4ssertiveness

DcfInItInn nf AsscrtIvcncss
An honest, dlrect, and arorlate
exresslon of one's fee|lngs,
thoughts, and be|lefs.
An honest, dlrect, and arorlate
exresslon of one's fee|lngs,
thoughts, and be|lefs.
%cst Ynur AsscrtIvcncss (1 nf 2)
Can you oxpioss nogalivo fooIings aloul
olhoi poopIo and lhoii lohaviois vilhoul
using alusivo Ianguago`
Aio you alIo lo oxoiciso and oxpioss youi
slionglhs`
Can you accopl ciilicisn vilhoul loing
dofonsivo`
%cst Ynur AsscrtIvcncss (2 nf 2)
Aio you alIo lo sland up foi youi iighls`
Aio you alIo lo iofuso unioasonalIo
ioquosls fion fiionds, faniIy, oi co-
voikois`
A qcs rcspcnsc |c |nc qucs|icns
indica|cs an asscr|itc apprcacn.
%c Myts Abnut AsscrtIvcncss
lhoi poopIos fooIings and iighls aio
noio inpoilanl lhan youis.
You aio nol inpoilanl
onough lo oxpioss youi
fooIings and iighls.
You viII offond olhoi poopIo
ly loing assoilivo.
AsscrtIvc RIgts
You havo lho iighl lo lo assoilivo.
You havo lho iighl lo ioquosl lhal olhois
chango lhoii lohavioi if lhoy aio infiinging on
youi iighls.
You havo lho iighl lo uso youi ovn lino lo
ansvoi quoslions.
You havo lho iighl lo oxpioss youi noods ovon
if lhoy aio iIIogicaI.
c auarc |na| |ncrc arc rcspcnsioi|i|ics
a||acncd |c a|| |ncsc rign|s!
Rcmcmbcr
You do nol Iivo in isoIalion
Youi aclions inpacl ovoiyono
You aio in conlioI of youi lohavioi
Youi iosponso lo a silualion nusl lo guidod
ly ascoilaining youi iighls and
iosponsiliIilios
,vc Ynu Evcr Fc!t.
. guiIly aloul saying no`
. lhal ils lolloi lo lo voII Iikod lhan voII
iospoclod`
. lhal oulluisls of angoi aio appiopiialo`
. lhal inlinidalion is lho onIy vay you can
gol vhal you vanl`
$nund F,mI!I,r?
f any of lhoso lhings sound Iiko
you, il noans you aio piolalIy
oxhililing non-assoilivo lohavioi.
RoaIizo lhal you aio nol aIono. Non-
assoilivo lohavioi is voiy connon
in lho voikpIaco.
LeL's deflne behavlors
W 4qqressive
W 5ubmissive
W 4ssertive
resslve behavlors
WhaL ls AGGkLSSIVL behavlor?
resslveness ls
uemonsLraLed by
Speakln louder Lhan oLhers
lnLerrupLln oLhers
8ullyln
usln sarcasm
aLronlzln or lnLlmldaLln body lanuae
Arc Ynu AggrcssIvc?
o you locono alusivo, vholhoi il lo
voilaI oi physicaI, vhon ciilicizing
olhois`
o you puiposoIy nako olhois fooI Iiko
lhoy aio inconpolonl oi uninpoilanl`
o you nako unioasonalIo donands
fion olhoi poopIo`
A qcs ansucr |c anq cf |nc qucs|icns
naq indica|c aggrcssitc ocnaticr.
An AggrcssIvc Pcrsnn
Raiso lhoii voicos vhon lhoy Ioso conlioI.
Shoul and uso accusaloiy Ianguago Iiko
You sncu|d and You nus|.
Slaio poopIo dovn and nay invado olhoi
poopIos poisonaI spaco physicaIIy.
nfiingos on olhois iighls, using foai and
inlinidalion lo gol vhal ho oi sho vanls.
Aggiossivo poopIo oflon:
Submlsslve behavlors
WhaL ls SU8MISSIVL behavlor?
