. I see you keeping your game tight! Jimmy jumped in. Yea picked her up at the house and took her to the opera then the ballet. Her mother was a soprano who sang at the local theatre so as kid she practically lived at the opera and oo did I mention shes a ballerina. Awwww yeaaa. Then I took her to a zagat rated Italian restaurant and swagged out on a five course meal. Then I took her back to the cribo gave her a hot oil massage then drew a bath then layed out the new clothes I bought on the bed gave her some spending money and then she went on her way home! Rex said. WHAT. THE. FUCK. DID. YOU. JUST. SAY. Na my ears must be deceiving me no son of mine is gonna be tricking oo hell na this an april fools joke or something. FIRST OFF THEATRE? OPERA? YOU ARE A MAN SECOND OF ALL FIVE COURSES YOU TAKE THAT BITCH TO MCDONALDS AND TELL HER SHE CAN GET TWO THINGS OFF THE DOLLAR MENU SO ITS A SIDE OR SODA NOT BOTH BITCH! Spinner screamed at the top of his lungs. Calm down Spin. Rex, listen listen theres nothing wrong with wining and dining a girl but theres a fine line between dating and tricking and you crossed it when you bought her clothes and gave her spending money. Youre better than that and you didnt even get any ass out of it. Jimmy

explained. I just want to treat her the right way. And I got almost got ass when I massaged her upper thigh. Rex replied. THAT DOESNT COUNT! GET IN THE FUCKING CAR! Spinner yelled. Rex did as he was told. Spinner and Rex were driving around. You see that man Spinner said as he pointed to a cop ripping up a ticket. You see that son she just showed some cleavage and got out of a ticket. You cant do that shit you dont have big cans! Spinner explained. They continued to drive around. Spinner pointed to a man walking out of an office box in hands. You see that man he just lost his job because of layoffs. He worked there for fourteen years and was the most qualified but Kathy got to keep her job because she gives hummers to the big boss. Thats shits just wrong Spinner said. They continued to drive. You see that young lady on his arm. Thats not date thats a high class escort. These ladies make $10,000s a night. Do you think you could do that no because there are no women ceos or execs to afford your sweet ass! They drove again. Spinner pulled up to an abandoned house and gave Rex some binoculars. He looked inside the building and saw pictures of seemingly successful men on a white board and women poking holes through condoms. Thats the local United Hoes Bureau of Schemes and Other Trick Shit. That house right their is where they plot and carry out plans to trap successful motherfuckers with their dastardly masterfully mischievous maniacal vaginas. Right now their poking holes through condoms but they also use other tactics such as blackmailing married men and selling dick pics for money to gossip rags. How dare they? Dick pics are sacred. Men only sent them to women we trust and feel we have a soulful connection to. Spinner told him. Spinner drove away for a little while then began to lovingly explain, You see what I just showed you. These hoes are doing just fine. They dont need your help do you think you could get a job teaching at an elementary school, or get hired as a waiter at hooters or get a job as a sexy librarian. No these are high paying jobs with great benefits that you cant do

because you are a man. So dont give shit to these hoes not dinner, not money, not your time unless you getting ass, not a car, not respect, and especially not your heart. GHOST OF PIMPSMAS PRESENT OUT!!! Spinner said as threw down a smoke bomb and vanished. Jimmy appeared. He also took him around the block. You see that man in that multicolor 1991 ford probe. His name is Bob. Bob has no money not because he doesnt have a job not because he doesnt have a well paying job but because he spends all of his money on whores and hookers. ALL OF IT. That man makes $280,000 with tons of company stock a year and isnt driving around in a foreign car. If youre not gonna be that rich and not gonna stunt its a slap in the face of the germans who hand craft these perfectly oiled and tuned machines and more importantly a slap in the face of the world economy who depend on you balling hard every night to provide jobs for the people! Jimmy explained, Do you know who that will be in a couple of years if they head down that pathYOU!!!!!! GHOST OF PIMPSMAS FUTURE REPRESENT!!!! SMOKEBOMB. Spinner reappeared. They had taught him a valuable lesson. Wait what about the ghost of Pimpsmas past? Rex asked. Ok first of all dont be a little smart ass second of all does it look like we can travel back in time, not yet but were working on it and third of all from even if we could go back in time from a logistics stand point who would be the ghost of Christmas past we only have two people your parents cant help out WHAT WHAT should we bring in your brother or sister im sure theyd be able to look at you the same way. Im sure they wouldnt think youre a punk ass bitch!!! Spinner explained. FINALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PART 1 OF 2

KNOCK KNOCK Welcome Mr. Spinner is it? Well let me explain why we called you in. Principal Principle said, There is a new phenomenon called cyber bullying and your daughter

has been involved with a cyberbullying incident. Ok do explain bruh Spinner replied. Well there is an unpopular girl who is constantly bullied by her peers in school and on the internet. It started out with her being ugly then her adult teeth grew in well half of them anyway and the ones that grew in looked like chicklets or crack rock so people began making fun of that also somewhere down the line she developed a distinctive smell and it wasnt pleasant, not the preventable or curable smell either. then she got diagnosed with scoliosis and the surgery didnt take then she got into a freak accident and now she can only grow hair on one side of her body so that was easy pickens then she got depressed and ate her way through the pain got severely overweight and then the shit cherry on top of that, she hit puberty and grew a unibrow, its only hair on her body thats on both side so maybe shes recovering or maybe god is just cruel the doctors dont know at this point, lopsided boobies and developed a seemingly random and abnormally heavy flow no four tampons were a match for that heavy heavy flow it didnt help that she collected her menstrual blood and spread on toast for lunch in the caf everyday, Principle Principle said, Every lunch your daughter and her friends would pelt super balls at her and as she got fatter those superballs stopped bouncing everywhere and began to get lost in her folds so then they started pelting her with tomatoes and when she started eating those they pelted her with rocks and when she started eating those they pelted her with bigger rocks which she also ate she was a smart girl going to be in the hospital for weeks which was better than the torture that was her life at school. Ok im trying to be polite for kaylees sake but I just care so little I feel if I pretend to listen any longer this visit would end in me choking you out. GET TO THE POINT! Spinner said. Your daughter posted nude photos of that girl online and that girl killed herself so were giving your daughter a two day paid in school suspension Principal Principle informed Spinner. THIS IS BULLSHIT YOU ARE GOING TO CHOOSE A

CRIMINAL OVER MY DAUGHTER!!! IM GOING TO TAKE THIS TO THE PRESS!!! CRIMINALS RIGHTS HAS GONE TO FAR! Spinner yelled back. That was an innocent girl who did no wrong unless there something I dont know about that you can prove im going to have to give her that 2 day overtime paid in amusement park but no fast pass suspension. Principal Principle explained. Suicide is a crime you and I both know it and if that girl committed a crime I dont think she deserved to be in society I would have put her in jail but the death penalty was is also an option for such a bitch ass crime Spinner shot back. Dammit I much as I dont like it legally its airtight no suspension! Principal Principle said.

Why have you call us in? Is Jacob ok? Jimmy asked. BUST Spinner busted in the door Sorry I had to take care of something with Kaylee Spinner said. Hes ok. Im just a little worried about him. Hes been easting pain which isnt just a health risk its a sign of stress school counselor chan said. How do we help? Jimmy asked. Well thats why I called you in I want you to help locate where the stress is coming from. I know he had a big role in the school play. Tell me about that? SC chan replied. Well he did a great job and wasnt even nervous. He even hit the high notes but I know he was a little discouraged that Spinner didnt show up! jimmy said. I ate paste all the time as a kid an im awesome. Also it was 25 cent wing night at the strip club. YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT IS TO ME!!! Spinner shot back. MORE IMPORTANT THAT YOUR SONS BIG PLAY!!!Jimmy yelled. ITS BEEN 6 MONTHS SINCE I MADE ROXY MY EXCLUSIVE GIRL FOR LAP DANCES!!! WE HAD TO CELEBRATE! Spinner said. Im sick of this shit you never support the family. Even back in the day you never went to my basketball games or competitions Jimmy shot back. BULLSHIT I WENT TO ONE OF YOUR COOKING COMPETITIONS AND YOU WERE

UNGRATEFUL Spinner yelled. YOU JUST KEPT YELLING WAFFLE ROUND!!!!!! WAFFLE ROUND!!!! FUCK IS IT TIME FOR THE WAFFLE ROUND!!!!! Jimmy screamed at the top of his lungs. THEY BROUGHT OUT THE WAFFLE BATTER. TEMPTED US THEN TAUNTED US WITH FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING NIGHT Spinner yelled. THAT WASNT EVEN WAFFLE BATTER IT WAS FLOUR AND EGGS FOR THE COATING AND BREADING Jimmy explained. Spinner lashed out LISTEN HERE YOU CONDSCENDING SON OF A BITCH I KNOW WAFFLE BATTER WHEN I SEE IT AND THAT WAS WAFFLE BATTER! THUNDER LIGHTNING RAIN THUNDER LIGHTNING SLAMM!!!!! Spinner stormed out. Ok after seeing that I feel we should take this to an independent party lets take this to the district therapist. Well set your son up in one of those 2 way chalkboard rooms. SC Chan said.

So buddy tell me about whats troubling you son? said therapist. Whats that thing called doctor patient confidentiality. It applies here right. You cant help the pigs lock me up? little Jacob asked. Yes doctor-patient confidentiality is in full effect. Therapist replied. Well I got a little side hustle see. When these kids need extra lunchables or cookies instead of that low fat granola nonsense they moms be packing in their lunch boxes or some candy instead weak ass carrots and peanuts butter or just a handful of sugar to get through the rest of the day after naptime. I got you. I GOT YOU!! little Jacob explained. Why do you sell blackmarket snacks little Jacob you dont need money you are in kindergarten? therapist asked. humans dont really need much of anything but we want it all. I WANT IT ALL. But if its going so well why do you seem worried? therapist asked. Well the black market is still a market so I got competitors and their ruthless. A month ago they wet willied one of my counters to send a

message, then they purple nurpled one of my guys a week ago and now they pink bellied my top 3 couriers little Jacob shot back. Are you worried youre next? therapist asked. HAHAAHAHAHAHAH hell na I got this game on lock just a little guilty that my muscle is out there cracking heads. Lets just say a couple of the 3rd graders are now in first grade and a bunch of 6th graders bus got a whole lot less comfortable the school really should start padding the playground little Jacob said. if you feel guilty why do it? therapist asked. Because I dont control that aspect of the business I tell my business partner to take care of it and he passes it along to my muscle little Jacob replied. Whose your business partner? Why dont you just talk to him about dialing it down? therapist asked. Well he outranks me ill give you a hint lets just say its a family business! wink wink said little Jacob. GODAMMIT SPINNER!!! Jimmy yelled. FINALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PART 2!!!!!!!!!!! HEY REX MAILLLLLL!!!!! Kaylee yelled as he ran downstairs and snatched it from their hands. He opened and read it. Tears came to his eyes. Whats wrong man? It can be that bad Jimmy said. The army I forgot I signed up for the reserves for a free t shirt at the job fair. Im getting called in to do weekend training. IM NOT READY TO DIE Rex yelled. Relax its just training and you have 30 days to opt out just go down to the recruiting office and explain things man to man theyll respect that. Jimmy told rex. Youre right Rex said as he grabbed the keys and headed out the door.

