Assertiveness & Indications of Assertive Behavior

RESPONSE STYLES Non assertion Aggression Assertion

Assertiveness:
Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs, and needs directly, openly and honestly, while not violating the personal rights of others.

Assertiveness is the ability to say yes or no when you want to; it's the freedom to be yourself in all circumstances

- By Susan Walker

Assertiveness is about :
Handling difficult situations more effectively Understanding where you are coming from - what situations you can and can't handle at present Having a sense of self-worth

Helping you to feel about the world and the people

in it rather than the other way around Recognizing your own and other people's rights

and responsibilities

Types of Assertion:
Basic Assertion This is a simple, straightforward expression of your beliefs, feelings, or opinions. It's usually a simple "I want" or "I feel" statement.

2. Empathic Assertion
This conveys some sensitivity to the other person. It usually contains two parts- a recognition of the other person's situation or feelings, followed by a statement in which you stand up for your rights.

Types of Assertion:
3. Escalating Assertion This occurs when the other person fails to respond to your basic assertion and continues to violate your rights. You gradually escalate the assertion and become increasingly firm. It may even include the mention of some type of resulting action on your part, made only after several basic assertive statements. For example, "If you don't complete the work on my car by 5:00 tomorrow, I'll be forced to call the Better Business Bureau."

What Will Assertiveness Do for You?

Develop your communication skills

Allow you to feel self-confident

Increase your self-esteem Help you to gain the respect of others

Improve your decision-making ability

Body language related to assertive behavior :

1. Eye contact and facial expression: Maintain direct eye contact, appear interested and alert, but not angry 2. Posture: Stand or sit erect, possibly leaning forward slightly 3. Distance and contact: Stand or sit at a normal conversational distance from the other 4. Gestures: Use relaxed, conversational gestures 5. Voice: Use a factual, not emotional tone of voice. Sound determined and full of conviction, but not overbearing 6. Timing: Choose a time when both parties are relaxed. A neutral site is best

Assertion strategies:
1. Make known your desires and feelings 2. Make a nonassertive person open up 3.Express feelings about a situation without

threatening others

Factors encouraging nonassertive behavior

#1 Anxiety #2 Modesty #3 Good Friend #4 Obligation #5 Gender role myths #6 Strength of an issue

Benefits of Assertiveness:
We create healthy, meaningful relationships

There

is

less

friction

and

conflict

There is increased self-respect as well as respect from others Our self esteem is enhanced & we always feel in control

Our

productivity

at

work

and

the

home

increases

There's less stress, and an overall sense of well-being Our emotional and physical health improves

How do we move into this new style?

Basically, through practice. Draw up a list of situations where you can be assertive Notice the way you decline or make requests Register your expression and posture Notice whether you listen attentively to what others are saying Remember to use 'I' statements wherever possible

Sample Situation:
You are at the dinner table and someone starts smoking,
which offends you. (1) Hey, that smoke is terrible!

(2)
(3)

You suffer the smoke in silence.

I would appreciate it if you wouldn't smoke here.

1-Aggressive, 2-Nonassertive, 3-Assertive

Thank You