IF YOU WANT SOMETHING

WITH ALL YOUR HEART

THEN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE
WILL HELP YOU GET IT.
- Anon
Many of my esteemed readers appreciated for my writings in the following tones. I thank them all.
...quite charming
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...really cool
...nature of the universe and nature of here now particularly useful
...awesome
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...welcome and read it with interest
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Justine.
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HUMANITY
When the evolutionary force was searching for a right kind
of body and mind - it chose Richard - and he was kind enough to
submit to it, and there happened the discovery of Actual Freedom.
And this remarkable man submitted himself totally to it, and the
FORCE literally blasted him off, blew his fuses off, as witnessed by
the accredited Psychiatrists - Richard to be a case of
Depersonalization, Derealisation, Anhedonia, and Alexithymia etc.
He patiently bore these things in his physical body and
now he has accomplished his mission as nature intended him to do.
I think we need to be grateful to this human being who has
gracefully allowed himself to be a guinea pig for Mother Nature, to
experiment herself on his body. And that is where I consider Richard
to be a special god, for me, personally.
May all Auspiciousness come to all who read this
JUSTINE'S REFLECTIONS ON ACTUAL FREEDOM.
JUSTINE .
P R E F A C E
My Contention is this:
When Richard offered me One Thousand Australian Dollars for the
printing and publishing of my book Essence of Actual Freedom, and
as I was contemplating to return the money back to him, Richard very
generously mailed me to keep that money in my account. But I was
alarmed and rushed to pay back it. And Richard promptly
acknowledged the receipt of the money.
From my younger days, I am averse to money. The life of Sri
Ramana Maharishi greatly influenced me. In his entire life, he never
touched money. Even now, I reluctantly handle cash in my daily life.
This is a hangover from my spiritual years.
1
I have very deeply researched in astrology, and have found that
somehow planets influence human life. Even after I became actually
free, I could see peoples lives are trapped in some inviolable laws of
karmic debt. I have no difficulty in combining the science of
astrology, along with AF. All the while I know that it will be a
blasphemy to the genitor of AF. It is a wonderful thing to live like
Richard without faith or belief in Astrology etc. But when I find that I
cannot practically help people much with my AF, I dont hesitate, to
use my astrological insights to comfort others compassionately.
Richard can never do that.
I know actual intimacy. But I find it difficult
to be reserved like Richard, and not to show
compassion. I dont know whether Richard is
naturally like that, or deliberately doing that.
I relish my hours filled with compassion and
not a dry, stoical barrenness.
2
Being free of affective is a blessed state, indeed. It is an advance
state of actual intimacy. But I prefer a display of compassion,
gratitude, a verbal sharing of it, etc. It enriches life. I know, it can
bring in ego affiliations, psychic chaos, even corruption. But to be
afraid of them, takes away the charm of natural life. There is a joy in
giving and taking, sharing amidst all human frailties. But to live the
life of Love Agape, will certainly steep one into endless chaos and
pain.
When I put Richard in the front seat of the car, besides the driver,
twice he came back to the back seat and sat
beside me. I opted front seat for him, so that
he can enjoy sceneries in a 30 km. drive on a
river side road. I dont know why he
preferred the back seat. Neither I asked him
nor he did tell me.
3
I have found Richards face change into different shapes. In the
Airport, it was triangular shaped. In the house it was squire shaped,
wide squire, then elongated squire, in the bar stern, but always it was
steeped in alien silence.
In the wine bar, when me and Richard posed for photos, almost for
5 photos, after all the flashes were over, Richard reminded me that
both of us had forgotten to smile. Yes. We forgot. So another helper
was engaged to photograph us with smiling faces. When we checked
the results, there was not much difference. When I think of it now, I
have real smile now!
