KMU 1013 HELPING

RELATIONSHIPS
People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I
don't find myself saying, "Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner." I don't try
to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.
Carl R. Rogers, A Way of Being
UNIT 2:
PRINCIPLES OF PROFESSIONAL
HELPING
GROUP 1 :LECTURERS

Name Email Tel Room

Mdm Salmah Mohamad Yusoff mysalmah@unimas.my 082-581534 Level 2, FCSHD

Mr Mohd Razali Othman orazali@unimas.my 082-581556 Level 2, FCSHD

Mdm Samsiah J ayos jsamsiah@unimas.my 082-584192 Level 1, Institute of

East Asean Studies,
FSS
Mr Merikan Aren amerikan@unimas.my 082-584161 Level 1, Institute of
East Asean Studies,
FSS
GROUP 2 :LECTURERS

Name Email Tel Room

Mdm Aina Razlin Mohammad mrarazlin@unimas.my 082-581555 Level 2, FCSHD
Roose

Mdm Siti Norazilah Mohd msnorazilah@unimas.my 082-581544 Level 2, FCSHD

Said
 Share with your friends:
Have you helped anybody in your life?

What kind of help did you give?

What made you decide to help?

How did you feel about helping?

What happened to the person?

Why helping?

The first relates to those they are helping to manage

specific problems. It is to help clients manage their
problems in living more effectively and develop unused
or underused opportunities more fully (1998: 7).

The second helping goal looks to their general ability to

manage problems and develop opportunities. It is to
help clients become better at helping themselves in
their everyday lives (Egan 1998: 8).
 What is helping?
A process whereby someone who needs help is being helped by
someone who is able to help.

Professional helping is different from normal everyday helping. Professional

helping is one way process unlike friendship.

Professional helping requires someone seeking help, someone willing to give help and who
is trained to help, and a setting that permits help to be received and given in privacy.

The helper assists helpee to explore feelings and reactions, gaining insight and
make positive changes in his/her life.
Helping Person

Parker Palmer (2000: 11) good helping is rather more than

technique; it comes from the identity and integrity of the
helper (Parker Palmer was talking about teaching). This
means that helpers both need to know themselves, and
seek to live life as well as they can. They need to be
authentic.
Helping Relationship

Relationship is a human beings feeling or sense of emotional bonding with

another. It leaps into being like an electric current, or it emerges and develops
cautiously when emotion is aroused by and invested in someone or something and
that someone or something connects back responsively. We feel related when
we feel at one with another (person or object) in some heartfelt way. (Perlman
1979: 23)
Helping Relationship (Rogers, 1967)
one of the participants intends that there should come about in one or both
parties, more appreciation of, more expression of, more functional use of the
latent inner resources of the individual. (Rogers 1967: 40)
Defining Some Important Terms

HELPING:
Encompasses/include all the activities we use to assist another
person, whether we have therapeutic relationship or not
Example: Marital partners can help each other deal with
disappointments and frustrations
Helping only requires a person desiring help (a client), someone
willing and able to give help ( a helper) and a conducive setting
(Hackney & Cormier, 2005)
Interviewing

Conversation between an interviewer and an interviewee

Interviewer gathers and records information about interviewee
Interviewer elicits data, not trying to improve the situation of the
interviewee
As one method to assessment
Purpose of interview is to help an interviewee or to make a
decision about that person
What are counselling and psychotherapy?
Professional helping services provided by trained individuals who have
contracts with theirs clients to assist them in attaining their goal.
Use specific technique- persuade, inform, arouse, motivate, and
encourage their clients and to thoroughly assess their issues and
background
Sessions normally take place on a regularly scheduled basis, usually
weekly and last about 1 hour
Coaching (kimsey house)

New term in the mental health scene

Coaching is a powerful relationship for making important
change in peoples lives (Kimsey-House, Kimsey-House, &
Sandahl, 2007).
DuBrin (2005)- elements of an effective coaching (empathy,
active listening, ability to size up people, diplomacy and tact,
patient with people, concern for the welfare of others, self-
confidence, non competitive with the team members).
Different Emphases Between Psychotherapy, Counselling,
Interviewing, and Coaching
Psychotherapy
More emphasis on the pathology
and accurate diagnosis