Wheres Rex? Jimmy asked, Its been like 6 hours since he went to the recruiting office. Lets meet him down there. KAYLEE WATCH YOUR BROTHER WELL BACK BACK SOON Spinner yelled. They were out the door. They drove up to the recruiting office only to be blocked

off by police. Sorry theres a hostage situation in there you gotta turn around an officer informed them. Jimmy turned the car aroundOh no I hope Rex is ok were just gonna have to break in and take that hostage taker down and save our son Jimmy said. Jimmy went to Construction R US and picked up supplies then drove off to a parking lot a block away. What are we doing here dude? Spinner asked. Youll see in a second just roll the supplies bin behind me will ya? Jimmy shot back. Sure Spinner said. VROOOM VROOOM VROOOM CHUCK CHUCK CHUCK RRRRRRRRRRR RAWRRRRRRRRRR VROOOOM CRUMBLE CRUBLE CRUMBLE Jimmy used his jackhammer gloves to tunnel into the old subway system. The town used to have a subway system that reached every inch of town in fact in each house there was a slide or water slide depending on the weather that would shot them onto the train they needed. It got too awesome and they had to shut it down. Now they just had to find the recruiting offices water slides but there were thousands. Wait a second Ive got it. In the 40s they shut this one down because it was too easy to infiltrate which also mean the slide is still covered in lead paint. All we need to do is find which one is covered in lead paint then we have our slide Jimmy exclaimed. I got this bro Spinner said he then began breaking paint chips off of the slides and eating them. Ewwwgrossstoo saltybitter as fuck.what was thatgood but not lead goodtoo sweet wayyy to sweet.just right..I FOUND IT MAN LETS DO IT Spinner said as he charged the slide. WAIT!!!!!!! Jimmy yelled. The slide disassembled. The room was closing in on them. Spinner came tumbling down. We have to think fast. WHERE ARE THE SUPPLIES? Jimmy yelled. Spinner handed them to him. He used the supplies to make a good ole fashion rail gun. He used the energy to blow the walls back. Then Jimmy grinded on a shot from the rail all the way to the hole where the slide led it simultaneously blew the hole open and propelled him safely inside. Jimmy teleported Spinner in to the building. They walked around.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOO Jimmy yelled. Everyone was dead there were dead bodies everywhere. They raced to find Rexs. What? Spinner asked. They found Rex downstairs with a gun in his hand. What the hell man you just killed a ton of army personnel your done Spinner said. No theyre just temps they referred me to the local National Guard office a couple of miles away. I dont know how it turned to a hostage situation but next thing you know they arent listening to my demands and the negotiator thinks hes hot shit and everyone is dead. Rex explained. Shit what are we gonna do?Spinner asked. I got this Jimmy said youre still in the reserves right ok good I got this. Jimmy rolled out with his hands up and told the police to not shoot and listen. My son the hostage taker is a good boy and good person but more importantly hes an army reserve as an army reserve officer and as those temps were technically his employees you have no jurisdiction. This has to be taken to a military tribunal Jimmy explained, Now come on son were going home. Youll get a dishonorable discharge but at least youre out Rex followed them to the car. Its nice to have someone who can find legal loopholes that allow me to escape punishment and shirk my responsibilities Pop Rex said. Thats what parents are for son! Jimmy replied, Thats what parents are for.

Detective Storyline Part 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STORYLINE 1 SAGA 2 PART1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 Jagerades, Russ, ya know the usual Jimmy said before Russ the bartender slid him the drinks. BLAM Spinner kicked in the door. Hit me up wit a couple of jagerades Russy. Spins about to get loose Spinner said as he received his drinks. Congrats guys! said Gracie. Way to go kids! said the chief, Get them 10 more drinks a piece get it 10 haha these guys know why bill it to the town. Russ complied. shooo gwaaa rrrrrrr gyu goosh shhhebreetea taaknat? slurred the town drunk. They ignored him, finished their drinks and promptly left in spinners car sweet car. They finally arrived at their duplex. Want to have a The Mask movie marathon? Spinner asked. Sure but theres only one movie the sequel was unofficial Jimmy asked. I know Spinner replied they popped it in the DVD player and began to watch. RING RING RING RING RING Super detective residence Spinner answered. Hey guys im sorry to bother you but they need you in London! the chief said. What were getting called up to the big leagues already. INTERPOL here we come! PACK YOUR BAGS JIMMY! Spinner shouted. Wait you thought I meant London, EnglandnoHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAAHAHAyour getting called up but not that far just a special assignment from MP Harper himself in London, Ontario. the chief informed him. STILL PACK YOUR BAGS BUT JUST A LOT LIGHTER! Spinner yelled. They were on their way. They walked into the restaurant and surveyed the crime scene. It was a huge oval table cluttered with luxury dishes, cash and assorted jewelry. Everything was gilded the utensils the table, the chairs, the wallpaper even the bullets had were 12 carat gold. The crime scene was really on

some boss type shit. Jimmy spotted a lone paper under the table in the back. He picked it up a read it was a map dividing up territory. WOOMP Spinner tripped over some lingerie. EYYY JIMMY THERE WAS HOES TOO!Spinner yelled to him. Spinner then cut across the room to inspect some powder. He gummed it and confirmed it was cocaine. Jimmy began to view take pictures of the bullet ridden walls. He began to do shot analysis. After he finished he met Spinner in the coat room. The coat room was filled with white fox, mink, and chinchilla. These furs were soaked in blood as was the floor but there were no bodies unless maybe PLOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! About a dozen bodies fell from the ceiling. Jimmy scanned the bodies and found a single strand of blonde hair on the bodies. He collected it it was the only clue they had as to what went on tonight and who was behind this gruesome scene.

They hopped in their car and were on their way to the lab. BOOOOOOM!!!!!! The small bridge before them exploded. They began to back up TIMBERRRRR!!!!!!! Someone yelled as the trees lining the street collapsed blocking them in. It was a trap. Jimmy rolled out of the car and pulled out his COP 357 Derringer. Spinner reached in the glove compartment pulled out a hand full of razors and also stepped out. A car pulled up and two men popped out. Oh My God Taylor Lautner and his clone Spinner yelled as they approached. We were sent here to warn you to stay out of the way. You have no business in London, Ontario Taylor Lautner said, Im going to have to ask for that hair you removed from the crime scene. No chance kid Jimmy shot back. Well let me introduce you to Drew matter fact ill let you introduce yourself Lautner said. You guys dont know me but I sure know you. I went to degrassi and heard all about your shenanigans. Well let me stop boring you with the details. Im only here to put my mma training

to use anyway. Drew said. KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH Drew took a swing at Spinner and connected but Spinner ate it like a g and kept it moving. Spinner was sticking and moving drew was getting pummeled. Spinner got too close and Drew began to grapple. Within minutes Drew had him in a gogoplata choke hold. But Spinner wasnt phased he broke out of it and began headbutting Drew wildly. Blood was splattering everywhere. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! yelled Taylor as he dove into Spinner COLLISION Now Jimmy jumped in to take on Taylor. Jimmy noticed he was in the kiba dachi stance so tried to hit him with some basic moves FURU UCHI, SHOT UCHI, HIJI ATE. Taylor dodged or blocked all of them and returned a SOKUTU GERI they were not exaggerating when they said he had the kicking form of Superfoot Wallace. Jimmy was almost knocked out his chair. Taylor attempted a leaping knee strike but Jimmy rolled away just in time. CHA HUAH NAAA BLOCK WIIHAAAA CHOOOOOOOO HUNNNNNNNNN BAH BAH BAH. Taylor tried to roundhouse kick jimmy but he stopped it with a ude uke and hit him with a tetsui. Taylor landed a mawashi geri but it barely grazed him. Jimmy then quickly but forcefully huji uchid him in the temple. Taylor and Drew were down. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Drew blew a whistle. RUHHHHHHHH RUHHHHHHHHH RUHHHHHHHHHH RUFFFFFFFFF RUFFFF RUFFFFFFFF There were a pack of dogs coming oh no they were werewolves. Jimmy forgot that werewolves were indigenous to the area and that Taylor and Drew both had domain over werewolves. They were surrounded and the dogs almost closed in. Jimmy thought fast he grabbed Spinners portable jump starter and hooked it up to the engine he then grabbed the metal bowl in the back and put it on the engine. He revved the car. Jimmy then snatched Spinners chains and threw them in the bowl. What the hell dude? Spinner asked. Those are werewolves dude I had to think fast and

make silver bullets and weaponry! You can have my COP 357 Derringer once you dip the bullets in the bowl and ill dip your razors in the bowl then go to work also Jimmy said. They did just that. Spinner began shooting them with remarkable efficiency due to the four bullet holes. Jimmys accuracy was on tonight he wasnt just poisioning them with the silver razors he was slitting their throats with them by flicking them from a 100 yards away. Jimmy and Spinner mowed them down in no time. There were werewolve corpses everywhere. Crap were gonna have to pay a heavy fine for this it isnt even close to werewolve season said Jimmy. Nah dude Ill call my boy Chan from Chinatown hell have these corpses outta her and retooled in no time and well get a fair price! Spinner informed Jimmy Ok but we got bigger things than that to worry about. Ill get us a helicopter out of here. Jimmy said as he got on his cellphone and called for a police copter. They had reached the lab with the strand of hair. They handed it to Chester the lab tech he loaded it up. He began to examine it. Its weird this isnt just any hair said Chester, it seems to be regenerating I bet in a couple of days itll be a few strands of hair! Someone had to have been able to tinker with its cell structure, dna and genes this is amazing This isnt any chemical process. I know just where to go. Come on Spin Jimmy said as they rolled out the door, Were going to the highest point in this city! They had reached the mountain top. Be ready Spinner when the chant is done BE READY! Jimmy told Spinner he then begsn to chant Deyr f, deyja frndr,deyr sjalfr it sama.mj Ek veit einn at aldri deyr:dmr um dauan hvern. BOOOM CRACKKK!!! BOOOMMM CRACCCCCKKKK Lightning was reigning down from the sky. Jimmy raced toward Spinner HOLD ON MAN MY RUBBER WHEELS WILL KEEP US GROUNDED! Jimmy yelled. Spinner hopped on WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO! Spinner yelled back. Jimmy explained back in the 9th century when the Vikings began to expand

they reached the shores in Canada and America only to be battled by the aborigines but in some places they settled and dug deeper and deeper into the land. This is one of those enclaves. They built a norse temple on top of this mountain that connects them directly to the gods. "They were summoned to do that killing and now im summoning them to give me some answers! Jimmy said. BOOM BOOOOOOOOOOOM Norse demigods Val Kilmer and Uma Thurman teleported from two lightning strikes. Val Kilmer began to advance BOOM! Spinner shot him with a sawed off shotgun. Hah what type of all seeing all doing all knowing demi god dickhole doesnt come down here with a bulletproof vest or at least a bigger shotgun! Spinner taunted. POOF UHHHHH CLINK Val Kilmer disappeared into smoke he was being summoned back up after losing that battle. Uma Thurman kicked the shotty out of Spinners hand. I got this buddy said Jimmy You know they say never hit a girl but they never said never choke a woman out He began to choke her. BUHHHHHH She heatbutt him in the mouth a couple of times now a few of his teeth were loose. CLINK SSHHHWWWINNGGG They both drew swords. CLASH CLINK CLINK CLASH CLASH BAM BOOOM BEEEP BEEEP WOW ZOOOOOO CLASH CLINK CLASH CLINK SLIPPPPPPPPP GSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMM NOM NOM It was a sword fight of epic proportions. Jimmy got off to a fast start slicing and dicing Uma but she was regenerating so fast it wasnt an issue. Then she managed to knock his sword away from him and scoop it up. He looked down and out until she got cocky and threw one sword away. Jimmy Canadian army rolled to the sword raced back to her and while she was screaming about all of the skullfucking she was going to do when she finished him off and decapitated her; he knew she wasnt weak like Val Kilmer and could come back anytime unless he ate her brain and spinal cords and at least half of her heart he did that then sacrificed the remainder of her body to the norse gods. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Jimmy yelled

to the norse gods. HOW DARE YOU DIRECTLY ADDRESS US LET ALONE QUESTION US!!!! WE SHOULD SMITE YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!! Odin yelled, But I like your spunk so Ill level with you. If you can solve this riddle it will give you a clue to you next journey. I swear on this Mount that every good Canadian knows Pride comes before the fall but after comes hibernation. Lets Go Spin! Jimmy said Were off to Hollywood North!

PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So where we going buddy? Spinner asked as he woke up. Were going to Vancouver to confront someone? Jimmy replied. Why so cryptic dude? Spinner asked. Im not being cryptic. The riddle led us to Vancouver. We have to talk to the keeper of secrets and evil deeds. Hell know who we have to seek! Jimmy informed Spinner. You seemed worried dude why? Spinner asked. Im not worried but being cautious. This being is a fucking fox. Hes the wiliest thing youll ever meet. Hes perfectly in tune with himself, humanity and the world. This isnt grittiness this is instinct, innate iq wizardry. He holds the secrets to the world. He has no beliefs, morals, code, or even soul; guile is his north star. Jimmy explained. Im sorry ill get my head in the game Spinner replied. We just have to tap in to that same intensity of that last battle How many people can say they raped and pillaged actual Viking gods dude! Spinner said. Jimmy knew Spinner was right he knew he had to mirror the metal state of Odin because it was evident that Spinner had already adopted the aggressiveness of Thor.

They had reached the keepers lair. Take all of your rings off. If you dont hell think youre taunting him and feel slighted Jimmy informed Spinner, OPEN UP I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU!The door mysteriously opened and they walked in. Hehehehe what do you have for me

my precious. HEHEHEEHHEHEHE Its so beautiful. It is the most beautiful broach in the world the hooded keeper said. Jimmy grabbed it back First of all its a ncaa championship ring from a trainer, however yes you can have it but first I need some information. Also take that hood off; youre a known trickster you will shroud nothing Jimmy said. It was so wise. hehehe ok my worth adversary hah hah he said as he sneered. STEVE NASH!!! Spinner yelled, How the hell are you the keeper of secrets and evil deeds! Steve Nash emptied his soul Ill start from the beginning well I had stage 4 inoperable incurable indubitable brain, neck, throat and forearm cancer. hah I was a goner but I made a deal with the devil my soul for the cure. That set my basketball training back sometime but I was determined I worked my ass off and was almost there. Then I discovered I had severe back problems. Hehehehe I would never make the NBA now so I made another deal with the devil. I didn't have a soul to sell anymore so i took the devils challenge which is really just physically and mental torturing young children in an attempt to build a sociopath/psychopath army in the near future to bring the rapture. SNIVEL I passed with flying colours my lack of any compass or direction,beside a direction towards the perfectly chaotic, impressed the dark lord. SNEER The last task was getting rid of the at the time current keeper. SNARL Lets just say he was really old so it was cake. Now I am the head intermediary between soul sellers and the devil. I am now immortal. I defy time and space. I have been around forever yet have died many times. This is no reincarnation; I traverse universes. I WANT THAT RING GIVE IT TO ME! Jimmy punched him in nose to calm Steve Nash down. YOULL GET THE RING JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION! Who sent them after us? WHOS BEHIND THIS?!?!?!?! Jimmy asked. You need to go to Davietown! Hehheeehhehe Once you reach youll where to go youll know what to do. Are you sure since youre here you don t want to make a quick deal with the devil? It doesnt even have to be your

soul or a major organ for example as many jokes as people make about it youd be surprised how valuable the left testicle is on the black market and to the devil! Steve Nash told them. They were sure; they hopped in the car and were on their way to Davietown. CAWW!!! CAWWWW!!!! CAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! SCREECH!!!!! He stopped the car like a wild man. A giant sparrow blocked the road. They hopped out the car. Two more giant sparrows were above. GODDAMN NASH AND HIS SORCERY!!!Jimmy yelled. Steve Nash had turned the famous street art into living beings bent on killing those two detectives. CAW!!! Jimmy tried to fight them individually but they just swarmed. They began pecking at Jimmy each movement of a beak meant a chunk of flesh would be removed in his body. BOOM BOOOM BOOOM CHCK CHICK BAM DUCKHUNT BITCHES!!!!!! Spinner yelled as he mowed the Sparrows down with his sawed off shotgun. SCHCHCHCHCHCHCCHHCHCHC A canister was thrown in front of them it began to spew gas. dun DUN DUN dun DUN DUN The gas was having a weird effect on them; they were beginning to hallucinate. Sch SCHHH schhh SCHHHH WELCOME TO THE ALL STAR CANADIAN HOCKEY DEATH MATCH SHOOTOUT PICK UP A HOCKEY STICK YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT! The announcer said. They did as they were told. Markus Nasland and Henrik Sedin entered the frozen arena. THESE ARE YOUR OPPENENTS FIRST TEAM TO FIVE GOALS LIVESAND I GUESS AND WINS This isnt fair dude what the hell were gonna die! Spinner stated. Listen man this is all in our head if we just stay calm and focus we can break out of it! We dont need to win we just need to stall until we both mentally break out of Jimmy was already broken out. BEGIN It was now Spinner versus those two, things werent looking up for Spinner. 1-0 the anncouncer yelled. At least it was losers puck so he was in control. He juked left but lost it. 2-0 the announcer yelled again.PEWWWMMMMM Spinner

was no longer teammate less. Cobie Smulders teleported in. Spinner juked right and tried to pass it to an open Smulders but it was stolen. 3-0 the announcer yelled SWUUP SWUUP SLPPPPPPSHHHHHHHHHHHH CREACK SLPPPPPPPPPPPPSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH SCHWING SCHWING While Henrik and Markus were celebrating the goal. Cobie Smulders slit Henriks throat with a sharpen hockey stick then put her six inch stilettos through the temple of Markus. Spinner and Cobie teleport out of the alternate reality. WHOA!!! Spinner yelled as he woke up. What just happened dude? Spinner asked. No time to explain long story short Nash set us up and an old friend that stays in town saved us again Jimmy informed him as they hopped in their car and drove off.

They had reached Davietown. Why are we here dude? Spinner asked. I dont quiet know yet well see Jimmy said as he kept driving. RING RING RING RING RING RING RING Hello Detective Brooks speaking? Jimmy answered. SAVE ME JIMMY!! Meet me at the old film house if you want to see him again the phone cut off. SCREEEEEEEEEEECHHHH That was Marco. Hes in trouble. Jimmy turned around and headed to the film house. BOOM!!! They kicked in the door. Marco was there all tied up and gagged. HUMMMMM HUMMMMM HUMMMMMMMM Marco yelled. They quickly untied him. TRAP TRAP TRAP he said when the gag was removed. PEW PEW They had been both shot. Spinner felt unfazed but Jimmy felt strange. He was happier than he ever had been before because there was a neverending beat in his head that kept him in tune and made him want to dance. POOOOOOOOOOM A smoke bomb was thrown. It cleared only to reveal Jessia Lowndes, Welcome gentleman. You will notice your mind and body is going through some changes. Dont worry that just the after effect of getting shot with myGAY RAY! she yelled. I dont

feel shit! Spinner said. Spinner take Marco home. I got this! Jimmy said. Spinner got Marco and took him to the car. CATCH ME IF YOU CAN! Jessica Lowndes screamed as she hovered away in her homocraft. Jimmy tapped into his new abilities summoned a flying unicorn and pursued her. PEW PEW She fired off two shots from the weaponized gayray. Jimmy and the unicorn barrel dodged them. WOWZA WOWZA Jimmy fired two shots from his rainbow vision. BANDY BANDY They landed on the skytrain she hopped out her vehicle and Jimmy told unicorn to fly away. They were fighting on the skyttrain. Jimmy knew the big burly manly Canadian man he was if he were to be gay he would definitely be a bear tapped in to the power and turned into a grizzly bear. He in the form of a bear grizzly roll charged at Jessica Lowndes. She dodged and tried to shoot him with the gay ray. He also dodged. PEW PEW PEW PEW They shot each other. He shot her with his double ended dildo cannon. She shot him with her gayray. The dildos immobilized her. The settings were reversed on the gay ray and he lost his new powers but he was still rolling. WHERE DOES THIS LEAD!!! TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!!!! Jimmy yelled. Jessica Lowndes took a dildo out her mouth and yelled YOU ALREADY KNOW WHERE THIS LEADSALL THE WAY TO THE TOP!

