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Presented by: Benedict D. Ontal, R.N.

IV-Manresa

5. Omit needless words.

Delete at least four consecutive words in the following sentences, replace those words with just one word. You may rephrase ideas and rearrange sentences, but don't change the meaning. The Business Corporation Law does not address the ability of a New York corporation to indemnify individuals who are not its employees.

The Business Corporation Law does not address the ability of a New York corporation to indemnify nonemployees.

individuals who are not its employees = nonemployees

Revise the sentence to make them as lean as you can without changing the meaning:

The County sent an inspector who made observations as to the condition of the sidewalk and concluded that it was uneven.

The county inspector examined the sidewalk and concluded it was uneven.

Find a wordy sentence that you can reliably cut in half without changing the meaning.

Arbitration as a means of settling disputes was at first viewed by the courts with much disfavor, but today is being used increasingly as a substitute for litigation for the adjudication of disputes arising out of contracts. 37 words

Arbitration, once viewed disfavorably, is now used instead of litigation for the adjudication of disputes arising out of contracts. 19 words

10Avoid multiple negatives.

Recast the sentence in positive form: Notice will not be effective unless it is delivered in person or by certified mail, return receipt requested.

Notice takes effect upon delivery either in person, or via certified mail with return receipt requested.

Recast the sentence in positive form: Bendola cannot be permitted to stand on nothing more than unsubstantiated and selflaudatory statements as a basis for denying summary judgment.

Bendola must provide a basis for denying summary judgment further than unsubstantiated and self-laudatory statements.

Find a sentence in published writing that is burdened with at least two negatives that you can easily--and with no change in meaning-recast in the positive. Art. 151 of the Family Code 2nd paragraph This rule shall not apply to cases which may not be the subject of compromise under the Civil Code.

This rule only applies to cases that can be the subject of compromise under the Civil Code. Or This rule applies to cases that can be the subject of compromise under the Civil Code.

13 Use strong, precise verbs. Minimize is, are, was, and were.

Rewrite the sentence to eliminate the be-verbs: (be, am, is, are, was, were, been, has, have, had, do, did, does, can, could, shall, should, will, would, may, might, must) Jones is in agreement with Smith. Answer Jones agrees with smith.

Rewrite the passage to eliminate the be-verbs: Several members were in attendance, and those present were in agreement that the board's action was violative of the bylaws. Answer Several members attended and they agreed that the boards action violated the by-laws.

In a piece of published legal writing, find two meaty paragraphs--consecutive ones--in which be-verbs predominate. Type the paragraphs, preserve an unedited version, and then revise them to reduce the number of beverbs by at least 75%.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/08/opinio n/immigration-in-thehouse.html?ref=lawandlegislation A bipartisan gang of House members has been working on a broader bill, but nobody has seen it yet and it may go nowhere because it is said to include a path to citizenship. About all that can be safely predicted is that we are in for a summer of heat and pressure, with immigrant advocates loudly demanding a bill.

Mr. Boehner has a choice. He can let reform go forward with bipartisan support House Republicans and Democrats together could pass a good bill. This would infuriate the hotheads in his caucus but save the Republican Party from itself. Or he can stand back and let his party kill reform. As the issue festers, a nation is watching to see whether the Republicans can work out their Steve King problem and do something difficult for their own good, and the countrys.

A broader bill is currently being drafted by a bipartisan group of House members. It may go nowhere as it tends to include a path to citizenship. With immigrant advocates loudly demanding a bill, a summer of heat and pressure can be foreseen. Mr. Boehner has a choice either to let reform go forward with bipartisan support - House Republicans and Democrats passing a good bill or to stand back and let his party kill reform. Although the former choice tends to infuriate the hotheads in his caucus, it nevertheless saves the Republican Party from itself . As the issue festers, a nation keeps an eye (or observes, monitors) to see whether the Republicans settle their Steve King problem and do something difficult for their own good, and the countrys.

14Turn -ion words into verbs when you can.

Improve the passage by changing all but one or two of the -ion words. Do any -ion words need to stay? The determination that reasonable grounds exist for the revocation of parole should first be made by someone directly involved in the case. Yet we need make no assumptions in arriving at the conclusion that this preliminary evaluation, and any recommendations resulting therefrom, should be in the hands of someone not directly involved.

Determining whether reasonable grounds exist to revoke parole should first be made by someone directly involved in the case. Yet we need not assume in concluding that this preliminary analysis, and any advice resulting therefrom, should be in the hands of someone not directly involved.

Edit the sentence to reduce the number of words ending in -ion: Any violation of the terms of probation established by the Board will result in revocation of VanTech's authority to conduct itself as a public-utility operation.

If the terms of probation established by the Board is violated, the authority of Van Tech to operate as public utility will be revoked.

Or
Any violated terms of probation established by the Board will result in revoking Van Techs authority to conduct itself as a public-utility operation.

Find a paragraph in published legal writing with at least three -ion words that need editing. Retype the paragraph, with its citation, and then type your own revised passage below it. Lets Make a Deal By GAIL COLLINS http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/06/opinio n/lets-make-a-deal.html?ref=lawandlegislation

Immigration reform was an invitation to dealmaking from the get-go. Its yin and yang are border security, plus giving a path to citizenship to the estimated 11 million people who are currently living here without documentation. Immigration reform was an enticement to dealmaking from the get-go. Its yin and yang are border security, plus giving a path to citizenship to the estimated 11 million people who are currently living here without the proper documents. Or

Immigration reform invites deal-making from the get-go. Its yin and yang are border security, plus giving a path to citizenship to the estimated 11 million people who are currently living here without the proper documents.

15. Simplify wordy phrases. Watch out for of.

Revise the sentence to minimize prepositions (at, on, in, of, to, for ..etc) This Court did not err in issuing its order of dismissal of the claims of Plaintiff.

Answer This Court correctly dismissed the plaintiffs claims

Revise the passage to minimize prepositions: Henry II had genius of a high order, which never manifested itself more clearly than in his appreciation of the inevitability of the divergence of the paths of crime and of tort, and in his conception of crimes as offenses against the whole community.

Henry IIs genius never manifested itself more clearly than in the way he appreciated the divergence between crime and tort, and the way he conceived that crimes offend the whole community.

Find a published passage in which you can improve the style by cutting the ofs by at least half. Type the original, and then handwrite your edits so that they're easy to follow.

http://www.salon.com/2013/07/07/oh_yay_im_ single_in_my_50s/ I recently heard an interesting statistic more than 80 percent of single people over 50 say they are happy with their single status. I am one of them. I bet most of them, like me, initially thought things were going to go just great in their second or third or fourth round of finding true love. And then came the experience so horrible/pathetic/humiliating they realized how unbelievably happy they already were.

I recently heard an interesting statistic that more than 80 percent of single people over 50s like me, say they are happy with their single status. Like me, I bet they initially thought that finding true love would go just great in their second, third, or fourth round. And then came the experience so horrible/pathetic/humiliating they realized how unbelievably happy they already were.