4
Every moment, my body cells quiver with gratitude over existence. I
want to bless all and be blessed. Richard is far away from this. He is
literally extinct. I believe I can connect my extinction to each moment
with a sort of celebration. Richard seems to stop his celebration up to
his hand rolled cigarette non-stop. But again, I think, what else I can
do celebrate? Unfortunately, I cannot smoke more than a cigarette a
day, and a few pegs of drinks. Is Richards mind in ecstasy? But he is
against ecstasy. Of course, for me too, the sense of freedom is
dominant. No craving for tobacco, sex, name, fame, money, constant
pursuit for some objective, nothing. Just to be is joyful, but for me it is
a second priority to bodiless bliss. Again a hangover from my
spiritual practices.
5
One day, I asked Richard about his incessant smoking. He said it is
not addiction. The way in which he told that, simply shut my mouth. I
could not ask, If it is not addiction, then what is it? In his ambience
his words were acceptable. I cannot feel him as an addict. Amazing.
Thats why being an Indian, my genes always long more for the
PEACE and OBLIVION of physical death than the charms and
pleasures that Richard claims to enjoy. Indian saints were life-haters,
they say. Christian radicals say WORLD, DEVIL, BODY are
evils. They promise heaven after physical death. This is ludicrous
indeed. Thats where the GENIOUS OF RICHARD shines. But again,
what much heaven is available here? I am in
the Actual World. It is a magic wonderland,
indeed. But almost all the people around me
are steeped in ominous hells. For me, still
OBLIVION is great peace.
6
One afternoon, suddenly I thought, perhaps, I am the Infinite.
Richard has induced that process in me. Whether he has culminated
in it, or not, I have arrived there. Simply I saw most certainly, I am
the Infinite. Well, if I am the Infinite, what am I doing here? I have a
work a day programme. As all human beings of this earth, I am also
doing it. And I also see myself a coward in many ways. In no way I
am a superman. But still I sense something different. Something so
wide, charming, peaceful, contented, happy, fulfilled etc. etc. But I
also see, I am mortal. And all the while, all the 24 hours are mine. I
am free from slavery to others. Still the freedom of the Infinite shown
tremendously. Soon I came out of the delusion that I am the Infinite. I
am not even a dust in the magnanimity and the grandeur of the
Infinite. But still, it is affordable for me to
enjoy the Infinitude. Life is grand.
7
I am computer illiterate. Little things I have known like opening
mails and answering them. One night, I got my DhO account locked
due to my ignorance. That night I was uncomfortable. I asked myself,
are you actually free?. The answer was, who bothers whether Im
actually free or not. I cannot even open a mail account properly. It
was an uneasy experience.
It reminded me of many such things, where
people are trapped and how hells happen in their lives. And the
champions of that area, how they suck the innocent ones. It looked
cruel. But still, I know I am free, and my freedom is intact. When I fix,
suitable solution to such minor crisis, heaven remains intact.
Otherwise, in no time heaven can turn into a morbid hell. And all the
while, somehow, my sense of freedom remains
intact.
8
Whenever I happen to see the photographs of dead people, my heart
beat slows down rapidly. In that place glows, the Pristine Actuality.
Unless I totally avoid some people, their ego drives and instinctual
passions are highly irksome to me.
Some have asked me whether I feel proud to be the first in the
history of AF, to become actually free without contacting or meeting
Richard. No, I have no pride. I cant entertain any such delusions, as
if I am a sort of Sachin Tendulkar, or Neil Armstrong. Those days are
over.
Richard wears no undergarments for the
past so many years. Me too.
9
People of the age group of twenties always ask me, what is the
secret of my income is and they think actual freedom means living
life without working, earn living without contribution of your share of
labour. That makes me displeased with them.
In my spiritual years, almost all the people who moved with me
invariably thought that I will somehow magically make them richer
and richer in their life, I mean money-wise. I despised it.
Suppose, I was never born. What would
have been here? JUST OBLIVION. Cant I
see that even in this moment? Or the beauty
of the Eternal Universe, since I am now
fitted with senses?
10
In walking, endorphins are abundantly produced in the blood
stream. Thats why long distance walking becomes pleasurable.
