GENDER AND POLITENESS

A PRAGMATIC APPROACH

MA Programme LEPC
Year 1
Course: Pragmatics
Student: Itrinescu (Andone) Mariana

CONTENTS
Politeness theoretical considerations
Mens report vs. womens rapport talk
Politeness and face
Different politeness strategies
Negative and positive politeness
Application of theory on 4 dialogues
Conclusion

POLITENESS THEORETICAL CONSIDERATIONS

Politeness is defined as behaviour which actively expresses positive concern for

others, as well as non-imposing distancing behavior. (Janet Holmes)

Linguistic politeness is not equal to the superficial politeness routines. It involves
appropriate language choices in respect to social relationship, relative status, and
formality, which will not be the same for all interlocutors and situations. Norms for
polite behaviour vary from one culture to another, and therefore, linguistic
politeness is also culturally bounded.
Although the literature has shown that women tend to be more polite than men
due to the stereotypical perception on feminity, politeness and impoliteness are in
essence judgements about another person's interventions in an interaction and
about that person as whole, and are not simple classifications of particular types
of speech.

MENS REPORT TALK VS. WOMENS RAPPORT TALK

Holmes identifies two main functions of language the referential function and the

affective function. While one does not exclude the other, it has been shown that
men often use language to exchange factual information more than they use it to
express feelings, whereas women tend to talk mainly in order to express feelings
and interact with their interlocutors affectively.
MENS REPORT TALK men speak more in public places
- they usually negotiate status
- use language to show off
- use language for information exchange
WOMENS RAPPORT TALK women speak more in private settings
- use language to maintain relationships
- deal with personal, private-life topics
- talk for the sake of interaction

POLITENESS AND FACE

Face means the public self-image of a person, and politeness in an interaction can be

interpreted as the means employed to show awareness of another persons face. A

person may have a positive face, i.e. a need to be accepted or liked, and also a
negative face, a need to be independent and not to be imposed on (Yule).
Speech acts can threaten ones own negative face (promises, offers) or ones positive

face (crying, confessions, excuses, self-criticism).

In the same way, certain speech acts may threaten the negative face of the others

(requests, asking for favours, interruptions, verbal, visual, tactile, olfactory, sonorous
aggressions) or their positive face (reproaches, refusals, insults, injuries, mockery)
In order to maintain a conversation, people are expected to respect instead of

threaten the face wants of others.

The positive politeness strategy is used when a speaker tries to save the others

positive face by emphasizing the closeness between them while the negative
politeness strategy is adopted when the speaker performs a face saving act by
showing respect and distance in relation to the person he is talking to.

DIFFERENT POLITENESS STRATEGIES

It is commonly believed that women and men may be inclined to use different

politeness strategies in the same context.

There are certain features which appear more often in womens speech than
mens, which point to an impression of women being more polite than men
(Graddol and Swann).
According to Holmes, women use more lexical hedges, tag questions, rising
intonation, empty adjectives, precise color terms, intensifiers, hypercorrect
grammar, superpolite forms, avoidance of strong swear words and emphatic
stress.
One explanation for this is that women are more collaborative and cooperative in interaction while men are more aggressive and competitive.

NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE POLITENESS

Negative politeness is the form of politeness that can manifest itself into two ways:
avoiding to perform any act that can be threatening for one (or both) of the

faces;
Through a set of strategies must be put into work, in order to sweeten it -

indirect speech acts (questions, assertions, promises, requests to

replace orders, rejections or reproaches), modal verbs, politeness past,
litotes, euphemisms, IF clauses, preliminaries, apologies, minimizing
elements, endearing, disarmers, justifications, hyperboles, adverbs etc.
Positive politeness strategies include thanks, compliments, invitations, offers

APPLICATION OF THEORY

The two films chosen illustrate two different situational contexts one of them

features interactions taking place during a dance class, in which people have
come to learn to dance as well as to socialize, whereas the second one is taken in
an office environment and consists of the first encounter of two people (man and
woman) who are clearly in opposing positions and whose interaction is more of a
battle for status and superiority over the other.

DANCE CLASS

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

7 dialogues
Woman man (acquainted)
Man elderly woman
Woman weird man
Man younger woman
Woman sweaty man
Woman younger woman
Man weird man

SUITS

- 1 dialogue
1. Woman man (interrupted by another
man, the womans boss)

ANALYSIS OF POLITENESS IN DIALOGUE 1

DANCE CLASS
MAN-ELDERLY WOMAN DIALOGUE TRANSCRIPT

M: So, is this your first time?

