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HSER 508 Studies in Interpersonal Communication Master of Arts in Human Services

Welcome! Todays topic is in fulfillment of a course requirement for a course requirement at Liberty University.

Wherever you lead, God has placed lives in your care, and it is part of your calling to treat them as such. (Cloud, 2011, p. 68)

Interpersonal communication is defined as, a quality of contact that emerges between people whenever they are able to highlight in their interaction aspects of what makes them human. (Stewart, 1999) Interpersonal communication is, the type or kind of communication that happens when the people involved talk and listen in ways that maximize the presence to the personal Stewart, 2012, p. 32). The ability to communicate well is the cornerstone of healthy relationships (Clinton & Hawkins, 2011)

To live a life that is an example of Gods matchless grace and redemption as I provide Soul care for those persons placed in the realm of my influence. Attend to others empathetically without prejudging or imposing my personal values upon them in a loving manner. Seek to be used by the Shepherd by way of interpersonal communication in soul care for marriages and families.

Stephen Covey (1989) once said, Seek first to understand, then to be understood (p. 2 35).

Stewart (2008) wrote, Effective communication involves peoples ability to continuously connect with each other instead of just a distribution of ideas running back and forth. According to Carbonell (2008, p. 17) our personalities are like vital organs that must be nourished and grow into healthy extensions of our lives. Scott (2002, p. 6) wrote, A conversation is not about the relationship, it is the relationship. Connecting is the essence of our existence because, as Maxwell (1998) stated, People dont care how much you know until they know how much you care.

In the process of enlarging my conversation, I will ask questions by framing the conversation, listening emphatically, refrain from being judgmental, clarify to further the conversation, and yield appropriate responses. Implement communication strategies (e. g. TLC) by enhancing healthy, healing, and holy relationships for the joy and satisfaction of married couples and families that enter my realm of influence. To utilize the strengths of my behavior blend, i.e. competence, consistency, skillful planner, etc. To shore up the negative aspects of my behavioral blend by avoiding paralysis of analysis, being too soft or cerebral, and short circuit the impact of outside criticism. To avoid communication traps i.e. preparing an argument, defensive questions, avoid why and Not questions, As a follower of Christ I purpose to be more aware of whose I am by seeking His standard of acceptance along with His mindset.

To enlarge my conversation as an active listener I am relaying to the speaker, You are important and I am not judging you. I will remain cognizant of the fact that persons have a basic need to be acknowledged. Through active empathetic listening I can reduce my own stress and tension levels (Petersen 2007) Through active empathetic listening I am reminded to, ...comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV).

Inhaling involves perceiving and listening that creates the breathing in of another person in a conversation Exhaling involves the sending out of ourselves to the other person. We are sending and receiving messages constantly, and this is simply to remind us that both talkers and listeners have power in a relationship (Stewart, 2012).

As a Competent Influencing Specialists (C/I/S) instead of asking questions initially I will practice the stages of select, organize, and infer during the communication. To enlarge my conversation I will implement the metaphor for inhaling (i.e. perception, reception, and attention) and exhaling (i.e. openness, selfdisclosure, and assertiveness) when engaged in interpersonal communications. I will demonstrate disclosure by sharing honest information about myself (Burley-Allen Ch. 1-2).

My Uniquely You Profile which indicates my personal behavioral blend revealed two graphs This is expected of me (C/I/S) and This is me (C/S) by Carbonell (2008) indicated the following insights for enlarging the conversation for interpersonal communication: Similar graphs simply mean that I tend to be consistent in public and in private (Carbonell, 2008, p 207). To implement thinking more positively during crucial moments. To guard against the fear of failure. To encourage myself during discouraging event's. To take more risks and step outside of my comfort zone. To guard against being judgmental. To avoid bitterness and resentment The overall remedy is to, Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds (James 1:2, NIV).

During interpersonal communication we perform the following actions: We select, organize and infer from the data we receive in communication. (Stewart (2012) We follow the process of perception, reception, and attention. The three processes occur simultaneously and are continuous, and indivisible. All three elements are impacted by my experiences and behavior blends (Stewart, Zediker, & Witteborn, 2009).

In enlarging my conversation it is important for me to understand: My influences impact how I inhale or perceive another person which helps me to recognize when I am establishing a reality about a person that isnt really grounded in getting to know them but instead based upon my past perceptions. I must rehearse controlling my reactions such as stereotyping or judging others by attributing value to them (Stewart, Zediker, & Witteborn, 2009).