Some people think, I still suffer affective. Knowingly and
deliberately allowing some affective is no more affective.
Vineeto told my daughter when she met her in person, not to think
much of daddy mummy. My daughter said to me that though she
knows the actual freeness of life, for her, regard for parents does not
disqualify that freedom. I can say Vineeto is more right.
Most of my friends went away, when I
became actually free. Why? It is possible, I
fell short of the inviting tone in me.
11
One young man in twenties as usual of his age wants to become
quickly rich by doing anything. He has read about Richard too. He
feels that Richard says Karma and rebirth are childish insanity,
then he can do anything to make wealth. I had to warn him that dont
take Richard literally. Richard speaks from his ultimate position. For
you karma is true. For instance if you steal, tomorrow Police will put
you in prison. First learn to respect the society and it laws.
I am surprised how Richard bore the energy of the ACTUAL when
it descended on him. As it is, even this moment, he remains cool and
self-composed. A marvel indeed. For me, it created brain neuronal
upheaval of a boiling kind. Richard
confesses he too had involuntary excitation
of neurons for 30 plus months. But what I
speak is the psychological quiet he manifests
in his every day life. That is tremendous.
12
Looking at my short hair-style my daughter too followed suit to it.
I asked with Richard, whether he is involved in doing charities. He
sounded a raised voice, I am not a rich man. That episode ended with
that forever.
One day, I put in my ticket pocket Rs. 1000/-. When I came home it
was not there. My heart missed a beat. World became dark for a while,
because my further 7 days depend on it. I cursed myself why Im
careless like that. All along I was watching
myself as a spectator. One portion of me was
stone like, unmoved. It said that there was
nothing to worry. When I opened my purse,
that money was there intact. Obviously, and
unawarely I have changed place.
13
One can do bewildering feats by mastering the laws of the psychic
world. My spiritual Guru did many of its kind. But they have nothing
to do with Actual Freedom.
I perceived Richard to be swimming in a different sort of world
altogether and in a rich and facile vibrancy.
If anyone, who reads these writings of mine happen to see me in a
market place, will never believe me to be more than a street beggar,
though I dont beg.
Richard showed me the photo of Vineeto,
in his laptop and said that in the AF DVD
she looks glamorous, but here she looks
ordinary. I said, Yes, Richard.
14
His behaviour was like that of a school kid. He will show various
photos in his laptop, just for a while, and change it fast. He wont
give you time to have a deep look into them. He showed the photos of
his second wife, his boat, some old associate and so on. With that
speed, I thought he need not have shown them to me.
Many times, I observed a sort of glow in Richards body.
Especially, his neck area had a bright florescence even in day time.
During night time, on the open terrace of our house, I sensed his
whole body emits some light. On one occasion, Richard himself told
me without my asking about it that some
people have told him that his body has a
glow of light. I was not surprised to hear
that.
15
Every moment, when an event happens, it is concretely real. When
that moment is over, that event too passes. Observed from the next
moment, the previous moments event, does not even have a reality of
a dream stuff. This I am spontaneously observing, for more than five
years without any strain or intellectual analysis.
Our brain neurons instantly get fired, inflamed, but take long time
to cool down. If someone calls you idiot, instantly you get angry.
Sometimes, it takes hours, or even days, for those agitated neurons to
calm down. Even in sleep, its glow may be felt.
One day Richard said, Tobacco is a
wonderful leaf. He spoke for a long time
about its speciality. I was transfixed at his
talk.
16
Once I was introduced in my younger days, to a super actor of the
cine world of Tamil Nadu of that time, Mr. Shivaji Ganesan, by one of
my Catholic Priest friend. I found that actor more humane and very
matured in understanding humanity and its intricate problems. On the
very first meeting itself, I prostrated at the feet of that star. I was
almost a son to him by age. In India, it is a normal custom to
prostrate to elders. But the Priest who took me to him, felt chagrin
about it. He said that falling at others feet is not a fair thing to do.