PART 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy and Spinner were on their way to their next destination. Hows Marco doing? Jimmy said. Ooo hes fine you know the old saying if you can take a dong you can take suffering in silence for a considerable amount of time! Spinner replied. Thats good to hear Jimmy said. So what did Lowndes give up? Spinner said. She didnt give anything up but I was able to deduce that we have to go to Montreal. Were going to the nightclub, 222 Beaubien, to met one of my informants. Hell know who runs this city Jimmy shot back. I knew this day would

come when we would have to go undercover in a nightclub. Ive got a pound of ecstasy, a gallon of ghb, a mound of coke, glow sticks of assorted colors and lengths, vuvuzellas, and 30 bottles of Goldschlger. Its the only way to be accepted by the club elite Spinner explained the club was his element. Jimmy preferred to don his silk robe, comfiest slippers, and ocelot fur ascot then grab a good book and curl up with some bitches near the fireplace. If Jimmy learned anything from his prior relationships it was that ladies love erotic fiction. Marco wasnt the only one suffering in silence. Spinner didnt tell Jimmy that Marcos apartment was ambushed. Sarah Chalke and Sandra Oh had been smuggling tiny communist reject Chinese babies into the country to build a child army. Sandra Oh used her Korean shipping connects to find the secret Chinese excess baby dump site and send them over. Sarah Chalke used her parents Chinese to Canadian adoption agency to get them papers. These children were barely trained but there were so many of them the battle was hell. Marco hid in the closet while Spinner and Marcos boyfriend Steve fought the children. Spinner grabbed the kitchen hatchet and began to tear through the children. Since they were poorly trained all you had to do was sever some limbs and they would cry and quit. Then he found out just hatcheting their soft spots in their heads was much quicker. If there was one thing Spinner was good at it was locating and pounding the soft spots of children. He began to show boat he would pick up a child or their limbs and have target practice if the limb or the childrens head hit another childs head it was a quick knock out. It was all fun and games until one of the kids charged and pushed Steve out the window. He fell to his death. Marco would never forgive Spinner. But Spinner had pushed that disappointment, hurt and pain deep inside it was all behind him now. They had reached the night club. They sampled the drug smorgasbord Spinner had laid out then entered the club. The club was bumping kid koala was spinning on the 1s and 2s. Jimmy saw his informant in

the VIP club. He walked towards the blocked off area. Security wouldnt let him in. Jimmy pointed to his CI. The CI saw Jimmy and fleed on foot Jimmy rolled quickly behind him. GRAB THE CAR! Jimmy yelled to Spinner but it was in a loud crowded club and Spinner was too far behind him, besides Spinner had his own problems to deal with. WE MEET AGAIN GAVIN! yelled Kid Koala, TONIGHT YOULL LEARN WHY THEY CALL ME KID KOALA! RELEASE THEM! Sleep deprived rabid koalas were released from all around the club. They began to maul the clubbers. Spinner knew what he had to do he had to fight those koalas. Koalas natural enemies are kangaroos. Koalas dont like kangaroos because theyre always talking shit. How do you channel the fighting style of a kangaroo? Boxing of course. So donned his 14 ounce navy blue gloves and began a sacred prayer to the boxing gods. He recited The Victors Psalm it was written by the boxing prophet Mike Tyson I'm the best ever. I'm the most brutal and vicious, the most ruthless champion there's ever been. There's no one can stop me. Kid koala is a conquerer? No, I'm Alexander, he's no Alexander. I'm the best ever! There's never been anybody as ruthless! I'm Sonny Liston, I'm Jack Dempsey. There's no one like me. I'm from their cloth. There is no one who can match me. My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart! I want to eat your children! Praise be to Allah! Spinner prayed. Spinner squared up and began to serve those koalas up. Spinner knew he should stay within himself and just stick and move but the koalas were so small cute and rabid he couldnt help just throwing haymakers at the little bastards. After all when you jab and bring your arms back the foam could sometimes shoot back at ya. Jimmy rolled back and surveyed the club. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!?! Jimmy yelled. Spinner was putting in work but that was only the first wave of koalas. Jimmy rolled to Spinner they fought wheels to back. Spinner continued to box while Jimmy took out his trusty dusty rusty machete.

At first he was decapitating them. Then he began to wonder how a koala fur ascot would feel and started scalping and skinning the koalas alive but there was just so much blood on the ground none of the furs were usable. A third wave was sent in. Jimmy rolled out the car, ILL BE RIGHT BACK he yelled. Spinner couldnt care less he felt like one of his lifelong heroes, kangaroo jack. Jimmy quickly returned. TAKE YOUR GLOVES OFF AND THROW TO THE KOALAS AS PEACE OFFERING Jimmy and Spinner threw all the koalas a bunch of kiwi. They chowed down; the peace offering worked. The koalas began to drop dead. Whats going on? Jimmy asked. Oooo I forgot to tell you dont eat those kiwis in the car theyre laced with enough GHB to kill 12 humans Spinner informed him. Why would you do that? Jimmy asked. Im sure I had a good reason but at this point im going to be honest and say I dont remember Spinner replied. They were off to look into the CIs info. Spinner and Jimmy were on their way to the spot when all of a sudden their car began to fill with gas. NOT AGAINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy yelled as he and Spinner passed out. DUN DUN DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA DUNNA It was like they were in a dream like state. There were ballerinas walking on air, clowns flying in the sky, talking elephants, acrobats were dodging high speed cars and weaponry. It was impossible. Welcome Gentlemen! Today were here to give you a sneak peak of the second run of Criss Angel: Believe I guarantee itll drive the critics MAD!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA said the announcer. GODDAMIT LET US GO GUY Jimmy yelled. The announcer, Guy Laliberte, responded Let yourself go! Jimmy thought about it and the chains were broken. Is this all in our heads like the other stuff? Spinner asked. I dont know this may seem unreal but cirque de sole is supposed to be dream-like, surreal, and fantasy driven. Jimmy replied. POOOF Criss Angel appeared from the smoke THAT WHY THEY CALL ME THE MINDFREAK! he said as he fanned the smoke away with his cape.

Thats it im shooting this asshole Spinner said as he pulled out a shotgun. POOF. Criss Angel now had the shotgun. DUCK FOR COVER Jimmy said as they rolled behind a stand with a bearded lady throwing up rainbow dyed woven pubic hair. POOF. The stand now disappeared and the bearded lady was now throwing up heat seeking poison. Spinner ran towards the fire eater. Jimmy rolled into a cage. A lion and trainer appeared. The cage then locked and the lion began to devour his trainer. The fire eater turned morbidly obese so he began to force himself to throw up. He began to spew fire everywhere soon he morphed into a volcano and shot ash and molten rock out of his newly formed volcano body. STOP IT, YOUR CHEAP MAGIC TRICKS I MEAN MINDGAMES ARENT SHIT Spinner yelled defiantly. POOF Everything stopped. You think this is a cheap magic trick. DO YOU WANT TO SEE SOME CHEAP TRICKS!!!!! HUH!?!?!?!?! Criss Angel shrieked, What do you have behind you ear ooo nothing where is the quarter or should I say quarters! COUGH COUGH Spinner began to choke his insides were filling up with quarters. BAM! Jimmy assaulted Criss Angel his concentration broke and Spinner was able to breath again. Who wants to see me pull a rabbit out of a hat or should I say bunny! Criss Angel said. He pulled a squad of marines with 80mm mortars. They began to fire at Jimmy. He rolled behind some cover. SHATTER The glass above him was shot. It came crashing down cutting him but only superficially. Jimmy picked up the glass and pointed to Criss Angel. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED TO BECOME Jimmy yelled. Criss Angel took a hard look at himself and called off his attacks. DO YOU WANT TO SETTLE THIS LIKE REAL CANADIAN MEN! Jimmy asked. Criss Angel used his power to materialize an ice arena. They were gonna have a couple ice skating routine dance off just like they used to do in the old Canadian west. Criss and his partner Loren Galler-Rabinowitz began their routine. It was very fluid yet tight. It wasnt the most daring performance but everything was so crisp and

natural. You dont even know how many axels were landed. It seemed like the most fun routine in the world but ice skating is more than fun. Its one part fun, two parts technique and one hundred parts flair. They received near perfect scores. But it was now Jimmy turn and he and Tanith Belbin began. They immediately began the old MJ routine no one could pull it off. It was one part Michael Jackson. They ice moonwalked, did the thriller dance and carved musical wonderment and joy into the ice. It was one part Michael Jordan which consisted of ice crossovers, stealing points from the otherside using quickness and dunking. The last part is MEGA JESUS. In this part one partner is ice crucified while the other partner spends the rest of the routine time carving an ice sculpture of the now dead partner then breaths life back into in effect bringing her back to life. They nailed the MJ routine. It was clear who won. Jimmy may have taught her how to truly make love but she returned the favor she taught him how to figure skate. They were ready to take down William Shatner.

Jimmy was thinking of a plan to break in but then saw the signs telling him how to get to Shatners house and knew that they were ready for him. They had to fight him on his terms. They gave themselves up to the Shatner Security Squad. They were taken to a mock mediation room. BANG BANG William Shatner banged a gavel and yelled Here is your public defender I mean mediator, OmarOmar Minaya. As you know im a fair man thats why I was named the priceline negotiator so instead of killing you lets negotiate for the secrets you want. Ill start the negotiations off. Ill tell you where you need to go, if you participate in a good old fashion montreal snuff film theres a 50% youre the snufee. Spinner yelled NO WAY DUDE! SHUT UP ONLY YOUR REPRENTATIVE CAN SPEAK, go ahead Omar. Shatner shot back. My clients think its a good deal but we have a more creative offer. How about both of

their souls and they have to spend eternity serving you after the case. Omar said. NO DEAL. If I own their souls dont they serve me for eternity anyway. Nice try Omar you sly dog. Shatner said. Ok how about Lee Stevens, Brandon Phillips, Grady Sizemore and Cliff Lee for Bartolo Colon and the information! Omar said. YOU NEVER LEARN YOUR LESSON! yelled Jimmy. SILENCE commanded Shatner. How about Pujols, Hamilton, Hamels, Verlander, and matt moore for the info and Carlos Zambrano? Omar inquired. Thats even worse dude! Jimmy told him. Ok so its either that deal or you guys can fight to the death for his amusement and the information Omar said. Thats easy i choose the deal with no deathmatches! Spinner replied. DEAL said William Shatner. My work is done here! Omar Minaya said as he left completely satisfied with the exemplary negotiating skills he displayed tonight. We cant deliver that first of all they are all on different teams second of all we have no MLB connects. Jimmy explained. You have 5 minutes to deliver these players to me said Shatner. Jimmy tried to explain their predicament but Shatner felt that a mans word was bond therefore a deal was a deal. PREPARE FOR WAR! he yelled then Shatner disappeared. RAWRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! SUP BITCHESSSSS!!!!!! YOU AINT NEVER SEEN SOMEONE RIDE LIKE THIS SON yelled Jay Baruchel, world famous dragon trainer. They looked up and black dragons began to attack from the sky. BOOM BOOM!!!!!!!!!! BOOM!!!!!!!! They were hurling flaming projectiles from the sky. Jimmy knew exactly what to do he threw down some ply wood laying around back up and rolled towards the ramp he just made. He was going to go so fast that he would fly right into a dragon knock Jay off. They couldnt effectively attack without a strategic leader. WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! Spinner yelled. Everyone stopped. HEY DRAGONS I GOT A DEAL FOR YOU! IF YOU STOP ATTACKING WELL GIVE YOU A MOUND OF COKE! Spinner yelled again. The dragons

agreed. Shortly after all of the dragons ODd. The dragons went out just like their dinosaur cousins and dragon ancestors; extinct due to being strung out on coke. Dont do drugs kids! If not for yourself, for the survival of the human race.

PART 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy and Spinner were on the road again. Spinner awoke and posed the question Who would you rather? Kristen Kreuk or Rachel McAdams. Spinner asked. Thats a great question. To be honest they are both such great girls I couldnt choose. I have too much respect for them as actresses, professionals and people to answer. WRONG! It was a three part answer. The GDawg would bang em both, then bang em at the same time and then one while the other one is watching! Spinner shot back. Wouldnt that be four or five part depending if you make the other one watch too? Jimmy asked. HMMMMM! Spinner said, I have to think about that a little more. But while im thinking answer this why are we going to Halifax dude to look at all the pretty colors? Ha I wish dude. Im going to speak to one of my boys in Africville Jimmy replied CRASH Someone just side swiped their car. GET OUT HANDS ON YOUR HEAD! said the driver as he stepped out of his black van. Jimmy looked up and saw the blackest man in Canada, Scott Storch, strapped with an AK-47. Scott put black hoods over their heads and yelledGET IN THE FUCKING VAN! They got in the van.

