Exercises Writing Effective

Sentences

CFM
MBA (FT)
Batch 2015-2017

How is this reading experience (1)

I wish to express my indebted gratitude and special

thanks to Mrs. Gayatri Rao, Zonal Manager who in
spite of being extraordinarily busy with her duties, took
time out to hear, guide and keep me on the correct path
and allowing me to carry out my project work at their
esteemed organization.

How is this reading experience (2)

I wish to express my indebted gratitude and special

thanks to Mrs. Gayatri Rao, Zonal Manager. Inspite
of being extraordinarily busy with her duties she took
time out to hear, guide and keep me on the correct path.
They allowed me to carry out my project work at their
esteemed organization.

Origninal Sentence:
I wish to express my indebted gratitude and special thanks to Mrs.
Gayatri Rao, Zonal Manager who in spite of being extraordinarily
busy with her duties, took time out to hear, guide and keep me on the
correct path and allowing me to carry out my project work at their
esteemed organization.

How is this reading experience (3)

I wish to express my indebted gratitude and special

thanks to Mrs. Gayatri Rao, Zonal Manager. Inspite
of being extraordinarily busy with her duties she took
time out to hear, guide and keep me on the correct path.
They allowed me to carry out my project work at their
esteemed organization.

How is this reading experience (4)

I am especially grateful to Mrs. Gayatri Rao, Zonal

Manager. Inspite of her extraordinarily busy schedule,
she took time out to hear, guide and keep me on the
correct path.

They allowed me to carry out my project work at their

esteemed organization.

Rewrite

It has a wide network of 35 branches and 93 customer

service points, which give Karvy a tremendous mileage
in being close to the retail customer.

Rewritten
It

has a wide network of 35 branches and 93 customer service points. This gives Karvy a tremendous mileage in being close to the retail

customer.

Original Sentence:
It has a wide network of 35 branches and 93 customer service points, which give Karvy a tremendous mileage in being close to the retail customer.

Rewrite

A decade of commitment and broader vision led to

customer satisfaction which thereby helped Karvy to
attain a leadership position in its field and allowed it an
opportunity to handle the largest number of corporate
and retail clients that proved to be a sound business
synergy.

Rewritten
A decade of commitment and broader vision led to
customer satisfaction. This helped Karvy to attain a
leadership position in its field. Besides, it allowed an
opportunity to handle the largest number of corporate and
retail clients. This proved to be a sound business synergy.
Original

Sentence:

A decade of commitment and broader vision led to customer satisfaction

which thereby helped Karvy to attain a leadership position in its field and
allowed it an opportunity to handle the largest number of corporate and
retail clients that proved to be a sound business synergy.

Can you rewrite this?

So by way of the feedback survey, the issues which came

into light includes first of all irregular and inefficient
communication that is due to a large broker-base which
is around 300 only in Baroda and also because Karvy
Baroda has to single-handedly handle Nadiad, Anand
and Vidyanagar business which again involve around
another 300 business associates.

Possible way of rewriting (1)

The feedback survey highlighted the issue of irregular and
inefficient communication. This is due to the following
reasons:
(i) a large broker-base of 300 in Baroda alone
(ii) Karvy, Baroda, has also to single-handedly handle
Nadiad, Anand and Vidyanagar business which again
involve around another 300 business associates.

Possible way of rewriting (2)

The feedback survey highlighted the issue of irregular and
inefficient communication. The possible reasons are/may
be :
(i) a large broker-base of 300 in Baroda alone
(ii) Karvy, Baroda, also handles Nadiad, Anand and
Vidyanagar business, comprising another 300 business
associates. Or
(ii) The 300 business associates of Nadiad, Anand and
Vidyanagar are also serviced by Karvy, Baroda.

Moving To Concepts

The Seven Cs Of Effective Communication

COMPLETENESS

CONCISENESS

CONSIDERATION

CONCRETENESS

CLARITY

COURTESY

CORRECTNESS
All of them can apply to both written and
communication.

oral

Source: Murphy Herta A., Hildebrandt Herbert W., Thomas Jane P. (1997), Effective
Business Communication, Tata McGraw-Hill Publishing Company Limited, New Delhi

Completeness

Message receivers either listeners or readers

desire complete information to their questions.

Provide all necessary information: answering the

five Ws helps make messages clear: who, what,
when, where and why
Answer all questions asked: look for questions
some may even appear buried within a paragraph.
Locate them and then answer precisely.
Give something extra when desirable: use your
good judgement in offering additional material if the
senders message was incomplete.

Conciseness (1)

Conciseness is saying what you have to say in the

fewest possible words without sacrificing the other C
qualities. A concise message is complete without
being wordy.

Eliminate wordy expressions:

Use single-word substitutes instead of phrases whenever
possible without changing the meanings. e.g. Now instead of
At this time .

Omit unnecessary expressions e.g. I have resumed

my duties today i.e. August 9, 2008 instead of This is
to inform you that I have resumed my duties with
effect from today i.e. August 9, 2008.

Limit the use of passive voice.

Include only relevant information

Conciseness (2)

Stick to the purpose of the message

Delete irrelevant words

Avoid long introductions, unnecessary explanations, excessive

adjectives and pompous words

Omit information obvious to the receiver

Avoid unnecessary repetition

Consideration
Consideration means preparing every message with the message receivers in
mind; try to put yourself in their place- you are considerate, you do not lose
your temper, you do not accuse, you do not charge them without facts.

Focus on You instead of I or We using you does help project a

you attitude. But overuse can lead to a negative reaction. e.g. Since your
quotation was received after the due date, we will not be able to consider
it.