Exhaling includes being open to others, selfexpression, disclosure (i.e. remain in the present), Assertiveness in communication demonstrates to others the necessity of being valued for who I am. I can enlarge my conversation by practicing the above stated actions which is an expression to remind myself that, the conversation is the relationship (Scott, 2009, p. 57)

In putting the metaphor of inhaling/exhaling into practice I must remain cognizant of the following: Whose I am and the influence that my relationship with Christ has upon my communication/relationships. My conversation (i.e. lifestyle) can have a positive or negative influence upon my future clients and ultimately their relation to Christ.

I will conduct continual self-examination and evaluate the type of responses I offer as a listener and the impact it has upon my interpersonal communication. I will identify and discuss a specific interpersonal communication need and its impact upon my individual Christian discipleship. I will make every effort to determine how my dialogue (i.e. through meaning to understand) is used to promote better communication.

Burley-Allen (1995) implies that in order to communicate there are two levels of communication we must satisfy in order to communicate effectively as follows: When I fail to share and connect with others I have in reality failed to communicate. My overarching goal is to communicate effectively with God. My communication with God impacts how I walk in love with others. The essence of my love for others is revealed by how I listen, talk, and place value upon others.

Upon close self-examination of my behavior during listening I have reached the following conclusions based upon my interpersonal needs: Incorporate Petersens (2007) Talker-Listener Card to remind myself of the rules to acknowledge during talking and listening. Incorporate the principle of Nexting which is to ask about possible next steps, alternatives and consequences to further the conversation. Utilize the Flat Brain approach (i.e. emotions relayed by stomach function) by focusing upon healthy heart functions which is a metaphor for remaining objective to opposing views. By being aware that self-examination impacts my discipleship Knowing that Christ like behavior will enable me to display competent Christian counseling for the good of clients and the glory of God (Langberg, 2002)

Dont dominate the conversation or overwhelm listeners by reflecting the knowledge that everyone has a voice. Knowing that great listeners are slow to speak. Build up others with my words and avoid negative labeling. Participate through active listening by reminding yourself that, A conversation is not about the relationship, it is the relationship (Scott 2002, p. 6). Listen out of empathy instead of self-centeredness. Understand that families and relatives use metamessages (i.e. meaning that is not said). (Tannen, 2009, p. 307)

In enlarging the conversation regarding nonverbal communication I must be aware of the following: Be cognizant of my own nonverbal communication. I will not allow my facial expressions or body language to relay an unintended message. I will practice evaluating whether I am misinterpreting nonverbal cues from persons of a diverse culture with different behavioral norms. I will not be fearful of advancing the conversation by clarifying what they meant instead of making assumptions or coarse generalizations.

I will through Gods grace incorporate the following plan of action: Adopt the empathetic approach during Soul Care. Being attentive by displaying eye contact and avoiding distractions Demonstrating genuine interest by listening to understand Listen with empathy by assuming a nonjudgmental posture By resisting the urge to ask questions before the talker has made their point Referring to my TLC card as a model in professional practice In summary, according to Langberg (2011) my motive as a Christian counselor is to be Jesus Christ...in Him, through Him, by Him and for Him as I do His work

Burley-Allen, M. (1995). Listening: The forgotten skill: A self-teaching guide. 2nd ed. New York: John Wiley amp; 0-47101-587-3.: Sons, Inc. ISBN. Carbonell, M. (2008). How to solve the people puzzle: Understanding personality. Blue Ridge, GA. Uniquely You Resources. ISBN 1-888846-44-5. Clinton, T., & Hawkins, R. (2011). The popular encyclopedia of Christian counseling: An indispensable tool for helping people with their problems. Eugene Oregon: Harvest House Publishers. Cloud, H. (2011). Leadership and the sanctity of life. Christian Counseling Today, 19(1). Covey, S. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Powerful lessons in personal Change (p. 235). New York, NY: Free Press. Langberg, D. (2011). Serving God in his house. Christian Counseling Today, 18(4). Maxwell, J. C. (n.d.). The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader (p. 21). Petersen, J. C. (2007). Why dont we listen better? Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications ISBN: 0-9791559-0-8. Stewart, J. (Ed.). (2009). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication. 10th ed. Boston, M.A.: McGraw Hill. ISBN: 9780073384993. In Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication. Boston, M.A.: McGraw Hill. Scott, S. (2002). Fierce conversations. Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England: Penguin Books.

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