Interviewing
Counselling More emphasis on gaining
More emphasis on the information. Information may
therapeutic relationship be used to help other person
and overcoming normal rather than the client
developmental
hurdles. Growth-oriented

Coaching
A strong form of encouragement
How is professional helping different from friendship?
Friendship- based on the assumption that we are there for each other-a two-way street
No agreement or contract for change, but instead you have an opportunity to care,
show concern, and provide support
How is professional helping
different from friendship?
Professional helper assists clients to deal with their issues
The client welfare is of paramount importance.
You have a contract to help the client make specific changes on his/her life.
Definition of Helping

Helper must develop a helping style that is comfortable and effective for him
Helping process: The helpers personality combined with specific skills produce
a growth condition that lead to definite importance to the person and society
Helper- The helping person
Helpee- The helped person
Definition of Helping
Personality of Helping skills Growth-facilitating Specific outcome
helper conditions

Traits For understanding Trust For the person

Attitudes For comfort Respect For society

Values For action Freedom

Professionals and Paraprofessionals
Professional spends a little time with the helpee compared to
significant other in his life
Many people have natural capacities to be helpful because of
their fortunate life experience.

Have the intellectual capacity to understand and natural helping characteristics

Have the potential to destruct these natural helping processes if they mistreat the
helpee (use for the personal benefit)
THINK ABOUT IT

The Feeling Wheel

(Poindexter & Valentine,

2007, p. 47)
 THINK ABOUT IT (cont.)

TO BETTER HELP OTHERS CLARIFY THEIR FEELINGS AND

EMOTIONS, YOU SHOULD BE FAMILIAR WITH YOUR OWN
FEELINGS. LIST THREE EMOTIONS. DESCRIBE AS
CONCRETELY AS POSSIBLE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU
WHEN YOU FEEL THIS EMOTIONS.
Below are the characteristics of helpers identified
by the experts. Which of these qualities do you
presently possess and of which do you want to
improve?
1. Positive view of humankind

You believe that most people are basically good and striving for self-
improvement.
You enjoy people and believe that people can change
How true is this for you?
How can you grow?
2. Stable and Mentally Healthy

Have a positive self-esteem and basically a secure, mentally healthy

person.
You may not be able to make a completely unbiased self-
assessment, but you can receive feedback from your friends and
family on your ability
How true is this for you?
How can you grow?
3. Good self-care skills
You do not become overly involved with those you are helping.
You know your limits and are able to set boundaries to protect
yourself from burnout.
How true is this for you?
How can you grow?
4. Intelligent and Psychologically Minded
You are an intellectually curious person who is interested in the
psychological world of other people. You can appreciate both a
scientific and artistic approach to learning about helping
How true is this for you?
How can you grow?
5. Creative
You are creative person in some aspect of your life. You are not
rigid of inflexible in your attitudes.
You are not bothered y many prejudices about people, culture,
religions, and customs that are different from your own.
How true is this for you?
How can you grow?
6. Courageous
You have enough courage to examine your own personal
problems and to seek help and guidance for yourself when you
need it
Willing to admit that you need to change and grow
You are able, for most part, to deal with the cruelties that other
people inflict on each other without being so disturbed that it
disrupts your own life or your ability to help
How true is this for you?
How can you grow?
Structured and Unstructured Helping
Structured
Professional helper
Social workers, ministers, psychologists,
teachers, school counsellors, physicians,
nurses, psychiatrists, legal counsellors
Paraprofessional helpers.
Trained interviewers, receptionists, aides in
mental health, persons in correctional,
educational, employment, and social agency
setting
Volunteers
Non-paid persons with short-terms training in
basic helping skills and agency orientation
Unstructured
Friendship
Informal, mutual and unstructured helping
relationship over time
Family
Informal mutual helping system,
interdependent in variable degrees
Community and general human concern
Informal, unstructured, helping acts to alleviate
danger, suffering, or deprivation
Helpers Gain Too

Helpers change in the process too

Positive self-regard increases as a result if helping another person through
giving rather than taking.
Increase confidence I must be ok, if I can help others in need.
Sharing feelings is a behavior often resulting in strong mutual satisfaction for
both
Helping is also a process of encouraging the helpee to learn how to learn.
.
Results of Helping

Helpee is able to ventilate

feelings of pain, Through helpers
assistance, helpee is
emotional disturbance, able to self-reflect,
and life experiences that discover potentials and
have affected him/her. gain insight of self.

