What lies behind us,

And what lies before us,

Are tiny matters compared
to
What lies within us!

1
Seven Habits Paradigm

Interdependence

Independence

Dependence

2
Seven Habits Paradigm
4 Think Win/Win – The Habit of
Mutual Benefit

Interdependence

4
Independence

3
Seven Habits Paradigm
4 Think Win/Win
5 Seek First to Understand...
Then to Be Understood – The
Habit of Interdependence
Empathetic 5
Communication 4
Independence

4
Seven Habits Paradigm
4 Think Win/Win
5 Seek First to Understand...
Then to Be Understood
Interdependence
6 Synergize
5 6
 Public Victory
4
Independence

5
Seven Habits Paradigm
4 Think Win/Win
5 Seek First to Understand...
Then to Be Understood
Interdependence
6 Synergize
5 6
 Public Victory
4

7 Sharpening Independence

the saw
 Renewal of Energy 6
4. THINK WIN-WIN

Emotional Bank Account

7
Emotional Bank Account

WITHDRAWALS DEPOSITS
Angry words Understanding
Unforgiving Apology
Cruel joke Attention to little things
Ignoring Keeping commitments
Excluding Consideration

8
 PARADIGM
 Ineffective: There is only so much, and the more you get,
the less there is for me.
 Effective: There is plenty out there for every-one, and more
to spare.

RESULT
 Faster solutions to problems
 More team involvement
 Generosity of spirit
 Rich relationships

BEHAVIOUR
 Balance courage and consideration.
 Seek mutual benefit.
 Create Win-Win Agreements.
 Build win-win systems. 9
 Courage and Consideration

High I II
YOU LOSE YOU WIN
THEY WIN THEY WIN
CONSIDERATION III IV
YOU LOSE YOU WIN
THEY LOSE THEY LOSE
Low COURAGE High
10
 Habit 4: Think win-win.
lose-win win-win or no deal

(you get hard (abundance mentality;

consideration

feelings) get P and PC)

lose-lose win-lose

(never pays) (other person gets hard

feeling)

courage

 Are there times when paradigms others than “win-win” are appropriate?
 How do you develop “courage”? “Consideration”? Emotional bank account?
 What causes conflict? Tools for conflict resolution? Your “boundaries”? 11
WIN - WIN: “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us.”

Characteristics

• Seeks mutual benefit.

• Is cooperative, not competitive.
• Listens more, stays in communication longer,
and communicates with more courage.

12
WIN-LOSE: “I am going to beat you no matter what.”

Characteristics

• Is very common scripting for most people.

• Is the authoritarian approach.
• Uses position, power, credentials, possessions,
or personality to get the “win”.

13
 LOSE_WIN: “I always get stepped on.”

Characteristics

• Voices no standards, no demands, no expectations of

anyone else.

• Is quick to please or appease.

• Buries a lot of feelings.

14
LOSE-LOSE: “If I’m going down, you are going down with me.”

Characteristics

• Is the mindset of a highly dependent person.

• Is a “no win” because nobody benefits.

• Is a long-term result of win-lose or “win.”

15
WIN: “As long as I win, I win, I don’t care if you win or lose.”

Characteristics

• Is self-centered.

• Thinks “me first.”

• Doesn't really care if the other person wins or loses.

16
 WIN-WIN OR NO DEAL: “Let’s find a solution that
works for both of us, or let’s not play.

Characteristics

• Allows each party to say no.

• Is the most realistic at the beginning of a relationship

or business deal.

• Is the highest form of win-win.

17
 CREATE WIN-WIN AGREEMENTS

Elements of an effective Win-Win Agreement:

Desired What’s the end in mind? What are the outcomes I

Results want?
Guidelines What rules do I follow? What are the guidelines
for accomplishing the results?
Resources What resources do I have to work with (e.g.,
people, money, tools, materials, technology)?
Accountability How will we measure how well it’s going?

Consequences What are the rewards of achieving the outcome?

What are the consequences of not achieving the
outcome?

18 End of Habit 4
5. SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND,
THEN BE UNDERSTOOD

19
Listening
 Ignoring
 Pretend listening Your own frame of
reference
 Selective listening
 Attentive listening

Within the other

 Empathetic listening person’s frame of
reference

20
Listening

Don’t
jump to conclusions!
21
 PARADIGM
• Ineffective: I listen with the intent to reply.
• Effective: I listen with the intent to understand.