Submlsslveness ls
W behavlor LhaL lmplles own conLrlbuLlon ls
less valuable Lhan oLhers
W ConfllcLavoldanL
W n lndlcaLlon of low selfesLeem
A P,ssIvc Pcrsnn
!assivo poopIo usuaIIy:
Spoak soflIy and hosilanlIy
Uso fiIIois Iiko uh and un
Avoid oyo conlacl
AIIov olhoi poopIo in lhoii
poisonaI spaco
sserLlve behavlors
WhaL ls ASSLk1IVL behavlor?
SSL81lvL 8LPvlC8
W Lnables an lndlvldual Lo acL ln hls or her besL
lnLeresLs wlLhouL denyln Lhe rlhLs of oLhers
W llows people Lo speak Lhelr mlnds wlLhouL
hurLln or LhreaLenln oLhers
W llows people Lo express aner or
dlsappolnLmenL wlLhouL acLln aresslvely
An AsscrtIvc Pcrsnn
AsscrtIvc pcnp!c usu,!!y:
Assoils his oi hoi ovn iighls in a posilivo,
opon, honosl, and soIf-confidonl nannoi.
Spoak caInIy and confidonlIy.
Nolify olhoi poopIo of lhoii fooIings
vilh slalononls slailing vilh lhink
and fooI.
Mainlain oyo conlacl, havo good
posluio and aio poisod and in conlioI.
lndlcaLors of sserLlveness
locusln on real lssues
cknowledln and beln open abouL feellns
LlsLenln carefully
Seeln Lhe oLher vlewpolnLs
CommunlcaLln clearly
SLandln on one's own round (respecL for self)
8esolvln confllcL
LeLLln oLher people know Lhe consequences of Lhelr
behavlor
Pow Lo become asserLlve?
W SLarL small
W 8e speclflc
W narrow your oals
W Make manaeable requesLs noL accusaLlons
W Crlpe abouL Lhe behavlor noL Lhe person
W Pold your round
W uonL become a compeLlLlve complalner
y AsscrtIvcncss Is Impnrt,nt?
ffoclivo connunicalion liings aloul
lho achiovononl of individuaI and/oi
shaiod goaIs.
Assoilivonoss incioasos youi aliIily lo
ioach lhoso goaIs vhiIo nainlaining
youi iighls and dignily.
,t's KccpIng Ynu Aw,y Frnm BcIng
AsscrtIvc?
oai of chango
RofusaI lo adnil lhoii sulnissivonoss
oai of iuining ioIalionships if you spoak
youi nind
Lack of confidonco in youi aliIily
8aslc sserLlon
W SLaLln clearly conclsely and usually wlLhouL
[usLlflcaLlon whaL you wanL whaL you Lhlnk or
how you feel
W use Lhls aL Lhe sLarL of a conversaLlon or when
your vlews are ln daner of beln lnored
LmpaLhy
W 1he ablllLy Lo undersLand anoLher person's
feellns experlence eLc
W ?ou can do Lhls by sayln 8uddy l reallze
how hard lL was for you" Wowyou have
had a rouh o aL lL"
neaLlve sserLlon
W Jf |s |"
reeln wlLh Lhe oLher person's commenL or wlLh
Lhe LruLh ln whaL Lhey have sald
W Use | wen
?ou wanL Lo sldesLep a barbed commenL show such
commenLs or LacLlcs have no effecL on you refocus
Lhe conversaLlon onLo a raLlonal level
olnLln ouL a dlscrepancy
W Jf |s |"
urawln someone's aLLenLlon Lo a dlfference ln
a presenL and prevlous sLory and lnvlLln Lhem
Lo commenL on LhaL dlfference
W Use | wen
?ou do noL wanL Lo [ump Lo concluslons and
when Lhe slLuaLlon ls noL whaL you expecLed
In Dc,!Ing It Cnnf!Icts
ca| ui|n |nc si|ua|icn inncdia|c|q
|is|cn carcfu||q
Scr| cu| |nc fac|s frcn |nc cnc|icna|
ccn|cn|
Atcid ocing dcfcnsitc
In Dc,!Ing It Cnnf!Icts
As| qucs|icns
Ccnp|incn| |nc inditidua|/grcup fcr
nating |nc ccuragc |c oring |nis |c
qcur a||cn|icn
Rcspcnd ca|n|q and c|car|q
Offcr a||crna|itcs
olnLln ouL a consequence
W Jf |s |"
urawln someone's aLLenLlon Lo Lhe lnevlLable
ouLcome of Lhe currenL sLaLe of affalrs
W Use | wen
lL has Lo be Lhe lasL resorL and you musL draw
Lhe llne
sserLlveness aL work
W uealln wlLh a member of sLaff
W ueleaLln an unpleasanL Lask
W Pandlln work overload from your boss
W erformln well ln meeLlns
W 8esolvln confllcLs
SLraLey for 8eln sserLlve
M,Ing tc FIrst Mnvc
OvcrcnmIng tc Fc,r
Conconlialo.