W: No, I come here every week.
M: Oh, yeah? How did you find it?
W: Alright I used to come here with my husband.
And he stopped He is embarrassed to dance with
me.
M: Oh, no, Im sure thats not true.
W: He said I was a disgraceful bag of shit
M: I think youre a wonderful dancer!
W: Really?
M: Absolutely!
W: This is me holding back.
M: Well, I might be new to this, but you feel free to
do your thing.
W: OK

The dialogue is initiated by the man, who places himself in

a superior position
Turn-taking occurs in a natural way
The mans turns are usually shorter and they are meant to
fill in the moments that the two are supposed to spend
together dancing
The womans turns are at times short, hesitant, thus
showing a lack of confidence. Once she feels safe in the
company of the partner, she starts opening up about her
problems with her husbands attitude to her (facethreatening act for her positive face) and her turn is longer
The adjacency pairs are usually question-answer, but
there is one invitation-acceptance pair as well
The man uses negative politeness strategies such as
hyperbole (wonderful, absolutely) or minimizing elements
(Im sure thats not true) to save the womans positive
face
Positive politeness strategies include a compliment and an
invitation for the woman to dance as she pleases
The man uses more verbal hedges (oh, well) which show
hesitance, signal reservation and decrease the certainty
and definitiveness of the utterance. The man is trying to
say the right words in order to save the positive face of his

ANALYSIS OF POLITENESS IN DIALOGUE 2

DANCE CLASS
W: I just love dancing.
find it so freeing.
MAN-YOUNGER
WOMANI DIALOGUE
TRANSCRIPT

M: Freeing! Thats the exact word. Thats amazing!

It just makes me so happy! Do you know what I
mean?
W: Sometimes I come home from these sessions
and I feel I feel like Im coming down from drugs.
M: Oh, though it may sound insane, I think I love
dancing more than anything else in the entire
world..
W: If that makes you insane, then we are off to that
nut house together. So, who did you come with
today?
M: I came on my own actually.
W: Oh, really? I kind of saw you with that girl over
there
M: Oh, yeah, I came with her, but we came on
different transports.
W: Look! Shes waving.

The dialogue is initiated by the woman

Turn-taking occurs in a natural way
The dialogue is based at first on even turns and consists of
exchanges of opinions and attitudes, which come
awkwardly before the small talk exchanges
Towards the end it is structured on adjacency pairs of the
type question-answer
The man uses negative politeness strategies such as
hyperbole (wonderful, absolutely) or minimizing elements
(Im sure thats not true) to save the womans positive
face
Both interlocutors use boosters (love, amazing, so +
adjective)
When the woman realizes that the man is lying, she avoids
direct and aggressive accusation formulas and instead
uses kind of saw you.
The mans ensuing reply consists of a softening of the
previous lie, followed by a justification.

ANALYSIS OF POLITENESS IN DIALOGUE 3

DANCE CLASS
WOMAN-SWEATY MAN DIALOGUE TRANSCRIPT
-

M: Please let me know if Im sweating on you

W: Oh, no, dont be silly. Let me know if Im
sweating on you.
M: I dont I dont know why its got me so bad, Im
not usually a sweating person.
W: Thats not a big deal, I promise.
M: Stinging my eyes
(Ok, everyone! Were going to slow it down now, so
everyone move in just a little bit closer)
W: Oh, OK
M: Oh, you dont have to do it if you dont want to.
W: Oh, youre kidding. No, were gonna do what she
says. Its all good practice. There we go!

The dialogue is initiated by the man, who places himself in

a lower position by apologizing for an offence through a
request (Please let me know.)
Turn-taking occurs in a natural way and the entire dialogue
is based on that offence the man is aware of and the
woman is trying to minimise
The mans turns are long due to his hesitations (I dont I
dont know)
The womans turns are long, as she is trying to minimize
the mans offence and reassure him that he is not at fault.
The adjacency pairs are usually apology-minimisation;
Both of them use negative politeness strategies such as
apologies and justifications (the man) or minimizing
elements (the woman) in order to save the interlocutors
positive face
The woman uses more verbal hedges (oh, well) which
show that she is in a difficult situation in which she is
trying to hide the negative impression the man is making
on her.