RESULT
• Greater influence with others
• Solutions to complex problems
• Clarity on real issues
• Faster problem solving

BEHAVIOR
• Diagnose Before You Prescribe.
• Listen empathically.
• Seek to be understood from the other’s
perspective. 22
 READING THE SIGNS

Words we use

7%
How we say words,
Tone of voice, style

38%

23
Watch the Signals

Stop talking and listen empathically when:

• There is high emotion.
• You must get to the heart of an issue.
• You feel you don’t understand.
• The other person doesn’t feel understood.

Slow down. Watch and be ready to listen empathically

Go forward and seek to be understood when:

• The issue is clear and mutually understood.

• the conversation is casual and unemotional.
• You are asked to give counsel or advice.
24
 THE ELEMENTS OF EMPATHIC LISTENING

Empathic Listening is reflecting what a

person feels and says in your own words.

You feel

Angry, frustrated, excited, sad, irritated, ignored,

misunderstood, happy, nervous, hesitant,
embarrassed, foolish, upset, discouraged, stifled,
disrespected, emotional, confused, speechless,
unsure, enthusiastic

About
Content, topic, or meaning of what is being said.
25 End of Habit 5
6. SYNERGIZE

If two people have the same opinion,

one is unnecessary 26
 SYNERGIZE

PARADIGM
• Ineffective: It’s either your way or my way, or a compromise.
• Effective: Together we can create a better way, a higher way.

RESULT
• Innovation and invention
• New and better solutions
• Transformed relationships
• Appreciation of diverse perspectives

BEHAVIOR
• Value and celebrate the differences.
• Practice creative cooperation
27
 WHAT IS SYNERGIZING?

Synergizing is a process of interacting that highly effective

people use to get to synergy, or the Third Alternative

Types of Interaction Outcome

Synergy – Third Alternative Transformation
1+1 = 3, 10, 100
Compromise 1+1 = 1 ½ Transaction
Defensiveness 1+1 = ½
Contention
Hostility 1+1 = -1, -10, -100

28
PRACTICE CREATIVE COOPERATION

CHECK WILLINGNESS (Habit 4)

When you face a problem or an opportunity, start the Getting to Synergy

process by asking the other party, ”Would you be willing to search for a
solution that is better than what either of us has in mind?”

REFLECT VIEWPOINTS (Habit 5)

As you continue the process of Getting to Synergy, ask the other party, “Would
you agree to a simple ground rule: I can’t make my point until I restate yours to
your satisfaction; you can’t make your point until you restate mine to my
satisfaction?”

CREATE NEW IDEAS (Habit 6)

Once you feel you have achieved a solid level of mutual understanding,
propose and refine alternatives: a new insight, a model, a plan of action, or a
prototype. Keep refining, creating, and going back for further understanding
until you have arrived at a Third Alternative

29 End of Habit 6
7. SHARPEN THE SAW

30
Habit 7: Sharpen the saw.

Physical Social

Mental Spiritual

 When will YOU sharpen your saw?

 What measures will you use in each category?
31
Recharge Your Batteries
 Physical
 Exercise, nutrition, stress management
 Avoid Quadrant III activities – get out of
urgency trap

 Emotional – Social
 Relationships, service, empathy, security
 Consistent deposits to be made in the EBAs of
key relationships

 Mental
 Reading, planning, visualizing, writing

 Spiritual
 Values, commitment, study, meditation,
inspiring literature, admiring nature
32
SHARPEN THE SAW
PARADIGM

• Ineffective: I focus only on getting the golden eggs.

• Effective: I nurture the goose that lays the golden eggs.

RESULT

• Improved capacity
• Stronger relationships
• Greater reserves
• Continuous improvement

BEHAVIOR

• Renew regularly in the four dimensions.

• Be strong in the hard moments. 33
 The 7 Habits ... a Summary
7
Sharpen saw

Interdependence
Understand Synergize
5 PUBLIC 6
VICTORY
Think win-win
4

Independence

3
1st things 1st
PRIVATE
1 VICTORY 2
Be Proactive End in mind
habit = Dependence
knowledge
+ skill
+ desire 34
“Excellence is an art won by
training and habituation.
We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then, is not an act,
but a habit”
Aristotle

35 End