When the hoods were taken off they were tied to a chair in a spare room in the Scott Storch stash house. Hi my name is Scott. Do you know why youre here? he asked. Spinner tried to answerI go Scott yelled SHUT UP! How bout I take the role of the cool young teacher who keeps you sweet well intentioned young impressionable kids away from drugs. I HEAR YOURE

JUST FUCKING GIVING AWAY COKE TO DRAGONS! Do you know how lucrative the cocaine market was before dinosaurs and dragons became extinct. YOU TOOK THAT BUSINESS FROM ME! YOU STOLE FROM ME! When it comes to cities I only run this town BUT WHEN IT COME TO THE FUCKING COKE GAME I RUN THIS WHOLE FUCKING COUNTRY! So what do you have to say for yourselves gentlemen? Scott asked. Well were so Jimmy tried to answer. SHUT THE FUCK UP! Scott snapped. CLAP Jimmy and Spinner broke out from the rope. Spinner charged at Scott and tackled him. He began to wail on him SECURITY! Scott yelled. His security busted in and ripped Spinner off of Scott. WHAP BANG BLAM Jimmy cracked all three of their skulls open by sneaking up behind them and hitting them with a chair leg. LETS GET OUT OF HERE SPIN! Jimmy yelled. They confiscated some guns from the security and rolled as fast as they could. ZZZZT ZZZZZZZZT Spinners gun was ripped out of this hand by a force while the strength of Jimmys jaws of death like grip allowed him to hold on to the gun so he was thrown into a wall. YOU THINK YOU COULD TAKE ME DOWN THAT EASY! I CAN SPAWN STORMS ALL DAY SON!!! Scott Storch yelled. He spawned another magnet storm and threw Jimmy into the other wall. WAIT IF YOU LET US GO WELL GIVE YOU THIS BAG OF COKE! Spinner yelled. Scott Storch accepted the bag of coke because he was a cokehead. Though he had access to copious amounts of coke he took the deal because he was also a shrewd business man. Scott knew never get high on your own supply. Spinners cocaine had saved them yet again.

Our car is totaled dude we have to get it fixed before we can go farther. They popped it in neutral and tried to find the nearest car garage. After hours of rolling it for a little while they saw a used car lot, Mr. Browns Used Car Emporium. They thought that sounds delightful and walked inside

the building. Do you have any handicapable cars? Jimmy asked. Yes I only have one on the lot is $20,000. Mr. Brown said as he pointed to a particularly shitty multicolored lemon. Ill give you $500 Jimmy shot back. Listen I dont haggle on principle. But ill tell you what if you can out fuck me Ill give it to you for free but if I out fuck you then you owe me $20,000no car included. Mr. Brown said. DEAL said Spinner. Ok come on out Britney Beth! YOU MADE A CRUCIAL MISTAKE THOUGH MY REAL NAME IS ALDEN BROWN MY STAGE NAME IS PETER NORTHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! said Peter North as he grabbed Britney and began vigorously boning her. This lasted for about 20 minutes. She came hard. When he was done it was Spinners turn, IM GONNA FUCK HER EVEN HARDER! he proclaimed. No Spin lets outthink him. Ill go instead Jimmy walked over to the profusely sweating girl with her face covered in sperm and said Youre beautiful you know that. No matter what anyone tells you know inside and out you are beautiful. You are a goddess whose brains and smarts if given a chance would allow you to do nearly impossible things. It doesnt matter who loves you. It doesnt matter if you mom, dad, Peter or me give a shit about you because you are independent, capable and most importantly downright magnificent Jimmy said. THAT GUY WINS! she yelled. Wait a second he didnt even fuck you! Peter contested. SOMETIMES A WOMAN JUST WANTS TO FEEL LOVED! she yelled back. It was a mind fuck of epic proportions. They all began to argue. EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP! Peter this is why your business is tanking and you owe me a ton of money because instead of haggling you challenge you customers to a fuck off. 99% walk away immediately. Second of all you other shitheads think you can just barge into Nova Scotia take a shit in Halifax, MY BACKFUCKINGYARD, and not have to face off against TRIPLEDOUBLE OG ELLEN PAGE well if you didnt know YOU GONE LEARN! Ellen Page yelled as her crew surrounded the

building and took them down.

When they all woke up they were in an operation room viewing gallery except for Peter. He was being operated on. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHHHH PAINNNNNNNNNN WHYYYYYY WHYYYYYYYY yelled Peter until she shoved the gag back in his mouth.AND DONE yelled the doctor. She removed her mask and it was Ellen Page. Do you know how difficult it is to sneak anastesia out of a hospital? Well probably as easy as it is to smuggle the other equipment I used to operate on you but if I gave you anesthesia this wouldnt really be fun would it? she asked. I will give you two options you can live or kill yourself? Ellen page said handing him a gun. HMMMMHMMMMMMMMMM Peter yelled with the gag still in his mouth. Ooo I forgot to tell you I cut your nuts and dick off she said as she took the gag out of his mouth. Ive seen before its is a trick! Peter yelled. She handed him a mirror and showed him. BANG He killed himself. Whos next? Eenie Meenie Minnie Hoe! Thats right bring the whore down here! she said as her crew brought Britney down and strapped her to the operating table. She began to administer three needles. Jimmy had seen this before it was a lethal injection. WATCH! Ellen yelled. She began to seize and convulse for like 2 hours. She was in so much agonyThey watched her die a slow and painful death for three more hours until the doors locking them in opened. LETS FIND AND KILL HER! Spinner yelled. Ive seen this before if we dont leave shell catch us and well die Jimmy said. They walked out the door to see the frozen tundra. If they tried to escape they would freeze to death. It became clear this wasnt hard candy; they would die either way.

They began walking. They walked for hours until they saw a group of penguins. Jimmy and Spinner knew what to do. They took out hunting knifes they found in and the woods and went to town. Jimmy snuck up behind three and did a triple sneak behind the back throat slash. Spinner just chased packs of them down then butchered the slowest one while yelling "SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!" It seemed as if noone was fit that day. They repeated this process until every penguin was dead. They used their meat and fur for sustenance and warmth. BUGLE!!!!!!!! BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM It sounded like a stampede was on the horizon. They looked up to see a bunch of war penguins charging them. They were armed with hammer and axes. Jimmy and Spinner had a killstreak going and were therefore on fire. They got mad perks and upgrades. And because of that they absolutely wrecked the first battalion of war penguins it wasnt even funny. Though Spinner was laughing the whole time until he decided to take a mama penguinblood bath while the penguin chicks watched they would have had hella emotional scars but Spinner was merciful and made them kill each other. But i guess he was laughing then too he just had blood in his mouth. TRUCE! yelled a man straddling a riding penguin. As he came closer hey realized it was Sidney Crosby, he spoke I was going to have them kill you for you crimes against penguins but realized your sufficient fighting skills instead I will give you an offer. I will get you back to civilization but first you have to help me fight Sarah McLachlan and her shitty seals. Once we fight through her territory youll be back with humanity. Crosby reasoned. They agreed to his deal. They rounded up an elite squad of special ops penguins and began to infiltrate McLachlans seal compound. They attacked the capital first. The seals maybe slow and stupid but damn did they have awesome weaponry. They ran into some capital police seals that were toting m16 with grenade launchers. Once the seals spotted the penguins they went into to self-destruct mode and began to shoot grenades at load bearing columns and walls while

the building was also being shelled the outside. CRUSHHHHHHHHHHHH CRUMBLE The capital building collapsed. Jimmy and Spinner were banged up, bruised and exhausted but at least they were ok. They surveyed the rubble above them and realized they were in the secret seal tunnel system under the captial. They had to get out there but there were only two paths. We got to split up if one of us can get out we can call us some support from the division. Jimmy explained. They split up Jimmy went left and Spinner right. Jimmy marveled at the inscriptions on the wall he didnt read seal but it was so beautiful he couldnt help himself from looking. BAM! He was hit upside the head with a club when he awoke and saw club armed seal guards guarding the hospital door he tried to reason with them, Look at yourself you used to be club and oppressed and now look whose the oppressor how would all of your clubbed ancestors feel about this? Jimmy asked. ARFF ARFFF ARFFFFF ARRFF RAFFF RAFFF ARGHHH ARGHH ARFFF ARFFFR one of the guards shot back. Look im sorry for breaking in but I was just doing that so we could leave the penguin kingdom and you cant hold one human accountable for what some species mates have done in the past. Ive never clubbed before in my life besides on my 21 birthday hah get it Jimmy said. The seals were not amused. He was done. ARF AFR ARFFF ARFFFF said the news announcer on the hospital television it switched to a live feed of Spinner. He was holed up in a seal elementary school. When the feed went live he picked up a regulation size club and began clubbing the child seals to death. He clubbed about 100 of the 1000 seal students in the school. He was so elated. You see seal clubbinh was a national Canadian pastime and he was one patriotic son of a bitch. Spinner then he yelled IF YOU DONT RELEASE MY FRIEND! ILL CLUB MORE I SWEAR!. They knew he was serious because by the time he finished that statement 17 more child seals were clubbed to death.

PART 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MMMMM MMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMM Godammit Spinner wake up dude! Shes conscious again. Jimmy said as he pulled over and handed Spinner the shovel. Spinner woke up grabbed the shovel opened the trunk and bludgeoned her back to sleep. Spinner hopped back in the car. So why are we in Calgary dude you know the hoes arent down with our swag here; the clowns around here are so far behind when the chicks see us they just arent ready. Spinner said. I know the ladies arent jocking us here but when they I couldnt get no love from my family, my friends even you I got love and great advice from one woman no goddess named Elisha. Jimmy explained. What the fuck dooes that have to do with anything? Spinner asked. Well unless you can force Mclachlan to tell us where to go im going to ask Elisha to use her soothing tones and even keeled presences to talk some sense into Sarah! Were off to her house to have an open honest talk about why Sarah would be protecting the monster behind this Jimmy explained again I guess the only way to get anything done in this city you have to hook up with an old flame haha if you know what I mean haha get it Jimmy said. Spinner pretended his headphones were in his ear; he did not get it.