With my spiritual Guru, I have had prostrated at his feet for a
number of times. That healed me. That transformed my life. It has
even made me the worlds first in becoming
actually free without meeting Richard. And
it took to a more venerated marvel called
Richard.
17
My most admired author in English is Sri Aurobindo. He was a
Bengali Indian. His epic poem Savitri, enhanced my kundalini
arousal towards 100% success. Along with Savitri, I read Sri
Aurobindos Life Divine, each more than hundred times. Even this
day they are feast for my mind and heart. But myself being actually
free, it doesnt allow me to read them, more than two or three pages.
They are incompatible for my present state. I really miss my treasures
there.
The genitors of AF, neither encouraged nor discouraged, when I
proposed my intention to write e-books on
AF. That perplexed me. But I found in due
course of a month or two, their position is
the best. I took risk and now dare to do my
sharing of my experiences of AF, to my dear
friends.
18
Another Richard will never happen on this earth. HE HAS SAID
EVERYTHING. All other following will inevitably be only
IMITATION of him.
I had to alert someone on an important thing. There was no phone
facility. It was hot summer 12-30 Noon. Scorching sun above. I had
no patience to wait for the routine of getting a bus service. Nor do I
have facility to fix a taxi or even an auto. I walked 5 kilometres.
(already I was done with my regular 10 kilometre walk with a bruised
bare foot and pain.) But the work was done with success.
One day Richard told me, it is likely that
AF is to be taken up in the educational
curriculum of U.S.A. through some
enthusiasts.
19
During my Kundalini sadhana, I wrote more than 20,000 pages of
poetry in my mother tongue Tamil as well as in English. My father
was not a rich man. He was a Railway laborer. He put me in a Tamil
Medium school. I did everything in my native Tamil. When I wrote my
first book Cosmic Symphony, a sort of blank verse in English Poetry
at a very young age, it was welcome by great English scholars. Even
now I dont know how I got that command over that foreign language.
I still remember the day when my beloved father taught me
ABCD myself being a tiny tot. I always adored my father in my
younger days, in my youth, and up till the day he breathed his last.
Even now, very memory of him brings tears to my eyes. Richard
seems opposite to me.
Whenever I come out for my marathon
walk, I return home like a beaten up pulp,
especially in the bus journeys.
20
When Richard visited Tanjore, an ancient city in Tamilnadu, my
bro-in-law was a Priest of that province. He arranged for a kings
welcome for Richard with golden shawls and all that. I was surprised
seeing Richard politely submitting himself to that extravaganza.
If you decide to do walking-contemplation, please follow the same
routine meticulously. Walk the same streets in the same order. Every
day a new route wont bring result. Even small changes may bring
drastic results for beginners, perhaps for the advanced ones too. For
months or years, please follow the same route and style.
Richard also said that a documentary is
likely to be made on him by a kind and
caring lady, an English Professor, in India.
21
I was shocked to learn that Richards PC hard disc was hacked.
What harm that guileless human being did to humanity? The Jesus,
Buddha story still follows? And Richard never claimed himself to be a
Buddha. What is wrong with our Humanity?
I felt Richard cannot tolerate other people writings on AF. I thought
that he wants to be the only authority on his insights. But I later
realized that he is keen on his insights not getting distorted, himself
being the progenitor of that sublime thing. It is a welcome thing
indeed.
Richard never wears a watch, or cares to
have a clock in his room.
22
I am not content or satisfied with only my becoming actually free. It
is inadequate. Everyone on this earth should become actually free.
Then only I can really rejoice. Richards position is different. He is
contented unto himself. I can understand his position. But I cannot
compete with him for that stern position for the time being at least.
At one stage, I suspected Richard secretly wants to get recognized
as the Supreme Deliverer of this suffering Humanity. Soon I got
convinced that he will be the last person to long for that kind of
perversity.
