FACTORS THAT VALIDATE AND ENCOURAGE COHABITATING

GAY COUPLES
TO NEGOTIATE NON-SECRET NON-MONOGAMOUS ACTIVITIES
AND THE DYNAMICS INVOLVED IN THE PROCESS

By Ricardo Coral

Aspirational Relationships and Role Models

What are we talking about?

(keywords)
Relationships Sex Gay

couples Monogamy non-monogamy Sexual agreements

26 years old, college educated, single, white male Hello Identifies as a gay man I am Brian Comfortable talking sexuality Participate in sexual activities with a gay couple for over 6 months in California Uses Grindr App to meet other people He is open to dating , and hopes for a monogamous relationship, but doesnt discard casual encounters with couples

Meet Brian
How common is to observe this type of Non-Monogamous relationships? - I see it a lot even more now that I live in Hawaii

Hypothesis

social and online exposure to nonmonogamous activities is correlated to the increased likelihood of gay male couples to potentially consider negotiated nonmonogamous non-secretly sexual activities.
Factors may include: the longevity of the relationship, the age of the participants, and the participation in gay culture. These factors may reflect on the level of agreements that is established.

Methods
Survey : Online- 30 questions Individual participation Likert type/ multi-choice Topics sexuality and relationship behavior Anonymous and confidential

IRB Approval: Survey OK Interviews were excluded

(time limitations and possibility to elicit participants emotions)

Methods
Participants Criteria: Gay individuals Same sex relationship Cohabitating for 6 months Ages 18+ Recruitment & Selection: Invitation by email and Snowball technique 52 respondents 50 matching criteria 42 completed full survey
Considering 30% + answers

Participants Demographics
Participants Age Group

Participants Demographics
Age difference between participant and partner

Participants Demographics
Relationship Longevity

Participants Demographics
Country of Residency 42% 58% Canada USA

Participants Demographics
6% 2% Ethnicity 10%

Caucasian
Asian/Pacific Islander Latino/Hispanic

18% Other/Mix 64% No answer

RESULTS

Labels of Monogamy & NonMonogamy

Question: 16%

What type of relationship do you and your partner have? 34%

50% monogamous nonmonogamoous

Discrepancies on Labels
Labeled as Monogamous
100% monogamous 100% monogamous, but partner wants sex with others Had non-monogamous agreements in the past, not anymore Labeled monogamous, but experimenting and open to alternatives Labeled monogamous, but has agreements of non-monogamy Labeled monogamous, but no more info provided (stopped survey)

25 (50%)
8 (16%) 3 (6%) 4 (8%) 3 (6%) 6 (12%) 1 (2%)

Labeled as Non-Monogamous
Threesomes or groups sex only when partner is present Non-monogamous agreements/rules to play together and separate Completely non-monogamous, open relationship Labeled non-monogamous, no more info provided (stopped survey)

17 (34%)
2 (4%) 11 (22%) 2 (4%) 2 (4%)

Labeled as Other
One is monogamous, the other partner is not Monogamous with passes to play Combo of the above, we play together sometimes Only play together Semi-monogamous but not completely open Monogamous but discussed to open

8 (16%)
1 (2%) 1 (2%) 1 (2%) 3 (6%) 1 (2%) 1 (2%)

Relationship Type by Age Group

50% 45%

40%
35% 30% monogamous 25% 20% 15% 10% 5% 0% 25-34 years old 35-44 years old 45-54 years old non-monogaous monogamish

Relationship Type by Longevity

70% 60% 50% 40% 30% 20% 10% 0% 6-12 months 1-3 years 3-5 years 5-10 years 10+ years monogamous nonmonogamous monogamish

Faithfulness and Sexual Exclusivity

Strongly
Statement:

Being faithful to your partner requires sexual exclusivity

Agree Somewhat Agree 22.2% Neither Agree or Disagree Somewhat Disagree Strongly Disagree 15.6%

24.4%

8.9% 28.9%

Broken Agreements
6%

claimed partner broke agreement by having sex with someone else

3%

10%

admitted breaking broke agreement by having sex with someone else

monogamous , but partner wants to have sex with others

Agreements of Non-Monogamy

Non-Monogamy Online
Most used App & Dating Sites Grindr (smartphone) Adam 4 Adam Manhunt Aware of this practice?

