Interpersonal Relationships

Increasing Interpersonal Success Through

Self-Awareness
 Circle of Influence

NO INFLUENCE

INFLUENCE

CONTROL

Controlling those things we can control

 Workshop Contracting
Norm For Earning Point Norm For Losing Points
Points Question +10
A Good & Relevant s Points
Late Coming for Any -5
Session - Per Team
Member Per Minute
Correct Answer +10 Late Coming for Any -10
Session - For Team
A Good Joke +10 Leader Per Minute
Mobile Ringing -10
Value Addition (Sharing +25 Below the Belt Remarks -10
Relevant Experience or an
Insight)
Team Presentations +50 HTTT (Hostility Towards Depend
the Trainer) s on the
Severit
Role-plays / Activities +100 y

Fair Play +100

Overview

 Understand of the nature of relationships.

 Understand how strong interpersonal skills will

magnify your personal power

 Explore your interpersonal behaviors

 Analyze various communication styles and

recognizing your own

 Provide strategies for effectively interacting

with communication styles different from yours
Overview

 Build skills in conflict prevention and

management

 Consider behavioural standards that guide

relationships
 Ms. Desai
 Ms. Patel and Ms. Desai are Science teachers
in a High School. Ms. Patel would leave most of
the departmental duties for Ms Desai to
perform. Ms. Patel usually criticize her
teaching style and her ideas in the
departmental meetings.
 Ms. Desai & Ms. Patel have been in charge of
the entry for the National Science Fair for the
past 3 years. Ms Desai receives no help from
Ms. Patel and very limited help from the other
science teachers.
 Ms. Desai
 When the school won the award last year for
most outstanding amateur alternative heating
source, Ms. Patel, took all the accolades
without acknowledging Ms Desai’ hard work.
 Ms. Patel is now head of the Science
Department and she is now even more critical
and insulting.
 Ms Desai felt slighted as she is the one who
has done most of the work in the Department
for the past 5 years. Ms Desai should…
Activity
 Think of two persons:
 Successful

 Not so successful

 Working in same company or family

 What the difference in their behavior

and approach towards people?
 What makes them different?
 Dealing with interpersonal relationships is a
complex subject

 The interpersonal relationships between

students and teachers, teachers and other
teachers, teachers and administrators, school
staff personnel, parents, and community
members are vital for creating a positive
successful learning environment for all
students.
 No matter how hard you work or how
many brilliant ideas you may have, if
you can’t connect with the people who
work around you, your professional life
will suffer.
 Team work is
crucial!
TEAM
 Research indicates skills essential for
effective teamwork are:
 communicating and relating effectively,
 empathy and respect for the feelings &
views of others,
 accurate self-evaluation of performance
& relationships.
 conflict management using active
listening skills and empathy.
What is Interpersonal
Relationship (IR)?
Interpersonal
Relationships

affiliations social associations

between two or more people

connections
 Interpersonal Relationships vary in
differing levels of intimacy and
sharing, implying the discovery or
establishment of common ground,
and may be centered around
something(s) shared in common.
 We define types of interpersonal
relationships in terms of relational
contexts of interaction and the
types of expectations that
communicators have of one
another to participate in positive,
caring, and respectful
relationships.
Six success elements in
Relationships
 It takes a combination of
2. Self-awareness,
3. Self confidence,
4. Positive personal impact,
5. Outstanding performance,
6. Communication skills and
7. Interpersonal competence
 to succeed in your career and life.
Self-awareness
 Becoming self-aware is the first step to
improving our interpersonal effectiveness.
 Most of our behaviours are natural for us.
 We aren't aware of the impact these
behaviours have on others. That leaves us with
"blind spots" that others don't want to
mention to us because they don't want to hurt
our feelings, they are afraid of a reaction from
us, or they just don't care.
 Through self-awareness we learn what impact
our behaviours - both positive and negative -
have on others.  That knowledge helps us
become more effective in our interactions with
others.
 Once we become self-aware we can
examine and change behaviours that
need changing. The option is our own.
So are the consequences. When we
choose to seek ways to modify our
undesirable behaviours we begin the
process of self-regulation. This is a
conscious process through which we
may ask for input from our family,
trusted coworkers or friends, or a
professional therapist.  
Self-Confidence

 SELF-
CONFIDENCE:
Sureness about
one’s self-worth
and capabilities
Positive Personal Impact
 Do you know how other peoples see you?
When you leave a meeting or end a
conversation, what impression do you leave
behind? What picture do other people have of
you? How do you think they perceive you?
 We impact on others through our opinions, the
amount we contribute, the sound of our voice,
the effect of our silence, the expressions we
use.
 Personal impact is about other things apart
from your looks of course. Improving your
posture, knowing how to shake hands
properly, having good manners, not fidgeting
and controlling your nerves in meetings,
Outstanding performance
 What ever
you do it to
the best of
your ability.

