Confrontation

Presented By: MOHSIN KHAN Enrollment No. 2011-P17

Confrontation
The term confrontation refers to an argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties. The word may also refer to meeting of persons face to face or an open conflict of opposing ideas.

Essentials of Confrontation
1. Be emotionally present. Being present refers to being in touch and in tune with our own feelings as well as those of the other person. Presence and connection help make confrontation tolerable.

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2. Be clear about You and I. Problems arise when we dont clearly distinguish our feelings and opinions from the other persons. Instead of saying You need to change this, say I need for you to change this. There is an I who has a desire and a request and there is a you who is being asked to change something. That is clear. 3. Clarify the problem. Be clear about the nature of the your problem with the other person. Here are 3 important elements of the problem itself and what you would like to see happen: (1) Clarify the nature of the problem (2) Clarify the effects of the problem and (3) Clarify your desire for change.

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4. Balance grace and truth. Grace is our being on the side of, or for the other person as well as the relationship. Truth is the reality of whatever we need to say about the problem. Having the two together counters the bad effects of having one of these by itself. 5. Stay on task. A good confrontation has a specific and clear focus. It can be reduced to one or both of two things: You want the other to start doing something you want or to stop doing something you dont want.

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6. Use the formula, When you do A, I feel B. One of the most powerful and effective ingredients of a good confrontation is explaining to a person how their attitudes or actions influence you. 7. Affirm and validate. Affirmation and validation of a person is not rocket science. The basic message you want to convey is that you care about the person; you notice things they are doing well, or you let them know you are on their side.

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8. Apologize for your part in the problem. Dont confront someone if you owe them an apology first. Make sure you have a clean slate before the person. 9. Avoid shoulds. The word should feels parental and judgmental to people. People who use many shoulds get less helpful outcomes and reactions from other people than those who dont.

Confrontation Techniques
Behavioral Confrontation It's important to remember that when you confront a person, you shouldn't confront and accuse him of bad character, only bad behavior. Behavior can be easily changed, and bringing up poor performance or a lack of attention is much better received than calling a person's entire character into question. Repetition A clever person will try to throw you off of the path of confrontation when you're working at talking to her. Repeating your request multiple times may help you stay on track and not be swayed by other arguments the other person is presenting.

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Agreement Confrontation usually puts someone on the "hot seat," making him defend himself and feel hurt, angry and attacked. Taking time to agree with the person you're confronting can help relax him and take him off of the defensive for more productive communication. Saying things like, "I understand why you would be upset," or, "You have a right to be angry," Reasoning Confrontation shouldn't only be about pointing out bad behavior in order to stop it. It also should involve reasoning and sound solutions that help your friend, family member or coworker reform the behavior that is causing the confrontation.

The Seven Steps of Initiating a Confrontation

State how you see the situation. Give facts, not interpretations. State how you understand the problem that causes this situation. Again, give facts, results, or negative effects. Identify the negative consequences and feelings that result. Get agreement on the problem Suggest possible solutions Identify consequences of the problem continuing State what your understanding of the agreement or solution is.

Behaviors to Avoid in Confrontations

Critical/judgmental/demeaning attitude Controlling/autocratic attitude Sarcastic Indifference Superior/Better than attitude Over-generalizations