They arrived at Elishas House. They took Sarah out the trunk, carried her to the door and did the secret knock. Come in quickly! Elisha commanded. They sat her in a closet it was a considerable time before she woke up. WHERE AM I! Sarah yelled. ZAP HEY HEY HEY CALM DOWN! Spinner yelled as he cattle prodded her; it worked she did calm down. Now listen I know you want to do the loyal and honorable thing and protect the person whos behind this, hell you may have feelings for this person, but theres no honor in murder and someone who loves you wouldnt put you in this position. Elisha explained. SPEW Sarah Mclachlin spat in

her face then yelledYOU DONT KNOW NOTHING YOU STUPID BITCH! ZAP FUCK DID I SAY Spinner yelled after he cattle prodded her again. Hey I know it may seem like were not on your side even that we are holding you against your will but its for your own good and the real sane Sarah that we know is inside is giving us permission. So whatever we do next is just an attempt to get the old not dangerous Sarah to come out Elisha tried to explain again as she, Spinner and Jimmy rolled out of there. KNOCK KNOCK BITCH! said as Jann Arden opened the door and spoke Animals kill ANIMALS STUPID ITS THE CIRCLE OF FUCKING LIFE. SMALL CHILDREN CAN GRASP THIS CONCEPT WHEN THEY WATCH THE LION KING! You dont know how much I want to test on animals. One of these days well test our biological weapons on some retarded diseased baby endangered monkeys!Jann continued to verbally assault animal rights. POP WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THESE TADDIES!?!?!?! she said as she busted open her shirt. Sarah Mclachlin began to cry at the sight of Janns seal eyelid bra. If only I took their eyes out Mr. Slapps, Sparky and Santa the seals they could see you right now HAHAHAHa Jann yelled. YOU TORTURED THEN KILLED THEM!!! THEY WERE MY BEST FRIENDS AND EVEN BETTER LOVERS!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Sarah yelled. Are you ready to tell me whos behind this. If you dont well kill a lot more. Jann shot back. No I cant..I wontim doing this for them..they would want me to make a stand! GO FUCK ONE OF YOUR FOLDS BITCH! Sarah replied. Ok youre stronger than I thought I have good news and bad news. The good news is I didnt torture your seal friends the bad news I will nowin front of you. BRING EM IN! yelled Jann. They brought them in along with many apparatuses. EVER HAD BLUBBER NUGGETS! Jann said as she slowly burned Mr. Slapps to death. WEEP WEEPPPPP WEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!! Sarah cried as she watched her old friend cooked just

right it was so cruel it was so delicious. Jann then threw Santa the Seal on the rack. She did a tap dancing routine that would tap to the beat of Santa the Seals bones cracking. Sarah got into her zone and began to block everything out. TUNE THIS OUT YAOOOO!!!!! Jann said. Jann put Sparky in an Iron Maiden they made her watch and hear the agony it lasted for hours but she stayed strong.

DAMMIT, I LEARNED FROM THE BEST, AGENT JACK BAUER!!! WHY HASNT SHE BROKE YET! Well I learned from the best who also learned from the plus it wouldnt be the dick cheney style of interrogation if here wasnt a third part. Elisha said, First you insult your enemies beliefs then you hurt their relatives and lastly you hurt your enemy really really hurt them because no one is more important than numero uno HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Spinner raised his hand. YES THE MANIACAL LAUGHTER IS PART OF IT! she yelled. Spinner lowered his hand. Elisha busted in the room and opened the closet. Elisha began to beat her with a belt. This continued for a while. Then she stopped and pulled out a nail gun. PEW PEW PEW PEEW She began to do target practice she light Sarah up put Sarah was still block everything out. PEW PEWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yelled Sarah. Elisha shot her in both eyes, STOP SCREAMING! Elisha yelled. PEW Sarah did stop screaming but thats just because the nail had landed in the part of the brain that controls the decade long coma button. The trail had run cold if they wanted to do anything with the case theyd have to wait a while.

Spinner was going to head back to Rapid City. While Jimmy would stay here and fill out the

paperwork that would officially close the case and mark it as unsolved. Spinner was on the highway when he saw a giant inferno on the horizon it was colossal, destructive but also somehow beautiful. He was drawn to it. He could have turned around but instead he drove straight into it. BOOM!!! Whaaa? Spinner said as he woke, Where the hell am i? WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!?!?! YOURE IN HELL BOIIIIIII YEE HAW!!! NOW GET UP AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!!! yelled the man hovering over him. Spinner collected himself and got up he realized who it was he was fighting the king of harts, OWEN FREAKING HART. Owen was a beautiful man perfect physique kind eyes strong face and a well toned posterior. When Spinner was a kid and needed some inspiration or confidence he would sometimes pretend he was talking to or even was Owen Hart; whenever he did that he felt like he had the largest cock and the biggest pair of balls in the universe. He could fuck the ring off of Saturn with that thing. As soon as that thought came to his head BAM! Owen leg sweeped him. Spinner jumped up and took a swing. Owen dodged it then hit him with a backbreaker. Owen began to stomp him out; Spinner was getting his ass kicked. Spinner got up and hit him with two consecutive jabs then a kick to the gut he tried to hit owen with another gut kick but owen dodged in then put Spinner in a surfboard stretch. He let him go because hed rather win by pin or ko than submission. He german suplexed Spinner but Spinner broke out. Owen got up BAM Spinner bounced off the ropes then clotheslined him. Spinner was loving this he was fighting one of his lifelong heroes but then he remembered he was in hell and that one false slip could damn him forever so he did what any avid kung fu movie watcher would do harness all of his energy and chi and punch owen so hard in the chest that his fist would be near vital organs. Once he was inside Owen he grabbed both lungs out he liked the way they felt. Then Spinner pulled his heart out so he could make puns in the future. ZOOM! Spinner was teleported back to earth.

Jimmy was on his way to turn in the report when he was confronted by a gang of gay muscular Canadian men. They grabbed and threw him in the back of a pick up truck. They drove to a huge lakeside estate. He was wheeled into a mansion with an awesome dining room filled with assorted wines, cheese and hors doeuvres . He inspected the food and then chowed down. The old british bulter walked in with some champagne and said Good Evening Welcome to Monteith Manor the master will be down momentarily in the meantime please feel to sip the finest Ace of Spades champagne! Jimmy sipped some and then Cory Monteith walked in Welcome to my Manor dear friend may I offer you anything else? An explanation would be nice! Jimmy replied. Very well a dear friend of mine has asked me to kill you so im going to go ahead and do it but every man on death row deserves a last meal so let me ask you again may I offer you anything else? Cory replied. Yea one more thing a fair shake! Jimmy exclaimed. Why what do you mean? Corey asked. A sing-off you versus me right now Jimmy challenged. Deal the arrogant Cory replied. Cory won handily. Well that did not go well I dont know what I was thinking im a terrible singer but dammit a deals a deal! Jimmy resigned. Corys security was about to bring him to the basement. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Jimmy pulled out a 44 magnum and shot the three man security team. He then shot Cory in the head and rolled out the house. BAM BAM Cory began to shoot at him from the bushes. BANG BANG Cory tried to snipe him from the roof. Cory rolled out from tool shed and threw a grenade in Jimmys direction. Cory hopped in his car and tried to mow jimmy down. BAM BAM BAM Jimmy shot the windshield three times the second bullet him Cory straight in the neck he then rolled out of the cars way. What the hell is happening Jimmy thought. HAHAHAHAHAHA THESE ARE ALL MY CLONES AND THERES MORE I HAVE A WHOLE SQUAD OF CLONES

WAITING TO KILL YOU! the real Cory yelled from the balcony. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG Jimmy began to shoot the clones. He had a long string of headshots he was so close to leveling up. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG YOU COULD SEND 100,000 CORY CLONES BUT REMEMBER YOURE JUST MAKING ME KILL 100,000 MORE PUSSIES THAN I PLANNED TODAY! BTW MAMA MONTEITH COULD TELL YOU HOW I KILL THE PUSSY! Jimmy taunted. HAHAHAHAH WEAKSAUCE. IM DONE WITH THIS NONSENSE! CORY CLONES RETREAT! THIS TOWN WILL BE DESTROYED BY SUNDOWN ANYWAY. RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!!!! the real Cory yelled. WHOOSH!!! Jimmy saw the Kraken rise from the sea. Cory and his clones had already fleed. He saw this as an opportunity to counsel the Kraken and work out emotional issues that lead him to ravage seatowns. YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS! JUST TURN BACK AROUND GO HOME TALK TO YOUR FAMILY AND TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM! Jimmy yelled to the Kraken. ID LOVE TO YOU PRICK BUT YOU HUMANS POLLUTED THE SHIT OUT OF THE WATER MY KIDS ALL DIED FROM HORRIBLE MUTATIONS AND MY WIFE SUFFOCATED FROM AN OIL SPILL!!! SO FUCK YOU!!! IM GONNA BLOW OFF A LITTLE STEAM WHENEVER I DESTROY A TOWN ITS LIKE WHEN A KID BURNS ANTS WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS NOT BECAUSE ITS OUT OF CURIOSITY AND INNOCENT ITS BECAUSE LIKE THE LITTLE BOY TO THE ANTS THE HUMAN RACE TO ME MEANS NOTHING! PLUS THE OTHER GUY PAYS COLD HARD CASH! the Kraken yelled back. The kraken continued to advance. Jimmy raided Corys car garage. He had an extensive collection of hot rods with power engines. Jimmy began to build as quickly as possible. He had 5 minutes before the Kraken reached the shore. TOOLS FIX FIX MECHANICS BANG BANG HAMMER SCREW ENGINE

GRRRRRR FIXING ALMOST FINISHED DRILLED Jimmy began to build a machine. It was a supergun. When he finished aimed then fired. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!! He shot the Kraken dead with that power supergun Sadaam Hussein is rolling over in his hole. Kraken guts and money flew everywhere. Jimmy thought about it theres no way Cory could have afforded the Kraken and he doesnt have 100,000 clone money also this mansion is sweet too sweet for a pussy like Cory. He picked up the money and read the rubberband around it read IM A BELIEBER! Jimmy looked towards the heavens and yelled BIEBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!PART 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy and Spinner were on their way to confront Bieber. He was behind all of this and performing at the Air Canada Centre tonight. They had to reach him before he left the city. Didnt we kick his bitch ass already? Why would he think it would be any different this time Spinner asked. Normally Id say lets not get cocky but we faced this kid before and Id be overhyping him if I said he was lightwork! Jimmy replied, But Ill give him this he sure has some damn powerful friends, if one of those guys doesnt kill us hes gonna pay for his past deeds. HELL PAY FOR WHAT HES ZHOOOOOOOOOOOM ZHOOOOOOOOOOM ZHOOOOOOOOOM ZHOOOOOM ZHOOOOOM ZHOOM ZHOOM ZHOOM ZHOOM ZHOOM ZHOOM ZHOOM ZHOOM BOOM!!! The car was sucked into the air. Jimmy looked up to see a car magnet attached to a helicopter were flying them over the highway 401.

They finally landed.They were taken out the car by men in all black from their suits to their glass

to their shoes. They escorted Jimmy and Spinner into a woods surrounded Mansion then took them to a library and blindfolded them. It seemed like they were in an elevator when they were unblindfolded they were in a jail cell surrounded by Canadian armymen. Let them come out for to the table a voice said. They were rolled into the table Oh god its you! Spinner said as he and jimmy were put at the table with Kiefer Sutherland. Hello gentleman I would like to give you an option. We can have a drink off between me and you guys and the winner if its one of you guys is let go! Do you accept Kiefer asked. I dont think we have a choice Spin. Deal! Jimmy replied. How did you know where we were going? As far as anyone knows this investigation is closed! Jimmy asked/yelled. Your girl, Elisha sang like an oppressed aborginie Kiefer shot back. LIAR SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW!Jimmy yelled. Fine you little bitch, I put phone taps and monitoring on all my costars lines of communications. This country entrusts me with their safety. I am the only one responsible, capable and powerful enough to get the job done SINGLE HANDELY NOW LETS GET BLASTED Kiefer yelled. They began to drink shots of jack daniels. They all downed 30 no problem but when they got to 100 Spinner got a little tipsy. Jimmy gave a stern clean that up you looking slopy b look. Spinner prevailed. They all got to 230 and were really hammered. Spinner called for a timeout nap. He immediately fell into a deep sleep. Ha I GUESS WE KNOW WHAT YOUR PARTNER IS MADE OFBITCHGEIT YOUR PARTNER IS BITCHMADE AHAHAHAHAHA! yelled Keifer. Jimmy and him went shot for shot until kiefer bowed out a 500. I offer you your release pansy Kiefer slurred. BANG BANG Jimmy shot the army men and threw Spinner on his lap. They were racing out of that prison. GODDAMMIT SPINNER I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO TRAIN YOUR KIDNEY TO SUPER PROCESS ALCOHOL Jimmy yelled. Spinner was still asleep. They found the elevator and rolled in it. They rolled out the library and out the door.

