Conflict Management in CLAS:

Part 1,
Difficult Conversations
Cynthia Joyce
University Ombudsperson
Goal
To promote the development of a workplace
atmosphere where conflicts are resolved
effectively.
Objectives
Understand and apply conflict management
styles.
Build communication skills for dealing with
conflict directly and effectively.
Build skills in handling difficult
conversations.
Conflict Management Styles
Conflict Management Styles
Cooperativeness
A
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Avoiding
Competing
Compromising
Collaborating
Accommodating
Communication Skills
Active Listening
Assertive Communication
I Statements
Active Listening
Encourage

Question

Restate
Reflect

Summarize

Validate
Making Active Listening Work
Be authentic.
Be energetic and focused.
Be aware of your internal voice.
Avoid assumptions.
Empathize.
Watch nonverbal behaviors.
Do not interrupt, offer advice, or make
suggestions.
Assertive Communication
Deal with situation directly.
Start with what matters most.
Use I statements.



I Statements
I feel (state your emotion)
When you (state the specific action that you
are concerned about)
Because (state the impact on your life)
And I want (state the change in behavior
you want).
Difficult Conversations:
Move from Delivering a Message
to a Learning Conversation
Material adapted from
Difficult Conversations: How
to Discuss What Matters
Most
By Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton,
Sheila Heen
What makes conversations
difficult?
Difficult Conversations:
Three Conversations in One

What Happened?

Feelings

Identity
What Happened?

The Truth Assumption


The Intention Invention


The Blame Frame
accept multiple
perspectives

disentangle
intent from
impact

move from
blame to
contribution

Feelings
Difficult conversations are at their core
about feelings.
You are not really dealing with the issue
if you leave out feelings.


Identity
Ask what is at stake for you:
Am I competent?
Am I a good person?
Ask what is at stake for the other
person.
What can help when your identity
is challenged?
Ground your identity.
Accept that:
You will make mistakes.
You are complex.
You have contributed to the problem.
Let go of trying to control the other
persons reaction.
Prepare for the other persons
response.
When you deliver a message,
you often want to:
Prove a point.
Give the other person a piece of your
mind.
Get the other person to do or be what
you want.
In a learning conversation,
you:
Try to understand what has happened
from the other persons point of view.
Explain your point of view.
Share and understand feelings
Work together to manage the problem
in the future.

Communicating Clearly
Do:
Start with what matters most.
Speak directly.
Acknowledge different perspectives; use
and.
Dont:
Be too simplistic.
Present your conclusions as truth.
Use always and never.
Problem Solving
Set the stage: purpose of meeting, ground
rules.
Begin with the Third Story.
Listen to the other persons perspective.
Communicate clearly.
Define the problem.
Brainstorm options.
Evaluate options.
Develop a solution.

The Third Story:
neutral description of the situation
acknowledging differences between
your perspectives, with no judgment
involved.








What can help you hold difficult
conversations when necessary?

University Resources
Office of the Ombudsperson
Mediation Services
Human Resources:
Local and Central Staff
Faculty and Staff Services
Learning and Development
Other:

Bibliography
Wrap Up
Summary
Questions
Next Steps
Evaluations