CHAPTER FOUR

LISTENING TO YOURSELF

Internal dialogue that can be positive or

negative.
Can increased productivity and selfawareness. However, it can also promote
nonproductive behaviors that can result in
defensiveness, going around in circles,
stress and non-assertiveness.
We need to learn to listen effectively to
ourselves in order for others to understand
us.

When we have this ability we can find ways

to develop insight into our on-the-jobexperiences, develop the capacity to
examine ourselves critically to help us be
aware of our beliefs, values and attitudes in
order to understand and reshape them.
After reaching the level of self-acceptance,
we can remain open to our self-defeating
behaviors.

Internal Thought Process

One way to listen to yourself is to become
aware of your internal thought processes.
At this point you develop the habit to listen
to what you are thinking in being aware of
why you feel and behave as you do.
The awareness that you gain from internal
thought can lead to an understanding of the
beliefs by which you live your life.

However your beliefs may result in the

feeling that external forces control your life
and that you do not control what you do
and feel.
For example, making decisions when you
are stressful or sad might not be a good
idea because you might be blinded by
hatred, tiredness or dissatisfaction.

Going Nowhere Cycle

When you listen negatively or dont listen to your
internal thought process carefully , you will end up
going into the nowhere cycle.
In this cycle, you will continue the self-defeating
behavior.
You will be caught up in hearing negative internal
dialogue.
At this point you are experiencing the VICTIM mode
in the drama triangle.
For example, putting too much pressure on yourself,
always saying yes to everything, tension and
frustrated.

Going Somewhere Cycle

This happens when you listen to your
internal thought process positively.
At this point you identify non-productive
internal dialogue, reexamine the belief that
caused a particular thought process and
modify them into positive thoughts.
You will gain confidence, improved selfesteem and sense of power.

Belief System Process

Our belief system is formulated at an early
age and it does not only affect our behavior
but also the way we talk to ourselves.
As long as our beliefs stay out of our
awareness, we unconsciously set up
roadblocks to personal and professional
development. These unknowns about
ourselves can result in nonproductive
behavior, internal conflict, and feelings of
frustration and defeat.

LANGUAGE BARRIERS
Negative Affirmations Expressed
Internally
Negative beliefs lead to negative
affirmations of yourself.
Self talk or internal affirmations such as: I
cant understand, I cant pay attention and I
always lose track of what people say could
reinforce failure.
When you say Yes , but, you will be stuck
in a circle (going nowhere cycle) that
inhibits personal effectiveness.

Negative Affirmations Expressed Externally

Your beliefs about yourself affect how you

talk to others.
When we talk about ourselves to another
person, we confirm how we see ourselves
and how we feel about ourselves.
Therefore, listening to how we affirm
ourselves to others can be a big step toward
changing old habits and perceptions of self.

I Always

The word always leads a person to believe that a

particular behavior happens every single time, no
other behavior is possible.
Other words with similar effect are never, all the
time, and every time.
The overuse of I always interferes with taking the
initiative, being creative and realizing and living out
their full potential. It leads to lack of confidence.
Its use results in looking at ones behavior in
general nonspecific terms which leaves out the
positive side of ones behavior.

Labeling
Individuals may experience the same
physical feeling but put different labels on
what they are experiencing.
Listening to how we label our feelings is
important in self awareness.
For example, labeling ourselves as stupid,
ugly careless and useless.
Labeling modifies our behavior and might
lead us to Going Nowhere Cycle.

Habits

Habits are learned from role models.

They are systematized set of feelings or actions
resulting from old adaptations, often developed as a
response to a childhood stimulus, long since forgotten,
that now exists only in the brain. Unknowingly, we
continue to act out and feel the old responses to that
past stimulus and behave in the old ways which are
often inappropriate to the present situation.
In order to modify habits, we need to focus on how we
experience their (role models) behavior. When we
focus on our response to their behavior, we will be
aware of our response to people and situations. The
focus includes listening to the words you and the
other person use which cause strife or mutual
cooperation.

Prescriptions

Approach mistakes as learning opportunities.

Think before you solve a problem.
Use supportive language.
Supportive language leads to positive self-esteem.
When you apply supportive language, you keep
yourself away from the drama triangle.
Suppressing language results in feeling victimized.
Practice using supportive language out loud.
Evaluate yourself realistically.
Set realistic goals.

Questions
Identify the 2 language barriers.
What is the value of listening to yourself?
What is the difference between supportive
and suppressive language?
Explain the Going Nowhere Cycle and the
Going Somewhere Cycle.