Gender Across Borders Stereotypes and the affect on children Stereotypes stem from our understanding and perceptions

of gender and roles. These often get translated into silent and not-so-silent messages. Frequently these messages are absorbed from behaviours that children witness around them regularly. Breaking these norms or deviating warrant reproach. So where does gender and expectations of gender role come from? Nature does not determine feminine and masculine traits that people must have, it is our social and cultural practices that does so. These differences in roles lead to subtle and obvious forms of discrimination that most of us face in our homes, schools, workplaces etc. Have to enact certain roles or meeting up to expectations placed on us because of being a man or a woman can affect our potential of developing. These expectations and perceptions influence our decision making, choices and the manner in which we lead our lives, the games we play, the professions we pursue or are allowed to choose, and relationships with those around us like our peers, family members and others. We all live in social relationships, i.e. interacting with our parents, siblings, friends, etc. Each role that we are in e.g. sister, brother, friend, niece, nephew etc. brings with it certain expectations of how-tobe and how-to-interact with those around us. From the gender perspective these roles could be simple ones as girls should not talk too much or should dress a certain way, after a certain age not interact with male cousins or friends etc. These gender-based unequal treatments/ expectations affect the way we think, act and/ or behave. These affect both girls and boys, more for girls. Living in a system of gender inequality that limits or damages the lives of the women and girls, inevitably degrades the lives of men and boys too. These beliefs put pressures on men to be more powerful, strong, masculine and the absence of these then emasculate the man. On the other hand, the feminine, dainty, fragile girl becomes a tom-boy. These images are inculcated at an young age and grow with us as well. Sometimes changing, being challenged or becoming reinforced and stronger. Relations between boys, girls and peers In our society generally, men hold more power than women but it is also true that men have power over other men. Therefore, it is very important for us to understand that stereotypical definition of being a powerful man might provide young boys with a sense of entitlement to power but it chips away the possibilities of building healthy and equitable relationships with girls/women as well as other boys/men and traps them in a web of trauma and inadequacies. For example, in our cultures where women and girls are expected to keep silent if violence occurs at home or outside, jeopardises their right to live a life free of violence. Similarly when cultures expect boys and men to be emotionally strong and some men who show their emotions are called sissy and forces them to suppress their emotions and violates right to expression. In the end it affects their interactions with others and development as a person. Do the forced stereotypes evolve? Patriarchal values and a power structure which results in different socialisation processes for boys and girls leads to girls and boys adopting different coping mechanisms and so, manifesting the impact of abuse and trauma in different ways. Through the socialisation process, young men learn that it is considered masculine to be strong and dominant, sexually active, not to show emotions and to exercise authority over women, children and other boys, where boys may externalise behaviour and risk becoming violent. On the other hand, girls tend to internalise and develop more self-destructive behaviours. These stereotypes based on gender are socially constructed. As such, they differ from cultures and are not always uniform i.e. change over time. Boys/men are not born violent, nor are girls/women essentially weak and submissive. Therefore, these can change with time. These norms are so pervasive that they seem natural, but in reality they are constructed by society and reproduced through the process of socialisation. These are behaviours that one learns as they grow, therefore, they can also be un-learnt as we grow. How can we challenge them? We challenge the culture of stereotyping and the resultant discriminations and violence when we ourselves act in the certainty that these behaviours and practices are no longer acceptable.