When I was busy publishing 2 of my e-books,
it had its toll on my body and mind. There was
extra strain and exhaustion. But I am happy to
have given to my friends some worthy stuff, I
suppose.
23
This morning as I was collecting my money and came out of the
Bank, just in front of me, a Car dropped out two persons, a husband
and wife. Both started walking, where I found that gentleman had
carelessly slipped out of his pocket something, and was going ahead. I
thought it may be his money purse. I was 30 feet away from them. I
tried my best to signal them. But both were going on walking. Finally
I succeeded to get the attention of that lady. By a sign language I
transmitted the message. That lady walked back and recovered that
lost thing. She gestured to me a sign of thanks. Till this moment I
dont know what she retrieved back, whether it was a wallet or a
hanky. But her smile was huge. I assume it was not a hanky.
In those days, I used little snuff in the early
morning hours, when I walk on the terrace of
our house. When I told Richard about it, he
inquisitively asked me whether stuff was really
of tobacco. I got stunned. I had to say to him
that there was no guarantee for it.
24
Richard said he gets his specific brand of tobacco from a particular
shop in his place. Other brands are not suitable for him. Only two
shops offer it. While he was in India, he said Vineeto takes care to
send his favorite brand from there.
Sometimes, I am gripped by the sorrow about this world and its
people. It is like tons of weight is placed on my chest. Usually I come
out of it quickly. But during mid night hours, if my sleep is broken, for
few minutes this weight tells a heavy toll on my system.
For me Actual Freedom is constant. But
the experiencing of it has its own ebbs and
flows, in the round about 24 hours of a day.
I dont know about other Actualists about it.
25
Two days back, a sort of war broke out between me and my wife.
There was a third party involvement in it. My wife turned into a
tigress, a virtual animal for three hours. She threatened me that she
will kill me by food poisoning or out right by stampeding me on my
chest. She gave some punches on my body. In my 34 years of married
life, I have never beaten my wife, even once, or given a single slap on
her cheek. She has hit me fairly many times. It was not cowardice that
I didnt hit back my wife. But I never wanted that kind of things to be
perpetuated. I knew her misery more than mine. After becoming
actually free, I could not even get angry with her foolish attempts to
desecrate me. As usual my chanting Actual has no vibes went on.
My passivity made her perplexed. The war ended abruptly, myself
walking out for my marathon walk in solid
peace, happiness and harmlessness.
26
I have a final secret for fast progress to become actually free. I am
looking for a right person to transfer it. I cant divulge it publicly
because it needs a certain central sincerity and abidance. Just making
it public will defuse its workability, and may bring disaster to
innocent ones. It is such a simple thing, thats why I hesitate. But I
will share it with at least one before I go.
I softly touched my finger nails and leg nails and saw the active
ACTUAL in them. But also got shocked to know, when I have my
physical death, they wont grow more. Again, the PEACE OF
ACTUALITY rubbed out my shock with equal pleasant PEACE.
27
When our Bangalore friend, P.D. took
leave of us, I forgot to open the out-gate for
him. Richard reminded me of that. At that
moment, his look suggested to me how
careless and uncaring I am.
My mother suffers a malady called benevolent neurosis. For
instance, once she gave away 15 sovereign gold to a begging man.
That man got shocked and returned the gold to us. When Richard was
typing in my desk top, in my computer room, it seems my mother has
cautioned Richard not to sit on my chair, or touch my PC (a motherly
possessiveness of her son, though she may squander gold to a
stranger). I was asleep in my room. Richard had quickly displaced
himself from my PC room and was standing in the drawing Hall. My
psychic alarm broke my sleep and I instinctively came to the drawing
Hall. I found him in an odd position. He told me my mother has asked
him not to touch my PC. I briefed Richard about my mother, and
brought him back to my PC desk, and requested him to continue his
work and I went back to sleep.
28
When my bro-in-law, a Priest invited Richard to Tanjore, and
received Richard with traditional respects in his parish house, in
those events, Richard showed no signs of reciprocity or affectivity. He
was like a vegetable. But that taught me more about being actually
free.