 “DO it with
thy MIGHT!”
(MICO’s
Motto)
Communication skills
 Interpersonal communication can mean
the ability to relate to people in written
as well as verbal communication.  This
type of communication can occur in
both a one-on-one and a group setting. 
This also means being able to handle
different people in different situations,
and making people feel at ease. 
Communication skills
 active listening,
 giving and receiving criticism,
 dealing with different personality
types, and
 nonverbal communication.
3-Factor Model of
interpersonal competence
 Interpersonally competent people:
2. are self aware. They use this
awareness to better understand others
and to adapt their behaviour
accordingly.
3. build and nurture strong, lasting,
mutually beneficial relationships.
4. resolve conflict in a positive manner.
(Bilanich)
What are Interpersonal
Skills?
 A set of behaviours which allow you to
communicate effectively &
unambiguously in a face-to- face setting

 They can also be thought of as

behaviours which assist progress
towards achieving an objective
 Interpersonal relationship skills
help us to relate in positive ways with
our family members, colleagues and
others.
 This may mean being able to make and
keep friendly relationships as well as
being able to end relationships
constructively
Six interpersonal skills
 There are just six interpersonal skills
which form a process that is applicable
to all situations:
2. Analyzing the situation
3. Establishing a realistic objective
4. Selecting appropriate ways of
behaving
5. Controlling your behaviour
6. Shaping other people's behaviour
7. Monitoring our own and others'
behaviour
Applicability of
Interpersonal Skills
 Analyzing the situation helps us to set realistic
objectives

 Establishing objectives, in turn, provides the

context in which to make choices about how
best to behave

 By being conscious of our own behaviour in

working towards the achievement of objectives
we are more likely to influence other people’s
behaviour

 Constant monitoring will provide the feedback

we need to make situation-dependent
adjustments
 Good interpersonal skills

 Interpersonal competence
Five dimensions of
interpersonal competence
 1. Initiating relationships.
2. Self-disclosure.
3. Providing emotional support.
4. Asserting displeasure with others'
actions.*
5. Managing interpersonal conflicts.*
Barriers to Communication

 Physical or environmental barrier

 Language barrier

 Personal or socio psychological

barrier
Tactful Conversations
T = Think before you speak
A = Apologize quickly when you
blunder
C = Converse, don’t compete
T = Time your comments
F = Focus on behavior – not
personality
U = Uncover hidden feelings
Interpersonal
Communications
 Most people want to be understood and
accepted more than anything else in the
world.
 Knowing this is the first step toward good
communication. Good communication has two
basic components:
1. You listen to and acknowledge other people's
thoughts and feelings: Rather than showing
that you only care about broadcasting your
feelings and insisting that others agree with
you, you encourage others to express what
they are thinking and feeling. You listen and
try to understand.
Interpersonal
Communications
2. You express your own thoughts and feelings
openly and directly: If you only listen to what
other people are thinking or feeling and you
don't express your own thoughts or feelings,
you end up feeling shortchanged or "dumped
on."
Communication Styles
 There are four styles of communication:
 passive
 aggressive
 passive-aggressive
 assertive
 Passive communication involves the inability or
unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings. Passive
people will do something they don't want to do or make
up an excuse rather than say how they feel.
 The aggressive style of communication involves
overreaction, blaming and criticizing. Aggressive people
try to get their way through bullying, intimidating or
even physical violence. They do not or will not consider
the rights of others.
 Passive-aggressive is a combination of
the first two styles - they avoid
confrontations (passive), but will be
manipulative to get what they want
(aggressive). Passive-aggressive people
will sometimes use facial expressions
that don't match how they feel, i.e.
smiling when angry.
 Assertive behaviour involves standing
up for oneself. Assertive people will say
what they think and stand up for their
beliefs without hurting others.
Assertiveness vs
Aggressiveness
 Assertiveness, or confrontation, means
taking the initiative or first steps to deal
with a problem in a constructive, self-
protective manner. Assertiveness
attacks the problem, not the person.
 Aggressiveness attacks the other
person rather than the problem. It is a
destructive desire to dominate another
person or to force a position or
viewpoint on another person; it starts
fights or quarrels.
Coping with some
communication differences
 Aggressive Communicator: Get to the
point right away. Speak directly and
clearly. Since aggressive types can be
brutally honest and sometimes
inconsiderate, it is important to take
what they say with a grain of salt.
Usually their criticism and
confrontational matter isn't meant to be
taken personally.
 Passive Communicator: It can be
particularly frustrating to talk to a
passive communicator because they
may seem to not have any opinion of
their own. Though it may be frustrating,
avoid being pushy or confrontational.
Passive communicators just need time
to feel comfortable with others.
 Passive-Aggressive Communicator: Just
as passive-aggressive communicators
are a combination of two styles, an
approach to them must be a
combination as well. Recognize that
talking to them might be frustrating like
with the passive communicator (since
they avoid conflict), but it also important
to not take anything they say or do
personally (like with the aggressive
types), because it may conflict with what
they say.
 Many causes of conflict arise due to
miscommunication.