They ran for cover into the woods. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! WHOOOOOOOOOSHHH!!!!!!!! A mystical orb of energy shot threw some trees. What the hell! yelled Spinner, he looked around to see a small child spawning energy from his chest and hands, GODDAMMIT SUTHERLAND GOT THAT MAGICAL RETARDED KID IN ATTACK MODE! They tried to out roll/run him but they quickly found out the child had recruited a large team of like minded individuals. WHOOOOOOOOOSHHHH! WHOOOOOOOSHHH!!! WHOOSH!!!! WHOOSH!!! WHOOSH!!!! WHOOSH!!! Energy orbs were flying everywhere. Jimmy and Spinner split up. Jimmy began to make some rope out of the leaves he didnt want to hurt these poor misguided children so he began to dart through the trees tie them up. Spinner tried to run straight threw them. He trucked a little one so hard he flew into the air and took out another special sorcerer who then rolled into a third one. Spinner saw a shovel picked it up and began to bash them hard. They took out like 2/5 of the crew between the tying and knocking out but the special sorcerer kiefer owned was much more skilled than the other ones. WHOOOOSH!!!! In one sweep he shot a pellet gun like orb that freed the tied ones and awoke the knocked out ones. Jimmy and Spinner both made a dash to a nearby bunker. SHIT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE GO OUT THERE! Spinner yelled. SHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Jimmy shot back. What? They supersmelling abilities its not like they have super hearing abilities too! Spinner said. Jimmy informed him as he saw lights flashing towards him THEY HAVE BOTH. BOOM BOOOOM BOOOOOM!!!! The bunker was being bombarded. They had found Jimmy and Spinner already. They were surrounded. Spinner pulled out an laser guided AR-15 pointed the scope at one of the kids and fired. He gave the swiss cheese treatment to 55 more of them until Jimmy yelled STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Look at them!! Spinner looked around and saw that they werent firing orbs back, in attack mode or even war

meditating; they were just following the laser on the gun. Give me the gun Jimmy said as Spinner passed him the gun. He rolled with the laser trailing on the ground and led them to a second secret bunker he locked them in threw the ammo from the gun but kept the laser on a wall in the bunker. He and Spinner found an ATV they strapped Jimmy to the back and were on their way.

They managed to get close to the highway when they were pulled over by some Mounties. Do you know why I pulled you over son the officer said. I was speeding but you see im a fellow officer so can you? asked Jimmy before he was cut off. Are your trying to solicit a favor from a fellow officerCORRUPTION CORRUPTION CORRUPTION!!! the officer yelled as he cuffed Jimmy. Spinner tried to get out the car but the mounties partner pulled up in a police car and cuffed him. They drove them to the Prince Edward Viaduct. THIS FINE CITY HAS NO PLACE FOR CORRUPTION OR IMMORALITY OF ANY KIND YOU DONE SINNED AND NOW YOULL SERVE YOURE PENANCE GOOD DAY GENTLEMEN! the officer said. Jimmy and Spinner were both thrown off the bridge. They were both still in handcuffs swimming would be difficult especially wih the broken necks they were likely to receive from the high fall. SPLASHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy tucked and rolled just right to just be bruised which broke the water for Spinner who landed last he dislocated his shoulder. At least Spinner still had his legs he swam to shore he wasnt able to pull Jimmy with that shoulder. Jimmy began to sink. He looked around the murky water. BAM!!! He was punched in his face by a fabled sea monkey with training gloves on, not the brine shrimp but a water monkey or primate. BAM BAM BAM He continued to be hit with a barrage of punches from four new sea monkeys. His lungs were filling with water. Then he remembered to use his back up gills. He was still sinking but he still

had his head and that was the most important tool of survival. Jimmy headbutted the first monkey then bit another monkeys eye out. He then used pressure from his chin to crush another monkeys trachea. The last one he used his teeth as a knife and slit the seamonkeys throat he used the corpse like a boat and the spewing blood coming from the throat as a motor to float him to the top then to shore. Jimmy looked to the shore to realize Spinner had been fighting another sea based creatureMOGWAIS!!!! Spinner was choking one of the Mogwais with his handcuffs while a group of three mogwais were biting him. Jimmy tackled two of them off of Spinner then used a nearby rock to break the handcuffs. BANG BANG The cop was shooting at Spinner. He missed both time. BANG He shot right at Spinners head. It landed but not in his head in Jimmys thigh when Jimmy saw the cops head huning he rolled over there and jumped in front of the bullet. WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT I DONT FEELING IN IT ANYWAY! Jimmy yelled as opened his secret compartment the pulled out a SG 550. He fucked those mogwais up. He then tried to shoot at the police officer but he kept on dodging the bullets. How is he doing this Jimmy thought as he continued to shot. EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 said the officer when he dodged a bullet and landed in deer droppings but he continued to dodge. Jimmy realized something psychic abilities, disgusted by droppings and counting like a maniac this could only be one person. He then stopped thinking and began to shoot at the bridge. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG The officer looked up at the bullet holes on the bridge and read them LEDNAM EIWOH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! the officer said as the disguise melted away. Jimmy got him to enact the spell. It was Howie Mandel. WHY DID YOU DO IT!!! HOW MUCH DID BIEBER PAY YOU!?!?!?!! Jimmy asked. Bieber? He had nothing to do with this. Howie shot back. SMACK DONT LIE TO ME Spinner yelled as he smacked

Howie. IM NOT LYING!!! This was just an episode of Howie Do It, home video edition! Howie explained. WE DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS LETS JUST GO GET BIEBER! Jimmy yelled as they hopped in the police car then hopped on the highway. PART 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (1 OF 2)

They had reached the Air Canada Centre. It was showdown time. They rolled into the parking lot. They drove into the car garage. SHLAMMMMMM!!!! BOOM!!A gate immediately closed behind them. They knew what they were in for. What do we dude? asked Spinner. Normally Id stay in the car but he knew we would drive here so lets ditch the car and try to surprise them Jimmy said as he put a brick on the brake pedal. VROOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!! KABLAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What was that? Did the car hit the wall? Spinner asked. No the explosion was way too big for that Jimmy said. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHAT THE FUCK Spinner yelled as they saw a girl with a charging plasma cannon. SHAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!! !! She fired the cannon a group of 5 cars disintegrated. Who the fuck is that? Jimmy asked. I have no idea but the bitch has a plasma cannon! Spinner replied. They hid behind some more cars EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCHHHHHHHHMMMMMM MMMMMMMMM!!!!! !! WHO WOULD GIVE A RANDOM CHILD A PLASMA CANNON!!??!?!?! Jimmy asked. IM A GROWN WOMAN DICKHOLE! she yelled. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHAAAAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM

MMMM!!!!!!! She shot a row of car back into the car Spinner was hiding behind it pinned Spinner in between two cars. She realized that was beginning to walk towards him. Little girl why are you doing this? Spinner asked. SHUT UP YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!!!! IM DOING THIS FOR HIS LOVE! she yelled. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHAAAAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM MMMM!!!!!!! Jimmy tackled her. It changed the trajectory of the shot. IM RACHEL BITCH!!!!!!!! she yelled. BAM A chunk of concrete hit her and pinned her to the floor. The roof was crumbling down. WHOOSHHHHHHH!!!! CRACK!!! Jimmy threw the car off of Spinner arm then cracked his shoulder back into place. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHAAAAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMM MMMM!!!!!!Jimmy picked up the plasma cannon and blew the gate locking them in open. They raced out the parking complex and head to the arena. They were meet by Biebers security. I go this said a voice. The security parted and a glorious man rose up.LEE THOMPSON YOUNG AKA THE FAMOUS JETT JACKSON!!! Spinner and Jimmy yelled. Thats right suckers but it aint aka anymore I go by Jett Jackson now. Did you know the American-Candaian joint project v show Jett Jackson was a secret international security squad. It was the real reason for NAFTA. Once we saved all that money we could now more effectively transfer weapons and training from US to Canada. That made me a huge international security asset and figure. Then when they put that television show on air it indoctrinated the youth no child turned adult who grew up watching me would dare fight or disobey me! Jett Jackson said. Im sorry dude but hes right I cant fight Jett Jackson you saw the episodes he fought for our freedom! Spinner said. Fine dude I got this Jimmy said. DROPKICK Jett Jackson dropped kicked Jimmy into a pole. Ahh

jimmy said as his head hit the pole. Jimmy uprooted the pole and baseball bat swinged Jett Jackson he went flying in the air. Jimmy charged him. WHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jett Jackson suplexed Jimmy into a wall. Jett Jackson picked up a broken beer bottle while Jimmy was collecting himself; Jett slashed his face with the sharp edges on the bottle. IM NOT DR. HYPNOTO BITCH ILL FIGHT BACK Jimmy yelled as he eye gouged Jett. BANG! Jimmy had shot Jett That was always your problem Jett, your reluctance to use weapons! Jimmy said. I guess Jett Jackson just got cancelled Spinner cracked. YOU THINK JETT JACKSON HASNT BEEN REGENERATED BEFORE HAH FOOLISH a man in the distance. BOOM BOOOM BOOOOOM!!!! The man shot three beams of sun at them. They didnt land but the energy was enough to burn Spinner skin and send Jimmy rolling back a couple of feet. CELESTIAL BEINGS UNITE!!!! the man yelled. It was pitch black the mysterious man had just summoned an eclipse. WHOOSH WHOOOSH WHOOOSH It looked like throwing stars were chasing them then they realized they were actually stars. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOOOOOOOM CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP The man on the moon was charging at them from the sky. Its collision with the grown threw Jimmy and Spinner in the 10 feet air. They got up only to see the man on the moon charging at them mouth open ready to swallow them whole. DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM Asteriod men were marching towards them. PEW PEW PEW They began to shoot lazers at Jimmy and Spinner. MARRRY MEEE MARRRYYY MEE MARRRRY ME The rings of Saturn were now chasing them one of the rings them decapitated the head, the little head that is, of an asteroid man; the foreshadowing wasnt subtle. WHOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!! The man summoned a black hole all of the chaos around them was being sucked into it including Jimmy and Spinner. Jimmy began spinning his wheels so fast he was able to go in the opposite direction of the blackhole. Spinner