When I proposed to write on Actual Freedom as e-book, there was
neutral silence from the AF genitors. It was very uncomfortable for
me. Though long back they have given even written permission for me
to write on AF, I was nave to do it without their whole-hearted
cooperation. In between, I got a friendly
reply mail from Richard that spoke on a
different matter on my quest, that
encouraged to proceed with my e-book
project.
29
On 19-2-2007, Tue, 12-15 PM, a bitter quarrel ended with my wife.
She had humiliated me as usual totally. I wanted to die. I had spoken
to my daughter overseas, and wept to her over my agony. She
comforted me, and said that all will be well with me soon. In total
exhaustion, I entered my computer room and the first random page
that opened in it was www.actualfreedom.com.au. I have accidentally
stumbled upon that web site. By 12-30 PM, within 15 minutes, I
realized that I have found my lifes search for more than 30 years.
The rest is history.
One of my observations is this. Richard is
the most suffered person and the most
comfortable person at this moment on this
earth. I am not prepared to come into
argument with this with anyone.
30
My feeling is Richard nowadays accepts some of the spiritual
concepts like Gurus energy, etc. In one recent mail to me he
indicates that he might have come to this earth, because of many
peoples aspiration.
I also observed that Richard is
overwhelmed by his own energy, that he is
very optimistic with his message to give
Peace, Happiness and Harmony to this
suffering world.
31
Altruistic self-immolation is not a joke. Richard as a path-finder,
did it without any outside help. There I venerate him personally as a
god. What he has done is not an ordinary feat. Humanity deserves to
understand and give him the due recognition, if not a Nobel Prize.
Actual freedom is actually free. It is just available under anyones
nose absolutely free. But what many people dont know is, one has to
pay psychologically a very very heavy price to achieve that. People
sneak away when it comes to that. These are the people mostly talking
against Richard.
Though being actually free is an
overwhelming thing for me, the sorrow of
the world is still more overwhelming than
that. May be I have yet to mature.
32
That day, sleep refused to come to me. My wife threatened that she
will kill me by food poisoning, because I have not cared to make much
money in life and wasted my life into wasteful spiritual pursuits. As it
is I am happy with myself. But these beings called wife, friends,
relatives are like thorn in flesh. Thank god, they have no power to
topple from my actually free state.
Summer is in its peak now. Few days back, it was an unusually hot
day. I was standing in a Bus stand. Near my feet, I saw an earth-
worm, almost six inches long, struggling to make its path, in the hot
sun. It was an unusually long body to pull
itself. I started thinking is this long
threaded body invited by itself or imposed by
nature on it. Even after long contemplation,
I didnt get an answer.
33
Without working hard physically and mentally, one cannot expect to
have a deep sleep. One should deserve for that. If one wants to
become actually free, one needs to be tired of the fiasco of the so
called rotten social life.
In my spiritual years, I was very health-conscious. After becoming
actually free, those obsessions are over. Of course I live within the
tolerance limits of nature of my body and mind. This body and mind
has 50,000 years of conditioning. Within this parameter I have
created myself a balance where when and how to do things and it fits
well for my actually free life. When we are
always focused on the boundless perfection
that stems endlessly, these things become
spontaneous and easy.
34
My daughter was born in 1979, by 2-20 pm. When the nurse
carried that new born baby, topsy-turvy, to show it to me from a
distance, I started weeping. There was a rain storm too. My weeping
went on for 2 long hours. My anguish was, what for this child is born
and what all hardships it goes to meet. She is now 32. Still my eyes
go wet sometimes on her memory.
How many and many humiliations I have suffered in my life. I bore
all of them patiently. Now I dont regret them, because, I am now
rewarded million times for my altruistic self-immolation.
In those 9 days when Richard was with
me, he not even once strutted and self-
glorified of himself. He is verily PURITY
personified.
