The Art of Listening

If we were supposed to talk more than listen, we would have been given two

mouths and one ear.

Mark Twain

How good are you as a listener?

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

God gave us, one mouth to do two jobs: eat and speak, but he also gave us two ears to do just ONE job : to LISTEN

To make communication effective

Listen
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What is listening?
Listening is the accurate perception of what is being communicated. it involves the following four major operations, i.e.: (1) Hearing (2) Understanding (3) Retaining (4) Recalling

Facts about Listening

We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-3000 wpm 75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful 20% of the time, we remember what we hear More than 35% of businesses think listening is a top skill for success

Hearing v/s Listening

Hearing
Physiological/ Physical process Reception of sound waves by ears Passive, does not involve intellect and memory

Listening
Hearing as well as interpreting including other signal (Physical as well mental process) Active, learned process A skill

Why listen?
Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Stephen Covey
The need to listen to the other person before we can expect them to listen to us.

Barriers to Effective Listening

Physical barriers hearing disabilities, noisy surroundings Psychological barriers tuning out ideas that counter our barriers Language problems unfamiliar or charged words

Nonverbal distractions clothing, mannerisms, appearance

Barriers to Effective Listening

Faking attention
Pretending to listen

Grandstanding
Talking all the time or listening only for the next pause

Message Overload Preoccupied mind

Importance of Listening to NonVerbals

Much is communicated that isnt verbalized even when an individual is not talking, he/she is still communicating in some manner. The skilled listener hears more than the speakers voice: pitch, rate, subtle variations face color & how it changes; movement of lips, mouth, cheeks,eyes and eyebrows Become aware of expressions that convey tension, doubt, trust, inattention and so forth.

Bad Listening Habits

Criticizing the subject or the speaker

Getting over-stimulated
Listening only for facts Tolerating or creating distraction Letting emotional words block message Turn off mind if delivery is poor Tunes out dry subjects (personal interest areas) Resistance to difficult content

Types of Listening
Active / Attentive

Selective

Pretending

Ignoring

Active Listening (4 Steps)

1. Listen 2. Question 3. Reflect-Paraphrase 4. Agree

Step 1 - Listen
To feelings as well as words
Words Emotions Implications

Focus on Speaker
Dont plan, speak, or get distracted

What is speaker talking about?

Topic? Speaker? Listener? Others?

Look at Speaker
Use verbal & non-verbal encouragers

Step 2 Ask Question/s

Purpose
Demonstrates you are listening Gather information Clarification

Open-ended
A question that helps speaker explore feelings (rather than forcing a yes no'' or other certain answer)
Tell me more? How did you feel? Then what happened?

Step 3 Reflect - Paraphrase

Reflect what is said (in your words) Reframe
Capture the essence of the communication

Step 4 - Agree
Get Speakers consent to your reframing Speaker has been heard and Knows it!

Active Listening Behaviors

Avoid interrupting the speaker
Be empathetic Make eye contact

Dont overtalk

Active Listening

Paraphrase

Avoid distracting actions or gestures

Ask questions

Exhibit affirmative head nods and appropriate facial expressions

Helpful Listening Tips 1

Listen to how something is said

Be alert for what is left unsaid Don't talk too much Listen with empathy See the situation from speakers point of view-Try to put yourself in speakers shoes (Empathize) Do not prepare what you are going to say in response while the other person is speaking

Helpful Listening Tips 2

Be courteous-don't interrupt Take notes Avoid making assumptions Ask questions Listen carefully so that you will be able to understand, comprehend & evaluate what is said Use conscious effort-try to be aware of verbal & nonverbal messages

Helpful Listening Tips 3

Judge ideas, not appearances Provide feedback Control your surroundings/ Eliminate Distractions Establish a receptive mindset Show interest in the speaker and the conversation Paraphrase

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. ~ Peter F. Drucker