Change can be initiated when a person introspects about their own beliefs and practices, thereby acting differently and more sensitively. This begins the process of change. The key to effective and more sustained change in any individual is when there is a self realization that I need to change and this change will be beneficial to me and others around me. Sometimes individual change also challenges the set norms or patterns of practices, beliefs (what we may call values), attitudes and behaviours followed by those around us. Sometimes our moving away from the norm attracts rebuke or segregation from others. This may include family and/ or relatives and sometimes also the immediate social circle that may include friends. However, being able to change or bring about the change can often begin with the individual if he or she is clear and convinced about why they want to bring the change. At times, this process is simultaneous with the support of family, friends or immediate social groups like relatives and/or peers. All change may not be immediately visible or possible. Depending on the circumstances and situations, change may or may not be viable. Are gender stereotypes a cause for domestic violence? Masculinity is about behaving in ways that are considered appropriate for menand that definition varies in every culture. According to the socialization process for men/ boys, being responsible, taking initiative, pursuing and achieving goals, and loyalty are some commonly accepted and followed norms. However, not everyone may believe in or agree with some of these notions of masculinity. The idea that a real man should do things like: appear physically strong or be aggressive can often lead to unnecessary violence situation; or suppress emotions can make boys feel unable to really talk about how they feel and who they want to be. Social norms and the way boys are brought up have led men to have more power than women. This power is often used unfairly to the disadvantage of women and sometimes even men. This often makes it difficult for girls and women to avail of opportunities like being able to study or play with their peers. For example, when boys get preferential treatment in school, it teaches them to have more confidence than the girls. Sometimes it also extends to the quality and quantity of food or medical treatment that some girls get. For example in a household or society, where the girls are not treated the same as boys, an unwell girl may not be taken to the doctor immediately. On the other hand, due to son/ boy preference, he may be taken immediately to the hospital for treatment. These kinds of practices also extend to physical behaviours that are considered more acceptable in men, like being violent, angry, loud etc. Gender stereotyping as we have seen above can result in behaviours and practices that we grow-up with and believe in strongly. These manifest in notions, that to be masculine one has to lack emotions that are girly or be physically strong to be able to protect and/ or to control our wives or women and thereby, our honour etc. One begins to believe that violence is the only viable option to keep things on track. Gender and violence therefore are connected. We see violence in its various forms and its far reaching impact on everyones life, be it men, women, transgender people or children. The socialization process promotes this culture of violence to be an integral part of life of boys and men. Young boys are encouraged to be aggressive. This is so since showing violence is used to showcase power that an individual had over others. Therefore, the cycle of violence usually continues when boys grow up, in a surrounding where violence is acceptable. However, this doesnt mean that all boys and men will internalise and adopt violent behaviour or use violence against others in their later life. Women on the other hand are asked to internalize and accept violence happening to them. The society does not encourage neither does it allow them the right to speak against it. How can childish notions on gender be determinants of ones entire life? Boys are often expected to support their parents financially through their lives. In most societies boys learn from an early age that conflict can be resolved by physical violence and this socialisation encourages violent measures to resolve problems. Girls, who are oppressed and discriminated against, lack the opportunity to express themselves in family or society decision-making process, and have fewer opportunities and control over resources. From a very young age, this also teaches them to be submissive, believe that they are incapable to decision-making and therefore, dependent.

This oppression continues in to adolescence and adulthood, girls develop low self-esteem. Due to this they are more vulnerable to violence, being treated as lesser humans and further there is a high likelihood of their reproducing the stereotypes amongst their children by perpetuating gender stereotypes. Written by: Pauline Gomes and Urvashi Gandhi Pauline Gomes is the Assistant Manager Research & Documentation at Breakthrough Trust, India. She coordinates the documentation process of publications and products like curriculums and tools for trainings and community mobilisation. She has conducted trainings on sexualities, sexual and reproductive health and rights, gender, human rights and disabilities with youth and staff in colleges, disability advocates and civil societies. She has created resource materials for trainers and practitioners on these issues. She has been involved in policy level advocacy with government, CBOs, NGOs and groups of advocates for disabilities on human rights, health, education and food. At AARTH ASTHA, she set-up the Resource Centre on Disability and Information exchange and expanded the work to Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh. Prior to this, at TARSHI, she developed publications, conducted sessions on sexuality, and analysed The Helpline data. She can be contacted via email on pauline@breakthrough.tv Urvashi Gandhi- Manager Education joined Breakthrough in 2005, when we launched the "What Kind of Man Are You?" campaign. Her first task at was to reply to sms and emails around the issues of sexuality and HIV/AIDS. Since then she has been working on various small and big project and has been involved in developing and strengthening our work in the state of Uttar Pradesh. Her strengths are developing and facilitating workshops and training sessions, content development on the issues of violence against women and working with different target audiences, especially youth on social issues through mid media activities. She has done her post graduation in Home Science from SNDT University, Mumbai and subsequently also did certification course in Non Profit Management from University of Illinois, Chicago. Her past work experience of almost 5 years involves, working on issues of child rights and refugee rights with different organizations in Delhi. At a personal level, she is a Reiki practitioner, the art of healing through touch. She can be contacted via email on urvashi@breakthrough.tv