35
No person influenced my life next to Richard than my daughter. She
seems to be an extraordinary person in every way. I feel that she is
born enlightened. Richard too has declared her to be actually free on
her very first meeting with him. I feel many past life memories with
her, though Actualism discourages past life.
Whenever I keep a particular photo on my desk top of Richard I get
into involuntary weeping. Last week I cried for more than 20 minutes,
in my closed room. That clears away lot of blocks in me.
I am neither happy nor unhappy, but
blithesome, though in a 24 hour time, traces
of happiness and unhappiness do surface
every now and then.
36
In my office life in my thirties, when I had successfully completed
my kundalini arousal, I casually, but in a concentrated way looked at
a co-worker who was always creating me troubles. He shouted
dont look at me like this, I will crush you like a mosquito. His
warning displeased me a great deal. But I was shocked to see, within
three days, his both legs lost their function and he had to undergo
more than 6 months hospital treatment. Whenever I visited him in the
treatment phase, he evinced more cruelty to me. Soon I had left the
office on resignation and till date I dont know what happened to that
man.
What all things I avoided in my spiritual
years I had to liberally allow after I became
actually free. For instance eating non-
vegetarian food and using drinks.
37
Sometimes I get a rush of more than hundreds of points of insights
to record but before I could catch one and write it in my note pad,
they all disappear into oblivion in a fraction of a second. What am I
to do? I am thinking of keeping a pocket tape recorder in my person. I
have no idea whether it can help.
My biological father showed such affection for me from my younger
days, as well as in my earning years. For more than ten days, in my
35th year, when he died, I could neither eat nor sleep. That was the
year I got spiritually enlightened, while he was alive. I could see
enlightened state cannot bear the separation of our dear ones in
death.
38
My spiritual guru, though he was a compassionate man, every one
knew that he was an angry man too. Many were afraid of his wrath.
Yesterday I saw a video on the cruel life of Joseph Stalin, the
Russian Dictator. For more than an hour, I suffered a strange nausea.
All my confidence of PERFECTION and the benevolence of the
Universe was shattered into pieces. But strangely, as I left my PC and
walked few feet in my house terrace, I instantly recovered my poise of
Actual Freedom. Still it took 12 hours for that chagrin to dissolve.
When Richard was here, when I suggested
Richard whether we can watch TV, he said,
as it is we were happy, and was there any
need to watch TV.
39
Spiritual tradition has spread out lots of lies. Millions of people
have believed them to be true and had gone astray. But I feel there is
some truth in them, though it is all disfigured and colored by many
greedy spiritual people.
Many think, that my 10 km. a day outdoor walking might be a dull
and drab thing. I want to say, it is not so. Each curve of a stone, dogs,
birds, trees, people, everything gives me profound delight. The sky,
the vehicles passing everything is charming. These things are endless
delight and enjoyment.
Richard said, he had driven Motor Bikes
for 16 long years. Then he gave it up when
he became actually free. Same thing
happened for me too.
40
Though I am actually free, my central longing is for bodiless
peace. This element periodically predominates in me, in spite of my
knowing that physical death is very insignificant thing. I have much to
learn from Richard on this.
In every movement of Richards body, I saw the SOLID PEACE of
death. He is 100% dead, psychically and mentally, while being in the
physical body, but amazingly and extraordinarily ALIVE too.
Now I can say, being actually free, if
physical death happens to me even today,
there wont be much difference being alive
or dead. Life and death are same.
41
In 1975, just after 3 days of my physical meeting with my spiritual
guru, Sri La Sri Pandri Malai Swamikal, he astrally visited me in my
house. Physically he was in Chennai. I was in Tiruchy. There was a
distance of 320 kilometers. Around 3-00 am, my guru entered my
place, where I was deep asleep. He poured Holy Ash, Vibhutee as
they call it, on my tongue and with a Vel a sharp instrument, wrote
on my tongue OM, the sacred syllable of Hinduism. From the next
day onwards I started writing mystical poetry into thousands of pages
in Tamil and English. This is called Manasa Dheeksha, an initiation
given by a guru to his disciple through mind.
