Love and Sexuality

Why LOVE and SEXUALITY

Love is one of the reasons why we
establish intimate relationship/s with the
OTHER.
SEX is a manifestation, a symbol, a zenith
of love. However, this should be within the
context of marriage.
Love is not a philosophical concept, it is
also a sociological one, because it ignites
relationships.

What is LOVE?
This is an abstract concept.
Is this a feeling? Is this an action?
Others would say love is not a feeling
but an action.

Can This Be Love?

Can this be love I'm feeling right now
I know for certain I'm feeling right now
I don't recall ever feeling this way
Tell me what does one say
To one who makes me feel this way
Can this be love I'm feeling right now
I am not sure of this feeling somehow
Why do I tremble whenever you're near
I can't seem to say my words so you'll hear
More lyrics
http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/smokey_mountain/can_th
is_be_love-lyrics-458501.html#ixzz35boIOJc2

The Road Less Travelled

Love is not a feeling, it is an activity
and an investment.
"The will to extend one's self for the
purpose of nurturing one's own or
another's spiritual growth" (Peck,
1992, p85).
Love is primarily actions towards
nurturing the spiritual growth of
another.

The Nature of Love

Eros
Philia
Agape

The Nature of Love

Eros- Intense, ardent desire, passion,
refer to that part of love constituting a
passionate, intense desire for
something; it is often referred to as a
sexual desire, hence the modern
notion of erotic (Greek erotikos)
Physical attraction, to love an object
is that LOVE in itself

The Nature of Love

Reciprocity is not necessary to
Platos view of love, for the desire
is for the object (of Beauty), than
for, say, the company of another
and shared values and pursuits.
If you are having sex and you
dont even put spirit in the act and
in your partner, such sexual
activity is not based on love.

The Nature of Love

Philia: Fondness and the
appreciation of the other.
For the Greeks, the term is not
only associated with friendship
but with the community, family,
profession, etc.

The Nature of Love

For Aristotle, to be able to love the
self must love himself or herself
first.

The friendship can be genuine if it

transcends utility (business
friendship, FwB).

The Nature of Love

Agape: Agape refers to the
paternal love of God for man and
of man for God but is extended to
include a brotherly love for all
humanity.
Love thy neighbor as thy self.

NATURE OF LOVE
How do we know when we
are in love, how do we know
when we are loved?
Love itself brings about the
continuous emergence of
ever-higher value in the
object.

NATURE OF LOVE
How do we know when we are in
love, how do we know when we are
loved?
Love itself brings about the
continuous emergence of ever-higher
value in the objectjust as if it were
streaming out from the object of its
own accord, without any exertion
(even of wishing) on the part of the
lover.

Nature of Love
According to Steinberg (1998), love is a
subjective experience.
Some people choose to love to be loved,
while others choose to love without asking in
return.
Love is what the lover defines it to be.
Is love lasting? (Some good things never last,
will you still love me tomorrow, insert video)

What is this thing called LOVE?

Motherly Love
Sex Love
Brotherly/Sisterly Love
Married Love
Religious Love
Romantic Love

Relationships have evolved

Friends with Benefits (FWB, FUBU)
Living Apart Together (LAT)
FB Friends/Online Friends
These new relationships challenge
our idea of LOVE? (Insert Video,
WST)

Simple Infatuation
Crush or puppy love
Commonly strikes in early teens or
younger.
Object of infatuation: Older, highly
idealized person (teacher, friend, etc.),
actors, players
This does not last long.
This is not enough to end up in marriage.

Romantic Infatuation
This is the same as being in love of falling in
love.
Strange mix of sex and emotion but not genuine
love.
This does not necessarily result in marriage.
The feeling may be stronger but it will not last
long. This may develop into love, but it takes time.

Real Love
This involves strong tender feelings for the
other balanced by reason and deep respect.
You care for the other and there is a sense of
fulfillment.
Judgment of the other person is objective and
rationale.
Sharing of values, ideas, goals, and ideals.