Rononloi vho youio vilh
and laiIoi youi discussion.
o laclfuI and honosl.
Mako oyo conlacl.
Intcrpcrsnn,! $I!!s ,t nr
AvnId mIsundcrst,ndIng
wIc c,n !c,d tn frustr,tInn.
BcIng ,sscrtIvc mc,ns bcIng
npcn ,nd dIrcct.
Incrc,scd ,sscrtIvcncss !c,ds tn
Incrc,scd pnwcrfu! vcrb,!
cnmmunIc,tInn.
%ho Koys lo Connunicalion:
'oilaI
Non-voilaI
Wiillon
'crb,! CnmmunIc,tInn
Avoid fiIIois Iiko uh and un
and dininulivos Iiko IillIo, onIy
and jusl.
onl uso n soiiy if youio nol
sincoio oi if lho silualion doosnl caII
foi il.
AIvays koop in nind youi lono and
voIuno
n" Is ot , DIrty nrd
If snmctIng m,cs ynu fcc! uncnmfnrt,b!c
nr If ynu fcc! tc rcqucst Is unrc,snn,b!c,
tcn It Is ynur prcrng,tIvc tn rcfusc.
Rononloi:
cu arc nc| saqing nc |c |nc unc|c
pcrscn, ou| cn|q |c par| cf |nc rc|a|icnsnip
unicn na|cs qcu fcc| unccnfcr|ao|c.
Nc dccs nc| rcquirc an cxp|ana|icn.
nn-'crb,! CnmmunIc,tInn
o avaio of gosluios and lody Ianguago.
Mako suio lo aIIov foi confoilalIo poisonaI
spaco lolvoon you and lho poison youio
connunicaling vilh.
AIvays nainlain good posluio.
rIttcn CnmmunIc,tInn
o conciso and cIoai
Rononloi lo lo incIusivo and avaio
of youi audionco
Uso spocific and sinpIo Ianguago
A
]ourne of
a thousand
ml|es must
begln ulth
a slng|e
ste."
Chlnese Proterb
Culdellnes for beln asserLlve (1)
W ueclde whaL you wanL
W Say lL clearly and speclflcally
W SupporL whaL you say by how you say lL
W uon'L be manlpulaLed or sldeLracked
W LlsLen
Culdellnes for beln asserLlve (2)
W When and where do you sLarL
W ueclde lf someLhln ls crlLlcal and needs
lmmedlaLe aLLenLlon
W lm for a wln wln" slLuaLlon
Concluslon
SSL81lvL people
W eL beLLer resulLs
W llve loner and healLhler
W en[oy rewardln relaLlonshlps
W lways Lry for beln asserLlve
Dnn't Gn Dnwn tc $ubmIssIvc
nr AggrcssIvc Rn,d
Usc gnnd cnmmunIc,tInn tn
tr,nsmIt ynur rcqucsts ,nd fcc!Ings.
Submissive Submissive Aggressive Aggressive Assertive Assertive
1hank you