DIALOGUE 4
OFFICE
S: Bloody hell.
Donna-Stephen DIALOGUE TRANSCRIPT

D: Um, excuse me, do you not see me sitting

here?
S: Yeah, I saw you. I just chose to ignore you.
D: You must like living dangerously.
S: I do, and that's why stopping here, doing
this with you, well, that's playing with fire.
D: There's nothing wrong with a little casual
conversation.
S: What happens when casual conversation
becomes serious fun?
D: Oh, you're good.
S: I can promise you, I'm better than good.
Stephen Huntley, senior partner, London
office.
D: Donna.
S: Just Donna?
D: Yeah, it's like a name and a title in one.

S: I've heard. Secretarial pool's been buzzing

about some new, feisty ginger for a fortnight.
D: Look, if you're trying to charm your way into
Harvey's office, it's not gonna happen.
S: Mm, no, I'm not trying to charm my way into
Harvey's office.
D: Oh, what were you trying for?
S: Well, actually, I was gonna try for-H: Donna, I need you to send Louis everything
we have on Tony Gianopulos. He's running
point.
S: Harvey, a pleasure. I'm Stephen.
H: I know who you are, and I know why you're
here. You're Darby's fixer, and you're here to
hijack my case.
S: Did you text him whilst we were-D: You said you're good? I'm good too.

ANALYSIS
OF POLITENESS IN DIALOGUE 4
The dialogue is initiated by the woman, who is in fact marking her territory. She uses a politeness

formula (Excuse me), but her tone of voice indicates that she is bothered by his lack of politeness to
her.
The man doesnt seem bothered by her initiating reply and responds with sheer impoliteness (I just
chose to ignore you). The preferred line would have consisted of an apology as a second to her
accusation of impoliteness, not a mere answer to a regular question.
Turn-taking occurs in a natural way, although the rhythm and the tone may sound slightly aggressive.
They both compliment their interlocutor. When Donna compliments him (Youre good) he replies
arrogantly (Im better than good). When Stephen indirectly compliments her (Secretarial pools been
buzzing about a new, feisty ginger), she senses the sarcasm and replies defensively. Neither of them
respond to compliments in the commonly established manner.
The mans turns are longer as he is trying to take the lead. In fact, the whole conversation is a
negotiation of status, which usually occurs when the interlocutors are men.
The first part of the dialogue is not structured as adjacency pairs. When the natural question-answer
order is established (Oh, what were you trying for? // Well, actually, I was trying for), the man is
interrupted by the womans boss who gives her an order. The order is softened by a modal verb (I need
you to) negative politeness
Stephen finally greets Harvey, although he did not apply the same politeness rule at first with Donna,
which shows that in his case at least, politeness is a tool he uses with persons that he is directly
interested in establishing rapport with.
Instead of greeting him back or introducing himself, Harvey abruptly shows his lack of interest in

CONCLUSIONS
All the dialogues involve a man and a woman; I chose them to show that behavior and

politeness towards the opposite sex are sometimes variables of the context and the
interest one manifests in their interlocutors. For example, Dialogue 2 and Dialogue 4
feature 2 pairs of interlocutors of approximately the same age who are attracted (more
or less) to each other. It is interesting to notice that the dialogues in which two
interlocutors of opposing gender who were interested in their interlocutor, increased in
intensity up to the point in which they settled down to adjacency pair exchanges.
Dialogue 1 and Dialogue 3, in which the speakers were not comfortable with their

interlocutors were more clearly organized in adjacency pairs, without too many
variations
Even though women are generally considered to be more sensitive to the face needs

of the others, dialogue 1 (man-elderly woman) and dialogue 4 (Donna-Stephen) show

us that this is not always the case. In dialogue 1 the man seems quite preoccupied
with the sense of self-esteem of the elderly lady, while Donna, as a woman, is less
concerned with this aspect in her conversation with Stephen.

CONCLUSIONS
Both men and women use negative politeness strategies apologies (sweaty

man), minimization of offence (woman).

Positive politeness strategies in our situations were used twice by men and only

once by women.
Hedges were used by both genders twice by men and twice by women
Although the literature has so far shown that politeness is related to gender in

that women have the tendency to follow social norms inherently, the four
dialogues chosen have proved that politeness is more a matter of context, social
situation, intention of interlocutors (either man or woman), the age of the person
one is addressing (see dialogue 1 - man-elderly woman) and sometimes physical
appearance. Politeness is, therefore, a matter of contextualized speech.