Extremely common 27% Somewhat common 31.8% 4.5% Not common Not Aware 38.7%

Non-Monogamy (bars and social events)

Question:

How common is to encounter couples looking for sex at social events or bars?

Extremely

or Very Common 20.4% Somewhat Common 47.7% Not Common at All 22.7% Not Aware 9.1%

Non-Monogamy Sharing Experiences

Question:

How comfortable are you talking to other friends who are gay about you and your partner having sex with other people?

Extremely

or Very Comfortable 45.1% Neither Comfortable or Uncomfortable 41.9% Not Comfortable 12.9%

Non-Monogamy Sharing Experiences

Question:

How comfortable are you talking to other friends who are gay about you and your partner having sex with other people?

Some friends who are gay Most friends who are gay All gay friends

41.9% 29% 16.12%

Some friends who were not gay Some members of their family 12.9%
No one else knows

29%

12.9%

What Encourages Non-Monogamous Agreements?

Question:

In your opinion, do you think Gay Culture encourages NonMonogamou s relationships ?

Yes 70.5% No

29.5%

What Encourages Non-Monogamous Agreements?

Question:

In your opinion, do you think Gay Culture encourages NonMonogamou s relationships ?

QUOTES: I don't think that gay culture pressures those who are monogamous to play outside the relationship. I think it's a choice that's dependent on the couple's personal preferences and comfort levels.

I think non-monogamy is the natural state of affairs for all humans and that gay culture doesn't discourage/stigmatize it in the same way that straight culture does.

Factors that encourage couples to consider Agreements of Non-Monogamy

Question:

What Encourages you and your partner to have sex with other people?

Factors that encourage couples to consider Agreements of Non-Monogamy

Question:

What Encourages you and your partner to have sex with other people?

QUOTES: my experience is that in the

short run non-monogamy is fun/exciting but in the long run breaks down instead of builds up the tie between two people.

Aspirations of Monogamy
Question:

Do you and your partner aspire to become completely monogamou s, both sexually and nonsexually?

Yes No

QUOTES:

37.5% 62.5%

we don't think it's unhealthy to be nonmonogamous. I think it's helped us stay together this long. out of respect, once our priorities have changed.

Aspirations of Monogamy
Question:

Is monogamy attainable among gay couples?

Yes 85.7% No

14.3%

QUOTES: I think this is hard. But monogamy romantically is attainable (easily). We're that way. (Monogamy) its just a preference not a value. I know a lot of couples who seem very happy with monogamy.

Discussion

The hypothesis for this research was partially supported by the results, finding a correlation between the likelihood of agreements of non-monogamy and the social exposure to gay culture in North America. The number of participants who perceive to be influenced by the gay community, shaping their relationship, supports these claims. Gay culture support diversity, embrace individual sexual expression and promote dialogue, which may be perceived by the participants as an encouragement.

Discussion

The social interaction that occurs online seems only to be a reflection of the practice, and not a factor that encourages agreements of non-monogamy, which rejects the claims that online exposure has a correlation with those agreements.

Nevertheless, location-based applications and dating sites facilitate the search for willing participants to include in sexual activities outside relationship

Discussion

Results demonstrated that labels of heteronormativity are often adapted and modified to allow same-sex couples to construct their own realities.

Results provide an outlook of a correlation between the longevity of the relationship and the couples agreements. Results supports previous findings on gay same-sex couples (LaSala, 2001, 2004, 2012; Jamieson, 2004; Adam 2006; Finn et al., 2008; Hoff & Beougher, 2010; Hosking, 2012) and provide a broader perspective on agreements of monogamy and nonmonogamy in gay male relationships.

Conclusion

Although a large portion of the participants believe in absolute monogamy and sexual exclusivity, another large quota agreed that sexual exclusivity is not equivalent to faithfulness; hence the rules of sexual exclusivity may change and adapt to consider partners desires, allow exploration, or even experimentation without affecting the relationship.