But one thing I cant understand. Even after
becoming actually free, why tears well up in
me, whenever I think of Richard, as well as my
beloved daughter, where I see these two have
undergone an extraordinary and enormous
suffering to reach a rare height of illumination.
42
In those days, at a time when I got aquainted with my spiritual guru
Sri La Sri Pandrimalai swamikal, just for few months, when mobile
phones were not invented, I wrote a letter to him requesting
permission to have a dharshan of him (personal physical meeting) at
Chennai. In those days, letters took more than 3 days even to travel
300 kilometers. But on the third day night, my guru appeared in my
dream and said that he is going to Tirupathi (a Holy Shrine, about
150 kilometers from Chennai) and so he may not be able to meet me.
He poured in Holy ashes into my mouth and disappeared. Based on
this astral message, I cancelled my trip to Chennai. After 3 days, I
also received a reply mail from my Guru. In that letter I saw there
words written in green ink, I am going to Tirupathi. We will meet
some other day. Then this kind of things
were repeated tens and hundreds of times,
and such things became very normal to me.
And slowly they lost the mystique of it. With
Richard, I grew intelligent ignoring these
meaningless psychic wonders.
43
When Richard was received by me in the Trichy Airport, my first
conversation to him was started like this. Richard, I have read
almost all your writings.. He asked, everything? I said, yes. He
quipped in a murmur wow my god.
Spiritual path esteems kundalini hitting the sahasrara, the final
chakra. In my yoga practicing days, when I successfully did that , I
was not satisfied with it. Biologically you experience oblivion in that
state. Only Richard explains the true nature of oblivion. Combined
with my yogic experience and Richards explanation of oblivion I
found fulfilment in my quest for freedom.
Before coming to Richard I suffered an
impasse.
44
From my age of 20 to 27,every day I underwent Auto Urine therapy.
It is a yogic practice called Amuri Kalpa. No day was missed, for 7
long years. Every day, by early morning, leaving the first and last, but
getting the middle flow of ones own urine, to a copper tumbler full, it
has to be orally consumed. By my 28th year I got married. I thought
my wife may think of it a repelling practice, I stopped it. But those 7
year practice till tells upon my health for good. It gave me a youthful
slim body. Ageing was arrested. My process of enlightenment was
enhanced. It is called kaya kalpa. Even at this of 62, I look like a
man of 30. It has a powerful chemical effect on the physical and
subtle bodies. I have lived a disease-free life till this date.
I always admire what kind of suffering
Richard might have undergone to discover
and bring out the deep insights of AF and
present it to the world. For me personally it
is an amazing thing.
45
Recently, I became aware that people in the market place have
started noticing me as somewhat peculiar or strange. They perceive
some sort of benevolence and harmlessness around me. They tend to
give extra respect and kindness that is embarrassing to me. More I try
to hide, it seems it becomes more prominent.
One day I meticulously followed the pathway of a single ant. It went
on searching for something. Within 60 seconds it crossed more than 3
meters distance. Then it disappeared somewhere. I thought we
humans too are like this. We dont know, from where we came, or
where we do go. But each one of us are busy
searching for something each and every
minute of our life.
46
Earlier, even for a such a simple thing as wiping my face with a
hanky, I will be in a rush to do it. After becoming actually free,
though I can see, the whole eternity awaits me, I am surprised to see
the speed has only doubled.
My favorite bed side book is a mammoth Serial Killers. Why no
Bible or Bhagavat Gita, Richards Journal or my own heart-throb
Actual Freedom Made Easy? For me Serial Killers, reveals the
speed with which a life is zapped out, and it amazes me. Reveals more
totally about the infirmities of life, and there it instantly transports me
to the Pristine Actuality. Strange indeed!
47
This is our House where Richard stayed with me:
Richard being honoured with traditional welcome
Justine, Richard and Bella
JUSTINES