interpersonal skills

Berko et al., Chapter Seven

interpersonal conflict
Conflictany situation in which you perceive that
another person, with whom youre interdependent,
is frustrating or might frustrate the satisfaction of
some concern, need, want, or desire of yours
Students try to avoid about 56% of their conflicts (p.
191)
Causes
Goals
Allocation of resources
Decision making
Behaviors
Conflict management is subject to cultural norms
and standards

levels of conflict
Level 1: No conflict.
Level 2: Latent conflict.
One person senses conflict, not necessarily mutual
Level 3: Problems to solve.
Expression of concern/problems, avoidance of personal attacks
Level 4: Dispute.
Needs-centered conflict, personal attacks destructive conflict
Level 5: Help.
Third party assistance, should be neutral and invited
Level 6: Fight or flight?
Declaring war or escape
Level 7: Intractability.
Abandon hope for constructive solution
anger & fair fighting
Angerfeeling of being upset with yourself or others (or both)
Negative expressions
Internal actionsself-criticism, guilt, depression, bitterness
Acting outdrinking, affairs, vindictiveness
Passive resistanceVerbal/nonverbal statement of noncompliance
Violence
External actionsnagging, sarcasm, cynicism
Positive expressions
Clear, direct, expressive assertion of needs/wants
Fair fightingworking toward an amicable solution to a
problem, with regard for the importance of both the issue and
the relationship
individual approaches
to conflict
Avoidance: not confronting the conflict
Postponing or ignoring a problematic issue, tolerating the status quo
May be useful if issue is short-term or of minor importance
Accommodation/Smoothing Over: giving in, preserving the okay
Meeting the needs of others
May be useful if others needs are more important
Problematic when accommodation becomes a default pattern
Compromise: attempting to satisfy the needs of both parties
Meeting halfway, each party gives in to some degree
Can lead to further frustration
Competition/Aggression: power
Has to be a winner and a loser
Integration: win-win resolution
Relationship, self-worth, and issue are all equally important
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AGGRESSIVE
ASSERTIVE
assertive communication
Assertive communicationtakes place when a person stands
up for and tries to achieve personal right without damaging
others
Nonassertive behavior: avoidance of conflict, intent to please
Aggressive behavior: get your own way, intent to
dominate/humiliate
Directoutward expression of dominating/humiliating
communication
Passiveattacks or embarrasses in a manipulative way
Assertiveness: taking charge of yourself and your world, intent to
communicate
DESC scripting
Describing, Expressing, Specifying, Consequences