Real Love
Perfect Combination: You are matched
and mated.
Emotion must warm reason, but reason
must rule emotion.
In real love, your reason is the throne,
ruling your emotions.

Sex Interest
This should not be mistaken for love.
Biological drive that seeks erotic
expression.
Some people may enjoy sex but may
not have interest in the person other
than sensual satisfaction.
Men can enjoy sex with no tender
feelings.

How do they differ?

It is difficult to sort out the differences
between infatuation and love.
They sometimes overlap.

Gender and Love

Women tend to think love as a serious matter.
(Kephart, 20 years ago)
Males
Females
1. I am sure I know
what love is 2536
2. I think I know what love is 5954
3. I dont think I know
what love is 128
4. I am sure I dont know
what love is 4
2

Signs of Good Marriage

Your parents are happy in your marriage

You had a happy childhood.
There was a lack of conflict with your mother.
Your home discipline was firm but not harsh.
Strong attachment to mother.
Strong attachment to father.
Lack of conflict with father.
Parents were frank about sex.
Childhood punishment was infrequent and mild.
Positive attitude towards sex.

Elements of Real Love

Strong sex interest

Respect and admiration
Friendship and fellowship
Affection
Self-giving devotion

Clues of Real Love

CLUE 1. What is your major attraction? If the
attraction is physical then it is not real love. If
the attraction is his or her total personality
(his or her whole person) then it is real love.
CLUE 2. How many factors attract? In
infatuation the factors that attract you are few.
If its real love, many or most qualities of the
person---and the relationship attract you.

Clues of Real Love

CLUE 3. How did it start? Infatuation starts
fast. Eyes meet a crowded room. there is
no such thing as love at first sight. Love
starts slowly. Love is not definitely blind.
Clue 4. How consistent is your love
interest? If its infatuation, a couples interest
in each other comes and goes. In real love,
the relationship tends to even out.

Question: What if you have loved and

lost?
You may had a real love but did not
result in marriage.
One or both of you did not recognize at
the time that it was real love.
Other reasons

Clues of Real Love

CLUE 5. How does it affect your personality?
Romantic infatuation has destructive effect
on your personality. Real love will have an
organizing and a constructive effect on your
personality. You achieve self realization and
expression.

Students case: If youre infatuated your

grades will go down. If youre in love, your
grades will go up.

Clues of Real Love

Clue 6. How and when does it end? If
its infatuation, it stops the same way it
starts---fast. If its love, it stops slowly.

Clues of Real Love

Clue 7. What does distance do? If
infatuation, absence makes the heart grow
foundof somebody else. If its real, love
survives separation. It may even grow.
Clue 7. How do quarrels affect the romance?
If infatuation, quarrels will kill the relationship
and they become frequent and more severe.
If it is love, love leaves through quarrels and
quarrels become less severe and frequent.

Clues of Real Love

Clue 8. How do you feel about and refer to
your relationship? If infatuation, you use I,
me, my, he, him, his. You will not hear we,
us, or our.
Clue 9. Selfless or selfish? If infatuated,
your ego response to the other person is
selfish and restrictive. If it is love, it is
selfless. You will care as much about what
is good for the other as for yourself.

Some known facts about sex before

marriage
High chance of breaking up before marriage
Scare off anyone who wants to marry a
virgin
Be less happy in marriage
Get a divorce
Commit adultery
Spoil total sex due to sexual salivation
Have guilt feelings that may push you into a
poor marriage

Views on Premarital Sex

Sexual Health

Sex is an essential part of life, health,

and happiness.
An ingredient in individual well being
and in intimate relationships.

