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Student Papers
 Ethical The Vortex
Beep! Beep! Lyndsay came
to pick me up. We were going to
Kings Island. When we arrived at
the church we got our stuff and 
got on the bus. I could’nt wait 
for what was waiting when I got
there. I was so excited.
On the way there Lyndsay
o e s and I fell asleep. I guess we
w d
Ho s fit? were very tired because we got
thi up at 3:30 A.M.
Ethical
When we arrived Lyndsay 
and I wanted to ride the Vortex
first. As I stood in line I never 
expected it to be what it was.
As I got on they strapped me 
in. Then it took off. I thought
to myself, “I know I’m going to
regret this.” The wind was blowing
ood ils! in my hair. I could’nt see a 
G ta
de thing. I loved it. Then the roller
coaster got faster and it got 
scary. I thought I was going to
Ethical
die. As we went through the
loops I kept screaming and screaming. 
But it was’nt helping. I’m surprized  
it could stop, it was going so fast.
As we slowed down I started 
breathing again.
When I got off I was 
so dizzy I fell over. I would
never ride it again. The Vortex
was very scary. It seemed like
I rode it forever.
Ethical
That day we had lots
of fun. We rode everything like
the logs, the boat, and the bestie.  
I learned from the Vortex to
never ride it again. It’s way to scary. 
You do the apostrophe
correctly here. Check
your paper for others.
You have good sentence variety with many
complex sentences. Review pp. 64-67 in your
grammar book or check your work from our
mini-lesson on commas after introductory
adverb clauses.
 Ethical The Vortex
Beep! Beep! Lyndsay came
to pick me up. We were going to t ion
t ua
Kings Island. When we arrived at puncor n
r io
the church we got our stuff and  er tuat
u n c
got on the bus. I could’nt wait  p ror
er
for what was waiting when I got
there. I was so excited.
On the way there Lyndsay
o e s and I fell asleep. I guess we
w d
Ho s fit? were very tired because we got
thi up at 3:30 A.M.
 t ion
t u a
c
Ethical When we arrived Lyndsay purnror
e on
and I wanted to ride the Vortex t i
c t ua
first. As I stood in line I never  punror
er on
expected it to be what it was. at i
t u
As I got on they strapped me  punrcor
er
in. Then it took off. I thought
to myself, “I know I’m going to
regret this.” The wind was blowing t ion
c t ua
in my hair. I could’nt see a  punror
er
thing. I loved it. Then the roller
coaster got faster and it got
t ion
scary. I thought I was going to c t ua
die. As we went through the punror
er
loops I kept screaming and screaming. 
Ethical
But it was’nt helping. I’m surprized it  ctuationlling
pun or/spe
could stop, it was going so fast. As we err
slowed down I started breathing again. uation
pu nct
When I got off I was so dizzy  error
I fell over. I would never ride it again.
The Vortex was very scary. It seemed
like I rode it forever.
That day we had lots of fun.
We rode everything like the logs, s pel ling
cap/
the boat, and the bestie. I learned  
from the Vortex to never ride it again.
It’s way to scary.  usage
You do the apostrophe correctly here.
Check your paper for others.
Ethical The Vortex
Beep! Beep! Lyndsay came
to pick me up. We were going to
Kings Island. When we arrived at
the church we got our stuff and
got on the bus. I couldn’t wait
for what was waiting when I got
there. I was so excited.
On the way there Lyndsay
d oes and I fell asleep. I guess we
w
Ho s fit? were very tired because we got
thi
up at 3:30 A.M.
Ethical
When we arrived Lyndsay
and I wanted to ride the Vortex
first. As I stood in line I never
expected it to be what it was.
As I got on they strapped me in.
Then it took off. I thought
to myself, “I know I’m going to
regret this.” The wind was blowing
in my hair. I could’nt see a
thing. I loved it. Then the roller
coaster got faster and it got
scary. I thought I was going to
Ethical
die. As we went through the
loops I kept screaming and screaming.
But it was’nt helping. I’m surprized
it could stop, it was going so fast.
You do the
As we slowed down I started apostrophe
breathing again. correctly here.
When I got off I was Check
your paper for
so dizzy I fell over. I would others.
never ride it again. The Vortex
was very scary. It seemed like
I rode it forever.
Ethical That day we had lots
of fun. We rode everything like
the logs, the boat, and the bestie.
I learned from the Vortex to
never ride it again. It’s way to scary.
You’ve done a good job proofreading, but you
seem to be having a problem with commas after
introductory elements and apostrophes in
contractions.
Read aloud the sentences I’ve highlighted. See
where you have a natural pause to decide where to
place the commas. Check pp. 64-67 in your
grammar book if you need more help. Also, check
52-54 for apostrophe rules.
 C = capitalization
U = usage
Ethical The Vortex P = punctuation
S = spelling
Beep! Beep! Lyndsay came
to pick me up. We were going to
Kings Island. When we arrived at
the church we got our stuff and P
got on the bus. I could’nt wait P
for what was waiting when I got
there. I was so excited.
On the way there Lyndsay
d oes and I fell asleep. I guess we
w
Ho s fit? were very tired because we got
thi
up at 3:30 A.M.
Ethical
When we arrived Lyndsay P
and I wanted to ride the Vortex
first. As I stood in line I never P
expected it to be what it was.
As I got on they strapped me P
in. Then it took off. I thought
to myself, “I know I’m going to
regret this.” The wind was blowing
ood ils! in my hair. I could’nt see a P
G ta
de thing. I loved it. Then the roller
coaster got faster and it got P
scary. I thought I was going to
Ethical
die. As we went through the
loopscI kept screaming and screaming. P
But it was’nt helping. I’m surprized P, S
it could stop, it was going so fast.
As we slowed down I started P
breathing again.
When I got off I was P
so dizzy I fell over. I would
never ride it again. The Vortex
was very scary. It seemed like
I rode it forever.
Ethical
That day we had lots
of fun. We rode everything like
the logs, the boat, and the bestie. C, S
I learned from the Vortex to
never ride it again. It’s way to scary. U
Unethical
The Vortex
Beep! Beep! Lyndsay came
to pick me up. We were going to
Kings Island. When we arrived at
,
the church we got our stuff and
‘
got on the bus. I could’nt wait
for what was waiting when I got
there. I was so excited.
On the way there Lyndsay
and I fell asleep. I guess we
were very tired because we got
up at 3:30 A.M.
Unethical
,
When we arrived Lyndsay
and I wanted to ride the Vortex
,
first. As I stood in line I never
expected it to be what it was.
,
As I got on they strapped me
in. Then it took off. I thought
to myself, “I know I’m going to
regret this.” The wind was blowing
‘
in my hair. I could’nt see a
thing. I loved it. Then the roller
,
coaster got faster and it got
scary. I thought I was going to
Unethical
die. As we went through the
,
loops I kept screaming and screaming.
‘
But it was’nt helping. I’m surprized
it could stop, it was going so fast. urprised
,
As we slowed down I started
s

breathing again.
,
When I got off I was
so dizzy I fell over. I would
never ride it again. The Vortex
was very scary. It seemed like
I rode it forever.
Unethical

That day we had lots

of fun. We rode everything like
the logs, the boat, and the bestie. astie
Be
I learned from the Vortex to
never ride it again. It’s way to scary.
too