Receive support Receive feedback, make

for continuous decisions and changes in
change of life through helpers
acceptable facilitation.
behaviour and gain
confidence.
Effective Helpers-Helping only requires a person desiring help (a client), someone
willing and able to give help ( a helper) and a conducive setting (Hackney &
Cormier, 2005)

Personal Qualities (Hackney & Cormier (2001)

Self-awareness and understanding

Good psychological health

Sensitivity to understanding of racial, ethnic,

and cultural factors in self and others

Open-mindedness

Objectivity

Ability to promote clients welfare

Ethical behavior
 Helpers

Good interpersonal skills

Conceptualisation skills

Intervention skills

Culture competence skills

Able to deal in affective domain (feeling and emotion), cognitive domain (thinking
and intellectual process), and behaviour domain (actions and deeds)
Characteristics of therapeutic relationship
Teamwork between
client and
counsellor toward a
mutually agreed
goal. Counsellor is
there to give
support and
direction.

Specific contract
Agreement on especially on
compensation for confidentiality. Safety
counsellor , eg fees and trust are
(private practice), not established, honest
gift. disclosure, and
feedback.
Characteristics of therapeutic relationship

Relationship is confined to the therapy sessions and

not overflow to social relationship.

Relationship can be terminated at any time without

prejudice by either party.

Termination of counselling relationship can be

followed by reference.
 Therapeutic Factors of Helping

Therapeutic factors
- the activities that seem to be used by all effective helpers with
different techniques.

6 common therapeutic factors ( Frank & Frank, 1991):

Maintaining a strong helper/helpee relationship.

Increasing helpees motivation and expectation of help
Enhancing helpees sense of mystery or self-efficacy.
Providing new learning experiences.
Raising emotional arousal.
Providing opportunities to practice new behaviours.
 Shared denomenators

All 3 groups need to use effective communication skills in order to

establish rapport and trust.
To provide effective help they have to use different strategies and
approaches which they can get only through specialized training
degrees.
To differentiate them are the level of training, skills and knowledge.
 Helpers self-awareness
and understanding

-Awareness of
own needs.
-Awareness
about your
own attitude
towards self -Aware of
and others. motivation to
help.

-Awareness of
own personal
strength,
limitations and
coping skills. -Aware of own
feelings.
 Continue

Activity: In small group, list down your hang-ups, prejudice, attitude, and
your personality. What would you like to change or to improve? Share this
with your friends in your group.
 Helping Process

Process means the sequent of events and their meaning

to the clients.

In the process there are stages and phases which are

formal

In the process there is a formation of helping relationship

which is meaningful to client and helper.
 Continue: Proxemics

Proxemics spatial zone that we unconsciously define ourselves.

0-1 Ft intimate space very close member.

1 - 4 ft personal space uncomfortable if invaded

4-12 ft social space formal interaction.

12 ++ - public space public speakers, teachers.

 Continue : Cues for lying

Lying Communicator
Honest Communicator

Voice: Pause more, thinking what story to tell.

Voice: Have fewer pauses when talking.
Use more non- fluencies aah, er, um.

Speak fluently and smoothly.

Speak a bit faster.
Speak at normal rate.
Facial Expression.
Facial Expression.

Phony smile, smile a bit too long, plastered on

Smile genuinely and sincerely. smile.
 Continue: Cues for Lying

Honest Communicators Lying Communicators

Gestures.
Gestures.

More likely play with objects i.e twiddle pencil.

Less likely to play with objects.

Use fewer gestures. Use more gestures, touching face etc.

Shift posture.
Not likely to shift body language.
Display increased nervousness.
Less nervous.

Eye contact.
Eye contact.
Look away, maintain less eye contact.
Steady, normal, natural gaze.