was not so lucky he was sucked in. Jimmy ran straight at the hood man took out the rim of his wheelchair. YOU KILLED MY BESTFRIEND!!!! ILL PUT A RING ON IT!!! He tackled the mysterious man put the rim around his neck then pulled with great force. The rim was sharpened enough to decapitate him. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP SPINNER!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy yelled. Whats up dude Spinner said. I thought you were dead!??!?! Jimmy said. Naw dude just another alternate dimension Spinner explained as he looked at the head, I guess when you killed him I was free damnnnnnnnnnn is that Jumper? Spinner asked. It was Jumper.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD A woman was firing at them with a turret. RUN!!! Jimmy yelled. They rolled behind a brick wall. Lets Split up Jimmy got out of his chair and rolled it from behind the wall. Spinner began to run the opposite way. She began to fire at him. WAHHHHHHHH SLAM!!! Spinner was inside the arena. The glass was bullet proof but the columns werent. Spinner and her quickly realized this just as she started shooting at the colums. AHHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOM BAMMMMMMM!!! Jimmy flew from the sky and took the girl out. Before he landed on her she hit the colum just in time and it fell down. SPINNNNN!!!!! Jimmy yelled. He looked at the young lady. SHENAE!?!?! Jimmy asked. WHAAAAAAAA GULP Someone just shoved something in Jimmys mouth. IF YOU DONT SWALLOW YOU DONT BREATHE!!!said a voice. He wanted to breathe. It was shrooms he began to cross over into the realm of mishaps and oddities. He was greeted by none other than the infamous Tyler the Creator. I owe that bitch a favor, make it through this realm

with your guts intact and youll get your release but HAHAHAHAHAHA yea no way thats happeningNIGGAAH!!!!!! Tyler laughed as he faded away and the N word echoed.. Jimmy had to find the room that got him back. Jimmy rolled into the first room. It was a old priest with a dirty sanchez mustache masturbating on the church balcony while watching the youth choir. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! the priest yelled. He shot his load all over the face of the nun /choir leader. Jimmy slammed the door. The next room was of a crowd of PTA mothers watching another woman being fucked to death by a horse. The horses horsewife watched and the whole time neighed in approval. She began to neigh in pain. BLAMM!! A new baby horse was born. BAM! Once the woman was dead one of the mothers shot the male horse while another rolled out a giant oven. Another mother grabbed a butchers knife killed the newly born horse and began to gut the woman and older male house. They were making a turduken of a horse, lady and horse baby. Once it was cooked they all ate then yelled out DEATH TO TENURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy had seen enough he was on to the next room. The next room was a small child being beaten so hard that it threw up then as punishment was forced to eat his throw up this cycle continued until he deficated himself. The parent beating him cleaned that up the old fashion way by eating it. Jimmy almost threw up but he was in control. The next room was very nice it was an elderly couple baking cooking. She threw the cookies in the oven then set the time 45 minutes it read. What should we do with this free time sweetheart the man asked. She threw on the table ripped his pants off and pulled out a strap on she began fucking him rigorously AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEA AWWWWWWWWWWW POUND THAT MANGINA the elderly man yelled, IF ONLY I COULD AFFORD VIAGRA!!!! Jimmy was too traumatized by previous rooms to truly take in the horror of that room. He walked into the last room to see the portal in the back of the room. The last room was entitled the rape and portal

room for a reason. The whole Odd Future crew was involuntarily running the train on a young lady. Many had already nutted. It looked like a bukkake hurricane in there. Not one hole was left unpenetrated. Jimmy rushed to save her but then he caught himself he knew this was all in his head and once he got out of the realm hed be okay. He reached the portal was shot out of the realm. Right into a spectators seat at some strange competition. It seemed like a race between Shenae Grimes and Spinner. They both were in hot rod. YOURE NO MATCH FOR ME IM A METHOD ACTRESS BEEEYATCHHHHHH!!!!Shenae yelled at Spinner. Spinner stuck his tongue at her and blew raspberries at her. They both took a bunch of what seemed like shots. READY! SET! GO! Spinner was and Shenae were off. BAM BAM BAM BAM OH GOD Jimmy yelled as four homely gentlemen were run over. The crowd was cheering he looked up at the scoring board and saw it was tied 2 -2. BAM BMA BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM I was neck and neck 6 to 5 Shenae. Then all of a sudden Spinner began to get on a roll. BAM BMA BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BMA BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BMA BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BMA BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BMA BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BMA BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BMA BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM He was killing her or the bums to be exact but he was winning in the process by a lot. In fact there was no way for her to win there werent many bums left. They hopped out the cars. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??? IM A POLICE OFFICER WE DRIVE DRUNK ALL THE TIME!!! Plus do you know how many bodies of bums or thugs or people no ones gives a shit about in the woods!?!?!?! Lets just say if I put a number on it would make me face the fact im a monster. Spinner gloated as he grabbed the trophy. SHUT UP DICK! she yelled as she pulled out an assault rifle. Bieber appeared from the crowd with a microphone YOU STILL LOSE!!! he yelled to Spinner. SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!!!!!!! An all gold 1975

Cadillac Fleetwood pulled up next to the podium. It had gold rims, even the wheel were spraypainted gold. The wheels were still spinning and he muffler had flames shooting out of it. It was pimp as fuck. A scantily clad hoe popped out the car and opened the back door. A sexy caramel toned mulatto man in a with all natural ostrich skin boots, the finest, shinest, most pimp, most balla, most polished pimp cane made of the 100% Metasequoia wood topped off with a giant diamond sitting on top, a fluffy black sweater pimp sweater with a 14 carat black diamond encrusted attack owl on the front and some real gangster prelotioned oj gloves. WHAAAAAAAAAA The crowd swooned. It was the rapper/singer Drake. SLAP!!!! ITS DRIZZY BITCH!!! Drake yelled after he backhanded Shenae Grimes, Dis wren think she a dicty bree but nah youse a hincty moo juice ofay hoe I wouldnt lamp at ya if I wanted a queen to hit the lily white with. Cross youse always tryna steal a niggas shine. Not this time, I been focusing on your trickeration its whipped up and I dont dig it, youse a yard dog so help me. Aint nobody coming on that tab that off time jive you spit. NOW TAKE ANOTHER TRICK!!!! he yelled as he backhanded her again. He grabbed the gun that dropped out of her hand on the first slap and shot Justin Bieber.

PART 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (2 OF 2) They had brought the body back to the lab in Rapid City for an autopsy they all watched while they waited for confirmation it was the real Bieber. The morgue doctor looked inside his heart for the souls of 1,000,000 little girls and shook his head no. GODDAMIT THAT LITTLE FUCK Jimmy yelled, Sorry I let my emotions get the best of me! Well just have to get back on the road and find the real little prick! The chief came running in and yelled That little son of bitch is trying to destroy the dam! But thentown will flood...LETS GO! Jimmy yelled. They

hopped in the car and drove to the dam. They saw Biebers ballistic beaver battalion setting up c4 and explosives on the dam walls. Jimmy pulled out his T/C Contender and began firing at the beavers. FREEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!! Spinner yelled as he pulled out his Freedom Arms .454 Casull and began taking out beavers. But the beavers were skilled they began to use their teeth to dig under the ground and up pop for sneak underground attacks. Spinners legs were shredded. Jimmy kept blocking the attack with his wheels. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Spinner began to wildly fire his trigger finger was so quick he actually began to hit some of them. Jimmy focused and began to pick them off. He was fighting his way to the dam. A beaver threw a piece of wood in his spokes. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy yelled. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMM!!!!! !!!!!!!! The dam exploded. The Ballistic Beaver Batallion retreated. WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP Jimmy called a police copter and it hovered ahead. Jimmy and Spinner climbed up to the copter. OK IM GONNA NEED SOME CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT, SOME CANADIAN UNION WORKERS, AND DAY LABORERS. Jimmy yelled; the chief got him all of that stuff. THERE, THERE, THERE, THERE, THERE, THERE!Jimmy yelled. He was pointing out places to dig. WHOOOOOOOOSH WHOOOOOOSH WHOOOOOOOOOSH Now we wait Jimmy informed him. CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEERSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! The water was diverted into the crops which were needing water due to an abnormal half drought. He had saved the down and saved the crops. BUSTED BIEBS BUTT Spinner yelled. Damn that was easy Jimmy yelled. BAOO BAOO BAOOO BAOOO BOOO BOOO BOOO BAOOO BAOOOO Justin Bieber was ghostriding a blimp with a megaphone in his hands, I BORROWED A PLAGUE FORMULA

FROM OUR GOOD FRIEND JUMPER HAHAHAHAHAH YOUR CROPS ARE DESTROYED!!!! THATS NOT EVEN THE GRAND FINALE!!!!!! LETS JUST SAY I WORKED OUT A DEAL WITH STEVE NASH!!!!! Bieber yelled. Flying demon imps were attacking from the sky They were blowing fire from their nostrils and throwing flaming arrows. They also chanting summoning deceased followers to rise up and to attack.Drake descended from the sky on a lady angels back. She dropped Drake off then flew into the sky. She was armed and shielded to the teeth. She was killing imps with a burning passion. How is that ladyarch angel so good? Spinner asked. Dat aint just any blip dats a foxy v-8 canaray right dere dats da angel Aaliyah herself so lay yo head in a barrelhouse manna she goneget in dere dis aint hype dis da truth, CHURCH!!! Drake said. She continued to slaughter the bitch ass imps and devil worshipping zombies. She was bathing in the dirty hot sticky unpure blood of those defective demons. ENOUGH!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMPPPPPP!!!!!! A red giant hand from the sky squashed the arch angel Aaliyah. h. Her soul ascended back into the heavens. The devil appeared, he was the most giant thing anyone had ever seen he hovered above the earth he began to blow out the sun. It was getting colder and colder. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Drake yelled as he whipped his shirt off and began chanting O Bone Jesu miserere nobisQuia tu creasti nos tu redemisti nos Sanguine tuo pretiosissime O Bone Jesu miserere nobisQuia tu creasti nos tu redemisti nos Sanguine tuo pretiosissime!!!! Drake grew wings then armor formed upon him. A sword forged by god himself fell from the sky god; Drake caught that sword. CLASH CLASH CLASH CLASH CLASH CLASH CLASH CLASH Drake and the devil did battle that doomful day tha they destroyed Rapid City. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Drake pure war cry shattered everyones eardrum in a 5 mile radius but that wasnt the most painful outcome. His falsetto was so angelic and beautiful God himself was revealed to everyone in Rapid City when they saw God in one magnificent swoop pimp smack the devil back into the bowels of hell. The towns crops were destroyed but at least they all saw a little glimpse of heaven. Drake gave an emotional speech before he left townA nigga stays sharp and righteous wit his vine I always gots a fine dinner on my arm thats jus waiting to hitz da pad. The fur on my orchestration show dat im shining n I get the gravy im greasing big time aint fruiting when it comes to fews and two. You already see I came ready. This young nigga is togged to the bricks. Zooted like a mooooo fucka. My frame is out of this world my peola tone make the barbeques beef curtains boogie woogie and blow the top! Member niggas and niggerettes, these hoes aint worth a ruff so when a bitch be like mash me a fin I just be muggin fo a lil while n if she be furturing den I punch dat hoe in da stank mouth! The town was uplifted.