Jeetendra Singh Prerna Bhadani Sapna Verma Saurabh Kochhar Sonam Middha Vyom Gupta

Three Patterns of Communication

Aggressive
Nonassertive (Passive) Assertive

Aggressive Behavior

Aggressive Behavior

Directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts and beliefs in a way which is often dishonest, usually inappropriate, and always violates the rights of the other person

Aggressive Behavior

Goals of Aggressive Behavior:

-

domination and winning forcing the other to lose

Winning is insured by humiliating, degrading, or overpowering other people so that they become weaker and less able to express and defend their needs and rights

Reasons People Act Aggressively

To get your point across Dont know another way to get your point across For personal gain, control To avoid your own personal responsibility Low self esteem Anger related to previous nonassertion Dont have other coping mechanisms Reacting to anothers aggression

Consequences of Aggression

The other person gets defensive Get rid of anger or other emotions Lose friendships, other intimate relationships, damage relationships Affect work, lose job Lose respect

Passive Behavior

Nonassertive Behavior

Violating your own rights by failing to express honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs and consequently permitting others to violate you

Nonassertive Behavior

Goals of nonassertive behavior:

-

to appease others to avoid conflict at any cost My thoughts arent important; I dont count Im nothing; you are superior I dont respect your ability to take disappointments, handle your own problems. . .

Message communicated:
-

Nonassertive Behavior

Evasive eye contact Body gestures such as stepping back from the other, hunching shoulders, covering the mouth, nervous gestures Voice tone may be singsong or overly soft Hesitant speech pattern, nervous laughter Gestures which convey weakness, anxiety, self-effacement

Reasons People Act Nonassertively

Avoid confrontation Personality Fear of hurting the other person Fear of rejection, losing the other person Avoid aggression Self esteem Lack of skills Cultural differences

Consequences of Nonassertion

Not getting your point across Nothing changes, problems can get worse Damages self esteem Can lead to aggressive behavior Other people can take advantage of you

Assertive Behavior

Assertive Behavior

Standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest, and appropriate ways which do not violate another persons rights

Assertive Behavior

Goals of Assertive Behavior

-

to get and give respect to ask for fair play to leave room for compromise when the needs and rights of two people conflict to communicate and develop mutuality in relationships

Assertive Behavior

Basic Message:
-

This is what I think This is what I feel This is how I see the situation

This message expresses who the person is and is said without dominating, humiliating, or degrading

Assertive Behavior
How to be assertive?

Nonverbals are congruent with verbals Voice is appropriately loud to the situation Eye contact is firm but not a stare down Body gestures denote strength Speech pattern is fluent, expressive, clear, and emphasizes key words Pay attention to what others are saying Look for ways to solve the problem

Assertive Communication
Types of Assertion

Basic Assertion Empathic Assertion Escalating Assertion I-Language Assertion

Assertiveness vs. Authority

Should you pull rank?

assertiveness and self confidence, most situations may be resolved.

If you use effective communication skills,

However, using your authority is legitimate as

a secondary option.

What Would You Say?

Bob is in line at the deli counter waiting to be served. His number is about to be called next. Suddenly, a woman steps in front of him and places her order. Bob vociferously complains about the deli worker and the woman, exclaims he will never shop there again, tosses his ticket, and stalks off.

Test your assertiveness

Can you express negative feelings about other people and their behaviors without using abusive language? Are you able to exercise and express your strengths? Can you easily recognize and compliment other peoples achievements? Do you have the confidence to ask for what is rightfully yours? Can you accept criticism without being defensive? Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Are you able to stand up for your rights? Do you ask for assistance when you need it ?

A yes response to the questions indicates an assertive approach.

Assertive Behavior

Assertive Behavior is NOT:

-

Simply a way to get what you want Manipulative Aggressive Irresponsible

The Myths About Assertiveness

Other peoples feelings and rights are more important than yours. You will offend other people by being assertive. You are not important enough to express your feelings and rights.

Fears Which Block Assertive Behavior

1. Fear of making mistakes. 2. Fear of displeasing others. 3. Fear of disapproval. 4. Fear of appearing too masculine or too feminine.

FEAR

Advantages

Creates healthy, meaningful relationships There is less friction and conflict There is increased self-respect as well as respect from others Our self-esteem is enhanced, and we always feel in control Our productivity at work and the home increases There's less stress, and an overall sense of wellbeing In expressing ourselves appropriately, we needn't hold grudges, or store pent-up emotions . Our emotional and physical health improves.

Assertiveness is More Than Courage

Assertiveness is Also About

Setting limits.

Expressing your feelings.

No is Not a Dirty Word

If something makes you feel uncomfortable or if you feel the request is unreasonable, then it is your prerogative to refuse.
Remember:
You are not saying no to the whole person, but only to part of the relationship which makes you feel uncomfortable. No does not require an explanation.

ASSERTIVE VERSUS UNASSERTIVE AND AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

Passive Behavior: Is afraid to speak up Aggressive Behavior: Interrupts and 'talks over' others Assertive Behavior: Speaks openly Passive Behavior: Speaks softly Aggressive Behavior: Speaks loudly Assertive Behavior: Uses a conversational tone Passive Behavior: Avoids looking at people Aggressive Behavior: Glares and stares at others Assertive Behavior: Makes good eye contact Passive Behavior: Shows little or no expression Aggressive Behavior: Intimidates others with expressions Assertive Behavior: Shows expressions that match the message

ASSERTIVE VERSUS UNASSERTIVE AND AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

Passive Behavior: Slouches and withdraws Aggressive Behavior: Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades others' personal space Assertive Behavior: Relaxes and adopts an open posture and expressions

Passive Behavior: Isolates self from groups Aggressive Behavior: Controls groups Assertive Behavior: Participates in groups
Passive Behavior: Agrees with others, despite feelings Aggressive Behavior: Only considers own feelings, and/or demands of others Assertive Behavior: Speaks to the point

ASSERTIVE VERSUS UNASSERTIVE AND AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

Passive Behavior: Values self less than others Aggressive Behavior: Values self more than others Assertive Behavior: Values self equal to others Passive Behavior: Hurts self to avoid hurting others Aggressive Behavior: Hurts others to avoid being hurt Assertive Behavior: Tries to hurt no one (including self) Passive Behavior: Does not reach goals and may not know goals Aggressive Behavior: Reaches goals but hurts others in the process Assertive Behavior: Usually reaches goals without alienating others Passive Behavior: You're okay, I'm not Aggressive Behavior: I'm okay, you're not Assertive Behavior: I'm okay, you're okay