 Once you understand your own

communication style pitfalls, you can
correct them and communicate more
effectively.

 Remember “Aggression breeds

Aggression”!
What is Conflict?
 Conflict occurs in situations in which
there is opposition. Opposition occurs
when a solution cannot be found in a
disagreement.
 Conflict is a disagreement through
which the parties involved perceive a
threat to their needs, well-being,
interests or concerns.
 Perceive a threat can be physical,
emotional, power, status, intellectual,
etc.

Conflict Resolution
 Conflict resolution involves identifying
areas of agreement and areas of
compromise so that a solution to the
disagreement or conflict occurs.
How do I
handle/prevent/redu
ce conflicts?
 There are five methods to
handle conflict:
 Running away

 Being obliging to the other party

 Defeating the other party

 Winning a little/ losing a little

 Co-operating
Resolving conflict is an art
of communication

Use interpersonal
communication skills
Interpersonal Communication
skills
 I-statements help you express the way you
feel and what you want with great clarity.
 Sometimes people use "you" statements, such
as "You never collect the registers on time and
then we have to leave school late in the
evenings waiting on you!" This type of
statement can make others feel angry and
defensive immediately. When you use I-
statements, such as, "I really need to get the
registers before 1:00pm so that I can complete
the attendance sheet so that I can leave
school at dismissal time." you express your the
concern in terms of you.
Interpersonal Communication
skills
 A respectful tone of voice conveys that you
are taking others seriously and that you also
expect to be taken seriously. In addition,
people with good communication skills are
assertive without being aggressive or
manipulative.
Interpersonal Communication
skills
 Eye contact is vital for good communication.
For example, how would you feel if the person
you were talking to kept looking around the
corridor or out the window?

 Appropriate body language encourages

conversation. Nodding your head, smiling,
laughing, using words such as "uh-huh" and
"yeah" and asking questions at appropriate
times assure the person that you are really
listening.
Interpersonal Communication
skills
 Clear, organized ideas help you accurately
and honestly describe your feelings and
contribute to conversations and to decisions
that need to be made. Good communicators
are also specific. For example, a good
communicator would say, "I need to use the
computer from 7-9," as opposed to "I'll need
the computer today."
Tips for resolving conflicts
 Make sure that you remain calm at all times.
 Speak with a non-provoking tone of voice;
quietly, slowly, and calmly.
 Listen to the other person carefully without
interrupting them.
 Respect the other person when voicing your
own opinion or point of view.
 Let the other person know that you understand
them fully by asking questions pertaining to
his or her understanding and repeating what
the person is saying.
 Use humour if possible.
Tips for resolving conflicts
 Try placing yourself in the other person's shoes.
 Try not to be judgmental. Do not do anything to
embarrass the other person. Do not accuse the
other person of anything. Also, do not punish or
scold them.
 Do not stand close to them. Stand a few feet away
from them.
 Make sure that your posture, body language, and
tone of voice is non-threatening.
 Do not talk with the other person in front of a
group of people. Go into an office or some other
place to discuss the situation. (Caution: Do not go
into place that will prevent you from receiving help
if you need it.)
Tips for resolving conflicts
 Make sure that what you say is simple, clear &
direct.

 Do not take anything the other person says

personally when he or she is angry, because
they probably do not mean it.

 Make sure that you are not alone just in case

the other person becomes very hostile.

 If you are having a heated argument with

another person, save your feelings and
opinions for another time and place.
Tips for resolving conflicts
 Do not rush.

 Let the other person know that you do not

want to fight, but that you want to resolve the
situation in a friendly manner.

 Make sure that you apologize for anything you

may have said or done to offend them
Remember Ms Desai!

 She should use interpersonal

communications skills and show her
interpersonal competence!
 Ms. Patel should receive interpersonal
relationship building skills!
A Matter of Attitude

Go For It Let’s Both Win

Let’s Trade
Confidence

Run Away Yes Boss

Confidence
Building Relationship

 Become genuinely interested in other

people
 Call people by their names
 Talk in terms of the other person’s
interest
 Smile
 Listen
You Should
 Become aware of your
communication style
 Improve your Interpersonal
competence
 Reduced conflict in the workplace
 Increase productivity!

 Thank-You!