Sexual Health
Sexual Problems
Lack of interest in sex
Reaching climax to early
Unable to reach orgasm
Sex not pleasurable
Anxiety about performance
Pain during sex
Unable to keep an erection

Sexual Health
Ways to solve sexual dysfunction
Pills (e.g., Robust, Potensan)
Therapy (e.g., lingam)
Behavioral Exercises---You teach your
partner to teach your partner to control
orgasm or ejaculation (sensate focus,
stop and go technique, squeeze
technique)

Sexual Health
Sexual practices among American
Men and Women (1994) in 12
months prior to the conduct of the
survey
90% of women surveyed had sex; 86%
among men
63% of men masturbated, 42% among
women
27% of men had oral sex, 19% among
women
23% of men bought X-Rated videos,
11% among women

Sexual Health
Marriage sex is very important for
long term happiness.
Married couples have higher levels of
sexual activity than divorced people
and single people.

Sexual Health
For some people, sex is not the most
important thing in life.
A nationwide survey in the US found
out that 75% of 815 men survey
believed that marriage is more
important than sex, career, fame, or
fortune. About 90% of these
husbands treat their wives as best
friends.

Sexual Health
Sex is not clearly everything but it is
important to an intimate relationship.
Different people have different sexual
intimacy needs.

Marital Styles and Sexual

Behavior (McCarthy 2001,2003)
1. Complementary couples- Each
partner has power in certain domains
and moderate levels of intimacy. Sex
becomes a low priority and often
becomes routine, like watching the
evening news. Usually the male is in
charge of sexuality.

Marital Styles and Sexual

Behavior (McCarthy 2001,2003)
2. Conflict-minimizing couples- Strong
emotional expression is discouraged.
The male initiates sex and decides on
the sexual style. Sex is very predictable
and rarely discussed.

Marital Styles and Sexual

Behavior (McCarthy 2001,2003)
3. Best friend couples- This style values
intimacy the most and considers
friendship to be a strong foundation of
their marriage. Sex is an integral part
for the relationship to work well. Sex
energizes the relationship and the
marital bond is strong.

Marital Styles and Sexual

Behavior (McCarthy 2001,2003)
4. Emotionally expressive couples- this
style is full of feelings and can range
from intense feelings of love and anger.
Sex is often passionate, exciting, fun
and playful. Sex occurs as a way of
making up for conflict and fight.

Sexual Health
Elements of sexual health
1. When couple are able to decide
freely and consensually when to have
sex and how often to do it.
2. Sticking to one marital partner and
no extra marital affairs.

Sexual Health
This also pertains to the absence of
disease or infirmity relating to your
reproductive health system and its
processes and functions.
Risky sexual practices may lead to
sexual health problems---STDs, HIV,
AIDS

Sexual Health
Risky Practices
Sharing drug needles and syringe
Anal sex with or without a condom
Vaginal or anal sex with someone who
shoots drugs or engages in anal sex
Sex with someone you do not know well
Multiple sexual partnership
Unprotected sex

Sexual Health
STDs
Syphilis
Gonorrhea
HIV/AIDS

Sexual Health
Gonorrhea is most common in young adults.
The bacteria can infect the genital tract, mouth, or
anus.
This can be transmitted through vaginal, oral, or
anal sex with an infected partner.
In men, gonorrhea can cause pain when urinating
and discharge from the penis. If untreated, it can
cause problems with the prostate and testicles.
In women, the early symptoms of gonorrhea often
are mild. Later, it can cause bleeding between
periods, pain when urinating, and increased
discharge from the vagina.
Source: National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases

Sexual Health
Syphilis infects the genital area, lips, mouth, or
anus both for men and women.
Symptoms: sore developing in the genitals, body
rash, sore throat
The sore caused by the bacteria make it easier to
get or give someone HIV during sex.
Source: National Institute of Allergy and Infectious
Diseases

Sexual Health
HIV, Human Immunodeficiency Virus
This kills your immune system cells.
Spreads through unprotected sex
First signs of infection may be swollen glands and
flu like symptoms. These may come and go a
month or two after infection.
Source: National Institute of Allergy and Infectious
Diseases

Summary
There is a nexus between love and sex.
We talk about love and sex in FAMIPOP
because these two are
foundations/elements of building family
relationships.
Love and Sex= Fertility---- change in
demographics