Show audience benefit or interest in the receiver e.g. We are now open
on all Sundays. can be You can now shop with us even on a Sunday
or We now remain open even on Sundays to help you with your
purchases.

Emphasize positive, pleasant facts e.g. When you travel on company

expense, you will not receive approval for first-class fare. can be when
you travel on company expense, your approved fare is for tourist class.

Concreteness
Communicating concretely means being specific,
definite, and vivid rather than vague and general.

It is desirable to be precise in oral business

communication e.g. 'He responds within
twenty four hours' is more concrete than His
responses are quicker than yours.

Put action in your verbs e.g. The customer

will be upset with this job can be This job
will upset the customer.

Clarity
Clarity helps convey the meaning more accurately from
the sender to the receiver.

Choose precise, concrete and familiar words when

in doubt, use more familiar words; they are better
understood e.g. after instead of subsequently,
invoice instead of statement of payment.
Construct effective sentences and paragraphs
Generally short sentences are preferred. The
suggested average sentence length is
between
seventeen to twenty words.
Emphasis put the main ideas upfront within a
sentence.

Courtesy
Courtesy involves being aware not only of the
perspective of others, but also their feelings.

Be sincerely tactful, thoughtful and appreciative

Use expressions that show respect

Correctness
This is about proper grammar, punctuation and spelling.
Check accuracy of figures, facts and words.

Writing Shorter Sentences

Bringing Simplicity Into Our Written
Communication

Why Shorter Sentences

What is a short sentence

average

sentence length of 15-20 words

Sentence is easy to read

An Example of a Long Sentence

The government of Gujarat, newly formed state in 1960 wanted to make

economic development, so had taken up a plan to create a dam on two
rivers, but this was met with resistance from the local people, as the
increase in the reservoir threatened to submerge a sacred temple.

The problem here is convincing the population about the benefits of dam
scheme and protecting the Bhavnath temple thereby considering popular
public opinion and safeguarding traditional religious sentiments of the
people.

What is common about both these sentences?

You may find some of these common

Of course these are long sentences

By the time you come to the end of the sentence you have
already lost what was said at the start

You read it and then reread it and still are not sure if you
have got the exact meaning.

Each sentence has multiple ideas each colour represents a

different idea in both these sentences

It is certainly not a pleasant reading experience

So, what are we saying ..

Sentences need to be short
and simple
Long sentences lead to loss
of message
Long sentences may result in
message distortion

Differently said .
Short sentences are easy to
read
Short sentences facilitate
comprehension
Short sentences facilitate
recall
Short sentences enable
effective message
transmission

These techniques, consciously adopted, help us

to write shorter sentences
Split

and disconnect

Split

and connect

Say

less

Use

a list

Cut

verbiage

Bin

the sentence and start again

Source: Cutts Martin, The Plain English Guide, Oxford University Press

Split and Disconnect

I came to Ahmedabad for the first time for my interview

with Sify and I got selected and joined the company
from the very next day and I started enjoying my job
truly.

Sentence Rewritten:

I came to Ahmedabad, for the first time, for my interview

with Sify. I got selected and joined the very next day. I
started enjoying my job truly.

Split and Connect

The government of Gujarat, newly formed state in 1960 wanted to make economic
development, so had taken up a plan to create a dam on two rivers, but this was met
with resistance from the local people, as the increase in the reservoir threatened to
submerge a sacred temple.

Sentence Rewritten:

The government of Gujarat, just formed in 1960, wanted to make economic

development. Therefore, it had taken up a plan to create a dam on the two rivers.
The increase in reservoir height threatened to submerge a sacred temple. Hence, this
was met with resistance from the local people.
The underlined words, in the rewritten sentence, are the connectors.

Say Less

The key is to avoid repetition.

Use a List

This report describes the accident and details the causes,

implications for the company, future prevention and other
possible risk areas.

Sentence Rewritten:
This report covers the following:

A description of the accident

Its possible causes

Its implication for the company

Suggestions for prevention

Other possible risk areas

Cut Verbiage
A

lot many firms like Maruti, Paharpur, Daewoo, BHEL,

Hindustan Unilever are into green marketing.

Sentence Rewritten:
Many

firms like Maruti, Paharpur, Daewoo, BHEL, Hindustan

Unilever are into green marketing.

Look for words that dont add any meaning or further value to the
message. Omit them.

This is how we unconsciously add words

A heavy majority (83%) of those who use plastic bags are

aware of its harmful effects but the reason for not shifting to
the alternate medium came up as feeling ashamed to carry
cloth bags

Do the words A heavy majority add any further value?

This is also a good case to try split and connect

But sometimes it so happens that the suppliers are also not

willing to do away with plastic shopping bags.

The underlined phrase can be replaced by just two words At times.

Look for words that dont add any meaning or further value to the
message. Omit these.

Bin the sentence and start again

Simply rewrite if you are not satisfied with the length or

construction of the sentence.

We sometimes get emotionally attached to our writing and then

throwing it in the bin becomes difficult.

Some further thoughts for writing simpler

sentences (1)
Use

active voice

Eg. The latent profit for retailers is the silent marketing that
these bags do
Sentence Rewritten:
The silent marketing that these bags do is a latent profit for
the retailers.
Eg. One party affected is the wholesalers of the plastic bags.
Sentence Rewritten:
The wholesalers of the plastic bags are an affected party.

Some further thoughts for writing simpler

sentences (2)
Use

simple words

Eg. We are accustomed to living in a large house.

Sentence Rewritten:
We are used to living in a large house.
Maintain a list of words and their simpler forms. Even the
Tools in the Microsoft menu can help find a simple word
to replace a more difficult one.

Thank You