Increase eye blink rate, increase anxiety,

Eye blink normal no increase.
What can you expect from a helping relationship
Beginners hopes of what can be achieved in a professional helping relationship
are often grand
Common unrealistic beliefs:
Unrealistic belief: I must help clients solve all their problems
Reasonable Expectation: If all goes well, I make a good-sized dent in a problem or two and
the client will continue to progress when the relationship ends.
What can you expect from a helping relationship
Most agencies and private practitioners find that, on average, helpers and client
see each other for 6 to 10 sessions
Most clients do not expect long-term relationships, and they come to a helper to
deal with specific problems
Unrealistic Belief: If the client is not motivated it is my fault
Reasonable Expectation: Although I can stimulate clients to consider making changes, I cannot force them
What can you expect from a helping relationship
Nearly a third of helpers clients today are involuntary referrals by courts, governments agencies,
or other.
Although clients can be forced to attend sessions, helping is voluntary relationship
Ethically we cannot attempt to coerce client to change
We can supply the opportunities for change.
Unrealistic belief: If I care about my clients or have good practical experience, that is enough
Reasonable Expectations: Besides caring and practical experiences in the helping fields. I must learn all the skills I
can
What can you expect from a helping relationship
No matter how good our intentions are, caring about another persons is not a substitute for
professional knowledge of how to help him or her
Some helpers believe that they are already fully trained
They have practical skills and gained in helping field, and they go on formal education merely to
have their tickets punched. (This is a potentially dangerous attitudes)
Unrealistic belief: If I were a good helper, my client will never need my help again
Reasonable expectation: If I were successful, the client may consult me again when a similar problems arises
What can you expect from a helping relationship
It is unrealistic to expect that client will be cured in a single encounter with a
helper
Unrealistic belief: If I were effective with one client, I will be effective with every client
Reasonable Expectation: I will no be the best match for every client
What can you expect from a helping relationship
Many reason why helping relationship may not succeed
Some are not under the helpers control.
The client may perceive a mismatch because the helper is not of his or her gander, race, or
social class
Client may instantly dislike the helper because the helper reminds him or her of someone in the
past
Unrealistic belief: It is unacceptable to make a mistake
Reasonable Expectations: I am a fallible human being who can learn from my mistakes
What can you expect from a helping relationship
In the Imperfect Therapist (1989), Jeffery Kottler and Diane Blau have
suggested that we learn just as much from our failures, but we rarely talk
about them.
It is both ego protection and a fear that we are incompetent that keep us from discussing our
mistakes with colleagues, supervisors, and teachers.
Unrealistic belief: Sometimes I feel incompetent, therefore I am not competent
Reasonable expectation: There will be many times in my training and work as helper when I will feel
incompetent. It goes with the territory.
Self Reflection Activity

What are your motives for helping?

Did you benefit from this relationship in any
way? How?
What was your role in the helping relationship?
In what way do you think you helped this
person?
Looking back, is there anything that you might have done differently?
Was there anything that this person did, said or believed that you did not agree with?
 Ethical Issues
- Counselling and helping skills students are faced with ethical dilemmas
involving choices about how best to act.

COMPETENCE
There are so many approaches to counselling and helping
Counsellor and helpers require appropriate training and practice before meeting with the clients
Responsibilities to keep monitoring the performance and developing the counselling skills

CLIENT AUTONOMY
Respect for the clients right to make the choices that work best for them in their lives is the
principle underlying the client autonomy.
The counsellors/ helpers should not impose the values on clients and where appropriate, should be
prepared to refer clients to others who may more readily understand their concerns.

(Nelson-Jones, 2009)
53
 Ethical Isssues (cont)

CONFIDENTIALITY
It is said people have three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life.
Frequently, counselling and helping deals with materials from clients secret lives,
It is very vital to keep the client information confidential.

CLIENT PROTECTION
The client protection involves an act of looking after clients as persons.
Dual relationship is an ethical dilemma (ethical or unethical)
Emotional / financial exploitation

(Nelson-Jones, 2009)
54
 THINK ABOUT IT

A GOOD FRIEND OF YOURS SHARES HER STRUGGLES,

SADNESS, AND ANGER. ARE YOU GOING TO SHARE THE
INFORMATION WITH OTHERS OR VICE VERSA?
Picture with Caption Layout
Caption
THANK YOU